I had my first child at the age of twenty and the responsibility of being a parent came as quite a shock to me. I had believed that marriage, children, and being a good mother would be the solution to the emptiness I felt inside. In spite of the relationship difficulties following the birth of my first child, I had another child the year after, but I still felt empty and overwhelmed. I put all the blame for my unhappiness on my husband and I eventually left the marriage to be in a relationship with someone else.
A Life of Dramas, Alcohol and Abuse
This next relationship was abusive to myself and my children, but I still chose to have another child. My daughter was sexually abused from the age of six through until she was twelve. When she eventually disclosed this abuse to me, I was unable to support her in a loving way. At the same time I became estranged from my two year old son, who was taken out of my care by his father.
My dream of a happy family was diminishing but I hadn’t given up yet; I married a third time and had a fourth child. By this time I was a very heavy drinker and life was just one drama after another. I had wanted so much to be a good mother but I wasn’t able to love and nurture my children in the way I had wanted. This was a great sadness to me and I drank even more to cover up that sadness. By the time the older children were teenagers, they had joined me in the use of alcohol and drugs, and the dramas continued.
My eighteen year old son died in an alcohol related accident when I was forty and not long after I decided to seek help for my drinking addiction. I stopped drinking alcohol and tried to take some responsibility for my life but by now the patterns were so ingrained that it was difficult to make any true changes. I felt guilty and believed I had damaged my children as they were now choosing self-harming behaviours including heroin and alcohol addiction, self-abuse by cutting and also gambling.
My life was dominated by the events in my children’s lives: I was unable to work as I was constantly ‘on call’ for them, answering phone calls in the middle of the night and responding to the many dramas in their lives. I was exhausted and suffered from chronic fatigue. I took one of my granddaughters into my care for five years and then my daughter moved into my home, together with her two younger children for another five years. I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past.
My daughter lost her licence for many years and I became the sole driver for all the family. I was now receiving recognition for being a ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’ but I came to realise that I was just holding everything together by myself and not allowing my daughter to take responsibility for her own life. We eventually agreed to live in separate homes.
Universal Medicine, Self-Love and Learning to Say No
At this time I started attending presentations by Universal Medicine and I began to make choices that were more self-loving. I also began to recognise my own need for drama and my need to be needed.
I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.
I had allowed my daughter to build up large amounts of debt in my name and I began learning to say “no” to further loans. I started saying “no” to buying cigarettes and alcohol for her and I was eventually able to say “no” to lending money altogether, even when they ran out of basic necessities. This was difficult for my family to accept as they were so used to me accommodating their needs. My daughter reacted with anger and she would ostracise me and stop me from seeing the children. I allowed this to affect me and would sometimes revert back to my old patterns of helping them just to feel needed and accepted. I could feel it was not loving to be constantly rescuing my family but it was still very difficult to say no. I was still playing the role of what I believed was being a ‘good mother’ and I was still feeling the guilt of my past choices.
I concentrated on making more self-loving choices. With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I began to realise that I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person. I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.
I started to eat food that generally supported my body. Although by this time I was eating what I believed was a healthy diet, I was still filling up with many foods that made me feel bloated, or uncomfortable. I gradually stopped eating gluten, dairy and sugar and lost 16 kilos and started to look and feel fantastic – old friends tell me that I look much younger now than I used to.
I learnt to listen to my body and started going to bed earlier and waking earlier. I had so much more energy and was able to find employment in Community Aged Care which requires a lot of physical work, but I don’t come home exhausted as I am now more able to remain aware of my own needs while still supporting others.
The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.
Accepting Responsibility and Learning to Appreciate Myself
Consistently living these changes is still a work in progress as I become more of me; I enjoy being the woman I truly am. As a result of these changes my relationship with the family has also changed. I can still offer support at times but am finding it doesn’t need to come from a place of need or guilt in me, or from feeling that I have a role to live up to, which in the past for me was a huge identification with ‘being a good mother’. The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone. I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.
I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight. My life now is changing all the time as I expand my level of self-love and I feel now that I can connect with others more openly. I don’t have to hide from others by feeling a victim anymore as I am now accepting responsibility for my own life.
I appreciate all that I have discovered about myself from what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present. . . and I also appreciate myself for making these choices to change.
By Anonymous, NSW Australia
When we have so many behaviours that are ingrained in us and we make the choice to remove ourselves from them, they attempt to sneak back in to take us back to those old behaviours. As life wants us to remain in these ingrained behaviours we become more addicted to them. It’s a vicious cycle.
Universal Medicine is exactly what it is, universal and everything about it is medicinal. It is up to the person whether their presentation supports them or not.
It is through this constant emptiness that I came to Universal Medicine and my life has changed since, because I made the choice to do so. We all have our reasons to make the choice to do something about this emptiness that is probably within all of us, but it is ultimately when we decide to take responsibility, that things change.
To have experienced the hardships that you have, one could understand a life of drinking and drowning one’s sorrows to continue till the end. However, there came a point where you know there was more to life and with the right support you were ready to make the change that no one else could make for you. A key ingredient was the willingness to do so – to make the change in other words to actually live it. This is very powerful indeed.
This is absolute GOLD: “The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” – it is all about valuing and appreciating who we are in way that no one can sway as we know the truth to the bone.
That statement is GOLD, it is when we realise that we and our body’s take precedent then anything else, that change and true support appears.
Wow Anon – this is an amazing turn around of your life. From living in a way that was not supporting you, to making choices and changes to look after yourself more and set boundaries and respect yourself as well as others, in effect taking more responsibility in life, has set you free. This is a gift worth celebrating. I too have left behind much drama and learned to set many boundaries and the best part for me is knowing that this is only just the beginning of what we can change in our lives when we begin the path of self care and self love. Things only keep expanding and unfolding.
It is possible to resurrect out of abuse, addiction, and poor health and wellbeing. What’s been described here is a truly amazing reflection of what Universal Medicine offer because usually such a family life repeats and repeats, everyone is stuck, and it can become generational, and often for many generations. Abuse is terrible to experience and often our coping mechanisms are more self abuse, like alcohol or poor diet, or a lack of self care. Universal Medicine are simply extraordinary with the simple and empowering tools they offer people to resurrect out of these situations – congratulations to the writer for overcoming so much.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight” – I can so relate to this, and I know how obliging we can be to keep repeating a pattern or playing a role, even though we know it’s not serving anyone. Patterns are addiction, and familiarity is comfort.
Learning to say ‘No’ to the attraction of being needed is to say ‘Yes’ to love for yourself and for others.
Loving and accepting ourselves changes so much, ‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.’
What an amazing turn around and journey of self discovery.
There is this sense of emptiness in many of us that we try to assuage by running around after other people trying to fix them rather than stopping to fix ourselves. So for you to come to the understanding that you need support too and that you are not a failure but amazing person is such a healing and a lesson in self forgiveness.
Appreciating our loving choices inspires us to make more of them rather than waiting for outside motivation.
Appreciation is a great support for ourselves, ‘The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family ‘.
“The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” Love this observation, it is so very true – self love – the basis of any relationship.
Putting others before us is exhausting, not only because of the physical demands we place on ourselves but when we deprive ourselves from care and nurturing the body has no fuel to run on. When we’re malnourished we cannot think clearly, when we’re sleep deprived we cannot focus. All of these can bring us to a state of feeling given up, this feeling of giving up can make us feel like we’re dragging our feet, being sluggish is also another symptom of somebody who doesn’t nurture themselves. All of these things are exhausting to the body because there’s no thirst for life, there’s no motivation, inspiration or something to look forward to. Life can become a drag of to-do lists and miserable days. These little things are so vital for our health and well-being, yet we seem to have forgotten them. No app, or piece of technology will ever be able to replace the little simple things like taking a nap when tired or eating a nourishing meal when hungry.
“With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I began to realise that I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person”. Thank you for sharing these words, as they are words I too could write. To come to know myself as the amazing person I am has been a gradual process of unfolding back from the woman who often felt like a helpless victim of life, to a vibrant and beautiful woman who knows who she is, and has committed to living all of her in this world. A turnaround in my life that many years ago I would have never thought was possible; but it was.
And how many more women and men out there think they are failures and write themselves off when in fact they are packets of gold just waiting to shine….We all deserve to be reminded of who we are, and then from there it is our responsibility to activate this and begin to live it. Thank you Ingrid for highlighting this aspect and how the seemingly impossible is actually very possible.
Saying no, especially to family, is not something we are taught to do in society today. We even get recognition, as you did, for putting up with non loving behaviour from others. Yet saying no can be what’s needed, for the other to learn certain life lessons. To say no to our own non-loving behaviors too, of course and to appreciate even small more loving changes that we make.
Making self- loving choices, the way out of chaos and into a more harmonious way of living. Thankyou for sharing your story Anonymous.
We save ourselves and no one else but the beauty of this is that the moment the saviour light is resurrected from within and lived, all others are bathed in the reflection of this whether they choose to resurrect that which also lives within them or not.
“I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” Learning to say NO is one of the more loving things that we can do for ourselves.
Helping others is not always about saying YES but sometimes we need to hear and say the word NO. For ourselves and others.
“The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.”
Love this, it is so important. If we don’t have self love all aspects of our life suffer.
I have found that there are so many things we can do to try and fill the emptiness that is felt from continually living without connection with our soul, and yet, as none of these really ultimately work, the emptiness never goes away. Which is how the spirit runs the body until such time that this can be done no more, and the soul is called for once again.
What exhausts us is the constant chatter, out of control thoughts and the nervous tension we seem to be running on. We can do everything we are doing in a calm manner, in such manner the body is not overworked.
Self-love is such a powerful foundation to loving ourselves and making choices that support and nurture us. Without introducing self-love into my life I would still be accepting abuse in my relationships. I am so grateful for attending Serge Benhayon presentations and being offered absolute gold on a consistent basis.
Enjoying being you.. I think we underestimate the effect that this has on those around us, but when we see it and feel it in others, it’s super inspiring to feel and to be around.
When it comes to learning to be a mother/father and remain true to who we are I love this line “Accepting Responsibility and Learning to Appreciate Myself” it shows that we already have everything and all the tools but its about building that relationship with who we are first before anything else.
Inspiring to read how you’ve turned your life around by learning what it is to learn to love and support yourself, and how that then supports everyone around you, too. When we placate and please others out of sympathy or guilt, there is no learning, no responsibility and no evolution. It can feel so hard to not do that, if we’re needy ourselves, and needing to do something – to make another feel good – to gain recognition or acceptance from them. As you’ve so beautifully shared, turning this ingrained pattern around starts with increasing the love we have for ourselves, through our moment to moment decisions to take care of ourselves and our bodies. When we do that, we are so much better able to take care of and support others, in a way that truly supports them to take care of themselves.
When we make decisions from guilt it can really cloud our understanding of what would actually be the most supportive thing to do for another.
I made many of those guilt-loaded decisions over the years of my life, thinking at the time it was the best thing to do, but it didn’t usually turn out so well, for anyone. Guilt is an emotion that is so damaging, firstly to the carrier of the guilt, and secondly to all those around them, as any movements made in this guilt can be felt energetically. Guilt definitely clouds the truth that is always waiting to be expressed.
How inspiring that you were able to finally let go of what was holding you in the past which then allowed you to step into the present and into a life which bears no resemblance to the life you struggled through for so long. Such an important message to us all, that it is never too late to change and it often starts with one simple choice; the choice to begin to know who we truly are.
I think this an amazing sharing it is so unusual that people come back from societal shame, I am so inspired especially over forgiving yourself around mothering.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past” This is so powerful, how many bad choices do we still hold ourselves accountable for? how many jails have we put ourselves and others into? What if we don’t need to be defined by the past, but accept today and moment as a fresh opportunity?
It’s an amazing turnaround and a very inspiring story. I’m not a mother however I could relate to this line “My life was dominated by the events in my children’s lives”. This can easily happen as family members or in friendships when we don’t know how to love and care for ourselves first. Story after story I read of Universal Medicine students share the same miracle, that the simplest changes to self care and self love by listening to the body and placing ourselves first results in lives miraculously turning around. It’s not just our bodies that benefit but our relationships, our self worth, and our communities as we can commit to work and volunteering when we deeply care for ourselves.
When we cannot love ourselves, then to me life is a misery because we all missing that deep connection within that for most of us we are totally unaware of.
I can say I was totally unaware of any such connection and if I had not found Universal Medicine would still be unaware and still in deep misery.
Universal Medicine has supported with turning around many lives, lives of people who are amazing and simply have forgotten how amazing they are. The inspiration from someone who lives a truth is a strong impression that stays with you forever and is one of the greatest gifts we can receive.
Self loving choices are fundamental to bringing true change into our lives.
Self loving choices could start simply with what we choose to eat, ‘I started to eat food that generally supported my body.’
To understand that we are not bad but simply need to take responsibility for our choices and thus can in every moment make different choices that are self loving and caring is a huge revelation and a turnaround point in life where we start to understand our worth and thus can start to live it every day more.
Removing all the judgment and labelling of ourselves as bad, etc, can allow us to let go of the past and move on into more love. Yes we take responsibility for the past but it doesn’t need to be done with condemnation, just loving understanding. It’s better to let go and embrace love than to hang on to regret, remorse and guilt.
The more we deepen our own care and love for ourselves, the less we seek that from others – and the less concerned we are by what others think of us. We learn to hold a depth of steadiness that doesn’t need anything from the outside to validate it.
Parenthood is never a solution to the troubled life we live and create. Tempting as it may be, coming into parenting in such a pattern of movement is an assured problem down the road, except that this time is even more difficult to deal with. Yet, this is how life works. It gives us new opportunities all the time to deal with our problems and learn from them.
What a great blog to have as a gift when one leaves the maternity hospital with their precious bundle reminding us there is more than one precious bundle to care for!
True love always starts with self-love
yes it does Chris
Sometimes the choices we make may seem harsh, simply because we are breaking the patterns of what life has looked so far – the caring mother, who is actually manipulating her children or the hardworking employee who is only doing it for recognition. When we break these patterns, the truth comes to the surface, truth that is not so pleasant, truth that we often react to.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past ” Its crazy how we hold onto a lie about ourselves – for some this lie can be lived out for the whole of their life, we always have the choice to get out of the illusion we have self imposed.
You did this Anonymous and broke though the chains and now by reflection showing others they can also do the same. – Awesome work!
When we read stories like this it is hard to believe that there is a way back from it all but clearly, there is. Well done Anonymous for finding the Esoteric Practitioners that could help you.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine support many people to turn their lives around.
When we are in something it is very hard to feel that there is another way as our whole way of living is constantly recreating itself. By introducing different true movements, self-care and self-love, we can come out of this step by step whatever the situation is.
And guilt is from this world of creation, but does not exist in the holding of God we are are from. Therefore it is only a thought that keeps us trapped in the illusion that we are only people and not the gods we truly are and in which guilt or right and wrong does not exist.
It is so freeing to understand that all what we experience in life is just an experience and not us, the divine essence we all have deep inside.
When we reconnect to our essence, we find that we are so much more than our mind wants us to make us belief based on our past experiences.
It is extra-ordinary to see what you have turned around – well done. We are rarely encouraged to say no when someone asks us for something, and if we do then there can be a sense of how dare we and yet it doesn’t encourage anyone to learn the life skills they need to live a fulfilled and engaged life.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” I find this line so interesting, because how many times and how many people have had this thought – I suspect everyone – and yet it is possible to free yourself and shed the old way of being and start afresh.
We hold on to patterns so tight and they become our ‘safety blanket’ yet deep down inside we know that they serve little to support us and the potential we have to live a more connected and true way of being.
I am sure many of us can relate to seeking “recognition for being a good mother, a good father, a good person”, but in the process of trying to live our lives for others we start to lose connection with the person we truly are. Needing recognition will only be no longer sought when we reconnect to the amazing person we naturally are and begin to live this amazingness, no matter what others think.
Rescuing others from their own lessons does not teach anyone responsibility.
“I can still offer support at times but am finding it doesn’t need to come from a place of need or guilt in me, or from feeling that I have a role to live up to, which in the past for me was a huge identification with ‘being a good mother’. The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone. I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices” – this is huge. We often allow a picture of ideal to dictate how we live and what choices to make. All we ever need to do is to live simply according to the love we connect to inside us.
Saying no can be the most loving act of all. When we give from a foundation of love the receiver is truly blessed.
‘The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family.’ Very true anonymous, our presence and quality speaks far louder than any words we could every say.
Yes, we have been led to believe change comes from words but in fact very few words need to be spoken. The more important element is deepening the relationship with ourselves and just living that to the full.
I love how everything in life comes back to the depth of quality, love and care that are first with ourselves and can then support others with. Doing things for others without caring for ourselves has clearly shown not to be the answer.
That’s the tricky thing, all the while we stay a victim of our own life we cannot and do not take responsibility for our own life and accept that all the lessons we have, even the ones we see as being harsh and unpleasant are there for us to learn – for it is a reality that we can indeed grow from any experience we have.
“I started learning to say ‘no’ to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” To not take ownership of our children and to be able to detach from any pictured outcomes of what we wish for them, frees them to take more responsibility for their own lives and allows them to become more self-empowered, independent and self-sufficient. Their lives become so much more.
Your story is so incredibly inspiring. We are not our past actions, we are what we have always been within, a son of God, we need only to walk back to God and claim all we are to see this truth.
Living with guilt is so very draining and impacts just not on how we are living but also on those around us, often in subtle ways. This guilt often fuels us to over compensate as we try to fix things and people but the energy behind the wanting to fix always comes laced with this deleterious energy. Letting go of this guilt is the most amazing feeling of liberation and as a result life begins to flow with joy once again.
I agree Ingrid, having lived with guilt in the past I can feel how exhausting and harming this was, often putting myself last and doing everything for others certainly wasn’t great for my overall health or well-being.
When we put a role or task before our body we know we are gone. ‘Just this one time’ our spirit says but this is a straight out lie designed to test our strength. We think we get away with these indiscretions but we never do – they come at a cost to the Love in you. It’s never too late to learn these facts though, as you show Anonymous.
‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past…’ I have learned from Serge Benhayon that we have the option to live the future and not be anchored to our past. If we are beholden to our past, we are destined to simply repeat our patterns and momentums over again. But living ‘from’ the future supports us to let go of those patterns and realign ourselves to an entirely different way.
“The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone.” A powerful inspiration that there is another way to be.
We say we have a hard life and horrible things happen – and we do. But what you show us Anonymous and beautifully so is that it’s from us that these things originally flow – we instigate abuse the rest just follows.
We are the authors of our own stories.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” So many people are stuck in their past and do not see a way out. The truth is there is a way out and it begins with us re-connecting with who we are (our essence) and then beginning to live that to the best of our ability. In this way no-one needs to be defined by their past.
Yes, agreed Elizabeth Dolan. There is another way and we do not have to remain ‘victims’ of our past.
Saying no when we feel that it is a no is truly important. Yet, important as this is, it is not yet the world of yes (what do we say yes to). The two worlds no and yes, represent two different levels of awareness.
I know parents who feel they have to make it up to their kids, later on, supporting then at the expense of their own health. It is not uncommon, and in this, we are asked to break patterns and the illusion of family and guilt. This story is a big deal because it breaks this very cycle and as a result, there is so much more love and responsibility within the family
When we repeat and repeat and repeat a pattern of behaviour, it can become so deeply ingrained in us that we often think it is us. Your blog is an inspiring read to show us that we are not these patterns of behaviours and that we can extricate ourselves from them with honesty, love and dedication. Serge Benhayon was ‘the one’ for many of us, and now by us living what is presented to us, we become ‘the one’ for others, and so forth and so forth. This way we are all ‘the one’.
Whether we are an exhausted mother, employee, employer etc it means that we are not supporting our body with what it needs. Learning to listen to our body is vital for true vitality.
What I’m learning is, responsibility can not expand us if appreciation is not hot on it’s heels.
What an amazing transformation. Our lives lived from emptiness are an avenue through which we allow abuse and harm to enter. When we lose sense of who we are we seek to identify ourselves at all costs, as such we willingly disregard our bodies and our connection to our love within. Beautiful to feel that no matter how far away we wander from embracing, appreciating, and honoring our love within, our amazingness, it always awaits to be connected to again and again, deeper and deeper.
The need to needed is pernicious and a great one to shine light on! Changed my relationship with my daughter over night with sleepy issues, once I realised I was part of the reason she kept waking. Amazing.
Taking responsibility for our selves and our lives is actually a joy – just as you describe Anonymous.
When we connect to our past it doesn’t have to be from a place of guilt, shame, remorse etc but from simply observing. In this we don’t hold ourselves to ransom but still take responsibility for the choices we have made.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past” – this is a powerful belief that holds us back from realising that we can release the past just by making more loving choices now. This is freedom. Of course we have to be accountable for our past but not as sinners begging for forgiveness, we forgive ourselves through making different choices.
“I had believed that marriage, children, and being a good mother would be the solution to the emptiness I felt inside.” i have no doubt that this is exactly what so many people felt, for myself I saw a relationship with someone as solving that emptiness inside and yet what has changed that is by deepening the level of care and love for myself as inspired by Universal Medicine.
Your story blows me away; the change you have made is so massive. It can become a vicious circle of self sabotage when our lack of self love is feed instead of being healed and brought back to love.
Learning to listen to our body and its many messages is a key step in healing, and then taking time to appreciate the loving changes we have brought in, ‘The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family.’
I can understand how women can become completely exhausted as a mother, as it is indoctrinated into us to be there for our children no matter what. That we need to put there needs before our own, but usually this happens at our own expense. So your sharing of how you turned this around is very wonderful and inspiring for many women.
Learning to say ‘no’ when it is not supporting all with love can be difficult at the beginning but well worth the perseverance, ‘I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.’
It is always important to appreciate the changes we make in our lives that are true to us and allow us to be more of who we truly are. However small these changes are, they all support nonetheless in allowing us to live a more joy-full, simple and loving life with all.
Accepting and appreciating ourselves is the first step to starting to allow the love already within us to expand pushing the emptiness out. The seed that lets us know that we are more and that there is so much more for us never dies or even lays dormant – it keeps moving around inside us until we start to listen and act – Thank you for bringing through and sharing your light with us all.
‘I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.’ It is never too late to build relationships that are based on love instead of sympathy or mothering from a need, guilt or shame. Your sharing is an amazing testimonial we can come back to loving ourselves after a lifetime of abuse and self abuse in many ways and how everybody benefits from this choice.
What a great sharing, a complete turn around from self abuse and giving your power away, to giving far more to others in a true sense when true self love is made. It’s a terrible illusion we play ball with to think we offer care by doing things for other out of emotions energy.
I was talking to a group of friends about parenting last night. We have so many beliefs about what a parent should do and how they should behave. I know my beliefs got in the way of me building open honest relationships with my children, however I love that I’m always learning and that I don’t feel its too late to change the way I relate to myself and others.
This is such a beautiful story about the huge effects honesty has. It can and does transform our lives when we are honest with ourselves.
What a journey ,from being totally over whelmed to now taking charge of your life. The biggest lesson for me too is to say NO, I still find it hard but when I honour how I feel and what is right for me I feel great and life is not so much more smooth sailing ! There is so much I owe to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine!
Brilliant Anonymous, if we are truly unhappy with the quality of our relationships, fed up with the squabbles and fights we have, then we will stop and finally look at the quality of connection and care we have with ourselves. Do we treat ourselves with care? Do we nurture our body and give it it’s true deserts? Or do we ignore, push and drive through life propelled by our hurts? For if the second is true, is it any wonder that our life reflects that back? Could the truth be as simple as, the care you give yourself is what effects everything? If it is, just how important is the Love we choose to show ourselves?
The way you express free of judgement is very healing to feel. Thank you.
There is nothing like being met and seen for who we truly are underneath all the drama, chaos and self-destructive behaviours. Serge Benhayon has that capacity – to know us from our essence first – and all Universal Medicine practitioners are shown how to live and work with that same understanding. This is an extremely supportive stance, one that well sets us on the path of healing.
Anonymous your powerful story proves, via the introduction of self-love into one’s life, that it is possible to come back from anything.
feeling that I have a role to live up to, which in the past for me was a huge identification’ So many of us adopt a role, like being a ‘good’ something that we fulfil to the best of our capabilities or we get by as long as we keep that role in place. When we let ourselves put those roles to one side we can feel lost and purpose less and yet it is by letting these identifications go that we find not just ourselves but our purpose in life. Having support in this is huge and that’s where the Universal Medicine presentations and healing sessions can be of the utmost benefit.
What is offered in this blog is truly amazing as it brings to light what so many women are feeling in their lives today. The ideals and beliefs that are sold to us endlessly on how to be and what to bring leaving our innate and divine wisdom behind. Thank you for sharing how life as a mother and woman can be celebrated in equlaness without adding to the overwhelm and fatigue that is plague our current world climate.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past” – this is so important, how many people in the world believe their lives are at best tainted by their past choices and experiences? There needs to be more blogs like yours out in the world that prove that no matter what’s happened or what you’ve done today is a fresh start and we don’t have to carry the imperfections of our past with us.
