As men, it is as if we are brought up to be in a dog pit – constantly competing to be the top dog, always needing to show our superiority in whatever way we can so effectively we will not get crushed by the world or by others.
We are brought up with the idea of showing off our strengths and feathers, just like the majestic peacock, then keeping hidden any flaws and/or weaknesses we have, just in case someone else may see them, attack us there and expose the lie we are essentially living; a lie constructed so intricately that we can get through life seemingly unmarked.
We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.
This incessant need to live a lie changed for me when I met Serge Benhayon, whom I have been fortunate to know for quite a few years: Serge is a man who is not afraid to show all of himself – warts and all.
A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do. This is not an extremely common thing to see in the society we live in today. Seeing Serge do this with myself, and others, has inspired me to also appreciate and celebrate other people more.
I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.
By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.
We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.
It has brought me a freedom and has taken away a lot of the tension and stress that I felt in relationships, especially those among men. I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.
We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.
I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.
by James Nicholson, BNat Design Consultant, Frome UK
Further reading:
Men – Are We Set Up to Fail?
To Truly Love Men: The Natural Tenderness of all Men
Thank you James – this is all about how to transform relationships and allow ourselves to be seen and to share all of us with everyone: “It has brought me a freedom and has taken away a lot of the tension and stress that I felt in relationships, especially those among men. I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.”
We are a ‘dime a dozen’ – in other words there are so many of us, BUT there is a purpose to this too for each and every one of us can reflect to another unique qualities that we have ‘mastered’ so to speak and in this process it is not about showing this off but rather to offer support and inspiration to others for and through these qualities.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” – So many things here are GOLD – firstly to celebrate someone strengths is a beautiful thing as it so confirms then in their qualities and secondly it really does offer us a foundation to draw upon when dealing with those areas that are not our strengths. It is a win win situation to celebrate us in that way.
“ By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other. We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing.” What a great line, and how true we often won’t allow our true strengths out in life because we feel we will again be shot down, and what a different and richer society we would have if we got rid of the comparison and competitiveness, to instead nurture and encourage each other to shine.
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.“ There is an absence of comparison and competition in Serge, he lives such a state of purity of the soul, a state of energetic integrity, that such energies of fighting others, even subtly, don’t express through him. I hadn’t appreciated this fully enough as it feels so normal to feel this sense of celebration and of fostering of our strengths from Serge.
This fitting-in business, if we are all finding it somewhat an effort, if not a downright hard work, then we really need to question the model that we are trying to fit into. Some of us may have mastered the art of pushing and overriding and act like the winner in this game and look down on the rest, but our body knows the truth.
Fumiyo this pushing and shoving everyone else around, really being a horrible bully, is plain to see in certain politicians. We only have ourselves to blame because we voted for them in the first place, so what energy were we all in when we voted for someone to bully us?
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” Pure love and true brotherhood.
It is true we have built ourselves a society where we are afraid to show weakness or what we perceive as weakness, which is a shame because those perceived weaknesses are our actual strengths.
Yes, it seems we have it the wrong way round, we pick on the things we don’t like and are blind to the beauty that is around us.
Bringing appreciation and celebration to what we bring is very beautiful, ‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’
Superbly well said Julie – our perceived weaknesses are certainly most often our greatest strengths only we are conditioned to feeling dumb or doomed about them which is the greatest trick ever to make us think the absolute opposite.
Displaying one’s plumage and forever competing for the position of top dog is nothing compared to the innate sensitivity and delicateness that we all hold within, men and women alike.
It sure isn’t Gabriele, and when we show our ‘innate sensitivity and delicateness’ then that is showing our true plumage and the divine-ness we all are.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with showing our beauty and amazingness but lets show our true beauty and not something we pretend to be.
Love that Esther, no pretense or falsity needed.
It truly is the hand of evil that we are taught that our power lies in overpowering, dominating and defeating another. For in fact living with true power is one where the love we are within is honoured as the one unifying quality that it is. As when this quality is embraced and lived there is no need for competition or comparison as we know, can feel and appreciate that the reflection of love from another is a reflection of the power we all have access to live with. Instead of competition we the have inspiration which supports us all to evolve.
Inspiration is one of the greatest gifts we can give another, I love the originis of the word coming from ‘inspare’ in Latin to breathe – essentially we give another the opportunity to breathe their own breath.
“If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do.” We unfortunately really champion competitiveness in society, being top of the class, fastest runner, best speller, etc starts very early in education and family life. We have held competition as the pinnacle of achievement but we haven’t honestly looked at the outcomes for how this truly feels for ourselves, nor the outcomes of competitiveness for society as a whole.
I agree and the problem is we all want to the top dog, the leader, the one in charge as we want to be seen rather than backing who ever has the lead and doing whatever is necessary regardless of who gets seen and who gets the credit.
Just recently on the BBC web site was a news article about a group of extremists one man was as young as 17 years old. I feel we as a society need to have a serious talk about the way we are bringing up our children for example this 17 year old was once a baby boy he came into this world full of love and yet by the time he reached 17 years old he is full of anger and such hate that he wants to lash out and hurt others. I don’t feel we can point the finger at the young man and say he is bad he should be punished, as to me he is a product of the way we all behave and interact with each other.
I agree Mary something is deeply wrong with our society when we have instances like this, and as you say ‘he is a product of the way we all behave and interact with each other’ and is not to blame.
There is a deep joy reading this today. Imagine if the world lived like this? Celebrating and confirming another’s (and our own) strengths, and looking to them to build up / be inspired by the areas that we are not so strong in. There is a deep settlement in my bones when I feel that truth. And if we want to see the world living this, it is up to each and every one of us to start living it now. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for showing us the way.
The world sure would be and will be a different place when we celebrate and support each rather than trying to compete and out do each other. Also by focusing our strengths with each other natural our weaker areas without trying lift up. When we focus on the ‘bad’ or weaker areas then life seems to become a struggle and the blame game comes up quite a lot.
The gradual transformation of society and the world must start with at least one person… and so it has begun with one man, and now it is for us to continue to embrace love in our lives, drop any competition and simply allow ourselves to be and to celebrate each other in and with this.
I attended a Universal medicine workshop recently and as part of the course we had to pair up. I found myself paired with a man who I discovered was absolutely gorgeous; to actually feel he was totally harmless and was so at ease with himself was a pure delight for me to experience. I work in a male dominated industry and I can honestly say that most of the men I meet are guarded, hard and very competitive with each other. Underneath this layer of protection they are very soft and gentle and some men will admit this but they feel they cannot show this to the world. As a society we have put men into a strait jacket why have we done this when we actually don’t like what we have asked them to become?
Great question Mary, it makes no sense how we have asked and ask men to be. Naturally like you say we are all deeply tender and sensitive just have hardened up to get through life and we all miss out of our innate loving qualities.
It’s a blessing having someone in our life who inspires us to celebrate our strenghts. Before coming accross Universal Medicine and knowing Serge Benhayon I didn’t see many teachers encouraging me to celebrate myself. Going at school was based on effort and it didn’t felt a joy to me, but very boring. These year I’m coming back to study and I’m appreciating the enjoyment that I can feel because I’m appreciating what I bring to the class each day, knowing that each one of us has something equally precious to bring. I wonder how amazing would be if we would appreciate each other and ourselves more often. Certainly the growing rates of stress, anxiety, depression, suicides…would go down in a split second. Everyone would know about their worth and value so there wouldn’t be reason to feel bored or not fullfilled anymore. There is a work to be done but how great having already people in this world who are living another way, full of joy and contentment for who they are in essence.
It sure is a blessing having Serge Benhayon in our lives, and the more we appreciate this, I find the more I appreciate myself and the knock on effect is huge. So often we are taught to focus on our weaknesses whereas when we give appreciation and deepen our strengths naturally our weaker areas come up as well – so out with the blame and trying and in with the love and appreciation!
The more we appreciate ourselves, the easier it becomes to appreciate others.
Thank you Inma, a beautiful and joyous comment. It really highlights how we have lost our true and joyful connection with ourselves and therefore others, and the beauty appreciation brings to life supporting us to know and celebrate ourselves and our preciousness, and then see and enjoy the same in others. Thanks James also for your words about appreciation deepening our strengths, I hadn’t looked at it that way before, it’s great the different ways people express the same topic and how that contributes to our understanding.
One-upmanship is a viscous cycle that has been imposed upon men to take on as a way to identify themselves to feel worthy and not rejected and to feel a sense of power all of which only lasts when they are one up on another, and this never lasts long, even then there is no settlement in that. This is a false sense and livingness of the true power of who men are in essence. When our relationships with each other are founded on protection, so as not to give too much away, so that we may not show our tenderness, sensitivity and our craving for love, we fail to see, feel and share with each other the truth of who we are in which we discover that we are all the same in essence and in this there can never be any competition.
I have also found that the moment I step away from myself I feel lost, and at unease with myself and the world and so end up being in a spin not knowing which way to turn. Yet when I come back to the tenderness and love I am then everything makes sense again and I feel the contentedness in my body.
‘We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.’ Well said James, and unfortunately this is very true, so many people live with this constant tension that’s why so many behaviours are increasing worldwide such as gaming, increase of sugar and caffeine, alcohol and drug intake etc. as everyone is feeling this lack of connection and love in their lives.
Very true Anna and when we let go of this tension and live the love we are then naturally we let go of needing the distractions and addictions which are rife within society.
Men are brought into a world that is openly in war. Women, instead, are brought into a world where the war is waged in more subtle ways. The result is that both men and women live in a world that does not make your life easy. The only way back is healing and learn to make appreciation part of your movements. Only seeing beyond the obvious may help us to go further.
‘The only way back is healing and learn to make appreciation part of your movements.’ It sounds almost too easy and simply yet as I have experienced is the only way to return back to the light of God that we are.
Yes, seeing the bigger picture, behind and underneath the obvious and physically tangible, opens up the bigger picture and the fact that we are being manipulated and played with.
Healing, and making appreciation an integral part of our lives makes much sense.
We are brought up to compete and to compare, everything in the world is geared towards it, so it takes a little to allow ourselves to come back to our tender selves that do not feel like competing at all.
It does take a little time even though it is so natural for us. I remember being very open as a child with what I had and sharing things with others yet often instead of them going thank I would feel a force of jealousy of them wanting what I had. So I learnt to not share everything or all of myself as did not like the feeling from others. It is this holding back of ourselves that occurs through comparison with others which stops our full expression and ultimately cuts us off from others. As if we withdraw in one area or with one person we are withdrawing from all areas and ultimately from ourself.
It’s true Esther, I remember being a very small child at primary school and being introduced to competitive sports, it felt like I had to fight every part of my natural self and body to be competitive, it just did not feel natural at all. Eventually though we become part of the competitiveness because it’s everywhere, not just in sports but in the classroom and life in general. What it feels like to me from my experience is we begin to override what’s natural for us and let in the energy of competitiveness, and then live from something that’s actually foreign to our nature.
I agree Melinda, ‘we begin to override what’s natural for us and let in the energy of competitiveness, and then live from something that’s actually foreign to our nature’ and then we think this is what is normal and natural for us even though it is far from the love we are.
Strange as it may sound it took me time to learn how to really appreciate another, how simple it is, that it costs nothing, and the effect it has on others when they are honoured for their innate quality. That would not have happened if I had not been observing Serge Benhayon and others leading by example, and so the responsibility to provide that example is now passed to me.
It is not really that strange, yet it is also something we naturally are born with and the more we appreciate ourselves the more we without thinking appreciate others. So for me it shows how little we truly appreciate and value ourselves.
Learning to appreciate ourselves is not always that easy, which to me shows how important it is.
It’s a weird pattern we have in the world, where we as men are pre-programmed to compete against each other – run faster, catch the bigger fish, earn more, have the better story… however it plays out. And yet when I just sit and appreciate another it is such a revelation. A wholly different quality comes to the fore in me and I realise how much I care for others, and that I am surrounded by amazing people.
I know what you mean Simon, it is a crazy pattern and cycle we get so caught up, so much so that we miss the beauty and the amazingness of the people we are surrounded by and live with. We could have everything we have ever wanted, dreamed of and wished to have right before us but because we are not appreciating it we miss out on it and go even further and push it away.
The competition between men is so great that at times they are unable to accept a true compliment.
So true Heather and its hard to admit that one. It makes my body cringe just the thought of how so often we do not accept a compliment because we think it has an undertone or in some way is trying to put us down when it may be the exact opposite.
The sensitive man is not someone flippant, self indulgent, or pompous, but rather as I have learned from spending time with Serge Benhayon and many other men who attend Universal Medicine courses, an incredibly strong, self aware, and loving individual.
Very true and well said Heather. So often we are led to believe or think that being sensitive means essentially being a sissy kind of person but it is not that in any way. For me the best way of describing senstivity is being aware of what I am sensing. So it is not airy fairy rather being very present and aware of what is going on around me, which brings a strength with it.
I feel it is the same for men and women I have decided I hate competition because it pitches people against each other which is the exact opposite to how we should in truth be living, it’s one of the many lies we fallen for.
It sure is a massive lie we have fallen for. When we compete with each other no one truly wins as the winner is left on their own and everyone else has failed. Yet when we work together everyone wins and we get far more done.
We develop many behaviours in the attempt to hide our so called flaws, this is men and women alike. Whereas if we acknowledged and celebrated our strengths and deeply appreciated what we were offering through this, then we would not need behaviours to hide what our not our strengths. We would be happy within our own skin and much more accepting of what we bring and what we do not. We also then being to see the strengths in others much more too, making it easier to celebrate others. Sounds like a great plan for most workforces.
It sure does sound like a great plan and is a great plan! I find the more content I am within myself the less I need to try to prove myself to others and generally by proving means I am wanting to cover over my weaker areas and exaggerate things rather than simply accepting where I am at and who I am. We have so much to celebrate in each other as we are all unique reflections of God, each coming together we get to see the whole picture, just like a jigsaw puzzle has a missing piece, and we do not get to see the whole. So it is our responsibility to be ourselves so everyone else too gets to be reminded of the love they too are. And appreciating is a great start!
So beautiful James…
Thank you
Thank you James. What I have taken away from this is are we willing to really celebrate each other – Celebrate what our inherent strengths are and what we bring to people, our relationships and essentially the world outside our own front door? Is this one of the secrets (not really) to a successful life? By making life about people, building people up and helping them see themselves as to who they are.
I agree Jennifer it is one of the not so hidden secrets of life and it comes so naturally. The more I am with myself the more I naturally without any other appreciate and celebrate others. It is only when I start self bashing that I not only stop appreciating myself but I also turn my back on those around me and stop appreciating all the qualities they bring and reflect to the world.
So true James. What I can feel with what you have offered is that when we self bash we can be so unaware of the effect that this has. It’s like it turns off our awareness altogether. But the more we are with ourselves, and how we are with ourselves, our awareness is turned back on and the appreciation, the care and our openness to learn more is switched back on. Not only that, we begin to see how simply it all really is.
It is amazing how differently we perceive everything around us depending on the way we are feeling. And things can change super quickly the moment we start to truly appreciate the love we are and walk knowing this without any self defeating and bashing thoughts. And just think how much more energy we have when we are not constantly using it to bring ourselves or others down and what we could actually be doing with it. No wonder exhaustation rates are escalating at alarming rates!
Expressing our appreciation of other’s strength is a beautiful way to support each other’s growth and mutual understanding. Often we do not recognise or let alone appreciate our own strength, because it’s something so natural and so normal, and can actually be held as something we judge another against because we see them as lacking.
It is one of the lovelisest and most supportive things to do for another to appreciate them for who they are and bring rather than what they can do. Being confirmed like this is so natural and says yes you can be yourself in fact we love you being yourself.
Exactly James. Far from people shying away from us, when we allow others to see all of who we are with no form of protection in the way, more ofthen than not the response is welcomed and even celebrated as it gives others permission to be themselves as well.
So there really is no excuse and nothing or no one stopping us from being the love that we are.
Serge Benhayon is a true role model for both men and women of how we can live and express our beauty and tenderness in the world.
Well Anna, I couldn’t agree more.
When we appreciate anothers strengths instead of going into comparison and feeling less or even envious of them, we can learn to grow from the inspiration they can initiate in us. For sometimes it is far easier to learn from the steps others have mastered than to make them just by ourselves.
It sure is Suse and that is one of the joys of being surrounded by so many people who are actively choosing to return to living a life based on love. An equally even a stranger in the street can inspire you as we are all equal Gods just in physical form more often than not choosing to be less.
Appreciation is something that feels very solidifying and strengthening, opening and expansive. The more I focus on what’s going well,what I’m bringing and the enormous amount that I have to appreciate about my life, the more I see this in more areas of my life. Equally the reverse is true: when I focus on what’s not going well, make myself feel bad about all my ‘mistakes’, I tend to stay stuck in that- a great trick for staying small. And the way back out of it.. cut the negative thinking and go deeper with appreciation.
That is a great observation Bryony. I too find the same thing I have a choice to focus on all the negative things and thus make life a struggle or I can see the beauty and divinity in everything that is before me and appreciate what ever is before me is here for me to learn from rather than see it as an obstacle. Appreciation cuts all the downward spiralling negative and depressive thoughts and instantly brings back a sense of purpose and wonderment to life.
There is a moment offered in the full grace of brotherhood, when a person is utterly wholly and completely being supported – without competition or need, just the simple act of seeing what is there unfolding for them and standing behind them in support of this.
There sure is and the person gets to feel being hold in the love that they too are and so get inspired to choose that love too. The moment we judge another we are saying they are lesser, the moment we truly support them we see them as an equal divine being.
The socialisation process for both genders is such a mess. We take something that is so utterly beautiful at birth and instead of appreciating it we try to immediately mould and direct it into society’s version of what that gender and person should be. It’s so very imposing. And if we are fortunate to find the work of Serge Benhayon then we have the opportunity to undo it all and begin to live connected to the true essence of who we are. That can actually take years. How wonderful and humane it will be when we appreciate the preciousness of baby boys and girls exactly as they are and nurture and support them to grow, but let them be the beauty they are naturally born as.
It is a mess the way we currently bring our children up to fit into certain roles and pictures we have that they should. The whole growth charts start it off saying that something is wrong if they are not conforming to the standards. We are all unique gorgeous delicate sensitive beings and the more we get treated this way from day dot right throughout our lives the more we will value ourselves and thus stop this trying to be something for everybody else rather than simply being all the love that we are.
Appreciation of ourselves and others inspires us all to be who we are.
Nothing else is needed or desired when we are ourselves. For me it feels complete and my body feels content; the moment I try to be something I feel a sense of anxiousness of not being enough. We are already everything.
Thank you James, that was the perfect comment for me to read today, like the missing piece in my anxiety puzzle!
That is great Melinda lovely to hear, now it is time for me to fully put the words into action and enjoy cleebrating myself and all that I bring! 🙂
This is so relevant to women too, when someone is truly doing well this challenges people and it can be confronting as they haven’t made the same choices and so people can cap or try to pull them down. I experience this often in my work and have just come to accept that now when I do well, people will put road blocks in the way or try to reduce it and that this is just part of it and my learning is to hold steady, not react and not drop.
Great point and awesome you are putting it into action. For me when I see another doing well – I have choices: 1. To embrace what they are showing me and thus be inspired by them or 2. To want what they have without putting any effort in and 3. To bring them down or make them slip so I am not seen as less and another one 4. To test them so they have to prove they are the real deal.
True strength comes from our ability to be open and transparent with each other, accept our imperfections and know that we do not have to do it all on our own and thus have nothing to prove in doing so.
Accepting our imperfections is massive for me and many other people I have spoken with. I find as soon as I am trying to be perfect there is a drive, an ideal, a goal of where I should or want to be rather than just embracing the love that I am and knowing I am returning not going anywhere or needing to be anywhere.
Being a man is about developing a series of strengths that are not truly strengths and not developing the true ones because they are perceived as weaknesses. The world is upside down.
The world sure is upside down Eduardo – it is crazy how so often we strive for something which is the exact of the sweet, tender, sensitive beings that we are and why simply to fit in with what we perceive is expected of us.
Thank you Eduardo – when we see what is really going on it’s perverse how we live the opposite of what is true, and what feels so amazing and simple. Instead we go for the difficult path which involves struggle, conflict, exhaustion, complication.
We do, but why? When we look at it this way it makes no sense what so ever. It is like we know every trick in the book to keep us away from the divinity that we are. So what do we get from it?
Men are forced into competition by our society from a very early age. It is up to us all as a society to change that, by offering men that the natural tenderness they are in no way is a weakness, but is their greatest strength.
What I love is seeing how, when we do this, even some of the toughest guys really open up and their sweet, tender sides come out. It shows me that no matter what we are all the same and the more I express and live the tender man I am the more it allows other men to do the same as well simply by saying its ok and in fact awesome to do!
Naturally there comes an ease with us when we accept and confirm our strengths, as if we are a master of them in a certain way (that is part of our foundation). When we recognize our strengths we equally feel how we serve with those in life (maybe even certain areas specific) and those areas where we can deepen our weaker points that we simply have given only less attention. A beautiful marker this is to be aware of in our daily lives. We all have strengths, everyone has them.
Love this Danna, and may I add that our strengths or power are humbly there as a reflection of our emanating Love in all we do!
I used to think this was big noting myself but actually now see it far more as a claiming and an honouring. The more we work to our strengths and utlise each others strengths the more we will see we are part of one big jigsaw puzzle each with an equally important part to play.
The key with this is the ability of us to feel energy and our strenght to act on that from our quality. And I dont mean a quality as in soft or friendly; but a quality that comes with us when we open up and connect that we know is truly us. As above shares; we can feel energy all the time, so are we by origin not just human. Or human at all. To claim that and stand in that is our greatest power.
So true Danna, we are far greater than purely the human physical bodies we occupy. The more I connect to my beingness, as you say, the more I stand in my true power.
Its amazing what is really there once men let go of protections, ideals, images and beliefs that we have taken on over the amazing exquisite tenderness that he is.. Starting to see what falsities we have let come in our way, is making way for us to see and feel (re-connect) to what actually lays underneath — a real tangible tenderness to all men.
I agree Danna, men are truly sensitive and exquisite we just have to get past the guard so many of us have put up. We only have to look a little boys playing to see how naturally tender and caring they are. The more we each embrace this tenderness the more other men see is is ok, in fact awesome to be the tender men they too naturally are.
Those that are our stenghts can equally be our moments of weakness once we choose to not walk in our strenghts. So that which I am for example great at, which is my strenght of bringing to another, I than also can reject. And so we must be very open to look and observe our behaviors to each day let them less run away with us and be more steady standing in and with our strenghts.
Very true Danna it can be easy to get complacent with our strengths and so not work on them when it is important to keep building and developing all areas of our lives. And as you say so often when we do not walk with who we are we can end up doing the complete opposite to our strengths which is very telling indeed.
I recently observed how the dynamics change between a man supporting a woman through tutoring and then between two men. When the man was with the woman he allowed himself to be gentle, allowing, patient and there was no competition just a gorgeous holding of the other. Whereas when it was with two men, there was competition, protection and much tension around knowing more than the other. If we were to stop and feel our body when we act this out, we would feel how it hurts us deeply.
The tension does hurt especially when we try to compete with others. After all we are all the same equal beings of light. With the Universal Medicine inspired men’s groups and just simply men attending presentations we are now much more open with each other and a lot of the competition and protection has gone which is beautiful to be a part of.
I am appreciating the fact that we all have slightly different strengths, this is a perfect reminder that we are all suppose to work together as one. Also hence why it is so important to celebrate each other’s strengths instead of going into comparison because connecting together is how we can build a stronger foundation for a loving and harmonious world. Our different strengths are like a piece of jigsaw puzzle where each piece is equally important but slightly different in its shape so we can fit together as One.
Very true, we are here to learn to work together and not think we can do it all alone or by ourselves. This is one of the illusions many of us have fallen for. The joy is when we do work together how things just get done and are so much more magnificent than if we were to have done it alone.
When you need to live up to a picture of what being a man (or a woman) means, when you need to look outside to see what the world says about how you should live, then you are already far away from the essence and absolute knowing of who you are.
For me I find as soon as I have a picture of how I should be then I am trying to live up to an ideal instead of simply being myself. The trick is that we have been taught to look outward and outside of ourselves rather than surrendering to the glory that we already are.
Love this James, real men Sensitivity and True Tenderness is what allows us to open up express the Love we all are. Then be able to walk in a way that shares this way of living in our True power that comes from holding what is True and thus expressing Love in our every move to the best of our ability.
The more we express love in our every move the more other men (and women) get to see they too can do the same and so the ripple effect is beyond all comprehension when we walk in our true power.
So True James, when we look at our expression and how we walk as a True way of being, so we are Truly expressing the love we innately are, then as we walk magic happens.
It is simple when we break it down to the basics yet we want to grab it and own it and so want to put our own twist and flavour onto it. I know for myself I have felt the depths of love I can go to yet know I am only at the tip of the iceberg with the true wonders of the Universe all there , as they have always been, waiting to reveal themselves in full or rather waiting for me to see them!
Or could it be possible that the Constellations or Universe is constantly asking us to be more and it is only our self-critique that keeps us in the dark? We would not walk in the dark or with our eyes closed but we tend to turn a blind eye to what is there to express, which is the Love we all are. And in a reflection to the way we walk with the Constellations this can be our commitment to Love.
It definietly could be possible that it is only our self critique and choices which keep us veiled in the dark, walking in and with Gods love yet seemingly not seeing it, in fact doing pretty much everything imaginable to not see it! Yet it is always there unwaveringly so.
True James, it is much the same as the foot prints in the sands, when they become one this is when God is carrying us!
Lest we forget that God is never not with us it is only us who at times have chosen to stray from the path.
What a beautiful blog James – forever truly revealing the true expression of men, not the false version of what we have educated with.. I simply love this: ‘I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.’ Because this is so important, without the true expression of men and women — the world is lost.
Thank you Danna, fully agreed yes ‘the World is lost’ ‘without the true expression of men and women’. If no one is truly expressing from their essence then there is no reflection from another to remind us of who we truly are and where we come from. Of course there is always going to be nature and what is around us but often for many that is too hard to see when we get focused on making life about getting through, survival and security.
Celebrating and appreciating ourselves is an important daily ritual, ‘it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives’.
I agree Lorraine, it is indeed very important to appreciate ourselves and others. I have found if I don’t appreciate myself, I am less likely to be able to appreciate and celebrate others. Without appreciation, complications, harmful thoughts and behaviours like jealousy and comparison can easily creep in to create disharmony in our lives.
I have found the same thing. If I 1st do not appreciate myself then I can try to appreciate another but it does not fully come from my body and Livingness and so does not come with the depths of love it could easily do and so is felt more as words rather than love. Thus I find the response from the other persons body is different. When it comes with the depth of love then they surrender and accept it far more than when it is just words.
I agree Lorraine is a daily ritual one which reaffirms the love we truly are yet something we so often do not do or forget about. The more I make it a part of the way I am with myself the more I find there is to appreciate and the greater the quality I am with myself and others. Otherwise it can be so easy to focus on all negative bits about ourselves that we can get consumed by that and miss out on the love that I am.
“I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” I too felt this way for most of my life hiding my vulnerability and delicateness as a woman but I now appreciate and confirm these qualities through my movements and it feels so different to move in this way.
There s such a vast difference when we embrace, appreciate and confirm our sensitivity that it no longer becomes some awkward part of us we try to hide. The more we walk with all that we are the stronger these qualities become and the more it confirms to others that it is ok, in fact awesome, to simply be themselves and not try to put on a macho act or anything like that. No matter how hard I have tried to fit in when I have not been true to myself and honouring what I have been feeling I have never felt truly content. The only true contentedness I have ever felt has come from within.
Thanks James, I appreciated your definition of being sensitive “as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’..” This definition is very simple and as a result it can expose the beliefs we may carry about sensitivity and being sensitive that are not true. We can view sensitivity as weak, as a trait just for women, or judge it in a myriad of ways, but all it really is truly is “being aware of what we are feeling”. It sounds like an honest way to be actually!
What i have been learning more and more is to celebrate my strengths, but also the strengths of those around me. When I do this, it creates the opportunity to be inspired by them, not to go into comparison or jealousy, but to nominate they have mastered something that I am yet to, this allows a joy and the celebration to be there.
There is a lack of honouring our true selves, and we become what we think the world asks us to be, in order to fit in and not be rejected, ‘We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.’
It is crazy really how much we mould ourselves to fit in with the world and others. I could say I almost perfected being a chameleon but the problem was I alwasy on edge, never content and knew there must be more to life. But rather than stay with what I knew was true I gave up until I met Serge Benhayon. I still find it challenging at times as the world does not really embrace us when we live the fullnes of the love we know and are. Not because people do not know or are not love but because it reflects back to others the choices they too could have made but have not. So rather than being inspired and celebrating others we go into the default mode of attack and survive – yet we think we are intelligent keeping away the very thing which we all want most.
Thank you James – it is all about sensitivity and how much we allow of that to live again.. We are instrumented in this world to be the opposite of sensitivity : become strong, hard and able to defeat the horrors in the world – whilst in fact, only this can be truly addressed when one stands in full authority of his/her Soul (that is mega sensitive!).
Our Soul is mega sensitive but not in a weak pathetic way rather an all knowing and all encompassing way. Weare taught that being tough and hard keeps things out but all it does is keep love out and so taints our view on life and the world. As you say what is going on can only be truly addressed when we stand in and with the full authority of our Soul – the moment we do this we are not looking for or seeking self gain rather putting our focus towards humanity and this is when the real changes start to occur.
James I reckon if we do harden ourselves and feel we have a wall between ourselves and the world, we are still sensitively feeling everything despite the hardness. We cannot change the fact we are all equally sensitive beings.
Very true, no matter how hard and tough we act like we never still feeling. I find it is when I do not want to feel things or want them to be certain way that I react. When I see them for what they are, and keep observing them then what is happening makes sense.
Life is a lot easier when you choose to be inspired by others rather than feel threatened by them simply because they are doing things differently to you. The jealousy aspect, I now understand, is simply a reflection of what you could be doing as we’re all equal, and whilst our expressions are all different, our ability to be the best version of ourselves is simple, but only if we allow ourselves to not get caught up in hiding or being better than someone else. There is enough room for all of us.
There sure is enough room for all of us and the more we shine the more we also inspire others too to shine. I agree with you about the jeaousy aspect as it can slip in when we see another shining and know we too could be but have not made the same loving choices. So the only remedy is to make those choices and then hey presto we stand as equals.
Celebrating our strengths doesn’t have to mean that we are saying we are better than any other but just purely a celebration and appreciation of what is going well to confirm and build on it. Genuine appreciation of ourselves and others is key for us all to grow and evolve.
Appreciation is massive for us Fiona. As you say it is not in any way about being better than another but rather appreciating our choices and all that we bring, the moment we do this we set a foundation that we can then build and develop from.
Yes James, I agree that we do not celebrate and appreciate each other enough. I’ve noticed though that it happens more easily for me when I am also celebrating and appreciating myself.
Weaknesses are never a weak point – they are just aspects of life that others are strong in.
Well said Rachael and we can choose to either be inspired by anothers strength and so celebrate what they are bringing further enhancing and confirming them or we can make ourselves lesser. Take playing the piano for example if someone has put in hours of practice and dedication towards it makes sense they would be better than someone who has never tried. So then how can we judge ourselves or another in any area when we have all led completely different lives up to this point. And the beauty is when we work together we can bring out all the awesome qualities in each other rather than trying to do everything ourselves.
Thank you James, and yes it is super important as men to be able to celebrate our strenghts and to understand that our main strenght is our tenderness which is more often than not seemed as a weakness, embracing this quality opens us up to let more love out and in to our lives.
Seeing tenderness as a strength and not some pathetic and weak I know at 1st most men struggle with but as you is one of our main strengths. Otherwise I find we tend to harden up and keep the world and others out at a distance so much so that we also suddenly find we are keeping ourselves at a distance from love as well.
Well presented James. No one person has it all but together we are ‘given it all’ to get the job done working alongside each other. Celebrating each other’s strengths and accepting that we can’t excel at everything ourselves is the key to combatting the comparison that if not arrested will lead to a debilitating jealousy that wipes out both parties.
Comparison is extremely debilitating and as you say completely wipes out both parties. Yet pretty much everything in this world tries to get us to compare and compete with others. From being at school or work we are constantly pitted against each other vying for the top spot – it is crazy and makes no sense. We are so much more productive when we work together.
This is the truth. Yet we are played to be ‘polarised’ by the ‘us versus them’ mentality, the ‘dog eat dog’ way of living we have created that has got us nowhere.
I agree and in many ways it has taken us backward. We just have to look at babies or young children playing before they have started to play ball with these beliefs and ideals.
I know what you mean all around us we see people or animals trying to be better or out do each other. But the reality is how can someone say they are doing better when another as a result is doing worse. It is a bit like winning a race but not being able to truly celebrate because everyone else did not also get the same medal or appreciation as you did. Why celebrate alone when we can truly celebrate all that we bring together?!
I totally agree Doug and just like me it is something I have shied away from for most of my life because of that thought that sensitivity is a weakness whereas as we both know it is a strength.
James it’s so true that when we celebrate our strengths and the strengths of others, its a win win situation. It is an acknowledgement that we all have our unique talents and that together we are far greater than the sum of our parts.
Debra it sure is a win win situation. I find it very freeing both for the other person and for myself. When we truly celebrate another for who they are it feels like we are meeting the divine qualities in them and not just seeing purely the physical.
A beautiful sharing James on celebrating and embracing the unique qualities we all bring, when we live this there is no room for jealousy or comparison and we find the relationship with ourselves and others naturally deepens and blossom.
It sure does Anne thank you. We then use each other for true support and inspiration rather than trying to cut another down just because they have made more loving choices than we have knowing we could also have made the same choices.
Men in their essence are all very tender, sensitive, supportive and caring, they are super beautiful and constantly inspire me to be more of a woman, as this process of inspiration between men and women is deeply inspiring to me. When we are willing to go deeper with ourselves and with each other, we always see our essence shining more.
Indeed Adele, very true. The reflections we offer each other are huge. In essence there is no male or female and the more we live knowing this the more we truly take care of ourselves. I know for me this means that being exquisite and delicate with myself is natural as a man just as it is for a woman so it is something I can embrace rather than shy away from.
“By celebrating the strengths of others…We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing…” It’s devastating when we are shot down for shining our light. The awful thing is it only needs to happen once for us to start dulling ourselves all the time, such is the hurt it causes. The awesome thing is though, that when we start appreciating and confirming ourselves, we start to feel the absoluteness of our light. The more we do this the less the put downs of others touch us, until they just bounce off without leaving a mark. Yes it’s important to express our appreciation of others and celebrate them – absolutely it is, but we also need to do this for ourselves, for this is where the deep healing begins.
We sure do need to appreciate all that we do and bring – this really is a foundation and something we ought to be doing all of the time. We can then confirm and build on what we have done and how we are – after all how can we be given more if we do not fully appreciate what we already have?
It is crushing for a child to feel their parents competing with them, and where most of us have felt the awful energy of competition for the first time. To be in a relationship with someone where competition doesn’t come into it is amazing (Serge Benhayon is definitely someone who does not compete)….but only because we’ve experienced many relationships with competition. Our essence doesn’t have a speck of competition in it, we have created it from comparing.
It is very true that competition is purely a creation we have made to stop us from truly and deeply connecting and opening up with others, It is natural for us to be open and intimate with each other which goes to show how far away from the truth that we have gone.
‘We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing’. It feels so beautiful and expansive when we are confirmed whether that be by another or by life itself. It builds confidence and trust in oneself to keep expressing all that we are without perfection.
A beautiful sharing and celebration of who men are in their natural state of being i love it .” We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have” Inspirational!
It is very inspiring being around and seeing the men in the esoteric community not because they are different to other men but because they have started to make the choices to be more open and show the exquisiteness that they are which includes being deeply sensitive.
It feels so draining and such a waste of energy to try and out beat another and prove your worth. No one benefits from it, not even yourself because at the end of the day our greatness as a society comes from us all working as one, not from trying to be the best.
No one wins when we try to out do another as you say working together is how we are designed to be. And the beauty is we all have something to bring and just like a puzzle we need all the pieces to get to see the whole.
With relation on how Serge ‘get’s behind’ people to support there growth and not try and compete, I have felt that same quality in his daughter, Natalie Benhayon. She is a woman who is supporting women to be more themselves and live with power and confidence in their life – unlike many friends or whatever relationships held with women where there is so much comparison, jealousy and game playing.
I agree Rachael and it is clear to see the way Natalie Benhayon has supported you with her Natalie with love TV episode which was a real joy to watch and then to see the 1 year later after video (http://natalie-with-love-tv.pageflow.io/natalie-with-love-tv#77908) – wow the difference in yourself is huge which goes to show when someone is truly there for us the way we are inspired to make more loving choices is huge – you just have to watch the video and no one could deny it.
It is deeply powerful to experience men supporting other men, celebrating their qualities. We don’t see this often because, the discomfort in our own skin often makes men compete in order to survive, even though doing so actually hurts us far more than were we to not do so.
I like this definition of weakness – “in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” When I first heard this, I found it very refreshing because I had always given myself a hard time about my ‘weaknesses’ and to realise that they are just areas I have not given as much time and focus to, really helped put in perspective. It took the sting out of the tail so to speak and I saw that if I give more time and energy to it, it could well become a strength as well. So simple.
It is so simple yet often it is our weaker areas where we end up beating ourselves up for. The more I celebrate and confirm areas in my life which I know are true the more these deepen and naturally raise up the other areas in my life. It takes away a lot of the struggle I used to live with. I have also found appreciation is key and is not simply something we do once but is a continual unfoldment confirming each step we take along the way allowing for the next to present itself.
So very important to become aware of all the roles we play because we think we have to, to then step by step being able to explore how we truly feel and feel to express.
Gosh it sounds so exhausting to live and that to proof yourself as a man, you always have to outdo the other, compete and never have a moment to just be and appreciate one another. It is great to feel your true strength James and how this is in not subjecting yourself to this picture of what you have to do to be a man, but instead of that just claim for yourself what it is to be a man. “I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.”
It really is exhausting Lieke, constantly on edge looking around trying to fit in and never letting myself simply be. The more content I am within myself and my body the more this simply fades away and one of the keys is appreciation because then I am not constantly looking outside for approval as already know who I am and so when it comes it is lovely to receive but is a confirmation rather than anything new.
Your blog is great James, and so true, because we can see in children, how young boys are equally as tender and sensitive as girls, and as they grow up into adulthood, how this expression can be held back, hidden, or masked by the ideals and beliefs imposed upon a male by society expectations.
I love observing the equality when a little boy and girl play – gender does not even come into it – they could essentially be either and it would not matter. What this shows is how innately we are the same, we all carry the same divine spark of God yet as we grow up we become tainted by what the outisde is telling us we need to be to fit in.
I’ve seen this play out with my sons and how beautiful and tender they were playing with girls and how the girls loved this about them in younger grades. They were confused and upset when that all changed and they were pushed away and asked to be tough and hard. From observing young children you can see how this is learned and not natural for them at all to compete.
The same gappened with me Aimee I always had close friends as girls but then I remember one friend, a girl, asking if I was gay because I just wanted to be friends with her/other girls, plus was not into all the rough ‘masculine’ sports! It is crazy how simply coming from a place of sensitivity within myself was confused with being gay just because I did not fit the box.
It is crazy James, and that is why many young boys choose to toughen up just to be not called gay… which there is nothing wrong with being gay and then sets up another whole imposition. The thing is then very few boys are reflecting the tenderness that they are. Writing blogs about this are so powerful to deconstruct what children see as normal.
It is a crazy merry-go-round many of us jump on just so we can fit in and not be seen as different. What is absurd is that being tough is completely opposite to who we truly are yet we think its the way we have to be. The more we honour and appreciate the tenderness in young boys and men growing up as well as living this way ourselves the more humanity we know it is a joy to live the love and truth of who you are and that we do not have to be anything for anyone just to fit in.
Beautiful James, and there are many many young boys and men reflecting this as their natural way to live.
There sure are and something I love is that we all have the same equal innate love and tenderness within no matter how hard an outer layer of protection we have put up. Whilst most of us men shy away from our sweetness with each other put a baby in pretty much any mans arms and you will see his exquisite tender side come out whether he wants to show or admit it it is evident. And the more we make this the normal way of living the less reliant we will be on the tough exterior to get us through life.
I love how Serge Benhayon is inspiring so many people to let down their walls of protection/competition etc…and start to live the people we naturally are. He is a gift from heaven (as we all are).
We sure are all gifts from Heaven. I know for me I used to think I needed to put up a wall to protect myself but since listening to and being inspired by Serge Benhayon know that the best form of protection is to be open and with a deeply loving heart – so it is not protection at all simply being all the love that I am. The beauty is that the more open I am the more I get to see and observe what is going on and so the more I understand life and the less I feel I need to react to life and hence the less I think I need to protect myself.
I love working with other people and appreciating each other’s strengths, it means you get the best possible combination when we are all supporting each other, and when everyone works to their strengths tasks are completed more quickly without anyone getting left behind.
I totally agree we each have soo much to bring and the more we bring all that we bring the simpler things and more flowing things become. I used to think and believe I had to do everything but now see there is so much more support and so much more can be done when we truly work together.
It is crazy really that we get a fixed idea of what it means to be a man or a woman and then live life from there, and then it takes someone like Serge Benhayon to come a long and point out to us that we are playing a role – otherwise we would probably just continue thinking it was working.
We get so entrenched by the ideals of the way we think we should be we get to the point, as you have said, that we lose all sense of reality and suddenly the role we have taken on becomes us even though as a child we knew there was so much more.
These are beautiful words James ‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other’. The reflections from others is a great form of inspiration and through that we are able to build a deeper strength within us.
And what is lovely about this is how many different reflections we get when we are open to learning more about life, others and ourselves. It is so easy to get caught up in making life about us we often lose sight of the bigger picture. I also love how we are always where we are, or with who to learn something and so can present and offer more love. Even if we may find a situation challenging, the more we view life as a playground to re-learn to live love the more we will fully embrace everything that is with and before us.
James, this is really beautiful to read. I can see that there is so much pressure on boys and men to compete with each other, whether in sports or academically, Ii see in the playground boys wanting to be ‘top dog’ and win and not loose at sports or even simple activities. i love how you write about ‘by celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ This is really lovely and it would be amazing if this was encouraged in schools.
It would be amazing if it was encouraged in schools, but we do not have to wait as we can start in our homes and slowly it spreads. It is hard to find more joy than when you truly celebrate another being, not for what they have done but for who they truly are.
I love how you say, ‘everyone else being in their strengths and bringing their all to the all makes for a truly awesome world’. That is so true – when we all are simply ourselves in our the gloriousness is when magic truly happens. I know the difference it makes when I am feeling strong within myself and share that with others in contrast to when I am feeling exhausted, not really caring etc.. – it is massive yet soo many people simply are trying to get through the day rather than enjoying themselves, everyone else and what is truly on offer.
Thankyou James, I have really enjoyed reading your blog again. There is something so gentle and nurturing about supporting one another and our strengths by appreciation. In today’s competitive world with terms like “dog eat dog” and the ideal that only one makes it to the top, other people with strengths are often seen as a threat. But life is meant to be beautiful and that means for all equally, not for a significant or successful one who conquers others. There is actually no threat by others being in their strengths, and nor by us supporting them to get there. In contrast, everyone else being in their strengths and bringing their all to the all makes for a truly awesome world.
