“1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives and in 70% of cases the offender is known .” (Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia 2014)[1] |
At age 15 I started to attend school parties but it wasn’t for the social side of things as one may presume. I attended parties with the specific intention to drink to get drunk and take drugs to numb the emptiness that I felt inside. Being at parties also meant that I didn’t have to be at home, a place where I lived daily in fear of my sibling who behaved in ways that were both physically and emotionally abusive.
One evening at a party, when I was completely intoxicated, I was raped by a family member of a friend. There is little I remember about the rape except for a couple of moments where I became conscious for a few seconds. I didn’t need to remember it in my head – my body remembered it all.
In the days that followed I felt dirty, scared and embarrassed and I never said anything to anyone about what had happened; nor did I approach the person who performed the sexual assault. I felt utterly confused and blamed myself for allowing this to happen. I vowed to put it all behind me but this proved to be more difficult than I had hoped.
A week later I attended another party but I was not drinking. I was heavy-hearted from the effects of the rape and saddened about my life generally. I was approached by my friend’s father who said he could see that I was troubled. I was persuaded to go for a walk so that we could talk about what was happening in my life and although I felt a strong urge not to go, I did it anyway. I overrode the warning signs that I was feeling because I thought someone was showing me they cared and I longed for this very much. As we reached the end of the road there were no streetlights and it was dark. Every part of my body was telling me to flee but I didn’t want to upset him. Eventually as I turned around he grabbed my arm harshly and demanded angrily I stay and not make a scene. I shook free and ran.
Life for me darkened after this time and I withdrew from life more and more. Each day I returned home from school and looked for the right time so that I could take drugs without my parents noticing. I just wanted to sleep through my afternoons and evenings. Taking drugs didn’t stop the negative and self-abusive thoughts but it did allow me to check out from a world that seemed too cruel.
There have been many times in my life since these events where I have felt uncomfortable from unwelcome sexual advances from another and I have never told anyone that it was happening. I had convinced myself it was just me – that’s just what I attracted.
Typically I would fall for someone being “nice” and providing an above-board story. One such time was when a work colleague offered to show me around the workplace as I was new to the department. He was elderly and very friendly until he cornered me in a filing room and approached forcefully with sexual advances. Age appeared no barrier for such actions of abuse.
You may think that after these experiences of sexual assault and rape that I would have protected myself more and cared for myself with great tenderness and preciousness because of the deep level of hurt that I had experienced, but I did not. Instead I became angry and cruel to myself, seeing my body as a target that attracted cruelty. I did not want to be in such a body and I thought regularly of suicide.
I lost trust in human beings and resolved that I was not worthy of love and neither were they. This belief and many others sabotaged my life for many years where I didn’t allow myself to fully love anyone and couldn’t accept that anyone would truly love me either.
In my mid 30s I started to attend Universal Medicine presentations and have sessions with Esoteric Practitioners. I refrained from talking about my experiences of sexual assault and rape for a number of years – partly because I had buried the incident deeply but also because there were other dramas that had my full attention. These healing sessions supported me to develop trust, self-love and gentleness. Life started to change.
The depth of the self-loathing and repulsion I felt towards my body first came to my attention when I began to apply moisturising cream to my skin as part of my newfound commitment to bring more gentleness and care to myself. I found this simple activity to be extremely uncomfortable particularly when I applied it in a nurturing and gentle way rather than my usual slapping on of the cream as fast as possible while thinking about something else altogether. There were particular parts of my body that I did not want to feel such as my legs, chest and breasts and so I avoided these areas until such time that I felt I was ready. After many years of this very simple practice of self-care, I was able to feel that it was no longer the functional application of cream-to-skin but a time where I could really honour myself and my physical body.
I had held the feelings of the rape in my body for over 20 years, and eventually there came a time when it all came flooding through. There was no way that a torrent of tears like that could be held back or buried any longer.
I was now ready to explore the circumstances of my experiences of sexual assault and rape with the Esoteric Practitioners, including how I had tortured myself with self-abuse in the cruel things I would say and do to myself. This torture played out on a daily basis for many years – when I looked in the mirror I saw a girl who was ugly, unintelligent and unlovable. I had told myself I was never good enough or worthy of love and I worked hard to try to live as if I was invisible.
What I had interpreted from the sexual assaults and rape was that to be seen, was to be a target for abuse.
With the support of the Esoteric Practitioners, I came to realise that from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too … and love-able. When I was raped, it was like I had the proof that the world was loveless and I embraced self-abuse even more. I overrode my true nature, which is gentle, tender and delicate, and became angry, defensive and very busy in a crazy attempt to keep people out – and yet this hurt me so much more.
Even before the rape I had shut down from life, which is why I reached out to alcohol and drugs in the first place. I didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that I was so empty of love and that I had chosen this for myself.
I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share. Nowadays when I feel something isn’t right, I honour what I feel and keep myself safe. I don’t resort to self-abuse as I once did and instead I focus on becoming gentle and nurturing with my body and tend to myself as the precious woman that I am.
As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.
I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.
In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality. By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.
As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.
by MAS
[1] Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, 2014, Factsheet: Myths and Facts of sexual assault. [Accessed from: http://www.rape-dvservices.org.au/Portals/0/Users/003/03/3/Factsheets%20and%20Brochures/Factsheet%20-%20Myths%20of%20sexual%20assault%20-%202014.pdf]
It’s a huge amount of trauma to recover from, and it brings an even deeper appreciation of all that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer as it’s not just about recovery and healing, but actually thriving by continuing to live deeper love for ourselves and others everyday – no matter our history.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” I am sure this feeling is there with many people who experience different kinds of trauma, bullying, degrading situations, etc, it’s really something the whole world needs to know that our essence is untouched and we can more than recover. Thank you MAS, you are a beautiful light in this world showing us all we are the same.
“I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share” – this really stood out for me. I can feel how when we don’t allow ourselves to feel and honour what is happening in our body, we need stories to reason and justify what has happened, and in that we become separate.
A beautiful reflection that trying to hide in alcohol and drugs takes us into a dark place but to accept responsibility for all the choices we make and reconnect to our inner essence we feel the light of truth.
After such traumatic experiences it is beautiful to read how you say ‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’
Many of us may experience or witness some dark behaviours that impose on us and change how we are from then on. I have some that I too would not necessary express to anyone and try to push down and away. Using the esoteric way and understanding all is energy supported me to feel and understand the bigger picture of why this type of crushing and torturous behaviour abounds our world. I am able to be aware of letting it go and accept that there is other energies that come through people and not from them.
One of the surprising things is how much our bodies remember trauma and in what detail even when we are semi- or unconscious.
Beautifully said Elizabeth, no matter what anyone does or says about us they can never touch or destroy our connection to our Soul.
MAS this is a powerful testimony that should be front page news, as many feel they can never recover or heal such trauma or grief. The Esoteric Modalities are simply divine, deeply healing and very powerful… thank you for sharing your story so openly, the truth about these modalities need to be shared far and wide.
This is a powerful testimony, of the true support Serge Benhayon and the Esoteric Modalities bring, and of your commitment to healing yourself.
There are so many women from all walks of life who can testify to the absolute integrity of Serge Benhayon, I for one can certainly sniff out when something feels untrue and there is no part of me whatsoever that is in any doubt about the quality of the teachings of Universal Medicine.
Thank you so much for writing this. It’s inspired me to reflect on where am I at with my trust in the world, and my trust in myself. I know I have taken on abuses and stored them in my body and then believed them a defective part of me when they are not. Reading this I see there is a far deeper surrender to myself I can embrace and in this connection I can release what doesn’t belong knowing it is not a part of me and never was..
This is a great testimony of the sincere healing approach of Serge Benhayon and the modalities taught by Universal Medicine, its integrity and deep understanding and respect for clients and women especially that many people have had the opportunity to experience over and over again.
And then there is one woman who currently argues in the supreme court that she was ‘discerned’ about the esoteric techniques and felt uncomfortable in a treatment with Serge Benhayon in 2005 without any solid argument or fact but by simply portraying the whole matter with subtle undertones and innuendoes in order to feed the sensationalism of the media and public.
There are hundreds of women who can testify to the utmost respect and integrity of Serge Benhayon as an essential part of the great effect on their healing process as women, and then there is one making claims (no facts) online, in the media and now in the court to denigrate not just Serge Benhayon and the esoteric modalities but also the women who benefitted profoundly from it.
How does it make sense that innuendos appear to have more weight in the media than first-hand testimonies?! It is revealing of what we have the world made to be and what we like it to be for a little longer.
When the media have an agenda they are comfortable working in a fact-free environment. “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story” is a serious direction and not a joke.
Absolutely Alexander, I agree with all you share here.
It shows how imposing imprints stored in the body keep us from who we are but never can touch the essence, therefore the need to identify and release the imprinted energy from certain events to set free what lays underneath to be re-connected to. That is a main capacity of the esoteric modalities by Universal Medicine that has helped many and will support many more to come to restore their sense of true self, a much needed process that works complementary to medicine.
Yes our essence can never be touched, no matter how serious the trauma.
When we are at the receiving end of abuse, which can be as serious as described here or in milder form, we have a tendency to go hard to protect ourselves. That provides relief but no resolution. To resolve why this is happening to us we need to increase our awareness by observing and being honest about what we observe. This can lead to understanding of what is happening and what to do.
I’ve read your blog a few times before but every time I am struck by how incredible what you are saying is – that no matter what happens to us we are always untouchably beautiful inside – and no matter what we think nothing can ever, ever change that. Incredible.
‘By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.’.. this was beautiful to read. That by taking more and deeper care of ourselves, by loving ourselves more deeply, we know the truth of things more deeply and clearly too. Our bodies cannot reflect the truth of very much if they’re run down, exhausted and neglected: the reflection is too muddy and unclear, too much debris in the way.
By choosing to love and care for ourselves we know the truth of things more deeply, ‘ I didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that I was so empty of love and that I had chosen this for myself.’
When we make life about overriding what we feel, we only disempower ourselves and leave ourselves at the mercy of others or forces that further push us into misery.
I am deeply touched that you are able to share your story – it is a absolute healing and a blessing for us all to read.
It is sad how so many of us have not been met, loved and adored as children and not brought up to love, value and adore ourselves because if we had we would not allow or accept abuse in our lives and equally would not be abusive.
I agree Nicola, that’s so very sad. We can however live in a loving way that honours us and this reflects out to the world, without necessarily having to say anything to another. But I do love meeting, valuing and loving the children I meet in my school volunteering job.
What a crazy statistic that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault in their lives – even if it is was only one woman on the planet that would be one too many – same applies for so many of these disgraceful statistics that we appear to be almost immune to or at least don’t truly consider the consequences and question what is truly going on.
Thank God for Universal Medicine and its practitioners who are supporting people to lovingly and honestly look at situations and heal and let go of the trauma (big and small) to return being the love that they truly are.
Absolutely, thank God for Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and its practitioners who are showing us a different way of living, and supporting us to truly heal.
It does not matter what happens to one’s body, one’s inner-essence is not touched. As you share MAS with loving support and the willingness to heal one can re-connect to and live from that essence free of the pain of the hurts and traumas.
Reading this brings true purpose to loving myself and others deeply because what can happen when we don’t is all you have experienced this lifetime.
Yes, abuse of the serious kind as described here or milder forms of it happen to many of us and dealing with this abuse is important.
What I can feel is a ripple effect of our initial movement away from our true essence – how every choice we make then on, justification and reasoning, it all circumnavigates around but never really touches upon the core of what has truly happened. And while this is all happening, our true essence patiently awaits, never ever tainted.
I wish this article was available for every teenager. As huge a horror as living through sexual abuse is, one could replace this experience with domestic violence, bullying or personal attack, to name a few of the issues that many face in today’s world. The steady committment to remaining with ones essence is the absolute answer to addressing how we are feeling in any of these situations, our world needs the support that this article offers.
Thank you for sharing how you have healed your past hurts and connected to your inner essence, this is deeply inspiring that you were able to turn your life around and truly heal with the support of the Universal Medicine Modalities.
Whats amazing about the Esoteric Healing modalities is that they help connect us back to our feeling of truth. It debases those beliefs that would have us believe that we have to hold onto or maintain these thoughts and actions of self abuse in order to be ‘safe’.
The blame we heap on ourselves when there has been an abuse of trust has a ripple effect so great that the coping mechanisms ensure the abuse if felt in the body for eons after the original assault.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” This is an incredible journey of discovery, that nothing and no-one can touch our essence within.
“As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.” This is a beautiful step in honouring your preciousness. What an incredible and inspiring journey.
“I embraced self-abuse even more. I overrode my true nature, which is gentle, tender and delicate, and became angry, defensive and very busy in a crazy attempt to keep people out – and yet this hurt me so much more.” There are so many varied incidents which get us to this point in life, women and men included. Thank God for Universal Medicine modalities, as l have noted that they are the only ones l have ever come across that fully address issues at their core and clear them out of the body permanently, unless of course, we choose to call them back into our bodies with our movements and behaviours. These modalities are the real deal. A Godsend for humanity.
What an amazing story you share here of rehabilitation from such a horrific incident, unheard of really in such cases. I really get the sense from reading your words that the rape no longer has any power or hold over you and you are really living free of it and have the innocence and purity again you had when you were young. This shows me that even though we cannot change the past we can heal our hurts and our wounds and the energetic scars or imprints can be cleared from the body to allow us to fully move on.
A difficult story to read and hear just how bad the abuse is out in the world, but equally not so in that there is a path to heal this, and the support needed through Universal Medicine. Lucky you and lucky us to have such a quality of support.
Our bodies do ‘remember’ everything. Perhaps this is why we do so much to numb them in an attempt to forget. What I find happens when I do this, is that it only works for a short time and then I become aware again. So, do we continue to numb ourselves so we cannot feel our hurts – or do we allow ourselves to become aware and in that awareness heal our hurts? At least this way, we can overcome our pain rather than pretend it isn’t there.
Strange how we laugh about and ‘celebrate’ being intoxicated – when the heart of it is ‘toxic’. I feel this reflects a sense of disregard we have about our lives as if we don’t really care. I say strange because it is so very contradictory to our loving essence and nature – and our bodies that work so hard to eliminate toxins from our bodies. It’s like we are ‘ at war’ with ourselves when we do such things.
‘I honour what I feel and keep myself safe’. I have found that honouring what I feel and sense works and realise how much in the past I have overridden this wisdom with thinking. Thank you Serge Benhayon for the reflection.
Yes absolutely, we do know, we know precisely what feels safe and what doesn’t and when it doesn’t feel safe I make sure that I take myself away from the situation and honour what I have felt.
What a wonderful awareness to come to MAS – thank you for sharing it here. I have trained as a psychotherapist around working with victims of abuse – and my experience is that the Universal Medicine modalities offer true healing. And not just to victims of serious abuse, but to everyone who has been hurt in life…and that is most of us, if not all. That innate essence you rediscovered is there within us all if we choose to find it.
What I found scary in reading this article is just how much sexual abuse is a part of life as a woman. For I am sure not many women have lived their life and not had at least one incident. What I sense is even scarier is that in today’s world this abuse is even more prolific than it was 10 or 20 years ago. This to me is a marker that everything women have done to prove their equalness to men has done little to nothing to again arise the only true thing that can begin to stem this atrocious tide. That is equal respect and honour for women and men.
Yes, here here, equal respect has to be the way to go. We cannot accept the ‘little’ things have no effect because what they do is ensure we tolerate more and the more we tolerate the less prepared we will be to call out abuse when it is needed.
It may seem unfathomable to consider that we have an inner essence that is totally untouched by all of the hurts we have experienced. But, we do and as this article shares, we can choose to connect to it again and feel the absolute divinity that is there inside of us. In my experience no pain holds any greater power than the beauty of my inner essence. It is though up to me to choose it.
“what remained untouched was my inner essence” A Divine truth that should be an essential part of every girl’s, woman’s, boy’s and man’s knowing.
‘As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me’. This is such a valuable truth to live with daily.
Love this blog MAS. You remind me that nothing that is done to our bodies can define us. Our soul is who we truly are and it cannot be touched, tarnished or taken from us.
Rape is an inconceivable offense on God and what is sacred.
Thank you for sharing a truly loving path from rape and abuse to self love and acceptance MAS. A sharing of healing on so many levels.
Reading this helps to bring clarity as to why young girls go into self-abuse and how it plays out in their lives.
To come from a place of such self abuse to a place of self love is not only remarkable, but as shared here very possible. Let’s not waste another moment on any self abuse and open our minds to the absolute beauty we are, for our world needs each one of us.
Beautifully expressed Leigh.
When we loose trust in life because of all the cruelties we see and experience, the only way back is to build that love from within as a foundation to live from which support in us to regain trust in life once again. As deep within we all are love and the love is unconditional but though the hurts in life we tend to make our love conditional and from there tend to loose trust and as a protection try to escape from life which in fact only makes it worse.
What I got really strongly reading this today is how you needed to prepare you by building trust, love, care in your life to unfold the trauma that was held in your body from the assaults. The simple act of committing to putting cream on your body as gently as possible was such a practical way to start that process.
“What I had interpreted from the sexual assaults and rape was that to be seen, was to be a target for abuse.” Thank you MAS. Your honesty and willingness to share your experiences has allowed me to connect to something I’ve been hiding from myself – that to be seen is to attract abuse, and also that this is then my fault. I been healing myself over the last decade and it’s pretty revealing to be able to see that I hadn’t been willing to be honest with myself about that. It’s also fab because now I can let it go fully.
You are a very inspiring woman MAS, through sharing your story many others now know their is another way with what ever their hurts may be, they don’t have to define us for the rest of our lives. It doesn’t have to be buried deep in our bodies causing havoc………we are so much more, we are not our hurts. We can choose self-Love and purpose and vitality…………truly heal.
A truly inspiring story of what it is to live a life of self-love or self-abuse – “I don’t resort to self-abuse as I once did and instead I focus on becoming gentle and nurturing with my body and tend to myself as the precious woman that I am” and, how much the Esoteric Modalities support the body to connect back to the untouched essence within – “These healing sessions supported me to develop trust, self-love and gentleness. Life started to change.” Both combine bring divinity back to the core.
Those incidents in life like rape as you describe here MAS, when not allowing to feel what they actually do to us and to others we have to find ways to numb these feelings and in that we are confirming the what is not instead of the what is when we listen to our feelings and read the learnings from these.
Your story has helped me make sense of a whole range of patterns of behaviour I have chosen in this life as a result of similar experiences my body remembers from past lives that are still affecting me many lives later. In particular I was really struck by the way you came to the conclusion that being seen equals being a target for abuse. This enables me to see that I abuse myself when I don’t read the full truth of a situation and go along with a story from my head.
What a blessing finding Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, with the support of their practitioners you were able to turn your life around and start loving yourself, ‘my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose’.
Unfortunately this belief seems to be more and more common with young people, ‘I lost trust in human beings and resolved that I was not worthy of love and neither were they. This belief and many others sabotaged my life for many years where I didn’t allow myself to fully love anyone and couldn’t accept that anyone would truly love me either.’ With the support from Universal Medicine and its practitioners these false beliefs can be let go of and we can start the process of accepting and loving ourselves deeply.
‘What I had interpreted from the sexual assaults and rape was that to be seen, was to be a target for abuse’. This was such an interesting line, it really relates to any form of abuse, physical or energetic. There are so many situations through our life we interpreted as unsafe and then continually place many others in the same box. Causing us to be on guard and finding a way for it to not occur again. Hiding in the shadows is a very common tool.
The sexual experiences we have had can leave very deep scars and trauma in the body. Rape and sexual assault are fairly common from what I hear these days and degrading sexual experiences only more so. They really can taint us and our whole lives and way of living and moving through life get affected. Realising this is not who we are and healing those wounds is a something to be celebrated and reflected to the world so that every woman can know that she too has the choice to heal.
Well said Nikki, this is an incredible reflection to offer many. A reflection that says you don’t need to walk around being your hurts for there is a far grander beauty that is waiting to shine within, untouched and always shining.
The headline statistics are shocking. Rape and sexual assault are a huge problem in our society but not many women feel comfortable talking about it. This is understandable since women are often not taken seriously when bringing such incident to the law plus they are treated in a way that make them feel they are in part to blame for what happened. Thank you for speaking out MAS, and sharing how you healed from these traumatic events.
What an amazing sharing MAS and it’s gorgeous to feel how you’ve turned your life and how you are with you around through your lived choices to address your hurts and get support as you needed it. When we choose to leave ourselves we can go into many forms of abuse and of course we get abused by others and consider we deserve it – it’s huge that you’ve stepped away from abuse in your life and it’s inspiring for all of us to see and consider how we are with abuse and if there are areas in our lives where we can be more deeply loving caring with ourselves. Thank you for a very real, deeply honest and inspired sharing.
This is a powerful story of the potential every single person has to heal, regardless of what has been experienced. Thank you for the gift of sharing.
