Have you ever walked the streets in your neighbourhood and wondered what is going on behind those closed doors; with the people living isolated and separated lives behind them? And have you ever considered how much we have separated ourselves from one another and the many horrific things that happen behind these closed doors on a daily basis that no one would know about?
On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well. Every day there are countless stories of horrific abuse of women and children, and the most despicable crimes you could possibly imagine are perpetrated. We would be ignorant to think that these acts happen at random or just come out of nowhere.
We live our life, we go to work, we get the kids to school, we run our errands, etc., but this is only a portion of what we allow the world to see. It is only our family and perhaps our close friends that really get to see what goes on behind closed doors … and within that space there are more closed doors that very few, if any, would ever be allowed to see.
It’s the way society has been built and it’s what we are used to and accept as our normal. Have you ever been told “What happens in the home, stays in the home?”
Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.
The shadow of shame lingers over so many lives as secrets are buried in hidden troves. How many women are at the mercy of their abusive partner for years before anyone ever knows? How many children are abused day after day as a matter of course before they are found dead? What is really going on in people’s homes that we are not aware of until it is way too late?
And domestic violence is not the only hidden crime against humanity we are likely to find behind those closed doors. We have a multi-billion dollar industry built around pornography that is on tap. We have serious issues with alcohol, yet it still remains a socially acceptable substance even though it continues to fuel so much of the violence and suffering we find in our communities.
The abuse of drugs and mind-altering substances is out of control, completely destroying the lives of the users and their families. And for the most part, this all happens behind closed doors. We tend to hear about the end result, and the devastation that has been caused after the fact. But what we don’t hear about is the life that has been lived, the day-to-day experiences that led to this devastating situation.
And we don’t get to see the suffering or the pain one might be in, the depression and the turmoil that gets taken home to the family after.
In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves. Whether it be a mother yelling at her children, a husband hitting his wife or sexual abuse – whatever the extent, it all happens within the confines of the home, for no one to see and for no one to hear.
And isn’t it true that even though we don’t see what goes on in our neighbours’ homes, we tend to be able to feel when things are not quite right?
It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.
Take porn, for example, we are not free from its hold just because the magazine is closed or the computer is switched off. The energy of porn goes with us to work, when we are with our children and when they walk down the street. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Kids can certainly feel it.
Cyber trolls sit behind their keyboards punching away profanities and all manner of abuse, all behind the cloak of anonymity, tucked away behind their doors to hide their abhorrent behaviour. Yet they venture out to lead what seems to be a ‘normal’ life, that unless exposed, no one would even know about. These may be on the extreme end of the spectrum of behaviours but to some degree, most people have something that doesn’t see the light of day that is kept very close, to themselves and a select few.
What if we were to live without these walls and doors? What would life be like if we allowed ourselves to be transparent, open and honest about our lives? Of course there is always going to be an element of privacy that we are more than entitled to, but the quality of our doors and walls could be somewhat permeable.
I know a family, the Benhayon family, that lives like this. They are enormously generous and very open and warm and when you are with them you can’t help but feel how much they let you in to their world.
They have their privacy but in no way do they shut the world out. They don’t have one persona going on at work and then another at home and another with friends. And they live like this because there is nothing to hide and there are no secrets to bury and they have so much to share. What you see is what you get. This to me is the epitome of integrity.
It is everything we want for the world yet we haven’t been able to crack through our ingrained ways that keep us all very separate and boxed in, literally.
When we are boxed in, things can fester. Moments turn into days, days into a week and weeks into years. Before we know it we are living in situations that are far from supportive and far from loving and far from real. It is the festering that makes things go stale.
No matter how good we make things look on the outside, sooner or later a loveless relationship will be exposed or a loveless body will get sick or a devastating ‘stop’ will be waiting around the corner . . . because living boxed in is not actually natural even though we have made it our normal. When we have another life going on behind closed doors, we are contributing to the festering that is resulting in some very tragic circumstances.
Meanwhile, the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.
By no means are they perfect and they don’t ever strive to be. They are simply real and the love that pours from their home, through their walls and out of their front door, is for all to see and feel.
Anyone who is open has access to this, it is not confined to a few and it is certainly not boxed in because there is no difference between what goes on inside and what can be seen from the outside.
Respecting and honouring one another is easy with this much love … and hiding and burying is near impossible.
And while the world carries on behind their closed doors, there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world. No more hiding behind closed doors and no more burying the love that they, and all of us, already are.
By Sara Harris, Health Practitioner, Melbourne, Australia
Further Reading:
A Modern Day Miracle
A Letter To Our Community About Abuse
Where is the Love? Where Has it Gone?
Saying No to Intellectual And Emotional Abuse Is True Self Care – A Personal Story
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
“Meanwhile, the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community.” There is another way.
The energy we are bathed in comes from our own making and thus we can not live separate from what we are doing behind any constructs, thus feeling what Love brings to our life it becomes a simple choice to be constantly bathed in Love at every location that we choice to live in, work in and visit.
I realised recently that I had subscribed to the belief that it was permissible to speak abusively to people I considered as close relationships. When I felt into this I was able to see the picture I had adopted and was able to let it go. It was great as the abusive behaviours stemmed from something that wasn’t even me in the first place nor did it have anything to do with them! Even though the judgments would be coloured and expressed as if they were in the wrong. All lies.
‘Festering’ describes very clearly what happens if we don’t stop the abuse within the home. What may start as a minor irritation becomes inflamed and then erupts into an open sore.
Never mind in the home – stuff festering inside the body if left unsaid/unexpressed eventually erupts in the home.
It’s definitely a fallacy to believe that what happens at home or behind closed doors stays there – if we believe that we completely disregard the impact these events or occurrences can have long term on someone or the ripple effect our every movement creates.
Love the title “Behind closed doors” because how many people live two separate lives one which is for public show and one private where what they do is in total contrast to their public face, it may look as if it is not noticeable yet the energy of what is being lived behind closed doors is the energy they use for work, their public face.
It is astounding and horrifying what goes on behind closed doors – as though living under the same roof or behind the same door is a licence to abuse and terrorise, to be loveless and callous.
It is horrifying what goes on behind closed doors, ‘ there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.’
That is the illusion we live under that we can do what we want as long as nobody sees it but that is not how life works, every move we do is registered by the world and beyond whether we like it or not.
‘What would life be like if we allowed ourselves to be transparent, open and honest about our lives?’ A great question to be asking Sara, to live with more transparency we have no need for closed doors, as there is nothing to hide.
Secrets are never a good thing, they lie (literally) buried but that is where they do all their damage. The effects come out sideways… a lack of self worth, peculiar or incomprehensible behaviours that make no sense, other things to cover up, another lie to cover the first one. This is going on everywhere from the tiniest things to the most gross… and yet we don’t address it.
We assume that these lies and secrets are a ‘normal’ part of life because we don’t hold ourselves to the love we innately are.
When one is connected to the love in one’s heart there is no need for walls to hide behind.
There is nothing that we do that can ever be truly hidden, for our bodies are moved only by the quality of energy we are aligned to. Whether the behaviour is played it out in public or not the degree of love and truth we are choosing to live with is with us through our day with all that we meet. It is through our bodies, the lives we live and the quality of relationship we share that the standards of society are set all beginning from how we are with ourselves and our immediate families that we are living and sharing a home with.
It is ironic that in a world that is so much more connected physically and technologically than ever before we are also feeling far more isolated and alone than ever before. Is this not a wake up call to ask what are we really choosing here and do we get something out of being so separated?
For good or bad, behind closed doors is where the games of Karma and Akasha take place for each of us.
If we take the world to be purely 3 dimensional and physical, if we somehow limit the energetic aspect of reality to sit within what suits us, then we allow ourselves a lot of leeway to be wayward and irresponsible. But acting as though it is not happening, does not make it not happening, or let us off the hook. Truth will always catch up with us.
Humanity can only be truly unified when we start opening our doors (hearts) to others (and ourselves too!)
There is a deep dishonesty that comes with the secrecy of hiding behind a closed door – but the fact is in this we forget we are all vessels of energy, and therefore everything has a ripple effect – everything can be felt.
Yes HM wisely said – there is always a quality of energy pouring through us with which we are always imprinting the space with occupy with which impacts us all. The choice is always simple love or lovelessness.
Very true HM, you can never hide what is really going on.
It is impossible to contain love in a box and to keep it for oneself. As we return to love and it is lived, we are like trees, standing strong and tall with an prolific abundance of blossom that can be seen and enjoyed by all.
I know at work I was in my power and made myself available for whatever was needed, then I would come home and shut the door and my quality and commitment would drop, it’s like suddenly I had time out and could check out. I realised this inconsistency with the way I was living was not supporting me and I made steps to begin to bring and live the same quality no matter where I was. A work in progress but definitely has been interesting to feel the flow-on effect this has around me when I choose to not have an ‘off’ switch.
Transparency in one’s home life means that the light shines out rather than in.
I welcome transparency in our homes, and in the world.
We can focus on the big picture wars between countries and get caught thinking that is the only wars we have. But the fighting and disharmony in our homes is exactly the same, just on a smaller scale. Then again, when you consider how many collective homes in today’s world are struggling with this disharmony maybe it is not that smaller scale as we think.
No, maybe it is not small scale, ‘How many women are at the mercy of their abusive partner for years before anyone ever knows? How many children are abused day after day as a matter of course before they are found dead? What is really going on in people’s homes that we are not aware of until it is way too late?’
Transparency means to not live in the illusion that what we do behind closed walls stays there – it is one life and what we do and think follows us everywhere, surrounds us wherever we go. And porn can be smelt and sensed a mile away as can abuse, disrespect and lovelessness – as can love.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.” I agree whole-heartedly. To live without borders and in a transparent way can bring up a huge about of anxiety that we will not be equipped to manage what is in front of us, yet continuing the illusion pretty much guarantees we are not because we have our head firmly in the ground so we are not learning any new skills!
As soldiers of light, we must be unafraid of how others react when we speak up. Lack of awareness and love leads people to abuse each other, particularly in families. When we witness abuse, we must not to hold back, be fearful of being ostracized, want to be liked . Our responsibility is to speak up, be direct, and offer wisdom. Most of all, be consistent and loving. In this way we offer others an opportunity to evolve.
Very wise Kehinde, once we have re-connect to the love and light we it is not ours to keep to ourselves but to be shared, seen and felt by all humanity.
Abuse is endemic and affects every sector of society, families religions, charities, government, education, health. And within all of these institutions are people who have lost their way and kept firmly from ever finding their way to the truth of what is going on. Our responsibility is to expose abuse where-ever it exists by speaking up against it, going against the grain, and not giving up until something different happens. We shine a light where darkness reigns. To not do so is to condone abuse.
Equally we are there to live a life where we are love with everyone equally to the best of our ability, and for that to inspire others as a way to live in this world.
Energy is not confined behind closed doors, it is there for all to feel and be aware of. The more loving the way we live the more love there will be for us all to feel and share.
That unwritten rule that keeps our lips sealed as to the abuse at home relates to the picture we are desperately trying to maintain to the outside world. Its as if there is nothing worse than someone seeing what is really going on, and yet deep down what we really crave and need for our own sanity, personal growth and evolution is to be met in full by another. How is that ever going to happen if we hide what is really going on.
We would have no need for closed doors if we had nothing to hide.
We want time out, our way when we choose it, and where ‘rather than take responsibility for our selves’ and that’s the crux of it – we’re not willing to appreciate that we’re always on and that in fact people can always feel even when they don’t in fact see. Truly there are no walls in what we can feel.
Ownership is something that happens a lot behind closed doors. When a person feels as though they can own or control another, because perhaps that is the way the relationship has developed, or that is the way both people entered in to it. But in my experience, ownership in relationships tends to lead to a toxic dynamic that does not allow all people to grow and change. It may feel secure, to be owned and to own, but in the long term view, it may not actually be that healthy because ultimately it is an act of isolation.
Love does not want to be kept secret or confined between the walls of a house. When you choose to live love naturally you will show to the world that there is another model to live to and is worth to give a try. Like the Benhayon family have modeled this way of living together being an inspiration for me to try it myself. and I can say, although it is not the magic pill that gives it all at once, it works and needs a commitment to make it work.
The magic pill theory comes from the unwillingness to be responsible for what we are putting out into the world. The ripple effects of the seen, heard and felt decisions we make which have as deep consequences as the unseen, unheard, and – well I can’t say unfelt because everything is felt, so I will say unacknowledged.
It is so refreshing to be oneself in every moment and situation but it also takes a big dose of honesty with oneself to bit by bit show the whole you without wanting to hide some parts.
When we stay quiet we are protecting the abuse. What is love?… Feeding the abuse so it happens again or loving the self and saying no to it? Placing another because of the beliefs and ideals held in the body before the love for self is not love!
Just reading this I’m struck not only by the presentation of what is going on behind closed doors, but equally what we allow as normal out in open society. How come its legal (and promoted to teenagers) to poison ourselves; legal to sell food with little nutritional content but packed with sugar etc leading us to obesity; legal to sell our bodies to the pornography industry, and then distribute it?
When we close the doors, what else do we chose to close?
Good question Eduardo, lets try to come to an answer or at least a glimpse of it. At first we allow that what is reflected in society to continue and possibly become worse simply because of us collectively closing the doors, giving up on society, the community we need so much to prosper and evolve in life. Secondly we say no to our own knowing of how life can be and to return to a way of being that already resides in us and exactly knows how to deal with life in a loving way we know is from our origin.
Yes we can either keep our walls up and hide what is going on in truth in our homes and in our bodies, but it is for all of our benefit to open up and be honest about what is going on. Because it is only then that we can step out of it and get the support from others too.
It doesn’t make sense does it that our hearts are an endless source of love but we don’t live that love, either in or outside the home? It’s truly a love revolution that the Benhayon’s are inspiring, and what awaits is all the simplicity and joy of living that love.
To be truly transparent… This is so desperately what the world needs …to be able to know feel and trust… and to know that this is safe… And that this is the new paradigm.
In truth there are no closed doors and no impermeable walls; how we conduct ourselves at home and with those who are closest to us, our family, affects everything and everyone.
So true Gabriele, this is a truth that many turn a blind eye as they avoid the responsibility preferring to have their private behaviours etc no matter what the consequences are to themselves or others.
That old saying . . . “What happens in the home, stays in the home” . . . is not true as the energy you live in the home you take to work, you take out to the world and can be felt even though you smile and are seen to do all the rights things as we all feel another’s underlying anger, irritation or frustration etc. Energetic responsibility is all of our responsibility if we want to restore harmony to the world.
It’s been interesting to live in a new house waiting for curtains and blinds to be fitted and appreciating how it feels to live in a goldfish bowl – people looking in when you least expect it and as a result, being much more aware of how my actions inside the house might appear to the outside. A great wake-up call to the concept of ‘no four walls’ and recommended as an exercise as it’s reminded me that even without eyes peering in or blinds to keep the eyes out, my actions are still felt outside of the walls as equally as they are enacted within.
Just in the same way as there are no four walls that we can conveniently hide behind to indulge an alter ego, so too are there no skeletons that truly ever remain hidden in the closet. Your point about the energy of porn being palpable to children is a great example of the fact that such unloving energies can be felt by others on some level, in some way, so are never conveniently confined to the cloak of clandestinity but accompany us vibrationally wherever we wander.
The great irony is that whatever goes on behind closed doors – and it’s a heck of a lot, as Sara has pointed out – we are all immersed in anyway. What we think we are living privately or is confined between four walls actually impacts us all.
Just before reading this blog I messaged a group of friends to say it is gorgeous to feel more openness and transparency with us all and that is exactly what we need of more in the world .. openness and transparency. When I was younger I used to look at houses and wonder what the family was like in the home. It is shocking to hear that people who are abused or harmed in any way is normally by someone they know/family. Only yesterday in the news it was reported that a man who adopted a baby girl had killed her. Also this reminds me of the church “What happens in the home, stays in the home?” in not reporting abuse because they are ‘dealing’ with it. Abuse is never something to keep quite about and the fact that we feel we are hearing and seeing more abuse in the world to me is not because there is more abuse because it has always gone on but that it can no longer be hidden.
Unfortunately abuse is rampant in society today, so much so that much of it sneaks under the radar of being called abuse, because many forms of abuse are now accepted as ‘normal’ behaviour. Anything that is not ‘true’ love is a form of abuse.
Agreed Lorraine, the standards in society have dropped when the many forms of abuse are considered ‘normal’ and everyday.
Abuse is not just rife in our societies today, it is the normal way of being, the normal thing to expect when one returns home, when one leaves home, arrives at work etc. It has become our normal because we have forgotten that being harmonious, open and in connection ought to be the bar – not a high and rare moment, but our everyday – our normal, because it is that.
In shunning what is most natural to us, we cannot but invite abuse in its place.
By us not accepting abuse in our lives, in any shape or form, we are saying no to abuse in the world.
When our sanctuary, which ought to be our home, becomes a war zone, as most homes are, then we know we are in trouble as a human race.
Yes Elizabeth… and tragically this is very much where we are at as a human species. The war zones aren’t just in faraway lands – they are right here in people’s homes, and even more close up and personal, painfully unreconciled – within ourselves.
I was listening to a radio interview yesterday about truth in politics and they were talking about this topic. It is commonly thought that there is a public life and a personal life but the question was raised – if a politician cheats on their partner in their personal life, how do we accept that as OK, and expect that they wont cheat in their public life? Worth a listen to: http://www.stayintheloopwithlucy.com/
To think that we need to put out a certain facade all the time creates a big tension inside and at the same time is a big drain on our vitality – whereas with openness and transparency we’re not expecting ourselves to live up to a certain image or ‘perfection’ but just be authentic and honest with where we’re at – which doesn’t mean we need to indulge in emotions but we can just be open with where we’re at without self-judgement or dumping things on another.
There is much shame associated with sharing particular issues. We go about our lives keeping a lot to ourselves, but the reality is when we start to talk, there are many who are going through the same things as us. In sharing we can support each other and open up the conversation, which can in turn start to bring about change.
We can close our doors and our eyes. We can do our best to numb our feelings. However, even in doing the above, we can still feel the disarray, disenchantment, disrespect and deep falseness that many live, as what happens behind closed doors is never hidden, as it walks with the person in everything they do.
It is true there is so much that goes on behind closed doors that is never spoken about, but we believe that we are getting away with something, and that only our, what we want people to see face is all that the world gets. And yet how many times have we walked into a room and felt the atmosphere, or felt a creepy energy coming from someone we are speaking to – so could we be in deep illusion when we think we are hiding our actions, and believing that our thoughts are our own.
If how we live became more transparent we would then have to look more at our behaviors. As those that cause harm to ourselves or others would not be hidden and how they truly feel, we would feel, and no longer want to live by.
I love how you describe the way the Benhayon family live as ‘love in action’. So true and so inspiring.
We are kidding ourselves if we think we can hide behind closed doors what is actually happening in our lives, it is felt by everyone but so many are part of the game of pretending that everything is OK when this is clearly not the reality. I was recently canvassing with a friend and approaching houses it was easy to get a feel for the house and its occupants and it was interesting how this was then confirmed when the door opened or in some cases remained firmly closed.
I was talking to someone recently who brought up the subject of abuse in the home and they were hospitalized because they were abused by their then partner. She had wondered why the mother of the family had bruises and she was told that the mother had either fallen over the dog or down stairs. But while in hospital she realised abuse ran in the family and that their son was at times very abusive too. When she reported the abuse to the police they said it was normal this is what men do and they would not press charges. How have we accepted that this as a society is normal behaviour? Why is it more acceptable behaviour in some countries more than others? How bad does the abuse towards each other have to get before we will wake up to the fact that it is not an acceptable way to be with each other.
A powerful statement on the state of humanity. What we have allowed and by all evidence actually condoned are great travesties – innumerable… people harmed, oftentimes with the clear knowing of neighbours, friends, family who see and hear the signs that things are not right.
How much needs to worsen, for us to not remain silent? For us to not connect with our neighbour? For us to look within our own homes and ‘closed doors’ – for the tiniest spec of harm, the single harsh word or lack of care, and indeed a hiding of anything that is not truly loving and honouring in the way we live and are with each other.
We should live as if our walls are transparent Sara, I agree. For in effect, energetically, they are… our every action has a ripple effect upon the whole and this truth can never be denied.
I absolutely agree that “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.”, and it is a way that I too used to live, and not very happily at all. When we live like this we are simply lying to ourselves and the world. What an exhausting way to exist but all the meanwhile there is another way to truly live, one where there is no difference between how we live at home and how we live outside our front door; a way that is much more honest and definitely much more enjoyable.
Why the need of hiding? Why the need of living double lives? It’s not enough to live one life? Why don’t fully embrace and expand the life we have been gifted with instead of looking for secret escapes?
Thank you Sara – that is very powerful.
I love this:
‘No more hiding behind closed doors and no more burying the love that they, and all of us, already are.’
It shows us that we all deeply in fact know where we come from and where we need to return to.
If we are hiding than we know what is true. We just need to stand for it.
I agree Sara, the way the Benhayon family live 24/7 is a powerful role-model for all to know, that this is a way of living that can be the new normal for every one by making different choices in our daily lives.
“Meanwhile, the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like”.
In life there are no closed doors and thinking we get away with something because we did it behind closed doors is a fallacy and we all know it. Even if no one discovers what we have done or do, we have to live with our choices and actions in our bodies and everything is felt.
The greatest myth is that we can hide behind our walls and the other side of our closed doors; lock ourselves away from the world. Although it may seem that way on the outside, what we live energetically is there for everyone to feel. What is lived by someone is automatically felt by another – everyone – regardless of where lived.
When we hold judgement on ourselves or on others, there is also the temptation to try to conceal our mistakes, and our ill patterns – and this is how they come to own us – but if we come from the understanding that none of these things is truly us, and with honesty start to scientifically observe and deconstruct we will know what is not true, and in letting them go, we will be freeing everyone to see and know and live the truth of who they are once more.
There are so many deeply destructive, abusive, violent manifestations that have seemingly become part of our every day life, that we have lost the capacity for being shocked, rather a resigation that this is what the world is, and the equally damaging reactions which are to numb ourselves out, or ‘look after our own’ but this only serves to further alienate an already desperate society. A community that needs to remember our common origin, our capacity to love, all equally, and to reunite together. Withdrawing from the mess will not solve it, only perpetuate, we need to jump back in and reflect the way we all know is true deep down,.
“Behind closed doors” is a very interesting one especially when you look at the facts. It appears most things that go on are closer to home then we think, what’s the message in that? Is it that we open our doors up and let everyone in? Yes and no, what it means for me is a return to how things were. I remember growing up we didn’t have fences between back yards, it was all one yard. Sure you needed to respect others space but as long as there was respect you could use it anytime. As children we would play all around the area and no one would concern. Everyone knew everyone and they took care of each other and themselves. I am not saying it’s perfect but I am saying we are moving further away from something that did in part work for everyone. If someone or something didn’t fit in the area everyone would feel it and then discuss it on how to move forward. This to me is how communities use to operate, they took care of each other and based things on how they felt collectively and things were discussed. It seems we are going further within our homes and the discussions and feelings of things are becoming a thing of the past. With this there are a few breaking things back to how they were, returning them to a way that supports us all, the Benhayon family and others like them are part of this return.
Sara, great article, I can feel how it is ‘common’ to put on a face when out of the home and pretend that everything is ok and that we may wait until we get home to tell our children off, have an argument with our partner etc because we do not want others witnessing this, and so it feels like this is living two seperate lives and not being transparent, not wanting others to see these loveless ways. Very interesting to ponder on this.