The wonder of Serge Benhayon is that he sees the true part of everyone. No matter what their behaviour, how they look, their past, he knows them as who they really are underneath all the persona. This is even when they don’t know who they really are…
To be held in such love by Serge Benhayon has shown me what true love really is. In no way is there or has there ever been any judgement over the choices I have made rather a deep understanding and a willingness to help me see the truth of the situation. What I love is Serge has never told me what to do rather helped guide me to come to the truth myself by supporting me to see and understand the situation so that I can learn and move on from it.
Thank you James, what you have shared is a game changer of how appreciation and confirmation of ourselves and others allow us to connect and embody something deeper within us and to feel the strength and power of such quality that can be lived in every moment of our lives.
I feel that there is something special when 2 people come together and deeply value and appreciate each other. For me it is like anything is then possible. Yes, we can do things by ourselves but when we work together I feel it is when the Universe really shines. This starts with ourselves and our relationship with God and then can spread outwardly slowly one by one.
It is a process of peeling off the layers of falseness and pretense, not just because we like to hold onto them as they serve as protection but much more because we first need to become aware of them; they are so ingrained and normal and constantly confirmed not just by oneself but society that it takes a different marker that can shine a light on the subject and expose what is hidden in the shadows. This light is awareness, love, care, equality, appreciation as lived by Serge Benhayon and thereby igniting more of this light to shine in others as well.
It is gorgeous to read how you have come to a place through inspiration where you have been able to unravel and discard any facades that were not you to reveal the true honesty of the you beneath them and can now celebrate being the man you innately are. This is a reflection that is much needed in the world and a rarity that is worth appreciating.
Thank you Samantha – it definitely is worth appreciating. What is lovely is that due to the inspiration of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon there are no more and more men expressing from the exquisite tenderness that we naturally are. The transformations have been amazing and continue to deepen.
Its the beauty and holding of another in their strengths that inspires us to also celebrate who we are and the world always needs more reflections of this. Thank you James for such a lovely sharing.
Something I find real joy out of is appreciating and deeply celebrating another when they least expect it. I find it very confirming both for the other person and also for myself. The fact is we are all love and come from love so to hold anyone as less than the love we all are is effectively condemning them.
Yes I agree James and in this we are separating from the all, which cuts off the chance for the true beauty of connection with others and how much fun and warmth is shared from an appreciation given and or received too.
I love simply being open and sharing how amazing another person is, and there is no effort it is natural – in fact I have found it takes energy and effort to hold back and not express how awesome the person is that is opposite you.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” Celebrating and appreciating others can inspire us all including ourselves to be who we truly are – our essence – which is love.
I agree Sue and the more love we live the more we can and will naturally inspire others.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other’. These are wise words indeed James that can be practically applied to the lives of all women, men and children alike.
It is amazing what we can learn from each other when we simply open up and do not try to be anything. The sharings we can each offer and inspire each other with huge – working together there are no limits to what is possible.
Awesome James, I know that when I appreciate another person for what he/she brings I let down a wall that I wasn’t aware of existed. But we usually live with that wall and get used to it. So appreciation is a very good thing to have for others. I agree also that it’s special with men because we seem to have something else going on between us as well, maybe that competition and comparing you mention.
I have found it is amazing how much I hold back the full and real me with others – why all to keep up some sort of image or somehow to stop myself getting hurt – it is like I pre-empt it which really is crazy. We are all deeply loving caring and sensitive beings just have let things get to us so have closed off parts of us – but as soon as we deeply honour and appreciate each other for the love we are then wow it is amazing how we all respond. It shows how in our essence we are all the same.
What you share with us James completely knocks jealously and comparison out of the water as if/when you celebrate another and their success, their can be no room for jealously and comparison.
Thank you and exactly how can we be jealous or compare with another when in our essence we are exactly the same? It is crazy really. Yet we can be deeply inspired by the choices others have made and by doing so can make more loving choices ourselves and return to living the full stupendous love we are.
I can relate to what you share about feeling like we need to show all our talents and hide our flaws. It is beautiful when we can be honest about our flaws so that we can look at them and let go of them.
I agree however something I question is, is a flaw truly a flaw. Often it may be a flaw because of the way we have perceived it to be when in fact it may simply be something we have not given any time, effort and attention to and so naturally will not be a strong point for us. It is so easy to look at others and compare ourselves without appreciating the choices that they have made. The great thing though when we can simply say this is me take me or leave me is that we are then not trying to be anyone or anything for anyone else which makes life soo much simpler – otherwise, as I know, it is an exhausting constant game trying to keep up with a perceived image of how you think you should be to fit into the world.
It is indeed rare to find a man who is willing to celebrate the strengths of another over and above himself, and yet, as you say James, all men are so naturally sensitive, tender and loving, and I feel want nothing more than to be able to support and encourage others. And yet we have a situation where they are pitted against each other from the get go, and feel they have to compete in order to be seen to be a real man, when this is in fact the antithesis of a man’s natural way of being.
Nothing melts me more than a man who is expressing and being in their sensitiveness – it is not weak but is a claiming, saying I here and this is me – ie. fully open with no guarding or protection out of a just in case. I especially feel it in hugs and when you are both open it is like there is nothing between you yet the entire Universe is with. It sounds far out or airy fairy if you have not let yourself experience but it is very real and very solid once you have – words do not really do it justice.
Even as women we are not immune from this type of behaviour but have in fact enjoined it. I loved what you shared here James in regards to sensitivity being an awareness of what we feel. There is still such a strong effort in the way we live to squash, crush, hide and belittle the sensitivity we are born with. What is there to be aware of if we connect to our feelings? It must be pretty big if so much effort and force is used to avoid it!
What I find fascinating is the more I allow myself to be aware of things the more I understand and accept them and so they do not seem to be such a big deal or overwhelming any more. It is when I choose to lessen my sensitivity that suddenly life becomes burdensome and a struggle – yet this is the all too familiar pattern. So am I actually hesitant of the power I wield when I am truly sensitive, the fact that I can make evil shake and call it out without any hesitation? So could it also be that there is a lot of force trying to keep me, and all of us, away from truly being awareness because if we were the forces that like to play and manipulate us would no longer be able to?!
We have the gift of this sensitivity that can cease all the struggle and yet we return over and over again to separating from this all-understanding aspect of us. It’s crazy but we do it and it makes me question – what is it about this sensitivity that I believe is not holding onto and at worst, worth sabotaging and squashing. What outcome have I wanted in that my sensitivity did not deliver to be the truth I invested in it to be? Those forces are only there because we allow them to be bigger than us. Something definitely worth exploring. Thank you James.
Jealousy and comparison is common amongst women too. Appreciating and celebrating our strength is super important for us to be able to accept our weakness too so that we can understand and appreciate ourselves and others in full and as equal.
It is rife amogst both genders especially woman to woman and man to man is where I see it being the most contrived and hurtful. Yet I have also seen it being the most supportive and loving. Appreciating each other is such a simple thing to do, the key here though is to start with ourselves then without trying naturally we appreciate those around us.
There is this huge tension that comes with living a fake life. What is so macho about being fake? There is a huge separation in being in constant competition with one another. So first you are separated from yourself by not being who you truly are and then you are separated from each other with this set up of being competitive. Divide and conquer…now that is a set up indeed.
Any logical investigation would uncover that there is no strength in this.
I agree and it is this tension which I find keeps many of us on edge and thus competing even more out of fear of losing the security we have put in place. But as you say it is one big game where really no one wins, that is until we stop playing it and return to living and being the love that we naturally are – then everyone wins – as they get us! 🙂
It takes a lot more strength to be able to be humble, vulnerable, fragile but without being broken or contracting. If we can do this, and stay open then we start to share the absolute essence of ourselves and that can’t help but melt people.
“I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” You are quite correct, James, that sensitivity is not perceived as a masculine quality but we are no less sensitive than women. In fact possibly we are more sensitive than women and that is a major factor as to why we develop such strong protections as that is not appreciated.
Embracing our sensitivity is something which is really supported me embrace myself more. Essentially it keeps me aware of everything that is going on so I can fully understand it, as soon as I cut off my sensitivity I am like a puppy in headlights – lost, small and frozen.
It is so exhausting living a lie and the power that is there to be expressed when we start living true to ourselves, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, is amazing and much needed at this time when humanity is crying out for answers to the turmoil of so many both physically and mentally.
Serge Benhayon presents to us all the answers to all of lifes questions. The question arises do we then try to take what Serge has presented to better fit into the picture we have of how want life to be or how it should look like or do we go ok, lets embrace what has been presented and live knowing this truth? Otherwise we are only taking snippets and essentially reinterpreting it. We have been given all the answers, the question is what we choose to do with them.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ Beautiful to feel how when we are inspired to drop competition that we can support each other to work together.
Competition essentially means no one wins, after all how can someone be better than another when in essence we are all the same? So to think otherwise is looking at things and life purely in the physical and negating everything else. When we then actually truly work together it is amazing what is possible.
I love re-reading this blog James as it is such a powerful reminder of how much we can learn, grow and be inspired to deepen our connection to love, to who we truly are through appreciating the strengths of ourselves and others. Appreciating our strengths is a confirmation the quality of the Divine being lived through ourselves or another, offering a beautiful marker, reflection and inspiration for us all.
I agree Carola and it is something we definitely do not do enough of. We are all amazing beings yet confine ourselves most of the time to physicality, but there is so much more to us and the universe than purely what the eyes can see. The more we appreciate this the more we will truly see and live the magnificence we are.
Beautifully said Doug. Judgment and comparison go hand in hand and we cannot judge another without judging ourselves first.
Celebrating the strengths we have is fun and a wonderful feeling. Your blog has me asking myself why I avoid doing this. My first feeling is that I will be attacked for my weaknesses as people will think that I need to be ‘brought down a peg or two’. You show that we can change this way of being one step at a time.
One step at a time we can show the world who we are. The questions begs then are people actually trying to bring me down or are they feeling my reflection and the lack of their choices and so it appears like they want to bring me down yet actually just do not want to accept where they are at? When we actually stop to rad situations so often we find they are not personal attacks at all.
Men tend to hold back on sharing their truth do to he fear of rejection. Serge Benhaon encourages everyone to speak and share with pure love, no judgements or comparison.
An awesome blog James, thankyou for all you have shared including “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” Life is really a team effort where we can learn so much from one another and receive support because of others strengths. Or, we can put pressure on ourselves to know it all and to be capable in lots of areas and do it all on our own – but it’s not very gentle or loving living this way! Humanity is really a beautiful symphony, each one uniquely supporting the whole, so what a beautiful reminder you’ve given me to celebrate everyone’s strengths and let them support me, just as I can support others.
So very true it is amazing how much support we can offer others and they can offer us. We are almost taught we need to go it alone and somehow conquer the world. Yet we have so many loving supportive people around us it is crazy not to all support each other to be the depths of the love we know we all are.
Thankyou James, I can relate to what you have shared. It takes me back to the education process and how being wrong was to be avoided and knowing the answers meant I was the best. Showing I didn’t know something meant somehow I was weak as well, which is quite a set up to go it alone! But instead of it being about what we know or our capabilities, how wonderful when life is about who we are and within that what we each bring to what we do. And as you say, this can change our relationships allowing a new depth of love to be shared by not trying to be it all, but opening to others and allowing ourselves to be supported. And celebrating each other is a darn sight more fun than the alternative!
It sure is more fun when we celebrate ourselves and others – otherwise i find life can get very serious and then should’s and should not’s come in – whereas when we just bring all that we are we don’t think about it we just do it!
The more tender I am the more like a man I feel – who’d have thought. This is a massive and quite recent revelation to me as a number of events have opened me up to new depths of tenderness and with every step that I take along this path the more of a man I feel.
Your comment touched me Otto, ‘The more tender I am the more like a man I feel’ how we all have been mislead to even think men are tough and strong. Men becoming more themselves, opening up to tenderness is something to truly appreciate and to celebrate. Thank you Otto and all the other men who have chosen to get to know themselves in their essence.
Until recently, I have found being a man to be slightly bewildering, complicated, fraught and confusing process! It’s a longer conversation than this comment allows for but, put simply, I have spent most of my life feeling an under-lying (and often surfacing) tension between what I thought I was supposed to be doing and how it felt. All of this is dissolving thanks to what I have learnt and felt through the teachings of Serge Benhayon…and this complicated conundrum is becoming increasingly simple and joyful…and it’s all connected to the sacredness that us men are.
I wrote these couple of comments a month ago. Recently, these realisations have gone to a deeper level. The more and more i open myself to the love I feel for those in my life, the more I feel the truth of me..and the force required to maintain that shield of protection that I was wearing. Me, loving with absolute zero reservation and zero protection is the true me…and finding me through this deepening love is a very joyous journey.
This is so true Otto tenderness is the essence of a man.
I agree John, tenderness is a quality that we as men all carry naturally and more we allow it out and express it in full the more I find my body surrenders and let’s go to the love that I am and the less trying I find myself going into as I can simply be myself.
Appreciating ourselves and those around us for who we are and what we bring to society offers harmony rather than living with comparison and competition which leaves us all less.
I completely agree Mary, we can either celebrate and embrace everyone for the love that they are, or confirm that we are all less and should be caught up in the struggles and tension of life. It all starts with us and as one man Serge Benhayon has shown one person can make a massive difference, as the ripples are huge when we walk with the love we are in full as it a reawakens the love in others and shows it is more than possible for them to also do the same.
I feel their is a certain strength when a man openly expresses his sensitivity and tenderness and Serge Benhayon is an excellent example.
There is massive strength when a man simply is himself warts and all and expressing from a place of fragility and sensitivity. It is by no means a weakness. Sure the words have been bastardised to mean the opposite of what they truly are but when you look at someone like Serge Benhayon then you get a sense of what a man living in and with his truth actually looks like. And it is not that we want to become clones either because we each have our own expression but Serge is a great example to use because he shows that it is possible to be fully open, sensitive and tender and live fully in the world without needing to retreat or seek any form of protection.
Celebrating and appreciating who we are allows us to discard the many masks we wear as men and embody the sensitivity and tenderness which is innate to us, knowing that embracing this is an actual strength and not a weakness as we have been made to believe in the world today.
It is amazing how we have converted sensitivity and tenderness to being a weakness when it is in fact one of the greatest strengths we have as men. Which is then no wonder why we are in such a mess because we deny this innateness in ourselves.
Through men supporting other men allows us to feel a trust again where we may have lost a bit of hope and maybe shut down to our potential or our connection with other men. Serge Benhayon indeed offers a great inspiration for men to live in a way where we can hold all others as equal without the need for the competition and not be afraid to show our tenderness to the world.
I agree Chrsitopher it is learning to trust other men again that helps us to show our tender side to world which many of us have kept hidden since we were children. The more we do this the less need we feel to compete with other men and thus the more they also drop their defences with us – after all we are born tender delicate beings and its a very natural way to live.
I heard someone call a man a “suck” the other day because he was sharing how his back was sore! It is no wonder men don’t want to share how they feel. We have a long way to go in supporting men to just be themselves and to open up.
I see it in my sons and their friends. Them trying to be “brave” in front of each other if they hurt themselves. Ironic, since true bravery would be to fully express the fragility and tenderness of the male body.
We sure do have a long way to go, so often when I shared how I was feeling say at school I was called a sissy yet all I was doing was expressing how I felt. I also had close friends who were girls question me if I was gay because I was content being with myself and did not want to be with them! As soon as we look to the outside we get a whole load of reasons and excuses to not be the sweet, gorgeous, tender men that we are so we cannot judge anyone yet this should not be the normal, for we are all of that and heaps more.
I understand the relationship between appreciation and harmony in a whole new way reading this blog today. I am especially struck by the awareness of the tension that arises when someone is doing well and the truth that embracing of another in their strength supports them to bring all of them to whatever they do. One way of being is nurturing and supports the all to expand while the other (competition) stunts growth and keeps us all small and separate.
Great point to highlight Leonne. I have seen how equally supportive and also crushing I have been with others and what a difference it makes to them. When we truly embrace another for all that they are and celebrate them it is like their whole body goes yes and they either accept it, let go and go deeper or try to play it down but either way they feel it. Yet when it comes from our heads then it gives them more of an ego boost rather than a truly loving boost.
The problem is there is always going to be someone better or lesser than us at anything we choose to do when we look outside of ourselves for a particular outcome – but what if we looked at the quality of the way we were doing things – so regardless of how good we are at anything if we do it with the quality that we are then what it looks like does not matter. No one wins or gains when we compete rather we all lose out because we do not get to connect and see the beauty in the other.
It’s a beautiful flow on effect to celebrate others strengths for we in turn share an appreciation and love for another and we are then inspired to reflect our own amazingness too. A winning combo of love and celebration. Thank you James.
I agree, it really is a winning combination as we all get inspired to be more of the love that we are. Like you say when we truly appreciate another we also get the inspiration back.
I definitely second the fact that Serge Benhayon would absolutely never try to one-up someone. In fact, his life is a commitment to being a reflection for all to live as themselves
Totally Michael, the equality Serge has shown me has been second to none – in fact rather than one-upping anyone he constantly appreciates and celebrates others – something that is very special and is deeply felt. ie. it is easy to tell when someone is genuinely appreciating another as opposed to because they want to get something in return.
This is a huge revelation. We are so used to, and basically learn to, pick on our weaknesses, but as you say here James, by supporting and celebrating all that is there already (our strengths) we build ourselves a strong foundation from where, with this strong stand, we are able to face anything and it also gives us space to simply see what else is there that needs tending to.
Well said, it is so easy to pick on our faults, be hard on ourselves yet miss all the amazingness that we are. Of course we do need to address all areas of our lives but to focus or give more importance on one over another means the quality of everything we do then suffers as a result. The stronger the foundation of love we build the stronger we become in all areas of our lives.
I have seen the beautiful unfolding of the three men I am privilege to live with and their sensitivity expressed is a huge learning for me. Their sensitivities have shown me a hardness in my body which I never knew was there and probably called it “efficiency”. When men are able to connect to their inner sacredness and live this miracles happen.
Miracles sure do happen we only need to connect and then literally anything is possible!
Thank you James, for exposing the unspoken game that happens between men. I have really been looking at this lately and seeing the protection that I’ve put there to keep other men out. Ive realised the strange thing is that it actually hurts me more to keep other men out than to connect and let them in. We have a society of men wary of each other all living from this competition and protection. Is it any wonder we have so much war and unrest in our world on a larger scale, when in our everyday lives we have the same unrest between men. It just plays out on a bigger field.
It does hurt to keep people out men or women, I find my body has to harden and go tense or numb. Whereas when I fully let people in then I feel my body open up and everything seems to flow rather than it all being a frustrating struggle!
Great to read about a man who understands that ‘being sensitive’ just means being aware of what we’re feeling and sees it for the strength it is rather than the weakness it is held out to be.
It is such a vast difference embracing my sensitivity rather than shying away from it thinking it is a weaknesses. Boy oh boy the more I feel and choose to be aware of life and what is going on the stronger I feel I am with not only myself but also with others.
Thank you James. As a woman reading this blog I can certainly relate to what you share and today I feel particularly inspired to celebrate and nurture another woman that is doing well rather than shy away from her and feel ‘less than’.
It is such a difference when we appreciate what another brings and the choices they have made – we then open ourselves up to learn from them and be equal to them rather than oppose or fight them.
It is such a pleasure to celebrate and appreciate another human being… it costs nothing and means everything in sharing the love, and often reminding them of how awesome they are in a world that more often does not.
We definitely do not celebrate and truly enjoy each other for what we bring. We champion feats and doing but rarely fully appreciate the quality another brings.
The world of the dog pit is awful. I feel it everyday when I catch a train at peak hour and watch as people push another out of the way to get a place in the train. It would seem though, that it does not take much for men to be their true, loving selves. It would seem that most men are longing for a different way and are relieved if you can see who they truly are, that tender and loving person.
Every man I have met, I know deep down whatever pretense or facade they may be putting up is deeply loving, sweet and sensitive – give a man a baby and you see all these natural qualities come out – the problem is we hide them away thinking we cannot be that in the world but we can and every body wants us to be so why are we holding back and waiting?!
When men who are being brought up to be constantly competing and fighting with each other to be the top dog is combined with the rejection of women when they put them out in the kennel so to speak, is it no wonder we rarely get to see the true and gentle nature of men being expressed in the world. Collectively we have done this to men as a gender. Now stop and wonder what would happen if we truly started to value men for who they are and not what they do, and equally valued women for who they are and not what they do, I have a feeling that the world as we know it today would literally change before our eyes.
The world really would change. I find that when I am deeply appreciated the way I move and feel completely changes or gets confirmed – it is like it picks me up and elevates me in some way – not in a euphoria way but rather in an embracing loving way with my whole body coming alive more, it is like I am given an opportunity to let go and simply be myself – obviously I do not need anothers permission to do this but it is appreciated!
Being able to celebrate another is a trough strength. This is what supports us to grow, what is inevitable but can be so much improved when we choose to celebrate each other’s strengths instead of putting eachother down.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” This is beautiful, we have never been taught to celebrate others, but it makes so much sense, to do this, i have definitely experience how it has inspired myself.
Our world abounds with pictures of how men ‘should be’, of what constitutes being a man, encouraging men to put out a facade that meets expectations. But in this we are asking men to be false to be something they innately are not, to constantly go against themselves and with that other men too rather than leaving them free to express from their inner-most. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and all other men who have reconnected with the truth of who they are and don’t hold it back from the people.
Beautifully said James. Being competitive and hiding behind a display of peacock feathers hides the qualities of the man and does nothing to affirm and learn from the talents of others.
We need to show off our feathers without holding anything back or being ashamed of our greatness in anyway. After all we are all majestic beings and can equally shine – so it is not really showing off just showing who we truly are, our true colours.
I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man. And how lucky are we and the world that you have chosen that for yourself, reflecting how men can just let themselves be in their natural tenderness and sensitivity, and showing that this is their strength. I’m appreciating your commitment here James, it feels very supportive for men.
It is fun coming back to this blog, as really not much has changed since I wrote it as in society people and men are largely acting the same way – all trying to out do each other for personal gain. Yet I am seeing more and more men becoming more aware of how sensitive they are and clinging onto a hardness and protection as much as I used to see. Just like Serge Benhayon has showed many of us, it just takes one person to live openly and transparently and slowly but surely it gives others the opportunity to the same.
It really is a dog eat dog world out there, or that is what we have fostered and agreed to. We have subscribed to tearing down the tall poppy, going into comparison and jealousy. However, celebrating each others strengths is such a wonderful way of being, to honour and respect that each of us has an expression, we all all love, yet we hold something that is unique to us, that is how we choose to express that love and it is great that we can do so through what are our strengths.
It is not true strength to show off what we are able to do on a skill level. This is just a skill. Real strength comes from bringing who we are, the natural, tender, sensitive, humble being inside, to what we do. It allows vulnerability, truth and love to be at the fore of our interactions. This is real strength.
Strength is not in being the brick wall being able to do it all ourselves, because in this way of living there is no room for growth and as we are not perfect trying to cover our weaknesses or pretend that they are not there leads to an arrogance that ignores the situation. All the while these cracks get deeper and wider. I am learning that true strength comes from transparency and accepting that we are not perfect or beings that can operate completely independent of anything and everyone else. Being open to accepting that we are designed to work together breaks down the beliefs that we have to deliver the all by ourselves.
There is definitely a great strength in being tender, sensitive and real. Women and men everywhere benefit from this. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from being hard and tough. It is just a fortress and fortresses indicate a war, a battle that never gets anyone anywhere
James, I am so glad as a woman to have experienced real men. As you have presented in your story. As a woman I have so missed this. I didn’t feel safe next to a competitive, macho and guarded style of men. It is so beautiful to share with real men and just be able to look into their eyes and be met or seen with no guard or motive. Open,tender, vulnerable and true.
Trying to live up to an image, both as a man or a woman, cripples us from appreciating the essence of who we are, and our unique expression of it. So much joy has been missed because of that.
Appreciation is massive, it starts with self and expands to all of those around us. It is a forever deepening as Love has no limits or boundaries. With appreciation I find it allows me to solidify my foundation and then go deeper within myself, whereas without I tend to be a lot more flaky and more up and down with life. The steadiness and joy appreciation brings is beyond measure and something everybody could do with doing more of – after all we all come from a stupendous amount of love yet barely appreciate even this simple fact.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” That’s what I love about appreciation, it opens up the door for endless learning and deeper connections with others too.
And as I commit to taking this appreciation to my ever-growing circle of male friends, it is amazing and undeniable to see what a powerful expression it is and how deeply, deeply healing it is for us men. We have attacked and then protected from each other for so many lifetimes. The wounds are deep – but they heal in seconds when appreciation is the medicine.
The wounds are deep from years of attacking each other but as you say the more we open up, connect and appreciate each other they heal instantly.
There are few things more joyous than allowing the full amazingness of another man to wash over me, to drink it in in full and to celebrate it without reservation. It heals me deeply and all other men. The power of appreciation is something that I am only just being to accept. Serge Benhayon is the master of it and it is exactly through his continued, unabashed, extremely vocal and absolutely unfettered appreciation of me, and what that has meant for me, that I have been able to see this. Never has “thank you” been more meant!
We are not here to outdo each other, which we are made to believe as men. But to show each other that we are so much more than the masculine ways we are made to be by society. It is super powerful to speak up about this. Much more so than staying in the competition and keeping each other in the illusion that that is what a men is supposed to be like.
It sure is super powerful – we all know that being macho and tough is not the way forward yet if we do not say anything or change the way we are then nothing changes. People need to see a different more loving way to be, one we all know deep down is true yet think we cannot live it – but we can and thanks to men like Serge Benhayon showing us the way we have nothing to lose but everything to gain.
I love what you are sharing James as competing is something we basically learn when we grow up and yet it is something so very foreign to our natural way of being. We are all a part of a whole that makes up humanity and each of us has certain strengths and qualities. What we need to understand is that we can draw from each others strengths just by the mere fact that another brings this quality, in other words we can all ‘benefit’ from each other: But this can only happen if we stop competing, because through comparison we close the door to our equalness, to our oneness, and stand alone thinking we need to achieve everything on our own.
Its a very competative world out there and all it has achieved is chaos, living from our essence and building people up as Serge Benhayon does, is the only solution to the worlds problems
Being the ‘top dog” or in charge is something I have worked my whole life to ‘achieve”.It never really got me anywhere apart from feeling that I had to keep bettering myself and bring more to work with huge amounts of projects that left me feeling exhausted and drowning in a lack of self worth. Through group work we can understand that everyone has their own way of ‘doing their thing’ and combining this with others in appreciation then there is little room for jealousy and comparison.
There is no greater love than to love another to the quality we would love to be loved ourselves.
To finally come to the realisation that: “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other” was a life changer for me, and to feel how this felt in my body compared to the heaviness of jealousy and comparison was so liberating. I can see so clearly now that allowing myself to be jealous was not only harming me but also the person the jealousy was aimed at, whereas allowing myself to be inspired feels so light and full of endless possibilities, which then is reflected back to the one who is inspiring me.
This is an inspiring read for men and women alike, debunking the myth that men have to be tough and fiercely competitive and instead strongly supporting the notion that even a grain of sensitivity expressed is not just a good thing but also a huge strength. Bring it on.
It is so common to not live in the way you present here but instead be in constant competition. Which in truth is not doing us good, appreciation is key in living harmoniously, with our self and with others. I know how important it is to appreciate our self before we truly can appreciate others.
Why is it that we compare and try to all be the same regardless of the quality of that ‘sameness’? What if we were already the same in essence that can be felt but that how that true equality comes out and into the world differs but feels the same and no different?
The more we celebrate our strengths the less likely we are to allow competition, comparison and jealousy to take hold and sabotage us.
Simple and well said Elizabeth. The games we play with each other so as to prove ourselves are crazy and very detrimental to all involved.
The turnaround in the way I was living, where I would regularly compare myself to others, usually ending up feeling lesser in the process, has been as the result of the huge revelation that “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” To no longer compare myself with another, with what they are doing, feels so liberating from the jealousy of the past and it offers me the opportunity to perhaps learn something new, expand on what I already know, or to simply celebrate this person for the amazingness that they are, with absolutely no agenda and no need for anything back in return.
That is great to hear Ingrid. It is amazing how something so simple can have such huge knock on effects in all areas of our lives. Truly something to appreciate and celebrate quite how amazing we all are.
Celebrating and appreciating the strengths of our selves and others is indeed inspiring, and does away with the evils of comparison and jealousy. We are then inspired to be more of who we are, divine sons of God.
Beautiful Jill. So true.
I agree James, it costs so much effort to live up to a picture we have about ourselves. That doesn’t make sense at all. We have to become “naked” again, to get rid of all the beliefs and ideas we have about man-hood. Only then we are ready to find out who we truly are.
What is interesting Alex is that the picture we create we can never live up to nor can anyone else so effectively we are setting ourselves up to fail over and over again. We are here to learn rather than to be perfect. Just like an onion we need to shed all of the layers we have put on and return to our essence, to our truth which has never left us just gotten covered over.
Exactly James – allowing ourselves to be inspired by others instead of firing daggers of jealousy and comparison at them is the most amazing, confirming and self-accepting feeling.
It sure is Lucy. one of the biggest hurdles we need to overcome is not regretting and dwelling on past choices. Otherwise we end up in a downward spiral which is what I have experienced with Jealousy. Whereas when we appreciate someone and the choices they have made we can see that we can also make those choices. The crazy thing is if someone was not reflecting back to us that we can make different more loving choices then how would we know any different. So we should celebrate people like Serge Benhayon rather than attacking them and trying to bring them down. We all know the world is not in a great state, people are discontent and change is needed – Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are offering us all the answers we just have to choose to open our eyes and see what is on offer. It is truly life changing.
I love this blog James, it so beautifully exposes the lie we as men live in, and I know the tension all too well. It is great to start to feel and realise that there is no need to hold a guard up, i feel how important it is to recognise that we have this guard, and see that the only thing that is needed to let it down is accepting ourselves in full with all that going well and not so well. As that is what life is, it is real, not a fake screen that needs to be held up constantly.
Beautiful Benkt, we can live the love that we are with no guard or we can put up this false guard to get us through the day – but in the end we end up tired and knowing there is so much more to life. We are not here simply get through the day but rather be the love that we are – after all what is the point being here otherwise?!
I recently started a new job and introduced a daily morning meeting where we get together and simply connect with each other. ‘How are you feeling?’ is the main question of the day. Part of this is also learning to express appreciation for each other – from small things such as appreciating one of the team who made you a cup of tea to appreciating the qualities that each of us bring. It’s completely changed the quality of the energy of the team which is now based on openness and honesty.
‘…the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.’ This is such a supportive way to look at our ‘weaker’ areas. It places the responsibility for why they might be ‘weaker’ squarely back in our laps – it’s simply because we have chosen not to give those areas focus and not that we are less than someone who has one of our ‘weaker’ areas as one of their strengths.
For me Lucy, it takes Jealousy and Comparison away as it puts the responsibility on me and takes me to the choices that I have made and no one else can be to blame. It also allows me to be inspired by others and if I want to be like them I know that it is only a matter of choices.
That is great Mary, It goes to show that when we work together and truly support each other anything is possible and the results we and the company achieve are phenomenal especially compared to when we are only there for ourselves.
I agree Brendan, same goes for women as well. The more we appreciate each other and the qualities we bring the more we will come and work together rather than each person trying to be in control at the expense of others.
This was a great re read Dianne. I too agree that we elder role models need to look at what we are presenting to the world and appreciate and value our journey.
Hi James, having reread your blog it has brought to my attention how reliant we are on each other to be fully ourselves. What is the point of developing our own strengths and ignoring those in another? We will only do this when comparison or jealousy is at play. It is only together that we move forward and address in ourselves and the world, what is holding us back from shining fully!
I agree Bernadette, we are designed to work together and be together so the more we can embrace this fact and stop our self centered approach to life the better it will be for all of us. There are then no losers as we all win when we truly work together.
Yeah it is so accepted in our current society that we compete and compare but as you both say it actually does not make our lives more fun when we do this. It is so much more lovely to celebrate each others strengths and not attacking them. For me I know I attack other people sometimes when I do not feel what I bring and my worth, it is an ugly feeling and after reading this I feel how beautiful it is to let that go and start to see others strength not as making me less but inspiring me to be more of me.
Awesome Lieke, I love it when I deeply appreciate another person as it is often something they are not used to and you get to see the childlike innocence in their eyes. Another thing you comment reminds me of is when we share something amazing that has happened to us and the other person or people then come in with that’s cool but I did this or that. It is subtle but the digs we have at each other are pretty much constant. No wonder why depression rates are so high!
We all have areas of strength that perhaps others may not have, and we certainly bring our unique expression to those strengths, so to compare another for being better at something than ourselves is a total dishonouring of our own expression and deeply harming to the one we are jealous of.
I totally agree Lucy, it is harming and very dishonouring both to ourselves and to others when we try to compare with each other.
Yes James, appreciating and celebrating our own strengths and that of others. Is a true testament of the grandness of our souls and the inspiration available within that is true learning for life.
Appreciating what others bring wipes out the jealousy that can occur between us. I am learning to celebrate it when others inspire me rather than going into comparison/jealousy. This is a beautiful way to live. Great sharing, James.
I know Jealousy all too well Anne, both from it coming from others and from feeling it towards others. It is amazing quite how much jealousy affects us and stops us being all that we are. It is madness how the one bringing the truth, light and love gets shot down for it even though we are all from love. The best way to overcome jealousy is, as you say, appreciation, with appreciation we see each other as equals just with some having more of a mastery of their way back to love, shining the way forth for everybody else. Without the torch bearer(s) we would all be stuck in the dark.
I can feel the openness and joy in appreciation as you describe it Anne. “It is a beautiful way to live”! And we all can appreciate our own strengths more and more without the focus on comparison or jealousy because we all have them is spades!
What you write James is very much for women too, we have joined the band wagon of being strong and independent but it has come at a cost of being hard, disconnected and in competition with our fellow human beings. Celebrating our strengths and those of others is something we have pushed aside in favour of being top dog. That is why Serge Benhayon is a constant inspiration, he knows who he is, does not accept anything less than love and offers this to all who meet him. There are no sides to him, no masks to uncover, he is a true reflection of how we all can be.
Celebrating our strengths and those of others is deepening the connections between us. It is inviting ourselves and others to be more. It is reflecting us to express the strengths. What are we waiting for? 🙂
What are we waiting for indeed Caroline, it is a win win situation for all involved!
Well said Alison, in not accepting anything less than love Serge Benhayon is a constant inspiration that we too can do the same, because we are from love. The student community show that no matter what your past is, no matter where you are from nothing can ultimately stop you from returning to live a loving life.
Absolutely James, there seems to be a disconnect between the brotherhood we say we want and our actual openness to celebrating and admiring one another. I love that here you have put into practice exactly what you say.
Thank you Joseph, it is true we all want brotherhood and love yet hold it back from others in case of standing out from the crowd. Yet it only takes one and suddenly more and more people step up. Serge Benhayon has shown us this, he has also coped a lot of abuse as a result of it, which logically makes no sense, but also shows the difference he is and has made.
‘ I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.’ I used to feel being vulnerable and sensitive was a weakness as well and something I needed to change, but like you James I have come to accept and appreciate it is a beautiful quality to value in myself and others.
We just need to teach our children from love by showing them the delicateness, tenderness and sensitiveness that we all are. Then by honouring our sensitivity we will learn that it allows us to be in the world without getting affected by everything that is going on. After all if we are feeling everything we are also seeing everything and so understanding life rather than reacting to life. The difference whilst seemingly small is huge in my experience.
James like your words “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” This is a lovely blog and inspirational to all.
Competition causes so many problems in our world. It puts division between people and sets us all up to start comparing ourselves to others, which then causes jealousy between people who are essentially brothers and sisters in this one humanity.
I agree Eleanor competition ultimately breeds division. It hinders us from expressing and being all that we naturally are. Why so we can fit into the society we have accepted as being normal even though it is far from the loving harmonious state we all know deep within.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ I love this sentence. It is the complete opposite of competition and shows how we can evolve together as a one humanity by learning, supporting and inspiring each other.
The layers of protection men walk around with is a constant act which becomes very exhausting, what you have presented James evolutionary and very much needed
It s an exhausting act Joe, trying to keep up the mask and the pretense. It is so freeing and less exhausting when we let go of trying to be anyone or anything and are simply ourselves – knowing that what we then bring is more than enough.
Yes I agree James – the striving to outdo each other thing doesn’t help anyone! And in fact is very undermining of us all. As you say when we truly celebrate another’s strengths it supports them and all of us as we are helping to grow what is really needed in this world.
I fully agree Fiona, nobody wins when we try to out do or compete with another. We need to work together.
Being able to learn from one another is such a wonderful thing. It means that we do not have to be able to do everything and so the need to ask for support is inbuilt in us so to speak. Asking for support is often something that people have to re-learn.
This is so true Elizabeth, and I am one of those people who had to do that, trying to be a single mum that could do everything and resistant to asking for help. Thank-fully I have let that one go but it can be a hard one to let go of when your invested in trying to be perfect.
“We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.” I feel this is true for both men and women, so many of us live in the fear of rejection, and that is a constant tension. When we where young with no fear we were expressing our joyful self. As we grew up we got caught in the ideas and beliefs how we should be, which has capped our true expression. Time we let go of fear, rejection and tension and express.
A beautiful read James – modeling the truth of who you are, deeply so is a gift to all other men. There are many men caught up in the ‘Dog Pit’, burying some of their greatest strengths, their gentleness, tenderness and sensitivity. Your discovery – ‘I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have’ – this will be changing the lives of all those around you.
I love returning to your sensational blog James. The power of celebration strengthens us all, when we stop and appreciate all of its gifts with open arms. Awesome thank you.
Before meeting Serge Benhayon, I did see being sensitive as a weakness, Although knowing that I was deeply sensitive I had tried my best to suppress it as that was just not the way I was taught a man should be. Well Serge changed all that, proving without a shadow of a doubt as he is living proof,that sensitivity is very much part of being a true man and there is not an ounce of weakness in it.
Hear Hear Kevmchardy, ‘sensitivity is very much part of being a true man and there is not an ounce of weakness in it’. Growing up I battled enormously with this and like you it was not until meeting Serge Benhayon that I was able to let go of the grip of the belief that it was a weakness and even so it still catches me out at times.
I love what you have so simply expressed here kevmchardy, about having taken on the belief in the past that sensitivity is a weakness. We have all, men and women alike, succumbed to the dominant ‘say so’ of our society about the way we should be. We have all denied love of ourselves and others! My mother whom I loved dearly, taught at the high school I attended and I would be embarrassed to be seen walking down the street with her after school. Yet at home we often cuddled, loved and joked together!
How much further advanced would mankind be if we celebrated each others strengths and got behind each other. I’d like to see an experiment down with two groups, one getting behind each other with no competition and the other all competing with each other over a series of tasks and see which one is the most productive. It’s pretty obvious isn’t it?
Now that is a practical study with genuine outcomes that I would love to see in today’s dog eat dog competitive world – and I am guessing it would literally change the world as we know it. I also cannot but imagine if the bounties of this study was taught in our schools – how different they would be and in turn our workplaces would be as we all grew to know that building each other up is the secret to mastering human life, not tearing each other down.
I really appreciate the insight you have offered into how competition and comparison plays out between men. I love celebrating the strengths of others and find that comparison and jealousy slip in when I do not celebrate my own strengths equally. A great reminder to keep celebrating.
Love what you say James, and we are able to truly appreciate the amazingness of others, when we allow ourselves to claim that in our selves.
‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.
By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’
Thank you Jenny, it makes such a difference when we take competition out of the equation and actually appreciate others not for what they are doing but for being themselves. It completely changes our relationships, at least it has to all of mine!
A beautiful blog for all to read, theres no need to be “top dog”. Appreciating and celebrating each other is living the future for young men to have a reflection that is possible to live.
Thank you Jaime, learning and appreciating that we are enough simply being ourselves without needing to do anything or prove anything is remarkably challenging itself. The more we value and honour ourselves and each other the more content we become ourselves and so the easier it becomes.
I just want to put it out there that sensitive and tender in a man is very sexy, and what i like to cuddle up next to of an evening. This is the opposite to the distorted physical images we see of men looking like the incredible hulk.
Thanks NicoleSjardin, I agree! Not that I cuddle up to one but am one!! I love hugging men who are not afraid to show their sensitivity it goes from the hard, macho, trying to protect cold hug to a lovely warm loving embrace. It is like chalk and cheese!
It is beautiful to have what you have written about ‘out there’ for humanity to own and feel James – one man living and sharing his true sensitivity and tenderness opens the way for others. Thank you for choosing to live and share all of ‘You’ .
Thank you ch1956, it sure does – it only takes one person to show their true tenderness and sensitivity and everyone around them starts to feel the ripple effect.
This line says it all to me James, “I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.” When we are in competition with each other it is impossible to work as a team towards one purpose as we will be all have our own agendas that have to be fulfilled. Letting go of this individualistic competitiveness can bring us closer to the Oneness where we all originally came from.
I fully agree Nico and wow we are so much more productive when we get our self and our self interests out of the way and simply get on with what needs to be done and work together.
Indeed James, it is about getting ourselves out of the way that will make the space for the common purpose we all have here on earth and that is to work together and to move on with what needs to be done.
What I love Nico is that when we do this, all work together and we get ourselves and our self interest out of the way we no longer want to prove ourselves and seek recognition from everything we do because we feel the sense of purpose and are so much more held when we truly work together. We each help support each other to be more and so no need to prove anything.
And the beauty in this James, is that when we each help and support each other we will evolve much faster than we are doing now. And with evolve I meant true evolving, that is to build our connection with God and to work on our return to a way of living we come from. When we do this in harmony with each other I would call that living in brotherhood, towards the one and only purpose of our life here on earth and that is to return to the origins we came from.
James your words, “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other” really made me realise why we work so well in groups rather than as individuals. Especially as we begin to appreciate what each and every one of us brings.
We do work amazingly well in groups as soon as we stop trying to prove ourselves or show everyone what we bring. So often we can be put off by the jostling for recognition that we miss the magic we can have when we work together. The more and more we see and appreciate what both we bring and the other group members bring the less jostling there will be and the more work will be done. I have found on my own I can ‘think’ things are going well or I am doing things well but then find I can learn so much from others that I end up doing even better than I thought was possible when I was winging it alone!
Celebrating our strengths and appreciating how powerful tenderness is, simply beautiful James.
Thank you Jenny, I know I am constantly blown away by how powerful tenderness is, especially as I used to shy away from it thinking it was a weakness. I love looking into a fellow mans tender eyes when they have dropped trying to prove themselves and have allowed themselves to simply be, the power and beholding energy tenderness brings is very absolute.
Gorgeous James. The connection that deepens when we surrender to another, letting down our walls of protection is profound.
It sure is Jenny, thank you. It is amazing what we can then learn from each other when we let people in and stop putting our defences up in anticipation of an attack.
Thank you James. I realise that I still have ways I protect myself from perceived hurt in myself and others and what a waste of energy this is and how much it can delay and cause harm. It is in feeling my strengths that I come to this realisation and can bring myself back to brotherhood again.
That is awesome Elaine, there are so many areas which catch me out. What is great is that now I am seeing them quicker and quicker rather than allowing myself to get caught up in them for the whole day, days, weeks, months or carrying them with me for years. I am learning to appreciate myself more and more and this makes a huge difference as it put the brakes on me trying to go out and prove myself. After all what could I have to prove to anyone if we are all equal sons of God?
Perfect James, there is something I have been carrying and I have now opened it up and have started to deal with it, only to find the other person concerned has been even slower at dealing with their side. Yes we are all equal sons of God and there is absolutely nothing to fear and nothing to prove. There is however much cause for celebration and this is what I realise from your reply. Thank you.