Thank you for sharing, MAS, it is very inspirational in that you clearly show that true healing is not a magical pill, which gives an instant fix. Instead it is a process, a journey that can be very painful at times as it requires us to be completely honest and truthful, acknowledging and accepting the responsibility of our choices that led to our life experiences. As you share through your openness there is no blame, there is just truth and with that comes love.
This demonstrates the power of healing and how it plays an integral part of our lives.
One of the most exquisite truths we can ever be reacquainted with is that pain lies over the heart and never ever within it. Thus it is our task in life to remove these outer layers of protection we have shielded ourselves with in order to withhold the expression of this love. You are such a gorgeous example of this MAS – a great reflection for us all that we can never truly taint nor extinguish the flame of our love within our heart.
“pain lies over the heart and never ever within it.” I love the way you have expressed this Liane. Pain is like a coat we put on, and therefore can simply take off again.
Wow MAS, I know I have read this before but I thank you once again for the depth of understanding you bring me/ all of us each and every time we read your blog. I can understand so well the feeling that the world is cruel, how your trust was abused. When you describe how you started to support yourself I was struck by the understanding that ‘tenderness can feel extremely uncomfortable’. When the experience of touch is abused it seems to build a wall of protection that can keep those experiences out because they might lead to pain again. Even when we do them to ourselves, a rough touch is safer than a tender touch.
What you have presented in this blog MAS is amazing learning for us all, the courage you have shown and the choices you have made are inspirational; I really appreciate and can resonate with what you have shared;
“As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along”.
‘…I became angry and cruel to myself, seeing my body as a target that attracted cruelty. I did not want to be in such a body and I thought regularly of suicide.’ It’s interesting how we end up blaming our bodies, the very part of us that has known all along what has been going on with and for us, and offers us, with its quiet messages, the way forward – unless we sever ties with it (as we so often do) in our attempts to deal with the hurts of life.
Even though I have come along way from being very hard and critical on myself the subtle, self abusive thoughts can still enter but I simply cannot allow them to bring me down like they once did. I brush them off, pick myself up and see the changes I am making and in doing so I make mistakes but I endeavour to learn from them; as I see it, it is part and parcel of evolution.
A great reminder of how traumatic occurrences become locked in our body, and remain there until such time we are able and willing to deal with the hurt that has been there, and beautiful to rediscover how our body has an inner essence that cannot be touched no matter what our experiences have been, and when we reconnect back to our essence, we are able to reconnect back with our own love.
I recall coming to Universal Medicine given up on humanity and the possibility of ever seeing a loving responsible harmonious world. And I did not think much of myself either. I could not even remember how or why I had given up to such an extent. Traumas of whatever nature can impact us deeply. You raise a significant point in this blog that the gorgeous essence we have inside may be hidden for a while, but never ever abandons us. And what an immense support we can offer to self by starting to take care of ourselves even if it is just washing ourselves more gently or putting on cream more tenderly. Thank you.
I was raped when I was 19 and like you MAS turned to self-abuse to deal with it. I became promiscuous in an attempt to feel in control of my relationship with men. Needless to say this didn’t work and it has only been since I started to be tender, loving and nurturing with myself, inspired by Universal Medicine, that I have been able to let go of the abuse held deep in the cells of my body.
I find it extraordinary how the body waited until you chose enough self love In your life to have a foundation to support you before it brought up the hurts from the past that needed to be cleared. How gorgeous that you had the love with you all along and were able to truly embrace it when you were ready.
I remember a session with an esoteric practitioner when I had the realisation that my essence and divine love had never been touched but I had only clouded it over. It was life changing to feel this in my body and bust the illusion that I was living under. Even now that session pops up in my mind, and I remind myself that it is I, who has fallen for the shadows set up to disguise the light that forever shines within.
When we absorb and take on our hurts they govern our behaviours and interactions with the world around us so much so that we can become blinded to our own potential.
Stunning MAS, you show that no matter what, we are untainted by life’s atrocities, which means every last one of us can heal. What you show is that we are never actually broken… not in the core of who we are, that remains intact no matter what. It is from a connection to this part of us that we are able to heal… which is what your story is such an amazing testimony to… thank you for sharing with such honesty.
Yes Jenny, it is an inspiring blog for those who have experienced this level of pain to show the core of who we are is untainted by anything that happens to us.
Yes agree Lucy, and also an important blog to show those of us who might not have experienced some of the more horrific abuses to see that no matter what, we all have the potential to heal. Holding this to be true for someone can be an important platform for them as we can tend to write them off as scarred for life.
Thank you MAS – what a testimony this truly is.
Thank you for sharing your story MAS. It is a great truth that even in the worst cases of abuse our essence always remains pure and untouched.
Your words MAS are an incredibly powerful testament to the utter and complete power of our choices. You show without doubt how one hurtful incident easily becomes chained with another. Before long we are in a super vicious cycle that leads to a dark, sinister end. The only way to stop this, as you make clear is for us to express what we feel, honour and nurture ourselves and see self-loathing and critical thoughts as the beginning of abuse and not the real us.
‘By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.’ Thank you for sharing your story, MAS, and for expressing how simple it can be: more self loving choices means that we build a stronger relationship with, and connection to, our bodies, which means we can feel more: more of what is true, and more of what is not. As we focus on strengthening this connection, the trust we have with ourselves begins to grow.
What an incredible gift to be able to put the past behind you and see the woman you are. Your choices are a model for anyone who’s life has been marred with abuse.
Exactly Heather, no matter how big or small the abuse, the ability to heal remains intact. These stories are so important to inspire and remind us that we are never actually broken, regardless of what happens to us. The most fundamental aspect of who we are remains intact, no matter what.
The simple truth “to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not”. Our bodies do very clearly tell us this, I can often go into my head, debate, and to and fro, to not feel what I did, with the ‘ but it came from this person or that’ who I need to be loving, instead of just accepting the simple fact it was not love and not needing people to be certain way.
No matter the level of abuse one has experienced in their life, it is our inner essence that cannot be touched or affected in any way. It patiently waits for us to let go of the hurts and traumas and reconnect to innate beauty within us all.
Wow your story is amazing. Clearly no one should ever go through what you’ve been through but I suspect what you’ve experienced will be familiar to many other women. It’s great how you point out that when we go through something traumatic our natural impulse should be to take greater care of ourselves, but instead we pummel ourselves with more abuse. We’re so innately precious, and your blog shows that no matter what that preciousness is ALWAYS there.
Rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence in our society is rife; such a scourge on a society that is supposedly advanced; whatever that might mean, not much by the statistics. You have so powerfully shown that we as a society can purge this scourge, this being done by healing our hurts and calling out any form of abuse, thus leading humanity back to a joyful harmonious and loving way of being.
Thank you for sharing, MAS. It is so true- our essence is there and intact all the time and it is just waiting for us to come back. What a beautiful reunion for you both after so much trauma.
‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’ This is so inspirational and deeply touching MAS and demonstrates the body’s ability to heal from great trauma once we are willing to unlock the experiences that have been shut away. Thank you for sharing your journey of return to you which offers such a powerful reflection to anyone who has experienced abuse.
The statistics at the start are truly shocking and the fact that the abuser is so often known is illustrated in your case where someone used appearing to be understanding and then twisted it for their own ends. It is so important that we are supported to trust our bodies and to not accept anything less than love, as you so clearly demonstrate this inner compass is always available to us – it becomes our choice to follow it with the more self-love we build in our bodies.
“my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.” When we feel an emptiness inside and abuse ourselves to try to drown the emptiness we attract more abuse from others. When we connect to our inner essence of love we are filled with an awareness of who we truly are.
What you describe MAS is horrific, not just because of those specific abusive incidents but what followed in terms of the self-abuse you spent so many years in. It is very beautiful to read such an account of healing, nothing overnight but steady and true… thank you.
When we live in the vacuum of self-abuse it actually seems to send a message out to others that says, I do not value myself and my potential at present and are currently trapped within a cycle of abuse so you can just reinforce it by abusing me too which effectively feeds that cycle over and over. How harmful and debilitating is it to live this way. But by becoming aware that we are worth so much more than our past abuse and that there is another way is the very first step to healing.
In my teens and early 20’s I experienced a lot of verbal abuse from people throughout my life, and chose to be in abusive relationships where men would repetitively cheat on me and treat me in a shallow, loveless and disrespectful way. It wasn’t until I began to heal myself with esoteric healing that I began to see that the abuse I allowed and attracted in my life was because of the abuse I expressed towards myself on a daily basis in the type of thoughts I had and my behaviors and choices throughout the day. It’s been a beautiful unfoldment to develop a loving, self honouring and self respectful way with myself and observe others also treating me different without me even needing to say anything.
MAS I love the following sentence as it showed that even if with the worst traumatization our inner essence and our sacredness is untouchable: “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” What an important insight for all to know.
What a beautiful story of how you were able to undo all that hurt, hardness and sadness you carried in your body. It was not you, just something that masked the real you. Stories like this show the world that anything is possible. No matter how hurt or hardened we have become, underneath it all who we are remains untouched. Every single person on this planet is capable of returning to themselves.
A deeply inspiring sharing MAS that would support many women who have had similar experiences and can feel there is a way to move on from this level of trauma and to truly heal.
There is a much power in simple steps of developing greater love for self as a stepping stone to greater and truer vitality, commitment and purpose in life. Thank you MAS for a beautiful sharing of healing and rebuilding.
Thank you for sharing this blog with us Mas. Statistics also show that there are many people who are raped or sexually assaulted and who do not report or tell anyone about this. Offering a reflection such as this blog is deeply supportive for others to be able to express and understand what they too have experienced and to address exactly why such abhorrent behaviour is so prevalent in society.
Your blog is testament to being able to lovingly support yourself after sexual assault. To be open to support, to be tender with your body again and to not think that all men will behave in the same way. There is so much more that comes with a sexual assault than the physical act itself. Thank you for having the courage and the grace to shed light on that for us.
An amazingly honest account of your transformation from “self loathing to self love” MAS, one that I know will inspire someone who has been holding on to similar traumas and resultant feelings of self hate, to know that there is a way to heal. How wonderful that you finally came to understand that throughout your experiences there was always a part of you that remained untouched, your beautiful essence, that has held you lovingly as you have slowly peeled back the memories and the pain, freeing you to begin your healing and to truly start to live.
MAS, thank you for sharing your story. I can not image walking in your shoes. I thank you for sharing your inspiring journey of your healing. It has been incredible to read about your healing. Confirming the path back to love is always the answer.
Thank you MAS for your honest account of your trauma and how you managed to let it go. It is an inspiring read as it highlights the importance of listening to and honouring our body as it is our body that will keep us safe as it can feel everything and has an intelligence far greater than we give it credit for when we stubbornly and often consistently over ride it .
An amazing thing to have been able to do MAS – to go from devastation and suicidal tendencies to the beautiful and loving woman you are today purely because of your dedication and willingness to healing the hurts. This will no doubt provide a great deal of inspiration to many people.
It is amazing quite how much we can change and destroy our lives as a result of 1 or 2 people or incidents and then hold onto them unresolved for years affected almost all of our actions. But then equally, like so many of us, 1 man Serge Benhayon has inspired us to return back to the love that we all naturally are – and so it works both ways.
Life can be lived either from the knowing that we are from love or from the false idea that we have to be loved before we can be love ourselves. That dismissal of the love that we innately are makes it possible for us being abused and to abuse others and ourselves. That is the honesty we have to come to as this will allow the space for developing our connection to the love that we are and that is all around us. The stupendous love that is behind all of life and is there with a plan, a plan we are all part of and have to play our part in. Once we alle have returned to our natural state of being, the plan will conclude in us living as one brotherhood on earth.
A profound account of how you tried to make sense of a seemingly hostile world and the choices you made to operate within what you had created. But to read your journey out of it is truly inspirational and confirms the crucial relationship with our bodies as wholly reliable markers of what is true and what isn’t or, as you put it, ‘it tells me what is love and what is not’.
Mas, it’s extremely inspiring to read your story. Your willingness to heal your hurts and not live the rest of your life as a tortured soul removed from our society is a blessing for all of us.
I agree Elodie it showed that the willingness of healing our hurts is really worth it.
I can completely relate to this sentence about applying moisturiser gently to your body ‘ I found this simple activity to be extremely uncomfortable particularly when I applied it in a nurturing and gentle way rather than my usual slapping on of the cream as fast as possible while thinking about something else altogether.’ It’s extremely revealing about how we actually feel about our bodies when we make a choice to acknowledge that they are there.
MAS this whole blog is such a great sharing, particularly “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” Beautiful to read how your inner essence was there all the time, just waiting for you to choose to reconnect.
“As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me”.
How gorgeous that your inner essence was there waiting for you; how gorgeous that you returned to connect with the true you.
So much of the abuse we endure is what we heap upon and crush ourselves with – and suffer far more relentlessly than the abuse of others. Thank you for sharing how you moved so far beyond this and truly healed the trauma of your past.
What I love about your honest sharing MAS is that no matter who you are, or what has happened to you, the fact is; ‘we are not our hurts’, and when we indulge in them we stay in them replaying and attracting more of the same. When we decide to take responsibility and truly heal them, our life completely transforms and we get to feel a glimpse of our grandness…..who we really are. And the awareness comes, better to heal our hurts now in this life, or come back to face them next life in which they may be more intense.
Thank you for such an honest sharing, MAS. To now be able to appreciate and feel your beauty inside and out after all that has happened to you is a testament to your courage to now make loving choices for you and this is inspirational for us all.
It is very brave and honest, Maz, to write about abuse and rape. I can relate to your thoughts that you were having about yourself and following years of self abuse and disregard. Your willingness and openness to change it and bring your beautiful essence to life is encouraging and can be inspiration for thousands of people. Thank you
MAS, thank you for sharing your deeply revealing story about your life. Even though I personally have not experienced rape, I could very much related to the having experienced unwanted sexual advances, once from a school teacher and a party when I was a teenager. The self abuse that then followed for many years was extremely self destructive and very dishonouring. It is a very different story now for me and as you have described so beautifully, your unfolding back to love, who you truly are and honouring yourself as a women, was very inspiring indeed to read.
In a recent survey of the Australian Armed forces, the inevitable conclusion was that PTSD was much more prevelant then could be imagined. There is so much unbalance in the world now, which brings with it so much horror and distortion of lives, and this is where what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are presenting is an absolute necessity, not just to ‘feel good’ again, but to truly heal.
Totally agree cjames2012. We have so much to learn in terms of how we care for ourselves.
MAS, your beauty and awareness can be felt and the reflection you bring supports others to open and live the love they are. Thank you for sharing your exquisite light and wisdom.
It is inspiring how you have turned your life around, MAS when for so many they would be left in the victimship of these experiences. Universal Medicine is great at bringing understanding to the reason of such devastating occurrences which means we can then heal ourselves, with true support, and move on as your blog shows.
Spot on jsnelgrove36 and so worth a repeat: Universal Medicine is great at bringing understanding to the reason of such devastating occurrences which means we can then heal ourselves, with true support, and move on as your blog shows. Also my experience.
Thank you MAS for what you share is touching and deeply inspirational! “In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.” The fact, that the inner essence is untouchable and everything we are doing and experiencing in life is “just” like a layer we gather and store in the body, but in fact is also removable by ourselves – is so deeply touching and self-empowering.
It is interesting to see that with the process of healing, we must first address what is right in front of us, the disharmony that is most obviously occurring in our lives and work through this to begin to build a foundation of self love. Then the deeper hurts can arise to feel and release, because we have built the love in our bodies to hold ourselves to do so.
The clarity with which you share will support many women MAS. You have made an outstanding turn around in healing from these experiences, one that lays a foundation for us all to know that deeply painful experiences can truly be let go of, to make way for living a loving and joyful life.
Wow reading this blog again is amazing – to read the transformation from “I had convinced myself it was just me – that’s just what I attracted.” in regards to the sexual abuse you experienced – to completely changing to “I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence”. This is incredible.
This blog should be given to anyone who has suffered rape or any kind of sexual abuse, MAS you offer great wisdom and healing in your words. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story MAS. It is wonderful that you came across Universal Medicine and found a way to truly heal your old hurts and to discover that your inner essence has always been there waiting for you to re-connect to it.
Dear MAS thank you so much for being so honest about what happened to you. I am working in an area where I met more women who experienced things like you describe. I would love it if a woman like you – who have changed her live – would talk to them and to show them that they too can change their lives as well. A role model is always something they can look at and be inspired by and to not fall for making excuses that their lives were to hard and therefore they can not change.
I agree esteraltmiks what Mas is sharing in this blog is very powerful, there are so many women who are suffering from traumatic experiences in their lives and donot know how to deal with this other then identifying with the immense hurt they carry of something that is done to them. MAS has felt her power through feeling her essence and has healed all the pain she was carrying in her body, very very inspiring to read and indeed a role model!
It would be great to have true role models out there walking the walk. Sometimes, all we need is to be shown what’s possible when we think we’ve lost the will to try. The power of someone who chooses to love and accept themselves is extremely profound, and the reflection of that person let’s us know it’s possible for all.
Inspirational blog, thankyou.
I am inspired by your willingness to deal with and let go of past hurts, to commit to self-love and re-connection to your beautiful essence. That you choose not to ignore or bury what occurred but to now live a life that is not dictated to by the past.
I too am inspired Carmin. It is so easy to hold onto our hurts and bury them and remain a victim of our past so its haunts our present and holds us back from truly enjoying and embracing our future.
MAS this is a deeply inspiring testimony of the fact that who we are within, the exquisitely divine essence within us all, is always waiting for our return and waiting to be lived. That regardless however far we have wavered from it, our love within awaits patiently with its warm embrace. I have nothing but immense admiration for you in how you chose to turn your life around. You truly are a role model for us all and especially for those who have experienced sexual abuse as you have when you were young. You have shown that there is another way, that we are not defined by what has happened to us in our lives and that it is possible to heal and live a loving life of fullness and vitally. You are an inspirational woman thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you MAS this has helped me to see where I have accepted abuse from others and to also see how I’ve abused myself in turn – something I’m still in the process of healing. I can relate to abuse attracting more abuse and the way I’ve found to stop this is to recognise abuse when it presents itself in even the smallest ways even down to the negative thoughts I have about myself. I then have to consciously move in a way that is very tender and gentle knowing that I deserve to treat myself and be treated this way. This is very inspiring to read and to know that it is possible to return to that deep essence within and come back to the love that is always there.
This is a powerful blog that shows so clearly that whatever abuse we have been subjected to by others or by ourselves that our essence of love remains true. Serge Benhayon offers us all the key to love by choosing a way of living that is honouring of ourselves and all others by knowing our essence of love.
The love that we come from does not judge or tell us what to do, but will always be there for us to return to if we choose to so. Serge Benhayon is the man that shows us that there is that love and for me he shows me every time that this love is unfathomable in its grandness and ways of expression. Reconnecting to the love I am, to the love I originate from is now the purpose of my life as this is the way to go, as it is for each and everyone of us human beings, returning to the bosom of God.
Beautiful words Nico, the love that I am, my essence is always there for me to return to and I also choose to make this the purpose of my life.
Mas, this is lovely that you recognized that your ‘inner essence’ ‘remained untouched’.
No abuse can sully the purity within and if we stay connected to that we are not so likely to attract abuse.
It often happens, as you show in your blog, that the same people tend to be a repeated target for abuse as they develop a victim mentality which makes them easy prey for the cowardly sexual predator.
MAS thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, you support many others to also speak up against abuse of any kind and to begin the healing process. Your journey from self-loathing to self love is truly inspiring and supportive to many others unable to let go of this deep hurt – you remind us all that no matter what challenges we have in life our ‘inner essence’ is with us always.
So true Anna, there has been such honesty and openness in what has been shared. It is incredible the support and inspiration that is provided to many from what has here been written. There is such strength, dedication and absolute reflection here that you can indeed come back to the love within, no matter what challenges we are confronted with in life.
MAS I love how you wrote you couldn’t remember in your head what had happened but you didn’t need to as your body remembered it all. It doesn’t matter if we check out with drugs, alcohol, tv or sugar, our bodies have to actively live through everything. The body cannot lie.
Beautifully said Harry. Letting go of the hardness is so very freeing and is usually met by tears because it saddens me that I could hold myself or any person with so much hardness and judgement.
Thank you MAS for sharing your experience, your life could have gone either way for you. You were able to bring yourself back from a very dark place to a deep loving of yourself. A beautiful transformation, and very inspiring.
What a transformation MAS; the statistics you share and your personal experiences are indeed horrifying and very sad.
What an amazing effort to transform from self loathing to self loving; I greatly admire and am inspired by your commitment and responsibility to your healing.
This blog offers so much from the shocking statistics at the start of the blog and brings up the concern that there is so much in life that has is dulled down and not given the full attention it deserves to the understanding that whatever we do not express has to go somewhere and this is our body to the amazing turnaround that you have made in your life by being willing and open to true support and healing. Inspirational, thank you MAS.