“What happens in the home, stays in the home” This is factually not true. Everything that happens behind closed doors, we carry it in our body. It does not stay ‘there’. The problem starts when what happens behind closed doors everywhere is pretty much the same. Then, it becomes pretty difficult to be aware of the other given that people are in a similar frequency. When you change frequency, though, life starts feeling different and you can start feeling what happens behind closed doors and also people take note that it does not have to be that way.
As I begin to open up and share about me, the more I can feel how harming it is to my body to hide, bury and keep things to myself. It feels very expansive to express and share what and how I am feeling even though I may feel uncomfortable as there is no right and wrong . We can support each other greatly when we allow ourselves to be transparent for all to see who we truly are.
Caroline Francis, beautiful name it is, transparency is our doorway to heaven, hence when we shine through (see through, transparent) the world gets to see us back – being it for our light or our choices. Both, is needed to share and be open about – as this is how we nail the right and or wrong, as there isn’t any. It can only be a cover up from the love we are not choosing. Even though it is too bright to be covered up, its impossible.
I often drive or walk past houses and get a horrible feeling for what goes on inside, much like a body that has been riddled with anger through it years, houses take on the activities that take place within.
It’s shocking to realise how much abuse takes place in one’s own home. It really exposes the falseness of the ideals we hold in relation to family, and how much compromise we allow in order not to disturb a picture.
While we think we will come away with it, as we keep it behind closed door, the reality is that it will always be revealed soon or later as is my experience as truth will always finds its way. Until we understand that it is actually not wise to keep things behind closed doors it will continue. But as you say Sara there are already houses lighting up so bright because only truth rules there and this number will grow as it will only by example and inspiration that people will change their behaviour .
Whether behind a front door or a smile, much can be hidden at the expense of all. The lack of transparency in the world and amongst each other can be felt far and wide from those who prefer polite society and not airing your laundry in public…. but people are suffering and as such we are not seeing how bad it really is due to the well kept facades. Thank god for those who are not afraid to keep their lights on, be seen and show others there is another way.
Regularly I am coming behind these close doors because of my nursing profession, I visit people in their are own homes and to feel and see the lovelessness people live with is has been opening me up to live love more consistently and to make no difference between how I am at home or at work.
Forget about what is going on behind those neighbours front doors, how about those of our colleagues, our friends, our family. What is that we keep hidden, that we protect with all our might trying not to let the world see it? How about behind our own front door?
The Benhayon family have been showing us for many years now, that there is no on off switch in the way we live. There is not way to behave in public then a licence to what you like at home. Everything in life is one and every ‘part’ affects the other parts of our lives
I find that I don’t tend to wonder what’s going on behind closed doors, although I can get a general feel for what is going on around me. We all get a sense of a home and whether it feels warm, safe and inviting or not, even if we don’t know the people inside. However it is often not until I read something, a news event, read statistics or speak with another person that I get with clarity that all is not as it appears behind closed doors.
How we are behind our closed doors is how we are with the world. There is no difference only the illusion that there is one.
No more burying the love we all naturally have, so true Sara, and we know this, it’s the tension we feel always when we do not live this. And it’s the responsibility we all carry to live and be this love in the world, and it’s needed by all of us. Why would we not live what we are … love.
‘Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on.’ And this unwrittem rule is not isolated to the home, it is an insidious unwritten rule that is accepted in many establishments.
Being transparent in life can feel hard to do, exposing, vulnerable, shameful, embarrassing… but what l’ve also learnt is that there is far more love and acceptance when I am transparent, then when I am not, thinking what I might have to share will be judged. If I do not judge myself, I find others little inclined to either.
The other night I was walking home from work and as I passed by a house I heard a couple shouting and screaming at each other in a heated argument. It shocked me to hear it and I felt the impact of it in my body as I tensed up, but it was a sobering reminder of what does go on behind closed doors all the time and how we all believe that if it is inside the home it is not felt by everyone.
Can we begin to lift the shame that is felt when another is shocked at what goes on behind your closed doors. This shame and regret are the emotions we don’t want to feel, so to avoid them we don’t share, in full, our lives. It takes courage, but the rewards far out weigh any attempt to hide the truth of our lives. For when truth is seen and spoken it opens again our doors, not just to our homes, but also to our sensitivies. I for one am practicing opening the doors to my life.
We are restricting ourselves by thinking that we can do whatever we like to do and get away with it if we manage to do it unseen. All that we do we carry with us and even though we might not be able to see it with our bare eyes we can all feel it and get affected by it.
Being open and honest shines the light of transparency to expose the shadows of abuse that behind closed doors we can accept as apart of our usual routine.
I’ve come to learn that if I am committing myself to be an energetically responsible man in life, I must behave the same whether behind closed doors or not.
We are seen by the world during some time everyday. We are felt by the world all the time. While walls can stop us seeing and being seen, they can not stop us feeling and being felt.
An inspiring and eye opening read. I can see that I have more work to do with first accepting myself exactly where I am and letting that be more transparent outside of the four walls. It’s such a beautiful feeling to just be completely myself.
I love the reality of this article Sara.
Pornography is more than ever before lucrative industry, with criminal cartels weaving into all fabrics of society as recent scandals have exposed. The extent of the corruption and evil at play here is so huge that we play the stork in the sand game… the media published very little, if any of the truth and the ignorance continues – as does the abuse. That cycle of ignorance can only change as we start to open our eyes and really see what is happening, and call it out for the evil it actually is.
It is only until we fully understand that everything is energy that we will know the level of responsibility we have in our lives as whatever we choose in the ways of thoughts, reactions will shape our movements that then affect those we live close to and that is a form of abuse as it is not coming from a loving foundation in which we can hold another.
Sara this really struck me as what we have taken as normal “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.” I am certain this causes so much illness and disease and found I was a fair way down that road. It is living a dual life with 2 nervous systems – quite exhausting.
“the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.” When we live with an open heart the love shines out and no one can close the door on it.
Thank you Sara for sharing with us your journey. It seems kind of ridiculous to think we can hide anything from another when we know that we are all connected as one. I agree that we have the Benhayons as wonderful examples of transparency being the same to all they meet.
This is huge. Keeping everything a secret and I mean everything between the four walls of the home is prevalent. Recently I have re-awakened to being open and transparent as much as I can possibly be and I am loving it. It is work in progress especially allowing myself to be fully transparent in front of a large group of people but in my day to day I am dropping the guard and protection of how I used to live and when I do feel I am holding back because of another’s reaction I call it out at the time or later. It is so freeing when I give myself the permission to be and live all of who I am.
True family knows no borders, and certainly isn’t constrained by blood or name; true family is all of us. The way the Benhayons are with everyone is the kind of quality that is so needed in all our community relationships and it’s that quality that will start to resolve the many horrific things that happen behind closed doors on a daily basis.
It is interesting to note that we think we can compartmentalise our life into private and public when we carry everything we do around with us energetically. We are not just flesh and bone but the sum total of all our deeds, actions, thoughts and intentions. And in truth, all that is in plain sight, there for everyone to feel.
I grew up thinking what went on behind closed doors stayed behind them. Just like what you do when you are on your own does not effect anyone else – but I know this is not the case. After all what quality do you then bring when you go out and meet people. Are you playing catch from the disregard you had on your own?
I just read another blog that exposed how we hide behind our words… The classic question of ‘how are you?’ generates the auto answer of ‘good thanks’ or something similar. We think we can hide but the truth is, everything is felt by everyone…it’s just that most are choosing to ignore this and then mutually agree, without saying a word, that if I’m not honest, then you don’t have to be honest either. A kid of cosy way to live.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world” So well exposed and a statement that deserves to be pondered deeply on.
This blog highlights for me how much we can try and compartmentalise our lives – to say that what goes on in one part is confined to four walls whereas really everything we do affects everyone. Often in the news of late people have brushed things off as ‘locker room banter’ – as though it’s ok to say whatever in one place because it doesn’t impact anywhere else, but what if all that we say is felt by us all regardless of whether we can hear it or not.
Making things look good on the outside is a draining and exhausting way to live and completely see-through anyway, so why do we do it? Often we’re trying to live up to some picture of how we think we need to be for the world or for others, as a way to get recognition and be accepted by the world. But once we start truly accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, not what we do, then this need to create and conform to an expectation we’ve set ourselves of who or how we think we should be starts to fall away: it’s just not needed anymore as a form of protection. We are already everything that we need to be.
I used to wander the streets wondering and feeling what was going on behind closed doors. I could feel it all, the people in tension with each other, the dazed in front of the tv, the abuse. The truth is that nothing can be hidden even behind doors and walls as energy can’t be contained by these.
We are only fooling ourselves if we think we can go about our day being a certain way at work and then when we get home change our behaviour, as if no one but us is affected – regardless if we live with someone or not.
Closing our doors has no effect on energy. It is an illusion to think we are living behind closed doors and that what we do in that privacy is not felt by others.
We can no longer live behind closed doors, everything we do at any time affects everyone else, we need to be transparent in all we do if not the whole world suffers.
And it is not just to live like this in our home, but to have that transparency in our hearts , our bodies, and in our eyes so that people can feel what this reflection is like as well.
Sara, our family has also been very inspired by the Benhayon family and how they live and love. When we all start emanating this love in our families and come out from behind closed doors then others get to feel this and may make changes too- the ripple effect.
I like the analogy of switching the lights on within our home – we already have the light source there ready to go we just have to choose it…
There is never any excuse for abuse to take place, this is a clear and present fact.
I recently learned about a whole new level of abuse that is taking place in homes under the banner of ‘domestic violence’ – but is so far beyond what we ever have considered domestic violence to be to date. The levels of abuse are horrific, and show just how needed truly loving homes and lives are.
“…living boxed in is not actually natural even though we have made it our normal. When we have another life going on behind closed doors, we are contributing to the festering that is resulting in some very tragic circumstances.” The question that pops up here is it because we want to in indulge in our wayward ways to numb the fact we are living against what we know is true i.e. true family and true commitment to ourselves and each other that we have made ourselves separate to each other? Has this become ‘easier’ than feeling and admitting the lie we are constantly living?
This is so, so true, anything that is not love will eventually get exposed. To be open and transparent about what is not working for us supports us to heal and return to love. Being exposed is never a bad thing but actually a very loving thing because to hide behind closed doors and conceal things creates tension and stress which leads to illness and disease which really is our body’s way of exposing any ill choices and behaviours. Beautiful how love works because it is always asking us to be transparent, honest and take responsibility. There is really nowhere to hide love is within us and all around us.
What happens behind closed doors is something we can feel with no problem, but usually feel not to. We rely on the walls that divide to justify the desire of not really wanting to feel.
When we keep things hidden behind closed doors they sit there like a proverbial monster that shadows all of our moves wherever we go. There is no hiding or closure from them, our mind just thinks and tells us there is.
It is as though we think that what happens behind closed doors stays there, as though we can contain whatever is not honest, true and loving in the confines of our four walls – in truth we take it everywhere we go and nothing is ever isolated or not part of the all we live in.
What you have exposed here Sara is very revealing; if we consistently live a life of truth, love and responsibility in everything we do there would be no need to hide closed doors, no need for comfort or abuse on any level. The sad thing is this is not the way the vast majority of society live;
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world”.
I feel this way of living a double life is exhausting, unloving and deeply harmful to ourselves and others. Eventually everything gets exposed anyway so why create an illusion of life that hurts us all? Simply return to love is so much more simple, joyful and fun.
Domestic violence is abhorrent, and it will take all of us to commit to another way of life that eliminates even the small abusive ways we are together, so the more obvious violence will be eliminated.
Every day I see people pulling into their driveways at the end of the day, scurrying into their sectioned piece of land, into the building that sits on it and stays within the confines of the walls until the next morning when they do it all again. Even when we venture out into the world, our walls stay up. And it is but a sad, cold and separate existence when their is a fiery love within each one of us, that warms us like the hearth of a home and opens us to a togetherness we have always longed for.
It’s true we never know what is going on behind closed doors, its an amazing lesson in always discerning energy and not being fooled by a polished performance. It also reminds me that even if we live behind those closed doors, and we know what is happening, we cannot see energy and much goes on that we cannot see, so we always need to discern with more than our eyes.
That unwritten privacy rule is so damaging… a by-product of shame, or trying to control, of not being willing to be ourselves warts and all because the image we project is too important. And besides – everyone else is playing the same game so why should we be transparent. This attitude is normal, and unbelievably damaging to society, allowing things to carry on behind closed doors that are simply atrocious.
What has to be understood is that we, all of us, feel everything. We may not know what we are feeling because we have chosen to ignore and not develop our ability to feel energy however… We still on some level know it. So really, whatever we feel we are hiding, on one level, is open and revealed for anyone who chooses to be able to see and read.
Sara, it is great to come back to your blog. I always found it strange how people would be one way at home or when they thought people werent looking and another way out in public putting on a false facade. As Serge Benhayon has mentioned it is ‘one life’ and what we do in one part directly affects every other part of our lives. It is time we no longer compartmentalise our lives and see it as one whole.
The comfort of living in a boxed way is what keeps people protected. The truth and rawness of what may be exposed of ways we may be living, means we need to take steps to bring about change or look at situations with honesty and express who we truly are and therein lies our true responsibility.
It’s so true Kelly, ticking boxes in day to day life merely keeps us on the treadmill of feeding the same old status quo.
Much goes on behind closed doors that we might think stays there but it doesn’t, like the energy of pornography that you mention in your article. We live in this illusion that we can compartmentalise life and have different personas for different circumstances, but everything counts and adds up to the whole picture. There is no way we can rub bits of it out or pretend it didn’t happen.
There is a clear difference between privacy and separating life into compartments. I feel privacy in its current form is essential as there are abhorred behaviours out there that will take advantage of misinformation. However this is not an excuse to not be transparent within life and offer an open heart to everyone we meet.
There is a clear difference.
This is a phenomenal article Sara, exposing the difference in attitude we have towards responsibility behind closed doors and outside of them, and how harmful it truly is to ‘drop our guard, release our tension, and take it out on those closest’ when we feel out of the public eye.
This is beautiful Sara, deeply inspiring to read. Your love for truth and for humanity’s innate birthright to live with love is deeply felt in reading this blog.
“What happens in the home, stays in the home?” Is a truly shocking saying that we have. There is no excuse what so ever for abuse at any level especially in the home, a place you hold dear and sacred. Why do we somehow think we can get away with things at home that we would otherwise not do in public? Could it be that we are unhappy and disgruntled with the way things are and the way we are living and so need an avenue to vent this frustration and fury at? But how irresponsible is this and how deeply damaging is it to our relationships?
Thank you Sara for presenting that there are indeed two ways of living life, one that is abusive, full of emotions and disharmony – or one that is full of inspiration, learning and expressing love. We aren’t all educated about the choice, but that does not excuse the fact that we naturally know how horrible abuse is, and hence have a knowing inside of what is love and what is not.
Beautiful Sara, it is all about coming back to the natural openness that we are – universal instead of separative, connected instead of disengaged, loved instead of conditions, truth instead of lies. We are who we are , and no matter what we do or have done this will not change the fact. We just need to let ourselves be seen and let our doors be open to everyone – as in truth we have got nothing to hide only our deep vast beauty.
We think we can be one person at home and one other person when we close the door behind us, but this is not how it works. We may put our mask on when we go outside, but behind the mask, the abuse, the alcohol, porn, addictions and disregard are still there, Maybe not for the eye to see, but for our heart and all other senses to feel.
We really should tackle violence more seriously. Alcohol and drugs are very likely to be the first cause for violence, and alcohol is widely sold in our supemarkets. It is interesting to find that governments still believe there is a safe daily consumption, one day alcohol is bad and the next, it is ok because it is called Champagne and also because it is Christmas, and we make up thousands of other excuses to drink it.
It is perhaps quite challenging to admit it and let ourselves feel that this is the sort of abuse that is happening every single day nearly everywhere on the planet and it is not just bad, it is getting worse by the day, but nevertheless the only way forward is to be truly honest and real about what is going on. This is the first steps in truly addressing it.
This blog really brings home the level of disfunction we now accept as normal, and the depths we are willing to go to avoid transparency. With all of this going on day after day is it any wonder that we become sick and feel that life is something to struggle through. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has shown us that there is another way of living which does not involve going through life in a state of misery, and that things can change beyond our wildest dreams, and that life does not have to be one of hardship.
This is a great conversation to have Sara. It can be challenging to change abusive ways, but when we realise the Love that lives within each one of us equally, there really is no other choice. It is the Love that leads the way, ever so small in the beginning, but eventually it takes over once more. And thank goodness this is the case because we all deserve Love, we all deserve to live lives that are filled with Love as much as possible. It is simply up to us to choose it, commit to it, and do the work to make the necessary changes to have this – to claim Love back as our divine right.
When we make life purely about function and negate that everything is in fact energy then we make it normal to put on a facade and think that what we do in certain areas or parts of our lives will remain contained and not be brought with us into all that we do. Taking greater responsibility for how we live our everyday and way wherever we are, seen or not, supports everyone.
Connecting with each other is all we truly want as this is our natural state and yet we hold back because of our deep sense of sadness and our irresponsibity towards ourselves and others. We feel stuck but it’s an illusion. We are all connected all of the time.
‘It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.’ And this here is why we are so protective and lack trust and a willingness to be open. Hidden secrets keep us seperate.
Nothing is truly hidden. The way you live is with the person when you meet them or they meet you.
We actually can’t live with that level of abuse, we are sensitive,tender and fragile which is why we turn to substance abuse to numb the pain and hurt, but it just feeds the cycle rather than healing the damage done.
Sara I love what you expose here, as a society we think we can get away things behind closed doors, this highlights our deep level of arrogance, we need to get real and honest about what is actually happening in our homes and in our communities for without transparency we are lost.
A brilliant article that breaks the myth of the privacy of four walls and exposes the fact that everything matters and catches up with us at some point even if we believe it doesn’t. Everything is everything and there is no off and on switch when it comes to responsibility for everything we do, think and feel.
Awesome article Sara showing how so many actually live, but also how we could all live much more transparent and loving lives, leading to greater brotherhood and getting to grips with the unacceptable level of abuse that goes on in the world. Whether it be behind closed doors or not, it doesn’t matter as it is still abuse whether seen or unseen.
The behaviour that happens at homes, the way we treat one another is far too often despicable. It takes only one person to say “living with love is more important” and then there is an opportunity for another way. For me Serge Benhayon has been that person.
There is so much of this abuse going on behind closed doors that needs to be exposed and can not be hidden because of the energy that reeks from such acts. There is a responsibility for us all in our lives to upturn any abuse therefore re-imprinting a new way where abuse is not accepted in any form.
Thank you Sara for a very raw and revealing blog exposing the degree of abuse going on around us behind closed doors, I was told many times as a child , don’t tell people our business. this line stood out for me deepen my understanding of responsibility. “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.”
This is very true Brendan and for a long time I didn’t want to face this fact that what I was seeing on the outside was in fact not the truth of how another was feeling and living on the inside. Today, I am beginning to accept people and the world for as it is. To have the understanding and to not go into sympathy which has been a tendency of mine is helping me enormously.
“Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.” We are so under the illusion that the abuse whether physical or verbal or both is only going on in our own home but this is certainly not the case. What ever is going on in the home we live in I can guarantee it is going on elsewhere. So now when I speak up calling out that which is not true, I know there is some one else out there who agrees with me but are perhaps too afraid to do so. There is no doubt within me that we are far more connected to one another than just our physical bodies.
“And isn’t it true that even though we don’t see what goes on in our neighbours’ homes, we tend to be able to feel when things are not quite right?” It is very ignorant of us to think we can get away with the things we do that harm us because in truth we can’t. As children we can feel every thing; we know when another drinks alcohol and the effects it has on them and us, we know when another is doing pornography no matter how polite and nice they may be and we know when another is beating their partner. We do know but unfortunately as we get older we learn to shut ourselves down which happened to me because it was too much, too overwhelming to feel and see what was actually going on in the world that was not true. It is since I met Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine that I have begun to rekindle and claim my sensitivity and this is bringing much joy within. There are moments when I feel the resistance to feel but as I open myself up and allow myself to feel and see the world for what it is I can feel the lost and confused child that I was once living as, resurrecting.
Wow Sara, what an article exposing truth… I absolutely love it! It confirms and supports me to continue calling out truth especially in those crevices I dare go. It is only when we call out the falseness, lies and abuse we can have real and honest relationships but it starts with us first. I am finding it is every thing to know who I am first and to honour this as this supports me enormously if attacked when another is in reaction to what I have exposed. Building on the relationship with self first supports me to observe and I am then less likely to react to their reaction.
I like the realness and reality that has been expressed in this article , thanks Sara
Great question Brendan, and quite often we set ourselves up to be caught, which to me shows we are really asking to be seen and receive support.
Wow what a blog, you have said so much and exposed so much. How is it as a society we only let ourselves feel the end result when really we can feel the building of this event for years before. We know when a child or woman is being abused a lot of the time, this is impossible to hide even though the child and wife try really hard to achieve this. All that is required is for us to open our hearts and then our five senses will clearly pick up on the building of events.
Great point tonisteenson and it reminds me of my own life when I have held back from not expressing and how it has festered within my body and I have ended up taking my frustration out on a loved one. There are many ideals and beliefs around why we do not express truth. Placing another and the situation before me is certainly a belief I have created which I can still go into to not speak up but I can see as I write this comment that I am clearly not being honest. Why keep things together in order to please another in their comfort? is this love? Expressing openly and honestly how I feel in every moment is key no matter who they are or what it may bring up as every time I hold back another doesn’t get to see the real me. This really does make me see more deeply the importance of expression in order to not allow any emotion to fester in me simply because I did not express when the impulse was there to.
Love your honesty Caroline. Re-learning/re-imprinting as I travel this journey – I can still truly feel when I hold back and take a back seat ride into comfort. Not only does this have a knock on effect for future occurring situations for an openness to express and share what needs to be said but, those same nagging feelings of self-doubt sit like a heavy weight within my body festering. With expressing from within ‘openly and honestly’ is certainly the key then everyone gets to feel truth. That is inspirational and for a body to feel that in true expression is just so expansive and light.
I love the way this blog exposes the unreal lives that we live. Take alcohol for example. How many episodes of abuse and violence do we need to experience before we say that alcohol is not fit for human consumption? We are all aware that it is a poison and we are all aware of its harming effects both on the individual and on society? What will it take for us, as a society to wake up and admit that there are so many things that we are doing that are not working? I used to be overwhelmed by the state of the world but not so anymore. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom I have learned that the way to heal is to deal with our hurts otherwise we carry them in our body and this prevents us from being who we are. Coming to understand that everything we do/say/be carries an energetic imprint and that it is our responsibility to bring energetic integrity and energetic responsibility to everything is deeply freeing and deeply empowering.
I heard somewhere that 90% of complaints the police attend have alcohol involved…. Wow this is a massive drain on our societies resources.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.” Yes Sara, doing this we are reflecting to others that it is okay for them to do it too and so we all continue to fool ourselves that everything is okay when we actually do know that it isn’t. So the shame is not just about our ‘secret’ but also because of the fact that we not being honest living a double life.
As you say Sara, many of us do have a secret that we are ashamed of which can fester away and affect our behavior. Keeping it close makes it personal and it becomes something we identify ourselves with but once we nominate it we gain some distance from it and bringing it out in the open releases the shame and we can get on with our lives instead of letting it dictate our behavior.
“…to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world…” Honesty to self is the best place to start, when removing the facade.