It is such a setup to always feel not good enough.. there are always people who we deem to be better, but I am very inspired by your words that it is about celebrating those strengths and get to feel that there are parts of life I am very good at, and as I am very much supported by getting that confirmed by others. I can feel how this would be for others supportive to.
Thank you Benkt, it is fascinating the way we can view things differently in life – 2 people can look at the same situation or incidence and see completely different things. For example, 1 may see it as an opportunity to learn whilst the other may see it as a moment of failure. What it then brings it back to is us the individual and our outlook and whether or not we have an ideal picture of the way things should be and so if they are not this ideal way we get disappointed.
Realising that there is no “right” or “wrong” is such a big thing. Suddenly the enormous pressure of always doing the right thing is gone and it feels like the fog is clearing and we are able to see what is truly there and can choose freely what seems supportive for us.
I agree Michael it takes a huge weight and pressure off my shoulders. I used to always get caught up in trying to do the right thing but that was only right according to my picture of how I wanted things to be rather than what was truly serving for all. It may sound subtle but is a massive difference.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” Celebrating the strength of others only strengthens us all and gives us the opportunity for growth, that’s a pretty spectacular thing I feel. Cutting others down only halts us all evolving.
The tenderness of a man is something very beautiful to feel. The walls of protection are down and there is an openness and realness about them.
I agree Anne, just like the tenderness and gentleness that we see in our young sons, absolutely beautiful.
It only takes one man to express and show is tenderness and other men get to feel what it is really like to not put on any bravado or show. It may take a while to let go of all the walls of protection we have been carrying thinking this is the only way to get through life but slowly we can all return to the exquisiteness we once expressed from and were as a child.
It is time we learn to nurture young boys and girls to keep the sensitivity they feel as children, not ask them to take on the world, but encourage them to know themselves first, and to know that their sensitivity is a strength and not a weakness.
I agree Sally and the best way to do this is to live it ourselves as children learn best through observation. By truly raising our children and not simply letting them be a product of the education system they will stay empowered to be there own person and will know in full who they are and so will not be swayed by the miasma of fog we all tend to get caught up in growing up.
Hiding who we truly are and not showing all of us, how on earth should this lead to a life full of joy and harmony?
Your right Micheal, expressing who we are in full is the only way to joy and harmony
We are brought up to constantly compete with each other under the pretension that we will grow and develop by that. To realise what an amazing development is possible if we do support each other and value our strengths is just amazing – and should be considered to be the normal way of life.
I really dig this blog James, I also feel if we all worked together using our strengths instead of trying to outdo each other the results would be amazing. It would be just the same as if companies or even countries worked together with one common goal with no competition.
That would be true brotherhood
Before coming to Universal Medicine I was only half living. I had created an idealised persona I was desperately trying to live up to. Needless to say I was never satisfied with who I was or what I did. Once a stage had been reached there was always the next one to work for. Years ago I worked in a book shop where we were given a sale target to reach each month. Most times we did manage but the management would always ratchet up the next month target so it was a never ending game of chasing sales. Competition with oneself or others is soul destroying, this much I know now.
I know what you mean Patricia, the world is set up to constantly get you chasing something whether it be beating a target, surpassing a goal but none of it really matters if we do not consider the quality and the way we are. It is easy to do ‘better’ but if it comes at the expense of our bodies then what are we really achieving? This is one of the reasons most people are exhausted. Ultimately anything we do which is at the expense of our bodies is going to be draining to us and tire us out. Universal Medicine has shown me a way to be where my quality and output can increase yet I am not exhausting my body. The less I am focused on the outcome and more on how I am with what I am doing everything becomes in sync and somehow everything gets done!
Whilst we play the game of trying to get ahead, there will always be comparison, jealousy, a winner and a loser which breeds separation. Through celebrating and appreciating ourselves this then naturally extends to others. We all support each other to evolve and no one gets left behind.
I agree Donna, and I find that this game of trying to get ahead is actually hard to get away from in society, it is all around us. My children have just started school and the game is well at play all around them.
Competition is everywhere and as you say Heidi it does start early. But it is up to us as parents to educate our children and not just let school bring them up. They can then be an example to the other children and not just accept things the way they are. We have seen what is going and so have a responsibility to change things.
Well said James the expectations society puts on males from such an early age is unrealistic and unnatural, males are naturally tender and Serge Benhayon is an awesome example of how all men should be living and expressing
Indeed Joe, Serge Benhayon sure is a great example of how we can all be all of the time.
Serge Benhayon is a role model for men and women alike to inspire us all to honour each and every person as equal and with true love. There is great strength in a man being sensitive and tender with himself and others.
I agree Mary, there is indeed great strength when we honour our sensitivity and tenderness, it is quite remarkable the more and more I explore how deeply sensitive and tender I am. Far from it being a weakness as it can commonly be perceived as being.
The other day I was on the train and I looked down at the book a woman was reading. It said “How to get ahead of the Pack.” I felt how hard and unloving this is and how this is what we are presented with as normal. There is a push to keep people in this kind of competition and it spreads out to everywhere, on the road, on the train, in the supermarket and so on. Thank God there are men like you James, who are prepared to challenge this norm in the most gentle way by living a different way. We need this different way magnified out to the world.
Thank you Amanda, one of the saddest things I have seen is that people measure success by their achievements in comparison to others. If they are doing better than someone else than this is considered a form of success. The goal is always to get to number 1, which inevitably means there will always be a number 2 and so on. Then we get caught in having to maintain the number 1 position with the number 2 and those lower down never feeling quite good enough. This is all based on output rather than the quality of what we are doing, if this was the measure then we could all be number 1, in other words it eliminates the need to compare to anyone else. We all are a culmination of billions of choices and so how can we possibly compare where we are or what we are doing with anyone else?
Its great to not have to buy into this type of mentality or structure as quoted so well james in your opening lines “As men, it is as if we are brought up to be in a dog pit – constantly competing to be the top dog, always needing to show our superiority in whatever way we can so effectively we will not get crushed by the world or by others.”
By sharing our weaknesses and not competing we can allow others to do the same .
I agree Greg, it is something I have loved about the Universal Medicine community is how as men we are are opening up more and more with each and not trying to out do one another. What it has confirmed for me is that we are all the same just often our hurts get in the way and we we react to others or try to bring them down instead of celebrating them or sharing our weaknesses. The more I have then put this into practice the more I have noticed it has allowed others around me to do the same, the ripple effect is quite huge.
The saddest part of it all is that everyone can see the uneasy way in which men live trying to fit in and claim who they are and that they matter in the world.
It is so refreshing to witness men being willing to be open about how they feel in relation to other men. It is all too often not talked about, and the usual dynamics are left to fester and magnify. Thank you James for being willing to look deeper and contribute to the change that is so desperately needed for the sake of everyone.
Thank you Rebecca, I agree it is lovely to be a part of a community where men are willing to be open and talk about what is really going on rather than simply keeping everything on a very surface superficial level. We are as equally sensitive as women just mostly do not acknowledge it as much as we see it as a form of weakness rather than the true strength that it is.
I used to see everyone as a threat or a target – so it was a constant siege mentality where I was guarding my deep emptiness with my identification with what I could do and how well I could do it – there was not an ounce of me that considered I was already enough as I was from my quality within as I was not interested in my quality… then you meet Serge and he looks at you and in that look he says ‘I know who you are and it is magnificent’ and it has nothing to do with what you do or your status or blaa blaa – he connects directly with your Soul because he has to his own. And we can all do this as we choose to live from our inner-heart and build a soul-full life, we can through our own living quality call others to that same love within them – and so we all work together.
Purely gorgeous to feel the beauty that this blog emanates, the beauty that you are James for not holding back, but sharing with us all how tender, open and sensitive you are. Awesomely inspiring.
Thank you Jacqmcfadden, I am deeply sensitive but so are we all equally so. The more of us, men and women, who can show that it is ok to be sensitive, in fact it is important to be aware of everything that is going on, the more other people will start to be more open to their feelings and sensitivity and not try to shy away from it thinking it is somehow a sign of weakness. We need to claim who we truly are and the love that we all come from.
Tender James it is awesome that you wrote this powerful and truthful blog. I love it that you show the world that men can be more than being a “right” man: “I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” I hope that more man can read your amazing blog so that they too can stopp putting on to live up to the version of what they thought they needed to look like as a man.
Thank you Ester, I agree it would be great for more men to read the blog, but more importantly for more men to open up to their sensitivity and not feel that to get by on life we need to toughen up and be all macho. The more we all support each other men and women to truly express what we are feeling the more we will get to know quite how delicate, sensitive and tender we all are irrespective of our gender.
For you to embrace the sensitive man that you naturally are and to be able to release the tension that you, and all other men, must be carrying from adopting and living the accepted view that men are expected to be tough, hard and macho, is incredibly inspiring James. What an inspiring example you are for all the other men you interact with daily. There is no longer the need for the tough guy role but to live who you truly are, a tender, sensitive and beautiful man.
Thank you Ingrid, there sure is no need to try to pretend to be all tough and macho anymore. I actually enjoy being myself now whereas before I always wanted to be somebody else constantly looking out towards others for ways to improve myself but missing the fact that everything I could want I can access within, as we all can.
I agree that appreciation of others is so important rather than trying to outdo one another. I too have observed Serge Benhayon appreciating and supporting those who are doing well and really getting behind them in whatever way he can help he will. A true role model for us all.
I agree Judy, the way Serge Benhayon gets behind people is quite incredible. The same goes for Simone Benhayon, when they are behind supporting you they are fully there, not just a little bit. When it comes to love there are no half measures and Serge and Simone are prime examples of how we can truly live a life a love.
Thank you for opening your true tender self to us James. ” I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” Knowing and connecting to the deeper part of ourselves allows that level of connection with others where no comparison exists.
Thank you Shelley, essentially we are all one and the same equally divine beings when we take away all the layers we have put on. The more we honour this in ourselves and others the more we will live in harmony with each other.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.”- so true James, and this is so powerful as it stops the need for competition, and comparison and jealousy to foster.
Competition, comparison and jealously only serve to keep us separate from each other, whereas when we celebrate each other and work together we start to see how we can all live and work together in ways we never imagined were possible.
A beautiful blog James written by a beautiful, tender loving man.
Thank you for highlighting the benefits of focussing on our strengths, which in turn give us the inspiration, platform and courage to deal with our hurts and weaknesses.
Thank you Shirl, I have found when I have tried to address my hurts and weaknesses head on so often I have got caught up in them whereas when I approach them from my strengths I see them far more clearly. I have to give full credit to Serge Benhayon for getting me to see it this way as it has made such a huge difference to my life.
James thank you for sharing. I have seen men be very tender and graceful with one another and themselves, most from having attended Universal Medicine presentations. Men are naturally tender when they are connected to themselves, how different the world would be if all men and women were connected to their natural tenderness.
Sally it is a very important point you raise that men are naturally tender and sensitive. We simply need to honour this and we will see more and more men returning back to the exquisitness they were as young boys before they changed to fit in amd conform to what the world expected of them.
Today someone brought their baby in and I had the joy to observe a man’s response to seeing the baby. He openly showed how touched he was by her beauty -his face was so loving and gentle and how he moved so tender. So beautiful.
Karin, What a beautiful, tender and delicate vignette of a man touched by the presence of a baby. Thank you for sharing!
Competition is fuelled by the same energy that brings us war.
Exactly Michael: ‘Competition is fuelled by the same energy that brings us war.’ And we train them very young so that they will always be caught in the adversarial momentum, always anxious that they will be the loser, untrusting of others who might at any moment unseat them so that they topple. It can be difficult for Love to prevail even though it is the stuff we are made of.
Spot on Lyndy. Comparison is rife in playgrounds all around the world. The joy of spontaneous play has been infected with the win or lose motto that always leaves on person feeling less. How can play then be enjoyable?
It is sad Lyndy. We see children at a young age merrily and joyfully playing with each other then as they grow up this starts to change and slowly they try to dominate each other, be in control and the whole dynamic changes. It is no longer sweet and innocent. Instead of simply being themselves they go into having to prove themselves. I have noticed this happening at a younger and younger age. It is time we stopped and truly honoured our children for who they naturally are rather than trying to mould them into something we want or need them to be.
Michael that statement is very powerful, it makes me stop, yet it it so simple. How such a common seemingly minor thing can lead to such attrocities is mind blowing.
It is so ridiculous really when you consider that we try and shoot down the person who is stepping up, the very same person that could support us to step up along with them. Very silly people we are at times.
Indeed Mary-louise, it is crazy how we thwart the very people who can help support us and get jealous of them instead if being inspired by them.
I agree Mary-Louise and James. What we have to realise though is that we are getting something out of this cycle. There is an investment in this way of being – it’s comfortable because it is known. Stopping the cycle involves taking responsibility for our choices – warts and all, which takes us out of this comfort zone. Totally worth it if you ask me, although if I’m honest, I still oscillate between comfort and responsibility.
I agree Lucy, it does involve taking heaps of responsibility and like you oscillate between choosing responsibility and not. However, the more I have accepted I am not perfected nor am meant to be the less critical I now am on myself and so the less I wallow in my irresponsible as can bring myself back to responsibility much quicker than I used to be able to do.
That’s awesome James – a great one for me to read and feel. Accepting that I am not perfect – yes I have done that but, accepting I’m not meant to be…that’s been a different story. It’s amazing how perfectionism can be seen for what it is from a mental perspective and et at the same time, we can still try to live up to it! I feel in reading your comment James I have given myself permission to let go of the ridiculous and impossible ideal of being perfect. After all, we are not meant to be as you so beautifully say 🙂
That is awesome Lucy, it is a hard one to shift but takes so much pressure off when we can let go of trying to be perfect.
I love what you have said here James about sensitivity simply being aware of what we are feeling. Our society does not value sensitivity – in fact it is squashed, teased and taunted until the person is either so hurt, or so hard that they don’t allow themselves to be sensitive anymore. We need to be allowed to feel all there is to feel in this world. Some do not want this however as feeling more brings greater awareness and discernment, meaning more responsibility in every thought, word and action is needed by all.
Hear hear Amelia, our sensitivity should be honoured and revered. There is so much more going on in the world then simply what we can see with our eyes and touch with our hands. We can all feel this and as you say it brings a deeper level of responsibility knowing that everything we do has an effect on everything else.
There is so much more wisdom and strength in feeling what there is to be felt. It takes far more courage than being tough or macho and having no clue what is really going on. So many are lost in the pretence that everything is ok, which makes them very lonely and unable to connect when they really want to.
I agee Amanda, being open to feeling what is going on and understanding life is a huge strength in itself. Saying yes to love and no to all the abuse that is going on in the world takes courage, it means putting your neck on the line for truth, it may be hard at times initially in the beginning but is definitely worth it.
Oh, how far we have strayed from love that we have become afraid of putting our neck on the line for truth. Considering we come from Love and love is truth, it’s pretty daft isn’t it? BUT… no looking back. We are like little children, tentatively dipping our toe in the water of truth, getting used to the temperature – but once we realise that stepping in to the waters of truth is who we truly are then maybe we will remember what truth feels like and there will be no more holding back. And yes the journey will be so worth it… well that’s my experience anyway 🙂
So true James saying yes to love and no to abuse that’s going on in the world does take courage and I agree it does mean putting your neck on the line for truth. But it is so worth it, because truth is what stands, builds true love amongst everyone, abuse is a killer and separates.
I agree Amita, truth does build love amongst everyone. It is a common denominator which we can all feel. Truth simply states things the way they are and has no room for lies, deception or abuse. The more truth we live with the more we will all re-gain trust in society and humanity. And so the more we will all start to work together, as we have been designed to do instead of seeing ourselves as individuals and living life for self gain over the expense of others.
It can be a very lonely place, as the veil is being lifted so to are the role models that are willing to show the way.
I love what you are saying here James Nicholson and what a great subject to talk about. Although you talk about it from the man I feel we can apply it to women too but it is even more ugly in the fact that jealousy and comparison is so huge.
Why is it that we are quick to compare and why do we get furious at our choices when we see another making different choices?
Being top dog was a life goal for me and of course I never ever could reach it as I kept moving the goal post. I was my worst own critique and forever comparing and judging. It was only after I met Serge Benhayon that I had the understanding that this came from a deep lack of self worth and never feeling enough.
I agree with you James that by celebrating and appreciating my strengths it allows me to equally appreciate others in what they bring. The truth is we were designed so that we all have something different and these qualities do need to be celebrated and this allows us to learn and appreciate each other.
I agree Bina, it is one of the beautiful things about how we have been designed to work together. We are brought up to think we have to do it alone but really we need to work with each other and learn from each other.
Absolutely James, every single one of us is a facet of the whole, unique in our expression and with something to bring. Acceptance of that, for me, goes a long way to accepting who I am and what I bring to the world – this make jealousy and comparison nonsense… and redundant! It all comes down to the level of love we have for ourselves and the connection we have with our bodies, and accepting that everyone else is going through the same process, without perfection, men and women alike.
What I love Sandra is how each person can teach us so much not only about them and humanity but also about ourselves when we are open to it. Sure not everyone is perfect nor are we designed to be, the more we can accept this the simpler life becomes without the drive to be perfect.It is a lot less exhausting!
Me too Kristy, there is getting behind someone and then really getting behind someone. You know when Serge Benhayon or one of his family members get behind you as they are there in full, no hesitation or question. It has taught me and still does a huge amount about responsibility and commitment when we are not here purely for our own vested interests but for the evolution of humanity.
James it is beautiful that we have been designed to work together and bring our expression to that. Working together is true brotherhood.
Hear hear Amita it sure is. No one can do it alone, even though often we think we have to do it alone to succeed and be number 1. How much more fun is it when everyone is effectively number 1?! Then everyone has everyone elses back is there supporting each other rather than wanting to prove they are better in anyway.
“We are brought up to think we have to do it alone but really we need to work with each other and learn from each other.” It’s crazy isn’t it that we think we have to do it ourselves. It’s not possible and trying to do so keeps us in an endless cycle of feeling like we’ve failed. Knowing and accepting we are all simply one piece of the magnificent constellation Humanity makes up is very humbling and releases us from the need to be completely self-sufficient. No-one can see what I can see from where I stand, and likewise for every single one of us. We are all needed to complete the picture and the same goes for any smaller groups of people – work, family, friends, or even when we are alone.
I loved reading that Lucy, it is amazing when we work together what happens and how much we can learn from each other.
Yes James and how each one of us brings something that supports our further expansion.
It is something I love when I really connect with other people, is how we each bring a unique quality, just like all the pieces in a jigsaw puzzle together we are needed to make the whole.
This is a great comment James. From working together we are not only supporting one another but showing everyone that there is not one person but many that make the whole and there is little room for self in this regard.
Thank you grounded08. I love it when we all work together as one and let go of all the competition and self fueled interest. We can literally move mountains when we work together as one.
This is gorgeous. I can feel that this is absolutely true and that being in comparison with another is as silly as the grass being jealous of the sky because it is not blue. We are all needed and there is no need to compare.
So beautifully said Leonne, ‘We are all needed and there is no need to compare.’ I could not agree more – we can all be the beaming sunflower if we so choose.
Choosing competition is not fun, it stops me from being playful and truly accepting someone else’s and my own qualities. So this is very inspiring to read James celebrating each others strength brings unity, while competition only brings separation.
Yes, Benkt and James – celebrating our strengths and saying no to competition is the only way to go. Experiencing men relating in this way is so completely beautiful for us women to see and feel. It only makes us love men more and more.
Living more the man, or woman, we actually are in being true to who we innately are is medicine that can change the face of what we know our world to be today. Thank you for shining the way James.
A woman unmistakably knows when she is not getting the real person, and this is all we actually want.
I still find I carry a stress around my weaknesses, I go into keeping them hidden and this affects my relationships because I don’t say exactly how I feel. It’s definitely a form of protection. I know growing up there was an atmosphere that showing a weakness made you a target or derided in some way. It’s a lot of pressure to put on the self to only show a certain face but hide the whole picture.
I agree a Melinda, it is so easy to get caught up in trying to portray a picture of success, one with no flaws but as you say it is exhausting trying to keep it up. I have found it extremely liberating when I say I do not know something or ask for help as it immediately puts other people at ease. It also says to them it is ok not to know everything or to be the best at everything.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ I love this blog James and the wisdom you share throughout. When we choose to trust in the love that we naturally are, there is no need for recognition or identification as in essence we know we are enough. Appreciation of others and their strength is so powerful as it confirms the love and wisdom from within that is claimed and expressed and inspires others to claim and express the same equal love and wisdom that is within us all, in our own way.
James, I love the feeling of being inspired by others and what they do rather than allowing jealousy and comparison in. I can still feel the tendrils of jealousy creep in but I can see it more clearly now and know that when I am jealous I am making myself so much less than what I truly am and this hurts me. Celebrating others is a foundation of true brotherhood.
It is fascinating Anne how we can let jealousy, comparison and envy creep in when we look out to others. For me this happens when I am not appreciating myself and what I bring. A great antidote for me is to confirm myself as much as possible, to take note of how I am doing things and so not need any outcome or words from anyone to feel satisfied. It means that I feel far more content within myself and so do not look outside of myself to better myself or gain recognition. As you said by truly celebrating others and valuing what we each bring allows for a foundation of brotherhood, and when we start to work together the results are amazing.
Thank you James. Celebrating our strengths is so important. I learned this recently having won the 2015 NSW Health Excellence in Nursing and Midwifery Consumer Appreciation Award. The more I am able to celebrate my strengths the more I can celebrate and appreciate the strengths of others. I would not for example be where I am today without the love, support and teachings of Serge Benhayon. When I first met Serge I was ready to quit nursing. Through his presentations I came to see that the way that I was living is what was making me want to quit nursing and not what was going on in nursing itself. The more I started to look at my strengths and celebrate them the more I was able to deal with my hurts and this changed everything for me. Serge Benhayon is a true role model in that he always celebrates others for who they are and what they bring. This then has a flow on affect in that I can now easily celebrate others and acknowledge when my support came from.
That is great to hear Elizabeth, thank you for sharing. It is amazing how easily we can shy away from our strengths for fear of being seen and shot down in some way. Yet the more we celebrate the amazing qualities we each bring, the more we also celebrate those in others and effectively we all gain. Rather than trying to compete or out do others as then there is always one or a few that lose out. And those that make have not made it with love so then everybody misses out.
Serge simply lets us all be and lets everyone in warts and all. This is amazing to be held by and it truly is no more simpler than that!
“We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.” This is a great insight. I can feel that celebrating the strengths of myself and others builds a foundation of trust. From this trust, we can grow together.
Celebrating others for what they live instead of jealously fighting what we do not yet live. Feeling inspired instead of challenged or appalled – what a totally different and so much more constructive approach is that!
That is awesome to read Katie, we are so much more loving, and fun to around when we are simply being ourselves and not trying to or pretending to be all macho.
Having a picture of what our ideal ‘man’ should look like is also another tremendous pressure and an instant rejection of his true nature. Sometimes we look for the tough guy because a man in his tenderness and sensitiveness will instantly expose some of the games women play, to not have to go to a deeper level of intimacy, to hide in relationships, or to not be asked to be more than she has chosen as her level of comfort. But the immense power of that man’s tenderness also allows a woman to trust and open up to blossom into more of who she truly is.
I have seen and experienced Serge Benhayon many times, completely supporting and endorsing other men, and women for the strengths and who they are. He does it with no holding back and it is a great reflection that we can also do the same, this is brotherhood and helps us evolve to a more loving way with one another, than competition and judgement.
Yes, Thomas, “it is a great reflection” to see Serge Benhayon get behind and celebrate the strengths in others. It is genuine, and one is totally being met and held by Serge in this moment. To see this, to feel this, you can’t help but recognise the solidarity, the brotherhood, the unifying quality this introduces to the relationship, which then fosters this in the relationship within ourselves, that we then bring to all our other relationships with people. No room for competition, just celebration and being inspired by the qualities in other people.
So beautifully said Johanne. Serge constantly demonstrates and shows us how to celebrate the strengths in others by simply doing it himself in a most natural way. I love how you say: ‘To see this, to feel this, you can’t help but recognise the solidarity, the brotherhood, the unifying quality this introduces to the relationship, which then fosters this in the relationship within ourselves, that we then bring to all our other relationships with people’. Relationships are totally transformed by initiating this way of communicating and relating. One can feel the joy of it, and the way it opens up the communication field.
Its strange that its very unusual that we see a man appreciating another man for who they are, or to see a man appreciating themselves , there is often a downplaying of oneself that goes on, that’s considered normal.
Thank you for your very insightful and amazing blog James, I agree taking the competition away and celebrating other peoples strengths, makes for more harmonious friendships without the tension and stress, could this in fact be our natural way of brotherhood that we forgot a long time ago?
It’s true we hold on to pictures of what we think we ought to look like and try to match up to those – for whatever reason. How liberating when we begin to call out those pictures and find who we truly are underneath all the disguises.
The image conjured up that men are brought up to be in a dog pit, striving to win at all costs is graphic and painful to feel that the sweet tenderness we see in small boys is lost to this hardening to win in the world. Beautiful to see you and others returning to who they truly are.
Thank you jy36, it is painful to stop and see how the sweet delicate and tender boys grow up to toughen up as so many do. What is great though is that it is never too late to change and make loving choices as so many men have shown. We can now be an inspiration for the younger new generations coming through so they can develop and explore their sensitivity rather than needing to hide it away and toughen up. We can show them what it is like to truly be a man, and wow everything will change for them as it has for me and many other men!
I agree Katie, it can only be done by showing others through reflecting another way of being, a way we all naturally are as children but lose when we grow up.
James, considering how this toughness and hardness men go into affects society, with extremes of this disconnection to self leading to everything from self abuse, violent behaviour, depression and so on, it seems fitting to just take a moment and deeply appreciate all that you (and the men around you) have done and what the potential of this truly is for a society.
Serge Benhayon has such a deep love for others, for everyone and it is a real blessing to observe and hear him appreciate others so affectionately and lovingly. Serge Benhayon really does show that Love is the way 💖
This is so true James – What I find interesting is that as men we have also come up with a system whereby we each choose and specialise in a specific area that we can become the champion of, holding the trophy as our own in order to be able to present this to other men as a way of relating to each other. This can be in any area of life and we then shape the rest of our life around it.
I agree Michael, we become ‘experts’ on one area of life so we cannot be challenged on it. Then we try to steer conversations towards what we know rather than things we may not know or be unsure of because that would be a sign of weakness! Crazy really how much we try to prove ourselves constantly.
It feels so powerful and heartwarming to hear men share so honestly and openly about this.Thank you.
I love how you have redefined what sensitivity means to you James – as a strength – simply knowing how you are feeling. This is just pure gold.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.”
Serge Benhayon is definitely a man who has inspired me the most eg in accepting and celebrating other people’s strengths, instead going into judgement, comparison and then jealousy.
By celebrating the strengths of others as well as appreciating our own strength we knock out jealousy.
Absolutely Katie – comparison and competition is a dis-ease amongst society, like weeds that have no place growing in our natural flora. It is crazy to compare ourselves to one another when we all bring such uniqueness to the world, equally so. We are all expressions of the same thing… Love… how can we compare how another brings it to the next? Yet we get stuck in this way of thinking from not appreciating the Godliness we can bring in each step and every breath.
Well said Katie and Rachael, we each have so much to bring to the world simply by being ourselves. The problem comes when we try to be the best at everything and think we can do it alone. When we simply bring all that we are and work together as a team it is quite amazing what is possible. We can use the Pyramids as an example of what is possible when people come together in harmony without any of the competitiveness and jostling for the position of top dog we are now so used to.
Great blog James – we are certainly not made to be here and ‘do it all’. We are each an imperfect piece of the puzzle – all that is needed is for us to connect to who we truly are and bring the quality that is innate to us – whatever that may look like.
So true Rachael, ‘we are certainly not made to be here and ‘do it all’’. Connecting and working with other people brings so much more to what we bring. Whilst we feel we can do it all alone and often we can, when a group forms to do something the results are then magnified. It also takes a lot of pressure of thinking and knowing that we do not need to be able to do everything!
Thank you James for addressing this ‘game we play as men’ and as several of the comments have shared, it is our awareness of the force of jealousy that allows us to develop understanding and hold true to who we are – and this is our true strength.
I agree Greg, there is so much strength in holding true to who we are. So often it seems easier to succumb to the ‘pressure’ around us of how we should be as a man, we lose track of our tenderness and playfulness we all begin life with. The question often arises how can such a tender sensitive boy grow up into a tough hardened man? The more we stay true to ourselves the more everyone gets to enjoy us in natural loving state.
Thank you James and Greg. From a woman’s point of view, enjoying men in their natural loving state is one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Forever presented with the man’s man, I always revered men who were in touch with their feelings and I resonated with their deep sensitivity. But it no longer needs to remain hidden as it is finally becoming what is truly normal, natural and accepted, and it is, truly divine.
This is what stood out for me today – We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing. I feel that the more that we celebrate our strengths and the strengths of others will drastically stop the epidemic of holding back.
Beautifully expressed Simone – it is so important to take stock of our strengths and values in order to celebrate them. I bet many people out there, including myself, have trouble seeing what their strengths actually are! Just shows the enormous amount of contraction and holding back going on in the world. I feel appreciation is key here in understanding and honouring ourselves first.
Appreciation is key in helping us honour ourselves. Often it takes another person to appreciate us for us to then see that quality we are bringing. We can then deepen the appreciation for ourselves and confirm the natural strengths we bring to the world.
I agree James, appreciation of ourselves is a great first step, which brings more openness to truly appreciating others, not in a comparing way but celebration of them. And feeling this confirmation and appreciation from others helps us to remember that we are not our failures, which seem to always take centre stage, but rather these are opportunities to learn from, and in that learning we get to know ourselves and our true strength. Brotherhood is understanding our absolute equalness with all and supporting each other to return to that together.
I see this develop from young. In school we often champion one way as it and we measure the kids against this and in affect there is a comparison that is set up from young- a comparison in how they are doing towards what we deem as successful.
This needs to change, we need to educate children in a way that supports them to know themselves and know their strengths (every child) and then educate them in a way that supports them to learn from each other, grow and appreciate what they have to offer and also who others are. We need to teach them a way of how to be with each other, work as a team and know how to support each other.
Hear hear Kristy educating children how to be with others is extremely important. Taking away the need to compare and compete with others takes away a lot of the angst and jealousy that is felt amongst school children which then affects us all into adult life.
Kristy, that would be amazing if we are taught to know our strengths as children, I know for me, I was only taught or told my weaknesses, I can recite them by heart, but I am actually only beginning to learn now (at 28) what my strengths are.
And wow Meg your strengths are pretty amazing :). It is absurd how we do not truly celebrate people, regardless of their age, for simply being themselves. Growing up I was championed for ‘successes’ those on the sporting field or at school. It is great when we honour people for who they are, for me, having Serge Benhayon do this and now many others, has really supported me in starting to value myself and build confidence.
I’m lucky to have amazing people like you to reflect them to me 🙂 It is absurd I agree, because we grow up having no idea just how much we have to offer.
I absolutely agree Meg, and James we can grow up knowing all too well our weaknesses, and at the same time not have a clue what we bring to others just by being ourselves.. And so when we look to try to bring what seems to be valued by society, we go even further off track, losing ourselves even more in the process. And in this state of being, what are we then bringing to the children in our lives, but an underlying message of the same quality.
Absolutely Annie, there are so many things that take us off track, and many things that keep us off track. Trying to bring what society seems to value is a huge one, it will be amazing when we bring our children up appreciating and adoring everything they naturally are and helping them know their own strengths and know who they are unhindered by us, and how we have been brought up. It’ll be so great to end this never-ending cycle.
Appreciating and confirming children in who they are rather than how they are performing would be a huge in helping them gain true confidence rather than a false confidence or security that hinges on their achievement at school, sports, music etc., it will always be on shaky ground, because deep down they know this is not true foundation. There is also the continued pressure that is constantly applied – ‘they are only as good as their last goal’ kind of pressure. This kind of environment is designed to generate competitiveness, drive and comparison which create a deeply destructive dynamic not only in the schools, but which follows out into the world – and then we wonder why we have ruthless businessmen, out-of-control behaviour on the sports field, driven professionals, greed, corruption, burnout, exhaustion, and an awful lot of unhappy people.
So well said Annie – you have nailed all the consequence of performance pressure. We must come back to appreciating and confirming the children of the world and ourselves. the power of this is beyond words.
Absolutely – we create the people we have now from early childhood, and cement this throughout schooling and family life. It seems to me that instead of creating a true foundation, schooling currently moulds someone to not be aware of who they are and what they are here to bring.
This would be great Kristy, not only confirming and appreciating the children just for who they are but also helping them understand how important it is for them to appreciate themselves and how to support and appreciate each other. If every child felt confirmed and honoured for who they are, how different would the classroom be, where kids had the space to express without feeling judged but just free to be themselves.
I agree Annie, the classroom would feel completely different. There would be a lot less stress and tension from the children as they would not be trying to please the teacher or messing about to get attention. I have found the more I am confirmed for being who I am the less I feel the need for attention from others. And so instead of the classroom being unruly it would be the opposite and everyone would be working together. Sure there would be moments, but the collective of the group would not allow them to continue as there would be self correction of egging on.
The ‘dog pit’, what a place! Very real how men jostle for a position in the pack and can climb on each other to be one up. Our strengths are all in the choices we have made to take total care of ourselves and this is what unsettles others, there is such strength in self love.
So true Matthew, ‘there is such strength in self love’ and being our natural loving selves. It is far from the ‘sissy’ image I was led to believe it was growing up.
It does look like that sometimes James, that men are brought up in a dog pit when you see how they fight and compete to be no 1, but the truth is men are equally as sensitive and as caring as women and in many cases more so, it is just that this side of them is never encouraged or supported. Men are expected to be the stereotype, hardened, tough, mustn’t cry and able to deal with everything that comes their way.
I agree Alisonmoir, we are all equally sensitive yet spend so much time trying to hide our sensitivity. It is quite bizarre really. The more we honour and celebrate each other for who we are and not what we do then the less of the game we will play with each other and the more loving all our interactions and relationships will be.
I particularly love your comment – ‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ This cuts out Jelousy and comparison.
So beautiful to hear how you are now living, ‘the man you naturally are’ The world sure needs it, and this is to be celebrated.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” I love this James, it’s so true.
“We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.” this is so true James, as men we have learnt to compromise our natural tenderness and gentleness as we know if we live that in full it will require us to face the rejection and jealously of the world so we choose to reduce the beauty that we really are to ‘fit in” but the more we choose to embrace and celebrate our tenderness the more we allow others to do the same.
What I love Francisco, as you mention is ‘the more we choose to embrace and celebrate our tenderness the more we allow others to do the same’. The ripple effect is huge and slowly but surely other men, just like we have after being inspired by Serge Benhayon, start to see and realise that it is ok in fact normal to express our natural tenderness, and that we can let go of needing to fulfill the macho image.
“If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do.” James Women are pros at doing this also (the latter part of your sentence). I know many women who don’t know how to cope with equality and become quite aggressive to ensure they ‘win’ whatever it is they are competing for. It’s really not a good look and certainly not a way of being that is natural to us as women or men. The only way to break jealousy from what I understand is to expose it and then build our own self worth by deepening the connection with our own love and appreciation. Jealousy would have to be the most toxic thing I have EVER felt in my body and is most certainly an energy that will lead to illness and disease so this its worth exploring. What has supported me are things like the Gentle Breath Meditation, walking, being honest and nominating what it is that is truly going on for me, but most of all its the love that I develop for myself and the care that follows in each moment i.e. what I eat, drink, how I am with myself each day, listening to and not overriding my own inner knowing, etc.. It nips it right in the bud!
This is a really great blog and one I’d love to show my male secondary school students. In wood work they are always competing in one way or another. Many often state they are the best at this or that and there is a constant dog eat dog mentality to always out do one another. It is seen as a normal behaviour it is done by so many of the boys. It comes through in varying ways from finishing their work the fastest despite the quality of the job lacking, jealousy of someone doing a better job (which can often get damaged/sabotaged or stolen). I often make reference to just slowing down and not competing or comparing yourself to anyone else but it feels like the boys have adopted this built in belief that to be a boy/man is to be competitive and better than the next boy. It’s great to hear that there are many now choosing a true and loving way to be and leaving the ideal and belief of being competive behind.
Tracy, competition is rife and pretty much everywhere amongst men and boys growing up. We have taken it on and as way of proving ourselves, trying to be the alpha male instead of simply our loving tender selves. What is crazy is that then when someone gives us a compliment we can react to it thinking they are making a joke or in someway taking the mick, at least this is what happened with me!
Yes James I know what you mean. I often say encouraging words to my students ie, well done, great job, terrific effort, I’m proud of you…and yet when I say this to them they cower away, blow it off, often blush, don’t accept the compliment etc. In the very next moment they can be showing off and saying how awesome they are and that they’re the best at this or that. Really fascinating to observe and it’s across all year levels. For me it exposes a way they feel they need to behave to fit in and to protect themselves but an unwillingness to see how awesome they truly are on the inside.
Understanding now how jealousy works, it has become much easier to hold onto my strengths and be much less reactive to what is directed at me in terms of the way people treat me. I know it has nothing to do with me anymore and everything to do with the self-caring and loving choices that I have made, its now inspiration to just keep going and loving myself even more.
That is awesome Matthew. So often we can take things personally when really it has nothing to do with us. I have all my life tried to play the nice guy, but this does not work – being truthful, loving and caring with myself has been the only way I have found to have a feeling of contentment and joy in my body and it is a vast difference to the feeling of anxiousness and aloneness I felt for so long.
Thank you for this reminder James to celebrate the qualities other people naturally bring and that we don’t need to put a ‘version’ of ourselves out there, only ‘us’ – who we are.
Spot on Annie – no differing versions of us, no masks, no faces, no pretense simply all of us in all of our glory.
Who would have thought that it is all sitting there waiting for us to re-connect with our true selves and dare to share that with others.
Why do men have this need to outdo others? Why this need to compete and show that you are the best? Because deep down, we know that our foundations lack self-worth due to rejection issues. So, competing is like eating sugar,. You need it in order to avoid feeling the misery and emptiness you carry. It gives you the momentary high you can feel bliss and then fades away waiting for the next trophy (or next bite of sugar). Once this rejection issues starts fading away and the foundation rests upon more solid ground the strengths of the others is not what stand in the way for you to strive. It becomes something to celebrate. Beautiful.
That is an interesting analogy and a great observation Eduardo. We as men compete with each other to not feel our own ‘lack of self-worth’. The more I have found that I have built love in my life and body the less I have felt the urge to compete with others. It goes to show how love really does change everything!
It is so absurd how we slow ourselves and each other down by this constant comparison, competing and jealousy, instead of supporting each other in what we are and bring and thereby improving all our lives and well-being.
Yes, Michael we do monumentally slow ourselves and each other down by being in comparison, jealousy and competition. It is only by dropping competition and the need to be recognised and praised by this substitute for love, and learning how to relate truly lovingly that we can begin to expand and evolve. Competition makes us tighten, harden and contract, while love and understanding makes us grow and expand. We delay ourselves, or not, through whichever way we choose.
Michael and Lyndy, so very true, it is absurd how we hold ourselves back from love by trying to substitute it with other things even though love is what we all deeply crave and want.
The comparison really impedes our ability to have a lovely connection with someone where the guards are down and to fully appreciate their beauty and what they offer the world.
Totally agree Annie – Comparison cripples relationships and then everyone misses out on the Glorious love that we all are.
Agreed Michael, this makes no sense at all and yet we indulge in jealousy and comparison to an extent that we do not even know that we are. The true beauty of men should be encouraged, celebrated and loved so that more men can open up to living this for themselves.
“We are brought up with the idea of showing off our strengths and feathers, just like the majestic peacock, then keeping hidden any flaws and/or weaknesses we have, just in case someone else may see them, attack us there and expose the lie we are essentially living; a lie constructed so intricately that we can get through life seemingly unmarked.”
As men we spend a lifetime constructing this way of being only to find the very life we have spent carving out for ourselves is awful and not the joy we once knew as children, it is then a case being honest and letting go of this life we have hugely invested in, and rebuilding slowly a life with more joy and love.
It requires bucket loads of honesty and love to start to see quite how heavily invested we have become in the picture of how we thought we needed life to be like. Slowly but surely by making loving choices the layers begin to peel off and the depth of our love something we all carry with us begins to open up to be seen by all. Serge Benhayon has been a real inspiration and role model for many men and women as he has done this and shows us all how possible it is to live a life of love without any of the false facade or pretense.
Working together as men to strengthen the weaker areas of our lives, rather than competing against each other as men, is a totally inspiring idea James. Its time to put down our weapons, protections and hurts and embrace our tenderness and that of other men, not in a weak or pathetic way but see the strength of honouring our feelings.
Powerfully said Thomas, lets embrace our feelings and our tenderness and see them for the strength that they truly are.
This part of your blog stood out for me “but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.” recently I thought adults are jealous of kids, that is why they are so often cruel to them, crush them are rude with them or indeed indulge them. They see in the child what they have walked away from and they find the reflection unbearable so instead of reclaiming back what lies within we crush and ridicule that which is living it.
What a great observation Vanessa. It is interesting how often we can be cruel to and try to stop others who are reflecting back to us something we want or desire, without actually putting any effort in ourselves.
Mmmm. Adults being jealous of the joy of kids. I’m having a slightly cruel smile at the thought of a kid answering back to their parents who are trying to crush them; saying “you’re just jealous”. My worry is that a truth like this would just unleash a new level of fury?!
This is a great point you make Vanessa. It is as if it is easier to place the attention back on others instead of looking at our own hurts and past issues to make changes for ourselves.
If we take competition out of the equation true brotherhood and love can then stand a chance. The old way of competition bringing about advancement can make way for love encouragement and not holding anyone back so we can all advance together.
This is just gorgeous James. I have also experienced watching Serge Benhayon get behind men and call out their strengths, but he does so by confirming them deeply for who they are, not saying they are great because of what they do. There is no competition in Serge Benhayon whatsoever, and he has been a role model for hundreds of men to re-claim the beauty and sensitivity of actually supporting men instead of competing with them. This clearly builds self-worth and it is amazing and heart-warming as a woman to watch this unfold amongst men.
Thank you Jo, it is beautiful to watch and observe how Serge Benhayon is with other men and women. Serge is amazing at ‘confirming them deeply for who they are’, his words are then felt as they resonate throughout your whole body as a deep confirmation of yes this is me and someone has seen me for being me, not for anything I have outwardly achieved. As you said it ‘clearly builds self-worth’ which so many of us have been lacking.
I agree Jo its very heart-warming. I have been able to witness men like I’ve never witnessed them before. Feeling their strength through their sensitivity and just gorgeous.
I agree Jo, I love watching men re-connect to who they are and let their tenderness shine for all to see.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.”
– spot on James. Celebrating who we are leaves very little time to be distracted by who we are not.
I agree, we can spend soo much time trying be something or have things a certain way we lose sight of what we have right in front of us.
We actually lose sight and completely forget who we are. To the point that we think that who we are trying to be is who we are.
Spot on Sally. We become what we ‘think’ we should so much so we lose the innocent child who started to play the game to fit in. It is as if we bury our inner child with layers and layers of ideals about the way we should act and behave, so much so that we morph into a different person, cut off from our true nature.
This is a great point Liane, so often we are chased away from the glory by the many thoughts, issues and perceived problems we have given power to over the many years. This is constantly mirrored in our peer groups and society as a whole so that we close down that which is our natural amazingness. I love that if we choose to celebrate ourselves it starts to edge out all other things and we can build on a new foundation.
Indeed Liane, it does leave little time and I think we should celebrate who we are much more than we currently do.