There is so much in this article, the relationships, physical transformation etc and while I won’t say I necessarily agree with every part overall this sits as an amazing testament of change in a persons life. The turn around must be a joy to see for those around it and I am sure this will continue given this article. A part that stood out to me is, “I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” For me this highlights what we carry around and how it still impacts on us. At any point if you do something that is perceived as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or similar you can spend your whole life trying to make up for it which never happens and you carry and base everything on that perception? This is pretty big and we think it’s ‘just us’ or ‘just how we are’ when in fact it’s all comes back to at time one thing that may have happened but isn’t the ‘true’ you. I think this is the biggest message I took from this article today.
What an inspirational blog; one that makes it very clear that we do not have to stay in the negative patterns that we have allowed to run our lives. We always have a choice and you certainly have made some amazingly self loving ones which have in turn lead to a wonderful turnaround in your life, although I can tell it was not easy at times. But you persevered and you have finally become the “woman that you truly are” and always had been. This definitely is a reason to celebrate.
I very much appreciate what you have shared here Anonymous; your courage and your transformation is very inspiring. What a wonderful gift to your children; the gift of knowing, feeling and being loved by the true you.
“The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone.” I absolutely love this blog and this sentence sums the message up beautifully. When we choose to accept ourselves just as we are we have an opportunity to live our true potential. The choice to live our potential can result in being on the receiving end of reactions and jealousy but if we look past this we will see we are offering others true love.
I have meet many people who attend Universal Medicine over the years with stories similar to yours. It’s always mind blowing when I hear the words come out of their mouth when they tell me their story, and see this incredibly steady, tender, loving person in front of me. How far many have come in the level of care and responsibility they now choose for themselves. One miracle after another.
You have a huge amount to appreciate Anonymous. The first time I read this blog I was stunned by your openness and humility and I remain stunned and amazed now. It is never to late to come back to the truth of who we are and you are living proof of this.
This is a wonderful outcome for you and yours Anonymous, after all your hard work. It is an amazing turn around and inspiration for all who read your sharing.
This is so inspiring. The thoughts we can have that tell us we will never be able to change, that we have ‘made or bed…’ so to speak, are absolute illusion and lies. We all have choices, every moment, and if we consistently choose something different to our ‘norm’, we will change.
‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.’ Beautiful how through changing our choices we become more connected to the love we hold within ourselves.
“I was now receiving recognition for being a ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’” This is currently what society holds up to be model behaviour, however it supports no-one to continue to pander to their wants – this is not love in the true sense of the word. Sometimes letting people (family) fall apart enables them to start taking responsibility for their actions. Letting go of the need to be liked, approved of or recognised has played a big part for me in this.
What is very interesting, and revealing here, is at the start of the article, where the writer talks about trying again and again with things that have been proven not to work… How many people are treading the paths that they have trodden before, knowing deep down that these paths lead nowhere yet the path is extremely well worn
” l am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person”.
I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.” To allow yourself to have and claim this realisation after the traumatic life you have lived is a true blessing. Your self loving choices are the key to achieving this transformation. We must all keep on getting up and walking for truth, as it is our inevitable way forward.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past” – this really stood out for me, as I can feel I sometimes have moments of shame/guilt/regret casting over me. I remember Serge Benhayon presenting a few years ago about how to deal with our past ‘mistakes’ – the things we wished we had never done – and it was so easily undone by 2 simple questions “Did I know any different?” “Would I do it again?” – no, then move on.
An incredible story of dragging yourself through hell and back and still knowing there was something more, that you deserved so much more and were worth all of it.
Sometimes the most loving thing to do for others is step away, and if they fall flat on their face so be it. Allowing others to take responsibility for themselves has been something I too have grappled with, but self love when practiced really brings about a balance which allows what is not true (like rescuing others) to come to the surface.
What you share Anonymous sounds so difficult and sad and we could leave it at that if it wasn’t for one important fact: the understanding that all the abuse we experience in our life is there as a perfect mirror for how we are in ourselves, and the abuse we choose to accept. You show beautifully how as you decided to say no to this energy that simply was not you, the more your life and people around you changed too. This flips on its head the way we see the violence and abuse that goes on in the world.
This is a very powerful story Anonymous, thank you for your frank honesty. Letting go guilt and shame about the things we have done in the past is not always easy, but very liberating when we realise that we are not defined by these choices. They were simply that… choices made from an emptiness in the futile attempt to make ourselves feel better, or feel nothing (more to the point). Universal Medicine’s most foundational teaching is that who we are is untouched by any choice we make. No room for self-recrimination or condemnation in that, only the responsibility for what part of us we remain connected to and make choices from.
I feel so inspired by reading this today anonymous. Thank you for sharing your story and how, by allowing support and becoming more honest, taking more care of yourself, you have let go of some ingrained patterns and turned your life around. Taking responsibility for our own choices and lives is not selfish but absolutely necessary. Love is not dependent on another, but something we all hold within.
It is beautiful to read how you committed to making self loving choices and as such developed an honesty that taught you to say no to what was not true and embrace what was. It is truly amazing how a drop of love in one area can expand throughout your entire life to transform the you you once were to the you you now are.
So powerfully shared Anonymous. You have lived through a great deal of horrific events that would give anyone a perfectly good excuse to self destruct and yet you have built an incredible life of love and connection instead. Truly amazing.
Very beautiful blog anonymous. There are many pictures and ideals of what love is in the world and especially in family this can cause a lot of abuse, as in doing so much for others and accepting things we would not accept from a stranger. This is not true love and your learning in saying no to your daughter etc. is a great example of what true love can look like. Sometimes it is more loving to let someone take responsibility back for their own life instead of ‘medicating’ the ill that is there by lending money and jumping in all the time when it is this tight.
It’s amazing how much time we spend either rescuing others or waiting and wanting to be rescued by another ourselves when the truth is the only one we can ever save is ourselves and then from that place inspire others to make the choice to save themselves.
What people have done to fill the emptiness fills the history books of humanity…. What truly does complete us is always written within in our inner hearts
Your story is incredible, how far you have come is nothing short of a miracle. The impact your reflection must have on people would ripple out to the many. Incredibly brave, honest and committed to being all the love you know you are. Awesome.
https://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2015/02/22/my-teeth-and-what-they-have-taught-me/#more-658
It must be difficult to see your children struggling and I would imagine the reasoned response would be to go help them, even if this is a repetitive act. It takes courage to say not and actually allow them to develop their own independence, and yet what I felt most strongly in reading this was how much real support you were then able to offer when you set your boundaries and really started to make changes and care for yourself. This was a fantastic read.
Deep down we are all equally from the same love, we are all evolving back to this and it is just a process of saying no to what is not true and embracing and appreciting our true quality.
This is an inspiring story that so many would be benefit from reading. Saying no when what is asked for is a divulging of one’s commitment to their own lives, to responsibility is saying a huge yes to the fact that we are more and that love is what we all deserve.
“I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” This is such a huge one, not only for mothers, but for women in general. We as women tend to over commit, take over responsibility and rescuing people. This then exhausts us and we become resentful to others, when in fact it is our own doing.
I have learnt over time, and through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, that saying yes when my whole body is telling me to say no is the greatest form of self abuse; no more!
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your story and your wisdom.
This is a truly inspirational sharing, It is a lifetime of lessons packed into a blog. Lessons that are common to many like this one . . . ” I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities”. There is so much gold here in your lived life Anonymous I really appreciate your expressing all that you have.
Amazing how far you have come Anonymous this is some story, and one that shows no matter how far we stray from what we know is true there is always a way back. Universal Medicine has been showing us that way back now and has helped and supported many to find their true call and to drop behaviours and patterns that were harming them and others.
We can make different choices at anytime and change the patterns of our lives. It also means that those around us have an opportunity to change as well but that is their choice. We can only be responsible for the choices we make.
The ability to choose a way of living that is unencumbered by the belief that the past defines the future is simply possible by choosing to connect with who we are, and make that our daily true north. Simple, but yet often not easy, for the past hurts need to be seen from the light of that true north, and as such cleared away.
There is a form of narcissism (if you want to call it that) that we rarely consider – and that is the narcissism of “doing good”. By that I mean often if you look deeply enough, you will realise that the most benevolent of actions are often done for self recognition, and to make oneself feel better. As a result, such actions, whilst outwardly cannot be faulted for their generosity, are ultimately self serving, and as such do little to truly assist another by providing what is truly needed.
We know innately inside that life itself is a process of saying yes to Love, but the part we haven’t wanted to see is that this starts for you and me, by saying a firm and steady ‘no’ to the things in life that don’t help us grow, that pulls us down and hinder our beauty. This may make us seem unwilling or even make us become unpopular, but in choosing what we know is right we are saying yes to the real me and you. Thank you Anonymous for sharing powerfully what happens when you do.
Saying no to what we know is less than who we are is simple when we choose to make life about learning.
Wow from totally destroying yourself to loving who you are as a women – your story is ultimate proof that you can change your whole life around when you start to make different choices, take responsibility and start to deeply care for yourself.
Yes l thoroughly agree Meg. Someone did it. They turned their life around from absolute misery to a life of love and truth. If one has done it then it means it’s possible for all who live in this misery space to do it also. It’s just a choice. Then another, then another to turn the tide. We have all the love and support we need in the unseen realms. We are not alone. We are deeply held and deeply loved. All is within us to make these forward steps.
I keep coming back to this blog, deeply inspired by your transformation Anonymous and by your responsibility to yourself and the people around you. No more rescuing, instead true support to encourage people to take full responsibility for their behaviour, actions and impact on others. I totally agree with the comment by Sarah, what a woman you are.
I have to admit that I have read this blog quite a few times but I really get immersed it in each time. I am in disbelief of how intense your life was before Universal Medicine, what you have been through and come out the other end of is truly incredible, you’re an inspiration to others, I cant thank you enough for dedicating the time to then share your story with the world, what a woman.
I am becoming increasingly aware of the choice to go into drama or not. Dramas can happen all of the time if we allow them. Not that long ago, I would easily cause a drama but today I am finding that creating a space to stop and question whether it is really worth going into creating a scene and what is really important are supporting me enormously to stay with myself and accept the situation for what it is. Life is very different.
It is beautiful to feel your appreciation for the changes you have chosen to make and the wider impact of these.
‘I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ This feels like such a huge gift to give anyone especially our children and one that I struggled with when I was a single parent feeling that it was all down to me to sort stuff out but I have recognised in recent years how disempowering this is.
“ I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” This is such an important lesson for any parent to learn.
I agree Mary, learning to say ‘No’ to our family’s needs is such an important learning for everyone. There are so many ideals and beliefs as women we have taken on in how a mother ‘should’ be to the demands of those around them. Sometimes I have to catch myself falling into this trap to be reminded that I am a woman first and foremost.
The letting go and choosing to heal our hurts allows us the opportunity to be transparent, just as who we are embracing our vulnerabilities with no protection, regret or shame for our past deeds. This is a true healing that is offered to all those around us beyond what we realise.
There is only a small percentage of people that deliberately hurt their children for the most part we love and nurture our children to the best of our ability with the skills and resources we have at the time unfortunately so many of us parent from our hurts because that is or was all we know at the time. Taking responsibility for healing our hurts and letting go of the pictures we carry of how life should be frees us to be all the love that we are and naturally we reflect in our parenting and all other areas of our life.
This really reflects to me to power of taking responsibility for ourselves, for what we bring to any relationship (family or otherwise) and how much this then supports those around us.
I get so inspired when I read life stories like this, it just feels like anything is possible, when you think of what a potentially traumatic life that you have lived through, to come out the other side, stronger, fitter, more solid. What you offer the world with your raw honesty is inspirational.
I agree Sarah, it is inspiring because it shows us we can heal from any past trauma or deep hurts and live a truly loving life.
If we forever judge ourselves for the choices we have made in the past it keeps us going round and round in the same dramatic circles feeding our thoughts that we are a repetitive a victim of our past and in turn, thwarts any opportunity to close the door to letting them go, healing and beginning again.
It’s amazing how much better you feel and how much more enjoyable life is when you simply start to look after yourself more. It shouldn’t be one of life’s greatest secrets, yet nobody seems to know about it!
That is an incredible turnaround. It is rare to do that and I am deeply appreciative of you sharing your story because it shows others that this is possible. From my experience of talking to people in these situations, the hardest thing is trusting it is possible to get out of it. Taking responsibility for our own lives and own decisions lays the foundations to understand how important it is to support our children to learn to do the same. Saving them is not always the way they learn that they can do things, that they are amazingly fit and able to make their own valuable mark on the world.
This is a very honest and raw account of a life, Anonymous, that many could relate to in varying ways. I know for myself drama was a huge part of my life . . . so was being everything for everyone and also not feeling properly equipped to handle all that was there to be handled. My biggest mistake was being so involved in all my family members ups and downs; something I still often struggle with. Identifying as a mother brings all this to the fore and needs to be dropped altogether This I can do in an instant but have found I can also pick it up in an instant. It is all a choice in the moment.
Anonymous, thank you for taking the time to share this with us. It is an extraordinary piece of writing – on many levels. Firstly I gained such an insight into your life when you were raising your family. Society can be so quick to judge people in similar circumstances to you but you shared some of why you were making these decisions and my compassion and understanding expanded. When we do that, there is less room for judgement. And then the power of what you chose to do next – to start to truly care for yourself and to learn to come from a place of support, love and truth with your family as opposed to hurts/guilt and need is incredible. This line – “the more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone” is gold. There is no need to harp on at people to make changes or to do this or that, you can simply be the change yourself and then offer it as a reflection. And as your writing shows, these changes can be made by anyone in any circumstances.
This is amazing Anonymous. The image of the ‘good mother’ and how we have used it to cover our emptiness imagining that all will be hunky-dory when we ‘accomplish’ that role, is such a ‘carrot’ for us women. It is all ‘need and protection’ as you have so well described. What a true role you are playing now and not in a drama, but in real life.
What an extraordinary transformation Anonymous, thank you for such honesty and openness in what you have shared. Very, very inspiring!
So many people believe you ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ and that they are ‘too old to change’. This amazing story is proof of the exact opposite. That it’s possible to turn your life around with true healing and commitment to becoming more of who we truly are.
I love the simple wisdom expressed in this line ‘ The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family’. Well said Anonymous, what a true support you become to everyone around you when you live responsibly and make choices that are self-loving and deeply nurturing.
Whilst reading your blog Anonymous I felt a very deep appreciation for your courage and the level of responsibility you have by making self loving choices; all power and love to you. A deeply inspirational read.
Being responsible for our own lives is to be embraced and appreciated, not seen as a burden. We have so much love to bring to this world when we choose.
Beautiful blog to read how your whole life has changed and how you now take responsibility for your own life, and at the same time allow the space for others to take responsibility for themselves.
Anonymous, your words ‘I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past.’ When we try to make up for past mistakes from guilt, we are not making choices from a loving point, as while we are running around making sure everyone is alright, we forget to look after ourselves.
I have tears in my eyes, I feel truly blessed to read your story. Amazing the changes you made, what an inspiration you are. Thank you Anonymous.
Wow you are an inspiration. I can so feel the life you had lived and the life you are now choosing for yourself is so different. This is a testament that with self care and self love we can turn life around. Thank you, this is an incredible reflection.
What an absolutely beautiful and inspirational story of transformation, self love and responsibility. I loved and really appreciated how you are no longer playing the victim role, instead claiming the divine loving woman you are.
What you share is beautiful. As a mother there can be so much guilt and wanting to protect our children. Yet in a world where responsibility is foundational, this does not support anyone. It can be hard to break out of this cycle and what you have done is incredible.
“I also began to recognise my own need for drama and my need to be needed”. Drama is something that is often used to fill up an emptiness as it is the need to be needed. When drama is stripped away it can be quite confronting and realising we are the creators of drama is hugely healing. The need to be needed adds a toxicity to relationships and is very imposing. These two things can impact our lives hugely and dropping them is very freeing.
It is all about taking responsibility not choosing to care for the needs of others without staying with ourself is a great gift we can give ourself and the other, giving them the responsibility to change their life or not.
Really inspiring and beautiful to read Anonymous, thank you for sharing so honestly, amazing the changes that you have made to your life when you brought in self love and care and became responsible for all your choices without judgment or guilt, but with understanding.
It’s inspiring to read of the changes you’ve been able to make in your life Anonymous and the difference it’s made within your family from your choice in turn to be inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who are both making a difference in so many lives (mine included).
We can become so caught up in the idea of being “good” to others that we lose sight of what’s actually true. Being good to others doesn’t equate to loving them and enables them to stay in their patterns of irresponsibility. Love is allowing another to experience the consequences in order for them to learn the lesson on offer.
Anonymous, you have certainly changed your life around! What stands out to me is that we often want what we consider is ‘the best’ for those close to us and we bend over backwards to try and help them so that their lives are made ‘better’, yet become frustrated when things don’t work out the way we want them to. As you have shown in your situation Anonymous, the most support we can give another is to get on with living our own lives in a caring, self loving fashion and to allow others to have to be responsible for their own. This can seem harsh but what I feel is often underestimated is the impact a person has on those around them when they see the reflection of how that person has chosen to live.
So much is written and available out there about saying ‘Yes’ to life. There is a picture of us opening our arms up and embracing the world ‘warts and all’. Yet what you show Anonymous is that there is a great super power in what we choose to say ‘No’ to, lovingly. Ending behaviours and patterns gives us room to see the true us, that has been waiting, patiently, underneath. This blog gives a whole new inspiration and understanding of the true meaning of ‘no-ing’.
Your account of your own turnaround provides a perfect example of how others around us get to be inspired just by experiencing the difference in the choices we are making about how we are living. There is no need to do or say anything. Just let others be and continue to live in a way that supports and nurtures us. From there, the choice, the responsibility and the free will around how they live their own life is theirs.
There is a great strength that comes through in your writing and I am left today pondering on my responsibility to myself and how much more loving I could be with me, claiming myself more and allowing more true love in my family relationships.
What an inspiring story, and inspiring not only because of the amazing changes but because these changes are not exclusive to any particular group, gender, age, profession etc. Self love is available to each one of us and it is simply our choice whether or not to accept the opportunity to connect to what is already within each of us and from there to take responsibility for our choices, past, present and future.
Beautiful Ariana, I can feel the power, responsibility of your reflection and the appreciation of how far you have come, thank you.
I love that Ariana – responsibility is where the party is happening. I’ll just have to go get my party dress on and come to the party.
The more we appreciate and take care of ourselves the more we can appreciate and take care of others. Simple.
This is true Suse yet how long does it take sometimes to care enough about ourselves to make the changes! This a very inspiring article as it shows how, having made that choice, with consistent commitment, we can turn our whole life around.
I can definitely relate to your comment- ‘I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.’ An amazing job you did by making all those changes in your life. And now giving your children the true sense of mothering, there are always opportunities to help people and show there are choices..
It’s evident from your sharing Anonymous that you are now providing inspiration for your family and others around you via your lived way of being.
Such a beautiful and deeply inspiring sharing that no matter what patterns have dominated us in the past it is possible to move beyond this and live a life free of drama and re-connect to who we truly are. Deep gratitude to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for his true love and support and showing us there is a different way that allows for these amazing changes in our lives.
The turnaround in your life you describe Anonymous is truly remarkable. The situations you encountered in your life are ones many people do not overcome, so how beautiful to read the way simple self-loving choices steadily outweighed all the untrue bits and pieces in your life. Your story is inspiring to anyone anywhere who has looked for self-contentment and love away from what we all have inside.
“I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past.” This is so common and I hear so many women say this, they think they have no other choice and they think they can fix things by being this way; but forget the harm it causes their body. The truth is we have to look after ourselves first before we can even think about looking after another.
Learning to free ourselves from our past, those tentacles that seem ever reaching and tenacious, is one of the most extraordinarily powerful and paradigms shifting awareness’s that Universal Medicine brings to us all… And absolutely essential part of coming to know who we truly are.
So very true Chris. Those tentacles for the past mar our future, and cause us to impotently ‘repeat history’! To be given tools to be able to feel the patterns and hurts of our incarcerating past and clear them is the greatest gift. Onward and outwards we go, expanding all the way.
Thank you Anon for sharing your story so honestly. What a testament, that the changes you have made to your life, are, to the truth as presented by Serge. Divine grace in action.
Letting go of old patterns and addictions is one of the most empowering things that we can do.
Thankyou for sharing you story Anon, you have shown us that choosing self love for ourselves allows us to break way from the illusion we have been made to believe that we are and reconnect to the essence within us all equally.
There is so much to appreciate here in what you share Anon. “I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.”. This is the path to true healing.
The truth of who we truly are is there at birth and never leaves us. This knowing keeps calling us back no matter where or how we allow separation to take place. Your blog is a blessing to all who read it Anonymous. You never lost sight of what you felt within and began to make the choices that allowed the light within shine. There are choices to be made in every moment and it is up to us to feel the quality behind those choices and bring the love we are to all. This is a celebration of ‘you’ anonymous and the gift you are to your family and the world around you.
To feel the truth of this can change one’s life..”I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person.” This is such a blessing to get to in your life.
Sometimes i feel like we don’t even realise that we making the same choices over and over again they are just dressed up differently. I have had some incredible lessons about communication this week and have learnt so much about the impact on others when I choose not to say things and how this builds up so when I express even though i may be articulate and calm it comes across as a tsunami of intensity to the person on the other end. With this new awareness I now have opportunity to break a lifelong pattern.
Thanks anonymous for sharing your story as there is much here to learn from. We are all beautiful in essence, which you have proved here with the amazing turnaround in your life. Learning to say “no”in a loving way is a biggie and totally essential for everyone’s evolvement.
It is great to read your transformation, you have come along way from abuse to self love. Very inspiring for others and very empowering for you. It is very hard to get caught up in families and feeling responsible for them. I know many families who have those same beliefs of having to be responsible for their children no matter what age, at the expense of their own body, not realising they are harming themselves and others in the process. What you have shared is a great reflection to many.
It is so lovely to hear how you are enjoying being the amazing woman you truly are and how by in doing this and making self-loving choices you are supporting your family in a much gentler and easier way. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have helped many many people turn their lives completely round and helped them to start walking back to who they truly are, including me. Ultimately it is up to us how we live and what we choose but I have never known anyone so dedicated as Serge in showing all there is another way to live.
Anonymous thank you so much for your honest sharing and I am very much impressed and inspired how you change your life. For me it is a little miracle and you are a now an awesome role model for your family and all the other women around the world who can now feel that everything is possible if we allow ourselves to be more self-loving.
Your blog is an inspiration for me. I can so relate at the moment to your comment- ‘I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.’ I have rescued so much and found myself about to rescue again so reading your blog was supportive, thank you.
I lived for a long time on the other side of that kind of situation: always getting myself into a situation where I needed to be bailed out by a family member. I realised that I was creating drama that served two purposes: I needed to be rescued and they could feel the satisfaction of being needed. It was a revelation and a very empowering step to be able to say that I would never put myself or them in that place again.
We so often identify or label ourselves by what we do – sometimes from pride if we believe we have a good job title, but sometimes with disdain as we judge our past choices. I love that you have been able to heal your thought, “I never believed I could be anything more than my past”, and that by making more loving choices have shown that you are so much more than what you do or have done.
Beautifully said Carmen for when we believe we can’t be anything more than our past we go round and round in circles doing the same thing which will never break the cycle that prevents us living to our potential.
‘I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ This is such a huge step to take when we see and feel our loved ones hurting each other and making harmful choices. Not that we should sit back and be quiet we can share our love and truth with them but we cannot rescue them from themselves or their own choices.
This is a truly inspiring blog – thank you. It’s empowering when we realise that we are much more than we think we are, and that we are the only ones that can make the choices to live it. ‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.’ – beautifully said. You brilliantly reflect that there is another way to live that is far more truthful and honoring to ourselves and to those around us.
This is such an honest blog, and it offers much to us. How when we stop old behaviours, it’s easy to remain in the identification of the role (being a good mother, or worker or anything), and with that we can prop up others through recompense / guilt. It’s clear to me reading this blog, how lethal guilt is, and how pervasive it is, with many religions milking it, and in doing so we harm ourselves and others even more. What I love here is that you stopped this and saw clearly that anything you did in that way from guilt or wanting to be recognised was not true – that is huge, very well done and thank you for sharing this and inspiring me.
An honest reflection on how we are free to make choices that can either harm ourselves and others or choices that support us and in so doing we also support those around us. The sadness and emptiness and craving to be loved by others can prevent us from feeling the love that we already are.
When I have taken on carrying others and being responsible for them, I have also opened myself to the guilt of whether that person did well or not. Their choice and outcome was something I identified with. When someone’s life is a mess it’s easy to see them as less capable, however what I’ve learned from myself is that I’m a powerful choice maker – whether I powerfully choosing to disrupt my one life and send it into chaos, or whether I’m choosing self love to put my life into a state of harmony, the power is mine as it is everyone’s equally. Leaving people to their own choices is a big learning curve at the moment. I notice with Serge Benhayon that he never tells anyone what to choose, yet he is choosing an amazing life for himself and the inspiration of how he lives has opened me to choosing so much more for myself. Inspiring, letting people have space and never dis-empowering by seeing all as equally powerful is where I’m headed thanks to Serge.