The stopping of abuse starts with us – how we are with ourselves, our bodies (being our homes).
The abuse we live at home doesn’t have to be ‘abuse’ in the sense of how we have made abuse to be – violence, aggression, domestic abuse for example. Abuse is abuse, equally so; it may be someone sitting on their own gorging on food or alcohol to not feel their hurts, or people walking by each other in a family home and not saying hello.
I was just thinking that closed doors are not only in the houses on the streets we walk by every day, they can be in a company, in a building where staff hide away.
I love this analogy it could so easily be our bodies we open up to love. Those doors being the doors and barricades we have built around our hearts over the years. Time to open them up.
“What you see is what you get.” I absolutely love this – there is nothing more refreshing, trust building and solid than people living and being this way, It allows you to feel safe, drops any protection or guard you may have or hold for whatever reason and just be yourself. And maybe you shouldn’t need them to be like this – but it feels amazing to meet a person who is ‘what you see is what you get’ – you know exactly where you stand, you know what you feel is true, the whole person, the words spoken and every action and movement – nothing is trying to con you – in the sense of one thing being said but you feel a completely different thing ….a bit like when someone is being nice and you know and can feel in every bone in your body they are harbouring anger, something’s not being said or they don’t like you.
I have to say, I used to get furious when I felt what I called a ‘hypocrite’ I could sniff out untruth and yet it was not until I began to become aware that I also chose to maintain an imagined veneer to the world rather than choosing truth myself all of the time, that I began to see how real change can occur. I became accountable and more responsible for myself and stopped the fury and the pressure towards others to change. I wondered what am I willing to ignore and deny if it maintains the control I want to have on life…and avoids feeling the impact of my choices….We often tell ourselves it is too much, and too scary to call out untruth, too much work to change. Reconnection with our inner self, responsibility for what we put out and take on is a lot less work and a lot less damaging then trying to maintain the stranglehold of the imagined life that we are brought up to portray.
This article is a clear example of how society plays the game of ‘indiscretion’ what are we willing to ignore, deny and in some cases support to maintain an imagined status quo that means we do not have to change, take responsibility and make different choices. Some issues may seem huge to tackle others allow us to be grumpy with family members every day and ‘think’ we get away with it. Attempting to have this status quo is nothing more than a prison of our own making and allowing ourselves to feel what is really going on, taking responsibility and naming it for what it is, is essential to heal and live a full life individually and globally.
I can relate to this concerning family dynamics “When we are boxed in, things can fester. Moments turn into days, days into a week and weeks into years. Before we know it we are living in situations that are far from supportive and far from loving and far from real. It is the festering that makes things go stale.” There are unspoken rules about what stays in families, does not leave the walls the house, the dynamics and interactions we have in families can at times control and impede us from exploring who we truly are. It is a way of keeping us small and fearing stepping out of the box, the silent or blatant threat of being excluded or ignored by the family you are born in. I have found that allowing myself to be more responsible in all that I do has allowed me to feel the bigger picture, I consider the All, more and it is not about trying to fit in or appease family. Through this I have found a freedom and I know that, my family, our family is much greater than just the one we are born into, we can have relationships with everyone which are equal, intimate and loving.
Indeed we can. As I let go of self I too am becoming aware of the bigger picture and therefore what arises within family is pretty small when I feel the All. The more I feel the All the less likely I am in holding back truth for how can I allow abuse to take control. Abuse within family lies dormant until the day arises when we say enough is enough and make a choice to express and expose it.
The imaginary and real doors we place upon how we are and what we do and then what we show society do not stop what we chose impacting on everything around us “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.” When I stayed up late, binge drank, ate food that made me tired, argued with my boyfriend, all of this and more impacted on how I was at work and on the train and at the shop, it can be no other way. When we honour what we can feel and not stay with only what we see we will then become truly responsible and aware of the ills that are prevalent in society.
This line really struck me this morning – “The shadow of shame lingers over so many lives as secrets are buried in hidden troves”. This effects our daily lives so much more than we could possibly imagine. Everyone is carrying their own form of baggage formed during their lives and often that comes with shame as well. What I love about the Benhayon family is that they are revealing that this baggage is not us and there is no shame around it, we can lovingly discard it and shine the light that we truly are.
Great point Sarah, I carried a lot of shame with me and it made a big impact on how I dealt with life, the energy/mood I was in often came loaded with a shame of not living how I could and I would be very hard myself, this in itself would bring lots of reaction and anger if things got tricky. “Everyone is carrying their own form of baggage formed during their lives and often that comes with shame as well.” Changing my habits and behaviours has enabled me to let go of the feeling of shame and I feel less heavy and unworthy. I am lighter and more accepting of myself.
Letting go of the shame and the hiding aspect are the first steps towards living a consistent quality whether at home work or play.
To know that this baggage is not us and therefore not who we truly are has been a godsend for me. To simply call out the shame, any emotion for that matter begins to change how I feel. I am not perfect and I would so much rather call it out no matter how much it hurt than to keep it buried within my body for it would only fester there.
There is a real call to be the change we want to see in the world in your blog Sara, and I love it. We all feel everything whether we want to acknowledge it or not, it is still there. We can choose not to feel but we then cut off all the love and things we want to feel so we don’t feel the bad and yucky stuff we don’t want to feel. We either feel everything or we turn down the volume and everything is dulled. It is smarter, more amazing, even dare I say it safer, to feel everything and learn how to swim like a fish in the ocean and not get wet.
I agree Brendan, maybe then we would not be so confused and trying so hard to get things right, just so they look good on the outside.
Just because people behave in a certain way behind doors does not mean that it isn’t felt!!! How true is this. We do have this misconception that how we are at home, we can come into work or go to a friends house and ‘be different’. It doesn’t work like that. That is not how energy works, we bring everything of how we live with us in every moment. When this is truly felt and lived by many, that is when life on earth will change.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading your article Sara. Lately i’ve been seeing more clearly what i’ve been allowing in my home that is not feeling comfortable for me anymore. I talk to other family members about these things but the truth is I need to be more responsible myself and offer that as a reflection also. Everything is seen and felt either with doors or without, nothing can be hidden but we can choose to not see and not feel which is ultimately not taking responsibility.
If we were encouraged as a child to hold on to the 6th sense we naturally have, we would grow up with having more awareness of what is going on beyond what we see, and I imagine, this would make for quite a different way we operate in society. Our 6th sense doesn’t in fact disappear, so if we choose to feel and observe more, this would initiate perhaps a gradual return to more self loving choices, and less volatile behaviour in society
So so true johannebrown17! From what I have seen, the honesty is not appreciated by those who have become used to the ‘behind closed doors’ version of normal, so the child quickly learns not to say anything. It clearly can be quite a challenge to be open to that level of accountability coming from young people because it has not been valued, but it is actually an amazing gift and taught me to not judge wisdom to be dependent on age.
A really great point came across to me in this blog: the difference between what is natural to us as we live as loving beings and what we have made ‘normal’ in order to live a life that is far from the love that we can be.
The dream of the house with the white picket fence is not just a dream. It is a metaphor for how we see life. As long as my side of the fence presents well and is clean, that is all that matters. What goes on behind the fence matters not.
Before I met Serge Benhayon, I had only considered to a limited extent how a practitioner lives and how this affects the quality of care they can offer. I had started to recognize that a health professional who smokes for instance, is not practicing what they preach when it comes to health and healing. We have conveniently created compartments in our lives, thinking that we can separate the various parts and kidding ourselves they don’t affect each other. It has only been through Serge Benhayons example that I have come to see that everything we do is alive in our bodies and affects the way we are in life. There are no walls or door to hide behind.
So true Fiona, before Serge Benhayon spoke about this, I might have felt it or thought it, but I would not have appreciated the consequences of what I was saying. Now I can choose if I want to stay with a practitioner or not based on if they are sharing with me from knowledge what I should do, or if they live a level of that honesty themselves by way of inspiration to me.
This is true for within our selves, if we stop pretending everything is ok with ourselves, we get to the truth of what is going on inside, any imbalances, hurts, illness or dis-ease. We have the opportunity heal these as we are being honest with what is felt.
It’s in that willingness to be vulnerable and remove the mask or pretence that we so often can build the relationships with others, for in that willingness is an encouragement for others to be themselves and to open up. I can recall so many times where I have shared something intimate about myself and felt instantly back a relief and ease from another that it is ok for them to be likewise open and vulnerable and not need to hide the parts of themselves they are unsure will be accepted.
That is true Stephen G, I have felt he same, a great ease when the opportunity to be honest about something comes up. However, conversely there are times when being honest means we have to take responsibility for some seemingly poor choices and then openness to these honest conversations are less enthusiastic. It is vital when re-connecting with this natural way of honesty, that love is built in the body so there is less judgement about another’s (and our own) choices. It is a feeling of walking beside each other as we figure it out rather than looking at another’s choices from a standpoint of ‘I would never make that choice’.
Sometimes we do not even know we do it but in fact we make behaviours go ‘underground’ and we add to the behind closed doors pile of do dos!
And the letting go of all the self-judgment we have strongly aids the allowing of sharing our vulnerability openly.
It is true Sara so many people live a life that is boxed in on all sides, protected and not letting the world in. I know I used to close the door at the end of the day with a sigh of relief and sit and watch the TV, especially the News and feel removed from what was going on in the world, feeling that was out there and there was nothing I could do about it. This was total illusion and suited the comfort I was living in. If we were all to take responsibility for the way the world is and the part we play by closing our doors we would begin to see the real mess that we are in.,
Yes absolutely Brendan. Only yesterday I had an a challenge come my way but when I stopped and allowed myself to feel into it, I was able to feel what an awesome learning opportunity it was which I don’t always allow myself to feel, but I did and I felt this instant freeing up inside in that acceptance that everything is an opportunity for more love.
Nicely said Brendan. Yes, it would be a mess, and then we would be able to address it, rather than believing the facade that all is well. The thing is everyone feels this truth; it’s how willing we are individually or as a group to go there.
Brilliant sharing Sara. It is really an illusion to think we could do something behind our 4 walls and nobody will know about it. Everything we do has an energetic impact on everything around us, i.e. it makes me more aware of how big my responsibility is for every move I make.
It’s the little secrets we keep locked within ourselves along with the hidden self abuse, which we are often aware of but rarely look at directly, believing these secrets and abuses affect no-one but ourselves, that we first need to shine a light on. In choosing to take responsibility for our choices we can begin to live transparent lives, sparking the light of love to grow, and then burns brightly in our homes for all to see/feel, inspiring others to do the same.
This blog is brilliant and asks for an honesty about how we all live and the choices we make and it brings a stark reality to life. I recently heard about a statistic that in Brazil, which has a ban on abortion, 60% of unwanted pregnancies are from young girls under the age of 15 from domestic violence in their own homes! The death toll from illegal abortion is very high also and this figure is also hidden.
To be raw, open and honest in life is not always easy and does not even sometime feel safe. Yet it is the shutting and locking of doors in all its symbology that has made life this way. Understanding this makes it even more important to venture into this new open and vulnerable way of being, because sure enough there is always one if not many others who are willing to take the chance and choose to reflect it back. It seems a little too precious to expect all to be this way and I put my hands up for having this expectation in the past and to let it go in the future.
Serge Benhayon and his family certainly do not live behind closed doors. They are some of the most open people I know, people that you can go to with anything, ask any question and they will willingly answer. That’s because they have no-thing to hide.
It is fascinating that we can go about life and pretend that all is as it seems. Trying to fool people that there is not an ounce of you that is struggling or exhausted from the appearance of what we put on. This game can continue into our homes to make ourselves feel like it is real. But in reality when no one is looking you lift the lid on the things that you know is not great for you – and this can be anything. This level of irresponsibility needs to be looked at and bring people’s awareness to the fact that Everything we choose has an impact is crucial. We can’t hide anything and as the saying goes ‘It all comes out in the wash” and so it does.
I don’t only wonder what is going on behind closed doors but also what is going on behind the masks we use to not show people how we truly feel. We all have our own doors so to speak. We all close our own doors from time to time and what would it be like to live a life with your door always open?
I love that Mariette we can close our doors and shutters to the world and not let them see how we truly feel. We thus hide our sensitivity and tenderness which is such a shame because if all doors, shutters and windows were open we would see we are all the same inside.
Sarah I love what you have shared in your awesome blog. It is really ridiculous that there is a general meaning that – what we do behind a closed door is not visible. That is not true for me – as it is visible because we all can feel. The question for me is – do we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling? . . . if we are true to ourselves there was always a knowing somewhere deep down in us.
That is true Jane I can tell you stories about this kind of ripple effect and allowing myself to feel this made me very humble and yes also more responsible. To allow ourselves to feel this kind of effect is a bit of a challenge as it could be that after feeling it we would change your life.
It is a strange thing to have different personas for different situations. When we were kids we were told to be on our best behaviour when we went out. I suppose this is the start of it, holding yourself to something you think everyone thinks as good then exploding when you get home. Surely it would be better to feel that natural way to be, the effortless way that is just you, and take that everywhere? There would be less tension to recover from, and if there is a problem, if there is dis-ease within or tension, unhappiness, anger or any disharmony, it could be honestly approached and worked with before it builds to that need for relief, numbness or exploding out of us in an emotional way.
The more we choose to live connected with our bodies the more we can discern what is true and what is not without judgements or reactions. Our bodies do not lie and we can trust what we feel at all times.
“the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.” I totally agree Sara the love and openness from the Benhayon family is a true inspiration for us all of what living life with true purpose and service means.
I feel sometimes it is not for us to get involved so to speak by asking, sometimes it is simply a look, or a reflection of how/who we truly are that is all that is needed to inspire another to step out of something and change their lives. Not for us to fix, but rather inspire.
I love that Anna. Sometimes I still fall into this trap, when I think I have to change another person. Instead as you say, I can live in a loving way and I just inspire the other person to do the same. No more is needed.
I too fall for this one Alexander. It is a gradual undoing of an old way of being that is imposing on others, when we try to change them, or need them to change, and so for me its all about acceptance. Acceptance is big on my list this lifetime to really embody.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.”
I agree Sara the pressure we have to look as though we are doing well and living a successful life runs very deep, we are not encouraged or rewarded in this world to tell the truth or be honest, life has become about keeping a good face, being respectable, and what happens in ones home is nobody else’s business.
We tend to hear about the end result, and the devastation that has been caused after the fact. But what we don’t hear about is the life that has been lived, the day-to-day experiences that led to this devastating situation.
As a humanity live in such separation to each other, looking after our family and friends, ignoring or closing out what we see and feel is happening to others around us, in the misconception that another persons bad situation doesn’t affect us, and yet it the fact that we feel everything, clearly shows we are affected.
That is true Thomas we are able to feel everything – if we chose to do so. Therefore there are never closed doors. The thing is if we allow ourselves to feel everything we would have more responsibility and we would know that there are no closed doors at all – only closed hearts.
As a society we are given a picture and ideal of how family life should look like, we need to tick all the boxes, so to speak, and look respectable, be polite be social, have a good job Etc.the list goes on. Its all about looking good from the outside, presenting an image for the world to see, if this is not ones reality and there is conflict in ones home, there can be a feeling that one has failed and a huge shame about this, and this is something to be kept hidden from others, to cover up and keep presenting that all is OK.
This is food for thought Sara, because you are challenging everyone to have a deep look at themselves and their relationships and how they are to the world, to others and behind closed doors – and everything that you say happens. There’s a mask, an artificial persona, the need to impress, the wearing of our “Sunday Best” and yet we know it’s a charade. Basil Fawlty exposed this in his beautiful comedic way – one thing to the public, one thing to his long suffering wife. If only we could all appreciate that what happens wherever it happens is felt by all and this is what we reflect.
What a top blog Sara Harris and what a great subject to be talking about. This closed in four walls stuff is awful if you stop and think about it. How many people just close the door and it all stays inside those walls and a different facade when they face the world outside.
I agree with you about your example of doing porn inside and thinking its not with you when you walk out into the world and meet others or go to work. It laces everything and it sticks and kids in particular feel this. It is like you give off a certain type of vibration and there is no getting away from it.
Domestic violence is so huge that very few know the real statistics because so many cases are not reported and yet if we make it our business and created enough noise things may change. But if no one can be really bothered to do something, say something, speak out and be heard then things stay as they are.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon, Sara Harris and all those like myself who have no intention of ever shutting up when it comes to disclosing the Truth and making more people aware of what is really going on in our world.
Is it time we started to really wake up?
I have zero tolerance for physical abuse I my life. As a child I suffered physical, verbal and emotional abuse and feel the bruising or other wounds of physical abuse is more obvious to others, it heals and doesn’t leave the deep emotional scares verbal abuse does. Abuse words can cut you to the core resulting in deep hurts less visible to most but felt by all.
The unwritten rule that tells the general community to keep quiet about abuse is passed on from generation to generation particularly in abusive families. Very often the abuse becomes so normalised it becomes the norm for the very young children in these families to be numb to their bodies and completely given up on life with some children becoming hypervigilant. The toll of living with abuse is devastating when you see abused children put on a mask to hide the abuse they live with and loose the connection to their true gentle loving self. Often we hit our teens and use drugs, alcohol and violence as coping mechanisms to cope with the pain of our hurts.
Whilst re-reading this I get a stronger sense of not only the doors we close within our homes but the doors we keep securely locked within ourselves, whilst all the time believing that no one is affected or can feel what is going on with us.
Exactly Julie, we are our own inmate, prison warden and holder of the key…masters of locking ourselves away. It is ignorant to think that others cannot feel this, yet they too will most likely have their own prison cell, therefore choose to ignore another’s as acknowledging it would be too revealing of their own.
How many people in caring professions, such as doctors, care assistants, therapists, etc., believe they can leave behind the unloving energy they have been indulging in (the porn, alcohol, the argument, etc.) as they step into a room to undertake their job unaware that they bring it with them and it taints their every action?
That is so true Jonathan, it is our responsibility to discern the energy of the professionals we choose to have working relationships with. I have often been to a professional for a consultation, and everything that comes out of their mouth sounds as if they know their job, but something just doesn’t feel right and that something is a reflection of something in the way they live.
This is true, Jonathan as for some we have a picture of what an abusive person may look like or be but how often do we stop to consider they are not monster like looking people but those we meet in everyday life and many in these positions of care and who we visit for this service.
I like what you have said here jsnelgrove36. We are deceived by our own lack of awareness, but your point is fabulous. The image we have of what abuse looks like can and does interfere with our awareness. We can be easily tricked by what is spoken or how someone looks. I’ve unfortunately learned this the hard way.
We think we shut the world out when we shut our front door, but far from it. Just because we can’t see each other we think we have absolutely free range to do whatever we feel, to ourselves and each other such a misconception. And we do our very best to numb ourselves from feeling the extent of the abuse that is visible even in the way we walk down the street.
It is not only that we live behind closed doors in our houses but that also within our homes we can close each other out. I greatly appreciate all that the Benhayon family reflect and that they are ” … lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.”
That is a great point jsnelgrove36. We don’t need a house to live behind a wall of protection. People can share a bed and still live with massive walls between them.
Indeed, those 4 walls can go with us anywhere!
Absolutely, we live with walls of protection keeping people separate in a false sense of protection which only adds to the problems.
Yes Lorraine, that “sense of protection” is definitely a false one, simply an illusion. We can physically shut out others but energetically we all remain connected therefore the harm is still done, not only to them but to us as well.
This is a brilliant article Sara, today more than ever, more goes on behind closed doors than ever before , because of the internet . People never have to leave their house,they can get food delivered and adults as well as teenagers and kids can get lost in violent computer games which to me is an abuse in itself. People are losing total reality in a world where violence and pornography are such a normalised thing.
Great point Kev in relation to the internet and it gives a different meaning to ‘behind closed doors’ as we now spend and can spend more time then ever in our houses. At times we can retreat there, for well, weeks. As you say everything is home delivered these days and so more and more how we live is important. As you are saying the way ‘normal’ moves around and is a concern. We feel comfortable when something is described as normal, almost like it’s allowed as long as there are many people doing it. We, as we are here need to keep checking in and not just settle for the norm.
I love your point here about feeling how comfortable we get when we label something as “normal”, it is as if it gives us a right to participate in it because it is “normal”. But what if what we are calling “normal” is anything but normal. Today is it “normal” to get on a computer and abuse whomever we want, it is “normal” to have huge rates of domestic violence, to ingest drugs and alcohol etc. There is nothing normal about any of these and the more we let ourselves become aware of just how abnormal these things are the more we wake up to the fact that it is not about what is normal but what is true.
True Kevin, we hardly need to leave our front doors. We can even work from home so easily now…everything can come to us which makes hiding behind closed doors even easier than ever before.
It is easy to understand how we can from this place become more and more extreme in our expression especially online. We deem ourselves invisible and therefore not accountable for our actions and choices.
in rereading this thread what occurs to me is that the big change here is that we can now keep communicating to the entire world without having a single personal interaction. It is changing the way we relate to the world and other human beings and it is giving room for all kinds of uninhibited behaviours and expression that without any reflection of humanity can spiral completely out of control. One needs only to open a newspaper to see the outcomes of this.
I have realised this recently too Carolien. The lack of true communication these days with the use of the Internet has created a greater excuse of irresponsibility in regards to our treatment and behaviours with others. We can now hide behind the wall of a website and as long as it looks good and sells well, who need know the real truth of what goes on on the other side?
A really great point Kevin as, after all that behind the door activity to then walk out into the world feeling a cloak of invisibility protects them. When in truth energetically many have been affected by this behaviour.
Yes kevmchardy I agree – what is happening behind closed doors these days is not so good because of the internet. It seems to me that there is a new diagnosis and that is internet addiction -and that people with such a diagnosis could end up in a psychiatry unit as they have forgotten how to live outside with others because their behavior will not fit anymore. My question is: How will we be living in 10 years and what kind of new diagnoses will we have then?
Talking about Internet – many are concerned about the safety of their privacy and personal data; and many go behind the anonymity and some take that as a license to abuse; and some put out a public front for self gains in all variations; some use it as a playground where they can do whatever they want without accountability – it is becoming more and more grotesque while more and more doors are getting closed.
So true Kev, we are starving ourselves of real and true connection and stuffing ourselves and binging on everything that will numb and disconnect us from the truth of what is really going on.
The focus on the rising rates of domestic violence has brought the issue of what is really going on behind closed doors to the fore. As a society it is time for us all to stop hiding our problems and begin to see what is going on within our own families and within society as a whole.
When we write something on a forum or online platform we must always consider if we would use the same language, carry on in the same way were we to be interacting in person. There is a large mask that too many are hiding behind when talking online, decency in exchanges must become our default in discussions, it is far to easy at present for abuse to be the accepted language, as if it is fun to bait and goad others, a game with where everyone loses.
A very important point Stephen because this is the way young people are growing up today. Their way of communication is through a screen which is very different to how they would express and communicate if they were standing in front of the person.
What goes on behind closed doors is not invisible. We have the misconception that if abuse is going on or anything that is not loving, that it just doesn’t count, but it does, everything does. The sooner humanity wakes up to that fact, only then will we see significant change.
Yes Raegan, that is the point at which humanity chooses true responsibility
It does count, everything counts, but because we want to avoid responsibility we pretend it doesn’t.
We are all connected, we may not see that energetically at present but it is there and can be felt if we are truly honest, so closing a door does not stop the energy flowing.
Abuse on any level is not ok the interaction I once normalised as an acceptable way to communicate with others I now know was actually abuse and I feel how hurt my body is when I express in an unloving way or have unloving words directed at me. The more loving I become with myself the more sensitive I become and don’t accept abusive people in my life and or nominate where expression is abuse and expect they will replicate if they feel my words feel abusive to them.