“Celebrating who we are leaves very little time to be distracted by who we are not” Great point Liane.
Indeed Nicholas and Liane, there is so much out there trying to get us to look better, be better, achieve more it all focuses on areas where we are lacking and so we can go into a drive to achieve more whereas when we celebrate who we are then those of not being good enough simply have no opening to come in and distract us.
I love this line too Nicholas – it makes life so simple… simply celebrate who you are and don’t let your attention get averted away by what you are not.
It is truly inspiring to read James, men appreciating their tenderness and vulnerability as a strength and not knocking each other for our innate qualities.
Beautiful piece of writing James. I can feel the Truth and Beauty all through your article. I am only recently starting to really feel appreciative towards myself. Up until now I did a lot of appreciation from not being connected with my body. This made me doubt quite a lot. Now I am actually seeing and starting to accept some of the Amazing qualities that i bring. And that I don’t need to show off, or writing them off by saying “ah, that’s normal’. And it also leads to the path that I can truly be inspired by others. Rather than comparing and ‘trying’ to become as good as they are. Because the latter I feel is only about doing and making myself less. Which is not the case, is it. We are all really special and we bring all something unique that we actually want to learn, otherwise we wouldn’t meet that specific person. It is still work in progress, but your blog has definitely helped me to get a deeper understanding and the possibility to express this comment.. Which feels Beautiful, Expanding and Confirming. Thank you James.
Beautiful Floris thank you for sharing, it is lovely how you are now truly starting to appreciating yourself and it is not just words. There is a huge difference between saying something and fully feeling it in the body, there is no doubt when we feel it in the body, for me it is like a huge YES I know that. The more I confirm myself the stronger the feeling becomes and the more content I become and am within myself. Like you it is an ever unfolding and deepening, one step at a time!
Celebrating ourselves will make us realize that we are far more amazing than we ever might have guessed. Finding back to our self-worth will allow us to value others instead of constantly comparing ourselves with them or rivaling for various reasons.
I love what you have shared Michael, celebrating is our way forward and fully appreciating each other in all the various ways people present themselves. All cultures, all ages and all genders.
I fully agree Michael and Donna, it is amazing how much life changes when we truly start to appreciate and value others rather than always trying to compete and be the best at everything.
As I deepen my celebration of myself I keep being amazed by myself and as that is happening so I am finding myself amazed by others. What an enriching cycle.
It is a very enriching cycle Jonathan, what I am also constantly amazed by is that there is no end point or place to get to as there is an ever deepening of love, a constant ongoing expansion.
I concur Brendan it is an unimaginable freedom that has somehow become a complete reality in my life too. Yet in fact that ‘somehow’ was no accident but a very deliberate and achievable set of principles outlined by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
“We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves”. I love that you have realised that it is fine for men to show just how sensitive they are, rather than cover that up in playing the role that they are tough, can’t be hurt etc. For me, I prefer the deep honesty that comes with being onself, how else do I know who I am truly dealing with? I find it beautiful to be with a man who is not ashamed to show just how he naturally is. That way, we can can have a discussion without me feeling that the man may have a hidden agenda. That is the man that I feel I can trust. And to me, it is just as important for a woman to be her natural womanly self.
Lovely points Beverley, underlying it all whether we are a woman or a man we are equally the same precious sensitive beings. The more we accept this and nurture it the more loving our relationships will become.
So beautiful James and Beverley – accepting our sensitivity is not easy at times. To nurture and appreciate our sensitivity is a must for I feel that this goes hand in hand with our awareness. Each deepening and building.
So true James, “whether we are a woman or a man we are equally the same precious sensitive beings”. Such a richness that is brought to all our relationships when we accept and nurture this in the way we choose to live each day.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other”
What a transformation for you James; it is so lovely to feel the appreciation you now have for yourself and others
It is so freeing to not live a lie, I love the way you expressed this; very inspirational.
I agree Shirl, it is soo freeing and less exhausting to not constantly have to live up to the lie I had prior to Universal Medicine been living.
It is so true it takes so much energy to hide who we truly are all for the sake of protecting ourselves from being hurt by others. Much more liberating to celebrate these qualities of tenderness in ourselves and others.
James I can really relate to this blog and have first hand experience of living a lie and I know how exhausting it is. As Shirl said this is very inspiring.
Celebrating the strengths of others is incredibly rewarding. It confirms and encourages them, and it reminds me that I do not need to be great at everything, that there is always the support that is needed and that together we cover what’s needed all round.
I enjoyed a day today playing with my son’s babies where he so gently and tenderly fed and cuddled his toy baby. I realised when we were at the school playground after this that the pressure on him when he goes to school will potentially be not to continue to play those games and to fit in to the rough and tumble of what it is expected to be.
By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other. This sentence just removes any need for comparison or competing.
James, I love your blog, and I love all the beautiful men who have been attending presentations by Serge Benhayon through Universal Medicine. It is great to see all of these really sensitive and gentle men (true gentlemen) who no longer find it necessary to be in competition with other men. “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” I love this statement, how wonderful it is to see and celebrate strengths in others and not become jealous or try to be ‘one-up’ on them, but to be inspired by them and learn from them. And we can certainly learn from one another. We need to appreciate what each of us can bring to the world. This is how we all should be in the world, not having to be better than others, but all working together with our own individual talents, to produce what the world needs.
Thank you James love this about we all lead and we all follow, its very empowering and shows there does not need to be a winner or a loser if we come together and in doing that celebrate all that men bring to the world in truth.
I like this bit as well – we all lead and we all follow. Nobody is “the only one”. We are all the ones and we all have to power to lead. When we accept each other in our grandness, we as a group are very powerful.
A great blog James thank you, I particularly liked your comment…’ I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.’
To hear a man acknowledge this is quite something. It’s never really been acceptable for men or women for that matter to be ‘sensitive’. Growing up in my experience it instantly meant you were probably hard work to be around, likely to take things personally, not able to ‘take it like a man’ or that you were a bit ‘precious’ as a woman. These were not good things to be seen to be if fitting in with peers or popularity were sought.
Re-defining that word is very important it seems… and re-claiming the true depth of our innate sensitivity as a strength… thanks for sharing what you have, in you doing so, l’m sure many others will relate and feel more inspired to follow suit.
Celebrating our own strengths and those of others is so very powerful. Since men habitually tend to compete against each other (in order to protect themselves from being rejected by the world) the act of appreciating each others strengths is great medicine indeed as goes a long way towards healing the situation.
Thanks for sharing that James. Men as a whole are so resistant to being sensitive, because of how sensitivty has been presented by society. But I have to say, Women have also lost touch of what it means to be sensitive. As a women myself, it is only in the last few years that I have started to allow myself to feel more and be more vulnerable. I think women spend much of there time trying to match the hardness of men in order to ‘get through’ life. The ironic thing is, is that men are not naturally hard, as you’ve shared here. They are gentle beings, gentle-men who are loving and caring and those that allow themselves to be this are in fact so much stronger than the man who refuses to reveal who he truly is and hides behind the bravado and macho mask.
That awareness of what it is we are feeling is something each of us can access, man and woman alike, in choosing to honour that by developing it, together it and we grow, and shine from inside out, gorgeous blog James thank you.
It is very sad to see men competing against each other to proof their worth. Why do we feel the need to act in this way at all. What happened to appreciating what we already have, instead of living to a belief we should be something else or greater that what we already are.
“true for me” for me this sums it all up beautifully. I know I have lived and still do at times not being true to myself, which feels like living constrained in a box. When I make a choice, a decision that is true fro me, the freedom and expansion that is felt in my body, t is the true meaning of freedom to me – to not live a life controlled by anything.
The competition and the dog-eat-dog world that is the reality of life for most men is awful. And similarly we could say that the sizing up and the jealousy that happens around women is just as awful. But what I loved about your sharing is that you are introducing that it does not have to be this way, that we can learn, or re-program ourselves to drop the games and actually let others in and let ourselves out with no guard there, no protection and no expectation of assault. This is something that I am still learning to do – the guard tends to come up as a default if I am not totally aware of what is happening – and it is this guard that keeps everyone else at a certain calculated distance away from me out of fear of hurt. But the hurt that I really fear is the hurt of not being totally with everyone (warts and all), and this is what I am doing to myself really. What a lesson in life! Thank you James.
Thank you Henrietta, it is a huge lesson in life and I for one am very thankful to a Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for helping to ignite and initiate this in me. I agree that the fear of not being totally with everyone is one of the main reasons I have chosen to play ball with what is ‘expected’ of me rather than what is true for me. I did this for most of my life and still catch myself doing it. It does not help and leaves me with an empty feeling that is impossible to fill. Whereas when I say ‘here I am’, warts and all, then no matter what anyone says or does I still have a lovely content feeling with me and that is more than money could ever buy.
Henrietta, I love the way you have brought into this discussion about the jealousy that happens around women. I agree it also is absolutely awful. In my teenage years and for quite a while after, I did not want to have anything much to do with other young women. There was so much back-biting, jealousy, nastiness among girls and young women, I felt quite ashamed and did not want to be part of it. I was drawn far more to male company, although as I was very shy also, I did not become very involved with them either. Actually, other than with a couple of like-minded young women friends, I found myself pretty lonely at times. People all around were so into playing roles.
Celebrating each other’s strengths in truth and by impulse is a beautiful and natural way of brotherhood as you have shared James. This celebration in words come from our body, and this is the true celebration and healing when expressed and received.
Thank you 1heart1love1earth it is deeply healing when we celebrate and honour each other without any competition or trying to prove anything. It is so simple yet something so many of us find so hard to do. Somehow it seems easier to pick fault in someone than to celebrate them.
This sentence Brendan is equally true for all of us. ” Learning to truly support myself and live in a way that is true for me has unlocked a freedom that I never imagined was possible.” As a woman I have not always appreciated the pressures a man is under from society to “be a man,” as equally persistent as the pressures women face I now realise.
Exactly Rosemary, the pressures men face from society are extreme, as are the ones placed on women – and we are set up to be in comparison like men are set up to compete. The loving relationship we have with ourselves frees us up from these prisons and opens the door once again for us to love and support each other from a true heart, men and women alike.
It is a massive pressure we have as men to be a ‘man’, to toughen up and be all macho. It is sad when I see men being all tough and saying things purely because they think they need to rather than expressing their exquisite tender selves. The pressure to be a ‘women’ I know are also equally as challenging and demanding.
“We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves.” There is so much here in this statement James. How inspiring for other men to read this and feel that it is possible for another man out there to be able to feel this deeply about themselves. But for me as a woman to read this too.
Yes exactly Raegan, important not just for men to express this of themselves, but also to know there are women who will value it above all else in a man. I certainly came from a background where I did not do this, looking to the macho man as the ideal version. In breaking down my own walls of protection and hardness against the world, and feeling how much more to me there is, I have gained a much greater appreciation for what is really beneath the macho facade we have asked men to hold for so long.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man”. Very inspiring James – when more men start to realise this and live this way, and more women support men who are willing to drop their ‘bubble’ and live the ‘man they naturally are’, society will start to change all will start to live more truthfully and hence more lovingly, especially in relationships, as you say.
Great point James. What actually stops us from celebrating others? Is it merely the fact that we have not celebrated ourselves up until that point? When it feels so amazing to appreciate and support others, it makes no sense that we don’t do this all the time, with everyone we meet, as a way of life. Clearly our past choices, hurts and insecurities interfere with the beauty of celebrating life like this – which can actually be healed through appreciating our truth and strengths.
I get a sense of just how it could be – relationships would blossom, as would conversation and whole neighbourhoods, nations even. People would get to know each other and trust more. Maybe even competitive sport would disappear …. now there is an idea!
I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. This is a beautiful thing to learn James, for anyone, man or woman, as competition in all it’s various forms place a big part in our lives. To truly celebrate another’s success we need to hold them as absolutely equal, and celebrate as if it were our own success.
I agree Rosemary, the key is to hold everybody else as a complete equal, no matter who they are or what they may have done. We are all equally tender, sensitive and loving people.
Hear! hear! James, I totally agree, Every one of us are equal, tender, sensitive and loving people”.
Absolutely James, I couldn’t agree more. I just love that I have come to know and experience the tender, sensitive, loving qualities in men allowing me to know/ feel that we all possess these qualities, men and women equally. And that has been a truly beautiful thing to learn and feel!
Thank you Rosemary, it sure is ‘a truly beautiful thing to learn and feel!’ I have to pinch myself at times to feel how blessed I am.
I was caught up in a victim role for the most time in my life and for me, it was pure medicine as you describe James, to start to celebrate me and all people around me. I’m not my hurts, I’m love and I’m very precious and every single day I can appreciate myself and all other people.
Hear hear alexander1207, that is awesome to read. Life for me has totally turned around as soon as I stopped thinking I was the victim. Something I realised is that by playing the victim I would get attention and so it further fostered in me the belief that what I was doing was ok. Far from it, what I have, just like you, to bring to the world is huge and it is important we do not hold back, ignore it and simply allow abuse to happen all around us.
I love what you have shared here alexander1207,”I’m not my hurts, I’m love and I’m very precious and every single day I can appreciate myself and all other people”. That is really beautiful, and I can feel you are too.
What struck me today most is your statement that we are living constantly a lie, James. And this brought forth sadness, as it is true what you are claiming. We are constantly living a lie in our society in not truly and deeply understanding that we all are connected naturally and are not enemies, like often we conduct ourselves towards another building walls of protection.
It is sad Kerstinsalzer15 but slowly by realising and seeing this we can change it and make more loving choices and let go of the pretense. The more we do this, the more we give the space to others to also do this and so then everything changes.
I have found the ability to recognise and work with each others strengths is paramount to enjoyable team work.
Part of stereotype masculinity, the man box that has so many men imprisoned behind the ideals of society, is the ‘in control’ façade. It’s a killer, literally. So many men believe that they are weak if they express how they feel or seek support and many suffer depression, loneliness and other mental illnesses. Quite often this leads to suicide. What if true strength was being able to know what to do with our feelings and being open to the support that we may need?
Yes Jinya. The ‘control’ factor is lethal. As soon as we think we have to be ‘in control’ and give that impression, we have immediately separated ourselves from everyone and everything. As you say, it is a facade, an obstacle or shield put up to protect the person. This act of separation makes us feel lonely as we lose the life-giving feeling of being connected. No wonder men (and women) can get suicidal. I so agree that true strength lies is allowing ourselves to feel, to be open and even vulnerable, and let people in.
Well said Lyndy and Jinya, the notion that we have to be ‘in-control’ is huge. For me it has meant that I would get frustrated when things do not go to plan, I get frustrated with others when they do not do what I think they should be doing, and sadly I miss out of the beauty of what has constellated before me so that I can understand it and learn from it. After all if everything I allow is seemingly smooth then how can I learn from my actions? Where am I going to be shown I can embrace love more and live more lovingly? Even if we can put on the act of having everything together when we do not, underneath we are constantly trying to fill up the emptiness we feel, the emptiness of not living our true selves.
Competition is sinister. Someone always comes second and with that comes hurt and rejection. Why not celebrate everyone for their own individual strengths. We need to stop looking at the finish line and start looking at the journey of getting there, as we have much to learn from each other. We are all unique individually and it’s this uniqueness that is required to make humanity whole.
Well said Lindellparlour, ‘competition is sinister’, yet it appears to be everywhere you turn. So many ‘successes’ in life are based upon being the being the best, effectively being better than other people, rather than looking at the quality we are living with. When we do this we see that we are all needed to work together and in reality true success only comes from working together and never comes when one person or group prospers at the expense of others.
So true. What do we miss when we always have our sights on the finishing line. More often than not trampling on everyone to get there. And for what a moment of glory that leaves everybody else behind. How can there be any glory or celebration in this.
You’re right annemarie00, there is no glory in competition. There is only ‘self’. If you come first in a competition only you get to feel the elation, everyone else can only observe or react from their hurts. We don’t advance as a race this way as there will always be a division.
There is no glory in competition or in beating another. It actually hurts me when I try to beat or out do another person. We can have uber amounts of success sure but not if it is at the expense of another person. ie. crushing someone to succeed is not love and so the end result cannot be loving. We are here to learn to re-turn back to being love and this means being love with everyone equally – the more we do this the more true success we will have.
So true crushing someone to succeed is not love and all that can come of this is separation, resentment and ultimately an emptiness as much as we try to prop ourselves up with this false glory. So true being love with all equally is the true measure of success.
Beautifully said Annemarie00, ‘being love with all equally is the true measure of success’. The love and contentedness we feel in our hearts and our bodies at the end of the day, well at at point in the day, is far more than any money or material object can ever bring us.
Truly said James. There can be no joy or no true success that is gained while crushing another. It doesn’t make any sense at all and is the result of a blindness to the larger view of life, love and the universe we live in.
Beautiful words James. The love we feel at the end of the day is more precious than money can buy.
Awesome James. We have all been found to be competing with others at some point in our lives. When I think about the idea of competing and comparison, I can see it is a ridiculous thing we do. We all have our own unique flavour to bring to life and we are the only ones who can bring it precisely this way, so the very idea that we can be better or worse than another falls flat on it’s face as it is an impossibility to achieve and why would we want to we have our very own unique flavour to explore and develop.
Tonisteenson, it really is ridiculous as the more we appreciate and celebrate what each other brings the more we see just how much we can all work together and compliment each other. Somehow we have got into the notion we must do life alone, struggle through at work making it all about us and our security instead of stopping to truly work together and ask for support when we need it and bring up others when they also need the support. The notion at work that competition breeds success is short lived, working together as one is what truly brings success and everyone then naturally benefits. Workers do not get burnt out and long term production increases – the key is simply to make everyone feel valued, at least it has been in my experience!
It is sad to see some little boys have to act tough and not cry when they are hurt to please their parents and fit in to the picture their family have for them to live up to. Males are just as sensitive as females. Societies stereotypical picture of how a male should be takes him away from the naturally sensitive delicate warm creatures he naturally is.
I agree Margaret, as we see this all too often. There does seem to be a belief that boys should be toughened up but it definitely isn’t doing them any favours.
I fully agree as well, it makes us as little boys think that we cannot be sensitive or express how we are feeling because our parents won’t like it. So we start to learn to bottle things up and keep things to ourselves. This starts at a very young age. It is amazing how such a little thing like that builds up inside men (and women) completely transforming them into acting in a way that is completely unnatural yet becomes so normal it is considered their reality and way of being, crazy really.
I love what you say here James, we become insensitive because that is what is expected of us, we do it to please our parents. We learn to hide our feelings and as we grow older a stress builds up because we are not expressing who we are. As young men we have transformed in a totally unnatural way that becomes so normal. Really crazy.
It’s incredible that we do not share and speak of others strengths daily. If we did then we might avoid some of the crazy drive that runs our life looking for acknowledgment of what we are doing instead of who we are as a person.
Well said, Stephen. The way both men and women are living today is not serving us, as shown by the increase in prostate and breast cancer rates, despite the advances in medical research. How bad does it have to get before we are all forced to take a closer look at what’s really going on.
James I love what you shared here ’I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strength and the strength of others’ rather than focusing on the tension of perfection which is never enough! Or trying to live up to this idea of what a man or a woman should look like which results in endless frustration. Confirming our strengths develops an equalness and an appreciation for others in all that they bring, what a lovely way to live .
Thank-you James for ‘living far more than a man’ what we are always seeing beneath the put-on act and wishing men would express that sensitive natural loving, caring tender man within. What a gift. I like how you refer to time spent on our weakness as an indulgence. We are so much more than that, it is a perfect excuse really to not embrace all that we are and the responsibility we have to each other in doing so.
I find it very easy to look at other people’s strengths, but what I have noticed is that these strengths I notice are the strengths they put out for show so to speak. For example I will notice someone is confident when they are over confident. When I look back I realize it is often attention seeking because of their hurts of someone not cherishing them and their strengths.
Very true Ben, when people put these things on, I often find that with it it brings an air of envy from others and does not truly inspire people to be like them. Whereas when we are living our full strengths and are strengths that naturally come through then we inspire people without trying. There is a huge difference between a so called put on strength, one which is achieved usually at the expense of other out of seeking recognition and reward and a strength coming from simply living you without needing anything for it or looking for anyone to say well done.
I love this – “We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing”….how important is that!!!! Incredibly I saw. We need to truly support each others greatness and celebrate it – wholeheartedly and freely.
Sensitivity is not a trait often celebrated in men yet it is there in every man alive and as obvious as can be. To ignore this sensitivity gives rise to men acting in a way that is not their natural essence. Acting tough is our calling card as men, like a badge of honour yet showing our fragility is something I now recognise more and more as a strength of being a man, being able to express how I feel is likewise a real strength. The idea of what it means to be a man needs to be deconstructed as we can see from the huge rise in illness and disease, prostate cancer being one such example that the model of man that is currently celebrated and pushed is not working. James, your writing highlights this way and how it is imperative that we start to change our ways and change our perceptions of what is manly and masculine.
Stephen you write with real strength. I love ‘to express how I feel is likewise a real strength’. This is both true for men and women. If everyone expressed truthfully then there would be no hurts or confusion and our children could grow up innocently knowing and freely expressing their strengths in a playful way.
Thank you Stephen, I fully agree with you, we need to redefine what it truly means to be a man in every possible way. We need to look at the way we bring our children up, how we interact and speak with other men and women. What we truly value about ourselves. Something all men and women need to realise is that we are so much more than what we do. And that what we do is merely an expression of who we are, it does not in any way define who we are. It is so easy to get caught up in the provider role for our families yet I know I would far rather spend more quality time with my family than going after that extra sale at work. It is hard when from every angle we are pulled to want more material objects, to want bigger and better things. Yet at the end of the day I know I can go to bed feeling content when I know the quality I have lived my day with has been loving and supportive of those around me and for me that is what is worth more than money can buy.
This is great Brendan and a beautiful confirmation that by supporting yourself and living a way that is true for you connects you to the man that you are. Its crazy that men or women could be expected to be anyone else.
This is such a key discussion and as much as it is written for men I feel it is equally relevant to women. The constant competition of working against each other and to out do each other is very ugly and does not build relationships that you can trust. Celebrating our strengths and just as equally celebrating others is such a game changer. When I have embraced and allowed myself to see others awesome qualities then to act on this with them really does create an environment of being equal and together. It feels so natural this way.
I agree Natalie. When we choose to celebrate our strengths and equally celebrate others we are inspired to grow.
Indeed Gill, ‘realising that our true strengths lie within, not outside us is a celebration in itself’! It is, well at least for me anyways, a huge relief that I do not need to be anything or to prove myself to anyone as I am already everything I could ever want to be.
I approach work with a similar approach James – to work with each others strengths. I really enjoy and appreciate my colleagues as a result, this has become a huge reason why I enjoy going to work so much.
It does make a huge difference Abby. Appreciating what each person at work brings to the team helps keep everyone working together instead of pitting ourselves against each other as can so commonly happen especially in sales environments like I work in.
I agree Abby, when we take just an extra moment or two to stay with a colleague and confirm one of their strengths we see and feel how this one moment is adding value that is absolutely priceless and that is of course is passed on to our clients. We cannot do this if we are just focused on getting through the day without any relationship with each other or our work. Everyone misses out when this occurs.
There is so much to celebrate in every human being – both that which is being lived and the potential that is there for that person to choose. Donning a mask and doing what looks good is selling ourselves so short, as this doesn’t hold a candle to the amazingness that we all bring in truth.
Wouldn’t it be great if we lived in a world where everyone supported others in their strengths, and not feel threatened by others. We all bring something different and there is no need for competition. James you are one of many that are connected to your true self, allowing others the space to feel their own connection.
Agree Natalie. It seems so blindingly obvious, that if we all just support each other, there would be absolutely no need for competition and comparison. I find it crazy to think that this concept is often seen as an ideal when in fact, it’s what is actually natural and normal.
I loved reading this blog again James. It is so simple in it’s delivery and contains such a powerful message. Comparison and competition are out. Appreciation and celebration of ourselves and others equally for our strengths is in.
Wow James this is beautiful, I loved reading you article and hearing about your development. This part stood out for me in celebrating another “We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing,” this is such a supportive way to relate to another, no competition can enter when we celebrate another.
Thank you Bianca, it is such a supportive way to relate to others, rather then the constant trying to prove or make a point. The more we are comfortable and content with ourselves the less approval we seek from others.
As adults we are the role models for the next generation of boys becoming men. By including them in our conversations about our feelings and consulting them, they are empowered to honour their inner life.
We are role models indeed Jinya not just for the next generation but also for our fathers, grandfathers and our current generation. The more we honour who we truly are and what we are feeling and stop trying to play the macho games the more other men and even women see this as normal and acceptable and actually something to aspire to. For many men so entrenched in their current lifestyle this may be too much but everyone given the space and support no matter how far they may have tread from themselves can return to living the gloriousness that they are.
Such a beautiful sharing with us James – In your words “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves” Since I’ve attended presentations/workshops as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am constantly inspired to live in a way that allows more self love into my life – this has led me to open up doors of endless possibilities. Who knows perhaps that too in itself has initiated inspiration in others also.
I am sure it has Marion. We all have the same innate love and sensitivity it is just how much we have buried it. It has not gone it has simply been covered over. The more we see other people express from this place the more we remember and re-connect to ourselves. From there the journey begins.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” Appreciating and celebrating ourselves and each other is so important in a society that seems to feed on putting people down when they reach a place of achievement. The British especially seem to like an under-dog – is this fair?!
It is crazy sueq2012, my feeling is the reason why people like to be the underdog is because their is no pressure on them, no jealousy, no body trying to take them off pole position. Whereas when you are out front leading seemingly everyone is trying to catch up with you and pull you down instead of being inspired by you and wanting to learn what you are doing. It comes down to be all about self and the individual rather than looking at the true good for the whole group and the whole of humanity.
So very true Brendan, we are quite literally bombarded with ideals about what a men should look like and be like from all angles. It takes a lot of strength to stand up and say no, this is me, I am naturally sensitive, delicate and tender and the more of us who do this the easier it becomes. I wrote this article as well which further expands the point you have raised Brendan: http://www.unimedliving.com/men/true-man/men-are-we-set-up-to-fail.html
It is gorgeous to read the expansion of the comments here on your article James, to gain a deeper understanding of the pressures that men face from a very young age to be something that they are not naturally. Women too have certain pressures, but it is interesting to learn how it is a little different for men and it is helping me appreciate the natural, tender beauty that is there in men.
That is lovely to hear Donna and yes I fully agree it is awesome to read and see the unfolding and deepening with all the sharings and comments.
Agree James, it takes a lot of strength to stand up and say no to the ideals and beliefs imposed on us as men as we will have to face the rejection of those not wanting to embrace their own tenderness within themselves.
It sure does Francisco but with the support of other men, and women, also expressing the truth and standing up and saying no to all the ideals and beliefs imposed upon us it becomes easier and easier. We are all so deeply tender and sensitive it is easy to not want to feel hurt but when we express with love, there is nothing but love and our hurts, hesitations, ideals and beliefs are all naturally dissolved in the sea of love.
I like the way you present the pressure on men being presented to us in life Brendan. It makes me think of how this actually worked for me. I can feel that there is a pressure from society to men in being a certain way and that there are a lot of different tastes presented, of how to be as a man, which are accepted by society for men to choose from. Because of this different tastes we can choose from, I chose one that fitted me perfectly and with that I was in the illusion that I did not conform to any prescribed way of being, but that I was just me. How evil is that, compared to where I am now, unraveling all the false ideals and beliefs I have taken on, revealing the sensitive and tender man I am, of which the taken on ‘ideal man image’ was just a faint reflection of the man I truly am.
Thanks for this great Blog James.
If I really think about it – There is a deep sadness in me that comes from that a knowing the way I am supposed to live as a man is actually so far away from who we are naturally. All the strive and push to be successful and strong and tough and not let anything get to us. And driven to get everything done and put food on the table. Its not that we cant do those things but the way in which we are told from very young HOW to do them. SO far away from the kind, warm, sensitive creatures we actually are. Once we get so far away it seems impossible to ever leave the protection of the image we have created to get by in the world.
I am so grateful that through Universal Medicine and the example of Serge Benhayon I have begun that journey. It is very beautiful to allow myself to honour the natural tenderness I am.
Thanks for sharing simplesimon888, it is sad to think how far we tend to as men live away from who we naturally are. It is sad that society wants us to be the strong, tough guy. It is sad to see so many men and women walking around putting on these ‘roles’ to satisfy expectations. We can either dwell on that or make changes and just like Serge Benhayon be an example to other men and women. It is awesome there are now so many other men and women taking these steps.
This is so true Simon. When James writes…” We appear to ‘fit in’”…it really struck me how mastered we can be in showing all the signs of doing well and doing it right, yet for me there was such a gulf between who I am in essence and all those things I did to fit in. The really remarkable thing, once I dropped them, I seemed to fit in better!
Great point Joel. I have found the same because essentially I am now living far more content with myself and so am not looking outside of myself to fit in. It is a lot less exhausting! Sure I am not partake in some activities I used to do as part of fitting in like drinking but I now don’t see not doing that as not fitting in rather the people doing it are not fitting in! It turns it on its head! Being a part of the Esoteric Community is a real blessing, a community where I am honoured, accepted and confirmed for simply being myself – so yes I now fit in more than ever before!
Very beautifully expressed Simon – in the past I was so caught in the victim role, it was difficult for me to give up my false “identity”. I’m so grateful, that with the help of all the great reflections of Serge Benhayon and all the other practitioners I’m starting to turn my life around and to celebrate what I’m really am – a tender, delicate, joyful man.
I never used to think I was competitive, but I see now that I am competitive with other men in many ways and also with women. In my friendships and particularly my relationships there is a constant underlying tension to stay ahead of the other person and be ‘on top’, so to speak, this way of living creates an enormous amount of anxiety and stress in my body, being always fearful of dropping my guard and protection.
I found the same Thomas, it is amazing when you start noticing ways you are competitive with others suddenly you see it almost everywhere. I noticed little comments come out of my mouth which I used to think were harmless but underneath have a cutting divisive energy. Quite shocking when I see people making these comments a lot of the time and effectively trying to cut each other down, yet these are seen as normal and acceptable comments, as part of life, a joke here or there without stopping to really feel what is going on at play. They are often laughed off but rarely are people pulled up when they are made.
Isn’t it interesting that in true teamwork, we can support and celebrate each other, knowing that the whole team is equally important, not just aspects of it… however, when it comes to life, we act as if we are on our own, separate, and try to ‘be on top’ as you say Thomas.
Why do we believe that we have to ‘be the best’ – is it because we are taught that only ‘the best’ receives recognition, love, the job, the girl, the boy etc. etc…. Is our competition and comparison with each other all because we left the love for ourselves and settled for recognition?… something we forever have to work for, and always by competing with others in order to receive it.
Interesting point Kylie. In true teamwork there is no competition, clambering to be noticed or games at play – just the joy of coming together for a greater purpose and no need for recognition. This is so alien to how we are raised, and we buy into the belief that we need to compete and be the best. It’s a self-defeating game and it’s great that we are now putting these beliefs under the microscope and challenging what so obviously isn’t working.
What you have said here James is so true, and it’s very empowering to be able to appreciate and celebrate the strengths in yourself and others.
James your description of sensitivity here is so much more than what we generally take it to be, ‘ sensitivity allows us to be fully aware of everything that is going on around us. It means there is nothing to fear or worry about because we can feel it and get a good sense of it and so understand it.’. The power of sensitivity can be appreciated more for what it actually is when we understand what it really means.
As I read this blog I can feel what I have observed in the men of the Universal Medicine student body. That the tenderness and care expressed is so beautiful to watch and interact with. In this reflection I cannot understand how it came to be that we all think that the attractive man is the macho beefed up bloke.
I agree Lisa. It’s been a very beautiful experience being around the men at Universal Medicine events and feeling how it is to be in the company of men who embrace who they are, without barriers and masks, just themselves in their tender bodies. A beautiful reflection of how men truly are and can be, if they so choose.
It is lovely being around men who are more and more so dropping their guard and simply being themselves. It is as if we are going back to play school re-learning how to be with each other without any of the ingrained behaviours we have learnt and adopted to get through life. And these behaviours have been very strong for most men so it takes a while to let them go but is definitely worth the effort. As you have both confirmed and others in the comments the difference is obvious for all when we return to our naturally sensitive selves.
…perhaps because the ‘macho beefed up bloke’ is often the one in protection mode (hence the armour of muscle) and a man in protection will not ask his partner to be more, that is, reveal more of her own exquisite beauty, strength and tenderness, lest he be called to do the same also. Some might say that this is the perfect arrangement for two people who are happy to play less because they are simply too scared to just be their true big gorgeous enormous selves.
As you mentioned it is important to confirm others strengths as this in turn supports us in our own. It develops an equalness and appreciation of others and all that they bring.
What a lovely way to live when we can ensure our brothers are with us always.
So true Gail. What a lovely way to live. Ensuring that we are all in this together, pulling each other up in appreciation and love, ensuring that we can all live the fullness of who we all truly are.
Well said, we are ‘all in this together’ and it is only when we truly work together and support each other do we have true success.
This is stunning – I agree what a way to live. Pulling each other up in appreciation and love…..there would not be any nervous energy or anxiety. I look forward to our returning lived way where we all choose to live the fullness of who we truly are.
What a truly inspiring and beautiful comment. Thank you Gail.
Agreed ” what a lovely way to live'” all together, supporting one another.
This reminds me of, the more we trust each other, the more we can let our guard down. There is no need any more to protect us. The opposite, we can support each other in our grandness.
The true value of appreciation has been a revelation to me. As you say James, celebrating the strengths of others is very powerful. As the word appreciation intimidates, there is growth in it and we grow when we express our appreciation of ourselves and others. I was once told that in the average upbringing, a person receives 9 times as much negative reinforcement as positive. There is therefore much room for developing appreciation and celebrating who we are.
That is an interesting statistic richardmills very scary how we bring up our children but no surprise as I went through this experience like most of us. Something I have found is that when we truly celebrate someone for what they bring then they naturally flourish in other areas as well, whereas when we effectively crush someone they beat themselves up and mess up in other areas as well or they learn to push through with a drive and with an underlying need to please everyone so they are not rejected – both are equally harming.
Love the idea of sensitivity as a superpower. Let’s not keep it hidden!!
It is very powerful when we celebrate our own strengths and appreciate the strengths of others. I used to always focus on my weaknesses that I felt needed improving or working out. By concentrating on my strengths, and feeling others strong where I am weaker, the weakness get pulled up and gradually recede in size too.
Yes Gill, it is indeed very powerful when we celebrate our strengths and appreciate the strengths of others. Like you, my weaknesses were to me what stood out, and were something I had to get right or do better at rather than appreciating what I was /am naturally good at. By sharing what comes easily to us, everyone benfits and learns and is inspired to do the same for themselves. And by being aware of our weaknesses but not making them bigger than our strengths they start to not be something to be ashamed of, simply something that we are not as good at as someone else. That we simply can celebrate each others strengths!
I agree Gillrandall and Sandra, I used to find myself getting caught up in trying to hide or pretend I knew something or was good at something so it was not perceived as weakness. Last minute cramming or checking something reminds me of the facade I used to live by. It was all about trying to be seen to be ‘doing good’ but never was it about the quality I was doing things in and with or the quality of my body. As long as everything looked good from the outside I was happy but not fully content. True contentment only comes from living love, understanding and appreciating life and the lessons we are here to learn.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.” This is beautiful James. How many of us are caught up in the mary-go-round of making up an ideal of what we think someone else thinks a man should be and then trying to live up to that? Much simpler and true to be living as the men we are, in all our imperfections, while celebrating our successes and those of the men around us.
Beautifully said Lee, I know many of us are trying to live up to this fictional idea of what a man or what a woman is, and because it is not true and does not exist we set ourselves up to fail. We are not here designed to be perfect and trying to be will only cause endless amounts of frustrations, which I know all too well!!
And as a woman, I can say that we can also get caught up in the same merry-go-round of trying to live up to a set of ideals of what we’re supposed to be as a mother, wife, friend, daughter etc. and then together as men and women, we also get caught up in the same merry-go-round of trying to live up to a set of ideals about what a relationship is etc…. It’s crazy when I think about it, because when we remove this competition and comparison, life can be so much simpler and joyful for everyone…!
Thank you for adding that as well Angela, regardless of our gender competition, comparison and jealousy is rife amongst people. It is as if to succeed we have the notion it means being ‘better’ than another rather than understanding that to truly succeed in life means bringing everyone with us.
Absolutely Katie, it is actually through feeling my sensitivity and expressing that when I feel most empowered
Great Oliver, it is in expressing what we truly feel that allows us to feel the true power of ourselves.
I truly love your line James, “I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others”. Understanding that i didn’t need to be good at ‘everything’ was such a relief some years ago. Said from someone who used to put so much pressure on herself to be good at everything, be a perfectionist. No one was asking me to, it was coming from a lack of self worth within myself, a lack of confidence in being able to let things go. So to learn to celebrate my weaknesses, embraced them, ‘choose’ to put energy into those things that i want to strengthen, has been truly loving to understand and embody.
I can relate to what you share here Raegankcairney, I can also have perfectionist tendencies! What I got to realise a few weeks ago, is how limiting this is. I was helping to organise something and whilst my attention to details is great, details are important, there’s a fine line between ensuring ‘everything is covered’ and it becoming too rigid, too controlled. I could feel the importance of taking a step back and allowing a flow. Particularly when other people are involved, everyone has a different expression and something special to bring and to allow everyone to contribute allows for expansion in a situation and the opportunity for the result to be so much more.
Great points Raegankcairney and Alison, learning that I do not have to be perfect and in fact it is impossible to be perfect has been a huge learning for me. It has let me let go of so much tension I felt growing up, trying to fit in and be the best.
I love what you have shared here raegankcairney about learning to let things go, and relating it to a lack of confidence, I wonder if it is a lack of confidence or a lack of trusting in yourself, your knowing and that everything will be taken care of depending on the choices you make. It is revelatory to hear weaknesses being spoken about in this way, it is almost like I can feel it as different parts of my body that feel more damp, and it is a choice rather than an acceptance of thats just how life is by putting energy into those areas that have been ignored for a long time.
Ah raegankcairney, this was as though I was writing myself as it’s been my same experience! Feeling I had to be the master / perfectionist at everything and that if I needed support, I was someone weak or less, all coming from a lack of self-worth. It’s so true about the healing that happens when we let things go, and I’m learning to not only to celebrate my strengths but also my weaknesses without competition or comparison, which naturally flows onto to celebrating those of others.
That is great to hear Angela, perfectionism and the striving for it is a real killer, it is a seemingly endless quest where we push ourselves to the extremes and with nothing ever being enough, it is exhausting!
“Understanding that i didn’t need to be good at ‘everything’ was such a relief some years ago.” So true Raegan. For me that is a big part of self-love. To accept myself how I am – with all strengths and weaknesses and to understand, my grandness doesn’t depend on anything. My essence is always there, I just have to connect to it.
Beautifully said Alexander, ‘My essence is always there, I just have to connect to it’. The more we realise and accept and embrace the less we will drive and push ourselves at the expense of both our bodies and others.
Appreciating the strengths of others – really getting behind them unreservedly, and Serge Benhayon is indeed a great example of this – goes a long way towards understanding, claiming and celebrating our own strengths. We should be teaching this at school and finding our way back to brotherhood instead of furthering our individuality and thus our lack of certainty about our place in the world through competition and comparison.
Absolutely Helen, the whole Education system is founded on the adversarial way of relating and communicating, pitting child against child. The nurturing and celebration of each other’s strengths, as a way of living and development, needs to be a priority in our schooling. Teachers who can begin to live this way themselves will be like a breath of fresh air in the stagnant pool that is currently our Education system. Children will get and feel this way of being and at least be faced with a choice.
So true Helen, it does indeed come back to “… understanding, claiming and celebrating our own strengths.” That makes all the difference in the world.
I could not agree more Helen, the more we are brought up to work together and not simply champion ourselves or the one who comes 1st the more we will learn we are here designed to be together, to work together and to evolve together.
James you touch on many important points in this short blog. I love the way you turn the competitiveness usually seen between men on its head and reveal it as a front to cover up perceived weaknesses that leave you open to attack. So revealing of the sensitivity of men and the need of them to embrace this as a strength. Similarly with women, if we are but honest and honour the strengths of others we will all develop ourselves instead of the current trend to pull each other down.
Thank you hartanne60 what I find fascinating is that the more I allow my sensitivity to be and for others to see it the more I realise that we are all equally sensitive, we are just playing a game to not get hurt even though the fact of playing the game itself means we are hurting ourselves. It is crazy when we see how sensitive we all are and how much we try to hide this or cover this fact up.
The false and widely accepted version of strength in men – being silent and stoic – is the reason why men find it difficult to talk about their feelings, let alone feel them in the first place. This makes it very challenging for many men to be in relationships where they feel, perhaps subconsciously, the pull to express their tenderness and intimacy. The male stereotype is such a strong barricade that has protected him from rejection, and in this he himself is rejecting himself constantly. No wonder men are more susceptible to taking drugs and alcohol and other risk taking behaviour to hide the pain. The ‘fortress of solitude’ that we build to fit the bill is the start of our ill health. I am learning just to acknowledge what I feel when I feel it. This is a huge step in embracing my true strength.
Jinya I love that you have pointed out that not only can men react to rejection and so build the ‘fortress of solitude’ but that they are also rejecting themselves. I have experienced a similar thing where I have found that I reject myself or put myself down before anyone else can get there and do it before I do. In other words, ‘I will do it to myself so you don’t need to do it’. It is the maddest protection in the world. By simply accepting ourselves, warts and all, huge insure of natural ‘protection’ floods into the body – love.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ This is so refreshing and inspiring to read. What a contrast to the jealousy and comparison that still exists in the world and causes disconnection and disharmony. Thank you James.
I think you are all onto something here. Because as a child, we knew we were sensitive and the world did too but because we don’t appreciate or celebrate our sensitivity as adults, we slowly knock it out of kids and don’t provide them any role models on how to be a sensitive adult in the world. And James I love your description of sensitivity in these comments – being sensitive simply allows us to get a good sense of what is around us and what is going on – all super heroes have that in spades. I am going to be my own super hero today – Super Sensing Sarah 🙂
Other people’s strengths are such an inspiration to me as they are simply reflecting my potential. When we don’t compare or go into jealousy we are being shown constantly that we are so much more.
Vicky the same has become true for me now, it used to be that I wanted to be like that person to “own” that strength as i felt less without having it yet I am finding more and more the inspiration from other peoples true strengths. Take Michael Benhayon and Glorious Music – I’m not a musician but the joy I feel in the music, watching him play the instruments etc.. makes me feel like anything is possible. That the potential is infinite each in our own way – same quality just different applications.
When it was first presented to me that men were sensitive I thought I knew what it meant, which in my mind was someone who gets emotional, cries a lot and needs babysitting through life, but I now know this is not true as I have met many sensitive men and they are nothing like my previous judgements.
It just goes to show you are never too old to question the things we think we know.
Julie this is great as I too as a man was living a role play as opposed to any vulnerability which is the truth for us all. Emotions and crying are dismissed as being ‘wussy’ for men, I understand these are symptoms and may continue if the cause is not addressed. How great is it to have men connected to their ‘gentle – menly’ selves instead of tough robots and bulldogs?
I love it Julie, ‘It just goes to show you are never too old to question the things we think we know’. So very true! We think we know so much and are so arrogant and stubborn at times yet the more I open up and allow myself to feel what is really going on the more I see how little I did know and constrained my view of life has been. It is effectively as if I have had the blinkers on for most of my life but thinking that was it, that I was seeing everything. Know the more and more I widen my view of life, the more and more I see there is to learn about life. Extremely fascinating how we can fool ourselves into thinking something which is not true.