This is such a great blog. Needing to be needed is a big doorway for accepting abuse. I know for me I allowed myself to endure various types of deep disregard for myself because of putting others first in the game of neediness.
To let go of your destructive patterns and move forward lovingly in your life is truly amazing to read Anon. By taking responsibility and living your life with self love and self care you empower your children and others around you to also make changes that support them as well. By embracing the true woman you are the reflection you offer others is beautiful and deeply inspiring.
If we are not careful, we can accept the life we have and feel it cannot change. The thing is our life is meant to evolve if we choose to see the opportunities rather than stick to the choices that keep us in the holding pattern.
This is the moment to moment crunch Matthew. I so agree, we can keep going around in the holding pattern that is so familiar and comfortable and yet strangely unfulfilling. It is so easy to accept this and stay ‘safe’. But, as you say, we are meant to evolve. Do we choose real love or do we stay in reservation?
Incredible Anonymous, what a life changing experience. It’s amazing that every article I read, testifies to the life-changing effects of being more loving, more responsible and unimposing. It is scary that our needs can lead us into a dark downward spiral – if you hadn’t of met Universal Medicine I would be worried about the result…But how is the world going, when such real truths are not known? Where are we truly at as a society, what is underneath the exterior front that we are met with (and comparing ourselves to)?
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your remarkable story. You are living the truth of what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine bring. You are such an inspiration to me. Your self loving choices have completely turned your life around and you are benefitting all around you with your new level of lived love. It’s never easy saying no to our children but your love has kept you strong and your inner wisdom is now leading the way.
This blog is a great demonstration of how we can detach from our past actions by understanding why we did them and therefore we do not need to feel guilt or regret. We were trying to do our best but our efforts were based on looking to fill an emptiness within which is not a real foundation and therefore, what we build inevitably wobbles and caves in. It’s not until we have a solid foundation built on self-love and self-care that we can truly care for others and support them to make more self-loving choices. By living this ourselves we convey this possibility to others which may inspire them to make changes in their own life.
Thank you Anonymous for writing this, for as parents, unless we have a broader understanding such as you present here, we often find it hard to stand by and watch our children make mistakes so we tend to want to try and ‘help’ before they get a chance to learn the consequences of their actions. Often we do not realize how this is actually hindering them and though it may seem to help in the moment, it just prolongs the suffering for all concerned, as you have so clearly demonstrated.
Absolutely Sandra, and as you say it doesn’t go away, it just prolongs the suffering. The lessons are there for them to learn from, not for us to rescue them from.
It must have taken so much courage to let go of the guilt from the past. Thank you for sharing your life here. It shows that it is never too late to change, heal and to enjoy who you are.
Yes, Abby it never is too late to change if we are willing and open. At 70 yrs old I am beginning a new life having split up with my husband. I could have made the choice to go into blame and resentment and keep hiding away from the world but that is not a viable option for me now so I am choosing the open road and enjoying connecting with me and with those I meet along the way.
I have read this post a few times now and each time I am blown away by your choice to turn things around. Seriously inspiring.
What an amazing turnaround you have made in your life, by simply applying self love and responsibility. What I could feel while reading your article is that by not playing into your need and saying no to further financial requests from your daughter, is that you are providing her with a huge opportunity to grow and take responsibility for herself. It’s such an illusion to think that we are ‘helping’ people by taking responsibility for them, because in truth all we are doing is allowing them to stay stuck in their patterns.
Yes, Brooke it sure is an ‘illusion’ and it’s often based on a comfortable arrangement where we encourage dependency in order to fill our need for love. So while we think we are ‘helping’ because the other seems to need it, we are also in it for ourselves so we feel better from not having to watch them suffer, or because we are doing something ‘worthwhile’, or we are getting the reward of their ‘love’, etc.
Your story is so inspiring; what a very courageous person you are.
I have gained so much from reading and rereading your blog; what a transformation you have made; all power and appreciation to you.
It’s inspirational that after all that you have been through you came to the realization that, “The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family.” Everyone benefits from the self loving choices you are now making.
This is an amazing story Anonymous. What a turn around, and what an inspiration to anyone who has got themselves caught up in the belief that ‘it’s just how it is’. Anything is possilble when there is a willingness to make a change. The support you are now able to offer your family through the support you have offered yourself is remarkable. You are amazing!
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past” captures the bind we find ourselves in when we find ourselves repeating past mistakes. It seems impossible to get out of the cycle until we realise we have choices. Connecting to our breath with the Gentle Breath Meditation as presented by Serge Benhayon is the first step to stopping the cycle of abuse and beginning to connect to what we feel and know in our hearts to be true. No one needs to tell us but sometimes it helps to observe someone showing us the way, just like you are Anon with your family. We all make mistakes but they aren’t carved in stone. We think we understand karma but not until I sat with the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Serge Benahyon and Universal Medicine did I understand it is about love and not punishment, just as God is love and not the punishment we are led to believe region offers us. True religion is about coming home to you and the relationship you have with the divine and no one can tell you what that means as it is deeply personal and very precious.
It is wonderful to hear how by taking responsibility for your own life first, the you can move out of the victim role with your family and in life and it feels very empowering.
I agree Jenny and Nicola, it is powerful when we choose to take responsibility for the choices that we have made and to know that what we experience in life ( the good and and) is just the result of the quality that we bring to those choices.
Wow it is so touching to read your story. What a terrible mess most of us were in before discovering Universal Medicine one way or another. It is incredibly inspiring to read how you managed to change your choices and offer your whole family a different reflection to this ingrained cycle of abuse and suffering. You can see so clearly with your story how these cycles perpetuate themselves within families – I would not be surprised at all to know that your own upbringing was not all roses. It only takes one to break such a cycle and to reflect another way to everyone – congratulations for being that one.
I agree Nicola, that many of us were existing in lives that were in a “mess” before we came to Universal Medicine, and to have been witness to so many amazing turnarounds and transformations over the last 10 years has been beyond inspirational. For me, my relationship with my family is the most honest it has ever been and that came, not only from the deepening of the honesty of my relationship with me, but from living the realisation that: “I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.” – releasing the need to save and fix them began the healing.
Absolutely Nicola, my life was a mess before Universal Medicine. It’s with such awe that story after story gets published in blogs by Universal Medicine students of lives that seemingly were the pits and devoid of hope of a turnaround. Yet here we all are, with an incredible amount of diverse (and often very traumatic) backgrounds absolutely thriving and going from strength to strength, and having a positive influence on family, friends, workplaces and communities. Universal Medicine is the real deal.
The truth is that all our lives are in a mess if there is anything less than love on this planet – and that is certainly the case. It is those that are not honest about their mess that are in the biggest mess. As I wrote above, the choices the writer of this blog made and then offered to the rest of her family is truly inspiring. This month’s free Unimed Living Audio of the month: http://www.unimedliving.com/voice/audio-of-the-month/the-deepest-form-of-prison-2015-09.html is all about our choices and presents how with every choice there is a consequence. Well worth a listen – your choice!
Appreciating yourself is a huge key here. This is a very honest and raw blog and you have come a very long way from the drama loving person you once lived as. It never ceases to amaze me that we can come from such pain and difficulties and by making steady changes back towards self love we can totally turn our lives around. You are right, you are amazing and the benefit to the whole family from the choices you are now making is easy to feel.
I love the distinction you make when distinguishing when to support family members and when to let them feel the weight of their own responsibilities and the importance of this. This is super important and can be hard for others to accept, especially when they have been carried for so long, but it is not self loving to do this when it becomes a burden on you.
Beautifully said Felicity. To know when to support and when to stand back, allowing others to learn and develop their own strengths and wisdom is something that’s taken me a while to become aware of. Needing to be needed really gets in the way of doing what’s actually needed.
I agree Felicity, we can get caught up in carrying others with the beliefs that it is our duty but in reality it is creating more damage for everyone as there is no opportunity for evolution and express true love to others
What a sharing from anonymous and then a great addition by Ariana. We do the best we can with the tools we have at the time. It could have all gone on for so much longer but it didn’t because you chose something that supported you more than the abusive behaviours. That is worth sharing and I appreciate that you did. Many thanks
What an amazing inspiration you are for your family and for us all, the commitment you’ve made to live you instead of your past choices, wow!’ ‘I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ This is something I am working on at the moment, thank you for sharing and inspiring us.
Anonymous you have made an amazing turnaround in your life – so inspiring. I found that filling the emptiness inside with being needed was a deep pattern of mine, but with the inspiration and support of Universal Medicine and fellow students I’ve dropped this behaviour, and when on occasions I slip into old patterns, I now can see it for what it is and self-correct.
Thank you for writing this. It shows how we can get so caught up in our own life’s drama and then think there is no way out, as there are so many ripple effects that we feel we are surrounded by all that we have created, that we are overwhelmed and feel there is no way out but to continue living like we did before. But then you did step out of this. Step by step, all that you ‘applied’ lovingly to yourself has been flowing back, rippling out to everybody that you are in contact with and even further widening your circles out into the world. So it shows how very possible it is to change our ways and what a huge effect it has on everybody. It might not be easy in the beginning, as the tie to the old ways is strong, but by applying loving discipline and getting support and really focusing on being gentle and loving with oneself this lovingness seeded within ourselves, and tended to, will grow to a foundation, ever expanding, that we would never have thought possible.
Wow a very powerful sharing, to feel the level of tragic events and trauma in your life, it would be very easy to be wrapped in guilt, anger, sadness or withdraw from the world- to see you make changes and turn your life around is a real miracle.
The word “No” is so powerful when used with a true intention. I like this: “but I don’t come home exhausted as I am now more able to remain aware of my own needs while still supporting others” – this is going to be enormously helpful for me. Thank you Anonymous.
Anonymous your amazing story shows how powerful we truly are, and how we can heal from the most painful traumas. The healing power of love, simplicity and our willingness to be responsible for our well-being is life-changing in the grandest sense.
Agree Bernadette. It has also been my experience that there is nothing that love and a willingness to be responsible for our own choices cannot heal if we are willing to go there!
Beautiful Anne.
You are so right Bernadette. This blog and many other beautiful blogs prove that there is indeed a way to heal from the most horrific traumas. It is never too late to turn our life around.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your journey from devastation to where you are now. You are a living example to others, who feel they may not be able to come back from a life of pain and struggle, that indeed we can, with the right support and strength of will that you have. And thanks to Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine and the amazing Practitioners.
We are the ones that can define ourselves by our past choices holding onto patterns that perpetuate our victimhood, or, as you have done so beautifully… let go and move forward with the lessons of the past, committing to ourselves and enjoying the beauty that comes from our expansion through self-love and appreciation. The choice is ours.
I loved how you wrote at the end that you are now appreciating yourself – and you should be. Where you came from is full of pain, guilt and devastation from what you wrote, and now you have turned your life around completely – and all your family members are benefiting by the reflection you are now offering them. I take my hat off to you – and while I am at it, quietly thank Universal Medicine yet again for all it has offered us in our way back to a truly loving life.
We swim in the soup we cook. We willingly share our soup with our family to swim together. We tend to stop making that soup when something goes wrong. Those who have the courage to say no to how they were living and start working on themselves may acquire a new taste. Hence, a new beginning regarding soups. Our family, which grew up in the old soup and got intoxicated by it, may choose to swim on in it or not. That is their choice.
Eduardo, I love that image, we do indeed swim in our soup until it doesn’t work and we create another. With any new soups it’s key that we address our hurts and not just create a new improved soup but one that is truly supportive and loving.
An inspiring article that is a true testament to the Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon. I know so well that pressure to gain recognition in being and being seen to be ‘a good mother’ and constantly berating myself for not living up to my own expectations. I too have discovered that “The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” I am already love.
If only we were met for who we are when we are young how different it would be in the way we grow up and how we act when we are older. No need to seek and fulfill roles to be something or fit in cause we know who we are.
Taking on being the role as a man or woman the way it’s perceived is one the most comfortable common choices. Anyone can do it, and anyone can get away with it and mould into society like everyone else.
Being who you truly are is everything society is missing.
Being met and fully meeting someone is what my life is about now. To me there is nothing more joy-full to have and hold a relationship with someone (any person) based on the quality of being meeting each other for who we are.
Anonymous, the type of transformation that you are speaking about here is profound as it describes the complete paradigm shift that occurred in how you felt about yourself, which then changed your behaviour. You absolutely prove the truth of the teachings presented by Serge Benhayon that true change comes from within.
As Anon expresses it felt impossible to move on from such fixed and destructive patterns and paradigms, and yet this IS the constant miracle that happens under the auspices of Universal Medicine, because what is presented is not a quick fix, or a feel good solution, it is a profound recalibration of ones reality and a deep connection with oneself that is then simply held up to the old, and in the light of the new the old dissipates.
This is so beautifully put cjames2012 and so true. “It is not a quick fix or feel good solution” but asks for continual commitment that deepens our connection. There is no trying, just an allowing of the old to dissipate, as you have said, in the “light of the new”.
Beautifully expressed cjames!
Beautifully expressed, cjames. It is a constant miracle waiting to manifest if we allow it. If we believe in a fixed reality then it is hard to make changes, but Universal Medicine presents the possibility that we can make different choices and this brings about a ‘profound recalibration of one’s reality’. If we are willing to allow this it can happen easily, for ‘in the light of the new the old dissipates’. By re-connecting with our true selves we see that we already are that and that we have just layered on top of that beliefs and ideals that mould us into being who we are not. So we could also say that, in the light of the ‘old’ the ‘new’ dissipates.
This is an amazing story. I find it very inspiring.
This is such a beautiful blog and brings tears to my eyes, to feel such beauty in your heart. This confirms to me more than ever how crazy it is to judge someone based on their behaviours – there is so much we do not understand but thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I am deepening my awareness and understanding of the way it is and there are layers and layers and layers.
Thank you for your honest and candid sharing. As I read your story I could feel the love that you are consistently shine through, which is true for all of us, no matter how far away we seemingly get from love, truth is its right there with us waiting for us to patiently return home.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight. My life now is changing all the time as I expand my level of self-love and I feel now that I can connect with others more openly” Thank you for showing us we are always more then our past patterns and behaviours.
I also really appreciate that line — “I never believed I could be anything more than my past” — realising how often my picture of what the world should look like is shaped by those past experiences.
Agreed Joel this line sticks out for me too – for it this incessant programming that we all tend to walk around with keeping us in the belief that we can’t truly change – ‘a leopard never changes it’s spots’ often used to undermine the choices of others so that we are kept in our own comforts.
And if we never believe we can be more than our past our present and future will be constantly haunted and capped by this belief.
agree and would even add, that it may not even be about being more but being what we already are!
Your story is truly remarkable and reminds me of how often we fill ourselves with other peoples lives in order to not feel the lack of self care and responsibility for our own lives.
Succinct and simple; at the same time conveying truth and wisdom.
Agreed grounded05, we often choose to get distracted trying to fix and rescue others as a way to not deal and be responsible for our own lives, this is an arrangement that keeps us all away from knowing our truth in our bodies and experiencing true love with another.
Amazing story that highlights how not being full of ourselves – that is living with the emptiness and dis-satisfaction of who we are – causes us to fill that empty state with anything so that we do not have to feel, temporary relief from the misery. This is a remarkable story that shows that learning to love one self can erase the past choices and support a foundation for greater love going forward.
Absolutely Lee , the emptiness has to be filled with something. I remember growing up that “being full of yourself” was used as a taunt to remind us to become small again. If only I had realised that “being full of yourself” was the true me and something to be claimed.
Thank you Ariana. Coming from glory and not our hurts in parenting is never too late. Thank you for Universal Medicine.
Anonymous you are extremely courageous to have lovingly turned your life around. Thank you for sharing. Realizing you were rescuing your children from their choices and then giving their responsibility back takes a lot of love. Many are yet to learn this wisdom.
Yes Bernard and I wanted to see this as the main story across the news headlines. This is what should be making news because many people are living like this (in their own ways) and feel trapped because they dont know another way. This story by Anonymous is showing that there is another way.
Thank you for sharing your story. As I was reading I realised that what was being described is common to so many of us. How we get caught up in trying to be something rather than who we really are. This keeps us buried for years – lifetimes! To come out from underneath all that takes commitment and hard work as it can be so easy to slip back into the old and comfortable habits we are used to in order to not upset the status quo. But to be locked away in all this is a slow form of torture, even if we are not aware of it, as each day – each moment – we become further away from living who we really are. To make our way back from all this is to be celebrated and appreciated, even when we are faced with feeling all the ways in which we have kept ourselves hidden, as these are just stepping stones to allowing ourselves to come out from the self-imposed shadows and to let ourselves shine once again.
‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight’. This is an easy trap to fall into and makes your journey all the more inspiring to read, how you have turned your life around with a great deal of love and commitment to YOU.
What an amazing story, Anonymous! I can feel the deep appreciation that you have for yourself now that you have moved beyond ‘victim’ mode and the trappings of saying ‘yes’ to your family when they needed rescuing. The power and the empowerment of saying NO to what is not true for you is an absolute blessing for all. Beautiful.
Anonymous, this is an amazing blog. What a journey you have made over your lifetime. You have proved just how important it is that we make the choices that are right for us. You completely turned your life around by changing the way you made your choices. This is the sort of story that should be shared with the world, why aren’t the journalists interested in these positive stories, rather than making up the lies that they do?
You have shown very powerfully that it is possible to be more than your past. You are an an inspiration to all.
Re-reading this it is nothing short of miraculous the change around in how you are with yourself and others. Really wonderful. So many people and professionals would benefit from reading what has supported such significant change in your life.
I agree Vanessa – a story worth having a very close look at.
You show that far from failure, the incidents and accidents and dramas of our life are there as medicine to help us make another choice. It is never too late, when we do heed the lessons we are being shown, things change beyond belief as your testimony is proof. Thank you Anonymous for choosing to honour you and share your change with us here.
A truly honest blog so inspiring.
How beautiful this honoust blog is. Despite all of our past choices, we are amazing, delicate and Divine beings who are finding our way back home.
This sharing is reflective of the ever present possibility, to against the odds, redirect our once ill-loving choices for loving ones, remarkably inspiring thank you.
Your courage to express with this level of honesty is a true miracle.
Not only does this blog reflect a depth of honesty but reveals how the simple act of learning to say no can start to address some of the issues of how we lose ourselves in roles such as being a mother, wife, girlfriend, friend and daughter.
I can so relate to this sharing:
“I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past.”
This is such a trap that many of us fall into – motherhood can be such a guilt trip, and I know my kids played me for years, knowing I felt guilty for the way I was with them when they were young.
But it is never too late to learn, change and grow…and to offer them a true reflection of the love that we all are.
Thank you for sharing this. The power of acceptance, seeing and appreciating the woman you truly are, and being able to stay with love in the hardest of circumstances is very inspiring.
Thank you foe an amazingly honest blog, such a refreshing read, what stood out for me was saying ‘No’, and how this can actually be a self loving and loving thing, at times to do. I realise I have often said yes in situations, or to people, which has not helped me or anyone else. And how often we are told to say no is not okay, we are conditioned growing up to believe that we are being nice by helping people etc, by saying yes to people. As you have shown this can actually be far more damaging that we realise.
As you describe Gylrae, I was one of those who was ‘conditioned growing up to believe that we are being nice by helping people etc, by saying yes to people’ and during most of my life I rarely said “No’ when asked to do something for someone else. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending his presentations, I have come to appreciate the true meaning of self-love and that there are times when saying “yes’ can ‘can actually be far more damaging than we realise’. I am now much more discerning of what would best support myself and others and if that means that I occasional say ‘No’ then it is because it is the most loving response for all concerned.
Wow this is an incredible story – thank you for sharing Anonymous. I was blown away by how you transformed your life and now can say how amazing you are as a person
I can so relate to that heaviness of the ideal to be recognised as a ‘good mother /grandmother’ that never ending eternal pursuit and exhaustion that soon reaches a use by date. You are an inspiration to many that have gone down this path as you have said no to this behaviour and yes to you. I really value and appreciate what you have shared here being the woman you truly are.
“receiving recognition for being a ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’ ” I so recognise this Anon. As a single parent for many years I tried to ‘make up’ for the lack of a male presence in the family, by doing, doing – all in male energy, trying to be the perfect mother. In this I lost sight of my femaleness, my body’s messages to me and myself. Now a grandmother I am doing in a different way, establishing stillness first as best as I am able before taking any action.
Thanks for sharing your very inspiring story Anonymous. It demonstrates the possibility of making incredible change in not only your life but in the lives of your family and those around you for generations to come.
The appreciation for yourself and the responsibility that you took back in life, Anonymous, is inspiring. You transformed your life by letting go of old patterns. The pattern of having to be needed and accepted is so ingrained in many of us, in the roles we have identified with in life. If strong patterns can be transformed by taking back responsibility, what else is possible?
I can so relate to that heaviness of the ideal to be recognised as a ‘good mother /grandmother’ that never ending eternal pursuit and exhaustion that soon reaches a use by date. You are an inspiration to many that have gone down this path as you have said no to this behaviour and yes to you. I really value and appreciate what you have shared here being the woman you truly are.
I have read your blog a couple of times before and on re-reading it again I still find it such an amazing story anonymous. To have turned your life around as you have is deeply inspiring and just shows what can happen with such honesty and dedication as yours. I love it that you were able to look back on your past choices and no longer judge yourself but instead realise what an amazing woman you are – wonderful.
I realise from your blog that I too do things which do not allow other people to take responsibility. This is a great learning and I can feel this actually drains and exhausts me. As much as I think I am supporting them, in the long run I am harming more than supporting them (this is at work). What also comes up is that I know I will stand out if I do this, as it will go against the grain and may be uncomfortable for all for awhile, but if I do not, nothing will change. And this is much bigger than me and my work place.
Thank you Anonymous for you openness and willingness to share.
I can feel how exhausting your life was trying to accommodate everyone else and hiding from yourself and covering up with alcohol. What an amazing recovery of yourself. It is another example of how Serge Benhayon teaches a truth about life that once understood enables us to find another way and leave that old way of living behind.
“It is another example of how Serge Benhayon teaches a truth about life that once understood enables us to find another way and leave that old way of living behind.” – Well said Joan – another living example of his profound teachings.
Thank you anonymous. This is a very strong blog and brings up lots for us to share and comment on. I feel your story deeply inspiring and supportive.
“I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person.”
You certainly are amazing, courageous, divine and truly inspirational.
I have just re-read your blog and am totally inspired by YOU, what a woman.
I feel this is a lovely account of what you have been through and what you have come to be, just by making different choices. It is amazing to understand that we each have choices that can either continue to lead us down a path of destruction, or change our reality by starting to make more self – loving choices.
Wow awesome blog, I can relate to having difficulty in saying ‘NO’. It seems to come loaded with guilt and fear of letting others down. I have identified myself as the ‘good person’ by thinking that I was able and committed to helping others. In fact I was looking for recognition and approval. Your journey is inspiring and truly supporting your family from a place of love and truth is so beautiful.
I am learning more recently too that we don’t have to be a victim to our past hurts and therefore we can choose not to hide or go into automatic protection or reaction mode which can seem so well rehearsed that it happens almost before we can think.
You have revolutionised the word mother, daughter, sister. Thanks for showing us that there is another way of living that brings harmony to you and calls others to be responsible for their behaviours.
Well said anonymous ” there is another way of living that brings harmony to you and calls others to be responsible for their behaviours.”
Your blog reminded me of a song called One Unified by Glorious Music. In the song Miranda Benhayon sings ‘don’t give them that helping hand, hold your love and they’ll understand’. This just feels so beautiful to me and seems to really relate towards you deciding to not fix your family but to support them by just being yourself, which meant taking away the ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’ role.
Brilliantly said Madeline!
Yes Madeline I certainly found inspiration in that beautiful song sung by Miranda Benhayon.
Thank you for sharing such an honest account of your life and the turn around you have experienced since the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is incredible to read about such a transformation in someone’s life and what struck me was to read the last sentence and your appreciation of the changes you have made.
Thank you for sharing such an honest account of your life and the turn around you have experienced since the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is uplifting to read about such a transformation in someone’s life and what struck me was to read the last sentence and your appreciation of the changes you have made.
I can feel how difficult it must have been to break the patterns of behaviour that we have allowed our children to get used to, like lending money when they are hard up. I had done similar things too, and allowed my children to remain dependant on me too. There was an underlying reason for this: I can see now how I was keeping control of them and actually slowing down their own development, not to mention what I was doing to myself. As I have let go, so has all the exhaustion of the effort.
Yes, control has been a big issue for me too. It took a long time to realise that rescuing is a form of control. I am still peeling back the layers.