We all innately feel everything. Sometimes we close the doors and choose not to feel because we don’t like what is there to be felt. True change can only happen when we open up our awareness and no longer pretend we don’t know what is going on because in truth we do.
Spot on Donna – So many times we choose not to see certain things because we don’t like what we see or feel, and so this becomes a habit to ‘turn a blind eye’, but this does not ever address the situation, it only ever leaves it undealt with. Allowing ourselves to see all the horrible things that do actually happen around us does require a commitment and it helps if we have the correct support – someone who can help us understand the brutality that we encounter and that this brutality simply shows us how far away from the essence of who we are that we have strayed; someone who reminds us that we don’t need to fix this mess, we just need to re-connect back to our essence and in that lies our responsibility of reflecting that back to others, of reflecting that there is a way to live and be without having to live the brutality that we encounter.
This is true Donna, we do not only close a physical door behind us at times but we can equally close the door to our heart to shut the world out.
So true Donna. We can close as many doors as we like, deadlock them over and over, yet we cannot ignore that fact that we know what’s going on on the other side.
Yes Donna, we know every thing, to the finest detail of what is going on in and around us. Allowing myself to feel even at those times where I can feel nothing but resistance is so healing and so worth while no matter how many tears I may shed. Feeling unlocks the door to a greater expansion within the body.
I certainly don’t know too many houses where there is no abuse going on behind closed doors. In my home it still happens openly and isn’t always addressed this has never been a secret and doesn’t change when people visit. In the past as my children became teenagers the way we all spoke to on another at times was pretty bad, very abusive actually and so normalised that friends that witnessed it commented on the way we spoke to each other but no-one within the family took particular offence to the unloving way we spoke to one another because it was so normalised. I now understand this type of communication is abusive and the more we learn to love our self the more loving we are towards one another and the less we accept abuse.
We have watered down the meaning of abuse to levels that some people consider acceptable- so your experience of how you were speaking to each other is probably very similar for other people. Sadly, we can be so caught up in it we don’t even realise we are being abusive or receiving abuse.
To start to be honest with this and look at all our actions is to take responsibility for a society where abuse is not even an option.
It is actually shocking that “We have watered down the meaning of abuse to levels that some people consider acceptable” and I can put my hand up as one who has done this. So the question is: why have we done so? What is it that we are afraid of if we call out abusive behaviour? Will we do anything to keep the peace and accept things that somewhere inside we know are wrong? The healing for any form of abuse must start with honesty; honesty about the way we are living, how we are treating others, what we are accepting from others, and most importantly, how we are treating ourselves.
Brilliantly put Ingrid – you ask here what is it we are afraid of if we call out abusive behaviours, well perhaps it is that if we are to stand up and say no, we have to truly look at everything in our lives that is still abusive. And I agree it is also about keeping the peace and letting things slide. But as you say, to start with self honesty feels like a leap towards living in a way that does not allow abuse, and then being able to naturally call it to account because it simply isn’t part of who we are.
When abuse is watered down and put in the acceptable category its just saying yes to more abuse.
Absolutely Christopher – and we seem to have watered down a lot in how we live. But as you say, as soon as it is accepted, then we allow in more and more. It takes us to look at each and every movement and where we let in the smallest amount, towards ourselves and each other.
So enjoyed reading this again today Sara.. It highlights the expression ‘Welcome’ to my home. In fact if living this in truth you are saying welcome to all of me and to all that I live.
The Love that the Benhayon’s connect to and live as you say Sara, appears to pour out through their walls and doors, something ginormous and it is for all. They never once, in the time that I have known them, have they reduced this in anyway shape or form. This constant reflection of True Love has been a solid support in trusting that we are all from here and from the one and same source of Love. That I too can be this amount of Love.
I agree Natalie, this constant reflection of love has also been such a support and inspiration for me to trust and experience true brotherhood by the way we live.
I do often wonder what goes on behind closed doors. And I can feel when it is not right even if I am not privy to the details. My task, forever inspired by the Benhayon family, is to make our home about love and open it up to share with our community. This is a purpose I wake up with each day and more and more, when the conflicts arise, I can see them for what they are and rise above them. What a super powerful gift we all have to support each other to live like this.
Emma, this is indeed a wonderful task and a wonderful purpose, and it helps to keep everything in perspective. Yes, there will always be more pockets of behaviour to expose and look at, but if our purpose is to make everything about love these can be easier to deal with. There is no need for criticism, just loving observation, and more love, and more love….
I love your comment emmadanchin, it really does put things into perspective. Why focus on the conflicts, our hurts, even the tension between us when we can rise above them and make our priority Love. Yes, love can be exposing for us all at times but appreciating, having the understanding and allowing each other the space to evolve has to be the way forward, a way I am surrendering to more and more as I continue on my path of return.
Turning on the light and keeping it burning brightly has many pitfalls. Yet the Benhayon family consistently bring all the support we could ever need to see more clearly than ever before what is really on and how we can quite simply surrender and make our way back to love. For this, I have eternal appreciation.
‘The Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.’ – Absolutely Sara, the Benhayon family are true role models living a new normal which is deeply inspiring to all.
A very powerful blog Sara, I can remember as a child being told not to tell other people our business. I have lived with abuse in the home which was hidden from view, people had no idea, and when it came out people found it hard to believe. I have lived a life of covering up that which was unacceptable, living with honesty now, has been a slow but freeing process. We are surely blessed that “the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like”.
This can be so strongly instilled in us as children: “don’t tell other people our business”! Wow Jill, your sharing here is so powerful and the reason why it is so powerful is because you have broken out of the belief that things need to be covered up, that there is a facade to present to people and that we cannot be honest in presenting all that happens for us outside of the home. The more we can bring honesty to the table, the more our lives become transparent and there is nothing to hide – hence it becomes almost impossible to hide things, almost impossible to bury secrets, and this in itself is a blessing as only the truth can prevail in such a home and heart.
Well said Henrietta, and you are right with this belief it is more normal to cover up and show a facade than to be open and honest about all that is. Just imagine how we would be with each other, the change in levels of acceptance, allowing and understanding we would have amongst each other if we were transparent and willing to show all there is. A whole world of illusion -that we try to live up to – would dissolve in no time and we woud find we are all human beings.
Very beautiful Jill, a very powerful healing
It is amazing to have families like the Benhayons reflecting to us a more honest way of living which is possible for us all. Thank you for sharing so honestly, Jill.
Thank you for honestly sharing Jill what for many is a common experience. We are indeed blessed by being shown a way of love, in how the Benhayon’s live.
The thought that we can close a door and somehow stop being connected with everyone is just a fallacy. To our eyes we may be separated but energetically we cannot stop affecting everyone. We have put so much emphasis on the surface looks of life and negated the quality behind how we live and express.
reading this blog felt like a loving invitation to become completely transparant and look at which choices I still make when I am by myself that I would not make with others around me. It is very exposing to find those moments in the day where the old illusion of being able to get away with it still slips in. There are no ‘off moments as we are always part of the greater whole.
I agree Carolien, there is no blame in this blog just an invitation to get more honest about our lives and how we are with our selves and each other.
Your comment made me feel how much more beautiful it is to lovingly expose our behaviour from a point of observation, acceptance and appreciation rather then from criticism and reaction.
I agree Elizabeth, honesty clearly opens the path for us to be more of who we truly are.
Yes the article asks us to be more honest with ourselves. It also asks us to consider that we do not live in isolation, that everything and everyone is connected. All our behind closed doors behaviours are contributing to an energetic junk pile, that is making the world as it is today This is a world that we often look at in disbelief and horror – how did we get here? It feels like time for us to clean up our own junk pile.
By being more honest with ourselves, we open the doorway for honesty to be the norm, especially if it happens with acceptance, appreciation and love.
I agree Lorraine, if we can look at ourselves and each other with acceptance, understanding and love honesty becomes easily the new norm.
Absolutely Carolien, I agree the invitation to become honest and transparent about what goes on behind our own ‘closed doors in there in Sara’s blog. I have found that the more I build a self acceptance and self appreciation of myself and who I am, and re-learn to love all facets of myself I am able to share more of me and my life with others and keep less hidden from the world.
that is a very valid point Thomas what we deem as ‘not good’ ourselves will be what we try and hide from the world. It is our own judgement first and foremost.
Being more open and honest with ourselves is a requirement to being able to be open and honest with others.
I find that living with other people has given me a wonderful reflection to gauge where I am still attached to the ‘private’ life. It has helped me see that everything I do does affect another and that “we are always part of the greater whole.”
I love your honesty here Carolien. It can be very exposing to find those moments, those moments when really we don’t care and worse still think we can get away with it. It feels dreadful in my body when I behave in a manner that is not loving with myself. But it is about letting those choices go, not being hard on myself and moving on learning to be more loving with myself so that the abusive behaviours don’t get a look in!
thank you Caroline and your comment brought me back to this blog which is a great reminder. I realised how strong the attachment has been to having something that is ‘mine’ a moment, a treat, a break from responsibility…There in truth is no mine as we are all part of the one whole and yet we have invested deeply in the illusion of being separate.
Sara what you write is truth, we hide behind our doors and walls thinking what we do out of sight is not ‘real’ as no-one sees it. But every movement we make is felt in the entire universe seen or unseen. In the world of energy there are no walls. What a great call for true responsibility.
“In the world of energy there are no walls” Beautiful and exposing, Carolien. Try as we might to pretend that there is a way to hide what goes on in our so-called private moments, we exude all that we are at all times. Even though someone may not be physically there to witness something, it is “written” all over us as we live in the world. Others may not consciously know what it is that does not feel right when they come into contact with what we are giving off, but we all are feeling everything, always.
great expansion Naren, it is surely written all over us and we communicate the cumulation of all our choices in every moment. There is no on and off switch and therefor in truth there is no private and public life for that matter.
It is written in huge, 9-foot tall letters on each and every one of us, and yet we choose to ignore them in each other. We often say nothing to someone who is clearly not being themselves for fear of having someone expose the fact that we are doing the same.
Good one, we do all read the 9 foot tall letters and yet we stay silent to not break the agreement we have made to keep each other safe in our comfort and to not have to be asked to change our ways and be more.
Great sharing. We indeed keep each other in our comforts by this silent deal of not asking each other about it. It is time to start asking ourselves and each other these questions, of course in a loving and constructive way. Still the questions need to be asked.
Indeed! How else will we get to the answers we are searching for if we do not ask the question? How will we turn this momentum we have found ourselves relentlessly driven by if we do not lovingly ask, “Why is it this way? Why do we have the world we have?”
I love this exchange between you two, everything is felt and carried with us but it is easier not to ask because it opens up a treasure trove of honesty that is a treasure few have been taught to value.
Too true Carolien, there is no escape no matter how hard we try or how much we may turn a blind eye.
What you have shared Carolien is an understanding that Universal medicine has reawakened in me. ‘Everything is energy’ means we are all floating around in the one pool of energy. If one person urinates in the pool, we are all affected. It doesn’t matter if you sneak off to a quiet spot and no one sees you, the pollution is still there in the pool and eventually affects everyone.
I love this analogy too Fiona as it makes the world of energy very tangible and much easier to understand the impact we have on everything and everyone around us. Learning to discern the quality of energy we are living in is the beginning of energetic integrity and energetic responsibility.
So true Fiona, this is what what being responsible is all about. There is no difference from how we ourselves and our immediate family to how we are with all of humanity.
I would love to read that in the journals and magazines of the corporate capitals of this world – in fact, heck, I’d love to read this everywhere.
We can read it here I guess but more importantly what I get from what you have shared Otto is this type, style or quality of discussion has long since left as a society. There are so many rules we choose to make and follow that true discussion about any one point is no longer available to us. ‘We’ should be able to speak and discuss anything with a depth and quality to unlock or expose what is truly going on. Just like we are doing here when one comment is build on to the next and not pulled sideways, changed topic or simply ignored. I love a quality conversation about real everyday things, it so so supportive in how we live. Let’s keep these conversations going and return to how it was for history shows we were always like this.
“… put on a facade to meet the world”. The face, the image, the act or the mask, it matters not what we call it as it is all the same. If for a moment the world removed the facade, it would ease the tension that is carried to maintain it, leaving room to meet ourselves once again.
That’s so true Matthew. So often people cloud themselves in a cloak of shame, sometimes subtle sometimes not. Whether defending a way of living they know is not true or indulging in practices they wouldn’t want others to find out about, a sense of dishonesty pervades. I have certainly felt this way, not wanting to reconnect with myself to feel how irresponsible I’ve been.
Not being connected with myself means I cannot connect with others. Though I may seem friendly there is a falseness, a judgement of myself keeping me out that remains until I come back to accepting and appreciating myself, looking beneath the behaviours to what drives them so I take the next steps.
I agree Karin when we don’t connect deeply to ourselves and our body’s, it isn’t possible for us to be fully present with others which creates a tension and a separation, in separation the level of love and care that is possible for other people is greatly diminished.
Yes Thomas, we have a responsibility to connect deeply to ourselves then we are able to connect with others, they feel this, and this alone transforms our relationships.
Well said Matthew “The face, the image, the act or the mask, it matters not what we call it as it is all the same. If for a moment the world removed the facade, it would ease the tension that is carried to maintain it, leaving room to meet ourselves once again.”
Imagine how different the world would be if everyone dropped the façade re-connected to their essence and felt and let go of all that is blocking them from living from our essence every day. We are all very sensitive and often feeling not only the abuse we feel going on behind closed doors but our own hurts reflected to us, the jealousy the sadness we feel as we walk in the community. There is so much pain in the world it is all around us, the key is to observe it without taking the emotions of others on, that way we are free to feel the love that is all around us to and from the love that we connect to. Within us we offer others the opportunity to feel and connect with their loving essence.
Letting go of the facade opens us up to space and out of the reduced view of ourselves and the world
Sara, this “reduced view of ourselves” gives us a sense of individuality as we identify ourselves by what we are not. This attachment to self makes it hard for us to let go of the facade yet it would easily slip away if we released our grip on it and we would indeed feel more spacious – it takes a lot of tension to contract and be who we are not.
I love that Matthew. When I become honest, my body breathes a big sigh of relief! It may be ugly what I have to look at but at least I am not fighting seeing it is there in the first place.
Agreed. The fighting what we are seeing or feeling creates such enormous tension in the body and teaches us to live dishonouring what we feel. Learning to trust is then incredibly hard. It seems to me that sceptics are very often extremely hurt by not trusting their own natural barometer and then try to persuade everyone else not to trust theirs!
A brilliant article Sara exposing what we can all keep behind our closed doors. Over recent years since attending Universal Medicine presentations by Serge Benhayon, I have had a good honest look at what was truly going on behind the closed doors of my own home and relationships. On all accounts I was quite dishonest about how things were for myself wanting others to see me as someone who had it all together with a happy and successful home and family life. Not that there was anything abhorrent (on some scale) going on other than I was not living honestly in the relationship with others. I was not expressing what I was feeling, holding back until I became so frustrated and resentful that I then attacked others either verbally or just as forcefully in my silence, blaming, berating, excluding, ignoring, all very abusive behaviours. The honesty I chose to look at these behaviours and the support of Serge Benhayon and his beautiful family, Universal Medicine and the practitioners associated with this business, has inspired me to turn around my relationships allowing for a true love to be felt and expressed, far more understanding and awareness of what true relationships are, what a true home can be, and what true family is. There is still quite a way for me to go in how I relate with myself and others to have anything like the Benhayon family but for most part I am enjoying the process and feel how much more steady my relationships are within my own home.
Very honest reckoning and account of where we can all be so much more open and truthful. It really is a fallacy to think that we can contain what we are and do in a box with a roof over it; space is so much more intelligent than that convenient notion.
So beautifully said Gabriele ~ ‘It really is a fallacy to think that we can contain what we are and do in a box with a roof over it; space is so much more intelligent than that convenient notion’
Isn’t it Gabriele, I agree with you entirely.
True Gabrielle, what we do anywhere can not be hidden, as the energy permeates through into all aspects of our lives and energetically affects all.
Your story shows that is worth becoming honest, as it can only lead to more love and deeper connections with people. The before and after is a stark contrast. It seems crazy that we choose the frustration/resentment, abusive behaviours, when it is usually directed at those we claim to love the most
Thank you for sharing this Elizabeth. It’s quite incredible the impact of not being honest in our daily lives and how this can then affect others. Like you say, it does not have to be anything that is deemed ‘abhorrent’ yet our reactions, actions, even inactions and words that stem from holding back who we are, can be just as cutting and abusive as a punch in the face.
I agree Sara, there are many forms of abuse that can fly under the radar because they are not seen to be abusive or are just the accepted normal in society. There is also the abuse that we allow for ourselves that also can not be hidden as how we are with ourselves we are also with all of humanity.
Well said Elizabeth and that is what inspired me about Sara’s blog. It is unusual to consider that living one way behind closed doors and putting on a face for the world is not normal to one degree or another, and yet it is incredibly exhausting. The dishonesty simply eats away at us till we can cope no longer and it ends in an explosion, somewhere: a verbal assault, a passive aggressive slamming of doors. Both harm ourselves and others.
“The shadow of shame lingers over so many lives as secrets are buried in hidden troves.” This keeping of secrets and the shame that that engenders keeps us from seeking assistance and allows the cycle of abuse to perpetuate. I wonder – does shame really serve us in any way or do we use it as an excuse to avoid dealing with what we know we should and seek assistance?
It is interesting how, as I have started to become more aware of the different energetic qualities that a person can be holding, with this comes the ability to distinguish between them quite clearly, such as the quality of porn in a person, or the quality of giving-up on life. However with this awareness comes responsibility, as I am learning the value in all interactions to speak the truth and not hold back on what you can feel.
It takes an immense amount of energy to be sorry for your behaviour, or to be ashamed, or defensive, or even to pretend it never happened with justifications. Much simpler and easier to be honest, see where there is a pattern of abuse, and take steps to remove it.
No one alive would not have moments, perhaps days or years where life within their home has times that are not loving, maybe not even kind. The abuse that goes on behind closed doors is not limited to violence, but covers all types of lack of care, love and emotional abuse. The key to eliminating this is to make self-love normal, and from there love of others in our homes is natural.
It isn’t limited to violence – what about families living disconnected from each other, doing their own thing, functioning and so everything looks ok, but everyone is craving connection?
Anonymity and secrecy are foundations of hate.
It’s true that we can all feel what is lived behind closed doors. It’s easy to feel when going for a walk looking at hundreds of door after door, observing the way a house or drive way or car out the front is kept of maintained. The best way to address the separation and lovelessness behind closed doors is to stop and feel our own lives and dwellings and begin to change this to the love we truly deserve, as Serge Benhayon and his family have chosen.
Absolutely true Danielle, we observe others, and always look to where we can be more love in our own corner. I see it as we are each given a little space to tend on earth. And we alone are responsible for that space. We cannot tidy up anothers space. We can call them on it, we can inspire them, but we cannot do it for them….BUT, we can keep the focus on our own space, forever tending, lifting, exposing the areas of lovelessness and bringing them back up to shine. Seen in this light, its actually fun.
This is the only way that it works, to truly inspire another beyond any words. I’ve found observing the lovelessness in life around me is actually a great opportunity to be honest about any gaps in my own life, and to see it as a blessing that this is in fact being reflected to me, so I can continue to close the gaps.
In the days gone by, with less or no technology, people would come out more into the community, engage and meet with one another. It seems that our love affair with technological advances (computer, mobile phones, gadgets, TV, video games) and having a ‘busy lifestyle,’ offer the greatest excuse to not allow ourselves to be aware about what goes on behind closed doors. It seems that technological advancement, as useful as they can be, does play a big part in developing habits that deteriorates the relationship and connection we have with ourselves, which follows through in having less awareness and connection with people around us.
To me it seems that we really have walked around for so long, knowing that there is so much that we know we know about… but pretending there is so much we don’t want to know about. What I want to know is …. Who do we think we have been fooling?
Well. I know who we haven’t been fooling. So that only leaves….us. It’s a brilliantly expressed question Simon (perfectly in tune with your handle; simplesimon888) that exposes the utter idiocy of it. But more, it exposes our abject irresponsibility. Because, at no point along the way, have we not known what we are doing.
‘It’s the way society has been built and it’s what we are used to and accept as our normal. Have you ever been told “What happens in the home, stays in the home?”
Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.’
Well said Sara, and we can also apply this unsaid rule in many other ways in our life , but in the end, everything we do is not ‘unseen’, even if we think we have gotten away with it.
There is so much in this blog, purely the notion that when we are behind closed doors we think that our behaviours don’t count, they do. More than people could ever know.
So true Raegankcairney, People close their doors and believe that its no ones business what happens in their homes, but it does affect everyone.
Hello Raegan, I agree and more and more we are seeing this. Not that it is new as we have known all of this all before, so why do we still resist, ignore or pretend that we can’t feel everything? What don’t we want to look at? For me it would seem that it would have to be something we did, a choice we made somewhere along the line. I know if something is going on for me the last place I want to go to is the part that I was responsible for.
Your blog is a such metaphor for psychological wellbeing. When we keep everything secreted away within our minds we do not present our whole selves to others and there is no space for healing. I was a master secret agent of my own misgivings, and many perceived misgivings, and not until I mustered the strength to be vulnerable and open the doors to what was really going on for me, could I heal my hurts and find a more loving way to live.
Yes, having nothing too hide is such a liberation! It means you can just be yourself and the added beauty is that it gives others permission to do the same.
Interesting to come back to this article after connecting with neighbours the other night I had only met once or twice before on an evening walk. We have lived in our street for 20 years and they for 30 years, there are some others who have been there even longer, so we have seen people come and go. Throughout the years at various street and christmas parties i thought I had met most neighbours. We got chatting about a neighbour and I hadn’t known any of the story, it turns out he is reclusive and rarely if ever leaves his house. I was puzzled by their description and couldn’t recollect the house they were talking about and to my surprise as we returned to the street I realised I hadn’t noticed the house on the street before – that is 20 years of driving in and out, walking up and down! It really got me questioning how easy it is to see what we want to see. The truth is I hardly know most of the people on my street, something i would like to change moving forward.
I can very much relate to thinking there was no connection with what I did at home, and how I was at work. Duh, how could that possibly work..everything is connected. It makes such sense to me now that how we behave ALL the time, we take with us wherever we are.
If I just ask myself a simple question, “is this normal?” What I came up with was staggering because so much in and around our lives is not normal, but are accepted as being just that… normal. It then made me realise just how much bombarding I receive from the world around me that doesn’t support love. So much in the world is designed to take me away from feeling my stillness and just walking in that. So it is becoming super important to let all the mess in, see it and not allow it to disturb me, but the trick is ‘this is normal’, no it isn’t!
Oh goodness yes Matthew. How often are we asked to accept stuff because it is ‘normal’? The list is gigantic. It is literally everywhere. What’s important for me to see at the moment is the massive part that I have played in maintaining and supporting that status quo. I have made so many huge and amazing changes to my life, bucked so many of the normals, so many of the trends, got off so many of the railway tracks and roller-coaster rides…amazing to appreciate the changes that I have made. But still there are a multitude of ‘normals’ in my life, that most definitely are not ‘normal’. It is a killer word. It should have one of those “warning-radiation” stickers attached to. WARNING – CONSIDERED NORMAL – approach with caution, wear protective clothing, check for the truth immediately.