James I love this, this is the type of article we should be seeing on the front page of every newspaper, How humanity would change if we learnt to celebrate each other rather then dog eat dog fostering of jealousy and comparison that we see highlighted on a daily basis. You and Serge Benhayon are showing us that there is indeed another way one that units humanity rather then tears it apart.
Great blog James, Serge has been able to show us that all men are kind of hard wired to compete with each other and that this is a fact of life that we have to lovingly look at and change if we want to move on and evolve the human race. How could we go to war with each other if we did not have the need to conquer and compete and were all connected to the tenderness we are naturally from.
Thank you kevmchardy, I totally agree with you. What Serge Benhayon has been able to show us as men is quite extraordinary yet so clear and obvious when we open our eyes to see it. Competition amongst men is rife, yet it is so common and so normal we have generally accepted it as a part of life and of being a man and so we do not challenge it or see it as a problem. Yet when we start to drop this facade and truly drop the competition we see and feel quite how much we have been missing out on. We crave connection yet we have, I know I have, spent most of my life effectively stopping people getting too close just in case they reject me and so I then feel hurt. It is a crazy game I have been playing!
How absurd in truth it is to compete with each other as men and in the extremes even goto war while in essence we are naturally so tender and when we are truly connected to this we would never act in competition. We accepted this way of behaviour between men as being normal and set aside the sensitive and tender man we innately are. I can feel that I have heavily suffered from having accepted this way of behaviour between men and that through this I was not able to trust any men. Now in dropping my guards and allowing the sensitive and tender men to emerge in me, I can meet men without competition. I am now at ease with men, do trust them and I would definitely not go to war with them.
Celebrating another’s strengths is such a beautiful and honouring way, which can inspire us too, instead of the normal judgement , comparison and jealousy which can easily creep in.
I had a young boy over on the weekend and I was watching the way he spoke and played …. it was a testament to how sensitive and tender young men naturally are! It’s hard to imagine him being any other way and in only a few short years …well the exterior may change but as we know the sensitivity and tenderness never leaves.
Appreciating each others qualities and celebrating our strengths is something I feel we could be more generous with. We can support and inspire each other to be fuller versions of ourselves and that lifts us all. The more I have appreciated my own self and the strengths I find it is very natural to celebrate that in another.
If I am not able to do this freely it is usually pointing at something in my relationship with myself that I haven’t fully accepted.
I feel that when we celebrate another’s strength we are in the humbleness of not only recognising there are things in life we a naturally not as strong in and therefore not called to do but there are equally strengths and areas of service we are called to be in and embrace in full. It feels like the ultimate brotherhood when we live this way together.
It is interesting that we can associate sensitivity with weakness and fear the lack of acceptance of others for not being so-called strong.
I have come to learn that True strength is my sensitivity, allowing myself to be vulnerable and accepting myself for where i am at at any given time. With self- acceptance and allowing of life to be it is natural to celebrate anothers strengths, be forever inspired and to hold everyone as an equal with Love regardless of their choices.
I have experienced the tenderness in men to be the absolute strength and support they deliver to others. I am really appreciating how beautiful that is coming from a man and receiving that as a woman.
James – it was funny because I actually felt there is a super hero character that could come from this. One to support our children and young people to know and understand that their sensitivity is their power.
Gorgeous idea Marcia. How about a children’s book ( like Tan Curtis and Desiree Delaloye’s ”You are Beauty-full’ book) starring that super hero who understands that being sensitive is a powerful way to go?
I love your blog, James, – so honest and full of wisdom. Every man on Earth should read this blog and open up to their tender, loving, sensitive selves. I have four brothers, and I see how the ‘man world’ is tough in them and in others, but with men like you and others alike, they have a true reflection. Thank you, – keep inspiring.
Beautiful James, so many gems of truth together. The importance of celebrating other people´s strengths and how that affects them and everybody lifting us all up. The fact that sensitivity is about being aware and accepting all that we feel. The being behind each other instead of against each other. I see/feel the big Love unfolding in your blog and in your life.
After re-reading your tender blog James and some of the comments I recognised that the inner tension I once felt has gone. This came from protection, guardedness, trying to keep it all together and fearing being caught out. With the support of Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Medicine practitioners, my own inner healing has taken place. I feel naturally me, less inclined to hide, able to recognise my strengths and those of others.
Thank you James for expressing how sensitivity is in fact a strength and not a weakness. It’s always wonderful to hear a man talk so lovingly about himself. There certainly isn’t enough of that going around.
I agree Elodie, there is not enough of it around but as you can see from all the comments there is more and more of us men opening up and returning to our true strength to our sensitivity. I am not saying women do not do it but as you say men can be extremely hard on ourselves, as we tend to focus on the negative aspect(s) of how we are living and doing things, rather than actually seeing all the awesome loving ad caring things we are doing.
Lovely James, it is beautiful for a woman to feel a man expressing this love and tenderness with themselves and others… it melts any of the hard edges of protection that some of us women may be carrying in our bodies. It works both ways for sure.
When I am not protected or in competition with another man and he is equally open and we have a hug, I can feel that there is no gender. Just tenderness.
I agree Marcia and Katie, sensitivity allows us to be fully aware of everything that is going on around us. It means there is nothing to fear or worry about because we can feel it and get a good sense of it and so understand it. The more we honour, confirm and appreciate our sensitivity the more awareness it brings to what is going on and so the stronger our super ‘sensing’ power reignites to.
James, thank you for sharing your journey to ‘manhood’. I feel that if every man read your blog the tension that they live in would ease and give them permission to be ‘real’ instead of playing ‘look at me I am better than you: stronger, wiser, smarter, wealthier, better with woman etc.
I fully agree janneprice, I know if I read it when I was younger along with all the follow up comments from everybody it would have helped me to say its ok if I do not ‘fit in’ with those around me who are abusing their bodies and themselves, as that is not normal. I always struggled with friends drinking and smoking marijuana as it was seen as normal and acceptable but never felt right or true to me, yet I would join in thinking that was fitting in and being accepted. I would then have a few months abstaining and then right back into it!! I now know I was not giving enough strength and appreciation to myself, something which the more and more I do the more and more lovely and content I feel within my body and so the less I feel the desire or need to try to please and fit in with everyone around me.
Just the title of this article reminds me how important it is that we are ‘Celebrating our Strengths’ as we can spend far too much time indulging in our weaknesses that we forget how amazing we all really are.
I like how you you refer to time spent on our weaknesses as an indulgence. I agree Michelle we are so much more, it is a perfect excuse really to not embrace all we are and the responsibility we have to each other in doing so.
Yes Victoria, I agree, Michelle makes a great point – viewing time spent on our weaknesses as an indulgence – for how can we truly develop and grow when we are focusing on what we are not, what we are doing wrong or what we need to change. If we come from a place of first recognising and accepting how amazing we are, we can see our weaknesses with a greater clarity and perspective – as small things that we can address one at a time but that in no way define us or detract from the truth of who we are.
Recently I heard a beautiful way of referring to our so called weaknesses as simply areas in ourselves or our life that we have not given our dedicated attention to. For something to develop and grow it requires our loving attentiveness.
‘I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have’. This is beautiful, James. Yes, being sensitive is enormously powerful, it gives us an opportunity to read and understand what is really going on it a situation. Our bodies never lie ….. they are communicating with us all the time, but so often, we just override what we are feeling to ‘fit in’. How crazy is that!
James, this feels like one huge blog of appreciation, not only of yourself but for all men and I loved your words “where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.” A beautiful brotherhood. Come on you gorgeous men, I so adore your sensitivity. It makes me feel even more beautiful as a woman.
Thanks James for “living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on”. Funny thing is that, at least from a woman’s perspective, what we are always seeing beneath the put-on act and wishing men would express is exactly that sensitive “natural loving, caring and tender” man within. What a gift!
And one of our greatest strengths is seeing, accepting, appreciating and celebrating the beauty and greatness of others and ourselves equally.
James what a beautiful article – celebrating our strength confirms us and builds self worth – it’s a lovely thing to do with our children as they grow. I can just imagine a day in daycare playing games where each child shines as they have the floor to express all the wonderful strengths they bring and why they think they have that particular strength – how they would use their strengths to support their communities… Now that is true team building or rather SOUL building…
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog James, it is so lovely to feel a man expressing his true, tender self so naturally. These qualities that all men had when they were little boys, is still alive and well inside, it’s only society and others ideals and beliefs that stops it in its tracks, and sees men becoming hard and closed off from their tenderness. The world needs men like you James to lead the way back.
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” This quality is one aspects that makes Serge Benhayon such a glorious role model. The celebrating others without a hint of competition is so empowering for others. Having experienced and witnessed this personally it has inspired me to practice it. At times the the old habit of competition creeps but when I have managed to fully celebrate another without any expectation or competition it has been so joyful for both. A win, win situation for all concerned. How different life would be if this is how children are brought up rather than in competition.
It’s true Jonathan, celebrating others ‘…for what they bring and who they are’ is a beautiful quality and one that should definitely be shared with everyone – especially our children.
I agree Jonathan something so simple can change the world.
James Nicholson – you are the MAN! Thank you for sharing with us the sensitivity and tenderness that you are. I was inspired reading and feeling you.
Thank YOU Marcia!! It is lovely to share my sensitivity more and more!
And I love your explanation of sensitivity as simply ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – so simple and so far removed from the negative connotations usually associated with the word. When we accept and embrace our sensitivity – our ability to feel – as you have done, life becomes a whole lot easier.
Thank you Hannah, it makes no sense to compete with others at every single turn, all we do is set ourselves up to fail, rather than embracing the reflection and learning that is on offer. When we celebrate anothers strength they also get the confirmation as well so it is a win-win scenario.
Beautifully put James – so essentially it’s all down to the scenario we choose – either the lose-lose of competition and comparison or the win-win of celebrating our own strengths and the strengths we see in others. It’s really is a no-brainer!
A no-brainer indeed – well said Hannah!
Thank you James for an incredible blog – a wonderful confirmation of the power of celebrating our own strengths, as well as the qualities we see in others. It makes no sense to live any other way, for how can we continue to grow and develop if we live keeping ourselves small in fear of jealousy and comparison.
Its wonderful that when we ditch the comparison, and celebrate the strengths of others as well as our own, jealousy flies out the window.
Yes Catherine, it really is that wonderful – and that simple! 😉
A friend and I recently nominated the comparison we have held with each other… my list of why I compared myself to her was quite long and I can see how this has caused tension and stress in our relationship. There is a humility that comes with not needing to “have it all”; that in an area of life we feel we are “lacking”, another person may have mastered… and so we have an opportunity to really learn from and support another in our strengths and weaknesses.
Great point Annie – that ‘there is a humility that comes with not needing to have it all’. I’m taking this one into my week at work, its made for sharing.
Thank you James. There can be so much joy in celebrating the strengths of another man and feeling inspired by them, rather than feeling ourselves as less or feeling the need to compete with them. Serge Benhayon offers an excellent example of this and inspiration in the way he celebrates the achievements of others.
James I love what you share here about celebrating the strength of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other. Thank you for openly sharing your sensitivity to the world.
‘A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are’ ….. by celebrating each others strengths this naturally diffuses any feeling of comparisson, further supporting the individual to be their awesome selves.
I agree Brendan but what I have found with most men I meet is they can still feel these qualities within themselves however they don’t want to feel them nor express them because of the way society behaves. It’s crazy that we are all walking around with so much protection when really all any one of us wants is to drop all of that and be the young boy inside again
It is crazy Oliver, yet even after knowing all this I still do it!! The more I express my sensitivity and tenderness the less protection I walk around with. It feels that because I am so used to the protection, as many of us men are, that to let go of completely would be too scary as effectively we would be naked for all to see. The more we then honour and appreciate each other as men in our tenderness and sensitivity the more we get to say yes I am not going to get shot down and the more ‘normal’ it becomes.
Totally agree Oliver Snelgrove. How quick does a behavior become a trend and followed by all. You only choose to follow it to fit in and be seen.
I can really feel how men do want to drop all the protection and just be the young boy inside once again. Today I watched two men sitting next to each other, being naturally affectionate. At one stage one of the men laid his head on the other mans shoulder and it was so tender and exquisite I wanted to hug them both and thank them for just expressing the love they felt for each other in all it’s innocence. A melting moment.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ So true and so much more empowering and expanding rather than choosing envy or jealousy.
So true Michelle. Competition, envy and jealousy feel harmful to us and prevent us from truly appreciating the strengths and achievements of others.
This is such a beautiful and confirming blog James, as men and women we are all naturally tender, loving and sensitive. What I have noticed lately is that it seems easier at times to bring each other down, but in truth there is more in appreciating the qualities we each have to offer, encouraging these strengths and supporting each other to build those areas where we may struggle more. What has inspired me is the work of Serge Benhayon and in particular the knowledge that we are all equal. How could I sit in judgement of another when I know we all equally come from the same love, we just need a little reminding of this sometimes.
Well said Jade, ‘How could I sit in judgement of another when I know we all equally come from the same love’. It makes absolutely no sense and it is extremely controlling and judgmental to view another as any different, with understanding we can see that we are each where we are at to learn what we need to learn and in the end we will all get it!
I find that trying to be that ‘version’ of a man, that I consider best or manly, is quite an exhausting process. So being what ever naturally comes to us as men, is logically and from my experience, so much more sustainable and enjoyable.
This is true Oliver. Being someone who we are not – in any way, shape or form is a constant drain on our energy, and one we may not see until we start to lift all the layers we have accumulated along the way that do not belong to us. This process of returning to our innateness is like returning back to how we were as babies or toddlers ~ delicate, tender and full of joy. These are great markers to work from, as they are how we can actually be in life, without all the extra ‘stuff’.
Amelia I like what you write, as it reminds me how tiring it is to try and be someone I am not. It is much easier to just be ourselves and for me that means not needing to be hard or pretend to be a type of man that I am not. James’ article exposes the way we are as men that it really quite ridiculous when you consider that we are all innately tender and sensitive as men and not at all meant to be top dogs or strutting peacocks.
Oliver, Amelia and Stephen, I totally agree it is exhausting to try ‘fit in’ and be someone who constantly pleases everybody else, it is something I know all too well and did this most of my life. And whenever I would try to be a ‘man’ I would almost give up straight away thinking I was not big enough, tough enough, grown up enough, etc.. the constant flurry of thoughts putting myself down thinking how can I be a man. Now I am accepting more and more that simply being me and expressing with my innate tenderness, sensitivity, love and care, something we all have, redefines for me what a man truly is. Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon have been huge in helping me see that living this way is normal and a lot less exhausting, rather joyful actually!!
Your blog has me thinking James how young children are often more able to appreciate the strengths of others without shooting them down or going into comparison, which just confirms that the competitive way that we are so familiar with is not our natural, innate way.
We can learn so much from observing children. They are naturally loving and caring of others. They do not mind and have no qualms about falling on their bums when they are learning to walk. They are not thinking what others may think of them, they generally, especially at a young age, are simply enjoying being themselves, and observing everything that is going on around them.
Very true Catherine children have a natural way of being with each other that is supportive and caring, it is a joy to watch them play when they are like this. As we grow up comparison sneaks in and gradually engulfs our natural tendency towards brotherhood, but we are not born comparing ourselves to one another it happens when we loose our true essence from our need to fit in and be liked.
So true Catherine, the natural openness and vulnerability of children with others is inspiring. When we look at children, we see they are equally amazing but can appreciate their unique strengths and qualities. As adult we can be much harder on ourselves and each other.
Powerful words James: “I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.”
Returning to who we naturally are, and the keys to doing so, is the key teaching I receive from Serge Benhayon. He endlessly offers elucidation, tangible tools and awarenesses in regards to ‘how’ we may engage in such a process within ourselves. And you have encapsulated all this in one blog James, with the simplicity of stating that we just need to allow ourselves to be consciously aware of all we have so ‘donned’ that isn’t actually ‘us’ at all, and commit to letting it go. Beautifully expressed – clearly from something you are committed to living.
I concur Victoria, learning to just allow myself to be me is a fundamental teaching that Serge offers in many many different ways and tools to be able to do just that. Until we let go of the ‘donned hats’ we are forever exhausting ourselves and creating a real hardness in the body that just doesn’t need to be there, just look at babies! All soft and still and gorgeous.
Oh yes Vanessa! How crazy it is that we diminish our gorgeousness in such ways… and absolutely exhausting.
Thank you Victoria, like you I am eternally grateful to Serge Benhayon for all he has done and continues to do. The seemingly endless amounts of patience he has for us and the deep level of understanding, he holds each and every one of us in, is quite amazing. To feel someone who truly loves you with no amount of judgment or desire/need for you to be any different is very unique and shows how we can all be with each other, the more we let go of what we have taken on that is not ‘us’.
James I so concur with what you’ve written about Serge Benhayon. I too am eternally grateful.
Your blog and all the comments are deeply reassuring that it’s absolutely ok to just be me without any requirement for anything other than me being me! It seems crazy to believe than anything other is required. And yet I have strongly adhered to a notion that I am fundamentally flawed and require constant upkeep to keep myself from knowing myself for fear I’ll discover how flawed I really am.
As I have the truth that we are all naturally sensitive and loving reflected to me by men and women like yourself I am beginning to delve deeper and discover I am actually more than ok; that what I don’t like within myself isn’t actually who I truly am but is something I’ve taken on that I can easily leave at the counter.
James, yes, yes, yes… I also have never met such a man who inspires us all to the same quality of love – the real thing – in and through which we are all capable of holding each other. It calls one’s heart ‘upward’, doesn’t it… out of (for me), what feels like centuries of giving up in the face of cruelty and harm that we as human beings can inflict upon each other.
Through the direct inspiration and love of Serge Benhayon, I have re-found the part of me that knows any iota of giving up and holding back my own love only contributes to the mess humanity finds itself in. And so it goes, as we can each inspire each other to come back to that which is so inherent within.
Beautifully and whole-heartedly delivered Victoria!
Beautifully expressed James, for the patience and understanding Serge shows all who he meets is just amazing…. it feels to me it is these very qualities that Serge lives and reflects has greatly supported us all in applying these qualities to ourselves so we could allow easily to let go ( instead of resisting – an old habit of mine) all of what we have taken on that is not ‘us’.
I agree Victoria. The simplicity of just being who we truly are. Sometimes it doesn’t always feel that simple, but in identifying all that we have taken on that is not us allows us to know who we are.
It does take conscious work, doesn’t it Lee – to return to the simplicity… and at times we may find it, only to find complication re-emerges and we have some ‘undoing’ to do…
And yet, there it always is, within – and it feels so darn amazing to be in touch with it, once found. Absolute Joy that we should never have denied ourselves – yet deny we did, and thankfully, everything we need to undo the mess is right here before us. Wow.
James, an awesome blog on ‘Strength’ – thank you.
It is such a fascinating topic when you start to open up to being aware of it.
I can relate to so much of what you have shared as an issue for men. As a woman, I had for most of my life appreciated my ‘strengths’ of sensitivity & preciousness to a certain degree which became enhanced when I began to receive healing and attend courses with Universal Medicine.
After re-building and appreciating my strengths, I then had to look at my weaknesses which is more of the maleness, motion and action of life. I have been steadily working on this to bring a balance within of the male and female aspects and to honour my strengths whilst building my weak areas. It is so rewarding and I feel it directly in my body like I am filling up inside and fleshing out.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others” I love what you have shared here, that it is so wonderful to acknowledge and celebrate what others bring, what they are capable of. It is equally great to know what your own limitations are and accept support from others if they do have strengths you don’t have.
This is beautiful too Raegan. Knowing where our limitations are and being open to receiving support from someone who’s strength it is, is healthy and humble and also a sign of developed self worth. And it works both ways, we will have strengths where others don’t. If we could all learn to harmoniously work together in this way it would go a long way towards eliminating comparison, envy and competition.
Celebrating the strengths of ourselves and others is not only simple and supportive but if we returned to this natural way of being with each other the world would be a very different place.
I agree totally, Penny.
Deep inside there always is this deep knowing that something is not as it should be, but our fear of being exposed for living a lie is obviously so much bigger than asking what is truly going on. Honesty without a limit, taking responsibility and moving on with love will be the keys to unlock the jail we have put ourselves into.
So true Michael and well said, ‘our fear of being exposed for living a lie is obviously so much bigger than asking what is truly going on’. Something I have found is that as soon as I start expressing what I am really feeling and what is really going on for me, suddenly what I once thought was this huge black cloud hanging over me or tucked away somewhere no longer has any power or hold over me anymore. The simple act of saying this does not feel right and so taking responsibility opens everything up to be looked at, which once spoken is not such a daunting thing to do as we can ‘think’ it is going to be whilst it is locked or hidden away.
Our fear of being exposed for living a lie is indeed huge. This may be about it being the ‘death’ of an aspect of ourselves that must occur for our true selves to be able to shine through. Certainly part of us can wriggle and squirm about it. But once seen and named the lie deflates into the nothingness that it is. Lies are made of nothing and will return there.
Could part of the fear of being exposed also be about reading ahead the onslaught of the reaction from a crowd when apparent public humiliation is involved? A crowd will frequently gloat at your so-called downfall and feeling that gloating coming back at you is truly poisonous. The crowd gloats because it is not themselves that have been exposed – they now have a scapegoat and they are feeling ‘safe’ in this toxic hidey-hole.
This is so great to be open about, James (and Michael and Lyndy).
Lyndy, your words about a ‘death’ of a part of ourselves ring very true. When we discover something that’s not true, a living in compromise from who we are (our innate greatness), and via our own will, we choose to untether ourselves from the hold the lie has, it can indeed be daunting, scary even… For much of our lives may have revolved around the lie’s very existence.
And yet, we are not faced with such a point without having first connected with an aspect of our own Truth – which, from my experience (and many ‘deaths’….), will hold us through all the potential changes that can come in our lives when we call out the lie – and say that this ‘imposter’ that has had its hold within, no longer has a place. Personally, I would much rather that Love sat in its place.
And a big ‘YES’ to that Victoria. Let Love sit in the place that was occupied by the lie! Being able to see the detail of the pitfalls brings the lie to the light of day so that it can no longer be in hiding, buried within us as a false fuel propelling our acts. And the exposure is never as bad as we, in our defence and protection, imagine it will be. In fact it is frequently very joyful.
Great comment Victoria
For me I have always felt deep within everything about this life is a lie. As a child I was a very shy quiet observer but I thought a lot and clearly I know now read every situation and person around me and had a deep knowing that nothing in my life was true. I adjusted accordingly to keep myself safe to survive. I have felt a deep emptiness most of my life and searched for truth for many years. I don’t feel like a part of me has died, I feel like I was dead most of my life and Universal Medicine has given me the breath of life.
Yes absolutely Lyndy – to the joy that can be awaiting when we actually let go of what’s not true. We can so stubbornly hold onto the lie, when all that actually awaits, IS our own love and innate joy. It IS truly there within, yet how untrusting we have been to not embrace it so.
Working with practitioners of Universal Medicine therapies, and attending Universal Medicine presentations has offered the most profound and enormous opportunity to be deeply supported in this process of letting go of so many rails I once rigidly held onto. An ongoing process, yet today, the Joy far outweighs the lack of trust I once held… How Amazing this in itself is – hats off Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Wow.
Margaret, that is the most beautiful comment. It is another way to see it, that letting go the lie that you lived, but you always knew not to be true, wasn’t a death at all in any ‘difficult’ sense, but rather, you have truly come to ‘life’.
I couldn’t agree more. I remember drawing a picture when I was 24, that basically represented commitment to truly living life (at the time, I didn’t realise how powerfully I nailed the symbology of what I drew, yet I knew the truth of what it was). Under the picture I wrote two bolded words “TO LIVE”. This was all I wanted to do, and I was acutely aware that I was not living life in the fullness then, of what I knew deep within it could be.
Thanks to Universal Medicine, I now am. My life is amazing, full of off the scale richness, dedication, hard work(!), amazing relationships, love, the deepest growth within… Life has been breathed back into this woman and her body, and I will never step back from it again.
Thank you for sharing Victoria, it reminds me of when I was about 16 seeing everyone going about their lives effectively in blissful ignorance of what was truly going on. I could see it was all about security, paying the bills, looking after the family but what was the point to it all? At this stage I went into reaction and rebelled from the norm as so many people do. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have embraced life far more then ever before and quite literally my whole outlook and perception of life has changed. Whilst people may still be going on about their lives as they used to, I do not need to be a part of the ‘rat race’ society we live in. Effectively now I am in it but not defined by it. It is an extremely freeing way to live.
Great you shared this James. I rebelled to a degree in response to acutely sensing those around me ‘going through the motions’ of life, yet without what felt like a true and deep connection to it. Yet mostly what I let happen within me was a shutting down, and a participation in many aspects of life that didn’t ‘ring true’, that felt compromised.
There was actually deep grief that things were ‘this way’, but back then, I didn’t know how to live all that I knew – it was all too overwhelming.
And so, yet again, in this light, thank God for Universal Medicine, and the rekindling of the inner fires that has so amazingly occurred in how so many of us now live – a long way from such giving up, and continuing to take great steps to the full embracing of all that our lives can truly be.
Yes the limits we put on ourselves are a bit like self imposed prisons. People like James are living examples that there is another way to be, which is just about being yourself. Sometimes its by seeing others living life a different way, that we realize we are in a self imposed prisons and that we can set ourselves free. Thanks Michael and James.
I agree wholeheartedly Debra. Without the role models of those around us who have truly embraced life, I know I would most definitely be lost.
“Top dog” and “majestic peacock”, love the analogies James. Animals aside, you have exposed how men construct their life to seemingly get through it and avoid any situation that may bring what they perceive as rejection. As you say, this entails incessantly living a lie and hiding any flaws or weaknesses. Thank you for showing another way, that men “can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves”. If all men lived this way it would not only bring them a freedom as you say, but it would be life changing and not just for men but for all humanity!
Anne, I so agree with your words, and that many the time I have felt that the men I have met over the years, when in the workforce in my twenties, or as associates that I mingled with in Service Clubs, early marrieds etc. etc. mostly seemed to have this persona of needing to display their prowess, either real or imagined among their peers, to impress the wives of their peers, to overwhelm in some way their workmates or whatever, and your words to James in reference to his blog “,,,you have exposed how men construct their life to seemingly get through it and avoid any situation that may bring what they perceive as rejection.”, and your words bring me to wonder how many hundreds or thousands of lives have our men had to wear this horrible mask, this indominitable armour persona – indeed where did it all commence. I thank God that at last, possibly as a result of the Ageless Wisdom Teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon we/they (the men) have claimed permission to ‘be’ themselves – how glorious and power-full is that I feel.
Thank-you James for openly sharing your sensitivity with the world. I have had the blessing of growing up with a brother and having a great relationship with him I have come to understand that men are as equally sensitive as women. He has taught me a lot about caring for myself and when I introduced him to Serge Benhayon not long after I had met Serge, he began to melt me with the re-discovery of his tenderness. Serge is inspirational in how he holds each of us equal, without an ounce of critique, competition or comparison and as you says, gets behind each one of us with his full support to seeing us be all that we are – he is a truly and deeply loving man, as are you James.
Thank you terrianneconnors for you touching words. I know your brother and he is an equally tender, loving and sensitive man. What I love is how the more we are all expressing our natural qualities with no put on, the more we inspire each other and show that yes it is ok and actually needed for us to be our sensitive tender selves, regardless of whether or not this ticks the boxes society seemingly wants us to.
The more we are our super sensitive tender selves and bring this to the world the more we inspire others to be the same.
So true Kehinde2012 and that is one of the beautiful things, there is no effort, no trying simply being ourselves inspires others to be the same. It takes so much pressure off!
Wow! It’s no coincidence I stumbled across these comments about me and my tenderness. Just to set the scene I am a big guy with the potential to be a “massive unit” and I was after doing gym most of my life. I grew up in a rough football aggressive high school, then into the club scene hanging with rough-nuts. I was angry in fights. I was angry cause my dad was, my school friends were, and the large crew I hung around after school was too. I am not blaming them cause I chose this.
This was not me cause I am super-sensitive and I was just fitting in. I now honour my physical body — my actions are purposefully gentle. I am a truly tender man and live my life with joy not anger.
Thanks so much for sharing your past and the context that you came from, Rik. That is an extraordinary transformation to have become the beautiful, gentle man that you are now and an inspiration to men out there that this is possible for all.
Beautifully expressed Rik, you truly are a deeply lovely, sensitive and tender guy. I cannot even think of you being anything other.
These expressions from James and your brother terrianneconnors must be appreciated. I don’t know anywhere else that I would find such a conversation about men’s tenderness and sensitivity. To be embracing the sensitivity of men is normal, and the expression shared here in this space confirms that truth.
I must admit it has taken me some time to connect with myself enough to appreciate men that are willing to connect with their tender, caring sensitive authentic selves. The more I able to appreciate these qualities in myself the more natural it becomes to appreciate them in others.
This is great James, thank you for sharing.
I’ve noticed that workplaces are quick to address our shortcomings, but very slow to support our strengths. If workplaces did focus and nurture the quality of our strengths, it would transform the working environment immensely. From a business sense it would boost productivity, but more importantly establish a quality that would be felt further afield than just the four walls of the office space.
Indeed Matthew, that is great point. Productivity in the work place would increase the more people feel that they are truly valued and appreciated for what they bring. People crave recognition and often find it hard when all that gets noticed is when they make a mistake or something out of their control goes wrong. Something else I have noticed in the work place is that people often find it hard to celebrate others strengths because of competition and jealousy cropping not wanting another to be seen as doing better.
So much effort as a man, goes into moving through life looking as though we’re ‘unmarked’. I know someone who cut his finger quite badly and I offered to get a bandaid for him – his immediate response was to say that ‘no I’ll seal-up in a minute’ and muttered that a bandaid wouldn’t work (whilst blood flowed onto the ground). Knowing he indeed required medical attention and feeling the fact he wasn’t giving himself permission to receive it, I made-out that I had some electrical tape which would work and eventually he agreed.
So before putting the electrical tape on the cut, I managed to get a bandaid on it, but the point here is: a man hurt, albeit a minor incident in the scheme of life, symbolically wouldn’t allow another man to care for him without first resisting. Resisting in such a way that he allowed blood to stream from his finger all over the equipment being used, being too proud to stop, until requested to do so several times. May we give ourselves permission as gentlemen, to delete pride and protection and replace it with openness and humbleness.
Such a lovely sharing of celebrating everyone’s strengths, thank you James. So much of this is has been true for me as a women as well. Things present daily for me to be aware of and develop the muscle to embrace my strengths. As you say with tenderness and a sensitivity. That way I can actually feel what is going on rather than push through and shut down what it is that is there and pretend I need to keep it all together. The pretense is so hard on the body, and exhausting.
James I loved reading your article. I love watching men in their tenderness, as that is who they really are, it is the outside world that makes them feel they need to be tough and strong, when in reality there is a huge strength in their inner tenderness.
I love seeing the strengths in others and to realize that I don’t have to be able to do everything and be good at everything. I have my strengths and you have your strengths and all together we are this heavenly combination of strengths. With this I put less pressure on myself in thinking I have to be able to be good at everything and this feels very freeing.
The stereotype male version of strength is silent and stoic. It doesn’t give way to open hearted communication. If we are shut off to our sensitivity in this way, it is much easier for a boy to cope with life by playing ball with being tough, even though deep down they are crying out for love. This is what creates bullying and the culture of cruelty that boys and girls can fall into so easily in school. The bullies in power have to keep being cruel to affirm their position. One slip up and they would lose their position of power. Peer pressure can force children to tow the line or they risk becoming the next victim. As adults we have a huge responsibility in making sure that our young grow up with an awareness of what is going so that they are empowered to see through the behaviour and have the vocabulary to express what they feel. This is true strength.
Serge Benhayon is not the only man that is inspiring James but men like you that are able to see and appreciate the tenderness in other men. It is a true honour to read your blog.
Thank you Natasha, being a part of the esoteric community and getting to know many of the men who are committed to also living in a loving way which honours our tenderness has also helped me enormously and showed that it is possible to also live this way. The support of other men has been huge and the more we all live this way the more normal it becomes and so the more men we also inspire. The ripple effect is huge as we are all equally sensitive and tender just many of us have been hurt so much that we keep it to ourselves.
It is such a shame that most men keep this part of themselves to themselves. I can also say the same about women and their delicate tender nature but there is something so special and amazing with a true tender gentleman allowing himself to be super gentle and tender. It feels so lovely when men honour themselves and I really enjoy being around all men that let their guard down and have a natural ease in being themselves in tenderness. its so beautiful.
Me too Natasha, it becomes a very loving and caring environment. I find quite a lot of the time amongst men there is the constant pressure to try to prove myself, to prove my worth so to speak and all that happens is we tend to each become hard and rigid and lose the playfulness. Slowly though the more I stay with myself the more other men around me also do the same – it only takes 1 person to start it and slowly we all melt, as has been the case with Serge Benhayon!
Absolutely James, I love it so much when people are being playful and often times when I’m not feeling so onto of things it brings such light to the air. There is an amazing amount of joy that comes from expressing and not holding back .. and this does inspire other people to be more playful as well.
The word celebrate is so well used in the title of this blog James, and it has set up an extraordinary conversation between everyone writing their comments. When we celebrate we confirm, and when we confirm we bring joy to life. This blog has brought joy to the life of men and has helped me to appreciate what I feel when I am with men, that there is tenderness always present.
Thank you Shami – it is great the unfolding the blog has had with all the comments from everyone adding to it. We do indeed confirm all that we are when we celebrate what each of us bring. It makes a big difference and takes away the constant desire and need to be better, or to prove myself or even to be perfect which I grew thinking I somehow needed to be in order to fit in.
What a beautiful blog James.
As a woman it is the most amazing experience to be with men that are tender, present and appreciative of each other. And that is what i have seen and felt with the male students of Universal Medicine. It is totally unique to have groups of men who are not competing with each other to be top dog. What a joy to experience. And yes you can do nothing but melt when men live in this way.
This is beautiful and timely to read again James – “I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” Today I realised with the help of a supportive friend that I am super sensitive, as are we all, and thinking that things don’t upset me just because I understand something, just leaves me hard and tight in my body and not being honest. Instead, I could choose to be aware of my fragility and grace and celebrate that.
Seeing our strengths for me is simply connecting to the essence of another. So often we see the outside, the cloths, the job, the behaviours, and have judgment based on this. Serge feels our innermost and our inner strength, this is so amazing to feel when in his presence, it is as if that part of me comes to life. The competitive energy from men reduces this feeling, hence why men resort to the dominating behaviours that are so prevalent in todays world.
These games that are played are so strange. Most people seem to be trying to fit into some sort of role. How and why these roles developed is the strange part and it seems now that most people are unaware they are even playing this game.
Such an Important and simple message, thank you James, about the choice we have to appreciate others strengths and not play on weaknesses to compete. This is huge for men related to how we are brought up thinking we are meant to be competitive. To look for and appreciate strengths in other men is an amazing healing for me as a man and also I have felt how the other, in being recognised and appreciated, really drops any guard and starts to enjoy being truly playful and boyish again.
I have felt the same Simon, by being truly appreciated by another man has enabled me to drop the constant need and desire to ‘put on’ a certain macho way of being and has allowed me to express my sensitivity far more. In my teenage years I always used to be more friendly with the girls as could do this more but now value my relationships with men more and more.
I have noticed that this persona of being tough, and hiding their innate tenderness can start as young as age 4 for boys.
When my son and a friends son started kindergarten at this age (several yrs apart) it was like a switch turned on…the openly joyous, tender and expressive child who cried when they were hurt shut themselves down…perhaps in protection. No longer did they cry, there was a weariness and caution with others, and the joy only came out when they felt safe with the people they were with. And this way of being in the world is still with them as teenagers.
This is a great article James. The men that fit the macho alpha male stereotype are often not good friends. I really admire someone I feel safe to open up and share my feelings. It is the trusted men I look to as role models. I would also say that men do not receive compliments well, I know I did not. I used to always play compliments down, or counter them with something derogatory about myself. It is so liberating to genuinely admire the qualities in another without comparison, and to say so out loud. And to receive a compliment from someone without them wanting anything in return.
Celebrating our strengths and the strengths of others is a great antidote to jealousy and comparison. And I most definitely agree James, a man’s strength is in his sensitivity!
Yes it is a ‘beautiful thing’…”…about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” Appreciating ourselves and others is pure joy, bringing each other up, instead of pulling each other down, just in an attempt to be given recognition or get to the ‘top’. There is no reason in the world why we can not all choose to support and ‘celebrate’ ourselves and each other. Serge is an inspiration and I feel he reflects pure joy when he celebrates others, it is wonderful to observe and I feel so much more joy in my life from celebrating rather than criticising myself or other people.
“We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing” this brought tears to my eyes as I could feel how true this is, it is a beautiful confirmation that can be felt in our body. What this is really bringing up for me is the huge level we attack one another and ourselves, through comparison and jealousy. And I am and have been part of that, so there is no blame. It is not natural or normal or part of who we are. It creates separatism and supremacy – the route of all evil.
It is something I have felt as well Gyl, it is crazy and hard to observe quite how much we incessantly try to cut down, undermine and attack others and ourselves. All for what? So we are not viewed or seen as lesser by another. So instead of allowing ourselves to learn form others strengths we stay where we are in the misery and turmoil and surprisingly enough nothing changes!
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do” I would say this applies to all of us not just men. I had the realisation today, though have known for a long time that I do compete with others or measures myself against them, there is no love in this nor brotherhood. Why I am not sure of as yet, my feeling is it a good way to reduce yourself and stay small, and also to not let people in. I am sure it also stems from a lack of self worth and self- love. A very deeply harming and manipulative game to play.
Beautiful to read this James. We’ve been fed such a lie on what being a man is and it’s such a shame to see such tender and gorgeous men hardened by life, putting on a front to protect themselves, hiding the real them. I too used to think that being sensitive was a great weakness but I now know it as one of my greatest strengths and happily wear it.
It’s so true that we hold strong to how we think we need to be around people, and then along comes Serge Benhayon and blows all of that out of the water with his forever love and open book approach to everyone he meets. Walking his talk and showing us the way in relationships through living true to his innermost self and sharing that with others.
Celebrating our strengths is so important because this is how we can build our lives to be amazing all round. Thanks for this much needed article James.
It really struck me reading this comment harryjwhite. It is the simplest and seemingly most obvious of comments. So obvious you might almost think it not worth saying. But, but, but if only that were the case. It is amazing how so few of us and so little of our lives and of the society we live in, actually celebrates our strengths. So much of the focus is on what we don’t have, what we are not, what we could have and what we should have. No wonder we are all exhausted, depressed, ill, angry, lost etc… So your simple words are a divine tonic that we all need to drink.
thanks Otto!
As your wife I can one billion percent vouch for your tenderness, truth and gorgeousness as a man! I feel, both for men and women, we all try to be something else… tougher, powerful, nicer, and we hide our weaknesses and build this whole false image, how often do we show the world who we truly are? This is something huge I have observed and learnt from Serge Benhayon too, as you say he just presents himself, with no show and no need for perfection, he simply presents who he is.
Beautiful appreciation Meg! I agree, there are so many falsities that we can act out and put out at times, to not show who we truly are. Like you though, observing Serge Benhayon, how he is with himself and with all others, has really helped me to see there is no need for perfection and to let it go when it rears its controlling head.
Watching Serge Benhayon has definitely changed my life, it has really made me realise how much I try, and how much falsity we show the world, rather than just saying – this is me warts and all. Not that I have warts 🙂 Jokes aside, there is so much freedom in not trying to be perfect or be anything other than who you are.
Thank you Meg, it is true that largely in the world we all try to be something different from who we naturally are, we try to present a picture to fit in, but all we end up doing is creating a false image which keeps us separate from ourselves and separate from others.
Absolutely James . . . so clearly delineated in a way that all can see what happens to young boys (and, in a different way, girls) as they grow up. The’ picture’ that we throw out there to be accepted and to fit in so that we will not be rejected or hurt is at first like a decoy to protect ourselves, but because it is a TRICK we ourselves are immediately destabilized and this ‘false picture’ almost instantaneously becomes the reality of who we think we are, and the next thing we know we are identified with that and have lost the grandness of who we are. What a trick! We are now saying NO to this trick.
And in effect attacking ourselves in the process as we’re covering up who we naturally are with something that is false as well as tough! Opening up and letting the real sensitive man or woman that we are is so worthwhile, and as one very wise man said to me, we then ‘let our loveliness be our fortress’.
This blog was beautiful to come back to James. Celebrating our strengths and those of others…. So simple and what the world misses a lot of. What would our works be like if instead of putting people down — including ourselves — we celebrated ourselves and others instead. It would be very very different and I’d go as far to say that it would be amazing… no longer us carrying a wound around of being put down, rejected or criticised but instead being truly appreciated for who we are. That’s a world I’d like to work towards 🙂
Beautiful James. We have capped men too much by trying to make them live up to ‘being a man’. It’s refreshing to see a man being his tender self, expressing (warts and all). as a women, it has reminded me to be my gorgeous self more and enabled me to see how I try to fit in too. It’s a wonderful thing celebrating others- it’s a confirmation saying that what your doing is more then okay. Too many things in life today say that we arent okay and so to bring about a change is fantastic. I know for me, it has done wonders. And I’m often left thinking “Hey I’m not that bad!” Celebrating others eventually leads to them celebrating themselves too! (Or at least that’s what I have found) Double win!
I agree Doug and I feel this highlights that as a society we have been duped into a meaning of the word ‘sensitive’ that is not fully true. It had such a negative connotation when I was growing up and was something to be avoided even feared. But what if as James said so well it is simply ‘being aware of what we are feeling’? Well that puts a whole different angle on it and suddenly it is not a bad word or bad thing but a very natural and normal human trait that both men and women have.
Great points Doug and andrewmooney26, we have been duped by the meaning of the word ‘sensitive’ effectively being changed and bastardised to mean something bad rather then something naturally we all are and would want to foster. It made me very weary of wanting to express and show my sensitivity, whereas now thanks to being shown the true meaning of the word by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am embracing my sensitive side more and more and no longer feeling ashamed of it thinking it is not manly.
You are so right in your highlighting of the connotation of the word ‘sensitive’. It would sit alongside other words like ‘girly’ or ‘weak’ or ‘fragile’. I can even hear it now when adults use it. “Yes, he’s such a sensitive little boy” – you can feel the barbed undertone of what they are not saying. And I can assure you the kid feels it, can feel that actually his parent wants him to “man up” and that sensitive is not a good thing. It us up to us Men to be reclaiming this word and living this word and making it normal. Then, when the boys see other men being true men, embracing their sensitivity, they will be able to trust and express the exquisite sensitivity that they innately are without holding back. We are the leaders on this.
I agree Doug that we have lost the true meanings of many words and we are all lesser for it. Is this an accident? A co-incidence? Or have we allowed it, even chosen it to be this way, by giving up on the truth that we can all feel naturally for ourselves at any time. You are right that we have chosen to accept a lesser version of the truth and are therefore then controlled by that lesser fragment of the whole.
Yes andrewmoney26, I was duped by seeing being sensitive as negative but now see it as one of my strengths, and see it as a strength in others too.
It is indeed beautiful how Serge Benhayon celebrates people for who they are and what they bring. I have heard Serge do this many a time and it is gorgeous and I have found it very inspiring that I too now love to offer this to others as I find it deeply healing.
Your blog James reminds me on how many times in my life I chose to play a role, my favorite role was the victim role. And each role is about playing games as well and I’m not connected to me. Today I’m relearning to be myself, and to be myself is just awesome.