Your life story is inspirational, Thank you for sharing as in reading it, offers so many people, understanding of what self love really means. Saying ‘yes’ to you first rather than putting yourself at the end of the line (so to speak), when fatigue and exhaustion are present, and well as entrenching the “good mother/daughter/ wife or friend” automatic behavior patterns. You are Awesome and very inspirational.
Your life is truly remarkable. I find you saying, “I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person”, it encourages me to remember a similar thing that there is nothing wrong with me and actually I am amazing.
After a day of seeing slides on the brain development of children who’ve been through lots of abuse and how it’s affected them, it’s so wonderful to read how love and understanding really do win the day. Thank you.
“it encourages me to remember a similar thing that there is nothing wrong with me and actually I am amazing.”
I agree Karin, something that I can forget also.
Alison, I had never considered that I felt “I had to know all the answers” for my children, and probably everyone else, but I can feel this has been a big belief that I had been holding on to.
To read such and truthful blog, with such honesty allows each person who reads it to go deeper with our own reflections.
An absolute gift.
Anonymous, your story is like so many others – we have not been raised with the opportunity to know who we truly are to give us a foundation of love within ourselves from which to deal with life. But it’s never too late to discover our true self, take responsibility without guilt, and embark on the healing process that allows us to be and express love.
As you say Dianne it is never to late, I have met people of all ages that attend Serge Benhayon’s presentations, courses and workshops that clearly support us all to re-connect to the love that we are and heal what is not love that we have been carrying around for a long time.
I agree Dianne, it is never too late to discover our true self, taking responsibility without guilt for the choices we have made and enjoy the healing journey that allows us to be and express love ..
This is an amazing turn around from the beginning to how you live your life now. Thank you for so honestly and openly sharing your story.
” I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.”
These words really struck me. I had often wondered myself in the past if it was possible to change “one’s spots”, one’s habits or behaviour patterns. I guess I was focusing on the destructive, or difficult parts of myself and feeling stuck and compelled to act and be subject to the outcomes of those behaviours. Through Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine’s presentations, and healing workshops and practitioners, I can look back and see the great changes in myself over a period of years.
I now know it is indeed possible to make changes, I am developing my awareness about life, and how I have been in it, discovering more and more about my potential and the lovely being I have always been.
I too, am appreciating myself more for the true me, for the choices I am making today that bit by bit are making a true and positive difference in my relationships with all.
“I never believed I could be any more than my past.”
Michelle as I read what you had marked, I felt at first that that line didn’t relate to me, but when I stopped I then felt how I had not allowed myself to be more than my past. My pattern had been holding myself back from being the full me. Equally making choices that were hurting myself, but maybe not looking so evident as alcohol and drugs. But no different on the inside.
Yes Denise, sometimes it is easier to see the mess when drugs and alcohol are involved but as you say, any holding back of our true selves is in the same energy.
I can so relate to that Denise, holding myself back in one way or the other was something I mastered fully and I had never ever contemplated that I could live any other way until I came across Serge Benhayon and his teachings, and realised – it is actually a forever choice, and it is never too late to turn these patterns around.
Thank you for your beautiful and insightful comment Michelle. I also used to believe that “leopards can’t change their spots”, this was so damning as it kept me stuck with the idea that I was just another leopard that couldn’t change my spots.
Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon allowed me to begin to feel that we are all at our core loving beings and all we need to do is return to this. We can change our spots through our choices and I have now seen so many examples of this that I have begun to change a few spots of my own.
I agree Katie. It is totally something to be admired.
I can feel that you are very loving with yourself Anonymous. This love you have for yourself seems to allow you to let go of the past and reflect on things without judgement. This is inspirational to me as I can be harsh with myself over the smallest things. You show what is possible if we just choose to feel the truth that we are actually loving beings at our core.
Very true Leonne, that we are actually loving beings at our core and that love has no judgment – our ideals and beliefs that we obtain holds the judgment.
I can remember feeling exhausted as a mother too, attempting to be the ideal I had in my head. It’s great to let go of all those ideas that pushed me so hard and get to feel the real me.
Sometimes life is so unpleasant we just would love to escape or just don’t want to see the truth. Amazing your turnaround.
Sometimes life is unpleasant and we just want to run away from truth and not see, which is a downward spiral. It is definetly an amazing turnaround and inspiring.
This is such an inspiring story that shows how possible it is to make extraordinary changes in ones life and for it to have a massive impact on all area’s in your life. Serge Benhayon has inspired many hundreds if not thousands to see that self-love and self-care really is the key to making these life changes that everyone wants to have but haven’t been able to work out how to make them. To truly heal what is not working in our lives. Thanks Serge your endless love and support it is deeply appreciated.
Hello Anonymous. I appreciate your honesty in your expression, how you have and are continually turning around you life by the choices you are now making. This is truly amazing. At the moment I am working on my ideals and beliefs and I realise how daunting this can be at times, but the end result is beautiful, as I discover more of me in being me. Thank you.
I completely agree Mary – even looking at everything that we have taken on that is not truly us, such as our ideals and beliefs; it is still a beautiful process and very empowering.
Many many people, because of the presentations and sharing of Serge Benhayon have and are in the process of turning their lives around!
I completely agree. Many people are turning their lives around.
This is so honest, so courageous, so inspiring – thank you.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past…” This quote reminded how I used to feel, weighed down and beholden to issues that happened in my childhood and young adult life, however this can shift but it is a choice and I have begun to make it and wow, it feels good! This blog is very lovely, and for me I really connected to how you have been learning what self love is all about, I feel this is really communicated. Thank you.
I felt the same thing Samantha. How in the past I felt I would never be free from who I thought I was. Now through self-love I feel all those ideals of who I was were not me at all and that I am a amazing woman and yes this feel so good!
I too used to be completely defined by my past, it was incredible to feel how this has been shifted thanks to the love of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. They helped me by reigniting my own love for myself, and the rest is history!
The absolute power of making self-loving choices…consistently and despite the pressures from others to do otherwise, allowing a life to be totally turned around, slowly but surely. It is quite something to commit to another way and stick with it. There must have been an absolute knowing within that helped support and guide the outer transformation, well done Anonymous for sticking with it, I’m sure you have no regrets It feels like you are flourishing.
So true Paul. I was aware of having an absolute knowing within from when I was a child but it wasn’t until I heard Serge Benhayon present that it all made sense to me. We all have that knowing but until we are able to connect within, we stay in the old patterns.
Definitely no regrets, as the road may appear difficult however the fruits of this path are almost unimaginable.
The road does seem bumpy at times but this is nothing compared to the potholes and cracks that begin to appear if we don’t turn back and walk back through our choices.
Well said Vicky…
I found this story totally amazing, showing how we can develop patterns of behaviour in our lives and then feel like we can never get out of them. You did, and you are very courageous for taking the steps to reclaim love and personal wellbeing into your life. You are a role model, no less, and I hope you are able to share your story with many.
Very true Katie, it can be very challenging to stop and look at the bigger picture, especially all those actions where we step in to rescue our nearest and dearest. Truly taking time to take stock of the family dynamics and choose another way to approach life has obviously brought significant changes to the whole family, not an easy thing to do but most definitely worth it.
I know so many people who have spoken of the support they received from Universal Medicine in a similar way that you have here anonymous. By taking responsibility for yourself and life and really starting to understand that “I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person” addictive behaviours and vices do melt away, never to be needed again.
Thank you for your honesty. What a turn around. From having an addiction to fully claiming yourself, your story is a inspiration for those experiencing simular situations. I work in AOD sector and hear of many stories that you shared. Yours is the first ‘success’ story that I have heard of.
We can also put huge expectations on ourselves as parents. I definitely fell into the trap of thinking I should ‘know all the answers’. It was such a relief when I accepted that I didn’t and that was ok. I spent too many years feeling I should be doing more, doing things ‘better’, when all I needed to do, was to be me.
This is such a powerful blog and experience that many can learn from. I feel what stood out for me was taking responsibility and honouring myself so I do not look outside myself for the lack I feel within.
Rachael a great point you make, I know in many areas of life I grew up believing that others knew best. Whilst that may be true for a brain surgeon knowing more than I do with regards to brain surgery it meant that I did not trust what I felt to do. What is great is the ability to re-learn and re-connect to the simple fact that I know what is true within. That self responsibility and honouring is something that is deeply precious. I am sure the whole world would change if we listened, trusted and acted on what we felt.
So true Rachael, because when we look inside, there is no lack,
no questioning, no need, it’s like these things don’t exist.
Just an absolute knowing that comes from within.
It is a strange phenomenon that when something is going wrong I often will look to outside of me first to what out there might be causing me to not feel great inside. Usually it is looking for something or someone to be responsible for me and the way I feel. But why is it that the world should be held to blame for what is ultimately my choice? Even if an event or situation is felt to not be my fault, it is my choice how I respond to it. Looking outside of myself is only ever going to increase the feeling of something missing or “lack I feel within” as you put it Rachael.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” You’ve proved it can be done, very inspiring.
The freedom experienced from no longer living life through the lens of the past, which is described by Anonymous, is indeed liberating. The simple act of taking responsibility for one’s life by making more self-loving choices and not operating from the regret and guilt of the past, fantastic!
I can so relate to the many roles I took on. Being responsible and connecting to me as a woman is so much easier. A work in progress.
So much of this great article by Anonomyous has exposed the roles we take on, the responsibility for others, the dramas we create, the expectations on ourselves or from our families and the beliefs we hold. Serge Benhayon has shown us another way. To be ourselves. Awesome Anonoymous for being the woman you truly are and sharing your experiences.
This is such a beautiful blog. It really shows that no matter what it is possible to radically change our lives from the drama and struggle we think they can only be, to the life of love they truly are. And it just comes down to a simple choice to love ourselves.
Beautiful Naren, the simple choice to love ourselves can totally transform our own lives but what is even better is that the ripple effect of this choice can affect so many more lives.
I agree, it’s really hard to take responsibility for how your actions may actually be hurting another, and changing an old pattern takes time and dedication – truly inspiring.
This is so inspiring how you have completely turned your life around…. self-loving choices, honesty and appreciating yourself. Thank you. What an awesome reflection you are to everyone In the world.
” The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” so well expressed Anonymous. Through developing self-love we then naturally develop self-care & self-nurturing on a much deeper level which eliminates any need of recognition, approval or acceptance from outside of us as we are full of love from the inside out. Thank you for sharing Anonymous you have exposed how we get caught up in the what is not love.
What an inspirational turnaround Anonymous, good for you. I feel like your point around the need for drama resonates particularly strong with me also. What is that? Why do we seek drama in our life? Through the work I have been doing, I have come to appreciate that the drama is a fantastic way of filling our heads up with “stuff”, once your head is full we have no time or space to actually listen to what our bodies are saying. Breaking through that barrier it is clear why you have been able to develop the courage to say no.
Phil, I can relate to what you said about drama, and how it had filled my head so I didn’t feel what was truly going on. Now I have the awareness to stop, feel that is not me, and allow myself to just be more of the true me. Which is amazing.
It is a revelation to realise that we really enjoy the drama as we usually trick ourselves into believing we are a victim of it. Maybe that tension is so familiar and we are not ready to feel the stillness within so we just keep creating the drama to keep ourselves distracted.
I love what you say here Phil – “the drama is a fantastic way of filling our heads up with “stuff”, once your head is full we have no time or space to actually listen to what our bodies are saying.” It is the ultimate set up to keep ourselves from feeling what is truly going on.
Thank you for sharing your story it clearly helps people to understand…. if we accept responsibility for our own choices, appreciate ourselves and allow others to make their own choices too…. this is a true reflection that others can also take the opportunity to choose for themselves.
Learning who we are as individuals is huge. Learning how we fit in the jigsaw puzzle of life is enormous. When we can learn to appreciate and understand that everyone is different but equally important much of the strain we place on each other in the form of ideals and beliefs can be minimised and an allowance of each person for who they truly are and where they are at becomes possible.
This blog is amazing, showing us that it is possible to become who we really are as women, when we choose to let go of needing to be a “good mother”, and rescuing others. Realising that everybody is equipped to deal with what life presents to them has been very helpful. If we continue to rescue, we rob others of their own learning; mainly we just delay the learning. We can still be supportive, without imposing our ‘solutions’.
Thank you Anonymous, this blog is an inspiration to others who also never believed they could be anything more than their past. As you have shown it is never too late to make different choices and to ‘live a life free of the old patterns’ that hold us so tight. As you say, ‘the more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone’. By accepting responsibility for our own lives and expanding our level of self-love, we can connect with others more openly and inspire others to also change should they so choose.
Wauw, this is quiet intense story of where you came from.. and look at were you are now , that is just amazing! I love your open sharing. What more can I say than that your dedication to stop the abuse and stop the pattern is incredible, and that makes you very strong. It inspires me to see my own responsibility in how I live and for my patterns in my life. Thank you.
Absolutely Danna – to see and hear where the writer of this blog is now, in comparison to where she’s come from is absolutely inspiring.
Awesome and honest blog. Congratulations for letting go of old patterns and embracing a way of living that is supportive and loving for you and those around you. Very inspiring… thank you.
A lovely story of unfolding and so powerful to share this. We each in our own ways have things to learn, things to accept and, responsibility to take. We cannot change the past but we can recognise what we have done and why we did it, then we can move forward without repeating the choices we made that were not loving.
Coming from a background of a reasonably stable family (albeit not a truly loving one), it is hard to put myself into the writer’s shoes and feel how hard it must be, after all that has happened, to take responsibility. It shows great strength and courage to do this, let alone write about it and I very much respect what has been shared. Also, it reflects to me how important it is to align with the truth, because this is what gives us the strength and courage to speak out for it and take responsibility, every day of our lives.
I have had periods of my life where I let my life be dominated by my children lives, as I was so engrossed in their achievements and events, running around after them and forgetting myself. I didn’t see how I was stopping them from taking responsibility for themselves at the time, and imposing on them. Being exhausted serves no-one especially ourselves; looking after ourselves shows others to look after themselves.
What you have achieved in your life-time is immeasurable. The transformation you have made with the support of Universal Medicine and most of all your own resolve is extraordinary. Anyone who has experienced life on the ground life will know this.
What an incredible journey you are having of self discovery and what you are capable of achieving with loving yourself first. The idea of putting everyone else before you as a parent is completely opposite to the truth of what we should be doing.
An amazing blog totally inspiring
Any concept that it is too late, or that we as individuals cannot make a difference, is blown away by this article. And when we relinquish these ill held beliefs the opportunities open up in front of us. A beautiful article clearly demonstrating the power we have to change when we take responsibility for our lives.
Totally agree Matilda.
Beautifully said Matilda! 🙂
Beautifully said Matilda, its never too late for anyone to change.
I find it so beautiful that articles like this one can be written with such honesty and ownership. It is truly amazing that through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, we as people can come to the point where we can move through these types of harmful lifestyles, change for the betterment of everyone around us and then write about it to share and help others in the wide circle of our humanity. It’s so amazing, I can’t find the words to exclaim it.
Such an inspiring article, a true testament to the potential that adopting self-loving ways has in turning around real complexity and historical patterns. Particularly noteworthy is the impact that you just being and remaining you around your family is having on their own choices and the power of inspiration and reflection in that process.
What a revelatory blog. I can really relate to learning to say ‘no’ (an ongoing learning) to my own children, when saying ‘yes’ is really stopping them from taking responsibility; and also from the parent coming from a place of me needing to be needed. I can relate to this as the parent and as the ‘child’, as I have at times asked my parents to ‘bail me out’ and now feel how this really was so often a disservice to myself and them.
What an amazing blog! and it also works the other way too! I know I have a lot to bring to my relationship to those who are older than me, and still play roles that “I am wiser” or even carrying their burdons, sadnesses and dissapointments with the world. But I am learning how this does not serve and that I am actually equal to them in every way.
I am learning this too Harrison, and recently I have become aware, of how much easier it is for me to observe and not absorb other people’s stuff, which means I keep or focus my energy on my own life, and I can see how much more I get done in my day.
Great point Harrison, and I too have a lot to bring to relationships with those who are older than me – be it my parents, teachers, members of the public I great at work, etc…
Susie, I agree, it doesn’t matter what age you are you can be an amazing reflection for those around you. I have had moments
where my grandchildren have spoken to me, and I have come to an absolute stop, feeling so much by their beauty-full reflection.
Awesome observation Harrison, we can fit into roles at any age. How great with the support and love from Universal Medicine we are able to see through these roles that blind us and keep us trapped instead we are able to discern and start to make loving evolving choices. Thank you Harrison great point.
I also love this: “The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” When we let go our needs and hurts it is so self-empowering not only for ourselves but also for those around us. Everybody can grow from that.
Thank you for this open and honest sharing. Sharing of these kinds are more than necessary as so many people think they have to fulfill their roles (mother/ father, colleague, friend, sibling, husband/ wife…), always putting ‘another hat on’ but never being themselves. We think we have to behave in a certain way to please or ‘help’ another but we don´t allow us to FEEL if this is what is really needed and supportive at that moment. By doing this we keep the other one small and away from their own responsibility. That´s not really supportive at all. I love your realization: “The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone. I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.”
I agree, letting go and trusting that our children are responsible for their own choices is such a freeing for everyone.
‘I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past’. This is a great trick I too found, the doing way too much to try and make up for the past because of the guilt underneath; the guilt I carried in the knowing that I did not meet the needs of my children. All that changed once I began to ‘put my needs first’. I had to re-learn how to self-nurture and self-love and it has been a journey filled with so many blessings. Today I have a deeper appreciation for the consistent loving choices I have made, and realise that the more I give/accept/allow myself to just be me, the more I am able to share the wise woman I am, and not just with my blood family, but with the bigger family we are all a part of.
It seems like you have nailed it anonymous,just in the nick of time as illness surely would have kicked in living in such disregard. How many people fall into the trap of having children to fill a hole in their lives only to find a bigger hole after the kids have flown the roost and how many people live their lives as a good mother/father at the expense of themselves?
A great observation Kevin, it is a trap that many fall into when the children become the glue in your life that you feel will hold everything together. Such a weight to put on any child and an unrealistic trap to fall for.
What I love about this blog is that it shows as your dedication and love of yourself started to build, you could no longer support your children in their self abusive acts. This is the same for all of us, as our commitment to ourselves grows, we cannot help others be unloving to themselves. This is a wonderful circle of support and development.
Thank you for sharing your story, it takes courage to do that with such honesty.
I have learnt much for you, and in particular when you shared:
“The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family”.
I see the whole of humanity as our family, and I see that accepting and appreciating ourselves is good medicine firstly for oneself and then how that has a positive effect on all those we come in contact with. I thank Serge Behayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine for helping me and many others to do this.
“I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” Wow what a revelation! this alone is huge how many of us have tried to save others only to end up feeling exhausted and in a not better position to offer help? I know have many a times. So amazing to be able to say no to alcohol, drama and abuse. Truly inspiring.
Until we start to peel back the layers between us and our true selves, the layers of hurt, confusion, protection, we will no doubt have found a role to play, to identify with, and we can become so layered that we feel that this identification is us. This is one of the most important and practical roles of Universal Medicine in this era, to be continually presenting markers, points of reference, and opportunities to know and recognise, become familiar with, and to feel safe being who we truly.
Beautifully said cjames. Even the patterns of behaviour and cycles of repeating choices described with such truth and openness above are only that…patterns and choices.
At any point we can make different choices and let go of old patterns if we are prepared to see the truth of why we said yes to them in the first place and allowed them to take hold in our life.
Hear hear Cjames!
Beautifully said cjames and so true that it is the hurts that we carry that keep us from our true selves. There is so much support through Universal Medicine to be able to recognise and peel back these hurts that have us so locked away from who we truly are.
Thank you for your honesty.
This is a strong reminder of how our choices can lead us far away from where we wanted to go, but can also bring us back. You are very brave to start making choices to bring you back. Your story reminds me how I have the same ability to make more loving choices and choose not to be an exhausted mother.
Wow, thank you for having the courage to share your amazing story. While the details may be extreme, there is a common theme that unites us all.
This certainly resonated with me:
” I could feel it was not loving to be constantly rescuing my family but it was still very difficult to say no. I was still playing the role of what I believed was being a ‘good mother’ and I was still feeling the guilt of my past choices.”
Motherhood, as we have been taught it, is a huge guilt trip, and we are constantly trying to make up for the fact that we do not feel enough, just as we are, and so we are always doing things and giving things to make up for the perceived lack in ourselves.
It can be a very painful cycle to be trapped in.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon, who has offered us another way of seeing ourselves, and another way of living our lives, one that deeply honours ourselves, and everyone else, equally so.
The more I break the pattern of lingering on all my, and life’s, perceived shortcomings the more space there is to accept and appreciate that I am already all I need to be and that I am beautifully responsible for making choices that shift repetitive, ill behaviours.
So true matildaclark and the more we all break and let go of our lingering patterns nad imperfections the more others are inspired to do the same.
I have just read your article again Anonymous and the words that caught my attention this time were “The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition or to feel loved.” This paragraph I feel holds such a truth as I am learning by attending the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It’s interesting I find how often we feel to be reminded of this simplicity – it has the potential of healing our deep and sometimes hidden hurts of the past.
It is so freeing to not be caught in needing recognition and mistaking it for love. Self care is so opposite to what the world teaches us that giving to others first is such a “good” thing and to put yourself first is “selfish”.
What nonsense we all buy into about what a mother should be! This blog is simply awesome, so honest about the journey made and what a journey. Thank you for sharing.
Truly a living miracle you are. I can feel that others would never guess what your past has been like from looking at you now. The teachings and the way of living presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are the miracle that so many people are looking for. Your story is a testimonial to the power of this.
So true Rowena, we have thrown ourselves into “role playing” not only because we don’t feel good about ourselves but also because society has come expectant of these roles needing to be filled. It’s as though if were are not doing something we are not seen nor in some respects are worthy. How mixed up this be. Thankfully as you shared Universal Medicine & Serge Benhayon “brings us home to our Being and Anon is living proof of the miracles that can happen when we come home to ourselves.”
What an incredibly honest sharing of your life’s challenges and how the presentations of Serge Behayon assisted you to turn your life around. Taking on the role of “mother” comes loaded with so many expectations and societal pressures which more often than not have such detrimental effects on the mother, and in turn the children. Learning to say “no” with love is one of the most powerful lessons I have learnt and in turn teach.
I agree fully Ingrid where you say; “Learning to say “no” with love is one of the most powerful lessons I have learnt”.
Oh yes yes yes, James and Ingrid! Saying ‘No’ was, and is, one of the biggest steps in my life back to love. The turn around from not giving my power away is monumental, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
It dosen’t matter what our choices were in the past, we can just stop now and make different choices, thereby changing our whole world around us… And allowing those around us to see something different… Then allowing them a different choice…and so it unfolds.
Beautifully said, missspringclean, we are always able to make a different choice, even with the most ingrained habits. Anon and many others are living examples of what can happen when shown that we have a choice, supported by real love, true wisdom and genuine compassion.
Yes we can make different more loving choices at any time, it is up to us. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is an awareness regarding choices and the TRUTH of energy behind choices, which can then help and support us in understanding the importance of the choices we make within our lives everyday.
What resonates for me in your amazing story is how when we start to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices we give others the gift of the opportunity to do the same. While they may react there is in fact nothing more loving. I deeply appreciate your sharing as it confirms the choices I am making at the moment in saying ‘no’ to my son based on what I am truly feeling that supports us both.
Yes Michelle I understand this too and it is very supportive to have confirmation of saying ‘no’ when it feels true, that it is very much the most loving course, despite the opposition.
Yes I agree Michelle, it does give others the same opportunity when we start to become more responsible for ourselves. It’s now foreign to me to take on stuff for others, because I know they are always able to handle anything life gives them. I still offer support and love but I don’t have to be burdened by the issues within others. It’s very freeing to live like that.
I agree Michelle – it is amazing the effect being more responsible for ourselves can have on others.
This also resonated with me Michelle. I not only experience that others feel an opportunity but it is almost like an unwritten permission- because they see some one around them self caring, taking responsibility, paying attention to quality , saying no or speaking up when something feels amiss etc they then go ‘ah I can do that too, it’s not selfish or weird but really supportive’
I agree Michelle. I know that I am raising my daughter with the wisdom that ‘no’ is a very loving word.
This blog will be an inspiration of what is possible for many others. I love the open sharing.
I have also been inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners to liberate myself from old fears and beliefs and turn my life around from completely dysfunction and self loathing to a more self-loving and meaningful state… It is an ongoing process, all is not perfect, but they, and their work, their presentations and healing modalities are truly something to celebrate.
I agree Jeannette, I think you make a great point – never is perfection sought in the presentation of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, simply a way of life that frees you from the struggle of simply existing, to instead learn to live a life of joy and vitality.
I agree Rebecca and Jeannette – “never is perfection sought in the presentation of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon” and it is extremely freeing because it takes away the struggle of perfection, and needing to be right. How can we learn anything if we are too afraid we may not be doing it the right perfect way?