What I sense is that we are far, far less ignorant than we pretend. And it is because we do actually know and feel what is going on that we so desperately and passionately uphold the belief that we are an ‘advanced society’. For if that illusion were to drop, if that veil were to come down, then we would all have to accept our responsibility for the mess that we have created. And for most, that is too big. Hence we continue to pretend that we are an ‘advanced society’
Ah and I agree, “What I sense is that we are far, far less ignorant than we pretend.” So there is only really one choice and the rest stem from that ‘one’. We have turned away from life being about ‘feeling’ and in that choice have then created the ‘advanced society’ to keep us occupied so we don’t ever have to stop and truly see that choice. We can advance all we want because it would seem we are going no where, but eventually back to feel and in that, “accept our responsibility for the mess that we have created”.
This blog has really opened my eyes Sara to many of the subtle ways that I live in a different way at home with my immediate family vs. outside the home in public. It is definitely an illusion to think that I can act a certain way at home and then expect it to not affect the way I am outside it, because obviously the energy, thoughts, behaviours and momentum that lead to me acting a certain way in the first place is still there when I leave the confined walls of the house. Alternatively, I can feel how I sometimes express very fully at home but then either hold that back at work or in public and ‘hide my light’ in a way. This is a dis-service to everyone, and is not needed.
The statistics you present in this blog Sara are indeed frightening but also a true reflection of our society. Each and every one of us needs to say no to the lovelessness and show another way; as the Benhayon family do, a beautiful example of love in action.
“the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like”.
This is beautiful Sara. We also have other sayings such as “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” using a saying to grant us a free pass to act poorly. It is interesting that we have created sayings that make it socially acceptable for us to behave badly with a belief that it is okay because it is not in our “back yard”. I have been to Vegas and we are not getting away with it, the energy that is left due to such irresponsibility it tangible.
I like the way you put this Caroline, ‘using a saying to grant us a free pass to act poorly’. I know in the past for me walking through the doors into my home meant I could drop the niceness and just be myself. When I consider this now, its insane. Meaning – completely unacceptable for me. How could I be lazy, or as you say, give myself a free pass to act poorly, around those that are the closest to me whom I hold so dear, and particularly children whom I am role modelling for. This is where the foundation of true responsibility must start.
Absolutely Adele feeling the depth of abuse we have let in is hard and so is the hardness we have created in our bodies to not feel this. But saying yes to love and no to what is not loving in simple little things builds and offers a greater awareness and inner sight and simply seeing this is very empowering and a great reflection thank you.
So crazy Marika – as I was reading I could feel how we do this all the time. Feel that something is not OK or that someone is hurting, but not speak up and say something. More and more each day I am speaking up, asking if someone is OK, being more discerning of what is truly at play and it is a whole new level of responsibility.
Sara this is an awesome blog, exposing how as a society people are living. It is such an important point to raise – if we are more responsible at home, there would be less crime both in and out of the homes.
Its quite a wake up call to bring out into the open that we aren’t just responsible for our own homes, but for what is going on in homes around us. We are all in this together.
And how often do we bring this up with others that we can feel are struggling or not doing well? It has been a long while taboo to speak of issues outside of the home or to inquire other than politely about another’s life not wishing to upset the apple-cart or bring discomfort to ourselves or others. This begs the question – what is the discomfort exactly? the Living of Love and expressing Love to another? What an indictment of society that we are willing to adorn a mask, a role and a transparent veneer in an instant yet dare not go there and bring true connection, brotherhood and support where this is clearly needed.
The Benhayon family have been an enormous inspiration and the Love that poors out of there home and heart is undeniable and impossible not to be felt. The transparency that they live in every day is completely amazing and as you say Sara is inspiring many many others to ignite this within themselves.
When I was a kinesiology practitioner I believed it did not natter what I did in my private life, that it did not affect how I was in the clinic. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine did I come to realise that that was not acceptable and that how I lived outside the treatment was as important, if not more so, than when I was in it. I now know that the energy of how I have been living is not shut out by the doors of the treatment room but comes with me, as it does for every practitioner.
This was the case for me too Jonathan when I was a massage practitioner. I thought that making healthy choices with food was enough to be prepared as a healthy example for clients, but after meeting Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon i realised that self-care goes far more in detail than this. It is my every move, every action and every thought also that makes up the person that stands in front of them offering sessions. We simply cannot compartmentalize our lives. It all matters and can all be felt.
If everything we did when we are on our own behind closed doors was available for everyone to see, would we still do it? I don’t think so! We all have our own pockets of what we call ‘privacy’ that we think we have a right to, but ultimately provide us with an opportunity to make choices that we may not be so proud of, however small. This blog is great – it is shining light on all the festering pockets of privacy.
Yes it’s good to appreciate how far we have come with this, and also to acknowledge and be honest about the areas we still have to work with.
To feel the depth of abuse we have let in by boxing ourselves in, and saying no to the lovelessness we have agreed to breaks down the walls of protection further, and what is felt is the enormity of our own love supporting us back.
There is no fear in transparency as there is no where to hide fear in transparency. Any fear of being fully open there is a hidden agreement we have with irresponsibility and lovelessness, and any choice of lovelessness is an abuse to our bodies that we have to account for.
When the world has chosen to live behind closed doors and this has been accepted as normal, openness and transparency is very exposing. When we do not shut the world out, the whole world finds every way to box openness in. When truth is expressed, the lovelessness around bastardizes it. We all feel the enormity of abuse in this, and because it is chosen to be the norm, we also feel the enormous helplessness in the situation. What is transparent does not take abuse nor can it give it without being accountable, transparency is the ultimate responsibility, but also simply the naturalness that any human being can live. Being accountable and clearly transparent is not being different or special, it is only made to look that way because we have chosen what is absolutely unnatural for ourselves.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve been in denial with the level of abuse going on today – in fact, those statistics offered to make a point out of this expose’ really shocked me and I feel somewhat in disbelief! How could this all be going on…? For women or whomever to be killed at the hands of family or close relations says to me that the abuse must have been happening long before death. So how can it get that far? Could it be that we fear such brutality and don’t want that force coming at us that we feel ‘safer’ if it’s happening to others? Otherwise a neighbour or friend or anyone who sees bruises and the closed heart of another would ask the questions and talk about what they are seeing or feeling. This blog is really a wake up call for those who feel abuse happening around them to stand up and not fear the force but to name it and expose it.
Rachel, I feel there are so many of us in denial. To feel the full extent of waywardness and abuse around us (the big picture) means we must also feel our part, our shut down, and where we have accepted this in our own lives. I find this comes in steps as I am ready to feel more, and then deepen my purpose and commitment to love and truth from this.
A real shake up Sara – you’ve exposed some ‘skeleton in the closet’ type issues that people don’t really talk about in everyday conversations. But this is what we need to be talking about as abuse affects everyone, even if it is behind closed doors or isolated away from seeing eyes.
Thank you Sara, I have been one of those who has been inspired by the Benhayons to shine a light in my own home and after reading your blog in full I can feel how so very needed this is, an open transparency, honesty and realness AND a commitment to making love and harmony in our homes and every area of our lives.
The rewards of self-love and personal responsibility are great, not the least of which are waking up each day knowing who you are.
As I read your blog Sara I had to stop to comment half way through. I have heard of that line you speak of ‘this remains in the home’ and I can feel how many of us, including myself have done this in the past, keep the so called ‘bad’ stuff, the yelling, fights or reactions hidden from the rest of the world and instead just showed the picture of what is so called ‘good’ or perhaps in truth ‘nice’, but not necessarily true. Not to say that we have to dob ourselves in and tell the world our flaws and all the mistakes we may be making, but so long as we are being honest and working on them ourselves, then I feel we are on the way to making true changes behind those closed doors.
“Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.” The very fact that we know this goes on in families and yet we silently collude with it tells us a lot about where we are as a society in relationship to abuse. We tolerate abuse on so many levels so it is no wonder that we then struggle to call out something like cyber abuse. It is like we have conditioned ourselves to accept abuse. To do this however means we have to deny the love that we actually are. This is the beauty of the teachings of Serge Benhayon because they re-connect us back to our true nature, which is love.
‘That’s life’ ‘that’s just the way it is’ or ‘that’s just who I am’ ‘thats just my personality’ – all statements we hear way to often and yes, as you say Brendan, an avoidance of responsibility and feeling and living all that we are.
Too true Brendan. Bringing it to the light is the only way.
‘When we are boxed in, things can fester. Moments turn into days, days into a week and weeks into years. Before we know it we are living in situations that are far from supportive and far from loving and far from real. It is the festering that makes things go stale.’
Man.. this is true. Having lived in an abusive relationship when I finally bought an end to it I couldn’t believe how many years I had wasted. I also feel part of how we get stuck in such ruts is through keeping busy and not appreciating ourselves enough to allow the space to deeply feel and reflect how we are in all aspects of life.
I so agree Brendan that we cannot accept our current behaviors as representing our true nature. They are far from that. In my own life I have had to see that my hurts were driving my behavior and that the only way to change my behavior is to deal with my hurts.
“In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves” – this is so very telling that we are having to go into so much tension to be out in the world and feel accepted. Even though many may not go as far as taking it out on those closest, this on/off switch I feel is quite common.
I agree Fumiyo, I know I can relate to that on/off switch feeling, although it is much lesser nowadays. It’s a great point you make about how much tension we have to go into in order to put out these fronts or facades and the toll it takes on our health – mentally/ emotionally and physically.
It feels to me that the doors are being shut from both ways – by those who do not want to be seen, and those who do not want to see.
Time to start using our senses again! To see, listen and feel.
Great comment Fumiyo, I would agree, there are many on the outside who would close the doors for not wanting to see what is truly going on for people in the world. Either it is too much to feel, or they themselves have too much on their own plate to know how to respond.
So correct Fumiyo! It’s very much a ‘I won’t tell if you don’t’ kind of approach!
Great point Fumiyo, as long as it is not happening in my backyard I don’t want to know. A huge step away from brotherhood. We are social beings and we thrive most when we live in a caring community, knowing someone cares enough to say “are you okay” and mean it is far more powerful than we could possibly imagine.
Fumiyo how true, if we turn a blind eye to what is going on, we fool ourselves into believing that we don’t have to take any responsibility.
I love all that you have shared Sara. I can feel today the things I live with “behind closed doors”, that I can certainly be more open about and why not? I can see I have absorbed a kind of shame or judgment about not being seen to have it all together. It’s a great reminder about integrity, being the whole self all the time and not presenting parts or wear a mask. The whole self is of course, a warts and all approach!
Shut doors is symbolic of shut down our lives which is a disconnection with each other. Opening up to love in our lives, although the door is shut it actually is not. It opens easily with the love in that home which is shared and connected with others.
Karoline this is beautifully expressed. ‘Shut doors is symbolic of shut down our lives which is a disconnection with each other. Opening up to love in our lives, although the door is shut it actually is not. It opens easily with the love in that home which is shared and connected with others.’ It means that every interaction with another is more open, honest and loving without a holding back or shut down.
I agree it is a very beautifully expressed metaphor. We must all learn to open the doors, let love in and our love out and connect with each other on deeper more honest and intimate levels. That is when true healing and true magic happens.
Sarah this is a very real blog and thought provoking to simply stop and ask the question, ‘what goes on behind closed doors’. Its like those closed doors completely shut the world out and what goes on inside does not allow connection with the world for one to seek help, support and so forth if needed. Sometimes when a person or child have had to much they seek help. I work in such an industry where i see many suffering in their own homes.
Great blog about a huge topic, Sara, it needs to be talked about. It seems that the normal stance in society is that what happens behind closed doors is either ok or at least not of anyone else’s business. Knowing that everything is energy and everything is because of energy, everything matters and affects everything and everybody else.. Energetic responsibility is therefore key.
There is a lot of work to be done here in breaking down these walls and supporting others who need it. It just needs us to step out of our individual bubbles of what is ‘going on’ in our own lives and allow our eyes and hearts to truly see what is going on around us.
Well said Vicky, we all have bubbles and are shut down to what is really going on. The fact is we all feel it, we have just turned a blind eye to it.
Thank you Sara, for me this is a blog to sit with, ponder and return to. It holds a call to be responsible and better understand what it is to compartmentalise and the falsity that belies it.
What constitutes abuse at home is worth pondering, and from this a new way of caring for self and each other can emerge.
It is so true and kind of horrific that it is a social convention to keep abuse locked away within the family unit. That we are not encouraged to talk about being yelled at as a child and how this makes us feel. That we are in fact encouraged to be very protective of those who do abuse us. It’s like there is an either/or situation. As if we are taught and shown that you do not love someone if you talk about how they hurt you. But in fact, this is a great form of love, to let someone know that they are hurting people, because this hurt is in them first and needs the opportunity to be healed.
How much of the activities that transpire behind the imagined secrecy of closed doors is allowed because of our own conditioning of not wanting to know? Secrets are like the genie in the bottle, the longer they are kept bottled up… when released all is exposed.
The statistic on how many women die every week due to domestic violence is shocking. It is easy to look at these statistics and say’ well I don’t beat my wife up so this does not apply to me’ and I have certainly taken that stance in the past, however as a responsible society we need to be honest about any form of abuse that we either perform or tolerate in our private or public lives that insidiously erodes the quality of love that we hold one another in, which does allow energetically the more extreme forms of abuse, that sometimes hit the headlines, to occur.
Thanks for such a frank blog which has really led me to feel that there actually is no such thing as ‘closed doors’ if we view life from an energetic perspective. Whatever we do at home in private or in public affects the whole and compartmentalisation of life does not work.
Sara, what a punchy, sassy, no punches pulled way of illustrating the phenomenon of ‘double lives’ that society has made its norm.
Families can run on cultures of presenting an acceptable front while hiding the truth that are generations old and deeply embedded. It can be difficult for 1 or 2 individuals within a family to introduce a more transparent way of being when there are decades of hiding, performing and mask wearing behind them.
In addition to the culture of ‘hiding’ that which doesn’t paint a favourable picture, there are also cultures of allowing the evil to continue without addressing it and making excuses that allow the perpetrators and those who allow their actions to continue to carry on unchallenged.
Its so true what happens behind closed doors permeates outside of those doors by the fact that everything is energy or because of energy. We all definitely live in the same fish bowl and that is why as humanity we have to learn and master energetic responsibility , as that way one by one, house by house things can change . Sara thanks for exposing so much and also for sharing that there’s is another way and how in our comfort in hiding or festering our disregard to ourselves and others that eventually bubbles to the surface or explodes to be dealt with . The old saying rings true “You can run but you cant hide ” when it comes to our dealing with our stuff ,hurts etc.
I like your last line Greg080. Running is so exhausting, but we can keep going day after day and lifetime after lifetime, until we eventually collapse when we can’t run any more.
I agree Greg there is no hiding, energy like air is what fills the space around us. Eventually I know I’ve got to exhaustion from the running and surrendering to what I feel is becoming the choice of response more and more. It is much gentler on the body.
We can try to close a door, but we will never be able to get rid of the responsibility for what is happening behind this door.
That is the beauty of energy. Not even a closed door stops us from feeling what is there to be felt.
Very true, Tracy. A person’s actions and choices follow them and can be felt by everyone if they are open to seeing the truth of what’s there rather than what is convenient. Children often clock when what a person comes with doesn’t match the image they are putting out. When children are not honoured for this knowingness they begin to shut that knowingness down and also begin subscribing to what is convenient to see rather than what is truly there.
Tracy this is profound!
Great comment Tracy “That is the beauty of energy. Not even a closed door stops us from feeling what is there to be felt.” You hit the nail right on the head there.
‘And isn’t it true that even though we don’t see what goes on in our neighbours’ homes, we tend to be able to feel when things are not quite right?’ I walked past a car yesterday and felt an aggressive and horrible feeling. It was undeniable. It was a ‘normal’ moment of a mother dropping her children at school, I recalled the blog I had read earlier that day and then in the background heard the mother telling her children off. What was interesting for me was that I could so easily have discounted my feeling in order not to no be aware and feel what was going on in that moment as we do not like to be honest about the depth of abuse we live with, even under the umbrella of normal parenting.
Sarah this is an amazing article, we all need to look at our part in this.
I agree Denise, this is an amazing article that really calls us to being much more responsible and accountable in our own lives.
Our physical material world is a reflection of what goes on inside us. It reflects our choices over a millennia and more. I can feel in this blog a gentle push to ‘go there’ and open up what is deeply hidden yet not the truth of who we are, in our innermost. It can be a very personal exploration, yet has ramifications for the whole world and planet, because in each persons freeing the ill energy that seeks to hide and duck and weave from truth, it changes the world.
Beautiful Sara, so much goes on behind closed doors. Although I never suffered abuse or abusive substance use like you describe and many of us know goes on, I can definitely put my hands up for putting on a facade, a picture, about what my life was like, even though I felt empty at times. This was truly self abusive because I wasn’t being honest even to myself about how I really felt. Now I keep my light on!
There is a certain feeling that comes with hiding and keeping secrets. It feels awful, disgusting even, no matter what or how subtle the secret maybe. And you can feel it a mile away if you want to. The thing is, secrets feel so ugly that it is usually preferable to choose not to feel and then hide yourself behind the belief that ‘we all have a right to do whatever we want’.
Through the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, Serge Benhayon presents what true responsibility is and Sara, you present here that we carry in our bodies whatever it is we do ‘in our own time’. Just because we choose not to feel doesn’t mean it’s not there or doesn’t matter. This will be a big pill for humanity to swallow over the coming years as we reap the consequences of our collective irresponsibility.
After reading this awesome, yet painful exposure of what can happen behind closed doors, I feel the huge responsability I have in my neighbourhood to keep my lights on (energetically), discard everything that is obscure (therefore need to be kept hidden) and make my way of living inside the house about harmony and integrity. I can also feel from the distance, the magnetic pull that emanates from the way the Benhayons family live inside their homes. Thank you Sara, a great read.
Yes Luz, this article brings me to a stop moment, and look at ‘shut doors’ and that is how many of us live, we are so preoccupied with our own lives and not really connected with the world and open. Our homes are supposed to be loving safe places for us to be where we trust and as we live this we take it into the world. but for many it is not like this, there is suffering, threat, control….
Beautiful Luz, I loved reading your comment.
An awesome perspective that questions the way we live and the choices we are making. We tend to dismiss the domestic, but as you say, everything that happens within our homes is taken out into the world and is felt. I remember when my daughter was very small, maybe around 3 – we were walking along the high street and we saw a man getting off his motorbike. She screamed at the top of her lungs and I picked her up and took her somewhere more quiet. She wasn’t able to tell me what the problem was as she was too young, but I know that she felt something as there was nothing else that could have possibly made react so violently.
My home is sacred to me, I so appreciate to be able to come home and no matter what type of a day I have, when I step through the doors I can let down and and rest deeply and process my day if needed. It was not always like this but I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and his family who reflect to humanity what true family looks like.
This is beautiful MaryLouise, my home has also become a loving place, where i feel safe, warm, caring and connected. So when i leave my home i have a foundation that i come back to at the end of the day…but as you say, i too did not have a home like this…also inspired by Serge Benhayon, my door is no longer shut, it does close to keep the cold out, but it is not shut down.
Beautiful Karoline. There is a huge difference between closing the door to stay warm and shutting it down. Two very different ways of living.
I really like that Karoline: “that you are no longer shut down but you do keep the cold out.” I can vouch for that. You let me in, you know me and love me for just being me.
Growing up I knew parents who were seen as the pillars of the community, they were very active in fund raising and other community activities and every-one respected them and they were held in very high regard. Little did the community know that in the confines of their home they were belting their kids nearly half to death, having affairs and having no connection with their children at all. It shows how shut down people are to not be able to feel what is really going on and to simply take people on face value. As a child I could feel the lies every-one around me were living but stopped trusting what I was feeling because I seemed to be the only one that could see the truth of the matter
The world is feeling more and more of what is happening behind closed doors . . . and resisting that with more food, more stimulants and more numbing devices. Truth will out – our speaking out will help, our living in harmony will help – on a small scale at first but eventually everyone will get it. If we know it we can live it and express it, no excuses.
Is the ultimate “behind closed doors” the internet? The total lack of accountability, responsibility and almost zero chance of getting seen/caught, is allowing a level of abuse that is the blackest of marks on humanity.
Yes OTTO. The way so many use the Internet is nothing to be proud of.
Goodness, YES, this internet is the ultimate ‘behind closed doors’… More than ever our 6th sense of feeling does need to be engaged to ascertain what is actually going on behind the scenes…
And yet there are many who believe that the abuse that happens on the internet is exclusive to the internet. The internet is a society that we have chosen, aided and allowed. So, by definition, the abuse that occurs on-line is also happening off-line. And vice versa.
It’s a great question Otto. And what’s so interesting about the internet is that people can hide behind the screen and at the same time spew forth their abuse all over the planet, without limitation. As you say the level of abuse that comes from this is the darkest and most insidious, where one is seemingly able to avoid all responsibility. The internet has enabled abuse to go viral on a global scale…and all from the ‘comfort’ of your own home. We have brought the energy of annihilation into our lounge rooms and our bedrooms and have been given the power of mass destruction if we so choose. We are in so much illusion if we think technology has evolved us!
Powerfully expressed Sara. “The energy of annihilation” – so true and so shocking that it can be wielded with just a press of a button. It reminds me (in a not remotely good way) of those James Bond or cheesy-cold-war-genre movies where the arch baddie had a big red button he could press that would cause mass destruction. The internet has given us all a big red button – but few are treating it with the responsibility that such power demands.
‘The internet has given us all a big red button – but few are treating it with the responsibility that such power demands’ ~ as a society we need to step up and take responsibility, which involves understanding and acting on the true meaning of integrity and decency.
Yes, ‘send’ and ‘enter’ have become two very powerful words, they can either represent the big red button of destruction or immense words of healing, change, appreciation or love. The choice is in our hands.
And the ease with which these buttons can be pressed encourages and enables us to forego any iota of responsibility.
In the UK there is constantly a massive uproar about the number of CCTV cameras and how our privacy is being invaded by the state. This is so indicative of everything that Sara has presented in her blog. What is it that we are so desperate to hide? Why are we so ferociously passionate to protect our privacy? This whole furore around CCTV cameras is, to me, 100% proof that we all know exactly what we are doing and are fiercely avoiding the responsibility that CCTV cameras (physically and metaphorically) calls us to take.
I recall at some stage back a decision to stop speed cameras taking a front view shot because some big shot was in the car with someone he was not supposed to have been with and it was deemed a breach of privacy. The changing over of hundreds of speed cameras would have required major planning and costs. The only reason for it seemed to be to allow people to not have to be accountable for the occupants of their car! And I thought to myself “Really??? Is this the type of reasoning behind our ruling for things?” What you say is completely true Otto “we all know exactly what we are doing and are fiercely avoiding the responsibility we are called to take”.
Indeed Ray. Tip of iceberg stuff. We are only seeing a small portion. It’s like the abuse of minors by the clergy of the Catholic Church. Horrendous, disgusting, vile behaviour and the numbers are shocking. But we are turning away from the true horror. Most of these priests simply get re-stationed out to Africa. If they have been able to perpetrate such horrendous crimes under our noses in these supposedly well-policed and well-governed first world countries, just image the havoc that they are wreaking in Africa. And this is no big revelation. We know this.
Hello Otto and it’s really disturbing that we know this type of thing but with respect have allowed this to go on. Not only allowed it to go on but we still are yet to get to the bottom of it. Further there are people that seek to defend this and ‘leave it be’ and yet a greater number know of it’s occurence. It makes no sense that we would claim we are an ‘advanced society’ but yet we have this depth of thing still playing out. Where are we Otto? and where are we headed?