That is awesome alexander1207, I know the victim role extremely well myself. Something I have learnt from the the teachings presented by Universal Medicine is that the victim role, as you say, is still playing games and so means I am playing an equal part and allowing what is going on to occur. I used to think and blame outwardly other people, the more obvious, the perpetrators but without those of us playing the victim roles there would be no space for the perpetrators to play their game. What it goes to show is that we are responsible for everything that happens and for all of our actions.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” This is a very powerful line James and much needed in a world where competition is still very much apparent. I love celebrating the strengths of others and letting them know how much I appreciate what they bring but sometimes I don’t share the same appreciation for myself. Thank you for bringing it to my awareness and showing me there are two sides to celebrate and cherish with your powerful blog.
What you have shared James about Serge Benhayon is totally spot on. The way he supports, gets behind and speaks about any person’s strengths is not only inspiring for that person to feel more of their true potential, but as equally supportive is it, for others to see this strength in others and to not go into comparison, competition of any sort of judgment. Having experienced this what you shared too, it has made it possible for me to see and identify strengths in people in my own life, to celebrate them and learn from their strengths. What you have shared is very much a truth about Serge Benhayon, showing his commitment and dedication to love and to people.
Thank you James – a very inspiring blog – a gift which I will share with my sons and hold strongly in mind in all relationships as it certainly applies to women as well.
It’s humorous we think the suit of armour we wear covers up what we consider our frailties, in actual fact once you feel the person beneath the suit of armour it’s clear why they are choosing to suit up. Really we delude ourselves if we think we are not seen and felt. Loosing the armour shows great strength and tender commitment to true self.
‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.’
I absolutely agree and can speak from experience it is enormous how, by simply appreciating that what is there already, that where our strengths lie, the areas where we are not so good at can develop and blossom too with no pressure or shame.
Awesome James. You are a very needed role model for gorgeous, sensitive, tender men everywhere who know their own essence but don’t feel they have permission to live it.
When you see the innate tenderness and sweet nature of young boys it is completely baffling that society works so hard to change this. Having two sons I have often observed the “pack mentality” that a group can quickly swing into and this usually when disaster strikes – something or someone gets broken. Even the most sensible boys individually can be reduced to making choices that are void of any responsibility or awareness of impact on others. At the centre of this is the desire seems to be this need to live up to what they think they need to look like as a man.
I love being around a man who is comfortable ‘in his skin’ and not caught up in the proving thing … his solidness with himself is attractive and immensely relaxing for everyone around him.
When a man lets himself simply be himself without putting on a mask or a front, it has a powerful ripple effect on those around him. We feel held, cared for, knowing he’s got our back. Strength in a man isn’t about being hard and blokey, it is about being deeply tender and solid in that natural tenderness. Then a man can make others melt.
Very true Katerina and melt I do, it is something quite exquisite to experience this in men and is definitely something I see much of in young boys, so to see a man hold this natural way of being is an important reflection for others to see.
It is very evident in young boys and is so gorgeous to be around, I agree Katerina /aminatumi. I sometimes see school boys on the train on my way to work, and when they are just being themselves, they are naturally very affectionate with each other, playful and open and it melts me…it is such a joy to be around.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” this is what true brotherhood is all about, thank you James.
‘We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.’ – this really resonates with me, particularly in the work environment where people are often all too ready to shoot another down. I had a situation today where people were being very critical and just wanting to complain about why something hadn’t been done, I brought awareness as to how that may have happened and encouraged everyone that by working together we will be far more productive. The energy completely changed and became so much lighter.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.” Today i know many men who are inspired by Serge Benhayon, freed from the shackles of this ‘male’ act; openly embracing their tenderness and honestly accepting the true men they are.
There are many impositions from society about how a man should be, to take on those impositions we have to harden up, and not show our tenderness. I would not have thought it possible to live as a natural man, strong and sensitive at the same time if it were not for Serge Benhayon showing it is indeed possible.
To come back to the dog pit.. I admire those dogs who are in themselves so solid and balanced that nothing can throw them out. They just do not need to engage in those usual hierarchical fuss. In most cases these dogs have physical big body and I have the feeling if a problem would arise they just had to sit down on it and it would be solved. There is no need for them to get any aggressive. All other dogs around know this. There is amicability in them which is catching. And a love which feels endless. They are just rock solid and very self confident.
Thank you James for this powerful and deeply inspiring article. This will help me to celebrate the strength of other and my own today.
This is a beautiful and powerful blog James – thank you. I now realise how important it is to appreciate our strengths and also equally important to express our appreciation and celebrate the strengths in others. For me I have found this re-builds trust within us all to feel safe to shine as brightly as we naturally are designed to. It confirms who we truly are and develops our confidence allowing us work on our weaknesses rather than seeing them as something to be defined by. And this certainly reflects a different way to live. Without jealousy or comparison simply celebrating the joy and glory that is being reflected through that person at that time is a blessing and an inspiration of that All that we All equally from.
I can feel that too Carola, the importance of appreciating our strengths and equally to appreciate and support the strengths and achievements in others. It is the antidote for the jealousy that tends to jump in, in the occasions when we see that someone is doing well. Becoming jealous is that, a devastating way of behaviour and the only reason why we allow jealousy in is because we have had the same opportunities in life but we did not appreciated and accepted them as such.
I totally agree Carola, beautifully said.
Well said Carola, appreciating and confirming both our strengths and those of others helps rebuild trust and gives us the confidence in life to shine and do what we feel to without needing to moderate what we are doing, or change for anyone.
We live in a very competitive society and to have someone say, you know what, you don’t need to compete, we all have strengths that we bring and each of us in our strength supports those areas that are our weaknesses and together it all works out…It must put a lot of pressure on men to put on the act, and not be themselves, to really allow themselves to feel that sensitivity within them. Sensitivity is in fact a strength, the strength to be you, to know what you feel and not be afraid of it.
As a woman I too recognise the competition, the jostling for position that so often happens between people. I have particularly noticed this within the workplace when trying to maintain a level of authority or to justify to my bosses that I am worthy of the position I hold. However in more recent years I have been celebrating the strengths of my team and other colleagues as opposed to seeing them as a threat to my position. The quality of our relationships has changed dramatically and as a group we are all learning from each other and evolving, instead of the sadly all too common scenario of trying to climb over others to get to the top of the heap. What you say James, when we celebrate others is so true, ‘By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.’
Thanks James, this is a massive sharing that totally reveals how the world runs and operates. There is no real connections with people and we are not taught or encouraged to appreciate ourselves, let alone another. This meltdown is much needed and Serge Benhayon, like you share, has been an amazing inspiration to me for this.
I too, Lucy totally relate to what you share about the competition at work and I also see it in other relationships around me, the whole ‘getting one up’ is so individualised. Even when I thought that I have let go of it, and it is someone that I care deeply for and have huge amounts of respect for, the seed of competition sneaks in and can be so subtle but has such a massive impact on the relationship. This is still an ongoing work in process but the more I appreciate myself and accept that I am incredible just for being me the more this Melts away.
It is interesting – the focus on “drink it in”. I have been really exploring this more and more recently. Something that I have noticed is that I (and I’ve spotted it in tonnes of others) nearly always used to reply to a compliment with a ‘thank you’ or a returned compliment. And I have noticed how this is actually my way of not fully ‘drinking in’ the compliment or appreciation that I have just received. I can feel the wall that prevents me from fully embodying it, so I have to come back with a reply of some sort. Now, what I have been doing more and more is taking the compliment, not saying anything in reply, sucking it in deep, enjoying it, accepting it….it’s amazing…the silence that then ensues (because I haven’t done the socially accepted norm of replying with a thank your or returned compliment) can also be VERY revealing – how comfortable am I with that compliment? and/or how comfortable are they having given it and not got anything back? i.e – was it actually a true compliment from them or were they fishing for their own much needed recognition and acceptance. Fascinating stuff!!
My lack of trust in my fellow men was such that I would always go to women for support, for a hug, for tenderness. Now there are times when it is the hug of a man that I need the most, that supports me the most and that brings me back fastest to myself. That is because I have begun to let men in fully and because I have met men who let me in fully. No competition. No judgement. Equality and brotherhood. All of this inspired by the truest of men – Serge Benhayon.
I agree Otto, I too have felt how powerful it is when I let other men in and the level of intimacy and brotherhood that can be experienced. Thank you for expressing this so beautifully.
And what I have also felt is how different the two hugs can be…two different flavours of intimacy…it’s like having a menu and deciding which one will best serve you…but sometimes it’s an impossible choice – true intimacy is such gold – no matter who it comes from!
That is so gorgeous Ottobathrust. The hug of a man is something I have only recently discovered as I begin to let men in. Can’t believe I’ve gone so long without these kinds of hugs in my life!
I know that too Otto, because I have let men in and because I have met men who let me in have made that I now feel at ease with men. I feel safe and I can trust men now, something I never have felt before in my life. And I agree that there are moments I need the hug of a man most to confirm myself as being a men too.
That’s it. You have nailed it. The hug of a man can be the most powerful confirmation of the man that I am. Which shows how much the competition and protection that I have built around myself, stops me from being the truthful version of who I am. Letting a man in is huge, because to do it truthfully, I am dropping that protection and I am dissolving the competition. I am saying yes to equality and no to judgment. I am letting everything go, I am naked and I am stepping forward in to the full glory of the man that I am.
How deeply inspirational for all men and for us all given the norm has been to protect, harden and protect at all costs the vulnerability and true essence that we dare not let out or show to the world. What a loving world we will have as we celebrate each other, allow others to be and let life in.
This is truly gorgeous to read ottobathurst. I love it when I see two men being loving, open and tender with each other – it is such a joy to see and feel, and very natural, although rare in my everyday world where men generally don’t show affection. So thank you and James for sharing your tender selves with us all.
I too have been one of these men that trusted women more than men, but I can see now how supportive it can be to go to another man for support and how that allows the opportunity for both of us to let down a bit more of that guard that all men put up. Letting the guard down can be quite magical, if I am willing to be more open then it gives permission for other men to do likewise.
Yes, yes and yes one more time. The ball is in our court. If we let down our guards, others will follow. More than that, they openly beam – and the relief that I have felt in other men when my dropping of my guard has invited them to do the same is huge. The power that we have to inspire change is huge.
Wow! You guys are all world leaders in this equality amongst men.
The ball is in all our courts to let down the guards. Then the Grand Slam will be called the Grand Embrace.
I’m soaking up the lovely reality that men can share so openly with each other. That men can truly live a tenderness within and share this is wonderful. This must bring a whole new level of joy and ease in the body every day. So much benefit to well-being, brotherhood and humanity. Breaking the mold of the stereotype male is worth celebrating.
That’s beautiful to read Ottobathurst, I would always have my closest of friends as girls growing up. I had ‘guy’ friends but never felt I could be as open, and tender with them. One of the reasons was because I would think they may think I was being gay or coming onto them! So I effectively modified my behaviour to ‘fit in’. Then with the girls I largely did not want a relationship with them as did not want it to become sexual so some of them thought I was ‘gay’ becaus I was being more open and tender with them then they were used to. Crazy really especially given how gorgeously tender and sensitive we all are, and how much we all crave love.
This is all so true. It’s one of the fun things about being married and having three kids – I can be super tender with Men, hugging them, touching them, telling them how well or handsome that they look – and they can’t dismiss it by thinking I’m gay – they just have to drink in the compliments!
And I notice it with emails too. If I am really expressive and open in my emails to men; colleagues, friends, builders, whoever…some love it, drink it in and reply in an equally open manner. Others still push back the formal, standard response. But my feeling is that even if that happens, the person who received it, still got it, they still felt it and slowly this stuff chips away at the hardened, protected, shell. Which is ace. Because behind that shell, us men are all mushy, gooey, bundles of squidgy tenderness and fragility.
You make me smile ottobatuhrst, with your gorgeous writing!
I like the bit you say about Serge always getting behind people who are doing well. This has been huge for me to observe. But what is more intriguing to me is how it has felt when he has done it to me. Serge has been a huge supporter of me and has been immensely helpful and encouraging. To start with I didn’t quite trust it, or couldn’t quite take the compliments or praise. And this to me is so revealing of the games that us men play and to which you refer in your blog. So often a comment is barbed with jealousy or competition. I have felt this all my life (and I know I have done the same to my fellow men). Men may pat you on the back, sing your praises and say well done. But, more often than not, they are sticking daggers in to you and hoping that you’ll slip up, so that they can feel better about where there are at, or get ahead of you. It is horrible, it is everywhere and it is hidden behind the nicest of smiles. Thus when Serge was praising and honouring and encouraging me, it was hard for me to drink it in. Once bitten, twice shy. But now, now that I let it in…oh my goodness…it is the most gorgeous nectar in the world. To be truly appreciated and honoured by a fellow brother is so divine. It melts me and it melts all those past experiences. It is true brotherhood, true equality and it feels amazing.
Such a beautiful honest sharing Ottobathrust – thank you so much. It melts me to read it.
That’s the power of it! How it spreads through others. Mass Meltdown!!
So very beautiful to read Ottobathurst how you now allow yourself to be fully appreciated by others. I know what you mean when you can hear someone giving you a compliment but equally at the same time can hear all the other stuff it comes with, quite often I have felt jealousy, envy, self-fury that they have not made the same choices and the list goes on. But to be truly honoured is quite different and like you have eluded to it helps re-build my trust in other men and in humanity.
‘To be truly honoured’ is so self empowering and as you share James – to ‘re-build’ that trust within and to then go out in the world expressing and accepting so much more with a completely different and more open approach and celebrate our strengths. Thank you James a very inspiring blog.
Thank you both, James and ottobathurst. What you are bringing to light is how often when we give each other support as men, we are in fact fulfilling an agenda of our own that actually has nothing to do with true support of another man. There is so often a barb of jealousy in the praise, as you say James. And it seems that we have set this up for ourselves as men. When we are raised on competition and told that we must be “winners” otherwise we are “losers” then anything we say will always be laced with that.
Until that is, we are shown what true love and support is, and that is what Serge Benhayon offers. He offers us a most magnificent choice: to continue as we have been, or to accept who we truly are, which is much, much more than just a participant in a game.
This is awesome to read Otto, thank you.
Wow – love what you have shared here Otto – it brings so much to light about the relationships between men and how much the competition can destroy any aspect of trust and true celebration of each other. Your ‘surrender’ to a true compliment delivered with love, is exquisite when you say ‘it is the most gorgeous nectar in the world’. Thank you.
It is pure joy if you accept yourself in full and share this with others by encouraging and supporting them to also be in full who they truly are and when they allow themselves to be so.
You totally melted me Otto. What a gorgeous sharing and expansion to James’ blog. From my experience Men are more sensitive than Women and have just worked very hard to hide the fact based on all the ideals of how men should be. What has been amazing to observe is how this is changing and as you say start to ‘drink in’ the loving and genuine words of appreciation. Seeing men in their natural tenderness is one of life’s greatest treasures.
And accepting that that treasure is what I, my brothers and the world needs has been one of my biggest points of evolution.
Please write a whole blog on this alone Otto. The barbs of competition and jealousy between men feel to have a particularly brutal edge… and yet I can relate to the same coming from women, albeit ‘appearing’ nicer, smoother even, yet the tainted edge in such expression is designed to cut you down – don’t you dare shine, don’t express in full, don’t look, feel and (God forbid) sound amazingly beautiful from within – out, and the rest…
And then, OMG (literally..) we have Serge Benhayon, who yes, when you feel him with you, there isn’t the slightest, teeniest whiff of ANY of this.
Through such a relationship with Serge, I also have felt how it can be to live so deeply connected and completely ‘full’, without a skerrick of holding back. It’s quite an amazing process to undertake really, to have such a marker, and observe with acuity where anyone or anything may affect feeling so very naturally grand. An awesome learning indeed…
I agree Victoria, I am loving reading Otto’s expansion to the blog and the sharings from everyone taking it further and helping to unravel further the web so many of us have been caught up in and are now slowly untangling ourselves from.
The thing is Otto, not one skerrick of you holds back from celebrating the true joy of connection with people – whether in NYC lunching with cops or on this blogsite.
I have not a skerrick of doubt that you are a man of the greatest heart – EXACTLY what is needed in dealing with jealousy, competition and the rest. Just keep blazing that flame openly, without a skerrick of holding back… Haha yet Truth! 🙂
James, I absolutely love your sharing. To accept, appreciate, celebrate and let out my sensitivity is an ongoing learning for me as well.
Through attending workshops with Serge Benhayon and observing him over many years I have seen how he does celebrate others strengths with no lessening of himself whatsoever. It has been a great model for me to let go of any of my own comparing with others, and to really learn to appreciate my own value and worth.
Thanks for sharing this, James. We don’t have all the same strength in everything. We can learn from each other and celebrate ourselves just as we are.
Reblogged this on alexmeder and commented:
Great blog James, I will always remember my Dad telling me as a young kid when I would hug him and kiss him “Make the most of it now Alexandre as it won’t be possible anymore when you become an adult!”
Thank you, it is sad to hear Alaxandremed but something many of us men will have heard as boys growing up. It is crazy that somehow we are treated differently as little boys to when we are ‘men’, even though we are the same and equally as sensitive.
We all bring different reflections of our strengths to each other. Men can be very macho feeling the need to show physical strength to women. Showing vunerability and being honest is a great strength for men, to show, less is so often more.
If we put as much energy into supporting each other as we do at competing with each other the advances for mankind would be astonishing. Great subject James let us lead the way and inspire others to be tender and the strength that comes from it.
Thank you kevmchardy, we would have advances for mankind which are based on truly supporting humanity without as we currently a lot of the ‘advancements’ being driven by self gain stemming from greed and the desire for money and what it brings rather than truth and love for all.
So true James. Seeing another one move on or step up in his life should not evoke reaction or comparison in us, but support and be a confirmation for them and at the same time simply inspire us to move on as well, and to discover and live our next steps.
What a great truth to unveil James: ‘I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.’ Oh yes,yes, ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ is possibly the greatest strength to nurture and cultivate, because it leads us back to truth, understanding and love, to the very core of who we are – something we are all crying out for.
It is so interesting that this vitally important ability to feel is suppressed and discouraged in men (and women) from a very early age, by many a varied and devious means. Who benefits from this? Certainly not human beings! It is our birthright to be able to ‘feel’ what is going on in life. Let’s call it back into our lives now by living, not in the fainted hearted realm of the mind, but in the body whose registered feelings is the greatest educator on earth.
Great blog James and so true.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’
For me this is a highlight in my life and something I like to nurture and observe every day. 🙂 🙂
Yes I agree Brendan. In all relationships we have the opportunity to support each other or compare and feel threatened. What will we choose?
James thank you, such a beauty-full expression of a beauty-full man. Yes how wonderful to acknowledge and celebrate the strength and inspiration another is offering us, and to understand that what we term a weakness is simply an area we haven’t devoted time or energy to, at the same time knowing and acknowledging our own strengths. We are Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, each with its own unique shape, position and connection to the next piece, as more and more pieces align and connect so the bigger picture starts to take shape until the grand design is ultimately complete and the picture is there for all to see as one. There is nothing worse than a jigsaw puzzle with one piece missing, the whole puzzles the less for it. We all have great gifts to share, they don’t belong to us they are for all, equally so.
Thank you James for a great blog, I love this line “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other”. I find this a really inspiring point. Yes, we can use what we can see that is great in others to inspire us to develop these areas in ourselves, I can really relate to that. And the great thing is that when one truly celebrates and appreciates the strengths of others, there is no possibility that jealousy could come into the equation. How can one be jealous of someone who is inspiring you also to develop those areas.
Barbara, a great point you make here. Yes, we all are like the pieces of a jigsaw, we all have our own strengths that as you say, go together to make up the whole. Yes, “We all have great gifts to share, they don’t belong to us they are for all, equally so”.
Thank you James for your in-lightening blog – I felt so much beauty and truth in your words. It springs to mind a belief that I used to have long ago that “men” had all the answers of temporal life and I mean ALL the answers from what time does the sun rise, how to treat warts, to explain the wonders of the universe and to fix the carburettor -answers to every question one may have – and I do not know where that belief or ridiculous expectation originally came from, maybe from a time where we had to ask permission from the ‘head of the house’ to even be heard or perhaps even from a time long before that. When one feels that unbearable energetic load on and expectation of the man of the house one immediately sees how disempowering and irresponsible that behaviour truly was. Thank goodness there is a growing awareness that we understand that each one of us has all the answers of the Divine deep within, equally so, as shared by the Ageless Wisdom through Serge Benhayon and the presentations of Universal Medicine. The belief systems of imaginary twaddle, investment in outcome and expectation as once was put upon the male percentile of humanity now is being dissolved thus allowing them also to further unfold and re-discover their own divine connection to truth and tenderness.
Thank you James and your tenderness is a delight to feel 🙂
Yes, James I’ve often seen Serge Benhayon get fully behind someone and support them to open up fully and give more. He sets a great example which inspires us to appreciate ourselves and others for what we bring and not feel jealous of someone else or try to outdo or compete with them.
Great blog James. In particular I was struck by your sentence “a lie constructed so intricately that we can get through life seemingly unmarked”. It exposes beautifully the web we create, that is impenetrable if we continue living with a view to competing for ‘top dog’. Breaking that down, allowing ourselves to simply be ourselves, and appreciating who we are…. these are the game changers for me, and all men.
Yes, great blog James and well said Simon. It was only a few years ago that I began to realise that I had been living in an intricately constructed lie of my choice – a slightly different flavour than the men have encountered. We do sell out, and give away our true way of being to get through life relatively unscathed, but do we? The very selling out itself is the most scathing thing. The simple naming of what we can feel is not true is so liberating and not nearly as daunting as one might fist imagine. I love the way this blog is clearly nominating these false modes of being and relating – for example the top dog approach to life. It is actually comical but has been so damaging for our relationships. Thanks to all men who are seeing through the lies of the accepted, so-called ‘normal’ way of relating.
It is so very liberating when we start calling out what we know and can feel is not true. At first we may not know exactly what is true but can start with what is not. It is a great point Lyndy and somewhere we can all start from. Then the more we call out what is not, the more we see and say yes to what is truth.
This is really beautiful to read James and brings a simplicity and knowing to life. Working on our strengths and appreciating them and in others also is very powerful as is claiming and owning our natural sensitivity and weaknesses . The reflection from Serge Benhayon and his absolute suport for humanity and bringing this true way of living to us all is amazing to witness in so many students today. Thank you for sharing this.
Such honesty in your blog, James, exposing what lies beneath the surface of many a macho facade. I particularly liked your comments – applicable to both sexes – on weaknesses and how they are essentially only that simply and only because we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to them. This takes the sting out of the tension we can put in place between us and our so-called weaknesses and gives us a new choice that’s merely about time and focus, not about self-constructed hurdles and not-good-enoughs.
The misconception of what sensitivity is and means is not just rife amongst men, but women harbour it as well and we also inflict it on our children by telling them to toughen up and suck it up. Does that really make sense though? Is it possible that truly honouring one’s sensitivity is actually an enormous strength we have yet to tap into?
It sure is Gabriele, I know for myself the strength I have built by honouring my sensitivity, what I am feeling, more and more. It is great to see children being brought up with parents honouring their sensitivity and the strength, power and authority the children live with now.
Yes Gabriele, we are all sensitive but many of us are disconnected from it, push it away, belittle it, are even afraid of it… it is often perceived as a weakness, it frightens us because if we truly connect to our sensitivity then we feel whats is really going on and more than that we realise we are so much more…it is most certainly a strength.
Thank you James. That when we are our natural, caring, loving selves we brings strength to our relationships is something well worth considering.
To celebrate and appreciate what we bring to life as individuals and as a group is amazing (avoiding picking on our own and others weaknesses)- not letting competition, comparison and jealousy get in the way of our developing strengths which then paves the way for inspirational sharing and the amazing healing that comes from this. A lovely sharing with us all James thank you.
It is indeed Marion, what has been extremely helpful and inspiring for me is how the community of men have over the past few years really started to open up and not compete with each other as much. Whilst we are all at own varying stages of unfolding together we are all supporting each other to say its great to simply be your natural tender sensitive self. The same goes for the women int he community not expecting or wanting us to be so tough and macho and actually celebrating us when we are exquisitely divine and tender!
I agree that I have observed Serge Benhayon encourage and support people for what they bring and who they are. He is a master at sensing and endorsing people’s strengths. But what I have also found remarkable about this man is that he also is usually fully aware of someone’s weaknesses but even so he will support them knowing that they are not perfect but are students of life. It has been a great example for me because my internal critic can sometimes fool me into thinking that I cannot appreciate when I have done something well or loving and instead can trick me into focusing continually on those flaws or weaknesses that I am still working on.
I agree andrewmooney26, it is often easier to focus on our weaknesses and attribute our self-worth to them rather than actually stopping to confirm and celebrate our strengths. Thus when someone celebrates me my automatic thought has always been but what about this I’m not perfect, you just aren’t seeing the whole picture clearly. The more I accept and confirm myself the more I allow myself to fully accept compliments from other people.
I can relate to what you are saying here James about not being able to accept compliments from others very easily. For me it comes partly from not being able to accept myself and my strengths and weaknesses and partly from a mistrust of others born out of competition where people can often say a compliment but not really mean it in full. Either way building self-acceptance and self-worth as you say is the key.
I realised while reading your blog James that there is a difference between pushing our strengths out there or wearing them like an armour or shield (whilst hiding our weaknesses underneath from the world) and actually celebrating our strengths. The former feels imposing and dishonest, we are essentially creating a storyline that we convince ourselves and others is true when it is not the full story. Another difference is that we can only truly celebrate our strengths perhaps when we fully embrace our weaknesses? Because then we have the full picture with nothing to hide.
Thank you James, I learned a lot from what your shared about men and how they relate to each other. It triggered a memory and led me to reflect on the relationship between three men in my life. I see now how competition and rivalry created the very solid wall that existed between them and ultimately destroyed their relationship. Each unable to see and value the strength of the other and rarely showing their tender, loving selves. One, passed over, unable to heal hurts that created the need to protect, defend, attack. The other still locked in a battle with himself and the world cannot see past his own inner defences. The third, now in his late 60’s and after an illness is releasing his protective shield revealing tenderness and vulnerability. It occurred to me how different a relationship they could have experienced together had they had the opportunity, as you did, to meet and work with Serge Benhayon.
Truly discovering all the dimensions of being a true man is one of the most humbling and beautiful things that a man can feel and live.
Thank you dearly, James.
‘ I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’’. This sentence is absolutely amazing and would be fitting on a advertising billboard on a well used highway. It gracefully debases the ill beliefs of sensitivity that pervade the perceptions of so many men. Beautiful.
‘If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so… Seeing Serge do this with myself, and others, has inspired me to also appreciate and celebrate other people more.’ The truth of the man Serge Benhayon – an inspiration in the love of humanity.
Very true Brendan, and this “Supporting each other instead of competing or seeing another as a threat” is how Humanity will truly grow and evolve.
It is truly inspiring to feel the strength of tenderness you hold James, it shines out from your every word. As a woman recognising the exquisite tenderness men innately are I feel deeply supported by them in that to come back to who I truly am and be only that with them. Brotherhood alive and well.
Thank you for sharing this James. It is so true that we try to fit in to avoid rejection. It is a tool that we as men often use for protection. Since attending presentations by Serge Benhayon I have been trying to remove these layers of protection and show more of the real me. I have realised that if I love myself and don’t reject myself first, then no one else can ever really reject me.
James, I also love how you share how Serge Benhayon gets behind anybody who brings anything of truth and love to humanity; no jealousy or comparison, but true support is what Serge offers. How amazing is this? This should be ‘normal’, but at this stage is is quite ground breaking, as men are so intrenched in competition.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” – this and this blog is absolute gold, James! I love your blog, so much there for men to consider – men are as tender as women, but have been doing a great job hiding this, as society doesn’t seem to allow this. Men and women, we all loose out on the truth of who they are. Thank you James for sharing what you have allowed yourself to become aware of.
Great point Brendan, being sensitive allows us to feel more what’s there to be felt instead of not wanting to feel anything which creates hardness and contraction in our bodies.
I lived most of my life subscribing to strong ideals about what a man needed to be from the way I looked to the way I expressed mainly with other men by being rough and tough but this was a lot of work as deep down I always knew that way of being wasn’t the man I knew to be within myself but felt it was needed to survive.
Letting go of those ideals and beliefs has allowed me to embrace my tenderness as a man and to express with a level of gentleness that is very innate within me, my relationships with other men have changed dramatically as I now honour the same qualities in them and as a result there is now true intimacy and a real bonding I have never experienced before.
“I always knew that way of being wasn’t the man I knew to be within myself but felt it was needed to survive.” Francisco, to me that nails it for men and for women, the behaviours and patterns we fall into to “survive” based on what is dictated to us from outside of us. I like how you say this here and the honouring of yourself and others as a result of letting go those ideals and beliefs. So beautiful.
The word ‘survive’ jumps out at me in your comment, Francisco. What a sad state of affairs it is when men and women alike, feel they have no other option but to armour up and protect themselves in order to survive life. So thank goodness for Serge Benhayon who has shown us that there is another way. There is a far grander purpose to life, which we can only see and feel and fully assume our role in, once we are free of our various shields, veils and protections and return to the divine delicateness and sensitivity that we naturally are. James’s blog about ‘celebrating strengths’ is a wonderful example of this process in action.
Your blog is terrific James. What you have shared applies to us all – men and women alike. ‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.
We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.’
So great to read James. I always feel a little uncomfortable with man acting macho as I feel the uncertainty underneath it. Reading your blog I could feel how amazing it would be if men were more encouraged to be themselves, and not just being defined by there behaviour as being tough, strong, big etc. I think sensitivity is very handsome and very male.
Lieke, I fully agree that ‘sensitivity is very handsome and very male’. In fact the more I allow myself to be sensitive, in the true sense of the word, the stronger I feel in my body, the less doubt comes into my head and the more content I am with myself, life and other people.
I’ve come to see Lieke, that men who act macho are just being this way to protect themselves. I feel they’ve been hurt and this is their way of protecting getting hurt again, and it’s a learnt way to survive. I had an experience with a male colleague last week, and I saw through his macho exterior which was quite sarcastic and sharp, and spoke with him on a more tender and intimate level as I could feel it was all put on as a protection. We had several conversations last week and he loved every one of them, as I did because they were real and meaningful conversations.
This is gorgeous James. By celebrating and enjoying who each other are, we leave no opening to be who we are not.
Serge’s celebration and love for others in their natural, true and powerful expression is a joy to behold. It truly wipes out the notion that we need to compare or look to others to judge. In its simplest, if we are to be love then there can be no room for anything but appreciation and joy for another in celebration. Serge and the Ageless Wisdom have much to teach us on this.
And it is men who are robbed of their sensitivity when they are young and told to ‘be a man’ or ‘grow a pair’ that is the cause of so much domestic violence, sexual violence, abuse and violence in general in society. Men are more likely to indulge in risk taking behavior because they have lost touch with their preciousness to varying degrees that would otherwise prevent them from taking such actions. In truth, sensitivity actually protects us from the harms of life. Quite strange to consider that the hardness and competition that men go into to protect themselves is actually what is harming them a great deal.
‘Sensitivity actually protects us from the harms of life’, it is one of those comments where reading it makes me stop, it is contra to what we are taught yet it is true. We are taught/told in certain situations to be ‘on guard’ but all this achieves is putting up a defensive wall and so shutting out what is around us – in other words it is effectively saying better to not feel what is around me just in case. Whereas if we say be more aware of what you are sensing then it completely changes the picture and means we get to fully understand what is going on around us and so are far better equipped to deal with it.
Absolutely James. Sensitivity and observation actually protect us from the harms of life and brings a deep understanding of the behavioural patterns that sabotage us from being the powerful, respectful, equal loving beings that we are. The nurturing of sensitivity and being able to feel what is going on is true intelligence and should be the first foundational principle and living way of our Education for children.
So true Lyndy and well said, this is what true intelligence really is and is not simply, as is common these days, based on the amount we can recall.
This is a great point Jinya. All the rage and hurt men feel at having their preciousness closed off to them has to come out somewhere. And now we can add self harming to your list, as it is on the increase among young men
Thank you James, for your open and honest sharing of your experience of being a man. It triggered a memory and helped me reflect on the relationship between three men in my life. I see now how competition and rivalry created the very solid wall that existed between them and ultimately destroyed their relationship. Each unable to see and value the strength of the other and rarely showing their tender, loving selves. One, passed over, unable to heal hurts that created the need to protect, defend, attack. The other still locked in a battle with himself and the world cannot see past his own inner defences. The third, now in his late 60’s and after an illness is now releasing his protective shield revealing tenderness and vulnerability. It occurred to me how different a relationship they could have experienced together had they had the opportunity to meet and work with Serge Benhayon
These protective shields we build, both men and women, make it so much harder for us to connect and for others to feel who we truly are. We think we’re protecting ourselves, but we’re actually adding to the deep hurt by keeping ourselves isolated.
Hear hear Brendan.
‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to’. I love the way you are sharing that something we may choose to call a weakness, may in fact just be an area that, as you say, we have chosen not to give as much focus to. To see it in that way is so much more loving and supportive.
Also, by embracing the areas in our life that we are not as strong in, and acknowledging that we don’t give as much time and focus to these areas, it will surely help dissipate the amount of comparison and jealousy that is so prevalent today. Rather, we can choose to appreciate all that we are, rather than judge what we are not or where we may perceive we are lacking.
Well said Alison, it also helps takes away the pressure of feeling we need to know everything or be good at everything. It means we can more easily appreciate others and not go into self criticism for not knowing something or not being as good as someone else at something.
This is really lovely James, ‘We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing’. I can feel how this isn’t the usual way, that there is not this support at schools, work or anywhere from my experience, there is competition, jealousy and comparison instead, rather than support and appreciation. Everyone has qualities and strengths that they bring and so to confirm these to each other would make a huge difference.
Isn’t it crazy that we try to be special and to show-off to be recognized and with all of that we disconnect more and more from ourselves and in fact do not recognize ourselves any longer. We do not get what we want! And what we want, we just need because we left us. Crazy. But good to know and to realize. With reconnecting all this illusions melt.
Our dog eat dog world is so obvious when we pause and step off the merry-go-round of what a men should be. To be strong in that world is from using force. Simply by being our self with out trying we come back to our true essence, being tender and loving… that is true power.
I can definitely confirm this to be true sjmatsonuk, the more I see men and women coming back to their true selves, tender and loving, the more I feel the truth of divine power.
What you are talking about James is a subtle shift in awareness that has big world changing results. Thanks for living it and for sharing it.
Yes I can relate to the way we grow up in a tension, and leave the playfulness and joy and openess behind.
Love your honesty James. I am not a man obviously, yet for some reason growing up felt I wanted to be considered ‘equal’ to men and to do this I went into competitive behaviour in order to prove myself to the other boys/men in my life. When I was young I would show of and beat boys that were twice my age at arm wrestles.I would push myself physically in order to be accepted into the’ boys club’. The more I de-balled other boys around me the more I seemed to earn my place. As I got older I use to out drink the boys in order to win there approval and out swear them and kick a footy better than them, anything to prove I was ‘equal’. They were always so impressed that a girl could do those things. It is as you stated in this blog very common way for men to interact and in some cases woman such as myself.
Your blog exposes the ugliness of this behaviour that is not truly how any of us are at our core but also brings light to what being a true sensitive man is about.
Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have discovered being a woman does not only feel amazing but that trying to be anything else other than the beautiful delicate woman I am only harms myself and others.
I can relate to what you say here sarahraynebaldwin, I used to be the same. What I understand now is that in being so hard, not only is it harmful, but it also does not allow others or ourselves to see and feel the absolutely gorgeous delicate and amazing light that hides underneath the defensiveness.
After years of doing it myself, because i saw asking for help as a weakness, its such a relief to let that tough exterior melt and let my delicate feminine light shine out.
As I was reading the blog I could feel a lot of similarities with the behaviours of competition that men experience, even though I am a woman. I can really relate to what you have shared Sarah. I grew up trying to be as independent, strong and capable as the boys. I learnt to do all the things that men could do, service my car, do renovations etc. This was in complete denial of how delicate I am as a women and trying to prove I was enough by being equal to a man. It also resulted in a lack of appreciation for what men can offer in their qualities, rather than what I saw them doing
Thanks Fiona for expanding this conversation, it’s a great point you raise that in trying to ‘measure up’ to men we actually lose sight of how amazing they are and what they do/bring so effortlessly and naturally.
I can relate to what you say, James, as the men I know who have real strength because they are aware of what they are feeling show me a tenderness and caring attitude with all people they meet. This is beautiful to observe in men.
Awesome James. Sensitivity and tenderness, the new era of masculinity and machoism.
Thank you James for this insight. I believe that living what you are not is much more strenuous than to live who you naturally are.
I’m still really appreciating the simplicity and honesty of this blog James. For what purpose does competition serve? Imagine a world where the done thing is to show how equal you are and not how superior? There would be a lot more friend making going on.
Beautifully said, let’s go for freind making instead of competing. My seven year old son said ‘what if we were all kind to eachother?’ Competition starts at such an early age, it would be great if we can show little boys another way.
Yes katinkadelannoy, we seem to train our young boys and girls competition from the word go. What if we could show them another way.. a way that they could be themselves without worrying if they were good enough, or having to compete with the next child for attention and recognition, a way that encouraged that kind expression we all naturally have?
True Oliver…but also true that we have based a lot of our friendships on either playing ‘more’ or playing ‘less’ then our friend, and if we are suddenly seen and held as equal – what then? My feeling is that we would register more than a slight discomfort as our chosen roles are exposed for the lack of truth and love they contain. There can be no equality without honesty and so our relationships must first be based on truth. Now that’s a world I like to imagine…a world that is not too good to be true but a world too true to be good…. it’s awesome!
What then?… could it be that once all of the competition falls away and we stand equally with each other, there is simply Love. It is curious to consider why it is that we work so hard to bring another down, elevate ourselves and create division rather than simply to express Love – to let Love in and to express Love out.
I love this, Liane – ‘a world too true to be good’… that’s awesome!
Ha ha Lianne that is brilliant “a world that is not too good to be true but a world too true to be good….” we have lost so much in wanting to be good and perfect, I am finding the more I can accept myself for where I am at the more others around me feel that and drop the games and pretence/roles etc that you talk of. The truth of who we are can then shine through.
Absolutely Oliver!! Competition serves no true purpose whatsoever.
Oliver you are so right. Competition only serves to harden another, and as you say, either makes them feel less or arrogantly superior. I was at a sports day event in a primary school the other day and simply observing what it did to the kids was a shocker! It isolates and separates and in no way supports a child to know that they are enough as they are. They are encouraged to win and if they are not placed in the top 3 there is no recognition at all and many come away feeling unnoticed and small. Even trying to live up to a previous victory from the year before but not being able to, leaves a child in tears and feeling like a failure. To recognise, honour and celebrate the innate tenderness and delicacy of a child is not on the everyday radar. It needs to be – the damage competition causes is devastating, and yet we encourage it in society!
Its a good question – it would be a world where one brother supports another by providing encouragement and a platform to grow… a leg up so to speak, rather than our current existence where we feel we have to climb over the person in front of us, or worse still to drag them down a notch or two.
That is definitely something worth working towards Simon.
I love it when I am in the company of men and they let me see their tender strength, it always brings such smile to my face.
Shami I love this too. The tender strength of men is heart melting. 🙂
Wow what a brilliant analogy, comparing being brought up in a dog pit and showing no weakness in case it’s used against one. Highlightes like this it seems a crazily limited way of existing though I can certainly relate to the showing no weakness and I’m a woman.
But I feel many women have taken this on too especially in the workplace- not wanting to be looked down upon for showing ‘weaknesses’.
So brilliant you live another way. Very inspired to continue to acknowledge all that I do feel and not cover feelings up for fear of feeling vulnerable to rejection.
This is a great point that you bring up James, Sensitivity is all too often misunderstood as weakness when really true sensitivity is true power.
So true Oliver, it took me ages to let go of the mask of hardness and being tough that I was carrying as man, and now that I have, I can really feel the true power in the way I choose to express to the world and to myself by embracing the sensitivity and delicateness within me.
Being sensitive is such a gift. If you allow yourself being sensitive and ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ can give you a great and true understanding of what is really going on. Whereas when you rely only on what you see and/or hear you may miss Truth
A great article James – I especially love the last line about being naturally ourselves and not who we think we need to be. It is beautiful how you have described it in relation to being a man – but I can see how “being naturally ourselves” is important in any part of life that we may identify ourselves with.
I read this article earlier in the week and its message has stayed with me. I have been noticing that when I am aware of others strengths and am celebrating this, even just to myself, I can feel how they feel seen. And we all know how beautiful it is to be seen for who we truly are.
A dog pit is a great way to describe our situation as men. Even when we say we aren’t competing we almost certainly are. It is in fact incredible how we turn into a competition everything and compare how we measure up with other men. It is quite a relief and release to see it doesn’t have to be this way.
Wonderful blog James! Reading your words I realized how much I focus on my weakness rather than appreciate the strength that will support my dedication, when deciding what it is that doesn’t work in my life. Today is a new beginning in relation to re-imprinting old behaviors, so lets appreciate and celebrate our strengths!
I so enjoy seeing men interacting together, supporting each other’s strengths and showing their tenderness to each other without the tension and competition that we so often see in our society. Encouraging and supporting our young boys to grow up like this, will be re-evolutionary.
I agree Josephine, supporting our young boys on what it is to be a true man is super important, I feel the more I live my life honouring my sensitivity and tenderness the moreI can be a role model for younger men to feel it is ok to do the same.
Absolutely Francisco, and this is one of the reasons it touches me so much to see men like you caring for yourself and expressing your tenderness. I know how this is not only for you but it sets an example and also lays a foundation that sends a message that there is another way for young boys to be so that one day they will not feel they have to abandon their beautiful sensitivity as they grow into men.
Beautiful, James, I so enjoyed hearing about your journey and your realisation that embracing your sensitivity brings you true strength as a man. We need more men like you.
I love how we can truly work together as a team. When the team is harmoniously working together you naturally tap into each individuals strengths and there is no jealousy or competition.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ – I love what you share here James, it is truly beautiful when we allow ourselves to be inspired by another’s choices.
Thanks for sharing James, this area is new for me…that is, appreciating and expressing that appreciation for self and others strengths. The way I was raised and the way within my family of origin was very much about fault-finding and cutting each other down. I am enjoying re-programming myself. Sometimes I feel a bit clumsy & sometimes I go into ‘being nice’ energy…but the truth is, there is beauty in all and it can be a fun game to find, focus on and fan that spark within All.
Competition, comparison and jealousy are such hideous beasts yet are commonly operating in a both overt and covert ways amongst us human beings. Such a shame that we act so horribly towards each other and, and you are pointing out in your blog James, such behaviour is blind to the lovely alternative that each of us can be living in and with.
I also feel like what you have shared James defuses and exposes the incessant need for perfection in life. For me, I am aware of an undercurrent of perfectionism that can dominate how I am with myself and others and daily tasks. This perfectionism is unrealistic and if I was perfect at everything I wouldn’t appreciate the essential pieces that other people bring. My weaknesses are another’s strength and we can learn from and inspire one another.
Spot on Rachael. There is both Brotherhood and true humility in this.
A great blog for women and men alike, to read and feel the potential of relationships without the strain of comparison, jealousy and competition. Thank you James.
Very true Rachael. I have become aware of how we can compare, be jealous and competitive in any relationship regardless of with men or women. But, as James has shared, the “antidote” is so simple: celebrate and appreciate ourselves equally as we celebrate and appreciate the strength of others.
