I have noticed something worrying about the dynamics in our playground at school. Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’.
So the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know, whether it is something that has happened to them or something they have observed. This feels like a big ouch for all of us (I am sure our playground is not unique) – that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.
More so, I think this is perpetuated beyond the playground, in a society that does not want to open its eyes to what is really going on (ongoing conflict worldwide from the disharmony in our homes – accepting arguing as a natural, even healthy part of relationships – to full blown warfare between nations and everything in between, including domestic violence, road rage and cultural and religious divides). We blindly carry on, keeping quiet, whilst all around us these awful things continue.
Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say “This is madness”, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it is all OK?
As long as our nests are secure and apparently unaffected (“sure we argue sometimes, but the war is overseas”) we carry on regardless of the hurt and chaos. Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.
Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.
As I observe the beginnings of this behaviour in the playground I am shaken to my core by the impact of not having spoken up and I am inspired by the fact that I always have a choice:
I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,
OR
I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.
I feel clumsy as I flounder between these two things: the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth. So just in case I hesitate for a moment, I consider “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”
The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.
This foundation is then built into our lives and society: in our relationships – with a lack of respect and judgment about gender that is rife; in our attitude towards life – that it is a dog-eat-dog, combative world and that we have to be tough to survive; in our attitude towards work – do only what is required to keep ourselves provided for and safe; and in our relationship with ourselves – “I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference.”
With deep appreciation for the love and support of the Benhayon family, the work of Universal Medicine and the inspiring life changes made by Students of the Livingness, I am allowing myself to see that there is another way which can turn all this on its head, and that my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary.
That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.
Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein
by Matilda Clark, Registered Midwife, Registered Nurse, Trainee Teacher, Mother of 3, Hampshire, UK
Further Reading:
Learning To Express Our Feelings
Taking Responsibility and Speaking my Truth
Trusting our ‘True Voice’ and Expression
What has been shared here is the enormity of our problems existing around the world and it is disturbing to read. But because you don’t have research or stats backing you up, then this often is seen as a void/flawed piece of sharing.
Let’s look from an individual perspective that has not spoken up. I can honestly say I ended up with hypothyroidism, I get a lump in my throat for withholding my truth, its tight, and restrictive and the frustration cranks up and the tears will often flow. So can we imagine years of this behaviour and the impact it has on the body but the disservice it has on another.
So I, as an individual is accountable for doing my part to not be part of this game then?
Something worth thinking about…
I cringed when I read this blog again as not speaking up has been a common behaviour of mine from a very young age. Please don’t think that I’m thinking this is an isolated case, it is absolutely rife within humanity. The impact it has on another is not on. And when someone attempts to speak up, the force of the many is upon them to shut them down.
This has been a working progress and I continue to stumble and fumble. The art of written communication is my biggest draw back and what I mean by that, it is something that I’ve struggled in this world where written intellect furthers a human being. Whilst I deliver in the simplicity format, which is unseen yet just as effective, yet not accepted.
Speaking up comes in many format and it needs to be from the time we hold a newborn, to the time we say goodbye to our elders. It needs to come from one key thing we all hold within us and that is love, nothing less will do.
Isn’t it interesting how speaking up or not speaking up is refined? And what I mean by that is that it becomes so refined that our bodies and our awareness becomes sensitive when someone else is presenting or withholding their truth. Our responsibility is to continue on that path of presenting the truth and the rest will follow.
I have to say I have grown up not expressing, like many others around the world, and it is not on. With this lack of expression, I developed an endocrine condition, which I am still dealing with till today, thankfully with supportive medications.
I too have received support from the Benhayon’s, that there is another way to express and that is from who we truly are and its a reflection for others to follow, whether they wish to or not.
True expression is developing as I say yes to more, it has to start somewhere. You have to play your part in it too, the decision to say yes to it is the beginning…
Absolutely Matilda, ‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ Great to have brought this topic up for us all to reflect on.
I agree it is a playground, and the new norm trending is overwhelm. Let’s see how we can dump on another as we have a time line, so we will make it someone else’s problem. These many behaviours are everywhere. I could not agree with you more…
I am so glad I read this blog today as it is so relatable, speaking up quite a bit at work and it hasn’t been anything like I would have ever imagined or expected. Whereas in the past I would have believed that I shouldn’t or can’t speak up because it won’t matter. “my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary.” and nor it is pointless or just ‘a single voice’ that has no clout.
Yes work is a playground, and it brings up so much with our expression. It only takes one to express from their natural essence, then it is reflection for others to do the same – we have a responsibility.
In our silence we do contribute to the rot in society as Matilda has so very well shared in the blog, and though our greatest ‘fear’ seems to be the fear of speaking up against the grain or for being ‘outed’, in reality the biggest hurdle is admitting to how much we have actually contributed to the ills of the world by our very own silence.
By keeping quiet, we contribute to the rot in society, ‘ I think this is perpetuated beyond the playground, in a society that does not want to open its eyes to what is really going on’. Absolutely.
Spot on Gill, I also recall a time when I actually spoke what I felt, and I got slammed for this – it taught me very clearly to say to people what they wanted to hear rather than the truth of what I felt.
We can learn from a very young age to not speak up about what we are feeling – when those around us are not open and receptive or responsive to that what is being shared, or worse when they tell you to be quiet and not complain or that we are best being seen but not heard…we learn to shut down our expression. And the same can be carried into adulthood where we continue to bite our tongues and not speak up as we so naturally need to.
Henrietta taking your comment deeper when we shut down our natural expression we then go into our minds and have the conversation in our heads, we can say and do anything in our minds but this has a ripple effect because we can get locked in our minds and discount what we are feeling in our bodies so we become numb to the world around us. I had this experience myself and it took quite a few years to realise how damaging it was to be locked in my mind how much I had damaged my self by being in abusive relationships which were not loving and trashing my body. The mind doesn’t care about the body at all it just wants the control over the body and as I have said that is a recipe for disaster.
We do learn from very young to keep quiet and not express the truth, ‘the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know’.
What we do (or do not do) and how we live is setting an example for those around us, whether we like it or not, and whether it is an inspirational example or not.
By speaking the truth we inspire others to equally express the truth, ‘I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside.’
Truth is our greatest ally, yet sometimes our desire to belong – how corrupt and abusive that which we associate ourselves as being part of, seems to be greater than being with truth. It really is a vicious circle as when we part with truth we are less of, and with, ourselves hence the greater need for there being others to feel confirmed – even though it is in the pit of utter corruption and abuse .
““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein” This quote, variously attributed to Einstein and also Edmund Burke, has resonated with me for years since I first heard it. With elections due in many countries soon it is the minority who actually turn out and vote. Yet the majority then endure the policies created – and maybe complain about them. We have a vote. We have a voice It’s important to use them both.
“… children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.” I’m not sure this is just a current phenomenon. Not sure when I learned to be quiet, as my mother certainly spoke up. But it is important for those of us who are adults to express and speak up, as a reflection to young ones that it is ok to speak your mind. Apathy is a huge killer, allowing bullies to dominate.
Someone gave me some great advice, it was that it would be better to commit to expressing and get it wrong sometimes than not express at all
It’s a powerful piece Matilda because it’s so simple and clear, that without each person speaking up we allow standards to degrade and become normal. Not wanting to stand out, rock the boat, or seem impolite are some of the reasons we hold back, but the consequences for our communities are not worth it.
Great blog and great observations of life here. Yes we all know when something is not right but we have all experienced that fear of what might happen if we go against the majority or mob rule that seems to run just about everything in this world these days. But how bad does it have to get and how close to our own doorstep before we do stand up for what we know is the right or loving thing to do in our daily lives?
Great point Andrew – how far do we need to allow things to go before we reclaim our rightful and natural expression? This is a pertinent question for any one of us to ask and to then take into our lived actions.
We do learn as children to keep quiet by not expressing what we feel and know because it is not welcomed by the adults. As you correctly say Matilda children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling and so bottle it up or have the conversation in their heads. Is this how we get a society that stands by while abuse is rife in all walks of life because we were shut down as children? If this is true it shows us all that we have a huge responsibility to treat children as the young adults they are and not treat them as lessor to Adults.
“I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” And when more and more of us speak up the ripple becomes a tsunami for change.
The behaviours we cultivate while growing up do extend out into our working lives and relationships, and then we wonder why we have such a negative relationship with work or hate our job. Quite often it’s our approach that determines if we enjoy our job or not, and not speaking up is a sure way of having things sour at work.
Don’t speak up and the body cops it, speak up and the body is free.
This is so true; ‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ Thank you for writing this article, it is very much needed.
Matilda, I really appreciate that you have written about abuse, particularly in the playground. I have observed this too and find it such a shame that children feel unable to speak up and express what is going on. It feels really important for us to speak up against abuse and to role model this our children.
It is not just children, we are all so much more controlled and controlling in our expression than we realise and the consequences of this are deeply harmful. Love the Einstein quote says it so clearly.
‘This feels like a big ouch for all of us (I am sure our playground is not unique) – that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.’ This is a huge ouch as not having a society that supports people to speak up when something isn’t feeling ok means a society of suppression and distraction which has huge consequences on people’s health.
‘If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ Having chosen to be bystander for most of my life I haven’t wanted to truly feel or admit just how much not speaking up contributes to the abuse and ugliness of life that I do not like… (in fact hate). But in the wanting to stay out of trouble I have supported the creation of what is foul.
Love is felt when you connect to your heart. How can we not act when abuse is brought to the place, as all love wants to do then is step it up. Does this show us that we can connect more to our heart?
What if we all expressed truth and lived it everyday, would this mean an end to lies?
It is almost a shock to read what you have written – brought me to quite a stop. It seems so very, very far away from where we (humanity) are but one day it is inevitable and then perhaps the world will stop!
When we do not speak up about things that are not true then we are basically accepting lies.
We enable lies by our silence.
When we do not speak up we allow abuse to reign.
When I don’t speak up I want to suppress the feeling later by eating loads, far better to speak your truth in the moment then to hold back and suffer the consequences later.
When we do not speak up for what is true, we drown ourselves in an endlessly circulating pool of energy that seeks to keep such truth well below the surface.
‘my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade’ and there captured clearly is the poison of silence for it says that evil is fine and stands back as that evil has it’s way.
When we hold back our expression of truth, the lies are given power, the permission to circulate and become the normalised standards we live by.
Well said Elizabeth, when we hold back our expression we confirm to others to also not express, if we express in full there is a flow on effect that will support others to express, there is such power felt when we choose to express truth.
‘Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!’ Spot on Matilda, too many turn a blind eye to the evil and corruption not realising they are feeding it and allowing it to continue by accepting it as ‘normal’.
When I talk to people about life and the horror that we have made it, what I hear is that in the big scheme of things we feel too small to make a difference and so stay silent. I have found it is when I feel to stay silent that something needs to be said even if it is as simple as that doesn’t feel right to me. This is a non combative way to stop the interplay and bring a possibility of change.
So much security rides on another speaking up. How will I be looked at by another, will I get in trouble, will I loose my job! All games to not let truth be held and felt.
When we do not speak up we allow the rot that is there to continue unchallenged
From the moment we first choose to hold back what it is we want to say we begin to compromise our awareness, our truth and our responsibility to share this with the world. It all begins with that first choice which probably would be hard to make, but as the choices begin to add up the compromise becomes our normal and with this normal our awareness is forever being turned down, just like a dimmer switch for a light. Well it is our ‘light’ that is needed in this world so therefore it is our responsibility to not hold back from shining it whether it be through our words or with our movements, for without our light the world becomes a darker place to live.
During our early years we learn our way in many ways. The way we learn stays with us all along. Yet, what we learn is not necessarily our best ally in life. Often times, just the contrary. Un-learning what we learnt is part of the path of liberation. This begs the question of why could we not learn what truly serves us in the first place?
“Are we hoping someone else will do something” this sums it up, how often do we see things, feel things and observe things that are so not true or loving or even half decent. Yet how often do we speak up about it, share what has gone on? Rarely it seems as in most cases we expect another, hope that another will do it for us. But what if it is for us to always speak up for what we know is true?
Not being supported as a child to express how you feel develops a culture of a lack of self-confidence and self-worth.
No speaking up is massive and affects most of us. I have recently been seeing the effects and consequences not only on myself but also for others when I see something and do not speak up about it. Something which could have been caught early on then escalates and effects far more people than I thought possible. I am learning more and more the responsibility I hold when I see something.
For bullies and those who want a quiet life at all cost speaking up is something that has to be avoided as much as possible.
The impact on the body is immense when we do not speak to what we have felt, just as it is to not speak out against what is not not true in the world only adds to our ills.
Great to ‘out’ the harm in thinking or hoping someone else will do something – no matter the scale of a problem the way that we live our lives does make a difference, each and every one of us, and to dismiss this is to dismiss the potential power we have in our expression. It may be for us to say something directly or it may be that there is a deeper level for us to go to in the way we live and express day to day in general, the quality of which then ripples back out into the world.
Beautifully said, if we stand back and say nothing we are agreeing, we are allowing this to be our standard, the only way that changes is if we speak up.
By keeping quiet and not speaking up, we like to think we can stay out of ‘trouble’, and even though we might be waiting for someone to speak up and just as ready to agree, that seeming comfort is very attractive. What we don’t like to be aware is whether we speak up or not, we are in it already, and we are never not expressing even when we keep quiet. There is no mutual ground. We are either harming or healing.
As much as we don’t want to feel the disgusting harm that is happening in the world and the copying mechanism is to avoid seeing it and pretend it is not happening, which of course means there is no need to speak up. But really how much longer can we go on in this hideous denial. I have been in this my whole life until I started to hear and understand that we don’t have to accept this as normal. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family I have felt and can feel the truth and that it is super important to not follow suit but to speak up on anything that needs to be brought to the front so we can actually deal and heal what is not true.
When we don’t speak up we offer the world less than we know we are from within. It is so natural for us to express and when we start to put filters into the equation we offer so much less that is far from support others and harming as well.
Not speaking up makes it much harder to express love. We can still do it in our movements and at times that may be the best alternative but otherwise combining movements with speaking up is a good idea in my experience.
It follows that if we as children struggle to express ourselves in the playground, we will then move into the ‘playground’ of life carrying that same struggle. How we speak is such a huge part of how we express in this world and to hold back what it is we are wanting to say not only hurts us it also prevents others from hearing something they may just be ready to hear. So, it is imperative to allow our young ones to speak in the honest way that is so natural to them and to support them to continue to do so as they grow into adulthood.
Love this Matilda. Your words remind me that by staying silent I become part of the issue. Many times I’ve seen myself go along with the crowd causing damage to my body through alcohol, drugs and other harmful choices just because everybody else was doing it. When I chose differently this spoke volumes and was met with plenty of opposition but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now I can inspire others through my choices, including my choice to speak up and speak out.
Very true Leonne – ‘…by staying silent I become part of the issue.’ Our willingness to live aligned to truth is expressed through our bodies, through our movements and as you say reflected through the choices we make and the more we say ‘yes’ to truth the more we naturally speak up about what we know is not true, from the Livingness of our bodies.
To feel deeply the abuse towards myself from past choices, to not speak up and express what was there to be expressed has felt extremely painful but through feeling the discomfort, I get to feel what I have done to myself and to others.
Silence is a great friend of the bully and perpetrator. Having the courage to speak up and to deal with the fallout is often a great service for those around even when they don’t acknowledge it.
It sure is Christoph, so often we can think retreating or not saying anything is the answer but then nothing changes and things remain the same. The more we simply claim the truth and say no to what is not love the more this becomes our basis and other people get to see what is acceptable and what is not.
“Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.” So true. We all play a game, we know what is going on but we pretend we don’t because then we would have to do something about it and we don’t know if we can do that – so avert and divert we do.
I know what you mean. But the beautiful thing is, expressing and being connected to the whole- the universal wisdom – is the ultimate connection we can have. Feeling lonely in that connection- not possible.
The ones, that feel intimated to speak up and put themselves in the back are these that need to stand at the front and call out the truth, as it is.
Stefanie, it is a great point you make here, making me feel a little uncomfortable in my seat but also taking me deeper to claiming another level of the responsibility that belongs to me to move and speak truth in my life. Thank you.
Isn´t uncomfortableness great if you take it as an opportunity to grow and being very honest with yourself?Great you are announcing it, because then it can go and I am quite sure, whilst writing it, it already shifted in its intensity in you.
When we don’t speak up resentment can set in and sooner or later it can explode in a quite harming way. Speaking up is the only way to go!
Yes, it often allows conflicts to stay manageable and makes it possible to deal with outstanding issues, something that is much harder when nobody speaks up.
Not speaking up is one of the most damaging acts in the world. It is not in any way a Yoga of Renunciation, nor is it remotely like a Yoga of Action, so how can one ever get to the Yoga of Wisdom? Not speaking up is paralysis, it’s self-annihilation.
We should ALWAYS welcome the Truth as the truth benefits all. This expression controlling behaviour of labelling people a tell-tale is an incredibly harmful consciousness that affects us all at all ages if we let it.
What an insidious way to label it as a tell-tailer indeed to silent the ones that feel the truth and want to speak up! I prefer being labelled like that, instead of letting myself be treated in a disrespectful, degrading way. Truth versus conforming- I would always choose truth.
When we hold back from speaking up we can all miss out on hearing what needed to be said.
Yes, and in the end it is not a big out of our way task to do but as simple as expressing what we observe and see and not swallow this awareness and declare it as insignificant. We are all needed to make the world a more loving and harmonious place.
I remember being surprised when girls at school called me a ‘grass’. It had not occurred to me that I could or ‘should’ lie in the face of being asked for the truth. To me I was simply answering a question and giving a truthful answer. I don’t think I could have made anything else up, and if I did it would have been plain as day that it was a lie. How awful that we are expected to bend the truth in order to be accepted.
I have kept silent most of my life and let the rot continue and that has not been ok, gradually I am finding my voice and my truth and starting to speak up when things are not ok ‘No one is too small to make a difference’.
I recognise this holding back for most of my life too Jill, and the discomfort of having to override the feelings in my body to maintain it. IT then became normal to continue stuffing feelings down and numb out to get through the day. Thanks to presentations by Serge Benhayon I am now speaking up and being less concerned about what someone thinks of it.
This is a brilliant blog Matilda, and it really helped confirm for me that all those times that I was labeled a ‘snitch, tattle-tale, or rat’ for speaking up in school and elsewhere when I felt something was not right, abusive, or needed to change, perhaps I was at least not accepting that that is our natural way as humans and was needed to bring awareness to a problem. I love the connection you made with calling these things out on the playground and if they are accepted as the norm, kids are accepting abuse and violence in their lives to come. The more we all do not settle for the just the security of ‘me and mine’ and let go of the useless small talk and speak up when we feel to, the more others will feel inspired to do the same.
Humanity is where it is because we haven’t spoken up, we haven’t voiced what we know is true, and our standards do drop as a result. It is up to each of us, and no one is too small to make a difference.
This is so true and such an important point to make, Melinda, to a humanity who has felt so disempowered for so long: ‘No one is too small to make a difference’.
If we don’t stand up and speak out when another is being abused, there will be no one to speak out when we are on the receiving end of abuse. We all have a responsibility to and for each other to call for truth.
All around me I daily observe people who are not able to speak up, maybe through fear of the consequences or a total lack of trust in what it is they are wanting to say, and I used to be one of these people. But is it possible this fear of speaking up starts when a child is very young as a result of speaking up with the refreshing honesty of the young and is immediately shut down by an adult who is unable to hear the truth? So perhaps if we supported our beautiful children to express without fear knowing that they will be listened to and their wisdom honoured that there will be more adults who are expressing the truths that the world needs to hear?
Yes, my sense is it is important to encourage this from young, this is something we really need to open pandoras box on because the trajectory for youth mental health at the moment is not a good one. This averting our eyes and not expressing ourselves is simply not working.
I was talking to a young person today about a similar thing and what it came down to was for them to honour what was true to them and not to worry what anyone else thought.On reflection what comes to me is how did we let this kind of behaviour happen in schools anyway … for it to be in school means we have not spoken up for ourselves or honoured and listened to what is true for us for many many years. Time to very much change this now.
What do children learn in school is not just contents, they also learn behavior that helps them to survive, to naturalize anxiousness and to thrive in life ‘surfing’ on top of it.
yep and they learn behaviour without actually knowing this is what they are doing … not 100% conscious of it unless we are open and discuss this. Often I tell the young people I work with they are learning so much more than the lessons in classrooms to me this .. relationships, dynamics etc truly understanding this is the most important lesson of all as well as self-love and self-worth knowing that we are enough and understanding how to bring all of us into what we do (not looking outside for love).
It occurs to me that there are many significant people in history who were willing to speak up, regardless of their own personal popularity, and that history was changed for the better because of that one person’s voice. We may not all be famous, but the same opportunity is on offer. One person’s voice for truth makes a difference.
Yes, a great reminder Heather. There have been many people in history who have spoken up and not been afraid of the backlash because they knew what they were saying needed to be heard. One question we should all ask ourselves is why the backlash? Why do we not sit with what someone has shared and out it to the test of time? Why shut people down, blame, ridicule etc
Matilda the importance of speaking up is so strong in every area of life, I’ve found it easier to say what is important and true in some areas of life but held back in others… what I now know is the importance of always speaking up no matter what.
Holding back our expression is a very sophisticated way to create issues in life when there are no issues at all, it accumulates more and more until the reality we live in is fogged by the illusion and glamour from the world.
Yes, from a young age we learn that there are often dire consequences when we speak up, or speak the whole truth we feel. It is so often considered that speaking the truth is not ‘nice’, which exposes precisely the truth of what being nice really means, which is what we have created as the bedrock of our society. So, if being ‘nice’ is accepted as the way we should conduct ourselves, which equates to not speaking our truth, in other words being dishonest with each other, then we have accepted to live a condoned and predetermined lie. Yet the irony is that in truth, no-one deep down enjoys being lied to.
Matilda I am school governor at a local primary school and today in our meeting I had a clear feeling that the whole system had become overly complicated because of this very thing- people have not spoken up when they have felt something to not be true.
Not just in schools, in every sector world wide we have industries built on complication because the simplicity of truth when it was felt was not spoken.
What is shared here about how children are in the playground gave me a moment to stop, to bring understanding to just how much we are moulded, from young to fit into the world as it is, even though we can feel the potential of what the world could be if we but called out and exposed the human behaviours that were not coming from a deep level of acceptance of and understanding for all.
I feel deeply that there is much to share that I know from deep inside me, I can get lost on how to do so, but this is only when I move away from the moment in which I am in. The learning for myself is to stay present and firmly deal with things as they appear, no more wondering how to do so, just an ease and trust that what is there, is needed.
Holding back has also grave effects on our health as we hold back our life force and hence contract within. It is no wonder why so many today are suffering a lack of vitality and zest for life when holding back is so common. If we hold back in one part we hold back in all parts of our life.
This is very true Joshua, and what’s more is that when we hold back we continue to perpetuate the lie that we have collectively subscribed to, along with resisting walking what is true, with who we are, as such offering a true way for us all to be together.
I agree Matilda. Before looking at our children’s behaviours we must first look at ours because if we as adults expressed all that was needed the whole time and did not hold back with this (as long as it was not harming or abusing another) then would we have so many children and young people being afraid to express what they truly feel? No, they would instead have a different reflection and foundation to live from.
It really is like the world as a hologram… In this case we can see that the school yard is a microcosm of the macrocosm… You really can take any part in see the whole… Looking to any office, board room, workplace, you will see that we all represent the whole just a hologram.
All sorts of rot begins to fester when we do no speak up.
The thought “I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference.” is a lie fed to us by a life that does not want to have to change its creation, forcing us to buy in to it and become the puppets that can be directed in any direction creation needs to have us.
The belief of not wanting to be a snitch is such a damaging one because there are many children and teenagers that are struggling and their friends don’t feel it’s right to share that with adults that can actually support them.
Why is it that we allow elephants to enter the room and not just call them out and deal with them? It starts in the playground and climbs alongside us to the boardroom, the bedroom, the workplace, the government. In fact, anywhere there’s a group of people in relationship with each other. Then why are we so reluctant to make waves? Could it be we dislike the responsibility it would require of us and prefer the collusion of comfort in the unspoken?
Yes the comfortable apathy of ‘someone else will clean it up’ is rife in our societies everywhere and something I relate to too. Yet when we truly connect to humanity we cannot but feel the urgency to express, support, inspire, and truly reflect all that we are to others for there is much work to be done…
So very true Matilda, we have what we have because the masses turn a blind eye… but we have fostered that in a world where we are constantly segregating, separating, denigrating and distinguishing one from another, whether by border, skin color, religion, education, prowess, disadvantage and so on. If we operate as ‘individuals’, separate from everyone, then we will not consider it our business to stand up for another we see suffering at the hands of a bully.
Yeh I remember that playground culture, how insidiously awful that it’s being instilled in kids from a super early age that to speak up is in someway wrong – and is it any wonder that if we bring up children this way we have a culture where people do not speak up but look the other way. I saw a super interesting viral video online where a man was verbally abusing a woman on a train and not one other passenger said anything or did anything – they just pretended it wasn’t happening. I have a new principle that I try and live by, and that is: if I see something I’ve responsible for it.
Absolutely truth is needed no matter what, or we just add to the lies, ‘my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK’
This is brilliant part to highlight Lorraine because many people including myself have often thought it is OK to say silent in the face of abuse but it is not OK. Our entire body tells us this and we would have to suppress our awareness and love for ourselves and others to be able to walk away from abuse and not expose it or express how we feel.
Today at the hairdressers our conversation was about how come the 16-year-old assistant was too tired after a 20 minute walk to the gym that she had no energy for the gym. Soon a hairdresser nearby and a customer joined in and we continued an interesting discussion. It became a conversation that was not personal but universal. How different from how I remember hairdressers’ conversations in the past.
it makes an extraordinary difference when just one person speaks up… Just imagine what would happen if this became the way it is.
So true Chris – one man (Serge Benhayon) started speaking up and telling the Truth despite the many that have tried to shut him down. As a consequence thousands of people around the world (including me) have hugely benefitted, had their lives transformed and started to live and speak the truth themselves. It is the most wonderful flame that is spreading.
We always have a choice as you highlighted in this article, truth or not, ‘I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,
OR
I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.’ We know and can feel how horrible the later choice is, the world needs truth all the time.
Expressing in our fullness all the time needs to be foundational in our lives, and is something I am choosing to embrace.
Lorraine a great point as I really didn’t know what my fullness was and each day I start to understand this more and with that really see the depth of love i have to express is endless.
Our silence is the invisible punch thrown that sends us into deeper illusion because we do not even acknowledge that we cast it. As we are each comprised of truth deep at the very core of our being, to withhold the expression of it not only hurts us but also adds to the abuse and does naught to arrest it.
I unknowingly do put my head down sometimes because of my hurt and what I will see – I know I will see what I have been a part of too. So its probable I know what I am doing. The way out of this cycle, as Matilda has simply expressed, is to claim back our earth with truth for all and fill it with the beauty we all know within. We speak up not for self but for all.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein. This is all so true and as said in time past “for evil to succeed it is only for good men to do nothing”. The words “snitch” “grass” “tell tale” – people that do this have a personal agenda for themselves and not for the whole. Like a “snitch” will “grass” on their criminal pals so they have less time in prison or do not go to prison at all. Expressing what’s true has none of these agendas, expressing the truth is what’s possible if the environment gives permission for it to be so. And of course one needs to work on their own environment and thereby expanding this out to the world.
I am wondering if the general population is aware of how formulaic things have become for our young people at school; how teachers are pressured to say certain things a certain way, in a certain amount of time to start, teach and wrap up a lesson, as well as the directives from administration that what happens in the playground needs to be dealt with in playtime and not learning time. (This only works if the students concerned are game enough to speak up in the melee of the playground about what has been happening and there’s time to give the matter in hand the consideration it deserves.)
A flow-on from this is that students are no longer being offered the safe and supported space of their own classroom to discuss what has just happened at playtime or during the time going back to class, as they used to be before the intense and now fairly universal supervision and assessment of teaching and learning became the norm.
Students once were offered the space to be heard, plus the opportunity to understand and work through the situation so they were settled and ready to concentrate on the next lesson. Nowadays, they are shut down by the expectations of the system, however, the greatest and saddest fallout of that is the fact that these students are consequently shut down to learning and all that means for them emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. The consequences from this are huge, right here and now, however, they hold a ‘time-bomb’ of ramifications for the future well-being of society.
Imagine growing up as a kid. Even before you know words and can speak, you know the truth of what’s going on around you. Imagine watching those close to you choosing to be unloving and harsh – it’s easy to see how we get adept at bottling things up pretty fast. Because we live like this for so long when we finally do share, it can come out like a flood, or a torrent. Your words remind me today Matilda to share how I feel, but in a way that’s easy and simple and no big deal – we can make it like child’s play.
I remember as a child being constantly told by adults – “You can’t say that!” – to which my confounded response was always – “But it’s true” – to which they would reply – “Yes, but you can’t say that, people will get upset”. This confused me because my intention was not to hurt anyone so I learnt pretty quickly to zip it up and keep it all in. Not so now… 😉
If people get upset by the truth then they need to hear it even more!!!
I have come to realise that it is not the truth that people get upset by but the lies that are lived that get immediately exposed in the presence of truth.
Yes Liane. Our life on earth is one big massive lie. We have abandoned the the glorious Song of God, our true Source of origin, and gone instead for the wail of the spirit. Any glimpse or whiff of the restorative power of truth and the spirit gets mightily upset that its ‘creation’ will be exposed.
Sometimes what hurts us is the vast gap between the truth (love) and the lies (all that is not love). With every step of awareness (love) we take the more of what is not love gets exposed and takes some adjusting to.
Children are constantly hearing lies that have been so accepted as the norm of conversations by adults. How interesting for children to feel the truth but observe adults not living the truth.
“well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.” That really is how a lot of society is now at, myself included a lot of the time. Afraid to speak up, say what we really mean and need to say in fear of others reactions. I was like that my whole life. Less so now, but there is still a lot of opportunities to say more, speak up more and not allow myself to compromise on anything.
Yes – I’ve noticed how sometimes we can say a lot but not be truly expressing ourselves at all and conversely we can say much with a few words – as the energy they are said with speaks volumes. Not that it’s just about how much we do or don’t say but more to highlight the value and worth of the quality of our expression…
Very true Fiona, and it is very interesting to note how we can champion those that can speak fluently and efficiently if we choose to deny reading where the talk is coming from. There is much hidden in politeness, niceness and what we perceive as intelligence so it makes absolute sense to me, the way in which we are with ourselves in life, our livingness and what we say are one and cannot be separated. Know who we are first, heal our hurts and truth is spoken.
Speaking up is not an option, anything that is not love and brotherhood needs to be exposed, ‘in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.’ The more we call out unacceptable behaviour the more we give permission for others to do the same.
‘As long as our nests are secure and apparently unaffected (“sure we argue sometimes, but the war is overseas”) we carry on regardless of the hurt and chaos. Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.’ This describes the human condition very well Matilda. It is interesting that we even have a term ‘human condition’ – this in itself should alert us to the fact that something is clearly not quite right with how we are and how we live – cocooned, silent, ignorant and desperately seeking some form of security.
Wow what a responsibility that we have to speak up and in that reflect and show to our children that they too can speak up, they too can honour what they feel. To not do this, to not speak up is what plagued me for most of my life and it took many years to heal those scars.
I can relate DN, speaking up has been a huge challenge for me but after many years of healing the hurts, I was carrying it’s becoming easier.
When you truly hold something, in a relationship, as a parent, in a work situation its not about just maintaining the status quo. You have to learn to call out the behaviour that is abusive, or does not serve the whole.
Thank you Matilda, those behaviours you note in the playground stay on into adult life, we often just get more ‘polished’ with them but they remain and we can all pay lip service to them to ‘keep the peace’ or we can stand up and say not ok for any or all of us. Not speaking up doesn’t help anyone, be they abused or abuser, we need to keep speaking up or if we don’t this does indeed become normalised … where we develop coping mechanisms rather than address the abuse.
We tell ourselves that holding back and being polite is the ‘right’ thing to do, not wanting to rock any boats, but actually all it does is make things far worse, rock far more many boats later down the line when the truth finally emerges. The situation is often by then far more messy and complicated than it might have been if we just said what we could feel, way back in the moment. When we hold back we do everyone a disservice – ourselves, others and the world at large.
To stay silence and with that thinking to maintain the peace, we think we do well but actually hold on to the rot that is underneath and needs to be exposed and revealed instead.
The choice is ours, to speak up or to play the social game. Thank you Matilda for encouraging and supporting us all to speak up when we feel/notice any form of abuse/harm.
Thank you for speaking out about this Matilda. I too notice how rough and cruel children are with each other, both physically and verbally. As adults we need to call it out whenever we see it, so that children don’t grow up thinking this is just how life is.
When we do not speak up we condone what is there to repress, intimidate and present a false truth, as we continue to do this that falsity becomes are reality. There is danger in this for our world and we can see it in every area of our lives, the majority do not speak up and illusion is allowed to pervade society.
None of us set out to live a lie or condone the lies of others but out of fear of the reactions that will come our way if we speak what is true, we have learnt to calibrate our expression to be in line with what the majority live, albeit if that is not in accordance with the truth of who we are, just so we do not ‘rock the boat’ and create waves that disturb the comfort we as a society have chosen to become so immersed in.
Indeed Liane, we live a lie or condone the lies of others out of fear, but fear for what I am questioning? What is the idea we have created about fear that does stop us with enormous force to let come through that what is naturally for us to express. So what is that we call fear and we have sold ourselves out to?
““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein” This really gets you to stop and feel how much of this is really going on in the world, hold back in speaking as it does not effect you and your family. yet its effecting others. Really worth pondering on what is true responsibility, standing up for truth no matter what.
Speaking up when something needs to be said and be willing to expose a lie is something that children are not encouraged to do and when they do it can be seen as trying to get someone into trouble, or telling tales so they hold back and play safe. I feel it is deeply ingrained in us to not speak up not just from this life but previous lives where we would have been tortured or killed for speaking up against the church or the monarchy.
There is definitely a pervasive thread that runs through Australian culture about not being a ‘…‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’. It’s almost as if you’re a criminal yourself if you dare to speak up about a behaviour or act or incident you’ve observed that is in anyway ‘off’ – as most whistleblowers would know.
On the other hand, it’s quite possible that if you choose to protect a person or persons by not speaking up, that there is also a price to pay – often in the form of having the finger pointed at you, for staying silent and ‘loyal’ when the ill-deed is finally revealed… a kind of “You’re more responsible, you should have spoken up”.
What a twisted and convoluted set of ‘rules’ we have created for ourselves. No wonder uncertainty sinks in and no one says anything.
What if all the people on the earth were blood cells in A person, a real big one. What happens when we hold back? Do we not cause blockages and clump together? Are we not doing the same to our body’s by blocking our evolution by hold back our expression?
We should all speak up for truth and in truth and support each other and especially our children to do. We need to understand that truth and love are one and the same and what matters and what life is about. Truth does not judge, blame or condemn – it simply states things as they are and thereby allows an opportunity for awareness and healing to all.
“in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” this nails it, speaking up is not about worry what the consequences will be but instead knowing what the truth is and delivering that no matter what. Then the magic happens and the ripple effect is felt by everyone. A blessing but also the responsibility we all hold, when we don’t speak up we end up with the dissolution in the world we have today.
Niceties are a festering rot in our society, daggers adorned but nevertheless damages. The greatest evil of being nice is a collective blindness that every body (pun intended) can feel its lie and have to take the consequence for.
Well put Adele. I am seeing how toxic being nice is.
Serge recently presented on the reason we hold back being us not wanting to feel the reaction from another. In that I could feel how we are continuously energetically bullied all the time. The only way to stop this bullying is to read energy and call out the game it is playing.
Yes I completely agree Kim, I have been feeling this energetic bullying more strongly than ever recently. It is only when I do not react that I can read it clearly and by reading it I am not affected – but first I need to not react. One of the ways that supports me in this is to not take it personally and not see it as that person attacking me but an energy that is coming through them – usually because there is some hurt they have not deal with. No excuse for this behaviour but understanding goes a very long way!
Spot on Nicola, our communication then becomes with energy and not the ‘self’ of the individual.
Thank you Matilda for your sharing. I agree that when we see abuse in our lives whether it be in our homes, schools, workplaces or in the outside world we live in it is up to us to speak up about abuse. If we don’t, who will? It is much easier to walk on and hope someone else will do so! But we are someone else. If we know that we are all one, how can we justify this inaction, when we are all equal Brothers?
I love that quote by Einstein. We know how true this is, but because we have all been complicit, we avoid really staring at this in the face. But I know that every time i cover up what I feel, every time I hold back expressing in a true way, every time I see a lie and do not call it a lie, I add to the evil of this world. It is a simple immutable fact, and the responsibility is straight up – we cannot avoid this. We create the suffering in this world through our choices to stay silent in the face of the smallest iota of abuse.
This is brilliantly unfolded how disharmony in its many forms does prevail so persistently in this world – we all feed it with every unloving step we take, be it in silence or aloud.
Is it possible that when we hold back from expressing truth we confirm to others it’s also ok to hold back? So this would mean that when we do speak up we offer a reflection that others can feel inspired and supported to also speak up – a game changer all round.
We are very cunning at compartmentalising life and creating distance between us and what’s happening in THEIR family, THEIR country, THEIR lives etc., but the world we live in holds ALL OF US thus it’s OUR responsibility to look after it and the people inside of it.
This article more than ever needs to be read by the whole of the UK! and the world. We have for the last year sleep walked into the most monumental separation and division europe has seen since world war 2. We have the opportunity to vote again in a months time and I will stand up and put my vote where a new referendum can take place, I am talking to everyone I come into contact with about voting and presenting this fact of standing up for what you believe in and voting is important. So many are disenfranchised with the way things are that they feel powerless and just roll over. Like you share this attitude starts very early in our lives and it is only through role models that this will change.
From young we are shown by our peers that it is not good to stand up for truth, and if we do we lose our friends and become ostracised from those we want to be with, and so we withdraw and hold back from saying anything. I know I never spoke up for fear of getting it wrong. What you show Matilda is that we learn from very young that it is safer to say nothing than it is to speak up and we take this into our adult life, and this is why there are very few people throughout humanity who are willing to speak the absolute truth regardless of the consequences and abuse that may follow.
Yes Matilda, the “polite silence” we are so well schooled in contributes to the world remaining the way it is (or even getting worse). Your blog touched me deeply today reminding me that it’s possible to live from the truth we innately know, and to express this everyday, thank you.
When we speak up people not only get to feel the immense love and truth we have to share, but they also see who they are – equally wise and powerful. It is no wonder we are fed all sorts of thoughts that would make us think that it is okay to remain silent and deny who we are.
Spot on Matilda, the world is the way it is because the majority stand by and let it be that way. The power is with those who remain silent (the majority) and corruption exists because we accept it, our silence being all the endorsement it needs to sustain itself.
This is a galvanising consideration, Jenny – an important call to responsibility that is brilliant to make, thank you – how collusive our silence is; how holding back our expression allows so many atrocities and ills to perpetuate.
Yes… it also gives us something to work with at an individual level, rather than thinking it’s too big and what could ‘little ol’ me’ do to change things.
We have allowed others to swing their fist any way they please until it touches our nose. We have gone a step further by moving through life with our eyes shut and our ears on mute. Albert Einstein has it nailed for what we have allowed the world to become!
Thank you Mathilda for being so clear and honest about that which we indeed truly deep inside (aware or unaware) know – that is when we do not speak our truth and play our part we continue the rot we then contribute to further making instead of stopping it by our voices and living truth. Us, living truth is the antidote to all the miseries that are going on on this globe, so the answer of : “i cant help” is simply a very irresponsible response to something you know you can help heal.
So many lies, pictures and misunderstandings occur between people that it is crucial that we speak up and use words of truth to clear the detritus that litters our realm of ‘thought’.
It is often difficult to speak up for fear of alienating people we know well. But what do we do when faced with abuse of an elder in her own home by her own children. In the person’s best interest it is important we speak up with the people involved, become the elder’s advocate, continue to visit, ask questions, reflect what more could be done and appreciate what is being done well. What emerges from this is an evolving relationship with the whole family and an understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge they have and is deserving of support. Only through gentle but honest intervention can we reflect another way. In other words rather than condemn, speaking up can lay the foundation for us to build relationships, offer support and guide.
It is important to build families and communities where people are supported to express themselves and speak up when they feel something is wrong or unjust. The question is how do we respond? I’ve witnessed long term damaging effects when someone repeatedly speaks up about an injustice but is dismissed, undermined, humoured to protect ‘vested interests’ and existing status quo. Wherever we are we are family and community. The question is are we listening, do we support or do we play safe and back the winning or dominant side.
A memory floods back. A seven year old child living with an unkind family, not her own. She was favoured, but not her sibling. The ill-treatment he experienced was painful to witness. But who would know if she did not speak up. A family friend came to visit, took them away for the weekend. On the way back to the house, anxiety built up, a feeling deep inside could not be contained. Speak now, speak before he goes, and she did. Speaking up as a child is not easy. It helps when you’re listened to, believed and someone takes action. A new home and loving family was found. That moment when we choose to speak up can save and change lives forever.
The idea of “I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference” is one I have used for a long time to keep myself small and silent to the world. It made me even think I was not good in speaking in public or in writing blogs or articles for the world to read. How different it actually is as what I am currently learning that these ideas were just rubbish as I can write and share these writings with the world and I can speak in public and in that I bring that specific angle to the subjects at hand that are so needed to be heard and read.
Expression is always an unfoldment, which leads to more honesty and eventually back to truth. There is no unfoldment to begin with or continue if there is no expression. The conversations that happen in our daily lives sometimes feel extremely uncomfortable, sometimes because of that we react when things come out of our mouths or when things come out of the mouths of others. I would rather initiate a conversation knowing it is difficult, than to hold it back, because when nothing is said, I would never know what may or may not change if this conversation was initiated. What if, that I am to speak about would change another’s life? But when I speak up, there is the immediate response from one person or more, in which I could feel into and observe, to then know what the next step would be–whether to keep going deeper or not, depending on what is truly needed. Expression does come with a responsibility, eventually this becomes acutely obvious, and it is that not only does it come with truth, it always come with a beholding. What makes us heard eventually is not the mode of expression, but that we hold each other as equals when we speak–this always come as an energy first and it may deepen to become a way of expression as well when we are ready to take more responsibility in this area.
I remember reading this article before and how it made me sit up and take notice, a deeper notice of what is going on around me. We are so often in protection of our own surrounds that is easy to look out and say how bad things are in other areas. There is always an extreme to compare to to make ourselves seemingly feel better and yet we don’t sharpen our view to our smaller world around us. What if every world is a smaller part of a bigger world? In this way what if everything we do to ourselves has an impact everywhere else. We have all heard of the butterfly effect and yet we haven’t taken this further to actually mean us. How can we make life so personal and yet not take it to the personal when we see things aren’t working? Our view is slightly one sided and so this already is saying bringing an imbalance everywhere.
This is a great point about our avoidance of responsibility… the quiet, consistent, detailed responsibility that has us making choices knowing the impact that we have on everybody else in the world… the butterfly effect.
And yet we will claim we are responsible or look somewhere else and compare back that we are more responsible then some. What we are saying here is a true responsibility that doesn’t just claim one corner or pockets of life but brings the same level to everything. There is no down part or part of life that we look at and say – ‘well it’s ok because I don’t do that everywhere or all the time’. We hold everything equally accountable knowing that how we are in any part always effects the whole. We love to break life up into parts and seemingly excel in one part and allow another to drop and yet the only place we can do this is in our mind. There is no parts when it comes to energy, it’s all there all the time, no exceptions.
Having attended many sessions of the various Universal Medicine modalities I have come to awareness that if I don’t express what needs to be shared the harm is felt in my body. What has been awesome to observe is that the way this is expressed is always different, is shared with no perfection and is always a marker of what is there for everyone including myself to observe and learn.
It is so important to understand that taking responsibility to life is everywhere. We have to observe all aspects of life and ask ourselves if this is supportive to humanity or is it to keep us all in a lesser state of being, and in that I mean diminishing and ignoring the fact that we are all equal and divine beings living here together on this planet earth because of an ill choice we once have made.
The polite silences are one of the disease points in our society. One may as well be rolling ones eyes out loud! Why not be lovingly honest and really let people in! ‘Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!’
It’s like we live in a world of 2 realms – the one we play ball with (social pleasantries, holding back for not wanting to rock the boat, abuse being meted out not just between so-called enemies but also to our nearest and dearest……etc) and the one of energy we pretend is not there, where what we hold back from expressing is felt anyway through our vibrations. We fool ourselves into believing the latter is our own private world which affect no other, but this is not so, so when I hold back, I affect you – all of you. An inescapable and uncomfortable truth.
I have observed children hesitant from speaking their truth, worrying they will get in trouble, or be called ‘tell tale’…I actively encourage those around me of what ever age to say how they feel and if something has happened that does not feel great to be honest about it. I am still learning myself but know that, this holding back is bad for our health!
For me what I have learned is really powerful is saying something when we feel something doesn’t sit right with me, simply sharing that without any need to make it more, or be intelligent about why it doesn’t feel right. Rather just to share openly and what comes out of that simple act of standing up for truth is often quite remarkable.
When we don’t speak up or say things how they really are then we end up running with a version life which is disfunctional or in some cases even very functional, but it always feels void of the truth.
We most certainly need to speak up and not hold back on our expression. This is very empowering and inspires others to do the same. It is also really powerful in those times when no words are appropriate in some challenging situation but one stays aware and observational enough to bring in a sense of one’s own true value and not be disempowered by another’s expression. This can often bring healing to the situation.
It is amazing the extent young children hold back their expression in order to avoid being picked on and being bullied from others, as adults we need to support them by reflecting a way of being where expression is everything and the way forth in our evolution.
“Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade.” This statement alone says volumes about the insidious ness those little choices that seem so insignificant, because every little choice shapes the whole that we end up living in.
This blog is brilliant and so true. I have always been one that has coward in the face of things that are in just. I can see how this started at a very young age with a fear that many don’t like one that speaks the truth. Now on the path of speaking up, I’m seeing how holding back my expression is actually a selfish act, and in doing so offers no point of evolution for what I feel needs to shift in our world.
I love this realisation, Kim, that holding back, not speaking up, is selfish and a disservice to all of us. This is a great point of myth busting.
What’s worse is that this culture is created between children. Yes adults have a big influence, however, children are also responsible for the environment in schools.
When we don’t speak up about what is happening in the playground, children start to behave in the same manner to fit it, or get picked on and bullied for not being one of the crowd, and they are almost certainly the more sensitive ones. If we as grown ups don’t speak out we are first accepting their behaviour as ‘normal’ when we know it isn’t, and the children are left to think that it’s ok, and secondly we have to let them know that there is another way to be, that society is not truly what has been reflected to them up until now. Is it not our Responsibility to offer them a truer reflection.
Playing the well-oiled social game… a great description, and a long way from the truth.
I feel like I’m emerging from some kind of cushioned cocoon, one where I have kept my head down, and kept myself protected in social niceties and polite conversation, not wanting to see or feel what is really going on around me. Starting to become more aware of what I can feel is changing this, but it takes more than awareness: it takes action and stepping out of comfort to actually call out abuse for it to stop.
A very insightful observation “the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK” Boy, I can really relate to this! It started in childhood for me and continued on into adult life, I used to feel that I must be from another planet because everything normal here did not feel right to me. It’s interesting that when a majority lives a certain way then I may question what I know and smother my expression. A great conversation on speaking up on what is felt to be true.
I remember when I think back to the environment of the playground at school, and how it seemed to change as I got further up the grades, in grade 1 and 2 it was still fairly open and not confronting, a it got to grade 4 and older now there is a ‘pace’ in the playground and if you don’t keep up with it you’ll get hurt, and its where some more bullying behaviour becomes more common – and then enter grade 5 and competition is in full swing, now it is starting to be like you have a set group of friends, and you either one thing at lunch time or be alone.
The playground is indeed a microcosm of our society and the breeding ground for behaviours that have sadly and detrimentally become normalized in the world. It is here that children need to be taught and encouraged to speak and walk truth and be loving towards each other… for if they do not get this at home, they certainly won’t get it out in the world and so absolutely need the reflection and guidance of people such as yourself to show them there is another way to be with themselves and each other.
The playground is only a smaller reflection of how we are in the world. So yes it maybe possible parents or peers are telling children not to speak up but what we are seeing in the playground is imitating the world outside. We are telling everyone, including ourselves not to speak up through the way we are with each other, the quality we are with each other. When do we truly stop and listen to what someone has to say? Or are we busy doing something else, distracted, in a rush or wanting to tell them what we know about it. Possibly if we continue to take a deeper and deeper listening ear to what a person is saying in front of us, no matter what the setting then this is what would be mirrored in the playground. Children are only watching and imitating what they see from us, when we should be leading the way for them to walk into.