Yes I’ve often looked in others houses when passing by whether it looked/felt warm and inviting or sad and neglected you know bedragled curtains at the window and a lawn that had not been tendered for years. Understanding that behind that well tendered garden and neat and tidy house there ‘could be’ a computer in a room used for many purposes – not for its intended use! That’s all it takes. This brings up the term I’ve heard used “An Englishman’s home is his castle” Castles have very thick walls to keep the ‘enemy’ out or to contain what truly happens on the inside – no peeping?
Its very interesting where we choose to live on many levels. I spent much of my life living in a house that was detached, surrounded by garden and big hedges until I moved to where I live now which is in a terraced house with a tiny garden and my neighbours can overlook the garden. What I realised when I moved here was that all those hedges and space around me was another way of protecting myself, and keeping myself hidden away, whereas in my current house, the layers of protection are falling away and I can be seen for who I am. The next step will be to get a glass front door…! ; )
“…there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world…” Such a powerful image. Lights going on all around the globe, inspired by the Benhayon family and the absolute transparency and 24/7 dedication that they live.
It is a lovely image to see and feel. Slowly but surely the lights of all of humanity will come on and we owe so much to the love and dedication to the Benhayon family for this.
The Benhayon family is the power station supplying the inspiration for the re-igniting of these lights.
What I find amazing is that we put up these walls to block the world out and create privacy, but if everything is energy, everything can be felt and therefore everything will effect us regardless of if we can see it or not. We have, if we choose, the ability to read all and every situation, so we might go to a certain place and it won’t feel great, or we know something about someone before they have even said anything – it is all to do with how aware we choose to be. Putting up walls and creating privacy is another way we try to dull our awareness when in truth this cannot be done.There is always someone who will be able to feel exactly what is going on, as we are all connected to each other anyway.
The Netherlands are known for not having curtains in front of their windows, quite different to Germany, so that you can look into their living rooms while passing by on the street. I remember how surprised I was when I saw this first as a teenager as it was so different to the ‘privacy at home’ I assumed to be normal. Not that curtains or no curtains are the point here raised by Sara but it is somehow symbolic of how open one feels to be seen in their private settings. As much as I appreciate my privacy at home as also I wouldn´t want everyone´s ‘energy’ (opinion, judgement, thoughts, curiosity…) to invade my space by them looking etc, but nevertheless it is a great way of living to be open to be seen any time for who I am without a need to pretend.
This blog speaks powerfully to each one of us and asks us to reflect on how we live when doors close behind us. What changes when the door closes, how transparent are we. The Benhayon family are a truly loving family and inspired me to be the same within my own family. How can I speak of universal love and brotherhood and not express it unconditionally.
Transparency is key and my first responsibility on this is with myself… I am amazed how much I still try and deceive myself about how things really are. The more honest I am prepared to be, the less encumbered my days are. There are some uncomfy revelations, but the ‘outing’ of them stops them being in control.
When we stop hiding behind closed doors and allow our love to be seen and felt so many new doors open. Love is like the key to the grandness of the world that for so long has been held firmly hidden under lock and key.
Sara, I love what you have shared here, it is an interesting question to consider how life would be if there were no walls or doors, perhaps then we would be forced to take more responsibility for the way we are when we are ‘out of sight’. It’s strange isn’t it that we feel it’s OK to get angry with the one’s we love most at home, but we wouldn’t dream of doing this when out or at least we save our most explosive moments for when it cannot be witnessed by another believing that it will not be felt or know if it cannot be seen.
Some years ago I had firsthand experience of what goes on behind some closed doors in my role as “house mother” at the residence used by the local Women’s Refuge. I was continually shocked and saddened by the stories that were shared with me by the women in my care, but sadly so many of them returned back behind those doors after leaving the house. This was, I felt, because the doors in their homes were not the only doors that they were hiding behind, but also their inner doors; the doors of no self worth, no self confidence, and no, or very little trust in anyone: so they went back to what they knew, what was familiar, because to make the choice to change the way they were living was just too hard and in most cases, too scary.
Yes, how often do we return to choices or situations that are abusive to ourselves on some level. It is not always easy to make true changes in our lives and it can be challenging to face what and why we have chosen what doesn’t support us and respond to what we are being called to do. Saying no to our own self abuse will begin to change the cycle of abuse.
Throughout history there have been communities that have engendered this deep transparency, so as to shine the light of openness into everyone’s hearts…. And again another vessel of re-connection comes around and we will hold this light until it is simply too bright to ignore or disregard
And what the Benhayon family are impeccable about is that they will gladly subject themselves to energetic scrutiny looking for any disparities with what they say and what they do…and they can do this because their integrity is deep and profound and totally inspiring.
We are talking here about a kind of privacy which is no privacy at all. If persons are abused by family members behind closed doors, it is crime in the same way as it is a crime to be abused by a stranger. These vile acts affect the whole society and it does not matter if there is a door between or not.
“And they live like this because there is nothing to hide and there are no secrets to bury and they have so much to share.” I feel very much that if you try to hide something, then you know it is not of complete truth and there is a reason why you do not want to let the world see it. The Benhayons do not live like this – they are indeed very open, warmhearted and loving to people. They share the love they live in their family with the world.
Yes, nothing is truly hidden if we allow ourselves to feel.
Yes Victoria, and our bodies hold the tension, and in the end reveal everything that is ‘hidden’ .
Absolutely Victoria, and equally important to trust our feelings so we can act accordingly when it is needed and not afterwards when something happens and we say “I knew that ..” Connection to our bodies is super important to allow this to happen.
I agree Francisco, responding and letting our bodies lead the way as we are feeling it.. as after the event we are really just confirming to ourselves what we knew all along and didn’t listen to.
To allow ourselves to truly feel what you have presented Sara is devastating, but it is what is going on. When we begin to look behind our own closed doors and build connection and true relationship with ourselves and those in our lives our walls become transparent and the light can shine through. It is an illusion to think we are hiding anything as energy never lies and we all feel it.
What you share here is super powerful Sara – what goes on behind closed doors is indeed a double life and shows the number of hats we can wear whilst trying to deceive ourselves. How we are at home should be no different to how we are outside in the world – if it is different then it is time to ask what we are hiding or what we are hiding from…something to ponder on for all of us, because we can always refine and bring more love to the way we live.
Thank you Sara, this blog really brings home the fact of our responsibility in being love in all that we do. Reading your blog, I could feel how the abuse that we allow in our lives, no matter how small it may seem, is still abuse. That abuse is then the same as the abuse that looks extreme such as pornography, drug abuse, domestic violence etc. its all abuse; its all the same. This is the bigger picture. We are all connected and everything we do effects everyone. It also made me feel the joy of making loving choices and taking those to everyone. I have definitely lived in a way where I relied on those four walls to keep me safe, but now see that it is not safe to hide and abuse behind doors. It is very freeing to feel that there is a way to live where we don’t have to live in a prison of privacy but instead can live and be the same wherever we are, without the need to hide and hodl back our love and natural expression.
Thank you for this powerful sharing, Sara. I had a deep revelation lately where I was able to feel and see how much impact my actions have on another person. Sometimes the actions where I am not totally clear myself I can see the outcome in another and then am able to feel the truth.
Thank you Sara and Jane, I agree, the consistency of the Students of The Livingness is profound! As a loving responsibility the Livingness has become a “love that they, and all of us, already are.”
There is enormous freedom and authenticity in being just one and the same person – the real me – with everyone all of the time, a blessing for oneself and everyone else.
Indeed Alex, a blessing for us all
Absolutely Alex and it is far less exhausting to live in this way!
Do we have the doors to ourselves hinged to only open one way or do we keep them closed, in protection. The title of your blog made me consider how much, or how little, the doors of who we are, are either wide open or measured. Do we peek around the door to see if it is safe to come out or do we hide because of what we think is on the other side might hurt us. What if what we think is there may not be true and it is only our minds that restrain the immense love that is waiting to come out and play.
Love what you are saying here Matthew. It is not only the door between our private and public life that we are talking about here, it is the doors that we have opened or closed or somewhere in between, to everyone that we meet in a day. It seems to me that if we truly examine how far open we are prepared to be with each other, and how much love we are prepared to express, then we will start to get to the bottom of what feeds abusive behaviour in all its forms.
Holding the consistency and steadiness of Love inside our hearts wherever we are makes no difference then whether doors are open or closed. Wherever we are, we reflect light, so let’s switch those lights on in our homes as shown by the example of the Benhayon family.
abuse that goes on within our relationships, with ourselves, and with everyone is a collective responsibility to address.. abuse thrives on isolation, separation, growing in the shadows and growing ever stronger by the lack of willingness for witnesses and victims to speak up. It may seem out of control, but really it is only a few simple choices away for each and every one of us to make, that will expose the evil of abuse in all its forms.
Well said Marika. Energetic responsibility is something we all need to wake up to. We just can’t carry on conveniently closing our eyes to the fact that everything can be felt. We’re deluded when we believe and act as though certain behaviours can remain unseen if we choose. No wonder the majority of us are exhausted when you consider how draining it is living in such an unnatural way.
Sara, you expose very clearly a way of living that is regarded as ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ in our society and yet it’s destroying us. It feels like it’s become much harder to hide the rot because try as we might to hide how we are living, more and more is coming to light. To turn the tide we need to start by being honest with ourselves about what’s going on behind our closed doors. In being honest with ourselves we would then become more open and honest with others. And when we begin to grasp the fact that nothing is really hidden because we carry the quality of our energy with us everywhere, only then will we begin to see the walls come down and feel the responsibility we all have in living in an open and transparent way.
I know this one “No matter how good we make things look on the outside, sooner or later a loveless relationship will be exposed or a loveless body will get sick or a devastating ‘stop’ will be waiting around the corner . . .”. Living a life in parts does not work. I am learning to live the same I am at home, at work and outside of my home. The fact is I am super-delicate and the more I accept and understand this myself the more others will accept you where ever you are. Its not the fact am I good enough? How much do you want to show the world who you are in full and not in parts…
The huge inspiration of Serge Benhayon and his family and all that is inspired by them is proof of the power and life enhancing benefits of living transparently as they do.
“On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well.” Reading this statistic we have as a society to sit down and ask ourselves what is really happening here and why. Why have we allowed this to go on for so long and not march in the streets until we find a true and lasting answer to this problem? This blog goes a long way in uncovering what lies underneath the issue. We all have a part to play in dealing with abuse of all kinds.
Absolutely Elizabeth. I agree. How have we let it go so far that abuse is rife, horrific and yet not our priority to address together as a society.
Most of us go through life thinking “its not my problem”, but Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have brought true responsibility out of the closet.
When you actually consider what this blog is asking us to do by looking at how we have accepted so much of what goes on behind closed doors, and to the extent we have allowed the abusive behaviour to continue, is horrific. It’s very much the mentality that if you can’t see it then it’s not happening, pretty much in the same way we treat our bodies. If it looks ok on the outside, then everything must be ok. This also high-lights the extent of how we can lie to ourselves and still think we are doing alright.
I actually think though Julie it is getting worse and even when we CAN see it it is being ignored. One huge example I can think of here is bullying in schools so many times I have heard a young person say that teachers turn a blind eye and do nothing about it. So naturally the young people think we’ll if people who are supposed to care don’t then that’s it, nothing can be done. Which is both shocking and sad. It is up to all of us to change this.
Living a double life may sound like an expansion (you do not have one but two!), but in truth is a reduction since in truth it is a way to avoid standing on who you are in full.
The amount of abuse that goes on behind closed doors is a clear sign that homes are not places of repose. If home is supposed to be a place of repose (and it is not), it is not too hard to conclude that there are many people in this world that live in absolute desolation since they do not have any relation with repose -confirmation of what you really are.
Beautifully said Eduardo.
Absolutely Eduardo, we have made our homes places where we can switch off and find relief in many forms even if it includes abusing ourselves and others when in truth our homes are for us to confirm the love and harmony within us all.
There are (at least) two things at play here: one is the fact that we can hide behind close doors and the other is that we choose not to feel into what happens behind close doors. A recent anecdote. Recently in Germany, I was riding in a car passing through a small town when I realised that I could feel the energy of house after house. Fascinating to feel. So, we can all feel if we allow ourselves to go there. Imagine all allowing us to feel. In that case, the walls will not serve any longer to isolate what happens behind close walls. So, what is first and foremost? Closed walls or our choice not to feel?
Very true Eduardo if we allow ourselves to truly feel all what is going on and not react or absorb it; this is one way to bring the walls down, that and to not tolerate abuse. As someone recently shared to not stand up to abuse is to allow it to happen. Sara, I loved what you shared here and it is so true ‘And while the world carries on behind their closed doors, there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world. No more hiding behind closed doors and no more burying the love that they, and all of us, already are.’ It is great to feel and see that there is a true change happening.
I agree Eduardo, we can all feel what is going on behind closed doors if we choose to, but we DO NOT chose to because then we would have to take responsibility for what we know is going on.
And that is what stops us from feeling everything – the responsibility. A situation comes to me first hand that I know about and what to do about it. I know that they know that I know, and so it’s a lie to engage and play happy neighbours with this huge elephant in the room.
Yes the elephant in the room needs to be called out for exactly what it is.
I’m glad you raise this topic to be talked about Sara. There are so many things going on that are not right that only gets our attention when it’s too late. The home should be transparent in the sense that not ever should it be used to hide behaviours that are not loving and respectful.
Great comment Matts “The home should be transparent”. It makes me realise that true family is about letting people in, being honest, open, supportive, real. I am realising now that the more I focus on living these qualities, the less barriers I need between me and the world and the easier it is to invite people into my home in the knowing I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
True Matts, and these behaviours may be somewhat ‘hidden’ as far as the eye can see but they are certainly still apart of the everything that we are all a part of. Our 4 walls are an illusion keeping us in the thinking that we have separate lives…but we don’t. We cannot escape the fact that we are all connected and all that we do is there for all. We are simply delaying what is inevitable – being together in true brotherhood once more.
When I wrote my comment Sara I was close to suggesting us imagining living in a house made of glass, then we would definitely be more aware of how we went about our lives. When I think of that I know that I still use my walls to hide behind but I’m getting more and more comfortable actually to live with integrity because as you say even though the walls are there and we think no one can see what goes on inside those walls it can still be felt. I think we can all relate to how some houses just don’t feel right. They feel heavy or dark and this is something we should hold on to, honour and cherish, this ability to feel what is going on. Afterwards when it’s too late we might say, yes I had a feeling something wasn’t right…
Yes, when we speak up about what we are feeling it shines more light on what’s being hidden…
I agree Matts – privacy is not meant to be used to disguise abuse
So true Marika, we interact with our hurts and conceal all with a smile, and in doing so don’t offer a clear loving reflection to another as an offering to clear theirs.
Marika this hits home for me today, I saw someone who didn’t look great that I know. I was not sure what was up with them and in that situation didn’t ask. Yet a few days later something occurred that might have been prevented had I expressed what I felt. It shows the fact that we can feel what goes on behind closed doors as we walk out with that energy or effect still there – even if we try and cover it up. Yet why should we feel we have to cover up what happens in our homes?
It makes me wonder David and Marika what we are avoiding in not opening up the conversation and asking whether or not someone is ok. Do we feel we’re too busy and don’t want to become involved and add another thing into our lives; are we worried about a confrontation, or is it possible we don’t want to ask because of what it could bring up for us – the hurt and sadness that we don’t want to feel?
What a powerful blog Sara, it has me processing and feeling how much we turn a blind eye and how we are taught to do so from an early age. Stay out of other people’s business is what I remember being told.
So true Kim – I must admit, that in the past I chose to be in the victim role and I was not committing to life at all. Everything in my life was about my problems. Since I could free myself from the victim role, I’m now able to see and feel the world around me and it is time for me to open my eyes for everything in the world. And to open my mouth, when something is not right. I can’t look away any more, it is time for me to act as well.
That’s a big turn around Alex, I too am slowing finding my voice in places where I kept it in the dark. I’m also learning to accept that the dark bites back when I don’t express in my solid full self.
In true brotherhood there are no walls. As we start to live with more transparency and in love as the Benhayon’s do, over time the walls will crumble and we will live in harmony together as family.
Beautifully said Donna, ….. until that time I feel it’s our collective responsibility to look after each other and ask if someone is ok if we feel there may be something going on for them.
Behind closed doors becomes acceptable only from closed minds that grows out of closed hearts. This is a life cycle that becomes a spiral. With love the cycle can only expand and nothing is ever un-felt even behind closed doors.
Very true Steve. It is not the door that is the problem it is when we close our minds and hearts off to what is really going on around us. “Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.” Closing down our hearts and shutting out love is what allows the abuse to continue as if nothing has happened.
Yes Alison, It becomes the dirty little secret… that everyone knows but never does anything about it.
Steve – this is spot on and superbly expressed. And as you have so eruditely explained, if we thus reverse that spiral, open up our hearts, the the doors will open too. I know this to be absolutely true.
I love this Steve. The closed doors we need to deal with are the ones inside us. The door to our heart is shut and barricaded against the challenges of life…I see the Maxwell Smart doors – one slamming closed after another, imaging we are preventing ourselves from being hurt, keeping safe…when all the while we are shutting the doors against who we are in all of its sensitivity.
True Steve. We cannot shut out any part of humanity or the world. Walls and doors are merely an excuse to not acknowledge what is already felt.
What a huge ouch that is Kylie, refusing to accept the truth that we feel and pretending it will just go away if we ignore it.
This is so spot on Kylie and Steve. And I feel that there is something more to it. In that actually the more we close the doors, pretending we can’t feel, the more it actually freaks us out, so the more we react. As you say, a closed door doesn’t stop us feeling. It’s kinda like a horror movie. It’s actually much scarier closing the door on the bogeyman when you (and the audience) know that they can walk right through that door. The futile act of closing the door actually makes the bogeyman even more powerful and scary.
Well said Kylie and Steve.
We believe we are playing the upper hand and protecting our chosen position yet the walls and vaults isolate us from others and draw us further away from our true home.
That is not smart – maxwell or otherwise.
Absolutely Steve. It takes a closed mind to observe what is occurring behind closed doors and turn the other way, or even the other cheek.
Very well put Susie Williams.
Is the world getting worse or do we just hear about more due to the internet and social media? Probably both! The only thing we can do is live the love that we know we are and keep everything transparent so we can be a reflection for others to show that there is no room for domestic violence or any other sort of abuse. All this abuse comes from hurts that are not dealt with, so people need to know that there is help out there and there is another way. The way of the Livingness.
that is so true kevmchardy, it is undealt with hurts and unwillingness to deal with them, that leads to so much drive to be controlling of others, and so more abuse and violence and threat. which hurts the abuser equally even if they don’t realise it. it is a crazy way for the world to be heading, – the pain never lessens through enacting violence and abuse – only escalates. but it doesn’t have to be this way and it is through true healing that true freedom from pain is possible.
Once we have been shown love, like I know I have with Universal Medicine, then you are correct Kevin, we have a responsibility to live this love so that others can see that hurts can be healed and love can be lived.
And to live the Love we are brings unfathomable joy – a blessing to Humanity and return for all that we have been blessed with and by.
Absolutely kevmchardy. So it is not just about opening our doors – but also walking through them out in to the world.
So walking back through the doors and back through our hurts…this we can delay but we cannot avoid.
Great comments, all. It is so vital that we not only call out the travesty of the abuse that we are living with in our midst, but that we go and live the truth that we have called for. For that is how the world changes, by heeding the call of action from the truth we know.
Agreed Kevin, it is our responsibility to live the love that we know we all are and appreciate and confirm the power of our reflection at all times.
By choosing to hide some parts of us from the public, we choose to separate. Even to share our imperfection is worth doing – there is support around us and we will see as soon we choose to be apart of the whole.
Sharing our imperfections is SO worth doing, well said Sandra. When we do it, is an open invitation for others to come out from behind their facades and get real. When we don’t we perpetuate the ‘permission’ to live behind closed doors. The separation is killing us.
Your contribution Matilda brought me again to the realization that to share our imperfections shows others that they and their skills are needed as well. Just all together we become complete.
So true Matilda, through sharing our so called failings or the areas in our lives that are not going so well it gives another the opportunity to be honest and real about what is going on in their lives and from that there is a healing and a connection that is deeply felt.
I love what you are sharing here, Matilda. Sharing our imperfections makes us vulnerable and exposes the pain so staying behind closed doors seems to be an “easy” solution as we then don’t need to face this pain and hurt. But this separation is killing us, physically and energetically as we need so many more lifetimes to clear it.
This is a very important point I feel Sandra. A willingness to be utterly honest and show our brothers everything – warts and all. That openness, fragility and honesty is a huge, huge inspiration to others.
Yes Ottobathurst, and it welcomes vulnerability which keeps our hearts open with each other.
Honesty has such a disarming effect 🙂 – Even I loved it always, I did not really practice it in all aspects of my live I have to say honestly 😉 . And by practicing more, I just start to see the power in it.
I agree ottobathurst, being very real and honest with others – the ‘keeping up appearances’ to make other people think we have it all together is exhausting.
True Sandra and Otto. Living the pretence and dishonesty of assumed perfectionism rather than the naked truth can be smelt a mile off. The deception breeds distrust in humanity and buries our hurts and issues deeper.
Yes agree, when we allow ourselves to be seen in our real-ness it allows others to let down their guards also and at true connection can be made.
Victoria – you are referring to the ripple effect of all of this that I have experienced a number of times. I notice it with my kids, my partner, with other women and, very potently, with other men. Both from me, when it is me being honest…and to me, when it is others being honest. Though in truth I’m not sure there is really a ‘direction of travel’ with this! It seems to me that once the expression of honesty and tenderness is in a relationship or moment, then it can inspire either, equally, to go deeper. It’s simply a question of whether we allow it because, without question it is our truth.
“On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well.” These statistics are really staggering when I consider this and feel what this means.
It is staggering Lieke, and this is only 1 of many statistics. Someone we allow ourselves to believe that we can do whatever we want behind closed doors and then walk out a fresh as if nothing has happened. But because everything is energy and everything can be felt, what we do in one moment directly affects the next moment and so how we are at home affects how we are outside of the home and vice versa – there is no getting away from this fact.
Yes it is shocking Lieke and James, and we ignore it or put it at a safe distance away from us so we don’t have to feel what is really going on in the world. We lie in the illusion that so long as this doesn’t affect us directly, or is behind a closed door we don’t have to enter “it’s none of our business”. But the truth is we’re all affected by it and if we truly stop and feel as you suggest Lieke, we begin to understand how unreal and untrue our world is. And it’s not about knocking down all those doors necessarily, but about asking in ourselves where we act in ways that is one thing behind a closed and another elsewhere, where we tolerate abuse in some way shape or form in our own lives as we cannot truly call out and see that abuse elsewhere if we are not willing to see our own part in it. There is no distinction and everything we do affects everything, and we do innately understand this which is why we are uncomfortable with the statistics such as those presented here, we can feel when things are not quite right and even though we may not know the specifics we do know there is something amiss behind closed doors, and we also know others can tell when we too are playing that game.
Well said Monica – everything we have lived up to the point in meeting someone can be felt. But do we want to live with this level of energetic responsibility? I know I can say I do but at the moment only to a certain extent as I still like to have my out moments which exhaust me! Even though I know this it is a learning for me to see that I am needed in my fullness in every moment because of the responsibility we each carry to bring our light to the world.