I’ve watched my beautiful, sensitive husband over the 6 years I’ve known him and been inspired by how naturally gentle and kind he is; I haven’t seen much in the way of competition in him either. Other men might react to him because of that, but never does it set up a race to be top dog. This is refreshing in a world where competitive behaviour is championed in so many arenas. He has many male friends and colleagues who deeply respect him as he is, without the need for bells and whistles.
How refreshing to read your post here Victoria! And how much more accessible is true equality if we don’t have to navigate competition to begin with? Respect and appreciation arrive easily when we don’t have anything to prove as your husband is witness to. This is truly to be celebrated as you do!
James your observation of Serge Benhayon and the way he gets behind people who are doing well is so true. This knocks the idea of competition – and it’s twin sister jealously – out of the water. They’re both not necessary and help no one. We are much better supporting each other where we can.
It is so true James that it makes no sense to try to compete with others. We all have different strengths, and it is so worth appreciating each other for these instead of letting jealousy and competition creep in.
There is nothing more powerful than a man who honours his nature. Not wanting to be anything else or negating his feelings, but living the real strength of being himself, with all his gentleness and tenderness available.
Hi James, This blog gave me the feeling of true brotherhood, instead of competing against one another there is a strength in truly supporting one another and it feels like this is what humanity has lost along the way.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other”. It is so important that we do not feel less about ourselves because our strengths are different from someone else’s. We are not meant to be good at everything. Enjoying the strengths of another is actually a strength in itself.
And it is pure ‘melty’ to be around a man who in his true strength is letting himself be aware of all that he is feeling. As a woman being around men like this, all my game playing, double guessing and performance finds its rightful place. In the bin! Thank you, James, for being one of many men I know who are supporting my return to God.
Yesterday I was at an event where all the men got up on the platform at the Hall where we were, and sang a song about coming back to the original way of Brotherhood. It was a stunning piece of music, but the men were equally stunning. I suddenly felt incredibly attracted to men again, and could really appreciate how gorgeous they were – very manly and full of strength, yet no macho garbage. Completely gorgeous!
yes Matilda and thank you James, when I meet a man like this, I feel trust returning, all the protection and defence dissolving and my heart opens up to the joy. Imagine a true relationship like this growing ever deeper every day.
I love what you have written here about Serge ‘A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do.’ It is so true.
An “..incessant need’ indeed. In moving away from trying to appear OK and competent, to then living more of that natural man, one starts to see how forceful that need for acceptance is. It’s crazy all the things and mannerisms I’ve developed in the name of seeking acceptance, or proving my worth. Blogs like these help us unravel exactly this behaviour; well done James.
James that was great to read some traits of a true man, gentle, caring, compassionate I could feel all these from you as I read. Seeing another’s strength and helping that grow by confirming is a great gift of love for another, also realising that you don’t have to be great at everything, that’s what’s brotherhood is for, to compliment each other and make the whole.
When we are always competing we can not truly claim in full our own strengths that we naturally possess to inspire others with also. Inspiration is a beautiful and natural way to live .. Certainly much more powerful than competition!
Beautifully shared Joshua. Competing is literally working against another – so of course we feel disconnected from whoever we are competing against and then also disconnected from ourselves because we are chasing something external to us – a reward or the win. When we live by and for inspiration, the responsibility comes back to us and actually supports us to be connected to ourselves and each other. So much more powerful than competition!
Absolutely Simone
Yes Simone, competing and competition which seems to be lauded in every aspect of our lives only further entrench the feelings of separativeness and isolation that are actually against our natural state of connection – and when that is lost, everything else that is true gets undermined as we lose ourselves in the drive and outward looking for recognition and confirmation.
So true Annie – and it can be so sneaky that sometimes it might take a while before we are aware that we are stuck in separativeness and isolation! This makes me have so much appreciation for the wisdom of Universal Medicine that has been shared to support me to know how to “check in” and reconnect. A precious gift – free for everyone!
Thank you James. You bring up that common misconception that being sensitive is a sign of weakness. It’s accepted that women can be more sensitive than men, but the truth is, society still says you’re weak regardless of your gender. I made sure growing up I was desensitised, hardened to the point that everyone thought I was so cool, calm and collected, carefree, didn’t care about what others thought etc. That was all one big facade, that by the age of 24 came crumbling right off like a clay mask. I couldn’t keep it up, the hurts I had experienced through my life were all there, waiting to be dealt with and like anything you put off dealing with, the pile only gets bigger. If only I had accepted that I was sensitive in the first place. I would have been able to deal with everything that I experienced right there and then, rather than let it fester. Whan an enormous sign of strength that is. How very mature! I choose to be sensitive these days, and I’m totally cool with it. And it turns out, that I actually feel cool, calm and collected….but without a mask this time, it’s just me.
Amazing, Elodie, how allowing ourselves to feel what is there to be felt brings more strength than the perceived, yet hollow, strength of hardening ourselves to what we feel.
It’s true Elodie, there are many expectations on women to be tough as well, much of which comes from women themselves. I always had the fear that I wasn’t tough enough to survive in life, but didn’t understand that trashing and hardening my body wasn’t actually doing the trick either. It only had the effect of shutting down from myself and others, which obviously others would sense and then feel the need to harden to protect themselves. So all it achieved was contributing to a more hardened and protected, disconnected world, with a greater sense of threat – and hence more hardening – and so it goes.
I could not agree more James; such has been my experience.
When two men meet and try to compare or compete they never get to know each other because they are presenting a false version of themselves. When one man drops the protection and the fitting in Behavior to just be his natural self, it gives the other men the permission and the opportunity to do the same. Then you find out what amazing people they are and genuinely appreciate their qualities.
‘To live with the ease and joy of a child’, reading this reminds me how much we all wish for true harmony and joy in our lives and now through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have learnt that this is entirely possible no matter what is going on outside of you.
Living proof that there is another way to live and be with everyone. Awesome inspiration that Serge and many more are, living a true love on earth right now. Awesome.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.” Gorgeous insight James from the beautiful man that you are. When we celebrate others, we celebrate ourselves.
James, what a gorgeous celebration of who you are.
I become quite fed up by the constant games that I as a man have played, that need to be recognised and seen and put on a front. It is great to read of your take on this James, and how this doesn’t have to be the way we live. I know that who I am is not a tough guy and I no longer wish to present any of this front, there is something amazing in being gentle as a man and particularly in offering this reflection to young boys.
I enjoyed reading this especially your description of the word sensitive – “being aware of what we are feeling”. Absolute gold! Thank you, James.
Beautiful James, it is immensely freeing to discard all the pictures and ideals about how we should be and instead trust in our own inner compass, knowing it truly guides us. And that through our natural-born sensitivity we can reconnect to what is inside that we know is true.
Well said Annie, it is so freeing to simply be ourselves. What it shows is quite how much we have taken on from the outside, trying to be better, trying to fit in, trying to not be hurt but all that we end up doing is adding layer upon layer, mask upon mask that stops us from living and being our true selves. The more layers we let go of the more freer we feel even though we are returning to a natural state.
I have found that genuinely celebrating and appreciating my and others strengths felt very foreign at first I was almost shy when doing so. That reaction came from past experiences of being judged. What I have experienced in myself and with other team members is that when the gloves come off and you are genuinely celebrated I have been inspired to try more and tempt things I have really struggled with and avoided.
Being sensitive and honouring that all the time is the most rewarding feeling I have experienced as a man. You live in a state of honesty if not Truth – this is strength knowing how you feel. This not giving your power away and you do not become exhausted. No need to the play games of competition as your feelings are the winner. Great blog James.
I love your blog James. I keep coming back to it because there is something very heart warming when a man drops the facade and expresses from his heart and I can never get enough of that.
Me too jeannettegold, I love being around men and women who simply allow themselves to be with no put on and are truly supportive of each other.
Could this be what everyone is looking for James, but have not had the support to claim for themselves. I love that Serge Benhayon and has encouraged me to be open and honest and comfortably me through his reflection of being the same and meeting me as I am. And that this is the growing norm amongst the Universal medicine student body is just divine.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ this is gorgeous, James, and applies to women as well as men because it takes the comparison and jealousy away. To live in constant appreciation and celebration is a joy-ful way to be.
I agree Carmel it is a joyful way to be to live in constant appreciation and celebration. Inspriing fo everyone.
A great blog James , letting down our guards as men and just being ourselves is definetly the way to go . I also agree with celebrating our strengths and the others the same way supporting each other to grow is also super important . Walking with ourselves instead of goose stepping or marching through life feels very liberating not having or trying to prove ourselves or compete just being ourselves , in all our imperfect perfection 🙂
Thank you Greg beautifully expressed.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” Beautifully said, James, that sounds and feels like a wonderful way to be living as a man, removing the competition among men, and instead being able to help one another. How much more can be achieved by living that way, win win for everyone. That feels like brotherhood to me.
Indeed Beverley, so much can be achieved when we work tigether and stop trying to endlessly out do and compete with each other.
In a dog eats dog mentality we are in protection and think we need to defend our preciousness, we look out for other peoples weaknesses to attack them there before they attack us.
James you shed light into this situation and offer us a new approach, that when we open up and support each other in our strength, the weaknesses are taken care of and we all win in the process. That is brotherhood – a place where fighting and subsequently war has no place.
Beatiful James, I too have discovered the power of appreciating others and myself. Whenever I give words to my appreciation for someone my heart seems to open up further to them, I love how that feels and what confirming someone’s strenghts does for that person, you can feel them expand or in other words ‘grow ten feet tall’.
There are so many faces to strength and you have laid out before us some of the most enduring and powerful these – strengths that men have almost been forced to sacrifice because of the dominating belief that to be macho is to be strong: ‘I used to think that being “sensitive” was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as “being aware of what we are feeling” – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.’ Too right James!
Thank you Lyndy and well said. It is absurd when I think about it how that we let go of our true strength and power to ‘fit in’ with others. We quite literally morph outselves into someone cut off from our true nature.
This raises the other point that being strong is not what celebrating our strengths is about. As a woman I have identified myself with masculine energy and considered it as cool. Why? Because then you are strong and tough. Later in my life I found out that being sensitive was not weak, but a strength in itself. And the whole idea of celebrating each others strengths is so liberating, yet not so much common ground. So let’s celebrate each other and what each on of us bring!
When its written down like this, I can’t help but wonder at how weak a response it is to continue hiding behind the web of lies and bravado. If we all consider just how much true strength is needed to step out into the light, warts and all, to expose our weak underbelly but without fear. This is the strength imbued of tenderness, and only possible when there is appreciation of everything that we are (and not just the nice, the attractive, or the dominant traits that have been championed for too long) .
This is a truly beautiful bog James. I love how you have completely turned on its head the paradigm of the nature of strength, and shown where true strength really lies: By celebrating the strengths of others, ‘I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.’ This is true power indeed.
Spot on Lyndy, This is true power founded in true strength.
Yeah Lyndy! Also this kind of ‘celebrating other people’s strengths based’ approach would not only support relationships but to help build self-worth and confidence in those who do not feel so worthy or sure of them selves.
Surprisingly the sort of strength I look for in a man, and have looked for my whole life is that he knows who he is. I think many women would say the same. Taking it that step further to say he also sees who other people really are (as well as himself) is something I too have witnessed many times in Serge Benhayon.
I agree Heather. It’s a joy to be around a man who knows himself well and accepting of himself including his sensitivity.
I agree as well, yet it is not, currently, too common for men to be fully accepting of themselves and their sensitivity. It is something which Serge Benhayon has through living the way he does inspired many men to say yes it is ok to be sensitive and to be more in touch with what we are feeling and ourselves.
Your words and experience are so needed in our modern world James. From what you have shared, I have a deeper understanding of the power in appreciating others’ strengths or abilities. All working together without competition – this is evolutionary! Thank you.
Thank you Bernadette, that is great to hear and it is awesome that the blog has deepened your understanding about the power in appreciating others strengths and abilities.
I love your peacock analogy. Peacocks have many weaknesses. A strong and nasty insult is to describe a woman as looking and sounding like a peacock.
I agree christophschnelle, especially with sound(s) peacocks make, it is rather loud, quirky but definitely not something anyone would want to be compared to!
It is beautiful to see” the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to”, as those that are weaker rather than stronger in us. How simple this is, free of blame, guilt or resentment or any other judgement from our emotional reactions. Thank you James.
Celebrating our strengths, I love this James, this changes how we see everyone, when we celebrate someones strength all criticism and judgement fall away and we can see the beauty of who they truly are.
Beautiful sharing. Thank yoy James. I have been inspired by hearing Serge appreciate others strenghts too. It is gorgeous to hear and as you say it is something we just don’t hear very often in the world. Beautiful to hear your strength of sensitivity and the strength of being aware of what you are feeling. Something to indeed appreciate and celebrate.
Serge Benhayon does celebrate what we all bring individually and I know, as a men, that I have never, before meeting him, met another man that held no judgment of anyone, as he does. Serge is the role model for men, to re-connect to who we truly are, allowing the walls we have built to protect us from our hurts and rejections to be torn down, so that we can express our true selves to everyone.
This is exhausting to live this way.. isn’t it? “As men, it is as if we are brought up to be in a dog pit – constantly competing to be the top dog, always needing to show our superiority in whatever way we can so effectively we will not get crushed by the world or by others.” How beautiful is it then that as the tender, sensitive man you are James, that you are not afraid to express your gentle side. In no way does this make you less of a man, but in fact all the greater for it. It’s truly inspiring to see men break the mould of the toughness we are led to believe is the right expression of men, but deep down we all know is false.
I can relate here to what you are saying James in that I have often feared being crushed or defeated by the world despite a confident exterior. I reckon most men carry a certain anxiety around this underneath whatever they portray outwardly. By celebrating our strengths and supporting each other rather than competing with each other, this allows all of us to drop our guard and be more open and honest which brings back that joy that we miss from young.
How life changing is appreciating and celebrating ourselves and others, I feel blessed knowing Serge Benhayon and all the Students of the Livingness for living in a natural way.
Your blog is a beautiful testimonial of the Way of the Livingness, thank you James!
I love the fact that we can celebrate each others strengths and learn from them and it occurred to me that if we’re like that at work, we would not be in competition with each other.
This is true Julie, ‘it occurred to me that if we’re like that at work, we would not be in competition with each other.’ The work environment could be harmonious, with everyone working together using their strengths and supporting each other, how very different workplaces would be.
I agree Julie, the more we express,celebrate and confirm our own strengths, the more we are genuinely able to do the same with another.Thus there is no room for competition because all the room is being used to express,celebrate and confirm each other.
Your blog reminded me of the quote, ‘ It’s a dog eat dog world.’ where one has to out do another. This way of being seems very much accepted in so many areas of our lives, especially in the business world and from my experience it instills a need to survive and an uncertainty in who we are and what we bring. The fact that we can celebrate our strengths instead of competing with them is something that seems long forgotten – it may be talked about but rarely felt consistently in another. Serge Benhayon is an exception to this, for I have always known him to celebrate others strengths and back them 100%. There is not an ounce of competition or a need to outdo another. In this way, Serge has shown me that we can celebrate and draw on each others strengths to truly support one another and grow stronger as a society by doing so.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.”
Such a beautiful sharing James. thank you for your honesty, a true inspiration.
It is so common amongst men as well as women to put on an act, pretending life is great even if their life is falling apart around them. It is so refreshing to be around men like yourself who are willing to be vulnerable and share what they are feeling,this then opens it up for women to be able to be their naturally nurturing selves.
“…. ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” This is beautiful James. Lead the way for all young men and show how being sensitive and tender is not a weakness!
Competition is such a killer. It is always requiring us to constantly strive ‘to be something’ which is not ourselves and makes another lesser or, we are the one that is ‘lesser’. Whichever way it denies us being able to just express who we are and how we are feeling without any demands.
Thank you James – you write from a beautiful strength that is delicate and honest. I too had the belief that men were always raised to be tough and physically strong and in a lot of competition. But as you share here, Universal Medicine has allowed you to be yourself and see other men as equals. What a beautiful relationship this is, changing the way forward for all to see.
This is a really great share to give insight into what it is that men feel about life and growing up.
What a better place this earth would be if we could only celebrate each others strengths and not compete all the time. We are all on such different playing fields anyway so what is the real point of competition?
No point at all kevmchardy. I suppose that we are sadly looking outside ourselves for our self-worth in the form of what we look like and what we do is what drives competition. Once we connect to our innately gorgeous and all powerful essence within competition is redundant.
Indeed Kevin, we all bring such a diverse range of skills and expressions, that there is the opportunity to benefit and build rather than pull each other down in order to stay above each other
Exactly Kevin. When looked at this way competition makes now sense at all. True appreciation and celebration of strengths is what works energetically, which is the only truth.
So true! It is such a non-sense waste of time, energy and life.
Absolutely kevmchardy. When you put it like that it makes no sense. It reminds me of a cartoon I saw yesterday where an elephant, bird, dog, fish etc were sitting in front of an examiner. The caption was, ” to pass this exam all you have to do is to climb that tree”!
I have never felt as strong as I do now when I can feel what is going on in and around me. When I’m aware of what I’m feeling and I voice my awareness it is a confirmation of my strength. This strength feels so much stronger than the macho facade that I used to put on to protect myself.
I agree Jinya. True strength doesn’t come from being ‘macho’ and tough. It comes from being tender and sensitive.
Jinya, your comment exposes the false strength of being macho and the true strength of being true.
So simply shared: the abiding and deep strength of sensitivity, instead of the shaky ground of facades and comparison. Thank you, Jinya.
This is a beautiful post and one that is important for men to read. I work with quite a lot of men and it’s so true what you are saying, that they do not generally want to show how sensitive they actually are yet for most of them their sensitivity is as obvious as the nose on their face. I say we encourage the men in our lives to just be themselves and not try and live up to some ridiculous ideal. The best way to do that is to just be ourselves with them.
This is such a great advice Elisabeth and so simple too!
Elizabeth this is so true. The sensitivity in every man is so very obvious and so delightful, regardless of how hard they try to hide it. I often forget that the best way to encourage someone to not be concerned about showing their true colours is to not play ball with what they are pretending to be and let them know we see and love their real self, and the best way to do that is by simply making sure we are our true self with them.
The strength of your sweetness and sensitivity shines through your writing, James. An inspiration for all, particularly men. Thank you.
Matilda I agree that it is an inspiration for all because when a man is being a true man then a woman is inspired to be a true woman and of course when a woman is being a true woman then a man is impulsed to be a true man. Oh I can feel the absolute glory of all of us being our true selves !
Absolutely, sweetness and sensitivity are two spot-on words to describe this blog. Tis thoroughly inspirational.
James this was so beautiful to read, how you were able to let go of the tough and competitive act and be you. I’ve played this competitive game and have seen it played out with women as well. Appreciating myself and others has been a real game changer.
Yes, women can take competing to a whole other level sometimes! It really packs a punch that is for sure. To the person competing and those around her. I remember playing netball like it was an extreme contact sport. A couple of us even got pulled aside and told it wasn’t a footy match and to settle down. It was like we were men rather than women at this time.
It is so beautiful to feel and see men who are so gentle, naturally so. See men lovingly embrace and not to feel awkward of the very fact that there is a deep connection and let the world feel their presence. To me that is also a strength as it shows they are not guarded/holding back about what others may think – and freely expressing what is there in abundance. Serge Benhayon as you share James is an amazing inspiration for us all. A lovely sharing with us James thank you.
I am so enjoying learning to focus on my strengths and allowing them to flourish, whilst releasing perfectionism and trying to be all things to all people. I think your blog applies to all people, men and women alike although I certainly enjoy hearing about how it is for men specifically.
Yes, focusing on my strengths and taking time to appreciate these has been a very healing experience for me as I have spent most of my life beating myself up for my apparent imperfections. All the time missing the true beauty that lay within me naturally.
I agree Emmadanchin, so beautiful to hear how it is for men and to feel the truth in their expression is beautiful and inspiring.
I agree Emmadanchin, great to hear it from a man’s perspective and feel how that plays out for women too. I am seeing that strive for perfectionism in me and appreciate and relate to what you’ve said in ‘trying to be all things to all people’. By doing that we miss out on the magic of Brotherhood and allowing others to bring what is natural for them. We can’t do it all.
There is no greater freedom on earth than to live as you truly are.
When we demand that men “man up” we are asking them to live in a prison. Does this make men feel more safe? Maybe. Even though the bars are invisible no one can get in and he cannot get out. That is not life. What you have described James is true life.
Very good point Rachel – asking people to ‘man up’ and toughen up strongly encourages them to build protection and shut out other people and the world.. It can definitely be like living in a prison, and this separation is one of the deadliest dis-eases there is.
Great analogy Rachael, confirming thyself and another is a beautiful way to start taking some self built bars out and letting a little light shine in.
Strong words Rachel but true, we build a prison for ourselves and spend our lives reinforcing it. What a huge price to pay for not dealing with our hurts.
Nice, Dr Rachel Mascord. I see how women have embraced this too – manning up to make it in a man’s world. Is it any wonder we are as women plagued by so many ills? What an unnatural and toxic way to live.
James, I can feel how much easier it has been for you to let go of the constant competition that men usually partake in at work, home, and elsewhere. I know myself that it has always felt exhausting and such a losing battle to engage in the back-and-forth attempt to ‘one-up’ other men in ways that are often quite silly (like “I have more experience in such-and-such”, or saying that you have done something more impressive than another guy). Interesting that I read your great blog here James just after saying to a co-worker yesterday how I had appreciated and learned some great work-ethics and techniques from him. I noticed too, how men seem like they don’t want to accept such compliments most of the time and tend to shrug them off instead of accepting and claiming them for themselves.
Wonderful sharing Michael. Amazing, but true that for many of us (including myself) we have had to learn how to accept and claim compliments and of course this becomes much easier when we’re feeling our own worth from inside ourselves.
Hi Michaelgoodhart36, yes I have noticed that with men too, as well as women. I was pondering on this very fact, remembering how difficult I found it to receive compliments before I started to attend Universal Medicine. It was because back then I was not able to see the strengths in myself so could not accept it from another. That is why appreciating and confirming one’s self is very important.
As a woman meeting a ‘macho’ man I always wonder what’s underneath that. Who is that guy really. I am much more comfortable around men who present their real self of tenderness and presence. Having met you several times I feel very comfortable in your presence. Thank you James for being you.
Truly wonderful to feel all of your sensitivity James – my role models today are so different to the ones I had growing up. Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine practitioners all support me to be the true man I am not by being the best, the most competitive etc but by being who they are without doubt or apology, by being loving and super tender with themselves and each other and by honouring their bodies.
It’s truly gorgeous to be in the presence of men who honour their super tender and loving selves. I am appreciating more and more the beauty in men, even those who have yet to feel it for themselves.
I know Lee, my role models have completely changed, including the people I look up to for inspiration. True success is not measured by your bank balance, or your possessions but rather the depth of love you hold.
You’ve encapsulated it all here Lee. The people who inspire me now are those that live as who they truly are, no exceptions, no rules, no apologies, but with the utmost dedication, tenderness, honesty and love.
Absolutely beautiful James! Thank you for sharing that sensitive part of yourself and acknowledging that it is a manly thing to do after all. I have always felt that we need to have more sensitive men in the world, especially those who are unafraid to show it naturally. Serge Benhayon is most definitely a wonderful role model for this.
There’s so much to learn as we become aware of how much being in competition has harmed our true connection with one another. When we put this aside we are able to begin to feel what we feel and acknowledge our true nature. It’s lovely to read testimonials of women and men who are doing this. It is great James that you are able to present that a man’s true strength lies in bravely feeling what is true.
James, it’s great to read here in your words, We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. More and more lately I am feeling this within the men that I come into contact with and it is so gorgeous to feel and have that understanding that every man is this within. So thank-you for sharing your true self from your own livingness with us. It is absolutely felt and known.
Competition is an ugly concept, and is taught and promoted from a young age – yet as you share, it keeps us in tension and separation. Celebration of our strengths and those of others is such a natural way to be – we don’t have to compete.
Gorgeous, James. ‘Celebrating our own strength and other’s strength’ – what a great way. It will annihilate competition and jealousy.
I so enjoyed reading your beautiful blog James – and within the first few sentences I was reminded of a young boy about 11 or so who so enjoyed life, the out of doors his boyhood mates, swinging off ropes into the creek below etc. etc. and then life started to change dramatically as these gorgeous fun loving boys were being faced with ‘maturing’ and the expectations of making decisions of growing up and ‘what are you going to be!!’ As the simplicity and joy of just being themselves was now in question it raised all sorts of insecurities and dilemmas, concerns etc. as they questioned why things could not remain the same, “why cannot I just be myself?” they would ask – and always received with the response – “well that just isn’t enough – it’s time to decide what/who you want to be for the rest of your life” or something similar was always the response. How devastating to our young boys to be told from an early age that just being their beautiful selves was not ‘being’ enough. Thankfully, at last, as a result of the Ageless Wisdom being shared by Serge Benhayon we are all discovering or remembering there is a choice – there is another way to prepare our boys – from a wise heart and the way of the Livingness – by just choosing to allow ourselves to ‘be’ the love that we are first.
That is the beauty of the Ageless Wisdom and what Serge Benhayon has been showing us, no longer do we feel we need to try to fit into the world rather we can give ourselves the space to be ourselves and learn who we truly are.
Thank you James your blog, it was so beautiful to read. It is great that you are feeling the strength in your sensitivity and tenderness as a man. There are so many shoulds in life, leading to comparison and one man upmanship. Serge Benhayon is a true role model for us all, and sees us for who we truly are.
James what a powerful blog you have shared. There is a great strength in honouring your sensitivity. When a man shows his sensitivity he feels as if he is more at ease with himself, and knows himself too. Rather than putting up a front, because he feels he needs to protect himself, and when that happens you don’t get to meet the true man he is.
I fully agree Sally, it makes such a huge difference when we simply allow ourselves to be and don’t try to put up a front.
What you write is great James as the competition between men is a horrible way of keeping everyone down. Funnily enough the so called “weaknesses” that you mention at the start that men keep hidden, are very often their true strength which you note at the end such as their sensitivity and natural tenderness.
I am just considering the oddness of what you share Nicola.. Its a dichotomy. Its strange that the very thing that is our strength.. our super power, that is tenderness and sensitivity is labeled as weak. The fact that men keep this hidden actually makes them/us weaker through the barrier of toughness. Women are also subject to the same beliefs that we need to toughen up, but just what are we losing when we do this?
Appreciating others brings back true intimacy and frees up body from tension. It feels great as it makes me feel bigger than I am. Thank you for sharing.
James I am celebrating you right now. Sharing how important it is to celebrate each others strengths is powerful for us all.
Me too, great blog James! You have a strength in writing for sure.
Thank you Vicky! 🙂 It is amazing how much we can each bring to each other when we allow our strengths to be seen.
Celebrating AND appreciating, what a lovely way to live. Living the day both celebrating and appreciating ourselves and others is a day full of Love, why would we want to live any other way! We deserve it.
Upon writing this comment I started to really feel into the word ‘celebrate’, and I felt expanded, light and joy-full, and realised that this feeling is inside me and if I choose to connect to it then not only does my body get the benefit, but everyone else does too.
I agree Vicky, there is a beautiful expansion in a group of people who can openly celebrate each others strengths, as opposed to the reduction that is felt within a group when there is criticism and competition…the two are poles apart.
I totally agree Vicky, as I celebrate yours 🙂
James, thankyou for sharing this. It’s so important to support other people and ourselves with our strengths for sure. I find in life that there are ample amounts of things that tell us that how we are just isn’t good enough and the competition sets in. It’s a different thing being celebrated just for who you are and what You naturally bring! Can you imagine if children were brought up this way?- celebrating their natural strengths.. The world would be such a different place ! An incredible different place.
In children we see the ease and joy that it brings if you are just you and celebrate it without calibrating. A great inspiration.
I can imagine a world this way and it is up to our generation to bring our children up this way. As you say there is so much out there telling us that we are not good enough as we should be a certain way and not enough things confirming the gorgeousness that we are.
This is lovely Emily, ‘It’s a different thing being celebrated just for who you are and what You naturally bring! Can you imagine if children were brought up this way?- celebrating their natural strengths..’ School seems to be about competition, about grades and how well you are ‘doing’ at different subjects, I work as a volunteer with year 2 children and they are all so gorgeous and unique and i can feel what they bring and yet their opinions of themselves and their teachers opinion of them seems to come down to how well they do at subjects – if they are a good writer or reader rather than the playfulness, light, joy,sensitivity, gentleness and grace that they bring.
I agree Emily the world would be an incredibly different place if we raised our children in celebration of their natural sensitivities, strengths and gifts. When we are encouraged to identify and claim ourselves in this way, supporting and cherishing others for the gifts they bring to this world is just so natural and extremely uplifting.
I love your description of how you have been inspired by Serge Benhayon “he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do” or as me and most woman can, go into comparison, self judgment and jealousy. I too have found that as you say “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.”
Same here Golnaz it’s a very powerful way to approach life and something I can certainly bring much more depth to in my life. I notice that no matter what is going on, if I allow myself to appreciate others, it changes everything. It’s made me consider, what if I always celebrated and appreciated others strengths – Life would be very different I am sure.
It is so easy to honour the sensitivity of little boys, but somewhere down the line, we say enough is enough, time to treat them differently. It’s like they are given the go-ahead to be sensitive, gentle and lovely for only so long and when they reach that point/age, they must toughen up, and learn to be a man. Who decided that???
James, your writing is so important because it gives other men who know this and don’t like it, but just don’t know what to do about it as adults, the way forward – to embrace their own strength in sensitivity as a gateway to awareness.
It’s true Suzanne, when boys reach a certain age it’s time to ‘man up’ and no longer is it OK to cry or you might be deemed a sissy (or worse). I remember my dear brother as he grew older being under this pressure to ‘man up’ and thinking that it was truly awful. He was able to maintain his tenderness, but I watched it cause him immense pain as well. How wonderful to have men re-connecting to their true tender and sensitive selves, and being empowered in the process. Just gorgeous.
So true Suzanne, my children are so little and we are out and about with many children and their families often and I have observed many fathers out there who are not supporting their children to be themselves.
James it was very powerful reading your last sentence where you say “I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act..” What a gift to be inspired to live who you naturally are and drop the act.
And what an awesome role model you are for other men to be inspired to do the same.
Very exposing and inspiring – I too have lived with much tension as I tried to live in a way where I wasn’t simply myself and where I had beliefs of how I should be. I’m dropping those beliefs and enjoying the new found freedom. I like the part on celebrating the strengths of others.
This is a great comment Nikkimckee and I can very much relate here also, dropping the ideals and beliefs is huge and allows for so much contentment and joy.
James thank you for sharing this real picture of what plays out for men. In living with a man I see the struggle and tension that can come in when he worries about being rejected or dishonours who he is. When he let’s go of everything he perceives he should be there is a strong and yet tender and delicate man inside that is also very sexy!
Sally, I agree it is a huge weight many men carry around on their shoulders, the tension we live with from little boys growing up trying to fit into the world – it is huge.
Yes, thanks James for being one of the pioneers in releasing the weighty burden from the shoulders of men so that they can live truly again. And thanks so much to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting this precious and powerful truth.
Yes I enjoyed this honesty of what is really going on. It reminds me that what is on the surface and/or being presented is not often what is truly going on.
I agree Sally, it is sexy! It also goes to show men and women aren’t so different after all – we are both naturally tender and delicate, much like the babies we start out as: it’s what we take on in life that changes that. If we were to more frequently remember and understand ourselves to be the tender bundles of love we once were, we’d all be a lot less hard on ourselves and others.
How wonderful James that you have arrived at a place when you can feel all that you truly are as a man; tender, caring and sensitive: and not what the world expects a man to be; tough, fearless and macho. What an inspiring example you are to all men and to those young boys who are heading toward manhood, and to me as a woman who is learning to know what a man truly is, breaking through the beliefs and ideals that I have been fed from young.
Thank you Ingrid, it is crazy the notion of what we ‘think’ a real man is and how far from truth the picture actually is.
It is so lovely to feel our strength and not compete with it, but just celebrate them and feel the way we can be of service with these qualities. There is so much more to life when there is no need to compete, saves a lot of time!
Well said Benkt, we waste so much time attempting to outdo another or worse, focus only on our weaknesses and inadequacies. I have learnt now that a weakness is just a part of myself I have not nurtured and my whole appreciation of my weak spots has changed. When we bring our focus to our strengths and natural talents and all the strengths and talents of others, it is so uplifting. Learning to celebrate that in ourselves empowers us to achieve what we are here to achieve, to build a truly honest and loving life together. When we put all our focus that way our weaknesses will naturally heal. It is such an inspiration to know men who appreciate, honour and cherish their own strengths and support all others in theirs. It restores the joy to life.
Love what you share here, Benkt. Without competition, I feel it’s so much easier for us to be all of who we are. No need for protection against the bombardment of jealousy and judgement, just to feel the beauty of who we are and what we can offer.
James, your definition of sensitivity is lovely ‘being aware of what we are feeling’, when it’s put like that it’s so obvious really we’d want that. It’s funny how we’ve bought into ideas and definitions of how things are and because of it we then end up doing these roles which are not us and actually hurt us, and for men it’s that tough guy who is ahead of the pack. And yet men are innately tender and it’s wonderful to feel and see men being tender, and everytime I see it it makes me smile. So thanks James for sharing this and showing you.
Thank you monicag2, it is something we would be crazy not to want, yet so many of us suppress our feelings as find them too hard to deal with. I have learnt that we all feel everything it is just up to each of us how much of our feeling we allow and how much we suppress. The more we honour what we feel, even if just to ourselves, the more we consciously allow ourselves to feel and see the next time. It is one of the reasons why confirming and celebrating others is great as it brings that confirmation that it is ok and natural to be super sensitive, tender and caring.
So agree James and Michelle, I feel it’s vital we appreciate and honour men as they live and express their tenderness, it’s saying this is who you truly are, and more please. So each time we see that let’s not be shy about celebrating it – it honours and holds us all.
It is a breath of fresh air to read your article James and your honest expression of what it’s like to be a man in today’s world. I know what it’s like as a woman to feel pressured by society’s ideals and expectations around how I ‘ should ‘ be but it’s great to understand how it is for men as well. Congratulations on overcoming the push to be something you are not and the courage to be the ‘ gentleman’ that you truly are.
There is nothing more gorgeous to feel than a man truly being a ‘gentle’ man. When I refer to a gentle man, I am not referring to having the best manners or doing the right thing, but a man who is open and in touch with how they feel, who is connected with themselves and therefore can connect with others. Indeed it is a divine quality to be a gentle man, as it is to be a gentle woman.
Courage is a quality important to men, but plays out differently, for some men it is going in hard on the sporting field, for some it is success in business, for others it’s standing up for some noble cause. If courage is about facing your fears, the biggest fears are not outside, rather they are internal. Exposing my own bad behavior that is based on avoiding rejection takes courage. Standing by what I feel for myself, even when this goes against all those around me. Serge Benhayon has been a great inspiration in this regard.
Not trying to be someone or something (comparison and competition) but being content with just being my natural sensitive self is not only deeply relaxing but for the first time allows me to build true relationships that are not tainted by hurts and needs but supported by openness, honesty and trust – and appreciation for myself and others.
That’s amazing Alex. Letting go of our ideals, beliefs and protections can make incredible changes to our lives and relationships, because when you stop worrying about how you THINK you should act and be, you start being the real you and I think a lot of people would be surprised at how much more others love spending time with YOU than the false you.
Thank you for reminding us of a timeless truth Alex, that what we’ve got inside us naturally is all we ever need to be ourselves.
I loved reading your blog James. It is fairly uncommon to find a man claiming his sensitivity as a strength in the world, by ‘being aware of what we are feeling’. It’s great to read. One day the tide will turn & it may become the norm. Perhaps if more women brought up their sons and daughters to develop and appreciate their sensitivity then the world would be a much more loving place.
This is gorgeous James and I have been realising through men like yourself that the real strength in men is actually in allowing their natural tenderness and sensitivity. No wonder you grow up competing and trying to outdo each other. If you were to stop and actually see each other as you really are, sharing how you are feeling and what is truly going on for you, then the rough and tough exterior would not stand a chance, as is shown through Serge and all those gorgeous men that have returned to their natural way of being.
Well said James thanks for the sharing, what a man- sensitive and tender and what qualities they are to claim the true strength of a man .
So beautiful to read and feel your article James. I especially like how you are now more your natural tender self and the strength in that.
Beautifully expressed James! I love how you lovingly talk about our weaknesses as “the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to”. This brings a very common sense into why we have weak spots and that it is a very natural thing to have.
One of your strengths must be how beautifully clearly you see things James. You put it so well how the world we see is based on this dog-eat-dog philosophy. Yet the truth is we are members of the same pack here to love, nourish and support each other to return to a harmony we all know.
Thank you for sharing how it is for men and how different it can be when we start to appreciate ourselves and each other. It feels so lovely to notice and share with someone a quality you have noticed in them. It takes no time or effort at all but opens our hearts to each other and cuts through any need to compete. We all have our strengths and roles to play here. That is what makes life and people so beautiful.
I really relate to the metaphor of the dog fight – seeing gangs of guys at school, constantly digging each other with comments and physical violence, jostling for top position – fitting in is a completely different ball game for guys.
A beautiful and honest blog James – one to to be constantly inspired by and enjoy reading over and over again – I love your final sentence which confirms all the amazing changes I have felt and seen within you since first meeting you a few years ago.
“I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man”.
We guard our fragility and sensitivity behind walls of “I’m doing fine” but when we open up about how we actually are, there is such potential for beautiful connection between people. By pretending to be “strong” it can be our ultimate undoing because we are all so sensitive underneath, and what we deny takes more and more effort to keep it repressed. There is true strength in accepting all we are and feel James, I love all that I have learned from your blog.
It’s the most gorgeous and truly ‘manly’ thing to see a man embrace his tenderness. The idea that’s been sold to men and women that men have to be tough as nails and macho, kills the truth in men and keeps us all away from being blessed by man’s true strength which comes through so beautifully when a man lets himself be the tender, sensitive man he naturally is.
Most of we men go through our lives protecting ourselves from rejection. It seems to me that half of the world’s population is doing whatever we can to avoid our feelings. It is a crazy thing, especially as it is feeling our feelings that will return us to be the men that we are inside. Women, men and children suffer a lot of abuse because of this imbalance. For me, it had to start with baby steps – by first acknowledging that I have feelings instead of ignoring them, like societal life tells us to – man up, grow a pair, be a man etc. The protection and the competition for toughness is killing men. One of the greatest causes of death of men under 35 years is suicide. Strange how what is deemed to be ‘strong’ is our greatest killer. We need more men out there saying it’s ok to feel, to be sensitive and to understand our feelings. This is true strength.
Wow James every word is so true and I feel Your deep appreciation. It is so lovely, strong and confirming to read Your words here. So true 🙂 thank You for sharing…the world needs to remember this it is so important and healing for it is the absolute truth. I really enjoyed reading it.
These words are so very important and to be valued in all relationships if a man can bring this to them. “I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have”.
“We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves”- Thank you James for claiming this.
You are a beautiful inspiration for other males.
What would the world be like if all men allowed their tenderness to be felt and honoured?
This is gorgeous James. I love witnessing the tenderness in men who are truly willing to allow this quality in themselves. As you say, this is true strength. It is tender loving strength, which is so very much more powerful than any macho toughness that anyone can try to display.
Being sensitive is being aware of what we are feeling, so far from how it is generally viewed. This is a great strength James, thank you.
“I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” This is huge, I feel this for myself – that being ‘sensitive’ was always said with some form of sympathy, not something to be celebrated. In that I can equally feel the added weight put onto boys and men who are sensitive…and that feels heavy. Why do we do this when it is so beauty-full to fully feel all that the world and all of its people have to offer. As you say James, it should most certainly be embraced as an enormous strength. Thank you for living this way.
It’s awesome when we can celebrate fully another’s success without a need to put them down out of jealousy or competitiveness. This is true brotherhood, and Serge Benhayon certainly lives this.
This is beautiful James. I love hearing men share as you are….open, honestly and with such great care and tenderness about the men who are in their lives.
I love the point about when we support others it doesn’t make us less than the other person but build us both.
This is a great example of globalisation where if every country stayed a closed economy we wouldn’t see the development of the modern world we see today. Meaning in technology, as our health is still in pretty bad shape.
However the point is that as human beings we get stronger and develop by working together. This has proved it self over and over again.
This is beautiful, James. Society loses big time when we curb the expression of men in their sweetness and tenderness. It’s a long time since we cut the ideal of being a man is as a macho type figure. There is nothing more glorious and unimposing than a man confidently expressing from his sensitive side.
I can really relate to everything you say, James but what stands out for me is “keeping hidden any flaws and/or weaknesses we have”. That’s a big one and I still find it extremely hard to admit my faults and my failings. You’ve opened up a rich seam of inspiration – thank you
That’s amazing Michael. It is great to admit your weaknesses. I wouldn’t so call them failings or faults, as this feels you are being hard on yourself. A weakness admitted brings less focus to it with more time to cherish and charm those strengths.
Thank you James for your refreshingly honest and beautiful blog that allows us all to feel the sensitivity of a man who lives life in a way that is inspirational.
Thank you James for re-defining masculinity. It can become very tiresome when others assume that you have a consuming interest in sport in general, and football in particular, simply by virtue of your gender. Some of the more ‘macho’ societies are also very matriarchal which may offer us a clue regarding the origins of this way of being. When you say……..” I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – …..”, it sums up beautifully what being sensitive simply means.
So true Jonathan we make massive assumptions about men, how they should behave, what they should be interested in and if they don’t behave as expected there must be something wrong with them. Yet men have so much more to offer us than sport and oneupmanship James has delivered us a very tangible understanding of masculinity, one where a man is aware of what he is feeling and can respond to the world from this awareness. This should be taught in all our schools as a core subject as it truly supports self confidence, awareness and interactions, essential skills in building real relationships in all areas of life: work, rest and play.
It’s beautiful to hear and feel all you gorgeous men express with such love, honesty and simplicity. You are all so inspiring. Thank you.
I love that line too Jonathan; debunking sensitivity!
AND, of course the secret to being able to become more aware of what we can feel is to develop a body that is receptive to feeling the fact that the world is not just what we can see and touch – thus the power of tenderness.
I have been finding that it has to start with accepting our strengths AND our weaknesses, even just acknowledging they are there rather than constantly attack them and believe that we are somehow perfect or impenetrable. Like you say James our strengths can see that through others / anothers strengths we can approach our weaknesses from a different angle which I am appreciating more and more each day. No one person is an island and pretending that we are infallible has not and does not truly work.
Thank you for raising this point Leigh. I feel I have put tremendous pressure on myself in trying to live up to what is expected of me, but I, along with everyone else, am not perfect. There will be things that I am stronger at than others, as with us all.
Rather than seeing a ‘weakness’ in myself, and feeling lesser, you have both inspired me to recognize that when other person is more accomplished at something, it’s an opportunity to learn. It comes back to appreciation for self and for everyone else, together we can help each other so much, if we could just lose the comparison and competition and see things as an opportunity to evolve.
This is super amazing James! To hear a man claiming his sensitivity and tenderness in the truth that they are his strengths is inspiring. The world has indeed tried to shape men into thinking that you can only achieve ‘manhood’ if you are that buff, macho, tough character… Tooootally false! I know a super-man, who doesn’t lessen for anything and is extremely sensitive. His name is James, and I highly recommend meeting him!
Hear hear Susie. How gorgeous it is to be in the company of men who are aware and accepting of their sensitive nature. It feels beautiful, thank you James for sharing all of you.