I wonder if the playground behaviour is a consequence of the parents telling the children at home not to speak up and the children then telling each other not to speak up.
The old ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mantra – i.e. if you’re a child, you don’t know anything and your opinion, how you feel, does not count. It’s this kind of control and dictation that feeds the ‘it’s not safe to speak up, to say how I really feel’ beliefs that children take on from such a young age.
As a child, one expression frequently quoted was ‘ Children should be seen, not heard’ and this really did squash open self expression. This was so because the people who cared for us had experienced the very same when they were children. It’s important we begin to build new cycles for our children and for ourselves where we feel, speak and are open with each other.
‘Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!’ This is what we need to feel that we are all part of this and how holding back our expression is harming and not only ourselves. We are all responsible for far more (for everything) than we are willing to acknowledge and when we stay stuck in this small picture, individuality will ruin the world.
““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”” These words have been attributed to various people – Edmund Burke in the 18th is quoted as saying “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Regardless of where the quote originates the underlying message is that if we stand back and dont express, evil can flourish. So doing and saying nothing aligns us with the perpetrators. Time to stand up for truth.
I completely agree with your sharing Matilda. We need to make it safe and OK for our children to speak up in the playground and in life in general by demonstrating this ourselves. For us not to speak up when something is not OK , as you say comes across as us agreeing with the issue at hand.
A great blog for all to read!
When we do not speak up we are still communicating something…and its worth considering.
I agree. That communication may be acceptance of questionable actions and behaviours by others who take the silence as assent or licence to continue.
What you share Matilda is incredibly important. It is essential that we speak up and do not accept abuse and lovelessness as acceptable or we are in fact condoning and participating in it. Speaking up does not always mean needing to actually speak, although very often it does. It is first and foremost an energetic response and we can often speak up by the expression in our eyes or our stillness in not contributing to something. However, often it is also required to verbalise. The first step is to be aware and not accept any form of abuse and from there we know what is the called for response.
When we don’t express what we feel we have to hold it back. And when we hold something back how can this backlog not put pressure and stress on us. Thus could one of the reasons the world is full of pressure and stress be because we are all holding back?
We are all role models for children – they learn so much through observing our behaviours and ways of communicating or not… The playground really is a micro-reflection of our world and this brings home to me even more how much of an effect our actions or inactions have on our society and all the children who are looking to us as leaders.
Yesterday I observed myself speaking up about something, but there was a hesitation or a lack of absoluteness, and it was important to observe this without judgement. It brought me understanding towards myself and also a deeper responsibility to feel how this choice impacts me.
Holding back our expression not only harms our bodies and delays our evolution but also affects others as they missed on the wisdom from our soul.
Thank you Matilda, I love these insights. It is very worrying when we don’t stand up and say something when there is something to be said – the Einstein quote is a favourite of mine and one I have to remember in times when I have wanted to look away or walk the other way out of fear.
Keeping our head down, not wanting to stir things up – we may think we are protecting ourselves, not realizing that is the exact attitude that allows and cultivates the rot we want to protect ourselves from. I have to say this topic is one that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Many of us can see the ‘wrongs’ in the world and we want it to be changed but I can feel how we want to remain not responsible. We want someone to come up with a solution if they dare suggest there being an issue, making it ‘their’ problem, rather than recognising the part we play and how we have contributed to what we all are going through as a community/nation/race of beings. And, there’s much pent up, unexpressed emotion on deck ready to burst and we are seeing more of its consequences in some extreme behaviours. There’s pressure that says ‘someone needs to come up with something, do something’, but we are all that ‘someone’.
I completely agree, we are all that someone. We have to be the change we want to see in the world – thank you Serge Benhayon for pointing out something that should be obvious but wasn’t! Why wait – let’s one by one walk the love we want to see in the world and feel the brotherhood of that connection.
Not speaking up and keeping things to ourselves I find is a real killer as eventually it has to come out in some form of explosion and trust me my explosions have been pretty extreme. But it has never been about others rather my anger and frustration at myself for keeping everything bottled up – its a bit like someone asking for a divorce because you didn’t take the rubbish out – lots of little silly things culminating in thats too much whereas if we spoke about all the little things they would not be able to build up.
Great blog Matilda, so powerful. When we do not speak up it does impact the whole. We don’t like to think that it does, but it does. I know from my own experiences, how it feels in my body when I align to social niceties and not speak what I feel or what is there to be expressed. It doesn’t feel great at all. There are of course times when we need to discern, but there is way too much holding back and the pleasantries come forward. If we all expressed more from our hearts, not our heads, this would go a long way to making a huge difference.
If we don’t speak up we will never be heard.
I have learnt that for the truth to be heard it is wise to first hold the other person in full appreciation of who they truly are and what they have to offer as when they feel met and not judged they are less likely to shut down and more likely to take in what is being shared without reacting.
What I am learning more and more is yes we do need do speak up but not out of reaction as in truth this does not change anything instead it is more powerful to come from an authority of saying no to abuse by and through how we are living consistently. This then starts to build a solid foundation to which abuse can no longer be a part of but first we must be willing to see all the rot that is there. Also if children or young people see adults not standing up for themselves or calling out abuse when they see it on some level they may feel why bother or what is the point. So it is our, the older generations responsibility to truly lead the way. It is also really important that all children and young people know they will be listened to and not judged, that they have a safe space to be in and go to when they need although again it is our responsibility that they have a safe space all of the time not just in parts of their life. It is great you are starting to see there is another way as indeed this will have a huge and positive ripple affect on others.
By not speaking up we are in fact harming ourselves . . . and everyone else.This is such an important point.
Not speaking up or expressing all that is there to be expressed feels like shriveling up, and the same things generally happen over and over until it has all been fully expressed.
speaking truth comes from a strong momentum of living truth, and that means moving and making choices which are loving, without this words are not true – or words are only a reflection of what is already being lived.
It is so important to accept and honour this fact, Harry. That our words are only as full and true as our lived experience of what we are saying.
We as a humanity are sick because we do not speak what is true but bottle it up so as to continue living the lies we have been fed and indeed gorged on and do not want to admit are not only not true, but also are poisoning us. Speaking truth may yet not be common, but it is in our true norm. Only when we express what we feel in our essence to be true, will we help turn the tide from the tsunami of lies that is threatening to take us out as a race of beings on this planet. It seems that we as humans need major calamities: natural disasters and plagues, to strike many times over in order to awaken us from our chosen slumber to such truth.
Yes Liane great point, it seems that Great calamities are the only thing that awake humanity en. Masse sometimes, because the collective group comfort of bottling up speaking truth and holding back creates much tension we would other wise feel if we didn’t have so many go to solutions like entertainment, hobbies, pursuits, and the many foods, drinks and drugs.
This is a great question to ask in those moments of doubt “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”. Chances are we are just thinking what everyone else is thinking and it only takes one person to speak up to encourage others to stand up and speak up as well.
As I choose to take more responsibility for speaking up it is great to be reminded of the consequences of not doing so and observe, without judgement, the many times that I still fall back into social niceties. Thanks for inspiring me to consider the ripple effect of my choices.
It’s so true that it starts with the playground and children soon learn that to not rock the boat they have to suppress their natural expression and stop speaking up when they feel that something is not right. This then carries on into adult life. Is it any wonder that we are in the mess we currently are, with so much division and warfare of different kinds, when people are routinely attacked for speaking up and the majority choose to keep their heads down and pretend they haven’t seen whatever it is that really needs to be called out. So many feel powerless to change the status quo but that should never be a justification for not speaking up and also supporting others to do so, for example our children.
Speaking from a place of truth and knowing may not currently be our statistical norm but it is totally natural and innate in us… we just have to remember or reconnect to what has been socialised under cover.
I find it interesting that we want our children to grow up with a voice but it seems that this is only allowed once they are an adult. However this expression needs to be allowed from the start of life yet there are many many ways in families and at school where this does not suit many people, mainly adults, which results in children actually growing up with a fear of speaking up. What is this doing to our bodies? Where do all the words go?
From a young age it is normal in society to suppress our natural expression, we have all allowed this and it is now no wonder that we have systems based not on truth? We have all be guilty of not expressing our truth and this greatly impacts all of humanity not just ourselves.
What happens when we do not speak up? The world is a poorer place because of it, bullying is never healed, victimhood is never healed, human trafficking is allowed to proliferate, slander and lies are condoned in the press, we stay enmeshed in the destructive game of ‘arrangement’ relationships, and eventually our head neck and throat suffer physically in one way or another. There is no excuse for not speaking up once we know this.
Gosh when all these ills of the world are listed in this way I find it hard to digest that all is present in our lives because of not speaking up. But it is so True we have allowed it by not doing so.
When we do not speak up, it is felt in our body. It is also registered by the people we are not speaking up to as well. There can be an opportunity missed for both parties and a learning and potentially evolve from.
Much of what we learn in the playground at school is carried on into our adult lives.
…therefore, if we make it about connection and not competition, what we take away with us will help heal the harm we have otherwise caused by not living true to who we are.
It is crazy that we have created a consciousness in our society that considers the truth as something that is harsh, bad, mean or hurtful even. Is this because the truth calls us to be honest with ourselves and accept responsibility for our actions and behaviour? We seem to prefer to stay held down trapped by a web lies we choose to accept and allow to become normal, yet the truth is what frees us to be who we truly are by exposing, healing and letting go what we are not. We are surrounded by turmoil, abuse and suffering only because we have not spoken up of the truth we feel, and instead have allowed the lies to continue to develop and shape the world as it is today. This for me highlights the power we all have, as it is through what we choose in our daily life that directly effects the world we not only live in but are intrinsically part of.
Yes it is important to ponder what gags us and why. Then begin to gently step out again and speak up loud and clear about what is important to us. It seems so important at school and is often taught however not truly lived by.
Things that are big and we do not like start small, and it is these beginnings that we ignore until they have become a full out of control problem we then do not feel fit to handle and be responsible for.
“Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.” In this line I can feel the innocence and trust that a child naturally brings into this life become buried under the layers of protection we have all put in place to protect our delicate, sweet, tender and oh so vulnerable beings that we really are. It’s devastating when we consider that we perpetuate this hardening of our precious children every time we do not speak up. They need role models who are not afraid to stand up and speak truth no matter what. With this they are then confirmed in their feeling of the world and have more chance of staying true to themselves with the consequence of us all waking up to the truth that any abuse, even the most seemingly insignificant, is not ok.
“The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.” This is where true education of children in school should be happening, where they are encouraged to be aware of how they treat each other and speak up when things are not ok. We all have a lot to learn from the playground of life.
If only we could hold onto what we felt as a child and take it through into adulthood and not hold back speaking our truth to each other. The world would certainly be a very different place. I can be guilty of holding back but am also re-learning to speak my truth, it can be painful and confronting at times but holding back causes disharmony in my body and can store up resentment, and after all, what are we afraid of by telling the truth, each others reaction, not being liked, being ridiculed, not being accepted… none of that really matters as long as we remain true to ourselves…. all I have to do is convince my mind of that, because my body always tells the truth, there is no hiding it.
Such a great question Matilda, one that needs to be asked often. I have discovered that it doesn’t take long for a child to figure out that it is often not safe to speak up, or if they do speak up they are immediately silenced. It is then no wonder that as the beautifully honest child’s voice is slowly shut down, the adult that they will eventually be becomes disconnected from their true voice and the ability to express what it is they really want to say.
Gosh, you have written this process very clearly, Ingrid, and it is alarming to read and consider the impact of this on all of us who have ‘lost our voices’. What is inspiring to realise is that it is never too late and we are always in our own driving seat. So, hands back on the wheel and off we go, map in hand, knowing full well where to find our voices again.
I never thought I would see the day when I would get on a bus of over thirty children to express about how I felt about the behaviour of a child towards my daughter. A couple of weeks later, my daughter received a beautiful gift from the child as I jumped on the bus a second time to express my appreciation. Words alone cannot convey my deep gratitude to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine as I re-learn to speak up in all areas of my life.
The not speaking up has become a habit of all of us and to my feeling things will only truly change when we collectively will let go of this habit and do return to express all that lives in us and needs to be shared among all of us because it will serve our communities with true health. Allowing ourselves to express in full will then enforce change bottom up instead of the bottom down approach that we have allowed long enough and has suppressed our collective speaking up.
Such insights into human life you have brought to the proverbial table with this writing Matilda. I saw so clearly that if we accept the behaviour – by not speaking up – then we really accept it into our fabric of society and it becomes normal. We then may complain about it, wish it to be different some times, talk about it etc… but we also resign ourselves to the fact that ‘it is life’. But it is only part of our life because we said yes to it by not saying no to it.
Those who choose to speak up in any situation who by doing so challenge the status quo will always be attacked, and it is for this reason why the silent majority have learned to remain quiet. It causes less trouble. Most insidiously we are taught that to be loving is to be nice, to not make waves. We are taught that a still pond is the essence of true divinity. And yet such analogy robs us of the truth about love, which is more akin to an eternal fire. And fire, as we know, can be beautiful, but it can equally be a force for destruction, and through that destruction, a chance for transformation and re-growth. Fire is an integral part of the harmonious cycle we call nature. And yet, we ignorantly tell ourselves that the only true love is that typified by peace, and by calm. Yet things slowly decay in the constant presence of a still pond. Similarly, society decays when it rests in the comfort of its engrained ways and tries to control those who seek to bring a burning branch to the table.
What a fantastic blog, thankyou Matilda. It’s absolutely true that by not expressing or allowing others to express the truth about this world, we normalise what is not normal (brutality, corruption, dismissiveness etc) and begin to numb ourselves to the loveless realities we have now created, and accept a much lesser version of what life can be. How on earth did we all begin to champion polite? By doing so we believe we are not upsetting others when the world itself is allowed to be deeply out of balance – which is ironically deeply upsetting to us. Polite asks us to look away when we need to be each fully engaged with the world and with each other.
““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein” – There is so much truth in this, for so long society has just stood and watched not expressing truth. It is no wonder the world is in the state it is in. People have avoided responsibility. Everyone needs to take responsibility for the choices they make.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Knowing this and taking responsibility for this will change the world very quickly.
The playground is a stage of life and what we learn there we take into life.
There is something so pertinent here in what you express Matilda, and how our children pick up on what we normalise and so the abuse we all see and feel around us continues. Reading that we are ‘accepting arguing as a natural, even healthy part of relationships’ gave me pause, as in fact I do have this idea that if I can handle an argument with someone then we have a healthy relationship but is that in fact true at all, and am I just accepting a level of disharmony in me which then leads to that argument. Something I’d not quite considered this deeply in this way before, and what I feel deeply is that it starts with all of us and how we are with us, and spreads out from there to live and express that all around us.
“….I am allowing myself to see that there is another way which can turn all this on its head, and that my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary.”
How gorgeous it is to connect to the fact that we can be in joy when expressing the truth. Thank you Matilda.
There is a time and place for every interaction and what is needed at that moment to be shared. I have noticed that when I speak up in reaction the quality that is delivered leaves others reacting or feeling the judgement. When we are open to speaking with truth and honesty, the realness is felt by others.
Not only do we feed the evil in the world by not speaking up but we also fertile the ground in which evil can enter and take over our behaviours.
Wow love what you share Luke, that’s very true how we invite evil in by our lack of expression.
My children have shared with me that they talk to the playground attendants about rough and angry behaviour and they often are told that they will keep an eye on the situation, but often they do nothing…I have been in contact with the school and we have talked about this and they have responded in many ways which have been supportive. However it is interesting to know that when my son, expresses that he or someone else was hit or threaten, it is not met with understanding or appreciation of what he is sharing. He is saying people aren’t being gentle, caring, loving because he knows they can, he is 5 and he knows another way and yet his truth is being denied and there is a different reality in the playground, so what is the truth…that it is normal to punch, sit on someones head or tell someone they want you to die? Or is it more natural to feel this is not our natural way and that we potentially can live from love and not our fears an hurts in everyday life. I support my son, in as much as I live life with the truth I feel, as much as I am able, he knows I practice this and we are in inspired by each other. He has a normal which may not fit into their normal they are presented in this world, I am willing to support him to explore it and honour it, as I am with myself, we will see how this unfolds.
It is funny to reflect on how these social agreements show themselves, when someone gives gift, or when we decide to leave a restaurant because it is too expensive for us, talking about that fact that Father Christmas is a story…these are all moments when I have realised how invested I have been in what we agree is normal, not unsettling the boat or some one being ‘offended’. I did speak my truth, how I felt, in these situations. However, honestly, I felt the pull to collude and not break social norms…the fear of not being accepted in what we consider normal is strong. This however is where the beauty of foundation comes in, because all of the moments when we choose to speak our truth, build up, they support one another and allow us in more challenging circumstances, however they come cloaked in ‘nice’ or ‘anger’ to be able to stay steady and say how we feel regardless of what is considered ‘normal’. I learned to collude in what is happening around me as a child, to attempt to protect myself, it didn’t really work, it just kept me small and hidden, and so I now practice to express and consider this a truly loving for myself and others. and know that the pressure of collusion will ebb and flow, but the foundation I am building will sustain.
Holding back may be something that we’re used to doing but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a change and start to redevelop expressing and communicating all that we see and feel and know to be true. It’s never too late to open up and speak up.
When we don’t speak up we effectively swallow what we need to say. Surely these unspoken words must accumulate in our bodies at the very least as stress and tension – how can we ever possibly think that this is healthy for us in the long term? Everyday I am learning more and more as Serge Benhayon has shared on many an occasion, ‘expression is everything’.
Playground mentality plays out in the world of work daily. In organisations it is common for people to experience or witness abusive behaviour but do nothing about it or don’t speak up fearing recrimination. Consequently, bullies are left unchallenged. Some companies offer staff workshops on how to express themselves, honestly, without emotion or reaction when faced with abusive behaviour. This only works if the employer’s values are sound enough to counter abusive behaviour in all forms at all levels of the organisation. Very often this is not the case: values are written but not practiced.
I totally agree that “the playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world.” What we see there is not any different from what we live as adults in our societies. We have to understand that this is not our normal way of being and that we all sense that this way of behaving ourselves is not true and that with that we ignore that part of us that we truly are.
The school playground is a pretty good description and analogy to the world beyond our front door. The interactions between people, the gathering of different groups, the sprinkling of a ruckus in different corners of the ‘playground’, is probably one of the early learning grounds where as children, we learn the skills of either speaking up against something that is wrong/unfair, or not.
Matilda you draw parallels between the conflict and disharmony we accept and condone within our own homes and the larger scale wars and internal conflict within and between countries… this is an important and powerful connection to make… as it is only through our acceptance of this type of dynamic between us and around us anywhere, that we tolerate it occurring somewhere further afield. As a one world we need to be saying no way to conflict anywhere being acceptable.
It can be difficult to stand up and speak and yet if we don’t we end up with a society that we all complain about.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein
This perfectly sums it up. If we see something is not right then it is our responsibility to say no to it and speak up, otherwise by saying nothing and turning a blind eye we are allowing it to happen and so saying it is ok. We have to speak up and call evil out otherwise nothing will change. How bad do things have to get before we say enough is enough?
“…the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth. So just in case I hesitate for a moment, I consider “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”” The demand for truth has definitely raised its voice and is needed in current times more than ever. As staying silent and or nice has not worked and I know for sure in the UK, with recent events, this can no longer be an option.
It only takes a few to truly stand up and others will follow.
Couldn’t agree more Matilda. I used to have the arrogance because I was comfortable and convenient in my life that what went on outside was not really my responsibility. I also never stopped to consider that the fact that I was controlling, angry, often frustrated etc didn’t really count towards being responsible because most of the time, I considered it was not public and contained within my home. It’s been vey sobering, but also very freeing, to realise the responsibility that we all have, not just within our own private lives, but in connection to our communities and nations etc.
‘I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside, OR I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.’ Wow with these two choices being so clear we can start to feel the effect one has instead of the other. Expressing in truth feels like it’s the only way to be.
I also would love to add to the debate…if we learn not to speak up because of reactions we are far more likely to hesitate before speaking up when we see or experience abuse. This can then be perpetuated for generations as children witness the abuse and learn the behaviour too. It is vital we have conversations around this when we talk about domestic abuse as a support to understand how we can break the cycle.
Learning to speak up, like learning to walk, can be quite clunky. The reactions that come from speaking up are rarely as understanding as when we learn to walk though so we either learn not to speak up, or we have guards. The guards mean when we do speak up it doesn’t come out quite as clearly, thereby feeding the clunkiness and potential misunderstanding. Oh the vicious circle!!
The playground is a very good example of this silence in the face of abuse. They learn that adults don’t always see things as they do, they hear words like man up, grow a pair and don’t be a sissy. We have all seen and experienced this, it is what we chose on the face of this that determines how normal it will be for us as adults to speak up.
It is common for us to call out and reprimand people who shout and scream, those who ‘cross the line’. Yet we turn a blind eye to the power of those who stay silent and sit on truth. For when we do this, we harm ourselves and everybody else, it just means we have to return to this issue later in this life or the next to learn to speak up. What if so much of the illness that we saw, came down in reality to us holding back? How absurd that we seek advanced medical technology, potions, lotions and remedies when the ability to simply speak always lives within you and me.
Speaking up can be very difficult with the ensuing confrontation, perhaps being ostracised, ignored or any other reaction we may experience but it can help if we understand that we are simply exposing another’s behaviour and that we’re not responsible for how they choose to react. It does take some practice and a deepening of the connection with ourselves but we have a responsibility to all out what’s not true.
When we say how we feel, often others do not like it, at least at first. This can seem yucky to feel so we bottle it up thinking we have ‘done the right thing’ by not making a scene. Yet the truth is if we let this reaction shut us down, it’s like choosing not to order a coffee, but drinking a vat of poison instead. When you calculate the harm holding back has on us and every body it’s an absurd choice to make. For when we share how we feel with Love, we all can grow and evolve and understand the very reason we are all here. Thank you Matilda.
A blog dismantling the hidden teeth of niceness and being polite. Creating a silence that is detrimental for us all.
I have come back to this blog for a reread but I honestly enjoyed it even more this time than I did last time, its just a powerhouse of a letter to all of humanity, it covers everything and makes you really consider the damage caused by taking a back seat, hands off approach to these broader goal issues. I am super inspired, thank you, just awesome.
Matilda, ouch those polite rightness is so rife and indeed I can feel it in me, how easy it is to fall into saying the right sounding words, but not speaking truth. Can we stand aside, no, we’ve fooled ourselves for long enough that we could but that is not true and it never was. Our politeness allows the rot and the abuse, and no matter how pretty our gardens may look, we are part of what is creating the ugly trash heap down the road or elsewhere. Everything is connected, and we cannot escape this no matter how many walls or hedges we put up.
We should learn from our own illness and disease how awful it is not to speak up. It is our responsibility to let ourselves feel what Matilda so powerful described: “I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” This is the best medicine for all.
Not speaking up is endemic because of the rampant dis-empowerment of society in general, so it is essential now that we re-empower ourselves, and it doesn’t have to be grand sweeping statements, simple choice for our well-being are enough to turn the tide so that the bigger stage naturally emerges and we can take our place speaking about what is right and true.
It can be quite a journey finding our way to express what we are feeling and seeing, and being able to present it in a way that the other person, or people, can ‘hear it’. Like many I was brought up to be polite, to speak only when I was spoken to, and often told ‘don’t say anything if you haven’t go something nice to say’ which led to not openly expressing much at all. So it has been quite a journey in learning to trust what I now feel, and to express it, and with that I have had to learn when to express and how best to express, all the while learning that the body knows what is felt and indeed does know the truth. For me this is an ongoing process but what I have found is that it is not as scary as I once thought, and have actually experienced how easy it can be, and the opening that can occur when you do speak up….it can bring a lightness to your body and the space between you and the other that is awesome.
Matilda this is a much needed sharing, and as you expose – not speaking up is happening from a young age – we are encouraging a ‘nice’ society’ and thinking everything is OK in our own world because there are extremes elsewhere – but it is all our equal responsibility to speak up and claim how we feel. As you say we all have a choice – and to actually express starts to change things from within the homes, which will only support being able to express more and more outside of the home and to the world.
the perfect blog to wake up to this morning Matilda — what you share here is gold. And that quote from Einstein says so much… the very sad fact is that most of humanity doesn’t speak up even though every cell and bone in our body deeply aches for us to speak up. Why is this so? Because for a moment in that choice to sift through the muds of our self-made silence we have to feel how awful it has been to mute our voices and our love, and for many people this is just too much so we muffle our voices even more. We enjoin in the silence, become a part of it and seal ourselves into our own nest to comfort ourselves from the deep pain this choice comes with. But when we do sift through this, and out of the sticky mud we come, that moment of devastation is only fleeting, because all the truth we know in our hearts is there to be expressed all over time and time again. It is the most amazing liberation from the human condition of entrapment, when we don’t hold back from speaking truth. It becomes a tidal wave that liberates us all.
Matilda this is so true. When bad things happen to good people and we don’t speak up.We are either part of the problem or part of the solution.
A great blog to come back to and get real about. It made me look back at my recent history and look at times when I have not spoken up and the impact that has on all concerned or if I have spoken up out of reaction and not from truth. Thanks for the kick up the bum Matilda.
Well said kevmchardy for I am becoming more and more aware that when I don’t speak up at the time when I should, it often comes out the wrong way and in some form of total emotional reaction not too long after…
““What happens when I/we do not speak up?” This is a great question Matilda, one that I have developed so much more awareness around over the last few years. I would feel it in my body when I wouldn’t speak up, as a teenager, in my twenties and thirties, at times I would and feel good about myself when I did. But a lot of the time would find myself landing in the camp of ‘being nice’ or averting confrontation in some way. What I now feel is that when I hold back, I am impacting everyone, not just myself. This is why it is more evolutionary to not hold back, expressing all of who we are, all the time.
Thank you Matilda for a great blog, When I don’t speak up and say what I feel is true, I can feel it in my body, I actually feel un well. Speaking up is something I have not done in the past , not wanting to cause trouble, make waves, make people uncomfortable. I have come to realise the harm I am causing to myself and to others by not speaking up.
Matilda I love that image of being too afraid of putting our heads above the parapet to speak up in case we get hit! We have certainly built fortresses of protection around us which our castles with their moats and parapets mirror in the outside world. Unfortunately none of us have ever truly prospered while hiding and keeping ourselves ‘safe’ from the outside world. The health of our bodies, minds, hearts and communities need to be open to a flow of energy to be able to flourish, not cut off. And daring to stay up and speak what we feel, lovingly, initiates that flow of energy in a powerful way.
Yes, Lyndy. It is so important to debunk this idea of being ‘safe’ in our fortresses. It is isolation and separatism, not life. Opening up to ourselves, others and life is the key to our collective health, wellbeing and evolution.
Amazing blog Mathilda, so very real and well timed for this point in time. We speak not enough, and our silence kills. I like how it is spoken as it is , without trying to be nice or get something from someone. It is so important that we get more real, raw and honest about how life is, and what our responsibility is – open and wide. I trust this will change the world. And it starts by me.
With this one sentence you sum up how the world has become so tense, tough and hard.. How we have learned to not feel, instead of feel. Yet we all are responsible for that, even though we did not know any different, or did. Responsible in a way that once we see it – we can heal it.. Responsible in a way that once we sense a lack of love, we must seek true way forward how to truly love etc.etc. Amazing blog!
Awareness does bring responsibility, yes. But life is so enriched by our realising that we are in our own driving seats and cannot blame others for the directions we take.
One true expression inspires another.
We say that we want the young to speak up and to speak the truth, but how many of us would cope with that truth delivered? We do not support this true expression for we avoid the responsibility that will come with this and be asked of us as a result.
We cannot support a generation of children to speak up and to express their truth when we do not do likewise as their peers, parents and role models. True change begins with ourselves.
How many of us are still walking through life with our hands over our eyes, saying i can’t see and you can’t see me and how many of us with hands over our ears, saying i can’t hear or turn on mute at whim?
A really playful and important expose of us pretending we are not part of the big picture, the whole picture, and that by simply ‘shutting our eyes’ to what is going on around us, it stops happening.
“Whatever you do, don’t mention ‘X'”. “Whatever you say don’t go there”. “If you can just avoid this like plague everything will be cool”. But when we follow all these unwritten rules we actually end up ill and continuously dancing around, the elephant in the room. And isn’t the biggest elephant here, that we are all irresponsible in how we live, so by avoiding discussing this ‘X’ we think we ourselves can get away with it? The saddest part is through this route we all loose. There can be no doubt Matlida we are all here to speak the truth.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein. I have kept quiet for a long time but this is changing for I am part of the unsafe world we live in and therefore I have a responsibility to participate, speak up, work and love as much as I possibly can.
This is so true Matilda – children learn to be quiet from a very early age – they gauge the reactions from adults and other kids and adapt accordingly, to the detriment of themselves and their expression. It would be so great if we educated kids in a way that allowed them to express what they are feeling without condemnation. We would end up with a much healthier and fruitful society – our energy levels would be amazing as all the energy used for suppression were freed up!
An awesome blog Matilda, this line really stood out for me ‘ my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade.’ – very true, we all have a responsibility to speak up and expose evil and abuse in every form.
This not speaking up because of being perceived as a tell-tale or for any other reason is a very harmful thing that is used to control us all. We should always be free to speak up, to speak the truth and to say it as it is so we can all learn and evolve.
This is a brilliant blog Matilda and should be available at every school, workplace, office and home i.e. everywhere! We have all been playing a kind of conspired game together, as you so astutely point out when you say: ‘Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.’ Rough stuff and abuse happens, nobody speaks up, the behaviour carries on and it becomes the norm. We have moved very far away from truly loving exchange and all because we have not spoken what we all know to be true.
This is a very important blog as it exposes a very ‘in our face’ situation in our world today: the lack of expression. It is a willful blindness that we hope someone will step up and express or just because we fear the possible consequences e.g.the reactions of others. The result is an ugly picture as you state: disharmony, aggression etc. We have the responsibility to speak up to what is presented to us in our face. There is no other who will do it for us. We just need to develop a solid foundation with ourselves, a deep trust, and that is the connection with our body and a deep knowing what we feel needs to be expressed, out there to be heard. I have found it is a daily practice – to truly open our eyes and observe and feel what is going on and when felt, express.
Yes, that is the crunch, we do not speak up but we are the only ones who can do this, ‘There is no other who will do it for us’. You have put your finger right on it Caroline. We so often slide under the radar hoping someone else will do it for us. But no, we have to initiate our own ignition.
This is a to the point article that belongs in any parenting, education, self-help, university etc. book and course. A topic we cannot speak enough of and with that unravel our frozen behaviours when it comes to the disrespect and right away abusive conduct we demonstrate as normal with each other. As children we literally get shock-therapied into a harsh and very unloving world where function is valued above any loving connection and where what we feel is simply negated. It is time to allow us to be aware of what is going on and speak up and let us express what we really deep down care about.
When the rot in the world is happening ‘over there’, it’s all too easy to think we’re not a part of it because it doesn’t affect us. But the truth is, it does. I know we feel small in the face of much of what’s going on and that our tiny voice will be but a whimper, but remaining mute is a form of acceptance. Not speaking up allows abuse to fly under the radar gathering momentum until it’s too late and we wonder how it all got so way out of proportion and then we only have ourselves to blame when behaviours, attitudes and beliefs become mainstream and we are all affected. To let things go unheeded and turn a blind eye only serves to deny us the truth and the opportunity for change. Your blog puts the spotlight on the playground, where it all starts – the fitting in, the holding back, the wanting to be liked. It’s time we actively encouraged our children to express the truth of how they feel and what they see so that they don’t spend their lives with their heads in the sand.
Thanks for this Matilda, you’ve really exposed what goes on behind closed gates in the schoolyard, I remember my days at school and how I saw and felt a lot abuse going on but let it slide, afraid of the retribution. I feel its a double edged sword where the effects are that if I don’t speak up then the abuse continues and also I have to feel the contraction in myself of not expressing.
Is it possible that the end result of not speaking up is war and sickness? It seems a bit extreme to say this but the more I see and learn I realise that I have put so many conditions on when it is right or OK to speak up and when it isn’t, resulting in me being terribly polite and friendly and exhausted, sick with relationships in disarray. What I have learnt It is never OK to not speak up, those of us living in situations where our lives are not in danger, do not have the luxury of checking out in our comfortable worlds. There are people on the other side of your fence/street/country/world who need our voices.
Matilda, I like the responsibility that you are calling us to here. We cannot keep letting ourselves off the hook by convincing ourselves that somehow other people will speak up and make things all right whilst we do nothing. It is all our business what is going on in the playground, in households, between nations, on the Internet etc. No-one can afford to turn a blind eye anymore because whether we like it or not we all have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other to bring truth to the world.
This is as very important message and reminder Matilda. Children start out telling the truth but often get put off by others including parents at times. I remember when at school myself and the sometimes the awful names people called each other, usually walking home from school past another religious school and children would call each other derogatory names putting down the child for attending there. The more we have the courage to speak out the more things will change. Thank you Matilda.
A really great blog Matilda, I have been one to hide, look the other way, play it safe, keep the peace. I realise that I was not wanting to feel my own hurts living this way, and that we can make a difference when we come from truth. ” I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.”
When we speak up, no matter how big or small, we inspire others to also speak up.
You can never get it wrong because even if you speak up and people react or something goes wrong, there can also be something to learn from it all and from this we all benefit. It is the hiding and holding back that causes the most harm.
We have seen this before. We have seen the disastrous effects of child abuse and the compounding, damaging, disastrous effects of people who knew and didn’t speak up about it. We need to speak up about all disharmony otherwise it is never called out and things never change.
I love the notion, or rather fact that polite silence=rot. I mean, who is brave enough to say that! Thank you Matilda for speaking up!
…’my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.’
This statement alone is what we all need to hear and be inspired by, because it is 100% true that there is a ripple effect when one chooses to express truth. Every time is an opportunity for someone else to not hold back out of fear.
“I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference.” This is a classic misconception and certainly one I have believed for a long long time! The lack of self responsibility in this statement is what is driving society’s need to remain stale and backwards.
“That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.”
This is awesome Matilda, the willingness to relearn to say what we are feeling out loud opens the floodgate of the dam we have built within us, designed to hold back the hurt and the horror of such behaviours. When we say no and start to speak the truth, its not only the hurt that can be washed out and away, but that more love and understanding can pour forth.
Matilda, I re-read your blog this morning and what stood out for me was ‘Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling,’ what have we bought into, not to be able to see or feel the truth that children are so easily observing.
If we don’t speak up, we keep on living in a world that has its foundation on non-truth.
Thats right Mariette and the further we seperate from truth the bigger the correction
“The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.” It is so important to speak up, as we are harming everyone when we hold back, we allow abuse to continue, we allow everyone to suffer.. If we can feel the responsibility then we start to speak up with the truth.
It is so true very few dare to speak up the truth in fear of the reaction from the others, but what this is also bringing up for me is a general lack of communication and connection, therefore the trust amongst communities. I feel we are missing out on the ease and simplicity of being spontaneous big time – at least where I live – which doesn’t really foster the truth, or at least the honesty to be spoken and shared.
Following from the title’s question , I actually wonder how much of troubles in the world rise from not speaking up and letting things go unleashed. Therefore it must be wiser to start speaking up again – to eliminate the mess we have created and build by not opening our mouth before, not only by our voice, but also by the loving care we live in our everyday life – simply increasing both. I guess our world will then become a healthier place instantly.
And what is worse than the massive impact on others when we hold back in one area of our lives is the compromise and lack of fullness we will live as a result in every other part of our lives. Everything is connected to everything
Absolutely, Joshua. And the inspiration is that every area of our lives we do not hold back in, supports elsewhere. We can work with our strengths, with awareness of our weaknesses, and the bar is raised throughout our lives.
Thanks Matilda for bringing such honesty. If we sit back and do nothing then we are a also a part of the problem
When I don’t speak up, I have this habit of starting to snack. The way I eat then is like a hamster, wanting to put something into my mouth as quickly as possible and just swallow it down. When I do that, I know something has not been expressed…
Beautifully honest and therefore supportive, Mariette. I know I often use food as a ‘gag’.
I love that word “gag” and yes, we use food for many things and this is one of them. I also use food when I feel absolutely great which does not make sense at all but hey, that is the point, we make choices that don’t make sense at all yet we still do it. That is why it is so important to observe why we do it instead of saying Oh I can’t eat this or that, because the food is not the issue, it is our grandness and light that we try to dull. That is the issue.
What you are so brilliantly saying about speaking up and starting this in the microcosm of the playground Matilda, is providing us the key for such an alchemy to occur for our society. The Playground is ‘the world’ for those children, and in this world they will bring forth a new world if they are nurtured to speak up, to respect and honour themselves and others . . . to simply express exactly what they are feeling without blame. What a society we would have if this were the case.
I have noticed this too Matilda, it is so important to encourage our kids to express with out fear – ‘ Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’. So the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know, whether it is something that has happened to them or something they have observed. This feels like a big ouch for all of us (I am sure our playground is not unique) – that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.
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Thank you for the reminder Matilda, that to not speak up what I feel is truth and pretend it is not there I am playing a part in creating the rot that we see in society and that there is so much I can do with my expression and the way it impacts and influences the all.
Thank you Matilda for starting this very important conversation, on the whole I feel most people do not feel safe to express their truth. I know for many years I turned a blind eye and squashed my expression, as I didn’t want to rock the boat or deal with another’s reactions when I did speak up. I am learning to express more freely now and it is a work in progress but I notice the more I commit to this how this supports others around me to also speak up as well and how much lighter and spacious I feel in my body.
Thank you Matilda for starting this very important conversation, on the whole I feel most people do not feel safe to express their truth. I know for many years I turned a blind eye and squashed my expression as I didn’t want to rock the boat or deal with another’s reactions when I did speak up. I am learning to express more freely now and it is a work in progress but I notice the more I commit to this how this supports others around me to also speak up as well and how much lighter and spacious I feel in my body.
What I like about the picture you paint, Matilda, is the fact that it makes the one reading feel the impact on our following generation. What we leave behind as in what we speak up for or not, is what they will have to deal with… That’s huge!
I agree Christinahecke, the ramifications of not speaking up will have to be dealt with in future generations, and haven’t we already left enough behind for us to clean up?
Yes , not bringing truth is perpetuating a lie.
Yes, everything we do or say, or do not do or do not say is part of the foundation for all that comes next. In the next moment, week, generation. It is huge; it is also beautiful in terms of knowing our place in the big picture.
Matilda it is true what you say and it also comes down to responsibility. Responsibility In what we do and say, as our every word or action has an impact on the whole and hence the foundation we create for all that comes next.
How is that for responsibility for ALL rather than the comfort of our own family and world?
You raise some excellent points here Matilda. It is very true, we need to remember how to speak up and not worry about people’s reactions to that speaking up as it will encourage others to equally find their voice. We feel everything and just taking the time to acknowledge what we are feeling to ourselves first and foremost, and then to another really helps the body process it, to build a vocabulary which is far more powerful than emotional resilience. It is a valuable part of education.
Beautiful Matilda. What happens so early on in kindergarten is that the lies of what is seen and felt are not being addressed. This truly makes a kid upset, because what it sees could be accepted and or true. This is how we make an environment of doubt for children, they then doubt their own feelings of purity. Of course this is not done on purpose by us as parents or teachers, but simply our way of how we have been used to it. Even though I am not a parent yet, I know that I have felt this having experienced this from kindergarten, and when observing the situation now, it appears nothing has changed.
Wow, Danna, I love what you have written about the planting of the first seeds of doubt and how devastating it is for children. I remember it and observe it often. I picture it as a fog that I cast over myself by not honouring what I felt because it did not fit in with what I was being told.
Well said Danna, as children we know what love is but everything else confirms the opposite, so it is confusing and creates the doubt that we are different and feel out of place. It is awesome to know that we can still reconnect to that which is pure within us at anytime we so choose.
Thank you Matilda for reporting about this and opening up much needed discussion. To me it shows how we are in society in general feeds back to kids in the playground, giving them the parameters so-to-speak of how they ‘should’ be in life. How we are as an adult adds to the way kids in the up and coming generations are moulded. Like you say we simply cannot stick our heads in the sand and try to avoid seeing the impact we all have on each other and the importance of each and everyone’s voice.
The attitude that “war is in another country, we’re ok cause at worst we just argue” is the ignorance that fuels the kinds of conflicts we have as a race all the time. I feel it is time that we all begin to accept that the ONLY way forward is a one Brotherhood cause if we are accepting war and evil is ok in another country what does this say about what we accept in our own?
It is fascinating the lengths people will go to in order to avoid speaking up. I feel one of the main contributing factors for this is people have a sense of hopelessness towards the idea that their voice makes a difference. It is easy to look at what is happening in schools and feel like you cannot but tow the party line and do what is asked because how is it possible to change such a huge system. Even when the majority of staff at a school disagree with new policies, these changes come in, become implanted by the people who disagree with them and so it goes on and on with everyone seeing the falsity of the game but choosing to stay quiet. There is a giving up energy that is relied upon by people in power as they know people need their jobs and very few stand up and say ‘this is not true and is harming our school children’. Sadly we will have to see the outcomes of a system that is not working before real true change can start to unfold.
While reading your blog Matilda I recalled how I was at school when it came to speaking up against abuse. I oscillated between speaking up to Teachers and students no-matter the backlash, and there was a lot of verbal and physical abuse back, when it came to what I saw happening to others. But then staying quiet when it came to the lesser abuse of gossiping and self-abuse because I didn’t want to be seen as not cool. Where does it come in that speaking truth and being loving with each other is not cool? For many how we are within our families play out in how we then express with others.
I totally agree Matilda, the playground is a brilliant micro of the world and many of our behaviors are forged from our experience there. Often it is where we are first exposed to the rough play, foul words, gender competition, and cruelty to fellow human beings, which you described. Sooner or later everyone is picked on in the playground, and what hurts most is not the bully but those who stand by and say nothing. It is the same in the world of adults often we can see and feel the cruelty but do not call it out because it has been accepted as normal. We must speak out and change this hurtful immature culture.
Well said Bernie, we feel the lack of support most deeply, I would go further to say not only the lack of it from others who stand by and say nothing but also our lack of support for ourselves, when we feel unable to stand against such experiences.The culture is so ingrained and ‘normalized’ we allow it to render us powerless. Building a more loving and accepting way with ourselves builds confidence in what we feel and know and in this development there comes a time when we no longer accept what is unacceptable.
Well said Jeanette. This is absolutely true.
‘…what hurts most is not the bully but those who stand by and say nothing…’ – this really strikes a chord for me, Bernard, we can all feel the collusion. It is so amazing, refreshing and evolving when someone breaks out! As in, simply says what we are all feeling.
Very true Bernard, if the abuse is not called out then it is accepted as normal and life goes on and turns into a destructive cycle.
For a long period of time I allowed someone who used lying and manipulation to continue with this behaviour, to try to just ‘keep the peace’, ‘not make a big deal’ of what took place and I thought I was choosing to ‘be the bigger person’ for letting things go. Finally, I said ‘no more’! Through the understanding that expression is everything and from the many inspiring blogs about speaking truth and calling things out I had the confidence to speak up. I was told by others that this conduct had been going on for considerably longer than I had experienced it and that I was the first to call it out. I found this staggering that this had never been addressed before. I thought about how if someone had called this out when it started, this behaviour may not have been given permission to flourish. This behaviour caused a lot of stress for other people and created unnecessary toxic situations. While things were at first awkward from calling this behaviour out in a non-aggressive way, the lies and manipulation have stopped. We must build the confidence and trust to call out what we see as loveless behaviour so we can pave the way for love to be felt.
This is a really good example Tracy.
Feeling too small to make a difference is a convenient feeling to hold onto as we can justify not taking responsibility. I have often felt this way and looked at the world in a given up energy. But as you say Brendan, we have history to reflect back to us that truth being expressed by just one single person can dramatically change the world.
this is a great blog making me aware of the enormous effects not speaking up has, and I can feel how it indeed starts at school, not speaking up brings such a normality to everything that is not, it blurs the lines between what is ok and what is not, as no one is willing to be honest and say what is the truth, as they may be picked on by others who are still in the bubble of that everything is as it is and that it is ok… While so many things are not, this is truly inspiring.
And there are hundreds of ways of “speaking up” – It also can be having a different speed than others, a different way of moving, expressing lovingly when others yell or not say anything at all – it is simply allowing the body to “speak” truth in a way of feeling what the situation needs. Great, Benkt*
Brilliant, Benkt, you are exposing the patterns that keep us imprisoned simply because we are not being honest with ourselves and therefore others. There is so much in surrendering to honesty and letting ourselves develop and expand this.
This is an awesome quote Matilda, from Albert Einstein…”The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” It brings to the fore, the question of responsibility.
Many of us feel uncomfortable with taking responsibility and the moment we do try to change that pattern we are often shut down by others. We must all take a stand and call out what is not true for we are all left to live in a world that has been created with lies. This affects us all on a micro and macro scale.
Well said Tracy, In expressing the truth we can often get shut down by others, but its up to us to expose it no matter what, as standing by and doing nothing is actually saying that the abuse is acceptable.
“My polite silence”. . . The times I have not spoken up gave others permission to assume that I agreed with their stance and that created enormous damage in some of my relationships. I choose to no longer allow that and though it can sometimes be difficult to stand firm and speak up against something that is harmful, when I do there is often an opening up and a freeing feeling all round, as though it is a stop moment we have all been waiting for.
Hear hear Jeanette!
A Truth beautifully written, Jeanette. Having always held a ‘polite silence’ I am now beginning to speak up and although it feels ‘clumsy’ most of the time, offering the truth brings the space for what is to unfold – to unfold. I loved the comment – ‘That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine’. Thank you Matilda for opening up this topic for discussion.
Its a great thing to realise that through expressing what we feel we are reimprinting the world as we go.
Well said Jeanette…what we walk by is what we accept. By not speaking up we are actually saying so much. We are choosing to say to others that we either agree or are too afraid to rock the boat, both very harming and feeding the fear in others to not speak up when something isn’t right. We are all role models in every moment. It is something I am working on all the time and, with no perfection, I simply ask myself to honour what is there to be said at the right moment as I have felt the consequences of not speaking up in my body and I have found it to be harm-full.
Well said Jeanette, and our body feels just how freeing that is, as withholding something always creates a tension inside.
Yes, Yes, Yes, to all you have said Jenny and Jeanette, on not speaking up.
Yes, I totally get this…when we do speak up, we are saying something that everyone is already feeling. I find that for myself but also around others – someone will say just what is needed and what is on the tip of my tongue too. In realising this I have to accept how we are all connected, all of the time.
Oh I get that Jeanette! On the surface in that moment it can’t be a little scary to say No to something that is harming or even to just disagree…but everybody loves to hear the truth, even if not immediately and a certain level of respect and appreciation comes from it. It certainly either stops or slows down the force of the negative situation.
Thanks for bringing up the insidious consequences of “My polite silence” Jeanette, for not wanting to upset others creates a poison in our bodies that we later need to deal with as a result of holding back our truth. Reconnecting to our bodies and honouring what we feel is the only way to go.
That is correct Francisco and the poison feels awful right from the moment the holding back happens.
There are so many many times when I have not spoken up in a given moment when it was needed. Usually I have felt it immediately in my body, it felt like I had swallowed something unpleasant. It would never feel good at all. Over time, I have learned to express more and more, understanding how important it is not to have that energy stay in our bodies, we are made to express and if we hold onto it, it can become illness and disease in our bodies.
So true Raegankcairney. I think many of us can relate to this behaviour playing out. Many times we allow things to unfold even if we know they aren’t true because we don’t want to be seen to be making a big deal of something or known to be creating conflict. I have found speaking up to be an amazing experience, albeit difficult at times, especially when we can express from a loving place. What I have found is that many others were feeling the same and wanted to express also but through fear of judgement chose not to. If humanity had spoken up a long time ago we wouldn’t be in the debacle of world chaos that we are all now living amongst.
Yes, I have found the regret of not speaking up actually eats away at me and I rerun how I should have dealt with a situation or a conversation. The situation feels incomplete. There is always another similar situation just round the corner to have another opportunity though so learning to be loving and understanding with ourselves is a valuable skill to learn as well when speaking up.
That’s so true Lucy. No need for the regret because that situation will unfold again and again until we learn the lessons that needed to be learnt. Ground hog day till we learn to live and express with love.