James, you’ve hit on the key here, how willing are we to be energetically responsible and how far are we prepared to take that? I know I have places where I’d rather not go, where I want to take a break to stop life and the world to suit me and my rhythm, and it begs the question for me today as I read this why would I want to be less than the fullness I am? What exactly do I get from being less than that fullness and we all know when that is needed. One for me to consider today – thanks James for asking that question.
Thank you Monica, it is a great question to ask…why would we want to choose to be anything less than the love that we are? It makes no sense whatsoever. I have found the more I commit to love the easier it is to choose love. And conversely when I allow myself to get in a rut things seem to spiral quite quickly and it can feel hard at these times to come back to making loving choices. However, it is definitely worth living as lovingly as possible. It is also a lot less exhausting!
If we’re behaving one way in the light of day, amongst our neighbours, then retreating to the privacy of our homes to behave in a different way, we already know that what we’re doing is ‘wrong’ or we wouldn’t be seeking privacy to do it in. However, as you say James, as everything is energy and energy can be felt, our actions do not go unnoticed. The more we allow ourselves to live with absolute transparency, this offers a true reflection for others to feel and for anyone in an abusive situation, it’s a marker to show that there is another way to live, which may be enough for them to make different choices in their own life.
And that is key Alison, that we offer people a reflection of the way live can be, so they have the opportunity to make a different more loving choice.
I love what you have expressed James regarding the power of reflection.
Our ultimate responsibility to reflect all that we are by divine design.
To reflect less than heaven is to live a lie and to invite others to propagate it.
I agree Deborah – it brings with a huge sense of responsibility as well, knowing that everything we do, every choice we make effects others.
It is tragic yes, and why are we not looking a little deeper at what has separated us from ourselves to the extent that both men and women can act in such devastating ways with each other? Any abuse in our own lives is adding to the collective abuse we see around us and we all have a responsibility to clean up our patch.
To live it outwardly, we firstly have abused within. This is clearly showing us as Humanity that we are in trouble, we are not coping, we are not dealing with our hurts and the tension of life and a call to change our ways and to choose otherwise.
The cycle is guaranteed by the repetition of our same choices.
…and it is empowering to know that we do have a choice and the quality of our choices creates the world we live in.
Yes Victoria and that is a very important fact you present Deborah. “To live it outwardly, we firstly have abused within.” I notice I can sometimes lash a bit out to others, not as extreme but it is still unloving. Instead of trying to figure out why I did that or not liking myself for that is to take deep care as in asking myself where I abused myself within. Like how were my thoughts about myself, how did I look at myself in the mirror or how did I move and hold my body?
Yes, these statistics are confronting. Yesterday I heard about women committing murder as young as 18, and the number of women committing this crime is increasing because they are under the influence of ICE, a drug. Once the women come off or dow from the drug they cannot even remember what it is they have done and yet the consequences is a 15 year prison sentence. What goes on behind closed doors can literally be soul destroying for people and their families.
I rarely stop and feel into what these statistics mean, that from a so called intimate and loving relationship or close friendship that ‘on average, every week a women in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well’. This statistic is from just one country where domestic violence is deemed unacceptable. I feel the global crimes committed in circumstances of domestic violence would be so shocking if we knew what the true figures were as so much goes unreported.
I can relate Fiona, sometime I just skim over the statistics and am ‘Oh yeah that is a lot’ but not really feeling and taking in what that means. If I do there is no way of thinking life is ok as this show there is definitely something wrong with the way we are living as an society in this moment to have these statistics. Plus as you say so rightly, a lot goes unreported in this area and the numbers will in reality be even more staggering.
I avoided actually doing the maths in my head when I read this… and the consideration that the death is going to be the end of a long road of abuse and suffering – and this is just Australia. Let’s not go on pretending we are advancing and evolving when our ground level quality of human relationships is so off.
Well said Matilda: “Let’s not go on pretending we are advancing and evolving when our ground level quality of human relationships is so off.” Building higher and better buildings is great but it is nothing without people truly living in loving relationships within them.
Yes Matilda, ‘let’s not go on pretending we are advancing when our ground level relationships are so off’ we need to start having honest conversations about what is going on and why we seem to prioritise the material components and do not focus on what will bring us true joy in connection and brotherhood.
The power of relationship is never to be underestimated Lieke and Matilda.
A truly loving relationship that grows each other cannot but expand to touch all others by it’s joy and warmth.
It is staggering Lieke – that women is someone’s neighbour, daughter, sister, friend and/or colleague. That’s 365 women every year just in Australia killed by a partner or someone she knows. I was raised to be aware of the dangers outside the home, but what about those at home by loved ones?
I agree Lieke it is truly shocking and I wonder how many woman, children and men are left battered, bruised and traumatised by their abusers.
Yes me too, it is like these are the statistics but the real numbers may be way higher than this because a lot of this is going on ‘behind closed doors’.
So true Lieke,
Shark attacks make the front page of the news and we spend how much on trying to find a solution? Car crashes make the front page of the news. Football players make front page of the news.
Yet they staggering statistic is what is really going on. We are in complete denial of the true state of our society.
I know, and that is such a great point that I actually had not even though of before I read your comment! I am so used to the news being about those things you wrote down and it is a reflection of where we are at as a humanity. What do we really want to see? I can see this is where true journalism can come in and break the denial and comfort and give us all at least the opportunity to choose to see what is going on.
I do wonder all the time about what goes on behind closed doors. When I am on the train whizzing past house after house I consider all the humanity that is out there. We are living with mad contradictions. On the one hand I feel everyone’s desire to live alongside each other in loving relationships. On the other we are so off the mark of taking responsibility for ourselves that we end up in conflict and struggle with others. Then pride gets in the way and we have a private reality versus public face situation. Living responsibly and with integrity means we can be free of this duality – as evidenced by the Benhayon family and other students of Universal Medicine.
I agree Matilda – the conflict between the separation we live and the connection we all want to feel – as evidenced by the global adoration of social media sites – indicative of people’s desire to connect – yet also indicative of their lack of true connection (thus seeking this lesser form).
Yes Otto – the half-hearted connection, the pseudo- connection…connecting when you are in fact not connecting at all. We can know a person through social media and yet not truly know them at all. It can easily become a meshing of roles and pictures and adorning the mask of cyber-protection should we so choose this.
Marika – your comment struck a chord with me this morning. Your analogy of hiding in our boxes reminds me of an upset child who hides, but actually is desperate for someone to find them and give them a huge cuddle. We all want that – that true connection.
That you Matilda for raising this ‘…we have a private reality versus public face situation. Living responsibly and with integrity means we can be free of this duality…’ That each and every person deep down wants to be part of everyone’s lives, open, clear and connected it is deeply sad that we have to literally stick on another mask to walk outside and go about the world for our eight hours work, school etc. and then come home take the mask off and back to life…back to reality as some one once sung. Choosing responsibility is the key.
If the walls and doors all came down overnight most of us would die of a broken heart.
Oh Alexis, this is so true, I can feel the pain of what we’d see.
No doubt it is devastating to feel as it is so very unnatural for us to live in this way. The fact that we don’t want to feel the extent of the devastation is what keeps us all stuck in this cycle. If all our walls and doors were removed and we fully met the abuses of our own making we would act and do something about it. It is an illusion to think that what happens over there somewhere is not affecting all of us. Earth is one grand home we are sharing and we all have a responsibility to live in a quality that supports us all.
So true Victoria. The truth is that we all sense what takes place behind the walls, but ignorantly choose to not see it, because it is far more comfortable to believe that it does not affect us, and that we are not responsible in every choice we make to perpetuate abuse, or expose and extinguish it.
I think we do not do something about what we know is going on behind closed doors because we don’t want to face what we would have to do, so we pretend we do not know how to help. The thing that I have learned from Serge Benhayon is that changing the way of the world all starts with us changing as individuals. I have seen that as one by one the students of Universal Medicine chose to stop participating in loveless actions they then inspired others to as well and suddenly there are several thousand people whose doors are flung open for there is no longer anything to hide, for they are unconditionally seeking truth and love. And those thousands bit by bit inspire others to unlock their doors and fling them open for all to see the amazing people they are.
True Victoria – such is the elaboration of delay that we adopt to dress the abuse as other than what it is in truth, to put up some walls and create distance if not close it out all together so we believe and we not unlike the children who put their hands over their eyes and say ‘you can’t see me anymore”…who are we really fooling that we believe that others cannot feel, sense or smell the abuse that we live behind our doors. We are all of the same source and immeasurable wisdom regardless of the tune we play ourselves.
I feel that this is very true Alexis.
What if it healed our hearts Alexis – what if our hearts are in fact broken by the tension of what we feel that our eyes do not see? What if, in that moment of honesty we could at last acknowledge the impolite awareness, suppressed as it is beneath the polite, socially condoned niceties?
Just wondering…..
I would agree with this Rachel, being honest and looking at the abuse around and within us is a great healer, not only for ourselves but others as it shows that we don’t have to shut down to the ugly and that there is a way out of it. Such is what I have learnt over the years of knowing Serge and his family.
From experience I can attest that the tension of hiding the ‘unbearable’ truth from others is far, far greater than letting go and saying yes to healing my hurts and changing the way I live, Changing what I say yes or no to.
A great point Rachel…denying what we can all feel, but choose to not see is enormous and is the creator of much tension. By admitting there is a problem is the first step to healing it. We live in society not acknowledging what is really going on… choosing to be blind and dumb to what we feel in every cell in every moment.
This hurts us, more than we ever acknowledge to ourselves and each other. We learn to accommodate the gap between the evidence of our eyes and the richly felt truth known and signalled by every other cell in our bodies. This is a great injury to our hearts. Especially when it goes unexpressed, uncommunicated and unacknowledged.
A moment of great clarity and a reminder of Heaven no less. To see a single person living in a way that is true and honouring of all that is rife amongst us – to be honest about the misery that many settle for and the harm to us all and to name it so, without watering down, sugar-coating it or adorning a mask, facade and societal politeness. Let us get real and return our communities to Love – the only true marker.
Absolutely Rachel, the tension we create as we hold back everything is immense, as we feel everything, yet deny it at the same time.
It is an unbearable tension, that bubbles underneath the surface. This tension breaks out into the open when we see the news story about the good person who is exposed as a criminal/paedophile/sexual predator. We are shocked and outraged….but are we really? Are we shocked with them? Or are we shocked with ourselves and the fact that we have been ignoring our feelings about them?
That is heartbreaking in itself Alexis!
Wow Alexis, a show stopping statement and makes sense why the walls are up. Deliberately so, so we do not have to see even though deep down we know. Perception really is a cruel thing, we go along pretending like all is okay when really we are all dying of broken hearts because we are not living in the fullness of who and what we are.
It can feel this way I agree Alexis, to feel in full the extent to which we have lost ourselves as a one humanity. OR, it can inspire us to live even more lovingly and bring that to all around us. I tend to go for the latter option.
If we could truly see what goes on behind closed doors it would paint a very disturbing picture of the reality all around us. It is however beautiful to see those who have been inspired to live what is possible and show others a different way to live that requires no hiding.
Yes I think you are right Samantha, how many times are we aware of what is happening behind closed doors but because the doors are closed, turn a blind eye. If they were all opened, it would be very disturbing indeed… to our own comfortable lives where such things seemingly don’t need to be taken responsibility for, let alone addressed.
Yes Jenny and Samantha, it is wise to see the disquiet, corruption and widespread tension that is thick around us for what it is. We may choose to ignore it is there or close our eyes but surely choke all too frequently on it’s fumes.
Yes too true Deborah, the craziest thing about that is we rarely attribute the fumes we choke on all too regularly, with the choice to remain quiet about the things we see and know are not right. Making the connection requires a level of responsibility few are willing to accept. Far easier to subscribe to chance, fate, destiny, bad luck or ‘that’s life’!
It makes for a great story and further distraction from a distasteful Truth we are unwilling to palate.
Yes Jane, it’s also a rare person who’d say they are dishonest about what’s going on at face value behind their own closed doors, but if we allowed ourselves the honesty of what energetic integrity, energetic responsibility and what true love really means, I suspect you would be pretty spot on.
Yes Jenny “how many times are we aware of what is happening behind closed doors but because the doors are closed, turn a blind eye”. We do tend to have a sense of how the other people are feeling about and engaging with life, without needing to know the specifics. The closed doors in their many forms: keeping ourself hidden in our environment, keeping ourself separate in relationships, and social ideals and beliefs that keep us isolated from one another and tell us to not go there, and our own choice to buy into all of that, give us a perfect excuse to stay in “our own comfortable lives where such things seemingly don’t need to be taken responsibility for, let alone addressed.”
That it would Sammy… very disturbing indeed. The thing is, as highlighted in the article and in many of the comments – we actually do all feel it… if we fully open ourselves to feel what is going on – the ‘grot’ – aka all the things we try to hide – is actually everywhere, to be seen and felt.
Agree with everyone here, it is amazing the number of sayings we come up with to justify our lack of responsibility for what goes on for others, “stick to your own kind”, “blood is thicker than water”, “family comes first”, “don’t mess with other people’s business” and so on and so on. Any number of beliefs that make us feel okay to ignore the mess in the world.
“If we could truly see what goes on behind closed doors it would paint a very disturbing picture of the reality all around us.” This is true Samantha and as a result I spent most of my life carving out a bubble so that I would numb my reactions and what I was feeling and push it to one side. I am learning to open up and feel what is going on without taking it on and becoming more of an observer. The reality is quite stark, but I now have an absolute understanding that we are the creators of our own messes and when ready we have the choice to choose otherwise. It is impossible to fix another as much as we wish to. For myself I can see how selfish that is because my motivation is not for the other person, but to stop the discomfort in myself at seeing another’s hurt… if that makes sense? Accepting the reality of life seems key.
Very true Samantha, it is beautiful and inspiring also as it reminds us too of how it can be if we choose it.
I too have experienced how Serge Benhayon is completely open and has no closed doors at all. Through witnessing the completely loving way he consistently lives I have discovered that really there is no such thing as closed doors – it is an illusion. If we allow ourselves to be aware we can all feel everything that is going on all the time. Mostly we choose not to be aware of what we have felt because we don’t like it and don’t know how to handle it. Through meeting a person (Serge Benhayon) who did not have anything going on at any level other than love it allowed me to feel safe to open up on a much deeper level to connecting to my feelings ans awareness. I have since discovered that the best protection is to actually be fully aware of what I feel because that allows me to observe and understand what is going on and not react to it or absorb it. I don’t manage this all the time but I find it to be a very liberating way to live. Choosing to not be aware of what is going on behind the illusion of closed door is putting myself into that same prison and also highly irresponsible.
The above also applies to our thoughts. We have the illusion that we can escape into the privacy of our minds and whilst saying nice words have not such nice thoughts. However, this is not the case – we can all feel what is truly going on with a person. We are all aware that a person may be angry whilst smiling for example. We are as aware as we allow ourselves to be.
‘We are as aware as we allow ourselves to be.’ Absolutely Nicola Lessing. And the responsibility for what is happening anywhere in the world lies solely at our feet, every one of us. This is what we shy away from or choose to ignore.
Purity of thought is not about perfection or being ‘good’ but based in true integrity and honesty.
Totally true Nicola. I found myself in the car the other day so angry at someone for pulling out in front of me. I was furious and sat behind that person on the freeway with my mind in full swing at them. When I realised what my ‘mind was saying’ it was actually very sad and confusing that I would have such violence towards someone coming from me. I had to really stop and calm down. We are all people. We are all here together. No one should ever have to have anything like that sent toward them – even from the imagined isolation of the inside of a motor vehicle. Why would I think that they would not be feeling that? Of course we can feel it. We have all felt the anger of someone coming at us from another car.
Beautifully said Simon and very relatable. I am sure most of us have car stories and it is very strange how we can behave in our cars as if we are behind closed doors – but everyone can see and feel. I reckon those thought did not come “from you” but through you. It is as if these kind of thoughts are there sitting in the air waves a bit like radio and depending on what station we tune into we get this thought or that thought. Our responsibility is which energy (thought) we allow to express through us.
Thank you Nicola for this is true – we as a society think its okay to smile and nod meanwhile berate and demean on the inside. Not acceptable on any level and no different to cyber abuse seemingly perpetrated from the comfort from your own home.
I agree Lee we are all deeply connected and even have words in our common language such as “your ears are burning” that acknowledge we can feel when others are speaking or thinking of us. To truly connect to and understand this brings a whole new level of responsibility.
So true Nicola – even our thoughts have a big impact on everything around us. And we can feel as you say, when somebody is saying something, but his body is saying something different. Our head can say whatever it wants to say, but the body can’t lie.
Very true Nicola, we cannot hide anything to the truly aware person, so we may as well be honest with ourselves as a start. And also be honest about what we can feel in others, even when and if it hurts us.
Great points Nicola – ‘We are as aware as we allow ourselves to be.’ We cannot stop feeling what is there, with ourselves and with others, yet we can dull our awareness with food, substance, denial and other forms of irresponsibility to not have to be an active member of humanity. Meaning, that if we were all aware and didn’t escape from what we all naturally and inescapably feel, then there is no way as a society we would tolerate let alone accept such levels of abuse, whether it be behind closed doors or not. It feels like there’s an attitude of ‘well if it’s not happening to me then it doesn’t involve or affect me!’ I can honestly say I fall into this category and deny what is happening because it’s too painful to see – yet that’s an illusion in itself, because I don’t need to save or rescue people, I just need to remain open, loving and feeling it all – like you’ve also said Nicola,
‘I have since discovered that the best protection is to actually be fully aware of what I feel because that allows me to observe and understand what is going on and not react to it or absorb it.’ – Spot on!
Yes I agree Rachael and we often choose to not be aware of how much what we do and express to others we do to ourselves and what we do to ourselves we do to others.
You say we often have an attitude of ‘well if it’s not happening to me then it doesn’t involve or affect me!’ but of course firstly it does affect all of us and secondly we still tend to have these reactions even when it is happening directly to us.… and of course it is always happening to all of us. We choose not to see how we are all connected and how all our actions and inactions have a much larger consequence than we care to admit or be aware of.
The more we choose to see abuse (abuse meaning anything that is not loving) and say no to it (meaning say yes to love) the more we see it everywhere ie in what we allow from others, in how we move, eat, express and the choices we make.
This is very true Nicola. To choose to not be aware of what we are feeling prevents us from being an observer of life, understanding in full and not taking on the emotions of others.
What I love about Serge Benhayon is that he never gets in-volved in another’s ‘stuff’. He will support and offer words for one to reflect on but he comes with such a strong understanding that one must choose their own way – whatever that way will be. If not, if we do something for another, eventually once that platform of support is gone, they will fall again and again until the choice comes from deep within themselves. I have only just begun to understand this. We must all choose love for ourselves.
I agree Anna, what you are saying about Serge Benhayon – he allows other people to get to their truth in their own pace. He is not telling anybody, what to do. Every person has to do his / her own development steps, nobody can do this for another person.
Yes Nicola, the best protection is to have an open heart where the smallest act that is not from love is felt without judgement, reaction and understanding of what is. This is a work in progress for many but worth it in every way we can ever imagine.
‘the smallest act that is not from love is felt without judgement, reaction and understanding of what is’, how beautiful these words read and feel. I know this deep within, thank you Francisco.
Serge Benhayon and his family have been and are great inspirations for me in how consistently loving and truly open we can be throughout life. I have never seen any of them put on a ‘show’ – for example Serge is just as loving on or off stage; no matter where or who he is with he makes it about love first and foremost.
I am seeing more how my choices that I make which are unseen by others still have an effect on everyone around me. It can be as simple as the choice to go to bed late. It then affects the amount of work I get done the next day which affects my team, the workplace, the clients and so on. Nothing is really unseen. It is always felt be everyone despite our level of awareness.
Something that stood out to me is to bring greater awareness and understanding to what people’s lives are like in their homes. This supports me to not react to or judge how someone may be behaving as I am seeing the full picture.
A great blog and message about living our private lives no differently to our public lives.
The kind of integrity with which the Benhayons live is reflected in the Esoteric Practitioner’s Code of Conduct is unlike every other workplace or industry Code of its kind, it doesn’t stop at the staffroom door: it’s about how you live in every moment of every day. That means you don’t say or do one thing during working hours then sneak home to do there what you would never do at work. Integrity to the nth degree – the only way to live.
It strikes me living openly and with love is the responsible thing to do – the sooner we move away from the ‘behind closed doors’ syndrome the better. ‘Not in my backyard’ is in fact in everyone’s backyard.
Yes exactly Victoria, we are able to compartmentalise life this way… ‘it’s not my business’ and ‘if it’s not happening in my backyard’ as you say. This exposes how separate we’ve become from each other by the use of geography and borders, whether they be country, state, town or house to house, and the fact that in truth we live in one big backyard… all together! If we re-established this sense of being ‘in it together’, we might be more willing to take responsibility for the whole and for the part we contribute to it from behind our ‘closed doors’.
Awesome blog Sara. Thank you for addressing this. We may think that we get away with things behind closed doors, but people can feel the unease and energy if they but allow themselves. How you described living transparently, open and honest is the best was to live. There is no hiding or looking over ones shoulder incase someone walks behind those closed doors. Just openness, warmth and love. Responsibility to your fellow man.
This is an amazing blog, Sara, thank you for exposing so much for us. So much goes on behind closed doors, which then becomes in so many cases, where the behaviour escalates and someone (mostly a woman) is either killed or badly injured by a partner or someone she knows. Violence has become endemic. “For generations, it has been the way that ‘what happens in the home is not spoken about’, I never suffered any abuse like that, but it still was a family understanding that was probably followed by most other families of our period. We were never to talk about ‘personal things’. “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world”, but that is how most of the world lives. I heard of a couple where the wife has no freedom whatsoever, all bank accounts, house etc. are in his name, and they shop together, so he pays for it all, she has no need for cash, and has no bank account. I feel there are probably many women out there in this situation, with nothing to their name, and no knowing how they can get out of such a controlling situation. It is generally explained away by the claim that the other person can’t handle money, or some such throwaway. Some young women in the past have had their money controlled by a parent, then by a husband, have never had a chance to learn how to handle money. It is a really sad situation that so many people get themselves into, but then, it is their choice in the first place that sets up a situation when they choose their partner. It is time for us all to open up our lives for scrutiny, self scrutiny to start maybe, but time to turn things around and follow the lead of the wonderful Benhayon family who, as you have shared, live completely open lives, nothing to hide, beautiful role models for how a family can truly live. And yes, there are now many families who have, as you shared, turned on their lights, and live openly, with nothing hidden from view.
I am sure that we all lead double lives to some extent; some to more extremes and some subtly so. The face we show in the world of work is not the face we show at home. This is where I find the Benhayon family such an inspiration because as Sarah says their transparency is all.
Separation allows irresponsibility to go unchecked, if we were in connection irresponsibility would be exposed!
What you share here of the Benhayon family is so true…the love and grace of who they are is constant, and so very, very inspiring.
“And they live like this because there is nothing to hide and there are no secrets to bury and they have so much to share. What you see is what you get. This to me is the epitome of integrity.”. I agree and as I enter the world of politics I can see that this is so needed to this industry. I am deeply inspired by this family who live their lives for all to be part of and all to see – with so much truth and love.
No matter what we do, in truth we cannot hide because everything is felt.
You are right Sara, what goes on behind closed doors is really quite horrible. Some that don’t have the living nightmare of domestic violence and abuse live with the precursor of shouting, blame, and psychological abuse with alcohol or drugs just making everything worse.
Most households carry a degree of frustration, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, guilt trips, manipulation, control, isolation, and depression. I have learned a lot from the Benhayon family how to recognize these behaviors in myself and others and how to lovingly let them all go. Deep down it is love we all crave for and if we make life about love, the rewards are enormous.