One of the many things that are so valuable about this blog is the point that traumatic incidents remain locked in our bodies until they are healed. Now we have a great problem because this is not Universally acknowledged, and so many of us limp around in life, carrying scars from days, weeks, years ago, sort of managing, sort of getting by …but in deep misery. So much of this could be arrested by the simple act of receiving healing from a healer who understands how to support us to become aware and gently clear the issues.
What is equally revealed in this blog is the great irony that when we are abused we do not become more gentle with ourselves, but actually become our own daily abuser. This may not make sense but it is so commonly experienced that we can see it as the human experience. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has shown us that there is another way to live that is not the perpetuation of abuse and denigration.
I agree Rachel, these are 2 very powerful points of awareness. It makes no sense that we can be even harder on ourselves after abuse has been perpetrated against us, however if we are carrying around self-loathing and/or lack of self-worth before this, the abuse from another just serves to confirm that we are correct to feel this way.
Yes, ‘Thank God for Serge Benhayon’ who has presented ways for us to heal the root cause of our hurts and shown us another way to live. Though I have not been a victim of sexual abuse I see now that I have abused myself in many subtle ways by being hard on myself and allowing myself to be undermined. This is in some ways worse than the physical abuse because we do not clock it as abuse and can put up with it for a lifetime and carry the trauma of it in our bodies. It’s so great to know that it is never too late to heal.
Hear, Hear Rachel, so true. “What is equally revealed in this blog is the great irony that when we are abused we do not become more gentle with ourselves, but actually become our own daily abuser.” And this self abuse continues to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has presented clearly how to arrest this behaviour within ourselves; this in turn changes everything as it breaks cycles we had no idea we could ever be free from.
I agree with you Rachel, thank God for Serge Benhayon!
The statistics at the beginning of your blog are shocking. Why are we not talking about how violence is in a way accepted in our society?
Your blog is a testimonial to how it is possible to heal and how our body knows it all. It is really amazing to read the turnaround in your life. I love how you say ‘what remained untouched was my inner essence’ . Whatever happens to us, however much we decide to override our feelings, our inner essence is just there waiting patiently until we make the choice to come back to this connection we have with the love we all are.
Thank you for sharing your experience MAS. It was deeply touching to read and there were many parts that I could very strongly relate to. I think many people without having been physically raped and abused as you have described would have experienced many other forms of loveless and abusive behaviour. You wrote the following: “You may think that after these experiences of sexual assault and rape that I would have protected myself more and cared for myself with great tenderness and preciousness because of the deep level of hurt that I had experienced, but I did not.” which I found particularly interesting. What struck me rather shockingly is that I wouldn’t actually think that after receiving abuse you would take great care of your preciousness. It also occurred to me how awful and very strange it is that we don’t think like that across the board. For example I noticed in the past that if I ate a piece of chocolate cake which was abusive to my body I immediately felt like eating more or poisoning myself further. In the old days I found that abuse seemed to attract abuse from both myself and others. Thankfully since all the healing I have received from Universal Medicine that is no longer the case and I am free to love and honour myself and ask questions like you have posed.
It has also been my experience Nicola that abuse attracts abuse, and you’re right…it’s interesting how quick we are to cover up one abusive act with another rather than deal with it immediately and clear it from our bodies. We’ve been conditioned in a manner that doesn’t not seem to be working. Thankfully Universal Medicine presents a different approach, one that leaves you to choose for yourself to be empowered and heal.
MAS thank you for sharing this. There are so many ways we turn away from ourselves, I know I did this myself in many ways similar to yourself, until one day it just became unbearable. Universal Medicine teachings showed me another way to view life and myself. Taking responsibility for myself has been THE greatest thing I’ve ever done for me, I’ve learnt how beautiful, amazing and loveable I really am, and now know it is possible to heal your hurts and rediscover who you truly are.
Thanks for sharing your story. I found it to be very honest and real. Yes letting go of hardness in our bodies is beautiful. Sometimes there is a mountain of tears waiting to come out because it makes us realise that we haven’t lived with love for so long.
MAS, thank you for sharing your personal life and the horrific events that you experienced. You are a true inspiration to us all.
It is gorgeous to read that although the mind and body can be deeply traumatised, there is a beauty inside that remains forever untouched, one that can be connected to and then expanded to heal through love all that has passed before.
Beautifully said Samantha for when we become aware of that inner beauty, our innermost that we all innately hold within equally, we begin to realise all our hurts and traumas no matter how deep actually lie outside of this innermost and therefore as we heal and let the burdens of these hurts go we naturally lighten up.
So gorgeously said. You remind me that we actually determine the extent of our own suffering through our choice to connect or disconnect from who we are.
Well said Samantha all that has passed there before will be healing
It is gorgeous very true. In reading this I became aware that I have used this as knowledge in the past to give myself comfort – but that the true healing comes in the livingness of this ‘untouched’ beingness. It is one thing to have comforting thoughts, but they do not heal anything. When we align ourselves with the essence of our being, that is a different matter.
When something bad happens to us, and we lack a basis of self love, blaming oneself is the usual scenario. The problem is that when this happens and we accept it, we go into repeating situations that only confirm what we have accepted making even more difficult to recognise that this does not belong into our essence. It takes a lot of courage and will to say no to this that we have accepted and has governed us for so long.
So true emfeldman, there is much shame and blame of oneself associated with abuse and far too often this becomes a pattern in itself.
I find it shocking that men can fail to see the care women need to be handled with. As a woman I would demand this, but it also needs to start with women doing this for themselves.
A profound love for humanity with unprecedented depth and quality is the hallmark of what Universal Medicine presents, and what Serge Benhayon embodies. In these desperate times to have organisations and people of such impeccable integrity proclaiming relentlessly that no matter what has happened to you, the part of you that belongs to God, that is divine is always there , untouched, waiting to be fanned into flames of awakening and recognition by those who have heard, listened and responded to their own inner fire.
I love this MAS: “By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom. it’s very empowering to consider that self-love is our salvation. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks MAS for your open sharing about sexual abuse, and it’s a remarkable credit to you to having been able to overcome and heal from these events. You have illustrated the healing power within us all and the life changing opportunities that Universal Medicine present.
It is amazing that despite the huge prevalence of sexual abuse it is not talked about!
There is one particular point in this blog which I felt to bring to the surface – “I felt a strong urge not to go, I did it anyway.”
I have begun to wonder about all the times in our day to day lives where we have all felt something was a little ‘off’ and we override those feelings or pretended they were not felt. This example was about personal safety, but what about the times when we felt jealousy from our good friend, when we felt our partner lose interest in our relationship, when we felt anger from someone despite the smile on their face. I know for many years I did not want to feel these things and I did all I could to try to hinder feeling that which I did not like or did not want to deal with.
Universal Medicine has given me the courage to pause and honor what I feel, and my life has changed as a result of this alone. Allowing myself to feel each moment is an awesome tool that alerts me to what is truly going on around me – it is a gift that allows us to understand life.
Yes Maree many a times I have ignored my feelings and yet deeply felt the consequences. Learning to pause and honour my feelings has greatly changed my life like it did for MAS when she writes that her “inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”.
You are offering such a gift to so many in your very courageous and honest blog, MAS. ‘my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality’ – so beautiful to read these words, how you have chosen to claim your gorgeous self in full. No matter how bad things seem, you are living proof that it IS still possible to choose a life of love and joy, by choosing to live from your essence.
In 70% of incidents of sexual assault the woman knows the offender – so they are friends, family members, professionals, those known and not known very well.
When I sit with the reality of this for a moment, I can feel how devastating and traumatizing this act of violence truly is for it severs trust in humanity.
Trust between human beings is sacred and essential for true and loving relationships. So when this trust is broken in such a cruel and violent way, it has the potential to change the way a woman relates in the world.
And yet this blog clearly points out, it is possible for women to heal and come back to the love that they are and have always been. The essence of their soul remains in its purity and the ability to trust in others can return.
It’s truly a miracle when you can reflect upon yourself now as “a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along” – that is the power of the Esoteric Healing Modalities. Thank you MAS…deeply.
No matter what happens in the outside, your essence is never touched- I love this resumé of yours, because I feel the absolute truth in it. It really helps everyone to let go of hurts caused by the outside either physical or psychological nature.
The fiery core is never touched- just waiting to be connected. Beautiful picture .
Hi Mas, you have shared your experiences with courage and openness. Your choice to deeply nurture and heal the hurts is inspirational and I love your closing paragraph. That you can connect to the ‘exquisite inner essence’ that you are is such a huge transformation. Thank you.
The way in which the events and actions of the past are spoken of is no way from a victims point of view, but from a place within that has allowed true healing to occur and build a life that has love and understanding in it
How wonderful that you found your way back to your inner essence and have openly shared your experience thank you for your courage.
Courage speaks. What a wonderfull sharing and I am stunned. This story shows me the power you have (and we all have) to change any matter in our life – even if it was absolute dis-gracefull and full of abuse(in this very case). We are the key holders to forever changing and choosing love in our life and to stand for that what feels true for us. In the case of your story, it shows us how incredible important it is to listen to our first impression/feeling and to honour the messages if something does not feel right. We have all the strength to call it to an end.
Another point you mentioned is absolutely beautiful and that is: the fact that even if we have been raped, violated, emotionally manipulated or verbally washed down in many or even all aspects of our life – we still have that inner-strenght(essence) within us that remains and does not ever extinguish – not an ounce. This story is a living proof and example – of all horrible things accured in life – we still have that inner-beauty – and this beauty is untouchable by abuse.
I have been there. I used my experience as the perfect reason to close down to people and to myself.
The statistics you share are scary – but I can very easily see how it is possible in this day and age.
Too many of us are closed down. I made a choice. My choice was love. My choice came from the inspirational words of Universal Medicine. There is another way to be, and with that comes an honesty and openness that I have always known is within me.
MAS, you have beautifully expressed the depth of healing possible with support from Esoteric Practitioners, truly profound.
I agree Jane rereading this is such a healing in itself.
While reading this blog I felt how it dosen’t matter what happens to us, if we don’t let go of talking lovingly to ourselves, we would not find ourselves so far away from who we truly are. It feels like we do more damage to ourselves with the way we treat ourselves and speak to ourselves then anything that someone else can do to us. It is so lovely to now realise that the way I talk to myself is far more important then the way anyone else talkes to me. When I speak to myself with absolute love and appreciation nothing out there can hurt me, because I am solid on the inside.
A very powerful article truly courageous.
It is amazing how your life has turned around, MAS. A true reflection of the power we are.
Such a powerful testimony. As many have commented, if your truth can survive that journey…..what more proof is needed that we are ALL of us absolutely divine and that we can, ALL of us, reclaim that at any stage or time in our lives. Immense respect and love of your courage.
How easily we have been fooled into thinking if the outside world abuses us we deserved it for some reason. How crazy is that!
We then continue the cycle of abuse by turning on ourselves … And all the while there we are, our true essence and nature, residing untouched in all its beauty and tenderness simply waiting in the wings for the separated self to choose love.
Mas your experience and return to self love is really very inspirational for many people. What you have written will offer many another way out of the pain and suffering caused by major life incidences that seem too big to handle.
This is huge journey you have come through MAS. I have not had such extreme experiences such as yours, but can relate to how a monumental healing this is, and how you have turned your life around.
Thank you MAS for sharing the horrors you experienced, but coming home again to self love and being the truly open person you really are.
You have turned your life around, and are an inspiration to others, who have experience
the same abuse by family members.
That inner essence as has been described in this blog, sometimes in my life has felt so covered over and ‘lost’ by choices I have made, that it has been a case of daring not to even look for it or connect with it. So much harmful behaviour has been about giving up on that essence that opening back up to the possibility it was there, pure and precious, felt like stirring up too much hurt, having to go back through layers of denial and giving up. It wasn’t until Universal Medicine that I experienced how simple and easy it was to reconnect and begin to self heal, when I stopped beating up on myself. It felt like amazing to let go of the guilt go self destruction.
This is a great testament of healing by choosing a way of living based on self love and self responsibility.Thanks for sharing.
It is so amazing how our life experiences can have such a healing effect on others. We don’t have to have had the same experience but from your honesty, just a few words that you deliver can unlock so much healing in another. Thank you MAS.
An inspiring sharing and living MAS. How true that by re-introducing self-love and acceptance back into our lives, we become less owned by our hurts, as we can feel and see how truly glorious and precious we are, and naturally wish to express that.
Thank you for your insightful, courageous blog. I love the part when you mention that the love and beauty was always there inside just waiting for you to choose to honour and live this truth for yourself. It is amazing how gentleness and self-care can change the way we firstly are with ourselves and slowly the way we see and feel ourselves to be in the world. Thank you again.
Just looking at that statistic at the start of this blog about how 1 in 5 women experience sexual assault made me shudder.
As a humane society we simply have to ask the question “what is going on’? There is nothing ok about this statistic.
I’m so glad you are writing what so many women have experienced but feel they are all alone, that it was their fault, that they somehow attracted it. The ongoing unwelcomed advances are a reality for many women.
I love how you turned the tide on this, and now give yourself the love you deserve, and how you exposed that when the assault happened you gave yourself less love, because no one ever shows us this is a way to deal with whats happened and the low feelings that emerge. Very inspiring that you came back to love, thank you
Firstly, It is a horrible fact that your friends father would approach you in an inappropriate way. The older generation are meant to be there as role models for the younger generation not sexually ‘make a move’. And secondly I would like to say congratulations on taking responsibility for all of what you share because the way I read this, you have turned your life around because of you learning to take responsibility for yourself and your life. I can see how much this has been an absolutely wonderful transformation in your life.
Dear MAS, thank you for sharing your powerful story of returning to your true essence after such horror. This brings tears to my eyes as the horror of sexual abuse has affected so many people in our world. To know again our true essence is the most precious gift from Universal Medicine. Thank you for the reminder.
Truly remarkable that what ever challenge and hardships we face in life your blog highlights how we can turn our lives around when we bring back our life to living from the heart.
Truly remarkable and shows that however horrific and hopeless life may feel, with love and support, we can transform it, and regain self worth.
Thank you for being so open Mas. What I feel from your beautiful healing is that we can hold onto any event and use it as a reference point in our life. In a way it gives our life a meaning and an identification and a reason to re-live the pain on a daily basis, making our choices self abusive. You have shown a way out of the hurts we can all carry within ourselves. Your writing will really support many women who have experienced similar abuse.
I have just reread your blog and I love the way you have taken your life back, taken responsibility for your choices now (and in each and every moment) and appreciating the divine woman you are.
You are such an inspiration MAS; a very deep and heartfelt thank you.
What an inspiration you are, to share after all that you have lived through your courage to turn your life around and re connect to deeply caring for yourself, and recall your essence still ever strong. Thank you for sharing your strength of the delicate woman you are.
This is a testimony to the fact that we can never truly be damaged – no matter what happens to our physical bodies and hurts we carry. Thank you Mas for sharing.
Thank you Mas for I find this blog just as amazing reading it again. The line that drew my attention today was “from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love – so that I could accept that I was love too”. I find it quite astounding how many young people there have been who could echo these words also Mas, only to be reminded that we are all intrinsically Love first, before all else.
What touched me in this profoundly real and exposing article was the conclusion you came to in regard to your essence being there untouched all along. Knowing this offers such an amazing opening back to love.
This could apply to any one situation, circumstance or moment. This gives us such insight and a wonderful tool to discern what is loving and what is not: “I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share.”
I totally agree with you Rosanna such a wonderful tool we have to discern what is loving and what is not and just like Mas has said it is amazing gift that we all share.
It is so amazing that there is nothing we may have experienced in life that can really keep us away from our inner essence.
We just have to choose to connect to it again. The journey back to ourselves will often be challenging, but so deeply healing and freeing like nothing else in this world.
You yourself is something that no force in this world can ever take away from you!
What you have expressed Michael says it all. I was deeply moved by this article, the honesty, the despair and then finding a way back to the inner self and the love within.
Wow Michael, such a powerful comment: “no force in this world can ever take away from you”. So great to live from this foundation as this leaves us with the responsibility to re-connect and live from our essence more fully.
Gorgeous Michael — and it is this truth that needs to be shared with everyone, taught in schools, so,etching that should be daily conversation so that all of humanity can if they want to, remember that who they truly are remains untainted and deeply precious and beautiful regardless of the suffering, challenges and abuse we can encounter throughout life.
This is such a powerful story to read -that you realised, and can feel, your true inner essence has never been polluted; so no matter what has happened to any of us on the outside, it has never touched the inside.
An amazing testimony MAS in truly healing your life from abuse with the support of Universal Medicine and reconnecting to your essence that was always there. Very inspiring.
Wow…what an inspirational blog…So appreciated…such an inspiration to many people out in this world.
These are the words MAS expressed –
“As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality. By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.” Sentences that make so much sense.
This is a remarkable turn around. I love how you have shared that none of your life experiences actually took anything away from who you are in your essence.
In fact we can feel and see here how Sandra has revealed the essence the more she took responsibility. A great lesson for us all and we know what this feels like when we seek what is true, first!
Very true Vicky, this is an amazing and inspirational story and a testament to the fact that regardless of what cruelty or abuse we have experienced, our essence always remains untouched. Reconnecting to our essence and healing the abuse is always available to us all.
Me too Vicky, it’s a great reminder that our essence is always full, living inside us, awaiting connection.
Thank you for the courage to share your amazing story. It was inspiring to feel your constant commitment to self-love and care, re-establishing a loving connection with your body. However difficult and challenging it was to face the feelings that were there, you didn’t back down or lose hope.
It is amazing what we will do in pursuit of love – especially when we have no firm foundation of knowing of what true love is. I know this was how I started out in life (no blame on my parents as they also did not know what true love was), and in my case I was coming from a need to belong and be approved of. I was willing to override my feelings of mistrust because the need for love was greater, as my connection to my body was limited and I allowed my head to rule the day. Like you MAS I ended up in some very sticky situations. It is wonderful to have been given the opportunity to begin again with a firmer foundation of love.
Such an inspiring blog MAS.
“it was like I had the proof that the world was loveless and I embraced self-abuse even more. I overrode my true nature, which is gentle, tender and delicate, and became angry, defensive and very busy in a crazy attempt to keep people out – and yet this hurt me so much more.”
So awesome to recognise and feel this in your body which led to you finding your sacred essence waiting for you to reconnect to. Your story is powerful, thank you for sharing it.
I love this blog and how inspiring it is, thank you for sharing MAS.
This is a remarkable sharing and a great insight into how many I am sure must feel about themselves after being sexually assaulted. It is such a powerful thing to care for and respect ourselves, when we do so it starts to close the door to abuse from others. That is certainly what I got from reading your story MAS. I loved reading of the gauge of applying cream to your body, that seems a great measure of the care we take for ourself.
Wow what a story. Isn’t it amazing how hard the world will try to stop you believing how glorious you truly are.
What an amazing transformation you have made, from the child who wanted only love but didn’t know how to get it, to a woman who knows that love is inside herself and never left her, but it was she who left love. Really inspiring, thank you for sharing.
Thank you dear MAS, reading your article about your life experiences and your today’s looking back, now knowing, that your true essence never was touched, nor could it ever be, is very touching and inspiring to me. With your article you show clearly and strongly, that it is possible to choose at any given moment to live from our essence, and that self-caring choices are the opener to do so.
A very honest and very moving but immensely inspiring article.
Thank you for this blog and these words: ‘my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while’ – what a blessing to know that the essence and love that we are is always there, ready to be discovered by us with self-loving choices!
It is alarming how prevalent experience of rape and sexual abuse is in the world. Recently I have been noticing how when someone starts to bring this fact out into the open so much force is directed to shut the communication down. This deeply honest article is a great way to start the conversation as well as great inspiration and support to those who are suffering as a result of having experienced sexual abuse.
I totally agree Golnaz, it is so important to bring the issue of sexual abuse out into the open. And what better way than what MAS has shown by sharing her own experience, including how she was able to re-connect to her divine essence and through that inner connection heal the abuse. This blog is also a great testimony to the amazing Esoteric Healing Practitioners we have now all around the world, able to assist in healing deep seated issues like this.
Your commitment to developing self-love and understanding after all your experiences is truly inspiring. It encourages me to further deepen tenderness and love for myself as it has been very easy to self-bash and criticise when I make mistakes. Knowing that I can choose to reconnect to being light, tender and playful at any time, even when I feel to the contrary, is quite something.
The blog is written with a depth of healing for those past hurts which I can truly feel and it is such an inspiration to know that hurts that deep can be healed and a whole and loving life re-connected to.
Thank you Mas
I have just re-read your blog MAS, and once again I have felt that it brings up so much for me to feel too – around the belief that if you are seen then you get abused, around the absoluteness of developing self love and not accepting abuse and how difficult this may appear to be at times…I know that a small part of me at times still wants to believe that abuse is what I deserve and when I buy into that part of me, then it becomes strangely so difficult to say yes to tenderness and love! Thankfully I now understand this situation so much more, and am allowing more and more love rather than abuse into my life.