Yep! I know exactly what you mean raegan. I know the very split second I have swallowed my words or not expressed in full. It feels uncomfortable until you convince yourself it’s too late to saying anything as the moment has passed….but the reality is it’s never too late and that’s just an excuse to not have to feel the potential reaction from another of the words you wish to express.
Matilda, you bring up a great point here, if we don’t speak up, we are accepting all that goes on and literally rubber stamping it. Even if it starts with a few people speaking up and calling out the truth, by virtue of reflection the numbers will grow.
Yes Sally , we are all accountable
Well said Sally, we need to understand the responsibility of our reflection.
If we don’t speak up and live to the responsibility we have and know to be true it affects us – its like we begin to attack ourselves and become ill.
Yes very true Donna. It is like we are our own worst enemy and we abuse ourselves and all others when we do not express what we feel to.
When I don’t express what I feel it can feel crushing inside, like I have shut myself down as if I am my “own worst enemy” as you say Kelly. If I see what is actually happening, it is not letting me be me, not trusting what I know and that it is ok if people don’t agree – only important that I express in a loving manner.
I find that if we don’t speak up we confirm that behaviour to be acceptable and allow it to flourish. If we put a stop to what we know is not true then we stand a greater chance of creating a world that becomes more accepting of the truth being spoken and acted upon instead of a world that is more comfortable with lies.
True – I am with you in bringing truth to where it is needed, Tracy*. Sometimes speaking up can also scare people away. The body knows when and what to say or act upon.*
That’s right Christiana. Sometimes speaking up can scare people away and that’s why it is important to present in a way that is understanding to the other person but also without capping the truth. The body does know what to say and or act upon. It has been an amazing journey finding my way with this and seeing and feeling what has worked and what didn’t and why.
Well said Tracy. We can get more comfortable with lies – I can see more how crazy it is when you put it like this.
Truth is who we are. Whether we’ve done our best to bury it or hide it in a cupboard somewhere, we miss it. I know I do even though it can be challenging at times. So when people do speak up I suspect people are glad and probably relieved it’s someone else who’ll take any flack for speaking up. No-one likes what is not true or what is abuse – even if this truth is also buried deep for some.
What made me sick growing up Donna, was the constant looking outside of myself for anyone to confirm that what I was feeling was true and real, before speaking up. And if there wasn’t anyone confirming this, than most of the time I stayed quiet, instead of trusting what I was feeling from my body and expressing that. I see now that we are being watched all of the time, whether we are living lovingly or not and the responsibility that comes with this is something I pretend to forget at times but the ill affects are always felt.
Yes Aimee I have done this as well…I have waited for others to confirm what I felt to be true before speaking up. But we cannot do that any more….we need to speak up. I also identified with this line – “I feel clumsy as I flounder between these two things: the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth.”. When we have all played the social niceties, it can take some time and commitment to wriggle our way out there and step into truth.
I know this feeling of floundering between the two Sarah, sometimes it’s so automatic and the habitual comfortable expression comes out and other times I feel the strength and wisdom flow out with no holding back. It helps if I pause for a moment before talking or acting to check in on which one I’m choosing.
Very true, that looking outside our own knowing for confirmation that what we are feeling is actually what we are feeling….absurd really because we are the ones feeling it! Yet this is the pattern. I think it is like asking a question in class, loads of other people want to ask the same question, or in this case acknowledge the same feeling, but they need someone else to go first! From my experience, the moment I acknowledge what I am feeling or ask the question, there are others around me who say thank you for bringing that up, or saying what we were all feeling. I too appreciate when others do the same, we have to work as a team as we rebuild this confidence with ourselves.
I so know what you mean about waiting or hoping someone else will ask the question or say it out loud what is really going on. It’s being okay to be the one to go first, knowing it is not just for us but for everyone. I find the same in group situations when I bring an understanding to something, it has the opportunity to defuse a situation or pull others up. If we feel what is needed to be said from our bodies then we can’t go wrong. And as you said Lucy most the time someone is feeling the same way.
It is easy to forget that people do get inspired and appreciate when someone is bold enough to speak up. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes with it is important too for the learning.
Yes Annie and when we remember and understand this, it takes the individuality out of what we do.
Yes Aimee, looking outside of ourselves for anyone to confirm who we are is such a devastating way of living. I know I lived that way for a very long time and it did absolutely nothing to build your self worth or love for yourself. Trusting how you feel and your body, is a true pathway to building that love.
I can relate to this too Aimee, to where I held back and second guessed myself if what I was feeling was true.
And by second guessing and not trusting what is there to be said, we confirm to others to hold back and do the same. What a different reflection many now offer by these blogs and speaking the truth on such varied real subjects.
Its a constant choice to what we are saying YES to and the responsibility that comes with that and of course the ‘correction’ that is later needed should we sit back, check out and give up.
I participated at a seminar last week-end. What happened is at times some participants were busy with their mobile during the class. One day i joined in- as i didn’t feel so well and used it as a way to check out. Even i could feel that is does not feel right to do this during the class and is in a way distracting and dishonoring of the teacher and the participants. So at the end of class i shared with the group that it doesn’t feel right to use a mobile during the class. I wanted to know how the group feels about it so we can see. What happened is that only the people who used the mobile justified or defended. No one from the rest of the group shared their feeling about it so i stood their on my own not knowing what the group is feeling and i also withdrew a little not holding myself steady trusting my feeling. But the next day only one from 3 people used the mobile a little but not as much. So to speak up has an effect that was my learning experience.
I choose for myself that i no long tolerate thing which do not feel right even if 14 people in the group do. It is my responsibility to speak up but without expectation or certain outcome. Holding myself and what i feel steady even if no one else is speaking up.
“That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.”
I deeply agree Matilda!
Just this week I had an insight into how not speaking up on an apparently minor issue set in play a set of behaviours in myself that not only undermined me and created complication, but also deprived another of the opportunity to learn and grow.
Very true Anne – that is exactly what happens, we rob another of their own learnings and awareness that would come as a result of speaking truth. Its a responsibility.
Well said Matilda – ‘Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.’
This is an awesome blog Matilda and so very important. You nail every playground across the world. Imagine if we could turn this around in schools and give children all around the world a good foundation for speaking up and expressing truth , it would probably change the world. Turning a blind eye when everything is all right in our nest surely can’t last forever as the world is getting worse by the moment.
Yes kevnchardy, the school playground would be a great part in early school life to learn the fundamentals lessons of speaking up and expressing truth.
Keeping quiet in the school ground happens so early in one’s life and places the spotlight on what Humanity is selling out to in allowing or even fostering this way of being. By expressing what we feel is true in every moment, by making this our way we will change the current status quo. Speaking what we feel deep within to be the truth will hold it’s own in the world that fosters and rewards living in separation.
Speaking up and nominating what is not truth is not only self healing but its the only way to fix the mess the world is in
Building the connections and relationships is equally important as speaking up so that people can recognise in the equal quality in which we express rather than react to someone can appear to be overstepping a boundary.
I love this blog Matilda. We have become a society that normalises abuse because we do not want to take responsibility for the mess we have created. Instead, we constantly compare our loveless actions to those of another, and granted, there will always be someone who is behaving much ‘worse’ than ourselves and so presto! we have an excuse to continue on our merry way, leaving a tsunami of abuse in our wake that we simply refuse to see simply because someone else’s ‘tsunami’ is bigger.
Furthermore, we are a culture that thrives on the creed ‘anything in moderation’ and in this way we accept, condone and allow abuse to flourish as long as the scale of that abuse doesn’t go so far as to show us the truth of what it actually is. When really, ANYTHING THAT IS NOT LOVE IS ABUSE. There is no scale. It either IS love, or it IS NOT. The shades of grey that we introduce are a convenient disguise so that we can continue to live in a loveless way without being made accountable for it. There is only so long that this way of living can continue before our bodies and the earth we walk upon make visible the extent of the lie that we live. If we are honest with ourselves, we can already see that this is so.
Amazing, Liane. So clearly said. We can duck and dive our responsibility as much as we like but the truth of what is going on, we already know, absolutely so.
What happens when we do not speak up? We are answered by the roar of silence that condones the abuse that we see but do not want to deal with and so we pretend that we do not see it, so that we will not have to speak up about it. A lot happens when do not speak up…probably more so that what happens if we do.
The holding back is huge: a vast wasteland of things unsaid, both about the atrocities and abuse that are going on every day everywhere and the missed opportunities to connect to each other and say ‘I love you’.
It is a cruel world when that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling… this is the world that we are living in but to start creating true safe places for the children is something that is happening with the culture or Universal Medicine. I see how much the children are so open in communicating what is going on for them, even though it feels hard and challenging. I really admire these children and get inspiration from them in sharing how I truly feel about things being an adult.
It is like watching an oil tanker turn out at sea: no sudden movements but a perceptible and sure incremental change of direction. I agree, Natasha, watching the children working with Universal Medicine and staying open to communicating their feelings and observations is properly inspiring.
It is very sad that this choice to not speak up starts at a young age and then continues on in most cases right through our lives, and then becomes our norm. I became one of those people who would keep it all in and the reasons why became vast and varied, but I have discovered it is actually so much more fun to speak up and my body feels differently for doing so. It does take some getting used to but well worth the effort.
Awesome, thank you Matilda, just by you exposing this I feel a pull to be more of me and to come out of my comfort zone and to speak and not hold back what I know to be true. For too long I have held back for fear of what others may think or how they may react. Your quote from Albert Einstein speaks volumes of this – when I don’t speak up I am indeed adding to the very evil that I am so opposed to.
And when we do not speak up we are withholding from life something truly valuable – us in all our wonder and grace in full in the world.
All of our lives we are running after something that we are missing. We want more or something different. Could it be that our lives would be totally different if we got taught and reflected during our childhood that we are enough just as we are and that we only need to be ourselves and be just as we are to live a life of harmony, joy and unity?
We pretend to educate children to the best of our abilities, but what an education is it, where the first thing they learn is to not be themselves?
Oh spot on Michael. It is a very deliberate plan of the energy that owns education to teach children not to be themselves. The first step to imprisonment.
If we were taught from an early age that we are love first before we are anything else, then the world would be in a very different place. That said, we do not need to teach our children to be love, we need simply to remind them.
“my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!” Well said Matilda. We all have a responsibility to speak up when we know something is not true. We live in a world of our own making and to make this world a place of love and harmony we have to speak truth.
” … and starts to normalise the things that are not OK … ”
This is so true and it continues on through adulthood as well, both the previously normalised behaviours and new normalised behaviours. For example, someone from an aristocratic background may go through life never raising their voice, whereas someone at a lower socio-economic level may have yelling as part of their normal. Any behaviours that are repeated or not stopped, (ie, where people don’t speak up about them), can become the new normal, as people become inured (accustomed) to bad behaviour or horrible happenings. Questioning what’s going on is always a good thing.
Yes – allowing oneself to express what we know and feel within us to be true is the key. Politeness and niceties don’t do us any favours as a society – if they did we wouldn’t be seeing, experiencing and witnessing all that we see around us in everyday life. This article highlights this point – brilliant read, thanks….
Great point Matilda; I just had a case where I did not speak up to a friend about something that did not feel right; instead I withdrew from that friend. It has come back to bite me, having grown bigger, where I now had to take a very strong stand and express that this was not true, nor acceptable. This gives the other person an opportunity to stop and reflect and go a bit deeper, and we can now connect lovingly again. Thank you Matilda for bringing this point up; it affects all and every one of us.
When we are open to learning from all of our experiences our relationship with life goes to a whole ‘nother’ level of understanding, commitment and integrity. I love what you have shared here Esther about the ramifications of not speaking up and then the truth about the fact that it is never ever too late.
Yes Brendan, if we ignore and don’t act on what we feel needs to be done, what needs to be called out, we are choosing to be irresponsible. And we all pay the price for this from there on.
Matilda, brilliant! Thank you for exposing the truth on expression, that without it being one that is of Truth, it is of all that is not.
There is a huge responsibility for each of us, that, as you say, is made unimportant at such a young age. That watching everything that goes on and just leaving everything we see for what it is, has become the norm. Which is awful to feel and definitely needs to change.
How many times are we told to just stay quiet and hope that it will go away. Or better still just don’t say anything and it will blow over. How ridiculous that we teach children to act like this and then as adults live with the regret and bitterness of never speaking out.
Rather than ‘blowing over’ things left unsaid, sink in and find roots and entrench in our patterns and behaviours. It is never too late, we just make it harder for ourselves to be free of habits that are not loving, true and in line with our evolution.
This is a brilliant blog Matilda. I have been working on my own expression for some time, and speaking up the truth I feel with things, and now it seems that I can see my own children struggling to do so just as I did as a young child. It has taken me 30 years to start expressing the truth I feel and it is perfect that my children have that support to start doing so now. Thank you for the gift of your words. Very timely.
Young people have shared with me that even when they have spoken up to teachers about being bullied nothing has been done and this includes showing them physical evidence! What kind of society are we living in? We are basically saying there is no hope, there is no support you have to put up with it. This is terrible, no one person should ‘put up’ with abuse and every person should be able to express what they feel or are concerned about openly and have support in place fir them when needed as long as it is not harming another.
That is an extraordinary piece of information to share. Thank you Vicky. How on earth do your young friends’ teachers expect them to provide physical evidence of bullying. This is a total reduction of the sense to physical function! How must a young person feel when they speak up to a teacher about bullying and are not heard. I am not sure whether it happens, but this would be a great area to educate teachers with when doing their study. How to understand and deal with behavioural problems is such a crucial part of a teacher’s job now.
Indeed it seems there is no hope, no support for those being bullied, even when they spoke up. I see it also at the workplace. It starts with ourselves to set an example of building loving relationships, being and expressing truth in a loving way. Even though it is hard, even when we don’t get support right away. It sometimes takes a while for others to drop their guards, hardness to truly trust you are to be trusted. I have the feeling many have lost to trust themselves in what they feel and to trust others to be truly supportive. Let’s be the example.
That is an inspiring call to action, Caroline. Why not start today being the person who someone starts to feel as different: steady, trustworthy and honest. I know that one person makes a difference. I have felt it in the support I have received and in the moments when people have opened up to me because of what I represent to them and the foundation we have in our relationship.
Matilda, I loved reading your blog, and how you open up such a great subject. I really felt how manners can be used for us to hold back and not speak up, because it’s not the done thing, or it’s not my place to say anything, and we hold back speaking up. It is time that we all spoke our truth and start reclaiming it, and then as we do, the playground will become a place where children are free to speak their truth again.
And it does get even worse as the school years go on, and we must be supporting our children with all that we are so that at least when they come home, they can feel equality, integrity and love and have these qualities there as a marker of what is actually truth in this world
I love the way very young children just say it and ask it how it is. It is sad when it gets to the point of the adults around them trying to quieten these voices and can be the start of how we then do not express, or complicate our expression to remain within what we think is the polite or right way to say something. Thank you Matilda it is time to break these choices of silence and politeness.
The quote from Einstein is so very true, each and every one of us that holds back the truth is only adding to the mess the world is in from everyone en masse not standing up for truth. The suffering in the world could be wiped out rapidly if truth was allowed to break the hold that corruption, religion, Nationality has over us.
This is awesome and powerful to consider. That the ‘suffering in the world could be wiped out rapidly if truth was allowed to break the hold that corruption, religion, Nationality has over us’. We feel that in our every days when we do step up from the quagmire of lies that are our social framework and express truth.
Wow, I agree kevmchardy, the hold that religion, nationality and corruption – for example – have over us, we are most likely not even aware of how deep that runs, and how much these have a hold over us. Slowly but surely many are starting to break this hold, and one day it will be the masses who will be standing up for truth too.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing” – this is such a chilling statement, but true. Those ‘look and do nothing’ are a silent seal of approval.
Nailed it. When we do not speak up about the unacceptable we are giving it ‘a silent seal of approval’, leaving us all in the quagmire for even longer.
It is actually very disturbing to feel the level at which we have drowned out the innermost truth of what we know for a superficial, pretend world. This is far from our normal and a call that says loud and clear that everyone of us can contribute to speaking our truth because our world needs it.
YES…’our world needs it’, it is our natural expression and humanity deserves it. This is all of our responsibility as integral parts of the whole.
The Social Game of politeness is so damaging to us. I have come from that background and slowly have learnt to come from Truth instead of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It’s an ideal that is very engrained in our culture and are these patterns that lead to illness and disease. Simply speaking truth is what evolves us as a human race.
“Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade.” That is so true Matilda and it is so sad that it is now common sense to add to the rot which you so clearly demonstrated in your honest blog. I have learnt again to speak up when it is needed because I do not like to be part of letting the rot continue.
Matilda I thank you for re awakening the sense of responsibility we all have, but don’t always act on. I know it is scary, having spoken out to a Mother who was berating her child of about four, and shouting in a public place while others looked on in embarrassment or just not wanting to interfere and crossed to the other side of the road. I feel we all need to be more caring and not turn the other way!
Yes to understanding our responsibility and yes to being humble enough to develop the skills of speaking up without indignation, judgment or attack.
Yes speaking up without an agenda, but simply from knowing what’s true and what’s right, may be the key to provide the courage to speak with the understanding that another must be suffering to be behaving badly.
I agree that if we stand by and allow evil to be, untruth to flourish and a false way of life, beliefs and structure within society to stand, then we too are putting our hand to it. We may believe we are not party to it standing in the shadows of its making yet we have said yes to its hold on us all.
Yes. I now see clearly that my moments of inaction, the ones I used to think were passive, were absolute choices to stand by and let all that I knew to be wrong continue unabated. For every time we do speak up it is like a stick in the spokes of evil’s bicycle, hampering the progression of all that is false.
Yes Matilda, I too feel that to stand by and do nothing is a choice as much as its a choice to stand up and express the truth.
So simply put. Life is a choice and every moment we are choosing our quality of life.
Very aptly said Deborah.
So true – I have come to realise that when we ‘forget’ to make the choice to move with quality in our movements we have in affect chosen something else. For me this is like a default functionality which does not have the quality of presence I know to be me.
Speaking up begins from day one when we communicate to get out needs met.
Dumbing down and remaining silent allows all that is not true to stand as a marker of what we are then willing to accept and allow.
It is interesting to experience that speaking up isn’t difficult, it is the most natural thing in the world to express who we are and to call it as it truly is. We appear to complicate this and to imagine repercussions and persecution. In my experience, it is a far worse imprisonment to remain silent and say nothing for the disease and discontent that runs rampant throughout the body as a result with our stories that build prevent us from truly connecting to others and opening up to life.
‘Speaking up begins from day one when we communication to get our needs met’. This has stopped me in my tracks as I consider my work as a midwife and all the literature out there that promotes letting babies cry. I have always known that it makes absolutely no sense not to respond to the communications of a newborn baby who is asking for support. Deborah, you have got me pondering on how deeply entrenched our unwillingness to respond to our simple and true needs is, if we are so keen to deny it of our newborns.
Perhaps it suits us to not hear rather than to read what is needed and to respond. We can easily desensitise ourselves to a repetitive noise. The truth is that any one of us can feel if a baby is distressed, hungry, in pain or reflecting back to us our own state of being at that moment.
We can find various reasons for just looking on and doing nothing, but no justification.
Saying nothing means holding back what we feel and with that holding back a piece of the bigger puzzle.
Yes we can be artful making up excuses for not speaking up, but it never makes sense.
I too have become aware that by not expressing my opinion about things that feel totally wrong in our society I was in fact condoning everything going on. We have accepted the way things are as though our hands were tied around our backs. Matilda you are so right about children playgrounds, they are a reflection of our current society and as Michael stated earlier we should be learning from the children instead of the other way around. Serge Benhayon has helped me wake up and take my responsibility in this world we all created together. It may feel like we all have enough on our plate to worry about the whole of humanity but what if we have so much on our plate because of the way we have been as humanity and that there is a way to change all that.
We can also extend this to the point of true brotherhood when the enormity of realising that we are part of humanity in its entirety becomes our greatest support.
Well said Iljakleintjes! Our plates are full because of the mess we have created. Very true.
Wow Matilda hit the nail on the head, having to re-learn speaking up and out aloud plus standing up for ourselves seems to be one of the biggest challenges I’ve seen and also had to deal with, we have been sitting on the side lines for to long we all have the strength to do this, again I’m inspired Thank you
And yet when we do speak up, although unfamiliar, it feels totally natural and in line with what is required. Less and less I have the torturous post dissections of conversations I have had and what I did and didn’t say. As I simply get on with it, conversations start and end and then I am free for whatever is next.
Today I was in a group where someone who hasn’t yet spoken up much in that group came in will some really beautiful suggestions – the suggestions were given in authority and very simply and cleanly. It added so much to the richness of the group that they had spoken and I was full of joy.
Its a big one for all of us, but so empowering when we speak up with the Love that we naturally are.
Great question, Brendan. They also have to mutate themselves to mimic these behaviours which has devastating effects as they move further and further away from their natural state of expression and understanding.
Indeed Brendan, what role models are we providing? I once witnessed a mother throw a very loud emotionally manipulative temper tantrum in front of her children. One of the daughters mimicked the exact scenario the next day having previously never displayed this type of behaviour. Children have much to contend with these days, with constant bombardment by social media; TV, advertising, the internet, films, celebrities, DVD’s music and music idols all of which asks them to be more, to be something else, to behave in unnatural unhealthy ways. None of which reflects the beauty and strength of who they are by just being them. As adults we hold a great responsibility to speak up for truth and reflect the love and joy these children are so they grow up knowing love is their essence and truth can naturally be spoken.
Well said Matilda, I love what you wrote; we all have a choice to speak, walk and write the truth, or to play the polite game of being nice and fitting in.
For me to speak up and have the risk of confrontation is very scary, but the alternative of not saying my truth feels much, much worse in my body.
This is great, Thomas, an honesty that is a ticket to learn, change and grow. There are all the perceived risks of speaking up and then the urgent clear signs from my body, and repercussions of, not saying what is hanging there to be said. These mad little battles rage on and if I succumb to the ‘voice of polite compliance’ my body cops it…as does the world for one more held back expression of what we all inherently know. Conflict in whatever shape (from siblings fighting over lego to full blown war) is not our natural state – there is no conflict in brotherhood. We truly can work together for change, our last frontier being a need to be individuated from the rest of humanity. Full submersion with appreciation for our unique expression of, and in, this unity is the surrendering way to go!
Yes, Thomas, being nice and fitting in doesn’t serve anybody least of all ourselves as choosing the option of not speaking does a great deal of harm to the body.
I agree with you Thomas, as it has also been my experience that confrontation is scary but the more I do it the less scary it becomes. I am finding the choice to hold back is lessening because I prefer how I feel when I speak up, and hate the feeling left in my body if I don’t. I would say that for me it was as if the holding back had built up to such a great extent that it had become an ingrained pattern and I had to choose to speak up over that very strong urge to keep things to myself – now it is so much easier to speak up without worrying if I am going to be accepted or not, or deal with the backlash.
Hi Matilda, I can totally relate to the clumsiness of moving from speaking from politeness and therefore avoiding the reactions of others to beginning to speak truth. Its like being a toddler I wobble and fall down sometimes but I keep getting up and starting again. One step at a time.
I get this too and actually make the stumbling block that is talking up as high as an ten foot fence – impossible to climb over with any grace or dignity, full of worry that what I am saying will hurt another or indeed not come out perfectly made. I am attempting to restep when I fall.
The playground could easily be called our home or our workplaces.
It is worth observing where we dumb down, remain silent when our body is screaming out to speak up or negate truth to not rock the boat. This all keeps the cycle going incessantly and is far from the ‘comfort’ we believe that we have.
That has been super important for me. Getting honest enough about the ‘comfort’, which is really just habit and familiarity, to see it for the opposite it truly is: the fact that it holds us in the pain and isolation of perpetual disconnection and absence from ourselves and each other.
What are we modelling to our children that they feel unable or unwilling to express? If we don’t lead the way to speak truth and say what needs to be said as role models and allow our children space, understanding and to honour their voice then we are retarding generations to come and cementing loveless ways.
The joy I see when children are given the space to talk openly and honestly is both inspiring (they have so much innate wisdom to share) and shocking (that that is not our everyday norm). Our service is simple: to listen and to model speaking up/sharing/being honest.
Yes Matildaclark – to honour all as equals
Beautifully said Matilda. We are a role model of some sort or another the moment we step out of bed. What will I choose to reflect today?
I really like that Jenny, ‘We are a role model of some sort or another the moment we step out of bed. What will I choose to reflect today?’ Absolute responsibility and opportunity!
Such a great blog Matilda and it’s sad that children are learning so young the ways of societies silence and looking the other way in in relation to all that is not working, especially as they hold such an innocence and the potential to teach adults so much in this regard.
Thank you, Michael. When I read the words ‘society’s silence’ I had this image of all our children muted by us and our unwillingness to hear what is really going on. It is a tragedy, made more so by our acceptance and therefore perpetuation of it.
Absolutely – I can’t help but feel that part of our willingness to do this, turning a blind eye, is because of our own pain at knowing that we made the same choice to leave this divine connection for similar reasons when we were younger. It’s almost like we are taking out the consequences of our own choices on children rather than face our own hurt – as you say perpetuating the cycle.
And this looking away does seemingly protect us from admitting what is going on. But only seemingly, as it brings such a hardness with it when we do not speak up and by that even make even worse what we did not want to see in the first place.
Yes Michael, by sweeping under the rug what is not said is not a harmless thing as it stays in our bodies and causes ill if it not expressed.
Matilda, I love the level of responsibility you address here. Not speaking up or standing up for the truth, is harming for everybody. And I love this fact – “no” doesn’t exist, we always say yes to something, even if we say no.
So spot on, Alexander1207 – I know I have spent a lot of time in the shadows pretending I wasn’t making choices and decisions, but every not spoken word, every ‘no’ is actually ‘Yes’ to not being engaged with humanity, not taking responsibility, not playing my part. Nowadays, in my life, not OK!
I agree Alexander, since everything is energy and running in and through us constantly, then we need to choose what we are saying Yes to, the ill energy or the all encompassing love around us and oneness energy.
Definitely something to consider Brendan, the more we hold back expressing truth the more we perpetuate and pass on the same ill to our next generation so we continue being caught up in the illusion of our inability to make a difference in the world.
I do feel much better in general when I express more, it’s like a liberation from a prison. The energy inside me is expanding more, and possibly the same energy will influence those around me and insite them to do the same and vis-versa…
One thing that struck me when I reread your blog Matilda, was the the extent of the systematic desensitisation of young boys to become tough and hard, right from toddlers being told not to cry, to 4 year olds playing football, I’ve watched young children in Canada playing ice-hockey and being implicitly encouraged to slam each other into the walls and get involved in full on brawls on the rink – and so they do it even when they don’t really want to, to get the approval of the coach, and the dads – who think its good to toughen them up in preparation for the real world. If they could realise that they want the kids tough so it looks like they don’t get hurt – but really it’s because they are the ones carrying hurts underneath their own tough protection… But what they haven’t seemed to understand is that this is exactly why the world has become the harsh and difficult place to live in the first place. If we got to understand that we carry a lot of hurt because of the lovelessness of the world, but that we put out that same protection guard and lovelessness to continue it, then we could say ‘ no more’ .. it is hard to make those first few steps, but so worth it..
I spoke to a little boy yesterday who had made that first step saying he did not want to do football training anymore, although he loved playing, because it was tough and hurt. People’s actions and words. Let’s let him be one of many to say this.
Thank you Matilda for speaking up with your blog, I have lived a life of not speaking up, to keep me safe, to not create waves, to not stand out. Since joining Universal medicine I am gradually learning to speak up and express what I am feeling, when it is clear and clean with no emotion it is beautiful. This is the first step to speaking up out there in the public arena.
Speaking up to “something that has happened to them or something they have observed”…..what triggered me was the word Observed. How often is it that we observe something (a situation, something that occurs and we witness) but as it doesn’t happen to us personally we keep quiet? I know this ‘witness’ position very well. Often I could and can feel a lot of what is going on, even though it is not said, I just can feel it. At a very young age I taught myself, e.g. made a decision, that what I feel and observe, is better to keep for myself. So I started to bury what I felt as I didn’t chose to express it. At a later age I found this was creating a lot of tension in my body, like an implosion. The past years I have chosen to speak up more, to share what I feel and express the words that want to come out. It has been so worthwhile. Because if I hold back, not only my body suffers, but also I withhold a valuable piece of information for another to become more aware and/or grow. I withhold the opportunity to evolve. It is like holding my breath, but who benefits from that?
Matilda thank you for exposing and highlighting this issue.
I am deepening my understanding and experiences of speaking up and how important it is to do just that.
For me it is definitely a work in progress, however my commitment to speaking my truth is solid.
It is my fervent hope that this culture, of not speaking up in the playground (and indeed everywhere) is turned around as quickly as possible; modelled by adults.
A powerful article Matilda, and much to ponder on. I’ve also been in an awkward tug of war between the social niceties I’ve been used to and the longing to express truth for the love of a humanity that deserves no less. There is a lot at stake which is why the game has been played for a long, long time, with something very deliberately manipulating us to believe that we will be stamped down for speaking up and standing tall. Fear is ingrained in us from when we were little from generation to generation. But there’s also the longing, the knowing of truth and a natural call to express the truth — the joy that is felt within and without is enormous. Life lived without truth being expressed is a life that is empty if the truth be really known…. we can fill ourselves up with things, distractions, toys for young and old, but deep down there will always be a longing, something missing if we stifle and dismiss speaking up for love and truth.
So it’s a tug of war that is slowly but steadily being won for speaking up, because that life of emptiness, however tantalising and seductive it can seem, holds nothing in comparison to expressing and not holding back love.
‘…to express truth for the love of a humanity that deserves no less.’ Our responsibility in a nutshell. No ifs or buts, no excuses, no hiding…a life of continued longing or a return to that which we know…Love?
It is so very exposing how kids are adjusting and fitting into a constructed way of being. What happened to us and to kids just being themselves, not selling out but feeling the fire in our bodies when we speak up and say what ever is needed to be said. There are plenty of things going on in the world where we need to simply say no to. That is the start of a change we all know we want if we would be more honest about the state we are in.
“Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say “This is madness”, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it is all OK?”. Thank you Mathilda for asking these questions. I am learning like you to speak up, knowing that it begins with me. Shaking people out of their accepted normal feels as a very responsible and loving thing to do.
I recently had an experience of being bullied by another who was raising his voice to assert his dominance. It was at the point that I felt in my body that I was beginning to compete with this by raising my voice, and how awful this felt, that I realised I had to disengage and call a stop by stating that I felt I was being bullied and that the meeting was over, asking the other to “please leave”. It was my awareness of what was being inflicted on my body by my choices that supported me to stop the momentum building further.
The words, ‘Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.’ so expose what our young people are experiencing on a daily basis. They innately know this is not how things are meant to be. This is where their shutting down of their awareness grows and where the seeds of social discontent are sown.
Silence is not golden. Children need parents and teachers who provide space each day and encourage them to discuss what they see happening around them, if they are to stay confident and able to speak up about things that are not okay. How awesome to have this strength in adulthood, rather than choose whatever means is on hand to dull down all those suppressed feelings accumulated over the years simply because you haven’t spoken up and named the things that weren’t okay.
We can’t control what our children see in the world but I agree with you about giving them space to discuss it not only with teachers and parents but with their friends and the children who use rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.’. “How awesome to have this strength in adulthood”.
The silence of holding back true expression is not golden. It is asphyxiating. Our responsibility as adults is not only to accept and live this ourselves but as you say Judith to support all children in keeping their natural and innate honesty alive and well.
Matilda read this for a second time and I feel a resounding yes within me in knowing we can only truly change a thing if we are willing to see it and then speak up about it.
Love this Sharon because it reminds me of the steps and building that we are constantly able to explore, refine and develop. First opening up to the innate awareness we have, then being willing to ‘listen’ to and accept what we know and then committing to expressing openly about it.
I agree Sharon and in doing this it will naturally inspire others – the ripple effect.
I feel that this message cannot be repeated enough for all of us and there is much to consider from it in how we live personally with our families to how we are in society in general. We are taught to tolerate the irresponsibility and lies of others we know are not true by saying nothing. Often to the point where we can say that we were not even aware it was going on… are we not teaching the next generation true ignorance here!
The other one I have noticed we can get caught by is sitting back and waiting for others – for others to say it or do it. To step forwards and be the first to speak up also takes humbleness, to risk being wrong or isolated for bringing forwards truth.
A sobering point, Brendan. What is the foundation we are laying for the future if we are not prepared to speak up about what we know is wrong and support our children to do the same?
Speaking up when we see or feel that something is wrong is so important. Otherwise the person feels they can get away with what they are saying, and this allows it to continue, or even escalate. As bystanders we contribute to the evil if we do not speak our truth – something I became acutely aware of when I first heard the quote in your article, many years ago now
By playing small and not speaking up I thought that it was just a small thing and by letting things be was insignificant in the scheme of things. This for me was a total cop out and can see how damaging this behavior can be for myself and the fact that all of humanity misses out when we don’t express.
The playground has extended to life in general where every human being shakes their head in disbelief at what is going on yet finds themself in the thick of the game. It is not until Serge Benhayon came along and talked about the difference between spirit and soul and the planes of existence that either support our evolution or not. Our world is littered with lies that mask as truth and it is rife, found in every possible nook and cranny, designed to deceive and keep us lost in a playground that is now beamed across the world and delivered to us as so called entertainment. No matter what we get off on as our entertainment which the media feed with a passion, we are still are being left to wallow in the misery of not living the truth we know we all can be.
Wow Matilda, so true and such a powerful end to your article. I have recently spoken up about an abusive issue that was happening within my daughter’s school. Many of the parents would not speak up as they were worried about what consequences that it may have on their child at school. I chose to speak up, not in a way of critising this person but as a way of offering true support. I feel that we are all in this together, we are all here together, speaking up supports everyone, including the person abusing.
‘We are all in this together’ – this is a crunch quote and when we accept this fact in full it becomes so clear that we cannot hide in a comfy bubble. It also opens us up to the true beauty of brotherhood, so speaking up is not a burdensome duty but an accepting and appreciation of true relationship.
Well put Matilda, this is a great example of how we start to hold on to what we want to say. Quite often within the playground scenario I remember ‘holding my tongue’, as the expression goes, purely because I thought I wouldn’t be liked by the other children or get picked on – and this just seems to grow as you go up the years.
Then in adult life when we hear someone speaking out we think they are rude or make a judgement about them. These days I notice more when people speak up and how they deliver what they want to say.
Julie, I have noticed this too. We have become so unaccustomed to forthright expression it can feel like an affront, I agree it is important to feel how something is delivered as well as the spoken words. There is also a response that I have observed from others to shut down another’s expression, sometimes to make the other wrong for what was said. It feels important how we also receive and respond to another’s expression and to get a sense of when we are filtering what is delivered through our own heightened sensitivities.
Super awareness Deanne. Thank you for voicing this.
Thank you Matilda. This blog and the comments are inspiring me to speak up further about an abusive situation. If I don’t do this I am not letting the “abuser” know how unacceptable their actions and words really are – whether they choose to listen or not – at least I have spoken the truth as I know it to be.
“The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.”- so true Matilda. If we turn a blind eye to loveless behaviours we are saying yes to them and allowing them to become the norm.
But by speaking up we can make a difference, if all united to speaking from truth.
The playground is certainly a microcosm of society and it is sad to hear that children are being disempowered and shut down.
As you say Matilda, we always have a choice, and I trust that teachers in our schools are encouraging young people to defy what is “normal” and socially acceptable to speak from their innocent inner knowing.
The fear or discomfort of being pointed out, judged as different, is in truth a consequence of us learning to live a life where we ignore what we feel and where we confirm to others that it is ok to ignore what you feel. So, we learn to live a life where we train our bodies to suppress a huge portion of what we naturally feel. The completion of that training is not precisely a joyous moment since we have to live the consequences of living a life where we connect easily to what is not true and where there is much abnormality to be expected as accepted as normal. Recovering from this feeling-less is a crucial first step to see the rot it helps to create and to speak up that it is not ok.
Speaking up can be quite daunting, especially if we have lived a life of holding on and not speaking out, but the only way to get past the uncomfortable feeling is to give it a go first with people you trust and then do it more and more in other areas of your life. This was the advice I was given and it works, yes at times it’s still daunting but it is getting easier.
This is super practical advice, Julie, thank you. Step by step and with commitment to move through any of our old patterns that hold us back. I find it uncomfy but inspiring as the load lightens.
It feels like not speaking up is an epidemic in the world at times and has become such an accepted way of being that no other way is known so if someone does speak up it is frowned upon and others are stunned into silence. However it hurts every single person to stay in this kind of behaviour..and it is time to call this out.
Yes, I feel when someone rocks the boat and brings truth it’s frowned upon because it exposes us. Also I feel the pain of not expressing is not worth it and through our expression we all evolve.
“I feel clumsy as I flounder between these two things: the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth. So just in case I hesitate for a moment, I consider “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”
Matilda,
I fully understand what you are saying here, I too feel this. It is something that I am having to re wire, so to speak quite a lot, as the social niceties have definitely ruled up until now. I am finding many of the reasons why I have not spoken up are very quick to slip in, the familiarity of using these reasons is astounding me. It is great though to now be able to feel them, see them for what they are and choose instead to stand steady in what I feel.
I love the way you have described the speed at which the old patterns of politeness ‘slip in’ and that it is your loving vigilance, spotting this, that can change the tide. A tide that goes on to change humanity as we speak for all. Thank you, Leigh.
True Leigh, this is something I experience too, the ‘old’ way of not speaking up is there for me to pick up easily because my foundation has been build on security and safety. I am making the choice to become aware of these moments and to make another choice and with speaking up make a foundation of love, knowing every time I do speak up it is not for me but for everyone.
Lovely article to read – to express and get the energy out of the body of what one feels as true, otherwise we hold everyone back.
Albert Einstein spoke pure truth in saying that the world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. Matilda your message is a strong call to stand up and expose the evil, in all of its deceitful and cunning ways. This choice is ours in every moment to side with evil or to step out of hiding and allow the sheer power and strength of truth to be seen and felt in full.
The title of this blog is such a great reminder to ponder on this. When I don’t speak up I can feel that I am letting myself and others down as we don’t always get the opportunity to celebrate, appreciate or come to a level of honesty in our relationship with others.
there is nothing more powerful than standing up for truth, the truth that we innately feel is truth, to the very bone.
Thank you for the wake up call Matilda. “My polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade”. I’m part of the well oiled machinery of society with its niceties and politeness that keep it going. What the machinery needs is some creaky bolts and nuts that stop it in its tracks and force us to observe the damage done by being a compliant cog.
I have watched many a time when people have sat back allowed something that everything inside them tells them this is not okay, yet instead of speaking this, they smile pleasantly and play the game of using something else to justify their decision or why they couldn’t speak up. I have also watched situations where regardless of what comes at them, people will speak what they know to be true, I always respect this and its something I can trust and this is what creates the change that is needed.
I too have admired those who can speak up with what they know to be true, however in my admiration I have somehow made it that I can not do the same. I have let myself believe that they are better, more informed than I am, yet what they speak, I know is true, because I too have felt it. Understanding this is a great support for if I too feel it, than I too am just as powerful as anyone that I admire. To add to this I have my way of saying things that can contribute greatly to all who I am with.
“I feel clumsy as I flounder between these two things: the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth.”
Totally relate to the swing between the familiar (the old) and the new, to the awkwardness of what or how to express this feeling of things not being right – that feeling which has previously been overridden, ignored or dismissed – and to now have the quiet determination to address a ‘wrong’ situation there and then.
“I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside … ”
… to practise expressing consistently and maybe imperfectly, but to keep practising nonetheless and to never stop, may be the key to overcoming that clumsiness.
Your blog Matilda is powerful in so many ways, the state of the world we live in is because nearly everyone holds back from speaking up and as a result we end up on slippery slope of ill becoming normal. I said this before but everyone should read this blog, this is what true education should be about.
Absolutely Caroline this is true education. Albert Einstein’s quote is so relevant for what is going on currently today. “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” I say this should be a headline quote for all newspapers until we as humanity get it!
Absolutely Samantha! Einstein’s observation about speaking up should be the News Headline for the 21st century. It is the key wisdom for the new era. I just keep feeling this incredible joy joy joy!
I feel your joy Lyndy and it is super super contagious!
Back to school this morning for the first full week of the new year and one of the class commitments we came up with on Friday is to ‘Be honest with ourselves and talk to someone when something does not feel right’. Inspired by all these comments to make this a living foundation in our class.
It totally makes sense when we see and understand the impact of one person speaking up about what is really going on. It is like a shake down and inspiration from the defeatist mentality that says, ‘I cannot make a difference’.
Thank you Matilda, it makes absolute sense to allow true expression to start at a young age so we do not learn to shut down but instead to talk through our issues. Through not expressing, all I felt was bottled up inside!
Dear Mike Stephenson, I can’t now find where your comment is located, but I would like to say absolutely ‘yes’, we are the pattern changers. By speaking up we change the whole course of history where humanity has been controlled by allowing itself to be controlled and by also doing the controlling. Societies have all been about control. Why? because everyone’s protecting themselves and trying to keep themselves safe and comfortable. When one studies history, it is based on the known records of war, power struggles, monarchies, perhaps with a scientific revolution sprinkled in here and there. One day in the future it may be celebrated in history ‘the era when people began to speak up en masse’.
Agree Lyndy, there is no doubt that this time will be celebrated in history as ‘the era when people began to speak up en masse’ thanks to Serge Benhayon presenting the Ageless Wisdom teachings which so many are now making their living way.
Matilda. Very powerful comments on why we should speak up, rather than sit back and do nothing. Nothing done means no change and it just carries on in the same old pattern.
Whether it be children or adults we all need to learn to challenge situations. By doing so we could help to make changes for a better world to live in.
Yes Mike, and if we don’t like how the world is today then sitting on the sidelines is not going to change it.
Thank you Matilda, to hold back is to hurt ourselves. A lot of the time, the children in the playground don’t have people to turn to and open up to so they go into a hobby or sport to not deal with how they feel. It is about all of us supporting each other to speak up and express. To talk about how we are feeling, what we’re truly seeing, and be heard.
This is a brilliant article Matilda, I am in tears reading this as I feel the absolute truth in what you have written, I can remember seeing and feeling what was going on as a kid and knowing it felt awful but feeling like i didn’t have anyone to tell, so I shut down and withdrew and as a young woman got into drinking alcohol to numb everything that I was feeling around me, i can feel the responsibility now of speaking up rather than shutting down and keeping quiet.
Such golden gems coming from such a great article. Rebecca you pretty much summed up the state of mental health and addictions today. No one is truly ill, we live contracted from our true state of being, fearful to express, shut down and withdraw and from this state mental ill health is possible. Support our children from young to stay connected and express and we immediately start to decrease illness and disease.
Caroline thank you for sharing your insights from Matilda’s article. The rate of anxiety and overwhelm is alarming to read and see in our society. This blog is great at sharing how we can approach life in another way. Taking small steps to express leads to great steps in surrendering and the possibility to releasing the levels of contractions many are feeling.
Supporting children to express what they observe, feel and understand feels like beginning to turn a tanker around. So, so important to firstly admit we are currently going in the wrong direction and then to take whatever action is required to make the changes; not give up because the task feels too big, but to appreciate the integral parts we all play. At first the tanker does not look like it is changing direction at all, but the machinations inside are setting up and when it turns it will be seen by all!
It just goes to show how individual and compartmentalised we believe life to be that we can think that just because there is no obvious suffering or war in our back yard that it is not affecting us and we can be apathetic about truth. What I have realised is that we are all connected as human beings and if part of the human race is suffering than really we are all suffering. It is difficult to watch the news and not be moved or affected in some way by watching members of our own species in trouble. The upshot of this is that if we choose to not stay quiet and speak up for truth even in our basic daily lives than we are supporting human beings everywhere in the world energetically by virtue of this inter-connectedness.
When we do not speak up, we help contribute to the rot that is going on in our society. It is so ingrained in us to ‘play nice’, to ‘tow the party line’, to not stand up for what is the truth. It is so very important to express from what we feel, sometimes this is not going to be popular, sometimes this is going to rock the boat, so it is important to express in a way that meets people where they are at and to not be advasarial for the sake of it. But it is important to bring truth, to speak what you feel and give it a go and speak up.
To not speak up when we can feel in our body that something is ‘wrong’ is deeply harming for us and everyone else. I can feel the reason I’ve not wanted to speak out before is self protection, which is so selfish. I’m choosing not to evolve and retarding everyone else in the process. It now feels so simple, get myself out of the way and simply allow what is there to be said. It’s extraordinarily beautiful to just let the flow of words form around what’s being felt, like butterflies settling on a flower.
Deeply exquisite Alison! This may seem like a bit of a leap to say the following, but what I am experiencing from reading your words is how beauty and grace is brought into life through an expression that is aligned to truth, and ugliness is simply us choosing to play the game of entanglement with emotions, protection, fear of speaking up. It now seems obvious but when one is submerged in, identified with the game it cannot be seen for what it is. Truth is beauty and beauty is Truth.
Thank you Alison, I agree, it is like a dog eat dog environment, with very few standing up and committing to praise or appreciate another, or at least being honest about another! Truth delivers a platform to stand on! Then we have an opportunity to share openly without shutting down our true expression!
Yes Toni, by being silent we are saying that we are in agreeance in what is going on. In speaking up, no matter the consequences, we are evolving.
Expression can be a contagious thing. We can inspire one another to express more and be true to what we are feeling.
Very true Jinya. When we dare to just share from our hearts, this can inspire another to open up and not hold back their expression too.
Yes Annie. Often not expressing holds us back and gives others the permission to do the same. Choosing not to speak up can be harming as a truth is needed to be expressed and no one learns or can grow as a result from this sharing.
This is so cool to share. The ripple effect of simply saying things out loud. I get such a strong sense of the exhaustion created when we are all talking around a great big elephant in a room and then the palpable liberation when someone actually points it out.
So true, Jinya, I feel this, reading this thread, reading all the beautiful posts, it’s inspiring. It allows me to connect more deeply with myself, to go to the next level of honesty and truth within me. We are all building off each other and it is this way in everyday life. Someone starts the ball rolling and the rest is up to us.
How true Jinya. Once we speak up it is as if it opens the floodgates for others to say how they feel. Other people hear that it is not only them who has misgivings about what is going on, or , alternatively, not only them who is so appreciating someone’s contribution to the project (or whatever) and that it is just so expansive to express in this way. Yes Jinya, expressing is beautifully contagious!
I agree Jinya, expression is a contagious thing just as lack of expression or not speaking up is also contagious.
yes Andrew when I speak up I know this inspires others to do the same.
So true Samantha – every time we make that step and express it makes an invisible but very tangible footprint of empowerment for everyone to feel – then the support is there, holding the person to speak up themselves. How the joy multiplies!
When I feel another open up and bare their soul I am drawn and obviously inspired to go deeper myself. When one does this it paves the way for an intimacy and a truly loving support installing confidence in ones own ability to unravel what is within. This is truly beautiful, like the ripples of a stones throw in the water.
So true Jenny. When we see those around us expressing themselves with truth it inspires us to go that next layer with ourselves and to keep unfolding the next moment to be discovered. It really is beautiful as you say and leaves the world in a much grander place.
At my secondary school we discuss the silent bystander when bullying is happening and how it is not ok. This notion to not be a bystander is expected of the students yet not modelled by the teachers as many see a system that does not work but very few are willing to call this out. We all need to start lovingly calling things out. I feel people all over the world have tried to speak up, protest etc but have a sense of giving up, with a nothing ever changes attitude. But we can see that many courageous people through out history have changed the course of many lives through standing up for truth. We must all want to know and feel truth for there to be truth and ever lasting change in the world.
Thanks Tracy. With regard to the people who have gone out and protested but nothing seems to change, its because they go out in complete misery, unhappiness and hurt by the way the world is and try and change it, but havent dealt with their reaction to the world. When one turns inwardly and starts to adress things that are not true, thats when they can truly change the world because they walk in life with a different energy. That is truly powerful.
The world would be a completely different place if we practiced speaking the truth we were born to naturally express. That we compromise ourselves, our relationships and our lives for the easy option of not rocking the boat is why we find ourselves where we are today, with so much disharmony obvious in so many way, be it war, slavery, pornography, dysfunctional relationships, arrangements with friends and work colleagues, cyber abuse, the list goes on and on. All of these major and minor occurrences result from not speaking up about what it is we really feel.
‘the truth we were naturally born to express’ – BINGO – it is all there, ready and waiting and what ever the spur is that takes us back to this full, real, truthful form of communication should be pounced on and put into action with relish.