“How can we learn anything if we are too afraid we may not be doing it the right perfect way?” James I agree, I had put so much pressure on myself, questioning myself, asking myself ‘was that the right thing?’ that I was completely forgetting to listen to my body, but now using my body as the marker not my mind.
That is great to hear Denise, the amount of stress and tension that comes with trying to be ‘perfect’ is unbearable. It is so freeing to let it go.
Great to point out Jeanette and Rebecca that perfection is not the goal. In fact there is no goal, just a gentle unfolding of who we truly are and acceptance of what we have chosen in the past and an understanding that we have a choice now to choose the energy that aligns us to who we truly are.
I agree, there is nothing more freeing than excepting where you are, where you have been and the choices you have made with no judgement.
Absolutely amazing transformation, Anonymous! So beautiful to see how, by connecting to the real woman that you are and by learning to love yourself, you literally turned your life around. Your choice to expose and slowly let go of a lot of beliefs and ideals around being a good mother are inspiring as those ideals are a huge trap for most women who can go through their lives without ever truly connecting to the woman within. Thank you for your sharing.
Absolutely amazing transformation, Anonymous! So beautiful to see how, by connecting to the real woman that you are and by learning to love yourself, you literally turned your life around. Your choice to expose and slowly let go of a lot of beliefs and ideals around being a good mother are inspiring as those ideals are a huge trap for most women who can go through their lives without ever truly connecting to the woman within. Thank you for your sharing.
Beautiful comment Giovanna, and you’re right – it’s inspiring to hear and see how learning to love herself as a woman first and foremost before the role – ‘mother’, has turned her life around.
I agree Giovanna. A truly amazing transformation and an inspiring sharing, highlighting the power of the love that each of us actually holds within us, if we so choose to connect to it and honour it. The ‘mess’ in life is just the old patterns, beliefs and ideals that unfortunately we have taken on.
How beautiful is our ability to love and self care with a simple choice?
What I take from your blog is that it is never too late to make changes. It is easy to throw up your hands and play the victim, or live with ‘your lot in life’, but you eventually didn’t choose this way and clearly feel fabulous for it. Well done.
Wow, this is a very real story and much to comment on. In particular your realisation how we as parents (mothers) are drawn to protect our children instead of loving them and leaving them be. They have their own responsibilities. Thank you for such an honest sharing.
I agree, Ariana, it takes much courage to turn your life around as Anonymous has done. As you say, “A love story”.
Anonymous, I so love the story of your amazing journey in the great turnaround in your life. It takes so much courage to completely change the way you had been living, from the young woman who was so needy and obviously so looking for love and turned to having babies to fulfill that need. And at no time during most of your life, did you ever really look to looking after yourself. I can relate to your feeling that you had to be a ‘good’ mother and that was your role. But there was no real love to that period.
Wonderful that you have been able to concentrate on developing the love that you truly are, and from THAT place, now are able to recognise what is needed to be done, or not done, when dealing with the situations that arise with your family. You have obviously been able to let go all of those beliefs that you have to help your family at such a cost to yourself. And that gives them a chance to develop themselves now, and to make their own choices and face their own responsibilities. And look at you now, it feels like an amazing woman that has now written this great blog.
Setting the stage for all people to set up their lives how they want it to be, with love, joy and good health.
What an amazing turn around you have shared from being caught up in life’s dramas and trying to be there for your family out of a need to put things right to supporting yourself (and in return them) to live in a way that supports who you are so that you have the strength and inner fortitude to be more honest and loving to yourself so that you can let go of old patterns and say no to what is not right in your life.
Reading this is very inspiring.
This is a great blog. Not only is it beautifully honest and open in sharing, and not only does it show an amazing turn around which confirms that this is possible for everyone else too, but it’s also packed with loads of tips and insights. It’s great to read about the self-loving changes you made in your life that supported you in turning it all around.
I just really loved the total honesty and lack of blame in this article. Very refreshing. Thank you Anon.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past”. How many of us have lived with this belief holding us back? Your article shows how powerful it is when we take responsibility to deeply nurture ourselves
Wow! Anonymous, this is an amazing, glorious, blog – and there is so much to appreciate about what you have done and who you are. This blog (and you!) are truly inspirational!
This is a very honest post and knowing, Anonymous, and seeing how much you have chosen to change is truly inspiring. It shows us all we don’t have to hold ourselves back because of our past choices.
I am truly inspired from reading this article. Thank you for sharing so honestly. It is incredible to hear how you have turned your life around simply by changing your choices to be self-loving ones and ending the cycle of choices which brought only chaos and drama. Ultimately denying you and the world the amazing women you are today. It is a true blessing for me and others to read this and understand how we ultimately are fully responsible for creating the events in our lives – no more can we blame ‘life’.
It is a blessing for the world to be able to hear what you have to share about what the role of being a good parent looks like and to highlight the difference between emotional love and true love. What you have exposed is when we parent at the expense of our own health and financial security, not only does it affect the parent’s well being but denies the child the chance to seek responsibility for their own lives and the opportunity to learn and make different and more supportive ones. This is true love to support our children to evolve.
Ultimately, a timely lesson about self-responsibility. Awesome.
This is a great step, Anonymous, to let others have their own choices, as sometimes the choices are against their well-being. Letting go of this control means the next ones are truly appreciated in being able to make own decisions and learn from them.
Your story is truly inspirational. Allowing your children to be where they are at and trusting them to make their own choices is a wonderfully loving gift for your children and for yourself.
Thank you for your sharing, openness and honesty. There are many points of reflection in your article. Straight from the beginning – how we feel not being prepared to be mothers to our children (how is it possible for a woman not to know how to nurture her child? But it was the same for me too). Could it be possible because we ourselves have never actually been truly loved and nurtured nor educated by our parents and society what it truly means to be a parent, a mother. You went through a lot. I am sure your story has many more shades. So reading how you were able to turn your life around, starting making different choices and looking after yourself and your children is profound. It shows us that we all are capable of doing it. And what’s more important we re-imprint our relationships and give our children a different perspective, supporting them in taking responsibility for their lives and by simply loving them but firstly loving and caring about ourselves.
Awesome!!
Wow this is huge, thank you for sharing. It’s great to know that after all you’ve gone through and your momentum of past choices you have made, you were still able to open up and allow yourself to take responsibility and can now offer your children such a deep love and support without the guilt you spoke of. That’s massive and some people continue living this way their whole lives. It’s inspiring to read.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is so true that it feels as though there is a need to hide away from people when living the victim and feeling a failure. What a revelation to let go of regret and know that you are enough as you are. More than enough and actually amazing! How awesome to feel the loving understanding and acceptance you are now giving yourself, and offering by way of reflection to your family.
Being a ‘good’ mother is huge and it is exhausting. I can relate to much of what is offered here and I deeply appreciate Anonymous sharing their story. What stands out for me is that Anon. is learning to accept her past choices and appreciate herself for making the supporting changes in her life. Truly remarkable. Thank you.
Thank you for a powerful blog – for me it highlights that helping coming from need or guilt only serves to perpetuate that self-abusive way of living, whereas helping from a foundation of self-love empowers others to make different choices.
Thank your for sharing so beautifully and honestly about the amazing transformation in your life. I loved the part where you started to bring self love into your life and brought this same level of love to your children by saying no to enabling their un-supportive choices. Although it may feel uncomfortable at the time, one of the things that I appreciate most in life and confirms to me that I am truly loved is when someone calls me out and exposes a way that I am living that is less than who I truly am.
I totally agree Jonathan, they love you that much that they don’t want to assist you in what you are choosing that is harming you – instead they support you to see your unloving choices and sometimes not by saying anything, just being the love that they are so you have a true reflection to see what you are choosing is not loving. I absolutely appreciate this support and also being pulled up when I am off track and not being who I naturally am.
I find that too Jonathan; I greatly appreciate when others expose me for living less than who I truly am, and as you say it “confirms to me that I am truly loved”.
Susie, you just expressed that so simply and beauty fully.
Being exposed is truly being loved.
Yes Jonathan, I too can feel the appreciation when someone “exposes a way that I am living that is less than who I truly am”, but before I accepted self-love into my life, I took it as criticism and reacted emotionally. I now open to the love in which it is delivered.
Thank you for sharing your story, a powerful and inspiring example of how the choices we make can change everything, and allowing the trust for others to make theirs.
I can relate to taking on that role of ‘good mother’ before considering myself or anything else, and I was very driven to uphold that at all costs… Costs that sometimes affected my own health with dramas and exhaustion. Offering a different reflection now with so much more care for myself gives anyone an opportunity who wants to see a different way.
‘I enjoy being the woman I truly am.’ Thank you for sharing your story – it is so inspiring to read how you transformed your life and by peeling away the layers that were not really you have been able to discover the amazing woman underneath.
This is amazing what shared here, with so much honesty and with no identification to what we had chosen to live in the past. Everyone can move out of an old habit or downward-spin if the choice is to take responsibility and to take care for self. I to have experienced this turn around by starting to look after my food and going to bed earlier. We are all a great example that there is a way out of exhaustion and distraction.
I am very much impressed by the enormous changes and shifts you have decided and managed to make – the journey from self-neglect to self love already is huge. And to further bring this reflection to your family is epic. You show that everyone can do it!
Well said Alex, it is epic. To be able to turn a life of chaos and drama into one of genuine care and support is phenomenal – and it’s not rocket science, as anyone can do it if they really want to.
I agree Alex, we are being shown that everyone can do it, the blog is very inspiring.
Wow there is so much gold is this article, thank you deeply for sharing your story with us. I work in the field of counselling and the beautiful way in which you have come to understand your choices and hence let them go and heal is truly remarkable and as a result supporting others to do the same. This is truly remarkable and as you say not by telling them what to do but by ‘trusting in their choices’. Just that line alone I can feel the pressure of having to be a certain way release and allow me the freedom to make my own choices and learn from them .
I love that Caroline, that you named what happens when we trust in another’s choice… the pressure to take control or feel responsible for another drops away, then there is a sense of freedom to allow them and ourselves to make different choices.
Thank you for such a truly inspiring blog. I can relate to much that you have shared and it is wonderful to feel how you have changed your life in a truly supporting way for you and your family.
Incredible life turnaround. It always amazes me how powerful loving choices are together with the huge support that Universal Medicine offers.
Its so raw and honest what has been written here. I want to thank you for this blog.
To me this is nothing short of a miracle and from what you have explained this has been awakened in you by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Its amazing how by slowly making different choices, saying no and letting go of being liked as a mother you finally have the chance to have a true relationship with yourself and in turn the children.
I agree, Sarah, it is a miracle, to be able to bring oneself back from the situation that Anonymous was in, to the amazing courageous woman she has obviously now become.
Yes Sarah it is a miracle that I now feel so amazing, and as you point out “slowly making different choices” by bringing what Serge Benhayon presents into my own life.
Thank you for such an honest blog. You have had some very difficult times and it is so inspiring to hear how you have developed love for yourself and now know yourself as the wonderful woman that you truly are.
A truly transformative journey. You have shown what is possible, with right support and a commitment to self. You shine a light and a way for all of us, and especially those desperate to free themselves of self-destructive patterns and relationships.
Yes and I am also realising that I can’t “expect” others with self-destructive patterns to be inspired by my reflection. Some are just not ready to free themselves and I need to allow them to make their choices which at times feels difficult and I am still learning to make my own choice to step out of the way and keep coming back to me.
“I believed that a marriage and having children would be the solution for the emptiness I felt inside”. I also believed that a marriage and having a child would be the solution for this feeling of missing something. It is not, yet this is a common belief. We keep on wanting things and doing things to not deal with the emptiness.
Wow what an amazing and intimate sharing of how you have turned your life around after hitting rock bottom. This is a very relatable story that will empower many to consider the the choices they have made, and the roles they have identified with and to feel that like you, they can discover self responsibility and self love to also make significant and positive changes.
Wow, the courage you have to change old family dynamics and let go of your guilt is amazing. Healing and changing family dynamics has been one of the scariest things I have been faced with.
Hats off, I can imagine how difficult it would have been to say no. Family can pull on every string we have to make us feel guilty or bad for changing dynamics. A real inspiration, thank you.
I enjoyed reading this article for it’s inspiring openness and candour.
Yes, to entangle oneself from the falseness of the emotional, familiar love and instead choose true love, care and responsibility is an enormous challenge and major thing to do.
It is so empowering and healing not only for oneself but for everyone in the family.
Yes, well said Rebecca. Changing ingrained family dynamics is shown here to be totally possible when the courage of consistency is at the helm. Very inspiring.
This article is a simple reminder that all others have walked ‘tough’ paths and that there is no place for judgement of another in this world, only room for understanding and compassion.
A great comment Michelle.
Well said Michelle, we never know what other people have been through in life and we are always so quick to judge. Anon’s example shows us that when given the space to truly connect and feel who we really are, we can work miracles in our own lives.
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story. The fact that you have turned your life around is a great testament to the power of consistently making self loving choices.
Very inspiring.
What you share with the world here is huge, you have transformed so much in your own life and this is now being felt by other people. “Consistently living these changes is still a work in progress as I become more of me; I enjoy being the woman I truly am.” I have a real sense that you do appreciate yourself, how you have made the choice to change and it is wonderful to read it. Thank you.
Thank you for an open, honest blog. It is very inspiring to read and feel how a woman can go from overwhelm and self harming behaviours to self love and offering true support to her family.
By taking full responsibility for your past choices, not holding onto the ‘ victim’ mentality, & by making more self loving choices in your life, especially learning to say ‘No’ to others-what a beautiful transformation in your life. Very inspiring!
What an inspiring turnaround! How many of us get stuck in thinking that we are nothing more than our past? This is such an enormous lie and you are living proof. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Sara this blog is testament that your past does not dictate your future – only if you let it – a great example of true responsibility and how great change is possible.
Isn’t this great Vanessa and Sara, to know we are not our past and that each moment is an opportunity to change. This blog is stunning and totally inspirational.
It is ‘such an enormous lie’ to think that we are forever at the mercy of our past, and so liberating and empowering to free ourselves of that. Every moment in every day presents us with new opportunities and by making incremental changes in the way we care for and look at ourselves we can totally turn the tide.
My God, what a miracle you are. From your story it seems clear that as soon as you began to make more self-loving choices your whole life started to turn around.
Imagine that… that self-loving choices alone were better medicine than anything you’d tried in 40+ years of ‘living’.
The quality of material coming out of Universal Medicine that is directly supporting people to truly heal and get on healthily with life again is staggering.
Good point Dean, that just by choosing to really take care of oneself is the best medicine we can take and Universal Medicine is just that, the universal ability to deeply care for oneself and create a healthier, loving life all round. And when we emerge from our lives of chaos and despair, there is so much support and love we can offer those around us as a consequence. There is no better support than that which arises from a lived experience and the embodiment of the fundamental principles of love, respect and honesty as demonstrated by Anon.
We are all powerhouses waiting to happen – and I mean everyone.
I agree Dean, it is frankly astounding the complete turn around that people can make in their lives, from some of the simplest choices we just aren’t shown how to make in life. And that is why I have to thank Universal medicine for its teaching, because without it I would still be unaware of the roles that where driving me into the ground.
It is true what you share Rebecca.
You’re right Dean, the number of people who have changed their lives to a healthier way of living with the support of Universal Medicine is growing. From this blog, and others, that have shown that no matter what the past has thrown at you, you can always come back with loving choices.
That’s right Steve, and what we are to come back to, and I mean everyone eventually, is something very natural and powerful that every single person in this world has inside. That’s where our ability to deal with life’s hardships really comes from – a much, much greater power than we might give ourselves credit for.
So true Dean. I have seen so many people transform by shedding layers through making simple choices. They are living testaments.
. “Imagine that… that self-loving choices alone were better medicine than anything you’d tried in 40+ years of ‘living”
How amazing,it can be so simple, just by the choices we make.
I have found since starting to walk each day, without skipping a walk even once, I have become more steady in my work and my relationships and am even thinking more clearly in difficult situations. Who would have thought that one small change like that could make such a big difference to everything else?
There must be a much, much greater power in our consistent choices than we currently understand.
Such a beautiful sharing – and an inspiration in learning how to lovingly set boundaries and to bring so much more self love and care…A process we can all go deeper with, all of the time.
The author states that she learned to listen to her body and it sounds such a simple step to health and well being. Yet how many people go out of their way to ignore their bodies? While I am much more open and honest to what I am feeling, I still can turn off and poison myself with tv, stimulants, comfort food and yes I mean poison, because that is what it feels like now that I have become more senstive, once the numbness or stimulation wears off. So learning to listen to ones body is a spiral out of disregard and self abuse through to an incredible level of wellbeing and harmony. It is a huge process of learning to honour the love that we are in full – as well as an everyday one.
Wow this is an amazing turn around of ones life. I can relate to the guilt we can take on as parents due to how we were with or children in the past. This guilt is a massive one to get over, when you write “I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.” I feel this understanding you came to is a massive part of letting go of the guilt, so you are there now to truly support yourself, which naturally means, by simply living this way, you offer your children true support, by showing them there is another way to live life. This is an inspirational recount, thank you.
This is an amazing and inspiring story! Thank you for choosing a different way and showing us what can happen when we do. You are now a true role model for your family and us all.
I found your story has left me pondering on just how much I am still ‘overseeing’ my children’s lives, albeit not in such a direct way as when they were little. It has been a steep learning curve for me to step back and let them make their own decisions and I still fall back into old habits on occasions. It is only through attending presentations with Universal Medicine and meeting Serge Benhayon that I have come to understand that I am actually imposing and not helping family members or being a ‘good’ mother when I try to intervene in their lives. Thanks Anon for sharing.
Thanks Anon, a truly inspiring story of overcoming a lifetime of abuse that humbles me when I consider what ‘little’ l’ve had to overcome by comparison – what struck me most is the realisation you make around the escalating of your alcohol use ‘I had wanted so much to be a good mother but I wasn’t able to love and nurture my children in the way I had wanted.This was a great sadness to me and I drank even more to cover up that sadness.’
It is clear that in the process of healing you have allowed a deep honesty of the underlying feelings that led to these abusive behaviours, and the impact of them on all around you and the struggle to overcome the patterns of a lifetime. And yes, the support and insight through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is to be much appreciated, and appreciating yourself and your choices also equal to that.
Incredible anonymous and equally inspired reading this the second time round. Amazing testament to the power of responsibility and self loving choices.
Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly…how powerful is it for everyone to say ‘no’ to old patterns and behaviours, and ‘yes’ to self love!
Very powerful Paula!
“I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person.” This statement surely holds true for every member of earth’s inhabitance.
The humbleness and rawness with which you share your story is truly inspiring and offers a reflection to anyone else out there suffering similar circumstances that there is indeed another way to live life.
The Way of the Livingness, as presented by Universal Medicine, is a way that is supporting you and I know that it is supporting me too.
Whilst this article inspired me greatly – a transformative story – it also shakes me into a stark realisation of the struggle that so many of us live with, cover up, consider is normal etc….the madness of the facades we put on pretending all is OK.
Absolutely, and what I have felt today is how being COMPLETELY honest and in seeing everything how it is in our lives, in that moment, allows us to make changes that can truly support us and others. Whereas if we are only a little bit honest with ourselves we are missing a big chunk of the picture that needs to be looked at; so no true changes can be made because we are not acknowledging what is going on!
How true Vicky.
So true Matilda. There are so many living in the drama and believing it to be a normal part of life. As more of us realise that we can step out of this and there is another way, “The Way of the Livingness”, humanity will wake up to the illusion and there will be no need for the suffering.
Yours is a truly staggering change that you chose Anon, thank you for sharing so openly. What stands out is the power in saying ‘no’ once the choice has been made to have self loving choices as a priority over the drama.
This second last paragraph is so powerful. It is amazing to read about how you have managed to move forward from the past without the guilt and the shame but with a love of you – very inspiring.
So amazing how you turned your life around by making different choices inspired by Universal Medicine. It is so encouraging as you are a great example of what is possible.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your very personal life. It is a very difficult thing to say ‘no’ especially when there is emotional family members involved but with self-love we learn what is a true way to support them.
Upon again reading this article what stood out were the simple ways in which you have chosen to look after yourself but which have had a profound effect. It reads like how we would look after a child… good food, early to bed, encouragement and appreciation. A pertinent question for us to perhaps ask is how / why do we lose this along the way?
What an amazing transformation you have undergone. You are a shining light Anon and I am grateful to have shared in your inspiring story.
So much is written here, which so many can relate to .. and see that it is possible to choose to live a different way. That even when you think ‘this is it’ or ‘there is no way out’ it can be done; and you are a testimony to that. Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners have and are a huge support in helping others make more loving choices in their lives. Thank you for sharing your story.
I have enjoyed reading this blog several times. Your decision to say “no” to your family when they chose to be rescued from their own responsibility is so prevalent in society today. Thank you for reminding us that saying yes holds no loving action towards any family member in the long run.
Yes this explained it beautifully how by continually pandering to family members when they are not taking responsibility for issues, we become complicit in keeping them that way. How many of us keep getting caught in that trap?
A very inspiring article, thank you for your openness and your honesty, anonymous. Beautiful to read and feel, how your self loving choices benefited you, and also your family.
A truly inspiring article, thank you for sharing so openly and so honestly, Anonymous.
Wow, such an amazing transformation, and it was great to read what the power of ‘no’ and claiming yourself can bring.
Your story certainly makes me stop and pause. The trauma, the burdens, the difficultly people live with is shocking, and often without anyone really knowing what is going on. Well done for having the courage to choose another way of living for yourself. Thank you Serge Benhayon for sharing with us how to connect and turn our days from mud to joy!
As humans we can create such complex webs all in the name of doing the right thing or looking for the love that we think we need. And yet how awesome that no matter how complex those webs, we can still turn our lives around and introduce the simple steps of self love and self responsibility, completely changing the equation.
Absolutely Deborah. We have an amazing strength to be able to firstly deal with drama and secondly choose love and say no to it.
Great point Deborah; we can create very complicated and ‘complex webs’, manipulate, lie and deceive while justifying the entire time that we are doing the ‘right thing’. This can harm both ourselves, and many others.
Well said Deborah, we can be so clever at creating drama and complication, even to the extent of not seeing ourselves as the authors of such events. Bring in the simplicity of feeling the effect of our choices and taking a few steps towards caring for ourselves and our entire lives can change beyond all recognition.
What an inspiring journey.
WOW this is a great story and a great example of how powerful, self-loving choices can change a whole life! Thank you for your honest sharing.
Wow, thank you for sharing this — there are so many people that will relate. There is such a huge healing in breaking through the trap of needing to be needed.
I agree Rebecca it is a trap “needing to be needed”. I was one of them and it got me nowhere, other than feeling even more exhausted because I had done things just so others could depend on me and the truth was I was not helping them.
What I have learnt now – thanks to Serge Benhayon is that we each have our own path to walk and how I can truly help another is to simply BE the real me and grow and develop this and that is enough. It can and will inspire another to also be the same. I know it works because I have many, many people in my life who have made profound changes and I have not had to do it for them, fix them or want them to need me. It feels very liberating to live this way.
Beautifully said Rebecca, it is such a big trap to build self-worth or identity through needing to be needed and as this blog highlights our lives can then only be determined by the needs of others.
Your level of commitment and willingness to take responsibility is very inspiring – not only to women who are stuck in trying to please everyone but anyone who is willing to let go of their past and choose a more loving way of being.
Wow, it is great to read your story, it is a true testament to how life changing the teachings of Serge Benhayon can be when we stop, reflect and ponder that there could be another way of living that starts with honesty and self love and doesn’t involve drama, damage control and survival mode.
What is so continually inspiring about reading these blogs is, it’s like a montage of how far humanity can go on its way to hitting rock bottom, and then to read that, given the opportunity for true reflection, that it is possible to “live a life free of the old patterns”, to connect with the heart and the inner heart, and to take full responsibility for one’s choices. This is the reflection in the opportunity that Universal Medicine offers to us all.
Very true cjames, Anon has shown us that we can climb out of the most dismal of holes and relinquish all the beliefs that kept us there, just by paying attention to and putting into practice the support and teachings of Universal Medicine. And it demonstrates the real meaning of these words ‘Universal’ and ‘Medicine’. The teachings can be applied to every single situation on earth with powerful affect and when adhered to, is true medicine for all our ills. All we have to do is choose to apply them in our daily lives.
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. I just wanted to keep reading and feeling what an amazing woman you are to have allowed yourself to be completely honest about your past, willing to take responsibility and choose self love, to CHOOSE YOU!. This is a sharing about courage, love and inspiration….that we do not have to be imprisoned by our past, we are not our past, we are so much more! Incredible!
I have experienced the exhaustion you speak of Anon, giving so much to everyone but myself, always looking for the answers from outside or someone.
Since I have chosen to accept and appreciate myself first, relating with family and friends has ‘turned around’, from my holding back unable to show my love, to speaking what I feel from my heart.
I am no longer trying to be the ‘good mother’ exhausted by my giving, the outcome is:
I am receiving more love, support and acceptance from them.