This is a very inspiring blog, and will be a great support for many who have felt unlovable and in some way broken. It proves that through true healing through Universal Medicine modalities, at our core, we are untainted by life.
What you have written here is huge. Thank you so much for sharing with us how you developed a relationship of self love with your self and let go of the harsh criticism you held yourself in for all those years. A truly remarkable journey and one that will help many who read this.
It does not matter what we do in life our inner essence is always with us and we can choose to re-connect at any time. This is a true blessing.
It is shocking to hear about your experiences MAS; and also shocking to know that you are not alone in this – there are so many women experiencing sexual assault in one form or another. Today, some women shared with me stories of Sexual assault that they had personally experienced, or those close to them. It was deeply disturbing to know how much this is affecting women; and, how much this gets ‘brushed over’ by society. We definitely have a long way to go in addressing this kind of abuse – however, your article is a very strong start.
One in five women – yes I know this is true and have been one of these women when I was younger, feeling the devastation of it and the ongoing consequences for a long time. Your words are so powerful, as it shows anything can be healed. Sometimes it takes a while before we do heal ourselves. Our body holds it all and also can let it go. Loving ourselves is the most powerful healer I know.
Whoa – “1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives and in 70% of cases the offender is known .” This is something that needs to be talked about – thank you for starting us off MAS.
“1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives and in 70% of cases the offender is known .” This is a scary statistic, Jessica. Clearly this is very common but I wasn’t aware of the fact. I agree with you this is something that needs to be brought into the open and discussed.
I agree Jessica and I feel the one in five percentage is actually quite off and is a lot higher. I know many women who have experienced sexual assault and have never sought support either through the legal system or counselling services, which is how they usually come up with these type of statistics. It is out of control. Just today my teenage son was telling me about a nail polish that has been developed to tell if your drink has been spiked by a date rape drug. When I was younger and used to go out clubbing we heard about drinks being spiked but it must not have happened regularly as I had not once heard of it happening and had a very large group of friends. To develop a nail polish to detect these drugs shows there is a definite market for it, scary….
It is so very out of control. Just reading this blog and comments I have become more aware that conversations like this are needed so we are aware of the extent of the mess and everyone is clear that it is not by any means ‘normal’ – and that we all start to heal the areas within ourselves and in society that are crying out for it.
You’re right – that is scary, for it to get to a point where there is a market in products to protect yourself against sexual violence – I’ve seen tale whistles before as another example. They seem very useful to have (the nail polish and whistle), but why have we allowed it to get this bad in the first place?!
What is a tale whistle?
After so much abuse, we can still come back to the truth of who we are. The simple techniques of self-loving and self-nurturing are truly amazing.
Isn’t it beautiful when we choose to let go of that which is not true in our bodies? I am finding that there is so much energy needed to keep my hurts inside, within me, that when I begin to release them I feel different. I become more open, expansive and lighter. This is on-going, as there is much to feel and heal.
Wow, the support offered in this sharing is so appreciably amazing for the many who have had similar events in thier lives (and statistically that is a lot of us), but the learnings shared are for everyone. Thank you.
Thank you for such an open honest blog. Wouldn’t it be amazing to see all victims of abuse/assault be offered the same support Universal Medicine provided you with?!
This is such a beautiful, open blog. Many victims of sexual abuse/assault turn on themselves, blame themselves and take on behaviours and patterns of self loathing. What you have presented here is ground breaking… Imagine this support was offered in hospitals and women’s clinics that support victims of abuse? I am sure we would see a big change not only in women, but also a reduction in the number of cases of assault/abuse.
Your blog will be so inspiring and beneficial to others who have ‘suffered’ in this way MAS.
Your ‘blossoming’ with a tenderness and compassion for yourself is heartening to read.
Thank you.
Wow, as I read your article I could feel the sadness and how lost you were, far away from love and inner trust. This journey you have shared with us is showing me again that it is never too late to break this cycle of self neglect and self abuse. You can be so proud of yourself that you have come back to your inner power. This is a great story for all and an inspiration. Thank you so much MAS for your sharing.
If we can come to accept that whatever has gone before can be turned around (through choices, with support, by being honest about what we feel) we can step out of a victim mentality that keeps us incarcerated in repetitive ill patterns, and enjoy taking responsibility for our lives. Thank you for this article and comments.
Beautifully said Matilda, given the right support, if we are willing to be truly honest, we can heal what has gone before and break free of the habits that we incarcerate ourselves with. When we make that connection with our inner most essence, our love deep within, it becomes a constant incentive to live it in all areas of our lives, supporting us to take on other areas of our lives that do not support or nurture us.
It is such a joy to read about the transformation you have created in your life MAS. The first time I read this blog it stirred up unresolved hurts for me and allowed me to feel what I still carried in my body from the abusive behaviour I have experienced. This time I had more of an opportunity to appreciate the powerful wisdom you share “I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share.” gold.
Wow, how brave you are to share this with the world. I am one of the statistics of rape and sexual abuse. My first rape came about when I was 13 years old. It affected me and shut me down in a way that then was present in all my other relationships with men.
It was like the domino affect you describe in this blog… the abuse just kept coming. Strangely the sex I “consented” to was more damaging to me than the actual rapes I experienced in the end, it hurt more being in a relationship as I felt I was living a lie. I remember I would close my eyes tight and wait for it to be over.
I have also made huge changes over the many years I have known Serge Benhayon, and healed enormously through sessions with Universal Medicine Practitioners.
I am now able to truly make love and totally enjoy it, with a man that truly loves and treasures me for who I am.
“I came to realise that from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too.” I had been looking for many years, for someone to see the love within me, not realising that I can live it for myself. I am learning to live the love and joy for myself. Thank you for sharing this blog, reading it is beautiful.
A great reminder that what ever happens to us, whatever we choose to engage in, and whatever the world throws at us, our essence is still within us and remains untouched. A beautiful and very important message for everyone, not just those who have been abused.
Beautiful, thank you.
Simply beautiful, thank you for sharing MAS, your return to the exquisite inner essence that is the true you.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” This awesome observation shows that no matter what we have gone through, no matter how big the ordeal, our essence is never touched and always there for us to return to.
So beautifully true Carolien and Mas, we are often just looking the wrong way focused on the damaged self which must not be okay to have attracted such abuse in the first place.
A beautifully honest and real sharing of your experiences with abuse and how it changed you, to then turn it all around is amazing. I can say that I didn’t experience the level of abuse that was part of your life experience, but really, when I look at the choices I have made with relationships in the past, choosing to have sex and not make love, feels like abuse to me now, and something I cannot say yes to. My body is far too precious for that.
Thank you MAS for being so honest and sharing your past. What a great transformation to have come from severe abuse and self loathing to then rediscovering your inner essence – your beauty. This is a must read for all physical,emotional and sexually abused people. It shows the possibility that healing from abuse can take place. Very inspirational MAS.
Yes, it is a very powerful testimony that we don’t have to live deeply scared all through life once abuse has taken place; that we can heal and move on despite the devastation felt.
What an amazingly honest and insightful sharing of how reconnecting with your inner essence supported you to feel and address the hurts and abuse left in your body by those deeply traumatising experiences. It was quite wondrous to read how you now hold yourself in a self loving way, as tender and precious. That is an incredible transformation. Thank you for sharing it with the world, MAS, because the world is in need of your inspiration.
I appreciate your sharing as it helps others to understand the healing process and to know that even after a long time, it is so important to feel what is there to be felt….that it does not just go away in time. Your story also shows that the effects of sexual abuse are very deep and it can take some time to have awareness of this.
Also the fact that it has provided a space for people to comment and share is very lovely. It shows there is a great deal of care and understanding available.
The opportunity offered by this blog and the comments is very powerful as it is a subject that is so often covered up due to shame and disgust at what has occurred. But like anything when we bring something out of the dark and into the light of the day it loses its hold over you and you can observe the issues without the tension caused when we are trying to hide what has gone on.
The fact that our Inner Essence never leaves us no matter what we experience is a teaching that everyone needs to hear.
This is so true Elizabeth.
MAS – I can really see how honest you have become with yourself – and the strength that comes with that. What a huge step to claim you and the loveliness you are well before what has happened to you. Such amazing strength.
I deeply appreciate the level of responsibility this writer has reached and the clarity with which they have expressed how after the sexual assault they shut down and entered a cycle of self-loathing, protection and not trusting the world. It is truly inspiring how they have reconnected with the beauty of themselves as a woman and let this hiding and protection drop away. Thank you for your insightful and tender sharing
What I actually realise and feel when I read your blog today is just how many woman and young girls there is in the world that feel that way. It may not be on the level of abuse you shared but at some form and level the abuse is already there. Growing up with an emptiness or believing the self loathing or not good enough thoughts allows us to make choices we would not make if we loved ourselves deeply and knew the truth of who we were.
Very true Gyl. “Growing up with an emptiness or believing the self loathing or not good enough thoughts” is far too common and allows us to make choices that we would not make if we truly appreciated how precious and beautiful we all are. This blog is a wonderful example for all of us stuck in a cycle, it encourages us to not give up, reminds us there is another way and that when we open up to it we realise that the support never stops.
I agree.
Well said Gyl, if we grew up in connection with our true essence we would make such different choices for ourselves. What is so positive about MAS’s journey here is that it is never too late to change our behaviour, to connect to who we truly are and make truly loving choices for ourselves, regardless of our history and experience. MAS clearly shows us the power that our own love has in healing our pain and the amazing support offered by Universal Medicine as she re-builds her connection, self love and self worth once more.
What stands out to me in your story MAS is how your own gentle touch, little by little eventually brought you back to feel once again your essence deep within. When we have lived in such a longstanding deep loathing it can take some time to penetrate through to the true beauty. MAS your commitment is inspiring and your story tells of our potential to heal from the devastating hurt within. To share your story is a must as it holds loving encouragement and support for many young women out there today who are feeling lost and alone and not knowing how beautiful they truly are. Thank you.
Thank you for your writing, your blog carries so much meaning and power
Universal Medicine and its healing practitioners have allowed me too to heal deep hurts from my past – although different in nature to yours. And they still are supporting me with this, as there is more to heal. But what I have noticed so far, and with the healing I have undertaken thus far, is that releasing these hurts and traumatic past experiences has dramatically improved the quality of my life on a daily basis: I am feeling lighter, like I am no longer carrying these things around with me; and I can feel and experience true joy in my life again.
Sound too good to be true? It’s not – it is very real, and is being experienced and undertaken by many hundreds of people across the world. And it is there for and available to us all. We can all have this, and we all deserve this.
Well said Conor, MAS shows us that deep wounds can be truly healed and we can connect to a source of loving essence inside us that remains forever divine and pure. It is very real and at times very uncomfortable having to look within, feel and release the hurts that have smothered it, but everytime we make that choice we gain a bit more of ourselves back again. So many people, you and I included are truly experiencing deep healing and discovering the lightness of heart, vitality and steady joy that arises as a consequence. We are all worth it and we all deserve it, all we need to do is to be willing to go there.
A deeply moving blog and an inspiration to others who have experienced sexual assault.
Not just others who have experienced sexual assault, but anyone that has ever felt themselves unworthy or less, broken or beyond redemption. To hear someone come from such an experience and still know for a fact that “what remained untouched was my inner essence” is an amazing lesson and a reminder for us all.
This is so true Joel. Many of us have our own hurts and to ourselves they can seem like huge boulders we carry around. However what is never lost is our own inner essence. Sometimes we need someone to remind us that it’s there, but it never leaves us.
I cannot imagine the experiences that MAS had as a teenager. Her amazing journey back to her own beauty and essence was so healing to read. I am touched that she felt to share it.
Sure is a great lesson and reminder for us all.
So true Joel…their are many people out in this world who carry around all kinds of different hurts. But they now know there is a different way. How cool is that…
“With the support of the Esoteric Practitioners, I came to realise that from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too … and love-able.” Such a powerful blog – thank you MAS for sharing how your life has turned around.
Sue its quite extraordinary that with the willingness of the individual they are able to truly heal whatever issue they have. This shows the incredible power, inspiration and truly life changing healing that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer for us.
A very brave and insightful blog, thank you.
This is a deeply empowering, touching story – the statistics on sexual abuse are really shocking and are calling out what is really going on for us to see. The truth of ones choices and being the love we inately are stands out as being the only possible way forward with such a positive example and showing there is another way with responsibility for everyone, thank you.
I agree tricianicholson, the present statistics of abuse are appalling and as a society we collectively need to start questioning why this is so? Why is there so much abuse? What is causing and feeding these appalling stats which are causing so much hurt and such a shadow on our society? More importantly though, what are we going to do about it?
It is amazing what we accept in life as being normal, even though we know and feel that it is not right. There is a severe lack of reflection around us to confirm our inner knowing and to show us a different way. The behaviour that we develop and the consequences that unfold as a result are simply a way of crying out for help when we know that this world feels so very very wrong. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for standing up and showing us that it is ok to trust our inner knowing, and ok to take care of ourselves, and ok to accept nothing less than love. It helps us give permission to ourselves to do these things and claim it as the way we want to live.
Something super key for me at the moment is understanding the difference between taking full responsibility for myself, my choices, my actions and the consequences, without apportioning blame to myself or anyone else. This is huge and supported well by all that has been written here. Thank you.
Yes Matilda, not apportioning blame to self or others is the first step before any true healing can take place.
“1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives and in 70% of cases the offender is known .” That is a shocking statistic – and should make everyone stop in their tracks.
How amazing for you to share your story – so that many who have experienced abuse can know that it is very possible to heal this trauma, to re-connect to the divine inner essence, which has not been altered, nor touched by the abuse, and to re-claim this. Thank you Mas.
This is such an incredible story.
Hello MAS, what a beautiful blog on a very sensitive subject. As a man, it’s almost like I want to excuse myself for behaviour from men that you have experienced. I can feel how horrendous it is to abuse physical power over a woman’s body. My feeling is that it’s time for men to express how much we love women and confirm how much they mean to us instead of staying quiet and being under the illusion that we’re in control. This control doesn’t bring us anything (loving) in the end at all, it is not okay and neither is bullying – whether it be in our own houses or out in the world. Thank you for the courage to write this blog and share it with everybody. I am deeply touched by reading and commenting on your blog. Thank you MAS.
Wow so deeply inspiring MAS. Testament that healing is always possible and our innate beauty and preciousness remains intact despite the damaging and hurtful experiences that we go through in life.
Anything that’s not love hurts us and there is so much that is not love that I feel we often give up and see our only choice is to harden against the hurt as you said:
“You may think that after these experiences of sexual assault and rape that I would have protected myself more and cared for myself with great tenderness and preciousness because of the deep level of hurt that I had experienced, but I did not. Instead I became angry and cruel to myself”
You have shown so clearly that although beginning to truly care for ourselves can be uncomfortable, because it does bring us to feel more fully how we have been hurt, but it ultimately the way to true healing. Thank you for sharing your experience it is inspirational Mas.
Mas you have made such loving and supportive choices to turn your life around. Your inner essence was what helped you return to that glorious beauty within, just bursting to come out.
Reading this article is such a reflection for us all of how we can all change when we are able to look at our own issues. Different stories but same journeys.
That’s true Gill, “different stories but same journeys” I agree with you about the power of this article showing us the possibility of change when we look at our own issues. It is quite remarkable what can happen when we do this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with such depth and tenderness. It offers up the possibility of true healing as an alternative to managing symptoms or burying them.
Some shocking wake up stats, blessed with a real story of how the choices we can make, mean we do not have to stay in, or repeat, victimhood. Thank you.
I love this Matilda: “the choices we can make, mean we do not have to stay in, or repeat, victim hood.”
Looking at the statistics your story MAS is one that the world desperately needs to hear. It would come as a true blessing for the millions of women who have had similar experiences and now live lives of quiet desperation, self-abuse and self-loathing. Your amazing story of returning to the beautiful lovable woman that you truly are is a living testimony to your commitment and willingness to heal… and the work of Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Practitioners.
All I can feel as I read this is how different your life could have been if your sibling was loving and supportive of you, and how differently your life would have unfolded if the men you encountered had been gentlemen, supporting you to feel your worth and protecting you from any form of harm. We must never stop talking about the responsibilities men have to care for women.
This is a huge issue that affects so many. The way back to the precious essence of you from abuse and deep hurt is inspiring. Thank you MAS for sharing your experiences with us.
I loved reading this, and feeling the depth of tenderness from the reader! We can truly heal from this atrocity – such an inspirational story. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you MAS for sharing such a great inspirational story of your life.
As I read your article MAS it bought back incidents in my life where I ended up in at least three situations where the alarm bells have gone off … I was not raped but the impact of ending up feeling threatened has been with me all my life.
Most would say ‘get over it you weren’t raped’ but the alarms in my body are still on alert and I realise it’s not allowing me to have a relationship free of fear.
A very deep and touching blog. Your honesty and understanding of life has reached deep places in me and have given me much to contemplate. Thank you.
Reading of your experience has opened my eyes to the culture of women being sexually abused. I didn’t know how women could blame themselves for such events happening. And to more shock the shear magnitude that this happens daily…
Thank you Mas for sharing. I can feel such courage is in your story.
Thank you MAS this is amazing sharing for all women. The blog is a great inspiration and healing for all.
This is incredibly powerful – what I can feel through your words and your experience is that no matter what happens, no matter the abuse, torture or hatred that is inflicted upon our bodies by others or by ourselves ‘They’ can never take our power away. It is only we who choose to disconnect from it and shut it down ourselves. Wow. Our essence remains untouched – that is indeed a call for celebration! Thank you.
What you share Liane is so true, “‘They’ can never take our power away. It is only we who choose to disconnect from it and shut it down ourselves.” MAS has so beautifully shown us just what the power of reconnecting to our essence is and the healing this can bring.
Absolutely Liane, not only does this honest sharing reveal that our inner essence remains untouched by abuse, it exposes how I was too looking for the world to show me I was love too and that I had disconnected from that myself.
Well said Liane, it is a very powerful moment, when we realise that nothing can truly touch our essence within. When we are able to hold ourselves in love, we can re-discover who we truly are, even after severe traumas.
Absolutely Tony; we have the responsibility to make choices that will support us, and are completely accountable for how our lives have turned out.. No one can make decisions for us.
Thank you for your experience on this. As it is a very sensitive topic although it’s so quietly common in society.
It’s wonderful knowing that through the help of Universal Medicine and; the esoteric practitioners that you were able to heal the trauma in your body.
I’ve not come across any modality that heals these issues to the root cause, so it’s very inspiring for everyone to read that this is possible.
It’s lovely to hear that with all that trauma that was in your body it did not touch the real beauty & essence within you.
Thank you MAS for your honest blog it’s truly an inspiration.
i love how against all those odds, you have found your inner essence which was there all the time. A great story thank you.
this is a beautiful and powerful sharing MAS thank you, it will offer a deep healing for those who have gone through similar experiences and the diamond in your article is that our inner essence remains forever untouched, no matter what we have gone through. With the support of amazing modalities such as Sacred Esoteric Healing we are able to shed the hurts and reconnect to that inner essence and the love that we are.
Thank you for sharing all this Mas – we need to see more articles like this written because you haven’t just talked about the abuse and assault you experienced. You’ve also allowed us some true insight into how you’ve truly claimed yourself back as the amazing woman you are. We need to see more articles like this from both women and men – simply because it celebrates us all and who we truly are…
MAS your experience is an incredibly powerful example that illustrates so beautifully that not only is there an essence in us all that can never be tainted despite the atrocities that might happen but that also there is a way back to it . When you consider all of the people on the planet who have been traumatized by violence, accidents, war, etc it’s amazing how simple programs in self love could begin to guide those people gently back to their essence. This is the future of true healing.
Well said Alexis, guiding us back to self love is the future of true healing. MAS has shown us that it is possible to re-connect to part of ourselves that can never be harmed, regardless of what we have been through. The power of this connection to our essence can work miracles, supported by healing modalities of Universal Medicine, an essential ingredient to support us to deal with the myriad of issues we are currently facing in our societies world wide.
I have heard many women who have been sexually abused talking about their experiences and referring to themselves as victims or survivors. To read your story of how you came through to finding the essence inside you that cannot be touched, Mas, is inspiring for all those women out there who are still suffering from shame and blame and merely surviving, not able to fully celebrate themselves or their lives.
Yes MAS’s story turns around the trap of being labeled a ‘victim’ or a ‘survivor’ because of sexual abuse. It introduces true healing and a different perspective: “As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence”. Inspiring indeed.