For me the bigger picture is that if I do not speak up and share what needs to be said, then that makes it okay for everyone else to do the same. Thanks to Universal Medicine I now understand and am living more and more each day with this amazing responsibility. I have seen the most simple and profound affects of how one person speaking up opens the doors for everyone else, and more often than not we feel the same. I know for one I have and still do at times, walk about holding onto so many unsaid things, surely this is doing a great damage to our physical body, our health and well being, relationships, work places , family life, communities …. media, government policies ….. everything really.
Yes Gyl, I too see the bigger picture. As a secondary school teacher I hear daily teachers discussing their grave concerns about policies and new things being introduced and yet no one speaks up. I have spoken directly to my Heads of Department and the Principal on topics that concern me and everyone is very surprised and says quite openly, ‘there’s no way I could do that’. There is this deal it seems that despite everyone seeing what’s happening is wrong and doesn’t work, we just have to toe the party line and go with what the powers to be at the time say. If 25 000 teachers in the state of Queensland stood up and called out the loveless curriculum and policies then the Education system would dramatically change. Cast this calling out on all professions (and actions) from nursing, to the police, to politicians, trades etc and we would start to see some amazing changes across the world. It feels we have given up because the task of change is too big now. The damage of not speaking up is much greater than I think we can even imagine. Not speaking up has allowed wars, famine, corruption and the many loveless ways that keep humanity divided. It is time to truly call things out for what they are and to express the truth.
Hear hear Tracy, I feel this is because we see ourselves as separate or individuals instead of one humanity. If we re-connected to the oneness we are from then we would all connect to what needs doing and what needs changing. And no one profession would be lesser or greater of concern than another, because we all affect each other.
Totally agree. No one profession is greater than another. I know teachers at my school who do not address or greet the cleaners for they feel superior to them. I’ve always wondered how teachers would feel without their rooms cleaned and vacuumed and the windows all spotless. Their job is just as important as mine as is with any job that is in service to humanity. If we do our job with love then we are all doing our part.
Also Tracy on what you shared about others being surprised that you spoke up, even though they may be shocked at the time coming from their own experience of what they usually let slide, they always have that living imprint of observing someone that did speak up.
I am learning that as well Gyl Rae, the feelings that I have are there to be expressed, they are not for us to keep to ourselves. we have the power and responsibility to contribute our truth to the world around us, if we witness something unloving, we can say something that will bring love to the interaction. this is healing, saying nothing is harming.
“What Happens When We Do Not Speak Up?” I cant help but read the title and the words “it hurts” comes up. Actually physically in my body to hold back or onto the truth of what needs to be said, whether it is something I have felt, seen or heard. It doesn’t mean I have to go running around saying it out loud to everybody, at times yes a verbal spoken word is what needs to be said, at other times it can be as simple as observing the truth of what’s really going in and saying it to myself. In every case we are confirming and speaking up for what we know to not be truth or love in this world.
Gyl I have noticed that when I simply observe what is true and not true quite often this can be more powerful than words as people around us feel this awareness we have in their body and there can be no war of words trying to defend what is not true when this happens.
A resounding YES to that, Doug. Classrooms the world over are touched by the teacher who lets love out! No, the education system does not support open, respectful and loving relationships, but I am endlessly inspired by what I observe in school: the fact that the system is smaller than the power of one person making loving choices in their classroom (child or adult).
And a resounding ‘YES’ to your comment Matilda too:
‘ No, the education system does not support open, respectful and loving relationships, but I am endlessly inspired by what I observe in school: the fact that the system is smaller than the power of one person making loving choices in their classroom (child or adult).’ The system is far ‘smaller’ that the power of loving relationships in our schools. These are our schools, our children, our teachers, our parents – sooner or later the system as it is will crumble and fall away as our infectious love spreads.
Speaking up is an uncomfortable process when we aren’t used to it but as you point out Matilda, it simply isn’t OK to turn a blind eye, thinking that it’s someone else’s problem or that we can’t make a difference anyway. What we see going on in the world is something that we have all had a hand in creating so I agree – time to put aside the fears and speak up when and where it’s needed.
Well said gilesch, speaking up can at first be daunting but it is important we do not simply cower away and let things go on when we know they are not loving. Often people can get so caught up in what they are doing they do not realise quite how abusive or unloving they are being. It is then when they really need someone to stand up and say no that’s not love so they can have an opportunity to look at the way they are. Otherwise we just keep doing more and more extreme behaviours thinking we can get away with it, in reality we can’t but our minds can let us think whatever we want! So yes no holding back speaking the truth – if we do not only do we suffer the lack of expression so to does the person needing to hear it.
This article is very powerful and holds so much truth Matilda.
‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’
This is not acceptable and yet we excuse it as it is so common.
Silence is consent. It’s time to speak up and cut through the evil and the changes start within us all.
Yes silence is consent. How often are we consenting to behaviour that our whole being knows is wrong by not speaking up for what is true?
Silence is consent. A bullying policy at my school calls out the bystander as equal to the bully. It is saying that if you stand by and doing nothing you are just as big a part of the problem as the bully, and I for one, agree with this notion. We cannot be silent in the face of lies being spoken in our world for we are then left to live amongst the illusion of those lies.
This is powerful Tracey. Observing another person bully and not speak is cowardly and yet we have all done it. Especially when we measure something as ‘not so bad’. It leaves a poison in our body. Speaking the truth is so liberating and our only way home.
That’s right kathrynfortuna, we have all done it and we somehow justify it. I think oh well I would have just made others around me uncomfortable if I spoke up about that, or I don’t want to cause a confrontation and we justify it in our heads that it was probably best left unsaid. Now I speak up a lot more. I know it can make others comfortable, even when I know they agree with my words, but too many of us have been conditioned to stand by and silently allow abuse to happen. It’s like it is simply an accepted way of being and I can sometimes feel helpless to change it so why create a social setting that is awkward for people. With a growing confidence in speaking up I am noticing that this can create a real healing for all involved.
To speak up starts already by simply acknowledging what one feels and in situations that do not feel ok just say: ‘Hey, something is wrong here.’ This causes a stop and everybody can reevaluate what is truly going on. This also stops the tension as it is addressed though it may be not yet nail where it comes from but becoming aware and expressing where it comes form is then the second part of ‘speaking up’.
Matilda, you speak for ‘all of us’ when you say “I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside, OR I can continue to play the social game”. This is a choice that every one faces every day. Unfortunately too many in society choose the easy path ‘and continue to play the social game’ with dire consequences later in life when their bodies start to reflect their ill-choices. Once one starts to practice coming from a truth that is known inside, then this path is not only the easier but brings a flow and harmony to life and to the body expressing truth. There is also the added consequence that society begins to change and truth starts to become the norm instead of the ill-behaviour which is currently ‘normalised’ as society stands by and does nothing.
And another great danger is it offers the opportunity for people to doubt their inner knowing of what they know to be true. This is true evil and by not speaking up we are creating the space for this evil to exist.
I keep coming back to this powerful and revealing blog, and today was further considering how we seem to get tricked into imagining there is this ‘harmless’ ‘grey’ area of polite apathy we sit in – where we do not directly seem to perpetrate harm — but what I have discovered is that each of us, in every moment either adds to the many ills humanity is facing, or we offer another way, with no fence sitting or convenient comfortable cushioned middle ground.
The Albert Einstein quote is a real eye opener, that calls the bystander out as being the very one who underpins and provides the foundations for all that is not loving in the world – here is another similar quote (from D. Bonheoffer) that reminds me there is no harmless grey comfortable onlooker place to silently sit by:
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
Beautifully said Kate. We are always playing a part, whether speaking or silent. There is no hiding as we all are part of one humanity. Being silent, when there is a need to express is like sitting there in a group with a big grey rug thrown over one’s head and believing that no one can see you.
True Lyndy – it is the bystanders who seeing an act of harm taking place and standing in silence – allow and endorse the ills of the world. We forget, and even ‘give away’ our power and responsibility.
What happens when we habitually don’t speak up is we either implode or explode, it never ends in a great result.
I agree Brendan I feel we need to have an open community group about what we accept as ‘normal’. We may then see how ludicrous much of what we call ‘normal’ is. It was so called ‘normal’ when I was growing up for both parents to smoke in the car with the windows up and 4 kids in the back, none of which were wearing seat belts.
Matilda, I love all you have exposed here in your blog. The words of Albert Einstein you have quoted are so true “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” You have given an extremely exposing example with how children now seem to be unwilling to speak out about abuse in the playground. Yes, society does not like to see people snitching and will often turn on these people. It is so plain to see that they become so used to this sort of behaviour and eventually accept it as normal in the world. Unfortunately most people who are upset about this behaviour still hold back from saying anything. Very few have the courage to speak up and say it is not acceptable. But it is open to us all to not accept this behaviour and speak up. It is the only way that we are going to change the awful things that go on.
Today, I spoke up and was blown away by what unfolded ….. There have been a LOT of changes within NSW Health, where I work, probably due to ‘cost cutting’ and trying to ‘streamline’, however, the end results often leave a lot to be desired for those left with new systems that actually make things a lot more difficult to provide the same service. I chose to speak up and thank a colleague who works closely with us, in another department. I know how hard he works in a very imperfect system, so I chose to say so in a short email, copying his manager. It went viral right up to the top of our area within NSW Health. His manager thanked me for my email, my response was that we are encouraged to speak up when things aren’t working, to point out ‘faults and errors’, but there is silence when things are being done well, that seems to be just expected. I suggested that maybe the interest in my email was a reflection that we don’t appreciate each other enough. It felt good to speak up.
Alison what you have shared is so equally profound and simple. Appreciation of each other is invaluable and everyone and thing can unfold with this. It offers space for something to come next. As opposed to criticism and focusing on what doesn’t work has a denseness that doesn’t invite flow and seems to need push and effort to get through.
Hello Alison Pearson and I agree it is important to speak up with care in systems that aren’t supporting people. I also would like to highlight the “we don’t appreciate each other enough” part of your comment. I see that this is an important part as I see most people are just happy to be spoken to with care let alone appreciated. It doesn’t take much to say thank you and for many it was possibly the way they grew up but it seems we have a society that is putting a lot of pressure on perfection and striving but forgetting the simplicity of just appreciating what’s in front of you, even in it’s simplest form. If we are always focusing on the ‘what we don’t like’ part then it is possible that is all we see. It’s absolutely needed for things to be exposed that are going on that don’t support people but equally and as you say Alison it’s important to appreciate what’s there as well. Both support equally in breaking down anything, including systems. Any system after all and as we know are just made up of people. Thank you Alison.
Absolutely Ray, it’s all about balance, I love your point about when we focus on what’s NOT working, it’s all we see. That’s so true, especially when your work flow becomes less efficient with a ‘new system’, you are looking for mistakes to validate your own frustrations. But there are real people at the other end of the ‘mistake’. So, it is important that we take time to appreciate all that’s done that we just taken for granted, what’s not noticed as it isn’t a mistake.
Thank you Alison Pearson, I wonder in the ‘failing’ of any system the next time we support the people in it and not just go about trying to improve the system. As we have agreed the system is made up of people after all. We are giving too much time and energy to ‘fixing’ the system and not enough focus on supporting the people in it or the people it is serving. This also could be why systems fail, it comes from the people in it. This all makes sense, system fails equals support the people first and then from there look at what is going on. From what I have seen more and more the systems ‘we’ build are focussed on everything but people. Universal Medicine is the leader in the opposite of this, people first and everything else from there and look what it has done for them and others. Thanks again Alison.
Totally Ray. It’s ‘people first’ as has been highlighted by Universal Medicine, which wins the people’s choice awards hands down. A system that does not have ‘people first’ is an imposition and a prison. A system either serves the people or it doesn’t. Most people complain about the ‘systems’ so it is something that we all know about first hand. It’s in our hands to be the love and care that we are and not try and bandaid the system, as you say Ray.
Your speaking up to appreciate your colleague in that email is gorgeous Alison. It is healing for that colleague, for the Manager, for you and for everyone else that read it. I have now taken to answering surveys sent out by various companies such as Westnet, or Apple et . asking about the service you got. I not only fill out the ticks of excellence (if this has been the case as it usually is) but I fill up the box where you can make extra comments – with every little detail of how professional, how caring, and how the person went that one extra step to provide a great service. I find I get the best, almost miraculous service everywhere I go these days, and if I do get not great service I just hold the love with the withdrawn or distracted server and bring all of me to them.
I LOVE this, Alison, the power of appreciation in action – congratulations and thank you – this is what everyone is yearning for and it simply takes one to break the silence.
So true. The silencing, e.g.not speaking up, is abuse in itself. We become a witness of abuse from there on. I have experienced that no matter how much ‘time passes’ or distance is created between me and the situation where I have not spoken up – it stays, even seems to grow like an itch to a tumor. It just doesn’t leave me in a way. Sometimes it takes courage to speak up, even if it is something which could have been expressed at the start. Every moment is an opportunity, a doorway for a next level of truth.
Very well said Ariana – I agree, there’s no place you can ‘hide’ from being a part of humanity
Not expressing simply builds frustration within the body. This happens ever so slightly until something occurs as suddenly there is an outburst that often seems extreme or over the top. So the key thing is to not personalise anything that happens in life that comes from others, but to read the fact that they are releasing the pressure of their own frustration from a lack of expression.
Yippee! Love this observational reading Matthew. Freeing ourselves from personalising is a huge liberation and so helps understanding, not reaction or judgment, to be the basis of our expression.
I still hear grown up people choosing to hold back because it does not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling. It is the same playground scenario that keeps repeating itself in all areas of live. If we hold back and do not express everything that it is not right, we will keep on reflecting this to our children and they will follow the same pattern and so the cycle continues over and over again in all areas of our lives. So the only way to stop this is to express and nominate everything that is not loving or true.
This is an amazing blog not only because it exposes an evil we have turned a blind eye to but because in turning the blind eye we have accepted this way of living and yes it is a rot. Im a father of 2 beautiful children. I encourage them to speak up at school and at home when a behaviour is not ok. Yes this isn’t popular but to what extent have we allowed levels of abuse in our behaviours to become popular just so we dont disrupt the status quo? It all starts by speaking up.
I remember this so well as a child, hearing and seeing things from adults that just did not make sense to me, that often would feel as an outright lie. I would look around and no one else seemed to be seeing what I was so eventually I made my self wrong. I then started to shut down so I could fit into what was deemed as ‘normal’ Thank goodness for Universal Medicine which supported me to re-connect back to me and to be able to trust what I know to be true and to find my voice again in a world that needs strong voices to reflect back to them the choice they are living in; with that awareness people can choose to change or not.
Thanks Matilda, your blog exposes the truth that everybody can feel, but few want to talk about. The choices we make, every little decision throughout the day, either bring us back to love and truth or they take us further away, it is possible to get so far away that love is a myth and truth is cloudy at best. I know for myself that truth alone is not enough, for if it comes with being right or making another less, it is only harming. So the ability to express with love to the best of my ability, is an ongoing choice, that the more I do, the more it becomes clearer and easier to do. How about that!
Thats great Mark! It is like blowing through old pipes and clearing them out and each time we do it again the clarity and flow increases incrementally. Love and truth are one. If there is no love in the utterance then truth is not transmitted, only a distorted version of the situation. Truth always heals and sets us free!
When we do not speak up we allow a corrupt world to continue unabated. There is no superhero that will come and save us. We have to save ourselves and the only way we can do that is by speaking up about what is not ok in the world. Too many things have become “normal” when there is nothing normal about them at all.
So true Elizabeth. We have such power in our hands when we speak up! As you say, no one is going to come and save us from this mess. We are all our saviours as we take the courage and express what we all know is true. We all want to love and be loved, we all enjoy a harmonious work situation, we all know what’s true and what is not, so let’s be it and say it.
Such a powerful blog Matilda and I love the quote of Einstein’s that you finish with ‘The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.’ That really says it all, In their hurts and irresponsibility people will do terrible things. Thing from which greed, corruption, murder and rape are born as well as atrocities closer to home, such as deliberate exclusion, spreading rumours, bullying, all of which occur between our children in the playground. But we don’t teach our young to speak up against playground evils so how are they expected to speak out against the big stuff when they enter adulthood?
This is a great point Doug in what is the current education system teaching our children? It seems more about stats, grades and achievements and now starting from a really young age. I know there are some teachers that genuinely put the children/young people first but we have a long way to go with this. As Matilda has shared it is not just what is going on in schools – or could it be it is still going on in schools because we (humanity) haven’t spoken up when we have needed to? In the end it is up to all of us to speak out and make the changes needed lovingly so.
Not speaking up feels awful physically in your body, it’s like carrying this big unsaid weight around with you.
I agree Gyl Rae, not speaking up does feel very uncomfortable in your body and can bring a double whammy when you then judge yourself for not speaking up at the time. Better to say it when it’s there to be said and not hold it in.
So true Gyl. When I don’t speak up I feel heavy and contracted. When I do speak up and express how I feel, I feel light and expansive.
This article is true journalism. I wrote an article a while back that touched on similar themes – on misogyny and the ‘sliding scale’ of abuse, and you powerfully describe a similar realisation here. That we look at the so called more extreme disharmony ‘over ‘there” and use it to justify, accept and give up on the apparent ‘lesser’ disharmony in our households and playgrounds. You similarly also highlight that our actions always have power, we always have a responsibility to either silently endorse the status quo or to feel the ills and speak, to live in a way that to the best of our ability does not add to nor endorse the not at all ‘normal’ that we have allowed to become all too ‘common’ – AND – in our silence endorsing its every worsening descent.
Thank you Matilda, I agree not talking up is a sure sign that we are willing to neglect our self and others; demonstrating a distinct lack of responsibility. I love the quote you used. . . “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein
Matilda, I have recently had a first hand experience of the consequences of not speaking up and I realise now that originally I actually thought that I was doing the right thing by keeping the status quo in tact, but I was in fact simply not wanting to see the truth because then I would have to take responsibility and actually say something. And when I eventually did, I had left it so long the situation was far bigger than it needed to be and therefore far harder and actually more painful to address.
I have relied on someone else to speak up in the past, not wanting to stand out or be picked on, wanting someone else to blow the whistle. We have all behaved in this way and when no-one does, we can all feel the consequences. It’s time for me to change my ways, stand up and be counted.
I did the same Gill, relying on someone else to speak up, I even spoke about what I saw to someone I trusted she or he would speak up and manipulate them to do so. I could stay hidden and safe. Or I would look for others who would feel the same as I did and together with others I felt supported to speak up but most of the times I would not be the one doing the speaking but I would stay in the background. As you say Gill time to change my ways and donot hold back truth any longer.
“The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel” – absolutely agree, well said and a great blog
The pattern of not speaking my truth was well ingrained in me from such a young age that I lost sight of the concept as at all possible. Self-doubt reigned supreme for most of my life, held tightly instated by a fear of what would happen if I spoke up. The truth is, I have never lost an arm or a leg or been killed for speaking up! I have only gained. I am still practising speaking up to be my absolute norm and must confess there are times I still feel anxious when doing so, or I hesitate, particularly as sometimes there are reactions to what I have said, and so I sometimes hold back from expressing all I would like to say. This has been an unfolding re-claiming, but it has been so worth it and I am so grateful to Serge Benhayon’s support along the way. Bit by bit, my self-esteem and confidence have soared and I am much more able to just be me. My relationships have become more real, open and honouring. And the best part is, I do not worry about ‘fitting in’ any more; it is far more satisfying for me to be me, and to speak up when I feel to!
You are so right that not speaking up is where the drift away from common decency let alone our natural care and love for each other occurs. Social norms and rules are set by us, by what we choose and what we allow. We all can see the world has taken a wrong turn. Even if we don’t have wars in our country, we have an explosion of mental health (including young kids), 1 on 2 marriages ending in divorce, corruption in almost every aspect of life, bullying and stress at work to name a few. I have spent many years avoiding the news to avoid all this but I have realised the only way it will change is if we actually speak up. Not in a harsh way but to simply reclaim what feels true.
Beautifully said, Fiona. Someone has to start the conversation and we know that whatever we’re feeling, there are a lot of other people who will totally relate to what we’re sharing. It’s such a dis-service NOT to speak up. It is equally important to share how we feel when things are ‘right’ and working beautifully as when they are not.
So true, Alison. It is so important to speak up when things aren’t truly serving and also when they are in appreciation. There is so much lack of self appreciation and that of others, which is a huge shame as we equally all have so much to share with each other and when someone holds back ,whether it be to appreciate or call out, we all learn from it, and it can be very healing.
A beautiful balance offered Alison, thank you. We were discussing exactly that on a meeting yesterday, saying that it is vital that we express our appreciation of each other and then, if and when we do need to call something out, there is already established a platform of love from which to come.
Children are nervous about speaking up and so are adults. It is easier to hide away and to not be seen as the whistleblower. Often the whistleblower is attacked and hounded, lose their job and much more. This sends a message to all to stay quiet and not rock the boat when in actual fact we need to do the opposite and all stand up.
‘What Happens When We Do Not Speak Up?’ This is a great question. From what I have seen and experienced we; dislike ourselves for not doing so, we become resentful and bitter and begin to blame others and the behaviour continues unchecked with our silent acquiescence. This is not a responsible way of living and being.
Or alternatively Michelle, as I was prone to do in the past when I didn’t speak up was to blurt everything I had held in, all at once to the utter surprise of the person I was directing this to, as they never knew that I felt that way. How could they if I never spoke up in the moment? This was damaging for me and for those around me. The need to express as things are being felt is of utmost importance as they then get let go of and are not held as tension in the body.
Great point Michelle, I so agree. This is definitely not what responsibility is about.
Seeing that something is not right and playing nice not saying anything is like seeing mould on the wall of your home and instead of realising something is wrong and to be fixed you just paint it over – like “what is not seen is not there”. But the mould will spread under the paint and comeback fiercer each new time.
My strong pattern for not speaking up comes from childhood when I found it really hard to express myself. It is interesting how we allow our childhood patterns to come with us into adult life. We are totally capable of speaking and expressing how we feel, but often choose to stay silent when our words are needed the most.
I totally agree Rebecca we so often choose to stay silent when our words are needed most. Children naturally express how they feel but this is not always received well by other children or adults and they can feel ostracised for speaking up. It becomes easier to say nothing than be ridiculed for speaking the truth. If children were supported for being honest we would have more honesty in the world today.
I totally agree, Rebecca. I’ve only recently allowed myself to feel the depth of hurt from the bullying I endured as a child. It occurred pretty much on a daily basis until I left home. Every time I stepped foot outside my home, I received abuse and ridicule from all the local kids in my village. I was taught to ignore it and ‘rise above’ what was going on …. the famous British ‘stiff upper lip’. However, the reality is, I buried my hurt and numbed myself to the abuse and on some level I felt ‘deserving’ of the cruelty I received. With such low self esteem I was an ongoing target for people to verbally ‘attack’ me in this way. I actually felt that I’d ‘closed the door’ on the bullying a year ago, this just goes to show the layers of protection that we have and when we feel we’ve got to the bottom of something, ask the question, ‘is there more’? Since I’ve started to be much more open, publicly, in sharing my views I’ve found it’s given me so much validation as the wonderful and deserving woman that I know I am. It is safe for me to share myself with the world.
Thank you Alison Pearson, by expressing your experiences with abuse and ridicule and how you were taught to ignore and ‘rise above’ it I’ve felt how this has been the start of my strategy. How I’ve used this as a form of protection and this was the beginning of building my castle where no one could reach me and I only came out when it felt safe. The castle is more like a prison, every time I express and do speak up I feel how everyone benefits and it feels spacious and it is freeiing myself out of my self build castle.
Like you Alison. I was also bullied at school on a daily basis, verbally and physically. I told my parents what was going on and their advice was, ‘you have learn to deal with it’.
So I buried my hurt and numbed myself to the abuse but felt guilty in some way because I had actually started the abuse by trying to stop the bullies from stealing my friend’s money every day.
I have shared this story before, and shared it again recently with a group at the Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 5 course. I have also read and commented on this blog before, but it is only from reading your comment this morning that I realize there is another layer found and another layer of protection removed.
I used to speak up as a child .. quite a lot I think, it was because I could see everyone around me carrying on as ‘normal’ that in the end I felt it was useless to speak out so kept quiet instead.
What you say is interesting Rebecca, how as a child you found it really hard to express. As a kid in England in the fifties, I also found it hard to express because we were taught that children should be seen and not heard and this just shut down communications with our parents. Have we let this happen to subsequent generations?
Rebecca I can relate to what you have expressed.
I too learnt from young it was safer to stay quiet than speaking up for fear of being attacked, eg verbal abuse from others. But in doing this I was saying Yes to abuse. This is not Ok.
I also had internalised my fear, anger, and deep hurt around this issue. This created dis- ease in my body as I got older, and mistrust in people. I then chose to not let people in.
Thankfully today I am learning to express more from love and truth and in doing so I am letting people in
What happens when we don’t speak up is that we allow evil to take hold and grow and become the new normal.
“I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” Holding back our expression is damaging to body, and others miss out on the opportunity to hear our truth and wisdom.
What we allow in the playground of our youth is what we will have in the ‘playground’ of our life at large. I love your blog Matilda Clark, and all that you expose within it.
When we do not acknowledged the war at play deep within, we are forever at the mercy of a blindness that seeks to cloud our vision as to where the seed of harm lies. “…we carry on regardless of the hurt and chaos. Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.” Very well said Matilda.
Very true Brendan. What is ‘common’ is not what is ‘normal’. We confuse these terms. It is normal to be love and act accordingly, not in a soft, fluffy escapist way but in a way that says: Hey wait, you are love and I am too and what we are doing is not in accordance to this and therefore is definitely NOT normal and therefore not ok.
I agree Liane, the power of bringing everything back to the simple fact of I am love you are too – what we are doing isn’t love – could you imagine every argument, disagreement, disharmony no matter how big or small being addressed from this fundamental truth. Why do we waste so much time attacking one another is various shapes and ways, when at the basis of it all we all want the same, to be loved.
Hi Liane, in the dictionary common means occurring, found, or done often, normal means conforming to a standard, the confusion comes from the thesaurus which places them under the same heading, wrong!
I love your definition, “It is normal to be love and act accordingly, not in a soft, fluffy escapist way but in a way that says: Hey wait, you are love and I am too”. It is definitely not so common outside of Universal Medicine circles.
We learn from a very young age not to speak up with incidences such as what you have described here Matilda in the playground or at home for various reasons and then we carry this learnt behaviour of not expressing into adulthood. I can relate to this and it wasn’t until Universal Medicine that I began to question the effects that not speaking up has had on my body and my energy levels. When we start to look at the reasons as to why we have not spoken up in the first place we can then heal those hurts and it becomes much easier to explore our natural expression and speak truth again.
When I read “Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say “This is madness”, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it is all OK?” I became quiet. I combined it with the fact that we ‘learn’ our children to not speak up. This is actually crazy and very sad. Where’s the support to speak up in all their innocence and fragility. No wonder I have become silent myself. And fact is that if I don’t (re-learn) to speak up – which I’m learning – that the children who meet me also don’t feel encouraged or supported to express themselves. In this way Our school sytem is setting each and every child up to NOT be themselves. No wonder that there’s hardly anyone who’s confident and Truly joyful on a day-to-day basis. What is actually revealed to me here is that it is actually Amazing to work together with Our children to start making schools a place where everyone can express freely. There’s an absolute Joy in this.
Wow in a way feeling uncomfortable by reading this. I know I haven’t been speaking up many times, waiting for someone else to do it or thinking that I will do it later. The later often never comes! I can now see if I would like the world to be a more loving place and how I know it in truth could be, I can make a change by speaking up. As indeed what happens when I do not speak up? A great responsibility.
Anything that silences our truth is a deliberate evil that perpetuates everything that is not love in this world.
i can really feel now that not speaking up for truth can harm my body. Polite silence isn’t an option anymore, full stop.
I feel that too gillrandall. I feel how it doesn’t serve anyone else either. In some cases they miss out on the wisdom I have to offer and in others I on theirs – it’s a lose lose situation.
Brilliant powerful article Matilda – true journalism. The school playground as an example of what you demonstrate here is hugely poignant – as it is here we so often begin the slide into blind siding our awareness of everything we see and feel that is so very glaringly not loving from a child’s huge ‘awakeness’ to every ripple.
The learned mechanism of not speaking up, is one of accepting (resigning to or giving up) and making normal that which is actually not normal at all, just common.
“I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside”. Well said Matilda and this is what the students of the Livingness practice on a daily basis. Each of us can indeed make a difference and “the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching” than we can possibly imagine.
It is very true that we need to speak up, but what I have learned from Universal Medicine is that how we speak is of the utmost importance. I cannot be heard if I am in any reaction within myself to what I am feeling. It is about accepting what is felt without holding any blame or judgments as to whether it is good or bad, right or wrong and from that place alone if I simply express what was felt all the protection that others are holding seems to melt away and no matter how challenging what is being shared is it can be heard and felt in that moment.
Absolutely Kathleen. The magic that opens the doors to true communication is in the ‘how’ we speak up, in the quality of that speaking up. If there is blame or judgment. as you say, this usually immediately provokes a reaction in the other and stops communication right there and then, for example, ‘Don’t be a telltale’. Everything goes down the drain from hereon.
So true Kathleenbaldwin it is so important how and when we express. I know at times I have said things at the totally wrong time or from reaction. Neither works as people are unable to let in what you are saying even if it may be what they need to hear. When I am connected to myself and reading where the person is at and what they will be able to handle then I can deliver the truth in a way that is a healing for the person.
What Happens When We Do Not Speak Up?:
I am now suffering the consequences of what happens when one does not speak up in a relationship, and I have to remember your sentence: “my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!” Polite silence to not spoil a holiday, to not spoil a moment, and most times to avoid rejection, to avoid been left, to avoid being alone. I think that love can heal anything, and it is true, but love is not softness to make everything ok. Love is not tolerance of abuse. Love is saying whatever is in the way so the space is clear for the love to even be there.
Love what you’re sharing here, alexander1207 ‘It is so important to get myself out of the way and feel in every moment what is REALLY going on’.
You’ve hit the nail on the head ….. so important to get ourselves ‘out of the way’, that’s what’s holding us back from speaking up, our protection against further hurts.
But we need to consider the bigger picture …. as you say, to feel into what is really going on and make choices to expose the games being played, rather than continuing to feed them.
What you present here Matilda is extremely important and something that is so deeply entrenched that people don’t even see that there is a global problem. How has it got so far away from the truth and for there to be so much violence and abuse on a daily basis to be ignored. This is not normal and it is not what life is about. To be in a world that this is accepted as normal is very sad state of affairs. I have started to speak up on what I see as abuse and the more we all do then is it possible that changes will happen?
WOW. Not speaking up about the rot that is going on in front of our eyes in an enormous expression to feel and ponder on. I too know that I feel my most truthful and loving of all others when I do speak up against an obvious wrong, and when I choose to speak from ‘me’ and not from my head.
Thank you Matilda
Yesterday I spoke up at work about a level of abuse that was directed towards me. It occurred quite abruptly and I felt hurt by the way I was spoken to. So half an hour later I made the point of saying this and that it felt disrespectful. Even though it was not really accepted well, my body felt calm and clear in just expressing this, no matter what the outcome, it was a truth that needed to be expressed.
I have had a similar experience at work recently, when I spoke and exposed a level of corruption that has been directed at me, I felt very solid and could feel there was such a flow in my words about what I needed to express regardless of how it was going to be received, my body felt great expressing truth!
Francisco, I find your comment inspiring – thank you.
Awesome to read what you share Francisco. That’s the beauty of sharing what we are feeling, other people may not like it and may react, which says more about them than you, but no one can dispute your truth. It’s so important for others to know how we are feeling, otherwise they continue on their merry way believing what they choose to see.
That is fantastic Matthew, what I often find in speaking up is that I want the other person to get my point of view, rather than just being clear with myself that all I need to do is present the truth and leave it at that. I had that experience just yesterday where I spoke up about abusive behaviour and it was a great learning for me to not expect the other person to say you are right, i’m sorry, but instead just allow it to be out there, said and felt. The other thing I have noticed is that the more I speak truth the easier it is to speak up and deliver it again and again.
That is an absolute gem Stephen. I can so relate to what you are sharing as I am exactly the same. As I read your words, I realised that when I am attached to someone ‘getting’ what I’m sharing I’ve immediately lost them. It’s no longer about me sharing my truth, which is so healing, instead I become attached to an outcome with what I’m saying. In that, I’ve already contaminated the beauty in my expression and there’s a hardness to what I share which is actually really imposing for the other person. Everyone deserves the courtesy and respect of having the time and space to digest what has been offered to them, or not.
Thank you Matilda, Mathew, Francisco and Stephen, it is absolutely time to express truth – whenever this happens to me there is a blessing for all involved!
Stephen and Alison – this is so important to point out as wanting an outcome or another to ‘get it’ taints the expression itself. Having said this, when just speaking up and getting the words out is not the lived way then I have found it great not to lay any expectation on myself for it to have to come out right or even pure from reaction, like you say Stephen the more we speak up the easier it gets to deliver and the easier it becomes to present from truth, not reaction.
Dear Mathew I can feel the power in this. The difference in our body when we express and do not express is very clear, I feel agitated, the thoughts go round in my head, they come up days if not weeks later – it physically feels like there is something there in my body. Whereas when I express how I feel there is a lightness, a clarity and I don’t think about it again.
Beautifully expressed Gyl. It is as if when we are truly aware and living to our truth we are ‘self-clearing’ organisms. We do not allow the garbage to accumulate and burden our bodies. We would never dream of not putting out the rubbish bins every week. So why do we not do the same for our bodies? Even fridges now de-frost themselves and this must have eventuated from a known knowledge that we self-clear.
We are ‘self-clearing’ organisms Lindy, when we are truly aware and living to our truth on a day to day basis but if we let them build up they cause a pressure that makes them harder to clear and if we go a week or so the pressure of uncleared clearings becomes really uncomfortable.
This is so good to hear Matthew. The human condition of not speaking up has made a mess of our world and we need to put things right no matter how long it takes, one conversation at a time just as you have shared here.
I agree Dean; we can change things one conversation at a time, steadily bringing truth back into all our communications.
The breaking of polite silence offers many challenges. The eyes that see the truth so clearly have become blurred by years of learning not to see it. The ears have become a little clogged to mask the sound of lies and denigration. The pipes of expression get rusted up by speaking the words that everyone wants to hear, not the words that are needed.
But a little time, some commitment and practice renders the senses clear and the voice, speaking truth, that was once scratchy becomes clear and powerful. The modern quill of the keyboard becomes a vehicle for writing the truth again. And the human being is set free of a prison they did not know they existed in.
BOOM – nailed it with every word. Thank you, Dr Rachel Mascord.
The power of expression is encapsulated in every word you say here Rachel. Thank you
Beautiful words Joshua. Well said.
Love it Rachel and Joshua!
Beautifully presented Rachel. This paints the picture of evolution. True art written for humanity.
dentistryinharmony – Dr Rachel Mascord BDS , I found your comment so enlightening! I have certainly (unremittingly) been in that prison of not seeing clearly, hearing well or speaking the words that I know others need to hear. It has taken me quite some time and much practising to start un-blurring, un-clogging and de-rusting, but I am getting there day by day…small step by small step…
Wow dentistryinharmony – Dr Rachel Mascord BDS., I love your expression written with authority, thank you; ‘But a little time, some commitment and practice renders the senses clear and the voice, speaking truth, that was once scratchy becomes clear and powerful.’
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein. Matilda, these words are the truth, while we sit back and say nothing , (even about the littlest things), we are allowing the world to continue in the same out of control way. I have felt how even expressing in my lounge room is a small start to expressing more. And it opens me to express with more confidence.
I completely agree. Absolutely every expression of truth counts and sets a new way forth. It feels fabulously spacious in my body to express, even about the small things.
Yes agreed Johanna, as someone very wise said recently… ‘everything is something and nothing is nothing’. In other words there is nothing small, it all counts. Express the truth with the small things and it’s a lot easier when something bigger comes along… a bit like a muscle that’s already warmed up!
Thank you Jenny for sharing this, it is true, there is nothing small it all counts – I have often dismissed the power of this. There is a saying “take care of the small things and the big things will look after themselves”.
Yes I agree the more I am expressing the more I am able to express and the easier it is to get myself out of the way and say what needs to be said, not what I think I need to write. It takes me for ever to write a comment when ever I am trying to write ‘something good’
If we don’t express the small stuff in our relationships, they build into bigger issues, or a small incidence seems to be blow out of proportion…a molehill blown up into a mountain…because of all the times something wasn’t expressed, the one time it is, it comes loaded with all of that which hasn’t and needed to be expressed.
Absolutely, Denise, and for me, as I build back my natural expression all those apparently little moments are the bed rock of my holding truth and speaking up in the world.
I like your practical approach Denise and Jenny Ellis adding that everything is something no matter how small. One of the biggest revelations for me was given my Serge Benhayon 4 or 5 years ago at a retreat, he explained the above Albert Einstein quote in energetic terms and it has held me to be somewhat more accountable since for my part in evil. When an abuse or evil is at play the energy that is being made available for this is coming from the bystanders that sit back and say nothing. Now while I did not take this teaching on to its full potential or even live this proactively in my day to day life it has allowed me to sit back and observe far more how I contribute to situations I do not like and not point the finger as much. Albert Einstein and Serge Benhayon offer true freedom in this wisdom and an awareness of how inter-connected we all are.
I remember feeling this issue of speaking up as a child…..its wonderful you write as a voice for our little ones. I am still working on this as an adult, I believe that speaking up in a way that is loving and constructive is such an enormous issue for so many of us.
The other day I attended a party with some other friends where a few people were doing something to have fun and although it was done with ‘good intentions’ there was something about it that didn’t feel okay. I didn’t speak up for fear of being a party pooper. It’s not the first time that I have been in this situation and I doubt it will be the last. There is a self-worth thing that comes into speaking up. If I look to others for acceptance and approval due to a lack of my self worth, it will stop me from expressing in certain situations where I don’t want to rock the boat. And most of the time that boat needs rocking! This really shows that having self worth has a direct correlation on the life that is lived by a bigger group.
I agree Ariana, one wonders how it has been apparently so easy to do for so long – that is to just look the other way – identifying that whatever it is is none of our business – I feel it’s no wonder we live in such a complex and chaotic environment. But I thank God that it seems that we have been given this key that we threw away long ago, and I feel it is quite a glorious experience now being given insight to the fact, through the Ageless Wisdom teachings shared by Serge Benhayon, that we do have a choice to express, and that there is indeed another way to be.
You are so right Ariana. What about the bad relationships we have stayed in, in the past… that can become a real prison.
Yes Jinya, the boat does need rocking. And with the truth that we can bring. Humanity is crying out for another way to be because the way we have been living is not working – people are exhausted, we are still at war, we are not taking care of ourselves nor our environment and the current models of how to ‘solve these issues’ are not working. It is time for all of us to start expressing what is not right in the world and living what is our natural way.
Very true Ariana, and to top it off it feels awful in our body. It’s almost like an unspoken physical rant going on inside. That never ending record player in our head. We are carrying around all this unsaid unexpressed stuff that at some point almost self combusts – either outwardly or inwardly, at the point we cannot hold onto everything we have ignored or not expressed anymore. I have found that its better to, most times say it there and then, rather than let it explode later on down the line, as often I have made it into a mountain instead of a grain of sand.
That’s so true Ariana. I’ve seen it in myself and others that if there’s any holding onto wanting to keep the peace then we’re effectively walking around with a ball and chain tied to our foot. I’ve seen it come out as expressions of self-doubt- I don’t know if it’s ok to say this, or guilt or some kind of fog.
There’s no freedom in being like this, our wings are always clipped until we step forth and no-longer choose wanting things a certain way when we express what is calling to be expressed.
Hi Jinya I was drawn to your comment about ‘not speaking up’ – and suddenly my memory went to a couple of examples where I ‘chose’ to not speak up. My memory of these situations is clear, and I remember thinking ‘this is not okay – what is going on here – this cannot be right”, but like a thin reed in a fast flowing creek I bowed to the moment believing that this or that person knew more than me, so I had better just keep my mouth shut, and as you say, “not be a party pooper” no matter how uncomfortable the situation caused me to feel. Yes, I see now the word ‘feel’ was key and I was not answering its’ call. Why is it that we at times in our life ‘think’ we are so unempowered, so caught in a situation where it appears that we have to just go along with it. I wonder at times why it took me so long to listen to, or more truthfully act on what my inner feelings were telling me – seemingly held in a sense of paralysis of not being able to speak up or flee. I sense my then lack of self worth caused this belief that resulted in my paralysis that had me held in a belief that I was not able to speak up, How freeing it feels now to know God, that God was not ever not with me, and to know that it is okay to know God and to act on his/her impulse. This awareness for me has only been so since I met Serge Benhayon and began attending the Universal Medicine presentations.
I agree Ariana it is shocking when I consider quite how much I have and do modify how I am so I ‘fit in’ with others. When I catch myself doing it now it is a blessing because I have the opportunities to change that behaviour, and the more I do it the more content I feel within myself as it confirms and honours me, rather than simply pandering to the outside world or other people.
A deep-to-the-bone shocker, Ariana. First, that we do it to the extent that we do. Second, that pretty much every other person on the planet does it too. And third, that it can be so hard to stop! The prison, for myself at least, is this last one. I can recognise that there is a change I go into with some people, and to be honest it is far less now than it used to be, but there are still situations and certain people who I will modulate myself for when I am around them. So, it often feels like I’m still in the prison of my own making, but occasionally I am on day release.
Oh Naren, you describe it so honestly and so well! I seem to be at the ‘day-release’ stage in my speaking up too. I Can speak up many times but there will be a couple of people I am still modulating with.
This is a great point you make Jinya that the level of self-worh has a direct correlation on how we express, or not, and how that then impacts on others. As Matilda shows in this blog it all starts with how we are educated as children.
Reading your comment Jinya I realised that you could see human life currently as one big self-destructive party that has got a little out of hand but is continuing because everyone is fooling themselves they are having a great time when really they are hurting themselves and others. It is not that we have to end the party (hence no party poopers) because living with love and truth every day feels amazing and can be celebrated all the time. Perhaps we just need to re-define what a party is?
I agree Ariana, we morph into something way out of our true nature where we naturally express from our whole bodies as it is when it is felt. Is is also awesome to know that I have a choice in every moment to continue to calibrate and hold back my truth in order to please others or to express in full what is felt in my body without any attachment on how others will respond to it.
I know this has occurred in my life as a child and now as a parent and it is prevalent throughout society. “Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.” Children and adults learn to squash their feelings and their awareness for the sake of conforming to the ‘norms’ in society or being worried about being attacked. It is perpetuated in society and it does not need to be this way, speaking up about how we feel feels true and on a personal level it leads to much more harmony and understanding.
As a child I felt the crushing of my expression. The lack of freedom to share what I was observing and feeling. Instead I chose to play the nice game. As I have felt the effects of that in my body I know the importance of allowing others to have their space to express. I too try to give my daughter and children as many opportunities as I can to feel they can express openly without reservation.
Not speaking up was for me also a big issue. I was so afraid of getting rejected so most of the time I kept quiet. It is so important to get myself out of the way and feel in every moment what is REALLY going on, instead of playing games with other people. Thanks Matilda for your powerful blog.
This is a good point Alexander. Speaking up does not have to be difficult if we truly feel what is going on in the moment. We can then simply express it because we have felt it to be true. Anything else needs to be calculated and thought out before speaking, and is simply a complication. Best to keep it simple!
I found the same alexander1207, I used to think not speaking up would get me through life but all it did and does is leave me frustrated with a built up and unexpressed energy wanting to get out. I would also have endless thoughts in my head, I should have said this or that and so it exhausted me long after the event or conversation. The more I simply say what is there is to be said the clearer my thoughts are and the less I think about previous conversations as I completed them at the time and so the more present I am with myself.
I have found the same James and Alexander. I too used to often keep quiet for fear of offending people and being rejected. I was living on an entanglement of interaction in which I wasn’t truly interacting, and i thought I would get through unscathed by doing this. What a game, what a lie. Simply speaking when it is needed makes the complication of the game just drop away and I feel lighter and clearer with a greater capacity for observation. Relationships flourish!
I agree Lyndy relationships flourish when we simply speak what we feel and do not hold back. Crazily enough I used to hold back out of fear of being rejected and losing the friendships/relationships! Now the more I allow people in and say what I feel the closer I feel to others and others feel to me. No longer do I feel I need to get through life, or get through it alone rather I now embrace and enjoy life.
Utterly true and gorgeous James.
There has been many many missed opportunities in my life when I have not spoken up! On reflection, it has not only hindered my growth and development, but it has also hindered those with whom I was interacting with. There is not perfection, which I have sometimes been too attached to, making sure I ‘said it right’ or ‘got it right’, but now I am realising that it is more harming to not express at all, than be so caught up in saying the wrong thing. Sure there is discernment in what to say and to whom, but also being courageous and honouring of you and others.
I can so relate to what you say Raegan about not speaking up because of making sure that we ‘get it right’. I know, for me, that I have in the past been so afraid of being humiliated for sounding stupid or not professional enough as I could never master that professional way of talking and expressing! I was in comparison. Little did I realise that I just had to feel what was going on, read the situation and then speak, from love and without judgment, about what I have observed. A you so beautifully say, we can be courageous and honour ourselves and others – the simplicity of this is felt.
Thank you Matilda, what you have expressed is gold, indeed the playground at school is a microcosmos of what is going on in the world. My experience growing up and at school never supported me in expressing my truth and it took me a couple of decades to find Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom Teachings for me to feel I have a true choice of being who I truly am.
What a great reminder Matilda, it really is like that; If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative. This is not what we are here for but to be united and supportive with each other, and deepening the love that we have inside us with another in evolution.
A great blog Matilda. On reading through another time, I am held by the following “The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative. How absolutely right you are here, we seem to learn from a very early age not to tell tales, or snitch on others. Maybe this comes from over-protective parents, but then also think of the ‘whistleblowers’ and how they are then treated by so many people. So much fear has been buillt up in people about telling tales.
It has been said, ‘bad things happen when good people say nothing’, that is so true, so we are not going to see an improvement until more and more people become willing to stand up and say when something is not right.
Sometimes it can only take a moment of silence for us to stop and see how noisy the world has really gotten. Have we lost the ‘stop and smell the roses’ of our life’s? All we can smell now is the rot we have all allowed to carry on because we have not spoken up. Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon, all the practitioners and everyone associated with this organization is making the new standard to stand up and be heard above the din that has become the normal in the world today.
I completely relate to what you’re sharing Gail. I’ve gone from not wanting to be heard, to now actually WANTING to be heard. It’s so liberating to give myself permission to express how I’m feeling, irrespective of whether it’s something that’s not working, or appreciating something that’s amazing.
Matilda I read this again. I love what you expressed here: “…I am allowing myself to see that there is another way which can turn all this on its head, and that my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary. That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.”
This is something I am re-learning and building my trust with too – to say what I feel out loud and in the moment. When I do this the war in my body ceases, the barriers of protection drop and harmony is restored.
Children are natural radars for what is true or not, but rarely are they confirmed of what they feel by society. The doubt that comes in more often than not stop expression, or the angst that arises encourage expressing in reaction —all of these choices have succeeded in delaying us in returning to a society where Truth is natural and normal. When we make the choice to speak up in Truth, it gives our children the reflection that what they have been feeling all along has been spot on, and the confirmation that Truth can be and is actually necessary to be spoken about. No holding back in expressing what is true is the only way our world will return to its naturalness.
My whole body reverberates with discomfort in polite conversations and small talk, and not joining in such conversations have earned me the label of being anti-social,which I questioned and doubted myself for as long as I could remember. But what if, I just spoke out the truth of how I felt? Which I eventually chose to do to know how that felt, and when I did, everything made sense. What didn’t make sense in the past, was my choice to not speak up about what was felt and is known, what I reacted to was my choice to hold back expressing what felt out of place with Truth. Awesome blog Matilda.
I love the way you eventually chose to speak up 1heart1love1earth and see how that felt.
What can be infinitely interesting while listening to small talk and polite conversation is to read the real conversation that is taking place energetically beneath the ‘coping with a band-aid’ approach people can use to handle being with each other and relating. Then you can know what to say without reacting or withdrawing, or perhaps being judgmental or superior. I certainly know I have done all these things!
I agree totally, my life changed dramatically when I started to express and just speak about what I was feeling each day and in the moment. It made life so simple and uncomplicated. It also stopped the pain when you are holding something back that you want to say and feel you cannot for fear of reaction.
I can completely relate to what you have written Matilda, and it seems for my own children that this exact issue you express here:
“Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’.
This is essentially the children calling out the abuse and the bullying, yet when they do they are labelled. It is very empowering and amazing lessons for the children to be supported to express and to learnt to express the truth and not worry about what is said either behind their back or to their face if they know what they have called out is their truth.