What amazing changes you have made. I can so relate to the power of saying no, it is such a gift to ourselves and the other person. To honour how we truly feel is a blessing for everyone.
You give in this blog true hope as you have lived that transformation that we all can do, it is very encouraging to read that you have undone and untangled the patterns of drama that kept you repeating the same suffering and the same misery in the past. You are a great example for us all that evolution is possible, no matter where we come from, no matter how entrenched our repeatedly lived experiences are. WE can change, you have done it. It is possible, it requires self responsibility, dedication, willingness to feel and be aware, and as you say, lots of support from loving people and mainly yourself. Thank you for your transformation and for writing about it.
“The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family”. Thank you Anonymous what you have said here is golden it is so very important to accept and appreciate ourselves and the changes we have made, by doing so we invite the next stage of our evolution to unfold.
Being dominated by our past is not an uncommon situation for most people , yet you show so beautifully that it can be different. It is gorgeous to read how the more you have been honouring and accepting yourself and responsibility in your life, the more your life has opened up.
What a great example of what so many woman adopt – The identification of being a “good mother” and the dysfunctional patterns therein that they eventually become owned by. Yours is an inspiring story to all women bound by the “good mother” syndrome… to see and know there is another way.
Whilst I avoided the responsibility of becoming a ‘good mother’ I equally relate to getting lost in trying to be a ‘good wife, sister, colleague, auntie, partner’ and feeling owned in those roles. This article reminds me of the responsibility to connect with myself as a woman first.
Well said Rob, being a ‘good mother’ is a huge ideal and one that so many women struggle to accomplish. Anon’s example here shows that we can challenge this ideal and that when we turn our attention to connecting to and cherishing the real woman within, we can very naturally bring all of our love, wisdom, tenderness and strength to every aspect of our lives.
I agree Rob, identifying as a mother and the roles that come with it is like a syndrome, or even a disease, that can entrap us into behaviours that aren’t always true for us.
I agree Rebecca,
It’s great to see women showing the way with this and sharing it publicly.
Exactly Rebecca, when we share our stories and how taking on these roles can have such detrimental effects, it gives others and opportunity to look at the roles they identify with, mother or wife or daughter or career woman etc, and see how it might be driving their life and behaviour in a way that isn’t always the best for them.
Yes it is fantastic what is here being exposed… the ‘good mother’ just like the ‘good father’ has us all fooled. We as children put all these expectations on the parents – how and what they should be, totally forgetting that they are actually an individual person with their own qualities. Qualities that are all unique and some we are stronger at and some not so much. Giving the grace that we are here to learn and allow others be who they are is a great place to start.
I completely agree Natalie, it is often so easy to forget that our parents are people just like we are, and go through the same things we do. Often the roles we place people in can actually prevent us from seeing who they really are.
“We expect so much from our parents, instead of accepting them as also learning about life, and giving them the equal space to do so” ….. hear hear.
I agree Kirsten – I for one expected my parents to somehow be perfect and have all the answers, whereas they are like all of us learning who we are and how to fully be ourselves and essentially when they brought my brother and myself up were doing their best with what they had at the time.
In fact, as parents don’t we set our kids up to imagine parents have all the answers? If we are not supporting them in their own sense of knowing themselves and confirming what they feel as they grow up, then we are asking for them to be looking outside for the person that is right/has all the answers…
Well said Rosanna, I have heard comments from friends where they have been told ‘mummy knows best’, and we are told we have to be educated as to what is best for us instead of listening to our bodies. As you say Rosanna “we are asking for them to be looking outside…[for}…all the answers”. It is extremely disempowering and makes you a slave to the world and the systems.
Exactly James – I assume none of us had ever been educated to listen to our bodies, I know I certainly hadn’t – today this is a forever learning for me and I am humbly aware of the difference it makes and the consequences I may cause if I override the signals that my body gives me. Such a well of information constantly there and available to us – our bodies.
Thank you James, this is gorgeous to feel and let go of the expectations of how parents ‘should be’. Taking responsibility is one thing but pressure and expectation is another and does not leave room for any understanding.
I agree Rachel – it is like holding someone to ransom for not being how you would like them to be – extremely judgmental and no understanding what so ever. Something that has helped me is understanding that we are exactly where we are to learn whatever we need to. Sure we can make ‘bad’ choices but ultimately they show us we are not being love and so we get an opportunity to learn from them and not make them again – whereas if we didn’t make them, or did not stop and see the harm the choice would be for us and someone stopped us from making them, we would not have the opportunity to learn.
Absolutely James, we are always “exactly where we are to learn whatever we need to”. Rather than procrastinating, which is very draining of energy, it is far better to make a choice and if it turns out to be a ‘bad’ choice, then not to berate ourselves but to see it as “an opportunity to learn” and move forward.
Yes Anne, looking at choices this way is extremely liberating… to not beat ourselves up if we make a ‘bad’ choice but to see it as an opportunity to learn, move forward and grow. You are right … it is so much better to make a choice than stand in stagnation in fear of making the wrong one and then not doing anything.
I agree Anne and Rachel – accepting that there may be something for us to reflect on or learn from every time we make a choice. Sometimes on reflection we can see that we may have made less than appropriate choices based on the little that we knew or understood with our then limited awareness of our connection to the wisdom within – however, how awesome it is when the opportunity arises, such as meeting with Serge Benhayon and attending the Universal Medicinie presentations, that the catalyst for a deeper awareness is provided to bring about the development of that awareness that assists us to see there could be another way, and that we do indeed have a choice with all our decisions.
Agree Rachel, actually not being able to make the decision is frustrating in itself! – a total lose lose situation. Getting to understand my mistakes as a learning experience has really taken the pressure off ‘having to make the right decision or choice’.
And to add to your point Shirley-Ann, if we believe in reincarnation it makes sense that we have actually chosen our parents for all their quirks, and if this is true it shows we as children, especially teenage and grown-up children, have nothing to blame our parents for, rather we should be thanking them for being the perfect fit for us to learn what we need to in this life.
Gorgeous comment Natalie; we are absolutely all here to learn, and allowing others to express and be themselves is one of the greatest gifts we can offer.
As soon as we lovingly accept ourselves we start to have that same grace for others. Understanding our uniqueness, strengths and weaknesses we get to see the power of teamwork and the magic of working together.
Beautifully written Natalie, “We as children put all these expectations on the parents – how and what they should be, totally forgetting that they are actually an individual person with their own qualities. Qualities that are all unique and some we are stronger at and some not so much”. This helps bring understanding for me of my parents and not just to see them as my parents but like you say individual people too.
Its a good point Rebecca, we so often throw ourselves into a role because we don’t feel good about ourselves. We use roles like Motherhood to prove to ourselves we are okay, good at something, that we can do this. Aside from setting ourselves up for a fall somewhere along the line, we become so immersed in the doing, we forget all about our Being (Been there, got the T-shirt). Universal Medicine brings us home to our Being and Anon is living proof of the miracles that can happen when we come home to ourselves.
Well said Rowena, it is very true that we use so many behaviours in life to prove that we are okay, to ourselves and to others, and this is often where we come unstuck, because life doesn’t go to plan all the time and so when our roles ‘fail us’, we have no where to turn because we have never known ourselves outside of the roles we live in.
I have also experienced that when I have felt like my roles have failed me, that these have been the moments in life which offer me the opportunity to look at things differently – as I get to see the ‘role’ is not ‘it’.
Very true – we often can’t see what isn’t working until it stops working altogether, or lets us down.
Yes I agree Rosanna. I am realising that when I assume a role, I am relying on external beliefs and ideals rather than my inner knowing and innate wisdom. Life these days is about learning to flag the roles and turn to my inner resources instead. The gift of Anon’s testimony here is that it does not matter how entrenched one is, there is always the possibility of climbing out of these self made problems and returning to a reliable source of love in one’s life. It’s truly amazing what can happen when we do.
Great point Rowena – ‘we so often throw ourselves into a role because we don’t feel good about ourselves’… I can certainly relate to this.
The ‘good mother’ syndrome is very dominating and over-powering, and it is great to clearly share how letting go of this really does allow for a freer life, where you have space to develop that relationship with self. One that is super important not just for mothers but for all women. Great article, thank you.
So true Rob, so inspiring, all the underlying, unseen, wanting to be a “good mother” or that they are “our children” it all comes so loaded. Just being aware and letting go is such a healing to both the children and the women who is the mother. Whatever our choices have been.
Rob, with the way society is set up it seems that being “good” at something is one of our ultimate aims, be it a “good mother” or “good father” or “good partner”. It’s great to read an article about simply being true, as it turns what we know about parenting or relationships on its head.
so true Rob…Many women would resonate with what you have said here – The identification of being a “good mother” and the dysfunctional patterns therein that they eventually become owned by. It’s so easy for many women to fall into those patterns. This story can help many to now understand it doesn’t have to be that way …there is another way if they choose.
It’s a very strong identity Rob and we compromise ourselves so much to achieve it, or, as in my case, see myself less because I have never had kids. Anonymous shows us all, whether we are mothers or not, that these ideals can be challenged and discarded when we choose to build connection with who we really are.
Not being a mother, I see it from the ‘outside’ as you do Rob – that so many women adopt the ‘good mother’ identification. I never believed it, something inside said “this isn’t right” but I did not know there was another way until Serge Benhayon came along and spoke the truth (uncomfortable to some) about motherhood and womanhood.
Yes Rob there is a myth in society that mothers are naturally perfect and when they don’t live up to this they are judged by others or by themselves. Most women just function within the circumstances they find themselves, not knowing they can change anything. We cannot truly love our children when we first have not been loving to ourselves.
So true Rob and it’s really quite amazing the lengths we as women can go to try and accomplish the ‘perfect’ family life.
Not being a mother, I see it from the ‘outside’ as you do Rob – that so many women adopt the ‘good mother’ identification. I never believed it, something inside said “this isn’t right” but I did not know there was another way until Serge Benhayon came along and spoke the truth (uncomfortable to some) about motherhood and womanhood.
I appreciate your honesty about past patterns/ behaviors and the effect this has on us and the people around us. “I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” This thought holds many of us back and I feel your sharing is very powerful, we can choose to live in the past and judge ourselves for past actions or we can live in the present and allow self appreciation. Very inspiring.
“Self-love” is the foundation to build on for the way we live. A very powerful article and I enjoyed reading it very much. Thank you for writing this so honestly.
‘Self love is the foundation to build on the way we live’ – I agree Ryoko; particularly that self love is the basis of every relationship we have.
This is an amazing story and the steps you took are truly inspirational. Thank you for giving us so much detail to learn from those changes you brought to your life.
‘Accepting Responsibility and Learning to Appreciate Myself,’ this line stuck out for me as for years I didn’t want to accept responsibility for my own choices, which obviously resulted in lack of self appreciation. Now that I am taking responsibility for my choices to the best of my ability, my own self love and appreciation is building and deepening. Appreciation of self is a huge step towards appreciating others and bringing understanding into the truth of them and whatever may be going on for them. It is a true and natural equalizer.
“I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person. I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person” … what a difference self love makes as does taking responsibility for the choices we make. Thank you for sharing Anonymous.
This is so inspiring – how much you have been able to make changes in your life. It never ceases to amaze me how much one can change their life. It’s not easy to do and you have done an incredible job at turning things around for yourself. Thank you for sharing, it was amazing to read!
What struck a chord with me was the tension of wanting to make suggestions – which I find myself constantly doing for my family – which must be as annoying for them as it is exhausting for me – something I might have to address!!
So awesome – how many people would feel identified and trapped by their past like this? The changes you have made are very inspiring – thank you for sharing your story!
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” Now this I completely relate to, thank you for your honest sharing Anonymous.
I can recall having a sense that I knew I didn’t have to be bound by my old patterns, but like you, had felt they ‘held me so tight’ and to be honest I just hadn’t found a way to break them. I certainly never did this by analysing them over in my head or repeating them and being hard on myself for it, but what did work for me was the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and Serge Benhayon. They reminded me that I wasn’t identified by my behaviours and however tight, ingrained or repetitive they felt to be – there was always a connection within me to be felt and cherished and the opportunity for loving new choices is always there.
Yes Cherise, the opportunity for loving new choices is always there! Every breath is a new opportunity. Knowing this has been such a great support, as changing old in-grained patterns can be very challenging, especially in the beginning when we often keep wanting to choose ‘comfort’ over what feels true.
Thank you for sharing Cherise, your comment is a great reminder that above and beyond the behaviours we might have that feel like they hold us so tightly, is a connection to ourselves that is far stronger that can be cherished and from there make different choices and different behaviours.
Agree Cherise, it is like a cap we place on ourselves, saying this is what you have done in the past and that’s all you are ever going to be.
Until introducing “hey I’m actually not that” with so much inspiration along the way we can see that we aren’t our past and we are so much more.
yes Luke, so many of us cap ourselves by believing that “knowing ourselves”, meaning our behaviour patterns, the “well, that’s me” syndrome, which maybe honest but they have not found a way to go to the deeper truth, the inner essence of ourselves where we can see and make the choices that can change our whole way of living.
The “well, that’s me” or “that’s good enough for me” syndrome is comfort. To get to the magic of who we are we need to be out of our comfort and I dare say never return to it again.
I agree Luke and Joan. There are so many labels we have accepted as that ‘being me’ whether given by others or we give ourselves. But it is the going deeper and feeling the limitless possibilities in our inner essence that opens the door to whole new ways of being that the mind alone could not imagine. Thank-you Anonymous, for being an inspirational living example of this.
Yes this does feel awesome and forever new!
Very wise Cherise, at times the patterns can feel all-consuming yet what you share is that it does not have to be that way. It may not be an overnight magic pill but through loving new choices the old will slowly fall away and the patterns that can appear to hold us so tight – fall off. Thank you.
That’s exactly right, we do not need to make the same choices again, we have an opportunity to make new choices as we go round the orbit again.
From just reading your comment Cherise, I realised that if we are orbiting around the same cycle as presented by Serge Benhayon, then of course we have every opportunity to change our patterns each time we go around. It isn’t a lineal past at all, it is just choices we made on an earlier orbit and we don’t have to keep carrying them with us. This feels awesome.
What an amazing account of how you have turned your life around, Anonymous. So you should be celebrating you and the choices you are now making. I love how you say ‘I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ That can be very hard to do, as a parent. Thank you.
I agree Alison, as a parent just letting go and trusting that we all need to make our own true choices, regardless of whether they are the children that we had or not.
So inspiring to read how you have slowly turned your life around, with great care and commitment.
Yes agreed Jennifer, no quick fix or miracle cure – but a beautiful account of what it takes to turn the tide of a lifetime of emptiness and abuse. It is a miracle in fact.. a real-life one, and where the ripple effect is as profoundly healing for all, as it was so clearly harming for all before.
What commitment and dedication to turning your life around. It’s beautiful to read and learn how far we can come, from where we let ourselves go to.
Thank you for sharing with such honesty and openness, truly amazing to read your story and the loving steps you took for yourself. How empowering for everyone around you to witness these positive changes in you and how love has transformed your life completely – what an inspiration.
True transformation by choice. This is a jaw dropping, screech to a halt piece of writing for all of us….never again to be stuck in the trap of dismissing our lives as spent and disastrous. With understanding, care and a generous dose of responsibility we can always turn things around and make changes. Thank you.
The way you have turned your life around shows how it can be done – like going to bed early, saying no to lending money, giving up alcohol – I now realise how powerful these choices are for our healing and confident sense of purpose. Thank you Anonymous.
So true Bernadette. It is these small choices we make – that are possible and not so big to tackle, that allow us and support us so that the bigger, more challenging aspects of our lives gradually shift.
So true Nikki.
Indeed Bernadette and it is these choices that give us our confidence and presence within the day
I loved reading your blog. You are truly amazing. I really got the part about drinking to cover up the sadness and am reminded that it’s far more loving to accept our losses than continue to add to them no matter how many chips are down. It is never too late to take responsibility and see our unloving actions from a loving and understanding perspective. I shall really take that on board, very helpful. Thank you.
I love your comment Karin, “It is never too late to take responsibility and see our unloving actions from a loving and understanding perspective.” This is true.
Absolutely Karin; it is much more loving to accept our mistakes and see them as just parts of our life we need to put more effort into, rather than see them as ‘failures’ and dwell on the negatives.
What an incredible story of self development from self love acceptance and such wonderful transformation through understanding yourself more. Thanks for being so loving to share it all with us .
Yes it is the most extraordinary ordinary story. A story that happens to many with an extraordinary ending. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine seem to be able to do quite a lot.
The Benhayon family sure do Christoph! Making extraordinary ordinary – quite incredible the way they are with themselves, each other and with all of us – showing that love can be present in all of our interactions.
Thank you for your honesty and your amazing account of how you have transformed your life. When you say, ‘ I never believed I could be anything more than my past’ I was deeply touched. This is such a common reaction to life and a feeling that overwhelms so many. You have illustrated that change is indeed possible, and not just change but transformation. By being honest and looking at our lives and taking responsibility huge shifts can occur. Thank you for sharing your experience, deeply courageous and inspiring.
What a courageous story. Thank you for sharing.
Quite inspiring, how you say you appreciate yourself for the change… and change you have. I loved reading this, and you also said you could move forward with an understanding that this was not you, you were just feeling so empty. This is very powerful, being able to give your self this level of loving understanding. Really inspiring blog Anonymous.
Your blog brings so much understanding about people in general. Your situation reminded me that regardless of what we might ‘see’ people going through, underneath all of this is such a deep care and love that is just waiting to be re-discovered.
I love your comment Vicky and so true, underneath whatever exterior that has been put up, and situations created we are all made the same way.
Oh I love what you say Vicky!
Your story and the changes you have made are very inspirational. Challenging the roles we have in life is huge especially as a woman in a society with so many expectations about what we do and little acknowledgement of who we are. It is beautiful to feel that you are really appreciating the beautiful woman that you are.
I can feel how it takes a great amount of courage to write this story, and also how saying “no” to your family was also courageous, a difficult decision but ultimately a hugely loving one that allows them to grow and build by taking responsibility for their actions. It is amazing how when we make positive changes those changes impact way beyond our own little bubble, and in fact changing harming behaviours is always about much more that just ourselves.
Very true Stephen, changing harming behaviours has a huge impact on other people in ways we do not imagine in the beginning. It just goes to show how much we effect others when we harm ourselves. A habit or behaviour that seems very personal is in fact hurting many people. What a grace to turn that around, to heal the hurts that make us hurt ourselves and in doing so, bring healing to all those equally affected.
Great point well made…”in fact changing harming behaviours is always about much more that just ourselves.” By making these choices for ourselves we often give others around us hope, inspiration, courage, amidst many other things to make similar loving choices for themselves.
Absolutely Stephen – when we make positive changes and choices it certainly does not just affect us.
Thank you Anonymous, Incredible story of real loving change!
I am very inspired as I continue to work on letting go of feeling like I need to ‘help’ my family in the ‘old way’; learning to feel what is truly helpful and when it is more loving to say no. I realized well before I found Universal Medicine that my rescuing role was only holding my family back… but now I have a much greater understanding of where I, myself, was coming from and that it is learning to live in a self loving way that makes a difference in this world.
That’s wonderful that by choosing to put yourself first you discovered you could free yourself from the past and from the old patterns that you describe as holding you so tightly.
Wow this is a very inspirational blog, to turn your life around and to let go of taking responsibility of your kids like you have, takes enormous dedication and commitment to love… I know because I have a similar story….if you can do this and be the amazing woman you are today, then there is no excuse for others to not be able to.
Yes, the power of true self love and self appreciation is astounding.
Thank you for sharing with such honesty and for highlighting the power of saying “no” to be one of the most loving gestures we can do for ourselves .
This is an incredible story to read. The power of your choice to say no, in emotionally bound situations, and the incredible challenge of taking responsibility for your past, present and future in a tender, loving way has been shown. It is great to hear you feel how amazing you are, that is wondrous.
Awesome blog and summary of lifes sideways moves. The expectations we put onto ourselves from ‘what we think’ over ‘what we feel’ just knocks me out. Thank you for sharing this raw and open story, it confirms to me why Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are so relevant.
It is very powerful to read when someone has taken the lead in a family to be responsible for all their choices, and by that simple reflection of saying no to others can offer the same opportunity to them.
I agree Jenny with your words “by that simple reflection of saying no to others can offer the same opportunity to them” – In my later years I have found that to be so by my own experience.
As a mother, I have come to know that when I attend to my own needs, with responsibility and care, I am always more attentive and caring with my children. My experience is that the ‘good mother’ ideal is very damaging, as it keeps us going around and around in circles forever and ever with no end in sight, until we pull our attention back from all that is going on around us and realise that ‘we matter’. It feels like the ‘good mother’ ideal keeps us in a perpetual cycle of low self-worth because we are working towards achieving a goal where the goal-posts keep getting moved.
It is inspirational that you have found your way out of this destructive cycle (along with the other ones you were in) and are now giving yourself the Love you so immensely deserve (as do we all).
How lovely that you are the woman you are, and shining beyond all that has happened in your life. I feel we are never very far from our amazing selves and your account of rescuing really struck home. We are all the same in so many ways.
It is so true that when we take responsibility for our actions and our life there is no more blame or ‘victim’ or any such role we need to identify with. I have learned that when I take responsibility for my part in how my past has been (and not blame others for my experiences), and for the part I played in having it that way- to please or to keep the peace or to not make others feel uncomfortable (list can go on…)- and, in the process, hold back expressing what I felt, then I can see now how it was me who played the game of my own misery. That in itself is so liberating and now, with that knowing, I can choose to make my present and future about expressing truly and lovingly, taking responsibility for my own actions. It’s a big one, yet so simple, if we all simply understood that when we play a role in the story of our life it can either hold us back or expand us. Thank you for your beautiful transformational sharing.
Amazing Anonymous. What a story! It’s great that you have started to come out of the patterns that were gripping you so tightly. And this is healing for everyone.
Beautiful sharing of the amazing changes we can make in our life if we start making choices to truly love ourselves . Wow what an inspiration to take responsibility for ourselves – and it’s never too late to do this !
You truly are an amazing person, Anonymous, and an inspiration to us all! What intrigues me is why you chose Universal Medicine. Perhaps you knew inside that the way you were living was not a true way to live and there was another way, rather than seeing yourself as a ‘victim of circumstance’ like so many. So, well done you, for taking that courageous step.
Also, saying ‘no’ to family is one of the hardest things to do and I am working on that one! But if saying no is ‘tough love,’ then so be it.
Your blog captured me from the start. Reading about your transformation is truly amazing and inspirational, – and it confirms that anything is possible. With love, of course.
What a great point: “The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.” To see how we use/abuse others for our self-confidence is alarming. How would it be to put all this effort of impressing someone into self-care? But with that we would also ‘lose’ the control over people and situations, aren’t we? That’s the trick behind pleasing others – it’s also controlling them. So if I choose more self-love, I ask myself as well to let go of control. And so, to not care for myself means that I have chosen to control… Ouch!
Love what you have revealed here Sandra: abusing others for our self-confidence and control while outwardly trying to please them. That feels yuk. I have never seen it that way- that not caring for myself means I am choosing control. Brilliant.
The opposite to how it might appear.
Yes, the ploys of controlling behaviour are incredible. Thanks for this great insight.
Yep, thats pretty nasty is’t it?
And all the energy we put into that control like Sandra says imagine if we put that instead into self care and self love! It starts to make the whole thing seem like a set up! I love it when things become clear.
I’d call it more than nasty, Sandra, more like diabolically cunning, and all in the name of staying a separate individual.
It is indeed alarming how much effort we put into abusing and lessening others just for our ‘benefit’ or self confidence…. What would happen if we chose to support others grow their confidence by respecting them and being there for them, rather than by trying to control their actions?
That is an ouch and wow at once, never realised this Sandra, but it makes perfect sense. Pleasing others is also trying to control them.
So true Sandra. The trick also is that when we are helping others we can feel like a martyr but we are really controlling them. This really is an Ouch!
An inspiring sharing, thankyou Anon. ” I began to make choices that were more self-loving. I also began to recognise my own need for drama and my need to be needed.” I would say ditto to that for me too. Looking for acceptance and recognition has been a big driver most of my life, which is slowly changing, as I learn to accept and appreciate myself for who I am more and more.
“At this time I started attending presentations by Universal Medicine and I began to make choices that were more self-loving. I also began to recognise my own need for drama and my need to be needed.”
This sounds familiar! I too have learned from what Serge Benhayon presents that this is not a true way to live which I felt imprisoned by. The more I self love and self care, the more this drops away.
What a great sharing! You have come a long way. It is beautiful to read how when you make different choices, this also affects those around you. When you stop feeling responsible for your loved ones, you reflect them something true. You are a true inspiration of a woman who in dispite of everything takes full responsibility and chooses love. You rock, anonymous!
What I really got to feel from your remarkable story is how your life will never implode again. It simply can’t. You feel so unshakable at your very core and that is what everybody in the world is looking for. That absolute reliance on self but not in an ability to stand hard and strong but in an ability to love and care for yourself. Incredible that loving choices can lead to such strength and at the same time expansion.