Your deeply honest and open sharing MAS is a healing for all women and young girls. Whether or not we have directly experienced unwanted sexual advances, we live in a world where sex is implied all around us, and that a woman’s body is a commodity for that. Consequently so many young girls and women are affected, and as you share here, being truly seen can invoke a lot of fear and lack of trust, as we can equate being seen with being abused. Your story is an inspiration on reclaiming our bodies back for ourselves through the choice to self-care deeply and take responsibility for the choices we have made, without any criticism, but with tenderness and understanding. Thank you MAS, this is powerful reading.
What a miracle it is you describe MAS. The statistics on how many women experience sexual abuse is nothing short of horrific. To be able to recover from such an experience and find the loveliness of yourself is a miracle. Universal Medicine is a world leader in supporting people to connect to who they are, regardless of their past experiences. Thank you for sharing.
What a truly inspiring story of you claiming your love for you and your understanding. So very Awesome and so needed for many to hear. Thank you.
How brave you are to share this experience with the world and show us all that no matter what happens to us or we allow ourselves to be party to, it never affects our inner essence. We are already whole, amazing and 100% love and all we need to do to solve all our problems and hurts is the simply reconnect to that through gentleness and appreciation. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you Mas for your honesty and describing the slow but steady process of being able to really feel your own beauty and let go of the abusive behaviour that others have shown you. This happens in so many ways where we swallow the hurt that others inflict instead of seeing their behaviour for what it is – totally loveless and unacceptable.
Thank you MAS for your honest sharing. Sexual abuse and self-loathing are so often not talked about in this detail, so gaining further insight has been invaluable.
Great point Amelia – sexual abuse and self-loathing are often avoided topics and not talked about in this detail.
Exactly Amelia – these are such ‘taboo’ topics in society that don’t get talked about.
Totally agree Amelia, and if talked about it is often disguised and/or toned down..
as an example when in the context of pre-existing relationships.
Very true. Since sexual abuse and self loathing are so prevalent, especially among younger individuals, there is great need for honest and empowering conversations such as MAS has started here.
Thank you for this beautifully raw and real account of your life. So many would benefit from what you have shared and it has left me much to ponder on how I also have accepted abusive and sexual energy and then blamed myself for it. You have shared the key to breaking this cycle and it is very touching to read and relate to your rediscovery of the delicate and beautifully tender woman you are.
WOW this is an incredible blog – especially these sentences: “when I was raped, it was like I had the proof that the world was loveless and I embraced self-abuse even more”, going to now you being able to say that “as I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along”. Absolutely amazing
What a loveless way the world is capable of and feels like is horrible and awful. What if the answer to all our woes in this world as Serge Benhayon presents is to simply reconnect to the love that we naturally all come from and is in fact our true essence?
Jessica, it really does show the power we have within us to heal, if we choose too, otherwise it is easy to simply self abuse. This blog is beautiful in showing us what is possible.
It follows from your blog and experience MAS that we must all therefore be powerhouses within… the only difficulty we have is connecting to it… but it is never not there.
Very true Jessica, it is an amazing comment and one not commonly heard spoken by someone who has undergone such traumatic events. And the most important thing is that the comment feels genuine, that this person has genuinely healed the self loathing and has discarded that identity along with all the self harming patterns, beliefs and habits that accompany self loathing. This is true healing.
Sandra I can feel your steadiness and clarity as you said we are the commanders of light and light we bring- a light that will not be stopped from expressing truth nor ever put it out. There are no victims here, Bullying is being exposed for the whole of humanity stand up to say no more.
I’m deeply touched by the truth of your sharing.
What’s obvious to me is how you have come to a place of acceptance and appreciation of yourself and considering the journey, that’s nothing short of a miracle.
Thank you Mas for so generously and truthfully sharing what many, many people- men and women – have experienced one way or another. It may not have been a physical assault for some, but ultimately anything less than love hurts us and yet at essence we are ALL love and remain untouched – makes everything even more crazy.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can feel the pain and anguish as you told your story. I am so glad you then talked about after all the physical abuse, there remained your inner essence that was untouched. For me I too thought that I was broken beyond repair. It is true that even in the worst of the most abused clients there is a part in the person that can never be touched or damaged. WOW, this is so profound and reassuring to me that all will be OK, and all is well, and this too will pass. Bless you for telling your story.
There is a place in us that remains untouched, whatever happens. And with self love and loving support we can connect to that place. This is such a powerful piece MAS, and yes this topic should be shared with women, especially the teenagers.
The experiences here that you have shared are an example of the much needed support that young people need these days. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer this by way of the teachings of the Way of the Livingness. It would have been amazing to have this support and understanding as a teenager growing up.
Absolutely mmryan; sexual assault is becoming MUCH too common, especially between young people.
I also wish I had had the access to the knowledge Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are sharing with us when I was young. What different choices I would have made all through my long life. But at least I found Serge, and have been making up for lost time.
Pure Gold and a Model of Care for the future
It is a fact many many women who have been raped and experience the devastating legacy of this, end up in mental health services often with poor ,and unsustained outcomes. Most end up on antidepressants or anti anxiety medications, or both, in addition to counselling that seeks to heal the thinking patterns in the head, which of course it cannot because,
None of this heals the body, which as you say, remembers everything.
As far as I am aware and after thirty years in Mental Health, no model of “Trauma Informed Care” ever talks about this.
Your lived experience of healing MUST BE SHARED WITH THE WORLD.
I too see day in and day out the devastating results for both men and women who have experienced rape. This blog is presenting something very new and that is that true healing has occurred rather than someone who is just managing symptoms. It is indeed a model that needs to be shared with the world.
Totally agree Elizabeth, this blog is truly healing. Like MAS I no longer hold any emotions etc. and so I feel free. It is amazing and quite unique, as being raped is something that can cause trauma until you die, never being free of the event.
Yes indeed
Absolutely Elizabeth, I totally agree this model needs to be shared with the world. What also needs to be more known are these statistics, and how many people are affected so we can see how huge it really is and the utmost importance of addressing and getting to the root cause of sexual abuse.
Brilliantly put Tony. I’ve found matter how much I’ve tried to cover up my hurts with mental reasoning etc, like MAS shares, ‘my body remembered it all.’ Until I was prepared to go deeper than the hurts to my essence I remained a mess. From knowing my essence I am able to feel how lovely I am and how the hurts aren’t permanent stains that cannot be removed. I discover they are not who I am and I am able to let go of them.
Well said Narelle, it is a fundamental message for us to hear, to carry into our health professions. We always focus on what it is we are thinking, without understanding that our bodies carry the impress of everything that happens to us. When the body is supported to lovingly release the traumas it has been carrying, our way of thinking changes because we no longer need to fight the feelings of trauma trapped inside us.
I so agree with you Narelle, MAS’s lived experience of healing is what the world needs to see and hear.
I was very touched by your blog, MAS – it is a reminder for me too to not go down the track of self loathing as I so often have in the past, but rather to connect more deeply within and know that I am lovely and exquisite and beautiful too no matter what experiences I may have had or what happens in our society and around us. When old ‘memories’ are triggered, I find it so important to remind myself that I am far greater than anything that I may face or need to deal with, I am so tender, and exquisite, and that this part always remains untouched.
“I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share.” I am beginning to honour this feeling that I have within. I can feel that we all share it and that is something that is available for all. Thank you for such an open and honest blog.
The brochure attached to this article was certainly interesting to read. Yes, the statistic that says 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted is certainly alarming but it is the second part of the quote which is just as difficult to understand and accept … and that is that in 70% of cases the offender is KNOWN.
Only 1% of sexual violence happens by a stranger in a dark place and yet this is the picture many people paint when they think about sexual assault. The brochure suggests that sexual offenders are usually “family members, friends, work or school colleagues” and are not easy to spot. They come from all places in society, don’t look a particular way and are usually ‘nice’ and social.
Why do we firstly want to think that sexual assault firstly happens in a dark place by a stranger? Perhaps it is far too difficult to accept that it is someone close to us who has built our trust or where have fallen for ‘nice’. Accepting this, perhaps means that it could happen to any of us. And now we start to see why many women blame themselves in some way when it happens.
It is difficult to accept that sexual assaults can be planned. Is it much more digestible to think that these assaults are just something that happens, opportunistic, or the result of alcohol and drugs. Even so, this still doesn’t sit well with me either.
Without self love, we can fall for ‘nice’ as the next best thing. Of course in these cases, under the mask of ‘nice’ is something that feels far more sinister.
Wouldn’t it be great if the world could bring this out into the open?
Wouldn’t it be awesome, if women all over the world got to know how important it was for them to know self love once again?
Wow – very well pointed out Mazza. We often picture sexual abuse occurring in a dark alleyway or corner, when actually majority of the time the offender is KNOWN.
What an amazing story. You will inspire many with this, both men and women.
Thank you.
The transformation you have made MAS is absolute amazing. I can imagine that for many women in your situation who would not of had the support from Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Practitioners would probably of been living their lives with continuous thoughts of ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘no one loves me’ ‘I’m ugly’ etc, and continue to allow the sexual abuse to flow into their lives. And unfortunately there are many women who live their everyday lives like this.
Great point Madeline; unfortunately I’m sure there are many women who after being sexually assaulted think thoughts along the lines of, ‘I’m not good enough’.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” This is such a powerful statement MAS. Your story is SO inspiring, Thankyou for your honesty in sharing.
MAS I wish you could have come and spoke at our school when I was a teenager. How many of the girls would have been saved from years of torment by being graced by your wisdom and experience. Stories like these that empower people to heal and change their life should be front page news and absolutely in every high school.
Thank you for sharing this with us. The continuum for self loathing is a long one and I expect that we all have sat or continue to sit somewhere along this continuum. You have reminded us all that wherever we sit on this it is connection to our inner essence that helps us to heal and start truly loving ourselves again.
“As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” I would love to share this blog with every person around the world who has ever experienced sexual abuse, these words offer such a profound healing.
I agree Samantha. Such profound healing in these words. Something that everyone would benefit from reading.
This is an amazing blog, so many things that you have said were so healing. Because of that feeling of emptiness inside and things that happened to me, I also lost trust in human beings
And decided that they didn’t deserve to be loved and neither did I. I now trust myself and am developing a trust for other people.
How amazing to turn those thoughts of anger and cruelty towards yourself into a self loving trust through reconnecting with your body …your body being the one thing at one point you had rejected as the cause of all the unwanted attention. This is an amazing healing, thank you for sharing your story and how you worked to bring yourself back.
This is deeply personal and will be very supportive to all women. Although I don’t share your experience I did have similar thoughts about myself as a teenager. Thank you for sharing this insight with us, and the fact that our true self, our inner beauty is there all along.
Your story is nothing less than miraculous MAS. It’s simply incredible that you have moved through all of that self-loathing to truly see yourself as who you truly are – a beautiful woman who deserves tenderness and love.
It’s a real tragedy for most human beings that we aren’t raised to know our beautiful essence right from the word go. That we are not met as such and not nurtured as such so that we could remember who we truly are as we grow up. Even the perpetrators.
MAS you have done so very well to find your you way back to your pure loving essence, it is really a great thing that you’ve done and I really appreciate your struggle, your journey and your sharing of it as an inspiration to others.
Beautifully put Jeannette. It is indeed a tragedy that most people are not raised to know and trust their essence, but each and every one of us holds a responsibility to change that.
Reading this I feel, can bring so much more understanding to what is going on with us as humans today. To have been the recipient of such a violent and imposing act explains why we choose to shut down and shut people out, including our own love for ourselves. It demonstrates how we have a lack of care for each other, as we do not truly care for ourselves. It shows how important it is to not judge another, as we do not know what experiences another has had nor choices they have made. And it also shows how we can by choice, turn these things around by being honest, seeking true supportive help and treating ourselves first and foremost with love. Thank you MAS for sharing this incredible personal story.
You are inspiring. Thank you Mas.
It is stunning how we keep trying to push experiences and emotions down into ourselves, when there is nowhere for them to go. Truly freeing when we stop holding on and let them out. Thank you for sharing your process, and the wisdom that has resulted from releasing those painful patterns.
Thanks for sharing your story, it’s great to know that our essence never goes anywhere so no matter what happens to us through love we can heal. That’s not to say that the sexual abuse statistic is outrageous and needs everyone to take responsibility and accept that it isn’t OK.
Your story MAS deserves to be shared far and wide. How many women and men hide such incidents, and find themselves effectively turning against themselves, as you have described…
A credit to your own heart and your openness to connect with the true support offered by Universal Medicine trained practitioners, and the countless blessings that Serge Benhayon offers, in continuously reminding us of the purity of that inner essence that ever remains, and is there for us to cherish and live, should we so choose to come back to it.
Thank-you.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.
In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all he while”-
I’m sure many of women who have witnessed sexual abuse experience deep self-loathing and then go on to self-harm as well. How inspiring to hear how with the help of Universal Medicine practitioners that you now know the truth and that self-care, self-love and self-appreciation can allow you to heal and connect deeper to your beautiful inner essence.
Wow powerful story MAS, very touching and can feel exactly what you came to concerning abuse in your realisation here that “…to be seen, was to be a target for abuse”. the transformation you have gone through to now arrive at the beauty of you, that is love, is amazing.
MAS, it’s so lovely to read that no matter what happens to us or what we do to ourselves our inner essence remains untarnished or touched. I really feel to pause with this as it’s profoundly beautiful. Imagine, all those negative beliefs about myself/ the world that may creep in, like I’m not enough, “look how the world proved that to me when x and x happened”, are just muddy footprints easily wiped clean when I re-connect with my essence.
It’s so contrary to my experience of therapy, which often re-enforces the hurt saying how people are scarred for life from abuse and it’s a matter of coping with life and minimizing the effects of such incidents.
Your sharing of how it was for has bought tears to my eyes. It is a very sad and painful truth of how you best dealt with the uncertainty in life. And this
goes on for many others and we feel powerless at those times. Your sharing also brought joy “my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”. To share this inner knowing with all young people is priceless.
This is a power-full sharing for all women. It shows us that no matter how far we have strayed from ourselves, or what has happened to us in this time, there is a place, untouched within us, that we can return to at any point we choose. Reading of your return to you being you is so deeply touching, I can feel your honesty and tenderness and am reminded of this for myself and for all the other people I see around me grappling with dis-connection in its many and various forms. We are all indeed precious. Thank you for opening up and letting us see this in you.
“My inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”, wow what a powerful blog! This is a great testimonial that we don’t become a victim of the abuse suffered, but that we can claim ourselves back. Your sharing is very empowering for every woman as we all experience sexual assault in our lives, but we are so used to it that we often don’t even identify it as such.
The simple fact of feeling unsafe walking down a street at night is already a consequence of sexual assault and makes women feel unsafe in their body.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true”- can it be, that no one and no experiences can really take our love from us? But we can stop expressing it. And it seems that this “not expression love” is like creating a black hole which is attracting more “unloving”… Great that we have the chance to close this door (hole) with simple loving choices every day, every moment. And thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Can we ever heal from our past hurts if we allow our hurts to define who we are? What you have just shared – “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” – is that even when carrying deep traumas it is absolutely possible to turn life around. Deeply inspirational.
This is a truely an amazing and insightful statement – “In trying to be more like men, have we created a monster in society that has no respect for the loveliness of women, because women do not have respect for their loveliness”
It is shocking to hear the statistics on how common it is that women are sexually abused. I feel really sad to hear the number is 1 in 5, in fact there shouldn’t even be a number on this kind of behaviour. Have we accepted this to be ok in our world and are we not speaking up when this happens to us or others around us that it is still going on and in such large numbers? Yes, with self – love we can come back to truly loving our self, and that is amazing that you have turned your life around and found love for you back in your life. It isn’t the case for many and they just live in silence. Your sharing will bring a lot of awareness, so thank you for your honesty and your story of the transformation that is possible, if you choose.
What a touching and courageous sharing of your story, MAS. This is a journey shared by many women, unable to say what they have been through, finding ways to hide away, numb the shame and pain, and bury their memories. I love the place you come to at the end when you say: “whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” Simply beautiful, thank you.
Thank you for your sharing your journey from self- abuse to self love. As I started to read I could feel the immense pain and the weight of self blame that you had been carrying for such a long time, but as I continued to read about your finding your way to Universal Medicine and how you slowly began to re-connect to your body I could feel the tenderness that was always inside you return. You summed it up so beautifully with the words: “ As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” Such incredible wisdom, and I know that what you have shared will help someone else to know that it is possible to heal what you must have thought many times would remain with you forever. With unconditional love for ourselves anything is possible.
This is such an inspiring story of self restoration through the true healing offered by Universal Medicine.
I have never been raped, but have placed myself in situations with men that later left me feeling ashamed and unworthy. I so relate to the way that you have described treating your body…it was the same for me. “Contempt” is the word I would use to describe that way I handled my own body, not bothering to care for it or treat it with dignity. That has changed profoundly for me, and has only come about through the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and the life- changing Esoteric Women’s Health programs.
It is a shocking statistic, one that ought to stop us short to ask what is going on? Are we not deeply worthy of asking this simple why?
I am very inspired by your honesty and that you were willing to look at what was going on in your life before the rape occurred. “Even before the rape I had shut down from life, which is why I reached out to alcohol and drugs in the first place. I didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that I was so empty of love and that I had chosen this for myself.” Your commitment to healing and making self responsibility part of your life is very beautiful.
Thank you for this amazingly open article.
It is so incredible how far we make ourselves believe that it is our fault if something happens that hurts us and, by that, only attract more of this.
Since starting to make more loving choices towards myself, and appreciating all the wonderful things I am and bring, the world around me is starting to feel totally different. I suddenly feel accepted and loved as I am and moments of true connection happen where I never would have thought they would be possible.
If 1 out of 5 women experience sexual abuse and/or rape in their life, then how many women do I know, that have been in this situation, but I don’t even know they carry this because they don’t talk about it? These are not just numbers, they are talking women, women I know, who just like you are ashamed or too afraid to open their mouth – and carry this hurt with them which has a huge affect on their life.
This is true Mariette, “These are not just numbers, they are talking women, women I know, who just like you are ashamed or too afraid to open their mouth – and carry this hurt with them which has a huge affect on their life.” This is enormous and for MAS to have shared so openly and honestly is a great sharing for everyone and perhaps a support for those that might want to speak about their experience but haven’t done so yet.
Mariette, I was feeling the same about those statistics. As you say the women these statistics are referring to are not just numbers; they are our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, friends, colleagues etc. What have we, women and men alike accepted in the world to allow such vile behaviour towards each other and why have we let it go on for so long when we all know how wrong it is.
What has helped me to not just go numb and ‘check out’ when I hear those statistics is the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine on energy and what a person is capable of if they are empty and lack self-love – and how that can be healed and ultimately that we all, no matter what hurt we carry, can heal it if we are willing to take responsibility.
Mariette, what you have written here makes these statistics real when you bring it away from numbers and back to people. Thank you Mas for sharing your story it is so incredibly honest and there for others – inspiring others to heal.
This is a very powerful blog that shares with such truth what really goes on behind closed doors, in that I mean the sense of the behaviours we choose and why we may act in a certain way.
Wow MAZ, amazing. What you have shared is really incredible. To go from feeling like that about yourself to how you feel now is simply inspirational.
What a testimony for anyone who has been abused in any way…what an opportunity to see beyond the abuse to the power we hold in our own hands…no more the victims of random circumstance. Thank you.
This is a very touching blog and very honest about how we choose to deal with things or bury them. It was such a good reminder for me to honour what I feel rather than run away from it.
Thank you sharing such a personal and traumatic account of abuse. I have often wondered how people find a way to heal what seems to be an unthinkable traumatic experiences and how sometimes we do not, or struggle to find a way.
If feels like the key to unlocking the path back is in this line that you shared “My inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”.
That is the beauty we eventually will all become to learn, that we are never without our inner essence since this is always there. We have only lost our connection with it because of our past experiences and the choices we have made based on these. When we choose to build a life based on love, our inner beauty will be there to show itself, supporting us in undoing the unresolved hurts we carried all the time with us.
Thank you Mas for honestly and openly sharing this very personal learning.
I love your last paragraph . . . ‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’
It makes me think about all the women who are yet to discover that their beauty lays within, those who have buried it because of horrific experiences like that which you had.
Absolutely Johanna, ‘It makes me think about all the women who are yet to discover that their beauty lays within, those who have buried it because of horrific experiences like that which you had’, how amazing Mas that you have shared that it is possible to re-connect to this beauty that lays within whatever has happened in your life.
Hi ladies, thank you for pulling passages out of the blog. When it is broken down like this it highlight’s the absolute power and exquisiteness of her words.
The void of love allows for the most harmful behaviours. The presence of love can overcome and heal all harmful behaviours. The moment we start choosing love grace is at hand and healing is initiated.
Wow Alex, beautiful sharing, your words are extremely profound.
Wow, Alex, your words have touched me deeply. “The void of love allows for the most harmful behaviours. The presence of love can overcome and heal all harmful behaviours. The moment we start choosing love grace is at hand and healing is initiated.” So simple and yet so profound. Thank you.