Great blog Matilda. It’s a lose/lose situation when people don’t speak up. I love your words here “my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud,” – I can relate to this, I always reproach myself later for keeping the words in my head when I haven’t spoken them aloud. Appreciating how great my body feels when I do express what is there is helping me to change the momentum of not speaking up.
I can totally relate Shelley to the self-reproach! Feeling the freedom in my body when I do express (and the imprisonment when I hold back) is slowly helping me to change my long-held pattern of not speaking up too.
Yes Shelley, it is interesting how we can reproach ourselves for not speaking up, not realising we are cementing ourselves into a nice little conundrum: ‘Don’t speak up. Reproach myself. Don’t speak up. Reproach myself’. It is a vicious circle that eats us up – reminds me of sharks doing the attack for no purpose except that they can. Same energy. As we explore and heal our hurts the fatal suppressant begins to dissolve and all that joy and vitality that comes from speaking up is released, transforming our throats our cells and supporting everyone else to also speak.
This is such a great point Ariana, we are so often taught only to seek knowledge truth and facts from exterior sources, what if we were taught that the greatest form of wisdom and truth can only be found from within. Wait a minute, where does all the facts, information and wisdom come from in the first place?
More and more I have been feeling the effects on my body when I don’t speak up. My body hardens and tightens and sometimes my throat feels constricted. I feel small. In contrast when I choose to speak up my body expands and feels lighter. I even feel there is more space around me. There is no merit in holding back what needs to be expressed, not for ourselves or for anyone else who gets the blessing of feeling the truth spoken.
Yes I’ve held back too long in not expressing some obvious ‘little’ situations that could of been sorted out before escalating into ‘bigger’ ones. I held back for fear of the consequence of standing out in the crowd – fear of shining my light. As I’m committing more to life there is a gradual confidence building to not hold back and that my voice can and will be felt/heard. Fantastic sharing with us all Matilda.
This is Brilliant Matilda, this should be a must read in every classroom and or teachers manual across the globe. True prevention – supporting our children that their voice is important and they can speak up, instead of what we have today a system that encourages our silence and erodes at our confidence to such a point we give up and go what’s the point. Thank you to all those that have not given up and continue to speak up, inspiring the way for all of us.
Yeehaa Matilda well said, I feel I have been the product of this world we live in passed on down through the ages. Just shy of fifty years ago when I was a little boy growing up it was ‘little boys should be seen and not heard’ and I carried that on through school and into adult life and was led to believe that it was the correct and polite way to behave, well that’s a load of rubbish. You are so on the money – the time is now, speak up, speak your truth, no more holding back as I did last night outside in the carpark at the supermarket, as a boy spoke so disgustingly to his sister or friend, really just so derogative and it was expressed by him as the norm, how sad that I did not pull him up. I am not beating myself up here, just aware that we all missed out because I did not speak up.
When we speak up and speak our truth, the way we feel and even our body changes. Everything transforms in the most beautiful way – the way we stand, walk , present ourselves, our manner and our vitality, all are refreshed from our true expression.
i can really relate to this blog especially the part about being called a snitch in the play ground if you speak the truth.
I have found swearing has become the norm in school playgrounds and if you say to the child, that’s not ok I am going to tell the teacher, you get called a snitch and if you tell the teacher, the teacher is most likely to say, don’t tell tales. how is the child going to grow up into an adult thinking when the truth is not listened to it is better to stay quiet?
Exactly, very well said Jack. I have also found that when you do tell an adult or a person in a higher level of responsibility, they are often unlikely to hear your case or believe you – which is very disheartening and does not encourage people to tell the truth and speak up.
Everyone loses when we don’t speak up, followed by a build up of a loss of trust for everyone, if something does not feel right, expressing that ! offers an opportunity for the other to stop and feel what is going on or not and allows the choice to express and clear the air.
Hi Jinya I was bullied at school in the first year of primary school. A bigger kid was stealing my mates money every day, I didn’t speak up but punched him on the nose to discourage him. I came out of school at the end of the day and he was waiting for me with all his friends and big brother, I fought him too and beat him but only to be confronted by an even bigger brother the next day after school and I got beaten up. I was bullied by the same group of kids for the next five years. I wish I had just spoken up, it would have been much easier.
Thank you for this blog Matilda. I have often found it much easier to write things down than to speak how I feel and share my thoughts and opinions through my voice. However this is feeling extremely uncomfortable to continue and often it has felt like I am gagging myself to not speak. What I am discovering is that as I feel the Love inside of me grow more and more, it’s like there is permission in me to allow myself to express, without the worry that it will come out wrong. This is giving me much more confidence to share my true thoughts and feelings in a variety of scenarios and not worry so much about getting it wrong or what others may say.
What you have shown Matilda is that we can all see exactly what is going on in our playground around us. We have a choice to remain silent or claim who we are by expressing our truth in that moment.
Keeping quiet feels like more contraction in the body building up every time I repeat the experience, whereas speaking up feels expansive and warm and powerful, and I am engaging with life in the present moment, fully, and everything comes alive, even if the expression does not come out quite right. Unless we risk and try it out we will never learn but hide endlessly in the cave watching the shadows of life on the wall, as I remember being taught at school about Plato’s The Cave. However, we were only taught the theory, not the practice, nobody said to us “How do we live this?” How wonderful it would have been to have explored it as a class, what Plato meant, and how it could be lived, and practice it with each other, speaking the truth. But I feel the teacher probably did not know either, as she had probably kept quiet all her life too. And so the theories become the shadow life we live by.
Wow joanchristinecalder! This is an awesome connection you have presented us with. Not speaking up is exactly described by Plato’s analogy of the shadows on the Cave wall. Having the courage, the heart, to speak up transports us out of the imitation, pale and shadowy reflection of life into the full glorious warmth of the Sun. The Splendour of the Sun.
I’ve been feeling that this ‘not speaking up’ which Matilda writes about happening in the playground, also happens in the home, where parents who have not spoken up shush their children so that they (the parents) won’t be noticed and embarrassed by what their children have said. I call to mind how one day I was being served in the bank when my 2 year old daughter said, quite loudly, on seeing a man with long hair ‘look Mummy, theres a lady man’, and i tried to shush her, only for her to repeat it even louder! So much better if i had taken the time to explain to her gently how the length of ones hair is a choice for both men and women.
We are lulled into thinking that we need to follow the status quo, and not rock the boat, and when we do, we are quickly told by society to pull our head back in, lest we cause a riot. Personally, I would rather say the truth, even if it was controversial, than hide under the covers of politeness and etiquette. For when did politeness ever truly serve society?
Well said, Adam. I was brought up to believe that if you want to criticise something, make sure you have a better option to present, otherwise, leave things as they are. This is very controlling and actually quite bullying behaviour ….. if we can feel that something is wrong, or not working, why shouldn’t we speak up and ask the question, how can we do this better? If we can feel something isn’t serving us, many others will be feeling the same and the only way things change, is through us asking the questions and making different choices. Given we are evolving, albeit slowly at times, it makes sense that we would be constantly making changes to things all around us, all the time.
Politeness has never served society well, it has only ever ‘served’ to cover up all the lies, all the hurt, all the anguish, all the misery, all the jealousy, all the emptiness, and pretend that all is well here on earth. Politeness is the biggest bandaid of comfort. When we do not speak in loving truth we are monumentally adding to the layers of falsity that bury the ills that should be exposed and healed by being felt and acknowledged – let all this buried garbage feel the warmth of the Sun’s rays and throw out the evil cover-up of politeness!
Politeness never serves society, it keeps us in a falsity pretending all is ok when underneath it all we are all desperate for truth because we all know the way we are living is not it. And for those that are not ready to admit this they will stir and cry to please be quiet yet how can we when the depth of the despair is so great.
I’ve just spoken up about self abusive behaviour observed in two people close to me. I did so to reflect truthfully what I saw and felt. To remain silent felt dishonest. I spoke to one in conversation, then wrote a letter to both, not personalised, but general, describing how and why abuse presents itself in human beings and the choices open to them. Both wrote back and thanked me. My letter reflected what they felt: they want to make changes but didn’t know how or where to start. I’ve learned when speaking up, it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
Thank you for this blog, Matilda, what I experience daily in the school I work in is seeing how, as soon as a child expresses or does anything that does not fit the schools model of behaviour whether this is constantly asking or answering questions, what colours they paint in, whether a fast or slow learner etc. comments and or labeled are made directly to the child or another adult. So for me this blog is a great reminder of the importance of and support that I am to be the one who speaks up!
Tolerance is dangerous, defined as the capacity to endure continued abuse without adverse reaction. No one can withstand continued abuse without reaction, its simply a learnt way of burying our reactions back into the body – when we dump on the body in this way and temper our expression – the body speaks back with illness and disease.
Matilda, you have exposed something that is at the core of our society – the dis-harmony and disrespect of humanity – that is actually fostered right from the word go in the school playgrounds. And your are spot in saying that this playground area is a microcosm representation of the macrocosm of the world. When as children we are not encouraged to speak up and that there are active attempts to silence us by calling us tell-tales etc. it is absolutely a way to shut down a child’s expression and remove true support from them. I certainly recall having this being pushed upon me as a child – I recall going to report abuse to the teacher and then being called a sissy or tell tale by the other students. Being silent and not reporting abuse is another way in the adult world to make it appear that statistically violence is not escalating or worse yet that it is diminishing. No different to the rules and regulations changing in the police force where they no longer take reports or document particular incidents because of shortage of staff/to reduce paperwork etc. – and so lo and behold it appears that the crime rate in the area has diminished. But the numbers are skewed and do not hold the truth as people are being turned away – being turned away from the opportunity to express and seek support for something that all human beings have a right to. It is a shock when we reflect upon the society and the world that we have all been a part of creating. And so this is the time then to feel the lack of love in this deeply and no longer choose that as our way forwards.
It actually feels ‘great’ to speak up and social media makes it so easy for us to do so with a massive online audience. I’ve been asking myself why it’s taken me so long to have the courage to share, publicly, how I may feel about certain things …. what I felt very strongly in my body was the fear of being ridiculed. However, if my opinions are based on truth, they are just as valid as anyone else’s. Whatever I’m feeling, there will be many other people with the same or similar view, someone has to start the conversation, so why not me.
Ahhhh, that feels awesome, Alison. Someone has to start the conversation, so why not me?
I can remember being in high school, always feeling what was going on in the school yard but never spoke up. I was part of what you could call the “cool gang” and some of these girls could be super nasty to others, it was part of being cool. Although I could feel that this was not OK and what was said about others was not OK, I never said anything, just sat back and let it happen in order to stay in the group and to be accepted. Fast forward 25 years and I find that I am often I am still in the same situation, not speaking up when I feel something is not OK. Not speaking up feels awful in the body and leaves us in contraction. Every child and every adult should be encouraged to speak up and speak their truth, even if we don’t always get it right, the act of speaking up creates space and openness in the body.
This is exactly my experience too Donna. The ‘popular’ crowds in schools can be quite rude and ‘bitchy’ to each other, but I don’t actually think they enjoy being that way… At all… I was talking to a girl once who is in that group, and she was saying to me how she didn’t actually enjoy being labelled a ‘mean girl’, but it would be impossible for her to make new friends and move crowds as she had already committed and made the choice to be in the ‘populars’. The social hierarchy in schools is pretty horrendous.
I feel that if children are taught to speak out, without being scared, if what they are saying is open, honest and truthful, they would not be afraid to stand up and be counted for their honesty. Perhaps teachers could be more open and listen to what the children have to say?
Yes, Mike. This is an amazing opportunity for teachers to nurture children’s expression of how and what they are feeling. Think of the power of every teacher, one by one, bringing this kind of awareness to teaching, hearing children out, honouring them, bringing loving (and sometimes firm) guidance, and being able to listen without judgment. What an inspiring role model that would be. The whole status quo of lying, politeness, covering up, hypocrisy, compliance would be blown out of the water. Bring it on!
I agree Mike, in my experience teachers, who are supposedly the role models here, can often make situations far worse because they just want to fix situations and for the ‘problem’ to go away, rather than looking at what’s really going on and working with the children to bring understanding to the situation, so they can all learn and be more accepting of each other.
I love this playground example, very interesting that we really can see what the world is like when we observe what happens in a play ground.
Matilda, I was just thinking, what we have been seeing in people who have been coming forward in the big enquiries into paedophelia in various churches and other organisations in Australia over the past couple of years is a big example of how the lives of those who kept the truth hidden have been pretty well destroyed by it. The scars have stayed with them all their lives. In many cases these (then) children were not believed if they did speak up. Unfortunately, in the case of Priests molesting children, often even the parents of these children did not believe them. In the past, there was such a high regard for priests, people did not believe they would do such a thing. How hard it was for those children to have to grow up knowing they were not believed. But of course, many did not speak up through fear and shame of what had happened to them. What a healing it has been for many of those who have now at last spoken up.
Whilst shocking to consider the atrocities that have happened in the shade and ‘high regard’ of the Church, the power of the revelations and speaking up now is inspiring and confirms that it is never too late to heal. Thank you for expanding this topic, Beverley.
‘What happens when we do not speak up?’ We become ill and the abuse, neglect, silence and lies carry on. All my life I have seen things going on that felt wrong but felt what difference can one person make? It is a useless battle. This is not true; one person standing up for truth and speaking out can make a huge difference, this doesn’t need to be with a megafon in the high street but everywhere in our lives we see this happening. Matilda you can make a huge difference to the children in the school you work in. What I am also seeing is across the world how more and more people are coming together to call out and say NO to the lovelessness that goes on.
It feels like we’ve played a game of abusing ourselves, getting caught inside when we don’t speak out and perpetuating the behaviour by staying silent. When adults stand up and say that it’s not ok for bullying to continue, children will feel supported to hold onto what they know is true.
Its great to re-read your blog Matilda and to read all of the comments, I have thought at times that it is just me playing small and not speaking up, but i can feel now how this a worldwide epidemic, that we as a society do not speak up for truth and instead keep quiet for comfort, to be nice and polite and to not rock the boat, I can feel how it it is my responsibility to speak up against abuse and say when something does not feel right.
Your phrase Abby, brought up forgotten memories of my youth on what not to speak about if you wanted to not rock the boat. Being a bit of a rebel in my youth, would like to push the boundaries, It was always the rule that when ever you took out a canoe it was mandatory to rock the boat and roll it over and then get back in it, does the rebel ever really go away. The only T-shirt I ever had that had a statement on it, simply asked a question, all it said was ‘question authority’. This was a time I was in the military and once a Colonel looked at my shirt and said ‘you could get in trouble for that’ and I simply replied with ‘Yes Sir, I know” I seem to have spent a life time calling out things that were not right/truth except when it came to do it for myself. This has been a work in progress.
‘If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers,’ this is a great observation of how we have become in life in our state of apathy. And it is time for us to stop suffering and begin to truly heal.
Michelle what this shows me is that all the times I’ve held onto not speaking up in case others get offended is actually not true! It’s for us to speak up our truth and in that everyone grows and can heal. There is currently an epidemic of silence from millions of people who know things are wrong yet continue to allow them to happen. Ingrained since young so it takes time to break through and build confidence yet it is the only way the world will change.
By not speaking up when we feel something is not right, leaves a darkness or a sickness in our bodies, and also in the ‘playground’, as we have implicitly given permission for that ill-energy/ abuse to continue unchecked; and we know deep down that we have let it. Others also know, just not those affected or hurt by the abuse, but including the ones who have perpetrated the harm. In a sense there is a let down on all sides, and a deepening loss of trust for everyone, as all players either shut down or harden up with an extra layer of protection. Those who hurt others are only trying to control to not be hurt, so the cycle continues as the hurts deepen, and everyone loses.
Very well said Annie C. Everyone loses out when we do not speak up.
What a great way to discrete it, that makes it clear what happens when we hold back. We give permission to an ill energy to be in our body and what it does there is not nice at all when we give away our control and let it create its own mess.
This is beautifully deepened Annie, it is actually profound what is being shared here in this blog and with the comments. We are all complicit in the notion of ‘telling tales’ etc but that means grown ups don’t call the police when they hear screams and yelling from their neighbours wife. Nothing is without consequences and we really need to step up to the plate and say any abuse is not ok in any form and no-one should be quiet about it, young or old.
At the same time as humanity hold back from saying what is not true or not right, there is also a tendency to not support or encourage what is true. When someone looks or feels great, or brings a quality that is true, again little is said to support this, but there is also an activity to pull the other down because they stand out. Commenting on what feels true for someone can and usually is super supportive and is a reminder that what is true is always within. I’ve found that a person can do a task 100 times perfectly well and nothing is said, but as soon as it is done differently or maybe something is missed, they are judged by that one action and that is the only time someone speaks to them. There is little true support for people, if we encourage this perspective, the quality of the activity and the connection to what is true is felt, developed and encouraged.
Good points Matthew. It is very revealing to observe the things we do to keep others ‘in their place’. Such behaviour is rife and we do it to ourselves too if we are not careful and very self-aware. Something well worth pondering on in my view.
Your comment Matthew has made me look at the way I support what is true. I often complain when the service is not good, when someone in my house makes a mess and doesn’t clear it up etc. But do I balance it by making a point of praising good service, and thanking those who keep the place tidy? I do, sometimes, but not as often as I could, and this is something that can be easily incorporated into my daily life – its great to be appreciated, and thanked for even the simplest of tasks.
Wow thank you for sharing this Jane, and yes, people know but we choose to stay in comfort, for whatever reason, to keep our job, to be safe and secure, to be liked etc. It is deeply inspiring to read how you have spoken the truth, regardless of other people. Eventually the truth comes out, whether we like it or not.
Great sharing Jane, so many of us would have stories like this. I have many similar stories, in one, I was reprimanded for speaking up and told that I needed to be quiet because people were following me when they should be following “the boss”. Even though they were nice and polite about it the message was loud and clear: don’t disturb the status quo. Interestedly I felt no one truly enjoyed their job, they saw it as a means to an end, the only time there was any true joy was when they found the courage to speak up, then they felt their true power and loved sharing how it felt.
Thanks Jane. This shows that the people feel truth, but at the time they where not ready to speak up. What a blessing for them to hear it through you and that you stood for it. This is how we need to stand for that what is right, even if that means that we loose the job or we have to go somewhere else. When we stand for the truth we will always be supported. What helped me is to trust into my inner strength and to let go of that what is not supporting me.
Great comments Matthew. It is actually appalling to feel the truth of your words in that we are quick to point out an error or wrong but are not so quick to point out a task well done. No wonder we tend to keep ourselves small in order to not stand out, which is actually only adding to the conundrum. Many are only in it for themselves, and until this starts to change, pushing others down will continue.
When we do not speak up, we can not only hinder our own personal development, but can hinder the opportunity for those around you to not grow either. The enormity of this I am just feeling more deeply into just now. The letting go of focussing too much on myself and the realization that I am really impacting on so many others when I do not express and just how important that is.
“Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say ‘This is madness.’…”
It is long been a comfort to think that ‘someone else’ will fix up the mess: Mum, Dad, the teacher, our boss, the government, our friend…..an endless list of ‘someone else’s.’
For me, part of this holding back has been what we accepted as speaking up – arguing, defiling, name calling – just watch any democratic Parliament in sitting to witness all of the above.
But is this the only way to speak up? Since attending Universal Medicine presentations, I have come to understand that the truest way to speak up is to speak from a body that is loved, nurtured and cared for; this body allows no abuse and is naturally honest and open; this body holds oneself and others as equal and so the need for argument, name calling and vitriol are non existent. What remains is a true form of communicating – an honest expression of what is experienced by my body.
This is how I choose to express now and how I naturally speak up. Is this what we could be offering to our children?
Beautiful Coleen, what an amazing role model, not only to your children but the world.
Very true coleen24, learning how to truly love and care for ourselves once again does enable us to confront abusive behaviour from a completely different perspective. The more I care for myself the more I am learning that there is no need to fight, but every need to express truthfully, which can be done with tenderness and genuine respect. I have witnessed miracles when it has happened (which has amazed me, experiencing all the fight fizzle away), because if I am not coming with all guns blazing so to speak, there is no need for the other person to defend themselves, hence no argument can get a foothold.
You have expressed this well coleen24. When we communicate from a body that is loved and nurtured, truth is naturally and lovingly shared with another.
Thank you Coleen, “Are we hoping someone else will do something”. A great line, as it is so easy to sit back and watch while knowing exactly what needs to be said, expressed and felt from our body.
I totally love what you talk about Coleen, if I would wait until someone else will fix up the mess, I would not be the same person that I am today. As I had started to fix up my own mess first I could see clear what else is in need to be looked at next, and that is now the bigger step out of my own comfort and speaking out what is next that wants to be addressed. Everything I feel that there is something not right and missing truth I have to name it, this comes with so much ease now because now since I have started to change my mess. And it gets easier and easier.
We speak from our bodies. Our gestures are as powerful as any word. This is so important to consider in the way children are raised. That acceptance and normalisation of roughness starts well before a child is burdened with their backpack full of of heavy books, and introduced to school and the playground that will set them up for a life of condoning and silence in the face of abuse. The gestures and words that make up the environment they grow in set the standard that carry on into school and life. Are we tender with our children? Are we tender with ourselves showing them by example? Do we consciously build homes that make open expression natural? Do we listen to our children and let them know that what they say is important? Or we too afraid that in doing so we will raise children with the capacity to expose us when we are not quite right? Do we teach them, by example and discipline, that abusive ways of speaking are not acceptable?
Every day I see parents who touch their children roughly, talk down to them, speak about them as though they are nothing more than an irritation and an inconvenience.
That child then goes to school and receives more of the same.
How does that child learn to speak up? How do they learn that expression is from an entire body and way of living?
They are blessed when they see and feel it from another person, one who lives with tenderness and grace and clarity of expression in the face of harm. That is the inspiration that can light their spark of true expression, and their willingness to say no to all that is not decent, not truth, not love.
This is such a huge issue Matilda, I can remember in my first year of school when I quietly told a teacher that someone cheated on a spelling test, she addressed the class stating how we shouldn’t have “snitches” in our class. Not only did I get bullied by class for being a “snitch”, but I also felt betrayed and horrified by the fact that my teacher did too, from then on it was another form of expression that I shut down, feeling so many things that were not okay, injustice, disharmony, etc but never being able to speak up and say what was going on, not even at home to my family
Hi Oliver, I can also remember from a very long time back, that it was not done to ‘tell’ on someone who had cheated. Yes, even back then, they were labelled ‘snitches’. So mostly, if one saw this behaviour, one always hoped that the teacher him/herself would catch the person out. We were not game to ‘dob’ someone in. It can be very ugly what goes on in the school grounds.
Wow, it’s amazing to consider people’s behaviour and how adults can hurt children deeply when they defiantly stick to right and wrong instead of connecting with the child first up.
Wow that is quite shocking to hear Oliver. True brotherhood is about supporting another to live their truth. The idea of loyalty is so convoluted and mutated that the version of brotherhood we have is nothing more than keeping quiet so another can continue to live a lie. This false ideal is so deeply ingrained and the fear of being singled out for speaking up stops many of us from doing so.
Absolutely Jinya, brotherhood that we have in society is about everyone staying where they are in the safe place whereas true brotherhood is asking everyone equally to step up and evolve, pulling up and supporting those who resist
Yes Jinya, this is rediculous, that this game of politeness and niceness feeds the false ideals. It is time not to allow this any longer and standing out for telling the truth. I am aware that the world does not want to hear it and that I will be attacked for it, but this makes me even stronger and I will keep calling out the lies.
I can super relate to this Oliver. As a young kid I remember clearly being told off for doing things even as simple as mixing paint… Quite a lot of the time I was the ‘teachers pet’ (as they liked to call me), but that is because when I stepped ‘outside the line’ I was told pretty straight away to stop expressing and being so ‘loud’.
Wow Oliver, I can absolutely relate to your story at school as it is something that happened to me too a long time ago. I remember the teacher saying ‘No one likes snitches’ and I too chose to shut down feeling that there was nowhere I could safely express without being labelled or ostracised. We all have a responsibility in supporting children to feel safe to express what they are seeing and feeling.
It’s sad Oliver that you did not have the support of the teacher when you told the truth, and that instead you were judged for being a ‘snitch’. It’s sad that she could not see the value in telling the truth. If we were all celebrated and supported when we tell the truth the world would be a very different place.
Wow Oliver. I can absolutely feel how this would make you shut down and not trust others when you spoke up. Absurd that a teacher would set this example.it just goes to show how deeply ingrained the thinking of ‘not rocking the boat’ goes. Great example of how from a young age we are taught to tow the line.
Wow, just reading your comment Oliver Snelgrove i realized that i thought cheating in school is normal behavior and i would have not had the idea to report this to the teacher. Something to feel more into.
Wow Oliver – what you have said has somehow highlighted (again!) that we have been living in a society that keeps things under-wraps, well hidden, not honest, showing how much we live a lie to protect our hurts.
The teacher could have chosen not call you a ‘snitch’ but to have instead chosen to help the student who was cheating – maybe because that child had stuff going on at home, maybe they needed glasses and couldn’t see the blackboard, maybe they couldn’t follow the way the teachers had explained the subject – it could any number of reasons why that child was pressed to cheat to get through and a loving talk would have brought understanding and a way to address what was happening without traumatising the student.
One might ask, why did that teacher adopt that idea about ‘snitching’ and what did that teacher have to hide in reacting to you in such a way?
Oliver you have highlighted very loudly the harm we can cause others by not honouring their truth. This happens everywhere and and as a result most are walking around wounded and choosing to hold back their beautiful expression. It’s great to share as it brings understanding to just how common it is and how we have all been shut down by another.
Wow Ariana, you gave a gift of commenting. ‘What happens when we don’t speak up? Others watch and copy our behaviour…’ This scares me. Thank you both for this challenging blog.
The direct result of not speaking out against what is not okay is as you say Matilda, having a very real effect on children: “. . . the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK. . .”. It is little wonder that violence, bullying, self harm and other anti-social behaviours are increasingly being accepted as the ‘norm’ among young people today and it is the adults in society who have not only allowed this to happen but encouraged it by not speaking out for truth. As you say Matilda “If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative”. There is another way and we can all make a difference!
Love your comment, Anne. Definitely agree with your quote from Matilda “If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative”.
Yes, we have to speak up, it is the only way that we are going to change things.
I remember some time back being told by a man how he had been bullied when he was in high school, even to the extent that during the chemistry class, he would deliberately have acid splashed at him by a couple of bullies. Even though the teacher had seen what happened, she chose not to do or say anything about it. So he had no support and kept quiet for many years. Unfortunately he said he had not told his parents, as they were very busy at the time and he did not want ‘trouble’ at the school. This has resulted in a life long lack of confidence in that person, changing a little gradually as he now speaks out about this sort of bullying and now claims that these acts should actually bring the police into the picture at the school.
There are so many ingrained beliefs and attitudes that impede on our natural ability to speak up in the face of abuse. As a young girl I was often told ‘don’t talk to people about money, politics or religion and you will always be liked’ – I used to get so angry hearing this and my response would be ‘why do I have to be liked (insert angry emoticon)’. I understand now that it’s natural to not want people you love and care for become targets of dislike, unfavor, abuse or bullying of any kind, but teaching others our coping mechanisms (such as the 101 on being liked) does not address the issue at hand. In the inactivity of speaking up and addressing abuse, we are supporting each other how to cope and adapt to abusive situations.
For example..
Its like a child in class punched another child, then the teacher and the rest of the class talk and support the receiver of the punch how to behave and position themselves so they don’t get punched or how they can make it hurt less if they do get punched. Whereas what really needs to happen in that moment to arrest the abuse is someone needs to say that is not OK, everyone in that classroom need to claim that they want to learn in a safe environment, and the person who threw the punch would have to leave until they addressed their behaviour.
Physiological abuse needs to be addressed in the same way – speaking up is an essential element of arresting abuse.
Wow Matilda, a very powerful article. You’ve nailed complacency here – how it begins, the way in which it is perpetuated and how it shapes our world. How much of what we dislike in the world today has come about because people stayed silent when they felt to speak up? As Matilda exposes here, this ‘not my problem’ attitude begins in the playground. If this is the case, then i’m drawn to ask who are these children’s role models? Parents may frown at their child accepting that which is blatantly not right (as many do) and rightly so, but where is their reflection of what it is to stand up for truth?
If children were surrounded by adults who stood up for truth everyday no matter the consequences, would we be seeing them selling out truth in the playground? For a generation to grow up standing for truth, their elders need to inspire this in them and give them permission to do it.
I actually remember when the turn started, in the playground and with my sister, when I started looking on and saying nothing, thinking it was none of my business and being told to stop interfering when I felt something was wrong. And I realise I have continued this for decades since, not speaking, for fear my voice is small, or of causing trouble. The trouble here is caused to me for holding back and I’m slowly relearning to say things out loud again.
It is awful, knowing this is not only in the playground but in pretty much any group interaction, whether that be family, work, friends or in a room of strangers. “Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.” We have normalised this behaviour with each other, the manipulation, cruelty and aggression. In fact it is abuse that has been normalised – to the point that it’s well and truly camouflaged at a general glance. Well spotted and called out Matilda.
Yet another ‘normal’, a deceitful status quo that is far from natural, as keeping quiet about what doesn’t feel right doesn’t serve anybody and certainly doesn’t allow for a more just and equitable society.
Speaking up puts you in the firing line. People do not like hearing truth and will fire shots at you when you expose something or refuse to join the crowd. Even in simple everyday situations. Recently I stood apart and questioned the serving of food that was empty, lacked nutrition, was toxic or laced with sugar. I faced resistance, ridicule, attempts to make me feel small but it didn’t silence me. I expressed what I knew to be true, regardless and prepared nutritious alternatives.
When I choose not to speak up when there is definitely something there to say, I feel a very uncomfortable tension in my body, which can be made worse if I then judge myself for not speaking up. Better to say what is there to be said at the time, and be done with it.
Brilliant, Matilda. Exposing our ambivalence to truth due to our investment in comfort and keeping the status quo is painful to feel, but I can also feel a deep appreciation for what you have shared here, because we all remember the school playground moment of absolute disbelief, when the reality of how we treat each other hits home, and the horror of it gets buried deep inside.
Great blog Matilda so true and so important. What is going on in the world is definitely not acceptable, and not speaking up is equally not acceptable as it condones it all without us realising this, by taking the easy option and giving up.The responsibility for this world is ours and we have made it this way and it is time to make a change for humanity as a whole as one, as love, as the way we live.Thank you for expressing this so simply and honestly.
Not speaking up is an ill in society, and causes untold harm, thank you Arianna for highlighting some of the consequences of this.
A perfect summation of the path we choose and have chosen through not speaking up. Awesome, Ariana.
Thank you Matilda for calling our ‘nice and polite’ behaviour for what it is: passive bullying – no more and no less. We in truth do not accept abusive behaviour, we just pretend that we do because we are fearful of speaking out. I feel the quote you have used by Albert Einstein is truth and it is time for us to stand on and for it.
So true Ariana, when we fail to speak up we opt instead for the slide into abuse and deprivation and teach all those around us that this is the way to live. Thus we dig ourselves a pit that one day we have to climb out of and that day has arrived. The evils that exist in the world do so because we have not spoken up, so time to halt this insidious slide and restore true values to our lives, we are the only people who can do that and it is not just a matter of speaking up, but also choosing to live what we say, absolutely.
I love this quote from Albert Einstein. It’s a shame that humanity did not take heed of this quote when he brought this truth through for all.
Like you Stephen G I have stood by and accepted things that I know are wrong and left the speaking-up to others. Now I accept the fact that I am not only being weak by doing this but that I am also encouraging this type of behaviour and giving it the power to grow stronger and more widespread. Connecting to my inner-most will give me the courage to speak the truth in these situations.
This is a powerful sequence Ariana and one I see playing out every day. As Matilda pointed out “As long as our nests are secure and apparently unaffected” we are okay with the lie, it is only, once we become affected that we might consider listening, such a selfish way to live.
Joel, I like that you have used the phrase ‘selfish way to live’, as it rings very true to me. I know that I have been selfish in the way that I have lived in the past and present but as I start to feel that we are all brothers I have come to realise that although it may feel like we separate it is in fact impossible to separate from brotherhood. We just think we go off and build our private little nest but in truth whatever we do in that nest still affects everybody that is outside the nest- as we are all connected, it is an unescapable fact. One day we will come to see that our ‘selfish’ ways are laughable as they just don’t make sense in the whole picture.
Wow Ariana, your Q&A packs a punch (of truth) and I love it! You have clearly exposed the dishonesty and damage we cause when we ignore that initial impulse to speak what we know is true.
For most of my life I have held back what needed to be said. Most of the time, feeling deeply what was needed, but not having the confidence to speak up. Even as a child, I could feel so much, then going into teenage years, I began to squash what I felt even more, then pretty much silenced any feelings or intuition I felt with alcohol and drugs. More recently, the past 5 years, since learning how to connect with myself deeply and understanding how to read energy through Universal Medicine, I have turned my life around. It is unbelievable the true freedom one can feel when not restricted by emotion and drama in oneself and ones life. It is truly amazing. I say this also with deep appreciation and love for the Benhayon family, for what they bring and support they provide each and every day.
This is a great blog Matilda. There is such fear and anxiousness about speaking up when something doesn’t feel right, particularly around children, that we can learn at a very young age to keep quiet rather than to have to deal with a reaction to what has been said. I know this very well, and have kept quiet for much of my life, but am understanding now that by keeping quiet I am holding back what I have to share with others. And although this can seem unimportant to me, it can be of great value to someone else, who may not otherwise have an opportunity to hear it. It can also give another more confidence to express what they really feel and then it has a knock on effect.
Such a strong and powerful blog Matilda! It is so clear to see that the foundations of a healthy, growing and expanding society lie in our nurturing of our children’s expression, whether at home or at school . . . allowing them to say how and what they feel, and not undermining them or shutting them down. In this way they will be truly met and heard and will know their equality and have their own standing. A society with these foundations will not be abusive but will be open, loving, joyful and willing to explore the next step in our glorious future.
“I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries”. And all this behaviour considered a goal of many parents for their ‘socially integrated’ children. But at what cost to that Society? These pressures on our young ones to keep their mouths shut, and what they feel locked inside are not only from the playground, but also from adults, figures of authority and schools – where it is deemed an accepted, expected and rewarded form of behaviour. We are living in a way that is designed to not ‘rock the boat’ or ‘say it how it is’. I agree Matilda as you say, it is our willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, so that we can make a difference.
In reading this blog and the comments I can feel we know the impact of “not speaking up” it has triggered in us a deep pain. We know the impact and how it feels to shut ourselves down not honouring our feelings and speaking our truth, it hurts. It’s vital our kids are supported to freely express and not follow our lead being shut down to fit with the ‘norm.’ This is totally disempowering and we can change the example our kids are seeing … It’s my responsibility to play my part!
Interesting observations of the playground Matilda. I wonder how this comes to be that kids and then adults have an aversion to speaking up and telling the truth? As you suggest, it seems that we often want to keep our heads down and not make a scene. I feel that this is based on comfort and an unwritten contract that if we don’t call out what is not true in another then they won’t call out what is not true in us. This allows us not to deal with any issues we don’t want to – a huge comfort and protection.
I agree, it feels like not calling out what is not true is part of an uneasy truce where everything stays just below the surface and nothing gets called out lest it cause some discomfort. That can’t be the way forward for humanity, surely not!
Thank you for sharing this Matilda, it is great!
I have given up playing the social game of being polite and saying the socially correct things and absolutely love writing and expressing… although I still get nervous at times when speaking because I am no longer speaking from the script and what I think is the right thingt to say so I don’t rock the boat. These days I speak what feels right and true to me but in a big group it does still feel a bit daunting. Writing on the other hand, I just love as I have a little more time to express without others right in front of me waiting for a response. I can just take my time and share what I feel like, and now these days what is great is there is no need for anyone to agree, or to like what I write because that is not why I write in the first place.
Ahh thanks for sharing Rosie, I have often wondered why I find it so much easier to express the way I am feeling in writing rather than verbally and as you say it is because with writing I am not writing for the purpose of others approval where as with verbal communication there are people right in front of me and I find myself wanting to impress or rather more importantly, not “rock the boat”
And all of this happens so quickly and smoothly that we don’t even realise. This then becomes our normal.
Great explanation of what really happens when we make a choice to not speak up Ariana.
I have spent most of my life tuning out from the ‘what is not love’ that surrounds me. I used to focus on the big atrocities and I was a bit of an activist. This approach really does make you feel small and worthless. I then gave up. But I can make a difference in what goes on around me and the first steps to speak up about it.
“I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference.” What if we were taught from young that we are not worthless and we can all make a difference? As I learn to appreciate myself the sense of worthlessness diminishes and I no longer feel that it is impossible to make a difference. We don’t always show our appreciation to children and what they can bring. They have a natural knowing of what is true or not but if this is not honoured then they learn to hold back and stay silent.
And this definitely is not true that we are worthless in the big picture for those who still think this- Serge Benhayon is one man who has brought a huge difference to humanity and now so are many more.
We all, each and everyone of us, as you say, have a wise and natural knowing.
So true and important point you have raised Alisonmoir- that children have a natural knowingness which needs to be honoured; and if encouraged to speak truth from young they will continue to do so when older, and into adulthood. This will create love, respect and harmony in relationships.
You mentioned an important point, Alison, in expressing the truth to children and how amazing they are in their expression.
This is so true alison, I see this with my young son, if something doesn’t feel right, he will say, he doesn’t stay quiet as I sometimes do but will always call it out, If someone touches in in a rough way or someone says something that is not true he will clearly say. truth is very simple for him as he hasn’t learnt to override what he feels and stay quiet, it is very inspiring.
I like it Ariana – say it like it is.
There are many occasions where I have seen things that I know are wrong and yet I have stood by and hoped that someone else will speak up and resolve it. I now understand that I can’t live that way anymore, every time I see something that isn’t honest, truthful or acceptable, it is 100% my responsibility to act and call it out. Standing on the sidelines just doesn’t work.
I can totally relate Stephen G – not only does standing on the sidelines not work, it condones and perpetuates a way of being in the world that is at polar opposites to what we know is true.
Me too Stephen – this is especially evident for me at school.. There are some particular groups of friends who like to target and bully what they see as more ‘vulnerable’ kids, and sometimes it can be happening right in front of my face (or even to me) and I don’t say anything.. Over the last year I’ve started to speak up a bit more, but there is definitely still a part of me that just wants to stand on the sidelines and have nothing to do with it. Something I realise now, is that as long as I continue to step back from it, it will continue.
After a lifetime of trying to be nice, never saying what I truly feel, and therefore always being a victim of the circumstances or people around me, I am finding through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon that I am now able to feel much more, recognise it and express it. I have also discovered that there is a difference between expressing your emotions and your feelings. I can have an emotional outburst which I regret later, but that has usually happened because I did not express my true feelings long ago.The change has to happen from inside for us to be able to claim ourselves and risk expressing the truth when we feel it; only that way will it carry the power to start change.
This is so important what you have shared and this is just within one school! I know in the past I haven’t wanted to speak up for fear of being stupid, that I don’t understand, that I see differently from others and of having a complete lack of confidence in myself. This is starting to change now but taken a very long time to heal in my life. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been a great support in teaching me the reasons why I hold back in life and how not to hold back but express what is going on. It is really damaging when we do this, not only to ourselves but everyone else. We now have a responsibility to help others to not hold back but express all that they feel. I don’t feel I am completely there in able to do this yet but am working towards this, like many others as it really needs to change.
There are so many moments every day if we are aware of it when we have a simple choice to express in full the love and truth that we know is our natural way of living or to settle for less. By only expressing some truth or expressing truth some of the time we are in effect colluding with the social game designed to bury and hide truth.
If we do not speak up we are simply living a lie.
This is a powerful statement Rebecca and says it all.
Wow yes, a profound and powerful statement Diana and Rebecca. I am going to say it again: ‘If we do not speak up we are simply living a lie’. If it were to be visibly seen we would all be walking around with long noses like Pinocchio. It is only relatively recently that I have felt the extent of the lie we live. It is so good to see it that clearly and in observation with no judgment attached – just the fact of it.
Like how you use the story of Pinocchio to make it visible. There is a great lesson in that story. And even though we do not have a nose that grows, we do have a body that feels contracted when we hold back.
Totally agree Rebecca!
So true, children and parents alike are often worried about speaking up in case some one does’t like them or they think they may get more attacked. Silence how ever condones, bullying, be it verbal or physical. If we take the playground environment, many of us know as parents that we want to have a world that supports our children, this the way, money and stuff comes very much behind supporting a child if they wish to speak the truth and speaking the truth with that chid, that is what really supports them to know that there can be a different way in life, it can life changing and empowering.
So what happens when we DO speak up?, We tell the truth, refuse abuse, stay who we are, others see this and do the same, and the world becomes more loving. Simple choices, great world.Thank you Ariana, this is so clear.
So true Catherine. It only takes one person to start speaking the truth to change the world. Look at the impact Serge Benhayon has had from simply speaking the truth.
All very true Ariana. As you’ve shared, when we don’t speak up (and naturally then lie instead) things start to escalate – others look and observe us; someone accepting abuse in their life – and begin to think that is okay. They then set the example for other people to do the same, and we end up with a world that lies, accepts and delivers abuse and plays it small. All of this is our responsibility to change.
I hadn’t appreciated just how damaging it is to be called things like “‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’” when we speak our truth. Yet the tread then carries through our life until we heal that. Whilst we can’t change the past, whats beautiful about your sharing is how we can change how we express from hereon out.
David, what’s a ‘grass’?
Hi lindellparlour, a ‘grass’ is an ‘informer’. I felt to let you know just in case it took a while before David reads these comments.
Thank you Nicholas. I know what a snitch and a tell tale is but I had never heard of a grass before.
‘“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein’. It appears that most of us have been complicit in this at some stage and it is well time for all of us in the world to look at this responsibility so we can build a truer future.
What has come up for me is an analogy of living in a garden. I will forever see opportunities of pulling out a weed, pruning something, watering and feeding – I have a choice to taking care of the garden by acting whenever I spot an action is required. This is similar to taking care as I live life – I have a choice to take care and speaking when I feel that something requires expressing. If we choose to ignore what we feel or keep burying our head in the sand, we end up living in a garden overgrown with weeds and hardly any flowers.
Great garden analogy Golnaz! You are speaking of the garden of energy, choosing to moment by moment weed out any utterance that is not an utterance with the quality of evolutionary love. Our utterances do all those jobs you mentioned – they prune, they weed, the water and feed. Slowly but surely the Internet and the ethers will be weeded by the act of our standing up and speaking the truth, and one fine day there will be a faint fragrance to be detected, beginning to emanate on the air-waves!
That is a beautiful analogy Golnaz. It says a lot about choices and the responsibility that we have.
Golnaz, I like where you have taken this garden analogy. When we take care of the world we live in by speaking up, or taking action we can develop the beauty, colour and harmony of it. Without speaking up we allow disarray, dulling and disorder.
Well said Ariana, when we don’t speak up we are accepting all sorts of abusive behaviour. Children and adults alike need to speak up about what does not feel right. We are responsibility for the world that we allow.
I have also noticed playground behaviour, “Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’.” The flack some children get from others when they have told an adult about what is going on can be intense. They become demoralised, keep the situation to themselves even though they are really wanting to seek support and feel destabilised from the inside. From this place a shutting down can occur and a giving up. Isn’t this what we have done as adults in the bigger world of life?
Matilda this is such a strong blog, you have shared so much that as a society we need to think about carefully. ‘As long as our nests are secure and apparently unaffected (“sure we argue sometimes, but the war is overseas”) we carry on regardless of the hurt and chaos.’ Turning a blind eye to keep our own comforts doesn’t in any way, shape or form change what needs to be changed. I have lived with the prime focus of keeping my nest unruffled ignoring the disturbance outside my front door and I am only just beginning to be aware of the damage this causes.
Me too Rachel. I never realised how self-ish this way of living was. Of course there is a responsibility of oneself to consider, but there is also an understanding that we are all equal brothers, living in this world, together, which is of equal, utmost important for us all in order to live harmoniously together….otherwise the cycle continues.
I’m feeling this too Rachel, as you say “I have lived with the prime focus of keeping my nest unruffled….” – but am quickly learning that we have a greater responsibility to all.
Absolutely Rachel and Roberta. We have been not speaking up to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves safe, just thinking about me ,me, me. We do have a deeper responsibility towards ourselves and to all, to halt the the onward march of sold-out compliance and harmful silence in the face of falsity and abuse.
“If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative”. Unfortunately there are very few in today’s society who have the courage to speak up and, as this blog describes, this starts in early school years where “children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know’. This needs to change – it is time that children were encouraged to express what they feel from an early age and were listened to. Children, when encouraged, have much to say and great wisdom to share. Thank you Matilda for bringing attention to this important subject.
As you say Ariana, not speaking up quickly becomes not just not speaking up but actively reducing ourselves. The ‘grass’ argument is simply a suitable way to express our jealousy towards others as it is very difficult not just to express but to express in the teeth of these constant attacks.
Thank you Matilda for such an inspiring blog. I spent a lifetime of not speaking up and I certainly know the consequences of that. It is great to know, now, that I do have a choice.
yes jaderiver56, I now know and understand that we have a choice to stay silent and continue to harm ourselves and everyone around us, or to speak up and in doing so say no to all that is not right or true. Our willingness to stand up for truth, to express without holding back is incredibly powerful – to hold back may offer the initial comfort of staying “safe” but truly only offers misery and pain.
Well said. And it is fabulous that we can change our choice at any moment.
Ariana, I found the way you expressed and presented your comment above as to ‘what happens when we do not speak up’ very powerful. Thank you. It just lays it bare, with no murky or shady bits – it’s very clear.
Great blog, Matilda, saying it as it is and as it needs to be said – that we’re all responsible for expressing truth when we see, hear or feel something that is anything but. Although it might feel like we’re a lone voice, that ripple effect you describe is unwittingly contagious, giving others the inspiration to express too. Only when we have the courage to step out of our self-made comfort will things really change – and that’s likely for many to be only when things start to affect us and our comfort levels personally.
I agree Cathy, the ripple effect we have on others is significant, even if we can’t see it.
To think that we don’t make a difference is only lying to ourselves. We may not make differences that we expect to see, when we express the truth and from love, but it doesn’t make our contribution any less; love has no attachments it just loves.
Ariana you have called it exactly as it is. The last one is the alarm bells ‘We accept a world that is abusive to all’. When we stop and really consider what this is saying I truly believe we all know that this is not how we are suppose to be living. Deliberate Abuse, Assault and attacks on our fellow brothers down to the smallest detail when we are just out for ourselves. This hurts big time when you sit and realise that this is at play and running our world.
Great, concise summary of how the consciousness of believing its safer to stay small affects us all on every level.
This is a great expose of how our natural innate expression can tarnish as we grow up. I have been a follower of the niceties, being polite, and doing and saying what I ‘thought’ was the right thing by others and what they wanted to hear. However through Universal Medicine I have come to understand the importance of speaking the truth, and when we speak to another openly and honestly it is amazing how open people are to hearing the truth – in fact they want more of it, and so much magic can happen from sharing in this way.
I love how you describe our expression getting ‘tarnished’ Paula. That is exactly what happens. Our capacity for true expression is never ever lost – it only gets clouded over with lack of use, love and care . . . like an old silver teapot. Now is the Renaissance of our new commitment to expression, to saying how we feel, to saying ‘no’ that which is untrue and serves no one.
Yes Ariana, we accept a created world that is without love, and live life as this, in abuse. For what is not love, is abuse. Calling abuse for what it is by speaking up draws back the curtain to unveil how far and how normal ‘living without love’ (abuse) actually is, and seeps into our entire psyche. What happens when we start to love – we start to live again. And others watch, and may feel inspired by the unshakeable truth that is before. When we live and express truly again, we have a world that’s pointed back to its original epicentre and home – that of love.
Yes ladies, I get the ‘compressed, constricted’ feeling too when I don’t speak up. Actually it feels as if my head is going to explode and I feel sick in the stomach. Imagine what illnesses are in the making due to not expressing, whatever it is that needs to come out?! With more love expressed, there should be an ever-decreasing weight of having to point out things that are not love, until eventually all we do is express love all the time and live in the joy that is our natural way.
What you share here Matilda is clear, that when we start to silence ourselves from fear we withdraw from life and who we are. Though the games continue, there is no ground in which we can play, just as we naturally are.
Oh yes Ariana, I can vouch for the fact that not speaking up leaves us feeling tight and compressed. I find this whether what I have not said is what we may call the ‘difficult’ stuff, or the ‘good’ stuff. Holding back expressing just how much I love someone or something, or how beautiful I find something hurts me and others just as much as when I don’t say that something feels not quite right.