So well said Alexis, and I want to add that the strength comes with a gentleness. It’s not a hardness that can so often come with life events, but a steady, unwaivering strength that comes from your loving choices. You remain vulnerable in your strength – which may sound irrational and not possible, but this is a truly beautiful strength.
There is such a great true loving foundation felt, from where this beautiful gentle strength comes. With this strength there is opportunity for expansion.
Beautifully said Alexis, that is a very crucial difference and the key ingredient that Universal Medicine nurtures. Building a strong core through taking the time to care for ourselves with a healthy diet, proper sleep pattern, tender thoughts and learning how to truly support our friends and family enables us to be strong in life, strong in love, strong in knowing our strengths, strong in dealing with problems and issues. They are incredible choices that bring incredible results.
‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.’ How many of us are caught in this, thinking we are forever trapped in patterns set by the past. This article blew all this out of the water for me, showing the transformations that are possible when we start to make different choices.
Yes, we are the masters of our own transformation. Like a magician. And our magic spells are in every self-loving choice we do…
Thank you for this honest and remarkable blog. What a story you have to share and what inspiration for everyone to hear how saying No, and living true to yourself, can make such different to yourself and all of those around you.
Thank you for a very honest and very inspiring post. The ideals and beliefs around mothering are very ingrained and I understand exactly when you write “my need to be needed.” I often catch myself getting caught up in this and it is good to be reminded that this is not self loving. I also loved the bit where you said, “I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.” I had an opportunity to do this last week when my daughter failed to complete her homework because she forgot to bring it home all week. For the first time I did not write a note to the teacher and she got a detention. This was painful for me but only because I was caught up in the ideal mother lie. I talked to my daughter after her detention, which was extremely lenient, and helped her develop strategies to make sure the homework is completed in future. I have had these conversations with her before but have never let her experience the consequences so really I have robbed her of an opportunity to take responsibility and supported her in fact, in not taking responsibility. I found the courage you had to say no very supportive and confirming. You are a true, none exhausting example to mothers everywhere.
The changes you have made are something we can all celebrate. It’s a testament to the fact that no matter how difficult a life is, we do have power in our choices. I can also really appreciate you sincerely needed a “hand up”, and how trapped you may have felt in your life, seemingly with no way out. Attending Universal Medicine’s presentations is like opening an old stuck door, as the first ray of light enters our lives we start to feel hope. As we apply the wisdom, we then start to see real change and real results, all from going within and being confirmed in knowing we are so much more than we previously have realised. Living this then becomes true joy. Congratulations on your choices and more power to you.
A beautiful comment Melinda, thank you for your contribution.
Hi Anonymous
Wow you have touched on so many truths about what it is be a woman and a mother, how we are with money and what drives us to ‘help’ others. You have taken responsibility for your past choices, without seeing these choices as something that define who you are.
You have inspired me to reflect more deeply on my choices today. Thank you.
Saying No – whenever we feel that we just rescue another from their own responsibility. This is huge and needs a lot of self-reflection, honesty and acceptance towards the other. To realize that we do not let them down but actually treat them as an equal and give them an opportunity for self-responsibility. And all this though we may think it is our fault that they are where they are at.
WOW this is truly miraculous. Thank you so much for sharing – the thing that stands out for me is the level of acceptance of your past, and that is really something it speaks volumes about the support you have received from Universal Medicine Practitioners too – amazing !
Absolutely Vanessa: it’s a truly miraculous transformation; one that could only happen after Anonymous accepted her past choices and way of living.
It just goes to show by your shining example that it’s never too late to take responsibility for oneself and choose ‘you’. Inspirational 💝
Your story is an inspiration for many – your commitment to yourself is confirmation of how powerful it can be for you and everyone. Saying no can seem very challenging but bringing it back to commitment to myself and for the good of others is what I am working towards more consistently.
Thank you for sharing a very powerful example of where choices can take us. Need and guilt are hideous motivators for our actions and a destructive path to choose. Your lovely reflection of self- honouring choices proves that it matters, and makes a huge difference, to what we do and why we do things.
You are so right Sandra when you say need and guilt are hideous motivators for our actions. They offer no truth what so ever for self and others in the action taken and can spiral everyone downwards. Its amazing how we can change all that by being more honest, making self-honouring choices, reflecting this and by also saying no.
I agree Sandra, actions speak louder than words, but more powerful than actions is the motivation behind them. I have found it doesn’t matter how ‘good’ what I am doing may be, doing it for recognition or from need will poison any good in it, like you said, these motivations are hideous because they can be so sneaky and very exhausting. Our choices definitely do matter and one choice can change your whole life.
Thank you Anonymous for this very open and honest sharing.
It is amazing and inspiring to see how you have turned your life around by simply making self-loving choices.
What I find so amazing concerning Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that the support and the modalities offered aren’t directed to get you back into functionality. People get back to truly living.
That is so true and has been my experience also Felix. As my body releases more and more of the effect of my past ill behaviours and choices and I am pressed to accept that there is another way to approach life on a moment to moment basis – I am learning to come more from feeling what the body requires and not necessarily the ease of functionality. I feel this unfolding awareness is more available to us due to the choices we continuously make, and one of the most profound choices that I made was to attend the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon bringing me to a possible understanding of what life can be like when we are truly living.
That is so true Felix. I tried for many years attending courses that were designed to help me function better but the deep hurts, guilt and self-loathing were still there. The way of the livingness offers a true healing and a true way to live.
Wow awesome blog, so honest. It’s amazing how we can turn our lives around just by making different choices, and what a great reflection for the family.
Thank you for sharing this story. My father used to be very sympathetic towards my brother and I as we were growing up. We would run to him to help us financially because we knew he would say yes. But then one day a few years ago – he started saying no. Not out of resistance, but out of love. Obviously I didn’t understand that at first, but then I realised that I had seen him as my security blanket – rather than taking responsibility for myself. And now I am so thankful that he made me see the importance of taking responsibility – I appreciate that every day.
Thank you for sharing what is clearly a very personal story with us, it really is an inspiration to know that it is possible to come back from feeling such hopelessness. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices is something that we have to learn, either from our parents or from ourselves but it definitely has to be learnt if we are to be engaged in life. That emptiness and trying to fill it with all the doing for others is, I believe, a major disease. I have fallen for it for many years. It is a steady recovery but one that can be celebrated as it frees everyone form a cycle of abuse. Many thanks anonymous, you help us all when you share what you have learnt from your life experience.
Wow such an powerful blog, that you were able to say no to everything that did not feel right to you, despite all those ideals and beliefs you held about what being a ‘good mother’ was – is very inspiring, and truly supporting your children.
Exactly Lieke, this is how to truly support children. It offers an opportunity to take full responsibility for their own lives and choices.
It is inspiring how you had the strength and love for yourself to turn your life around. Beautiful when we realise that helping others out of a need to be needed is not at all helpful, not to ourself, not to the receiving part either. Appreciation is the key word; if we have that, we are much more able to look at our faults with love and understanding.
The changes you have made in your life are remarkable. It is amazing to know what is possible with a commitment to healing and self-love.
For me too Annie; it’s incredible to know just how much is possible if we commit to caring for ourselves and expressing everything we feel.
wow, you have had some huge experiences… it’s amazing the turn around you have made and I have learnt as well how loving it is for people to say no. I know I struggled with it and sometimes still do but in the end I am always thanking the person that said it because it’s allowed me to grow, and choose self-responsibility instead of complaining and playing a ‘victim’.
Wow this is an intensely amazing article that the world needs to hear and see what is truly possible
Such raw honesty which perfectly reflects your detachment from what could be viewed as a set of circumstances beyond repair – it’s very refreshing to read and inspirational from the point of view of ‘learning to say no’ being truly loving!
This is an amazing account of how we can truly turn our lives around — from abuse and the pain you describe here to now living a life that is self loving and caring and an inspiration for others — which is there for anyone who makes the choice to bring honesty and loving understanding to what is really going on in their lives.
Thank you for sharing this inspirational account to literally turning a life of drama and abuse to a life that’s loving and caring. Ths is a true testimony to the immutable truth that we can let go go of hurts, of what we might have done in the past when we bring loving understanding to ourselves. This is what universal medicine offers amazingly so — and we discover that underneath all our hurts and wounds, we are a living body of love.
Such is the power of Love…… We introduce/choose self-love in our life and so many situations that we thought were blocked un-block themselves because the energy has changed. Such a beautifully confirming blog Anonymous.
Appreciating ourselves is huge. I am finding it still doesn’t always come naturally and that it is something I have to remember to work on.
Wow . The ideal of ‘being a good mother’ is so insidious… so much so, that so many women live their entire life trying to be a ‘good mother’ without even realising. We have been so bombarded with false images about what this looks like from a very young age. Every little girl is expected to grow up and be a ‘good mum’. It is amazing to hear about the support you have brought to your family by appreciating the woman you are, and saying NO to the false pressures that feed reliance and irresponsibility.
What an amazing woman you are, you are such an inspiration for us all, to know that we are responsible for the choices in our lives and that we can change our life for the better. I too feel it is time to say no and begin to live my life in full as me.
Anonymous the point you raise about being a good mother and how as parents we can feel so guilty and want to make up for our mistakes of the past is a big one. I have suffered from this guilt and wanted to make things better, but that really doesn’t work. It’s difficult standing back and not wanting to go in and rescue, but I am finding that’s the best way. I feel less embroiled in my children’s dramas and they are left with the responsibility of coming to their own decisions. I’m working on still being loving and supportive, but not trying to solve their issues.
This is great to read Debra, ‘I’m working on still being loving and supportive, but not trying to solve their issues.’ Im aware that I actually do this with my family and as the daughter and sister I often try and resolve my families issues, this feels exhausting and never works and leaves me feeling frustrated if I cant resolve them, it feels lovely to allow them to take responsibility for their own decisions and continue to love and support them.
Simply Wow, Thank you Anonymous for sharing what I feel that not only myself but many many others can relate to. I feel as I have had small moments of these realisations you have shared that reading this blog just drove home those truths stronger. I am not my past but much more, I am a woman, loving others means to not not love yourself and saying no is a vital word required for everyone’s well-being. I will be back to re-read this one many times!
The changes you have made are something we can all celebrate. It’s a testament to the fact that no matter how difficult a life is, we do have power in our choices. I can also really appreciate you sincerely needed a “hand up”, and how trapped you may have felt in your life, seemingly with no way out. Attending Universal Medicine’s presentations is like opening an old stuck door, as the first ray of light enters our lives we start to feel hope. As we apply the wisdom, we then start to see real change and real results, all from going within and being confirmed in realising we are so much more than we previously have realised. Living this then becomes true joy. Congratulations on your choices and more power to you.
I love your comment Melinda, thank you.
I love your analogy of the old stuck door Melinda and the first ray of light enters our lives. A reflection of the light we were carrying all along. I knocked on many new age doors but they did not reflect that true light back to me.
Fantastic! Taking responsibility for your own life and supporting yourself through more loving choices is then reflected to everyone around you. I too have realised that saying “no,” is not negative. It’s a loving way to say yes to yourself.
Absolutely agree Kelly, “It’s a loving way to say yes to yourself”. Thank you for the reminder.
Saying no takes courage, but pandering never got anyone anywhere, the more love we have for ourselves the easier it becomes to then say no.
“I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person. I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.”
I have to say this part of your blog really touched me, as I often feel like the bad person when I make a mistake etc, and reading these two sentences helped me to put that baseball bat down 🙂
I too find myself doing that Rebecca, and those two sentences helped me realise that I don’t always have to beat myself up because I made a mistake
I think in reality it is something that so many people do – I know my fear of making mistakes goes back to when I was a really small child. It is blogs and stories like this that, when shared between people, can provide a great example of how mistakes can be seen as a learning and not a failure.
That is great news Rebecca, because as we know those baseball bats can cause a lot of damage. I find the deeper my love and acceptance is with myself the more accepting and understanding I have of another.
Good point Victoria, the more understanding you have of yourself the more understanding you will be of others. I have often found that I can have very judgemental or critical thoughts of others because they are the thoughts I have of myself, which again shows I’m not a ‘bad person’ just that I need to take more care of myself to be able to care for others.
Amazing inspirational story. What is really remarkable is how you decided to change the landscape of all your relationships despite how ingrained and destructive much of that landscape was. That is not easy to do for anyone but you have managed to do it with some support which is really an incredible turnaround.
I deeply appreciate your honest and open sharing/writing. Your blog very simply shows that love heals all in time, that love can heal our past and thus change our future; the first step being the love of self – putting ourselves first and taking responsibility.
What an amazing turnaround it your life. You’ve showed through your story how living lovingly with yourself is possible with choices you make. We really don’t have to be the victim from our past, we can choose to be the love that we are, always were and can choose to be. Thank you for your sharing, it’s very inspirational.
This is true Joshua, “Saying No is just as loving as saying Yes,” and this can be easy to forget when we are seeking love and recognition from another out of our own needs. Sometimes saying ‘no’ is even more loving, as you say it can lift another out of their stuck patterns and ways of doing things! What can be more loving than that?
“I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” Saying no can be supportive – even for the big things – and also loving. I learned this long after raising my own children. And it is so true.
Dear Anonymous, thank you for writing your story. I too have, and at times still do, allowed guilt to override what I know deeply within is the loving way to respond. Your story is an inspiration to me and a support to help me stay with my deep inner knowing.
Awesome blog, thank you for sharing it all. For me, it really highlights how stuck we become in old ways and how we associate so much of who we are with those old ways. Though it also shows how we actually choose different lifestyles and the power we actually have to change things around if we really want to. Love it, Really amazing.
I can relate so much to this article. My life too used to be dominated by my children’s lives. I used to take on their successes as my own and their failures as my failures. I was so pre-occupied with them that I lost myself in the process, a choice I have now chosen to change. And I appreciate those changes I’ve made now.
Saying No is just as loving as saying Yes. No matter what the situation, embracing the truth is what lifts others out of their old stuck unloving ways. Thank you for sharing this.
‘Saying no is just as loving as saying yes’, thanks for this Joshua, it is a great Reminder for me, I find it hard to say no, but knowing that this is loving and supportive for myself and others makes it seem much lighter and easier to say.
Excellently put Joshua, and you’re spot on – ‘No’ can be just as loving as ‘Yes’, because the truth is the answer that’s real, not necessarily ‘right’.
Well said Joshua.
Great point Joshua. I’m finding that at work, whilst nothing to do with being a mother in my instance – saying No is certainly helping shift a number of stuck unloving patterns.
Joshua, I agree saying no is as loving as saying yes. I have come to learn this in my life and it is more honouring to the self.
“Consistently living these changes is still a work in progress as I become more of me; I enjoy being the woman I truly am.” This is such a huge statement in many ways but most off all from your own evolution from the self destructive path which you were previously on, to enjoying who you are today. This is a wonderful testament to the positive impact Serge Benhayon has had on many of our lives, helping us find the richness within ourselves and each other.
This is a first class example of what can happen if you start to look at yourself and things differently and make different choices. Thank you for this inspiring blog Anonymous.
Yes Julie I agree with you here. What ever your situation, there is always a choice, and anonymous has demonstrated the power of making simple different choices and how they have turned her life around so drastically.
Thank you Anonymous for telling us how your freed yourself of “the old patterns that held you so tight.”
Oh yes, and I wanted to say that the whole topic of the ‘good mother’ and all it entails is one that could do with much more discussion – I so appreciate the wonderful honesty you have brought to it. I am only just beginning to realise, in my late sixties, what a truly good mother might possibly be.
I agree, a discussion about mothering and true mothering would be a revelatory topic to explore. I feel there are so many ideals and beliefs embedded here even for one such as I who has not been a mother in this life had a couple of those exposed only yesterday.
Yes Lyndy I agree this topic of motherhood does need exposing. What an amazing discussion for us to share about what a truly good mother might be. I’m in.
Wow, what a story! To be emerging from the situation you describe into being the amazing woman you are, being able to say ‘no’ yet still be able to support your family when needed, is formidable (said with a French accent). And so brilliant to know that you are not your past – this is a great reminder for us all, certainly for me who has a past that would make your hair curl!
I love that one too. You are not your past and neither am I and I would like to add, thank God! How gorgeous it is to emerge from our pasts like a butterfly from a cocoon and realise it was never me anyway!
Oh Yes Josephine – beautifully put!
Yes thank God indeed Josephine! I too have emerged from my past to embrace the real me, hiding away under all the self loathing, and drama. What a relief and how incredible, that we can stand here today as the gorgeous women we are, knowing that what we have lived through was not us but just a lot of beliefs, hurts, attitudes and ideals we picked up on the way.
That is a beautiful metaphor, through making self loving choices, finding it is always possible “to emerge from our pasts like a butterfly from a cocoon and realise it was never me anyway!”
Amazing to read that by making self loving choices consistently we can break deeply engrained patterns. This blog is a wonderful example of that.
Yes, it is certainly an inspiration that goes so much deeper than words. As I write this I am seeing/sensing that we are bound in ways that we may not even realise. And the miracle is that we can be free of these, and be what we are without any image of what or how that might be.
Wow what an inspiration you are to all people. At every moment we have a choice to not be who we are and go along with all that says this is what you are and what you can’t be or simply just be who you are.
Wow, the power of making some different choices and learning to say No. Your story covers so many areas and you are living proof it is never to late to turn your life around. Thank you for your honesty. Love it, no guilt, and no shame, simply a loving commitment to self-responsibility.
Yes Victoria, ‘anonymous’ is an inspiration, showing, as you say, that it is never too late to make changes and turn your life around. Anonymous has resurrected herself from a very difficult and enmeshed situation through the power of self-love and her commitment to love and truth.
What an amazing woman anonymous is. And what an amazing demonstration of the power of self love. Her story has turned this moment into a joyful celebration of what is always possible when we truly love.
So true. There is enormous power in choosing to say no, to having that knowing in ourselves that we are worth looking after and standing up for what is true no matter what. The world needs more of this.
Well said Victoria. No guilt or shame, yet full acknowledgement of what has been and the power we all have to be true to ourselves, and thus everyone in our lives.
A powerful blog of such deep honesty, anonymous. Thank-you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to honestly share the story of your remarkable life.
This is, and will continue to be, a great inspiration for many, many people and their families for a long time.
Heartfelt thanks and gratitude for your courage, honesty and commitment to love.
This is a powerful statement: “I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” There is much just in this that can help others break free of the incarceration that comes from ‘taking over’ our loved ones lives under the guise of ‘helping out’. Far from being a selfish act, I can feel the love and support and deep care that we are able to offer others by taking a step back. Your story of a life turned around is a great example of this. Thankyou.
Thanks for sharing your incredible story. ” Accepting responsibility and learning to appreciate myself” has enabled you to unfold into the women you truly are and to provide a beautiful reflection to your family.
What an incredible story. You have inspired me to say no. thank you!
This story shows that we do not truly support another by rescuing them all the time, quite on the contrary: it keeps them in dependency, small and unable to live up to their own potential. A very courageous and awe inspiring move to untangle yourself from this ingrained pattern of being needed and scunging the drama of others to feed you back.
So true Gabriele – ‘rescuing’ is such a trick. True support is to let them make their own choices but also let them feel the consequences of that choice no matter what that might be.
Great blog Anonymous, and I love what you share, especially your point about being a victim being a great way to hide away from people, they meet that first – I never saw it in that way but it’s true. We don’t have to be victims of our past as you beautifully show, thank you.
Incredible blog, and amazing choices to change, very inspiring.
Gosh, what a journey! Saying ‘no’ to family members has to be one of the hardest things to do in life. You’re an inspiration for taking on the huge challenege of taking responsbility for your life. pretty cool!
Learning to say NO to unrealistic and irresponsible demands from others, and YES to self-responsibility and love. A huge step for women in particular. Beautifully done, Anonymous.
Yes, a huge step for women and for mothers in particular.
I’ve never read such an incisive and accurate description of how family dynamics play out: the drama, the push and pull of our various needs – for love, recognition, attention – and how these sway our actions… it was all beautifully and honestly described here. This article should be required reading for all.
What an incredible and inspirational story for everyone who feels that they are owned by their past mistakes. How freeing to understand that our unloving and past choices are made from our feelings of not being enough. Although we do need to take responsibility for our past choices, we can heal from them and embrace the truth of the amazing and loving nature that is within us all.
Its amazing that you have made all those changes yourself, for you and for others. Now people can truly see how amazing you truly are 🙂
Wow what an remarkable story of a complete turnaround this is. And so true how we can be held so captive by such guilt that we do whatever it takes to get other’s approval or acceptance to ‘make up for the past’, and never ourselves believe us to be anything more than it. Your story shows how it is possible to not be held by the nostalgia of the past through accepting responsibility and developing a love of self. And your words… “I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person” are so healing.
I’ve never read such an incisive description of family dynamics. What amazing, completely honest sharing.
Your honesty is truly courageous and inspirational. Thank you for sharing your journey…..your transformation into the woman you now are is amazing.
Guilt will certainly hold you in the past, when it’s all you know, it’s very difficult to break out of. The self-love and responsibility you have shown is most courageous. Bravo.
I recognise that one, about trying to assuage the guilt of not fulfilling the role of a perfect mother by compensating for that later on in life, and making up for our neglect by over indulging at a time when it is no longer applicable, which in fact damages and can cause more rifts in the relationship. When I realised this I spoke to my daughter about it and it freed us both, it was the beginning of a deeper and more loving relationship. I agree with Aimee, you are an amazing woman.
Wow, your life is truly inspiring. You show tremendous commitment to yourself, love and others. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your experiences – it is truly incredible the way you have turned your life around by dedicating yourself to different choices.
A beautiful story, its amazing and inspiring to read how you claimed yourself and left the belief of being a ‘good mother’ behind.
Indeed Benkt, the ‘good mother’ belief paves the road to martyrdom for women and it is so destructive. Mrs Anonymous’ blog exposes just that.
Wow, thank you for this honest sharing about your life and your choices. You have an incredible dedication to making self loving choices after a life of abuse and disregard. What an enormous power you reflect to everyone around you and to all of us, this is truly inspiring to read.
Hear, hear Annelies, a truly inspiring story.
An amazing story and a true inspiration to others that we are not our defined by our past choices and that we have the power to create true and loving changes ourselves.
Yes I completely agree Penny. We so have the power to create and try loving changes no matter what our past is. It is so so so rare that you hear a story ending up like this….dear Anonoymous you have truly broken the cycle and your story is one to be celebrated. Ah-mazing.
*oh your story and YOU are to be celebrated x
What an incredible life turn around. Thank you for sharing this inspiring story- that anyone in any situation can create change if they truly want to. Also great to read how you began to bravely say “No”.
Anonymous I can relate to being too available and seeing myself as the Mother who still needs to fix her grown children’s problems. I too am learning still to be more aware of my needs and not feel like I am letting anyone down if I say no and put myself first. Sometimes I am asked to do something and so I put what I might have planed on hold because it is not really ‘important’! How dismissive of myself is that, not to mention seeing myself as lesser than others or at least thinking I need to be flexible even if others aren’t.
You have certainly come from an almost impossible situation to totally change your whole way of living , congratulations to you Anonymous you are an inspiration!
‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.’
What you say makes an awful lot of sense, and you seem to be a great example of someone who has benefitted enormously from the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and who has ‘turned their life around’ by taking responsibility.
Inspiring for all to see.
What an amazing woman you are. So inspiring. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It is amazing how you have taken responsibility for your life and made different choices; how you have discovered that you are so much more than your past and that you are now able to reflect that to all. Truly inspirational.
What an amazing turn around to now give and feel the solid support you offer yourself and your family. We so often go after the socially responsible way to deal with things without feeling whether it is true for us to do it or not. The only way to feel this is to ‘work’ on yourself and deal with how you treat yourself. The more care you develop for yourself and how that feels the more able you are to feel what goes on around you as you have done. This appears to have shaken up your family but it also appears this is what was needed to break these old patterns. A brave choice and a brave story, thank you.
It is painful to look back on a life time of making choices, when you know there could have been different and more loving choices. This is an honest and life giving account of what has been and what now is. The strength and courage in this sharing is amazing and life giving, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your incredible transformation, how amazing you are able to see yourself now for who you truly are rather than keep yourself held in the past. This is inspirational.
Thank you for such an honest and inspiring account of your way back to self-love and self-responsibility. What is most beautiful is that you have not only taken responsibility for your own healing but offer that reflection as a role model to your family and others. In stopping that pattern of trying to make up for guilt that we feel for past ill choices, we stop that pattern of enabling others in their own pattern of irresponsibility and lack of self-care.
This is so true, you have become a great reflection for all your family members to see that there is another way to be – that is the best thing you can offer anyone by you becoming more of you.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing how developing self-love has helped you to heal. You are amazing and such an inspiration. I love this insight that you shared “I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.” In the past I have had an underlining belief that the choices I have made make me a bad person. I am learning more and more that these were decisions that I made to cope with life and this was the level of self love that I had back then that encouraged the choosing of those patterns. I am accepting that these were choices that I made without the real me and by the development of self-love I am finding I am more connected to the real me so more loving choices can be made. This has been a very beautiful process to develop.