Thank you MAS for sharing – and as Alex beautifully expressed “the moment we start choosing love, grace is at hand and healing is initiated.
Gorgeously put, Alex and so true as soon as we choose love the healing begins and our lives start changing.
Strong words!
I love the perception of, what is harming us is led by our behaviours. And they we can change. But we cannot change what we truly are and that is love. So if we stop our loveless behaviors, love is there, waiting for us to be expressed.
How beautifully expressed Alex.
Beautifully expressed Alex.
Alex, your comment is deeply healing in itself…thank you for your words of wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your deeply life changing story so beautifully with such an honesty and love. It shows how loving choices really can change our lives and turn everything around if we chose to truly love ourselves.
Thank you for sharing a part of your life that for so many is kept buried and hidden away and that life is not fully lived with any worth or purpose after rape and/or sexual abuse. This article shows how through our own choices and willingness to open up changes can happen, with the true and loving support life can turn around. An inspiring read for many.
The statistics on sexual abuse of women shared at the beginning of this blog are shocking, horrific and should be part of the big news, like this amazing story of healing. Your blog MAS is powerful in raising awareness and opening more conversation around sexual abuse and how to truly heal from such experiences. Thank you for your honest sharing MAS and for going there – it is beautiful and again an amazing offering to us all.
Well put Alexandra – I agree, it is unbelievable how prevalent sexual abuse is, and it should be talked about a lot more. How can it still be seen as a taboo topic, if so many women have experienced it as was revealed in the statistic at the start of the blog?
How amazing are we as women and human beings to be able to hold that sacred place within us untouched until we are ready to connect to it again. I’m so glad you had such wonderful support as the Practitioners of Universal Medicine and were wise enough to seek their help! Thank you for sharing such painful experiences of your life but also the beautiful end result which is so uplifting.
Beautifully said Roslyn, how amazing are we that we can undergo such terrible experiences and then discover in us our true beauty. MAS’s article is extremely uplifting, a real live Feel Good factor, not a fairytale film, but discovered and lived by a real person.
I feel how hard this must have been for you and celebrate your commitment and willingness to go there with yourself and with the practitioners. The level of support these practitioners give us and allow us to have with ourselves is truly amazing.
Thank you for sharing such an honest and inspiring blog.
I agree Natasha, its amazing the willingness that MAS had to not only go there but work through it all, and has come out the side of it as an amazing inspiration.
Awesomely said Rebecca, because it is an absolute commitment to work through some of the feelings that come up when having lived a life not of love and how horrible you feel sometimes. The true strength of healing is to let it all go and continue to develop love as the way forward.
Absolutely – often it can be all to easy to hide from how you feel, or not want to admit some of the more ‘ugly’ things, or our own responsibility. But when you do, as MAS has shared, the benefits are worth it.
While your experiences are certainly extreme, I am reminded of the times I have felt harm or danger and over-ridden that feeling only to injure myself moments later – and there was never a reason to question this ‘messenger’ as it was always spot on, yet I continued to ignore it. Feeling now, that I am worthy of my own true Love and care certainly raises my awareness of the body’s messages and willingness to listen.
I agree Greg, I so often feel something about a situation that I override or ignore only to find out I was spot on.
Me too Rebecca… and after overriding, I often find that my initial instinct was correct.
Exactly Susie, I am wondering how long it is going to take before I trust my initial instinct to begin with rather than waiting till afterwards to find that I was correct.
Beautifully expressed Greg, “Feeling now, that I am worthy of my own true Love and care certainly raises my awareness of the body’s messages and willingness to listen.”
Thank you MAS for sharing so honestly your story. What an amazing example of how it is possible to heal the devastation of abuse … that your essence was always there, untouched by all that had happened .. waiting for you to return to. So inspiring.
Yes really inspiring and it is great what you have confirmed “that your essence was always there, untouched by all that had happened .. waiting for you to return to.”
‘I overrode my true nature, which is gentle, tender and delicate,’
this is a great reminder that we are in truth very naturally gentle, tender and loving and reconnecting to that is life changing.
I don’t know you, but thank you for taking the time to write and post your experience and the reality is that 20% of women experience this. Horrendous.
It is gorgeous to feel how you have healed.
Your amazing sharing supports me to become aware of my preciousness and not allow any abuse in life – wherever it comes from.
“The depth of the self-loathing and repulsion I felt towards my body first came to my attention when I began to apply moisturising cream to my skin…. I found this simple activity to be extremely uncomfortable particularly when I applied it in a nurturing and gentle way rather than my usual slapping on of the cream as fast as possible while thinking about something else altogether.”
With this I can absolutely concur.
It is so revealing to introduce a simple act of self love, and for this to feel so uncomfortable.
I remember being shocked at how disconnected I felt from my body – how miles away I was from adoring myself.
Welcome home MAS.
“to be seen, was to be a target for abuse.” It is sad that your experiences in life had led to this belief, and how wonderful that you are now allowing yourself to be seen and to shine!
I fully agree Rebecca, it is sad to hear that: “to be seen, was to be a target for abuse.” I see so many women and men shying away from themselves and their true beauty because of what may have been said to them in the past. I see so many people walking around slouched and keeping the world out, so they are not seen, yet we all miss out on the exquisiteness they bring. Thank you for sharing and showing that no matter what has happened to us we can shine.
A great reminder that even the most horrible experiences cannot take away the true beautiful inner essence of each one of use that is always there. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly MAS. As Jane above said, it starts a much needed conversation about rape and sexual abuse.
‘By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.’ Beautifully put MAS. Thank you for sharing your story. It is deeply inspiring to know, everything is possible to heal.
A beautiful article full of true healing around sexual abuse. This kind of writing is healing for many people on many levels. Thank you for sharing your understanding …and your gorgeous essence.
‘My inner essence was there in its fullness all the while’ – WOW to accept, appreciate and live this fact is totally life changing and empowering. Thank you, MAS, for sharing with such clarity, tenderness and understanding.
Agree Matilda. That is a beautiful thing to realise and connect with – and understand that our inner essence is always within – and never burnt by external events.
This is a very brave and personal blog and one that sheds bright light on the ability to heal deep trauma. With the gentle and loving support of Universal Medicine practitioners, it is possible to open up about very painful experiences, and realise that you don’t need to hold them in the body any more. It gives one enormous freedom to truly heal. Thank you.
Wow, these are such personal experiences to share and you share them so openly. You have come such a long way from that person you described in the beginning, even though I haven’t met you (or maybe I have) the way you write clearly and describe where you are today is truly a miracle. Thank you.
So true Ariel – a true miracle is exactly what is being presented here.
I agree Ariel, they have come so far and to such an amazing place considering the beginning, one of life’s true miracles.
Thank you for such an honest and in-depth sharing. I feel inspired by your turn around in your relationship with yourself and how you can clearly feel the amazingness of your own inner essence that you have reconnected with through the words that you have written here. This blog will no doubt inspire others who fall into that 1 in 5 statistic that this blog opens with.
It is the amazing truth that despite abuses that we go through in our lives, our beautiful inner essence stays with us, always there for our support and connection. Thank you MAS, what you have written touches those who have been subjected to self abuse and abuse from others, in a way that allows them to feel and heal what they/we have also been through, and become more and more real about the lives we are living.
It is very courageous to share your story with us, thank you. And how truly wonder-full that you can now cherish and love yourself again. Your healing from rape and abuse is a great example of the amazing and powerful Esoteric Healing modalities that Universal Medicine is offering.
Thank you MAS for sharing your story with such courage. What an amazing journey you have taken in now being able to speak about it so lovingly with us all. It is absolutely wonderful how possible it is to completely turn your life around from feeling such self-loathing to now being so self-loving. The truth is, inside this body, is the most amazing beautiful woman. We all have to come back to this realisation.
Thank you for your honesty and willingness to be truth in your journey from self loathing to self love. I feel many women (and perhaps men) reading your blog will be able to relate to it in one form or another (I know I do) as I feel that the stats quoted: ‘1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted some time in their lives’ could read as 1 in 2!
That statistic is indeed shocking Ariana, and the question definitely needs to be asked – how has abuse been accepted to the point where 1 in every 5 women, 100 in every 500, or 700,000,000 women in the whole world, will experience sexual assault in their lifetime?
Gosh Susie, that takes the statistics to a whole new level! 700,000,000 women in the whole world, will experience sexual assault in their lifetime? “How is it that we have come so far as a society, from treating women with anything less than tenderness?” Is a question that we need to start asking and discussing.
Susie, the statistic is very shocking. How as a society have we allowed this to escalate for women? Where did we lose the respect and love for women? Naturally we are tender, loving women, so where and how did this hardness creep in?
It is great that there are several comments here one after another asking this question again each in a slightly different way. I notice that I have a tendency to go numb to this fact that 1:5 women have or will be subjected to sexual assault in their life time. There is a knowing within me that this is connected to the lack of honouring and holding sacred the stillness, the preciousness and tenderness that is within all women (and men) and which women can more naturally reflect. I have most of my life considered all of that weak and unworthy, and I have only recently with the support of Universal Medicine started to appreciate and honour these qualities, and I keep finding layers of this that could do with noting and renouncing. The evidence of the impact of the lack of love and honouring is intense. Every choice matters.
Wow, when you scale the statistic up Susie that’s an unacceptable number of women who will experience sexual assault, why is this allowed to continue?
Great question, Ariana. Why has treating women abusively become so commonplace, when they represent beauty and tenderness in the world? Violence towards women definitely seems to be escalating nowadays, so this is a timely question we need to address as a matter of urgency, because it goes against everything that we all know and hold as true.
It also goes against the nature of men who are tender at their core. Recently there was an advert going around with boys aged 8 and 9 who were asked to hit a girl a bit older than them. They are all horrified and refuse. My question was then: so what happens then? As, if all the boys would not hit a girl, why are some men beating women to death every week? Perhaps because they are not honoured in their tenderness but instead are asked to be ‘the provider’, the soldier, the ‘man’ – little wonder they then can start to behave in ways not true to their nature.
Wow, this has touched me deeply. A story with a very true ending, this is something rarely heard off. The way you had dealt with it, is incredible and shows your strength. I am very great-full to hear how your path to grow love for yourself has grown and that made you say: “As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.”
One big Miracle and it was your choice. Very very beautiful – a deep thank you. I hope many women and men will read this.
Yes Danna, when we make choices to reconnect to love, then ‘miracles’ do indeed happen – the power of true love for self and others is ‘miracul-ous’.
I agree Anne and Danna – ‘miracles’ do indeed happen when ‘we make choices to reconnect to love’. It is so easy to get caught up in being the victim and beating ourselves up yet when we re-connect and return to love these miracles abound and any sense of unworthiness or self-loathing soon dissipates.
I am moved with the honesty of your share of such a difficult and traumatic time, and appreciated reading how far you have come from deep self loathing to appreciating yourself as a beautiful loveable woman and recognising that your exquisite inner essence has been there all along. It is deeply distressing that your story is not uncommon and such statistics as 1:5 marks the severity of it. At the same time your story is a great testimony to the awesome support from Universal Medicine, and the love and commitment within yourself, and also an inspiring message to everyone who has experienced such trauma that just like you, it is possible “to appreciate yourself as a beautiful loveable woman and recognise that your exquisite inner essence has been there all along.”
This is so beautiful and lovingly honest – I agree it will inspire others who have had this experience – it brought tears to my eyes just remembering this age for me, and the shame around not being able to just be myself whilst feeling victim to the sexual energy projected onto me at that time – and your final heartfelt words ‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’ So inspiring – thankyou for sharing this MAS.
“I didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that I was so empty of love and that I had chosen this for myself”
Could this be because we walked away from true love so long ago? And we have all been abusing ourselves ever since in one way or another, But when you said
“what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” This part can never change no matter what we choose to do to ourselves. It is always there, waiting for us to return.
Thank You MAS for sharing so deeply and honestly. This is very powerful. You have given deeper understanding of how much abuse hurts us and there is so much more to it than the act of it, which is horrendous in itself. But you also share how we can truly come to heal the abuse in our body as we come back to our Inner Essence, our love within….no one and nothing can take that away from us.
Thank you Ariana for coming back to the fact that, ‘1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives’. This in itself is a shocking statistic.” I allowed that statistic to wash over me like many others without really taking stock what that means for society as a whole and the women affected! I can feel a nonchalance that because I haven’t been one of those five women and haven’t been affected personally its easy to push this aside… HOW is it possible that I can do this? It’s so shocking that it hurts, the fact we as a society have allowed this to be normal! To really stop and ponder on the state we live in is: to use your word, Ariana.. monstrous. I agree as women we have not learnt to apply tenderness or loveliness to ourselves. Perhaps if we did this it would be the starting point of change and the way some men treat women?
It is an odd fact what we perpetrate against ourselves, after another has abused us in some way. What you have written here MAS reminds me of what I repressed for a long time, it explains to a certain degree, why I have found it difficult to love myself.
Thank you for your courageous sharing about your process through all of this.
MAS you are a living miracle, thank you for your totally inspiring story.
What a transformation from being lost in self-loathing to :
‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’
I found this deeply touching and very healing.
The deep and true healing you have experienced is incredible, and will be very inspiring for anyone who has been sexually assaulted or raped as you are living proof that deep traumas can be healed. Thank you.
Thank you MAS for your honest sharing. It was lovely to read how your inner essence remained untouched and of the healing that occurred when you returned to it.
When you came to realise your inner essence was there in its fullness all the while and how that turned around your experience of the world, shows how if we were to raise our children knowing their inner essence, their beauty and their worth, those dreadful statistics – 20% of all women will experience sexual abuse of some kind, would not be able to exist.
Exactly Rosanna, MAS has shown us all just how powerful and deeply restorative connecting to one’s inner essence is and I feelyou are correct, if we raise our children knowing their inner essence, then we can turn this dreadful statistic around. I feel when we are raised with and/or treat ourselves with tenderness, we establish a firm foundation of self worth from which to base all our relationships upon and abuse of any kind will not have a foot hold in the world.
Thank you MAS for openly sharing what you experienced after sexual assault, and how with love and commitment to yourself and knowing you are more, the steps you have taken to come back to the precious woman you are. This is so inspiring for anyone to read and remember: “I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.
In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.”
What I’ve also taken from this and can recall well, is how important it is to listen to those feelings in our bodies and act on them, when we feel something is not right. They are our best friend!
So true Aimee and I love the quote you have highlighted. It is the knowing that we are much More than what we are currently experiencing in life that is key. We may convince ourselves that a particular experience or act of violence has destroyed us and we can never return, but underneath that is our real essence and as MAS has shown us, we can always return to it and re-discover just how beautiful we are. We can return to our purpose and vitality with the correct guidance and support and Universal Medicine has plenty of both on offer.
Thank you MAS for sharing your beautiful vulnerability with us all….and your story. Your words here I felt strongly, “…. to be seen, was to be a target for abuse” It’s amazing how we become our own worst abuser in order to avoid further abuse. Why is self-love the seemingly last resort? The way you described your gentle process of healing, treating yourself so delicately and gradually allowing yourself to feel all of your body was very moving and makes me wonder about my own connection with every part of my body.
It is very easy to let the problems and the experiences that we face become bigger than the person we truly are inside. The way you have dealt with your own experiences are truly inspiring. There is a much needed call for stories like yours to be heard so that others may realise that there is a way out through the depths we sometimes feel and that not only can you get through them but that you may also live in a way that perhaps you may only have dreamed about before.
Dear MAS thank-you for sharing your unfolding back to self love and honour after so much trauma and self abuse…it shows us clearly what is possible when we open up to love and have the support of people that have full integrity in all that they live.
Thanks for sharing MAS, it’s lovely to hear how you discovered that you didn’t lose that loveliness that was inside you all along and could start to let go of the self abuse which didn’t honour that.
Sadly the dishonouring of our bodies happens to many women who do no heed the warning signs for fear of upsetting or rocking the boat, keeping secrets for very long. MAS yours is a powerful blog.
Such an open and honest article MAS, and as I read it I could feel the growing tenderness in your expression and the love you have for yourself now. This is such a valuable account for other abuse sufferers to read, it also helps me to feel all that hardness I have been living and expressing with in my body, and reflect on the areas of all kinds of abuse in my life. Thank you.
A raw account of your very personal and unique experience of rape and sexual assault, heartwarming in its outcome and an excellent source of inspiration and support for anyone who has suffered similar.
I agree Cathy, it is an extremely supportive and inspiring blog for anyone to read who has experienced sexual assault or indeed anything similar to see that through the help and support MAS was offered she was able to move on from such a horrific experience without continuing to carry the scars, which she had taken with her for so long.
This feels very true Ariana, ‘in trying to be more like men, have we created a monster in society that has no respect for the loveliness of women, because women do not have respect for their loveliness and tenderness either’.
A very courageous step to speak out about past hurts so others may learn and feel the process of transformation and evolution. The tenderness throughout this piece is notable with a gorgeous warmth and flow, even when speaking of these trauma’s. What a healing! Truly inspiring and motivating to move through what keeps us from living our fullness and take RESPONSIBILITY for our choices and place in the world. The power of responsibility is so strong here. Thank you.
“Life started to change” – what a precious line.
So IT IS possible to change our lives back to love.
Good to know. Good to feel. Good to remember.
Thank you!
It is indeed so possible Sandra and there are hundreds of people who have changed in ways that are almost unbelievable they look and feel so beautiful and vibrant, and its all a choice!
Absolutely Sandra; it is possible to ‘change our lives back to love’ no matter what.
Your inner strength and courage you have always had all along, together with the help of Esoteric practitioners, have lead and supported you to come back to “you” who, as you wrote, is a “beautiful and lovable woman with an exquisite inner-essence”. Thank you so much for writing this so honestly. It is truly inspirational.
Thank you Mas for sharing a very difficult period of what occurred in your life.
May Humanity feel what the impact is and how far reaching the consequences of what sexual assault does in our society.
We are so lost as a race of human beings to have a disturbing statistic, “1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some time in their lives and in 70% of cases the offender is known”. What a love-less world we live in for this to be occurring.
“As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.”
This is a powerful article that shows so clearly that even from the burdens of abuse and lack of self worth that your inner essence remains untouched and with the loving support of esoteric practitioners you have re-connected to the love that you are. An inspiration for us all.
The honesty and openness in which you write, have taken the time to look at and heal so much trauma to the point of completely changing your life is very humbling and inspiring. It is something that I would not have thought was possible. Thank you.
Thank you MAS, true inner beauty never ever leaves us or our inner essence. As you so aptly say, we can start to choose to self-love. Life after all gives us all the choice to live in a loving way and until the presentations by Serge Benhayon this had been lost on me.
I could feel and relate to this blog. The defending of emptiness within, not feeling worthy of love (though made of Love) and islanding oneself – all seems normal in our everyday world. Thank you for showing that by turning your life back to love that there is a different way (which is our natural state of being) and it works! It is yet simple but powerful and it starts with a simple choice. Your sharing is full of inspiration. Thank you again!
As a man I am always shocked to hear of the type of abuse that has occurred to women, and that this story may have been a story from one of the women that I went to school with. I am also shocked that people who have been abused always blame themselves. It was lovely to read your unfolding and rediscovering of your “exquisite inner essence” – this is truly beautiful.
I agree Lee, it is shocking and the mentality around it and the blame and shame that victims can feel is really awful, so its doubly amazing to read a story like this one, that really shows another way to deal with this type of experience.
It is amazing to feel the support that you have had to truly heal given that so many carry this horrible trauma with them for an entire lifetime. A very inspiring story!
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to experience life like this but what I can feel is that with the help of the Universal Medicine practitioners you have truly changed your life to one of being a beautiful woman.
Wow – what a powerful piece. Your story MAS shows how acts of abuse, do not end as we think they do, but live on with recipients every day. I admire how you have taken the time and responsibility to see how every experience we have within them is an important message for us to hear. That you have been able to return to your exquisite inner essence is an amazing testament to your choices, honesty and the power of Esoteric Healing. MAS, you are an inspiration to me.
Your blog shows that no matter what we experience in our lives, there is an inner essence that is still there, in tact and can never be tainted or destroyed. Your blog is a testimony to this.
Absolutely agree, it is awesome to feel truly that the essence inside us all is untouched by anything we do or have done to us, it is after all our connection to God and God is unwavering in love.
I felt uncomfortable in my body whilst reading this. Not because of what you shared and not that I have experienced sexual abuse such as this because I haven’t. The reason for my discomfort was in feeling the fact of the many situations I have put myself in over my lifetime, in reaction and hurt to life, that have been dishonouring and have invited an energy I haven’t actually wanted, though at times I have left a great gaping hole for these things to play out, or even a tiny hole. It is only my own lack of self worth that has allowed for this and growing up not knowing quite how to deal with certain situations or hurts.
I deeply appreciate everything I have experienced through Universal Medicine, to the depths of me. Without encouragement towards living this very loving way of being and Universal Medicine being a guiding light in the dark I would never have known my true worth, and that I am worth love, to not accept less and to then be able to bring a quality of love to others in my life.