So true Catherine- I have held back expressing positive things and haven’t said “No” to abusive behaviour and accepted both as normal. But my body lets me know very loudly now – my throat feels constricted, I cough, my chest feels very tight and compressed- it feels awful. I now can feel how if we all do this as a society we unfortunately accept a world that is abusive to all, as Ariana clearly states.
Reading your blog again Matilda took me back to my school days when those same issues went on then and children were discouraged from speaking up. We all have a responsibility not just to speak up ourselves but to encourage and support children of all ages to express how they feel.
For some of us part of the journey back to expressing truth has been to allow ourselves to feel our bodies, to notice that something doesn’t feel right and then to feel that it’s OK to express what we feel. In some countries where drug gangs rule, it really isn’t safe to stand up and express, you risk your life, but it is our standing by and letting it happen that has created that mess. We can start in small ways, being truth-full to our partners, family, friends, our colleagues, and for those that can, further afield.
It is lovely to reconnect with your blog Matilda. I have noticed how much more aware I am becoming of what is really going on – what I am feeling and what others are feeling around me. It has been great to acknowledge and honour these feelings, in a way I have never done before – and yes, speaking up when necessary. I have also been feeling when I do not need to say anything and just a movement or a gesture is enough to change the situation. I love how you have written the choice to “start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside” – expression is powerful through our communication, but our expression IS everything and not only in how we communicate.
Are we all hiding behind our masks of ‘niceness’ when we don’t speak up and speak the truth? We have been conditioned from an early age to ‘don’t say anything if you can’t say something nice!’ So, in being ‘nice’, have we have shut down our expression, shut down our ability to call out the wrongs in this world and become totally oblivious to righting all the wrongs we see around us every day? Even our governments turn a ‘blind eye’ to the ills in society in the fear that they are not being seen as ‘nice’ – being ‘nice’ is evil and is one of the roots of the wrongs that are happening in this world.
So many masks, being nice, polite, putting on a brave face and all the conditioning that stops us being the person that we truly are. As you say, ruthanderssen007, we have shut down our expression as individuals and as a society. Buried underneath all this rubbish is the truth which is beginning to surface again now that some of us are finding the courage to put our heads above the parapet, knowing that sometimes we will be shot at but most of the time we will just be giving people a helping hand to come out of hiding and be their true selves.
I agree Ruthanderssen. This “niceness” covers up what we don’t want to deal with and places window dressing around the evil that is allowed to continue. I feel that we are more than capable, as individuals and a society, to deal with all of the issues facing us if we start from a basis of truth.
Isn’t being behind the mask of ‘niceness’ just another way of not taking responsibility, like a get out clause. It does seem to me that this is how we have been trained since young to hold back what we want to say and I remember being told ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’.
Great comment ruthanderssen007. I always turned a blind eye to things I disagreed with. I followed the proverbs about ‘The freedom of speech’, ‘Every man has a right to say what he wants’, and ‘Each man his own’, but now I see there should be a proviso added: ‘As long as it is hurting no one. Now I ‘speak up’.
When I don’t speak up I lose my connection with god – well actually it never leaves me because that is impossible, but it seems that way because I leave it for a while. If there is no connection my life is quite awful and empty. Therefore we could say perhaps that the purpose to life is to learn how to hold a steady connection (as much as humanly possible) no matter what happens around us.
Matilda I had a conversation with a fellow work mate this morning about the condition of the world and humanity. The lady willing admitted that she lives in her mind most of her days because she can’t handle what is going on in the world and there is nothing she can do to change it. Most people look at the situation as a whole – the whole world – how can we fix that it’s too big so people give up. We need to start small, first with ourselves, then our families/friends, the play ground etc. This way it’s manageable, achievable and not overwhelming. From little things big things grow 🙂
I feel that there are many people living in this way – feeling overwhelmed by what they see around them and then choosing, in various ways, to not truly live in the world. As you say, start small, with yourself, and from little things big things grow.
One of the hardest things is to start small, with yourself. We are so conditioned to look outside of ourselves for solutions, this is why people become so overwhelmed, it feels foreign to us at the beginning to connect to yourself. Change brings discomfort and a lot of people don’t like change even if it improves their life.
Thank you Matilda for this immensely important blog on speaking up and where it first starts with us all. It is eye opener and a model for us all in the world today and the necessary changes that can occur to bring about a more harmonious loving way of simply being in the world and a living way we all truly crave underneath. It shows the responsibility , integrity and loving joy we can all live and change life to.
To stick our heads over the parapet and speak up, we need to claim ourselves in the face of all that might come our way in reaction. Life is that playground and we never leave it in truth. So it’s up to us who lays down the rules. Do we let the bullies tell us who we are and what we can say? I have also kept quiet at times in fear of the reaction. But the times when I did speak, even if I was called a ‘sneak’, I always felt better for saying the truth.
Jinya, I agree speaking the truth feels so much better than not despite the reaction you may or may not get.
Really beautifully put Jinya. I love how you have expressed this. Hearing this is a great reminder and confirmation for me that it is okay to speak my truth. Holding back in fear of reaction does not feel good at all.. it feels horrible in my body and affects my entire day and week.
I agree Annie, ‘Holding back in fear of reaction does not feel good at all.. it feels horrible in my body and affects my entire day and week.’ If I have a strong feeling to say something and at that moment go into my head and stop myself saying it for whatever reason then it feels awful, quite devastating,I feel tired and small, if I express what i feel then it feels amazing, very natural and powerful and I feel strong and true and my body feels amazing.
So well said Rebecca and Annie. You are annunciating the Space Program for the 21st Century!
When there is something there to be said and we bottle it up a pressure builds in the body. The energy impulsing what we would have said stays ‘in’ and does not come ‘out’. And so the strong bubble of energy now takes up space within us, squashing us, making the space inside us smaller . . no wonder we feel ‘tired and small’ as you say Rebecca. If we express what we feel is the truth it makes a space for the energy inside us to flow, and as it flows the space expands. It is all clearly Science – a Science which we as a race are yet to try study, a Science with boundless depths for exploration. Let’s tell NASA. Ha!
So true Jinya and your comment at the end is quite poignant. How often are we persecuted for telling the truth, for outing a wrong and putting ourselves on the line. It is appalling really that we attack those who speak up, when in reality everyone is benefiting by the action. I know for myself that learning to speak up is definitely a work in progress that needs my constant attention, because as you say Jinya, we always feel the worth of expressing the truth.
Well said Jinya. I see this in my child. He does not speak up about what feels wrong to him out of fear what reaction may come at him. I try to support him with this, but I know he has learnt this behaviour as a reflection of my own and others. The best way now to support him is to offer him a different example.
So true Jinya. If we put our heads up we have to be willing to deal with all that comes our way. I have always felt better in hearing and speaking the truth. To me, I feel like I can deal with anything from a foundation of truth.
It’s powerful what you say Lee because it is the truth snd there is no greater foundation than truth.
Yes, Jinya. Holding back the truth creates a pressure that can be physically felt. Then the speaking of the held-back truth becomes a relief when it finally comes out. But I have found that if I speak or express the truth when it arises there is much more power and strength to it than when I sit on it and wait for the ‘right moment’. The truth has its impulse in the moment that it is felt. Why is it that we override that feeling and decide to not give it its due expression when it is called for?
The key I feel is to come to the point of having built enough self love and presence that to compromise it feels worse than what may happen when it is expressed. To compromise my quality is starting to hurt far more than getting attacked through reaction, although this is definitely still a work in progress!
Well said michelle819. I agree.
Not saying something when I felt I should have is a real sinking feeling: I know I’ve let this behaviour continue if not directly in front of me, it’ll happen somewhere else in the playground.
Sometimes I hold back hoping someone else will speak up instead. If they do I may feel relief momentarily but I feel a coward and a traitor to truth. If no-one speaks then I’ve let the moment pass and it’s gone for the time being but I feel a great sense of regret.
Jinya I agree, we never leave this playground so what is here to address is here until it is addressed. I can hide in the delay of ‘next time’ or I can keep up and not feel the pain of letting things slip when I know I am more than capable of speaking up and being heard.
Yes. We do a lot to not rock the boat.
“Must be a valuable course” one could think – but is it?
Corruption, sadness, arguments, inner emptiness, abusive relationships, increasing of incomprehensible illnesses, wars inside and outside of people & houses (to name just a few phenomenons of our society) are “normal” – what means: accepted.
Thats not the boat and course I like to carry on – but if I like a change here, I have to change. I have to speak up and bring in the values I am longing for: truth, harmony, love, joy, brotherhood, simplicity, beauty, grace and a deep connection to God. And I have to speak up.
” but if I like a change here, I have to change. I have to speak up and bring in the values I am longing for: truth, harmony, love, joy, brotherhood, simplicity, beauty, grace and a deep connection to God. And I have to speak up.” Sandra – we have the same values. Count me in with yourself to living those values, and then to speaking out about them naturally. I look forward to it.
Wow Matilda, I don’t recall any blog recently that had as many replies is this short a time! It was like the dam has burst with the expressions that have spilled forth on speaking up. We are but the tip of the iceberg… the silence has been broken, we all have a voice and it is well past time to start using it to call out truth and what is not.
Very true – it is like the dam got broken and huge waves of unexpressed expressions have flown forth… nothing like someone expressing in their truth to inspire others to do the same. This is how we change the world – one expression at a time.
Children reflect the way we live and we try to change the behaviours of our children without looking where these behaviours come from so we can continue to live our comfortable life. The ripple effect when we do speak up is as you say more far reaching than we could ever imagine. I know I can make a difference and every time I share what I feel it becomes easier to speak up and not stay in playing safe and be the nice girl I used to be.
Matilda, this is a blog the whole of humanity needs to read. The majority of us sit back in silence while the minority run amok, because we are under the illusion that it doesn’t effect us. I find this very powerful article such a kick up the backside as it makes me realise how silent I have been and the false comfort this brings, while so many in the world suffer and others profit from this suffering. The cycles need to be broken, I am so tired of seeing and reading about all the injustice in the world and the amount of money spent on weapons trying to fix the problems only to make them one hundred times worse.
Your observation in the playground is so true I expect of most schools, it certainly was when I was at school many moons ago. What if we were taught at that early age in all schools all over the world the importance of speaking up and expressing what is really going on, how would this change the mess we are in?
I find from chatting with some young people that it’s not just the pressure of not speaking up -because they are effectively speaking up and calling out those around them -it’s also the jealousy and angst within the people they call out that gets thrown at them. When people feel disempowered, what seems to make them react the most is someone who is empowered and expressing it outwardly.
Wow Matilda, the power and truth in your words are so strong. Your blog really highlights the idiocy of not speaking up, why is it not normal to say when things do not feel right? & why would I not want to? Abuse is not OK and that includes shouting or being aggressive and all the arguing that we have come to accept as normal.
I appreciate what you have written here Marika and I have felt into my experience of this.. I too spoke truth when young but became frustrated and angry that others didn’t listen and didn’t get what I was saying. Expressing truth without emotions but from the power within opens up people to listen and feel what is being said.
We have a huge responsibility towards the world’s children to create safe places for them to feel that they are able to freely express without any consequences. Holding back becomes a learnt behaviour which then is carried over into adulthood. I have come to realise as an adult by holding back the truth and not expressing doesn’t allow others to express and be in their truth.
Well said Matilda.. I am really sensing how the more we don’t speak up and do nothing we are adding to the rot that is going on. Unless someone says something… all this behaviour is classified as ‘normal’. Can we re-define what the meaning of normal is? If everyone was to speak up I’m sure the definition would change.
I agree Ariel – it takes a commitment to see what is really going on – the rot at the heart of our society and the wrongs hidden behind the mask of good. Once you have seen it, you then have to step up and do something about it.
I have had many conversations around the situations we are seeing reflected and confirmed in the microcosm of the school yard. It’s a very strong force at ‘play’ changing the behaviour and permeating our kids. It’s like the school yard has become the indoctrination yard, so kids loose sight of who they are and conforming is the only option. We have a responsibility to expose this force and bring the ‘fun play’ back into the playground
This is such an important point, and not only that but with increased technology and accessibility to it, our children are no longer free from the school play ground when they arrive home. There is no longer any reprise, time to collect yourself and see the bigger picture, connect with a different source, because the messaging and the social media continues 24/7.
Wow Matilda, this is a very powerful blog. You are absolutely right and this quote: “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein. This I know for myself, I have done. I have stood in silence in front of the face of evil and said nothing in fear of being attacked. It was an act of protection for only myself and I wasn’t willing to stand up for truth and for humanity. This was a huge pill to swallow. I am extremely inspired by your blog and Universal Medicine to always express truth and love. I am learning to stand up for truth and to speak up when I feel something is not true. I am learning to express truth in my everyday life and to not hold back and hide. I am learning that choosing to stay silence is no longer acceptable, choosing to play small and hide is no longer acceptable. I have come to realise that my life isn’t just about me, I am not alone and that my life is about humanity. To not let fear control me. I now know and feel that I was never alone, God was always with me, beside me patiently waiting for me to return to truth and love. Your blog Maditlda is immensely healing for me to read. As I am wiping my tears away, with deep appreciation and a massive thank you for this amazing blog.
I am so glad that you wrote this Matilda. It seems that we do not speak up on the playgrounds at school, and we let our children see that it is OK to not speak up. As they see us as an example. If the school ground is the growing up place for kids, and kids are learning not to say anything so that they fit in, we can not expect them to then keep their loving, tender and open qualities, so as they grow up, they stop expressing their loveliness, their sweetness and from their openness & honesty. I feel it is time to be honest of what we all have created in the school grounds and as we adults speak our own truth, this is what we reflect to our children and that is how we make a difference. Speaking up is very beautiful and so we should compliment kids on expressing, never taking them down.
Power-full blog Matilda. I love it thank you. Great question What happens when we do not speak up? The consequences of this are all to plain to see yet we hide from so many of these atrocities, living in our own comfort expecting others to clean up the mess. I am committing to speaking up more and more in my life from a place of love rather than reaction, as this previously is where my expression came from, a place of frustration and reaction to the world. But learning to speak from connection to truth and connection to myself is a very different feeling with very different outcomes. I know myself how it feels when I hear truth spoken in connection. It is a powerful transformative and evolutionary tool that is so much needed in the world
When I was young my grandfather would use the term “children should be seen and not heard”. As I grew the phrase “children should speak when they are spoken to” came into play. Then at school the teacher would make the statement “and there will be no talking back” or “no discussion”. And of course we all generally accepted that “silence was golden”. I literally felt gaged and powerless from very early on in life. Shaking off the shackles of this kind of indoctrination is so important. As you say Matilda: “Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!”
Great point Barbara, and very true. As children we really are hushed at every possible moment – at the dinner table, when they’re playing too loud, at school etc. etc., and we are definitely taught then that ‘silence is golden’. I remember the chill that went down my spine when teachers used to tell me to stop talking, and that I ‘couldn’t listen to them or do my work at the same time as talking’… Overtime you make a choice to either stay quiet or rebel with detentions as consequence. I chose the former.
I was chatting to my colleague at work today, and just happened to ask how their partner was, expecting the usual ‘fine’ answer. But today they suddenly opened up, telling me about how it was really going and how they really felt. They talked about how they realised they never spoke up about how they felt and just bottled it up. It is amazing the lack of communication that can occur in a relationships, where everything bursts out in an argument but nothing is really talked about.
It feels to me that it is not so much that society does not want to know what is really going on, it is just that it no longer trusts the media to tell the truth, especially about the lies and the corruption of many governments and (what appears to me to be) warmongers who seem to me to be running our world with an agenda of hatred and violence. It appears many focus on competitive consumerism, whereby the privileged ones who have a job and money buy a whole bunch of things they don’t need or even want that advertising has brainwashed them to believe they need, while the other half of the world struggles for food and shelter.
Speaking up is such an impressive game changer – it takes fear and pressure out of you first and this makes every step you take different and more powerful.
I think a lot of people can relate to learning to keep quiet as a child, and as you mention ‘not saying out loud what we feel and know…’ – that behaviour starts very young in most of us so it’s no wonder many have trouble expressing their feelings after so many years of practice biting our tongues.
I noticed the other day when I held back a simple sharing with some friends. It wasn’t anything important, or a grand truth, but something everyday. By holding my expression back I could feel a tightness across my chest and a closed down feeling in my body. When I share with light-heartedness by whole body opens up and I feel so different. It just showed me clearly what happens to my body as a direct consequence of holding back.
We are seemingly powerless to do anything about the tyrannical dictator, the horrible cases of abuse and ever growing list of societal ills that fill the news. As you say Matilda, it’s as if the only place for humanity to find solace in such a world is with our heads in the sand, avoiding eye contact, in case we might see the same pain reflected in another’s eyes. It seems if we are not the doer of bad things, we are free to live out our lives in relative comfort, chasing security for oneself. There isn’t anything wrong with a life of security, but it leaves out a huge part of the equation. We are accountable, even if we don’t do those horrible things, by the fact that we live in this world and that we are temporary tenants. The power to make changes lies in claiming the responsibility we have as individuals.
Matilda your observations are profound and make such sense, it is boggling that what you share is not talked about widely. It is quite something to sum up not only our commonplace personal ill-dynamics, their evidence at play in our children’s lives, the way this then translates onto a global scale, the underlying causative factors and then offers us a way forward to break the cycle we have come to accept and yet hate all at once. Thank you, this should be read and studied widely… the simplicity of “I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,” is accessible to all, not longitudinal studies, rocket-science or multi-national organisation needed!
The voices of children can often be heard loud and clear expressing truth without inhibition but can often be ignored by adults when they do. I was in the company of three such beautiful children yesterday aged 6, 8, and 12. We visited a city in a southern American state. I walked beside each one in turn and marvelled at their sensitivity and ability to openly express them selves. One said ‘ugh this place is scary, ugly, can we go home?’ Another said: ‘it’s dirty and seedy, there’s voodoo and prostitution here, can’t you feel it! The third, ‘What are we doing here, I don’t like it’ Each one expressed what I felt. When an adult attempted to disregard their feelings by romanticising the area, I spoke up, supported what the children and said we should leave. And we did.
Yes Katie, it works both ways does it not? The more we build up the habit of not speaking out when we observe what is unacceptable behaviour the easier it becomes the next time and the next, until as you say Matilda, it becomes normal. But once we make the stand and let go of those layers of protection we have built around us, and speak the truth without fear of the consequences, then the next time it is easier, and the next and the next …. Then this becomes the natural way. This is what builds relationships and community. No mare in a herd of horses would ever tolerate a colt’s adolescent behaviour, they immediately separate them from the herd until they have learned their lesson, and I am sure many indigenous tribes still call any behaviour that harms the community to account. It seems to be our so called civilised society where it exists, with the danger of “freedom of expression” and “being ourselves” becoming a convenient excuse for “We can do whatever we like”. Freedom to speak the truth on behalf of the community and humanity is a very different thing. The expression has to be inclusive of all, not just for ourselves.
An amazing blog and an amazing array (and number) of comments all reflecting similar. Which goes to show me that we are all feeling this. That we all know; how much it hurt not feeling we can stand up, how much we thus haven’t stood up and how powerful it now is when we do stand up. Truly this claiming of our what we know and feel in every cell of our body is bedrock of a loving and equal humanity. And is the catalyst for true evolution.
Yes, I too as a child learned to keep so very quiet, not saying out loud what I felt and knew and I learned it so well that I stayed that way well into my adulthood. I was such a good learner that I didn’t speak up when I was bullied at work for years – I was deeply unhappy of course but I didn’t say anything. But one day when I saw another work colleague targeted, I knew enough was enough. I did speak up, the matter was resolved and I haven’t silenced myself since. Its not just for the things that are horrid, but I needed to learn to say the things that were beautiful too – like when I deeply appreciated another, when I felt delighted or when there were wisdoms I felt to share. Holding back is now not an option.
Politeness and etiquette is society’s snake oil – pungent, sweetly scented, and designed to prevent us from looking deeper beneath the surface of what life truly is and has to offer. Rather would I the honest sweat of a life laid bare for all to see in the furnace of fire than the polished and perfect performance of an well trained orator who presents coal under the pretence that it is a diamond that he holds in his hands.
Well said Adam. Yesterday I ended up talking with two butchers while buying some meat. I expressed how I always enjoyed coming into their shop. No one came into the shop for the next half hour as they talked to me about how they run their workplace. They both had cruel masters in their apprenticeship and could see that fewer and fewer young men were wanting to come into the butcher’s trade because of this agonising baptism into the fold. John, who is passionate about his trade, ended up buying his own business with the purpose of having a group of men that would work together – not against each other, help each other out when they can, have a lot of fun while working, appreciate each others strengths and know their weaknesses, be willing to speak up when they were feeling something was wrong so that it could be out in the open. The two butchers ended by saying practically in unison, ‘We work long hours for 6am to 5pm, but with a stress-free workplace this is easy and enjoyable and there is no burn-out. As a result we rarely get sick or have to be taken to hospital, and if this were the case we would look after each other. This family is just as important to us as our family at home’. I was standing there listening in absolute awe as they expanded to me what they live. No coal here, only diamond.
What shocks me is that everyone expects people to tell the truth at all times and yet we will easily shy away from speaking up which is not the truth. As a teenager I see many people who will shy away from speaking out about something if it is wrong or if someone is doing something they shouldn’t.
What a poignant article Matilda, Thank You. I recall from young that when I pointed out something the response of others was not always pretty, and besides nothing ever changed. So I learned to shut down and even numb myself to those unacceptable things. We have a society in which pretty much everyone has learned this behaviour. Your article is a great wake-up call that it is vital to reverse this trend. Yes I may be out of practice – not having communicated for so long at times what I say may not be the most eloquent or graceful communication – however that is no excuse to ignore what I feel or to hold back. Thanks to Universal Medicine and articles such as yours I am reminded that “my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade.”
‘too small to make a difference’ ? Rubbish – just listen to a baby cry – it makes us feel uncomfortable because they are expressing FULLY and we don’t like what they are reflecting so we try to shut them up. It starts really early but can be changed at any time. It’s a simple choice we can make.
I feel that when we don’t speak up when we see any form of abuse going on, we are effectively sanctioning it and guaranteeing it’s continuity and thereby declaring what kind of society we want to be living in.
A brilliant blog Matilda: “my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade”. I had never thought about this in the way you have explained it before – but it makes sense. If no-one ever speaks up, everyone is allowed to remain blind to what they are doing to each other.
Absolutely Jessica! One of the most profound revelations Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon has offered me and us all, has been how complicit the ‘polite’ veneer is in allowing the rot to fester and proliferate in our society. It has been a truly effective gag on us of knowing and speaking how we are actually feeling. It keeps a superficial ‘niceness’ on things while all the time our foundations are being undermined. The ‘nice and polite’ acts as a hard shiny suppressant upon the font of pure and health-giving expression.
Exactly Lyndy – “the ‘polite’ veneer” is most definitely allowing the world to rot, as it is apparently not polite to call out abuse when we see it
Thank you for a beautiful and thought provoking article, Matilda, – this really hits home. To feel and see what happens in the playground, which is a reflection of the world at large, is saddening and not ok. As a child I can also relate, to not speak up, to hide, to want to fit in, to not want to hurt any other’s feelings, not cause any disturbance and to not stick out. I am slowly relearning to speak up, speak the truth and stand tall in my own confidence and glory. This topic is crucial, for ourselves and the community and the world.
So many great points here Matilda and I whole heartedly agree. We have come to accept very low standards within our society, where as long as we are ok then we can ignore what’s going on around us and so no one steps up and says ‘what’s going on?’ We forget or ignore the fact that it all affects us anyway in one way or another so it is actually not worth it in the end – we are all suffering from an accepted ‘norm’ (which is so far away from what we can naturally bring) but as yet the majority of society don’t want to see that we are.
I completely agree Elizabeth. What Matilda has shared is a brilliant example of how our actions affect other people, and shows just how important it is for us to take responsibility in our daily lives for the choices we make. Indeed if we all were to begin speaking up a whole lot more and expressing I think we’d see a difference in our playgrounds.
Matilda your insight into playground behaviours illustrates clearly the impact of this all pervasive “head in the sand” cycle we are together perpetuating. With every passing silence, with every swallowed truth, the world becomes duller, sicker and disharmony takes its hold. For a long time I have felt “I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference” but today equally I am inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine and have a sound understanding of the impact each persons choices have on the rest of humanity, our responsibility is grand and each spoken truth will inspire another.
Matilda, you have summed up beautifully the dilemma I used to find myself in: Do I hide my true expression in: “the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness” or do I choose to respond to the ”emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth”. Today there is only one choice for me, and that is the one that humanity is starting to call for: to express truth in every moment – no more holding back, no more sitting on the sidelines accepting any normal that harms anyone in any way. It is time to build the foundation of a new normal, one based on love; respect; understanding and self responsibility; and we can begin to do this by speaking up!
Well carved out how much danger lies in comfort.
What I have found in the past is that I would be great at speaking up for others when I could see that something needed to be said but would not do it on my own behalf. Now I am finding that the more we practise at home with each other, the easier it is getting at work and when I am out and about.
I resonate with what you said Julie about being great at speaking up for others – but would not do it on my own behalf. Like you I am finding it is becoming easier to express how I feel and say what needs to be said. Never too late to make positive changes!
This is a great way to make a start on this Julie. Practising speaking up at home with each other gives us more of a chance of speaking up when we are out in the world.
Mathilda, I can see when we do not speak up everybody loses and the world stays as it is with its aggression, wars and disharmony.
True Kerstin, it’s like when were not saying anything we are actually saying “It’s okay… lets continue these wars and living disharmoniously.. I’m not going to stop you or say anything about it.”
saying nothing.. speaks loud and clear.
We may have the objective to change the world but this often just sits on a face that for far too long has just smiled and hardly ever used the most important bit – the voice – that can come out of it. Interesting things happen when we open our mouth and let our voice out, which has something to say that needs to be heard.
I haven’t been speaking up for a long time which means I am just as responsible for where we are at as a humanity. Every time I don’t speak up, I am saying yes to all the un-truth that is taking place on a daily basis.
Yes there is so much fear in speaking up. Fear of reprisals or abuse. Not many can see how standing up and saying no to something can be beneficial to all. With more education and with the power of saying no, maybe so many wont keep quiet. Thank you Matilda.
Every time we do not speak up we contract or become smaller. Let’s speak up with the Truth and grow bigger and better in love and in the light of God.
Beautiful comment Jo and so true. I have definitely have been contracted and played small. I am now learning to express truth and love, and to connect to God. Feeling and knowing that God is always within me, beside me and all around me. When I choose to connect to that knowing, my fears of expressing truth in any situation will not exist.
Matilda what you are expressing is so vitally important. I can relate to not saying what is there to be expressed. And I am beginning to understand the significant consequences to this not only for my health but the health of the entire community. It’s no wonder communities are in situations as you have described because the majority do not speak out. As you say not speaking out is basically agreeing and going on with what is suggested and trying to fit it beyond all else. It takes great inner confidence and knowing of truth to be able to do this. How blessed we are to have Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to show us how not to hold back and speak the truth and how important it is that each and every one of us play our part.
Life as it is currently lived is a masquerade pretending to be a life. You ask a real ground-breaking question here Matilda: ‘Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say “This is madness”, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it is all OK?’
Most of us just want to stay comfortable and safe and carve out a life on earth that gets us through without too much agony . . . little realising that the agony lies in the fact that we have made this choice to not say what we truly feel, to not expose ‘the emperor’s new clothes’ for what they are. It is time to crumble the walls through the resonance of resounding Truth.
Well said Lyndy. Comfort in life is a big thing for most of us but are we really comfortable. Most of us can feel when we don’t express truth the dis-ease we feel in our bodies from holding back knowing we should have said something.
Yes Ariana, a wise quote with an equally wise expansion. We tend to see the act of wrong doing different from not acting against that wrong, for instance being the bully bullying someone or watching someone being bullied and doing nothing is all the same.
Thank you Matilda, for an inspiring blog, it is amazing how one person can make such a difference, Serge is a great example of this power. I have been a person who has hidden all my life, felt deeply the injustice, but not speaking out. It is time to speak up and say that the horrible stuff that is going on in the world, is not ok, and this starts with me, saying what is and what is not ok for me.
Yes we can make huge changes and have a big effect by calling out the little things in our everyday lives.
It’s our everyday life where, life happens after all…
Awesome comment Jill. I too am learning to start expressing what is not true and what is true for me. This is huge, as I have been too afraid before I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to express. Now my fears are melting away and I feel empowered to speak up, to communicate and to express truth and love.
Wow Matilda, the power that we have, that each one of us has to make a change is strong. If every single person was able to say what didn’t feel right, and stand up for themselves or all those around them without fear of being reprimanded we would be living in such a different world. It is never to late to start speaking up and calling out what doesn’t feel right or seem right. We have many years of being able to inspire change in little situations, medium situations and possibly very large situations. But it must start with being able to speak up and share what doesn’t feel right in whatever way that comes across and over time it seems like it becomes easier to do and learning to do it more and more lovingly.
I agree, about 7 months ago I found it extremely difficult to express myself and expressing truth was extremely difficult for me at first. But now I am learning to express more and more, it is becoming something very natural and very powerful.
Awesome Chan Ly! What was it that made you start expressing more and more? I believe so many people feel like its a lost cause if they speak up and mostly there voices go ‘unheard’ because the system is too big to change but having a commitment to speaking the truth no matter if anything gets done is powerful because all those around you get to experience the strength in the commitment to speaking truth… something that many have lost faith in. Nothing will change if everybody continues to just remain silent. Speaking up gives the opportunity for change!
I felt saddened when I read how we as children ‘start[s] to normalise the things that are not OK’
I felt saddened because I have both been the child buying into the non-Love and non-Truth all around me, and because I have also been the adult who has stood by and said nothing when appalling behaviour is exhibited around me. I too have been the purpetrator of horrid Love-less behaviour.
Thank God that one man chose to reflect something different in the school yard of life.
The ripple effect of this one different choice by Serge Benhayon to live Love is huge and still continues to unfold.
I am proud to be a part of this Loving unfoldment within our society at this time, and committed to continuously expanding/deepening my expression, both of Love and of (Lovingly) calling out what is not acceptable within our families, communities and society!
So true Pernilla, I know that without seeing Serge Benhayon and the way he lives I would still be living thinking this behaviour is normal and it’s okay to be normal. I am glad I am not in that fog anymore… although I also feel saddened in knowing that I have not been the one to stand up for truth and put myself out there in that way. It’s scary how much this behaviour becomes embedded in our bodies… now it’s up to me to choose to come out of that.
This is so true to observe the ill that goes on around us is one thing, but for me it is as you have shared accepting the fact that I haven’t stood up or spoken out when needed means in fact I am a perpetrator as well. This feeling is very uncomfortable to feel but it’s true by not speaking out or supporting others when needed we are adding to it. Matilda asks the question ‘What happens when I/we do not speak up?’ I want to add ‘Why do I/we not speak up?’
Fear often prevents us Vicky, of being ostracised, ridiculed, or attacked, standing tall and being counted. In this conversation we’re re-educating ourselves about silence: It is not an option for it colludes by letting evil reign while we stand idly by or turn away.
Beautifully expressed Pernillahorne. I too am very inspired by Serge Benhayon and his commitment to living with truth and love.
To speak the truth can be uncomfortable as people may not want to hear or listen, there is a tension that is not always easy to endure as there might be an attack or ridicule or other intense behaviours towards us. However learning by doing it becomes more and more a natural expression of truth as this breaks the uncomfortable silences with what is true. And supports both our physical and mental health and well-being. Thank- you Matilda for an awesome blog.
Matilda, what you have written is golden. Sure the school playground is the learning stage of not speaking up while it is so visible to all. From my perspective as 71 year old, things have not changed that much, bullying and verbal abuse is still part of our society, which is self evident in every walk of life. As you say “Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!” Thank you.
Yes. Whether a 7 year old or a 71 year old, we are all responsible for the society we have and for this sorry state of affairs whereby this abuse is allowed to carry on un-checked. That said, whether a 7 year old or a 71 year old, we all also have the power to effect great change. The ripple of one person standing up and holding their ground against what they know to be wrong is ginormous. Imagine if many of us started to do that.
And this makes me think of something else. So many of us absolve responsibility for our society to the politicians, leaders, media, lawyers etc..But what this powerful blog highlights is how the true responsibility lies with us, each of us. I might also add that we (by which I mean regular members of society) can be far more effecting of change than any number of politicians. It is us who are living in and amongst humanity, with colleagues, friends, families, children who have the real power in our feet (standing up) and voices (speaking out). If we connect to society and humanity and set an example of NOT standing-by, then great change can happen…very fast.
This is very true Ottobathurst, we do abdicate responsibility to those we (ill) consider have the power to bring about change, forgetting they are representing (and reflecting) the communities who have elected them. If we stay silent, so will they!
It’s so important to really consider this. Deeply. I don’t always. Sometimes I don’t consider the ripple effects that we all have. And as you so pertinently say Jenny Ellis, if we stay quiet then so will they. More and more I am seeing this and appreciating it. The world just isn’t set up this way. Sure we all know that standing up and speaking out is a ‘good’ thing to do (if it is done in the right way – but that is a whole other conversation). But what we don’t consider (and I have only started to see this for myself in the last eighteen months) is how harming, doing nothing is. On a surface level it doesn’t make sense. “I’m not doing anything, so how can I be doing damage?”. Which is how so many of us live, how so many of us hide from our responsibility. The Einstein quote is well known and says it all. And now I am really seeing and feeling that doing nothing is actually doing a very great deal…..of damage.
Also! It reminds me of a quote “If you don’t know what to do, then don’t do anything”. Which I now see is wrong in TWO ways. Firstly, we do know what to do. Always – and if we think we don’t, we are just in comfort or hiding from our responsibilities. Secondly, doing nothing, is not doing nothing. Doing nothing is saying yes to whatever is going on. There is no ‘nothing’. There is no status quo, no wait and see, no limbo. This is so vital for us all to understand.
Being a bystander is something I have done for too long, observing, knowing and allowing to happen. It feels horrible when standing up for truth is what implements change.
It’s so true Matilda, this is deeply disturbing that we as a society have not managed to foster that everybody has a right to express what they are feeling. We have accepted things to be ‘normal’ that are cruel and mean and harmful. And if someone dares to speak up they are judged for it and can expect a backlash. So much horror and wrong-doing is going on but we don’t speak up; we all lose, nobody wins.
‘This foundation is then built into our lives and society’ – this is a great point. As for me it raises the question: what foundation are we allowing to develop in our society when we allow our children to feel imposed to discount their truth, to over-ride what they feel is true? When we ourselves bury our heads in the sand with what is going on in our world and in our relationships we are inviting our children to do the same. This is not normal. ‘If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ – well said Matilda. It absolutely begins with ourselves first. Through Universal Medicine I have been inspired to re-connect to my truth and express my truth and with this I have discovered that there is another way we can truthfully live. That by choosing to be honest and taking responsibility for how we choose to live we can all bring true change to re-build the foundations in our society.
We cannot support our children to speak up when they experience abusive behaviour if we as adults are not prepared to speak out against abuse of any kind ourselves. We all feel when something is abusive but we have learned to override what we feel and pretend it is not as it is. We cannot stand idly by while we imagine someone else will fix the world’s problems, we all have to do it and we can do it by not tolerating abuse ourselves, within our homes, within our relationships, within our workplaces and within our lives in general. That way we will be true role models of change.
Great to read your comment Elizabeth, ‘We cannot support our children to speak up when they experience abusive behaviour if we as adults are not prepared to speak out against abuse of any kind ourselves’, this is an ouch for me as I often say to my son to speak up when something does not feel true, or feels abusive, but I do not always speak up myself, I can feel how I’m not being a role model if I allow abuse and choose to be polite rather than say what feels true.
This unfortunately is the truth of it. It doesn’t work to preach “do as I say, not as I do”, as history and life shows us. True change comes about from personal responsibility in each and every moment and from inspiration taken from people who “walk their talk”, such as Serge Benhayon.
Exactly Elizabeth! the children are only copying what they are already seeing us as adults live. If we don’t call out untruthful behaviour in our lives of course the children will pick up on that and then they have the option to choose it as well. This gives us as adults a much higher level of responsibility.
This is so true arieljoymuntelwit, ‘the children are only copying what they are already seeing us as adults live. If we don’t call out untruthful behaviour in our lives of course the children will pick up on that and then they have the option to choose it as well’, I notice how children do copy behaviour that they see in other children and adults and so seeing adults stand up for truth feels really important.
Matilda, I wholeheartedly agree, whatever goes on in the world ignoring it is not the answer. We all need to stand up for what is truly going on, and when one stands up others will stand beside them, and no matter what your truth will be known.
very true Sally.. it is hard to feel how long I have just tried to ignore what is going on. There is no way around it, we need to feel it and express what we know deep down inside is the truth, in a world full of lies and re-interpretations.
Sally I whole heartedly agree that ignoring is not the answer. I have observing recently that agreement to keeping blind to what is not ok, is being left alone to carry on and continue in the illusion and comfort that all is fine if the boat isn’t rocked. The initial few who have stood up and have been attacked for doing so have others now standing beside them. Hats off to those who have chosen truth first and stepped forth. They have said no to the comfort of sitting silent. Theirs is a majesty inaccessible through comfort.
Wow Matilda a really powerful contribution that really made me pay attention. I feel it’s so true what you have shared and how from a very young age we learn to accept the unacceptable as normal. Time for me to shake off any fears that stop me expressing what is not acceptable and indeed very harming to the world!
Sharon same here, there is no wonder the world is in a state we don’t want it to be or don’t like to see it is as every generation has been taught to ignore the truth and to accept what feels unnormal to be normal. Time for a change to support ourselves to speak truth and in turn to nurture the next generation to share what they naturally feel without fear of how others may react.
That’s huge David as it would change everything if people could express without fear. Less need for counsellors and therapist I imagine without all the held in feelings.
I can feel in this blog and the comments shared that there is great need for us all to be part of true expression, the call is loud and clear. For if we sit back and allow what we know to be false, harmful and poisonous play toward each other to continue then everyone stays further away from their true state of being and connection thus perpetuating separation. I feel we are deeply hurting from not being in True Love with each other and expressing that in all we do. We are all connected.
Silence is acquiescence? – thanks Matilda “That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine”
Magnificent.
So well said Matilda – there is so much ugliness we see and feel everyday and as awkward as it is to have those conversations they are so powerful. I had one such conversation at work recently and I trembled and felt vulnerable having no idea how my insight would be received and as confronting as it was for my colleague to hear certain things it was well worth it as we both came to a truth that the quality in which we do things matters more than the volume in which we get things done. Little by little we restore the harmony we all deeply miss.
From what I remember of being really young at school, I would never speak up about how I felt because all I wanted was to be accepted by the other kids and be safe in a group where I didn’t feel alone. Once that was secured I was the one pushing other’s out and bullying them so I didn’t loose my place in that scene and safety. At least the other kids spoke up about my behaviour and the teachers let me know it wasn’t OK!
This has got to be up there with one of my favourite blogs written. I love the parallels that you draw with school yard behaviour in direct relation to the world politics. When you put it like that everything seems simple and it seems crazy that we are all just playing along. I will share this article everywhere as I truly believe the world needs to hear this. I am warning you I will have to make many more comments on this as I am just so inspired by this, thank you Matilda.
Hi Matilda, great blog and so very true, saying nothing is condoning the world in its lack of truth and the fact that it is witnessed in the school yard is no surprise since we copy our parents and those around us. If we all ignore these behaviours and stay quiet nothing will change. Time to speak up. Actually its always been time to speak out but with growing awareness of the situation comes more responsibility to talk about it. Thanks for a thought provoking blog.
Matilda, thank you for sharing what you see going on in the playground these days, and I feel it is the same in our offices, homes, and on our streets. We’ve all contributed to this by not speaking up. Staying silent when something doesn’t feel right or is just not on, is basically saying ‘it’s ok’, ‘it’s not bad enough to say anything about’ or ‘I’m not putting my neck out’. It is insidious and sad that this is happening amongst children who are learning this way from what they see around them.
Matilda, that was an extremely powerful blog. There were so many points in your blog, when I feel the pain of mankind as they keep silent, trying to normalise the actions of others, I feel inspired even more so, to speak up after reading this. This freedom of speaking up I’ve allowed myself, feels incredibly loving and spacious, it shows clearly to me how much I allowed myself to be held captive to silence.
The line “eyes averted in case we see the pain in someone else’s eyes” really stood out for me in this blog. How often have we pretended that we cannot see the pain or turmoil in another’s eyes or life or body because it will remind us of our own? I know I have. It feels to me that one of the first steps to change is looking honestly at disharmony right in the eyes and feeling it and admitting it is there.
Yes beautifully expressed Andrew. Acknowledging the disharmony is there has in my experience allowed me to receive another person and open my heart to them.
To not acknowledge another’s pain is a sure sign for me that I have overlooked or overridden my own, pretending that if it is not seen that it is not felt. This I have learnt is a big lie and an illusion.
Boom. That is brilliantly and succinctly expressed.
A very poignant quote to choose Andrew, one that also shows me how I haven’t wanted to see the pain another is in because
A. I might be responsible for causing it and
B. I don’t know what to do about it, so best not to look and
C. I hurt too and its too much to acknowledge.
This attitude is rapidly changing as a consequence of meeting Universal Medicine, the more I heal my own pain within me the more I can connect to another and see their pain without the need to take it on or fix it. I am aware that there are still many hurtful things that are difficult to accept, as deep down we all feel the responsibility of these things, because we have kept quite for so long.
Beautifully expressed Andrew. Many times I have pretended not to see the pain or turmoil in another’s eyes, not wanting to feel it, because as you highlighted it would have reminded me of my own pain which I was already avoiding…..but not any more, I no longer wish to avoid connecting with another, so now, ‘when I offer my eyes, I stay open’, (just read that in another blog) and so the other gets all of me!
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein
and to expand on what you wrote, Ariana: ‘Evil IS looking and doing nothing’. Evil is staying silent and not expressing.
Not OK Matilda. I hear you 100%. I remember the fear of speaking up when I was in school. I also remember blowing up sometimes when I couldn’t hold the truth in anymore and losing it at my friends who were being so bitchy about other people, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I am not perfect, and have certainly joined in on occasion, but for the most part, I can confidently say that I was aware of the wrong I was taking part in. No one likes to be told off, they get defensive, and then you open yourself up to the possibility of being ganged up on. The school yard can be a war ground of it’s own and we were certainly never encouraged to speak up.
There is so much we can be aware of when we do ‘normalizes’ behavior because no one else is initiating an appropriate response. There are times we are called on to clearly state what we can feel is wrong and harming and every child is divinely entitled to be supported to speak what it is they are feeling. How else can children grow up to be self responsible people that aren’t swayed by populous culture and can speak from their own authority of the value they hold humanity with.
Fabulous blog thank you Matilda. Absolutely, by not saying anything we are in fact saying a lot. I love how you have supported the reader to begin the process to speak up, without perfection but to simply begin the journey by starting with small steps. This way it can take away the ‘scary’ feeling of standing out – to understand that we can begin a commitment to speak up, which then supports us to speak up more and become bolder. My life too has been enriched and benefitted beyond belief by the support from Universal Medicine to not accept the rot in life. To write, speak, post on social media has allowed me to express what I feel and speak out about – it is a journey that began small and is developing. What is amazing in my journey which still sees me feeling a bit scared to speak out is the confirmation from the community, friends, family who are now expressing back to me how supported they feel from my expressions and to please not stop. The ripple effects of this is enormous. As you say Matilda, never underestimate the power to express, we individually do make a difference because we then collectively become one.
What a big hurt this is for all our beautiful, young, sensitive and tender children as they begin to learn the unspoken ‘rules of the game’. Having to harden and protect, being unable to tell anyone means that there is no adult to trust that it is safe to do so. No one to go to or be backed up by. This says a lot about us as adults and our responsibility or should I say lack of it. I feel uncomfortable Matilda, which is a good thing. Thank you for what you have exposed here.
Firstly I need to say I am one of the silent children in the playground who doesn’t feel safe to speak up and express the truth about the cruelty and harm I see in my immediate life and the world.
I play the nice guy, being polite from fear of being rejected and or persecuted, I am inspired by your blog Matilda to start coming out of my shell and speak up against the evil and abuse I see all around me.
Wow Thomas your honesty here is inspiring and it’s grand to feel you say it’s time to speak up and no longer hold back. I held back for years but I’m slowly learning to speak up and express my truth when I witness cruelty and harm before me. I quite often stuff up when I do, perhaps I didn’t fully express what I felt and allowed niceness to get in the way or I reacted to the other person’s reaction and then try to make them feel better but I’m learning step by step what works and what doesn’t so the next time I can try something a little different and deliver more of me. Giving it a go for me has allowed for the growth and learning. Awesome blog Matilda. What you write here is much needed for children in the playground and adults in the world, thank you.
This is such a powerful truth! “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” (Albert Einstein) Yet we live in complete denial of this and don’t let ourselves feel just how devastating it is on the world when we do not speak up and what the consequences are.
Profound and true. We all have a responsibility to confront and challenge evil in whatever guise it comes at and always this is done for the greater good.
Yes Rachel. And if we all spoke up to the evil in this world – there would be no evil remaining… What does this say about just how much we are all holding back- in silence???
This is a great blog Matilda, what is happening in school playgrounds is indeed the building of consent for things that are not right, and giving in to the pressure of the norm that is created in this way, which is far from normal. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of speaking up and letting everyone know what I feel about certain subjects that are not okay.
This is indeed terrible news Matilda, “…that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.” If children already stop their natural expression then where are we at in society?
Matilda, I love how you’ve made it all so real. I have often heard that quote about evil happening because ‘good’ people don’t speak up, but there is something very tangible about what youv’e shared here; how it impacts children in the playground and no-one wants to be a snitch, and that never stops, we take those playground behaviours with us out into the adult world; so to see and understand that right now we’re living in and allowing a world where to stand up and speak truth is considered against the norm is abhorrent, and what can we do, speak up, in our day to day lives, like you have here – trickles lead to floods.
This is important what you say Matilda we have the choice to speak up or to play the accepted game. When we start to speak what we feel this empowers us to express more and more in different situations and than it becomes absolutely natural. Than we understand that it is our responsibility to express what we feel and if something doesn’t feel right or can´t be tolerated.
Wow Matilda I love how You describe in just one blog everything and love Your example with the Microcosmos…so well observed its so important that we turn this for ourselves around and support our kids in start expressing again about all they feel and develop a healthy relationship with all our feelings again. Super duper great summary thank You for sharing this powerful blog…well Your power-full expresssion with us. With love Nadine
This is a powerful blog Matilda and is exposing on so very many levels. Using the school playground as a micro example of the whole of humanity makes this instantly relatable to us all – we’ve all been there and what a confusing, frightening place it can be. It’s where we learn to stay small and not speak what we feel, but what is it we fear if we do? Could it be that we have such a need to feel loved and accepted that we will give away our truth in exchange for the uneasy truce of fitting in? There seems to me to be almost a pathological need to be accepted that means we will play along, feigning lack of awareness, overriding what our body is so clearly communicating to us – that Humanity as a whole is in a terrible mess – just to feel that pale imitation of Love – being liked. I know I have spent the vast majority of my life being nice and polite in order to feel liked and accepted. A friend once said to me that I was the most universally liked person they knew. At the time I took this as a compliment but in reality what this exposes is that I would do anything in order to be liked. I would shape-shift into what was acceptable to the group I was with and keep my mouth firmly shut. I had no love for myself so I needed to be liked to fill the void within. I like you Matilda have been inspired by the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and other Students of the Livingness (yourself very much included), to fill that void up with love for myself. As I fill up with me I can feel there is more love for everyone else which is impulsing me to start speaking up and exposing the rot we have normalised. Baby steps so far but with commitment and practice this is developing daily. At 46 I am finally growing up and leaving the school playground behind.
Lovely comment Doug especially sharing what Serge Benhayon suggested in asking children how they felt about school today instead of what did they do. The first question feels a lot more holding and encompassing of the other and the second quite imposing and distant. We can all be responsible in supporting and encouraging children and young people to speak up and out, in fact it is our responsibility to do this, but we must also live this ourselves.
Wow Matilda this is so true and starts so young and then most of us have had years of practice before we recognise the damage we are doing to ourselves and others by not speaking up. Thank you for sharing your willingness to speak up and recognise that ‘I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.’ We cannot know the full impact but we have to start speaking up and demonstrating to our children and others that we all have a responsibility to do this and be part of creating a society that cares and supports everyone to express their truth.
Thank you Matilda your blog has been exactly what I needed to honestly look at how much I am still playing nice and how much damage this does to everyone around me.
