As a child I grew up living in an environment of family violence and abuse. One of my siblings had an intellectual disability coupled with a complement of disorders that played out in regular psychotic and violent episodes. This was experienced as excessive controlling, manipulative and aggressive behaviour that exacerbated in puberty when physical size and strength intensified the periods of rage. Continue reading “Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself”
Recently it dawned on me how most of my life has been governed by an outer influence – always there was something or somebody who told me what to do or how to be. The interesting part in all of this is that I thought I chose what I do. In truth, there is so much information out there that tells us how to live, how to eat, what to do to live a happy life, what to do to become richer and how to behave to gain power, etc. Relying on all this information to help me through life, never once did it occur to me that I had all the information I ever needed, if only I had listened to my inner knowing. Continue reading “What To Do With My Life – Listening To My Inner Knowing”
You’ll often find me as the one preferring to sit conversing in the corner, or on the side, not on stage enjoying attention or limelight. Not too comfortable being seen by large audiences, and anxious even at the thought of public speaking, let alone doing it. And as for photos – not too keen on those either! Communicating and conversation is thorough enjoyed, though recently my world of communication has been sparked alight after hearing an audio with me speaking on it…
Just like having your photo taken and viewing yourself, hearing one’s own recorded voice is equally revealing: what was I saying, communicating, sounding like and hearing; and how was the quality of my speech, i.e. what was actually coming out of my mouth? Continue reading “Communication: What is Actually Coming Out of My Mouth and How Do I Truly Sound”
Recently I had the opportunity to truly feel how damaging expectations actually are. My experience allowed me to see that having an expectation is really just an ideal or a belief about something that we want and imagine will happen. When it doesn’t happen in the way we have imagined, we are likely to be left feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, saddened, frustrated and plain let down.
Sure expectations are often exceeded too, seen by many as being a great thing, albeit still creating a temporary emotion or heightened state in the body that is based on something outside of our control.
When I was younger, one of the first things I learned was that when I play out my strong side I get adored for what I can do and I then have control. My talents helped me to win praise and I could easily get recognition, which then gave me the feeling of being someone special and worthy of being loved. But this false type of ‘love’ was always combined with a doing, so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved. Continue reading “From Being a Lonely Rider to Opening up for People”
If someone had told me 15 years ago what my life would be like today I would never have believed them. Sure, everyone’s life can change – if you want it to – but never in a million years would I have believed just how much my life would change, and how absolutely incredible a journey it would be.
A life lived with drugs, alcohol, working long hours, a busy social life, disregard and disarray, constant stress, overwhelm and complication, was once all part of my day. This was considered and accepted as “normal” – or what I perceived as normal, and sadly accepted as my life – for a while anyway. Continue reading “Life Can Change – If You Want It To”