This is gorgeous James. How refreshing for a man to be able to connect to his sensitivity and feel more strength within himself for it – and also to be able to celebrate his fellow brother instead of having to compete against him. Such joy to be felt when reading this, it’s like the shackles being taken off men, allowing them to walk free in a all their tender glory – and this is to be celebrated for sure.
Yes Jo, when that sensitivity is honoured and actually clocked to feeling true for you, it becomes the normal way to live from then on.
”We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition…” This is so true. When I have received a confirmation eg. for something I have said or the clothes I am wearing, it is so reassuring; it gives me the confidence that it is ok to be me and it certainly does knock out any comparison or competition.
‘I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as being aware of what we are feeling’. As a woman James, I used to think that being sensitive was a weakness and often hid my true feelings, I’ve moved on and like you ‘now embrace (it) as an enormous strength to have.’
Thank you James what you share is relevant to both men and women. When we see ourselves as part of the one human race, there can be no us and them. Separation, divides and leads to comparison, competition, one up man ship and put downs. When we do this it’s as if we’re fighting ourselves as each person we meet is a reflection of ourselves.
I was touched reading this ”I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” This is very beautiful to read; a man in our society embracing his sensitivity and not afraid to openly express it. Inspirational not just to men but to women also, including myself. Thank you James for sharing.
This is really gorgeous to read James, ‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ This way of celebrating and appreciating others strengths and our own strengths is really lovely, this is a really supportive way to be with each other and much more natural than competing against each other and trying to outdo others.
I like this a lot, James, and can feel the strength in honouring who you are no matter what. Being in “a team where we can all lead and all follow” feels like the future of where we are going, supporting each other in equalness and brotherhood rather than cutting each other down and competing.
‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’
I absolutely agree with you, James, we can build confidence in an easy way by doing exactly this and by not focussing on what we are not or have done ‘wrong’.
I agree Monika, this is such a fundamental need in relationships and society…to appreciate all that we can each bring to the table.
Great point Monika, we tend to focus on what we did wrong and what we are not good at or what we are not. When we celebrate and appreciate our strengths and all that we are, this is so powerful. Not only for us but just as much for others. This is true evolving together.
… and this eliminates the competition… because without the right & wrong/ good & bad we have no measuring stick against others. We can instead appreciate and utilise our collective strengths together.
I love what you are sharing and living James! So well needed in todays society. For me a man is much more accesible, when they live their true self, without the coolness and toughness. It makes me shy away when a man behaves like a robot and superstar and puts on this false face. How beautiful to feel there are now men out there who show how much they feel and be as tender and fragile as women are.
I too love meeting and celebrating people who are simply just being themselves and openly express their tenderness, fragility and inner beauty. This way of expressing is mesmerising and captivating. It is truly glorious to experience the inner beauty within ourselves and in another person.
I have felt this to be true “A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” It is wonderful to feel this celebration and also it inspires to share this way of being with others. When someone is shining celebrate them, it is a wonderful thing to do.
Yes Samantha that is the line that also stood out for me. When someone so openly and joyfully celebrates people simply for being who they are, it is very uplifting and inspires the same behaviour in others.
Thank you James, I love the line you wrote about how everyone can lead and everyone can follow, this stood out as exceptional because so rarely do we hear that it is natural to do both.
And isn’t this our totally natural way as a unified humanity? Seamlessly leading and following as we walk alongside each other.
It is a strength when we celebrate others because then it is not all about me, me and me. It is also lovely to receive a confirmation from another in a world where the normal is jealousy and comparsion. I have found that when you celebrate another it is so much easier to celebrate or appreciate yourself which builds a momentum of self worth and self love.
Celebrating another persons strength is the worlds best kept secret – at least to me. It is sure a way to learn to appreciate yourself more.
Thank you James, this is beautiful to read. Your example about Serge Benhayon is great: “If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do.” This is something we are not taught from young but is so very powerful. I can imagine that we will be working more together if we start to support each other instead of competing with each other.
Yes, if only we were all raised knowing this… What would our world look like if we invested in supporting and backing each other, rather than bringing each other down?
Agreed Lieke, why are we not taught to support each other, work together more and celebrate each other in school?
Love your blog James connecting to your sensitivity and seeing it as a strength and not a weakness is a beautiful way to be. Imagine if all men did this, and we as women honoured this sensitivity, we would not have the abuse that goes on daily in our society.
I completely agree Alisonmoir. It would take a level of self responsibility, surrendering to our sensitivity and appreciation for ourselves and others . . . well and truly worth it.
‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’ I love what you have said here James, it is so true and so needed in a world where everyone is competing and vying with each other for almost everything.
Brilliant blog and much needed reminder for us in this world where competition is promoted and celebrated. The more we ‘celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’ the more we will learn to appreciate each other for our innate qualities and to live in harmony.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” I love this James – a glorious sensitive post. The roles that we all play don’t work – as we know – so why not try being our innate natural tender selves – both for men and women?
Gosh – how much I enjoy men who know their strength and are appreciating the strength of others. This is assuring. And yes, ‘sensitivity’ is a great strength. Time to honor that. And to celebrate – as you said James.
Gorgeous blog James, I especially felt the part about appreciating others and being behind them 100% rather than following the normal pattern that I grew up doing which was to out-do, compete with and put down another. What you’ve shared is a far more enjoyable and inspiring way to live life.
This part also touched me David. It is actually crazy that the world is mostly geared to out doing another. It makes far more sense for all to appreciate and to get behind those who are bringing truth to others and life.
Yes I agree David, I know that pattern that you write about. I have tried to out-do both men and women. Women can be very competitive and compare everything instead of celebrate each other and be inspired by what they see. I have been slowly working on this old pattern and what I have noticed now is that it is really easy to celebrate someone, and in that, I can feel that I too can do that or be like that if and when I want to, but it is just an area of my life that I have not ever put any focus into. When I see it simply like this, change is easy and I am ever so grateful for the inspiration.
So true David. It feels like only when you honour your sensitivity there is no need to compare or beat another. Your feelings are too sacred to go into something else to try and outdo another. You actually become more playful instead of competing.
Thank you James, I love that you have learnt so much about what it means to you to be sensitive and to allow yourself to be seen in full ~ as the whole package of a man, so-to-speak. It’s deeply inspirational and supportive for us as women to understand that no matter our choices or upbringings we are all equal when it comes to our sensitivity. Something for us all to deeply cherish in ourselves and in each other, man or woman.
I love this Cherise ‘ … we are all equal when it comes to our sensitivity.’ If ever I am being harsh or judgemental of others, this simple truth reminds me that it really is not needed.
I love how you say James, that by celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and in that way can learn from each other men and women equally. Thank you James for living your sensitivity as a beautiful strength which inspires me to live this too.
Beautifully expressed James. It is such a release of tension and stress learning to live without competition and instead celebrate another.
I loved reading your blog…. there is so much strength in writing what you have, which will inspire many men…. to be true to themselves…. and not what society says you have to be.
The world of men is slowly changing because of the role model Serge Benhayon presents to everyone at all times. It is time for all men to buck the trend by showing the world what at the same time has caused us to hide… our true, tender and loving self’s.
‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ Reading this is so beautiful James and thank you for expressing so eloquently the way forward for men and women. To live in a world where we support and celebrate each other for who we really are now that’s somewhere that I would like to live. I feel inspired to start making it a reality from now on.
What you say is so true James and from a women’s perspective I personally find the later of the two way more attractive. Being competitive is such and ugly way to be and to go into arrogance and put people down I find very off putting. When you see a man being him self and not any of the ‘should be’ I am instantly drawn to connect and be with them also.
Great Blog James, I am now seeing more and more that it takes a real man to be connected to his sensitivity and tenderness and be comfortable with letting it show for all to see. I too have been inspired majorly in this area my Serge Benhayon, yourself James and many other men that are no longer afraid to open up and be real.
James, I celebrate your strength in writing this sensitive blog. Competition to always be striving to go one better than another is ugly. I now find it difficult to watch the Wimbledon tennis tournament with the aggressive competition to defeat the person the other side of the net and the fist punching triumphalism when a match is won and the opponent is defeated. I much prefer to see and be with men when they are being supportive and caring of each other and treating each other as equals.
I really enjoy how you have put this together James Nicholson: by celebrating the strengths in other men we actually outdo competition that is so commonly expressed between men in our societies. This competition that we men use to withhold ourselves form being sensitive and tender, is something we have to let go and we have to start to appreciate and celebrate each other in all what we do and in how we are, because we all are sensitive and tender men.
Thank you so much James for choosing to be the tender man you are and to reflect that not playing the game of competing with others makes one free to live without the tension we see around us so often. I too have found that celebrating my own beauty and strength as well as those of others is a very fulfilling and expanding way to live.
A world free of competition where people celebrate each others strengths, support each other and inspire them to be more is really beautiful to imagine. Who knows what we would be capable of if the whole world backed us and held us up like that. We would all be tension free majestic peacocks indeed.
James, in being able to let go of the competition part you are able to expose your hurts which are often a cause for being in competition. Awesome.
This was a pure joy to read James and expressed with such honesty. “I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as man.” Seeing a man be his truly tender self in the world is magic. Thank you for sharing the true you.
James thank you for your liberating article. What struck me when I read it is the fact that we are all playing the same ridiculous game. Men and women are all hiding out in roles fashioned on ideals and beliefs. We are all concealing our weaknesses and anything that may be perceived by others as less. We are all being who we are not. What a ridiculous way to live ! How long have we been living a half life ? It’s a farce, a big fat lie and it’s so incredibly painful to feel. Thank God (and I do) that there are people in the world like Serge Benhayon and the students of the Livingness who are returning to live the truth of who we are.
There are many great ‘takeaways’ from your post James.
In Australia the tall poppy syndrome is alive and well – when someone is successful and making a genuine contribution to society, we also see the jealous ones trying to cut them down.
Yet as you say, we can learn and evolve by celebrating the strengths of others. What a marvellous way to cut the tension created by envy.
This is beautiful James – opening up to appreciating others and ourselves for what we each bring in our own unique way and understanding that the part we play no matter how seemingly big or small is an essential part of the whole.
Great exposure of the ever-present competition and underpinning comparison that go on between us human beings and in this instance between men. It is not natural to behave like this towards each other, even if we have learnt to accept is as ‘normal’. Normal is NOT great and normal needs to be outed for what it is, a terrible compromise that leaves us all so very short of our true amazingness.
I love how simply you put what sensitive is. Simply being aware of what you are feeling. It redefines it so well and makes it much more accessible.
Thank you James. It is truly lovely to celebrate the strengths of another man rather than compete with him. Serge Benhayon provides a beautiful example of an amazingly tender and loving man.
Absolutely James, as men we can now live the truth of the true tenderness that is our real power and not the fool hardy archetype T.V. hero so many strive for.
‘ I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have’. I have been in the company of quite a few young men who have been moved to tears, often from the awareness and acceptance of their choices and the realisation of how it has impacted on others. Because they were open, chose to be honest about the situation and to take responsibility, they gained tremendous learning, healing and validation that it’s ok to feel, and to share those feelings. This is how we can truly evolve.
This is beautiful, James. If we are all able to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others, that will expose the silliness of competing/comparing and wanting to and be Mr./Ms. Perfect – because with everyone having different strength to offer, we make the perfect One as a whole.
Yeehaa Thank you James for your blog, it feels so wonderful to hear a man expressing the way that you do and being a man. I can very much relate to this as I too have lived a life of seemingly having to live up to somebody elses expections which greatly affected me, by hardening me up and shutting myself down to my true tenderness. As I give myself permission it is just starting to naturally unfold now at 51 years of age, never too late!!!
I can relate to seeing sensitive men as week men and un-masculine same with women really if woman cried I would think, if not say “get over it there is no need to cry about it” no matter how tragic the situation was. Thinking back that reminds me just how hard and shut down I was totally unwilling to feel anything. I now embrace my feeling and those of others and see them as an enormous strength. The power in feeling and truly claiming my delicate, fragile and feminine authentic self supports me to offer an amazing reflection to those around me and supports them to do the same.
Little boys are naturally so sensitive, loving and affectionate. It is very sad to see the way some parents, often fathers in particular tend to treat the boys in their lives to toughen them up to teach them to survive living in the dog pit they remember growing up in. Wanting to protect them from the hurts they felt growing up not feeling accepted as the sensitive, loving and affectionate little boys and young men they truly were. This way of parenting comes from our own hurts and a need to protect our children from our own unresolved hurts.
It is lovely to see so many new parents raising their children with so much love after taking responsibility for dealing with their own hurts and developing a more loving way of living themselves.
I love what you’ve written here James and agree that celebrating our strengths and those of others is really important and genuinely valuable. It doesn’t as you say mean that we can’t also see our weaknesses, they are still seen and worked on but instead more clearly from a foundation of our strengths.
James I love what you share here. ‘Celebrating our strengths’ – yes, that makes all the difference and takes away competition. Bring it on.
Awesome James. I love how you beautifully articulate how appreciating and celebrating others’ strengths and achievements overcomes competition and brings a different quality to our relationships; one which nurtures and grows a community. Fantastic.
Thank you, James. What you share is very profound, when we can celebrate each others strengths, without competition …. ‘I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.’ This is true group work where the output from the group is gold. Everyone can bring their own individual contribution without fear of rejection or ridicule. Everyone builds off each other, it’s not about individuality, it’s about achieving the purpose of the group with love and grace. Without the competition, true magic can flow and the results will amaze.
This is really inspiring James. It’s very similar for women but it’s more about a comparison of very subtle characteristics, not about who can be the top dog. It feels that women are more sneaky and manipulative in the way we bring each other down out of jealousy. Like someone can act like your best friend but be stabbing you in the back in a conversation with another. At the end of the day the same formula applies – appreciating another women’s strengths will prevent us from getting so called catty with each other.
Appreciating each other and celebrating our own strengths and the strengths of others is something I feel we can be more generous with. I have found when we truly do appreciate our own strengths it is natural to appreciate and be inspired by the strengths of others. I love our unique expressions all coming from the one divine source.
This is beautiful James. I have a teenage son and it’s so ingrained in society that you have to be strong and tough and competition is rife. Actually competition becomes the foundation of how they relate to each other. Truly celebrating each others strengths is unfortunately a foreign concept…so I love what you write here. Thank god for you and other men that are coming back to re-discover and live the true strength of a man in all his tenderness, vulnerability and love.
I have a 6 year old who has yet to discover fully how much competition is out there. It is lovely to offer him a different perspective and to have tender gorgeous men around as a reflection.
‘Men’ and ‘sensitivity’ are not words that are usually put together in a favourable sense, as in sensitivity has often been portrayed as ‘unmanly’ so I like the way you have reworded the meaning of sensitivity and presented it as a strength. It is powerful to be aware of what is being felt. When a man accepts his sensitivity and tenderness it is very beautiful to be around.
I agree Deanne, the preciousness of men is equal to that of women and children, it is very joyful and humbling to be around it.
This is a truly inspiring blog James for men and women. A great question for everyone to look at :where do we still choose to play these roles and not live from who we naturally are? Thank you for sharing your experience.
Brotherhood and tender sensitivity, not competition and hardness, are most definitely the greater serving qualities to have and nurture for this world James, and as you share with us here in this post.
What a great contribution to humanity here in your writing James, awesome. I love the point you make; ‘By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.’ All for one, one for all.
It is absolutely wonderful to read of a man who is willing let go of the constrictive beliefs and ideals that are pressed upon males from when they are a young child. Thank-you James for honouring and claiming your sensitivity and tenderness. This is true power and an inspiring role model that demonstrates to other men a different way of living.
How inspiring to read of a man who is claiming his natural sensitivity and tenderness, James, and walking away from beliefs that would hold him in a position of defensiveness and competitiveness. This will inspire so many men to return to their natural strength and sense of brotherhood with other men.
This is a powerful blog James, and as a woman I can still very much relate because of the protection that I tend to hold myself in – the hardness that can come in, as well as the comparison with other women and the need to compete. But like you, much of this has been wiped clean thanks to countless inspirations from Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners. Not to say I am perfect with it – but it seems that the more I explore it, the more layers of the hardness I can shed and allow more of the vulnerability and fragility out and hence in the process just be ME.
We focus a lot on the comparisons women endure amongst themselves for their appearance but in fact men have to suffer the onslaught of comparison too. They suffer from being compared against each other for their toughness. What a crazy world! Thank you James for bringing light to the power of focusing on our own and each others strengths with a view to building and developing ourselves and others as opposed to tearing each other down by compassion. Awesome blog!
Thanks James Nicholson, you have put into words exactly what I too have noticed about the way Serge Benhayon demonstrates celebrating success in others. And from this observation, I have learnt what it truly feels like to be inspired by other’s strengths, as its completely knocks out comparison, which fuels the ‘better than, less than’ merry-go-round. . We all each have our own unique way of expressing our strengths, which, when you celebrate the strengths it absolutely offers inspiration. Just like there are many colors in a rainbow, each and every single color, (each and everyone’s strengths), is vital to make up the whole of white light.
I agree, Johanne: celebrating each others’ strengths does open ourselves up to being inspired and digging deeper into our own strengths, I have found – quite the opposite of going in to competition with their strength. We expand through this celebration.
A Beautiful, tender and honest blog. Thank you James for expanding my world. In the past I have felt that ‘Men’ must have been born with a different ‘chip’ that allowed them to withstand the forces of competition, physical & mental, to not feel sadness, hurt or rejection for they never showed it. Men were just ‘tough’. The insight you are bringing by the sharing in this blog brings so much love, tenderness and awe. By being who he truly is, Serge Benhayon has shone a light on the depth and sensitivity in all men and exposed the lies society has put in place around men’s roles. A blessing for us all that you are now living all of you and bringing that to the world, especially for our young ones.
James what you are saying about celebrating the strengths of others is so true and is important for men and women equally. I find when I go into comparison I feel threatened by what others are offering and become contracted- it feels horrible.
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other”.
This is such a beautiful learning.
That’s true James, competition creates jelousy and people not feeling good enough. It doesn’t celebrate all for what they can bring, only crushes those that aren’t “the best” at something.
I can feel how damaging it is to compare myself to another when I read this blog. I find it so strange that people can use the words’ healthy competition’ when it is clear that competition and comparison only separate and divide us.
So well said Leonne, competition is far from healthy! When we compare and compete with one another it leaves a huge damage in its wake. The conflicts and tensions that characterise so much of today’s world are a testimony to this being a fact.
So true Leonne. There is no healthy competition. What James presents in celebrating others is a totally different way of living where we celebrate each other instead of pitting ourselves against each other. This is how so many live and it is totally unnecessary.
Jame a truly gorgeous blog that has deepened by appreciation and understanding of all men. Thank you.
James, Its beautiful to find the true tenderness in a man that you wrote of, and when I do I can feel that it comes from a strength that I can trust. It makes me feel far safer than any macho expression has ever done – love it.
Serge, Michael & Curtis Benhayon are men that live openly who they truly are, sensitive, gentle and tender but the strength and power they emenate is palpable. It certainly puts to rest the belief that these qualities pertain to weakness!
The words ‘dog pit’ are very graphic at the start of this post and I could feel the hardness and aggression of the macho male energy which is so not who men really are. A beautiful exposure James and a testament to yours and other men’s loving acceptance of themselves as sensitive beings with many true strengths to feel and to share.
Celebrating each other for our strengths is a beautiful thing which undoubtedly begins first with the celebration of ourselves. Being tender and accepting of ourselves, we can be more tender to others, will reject others less and feel rejected by others less. Self-love may not be a term men would generally go to, but this is what I feel you have shared here James, and what is deeply felt too is the freedom of what a self-loving man truly is.
“we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow”. I love how these words feel. How awesome it would be if every person embraced responibility to the extent that we were all willing to lead when it required it, and at the same time we were all so aware and honouring of the whole that we would naturally follow and support whatever truly serves the well-being of the whole. I have been witnessing the Benhayon family work this way for some years and now am witnessing more and more people be inspired to live in the same way. I love the depth of what unfolds from this way of working together.
Wow amazing Blog James… That’s so beautiful to read from a mans perspective. I know I can see men around me in my daily life competing with each other and not daring to show their natural tenderness. I can’t imagine how lost they would feel in themelves when who they are has been modified to suit today’s picture of a man.
Thank you James, so very well said.
Thank you James for this awesome blog. I agree, when we celebrate and appreciate ourselves as well as other people we feel expansion. Appreciation definitely supports the celebration of who we are. Competition is the opposite, I’ve never liked being in any sort of competition, it just never feels loving to try to be above others. Appreciating people for who they are and not by what they’ve achieved is something that I feel we need more of in this world.
Hello James Nicholson and I can really relate to all you describe here. I love the way you ‘go at’ competition and help us realise that, “By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” This is a far cry from the way we see each other as men, appreciate and celebrate each other, rather than compete and outdo certainly feels a lot easier to me and definitely takes less energy. I agree also Serge Benhayon is a marker for all men with this. I have never seen him attempt to compete or outdo any man or anyone but I have consistently seen him celebrate and appreciate everything around him. From the depth of relationships I see Serge Benhayon have with so many people all around the world it certainly speaks volumes for this way of living. Thank you James.
This is lovely James. As I read this, I asked myself who I can bring appreciation to. I thought of someone with whom there is some comparison between us, so celebrating this person’s strengths (and the strengths of others and myself in general) will be a support to our relationship. Thank you.
Your point about how you are brought up was illustrated to me by a young 13 year old I was talking to about the different ways we can resolve conflict. He said that with girls he will talk it out but with boys they just have a fight and someone wins. It is what he saw as completely normal yet he is super sensitive. So to have blogs like this and conversations giving space for boys and men to not just see this as how it is … That is vitally important. Thank you James.
James this is beautiful, thank you for sharing, very inspiring for us all. Your true sensitivity is a beautiful reflection.
To combine sensitivity and tenderness does not take away any of your essence of manliness James. May you inspire other men to reconnect with their true nature.
You make some great points here James, especially about appreciating other people’s strengths and learning from them, instead of seeing everything as a competition.
I love the sensitivity and awareness you have, James and this is definitely felt in this blog. Thank you for allowing these natural qualities in you as man to show, it is a great reflection for men and women to see and feel 🙂
Gorgeous James, being aware of what you feel is absolutely a strength 🙂
Your sensitivity coming through this blog James is so beautiful to feel and an amazing gift for any one reading this. To cut out competition and offer this equality amongst men is so needed in this world.
Thank you James. This is a gorgeous blog. I super love ‘we can all lead and all follow’ way of being. A way that allows all our uniqueness and equal ness to be there in a way that is supported and supportive to the whole.
Serge Benhayon is absolutely a groundbreaking example of this.
I love this James…”I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as man.” – that I imagine was exhausting, to live as a lesser version of yourself.
A man who is unafraid to be sensitive is a man with true strength.
It makes perfect sense to focus on our strengths to build a solid foundation on which to then strengthen any weaknesses. This gives me much to ponder as it is very easy to get caught up in a cycle of constantly having to improve myself which leaves massive openings for competition and comparison. Thanks for your insight as to how this is for men too James.
I absolutely agree gemmarubina, ”… to focus on our strengths to build a solid foundation on which to then strengthen any weaknesses.” This blog is a great reminder for us to celebrate our strengths. For me the consistency of celebrating me can easily slip but reading this blog puts me back on track as I know deep within the importance of celebrating me, especially my sensitivity too.
Beautiful sharing James, I deeply felt touched reading your blog. I myself , as a woman , could feel how I have hold up a flag my whole life that was actually encouraging this behaviour of competition and being macho. I can feel now, being very honest, that I have done this in order to not feel their incredible tender quality men have.. Deep down I can feel that if men are being macho, it is much more comfortable for me then when they are being sensitive, tender and themselves.. Ouch. A strong belief I was using to uphold the deep sensitivity I am, but had not explored for a while. Men are just equal beautiful reflections of: sincere, true strength and absolute tenderness. What am I glad to feel is that I will no longer encourage the ‘macho’ and competition behaviour. Thank you James , this all because of your reflection.
It is so unusual in our society to hear a man express this way, James, and feels so loving and supportive for us all that you have talked about your sensitivity so openly and naturally. May your way of living and being be noticed by other men around you so that they also learn how much more loving that would be for themselves. The fact that you say sensitivity is being aware of feeling and that it gives you a strength, means others cannot see you as weak and can come to experience that strength for themselves.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others”. This is gold James. If we all embraced what is on offer here and made it an integral part of our daily rhythm, humanity would be a very different place.
This is ‘gold’ Anne, I agree. Celebrating the strengths of others as well as ourselves supports us to grow in so many ways and reminds me all the time that despite my old beliefs, it is extremely natural to openly and lovingly receive the support of another and their strengths. For how else will we have real harmony and expand our understanding of what true family actually is?
The beauty of a man who can be in touch with his feelings and openly express sensitivity and tenderness is a delight to witness.
so true Rachel “The beauty of a man who can be in touch with his feelings and openly express sensitivity and tenderness is a delight to witness.”
I keep coming back and reading your comment.
It is a delight to witness and it is something I have struggled with in the past having an automatic reaction for me has been to go into judgment thinking they are weak. it is lovely to feel the strength in a man willing to express his tenderness openly and sensitively. I think seeing these qualities in men reflects the lack of them in me as a woman.
Thank you James a much needed discussion to be had. I love this sentence “I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” I have witnessed such immense and beautiful changes in the men who have attended the Universal Medicine workshops, because as you say, Serge Benhayon celebrates our strengths equally so and then offers us ways to understand, identify and nurture our weak points. No one is ever derided for not being enough, we are constantly encouraged to claim our natural strengths and real sensitivity and support others to do the same. It is a true joy to see the way men have been freed from the prison of always having to be Top Dog and allow their true selves to emerge, selves that care deeply for people and the world and have much love, wisdom and truth to offer us all.
Indeed, it is a freeing from that prison where still so many men are in. Big appreciation for men like you and of course Serge Benhayon, who show men there is another way, the only way as it is the natural way of men to be.
Celebrating our strengths, this is an enormous support and so very opposite how we usually learn in this world. Thank you James.
This blog is a must read for all men, imagine a world where men connected to and expressed what they were feeling all of the time. Serge Benhayon is unique, as this is his every day way, he inspires men to see that it is possible to live this way, in a world where men are mostly shut down from what they feel at a very young age because they are taught to ‘toughen up’ and ‘be a man.’ Now there are more and more men like James embracing their feelings and daring to be the sensitive men they always were. This then inspires the women to reclaim their sensitivity.
I loved what you have said here marylouisemyers…. so true. Imagine a world full of men being true to themselves… claiming their sensitivity and embracing their feelings…. so cool.
Yes the knock on effect is huge. The more men show that it is totally ok to be themselves, to show their sensitivity – the more it encourages everyone around them to do the same. It allows for spaciousness in another and the grace to feel without judgement what exactly is going on for them. It allows for fledgling strengths to take flight, for an acknowledgement of what we each bring with a commitment to work on our weaker areas with joy. So gorgeous and confirming.
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do. ” I can concur with this, Serge Benhayon absolutely gets behind people doing well, and has no hesitation in sharing it with them, celebrating and appreciating it.
The more we celebrate our strengths the smaller our so called weaknesses or stuff we’re just not that great at becomes. It’s cool not to be great at everything and very natural. And how exhausting it would be if we didn’t have other people that could bring different strengths to the board to learn from and support us all.
So true Gyl Rae, we all are unique and strong pieces that make up the puzzle called humanity.
I love this James and it is so eloquently written. Reading articles like this remind me that men are equally as sensitive and as tender as women. Meeting men like yourself who have allowed themselves to feel their natural sensitivity again, increasingly reminds me to treat men (as well as women and children) with gentleness as inside we are ALL just as sensitive.
There is always this picture in society, men are the tough and rough enough and can handle everything and women are at least more accepted to care for themselves, (although not many women do care for their bodies in a true nurturing way). Some men feel awkward to admit that they are cold and need to put a jumper on or something was painful for them. What a shame, because it keeps men isolated. You are right shevonsimon, we are both, men and women, exactly the same amount sensitive and there is no difference to be made.
Great call James, I also feel this is true of women as well. There is so much competition, comparison and jealousy, trying to out do each other, be it with a family, job, kids, car, clothes, hair, body, relationship ….. the list could go on. Come to think of it, this is not just man to man, woman to woman, but covers a multitude of layers across both genders. We are constantly trying to out do or prove ourselves to one another. There is no love nor strength in that, and definitely no teamwork or support.
James, your blog brought some tears to my eyes, I felt very moved by this sentence, “I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.”
It is so sad that men have been encouraged to shut down being aware of what they feel. I wonder if this phenomenon began post war, with families bringing their boys, young men, up to be tough and hardened away from feeling the hurt of such horrors, to protect them, give them an edge, to compete to survive, so they would be able to cope if another war should come at them? But coping is not living, coping feels like living at the surface of who you are, shutting down the tender feeling part in order to survive.
Boys start out with a tenderness and depth of feeling that is so lovely, disarming and something to treasure, no different to girls. That you have re-found that in yourself and are unafraid to claim and celebrate it is awesome and offers a way for other men to do the same.
So true Jeanette, boys do start out with tenderness no different to girls. Only yesterday I was interacting with a tender expressive little boy that was just gorgeous. What a waste to cover such beauty with a tough exterior.
Man! The things we do as men!
Isn’t it exhausting! And really it’s kind of harder for men than for women – only in that the stereotypes that women get boxed into by society are kind of exposed and open for discussion – at least an issue that is discussed. But for Men – it’s really not mentioned. We are still just expected to be that which a Man is supposed to be – not questioned or discussed (until now maybe – thanks James). Something else that I think is a side effect of this is that we end up fighting each other – this group vs that group, this team vs that team, this company vs that company, to be the best. What would it be like if everyone all worked together for the same thing?
Imagine what it would be like if every man said ” ok – you know what, this sport thing is ok – we’ve done it, we’ve got the World Cup and the NRL Grand Final and the super bowl and the Olympics – but to be honest its getting a bit ‘same same’. Let’s instead put all of that effort, all of that time, all of that money into working together to make sure that every single child on earth gets taken care of completely and is never hurt, abused, or is lacking in care and love.
After all – we are the Men. We love our kids. We love our families. We care about our mates.
Would that not make us feel more like the Men we know we are – all of us working together?
Thanks for saying something James.
Good call Simon and I like your reference about sports being same same. I now see major sports as pretty much Groundhog Day activities with the same hype, posturing, emotions, corruption and the willingness of many athletes to do untold damage to their bodies for a result.
It’s mind boggling to think of putting all of that effort and money into “working together to make sure that every single child on earth gets taken care of completely and is never hurt, abused, or is lacking in care and love.”
But boy, how meaningful that is…and it feels so right.
I love what you are proposing here simplesimon888. The whole of society would change if men put their efforts into doing what they do best which is caring for others. Imagine indeed if all that time spend on sport was given to working together to eliminate abuse of any kind. What a world that would be.
So awesomely said Simon. I’m allowing myself to imagine the effort – and money – that is currently put into sport, and other competitions, going towards working together to: “make sure that every single child on earth gets taken care of completely and is never hurt, abused, or is lacking in care and love.” Now that is one amazing and world changing possibility!
“By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.” It would be wonderful if this could be the norm in relationships between men rather than the competitive nature that tends to exist.
I really enjoyed reading how far you’ve come James – from accepting the old and widespread ideals of what it is to be a man i.e. not cry, be tough etc. in fact the complete opposite to being sensitive which is as you’ve discovered what you truly are underneath all of the bravado. I love how you’ve come to the understanding that being sensitive is simply ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – there is so much power and strength in this, and it’s wonderful to see so many men re-connecting with and embracing the beautiful qualities they innately hold such as, tenderness and gentleness.
Being able to accept ourselves in full, our strengths and our weaknesses is a mighty task indeed. When this happens, as you so beautifully share, there is space for so much love, growth and evolution! We are not meant to be perfect, have everything together and/or do it all on own own. We have been designed to be in brotherhood, work in teams, share our lives with many many people! There is so much joy when we are able to let our guard down and be sensitive and open and innocent and vulnerable within moments in life. Personally when I have done this it has allow the most truthful, deepest devine connection from others feeling my sensitivity and my vulnerability to life. It is within these very moments that the most intimate and strong connections have been made where I personally have felt very very met by all those around me caring for me. It is only because I allowed my self to be open and feel this that I been able to feel the tender love of people and man kind. Before coming across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I was a totally different person not trusting anybody. Now I am learning to trust again and make true beautiful friendships.
James I am sorry to say that as a woman, I totally relate that you have said about the competitive way in which men are living today. I found this particularly true as a women at work, and observed it in other women in that environment also. It as though women we took on the ways of a more male environment in the process of becoming successful and accepted in the workplace. As you have shown, those ways are not true for men, and they certainly are not true or supportive for women. Thank you for explaining how it is possible, and natural to live without a debilitating competitive edge.
This is true Catherine, women might compete in terms of other perceived strengths such as image, mothering etc as well as work. None of it stems from true connection.
Thanks, James. There is so much subtle competition going on between men, and appreciation and honesty are my tools to get out of this totally harmful behavior. To share my full appreciation and honestly all my thoughts and desires has been confronting, has led to tears, but more so, to lots of laughter, innocence and more intimacy and truth in relationships.
Beautifully shared felixschumacher8, there is so much strength in fragility and connection with others.
This is gorgeous felixshumacher8. When I am honest about my comparison with another person and choose to let them in more, I am able to share a more intimate relationship. It removes the block that comes between us and there is more laughter, lightness and truer connection.
James Nicholson you are on Fire!! Thank you for expressing your appreciation of Serge Benhayon and how important it is to “celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.” To not compete or compare, but to work together. It is true- to do anything but this will never work.
I celebrate you James and this wonderful blog. Thank you for being the no macho man reflection, the world very much needs this.
Very beautiful blog. ‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others’. This highlights the fact that we are all equal and our strengths compliment each other in a way that no one person is better than another. To celebrate who we are is powerful and amazing.
A beautiful and sensitive blog James, so lovely to hear you talk about your sensitivity as a true strength in yourself as a man. For men to openly appreciate others and them selves will cut out the competition which is evidently suffocating them from a true relationship with each other.
I agree James and rosannabianchini, a man embracing his sensitivity is very beautiful and a true strength for all.
Indeed Rosanna, appreciation and sensitivity expressed freely among men is a very healing experience. We are so trained to be in constant competition and comparison that often we do not realize how much we have in common.
Great point Michael; to look for what we have in common rather than to compare and scan for differences so that we can be on guard.
I agree Michael and Rosanna, we forget so easily how much we all have in common, how deeply lovely and tender we all are. and how much we all feel what is going on. We forget how harming the little comments can be, we accept so many things as being ok and normal when they are far from loving but it is what we have become used to. The more we interact with each other in loving ways the more we see how unloving we have been in many if not all of out interacts before. And so we have the choice, the choice to bring love into every interaction and so also give the other person the opportunity to do the same or we can continue to stay playing the game and miss out on the beauty we each have to offer each other.
Yes well said Rosanna, it is evident because men can be so uncomfortable with their male relationships. I know I can see it and if they are honest they would be able to feel it.
Thank you James. I love the way you express sensitivity as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’, I agree this is an enormous strength.
Agree Victoria its beautifully said by James that sensitivity is being aware of what we are feeling. It expresses the true strength of sensitivity and I can feel the power that lies within it.
Yes indeed a beautiful way to express sensitivity James, how could this ever be called a weakness.
Yes this is a beautiful and truthful way to define sensitivity. It is like having the innocence and awareness of a young child- free of protection.
I agree Victoria. Sensitivity is one of our strengths and what can possibly be gained by learning to suppress our true feelings, to harden against our natural sensitivity? I am actually feeling enormous gratitude that Serge Benhayon has been inspiring men to transcend the societal masculine constructs of toughness and insensitivity and to James for reclaiming himself in this manner.
This is an awesome article James.
The world will be such an amazing place to live when we can all learn this and put it into practice in everyday life.
To accept others strengths and support them in that is so needed.
I see it all the time, someone will have achieved something and yet when this is spoken about or mentioned, it is quickly shot down or unacknowledged and then always the next person will have done something larger or better.
What is here shared is beautiful, and something I am going to look deeper into!
I agree Thomas we have set up the world to be a place where we try to outdo one another rather than celebrate and appreciate each other and all the different strengths we bring. Imagine if we all worked together, supporting and enhancing one another with our different qualities and strengths.
Gyl what you share is true and the absurd thing that we shall come to remember is that we are all the one united body of God and so when we put another down it is in fact us that we are making less. If we could put truth goggles on we would see that there is no separation between people on Earth, we are one united love and so it’s absolutely crazy to be in competition with another because there is no other !
In eliminating competition and comparison, and thus genuinely supporting and appreciating each other, the natural tenderness and sensitivity of men will shine. The world is sorely in need of these qualities.
I agree Helen, ‘the world is sorely in need of these qualities’. The beautiful thing is we have then inside, some are just buried a little deeper than others. The more we slowly chip away ad unravel these layers the more it allows others to do the same, not by preaching or anything simply by living in a more open and loving way and not thinking we need to constantly put up a wall of protection just in case we may get hurt. In fact the more we honour and allow our sensitivity to flourish the more we feel what is going on around us and so the more understanding we develop. And so we do not get so hurt by what is going on around us because we see it for what it is and so not take it on and then morph into whatever we need to to get by, something many of us learnt was the only way to handle situations as children.
That’s so true Thomas.. I have seen this happen as well; the man that was sharing something amazing about themselves is not appreciated because the next man has immediately made a competition of whose done the biggest or largest thing. It becomes a contest and the man is not appreciated for what they have done or who they are.
James it is so beautiful so see this blog inspiring so many people.
I agree, Thomas: the bigger, better, faster, more impressive mentality is huge in our world: time to let it go and start to cooperate, not compete. James makes a great start to this, here.
Hello Thomas Muntelwit and I agree with you. Imagine if we all supported each other in the way that you and James Nicholson describe, the world would certainly look and feel different. What are we afraid of? We are so careful at times as men not to let someone get so called ‘big headed’ that we often don’t even acknowledge any part of them. What if we started to appreciate each other and truly celebrate all the things that are around us? From my experience and from the way I see a great friend of mine Serge Benhayon live, I can see it would change the world.
Raymond the world would indeed change. Something I have found is that men often struggle to accept true compliments especially when they seemingly come out of the blue. I know for me I used to play them down. And I know how other men often respond when I pay them a compliment it is as if they think something is fishy or not right, it is as if we have lost trust in each other. As we have experienced with Serge Benhayon this can all change it just requires living in a consistently loving way!
Hello James Nicholson, I agree and equally to this, “men often struggle to accept true compliments especially when they seemingly come out of the blue” is possibly the uneasiness of the person delivering the compliment. A compliment may not hold them deeply enough at that point and maybe there is more to share. I have found appreciation even with men accepted because of the detail that is there. There isn’t just a snap shot of what has happened but more of a description of what you see. I see appreciation as a way of living, a consistency whereas a compliment seems to be more in the one off category.
This is absolutley amazing to read thank you James. The man that stands for his sensitivity and what he feels is the power this world so desperately needs.
I agree Amber. I see men who stand in the strength and sensitivity as being gentle, powerful and confident. They know who they are and deeply know how to treat others.
“… the power this world so desperately needs.” That is beautifully expressed, Amber, and also absolutely true!
Thank you Amber and yes it is exactly what the world needs!
I loved reading a males true perspective, well done James
Thank you so much James, this is a beautiful honest blog, as a woman it gives me a far greater understanding of men, what drives them and the way they interact. It is wonderful and inspiring that you now live your sensitivity as a great strength , not something to hide or shut down.
I agree Kate and love how James has redefined sensitivity as a strength.
Thank you Kate and Helen, redefining sensitivity as a strength is very important otherwise we put it to one side and do not want to have anything to do with it. For me I am forever thankful to Serge Benhayon for showing me how a man can truly live, not being afraid to simply be himself no matter what. Serge redefined the notion of the picture of what I thought I needed to be like to be man and by doing so allowed me to return back to how I have always wanted and felt to be but thought I could not because by doing so I would not ‘fit-in’ with the world around me. Whereas I am now more active and committed in life then I have ever been before!
This is so beautiful James. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you James, I love seeing a man when he is truly tender and dropping the macho. For me there are few things more beautiful in this world.
I whole heartedly agree annamccormack26; being in the presence of a man who owns and lives his tenderness is such a very beautiful, and healing experience.
Dear James, thank you for writing your blog. I can relate to the joy you express in celebrating your own strengths as well as the strength of others. When we do this, it helps to evolve us all. I grew up with the “tall poppy syndrome” which was all too common particularly for men and often was a means to put someone back in their box. However, what does cutting down another really achieve? If we are putting each other down, there is no room for expansion, no room for growth, it invites contraction and leads us to go deeper into our hurst and perhaps hold back our future expression. Really it is useless, it keeps us all less. Celebrating another’s strengths, now that is a different story. Through celebration we all grow.
Well said Donna and a great expansion on celebrating each other’s strengths – we then all grow, rather than is the case largely at the moment where we are all pulling each other down in a desperate vying to be the best and worse still if we don’t think we can get to pole position trying to pull that person off the podium out of jealousy and envy without putting any of the work in.
Thanks James, you speak for so many men with your words. It’s a dog eat dog world so it takes a lot of sensitivity to hold who you are (or at least get back to it) without playing that ugly competition game with other men. It’s what we have been bred to do but nevertheless it’s completely unnatural.
When it is written as dog eat dog, which as you say Dean, is how most men have been bred to be, it feels so harsh and crass. I look at my young son and see a beautiful, tender boy offering a reflection of how it could truly be for men. This blog, and the many comments, offer an inspiration for me, and I am sure many men, of how different it could be for us if we celebrate other men rather than compete with them.
Thank you Dean, it does take a lot of sensitivity, staying open to what we all feel and not shutting them down to play the game. The world may be asking us to play the game but our bodies are asking us to be the super loving tender men we naturally are.
This is gorgeous James. How refreshing for a man to be able to connect to his sensitivity and feel more strength within himself for it – and also to be able to celebrate his fellow brother instead of having to compete against him. Such joy to be felt when reading this, it’s like the shackles being taken off men, allowing them to walk free in a all their tender glory – and this is to be celebrated for sure.
It’s amazing that men are bred to be competitive and go for it with gusto, but reading your comment Dean confirms that it’s actually unnatural. It’s a truly wonderful reflection to have men living openly with their true sensitive natures – it is so attractive – way way way more than a football match.
I love this James – hiding our flaws is so much what we do really just to survive in a world where everyone does the same.
There can be such a strength in the openness and vulnerability of exposing our flaws or perceived “weaknesses”. This then goes beyond mere survival and starts to approach truly living as a man.
Thanks Lee, I know it is crazy as by trying to hide our flaws so others don’t see them they then become these big demons or monsters, something we are ashamed of. Whereas if we just express what is going on for us and don’t try to keep things to ourselves to fulfill this ideal picture, a lot of the tension and anxiety, many of us live with, goes.
“We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.” – Golden redefining of strength James.
Absolutely, Kate. We have somehow associated the word ‘sensitive’ with weakness. When all it truly means is to feel deeply. The degrading of this word has meant that we lose out on what it is truly expressing: that we feel. And not just on the surface of our skin, we feel everything to the core of our being. This is far from being a weakness, but as James has beautifully said, it allows for awareness of what we are feeling. That awareness can be nothing but a strength.
So true Naren – the awareness of what we are feeling ‘can be nothing but a strength’.
Well said Naren, we all feel everything deeply it just depends on how much we allow ourselves to fully register what we are feeling. I agree it is a huge strength because it means that we effectively know / have access to everything the more we allow ourselves to become aware. Our sensitivity, something we all have, is a super-power, a power many of us have hidden but now are starting to see the strength of it again.