Finished. Truth here I am, to share you and speak up.
It feels awful when we don’t speak up and can be a reason that many of us overeat, as a way to further stuff down what we are suppressing. It makes no sense when we look at it like this, but having Matilda’s example of a playground is really helpful in seeing how damaging this is. As adults most of us may have accepted not speaking up as normal, but as children we knew that it wasn’t and that same feeling of truth and the clarity we had with it as a child is still with us as adults and is not forever lost.
Yes Ariana, and we ALL see what is going on in the world, but just how many of us are actually doing or saying anything to put a stop to the evil?
I love this Matilda. I remember being so confused at school by what I saw and heard that was apparently ‘ok’ or ‘normal’ but sooo foreign to me! I now know that only love and truth make sense to me and anything that is not that needs to be expressed so.
I often felt that what I experienced was inconsequential to anyone else and I was never important enough to make a difference. Now I realise that every time we speak for truth, we make a difference and your blog confirms for me, Matilda, that we lay the foundation for the bigger picture and how that looks. This is an awesome responsibility. I find the idea of this very scary and at the same time exciting.
En masse.. when we don’t speak up – we don’t arrest the abuse we are witness to. By not speaking up we are saying ‘I support everything that happens before us’.
Yes society has a way of shutting us down so as not to deal with what we are bringing in that moment. This has happened throughout all our lives in all various forms. It strips away our confidence and demonstrates to us that we are not worthy of being heard.
This is crushing as a young child and I remember this happening to me. Feeling that I was not supported and safe.
Thank you Matilda for writing on this very important subject. We are all coluding to not upset the status quo but in that we keep all those atrocities continue to go on in our very own homes, families, workplaces and communities. We champion how advanced we are as a civilisation but how could this be when we don’t treat or take care of our fellow human beings with respect and decency. I was one of those sensitive children in the playground that didn’t speak up. I used to have recurring nightmares where I was calling out but no sound was coming out of my mouth … Terrifying but a great reflection of how I felt living in this world. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I am beginning to understand what he means when he said “Expression is Everything” and I am finding my voice again with the loving support of Universal Medicine practitioners and a loving supportive group of family and friends.
Thank you Matilda for such a lovely reminder of the importance of speaking up in every instance. My daughter is in her first year of schooling and I spend time in the classroom with the children. These children are only 4 and 5 years old and at this stage are very happy to speak out, however I have seen that this changes as the years goes on. I feel that it is very important that the teachers allow and encourage this in them right from the beginning but this is not happening in our experience
I love the choice you out before us Matilda: ‘I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,
OR
I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.’
It absolutely time that we told the social game that it’s game is up! It is just one lie after another, a discordant jangle of sound polluting the universe we live in. I love the description of the beautiful manners as ‘well-oiled’. It is time for truth, truth and more truth.
Thank you Matilda!
From attending Universal Medicine events I see that one man speaking up has inspired thousands to look at their lives and make different choices. We can all be that one in our own sphere of life, so why don’t we speak up?
So true Sandra, it’s such a crippling belief to think we cannot make a difference and question the norm of how we live and what is going on. Imagine if Serge Benhayon stayed quiet! Universal Medicine and the hundreds of students are proof that we can make change and live a life of Truth and Love.
Such an awesome point to ponder on Rachael: “Imagine if Serge Benhayon stayed quiet! ” I for one am so very thankful that he didn’t, and I know hundreds of others would agree. Now it’s my turn to speak up and share what I have learned and know to be true. My holding back not only hurts me, it hurts the world!
This is powerful Matlida. Sowing the seed in the playground for a life of toeing the line and only being honest enough to get by and keep others happy. This is a significant message to send to children, on the one hand it prepares them for how life is at the moment, on the other hand is shackles them from being able to change it. OUCH
“So the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know, ” I was one of these children and not saying out loud what I felt and knew developed what I call a double life, one where I was reading everything going on and the other only expressing what I thought I was allowed to express as through experience I knew that I would be slapped down or punished for speaking up and in fact often was whenever I dared. Also as the years went by it became harder and harder to marry the two worlds. This form of education has been so damaging to the expression of the children who then become the adults who find it difficult to speak up. Thanks to Serge and Simone Benhayon this healing process has begun for many, myself included.
Matilda I am touched by the humbleness and love in which you are allowing yourself to look at your past choices and to make changes. I can feel how you are not speaking up from reaction to your past choices or what you see in the world, but rather feel the truth of what is going on and out of love you are learning to express what is needed to be expressed. Very beautiful thank you.
well said Brendan, we need to grasp the fact that we cannot keep passing on the responsibility of change to the next generation. It is the ultimate irresponsibility to not raise our children in a loving and harmonious way and then to blame society for their dismay.
Thank you Mathilda, not speaking up, expressing ourselves without holding back, is something I don’t see around me much. I am just realising myself on how many levels I have held back what I feel, what I see. It is very confronting and my body is under a lot of tension because of it. So now is the time to be honest and start expressing in full everywhere and with everyone.
Thank you Matilda, it is amazing to see how much we live superficially while pretending that we don’t feel what is really going on. What you share here in the choice you have is powerful…” I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside, OR I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries”. You clearly state for us the choice we all have.
Wow. What an amazing, powerful contribution this is. Thank you, Matilda. Until recently, I completely underestimated the implication of not speaking up – how not saying ‘no’ was actually saying ‘yes’ to that very thing I wanted to say ‘no’ to. As you say, there’s definitely apathy and ignorance we as a society largely adopt when faced with uncomfortable facts and situations, and also there feels to be something deeply ailing about the way we learn to communicate with each other. As we grow up, there’s constant pressure from all directions – friends, parents, teachers etc., to fit in, to not stir things up, to be good, and it’s very easy to start doubting our own feelings and perception, and not speak up. And if we do decide to express ourselves, there would be pent-up emotions waiting to explode with it, often resulting in hurtful comments said in reaction, and sometimes even with serious consequences.
Beautifully exposed Fumiyo Egashira. Doubt is always waiting in the shadowy wings to pounce upon its prey. We must back ourselves to the hilt even if we are ‘wrong’!
Gosh, Matilda, your blog has hit a spot deep inside me that I can feel decades ago when I spoke up in the playground and felt I was shot down in flames. And from then I learnt not to speak up, better to keep my own counsel and not rock peoples boat, play the game that all was well, even when I felt it wasn’t. The ripple effect of learning this pattern and not speaking up affects us all hugely, and we need to feel how we contribute to the problem by holding ourselves back, and stop it NOW.
Growing up I’d always assumed that everyone else knew better and therefore I didn’t count – time to change – and, by the way, it’s never too late to say your truth. Thank you Matilda for distilling this all important issue so powerfully.
I felt that same too Michael, well that is what was instilled in me at school! So I would play the weaker dumb game of pretending I did not know the answers or the truth when I did. It is something I am changing now and wow does life change and become so much simpler!
Believing that we are worthless in the big picture is a convenient truth – that is not a truth at all. We all have the power to make a different choice and to be a leader in our world and as you rightly say Matilda, ‘I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.’ In truth, we do make a far reaching difference, whichever choice we make. There is no middle ground – no ‘no man’s land’ for us to hide in. We do impact our world, in every moment and so lets choose our path wisely.
So well said Richard. We are all ‘the one’ who can speak up and share truth. And, as you say, there is no middle ground to hide in as the ‘silent majority’. This is such an illusion and keeps us down as a race when we could be so powerful in our love and understanding to dispel the shadows..
The scenario of children in a playground not speaking up about things that don’t feel right to them got me to thinking how much harder it must be for them to speak up about it in the classroom with this culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’. Peer pressure also ramps up as the age of the student increases, so it must become even harder again to go against what society has constantly been reinforcing and talk about what is really happening for them.
‘Children should be seen and not heard’ is a well known credo from the past and it is only in more modern times children have been given a voice. It’s time now for us as adults to give children attention and a supportive space so they feel encouraged to speak up about whatever it is that just doesn’t feel right to them. As Matilda shares, it is only by speaking out ourselves that this insidious pattern of silence is broken and, as a flow on, encourages both young and old alike to speak their truth as well.
I agree Judith, “it is only by speaking out ourselves that this insidious pattern of silence is broken”. We cannot teach anything real unless we live it, we cannot ask children to speak up unless we are doing it ourselves, they learn by reflection, by the truth of what they see and feel.
Awesome Matilda. The fact that children are already picking up our contracted, shut down behaviours at such a young age and bringing that into the playground should be a serious wake up call for everyone. By holding back in our day to day lives, not speaking up and playing small, what example is this setting for them? I would love to see our children and young people feeling super confident in themselves and not being afraid to claim their opinions… But this has to be reflected to them first, and at the moment we are not doing this.
It is true Susie, and I greatly agree here. This does need to be reflected to them first and this brings about our responsibility and so we can not at any point pass the buck and blame others for what we are not prepared to do ourselves on a continual basis. Re-establishing a relationship with ourselves in this way is key to really moving forward and reflected what is needed to all of humanity, children, adults and the elderly.
Exactly Susie the adults are worse the bullying goes on in a sophisticated way through emails, abusing positions of authority, I remember speaking to a policeman about bullying and he said it was rife amongst the police — how can we expect anything to change when we are so deeply engrained in accepting abuse at many many levels.
“…this has to be reflected to them first..” This is so true. It is the responsibility of the adults to set a foundation whereby it is not only OK to speak out, it is actually our responsibility as members of an equal humanity to speak out for our brothers. This should be a lived and expected part of an humane society. We talk often about freedom of expression, freedom to live a life free of abuse and fear, democracy, peace, equality, eradication of poverty, disease etc…a whole list of goals and expectations of how our society should be living together. But what if “speaking up and saying no to that which we see and know as wrong” were a practised and natural and accepted way of being? If you stop and ponder it for a while it is amazing what an effect this would have on…well, everything.
Recently my son has accompanied me when I have been meeting and listening to various people expressing their views on Cyber Abuse. I can tell what a profound effect it had on him, to see and hear people claim with absoluteness that this behaviour was not OK, was not acceptable – not in any single way. He is nine years old and just entering the arena of the on-line world, so to have heard these conversations has been a great marker for him. Now that isn’t to say, that that marker might dissolve or shift as he gets pressures from other parts of his life. But my point is, imagine if he (and all of our children) was hearing that kind of claimed voice all day, very day. Imagine the confidence he would have in claiming for himself that which he knows is wrong (and he absolutely knows). Watching the effect that it had on him, certainly made me ever more aware of my responsibility both as his parent and as a parent of all of humanity to stand up and claim my voice.
Absolutely ottobathurst. Your son is getting a great foundation.
We are being educated every moment of the day, either in ‘truth’ or ‘not truth’. Parents and teachers, and everything around us, is educating us constantly. True education comes from the reflection of our being in all we say. If we speak from our love, presence and true authority children immediately get that because they already are that . . . and it confirms that true authority within them instead of undermining it, as most communication does. True expression in education is pure Medicine.
For children to hold what they know to be true and know their voices will be heard we, the adults, have to build the foundation for them with our example. ‘This has to be reflected to them first, and at the moment we are not doing this.’ This is a simple, practical, urgent inspiration for us all. Thank you, Susie.
Matilda a really provoking blog as it shows us all clearly that things indeed go on and because we don’t express our truth, for whatever reason, they are allowed to continue. Yet it hits home when I reflect back to school days – at first things that didn’t feel true were shocking yet very quickly i learned that no-one listened if I spoke out and if I said something about another person in my class that I would be instantly ostracised – even by the teachers. The great thing you’ve shared is there is always a choice and today we have a choice to start to actually speak up about what is not true – without reaction or judgement just speaking up for something perhaps everyone else knows to be true but also does not speak out about. It will take time to change but unless we start then the change will not happen.
I’m sure many including myself can remember standing beside an adult as a child and hearing them lie outright to another, and not understanding why. Children are always watching, listening and feeling everything, as we all do, so if Adults are showing them to not be honest, not speak up when something hurts or is not right, then it gets normalized and lies start to just roll off the tongue.
Another brilliant and revealing aspect of the social patterning that normalises lying. Thank you, Aimee.
The sentence that describes “the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness” mirrors my approach to things perfectly. A game that fits the world because so many of us have learnt it in the playground. This absence of truth has to change, and the only way the next generation is going to learn is for us to live a different way that inspires them.
Totally Simon. “The comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness” is such a false game and we can see right through its flawed and cheap fabric. Well the game is up now and we say No to it and Yes to truth.
Your words Simon I feel to be so true, that is “This absence of truth has to change, and the only way the next generation is going to learn is for us to live a different way that inspires them.” It could be possible that we come back to the field that we have earlier sowed the seeds upon – may our choice be a legacy of inspiration.
Matilda, a great sharing. You are exposing the biggest game of the ages here. How many of us have lived in social politeness, feeling clearly the truth of others’ intentions and yet saying nothing when these intentions are imposing, cruel, judgemental and tough. Many of which are used by people every day to maintain a belief that they need to live this way to keep control of their lives, or to fit in with others. What is beginning to become clear for me is what I feel has merit and needs to be spoken. Not for myself, but for the world.
I love what you raise here Matilda, something for us all to consider very deeply and notice the part we play in the perpetuation of things if we keep quiet and do not say how we feel. I recently spoke with a local police officer and out of interest I asked which was his most regular type of call out, and to my surprise his answer was ‘domestic violence.’
In our own homes it is reasonable to say that we are choosing to live together and so why all the fighting that requires police intervention? Lots of people must know about this as it happens in their homes, so this is confirming what you share here, that many are keeping quiet and not speaking up about what is going on for them, and maybe this holding back how they are feeling started in the playground and became normal at that point?
Yes, Beverley, maybe it started in the playground and something very strong that keeps me silent is the need to ‘keep up’ some kind of appearance…I feel it in my conversations as a ‘brake’ in myself and others when we are getting to the core of things. The pattern we have set up, to maintain some kind of facade is a powerful one. Totally surmountable if we choose.
Thank you Matilda, such an important and necessary topic to bring up. Not speaking up and not expressing what we know and see is such a way of being in society and is a game played of social niceties and acceptances.This is such a thought provoking article for us all on something that really does need to be addressed and seen. The amazing freedom of expressing our truth is a journey back to who we are in our essence and love. It is definitely something we all crave to hear and express ourselves.
I agree Marika, that apathy is a world wide epidemic, one which we need to remedy and change to make true changes in the world. Time for us all to wake up and get up.
Great pondering Matilda Clark. Are we contributing to the rot that lives in our societies by not speaking up and expressing what does not feel right? For me this feels very true and you can put my name on the list of people that contribute to this behaviour and allow the atrocities in our societies to continue. How often do I feel that something is not right but keep it in me, even not allowing myself to feel what it truly does to me, and return to my ‘safe’ home, where I can have a privately safe and comfortable place to live. But how comfortable and safe is that ‘home’ where I live a lie of the life I am designed to live, a lie of what I in truth am, a Son of God who more than anything else wants to restore heaven on earth?
Matilda what you share and reflect here is something for all of us to think about. How many of us have held back on playgrounds not speaking our truth, in case we got bullied and outed. I know I have for sure, in fear of getting hurt, bullied and picked on. I used to avoid going to school because of these kinds of incidents at school, I was too scared. You could see there were innocent children being harmed and there was nothing I could do, being so young myself. But now we are able to speak our truth and stand up for it, so it’s time for change. If these changes were done 37 yrs ago, maybe the ripple affect would have reduced the amount of unpleasant things taking place in the playground now
I have always been stopped in my tracks by this Einstein quote. It is so super powerful and you have explained and shown so well the reasons why. It is a vicious cycle when we learn to not speak up, we encourage others to do the same, we allow all that is not true to reign, and we foster the impression that what we are feeling underneath is not true, which in turn can lead to self doubt and also then a perverse array of behaviours. This is a plague that has gotten hold of us, it is rotten to the core, but with a little gentle persuasion and support from those around us, one by one, it is possible to speak up again.
Matilda, I am in tears reading your article as it is so absolutely true, I can feel how so many times I have chosen to be polite rather than say when something does not feel right. You are right in what you say here, ‘Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!’ Thank you for writing this.
In the past, I’ve been caught in the ‘nice’ trap as well Rebeccawingrave, its such a toxic existence because it just allows what is toxic in the world to continue. It’s time to be the antidote and just let out what is true.
People have been wrapping their children in cotton wool for years trying to protect them from the evils they see that are in the world. So, as you have said Matilda are the parents closing their eyes and contracting from what they perceive awaits them out there? Albert’s quote befits what is happening in the world today quite succinctly.
Yes sjmatsonuk I had not made that connection before but it is true. Parents do want to shield their children from the ‘big bad world as they will get to know it soon enough’. And i can understand why – on one level – they are wanting to do that but now knowing more about how much kids actually feel and that they are seeing and feeling it all anyway so would it not be better to have these honest conversations with kids about what is really going on – in a way that works for them – and to stop playing the social niceties or the hiding of the truth. That way we grow up aware of the world and speaking up against what is not OK.
Considering deeply your comment sjmatsonuk. I feel there are a number of things happening here. Our children learn how to be in the world by being in ‘Family’ first by having the love, support and encouragement to speak up, so this becomes their way. They then have those experiences behind them to support their holding themselves when speaking up out in the world, in the playground. Who are the parents protecting really? Are the parents closing their eyes because they are still playing out the ‘roles’ learnt in the playground – keep your head down and then you won’t become a target. We have a responsibility to speak up and by changing the old patterns of the past we can change the present and also model for our children in our Livingness, that we have choices. Through speaking truth in every situation, moving and writing in truth – this will become the ‘Way’.
I have been feeling the enormity of not speaking up, of hiding behind politeness and not wanting to make waves it feels very old and very dis-empowering. Reading your blog again today, I can remember 2 incidences in my life when I have stepped in when I have seen physical abuse on the streets I could see that this was wrong, it was right in front of my eyes, and I had no hesitation in saying something, but what I never spoken up about were the little incidences the comments the harmful undertones that if they are allowed to be said can eventually escalate to the physical abuse. I can see how the two are very much connected as your blog brilliantly portrays if we don’t speak up when we feel something is not true then we end up with the abuse that we have today. It starts in our own back yard we think we don’t make a difference but we do and I am learning this thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I no longer want to sit in the shadows of politeness.
“I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,
OR
I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.” WE have a choice at every moment we are confronted with something that is not true ….it is as simple as that. Thank you Matilda what you have written here is powerful I can feel how it breaks down the comfort of choosing not to speak up.
I loved reading your comment alisonmoir. I can feel how you have decided ‘enough is enough’. I am there standing beside you saying it too. I cannot do this anymore. My choice to stand at the sideline of life, hiding behind politeness, staying in comfort is bringing up a lot of anger and sadness right at this moment.
I found myself thinking that I am not speaking up so as not to ‘rock the boat’ – I want to be kind and so I am living in friendly arrangements. But in truth that’s not how I want to live. In fact it makes me sad. I am longing for intimate relationships where we support each other to develop. But to live like that I have to take full responsibility and leave my comfort behind.
How often do I go for comfort instead of honesty. Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon I understood how uncomfortable in truth this comfort is. It’s against what I am longing for. Arrangements -as good and high as they may be- are not love, are not harmonious. And I know it.
To bring a change here I have to change my behaviours.
And to speak up is not the start. It’s the result of honouring my feelings, honouring me deeply and also honouring you all.
This is without a doubt such a very important and true piece of writing on so many levels. I can so relate to the playground scenario, as even though it was forty years ago it was still the same for me. You soon learned to keep your mouth shut for fear of being labelled a snitch or tell tale. I too was effected majorly by this and have carried it throughout my entire life. Only in recent years have I stated to wake up to the fact that this silence and lack of expression not only effects me deeply but does effect everyone else as well.
War after war and all the violence and suffering that needlessly goes on all around us needs to be addressed for the wrong that it is, by all of us that are tired of this untrue way of being. The time has well since past for this to happen.
The school playground is where children learn about life and is much more important and enduring than all that they are taught in the classroom. If all the children learn to accept rough behaviour, bullying, name calling and separating into cliques as normal with no one saying this is not Ok then they take this into life as ‘just how things are’. If one person has the courage to say ‘No, I will not be part of this’ they may become the butt of the abuse but it will have a ripple effect where others will be inspired to also speak up and so the tide can be turned allowing all the children to learn that by speaking up for what we know is the truth we can change the the playground and then the world for everyone.
If I had not met Serge and Universal Medicine I would have continued going along in life not wanting to rock the boat and kept on making excuses for everything that was horrendously out of whack around me and in the world to justify not speaking up!! Ouch!
As you have so honestly ‘spoken’ out Matilda, by us not speaking up we are not only condoning seeing what is happening to another or ourselves, we are actually saying it is Okay and to continue more of the same.
Your words resonate with me Aimee. Beware of rocking the boat must have been like a neon sign flashing above my head for years and kept me locked into being ‘nice’ and accepting anything rather than speak up and express incase it upset someone. What this did was seriously upset my own body harmony and lack of commitment to life and true purpose. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has shown me there is another way to live and inspired me to make very different choices to express more fully.
So true Aimee, with our silence we willingly allow the evil to reign which, when felt, is almost unbelieve-able that we would do such a thing. So thick is the illusion that ‘nice’ is heaven sent.
Thank you Matilda for sharing this great insight,“What happens when I/we do not speak up? “is the question to ask our self when we hold back and what have we already allowed to be accepted as the normal when in truth it has allowed persecution ,abuse and violence to be played out and no social structure or laws to deal with the problem we have enabled.
This is such a timely article Matilda, as I have for some time felt the same way. It feels that it is time for us all to begin to shine a light on the choices we make and begin to reflect if we are choosing to see and express the truth or hide behind the comfort of saying nothing when in truth we see it all. It begins with one voice, our voice choosing to express the truth. The quote from Albert Einstein so aptly reflects the truth “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”
I agree with your words Jade and reiterating your quote attributed to Albert Einstein, “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” – and brings to mind some of the moments where in my past years I could have said something when I felt something was not right – e.g. watching the older local priest ‘playing’ with young children in the local swimming pool in a country town where we lived – it was a belief at the time that the mothers who were supervising surely had to see what was actually going on so I said nothing to them – and springs to mind the old saying “there are none so blind as those who choose not to see”. Fortunately now, as a result of attending the presentations of Universal Medicine I can feel the depth of the words by Mr. Einstein and I have chosen to be developing my awareness and am no longer choosing irresponsibility when it comes to saying something when I can feel it in my body to so do.
This is brilliant Matilda and we are apart of a much bigger playground these days but still the same issues are rife whatever age or part of the worlds we are from. I am continually realising that we all have a much bigger part to play and by not expressing what we feel to be truth and instead go for the niceties in life. We are only hurting ourselves and all around us.
Hi Matlida. Your comment regarding our school yards and the behaviours that are taking place is true, and it is a reflection of so much that is happening in the world that we close our eyes too. Now is a time to not hold back in speaking up. As I re-learn to express in the world I am aware of how clumsily my words come out and at times feel harsh, this I realise is because I have lost my way in expressing and am still finding my way back. Taking one step at a time in acknowledging and choosing to stay open to all that we are becoming aware of is making a difference. I truly appreciate Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon Family, Practitioners and Student body for showing the way forward.
Hear hear. Politeness and etiquette is society’s greatest curse, for it allows us to hide behind a perception that as long as we do not rock the boat, we are a good citizen. Meanwhile, corruption flourishes in the sterile environment that follows where we are encouraged to keep our head down and pretend that everything is OK. The end result is that we develop a tolerance for those things that we know deep down are not OK, and this not only allows evil to flourish, but also serves to crush our own connection to the fact that corruption and greed is not part of our true nature.
Interesting point here Adam. So what is a good citizen exactly? Someone who obeys the laws of the lands? Someone who does not do anything too extreme that they will be caught or exposed? Meanwhile we know that many people who would pass this test live in a way that is deeply disregarding, disrespectful even abusive of themselves and others. Staying silent actually is a form of disrespect and disregard because we are saying that our own security and comfort matters more than the obvious pain and suffering we can see and feel in humanity. Perhaps we need to re-define what a good citizen really is? Someone who would not stand by knowingly if any human being was being abused or disrespected in anyway?
Well said Adam, politeness and etiquette are so empty and so void of love. The fact is we all are made of love, so that is what we all actually want. And love is not ‘nice’, it is saying ‘no’ to what’s not in line with the truth that we all innately know inside of ourselves. There is no ‘rule’, but a simple knowing. What is now happening on a national scale, like some countries for example in Europe, getting into deep trouble; if more people would have spoken up when things didn’t feel right, as the corruption can be felt and seen by all, then maybe all this could have been avoided?
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein”
Great quote to ponder upon- If we turn a blind eye to what is happening in the world, and become apathetic, are we not contributing to a more loveless world?
An awesome and extremely truth filled blog Matilda. You have shown how the ripple effect of how our choices filtrate to all parts of society from the very young to adulthood. I am with you- it is far truer to speak up and I can relate to the back and forth you speak of. I love the question you pose that supports us to be accountable. ‘What happens if I do not speak up?’ This I will use.
Matilda, love the way you have brought the simple example of the school playground to expose the adult playground by which we are ruled, owned by, even bullied and suffer from due to a world that normalises attitudes and behaviours that are not of love, but the complete opposite it seems.
The absence of love in our world is a consequence and result of the absence of love with our own selves, and in this raising and nurturing kids to know their own way in the path of truth, and as you say, speaking and expressing this.
Zofia, your comment is so clear and full of strength, it’s spot on.
A big point made clearly here; why the majority standby, is the question.. In it’s simplest form: it does make a difference. Without jumping up and down, simply by saying and living our truth, it’s like giving permission for others to do the same.
This is great Matilda, it exposes how not speaking or standing up for truth still continues on even in our biggest playground.. our planet. What happens on and in the school playground is a microcosm of what actually is at play in our adult environment. These habits and ways seem to start young, but, its never too late to change. It just takes one person to inspire for change, and this certainly has started with one man, Serge Bnehayon, who lives and walks his talk with love.
So true johannebrown17. I never thought of it like that, but it does make sense that what is happening in the school yard is a reflection of the world we live in.
No it is not ok to let the rot continue Matilda and yes we all have a choice to speak up; or not!
I found your blog disturbing on one hand, yet supportive and encouraging on the other.
“That (appreciation and love of the Benhayon family) and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine” I love what you have expressed here, it is so wise and true.
Thank you for your beautiful expression and wisdom.
I love this blog Matilda and as you say… you see it start so young, in the playground no less. I see young people give up on the hope that they can make a difference by their teenage years and the impact this has on their mental and physical health. They see adults just accept the atrocities as part of life. I believe there is something else we need to support though – how to get involved and how to speak up without reacting to it because that is where I also see a great deal of burnout – the activists that are in pain from what they see and going into activity to try to change it but the drive is causing harm to their bodies as they burnout, get disillusioned that change cannot happen, then give up and change career or focus. We have to look for a way to speak up about things that are not right but equally support ourselves and each other to stay the course – it took us a long time to get into this mess, it may take us longer than a few years to get out of it.
Dear Lucy, I like the point that you make here, that speaking up doesn’t mean we have to become activists and hurt ourselves in the process. But if we all started to speak up, in our own areas of life and influence, things will slowly start to change, as we leave a different imprint. If we all start to speak up, activists won’t need to put themselves into danger, but speaking up and making a stand will just be a part of our everyday way of being. Serge Benhayon and his whole family, and many of the Universal Medicine students are the most inspiring examples for me of what that can look like.
This is huge at school. The fear of speaking up against bullying, in fear of further and even greater bullying, is so very real for many kids and just perpetuates the status quo. Supporting our kids to bring their true authority into their every day expression and allowing them to express in a way that is needed for them, will start to break down this age old pattern.
Well said Jenny, it makes sense to support the kids in there authority, not to say that speaking up and working on our stuff is not important too but giving equal focus to the next generation, fostering and encouraging them to speak truth is a great way to guarantee a different type of future which will benefit all anyway.
I agree Jenny James. Our responsibility as adults cannot be underestimated here and we all have a role to play in the upbringing of children, even if we don’t have children of our own or work in an educational environment. We each have a responsibility to express in full what we know to be true, and through the embodiment of this as our living way we support all others to express the truth of who they are equally so.
YES we will Brendan. The tide is starting to turn already, though there is much to be faced as we walk our way back through our ill choices.
Matilda , awesome blog! It’s so true that staying silent breeds contempt. it’s pretty much allowing it to play out and continue… I find it interesting too how instead of expressing how we feel in everyday life, we go to a qualified person and pay so that we can finally speak how we feel. It would be so great to allow everyone the space to speak what they feel and see is truth.
Can I be the one that speaks out, absolutely. Even one comment makes a world of difference. For me now its about this expression becoming my normal, my everyday language, my truth that I’ve observed. I have, in the past, been the passive observer, seeing the injustice around, but not really being ‘pulled’ into the issue as I felt this would contribute to the mess. I’m realising that the expression of what is not true is the way and breaking the shackles of holding back has been an uncomfortable process, but one that now is beginning to feel incredible and in perfect alignment to what is needed.
Great Matthew to hear that despite the fact that ‘breaking the shackles of holding back has been an uncomfortable process’ you have persevered and got past that. Really inspiring and I appreciate you sharing your experience.
Matilda this is a huge topic and I think we would all be flabbergasted if we were able to see how many times throughout our day we choose to not speak up in conversation. In conversation with other parents, friends, colleagues, family there are so many situations where we pause silently as we choose to not speak up out of fear of offending, standing out, causing a commotion, not being liked, not being in the in crowd etc.And so the world continues to spin on it’s current axis as opposed to taking the stance that you have and saying ‘I am going to express myself honestly where needed and in so doing bring much needed change to the world’
I agree Alexis, it is huge and simple fact that we calibrate to join another in that moment highlights greatly the work that we are to do in order to bring more of us out by expressing the truth in any situation. As expressed truth over history has been bastardised by many whom did not like what was being exposed it now shows that despite these efforts the truth will always stand firm, all that is needed is those that are willing to stand with it.
Something about the way you have expanded on this amazing blog Alexis has really resonated with me. Its got me thinking just how many situations I am silent or false, I am going to spend a day today observing this, that is the first step to true change I suppose. I just don’t think we even realise the enormity of it yet.
Ah yes, sarahraynebaldwin, inspired by these comments I am willing to observe and consider the detail of my day and the stop start moments as I hold and express truth or not. Thank you.
Matilda, so often I have stood back when I haven’t been sure of the repercussions for speaking out, but when I have jumped in I have always been pleased that I did. We do need to speak the truth when we see something that we know is not right, or if it is too dangerous, call in the authorities who can help. We need to teach our children to speak up, at least to an adult, when they see something that doesn’t feel right. We need to be good examples and role models for our children to follow as well.
I agree the playground is a micro of the world, but I remember having instilled in me even before going to school ‘not to be a tattle tale’ and being commended for being able to keep a secret, and in fact getting into trouble if we told tales. I allowed this to affect my whole expression until I chose to feel the harm it was doing to myself and to other people and now I am relearning to not hold back and truly express what I feel to be true no matter what the consequences may be. There is a huge difference between telling a tale/lie with the intention of causing mischief or trouble and speaking up for the truth. Children can feel the truth. Listening and allowing our children to express what they know to be the truth needs to be encouraged, instead of shutting them down, which can then lead to uncertainty and lack of confidence and is the beginning of them closing down expressing and not trusting what they truly feel.
Brilliant article thanks Matilda. In the past I have been the one waiting for others to do something. This changed as I learned the balance between trust of others and trust of myself. It is still an ebb and flow with this, but when in harmony, there is held equality and so true action as opposed to taking the lead thinking I know best, or sitting back thinking that another does.
I can feel the expansion that happens in my body as I express openly and the contraction that is felt when I don’t express or when I express in doubt or not claimed. Now each moment is a choice, do I choose the natural expansion by speaking up and expressing in full, or do I choose the contraction? When I bring it back to the body, it becomes a simple choice.
Thank You Matilda for speaking up, as we all have the same ability to align to the truth, and to then speak the truth, this should be taught and encouraged at schools. How important is it to allow this freedom of choice to speak the truth, especially at a young age! To allow our youth to feel and speak the truth would turn the world upside down as the young still feel so much!
You have made so many good points, Matilda – definitely a big OUCH! We even encourage our kids to be polite rather than call out what is truly going on, and in that way perpetuate the ‘norm’ which is actually harmful to all.
Hi Matilda, this is the first article I have seen your name on, and I/WE WANT MORE! This is exactly what is needed, and I truly appreciate your expression and standing up – it allows us all to take another look, and make another choice. To realise the depth of what is really going on. Looking at the school yard as a micro of the world is just brilliant. It is crazy what is allowed and accepted as normal in this world currently. Thank you!
Very true Matilda and thank you for opening the conversation on the subject. We do so much damage by not speaking up, I for one have let many an issue slide past in fear of what might happen if I say something. Strangely enough on the those odd moments when I have, I have been amazed by the response from people, it really does only take one person to say something to then encourage others too, but we definitely all like to play the waiting game to see who is going to go first. When we don’t speak up, we embed yet another form of abuse into our societies. It most definitely is time to break those sweet and charming manners of ours and say those awkward and unwanted remarks that remind us of who we truly are, people worthy of true respect and genuine consideration.
Thank you Matilda Clark for this brilliant blog. You are exposing something very huge here and that is how we allow evil to reign. It is deeply uncomfortable to feel how much I have been party to letting that occur by my silence.
I am finding that going from someone who never used to speak up to someone who is learning to voice what I know, feel and see is awkward but it is worth it. So many things are not ok in this world and we need to challenge the love-less-ness that we have allowed for a very long time.
Beautifully put Elizabeth, that was exactly my feeling; it brought back moments where I should have spoken up, but did not. So I have played my part in this as well. I like how you express that it can feel awkward to start express and voice what you feel after not speaking up for such a long time. But it surely is worth it. It is up to us, each one of us, and nobody else.
Brilliant, Elizabeth, thank you for that spur and clarity. It is uncomfortable and awkward for me to speak up but only because I have cemented myself through past choices into an inertia that now needs to be shaken off; even though we know they do not serve, old habits like to hang around!
Right on, Matilda! When we do not speak up against behaviour that does not feel right, it also affirms the abusive behaviour by not calling it out. Our silence is taken as a vote of confidence, and shows the abuser that there will be no consequences for abusive behaviour, supported by the punishment of those who call out the truth. It is constant training in the opposite of how we really are inside and want to be!! It’s an indictment that we have to resort to government-funded programs to provide the safety to speak, when it should already be natural to everyone. It’s a start in empowering people to turn the tide, but the true change will come from every person doing their bit and not being afraid of consequences. Sure the pioneers often have a tough time of it – as Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine have been experiencing at the hands of the media and cyberbullies – but the more that do it the easier it becomes for the masses and the greater the effect.
It is so true Maltida, we all suffer as a society if we don’t speak up and we then accept standards of behaviours between human beings that are “cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative”. I can relate to having to break through the familiar social politeness and niceties you speak of. If we to awaken from this slumber this is a great question you pose, “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”
Matilda I have thought the world a dangerous place if I were to stand up and say no to what I feel with all my body is not true. But I am being shown it is possible to do this in every and any situation, seemingly big, seemingly small, and feel this does make a huge difference. Each time I dare do this with a respect and love for all, letting go of my investment to be liked or secure, I find it is more than possible to do. I know standing with myself and truth is allowing me to take these steps. Reading your blog inspires me to continue in this direction. Thank you.
Yes, it is challenging to start to speak out but it is never to late to learn as I am discovering. “Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!” So absolutely true!
Never too late- very very true.
Thank you Matilda this article is superb. I can so relate to accepting the role of being politely silent and not expressing what I feel and see in case I make waves. I can feel how not allowing myself to speak up is like saying no to truth and allowing the roles that society dictates to bully me into submission. I am constantly inspired by the Benhayon family and the students of the Way of the Livingness and their choice to speak the truth.
Thank you Matilda, for speaking up about what’s really going on in our schools and society at large. ‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ We can kid ourselves that we’ll say something next time, make excuses for why something just happened, but the reality is, if we keep quiet, we’re choosing not to take responsibility. In our silence we are harming ourselves and everyone else. We may feel we are ‘saving face’ in the short term, but what we’re really doing is adding to the retardation of humanity.
Wow, this article is a cut through the victim-perpetrator mentality. Not to allow abuse is our responsibility. And it starts at home in my daily life, for example not to allow anybody to talk unlovingly to me.
I love that Felix, instead of being overwhelmed with the enormity of it, bring it back to the simplicity, change begins in the self.
That is beautiful felixschumacher8 and so true, it starts at home to not accept anything less than love setting, the foundation which leads to a ripple effect all around you.
Exactly felixschumacher8 – starting at home, with occurrences in our daily lives, allows us to build a foundation of saying no to abuse – rather than seeing it as an overwhelming issue in the world that we have little power to address.
Felixschumacher I really appreciate what you have shared. I can re-call being on the tail end of a comment and how hurtful it was. That’s so great that you do not allow anyone to talk to you in a way that’s unloving. How important is it that we claim those feelings and then others know how we feel, so that new choices can be made next time. That way we can build and deepen our relationships based on understanding each other.
Your observation about the children’s playground has reawakened a dormant memory and I can feel the horror and shock of the children as they learn to stay silent in the face of cruelty and what they know to be true as they learn the ‘rules’ of the game. It feels awful and it is very sad that this bullying is commonly accepted and that children are not supported to express themselves with no fear of reprisal, setting it up to have docile people that fit in with society’s conventions. A wake up call for all of us adults to be keenly observant and sensitive to the children around us and in supporting them to express what they are feeling.
This is a great article Matilda. I feel the concept of the tell tale needs to be examined more closely. Children grow up with the parents being the settler of disputes, when they go to school this responsibility is transferred to the teachers. I am sure that parents and teachers alike grow weary of being called in to settle every little thing that the children should be capable of solving for themselves. Instead of rescuing, we need to empower our children with the techniques to resolve conflict between themselves, and how to not let it affect them. There will of course be times when things get out of hand and a responsible adult or other person is required to step in, there is no shutting down of feelings, just a greater level of responsibility.
I agree, Bernard. At times, the tell tale syndrome has been used to recruit others to one’s cause and thereby increase the isolation of the other who is being “told on.” Role modelling and teaching conflict resolution skills does allow children to unfold their knowingness of how to respond, rather than react, to situations. A feeling of safety is generated by knowing that a responsible adult is on hand, if required.
Adults holding a harmonious space for children to interact within is a huge contributing factor in minimising skirmishes and conflict also.
Bernard what a great comment. I have no doubt parents and teachers can get weary with settling disputes but I wonder if children aren’t taught how to settle disputes because those taking care of them haven’t mastered this themselves.
Lessons in responsibility and not blaming is one that is well worth the investment. It allows everyone to grow and not continuously drain human resources.
Absolutely Bernard. Self responsibility, expression and accountability could be taught and instilled with children much earlier. The fact is that children are very wise and if the whole playground had the same tools and process to deal with the small situations, it would be very empowering and definitely eliminate the tell tales for the very minor situations.
The playground has become a prison of our own making with our silence perpetuating the rot we see, so this is an awesome reminder of the power of speaking truth and speaking up and being willing to change the foundation. We are all responsible and shouldn’t underestimate the difference our voices make.
Well said Samantha. And it is also a reminder for us to allow others, even encourage others, especially children to express freely about what they feel and have observed.
So true Samantha, everyone’s voice matter.
I remember the schoolyard culture you speak of Matilda and it was definitely not ‘cool’ to ‘tell-tale’. It is important to encourage children to speak their mind freely about what they feel and how they see life.
As a young adult, to witness all that was wrong with the world appeared overwhelming and seemed insurmountable. There is a level of acceptance that this is just they way it is and this IS worrying .. “This is a madness”.
I love how your article calls each and every one of us to responsibility, we are the ones that initiate change by not being afraid to stand up and speak out. It is we the people that create the world we want to live in. Thank you Matilda.
Thank you Matilda for bringing up this important subject. The impact of not speaking up is huge. Your story about the playground, brings up a particular memory for me at the age of something around 8 years. There was this boy in my class who was picked on. I have known him for a couple of years because he was related to someone in my family So a couple of years later we were in the same class and even though I could feel how horrible it was for him to be picked on at times, I did not do anything in his defense. I was not a shy girl, but I was afraid being in this new school that I would be picked on. Up to this day it I can still feel how awful it felt that I never did something about it. I told my children this story so that they can choose to make different choices when they might get in such a situation. And for me in life now…. I choose to speak up.
There are so many amazing points you have made here, Matilda. A very powerful blog indeed. I have recently realised that I had normalised be pushed around by other people’s emotions such as frustration and resentment. It felt like a way of bullying and I had experienced this from a young age and not spoken up about it so eventually it became my norm. Exposing this and seeing it for what it really was was very freeing, as well as revealing of just how much we can normalise behaviour that is not loving and true.
I can totally relate to the floundering feeling of re-learning to express myself and to speak up when I know something isn’t right. It feels so awkward and i definitely need to work on my delivery, as sometimes it can come out all wrong, but I totally feel it’s necessary, as not saying anything when I know or felt something just isn’t an option any more, in fact it is an expression in itself, and not the one I want to leave behind.
Thank you Matilda for raising the topic of speaking up. I see it too in my place of work amongst children who are afraid of being labeled a snitch. Its so sad that we ‘normalise the things that are not OK.’ And as you say it also plays out in the adult world. The “I’m alright Jack” attitude is something I am familiar with, but its true that we all have our part to play in calling out what is not right. We forget how powerful a single voice can be.
This is a pretty amazing blog. It’s calling out for change on all levels and I agree. The politeness and niceties of life are part of a game that says “Do not say that anything is wrong with the way it is, let’s all pretend things are great.” With each small (or big) thing we can speak up against there is a huge opportunity for change.
Matilda, what you have shared here is so powerful. We can live in the comfort of this world of ours, and pretend that the violence in another household has nothing to so with us. This is shown for the falsity it is with this playground example, as all our children mix together and therefore their experiences of life are shared through their interactions. We can no longer pretend we live in isolation. We are part of humanity, and though we may be separated physically, we are all connected. Therefore it is time to stand up and speak truth in all its forms, as our children are a reflection that if this does not happen with us, it will not happen with them, and so the cycle will be perpetuated.
Matilda I can so identify with the conflict you describe here between my own conditioning not to speak up and standing for truth. When I read your words, “I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside” I feel the power in them
and know that really there is no choice, this is the way to go. The discomfort is in the moment mustering the strength to go against past momentums of repeatedly making choices not to speak out.
A potent reminder Maltilda thank you. The self imposed prison of not expressing in full, or worse still at all when is needed, is something I too am fuelled to break out of.
Matilda this was an ‘Ouch’ moment as I have been part of “playing the social game” and the results of this behaviour in general have delivered the outcome we are faced with and represented in the ‘microcosm of the playground’. I can tell you on many levels ‘playing the social game’ has indeed been playing irresponsibly. Now I am aware of my choices, both in the past and into my future as I now see the impact of ‘playing games’ as opposed to bringing Truth to every situation.
Don’t most of us have a feeling that the problem is too big and whatever I have to say won’t make a difference? Another possible cause of keeping silent is the reason for the phrase, “Those in glass houses don’t throw stones”. There are arguments, disharmony in my house, so the thought prevails ‘I’m hardly one to speak up and criticise another’, lest I have to do something about my own nest. And in comes responsibility. Many or probably most just don’t want to be responsible for themselves to the degree needed to make this world a better place.
‘…and in comes responsibility’ – this is so spot on, Suzanne. I have artfully ducked and dived responsibility because I knew I would have to ‘fess up to all the choices I have made that have been out of sync with my natural wisdom and therefore out of sync with the world. I have done this because I have also been stuck in the mindset that says looking back over past ill choices equals blame. Supported by Universal Medicine I am coming to understand, and live, that without taking responsibility I am not free to make the next choice and that being honest about the part I have played to date, and super understanding about the choices I have made, is a key part in being inspired in the next moment/choice/step.
What a great blog Matilda – it really exposes where this ‘silent bystander ‘can start from. Our wanting to fit in with the crowd and play along and not to be seen as a ‘snitch’ or a ‘party-pooper’ can start from such a young age. No wonder it is deeply ingrained in so many of us. But as your blog so clearly shows, what are the implications of this? Do we then allow this behaviour as the norm and allow the cycle to continue. I think so. It is up to us – we have the choice as you say to speak up or to remain the silent bystander which in effect is giving permission for the disharmony and rot to continue.
And for me, if I apply that simple choice to every moment: truth v. convenience, all the complication and struggle evaporates. It really is that simple and clear. Thank you, sarahflenley.
How inspiring this blog is Matilda. Having been a master of keeping hidden and silent it is amazing to be taking responsibility and speaking up more and more. I agree with you –
“my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine”.
Matilda, you have written your blog in the UK about children not feeling safe to speak up for they will be called a ‘snitch,’ and I am sitting here reading it feeling as though I could have written the exact same blog only from the other side of the world in Australia. It was only last week where I was working with around sixty grade six boys who shared the exact same things you speak of, about not feeling safe to express themselves, not feeling as though they have anyone to talk to or who understands what they are going through, the bullying they are likely to receive if they do report to teachers, friends or parents about what they are experiencing or observing. Unfortunately your blog is spot on Matilda, the current reality we have helped set up for our children is one now where young children do not feel it is ok, nor safe to be themselves and express how they feel. And as you said, this is perhaps perpetuated beyond the playground. I love that you have spoken up, for the ripple effects has already reached roughly 17, 000 km away here in Melbourne. Your blog inspires change Matilda, a change to make the playground safe again, at all times, in all parts of the world, for everyone equally.
Thank you, Emilia. If we lift off the word playground we all know this silent resignation permeates all our lives and that this settles into an apathy that, in its inaction perpetuates what flows against our innate nature of working and living as one unified humanity with a common purpose that includes and serves all.
I agree, Matilda, the playground is a microcosm of what occurs in our society at large. I wonder if the children’s reactive silence that you have observed is attributable to their horror of what they observe, or is it in response to then cone of silence that society requires, so that this horror is shut down and numbed out of existence at an early age?
Either way, as adults, it is our responsibility to start to wear down this reluctance to communicate and allow ourselves and our young to express the truth of what is experienced on a daily basis.
Matilda what you have shared here highlights the responsibility that each and EVERY ONE of us has, to speak the truth of what we feel. More and more, I am understanding the implications of not having spoken up in the past and the devastation we now face in the world because of it. Even as a child in primary school I remember not speaking up because I thought I’d get in trouble, or would be made fun of by other children. In High School, I recall being ‘shut down’ and ridiculed by a teacher, which affected me so much that I broke out in a rash. However the consequence in my body for not speaking up has been greater and more harmful to me than if I had just said what was there to be said. When I do deliver truth I notice there is no wavering and the words are just there to be expressed; as opposed to when I am holding back my expression while I fumble to look for the ‘right’ way to say it in order for it to ‘land’ better. However, I realise more and more that the message is NOT for us to alter in any way rather than for us to DELIVER it in the Love that we are, with no apology or sympathy looming. When I do this there is no attachment to the person or the message itself and I am free to move on to my next expression of love, feeling expanded and complete.
I love this blog Matilda, because it is so true and something i was reflecting on recently – how people don’t feel comfortable speaking up about things that make them uncomfortable – a joke at their expense, a comment made about someone else, or even just don’t to being hugged when they didn’t want to be – these are all things that matter, for if it doesn’t feel right or makes a person in anyway uncomfortable it matters, and yet we are conditioned from young to smile, ignore it and carry on, as I know I have done. The idea of speaking up and expressing that I don’t want to be touched or hugged by someone because its not right for me scares the pants off me – but why? Why am I scared to set my own bounderies for my own body – why do I living in a society that would perceive that as weird or impolite? Because as a whole and as individuals, we have all slowly allowed things to slide, letting abusive comments slip past and normalising arguments and tension as being healthy in a relationship. Is it any wonder we have problems with young teens having sex without full consent, or getting into abusive relationships, or war and gender inequality? Just the other day, a man came into the coffee shop where i work. He has made very sexist comments to me once before and I bottled up my hurt and anger and remained silent, as he was the customer, but this time the same thing happened, and he called me a dishwasher, temperamental, ‘fiery’, because i dared to talk back, and apparently unable to multitask because I was a woman. For the first time, I didn’t pass it off as a joke, or be scared by the fact I was a work – instead i stood my ground and spoke up, in such a way that he stopped, apologised and was able to stop and see what he had done. My manager, who has been politely laughing along also look shocked, not only that i had spoken up, but also at having to be accountable for what had been said, and allowed to be said by him. It felt great, and since then the man has not been at all sexist. As i once read some where, you must stand for what is right, even if you stand alone.
