Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself

As a child I grew up living in an environment of family violence and abuse. One of my siblings had an intellectual disability coupled with a complement of disorders that played out in regular psychotic and violent episodes. This was experienced as excessive controlling, manipulative and aggressive behaviour that exacerbated in puberty when physical size and strength intensified the periods of rage. Continue reading “Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself”

What To Do With My Life – Listening To My Inner Knowing

Recently it dawned on me how most of my life has been governed by an outer influence – always there was something or somebody who told me what to do or how to be. The interesting part in all of this is that I thought I chose what I do. In truth, there is so much information out there that tells us how to live, how to eat, what to do to live a happy life, what to do to become richer and how to behave to gain power, etc. Relying on all this information to help me through life, never once did it occur to me that I had all the information I ever needed, if only I had listened to my inner knowing. Continue reading “What To Do With My Life – Listening To My Inner Knowing”

Communication: What is Actually Coming Out of My Mouth and How Do I Truly Sound

You’ll often find me as the one preferring to sit conversing in the corner, or on the side, not on stage enjoying attention or limelight. Not too comfortable being seen by large audiences, and anxious even at the thought of public speaking, let alone doing it. And as for photos – not too keen on those either! Communicating and conversation is thorough enjoyed, though recently my world of communication has been sparked alight after hearing an audio with me speaking on it…

Just like having your photo taken and viewing yourself, hearing one’s own recorded voice is equally revealing: what was I saying, communicating, sounding like and hearing; and how was the quality of my speech, i.e. what was actually coming out of my mouth? Continue reading “Communication: What is Actually Coming Out of My Mouth and How Do I Truly Sound”

Having Expectations

Recently I had the opportunity to truly feel how damaging expectations actually are. My experience allowed me to see that having an expectation is really just an ideal or a belief about something that we want and imagine will happen. When it doesn’t happen in the way we have imagined, we are likely to be left feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, saddened, frustrated and plain let down.

Sure expectations are often exceeded too, seen by many as being a great thing, albeit still creating a temporary emotion or heightened state in the body that is based on something outside of our control.

Continue reading “Having Expectations”

From Being a Lonely Rider to Opening up for People

When I was younger, one of the first things I learned was that when I play out my strong side I get adored for what I can do and I then have control. My talents helped me to win praise and I could easily get recognition, which then gave me the feeling of being someone special and worthy of being loved. But this false type of ‘love’ was always combined with a doing, so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved. Continue reading “From Being a Lonely Rider to Opening up for People”

Life Can Change – If You Want It To

If someone had told me 15 years ago what my life would be like today I would never have believed them. Sure, everyone’s life can change – if you want it to – but never in a million years would I have believed just how much my life would change, and how absolutely incredible a journey it would be.

A life lived with drugs, alcohol, working long hours, a busy social life, disregard and disarray, constant stress, overwhelm and complication, was once all part of my day. This was considered and accepted as “normal” – or what I perceived as normal, and sadly accepted as my life – for a while anyway. Continue reading “Life Can Change – If You Want It To”

Taking Responsibility and Speaking my Truth

When I am reading, or hearing things said on the TV that are not true

  • Do I just sit back and say nothing?
  • Does it matter that I know things are being said that are not truthful?

I recently saw an ad on TV that I felt was not appropriate, using sex to sell a product. In that moment, I decided to call and make a complaint. I didn’t put it off until later as I probably would have forgotten. By choosing to take responsibility and speak my truth, I then made a difference and was heard. Continue reading “Taking Responsibility and Speaking my Truth”

That Monday Morning Feeling – Not Living the True Me

I recently had a big blip of a downer… I was tired, hating my job, had lost confidence in my ability to do anything well and . . . well, you know the kind of day I mean. Was I just suffering that ‘Monday Morning Feeling’ or was something deeper going on?

At work, when colleagues asked me the usual question, ‘Are you alright?’, I surprised them by saying ‘No, I’m not.’ Continue reading “That Monday Morning Feeling – Not Living the True Me”

A Home without Compromise

Over the years, I have certainly compromised my own feelings – for others, for situations, to fit in or be liked – but whatever the reason, it was a choice made to settle for less than what felt right for me and honouring of me, overriding what felt loving, supportive and settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth. But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise. Continue reading “A Home without Compromise”

Comparing Myself to Others

I recently participated in a retreat presented by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine. As part of the retreat we discussed comparing ourselves to others in groups, and asked ourselves a series of questions to feel how comparison affects us on a daily basis…

  • Why do I compare?
  • What intention is behind comparing myself with others?
  • How do I actually feel when I start comparing myself to others? Do I see myself as better or less
  • What effect has comparison on myself and on the other person I compare myself with?
  • Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?

Continue reading “Comparing Myself to Others”