It is amazing how in the midst of all the drama we seem to suddenly be open and aware of a different way to do things – it truly feels like a miracle. Life for me began to change when I felt that I was faced with a brick wall – and it was then that I had to let go of my stubbornness and allow others to gently support me back to a place where the need to be needed was lessening, and my own self-esteem was building.
This is such a beautiful story , about the amazing changes that you have brought into your life.
A fantastic account on how life can completely turn around when we are open to seeing that the choices we make affect everything that we do. “I was still playing the role of what I believed was being a ‘good mother’ and I was still feeling the guilt of my past choices.” How many of us haven’t made choices out of guilt or feeling that we ‘owe’ something to someone? Not actually considering that such a choice actually does more harm than ‘good’, simply because it does not come from what you know to be true inside you.
Lovely to read this story and feel the ‘coming out’ of the true amazing woman who was always there from the start.
Thank you anonymous for sharing so openly and honestly. Your experience and transformation is very inspiring and I feel could support many in reading this. It definitely did so for me.
what a beautiful and honest sharing of your story Anonymous. It shows that no matter what our choices have been or how far down we have gone there is always a way back up, if we are willing to look at our choices with love and honesty and take responsibility for where we are in life. I especially love how you describe how you do not need to change your family anymore as it is enough for you to just be you and allow them to make their own choices.
Wow, have you changed your life around, pretty astonishing. I loved your sentence:
‘ I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ We say it all by doing it. All the clever words don’t change/do a thing, but us living differently does.
So true Monika, all those clever words don’t do a thing. I remember my parents trying to give me advice and me feeling quite irritated by it. It’s funny how we forget so quickly and then end up doing the same thing to our children! I am working on letting go of trying to control and making things feel good for me when it comes to my children. However, uncomfortable I feel, I’m realising I must allow and trust my children to make their own choices, and stop trying to save them from what I think might hurt them.
Oh how true Debra!
An awesome sharing. Thank you for your honesty showing from your lived experience that there is always a way back to self love no matter how far we may feel we have moved away from it. I love how you share that you let go of your past choices and freed yourself of theses patterns. A truly inspiring sharing.
Anonymous, NSW Australia – a ‘cracking’ blog – your honesty in sharing how you were to how you are now is a great inspiration to read. I love how you have made these changes one small step at a time to honour the truth of who you really are…being Love – the complete opposite from all the drugs and alcohol of your former years. Thank you for sharing.
This shows me that anything is possible, thank you for an open, honest and truthful account of the incredible changes you’ve made with a commitment to true love and care for yourself.
Indeed David, there is no obstacles when we are true to ourselves and when we live with love as our foundation.
I can feel what a journey you’ve been through and how your life has changed so much now by the different choices you’ve made. I have had the illusion of holding onto family for a long time, instead of letting them go. But they all need to take responsibility for themselves as adults and we are holding them back if we clip their wings. We all need only to take responsibility for ourselves. Your commitment to yourself now is beautiful.
Wow, such a great sharing! Reading your blog at the beginning I felt the intensity of how your life had taken off and how everything developed against you and how strong the abusive patterns are, but I cannot describe the beauty and lightness I felt when you share how through your own choices you just turned around this generational pattern of abuse and are now an amazing role model for everybody who thinks they are a victim of their social environment. The simplicity you describe is awesome and it shows how powerful everybody is. It does not matter what happened to us or what we have let happen to us, we are always in the power of making different choices.
This first sentence is what most women are brought up to believe that “marriage, children, and being a good mother would be the solution to the emptiness I felt inside.” I too have grown up thinking this, and now I see women every day who live their life getting their ‘fill’ from their children, which as this blog shows is so draining. I’m so glad that with the support of Universal Medicine I realised that what I was really craving was a connection with me, and not the marriage and children, this saved me a whole lot of time wasting and using of other people to feel better about myself.
Wow what a change. What resonated with me deeply is your recognition that you don’t have to make suggestions to your family. Just accepting them where they are at and trusting them to make their own choices is so empowering and made me realise that we all innately know what it is that we need, it’s about when we are ready to make change and being inspired by those who have already chosen to make the changes to love and accept themselves. I know I have made no lasting changes by others telling me what to do, but only through their loving reflection – accepting me as I am without judgement – that when ready I have felt worthy of making the changes needed to self-love.
Thank you for sharing this, it is very encouraging to read and shows how we are the masters of our own life and well being and how we can through commitment and applying loving care to ourselves feel our self-worth again and the beautiful person that we are.
Such an open and honest blog. I know when I have taken on other people’s responsibilities it feels like a burden and it doesn’t allow the other person to learn for themselves. It’s like saying that we don’t trust them to do it so we will, and is consequently very disempowering for them.
Thank you for expressing so clearly and honestly. I can feel and understand all you have lived through as it is not so different from my own story. I loved how you expressed… ‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past “. ..and how you have been able to let that belief fall away. I say thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Such an inspiring piece of writing. It is lovely to feel your self loving choices.
Now this should be front page news! Everyone needs to read this as it inspires the great understanding that we all are capable of turning our lives around no matter how impossible it may seem at the time.
Awesome blog, thank you for sharing so honestly. You are definitely worth celebrating because of the choices you have made, but like you say, anyone can change, no matter where they are at, so long as they want to. Very inspiring!
As a mother who made many mistakes with her children I felt your story deeply, thank you Anonymous for your inspiring story.
Thank you. I am truly touched by your sharing and although I found the earlier parts sad I got the understanding that even in the depths of where you were at you still wanted to share a nurturing love with your children even though you couldn’t at that time.
The turn around, the saying no, the reclaiming and self nurturing of yourself is amazing.
Your story is so inspiring. It just shows that no matter what choices we have made in the past and how others try to hold us in those old roles, we can keep coming back to a more loving way.
Wow this is an absolutely incredible transformation; thank you for sharing. This line stood out for me, ‘I don’t have to hide from others by feeling a victim anymore as I am now accepting responsibility for my own life’ – how amazing is it that by taking responsibility for your choices you feel much more confident in being yourself around others, and are not always trying to play yourself down or hide your power.
Anonymous, I can feel how hard it was for you to say No in your life – the potential to disappoint others and the fear of losing their affection. How beautiful it is though that you have come to see that saying No can be a true act of love and that caring for yourself with great tenderness has given you strength. Your story is inspiring for all who have looked on the outside for love. Yes, you are truly amazing and the changes you have made to your life is testament to that.
‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past’
What a powerful example your blog is of how untrue this statement is. thank you
This is truly extraordinary what you are describing here.The way that you have been able to change such deeply held beliefs about yourself is something that psychologists ought to be studying.
To me it is a miracle that you can write this blog and have been able to heal in this way Anonymous. Your words remind me that it’s when we say NO to situations and things we know are unloving, we allow space and effectively say YES to life. Like a lot of things in life, it’s actually the opposite to what we might think.
Amazing story, made me reflect how I could be doing things for another for identification also.
Very real topic, surely touching many people.
What you expressed here was lovely to read ‘ I began to realise that I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person.’ And whilst reading your blog I realised how many of us have dramas in our lives and are constantly trying to ‘get ahead’ or change the life we are living with nothing truly changing but as you say … exhaustion sets in. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have shown is there is another way to life. That this can be done by stopping, being honest with ourselves in what is going on and taking responsibility for our choices; which is sometimes easier said than done but the Universal Medicine presentations, courses, workshops and Practioners are a huge support, strength and reflection in making this possible.
This is am amazing blog, with so much to offer all of the world, how we can live a life of love, and take responsibility for ourselves and it also allow others to take responsibility for their choices and where they are at, and that saying no at times is actually the most loving thing you can do, otherwise it just keeps the pattern of abuse on a cycle. This is something that I didn’t realise I still have an issue with and that is saying no, not from an emotion but actually from love. I still do a lot of things that in truth aren’t helping anyone because I feel sympathy for them, but in this they will never learn, then I get exhausted as I’m carrying around all their issues too. I am coming to realise I can’t fix the world, that is not what I am here to do, I am here to be love and reflect that, not offer solutions or try to make everything great. It just doesn’t work that way 🙂
So true Joe. Thank you anonymous for sharing your story so that others may see a truer way forward that is based on reclaiming the amazing and lovely you that was always there under the production that was your life. Very inspiring.
What you share is amazing. The intensity of what you have experienced and lived has turned around immeasurably. You are a true inspiration.
Wow this is a massive inspiration and your journey is an amazing example of how we can change our lives and highlights the beautiful effects of meeting Serge Benhayon and living from his presentations if we choose to take responsibility for ourselves. Thank you for sharing this so honestly.
Your story is nothing short of miraculous. The belief that we are held by events in our past, by our guilt, and that the future will inevitably turn out in the same way as the past is so tight, and constraining. It felt so freeing to read how you through making loving choices you are freeing yourself from the invisible binds of this belief.
“I don’t have to hide from others by feeling a victim anymore as I am now accepting responsibility for my own life” – this is brilliant! It shows that to make responsible, self-loving choices brings us closer together. How lovely is that!
What I get from your honest account is that we are easily deceived by trying to be good and this creates complications in our lives. And all the while the main symptom that drove us to be a good parent, worker, lover etc. lies beneath all the periphery issues, undealt with. I have made similar choices in my life and have found that the whole pattern can be changed dramatically by choosing to love myself, as you have done in the face of great resistance. And now you are able to share with your family a love that is not about getting something back. Thank you for sharing.
An amazing story about taking responsibility and turning your life around. ‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past’ – How many of us run with this belief and so give up without even trying to make changes in our lives? Your blog shows us just what is possible when we commit to loving ourselves.
Very true Jane, how many of us think that of ourselves, that we are a product of our past and there is little we can do to change it. Annonymous is living proof that we can break the bonds of our past behaviours and really begin life anew, with astounding results, living proof that we can address and heal many deep seated and destructive habits and create in their place a very loving, harmonious and honest life for ourselves and our family.
You’ve travelled a long way to get to where you are now. By reaching this point of self-love and acceptance you now offer an amazing reflection to everyone in your life, past and present. This will be having a huge impact on many many people. It is truly beautiful that you are able to write this article and share your amazingness even more.
I agree with you Paul, and doesn’t it show how it is never too late to make the change. Anonymous would now be having a huge impact on many people.
Wow – what a sharing this is! it shows very clearly how damaging the ideal of being “a good mother” affects all caught up in this way of behaving and I hadn’t really felt before how this overflows into being a grandmother too. It is inspirational to read how you have turned your life around from one of needing to help to now being able offer support if you feel to. A valuable piece to read is “I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.” Thank you anonymous for your honesty. No doubt an inspiration for many.
An amazing story, your truth and commitment is admirable and you are a positive example to others.
Thank you for sharing your amazing turnaround from a life filled with the guilt of the past. What your blog has shown is how crippling guilt is and how it imprisons us, blocking our way forward and stopping us from making different choices. It is so lovely to read that with the support of Universal Medicine you have been able to break the patterns that have held you locked in a certain way and how this has then supported you in offering another way to your family.
“I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight. My life now is changing all the time as I expand my level of self-love and I feel now that I can connect with others more openly.” An amazing transformation, thank you for sharing.
Your blog has touched me deeply and I understand why you would need to be Anonymous.
The changes you have made and your understanding about you and your life is profound to say the least.
This blog should be read by everyone simply because it is a reality check on what actually goes on in life and why kids end up like they do. How can we possibly judge someone if we do not know what happened to them. Society wants to ‘fix’ the drug or alcohol addiction but unless we get to the root issue and build from that nothing really changes.
What Serge Benhayon presents is what you and me have experienced – taking responsibility for our choices and learning to say No if it is harming us.
I hope one day the world get access to stories like this as they will open up hearts everywhere. Truly inspirational Anonymous.
Yes Bina, if children were around loving parents and were given the opportunity to develop confidence and self-love we wouldn’t have a drug and alcohol problem.
This blows me away, thank you for being so candid about your life and the relationships, events and dramas that were for you an everyday, normal. It has been wonderful to hear how you chose yourself above all of that and made your loving relationship with you the focus. This has proved to be so powerful for you and your family, very inspirational, so thank you for sharing.
Wow, your story is amazing, from very dire beginnings where everything you did was to fill a need, to learning to love yourself and see that you are in fact not a bad person. I was really touched by your honesty and your journey, thank you for sharing.
What a turnaround. The difference between where you are now, and how you were living is so honestly shared in the blog… it really comes through so loud and clear. The inspiration that these changes provide for your kids, grandkids and the rest of us is huge.
Thank you Anonymous for your very candid article. I can get a real sense of the chaos and drama of your old life and how, by choosing to take responsibility for yourself, learning how to love and cherish yourself, you have created a solid platform of stability within, thus offering a true support for others to find their own way. Your transformation is a miracle, and one that should be broadcast wide and far, to enable others living in such chaos and sadness the opportunity to find their way back to the people they truly are.
Thank you anonymous for this very open and honest article, the changes you have made are amazing and from reading this I can feel how it is possible for anyone to turn their lives around, ‘I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.’ This is a truly inspiring that you did move on and make such huge changes.
I love the honesty in which this article is written. Oh the guilt we hang on to because we haven’t lived up to how we feel we should have been with our-self and our children and then trying to make up for it by taking on the responsibility and trying to fix what they are choosing now. What an amazing journey to have come so far from where you were then to where you are now. By accepting the past and not letting it hold you back, by being more open to others and making different choices that are more nurturing and loving, you are offering a reflection to not only your children, but to all who knew you and can see how amazing you are now, which also shows it is never to late to change. This is beautiful and truly is worth appreciating.
What a powerful and inspiring testament. Thank you for sharing so openly and candidly. To allow yourself to acknowledge the life you lived and to move on to be the self-loving, beautiful woman you truly are is awesome. “I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight” is true healing.
Wow, what a turn around! I am inspired by the level of your responsibility and understanding you now have for yourself. To claim where our choices have come from and to learn to say no to what is not loving is very empowering no matter where we have come from. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Anonymous for this very honest and down to earth blog. The turn around in your life has been from one extreme to the other and a great example of how we can all make different life choices, no matter what the circumstances.
So beautiful to read, Anonymous of your appreciation for yourself for making the choice to change what could easily overwhelm you….your past. Yet you also have the wisdom to bring your changes to your family by saying, “I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.” Amazing, thank you for this inspiration.
It’s very easy to see the patterns of guilt and need because of your very intense life, and very easy to see why life played out the way it did. I think that these ideals and beliefs of why women become wives and mothers are very, very common, and perhaps play out in a more subtle way in less intense situations, but if the behaviours are still coming from need, from guilt or an ideal, then is it any less harming?
I love what you have presented here Laura and yes maybe it was easier for me to see the mess and not so easy for women living a comfortable life but as you say if we are “coming from need, from guilt or an ideal” we are still living in emptiness.
OMG the turn around in your life and in the woman you are now is a miracle. One huge miracle.
“I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person. I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.”
This is huge – for the belief you mentioned is one that many people feel afflicted by and cripples people by its imprisoning feeling. Your story reveals how bringing understanding to yourself has freed you from that, bringing you what sounds like much more joy and a lot less drama in your life.
Thank you for this very brave and honest sharing Anonymous. It is clear you have experienced much pain and trauma but the story you share is not one of sadness or despair. Instead you show us all that there is no hurt so big that it cannot be healed with love. If we accept that all we experience is a consequence of our choices without judgement or harshness we can simply choose again. Our past is simply something we can learn from and it need not have a hold on us. This too is a choice. Absolutely beautiful.
Thank you for sharing and for showing that no matter what we may have been through and what choices we have made we can all return back to living a life of love.
What an amazing story of the journey back to the person you have always truly been. Your story is a shining example to everyone that feels there is no hope because of our past choices. Our future is never ruled by the past as long as we have a choice to change.
Thank you for sharing this very poignant description of all that we may do in our desperate attempt to fill the emptiness. I find it very inspiring that you have gently turned your life around by choosing to make changes in the way you treat yourself and found the love of the beautiful woman you are – and always were but couldn’t connect to in the emptiness.
Wow what a complete miracle! Like so many before you, this is living proof that everything is down to the choices we make and how a complete turn around can be obtained by making those choices self loving or out of love for others.
What an incredible journey. I can totally relate to the way you have described living caught up in all the drama of both yours and your children’s situations. And what a great role model you are now for change and how to truly support ourselves and our families. Thank you for sharing.
How amazing that you can now live a life free from the ‘old patterns’ that had such a hold, and that, ‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved’. You are an inspiration.
Thank you anonymous, an amazing blog. As you put it Lorraine, inspiring! The love that is felt in this blog should make the world sit up and take notice. This is going against all trends that are in today’s society.
Awesome anonymous, how you were able to turn your life from deep abuse into a joyful one. I feel how amazing and powerful, you are. It is profound how simply you made more self loving choices and what a change then occurred in your life.
Thank you for sharing your amazing and inspiring turn around. I loved reading how when you discovered that you were not ‘bad’ (as so many of us have been lead to believe) but are amazing and have actually always been. I have felt guilt to be such a debilitating emotion. This is something I am working on and am realising more and more – “I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.”
Thanks Anon. for an honest sharing. Learning to say ‘no’ is sometimes is the most loving act we can do for others.
Thank you for sharing this very honest blog. I love, what you wrote: “I never believed I could be anything more than my past.” This is huge, what you are offering is, there is always a way to deal with the past and accept the choices, we made, but to go further without condemning oneself. There is such a power in being honest and accepting and so valuable to share it with others.
That part stood out for me too Claudia.
One of the many things I have learnt from Universal Medicine is that we are never a prisoner of our past. We can break the mould at any time if we so lovingly wish.
Wow this is such an honest and powerful blog about mothering. This is a very common thread with mothers for feeling guilty of the way we have brought up our children. I have definitely suffered with the guilt of how I was when my daughter was younger. I do remind myself that my daughter has chosen me to be her mother this life which eases a bit of the guilt. The most powerful thing we as mothers can do for our children now is exactly what you have said be more self loving and appreciate/honouring ourselves as women. What a great example we are setting for our children and everyone else. Thank you for sharing, you are an AMAZING woman.
What a transformation – all from a simple choice to be self-loving. And your commitment to accept your responsibility along the way is so inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. All the work you have done in seeing and living who you truly are is very inspiring.
Dear Anonymous – I appreciate that you have put pen to paper so speak to share your story via this blog – mostly all I can say is Wow!! what a woman!! How awe-some it is that you have reached deep within and found who you truly are. The opportunities for us to grow in Love are astounding and I too appreciate the fact that these opportunities to look within for the way to dissolve the emptiness was also my experience when I introduced myself to Serge Benhayon some years ago, and also through the presentations of Universal Medicine – what a brilliant choice it was – yes, we can say it is truly ‘universal medicine’.!
Dear anonymous, I have deep respect for the changes you have made in your life, and I am touched by the beautiful woman you have let out. From being a slave of your own life you are now a beacon for others to look out for.
Well said nvanhasstrecht. Especially love: From being a slave of your own life you are now a beacon for others to look out for.
Beautifully put Nico and I wholeheartedly agree. What a great line ‘From being a slave of your own life you are now a beacon for others to look out for.’ What an amazing turnaround anonymous, your story is a miracle indeed and your clarity deeply inspiring. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight.
This is a show stopper of an article. Thank you. With great clarity and openness you have shared so much of the madness of where we get ourselves to when we are governed by ideals, beliefs and needs. When you talk about trying to fill the emptiness with your role of being a mother, I feel it too, knowing absolutely that from that place that emptiness is a bottomless pit. I also love the fact shared that as we develop a true relationship with ourselves we can help and support others, the difference being it is not coming from a place of need, guilt or the desire for recognition.
Thank you for your honesty. Being honest with ourselves can be the hardest part. Susie xx
The hardest thing for me to do when I was playing the role of mother or grandmother was to say ‘NO’! In fact I didn’t want to say ‘no’. I loved to feel that I was needed because doing for others would allow me to feel a little bit loved! Not so! I was abused and used and if I did attempt to abdicate from taking responsibility for their lives, I was emotionally blackmailed, not by words, but, by their withdrawal from my life. This went on for a number of years until I was so exhausted all I wanted to do was sleep (withdraw from my own life).
Eventually I did ‘wake up to myself’ and started to honour what my body was telling me: that I needed to say ‘no’ and mean it. With the honouring came a new energy(!) I looked after myself first and then would consider others needs and wants by feeling what my body could tolerate. A different kind of love emerged after all those years of manipulation and control – a love in honouring each other and a beautiful new connection that I would never have believed possible.
Thank you for you comment Janne. It bought home to me how “doing for others would allow me to feel a little bit loved”. The fact that we were willing to settle for a tiny crumb of what we thought was love when inside us was this amazing divine love, shows how much emptiness can mislead us.
Thank you for your comment Janne. It bought home to me how “doing for others would allow me to feel a little bit loved”. The fact that we were willing to settle for a tiny crumb of what we thought was love when inside us was this amazing divine love, shows how much emptiness can mislead us.
Dear anonymous, I love what you have written. The honesty and how you have come to accept your amazingness is inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
This is such a beautiful blog, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. The part of your expression that particularly resonated with me was;
“The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved”
This is so inspiring and a gentle reminder for me to, in every moment, make loving self nurturing choices; choices not based on need or pleasing others.
It is so lovely to read that you are enjoying being the woman you truly are.
The words, “I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” … I find very meaningful, thank you for expressing them.
Having realised who Anonymous is and seeing now the beautiful, full and loving being she lives today, I had no idea she had been through so much and come so far from where her life used to be … her choices and dedication are both humbling and inspiring.
Wow great blog anonymous, thank you. I saw me there as well, as I would spend all my time ignoring myself and doing for others in a very needy way and not wanting to feel the pains of what I had created in my own life. Thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I too am making more loving choices and learning to allow others to be where they are at. As you say – “The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family, that these choices can be made by anyone.”
Incredibly inspiring. A testament to how taking responsibility for the level of self love we are committed to can transform our lives and also of those around us. Amazing.
Thank you for sharing your story of transformation, or rather, your return to yourself. You have provided us with an inspiring example of how lives can be turned around through self-responsibility, not giving your power away, self-love and the support of loving practitioners.
A sentence that really strikes a chord is: “With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I began to realise that I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person.”
Awesome!
Anonymous, you have shared a wonderful story here of a complete turn around in your life. It is really sad how we put ourselves into such situations, all because of the great need in us to be loved. And then how easy it is to downslide, as you found, in your search for that love, making choices over and over again to try to fix the situation.
It is wonderful that you have found a completely different way of living and discovered that that love you were seeking was there inside you all the time, but now you know it to be there. You have as you say, now taken responsibility.
It is never too late to change.
It is very loving indeed to say “no” to our loved ones (and everyone else) whenever we feel that saying no is asking them to grow up, expand their awareness and take more responsibility. This knowing makes it easier and gives strength to learn to say “no”, as otherwise, not saying no is ultimately harming to all. What an amazing recovery all based on choosing you, thank you for your sharing.
When we say No, and ask another to take responsibility, it may be hard for them at first, as it may not be what they are used to, but in the long run, we are actually supporting them and loving them, instead of leaving them in it, and crippling them in a way.
What an amazing reflection you are now to your family anonymous. The transformation you have made in your life is an inspiration for all humanity. Absolute gold and a joy to read. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely beautiful and a true testimony that there is another way.
Having children, and being a mother does not have to be nor is it exhausting when we are first a woman.
Thank you for sharing.
‘Having children, and being a mother does not have to be nor is it exhausting when we are first a woman’, what an incredible quote – amazing Nicole. I’m still quite young, but being a mother is something I look forward to as I know it will be another way of expressing and sharing my love… But of course, as Esoteric Women’s Health presentations have taught me, as well as observing you and many other mothers along the way – this is only true when we are always a woman first and foremost.
I loved your honest post and I can appreciate the title we all hold on to as “Good Mothers”, what is that energy? Mothering is an activity and not what is the substance we made of …LOVE…
I too have gone into this recognition of good mothering and realise with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that my connection with the delicate woman I am comes first and further activities from this are an expression.
Amazing story… I couldn’t help but connect to the ways, I do for others to mask a deeper lack of acceptance of myself.
Truly inspirational Anonymous. What you have chosen to step out of and the way you chose to live your life now is nothing short of a true miracle. Thank you for sharing what is possible for us all.
What a phenomenal transformation.
It is so clear through this account how guilt for past harms falls short of healing, or taking true responsibility.
The responsibility feels not like a carrying and shrinking with the weight of fault, but an inner expansion, a standing taller in willingness to feel the choices that can now be made, a commitment to be more of the amazingness we actually are – an amazingness that could not harm, or pander to a past where we were lost to our-self, an empty vehicle.
In celebration of all who choose to be empty no more, but coming back to care, warmth and love. Bravo anonymous. Thank you for sharing so we can all benefit from the lessons learned.