I love the way you have said ‘No’ to the sexist expression from your customer in the coffee shop Rebecca. That takes real presence, strength and love. You have changed the way the customer/server relationship has previously stood and reigned – you have revealed it as a game, an ‘arrangement’, that allows all kinds of abuse and untruth of who we all really are. What a huge healing for your boss and this man – the love of a woman for herself and for the truth.
Rebecca, great sharing and you’re right we’ve normalised what we allow for such a long time now that we’re expected to just grin and bear it, but as your example shows. What’s telling is often when people are called out or pulled up, they stop and feel what they did was not right and somehow it breaks this game we all play, where someone makes a remark and everybody is supposed to laugh along and be a good sport, even when it’s abusive. One thing that shocked me a little reading your comment were your words ‘Why am I scared to set my own bounderies for my own body’, as I know often I can live in a way that is scared to stand up for myself and say no. I’m learning and seeing more where this happens and starting to speak up, but it’s very much a beginning, as I’ve trained myself to get on with things, to push through and not to feel how much those abusive remarks or behaviours hurt, and in that I put myself last, and it hurts massively. So now it’s about unpicking those behaviours and speaking up to allow the breaking of this cycle.
Matilda, thank you for placing the responsibility to speak up squarely at the feet of each and every one of us.
And I wonder, what part of us gets satisfaction from not speaking up? what is it that makes lots of us stay in the tension of the polite silence? what do we get from it? It is not easy in the body, it fills the body with tension. Is it the “uncomfortable” comfort of trying to stay the same by not expressing, not evolving?. I am also re-learning to say things out loud, and making mistakes, but it is worth it.
Such an important and essential awareness you raise Matilda. It’s been a case of ‘don’t wake the sleeping giant’ I feel. However it is time we all wake up and honestly accept what it is we see and feel going on around us that is abusive in anyway to ourselves and or others. Only with honesty can we then be prepared for the possible next step to take. In the past I’ve looked at the enormity of abuse and harm and contracted into myself with the belief I’m one person what can I do? Now I understand with one step at a time I do know what to do when some thing happens in my immediate vicinity and I can respond with what’s needed then and there. As you say the ripple effect is so much more powerful than I’ve appreciated in the past.
This is something I too am in the midst of forever changing with myself too Matilda. All my life I have seen what is really going on but I chose to say nothing as I learnt very early on that people did not want to here the truth. As I now choose to speak up most of the time (still working on all of the time) I have discovered that while truth may make people uncomfortable at first in the end it is often felt as supportive and can bring about great change for all involved. If we look back in history at those who were willing to stand for truth and nothing else we will often find that in their time they were mostly derided or persecuted but today they are seen as instigators of great and lasting change in history and they are often the very people we are now inspired by.
In my experience as a Mum at Primary School (or Kinder or Playgroup) it does stand you apart from the other Mum’s who all stand around chit chatting and are not wanting a real conversation. But I continue to walk and stand at drop off and pick up, in my connection, knowing that I am not alone and eventually, there are other parents who approach me and a real connection is formed.
You have called out the politeness, niceness and small talk and this is great, because it is all too easy to fall back into that to feel like you fit in.
We need to prepared to be unpopular at times.
Matilda you are so accurate in your description of how we all are able to accept less in one way or another with relationships both intimate and nationally all over the world. It is a phenomenal situation of the greatest proportions and yet I love how you have given us the answers right here in your own words about living walking speaking the truth we feel and the ripple effects this can have. I have seen it and I know this to be true, it is incredible the power we all have to feel and express.
If we encourage and allow the young ones to speak up about injustices that are happening in the playground at school then we are fostering a healthy attitude in them. This then will support them to continue to express as they become teenagers and adults. I am now needing to deepen and develop my true expression in my latter life because as a youngster this was not encouraged, in fact , quite the opposite, I was often shut down by others if I was to speak about what I did not feel was true.
Violence, toughness, argument and conflict has become normalized in our culture. Changing the way we are with ourselves as students of the Livingness, to allow for tenderness, non reaction and reading the circumstances of life to garner understanding of others is the foundational change available for us all and which makes an enormous difference in itself. It then gives the strength and confidence to walk, stand, speak and write from this. Yes we all feel it if we allow ourselves to and Yes it is so important that we all know ourselves to be an equal part of the all with a very important voice that needs to be heard. To wake up those that have not been ready to hear and see, nor shown that there is actually another way.
I am tempted to write here Matilda that this is a ‘great blog’ and that it indeed is. However what you share here has a tragic element to it; I can feel my part in contributing to the rot you describe. Yes we are all responsible for what happens when we do not speak up! And it begins here in this context of responding to your blog as much as it is in the playground at school or other settings. A painful reminder and a welcomed one about the responsibility NOT to do nothing but to connect to the truth of love which we must hold back when we do not speak up. Thank you.
This is one of the first blogs I have read on speaking up in the face of being labelled a ‘goody-good’ or ‘tell tail’ and it deeply speaks my own experiences of what this was like for me too at school. When we felt the truth in these cases we never doubted or thought we were small. We were empowered by the truth so the choice to think we are to small is one we consciously make to hide.
Matilda what you present is so important and the playground example is spot on. We all have a responsibility to start to speak up. How else will we effect true change? I am learning too to connect more with my body – this is really helpful in instances when my head starts to convince me something I’ve felt isn’t OK might be ‘normal’. If I can connect deeply with my body I can feel what’s true and speak from there.
Matilda you make a very important point about this deeply harmful controlling consciousness in our society that stops us speaking up and saying things as they are for fear of being called a snitch. True Love and Truth which are qualities of the Soul as described in Unimedpedia – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index are now the qualities I choose to live by to the best of my ability. To not speak up against lies and abuse is to condone and participate in them. Speaking up can at times be an energetic thing – it does not always mean I literally open my mouth and verbalise. There are times when people say things or do things that are completely off and just the fact that I hold steady and nominate (without any judgement whatsoever) within myself what I have just observed is enough. The main thing is not to accept anything less than love as normal or who we truly are.
Thank you for speaking up Matilda.You have written a beautifully felt and caring blog. Everyone who reads this will agree with you, if everyone speaks up together the ripple effect will indeed be far reaching.
Matilda, the topic of truth is a crucial one and I am grateful that you have shared your observations. I know for myself that at age 31 I continue to uncover what it is that I feel is the truth in particular situations from the knowing and claiming that I can feel absolutely everything. It’s amazing to learn more about the way in which I began to override what I felt in place for the spoken word or to fit in with the crowd. Until Serge Benhayon, I didn’t have a role model in my life that spoke truth, unapologetically and unreservedly as he.
Boy oh boy, you nailed a point, where we as a society would read your article and be exposed to the lie (we have created ourselves): ‘That we don’t have any influence on the bigger picture in the world’.
The whole point of us individually not being strong enough to have any influence on the so called ‘big’ events in life (such as wars, domestic violence, discrimination and crime) is being opened up to the straight and real fact: we can, and we have.
As you speak I can feel I have been contributing to illness and disease, crime and violence, war and cruelty, fear and destruction – because I have not stepped up and let the truth come out of – speaking with my voice and letting be heard, what is right and what is wrong. This responsibility we all have, this is our contribution. This is at the same time offering us to make a real and true difference in all those matters. We have the power to change, as we also had the power to disgrace and pollute the earth as we can all see we have contributed doing.
So beautifully expressed Danna. I want to speak up right now and unequivocally say “ I have been contributing to illness and disease, crime and violence, war and cruelty, fear and destruction” by not speaking up about it and it’s time that we all started working together to find ways to end what is harming us all.
I used to think arguing was good, ‘healthy’ for a relationship, but it just added to the wall of competition and eventual mistrust because the argument was based on always being ‘right’ rather than coming to a joint understanding of what in fact is true. If ‘right’ persists on both sides then the gulf of separation deepens.
Oh boy, this is a beauty, Jeannette Macdonald. Arguing in relationships being seen as healthy – arghh – getting the last word and being ‘right’ reducing us all to isolated spots in a world that yearns for unity. THANK YOU for the succinctness and simplicity of your writing.
When we standby and say nothing in the face of something that we know is wrong we are just as complicit as if we had been the instigator. The bystander effect is a huge problem in society, oh well its not directly happening to me so I won’t say or do anything. But in not speaking up we are saying that it is ok for that behaviour or situation to continue and repeat and even worsen.
We all inherently know when something is wrong and it is only by expressing and speaking up that we can start to make a change.
I completely agree Rachel. When we turn away with a shrug and hope that someone else will speak up, we are contributing to the normalisation of more and more extreme abuse in society.
Brilliant blog Matilda. “I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside, OR I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.?” I have been playing the social games for a long long time not wanting to stand out and not choosing to be aware of the fact there was another way. Now I have been inspired deeply by Serge Benhayon and all students of Universal Medicine to feel again in my body what is true for me. Because I now feel again what is true for me in myself I am more and more confident with expressing this in the world. I start to feel that if I do not practice to speak up, talk about things or write about things that concern me, the world will stay as it is. If I start to express and communicate what I feel is truth and what is not true there is a grand opportunity for change.
I totally agree with what you say Matilda, we learn at an early age to keep quiet and not ‘rock the boat’ for fear of retribution. I’ve always had a strong sense of what is fair and at school would call out what I saw as unfair, this was labelled as tale telling and the result was being ostracised. I see the same thing playing out now with the present generation and it is as you say a microcosm of the macrocosm of what is being acted out on the world stage. We need to address what is happening in playgrounds and make it safe to tell the truth if we wish to address disharmony and bring about change to the culture.
hi Matilda, I have been very concerned about what goes on in school recently and I have been questioning what is accepted behaviour nowadays. It is normal for kids to swear, use aggression on each other, fight in the play ground even if a teacher is watching. It is called ‘rough play’ and as long as it doesn’t escalate it’s ok. Heads are turned, a blind eye is given to this behaviour so now it is a daily occurence and has become the norm. The children rarely speak up because this behaviour has been accepted. This is my experience of the school my son goes to and I shudder to think that this may be the norm in many schools. On the outside all appears well, the children may even achieve good grades but just under the surface there is a huge amount of tension and behavioural issues that seem to be discounted as not as important as good grades. If schools were measured on children’s behaviour in school, I wonder if then it would receive the much needed correction?
Awesome, Matilda. Reading your blog I was reminded of the ways that we are convinced that speaking up and speaking the truth has been so paradoxically demonised in our society. On the one hand if you witness a crime and do not report it you are guilty of a crime as well, and on the other hand if you blow the whistle on a large company or the government who are committing a crime you can get in trouble for that.
But the truth is the truth, and there is never escaping it. Once it is felt that something needs to be expressed, it will come out in some way somehow. When we follow the initial impulse of truth it always flows so much easier, than if we hold it in, and then have to deal with can develop into an actual physical discomfort before expressing it in some way.
Great comment Naren. That’s such a crazy paradox! It makes a mockery of us teaching children that they should always tell the truth.
What you share is massive and one of the biggest evil of human life. History is full of bystander stories. It looks like the Will to stand up and speak truth has been corrupted by the comfort of “one life” thinking and the hiding in supposed security. But what if human life is just part of an ever returning cycle and one time we live in the save spot of not being affected and next round we are living the consequences of this so save bystander life? How would we decide then?
You make some great points here Matilda, especially ‘my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade’ – for me this one line says it all.
I agree Julie – this line turns a spotlight on us – uncomfortable but absolutely necessary and welcomed.
I agree Julie, that line says so much. Being a bystander, an onlooker to anything that is not of love is basically saying ‘it is ok’.
Matilda, what a wake up call for all of us. I could feel the “ouch” for me in what you had written here. The fact that children are suppressing their feelings so much at school means we are shutting down our light at such an early age now and that is a tragedy for us all.
Hello Matilda Clark and thank you for this blog. This is one of my favourite quotes, ““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein” I agree there appears to be a societal attitude of ‘just look after yourself’ and it does start with the children. I go back 20 years and most people would know everyone in their street or at least be aware of their names but now people are lucky to see their neighbours let alone interact with them. We need to look at what is considered ‘normal’ and continue question what that looks like and see how it feels. I always do a 20 years forward test on things, ‘how will this look in 20 years?’ On most occasions I don’t like what I see in 20 years and again with what you are saying I would say the same thing. I agree and as you say, “That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” If you don’t feel the way something is headed will support anyone then it is time to speak up about it. As you say Matilda the ‘ripple effect’ can be far greater then we could imagine but we shouldn’t continue to look sideways for someone else to do it.
I like this ’20 years ahead test’. It diminishes the ‘self’ in the moment and focuses on the big picture and our responsibility as part of a whole. It also diminishes my ability to worry about reactions that might come from my stepping out of the line of social niceties and stating the truth of how things are. Thank you, Raymond Karam.
Thank you matildaclark and yes I feel we all need to be willing to be leaders in our field. If we get locked into a day to day style of living it seems to leave you at the mercy of everything. We need at times to keep our heads up and look at the direction we are headed. As a society just because something has been labelled ‘the norm’ doesn’t mean it is to be accepted blindly. We need to feel ourselves how it sits and then be able to stand in how we see things even if it goes against the ‘norm’. It would be a different story if we as a society were going super well but at this point we can see that is not the case. There has been a continued rise in illness and disease as well as what most organisations locally are calling a “disconnect”. Many are seeing that people aren’t connecting with each and this is becoming more and more frequent. Could it be possible that everything is built from around how we connect with each other? From my experience this is certainly true and it is not normal for it to be any other way. Success is measured for me first on how people are going and not on what they do.
I really appreciate what you have said here Raymond: ‘ Success is measured for me first on how people are going and not on what they do.’ Spoken from the heart. I have recently become aware that one young person, newish in one of the classes I teach, is not actually sullen and sulky giving one word answers – this child is actually extremely tired and lethargic and doesn’t have the energy to participate. We sat down together and talked about how she felt for a bit last week – just to nominate some of what was happening.
Hello Lyndy Summerhaze and thank you for sharing this. I know why you loved my quote, “Success is measured for me first on how people are going and not on what they do” because what you described there after is that quote in living action. Just by going a little deeper into the relationship with that ‘young person’ you brought more understanding to the situation and not just accepted the ‘doing’ as all there was. What you did there is very inspiring and deeply caring, thank you again.
Thank you Matilda for so clearly showing the ill consequences of not speaking up. It really puts it into perspective that our actions or in this case lack of action has a much bigger effect than we may want to see.
The playground is indeed a brilliant micro of the world. That is where we as children take our first steps into the big wide world. If we cannot speak up there and feel safe to express our truth, then where can we?
The playground can be a frightening place for a child to be. If a child doesn’t ‘fit the box’ such as having special needs or being dyslexic, they are often picked on as being different. I know of young adults who have left school but are still in trauma from their school days where they didn’t feel accepted. Going out into the big wide world is proving challenging for them as their self worth is rock bottom.
By standing by and saying nothing to avoid ‘getting involved’, people are supporting the problem to get worse.
I used to think that I did speak up for truth, and recently became aware that the wasn’t really true, that on many occasions I had not done so, particularly when I needed to speak up for myself, not others. It was quite a shock to realise this, and to discover how hard I found it to speak what I was feeling. It would be, I was out of practice. I have also realised that I must speak up quickly, as soon as something does not feel quite right, because if I don’t, I either start to doubt myself, or find that by the time that I do speak, what I say is laced with resentment or anger that has built up from me not expressing.
I can relate to this Catherine. If I don’t speak up immediately my self-doubt creeps in and I stay silent. I then judge myself later for not having spoken; not helpful! Learning to appreciate myself for when I do speak out now supports me to express how I feel more the next time.
I have found the same about speaking up straight away, and not putting it off. Not only does resentment and anger ( at my own delay?) come into play, but the issue itself gets bigger and more complicated the longer it is left. As you say, Catherine, it is relatively easy to speak up about the issues in the world in general, but when it gets personal, the lifelong habit of putting others first – which as Matilda highlighted,sadly seems to exert its influence in the playground – holds us back. I guess that, for me, its a marker for the level of my own self care.
The life long habit of putting others first. Thank you Catherine, this is yet another subtle way that we use to not only not speak up, but to put ourselves less than another, which inadvertly sets up the struggle we have in saying how we feel. Very clever set up when I look at it this way. Learning and feeling that we are all equal is the only antidote to cutting this long held behavior that I personally have found.
Agreed Catherine it is so unhealthy to hold onto expression and as Serge Benhayon has mentioned all too often this lack of expression if not reversed will lead us to illness and disease.
So true Catherine that we need to speak up at the time – when I don’t, my message gets filtered and doesn’t come out clear and the other person doesn’t feel the truth of what I’m saying even though the words may be correct, it is laced with something else.
You are so right Matilda, the school playground is a good look in at the way we deal with issues, or not as it were. I have learned so much about taking responsibility for myself and the way that I feel through the presentations of Universal Medicine, and with this I can no longer just stay quiet or passive aggressive. When something is wrong I say so now rather than looking the other way… at home, work and in the community, I understand that by staying quiet I am saying yes to what is not right.
Our silence is a “yes”, a tacit agreement with everything that is going on in life that is not true to who we really are. It starts so young that aggression, bullying and sheer nastiness have become normalised, by the time we are around 7 or 8 years of age – that was my experience for sure. Tonight I arrived at the airport in Sydney, and whilst waiting I watched a boy of around 8 playing with his sister…around 5 I would guess. He was pushing her around and mocking her as his grandmother (?) studiously ignored them both. The little girl had no defences, but no doubt she will develop them in time, either becoming aggressive, sharp tongued or shrinking away. This is our normal. No real blame is directed to the grandmother – she was a demonstration of what we all do in the face of that which we know is wrong.
To have a look at the playground as a micro world is really vivid, to become a feeling for the bigger picture of people, once (this lifetime and before) have learned, to not speak up for what they truly feel. I consider to allow myself more to avow, what I observe is cruel and harming in daily interactions. Realizing, that the harm is contained to a very very very subtle level, what we in a normal social interaction won’t acknowledge to be harming when it all the same is from the origin energy within. So I start to discover in reverse, up to wich level I accept harm and have learned to overwrite it instantly. It is so important, to detect the energy of harm itself, to not accept it in any way, shape or form, whatsoever. This is an ongoing learning and relearning, starting with exposing the many ways of harming oneself. Once I have stopped to accept self-harm, I am able to stopp it in general. As a work in progress, of course and so worth it for to change the world into a place, where children will feel safe enough, to speak about what they truly feel.
I have always said that I would rather know whats wrong than to not hear anything at all, this to me feels like a truth and yet I know in the past I too have played the head down, mouth shut game. Pretending to not feel is essentially asking us to live a lie and the tension we live with forever more is unbearable, is it any wonder that as a humanity across the world we seek distractions non stop to keep up the avoidance game? As I have started to take more notice and be aware of what I do feel there have been thoughts of ‘that’s crazy/out there’ but these feelings make more sense than anything the outside world can rationalise or endlessly explain with many fancy or complicated words. Our feelings make life make sense so why have we all chosen to play this game of pretend?
“Our feelings make life make sense so why have we all chosen to play this game of pretend?”
So beautifully said Leigh a wealth of wisdom held in this sentence.
Dear Matilda, very well said, it does to matter if we are on a school playground or out in the world there, it is time that we learn to speak up again. Speak out what is not of truth and to learn not to be afraid of reactions – as there will always be ones. But the ripple effect you wrote about is the important part here. We do no know how many feel and think the same and just do not dare to speak up. Everyday we have the opportunity to speak what we truly feel – at home, at work, with friends and even strangers. Starting with little things helps to build up our confidence when big things have to be addressed. And at the same time we learn to react less and speak more form an observing position which makes situations less emotional and dramatic.
Thumbs up for this superpowerful blog! And yes, I can make a different- we all can.
Hands up – I’ve been one of those people who has held back witnessing situations that needed someone to speak up and express with a clear voice – and to stop and cut those destructive behaviours of what is truly going on in the world. Saying things in the confines of my own thoughts of what I should or should not say and what a possible outcome could be. We all know this can be a dubious place of hiding and concealing what we truly feel. Little by little the more I express the confidence grows. To not hold back leaves a much lighter, expansive feeling in my body but also brings awareness to those destructive behaviours which need to be exposed. Thank you Matilda for finding your voice and expressing so beautifully in your sharing with us all.
Wow Matilda Thank you for speaking up calling what is really going on and making a difference that we can all feel in the absolute truth of all you are saying. Your strength and power is felt with the deep knowing that things need to change and that it is up to us all to do this for ourselves speaking up and calling what is not loving behaviour for mankind. It is our responsibility and this clear and ‘polite silence as you say means I am letting the rot continue and pervade’ From the school playground as the former of life, things need to change and it is from here we make the first difference. I know this as it was in the school playground at 6 years old that I stood up and called out what I saw was going on that was not true and loving only to be bullied and blamed myself and hence learnt to stand back and say nothing and have lived with this all my life. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon his family and Universal Medicine that I am learning to speak the truth of what I feel and see again and this is an unfolding journey of love and empowerment. I love the quote “The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. Albert Einstein”.
An excellent blog Matilda that really grasps the nettle and does not dodge the issue. Everything starts at the playground and then can continue as a pattern throughout our lives. I too have held back and been polite and I can now see that this is deserting my responsibility to speak up in the world when I know that things are not OK. As you say the world is a ‘dangerous place’ and when we participate in the silence we are contributing to the rot.
I could so relate to what you have written here Matilda especially ‘my polite silence’, and how this has caused more problems for me than if I had spoken up. If I see something and don’t express it it is held in my body it feels incomplete and I mull over what I should have said and it detracts from me saying more. I am learning (rather slowly) that if I speak up and get it wrong, not to bash myself and to learn from it. Learning to speak the truth and standing by it and not crumble if someone disputes it or doesn’t agree is an ongoing learning but one I am here to master. We learn from a very early age that to speak up against a wrong doing can seemingly cause more problems than saying nothing and it can sometimes feel like you are very much on your own, but this is I know now is no longer an option as I see the harm from looking on and doing nothing.
I can relate to all that you say here Alison,
However I too can feel the harm in standing by and saying nothing and I no longer like the way it feels when I do this. At times it feels very hard to speak in a moment, but what I have realised is I do this when I have chosen to not fully honour me, my love and my wisdom in the moment, instead I have allowed the other to be more right, more wise than me. The more I accept that I am equal to everyone else the easier it is for me to speak up, for in equalness, all of us has something to offer to our world and all of us have the ability to speak it so.
A very powerful message you deliver Matlida to us all, which inspires me also to continue to express what I feel is truth in every moment with whoever is in front of me, without hesitation or fear of reaction and if reaction, this is something I do not have to take on or be afraid.
You have said so much here Matilda to open topic for discussion and to actually start to bring about the change that is needed. I am not surprised young children do not feel they can speak up, only the other day in the news I was reading how children as young as 8 are suffering from anxiety and worry about their body image! That’s shocking. Why am I not surprise? Because we have all been silent for eons not addressing things that need to be addressed, so much so that is now affecting the next generation at a very young age. So it is great you have seen and expressed this also knowing to speak out at school and be the person to make that change in turning it around; urging all of us to do the same. Thank you.
Without the direct inspiration of Serge Benhayon, who I have known to unequivocally speak and deliver the truth for some fourteen years now, I can say without doubt that I would still be in the woods in regards to expressing the truth – and consistently so.
Though I was very strong in this as a child, ‘life’ got to me – I basically was eroded by resistance to the truth I said (frequent), and a sense of deep frustration, futility even, that no-one seemed to regard my penchant for all that was true, in the same way and absolute regard as I did. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty I eventually succumbed to where I compromised on the truth I knew – particularly in the seeking of approval and acceptance from others. Yet underneath, the truth and its glaring, yet brilliant obviousness, without a doubt remained.
What I also have no doubt about, is that without meeting Serge Benhayon, I would have remained withheld in my expression of truth – it would remain curbed, the edges softened… I would have turned a blind eye (well, I would have kid myself that I did) to corruption, and all that makes what you share here Matilda, absolutely not ok. Today I regard myself as an ever-developing work in progress, yet I am most certainly NOT in the withdrawal I had allowed myself to get to before meeting Serge Benhayon – case in point of WHY we all need to reclaim and express that which we know. For if ONE can make such a tremendous difference, what can many MORE of us truly do when we actually step out of the stagnancy of apathy, and do not hold back the truth that everyone knows, and craves to hear once more?
So true Victoria, I have mentioned in one of my earlier comments on this blog that I see in my practice and day to day living now, many young people who have given up on holding the truth as something people want to hear. They tend to get shouted at or shut down if they point something out that isn’t right and is often a truth another doesn’t want to hear. I did the same and if I hadn’t heard Serge Benhayon speaking the truth with all the love that he does I am not sure I would know that the way I was living was not a truthful way.
Serge doesn’t need you to like what he says but if he doesn’t say it then there is not an option to see that they way we are living is harming us and most likely others. I didn’t want to hear that the fact that I was exhausted and was not a great support for the clients I was working with or that I had to walk my talk in terms of lifestyle guidance I was offering. Not one person in all my training had ever asked me to take that level of responsibility in my personal living. It was better to be nice, polite or turn the other way so as not to be unpopular. I was as guilty as everyone else on that point. I sank into the oblivion of niceness till I saw what it was doing to the next generation – to others. Enormous thanks to Serge for staying with that commitment to truth and inspiring me back to mine so that I can be the change I want to see in the world and not just try to impose change on others.
The giving up is enormous Lucy, isn’t it. As a society, I don’t feel that we truly want to get in touch with this, or see the extent of the rot… for what does it lead to in later life, if in our younger years we see no avenue in which to say what’s true? What does it mean if those we are looking to as role models – parents, teachers, peers – are complicit in the ‘standing by silent’?
What occurs within us – every single time – when we repress the expression of truth, and bury it somewhere within under a leaden weight of frustration and futility?
This cannot bode well for our health and wellbeing – emotionally, physically and mentally.
Beautiful comment Victoria and yes, what can we achieve if we all speak up and call out un-acceptable and un-loving behaviour, just as Serge Benhayon has been doing so publicly for the last 15 years? It is a process that I too am re-connecting with and is still a work in progress, but one thing is very clear to me, we are all responsible for the sour and harmful vices of our societies, because we have failed to talk about what is really happening. We have generation by generation, nation by nation accepted lower and lower standards of expression and engagement, Serge Benhayon is that person who is going first, highlighting all the areas of life where we have lost ourselves and our true worth. His constant questioning and relentless exposing of all the ills in our world is supporting others to also question, discuss and address all the ugly bits we would rather brush under the carpet. It is not okay to be pushed, sworn at, use foul language, be abused or abuse and bully others and it is up to all of us to say so. We have a responsibility to restore true worth to our society and it begins with self and speaking up.
Well said Rowena. We accept so much that is harmful, so readily… Without voices of truth, and those willing to say it how it is, we would be completely and utterly lost.
It takes someone of great strength and the deepest compassion to be able to say it as it is in the way Serge Benhayon does – as you say, relentlessly expose the ‘ills in our world’, and yet at once, deeply confirm the truth of who we are.
Serge Benhayon is the most powerful role model I know of in this regard, and an unwavering inspiration in terms of solidifying the ground upon which so many here are now finding their natural voices of truth to surface once again. Wow.
This is beautifully said Victoria. “For if ONE can make such a tremendous difference, what can many MORE of us truly do when we actually step out of the stagnancy of apathy, and do not hold back the truth that everyone knows, and craves to hear once more?” A great question for all of us to read, and fully grasp what is here being said and offered. The world is not asking for rocket scientists. It is asking for us to be ourselves, to walk every day in the joy of knowing ourselves in full, and to speak with grace the truth of what we feel.
Beautifully said Leigh. What a false construct it is, to be so led to ‘think’ that each and every one of us has no place to speak what is true, unless we have some series of university degrees or such that deems us so-called ‘qualified’?
It is indeed no ‘rocket science’ – truth is known, felt and registered by us all. It’s up to us to honour it via its expression through us – every day.
Victoria, as I read your comment I can feel just how much I have allowed the belief that I can’t speak up, because I am not University trained to hold back what I have to say. It is truly huge and makes me ponder just how many of us allow just this one belief to hold back our true voice. I thank you for giving me this moment to truly feel the harm of this very false belief, that now no longer has a hold over me.
Ain’t that the truth Marika. This should be ‘lesson in health and vitality 101’ – expressing truth is not only good for you, it’s absolutely awesome! And, everyone can only, in truth, be the greater for it.
I for one can say that most often I kept quiet hoping someone else would speak up. But as you say, this silence is complicity and I no longer wish to choose this complicity. Speaking up can be a floundering exercise as you say, but I generally feel much more myself after having done so.
Great blog, thank you Matilda.
Very well said Matilda, thank-you. You have stated a truth that every one of us knows, and yet the degree to which we continue to perpetuate such harm is, as you say, off the scale… Is this the future we want for our world, our societies, our children??
A future where we and they feel somehow compelled to live “heads down, eyes averted” as you say. A future where “everyone suffers” when we stand by silent and do or say nothing in the face of harm, abuse, apathy, judgement, bigotry, intolerance, dominance, misery, pain….. the list goes on.
I surely do not want this to be our future, nor our reality now, and am committed to speaking up – acknowledging the long way I’ve already come out of the withholding I once sat in, and yet in view of there being so much more to open to and embrace. For we don’t speak up in the face of what’s not true for ourselves only, we speak up for everyone.
It is a great question that you ask Matilda “what happens when we do not speak up”
The extent of men’s violence against women is one of Australia’s most shameful secrets, Australia has a deeply entrenched and serious problem with family violence and abuse It has significant impacts upon the lives of men, women and children. It knows no boundaries of gender, geography, socio-economic status, age, ability, sexual preference, culture, race or religion. It’s the leading contributor to death, disability and ill-health in Australian women aged 15-44. “If we lost someone to a shark every single week, there would be, as there already are, laws to do something about it.” There are horrible things happening behind closed doors I believe this is what happens when we don’t speak out and when our children don’t feel met or heard.
As I open my eyes in the world I am seeing how many patterns of behaviour, particularly any that mean we – feel less than who we are, express less, speak truth, may make others feel uncomfortable or may stand out and many more, stem from how the education system is set up. I am not blaming the teachers as they are only behaving and teaching in a way that they have experienced and have been taught to control a large class of children. Neither is this way isolated in schools it is present in many areas of life even in our family life. I also know I have subscribed to not express how I am really feeling which means continuously holding back what is true, for most of my life and beyond. It is a pattern that floods most of the world and because of this it seems abnormal to express Truth which is I where I thank God for people like Serge Benhayon and his family for supporting myself and many others to open up, connect and express when truth is needed no matter what. Thank you Matilda for opening up the conversation around what is happening in schools and throughout life.
Thank you Matilda for sharing your sensitive observations of playground behaviour and cnsequences of children and staff not speaking up and accepting certain behaviours as normal. To me this a kind of sickness that infects and pollutes wherever it raises its head. I was recently sent an assessment of the current state of health of a disharmonious and under performing workplace team. When I read the brief, I saw immediately that an inability of colleague’s to honour feelings and communicatethem them honestly to each other was a major source of frustration, resentment and disharmony. So yes, the same behaviour is evident and infects many other contexts. What would help is if children and adults were shown the tremendous value of learning to express feelings lovingly and for them to feel the potential this has to heal individuals and benefit the whole.
Matilda, I see & hear this a lot from kids on what happens in playground &;how its not voiced at times for many different reasons. That is also a reflection on how we adults are living in not expressing what we feel & allowing things to play out & be part if thus vicious cycle of not expressing fully or sometimes not at all harming ourself & also others in the process.
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”
So very true. I have learnt through example of people/students around me at Universal medicine & living it myself that when I do express truth that I clearly feel it may make others uncomfortable but it sure is very healing.
‘a society that does not want to open its eyes to what is really going on ‘, are we as a society aware that this is the stance that we really take? Do we not want to know what is really going on?
I love this blog Matilda. This not speaking up about those things that are blatantly not right has been going on for aeons and has to stop. As you say, ‘Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a “snitch” or “grass” or ‘”ell-tale”.’ The pressure to suppress the horrors of life starts at this early age. Turning the blind eye, remaining silent, accepting anything less than love in relationships, is a huge disease of the human race and the only way we can get well again is to speak up, lovingly and through pure observation, without a SKERRICK of judgment.
May we all feel the support that is there for us to rise up to the power of expression in this blog.
There is so much here Matilda in your beautifully and honestly expressed blog. So much disharmony is caused by our inability to speak up. Staying silent to protect, not become a-target yourself. Is form of sickness affecting the ones who stay silent and those causing harm. From personal experience, not speaking up came from a lack of confidence, not being sure of myself, fearing offending others, or losing a friend. And yet doing so colludes with the perpetrators of abuse. Like you, I saw that doing nothing leaves everything unchanged. And yet speaking up can leave us exposed to more abuse and isolated. I’ve seen this happen countless times in organisations with workplace bullies, those who speak up victimised, ostracised, sometimes forced out.bLearning to honour and express my feelings honestly changed my world and in one instance removed a block that held everyone back including my self? Noneone gains when we hold back from lovingly expressing truth,
Thank you Matilda for speaking the truth about what is really going on in our playgrounds and our lives. It is quite exposing to see the behaviours and attitudes that our children “normalise” and know that this is what they are experiencing and mimicking from the world around them. But yes, thankfully we have been shown another way by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. And as always, the message is clear: Speak your Truth.
I love the sobering facts you have presented here Matilda and that there is a direct relationship between the ongoing conflict worldwide and the disharmony in our homes. In truth, the conflicts in global relationships are just bigger versions of the same family problems. And these we can actually start to address immediately.
Well said Dean – sometimes I can ‘excuse myself’ from the bigger picture problems of the world because they seem too big, or too far away. However, it is by the way that I am living at home, in my job, in my community that either starts to change that or allows the rot to continue.
Matilda this article calls loudly to all who have not spoken up – myself included. Today I am speaking up more and more and I will never stop speaking up again. I had lost my voice so completely that it has taken years to being to express the truth again, often when I knew that I should speak up or say something in a group I would feel so much fear in me and I more often than no give in to the fear and say nothing. Today I speak the truth even if it upsets people – it has to be said. What we have accepted as a one humanity is indeed madness on a massive scale and the time for being stifled and bound is over. You only have to look into the eyes & faces of the students of the Livingness, and you know that there is something very special taking place within these extraordinary human beings.
Thank you Matilda for this great gift to humanity. There is so much here for us all to consider how not speaking up when the truth is there to be said hurts everyone and allows division and separation between people.
I especially love the line:
‘Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.’
I can so relate to this, I have not wanted to see the hurt in others from them not living true to themselves and yes I get it – not wanting to feel my hurt too. I have also been inspired by the Benhayon family who are continually aware of the untruths that are all around us and in people’s relationships and they never hold back from speaking the truth, always in support of others. Gradually I have let myself feel the extent of these untruths , which is really the evil that keeps us trapped from living our truth. As I see this more I am more committed to speaking the truth I feel and not burying my head in the sand – it is an ongoing process that is deeply healing for me and others too.
What a powerful blog Matilda thank you. There is much to consider here and it is a big ouch to be mirrored in our lack of responsibility. As you write we are apparently unaffected by what happens at the neighbours or across the world but this is such a big illusion. The fact that we avoid looking into each others eyes just so we don’t get met by the same sadness and hurt that we are avoiding, as you so rightfully express, shows that we are all suffering in one way or another.
I am feeling more and more the irresponsibility of not speaking up, enjoining the ‘normal’ and allowing for a society that is so full of hurt, rot and disregard. It is a big ouch but at the same time in feeling how we are all connected and none of us can be truly all we are unless each and every being is so equally, makes it actually quite easy to choose responsibility once again.
We are seeing in the behaviours of many of our youths, a reflection of a society that is not functioning in a harmonious way. Matilda you make a great point that unless we speak out against what is not right then we are actually saying yes. Thank you for reminding us of the huge responsibility we each have for maintaining the health of our society and modelling true values to our young.
Thank you Matilda. This is happening everywhere, no doubt in all playgrounds far and wide. Not speaking up, not expressing, has got to be one of the biggest ills we have as a human race. We have allowed far too much for far too long.
Hear hear Sara it is happening everywhere and unfortunately it has been going on for far too long. Now is the time to shake ourselves out of the comfort and ease of the life that we have created where we ignore all that goes on and actually start to live with truth as the forefront of all that we do. If we see something we need to call it out and voice what it is that is going on. Only then will we start to take this heavy thick blanket off and live with the true love that we are all craving for.
Matilda, this is great to explore. Social niceties are very familiar behaviours for me too. Building the trust and confidence in myself to speak my truth as needed is a continuous work in progress but something that is well-worth the practise.
Thank you Annie for reminding us that speaking up takes practice. We may not always say things in the way that we would have wanted, and things may go badly, but we cant let that be an excuse. We just have to make a start, and keep going, reflecting and refining as we go, just as we have for all of the things that we have had to learn. We had to learn to walk, and that wasn’t easy at first, in fact we kept falling, but walking is natural for us, and so is speaking our truth.
It’s true Matilda, and as your blog aptly explores and as Albert Einstein expressed, the true harm in our society is when we observe, see and feel and do ‘not’ speak up for what we know is truth and / or not right. One small voice ‘can’ make a difference, and many small voices make one very powerful voice and can have a huge impact. Time for more of us to speak up and out in the truth that we know and feel!
Yes Angela, One voice does make a difference, especially when it speaks for all.
Wow Matilda. I remember learning early on that being labeled a ‘ dibber dobber’ (Australian slang for snitch I think) would mean being ousted from your friendship circle and doomed to roam around alone. This concept seemed to be set on the premise that adults were the enemy, however, staying silent often meant allowing abusive behaviour. I found that when I did get the courage to ‘dob’ adults would swiftly put an end to whatever abuse was going on. It clearly paid to speak up yet I can feel that I still have hurts around the rejection tactics that were employed so early on… thank you for writing this and giving me an opportunity to reflect.
I had the same fears Leonne – of being ostracised if I did speak up. Having observed this pattern for a few years now… I do see people that are changing the way they speak and yes, there is that initial reaction by their peers when they do start to speak up. However, if they can sustain it I’ve noticed that people start to respect that, and then come full circle to actively seeking it out because they can feel the difference.
This is fantastic, I love the quote of Einstein, it is so so true. I also relate to being fearful of speaking up and found this sentence particularly inspiring; “and that my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary”. Not speaking up, not only within small groups, but also in government, politics and policies is what has allowed society to be the way it is today, with greed, financial issues, problems in politics, drug and alcohol abuse and violence as well as increases in rates of illness and disease.
Matilda, you have brought up the fact how we as children already hold back our truth in order to not get attacked or excluded and start to play the game and doing this we are more and more lost and withdrawn. The effect this has on others is frightening, because often they also stay silent and allow abuse happening. From your example I get more aware and sensitive concerning the abuse happening when not speaking up. Thank you.
Super well said Matilda, I have been pondering deeply on this very subject a lot recently and how much abuse I allow in my life towards myself or watching on as others are at the receiving end of it. And then to ask myself to ponder of the next level of this, and that is if I do not say anything then am I not complicit? To consider that I may not directly be the perpetrator but if I am witness to abuse and do not say or do anything then aren’t I just as bad? These things are always easy to pick and address with the big and obvious stuff but I am now looking deeper across all aspects of my life, at the subtle and not so obvious. Thank-you Matilda for an awesome blog, very timely and very much needed.
Very true Terrianneconnors, I have been looking at the same with bullying and the responsibility of bystanders. As a community we are starting to understand that it is not just the perpetrators who need to take responsibility but those who look on and do nothing. The Einstein quote at the end says it all.
Yes Terri-Anne well said. It is easy to see not speaking up as it relates to obvious abusive behaviours and situations, these might seem hard enough, but it is also true there are many, many instances where it is seemingly small things that are felt as ‘not right’ that can feel equally if not harder to speak up about. Learning to honor what I feel, and then developing the confidence to speak up for me comes from feeling the harm done in staying silent and as Einstein’s words point out, being responsible in that case for the perpetuation of the very evil we dislike so much.
Learning to speak up has also been and continues to be a difficult one for me. Staying safe by being nice, polite and not rock the boat is oh so familiar. I have connected with the importance of speaking up and expressing and I have found learning to do this is a bit like building a muscle, something to be worked on regularly, knowing that it will take some time but the strength and power of experessing supports the whole of our being. Ultimately through expression humanity grows, learns and evolves. If we let things slide and they stay the same, no one evolves and what a sad world this would be.
Donna I love your analogy of learning to speak up and express being like building a muscle, it really is. And yes as you say ‘the strength and power of expressing supports the whole of our being’ and I would build on that further by saying that expression is actually who we are. Without expression (and by expression I include not just the way that we speak but the way that we do everything, every-thing) then we do not exist, we are literally not there, expression is who we are, we are the expression of God.
This is great Donna, It is very true, it is like a muscle, we need to exercise it to remind ourselves it is there and is a support for both our physical and mental health and wellbeing. I love your point about it being bigger than the world we live in too – bigger than our families, it is about humanity
Wow Matilda, what you have expressed here is so powerful. I very much relate to leaning on the social niceties and ignoring what is so obviously there and felt by all… Your article has inspired me to step up to speak my truth more – thank you.
This is a powerful and slightly disconcerting blog. I’m going to be taking a good look at my own oscillation between what is comfortable and what is true … and then come back and read this again.
After shutting down my true expression from a young age, It took time for me to become confident again in speaking up about what or how I am feeling. If I can express from a loving and true place it is usually well received, and both myself and the person I am sharing with can move towards a point of evolution together. If I hold back, as you say, I hold everyone back, and am contributing to the illness pervading society today.
Jo your first line ‘after shutting down my true expression from a young age’ smacked me between the eyes as it brought home to me that when I moved to a rough new school and was picked on, that was the point that my natural expression ceased. Since the age of 8 I have expressed from a thousand different places and not one of them has been me. I am having to re learn now how to express confidently from a place that is true without any interference from imposed thoughts and behaviours. It feels like most of the world is expressing from a place of imposed thoughts and behaviours, it’s no wonder we are in such a chaotic mess.
Gorgeous Alexis, the simple fact that you are re-learning how to express confidently from a a place that is true is the key. And we have to keep expressing from what we feel is true in order to re-configure our bodies back to their natural ability to do so. We are all working on this, and our comments are a huge part of the healing process.
Matilda this is such a great reflection that you have shared. That at such a young age we choose to silences what we feel and not speak up because of fear. This basis is what I have known and I have chosen this by walking a very very long road in silence. A choice to actually not turn a blind eye and see that this is real and it is not going away and only festering even more. When we look at where the world is we can honestly say there is no true love and harmony going on, no true brotherhood where we care for all equally so. I have been a player on this play ground and I now choose to get off. To look at everything and see it for what it really is and to speak up regardless of where I am and who is around me. I know that the way I have been choosing has not been working so there must be another way and taking responsibility for my part in it is the only way this will start to change.
As you say, Natalie, if we can simply accept that what we have been choosing to date is so not working, we are immediately willing and open to another way. For everyone that speaks up, that is one more voice setting the foundation for ‘this is not OK, let’s work together to navigate a new way’. The power and responsibility of us all.
I have spent my life up to this point playing the role of the child in the playground that feels something is wrong but not speaking up. It is a powerful message you share Matilda, not speaking up is not ok, it is as bad if not worse than the original sin as if we don’t condemn what is wrong then we allow evil to spread. There is a lot of evil in the world at the moment and what I am beginning to understand is how much of that evil is there in the smallest details that we allow to grow. Cyber abuse is one such example, such small acts of abuse online can grow into really disastrous outcomes, much like the playground bully creates a misery (often through words) that can spread and disease someones whole life.
‘If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’
Thank you Matilda for stating it so bluntly how very important it is to speak up, because if we do not do so we create a world that is becoming crueler and colder by the minute. I am learning to open my mouth and speak that what I am seeing and with that open up my angle of perception for the world and not letting my fellow human beings and myself sit and live in that what we all know is not the loving and caring standards we are innately capable of.
Exactly. without someone standing up to call out the social games that we play, we all suffer. There is more to us than the need to compete, justify and defend ourselves.Thanks for so clearly exposing this. I really enjoyed reading your blog!
And that is the true power of our responsibility…one person’s voice can be ‘heard’ by many as it invites others to feel what is truly going on. I love those moments of collective ‘Aha’ as we hear something said that we absolutely already know, in this case that playground conflict contributes to social disharmony, and that simply by communicating about it we make breaks in the silent acceptance that it is OK.
There is much to consider and reflect upon what you share here with us Matilda!
Matilda, it is a unanimous truth you share here… Very few of us speak up. Most of us settle for the “I’m OK, the war is raging elsewhere and I’ve got to look after myself and my crew..” TV and the news becomes part of the comfort, depicting cruelty and suffering that is outside our home, outside our reach and therefore we can remove ourselves from what is really going on. But what we have done is numb away a huge pain, a pain of having disconnected with people at such a deep level. Instead of deep connection we have pleasantries and politeness and letting ourselves ‘relax’ at the pub. But within, we are lonely, because we deep within we know truth and we know we made a choice to walk away from it and settle for something else in its place to try and stay ‘safe’. When we do choose to stop, to stand up and say ‘hey, what’s really going on here’, the numbness does start to go, and underneath the pain we’ve been protecting we start to feel the enormous joy of being in connection with our brothers and sisters once again.
Agree Matilda there is no middle ground . And if you try you will always come out half baked servicing no true course or purpose.
Matilda thank-you, as you simply put about ‘polite silences’, polite silences have never worked for me as the shutting down what needs to be said actually feels like a rot inside my body and I don’t sleep well at night knowing that I needed to express what I felt was true for me. One could say that speaking up has got me into trouble at times and yet the ripple affect was well worth it for all concern.
I love this sense of honouring what is a natural expression of truth and that it is in the capping and containing of this that effort and struggle appear.
I too feel that Matilda made an awesome point about “polite” silences. We justify them because we have been taught that to rock the boat is “rude”. However when a situation arises that does not feel true and we keep silent about it, an atmosphere is created that feels pregnant with discomfort. We can all feel that discomfort and yet to bury it under the carpet with silence serves no one. That discomfort continues to stay there buried until the next time, lacing the next interaction with hurts or the unsaid. To re-train ourselves to comprehend our feelings immediately and to speak in the moment takes work after decades of shutting down, but well worth the effort. I love it that many children can speak in the moment and are aware of their feelings so that to speak the truth comes very naturally. This is something that I wish to return to!
‘pregnant with discomfort’…that is such a palpable and accessible way to describe those moments when truth is withheld. We all feel it and it only takes one person to talk about it for the flood gates to open and for truth to wash through all the tendrils of ‘polite’. Thank you, michelle819.
Yes in my experience when one person has the courage to go there and speak up, it gives permission to others to express the same. I know when I feel something but I don’t have the confidence to speak publicly about it but someone goes there, I feel confirmed in that I wasn’t imagining it. The self doubt disappears and I feel confident to join in the conversation. The key for me is to honour the fact that my feelings in the moment are real but if I am wrong in my understanding it is because my perception is being laced with an issue I hold, which will then get exposed. Either way it’s a win win situation.
So true Matilda, I have personally witnessed the apathy people have to respond to and express their feelings about any issue that may ‘rock the boat’. I can see how this has been perpetuated from the playground and into social life which often now revolves just around being on phones and not directly communicating and connecting with the actual person.
To speak out truth can feel quite uncomfortable as people may not want to hear or listen to it (ignore and reject truth), it may bring up a tension that is not easy to endure or we might even be attacked by critique, ridicule or other intense behaviours towards us. We have to learn to deal with that by doing it and only then we will also experience how deliberating it is to let go off and no longer being held back by the lie, niceness, so-called polite behaviour we previously have held onto and how empowering it is for everyone.
I like what you have shared here Alex. I have found it difficult recently to talk about an abuse because people don’t seem interested and I give up asking. Or feeling that uncomfortable feeling, when you have asked them about something they don’t want to think about and an annoyance towards you, hostility that can feel very uncomfortable. But like you share, we just have to do it anyway, live with the uncomfortable, rock the boat as Matilda shares. Are we waiting for someone else to do it for us? If we are silent the answer is a resounding yes and then we are 100% complicit in all the abuse that occurs.
So well said Alex. Just to add to this, expressing our truth allows for us to sleep easy at night and this liberation and lightness of being outweighs anything that gets thrown back at us.
Matilda thank you for sharing your observations about what happens in the playground. What happens there is indeed representative of what is happening out in society and it is a shocker that we actively encourage our children to keep quiet and not express what they are seeing and feeling. Much damage is done to the individual, and society continues to live in its rot, not only blind to it but accepting it as normal! Learning to express the truth of what I am really feeling in all situations is a work in progress but one I am committed to doing. When I express the truth in the moment not only do I feel claimed but it also supports others to feel it and claim it for themselves too.