Thank you for your brave sharing.
I love how you identified that your seeking love outside, without self care and honouring, left you open to these experiences. For me it was the same, a total disregard of myself (including that little voice that said ‘this doesn’t feel right’) and seeking love outside of me instead of being with my own amazing love.
I agree Laura, so many people experience this I think, because so many people look outside themselves for love and for something to confirm they are okay, and when you do this you leave your self open to any abuse that may come with it.
You share with a beautiful openness and honesty. Thank you
Thank you for sharing with us your experiences of life as challenging as they have been. I too have been through, what can only be described as, horrible experiences and what I too have come to understand is that what lies deep within our hearts remains untouched by these life experiences. This shows me that there is more to us than our physical bodies and this physical life we are in. I have also come to understand and experience that we can live life without being affected by all that happens to us and all that happens around us. This way of living takes dedication, commitment and an openness to what lies deep within our hearts – because we are not our experiences, we are not our negative thoughts, and we are not our mistakes – we are naturally loving in our ways and when we re-connect to this innate truth we are on our way back to truly living this in our everyday lives.
MAS, you have showed me that love has the capability of healing all the wounds that we have suffered in life because our innermost stays untouched. What you so solidly describe with “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me”. Lovely to have this confirmation of our inner strength so firmly stated.
What a truly healing blog for everyone who has experienced any form of sexual abuse. It was the potential to let go of the sense of being a victim to claim the understanding that our true essence can never can be taken away! Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
As the statistics show, so many women will be able to relate to this. Sexual and physical abuse is so common and yet perhaps the greatest abuse is how we treat ourselves – the lack of love we have and show for ourselves. This article so clearly shows how the drugs and alcohol are merely a symptom of a much deeper hurt. We sometimes write drug and alcohol use off in our teenagers as ‘they are just experimenting or rebelling’. As was the case in this story, the flow on effect of not dealing with the core issue can be devastating and life long. It is so empowering for women to hear that no matter what they have experienced, their essence is never touched.
That’s a great point Fiona; we write off excessive alcohol and drug use by teenagers as them just being ‘rebellious’, when it is still extremely harming and should be treated just as seriously as any other abuse.
Dear Mas, the love that you now hold yourself in is alive and felt through your beautiful words. Your journey of healing and self-love is truly inspiring. Thank-you.
Your sharing of your personal experience MAS supports all of us to understand more and more how what happens to us and the choices we make can never erase our true essence that is not physical or mental! Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I still have a choice everyday to stay in hurt or connect to the true beauty that never leaves me.
This is an incredible story of how gentle loving care of ourselves can support us to heal the deepest of hurts, the changes you have gradually made in your own time of your own doing are truly inspirational. ‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’ That is simply awesome!
So true MAS, that no matter what happens to our physical body there remains the untouched exquisite inner essence. Your willingness to speak up about your experience of sexual abuse and also self-abuse, and how you have healed from these experiences is very inspiring. I agree wholeheartedly with your words here “I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share”
Thank you for sharing such a intimate story. I was blown away to feel the depth of your pain to then feel the depth of your love you returned back too, how far you have come. You are an inspiring women.
The nature and reality of what goes on in our world is truly horrifying.
Thank you for sharing so opening and so deeply about your experience
MAS, thank you for sharing your story so honestly and openly. The extent of true healing that you’ve clearly chosen shines through what you write — and the powerful support of esoteric healing, which holds us in so much love while excruciating past wounds come up to the surface to be healed. Sharing your story here MAS is a true healing and inspiration for many more.
Thank you Mas for so honestly sharing your experience. I can relate to exactly this – I was looking for an excuse to hate the world, and when I got one there was no way I’d be open or loving. I had all the proof I needed to have my guard up. But like you – and with the support of Esoteric Practitioners – I now understand my role and how I set up the world to fall. And I also understand my essence and tenderness – and that I can’t wait for love to come to me if I refuse to see it in myself. It hasn’t been easy – but it has been loving. And now I know that’s what I deserve.
That is truly amazing how you now treat and love yourself despite all that has happened from others and your own choices. Thank you for sharing MAS.
Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. As you mention at the beginning of your blog 1 in 5 women experience sexual abuse at some time in their lives. You have shown other women that it is possible to heal from such experiences by choosing to be more self-loving, in your case, with the support of esoteric practitioners. Your story will inspire other women who have had similar experiences to accept that they too can heal and re-connect to their own inner-essence, which is still there in all its fullness. That they too can get to a place where they can look in the mirror and see themselves in a new way – see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along. An inspiring blog!
Hello MAS what an amazing open sharing – you allow other woman to feel that it is possible not only to overcome such experiences but to heal and grow and find yourself. What an absolute inspiration you are in a world where most woman with your experience get mental illness.
Its beautiful that you share this, I love what you say: “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me”. It’s so true nothing can violate your true essence.
“By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.” This is a lovely way of showing us that self worth and confidence is something that can be nurtured from within ourselves and not given to us because of others, or found in the things we do.
Thank you for a deeply honest account of your experiences of sexual assault and your own subsequent self abuse. Yours is a great story for anyone to read who may have had similar experiences, that they are worth keeping themselves safe and that it is possible to reclaim your life through self loving choices.
This is an amazing story that should be shared far and wide with the many who have been on the receiving end of abuse from others. To heal such a traumatic event in life is truly inspirational.
Thank you for sharing the remarkable transformation you have undertaken in your life from self-loathing to self-love it is a truly amazing achievement
MAS. Your openness on telling the world what happened to you, and the abuse you received from from a family member. It is wonderful how you have come home to being the warm loveable person you truly are.
Thank you very much for your honesty. Your blog is deeply touching and may inspire others to open up themselves, too. It is much needed to talk about abuse of any kind more often because unfortunately this happens more often than we think. A lot of women blame themselves and don´t dare to talk about being abused. With your sharing you open up the possibility for other women to do the same and to return to their own way of healing.
Thank you MAS for this deeply personal and inspiring account of your healing. It is always amazing to me that once we really deal with the things that hurt us, not only do we see ourselves differently, but others too… what a transformation from utter self loathing and self destruction, to feeling beautiful because you can feel what’s on the inside. It’s hard enough for most women to connect with this inner essence and claim it for who they are, let alone from where you began, you pave the way for many women in similar circumstance or with similar feelings, to follow suit.
This is an inspirational story about true healing, in the body. As a society I don’t feel we realise how much our past hurts influence how we behave now and our ability to have an open, free and loving life. The work of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Healing have helped me to heal many hurts also, and turn my life around, from being addicted to the need to succeed and be better, the whole time pushing and blocking people and true and loving relationships out, hoping that the success would make me feel better. Now I have many beautiful and open relationships, and no addiction to success as a way to block people out.
It is awesome how much we can heal the hurts of the past and live in a way that is so full, and tender.
I really appreciate your dedication to healing the scars of some intensely traumatic experiences – I get a real sense of the patience and care which has allowed you to build trust, love and reconnection.
It’s obvious you have come such a long way.
It is so inspiring that despite all the emptiness, hurt, trauma and darkness you have experienced that you have chosen to return to love and heal what was getting in the way of you knowing that your “inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”. It is truly beautiful that after having so much darkness in your life you now live choose to live with self-love and light.
Truly inspiring.
I felt touched by the understanding and responsibility you have taken, especially in how you described you set yourself up from a young age to look for proof that you were lovable before you were prepared to love yourself and the emptiness that ensued that lead to the drinking and drugs as a teenager. It is beautiful to read about your healing process with Universal Medicine and Esoteric healing practitioners.
What you share is so powerful, that you have been through so much but that the pull to self-love and to reconnect to your essence is stronger. So lovely to feel you reclaiming you.
That is a massive thing to go through, you have come a long way to be able to share that with us. I appreciate your honesty, it’s inspiring that even from the most serious abuses you went through that you were able to still come back and find your beautiful self.
Thank you for open and honest account. The way you have turned your life around and come to know that your inner essence had never been sullied, is truly remarkable.
Your beautifully shared blog, shows us that, no matter what life choices or experiences we go through, our true precious selves are always right there, just waiting for us to say yes to and come back.
This deeply moving account of the aftermath of rape and sexual assault has many truths that I can relate to – including some key markers around withdrawing from life and the return to love with support of Esoteric Healing modalities, thank you for publishing this.
What you share with us, MAS, it so honest and powerful. It is terrifying how much hurt and abuse we allow in our lives. I can relate to your experience and to your silence in that time. When I had an abusive assault I thought it is my fault so I better not bring it out. But it is not ok. We need to talk about these things, we have to stop the abuse.
I like the way you turn it around by doing simple little steps towards self-nurturing and care: “It was no longer the functional application of cream-to-skin but a time where I could really honour myself and my physical body.”
It is so beautiful that you came all the way to “I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share.” Thank you for your courage and love.
You have shown your vulnerability and expressed your incredible journey so well. I love how you’ve found your inner essence in its fullness was always there and now you can feel it.
I too longed to be cared for by a man and as soon as I was old enough and coming from a deep yearning for intimacy with a man, having never received this from my father, I put myself in compromising situations with men. I was so desperate for touch and love that I would flaunt myself with any man that seemed half decent and offer to cuddle up with them. I would then become indignant when they expected more and try to push themselves onto me. In hindsight I can see that I was leading these men on and should not have put myself in these compromising situations in the first place. I now give myself this love and care, so as to not need this from a man, this is changing the way I relate to men.
This is a top blog MAS and thank you for being so open and honest.
The bit that really sticks out for me is when you say ‘nowadays when I feel something isn’t right, I honour what I feel and keep myself safe’.
I feel that we do know when something doesn’t feel right and in that moment, we have a choice but usually our head overrides it and that is where we go wrong. I know that from my own experience and today I am choosing to stop and listen to what I feel and not once have my feelings been wrong. So when things go belly up it is usually because I used my mind to override what I was feeling and then the ugly consequences give me the big ‘ouch’ because I knew my feelings were right in the first place.
I learnt how to trust my feelings and not see the world as a bad place when I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. The teachings are simple and they make total sense to me.
Thank you for sharing your story. A sexual abuse victim / survivor – that is not who you are, we are all greater than things that happen to us, our choices and the things we do, as you so beautifully put “my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while”. Very touching, heartfelt and inspiring is your path to embody your essence – shining your light.
Your story is horrendous and sadly all too common. It is wonderful to read of your re-discovery of yourself and how you have brought true love back into your life.
Wow you are amazing and also incredibly inspiring. To have the courage to truly look at where these hurts came from, and to acknowledge that you had turned your back in the world, to – so beautifully in your own time – return to yourself with such love, grace and beauty is simply gorgeous. I loved your line about your essence simply waiting for you to choose self love. Well done you for choosing self love and you.
What I took from this as a learning was how in the example you used, you moisturized those areas you felt you could and those you were not ready to connect with, you waited until you were, allowing the healing to take place in your own time. A beautiful example of how you have unfolded your love. Awesome open and honest blog.
What a beautiful blog MAS – thank you for sharing yourself with us. Even with experiencing all of these abusive experiences you still could connect to and feel the true you underneath all of the layers of hurt. And when you then consciously connected to it, you absolutely blossomed! What an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing what happened to you as there are countless others who have been suffering in silence, fearing what may happen if they speak up about what happened to them. You are a living example that it is possible to let go of deep seated traumas, how ever long ago they happened and now live as the ‘beautiful and lovable woman’ that you are.
This is so honest and so powerfully expressed. What is most disturbing for me as man are the ‘male predators’ who like sharks sensing blood in the water compounded the original atrocity with their inhuman opportunism. I too, love the way MAS took all the time and space she needed to heal through very simple things like applying skin cream. Truly a beautiful reclaiming.
I had tears in my eyes reading this MAS, how sad that we shut ourselves down and harden up in this way and how amazing that you changed this and now know yourself to be the tender, loving, woman that you are. Reading your article allows me to feel how the simple things are and so powerful, such as being gentle with ourselves. I felt inspired reading, ‘By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.’
Thank you for so openly and honestly sharing your experience. What an inspiration to women (and men) who have had abuse in their lives, knowing that it is possible that we CAN truly heal and re-connect back to that inner essence that is inside all of us. And I agree with what Esther says, that you allowed your body to heal in it’s own time, not pushing or trying, just allowing and accepting. How lovely that you have come back to the love that you are.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life, and how you now honour what you are feeling and now keep yourself safe, also, ‘I now allow myself to feel what is happening in my body – it tells me what is love and what is not and this is an amazing gift that we all share’. We have beautiful tools to help us look after ourselves when we listen to them. Amazing how you have turned your life around.
This is a very honest and open sharing thank you I can feel how beautiful and tender your essence is from reading it. Like the statistics quoted many of us have been raped, mine was similar to your first sexual assault I was very drunk with someone I knew and only conscious briefly during the sexual assault but like you describe my body knew what had happened and the next day I remember very clearly the shame and horror of what had occurred was very much with me though I did not think of it as rape. I blocked out the memory until I was 23 and then acknowledged what had occurred and started therapy. The esoteric practitioners were able to assist me to heal my body and I have no feelings of guilt, or remorse, anger etc but acceptance and love for myself and a deep understanding of what was at play energetically.
It’s so wonderful to know that our inner essence is always there waiting lovingly with patience for us to return no matter how rough the road.
You are an inspiration. To share such a personal account and show how through self love, time, patience and grace, presented through esoteric modalities, you rediscovered the untouchable and undeniable beauty within. You are so Awesome to share your healing journey, thank you!
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I am sure this article will help others who have suffered in a similar way and show that they do not need to carry the abuse in their bodies for the rest of their lives. Very inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your story, MAS. “Nowadays when I feel something isn’t right, I honour what I feel and keep myself safe.” How amazing that you are turning your life around and are offering true inspiration for others to heal their hurts and pain.
What an amazing transformation from self-loathing to self-love you have been through. You show and prove that it is indeed possible – no matter what. Huge inspiration. Thank you for your sharing with honesty and clarity.
Thank you MAS for sharing a very personal and painful journey with the world. You have shown us how it is possible to not only recover from such damaging abuse, it is also possible to establish a truly loving relationship with your self. To be able to heal all your self abuse and ” I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along” is a miracle, to know that what ever has happened to your body has not and never could harm your inner essence. Your journey back to the real You shows us the power of being truly met and supported to feel and release everything in your body that was preventing from you knowing who you truly are. You are living proof that the true way to address our problems, hurts, negativity self image and self abuse is through tenderness, self nurturing, honesty and love, the simple tools of Universal Medicine.
Amazing how there is a part in us, our innermost essence, that stays unscathed no matter what happens on the outside and can be re-discovered when we allow ourselves the space and support that is needed for true healing.
However reading your story shows how horribly wrong things are in our world. And how important it is that we see and feel what is going on around us, so that young women feel encouraged and supported to open up and talk when they have been assaulted or raped.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” I wonder how many feel this after being assaulted. Yet, as you say, “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” Thank you for this amazing sharing Mas.
Thank you for sharing that no matter what life has done to us in the past our inner essence will be waiting for us to return. How many other women that for years have held themselves at ransom and blamed themselves for something that was done to them will read your blog and allow their healing to begin.
This is an amazing amazing and powerful blog. The openness and honesty you share with will offer many many people a chance to heal and see themselves in a different light to what they do. How many people have given up on the world and themselves after such abuse this, (I can only speak from what I read and here in woman or men sharing in the news or media) but what you have shown them is that there is another way. It’s not dressed with trying to better it, but you have deeply healed, and gone through a process of understanding and clearing what was going on, in a timing that was right for you, with deep respect for yourself and your body. This is a true blessing for everyone. “I honour what I feel and keep myself safe.” This is huge.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with sexual abuse and rape. It is very revealing to read about this and I love your honesty: ‘I came to realise that from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too … and love-able. When I was raped, it was like I had the proof that the world was loveless and I embraced self-abuse even more.’ It is incredible to see the ways we create for ourselves to have an ‘excuse’ to be self abusive. I also love how you show how we always can make different choices and that our inner-essence is always there and not affected by the horror of sexual abuse.
Truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing so honestly the level of self-loathing that you reached and how through the dedication of developing self-love you were able heal the hurt and discover, “In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality”. It is so true that it does not matter what horrors we may experience in life our inner essence is always there, completely unblemished and the bridge with which to re-connect and live from it is self-love.
Having very similar experiences throughout my life I truly felt the depth of hurt and pain with this post but also the claiming of the amazing beautiful women that is and has been there all along.
It is incredible to read about your shift from seeing the hurts as confirming that the world is loveless and you are unlovable, to recognising that there is so much support for you and that you are deeply beautiful.
I was really touched by the honesty and openness of this blog. The way you have taken responsibility of your life and the way you feel about yourself, is truly inspiring. 1 out of 5 women is a lot of women, it is beautiful that we share this and start a conversation like you have done with this blog.
What a gorgeous reminder that our inner essence is always untouched by anything we have experienced and anything we have done to ourselves. This is so beautiful to know and even more beautiful to be living it. Thank you.
I thank you for seeing that the time is now to share your story. How awesome it is that you chose to approach the practitioners who were inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to uncover the real issues behind the deep pain and hurts to reveal the truth of who you really are. To quote some words that Chris James shared with me some time ago – “it’s time to be again”.
This is strong. I didn’t go through what you are describing but I was at the receiving end of a lot of verbal abuse and it took until I turned 28 that I decided to protect myself from this abuse with help from a very good counsellor. I still don’t like the memory of all those instances.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. It may be hard at times to see that our essence is never touched, that we remain the love and delicacy in any moment and through all circumstances. The level of responsibility that you take for what has happened is pretty amazing but it does not change the fact that those who have violated you have a responsibility too for what they have done.
Thank you for expressing so openly and allowing others to feel that it is possible to recover from years of abuse and to reconnect with their true self. I love what you wrote at the end “As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.” Truly inspiring!
Thank you for sharing so honestly what you have experienced and your beautiful transformation you went through. It is like rape and sexual abuse can be used as an excuse to self harm to a deeper level. But as you really have described you were living in a non-loving way before rape occurred and seeking drugs and alcohol. I have experienced sexual abuse in my life and took best care to never put myself in any compromising situation. But I went full the road of disregard and lack of self worth in the way I treated myself. Which I have transformed in a big way, but can feel there is more healing necessary to a deeper honest level.
I agree Rosemary. A truly inspiring and honest sharing.
Beautiful reading your discovery to gentleness, self-love and connection to your inner essence. I too experienced an abusive childhood. I openly shared my experience with friends and family which I found has helped immensely. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Universal Medicine that I realised there were so many levels to my hurts and sadness that I was carrying. Allowing space and time to process it all and taking each step with acceptance, appreciation, love and gentleness has been truly amazing. Thank you for sharing and inspiring others to speak up.
Awesome, it is amazing what a little understanding and space can allow us to over come – or in the case of Universal Medicine, an unbelievable amount of understanding, support and space.
That is a beautiful comment chanly88. The tenderness and integrity we meet in Universal Medicine has supported so many people to begin to address their childhood abuse and to feel the many levels of hurt and sadness we carry as a consequence. Once we have been supported to feel them, we can release them and this process is very distinctive in that it leaves one feeling more whole and connected with every layer released. As these layers peel away, we can feel our essence and know that it has never been touched by the abuse, just covered up and hidden from view and it’s the power to re-connect to our essence that brings the true healing.
so true…there are so many ways and layers of protection that we all hold.
Thank you for sharing this very personal blog, to read how your life went from self-loathing to self-love is amazing. Your sharing will inspire and empower many other women, for when true support is offered we can begin to heal the hurts in our life that holds us back from being who we truly are.
“As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.”
Thank you Mas for sharing such and intimate, and personal story with us all. You have definitely come a long way into unraveling, healing those hurts and this is very inspirational to many others. It brought up and reminded me also of the severe hardening I chose rather than than feel my gentle, sensitive nature through hurts, self loathing, self abuse and rebellion. “I didn’t allow my self to fully love anyone and couldn’t accept that anyone would truly love me either ” is a very real reaction to being hurt but also so damaging and one that keeps us out in the cold like a spy, separate and self dammed. I’m so glad to hear that the esoteric healing modalities helped to allow you to feel and now you are back in from the cold and back to love.
“As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along”. How wonderful that you have rediscovered your exquisite inner essence. Thank you MAS for sharing your story from disregard and abuse to preciousness and appreciation.
Thank you for sharing so honestly. Your story offers healing to so many. It is all too common that the victims of abuse feel responsible and blame themselves and develop deep feelings of self loathing and lack of self worth. No wonder this is the case with conviction rates for rape and sexual abuse staggeringly low.
Your strength to face your hurts and choice to heal is deeply inspiring. To choose to no longer identify with your hurts and experiences as you but to feel the exquisite fullness of your essence. Beautiful thank you.
Your sharing is such an inspiration and a true support to a lot of women out there, who might have given up on themselves.
Such a gorgeous blog, I feel the absolute loveliness of you in it. Thank you for sharing your story, it goes to show that that loveliness is always there no matter what has happened to us.
This is remarkable. Your choices to return to treating yourself with tenderness after your experiences need to be appreciated. Thanks for sharing these powerful words.
This is such a revealing article with so much to be shared with other women who have gone through such horrendous ordeals. Your journey to healing your deep hurts through the support of Universal Practitioners along with your connection to your inner essence is most inspirational. Thank you for showing us that the return to love is available to us all, irrespective of the circumstances.
“from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too” … this feels so true for so many of us..shortly followed by the abuse (of many kinds) that help to cover the feeling that we are not worthy of love because the world struggles so much to understand what true love is.
Wow MAS. I find your sharing about letting go of the feeling of rape held in your body for 20 years absolutely inspirational. Nothing can touch the inner essence you speak of, and by making self loving choices we are able to connect to it no matter what the physical body goes through.
Its a very powerful story, especially when I was reading the very first statistic that this is not an isolated incident, but much more common place than I think many people realise.
The line that really touched me though, was the realisation of yours that there was an inner essence that had not been touched, either by the sexual assault, or your subsequent years of self abuse. Knowing that essence is always there, for everyone, all of the time presents us all with the most amazing opportunity to rebuild love in our lives.
Amazing Mas, what a deeply honest blog, thank you for sharing what is nothing short of a miraculous journey. What you have shared is really quite profound in that you realised you were not the rape, or the issues, but so much more that could never be touched by any of that.
Thank you for sharing this powerful story of recovery, and so honestly. That recovery in the fullest way possible is in fact achievable is news we all need to hear.
It is amazing you have been able to turn your life around after all you have been through and have been able to let go of the abuse you suffered.
This is such a beautiful realisation – “As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me. I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.” So inspiring, thank you.
Thank you MAS. This is an inspiring, heartfelt sharing not only of your personal story but also of your realisations. I too can totally relate to – “I came to realise that from a young age I had been waiting for the world to show me love so that I could accept that I was love too … and love-able.” I had held the world at ransom in this way tainting everything with my hurt. It is so liberating to come out and see the light of day. I realised how much I had missed and at times still miss when I am choosing to be a victim of even the tiniest hurt rather than look at how I set the situation up and what part I had played in it.
It is truly remarkable that you were able to come back to yourself after years of having left yourself behind. Universal Medicine has been just as life changing for me. Reading about people’s experiences is a daily reminder of how easy it is to get sucked into a whirlpool of negative and harmful thoughts and how we get tricked into believing it’s normal to feel so badly of ourselves. Thanks for being another reminder that there is another way!
Great blog I really like how you came to the realisation that even before the rape you had shut down from life, which is why you reached out to drugs and alcohol in the first place. You didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that you were so empty of love that you had chosen this for myself. I can really relate to that. Let the healing begin.
Wow What an amazing story of emergence from abuse to the precious delicate woman! Your words:
‘I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true,’ are so helpful on many levels, because they apply to so many happenings in our lives, not necessarily only to the situation of rape. Your reminder that ‘the exquisite inner essence has been there all along’ is a powerful truth that we can continually come back to.
I am deeply touched by your courage in bringing your history forward and sharing it with us. Your writing has inspired me to again begin to contemplate some of my own blockages (though different to yours) that have kept me prisoner and at arms length from rediscovering the true beauty that is deep within my heart. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this open sharing. It is inspirational to read, and I have had to read it more than once. Although I cannot relate to being raped, (although your sharing gives me a greater insight into the trauma it causes), I can certainly relate to being hurt by people and using that as reason to keep people out. Yet, when I look at the facts of life, I have in truth been hurt very few times by very few people when I look at the overall picture. Yet those experiences have dictated the way I have decided to see myself and the world – crazy really. As I have worked over the years on being more loving to myself, I have gradually dropped the “bluff and bluster” guard that I used to keep people out, and I have allowed myself to also see that beneath everyone elses guard, they are in truth just like me – precious, and very, very sensitive to what is going on around them.
Thank you, MAS. This is amazing.
“I had convinced myself that the sexual assaults and rape had taken away all that was lovely about me but this was never true.
In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality. By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.”
– It’s a true miracle for you to be able to say this after everything you have experienced in your life. How you were able to re-connect to your essence and find that it’s beauty and exquisiteness were never lost by your life experience is just so inspirational.
I found your story deeply moving and inspiring. This made the insight that you shared even more profound: “In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality”.
Thank you MAS for having the courage and grace to write so beautifully about a subject that affects so many women (and men too). I find it incredible how through our willingness to allow tragic events to surface and with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners we can turn our lives around and feel that as you say, “my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.” The power of self-love…..
It is lovely to hear and know that you can now honour what you feel and see yourself to be the beautiful loveable woman you truly are.
When you wrote “You may think that after these experiences of sexual assault and rape that I would have protected myself more and cared for myself with great tenderness and preciousness because of the deep level of hurt that I had experienced, but I did not. Instead I became angry and cruel to myself, seeing my body as a target that attracted cruelty. I did not want to be in such a body and I thought regularly of suicide.” The question that came to me was how could you have cared for yourself with great tenderness and preciousness when you did not know about this, I wouldn’t have thought that of you at all. It is so easy to become numb and shut down after being assaulted, to bury it away or pretend it never happened.
As you say the practitioners at Universal Medicine not only offer a safe space that is deeply respectful of the client and hold the highest physical and energetic integrity I have ever known, they also offer a true reflection so it is possible to go beyond the hurts and pain of life to heal, let go of all that is not and re-connect to who we really are.
I agree with Rachel, the fact that despite those horrific experiences, you have been able to reclaim your connection to your essence is a miracle! ‘what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.’
Testament to the strength we carry inside.
So beautiful, thank you for sharing something so deeply personal with us. Every woman and man that has been abused needs to read this blog and brings home the point once again why it is so important to raise our girls knowing how precious they are. A big thank you to the “Girl to Woman Project” for knowing how truly important and needed this is and to you MAS for writing this.
Reading the honesty in which you shared here, stirs the pot of blocked out memories to reveal themselves rather than live within the agony of numbness, it is time to come out of our own dark ages and into the light…speaking out and reclaiming the true beauty that you are. ‘Your inner essence remained untouched’ and to feel safe enough to have the support of Esoteric Practitioners to be able to deal with the hurts, what an awesome journey unfolding for you.
I feel this has taken a lot of courage to write about what happened in the past and it will also be part of your healing process. Welcome home to you coming back to the exquisite beautiful and loveable person that you are. Having the trust that enabled you to be able to accept the support that Universal Medicine practitioners offer is also a self-loving act.
Thank you for sharing so openly, having gone through sexual abuse as a child, I understand how you turned to drugs and didn’t want to have to feel anything and how you blamed yourself. I imagine there are many, many women like you, who have not had the support that we have had through Universal Medicine and who still hurt deeply. It is through getting honest, and sharing that your story can inspire others. This is a subject that has not been discussed enough, and it is time that it no longer is taboo or hidden but in fact talked about openly.
I loved the realisation that the essence of you, the love you are – was always there, it was the one constant that was always waiting to be seen, nothing in life could take that away. You are Beautiful.
‘As I look in the mirror now I see myself in a new way – I see a beautiful and lovable woman – with an exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.’ It is quite amazing that from all that you have experienced that you are now able to feel this way about yourself. This is a testament to you and your ability and willingness to deal with the hurts and pain and see yourself for who you truly are.
How inspiring, after all that you have been through, that you have been able to address your past and re-connect to your true loveliness. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am deeply moved by your story. Not only because of the traumatic experiences you have endured but also the deeply loving way you have found yourself back to your true self. I am touched by your comment ‘my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.’. I also find it inspiring the way that you have returned to such a lovely self presence by allowing things to unravel in their own time.
“As I look back at this time I realise that whilst my physical body had been violated, what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” MAS, your story of returning to your beautiful untouched inner essence and healing your hurts is very inspiring. It shows us that no matter how big or small the abuses we have experienced and the degree of numbing we have resorted to, that we all have that inviolable place inside to come home to.
A very powerful blog MAS and one I can relate to whole heartedly. Thanks is to Universal Medicine and Serge Benahayon I have been able to unravel the lies and deception and embrace the true divinely beautiful girl/woman I always was and this is deepening every day through the support of Esoteric Woman’s Health and the Esoteric Breast Massage.
M.A.S., your ability to write so openly about your experience with rape and self-loathing is both courageous and inspiring on many levels, as it shows the true underlying cause for many people’s lives of abuse that stem from others and then are self-directed as a result of the guilt and shame from such experiences. This article helped me see how I have done similar things to myself in the past to numb the negative feelings I had about myself and the world.
This is such an honest, powerful and profound story. And confronting for me as man to get the horror of how some men prey on the ‘vulnerable’ like sharks scenting blood in the water. As with Esther above I love the way you gave yourself time and space to heal through something so simple as putting on cream. Truly a beautiful coming back to you.
A truly amazing story. Thank you for sharing. It’s deeply disgusting that humans very rarely see the damage and hurt they can cause another due to their own self greed and emptiness. How could you hurt fellow brother like that?
Thank you MAS for your candid sharing, in a world that is rife with physical and mental abuse of all kinds, your journey from where you have been to where you are now is truly inspirational.
I like what you said about the fact that you thought your loveliness had been taken away, but in actual fact your inner essence was there in fullness all the while. It’s commitment to yourself that will and did for you find your way back to that beautiful essence within us all even when we think it has gone for good. Thank you for sharing your encouraging story.
Wow – what an incredibly powerful blog and an incredible account of what is possible when we connect to the loveliness that “….has been there all along”. There are many many people that will relate to this as from my own experience the incidence of rape and sexual assault in our society is unbelievably high. The full extent of the evil of rape and sexual assault is hidden because so many who have experienced it are silenced by feelings of shame and self loathing.
MAS – you are incredibly courageous to share your story and shed light on something that is so often hidden and it is evident you have connected to a way to truly heal and connect to the amazing woman you are. I personally found what you wrote very inspiring as I too have experienced these abuses. You are a wonderful reminder that nothing outside of us can destroy the beauty within. Thank you.
Thank you MAS – what you share here is deeply touching and a true healing for many women who have been affected by sexual assault and rape. The way you dealt with this through self abuse and lack of self worth is not foreign to many women and therefore relatable to all. What you have chosen to work through is a miracle and I am inspired as you stand before us all and reclaim the beauty, love and inner essence of who you are.
This is a very powerful article and one that asks of the reader to break through the paradigms we set ourselves as humans and how we respond to certain situations. “Even before the rape I had shut down from life, which is why I reached out to alcohol and drugs in the first place. I didn’t want to be responsible for the fact that I was so empty of love and that I had chosen this for myself.” This is such a mind-blowing fact and yet throughout society we see the continued use of drugs and alcohol yet no one claims it like this or even entertains that there is emptiness first. Thank you for writing this MAS, it has given me an opportunity to go much deeper with why we choose abuse of ourselves and then expect different results in the world.
Thank you MAS for your honest sharing. So often we readily blame ourselves for abuse and hold it in our body until such time we come to realise that the tarnishing we may feel from these experiences has not touched the true essence of who we are and never has. As you share here, to re-connect and live from the true essence of who we are, we are able to fully and easily know when we are in a situation that is not right for us and able to remove ourselves as part of us honouring and loving ourselves. A great blog offering support for many.
Thank you for sharing “your journey back to yourself”, very beautiful to read.
I was deeply touched MAS that you would open yourself up like this, and can feel the powerful healing this offers us all. Yours is a true testament that one can overcome anything and discover the true joy in themselves once again if they choose self love and responsibility. Deeply inspiring for me, thank you.
I’m very touched by your honesty and strength of heart. You’ve shown that in the face of our lives’ difficulties by knowing ourselves by the precious essence inside us, we can endure and heal, live fully and offer life everything that we bring to it.
MAS what you have shared with us here is not only an amazing account of your glorious return to the tender, lovely and delicate woman that you are, but also a testimony to the fact that our inner essence remains untouched no matter what happens in life. No one can ever take away our divinity.
Its very interesting to read the story of how you were raped and couldn’t speak up about it because of your lack of self worth. It sounds crazy, but it seems to be an all too common scenario, to experience such awful abuse and yet feel that is is your fault. It really highlights how damaging lack of self worth is and how it is something that really needs to be addressed, especially in children. It may take some time but at least it is something that we don’t need to wait for scientists to discover, or that costs a lot, it’s simply taking the time to build trust, self-love & gentleness.
Quite incredible after all you had been through that you have been able to start healing and dealing with your hurts and issues so as to be able to come back to who you are.
I agree, this is a beautiful example that no matter what, we can return to who we truly are.
I agree Rachel and Cindy, it is incredible and as you say: ‘this is a beautiful example that no matter what, we can return to who we truly are’. So often we fall victim to life and blame the cards we are dealt instead of taking responsibility for our lives.
..And isn’t that a beautiful, magical, amazing thing to be celebrating!
This is so true.
It is inspiring to read your blog and how even the hardest of shells can be cracked. I have become so used to my own shell and have not realised until recently that it is crack-able. And once the cracks appear, it is not as scary as I once thought. The cracking is so liberating – just as you have described in this blog. Thank you for sharing.
Love it Nikki – and very true; even the ‘hardest of shells’ can be cracked by presenting them with support and an opportunity to feel love.
Hello MAS, what a very brave sharing. You can feel in this piece of writing the further healing this will bring. It is great you have given your experiences a voice and not locked them in and down. I love how you describe your “inner essence” and how that part of you while being there all along was “untouched” by what you experienced.
By sharing and connecting to yourself and what you were feeling you are able to see ‘more’ of what you truly are. I love how you have unlocked this for yourself and I’m glad that you shared it with us, thank you.
Hello MAS, what a very brave sharing. You can feel in this piece of writing the further healing this will bring. It is great you have given your experiences of voice and not locked them in and down. I love how you describe your “inner essence” and how that part of you while being there all along was “untouched” by what you experienced. Thank you.
Thank you MAS for this deeply honest and touching blog. It is horrendous that our beautiful and vulnerable young girls (and boys) live in a world where sexual abuse is so common and so often inflicted by family members or other ‘friends’. As you say the impact is devastating. That you have managed to make such a recovery through self-love and with support from Esoteric Practitioners is remarkable. What stands out to me is your description of rediscovering your beautiful essence, unscarred and pure patiently awaiting your return. How precious to re-connect again.
From Self-Loathing to self-love and rediscovering your inner essence is a deeply honest, very real account of your life. How beautiful, from coming across Universal Medicine and the amazing healings you were supported by to allow yourself the honouring and building of self-loving ways for your body, to discovering your inner essence and the beautiful woman you are.This is so inspiring for every woman to fully claim ones life and who you are, no matter what you have been through, by learning to be the love you truly are. Thank you for sharing this.
This is an amazing and courageous blog you have shared MAS. The fact that you were already trying to escape abuse from home to only find more violent abuse outside is a measure of what many young women are up against. I experienced constant sexual advances as a teenager from older family members, friends and also from priests. I believed it was a normal part of navigating my way through those years. If only we were taught as young girls that we were the amazing, beautiful, precious and lovable women that we are we would be able to trust our true feelings in these situations and not bring blame on ourselves. You are an inspiration MAS that you have been able to clear this from your body and find the preciousness that you truly are.
Sexual abuse is such an abuse of trust and violation of rights. When we are developing through our teenage years we are learning the ways of the world, how sad that what you learnt from early on is that the world is not to be trusted, that to stand out means you are a target for abuse. What I heard all the way through is that something inside always gave you that feeling that something wasn’t right and that is what you have given a voice through your self care. I hear from what you have shared that through self care you have learnt not to withdraw from the world because of the hurt you have experienced but to look in the mirror and give a voice to the “exquisite inner essence that has been there all along.” Thank you for sharing how it is possible
Thank you, MAS. It is very inspiring to read about the great healing process you have gone through, and to feel that you have been able to re-connect to your essence and truly feel that this part of you never left, no matter what the circumstances. I can also feel that this re-connection has allowed you to see your past in a new light and with a renewed sense of responsibility for how you regard yourself and the knock on affect that has in daily life.
Such an honest and open account of an event, all too often not described in any detail, especially within an public on-line forum. Thank you for sharing the detail and furthermore, your inner world, where the greatest learning comes from for anyone who reads (regardless of sex, age or experiences in life).
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and I love the realisation that you have come to that ‘my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality. By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom.’ This deserves to be widely shared to show that it is possible to heal from traumatic events in our past by choosing to gently learn to love ourselves and treat ourselves lovingly.
The intimate sharing of your life touched me deeply, thank you. To be able to look back today and know that your essence was untouched regardless of what you or others did to you is remarkable and truly inspiring.
What an honest and down-to-earth writing MAS. It is inspiring to read how you have turned your life around from self loathing to self nurturing with the assistance of the dedicated Universal Medicine Practitioners. This is a beautiful blog for any woman, especially with a history of sexual abuse, to read and know there is another way.
I love how you have re-claimed yourself –
“In actual fact, my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality. By choosing to be more self-loving I was able to feel truth more clearly and my confidence and self-worth started to blossom”.
It’s such a strong support to feel how you got out of this vicious circle: ‘being abused/self-abuse’ – for me to break out of it also came with the help of Serge Benhayon. During the healing courses it almost felt to me as if I had an addiction to the victim’s force over the perpetrator. Once I truly felt this, it was easy to step back into true equality and responsibility.
What a journey! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can honestly relate to living with self loathing and to the truth that although the world as it is can be unloving, it is ultimately a choice we make to stay connected to that inner essence or not. Thankfully with the support of Universal Medicine re-connecting to that inner essence and healing many of the hurts that caused the choice to disconnect has been possible.
This is such a strong story of the power of trust, self love and gentleness: To move from needing drugs and alcohol to numb out the pain of missing love, to embracing yourself as the beautiful and loveable woman that you gorgeously claim yourself to be.
Great article, thank you for sharing Mas.
I deeply valued your sharing here. It is proof that no matter how abusive, how unloving, how hurt we may feel, deep within us we are all made of the same thing – love. All we need to do is simply honour it.
I love what you say Joshua that deep within us we are all made of the same thing – Love
I also deeply value what MAS has shared so honestly and openly.
I have come to realise that by writing about real life stuff like this, which does go on in our world and then showing there is another way, we get to feel it is possible to come back from deep hurt and abuse.
Thank God Serge Benhayon is on the earth right now when his teachings are needed so humanity can see and feel there is another way. I know my life no longer has abuse because I have chosen the opposite, which is Love. By that I mean divine Love, not emotional Love.
Beautifully written Joshua, ‘deep within us we are all made of the same thing – love. All we need to do is simply honour it’. This is so true and a great reminder that what ever has happened to us in our lives we can all reconnect to this love.
Very true Joshua, “deep within us we are all made of love” and what a joy it is to find our way back to our love having felt so hurt and injured. It really shows how there is always a silver lining in all situations if we know where to go to find it, inside of ourselves.
Thank you for your sharing – so honestly spoken.
It makes very clear, that there is always a way back to love.
MAS,
I would like to broadcast this statement you made, to the whole world :
“my inner essence was there in its fullness all the while, simply waiting for me to choose to self-love and to return with purpose and vitality.”
The more I learn to love myself the more I feel this beautiful truth. I kept myself locked away from my beautiful essence for SO long!
With the discipline of putting self love first I am re-connecting with what makes me ME and this brings the confidence I never had and the purpose and joy I have been terribly missing!
I love how you describe ‘applying lotion’ in a functional way, not even wanting to be there with yourself…and how that has evolved into a truly nurturing and loving act. That is true transformation!!
…I have just discovered this happening for myself…I am feeling a bit warmth and tenderness towards myself as I wash my face, apply lotion or gently rubbing areas of my body. I am growing increasingly aware of how precious my body is and how much I deserve and can enjoy Love; receiving it from others or giving it to myself!
I never want to live without Love as I can now feel and know it to be again.
Thank you for your open and honest sharing. “what remained untouched was my inner essence – that part of me that is simply me.” No one can take this away from us. As you share it is waiting patiently inside us and I love what you say, “to choose self-love and return to purpose and vitality.”
Thank you MAS, I can very much relate to what you have shared. Though I have never been raped physically in that sense, I have allowed a lot of abuse in my life and have never deemed myself worthy of being loved until I started to take care of my self and consider loving myself and then put this into very practical ways to support me. And being gentle and patient with myself were two things I really had to learn and practice.
I feel the same way, Esther. Having read through this, I noticed although the circumstances are different there are a lot of similarities in my own life I related to. Very inspiring to read, so thank you for sharing MAS.
I love how you allowed yourself the space and time to heal and to slowly rediscover your preciousness and loveliness.
Thank you MAS for sharing your story. I too have found Universal Medicine has supported me to deal with sexual assault and build self love in my own life. It’s a huge story to share and I am grateful you have.