What I feel most from your blog Sara is the responsibility of our own choices and the impact these have on us, our communities and the world as a whole…whether this impact is positive or negative we are responsible for the outcomes.
“And isn’t it true that even though we don’t see what goes on in our neighbours’ homes, we tend to be able to feel when things are not quite right?” This is so true Sara – we feel things all the time. As a whole society tends to believe – if we can’t see or hear it then it isn’t happening, it doesnt exist….but we do always feel what is going on, its just that we don’t want to feel it and or how bad it is. But to feel it doesn’t mean we take it on or absorb it…we can feel it all and not be invested in it.
Re-reading your words today Sara its even clearer that believing in the sanctuary of the ‘four walls’ of our offices and homes is just a trick. Everything is felt by everybody, there is no nook or alcove you can go to escape this energetic fact.
There is so much grace and wisdom in what you share here Sara…understanding none of us are perfect allows a few walls to start crumbling down just from that one point alone.
Hi Sara, this blog has me pondering the truth of who we are. If we know who we are, can feel this clearly, know that in our heart it is all about love – to love and to be loved then would it not be true that no matter where we are, inside our homes or outside our homes – we always live that honestly? Wouldn’t it be true that the separation from ourselves and the ‘changing’ face or persona should not exist? It is exhausting presenting and iiving what others want you to live, to be anything other than ‘You’. All the behaviours talked about in this blog expose behaviours that are not coming from Love and are not coming from the responsibility we all share in the choices we make. There is much to ponder here – Thank you Sara.
Thanks Sara for sharing the reality of what truely happens behind closed doors in society today. As more of us live the love we are, we can reflect to others how “Respecting and honouring one another is easy with this much love…”
I have always been fascinated by houses and doors. On my walks i am always noticing the houses and gardens and realise that i am continually reading and picking up everything about that house and its occupants.
As a child growing up in the UK, it was definately a case of keeping things behind closed doors, and people didn’t ‘air their dirty laundry’ so to speak. But the flaw in this is that the dirty laundry shouldn’t have been there in the first place – aired or not. There are so many public examples of this with child abuse in the catholic church and the show business world that people knew about, and it was kept behind closed doors. But evil cannot be contained behind closed doors, and the truth eventually pushes it out for all to see.
I used to want to be behind closed doors at the end of the day so that I could relax and let go. But over the last few years as I have uncovered and re-discovered more of who I am, I have begun to live that and bring all of me to the world. As I began to do this more and more I found I no longer wanted to be behind closed doors as much. As I let the me out I no longer have the strong desire to close the doors at the end of the day. Previously there was tension in me for not having lived my day as me. So it was a 2-sided desire to be behind closed doors – I felt free to be me, but also to release that tension I was building. If I am me all of the time, it takes away the need to want to isolate myself and it means my life is far more consistent and that I do not change no matter where I am.
“In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves.” This line is very powerful. We may think we are doing great at life but it can all be exposed in those moments where we drop our guard. My son pulled me up on exactly this the other day. I was rude to him and spoke to him like I would not speak to anyone else and he said exactly that. The truth of it stopped me in my tracks.
In the end, nothing stays behind closed doors as truth and light have no boundaries nor walls nor doors. We may live in the illusion that it stays unnoticed, but it never does.
Thank you Sara for so clearly exposing the illusion many of us are in that we think what we do behind closed doors does not come everywhere with us and affects others and all that we do. We all feel when something doesn’t feel right and know people and houses to stay clear of. Your blog is very revealing when looking at my life and how I am in my house to how I am when I walk out the front doors. Seeing how the Benhayon family live has inspired me deeply to start being more transparent and have one life that others consistently see is the same everywhere.
How much do we actually know if we would really allow ourselves to feel? Certainly there is a deeper level that every one of us can go to. I practice at home with my partner. Whenever we have the slightest notion of something that is kept behind a closed door, we ask the other. It has become a ritual, which helps both of us to become aware of closed doors and it has helped us to become more confident with what we feel.
I was out with friends the other day and chose to speak about a subject I would not normally share. It is difficult, because one fear is that we will be judged. What I ended up feeling was tremendous support and understanding, and a relief at not having to pretend.
This is wonderful Debra that you chose not to hold back, and that you chose to be transparent. I’m sure your friends appreciated your honesty. When I have experienced moments like this it has brought me closer to people rather than experiencing the rebuff or the ridicule that I may be expecting.
This is an interesting blog Sara. All those closed doors, some that we even have from family members. And the energy it takes to keep them closed and maintain a facade to the outside world.
Yes Debra I agree. Secrets are closed doors and can be kept from family members and our communities for years. Fearing how we may be judged leads to silence when we could speak up about abuse or a societal ill. There are many ways in which we carry our own closed doors and opening each one lovingly sets us and others free.
Absolutely – well said Jane in your comments entirety.
It really pays to live a transparent and sincere life – a life we can live with in every moment that honours our divinity and is True. The Benhayon family and others are shining examples of true living, family and community – absolutely.
When you are in deep pain and not wanting to deal with your trauma, the world becomes a pinprick – it matters not if you have the doors shut and the shutters down or if your front door is wide open inviting others to help themselves to your life. The domestic violence, and the alarming normality of abuse within in our homes is a product of deep unrest within society and our inability to cope with life. We ought to turn our sights to healing our ills and the greater ill of society in which we are all part.
Life has been about medicating for a long time. As time goes on we will invent more varied, more altering, more disconnecting ways of medicating ourselves. When so many of us are suffering the intolerable pain of not feeling true love and meaning in our lives, it is not surprising that we play a part in setting up a life like this. It is sad but nothing will change until responsibility in life is as normal as breathing.
“In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves. Whether it be a mother yelling at her children, a husband hitting his wife or sexual abuse – whatever the extent, it all happens within the confines of the home, for no one to see and for no one to hear.” Oh to be able to live openly, truthfully, transparently 24/7 – this would change everything!
It is very peculiar how often people can be extremely abusive to members of their family. I have heard people speaking to family members in ways they would never ever dare to speak to another person. Why do they do that and why would you abuse anyone let alone those that you claim to love?
It became clearer to me reading this blog Sara, that allowing more transparency in our lives, builds humility and supports us to hold others more in equal-ness and to express more from a place of having nothing to lose.
Yes, allowing more transparency would enable us to heal issues that we usually keep hidden, as they would be out in the open for all to see and feel. At the end of the day none of us have anything that we need to hide, as any issue we have is a common human issue that many more are dealing with too. Transparency would enable us to view issues as a collective problem rather than purely a personal one.
Gorgeous Simon. The transparency does help us to see each other as equal, of the same blood with similar struggles – this humility keeps those walls of separation down so that we can truly support each other.
Simon, that is an interesting point. What it also does is give other people the opportunity to see someone not trying to compete or paint the perfect picture. It allows people to see someone who is not trying to show them a false image, so it builds trust with people. Something many of us have given up on.
Hiding behind doors is an illusion as everything is felt by everyone. We are all responsible for what happens behind closed doors as we are all connected energetically. The more responsible we are with our choices the more we reflect to others, if there is lots of crimes happening behind closed doors we all need to ask our selves how have we been living to have created such a mess. It’s about time we all really step up our responsibility.
Everything we do – think and say – affects everyone. Transparency is key – so being self-responsible is a no-brainer. Thee are no closed doors.
Thank you Sara for exposing how much we live in an illusion when we feel that we can do whatever we want when we are in the privacy of our own home, without what we are doing affecting anyone. As we learn to live life more congruently we begin to be more at one with ourselves not only in our own home but when we are out and about with others. When we know ourselves inside out we can be ourselves at any given moment wherever we are.
‘Cyber trolls sit behind their keyboards punching away profanities and all manner of abuse, all behind the cloak of anonymity, tucked away behind their doors to hide their abhorrent behaviour.’ Cyber abuse is particularly insidious for it reaches into your home, through your closed door and through your computer at any time of night or day.
That is a shocking shocking statistic ‘On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well.’ When I was younger one of the biggest things I felt was how houses felt really weird! I remember when going out in the car sitting in the back looking at the rows and rows of houses thinking look at all these boxes and walls and how separate it felt, how people could hide. What you have shared about the Benhayon family is a beautifull example of how we can live and love openly and transparently. This is our responsibility.
Wonderful blog Sara thank you. I felt quite uncomfortable reading the first part as I realised how much I choose not to feel what is going on around me in my community behind closed doors, yet it is there to feel whether the doors are open or closed.
Wow Sara this is a great revealing blog and shows the importance of responsibility for how we live. The love lived and reflected to us by the Benhayon family of who we all truly are is being seen and is the inspiration and reflection for us all lighting the way for true family and community and showing us what love in action looks like.
“Respecting and honouring one another is easy with this much love … and hiding and burying is near impossible.” A great way forward for how we choose to live.
It is incredible that we have numbed ourselves to the scientific fact that everything is energy. This being so, nothing escapes, nothing hides. Even the walls we think we are hidden behind are energy! It is time for us all to wake up and stop playing so dumb.
To think anything will be hidden behind closed doors has no realization of how energy works.
I like this allegory of the doors Sarah. I found myself in the past quite anxious about someone who would enter my house and do something to me or my relatives. I was afraid of being overwhelmed by …what- and whoever.
After attending Universal Medicine courses and sessions for a few years now I found myself not longer anxious about this. I ‘lost’ the ideas of someone will overwhelming me or others. I just don’t have this anymore.
I caught myself even by forgetting to close the door at night or when I go out… I leave my door open. And I found that this occurs not because the world around me did become better or safer, but I changed. I did become sure in me, I can trust in me and in what I choose. It seems to me that I can trust in that I will care for myself very well, does have this effect on my life and serenity.
In fact, I feel like I am a reawakened of a disquieting dream or film and now, by being awaken I am inflamed and my light shines through all to see and to get inspired, to awaken as well!
The walls we have around our houses offer such a false idea of separation. Like other people can’t see of feel what I am doing (loveless) in my house. Like my responsibility to make everything I do about love first, only counts when I am outside. Coming home and shining my light a little less used to be ok, because there wasn’t anyone there to see it, but I realized it was harming me and everyone else.
Sara this is an essential read, it should form part of our education system. The very fact that nearly everyone in society, including the way I used to think I could live, likes the idea of having their time behind “closed doors” shows we have a problem to talk about. When you offer us the opportunity to consider what if we lived without four walls then the immediate feeling of being naked comes up. People would most likely freak out because they we can’t get away with anything. So that makes me feel – why do we want to get away with things? Why do we feel we can and should be able to get away with things? Knowing how the Benhayon family live without a private “behind closed doors” life that is any different from what is shown outside of home it confirms that it not only can be done but doing so is deeply joyful and simple, yet takes a willingness to really be responsible.
This makes it very clear, that only with the love we live for ourselves we are able to share this love with another. “Respecting and honouring one another is easy with this much love … and hiding and burying is near impossible.” No aggression is needed in this way of living because the responsibility for self and love is first and so for others.
Very accurate observation: “living boxed in is not actually natural even though we have made it our normal”. This shows how far we are from our real way of living and being together. We accept something that is not in our essence as ‘normal’, while we have the truth of being love and sharing the great lights we are, inside us.
“No more hiding behind closed doors and no more burying the love”. A clear ‘YES’ from me on this suggestion.
I could relate to that Jane, I would close the front door behind me at the end of the day with a sigh of relief that I could relax and be me. Looking back I can feel the separation between me and life. When I went outside the door in the morning I would put on my coat of protection so that I didn’t have to deal with the reality of the world. Through the Benhayon family I have learnt that being open and transparent changes everything. The 4 walls of my home are no longer a place of protection and to hide and are now a place to rest and enjoy being me.
Thank you Sara and Alison, I agree, the four walls I feel are definitely a place that reflect the way I enjoy life now! The greater I feel the reflection from the walls of my house the more I take that as my Livingness out to the world! Thanks to the Benhayon for sharing how “four walls” have ears and that everything is equally as important without any area of my life not exposed.
“the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.”
I absolutely agree with you, the Benhayon family is changing humanity by the example they present on how to be a true family and true community. They reflect how we can live, work and be together in brotherhood and a harmonious way. Seeing, feeling and experiencing this example has been and still is life changing for me.
It is always quite amazing – yet entirely understandable – that we look to relieve the tension of our unresolved issues upon those who are closest to us. The reason – quite simply because around them we feel most safe and least likely to be rejected, and so we feel safe to let go. This is not to condone our ill behaviours at all. But in this is the understanding that true responsibility lies in the way we express all of the time, not just at home. And what it betrays most of all is that keeping up the facade that all is OK when in the public eye does nothing but to bury what we are struggling to deal with. And when we struggle to deal with all we feel, the first place we look to offload is where we safe – even though we may feel guilty for it. Our issues in relationship are far more often to do with how we are with others and the issues we have with the world as a whole ,than they are to do with any personal issues we may have with our partner.
Every thought we have, everything we do gets carried home with us, and everything that goes on behind closed doors comes out with us the next day. I know I could pretend all was well to the outside and behave differently once the door was closed. We think it can be hidden but this blog has exposed that myth, Sara and the walls are not there energetically. We all feel the energy of everyone.
I often walk down the street and wonder what is happening in people’s houses too, you’ve raised some really important points here, we think that what we do in the privacy of our own homes stays confined within those walls, and we use this to avoid the self responsibility that asks us to consider that every action we do or make effects everyone else in the world too.
What you are sharing is sadly very true, our current closed door policy is allowing much abuse to occur unchecked.
Are we as a society, with our technology, taking what we do behind closed doors into the world. With most people plugged-in to something everywhere we go… have we become information zombies? We don’t need to have closed doors because most people have stopped looking at everything everywhere. It was just a cute film… but are we heading toward the existence of the people in WALL-E?
I enjoyed this blog… not only for exposing that the secrets don’t really stay secret as they can be felt if we choose to, but also because the love does not stay secret either (as the Benhayons have shown countless times). What we do and how we live behind closed doors emanates out and affects those around us – this is a truth that we live and die by.
Last night on the news there was a story about a man who had allegedly sexually abused and mistreated his two year old daughter who died from the injuries. The police had bungled the evidence and this guy could walk free in the temporal sense, but the sooner people start realising that whatever happens behind closed doors even though they may think they are getting away with it, they most definitely are not as karma will soon enough be knocking at those closed doors and karma doesn’t need evidence or a key.
What a great article highlighting the absurdity that we have allowed to become ‘normal’. How did we end up making it an unsaid rule that people keep their pain, misery and devastation hidden, and how conveniently have we closed our eyes and heart to the behaviours we can sense goes on behind closed doors if we choose to stay open ourselves? The Benhayons are certainly a wonderful example of a family living without a divide and once you witness how they live you can not but get inspired and remember that THAT is how we are naturally all designed to live.
What we do en masse live with currently – the pain, misery and devastation – certainly makes a mockery of the concept of ‘home’ and what we naturally know it can be. How painful in and of itself that this is the case.
When I ponder on this subject of keeping things behind closed doors it is shocking to feel how much there is the feeling of wanting to keep things private to myself and are not open to share with one other. But if we consider the fact that we are all interconnected to each other, that in truth we cannot hide anything because everything is felt and is affecting everybody, is it then not simply a matter of not wanting to take that level of responsibility in life and to accept that we are all one, and in truth do not live in separation, confined between the walls of our homes, but are in constant connection with everybody in the world and have to work together as such?
…. Nico you have highlighted our resistance to taking full responsibility in connecting with each other, we assume that would be too much to take on. On the contrary if we did connect and were responsible in every moment we would not be in this situation now of separation and individual agendas. It’s coming to the worlds attention now and there are many platforms to work as a united voice to bring responsibility to government, corporations and individuals to open the closed doors. We all have a part to play, respecting and honouring one another with a foundation of openness and love.
Indeed Merrilee, what we miss in our society is the transparency in how we conduct our lives, but also in how we conduct our businesses and government administrations. As we all have a responsibility in this, because of the fact that we are all interconnected and part of it, breaking down the walls we have confined ourselves in is the way to go in bringing back that transparency that is required to restore health into our lives and into our societies.
Yes spot on Nico. The idea of four walls separating us is an illusion. We all get whatever is happening wherever it is happening – we’re all swimming in the one big pool. If one of us pees in the pool, we all get it. We’re responsible for EVERYTHING we do and EVERYONE on the planet.
It feels to me like we either support each other and surrender to the fact that we are all connected as one or we reject that fact and live in separation to each other, peeing in the pool, hoping that nobody sees it.
Goodness, so much in one blog! I cannot comment on it all in one go so will enjoy joining other people’s conversations but just wanted to share how often I see people who have become completely accustomed to maintaining the facade of all is fine on the outside. What I am starting to see more and more is this facade falling down and what is truly going on, or their true characters coming to the surface regardless of all the attempts to keep it behind closed doors.
That’s really interesting Lucy, and I would love to hear more. I have definitely noticed more of this in people who live in the public spotlight. It’s as if whatever happens behind closed doors can no longer remain concealed. All the bad behaviours are being exposed – drug use, domestic violence, philandering, corruption and more.
A great expose Sara on that we cannot escape the energetic truth that everything is energy. Therefore what goes on behind closed doors we take with us into our work place, to our friends, to the people we interact with on a daily basis. This calls us to be fully responsible for how we live, knowing that this affects not just those close to us, but that we are constantly affecting everyone we come into contact with. Transparency across the board is called for.
The energy of how we live at home is the energy we take out into the world wherever we go and knowing that makes a huge difference to how we are at home.
Carmel it really is that simple … Talk the talk and Walk the walk!
Spot on Carmel, responsibility doesn’t stop when you close the door for in truth there are no doors.
One of the things going on in society seems to be presenting a picture of how things are, instead of being real about how life actually is. Part of this is in our communication, when we are asked “how are you?”, we often don’t answer truthfully. Perhaps as awful as the abuse, hardship or suffering we may experience, is the possibility of being rejected as human beings because of the imperfect lives we live, and what might happen if this gets found out. It may be that the risk of judgement, rejection and ostracism is so painful we don’t share what’s really happening for us “behind closed doors”. We all participate in this by rejecting others, and by not being kind, supportive, non-judgmental and open.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world”.
You are so correct Sara sooner or later the irresponsibility and effects of abuse (either to ourselves or others) will come out; no longer will we be able to hide behind four walls. Our light will shine for all to feel, see and share. Responsibility is the key.
It’s important to note that boys, teen boys and men are also being brutalised and abused behind closed doors. The beginning of this is when we fashion boys into “strong”, “tough” and hardened versions of themselves to make them “men” which is the prefect breeding ground for males to be abusers.
What you have written here makes complete sense Melinda, ‘The beginning of this is when we fashion boys into “strong”, “tough” and hardened versions of themselves to make them “men” which is the prefect breeding ground for males to be abusers.’ I can see how this happens, at schools I see boys become hard and tough not wanting to be bullied or left out, there is a lot of rough, pretend fighting play that goes on and I can see how this can carry on into adult life.
The title for this blog is great and you expose the truth of what goes on behind the doors everywhere. You have opened the door!
‘It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.’ Yes spot on Matthew, Sara has indeed opened the door for a much needed conversation.
Thank you Sara, Mathew and Michele, I agree. Lets open our doors and let the light be shared with those who are open to see and take responsibility for all their choices.
Indeed Matthew. Sara has opened the door on the subject of all our closed doors.
Hello Matthew and I agree. We are all starting to see how connected everything is and the more it is discussed in this way the more we see. We can no longer be fooled that you can live one way behind the scenes and another in front of the camera as it is all one. Not saying you can’t still try but there is more going on in this world than meets the eye, it is a choice to either live blind or to open your eyes. The only way to open your eyes and see clearer is to become truly honest with what we are feeling. More and more people are continuing to turn the light on in places that have been dark for a long time. The more light we shine on things the more we all can see.
Haha, yes Matthew I agree and now the door is opened let’s never let it close again.
The illusion of the four walls – one of the vehicles in humanity’s downfall. That we can somehow kid ourselves that anything we do within their confines is private or personal. In a world where everything is everything and therefore everything has an effect on everything, what we get up to in the so-called comfort of our own home is subject to its own form of disclosure. That is, it might not be seen, but it will eventually out – somehow. Not doom and gloom. Just fact.
I completely agree Cathy and it is not just confined to what we do in the so-called comfort of our homes or anywhere else for that matter, but also what we think and how we move. Serge Benhayon’s book The Way of Initiation covers this extensively in chapters on Energetic Quality, Intention, Integrity, Awareness and The Law of Expression.
“Cyber trolls sit behind their keyboards punching away profanities and all manner of abuse, all behind the cloak of anonymity, tucked away behind their doors to hide their abhorrent behaviour”- this indeed has been the experience for a family that I know. Isn’t it time these people that abuse take responsibility for their abhorrent behaviour?
Brilliantly written Sara. What your words point to is that the walls, doors and houses we like to think hide or separate us, do not in fact. It’s just an illusion we have chosen to pursue and thereby overlook the fact that everything everyone does, effects and is felt by me and by you.
Absolutely Joseph, this is so often felt in our working life. We all know when a team member is not living in a way that supports them as there is a lack of commitment then to work and it lets the team down. It’s amazing how we don’t often even consider what we do on the weekend or at night affects what we do in the day. I was definitely in the illusion that I could have really late nights, fight with my partner or kids, overeat etc. and be right the next day once I woke up.
Yes absolutely Joseph, it is an illusion that closing the door hides what we are choosing from the world. We forget that everything is energy and therefore the reflection we provide in every moment is made up of every choice to that point.
Yes Joseph an illusion we all have played our part in allowing, and we are all really feeling the consequences of our irresponsibility in not exposing the hidden agenda of separation. We are indeed feeling and seeing the effects of a world we have allowed because of our irresponsibilities …. staying behind closed doors in comfort!
Many of us live under the illusion that whatever we do in our ‘private’ lives has no impact on anyone else. That if we choose to do something that only we know about then we are not harming anyone. But what is exposed here is the fact that we walk around with that cloak, whatever it may be, hanging over us, and every single person we interact with gets to feel the hooded nature of ourselves, not the truth of the glory we hold within.
Great comment Naren, this is so true, ‘Many of us live under the illusion that whatever we do in our ‘private’ lives has no impact on anyone else.’ I can feel that what we do behind close doors does affect everyone else, if we have had an argument at home this is taken into work or school, if parents are arguing this affects the whole family and this is then taken out into the world to everyone that is met, this does not just stay in the house.
We do not live separate from anyone, despite what we may convince ourselves of. You give a great example of parents fighting and it affecting their children. Parents may close their doors and think that they are hiding their conflict from children, but when those kids then act out at school where does the discipline land? Usually in the lap of a child who has no idea why they feel angry and hurt.
Beautifully stated Naren, as we do walk with all our choices.
Yes, who are we really fooling? Others can feel the facade and what we carry regardless of the face we adorn, the cloak we wear and the words we speak and we never cease to be with our every choice in every moment – we can never escape them and they bank up and up to be reconciled in the end.
The only person we are fooling is ourselves, thinking that we are pulling off a great trick and nobody knows. But the truth is that so many of us are doing it that we don’t want to expose anyone else for fear of having our own skeletons pulled into public view.
Self- preservation is the populist game – we dare not expose others and many dare not speak the truth they know for ‘ fear of having our own skeletons pulled into public view.’
I agree Naren, It’s like the elephant in the room that everyone definitely feels, but no one talks about or, if they do it is quickly skirted over. We certainly need to get better at being ourselves and remaining open. It’s not something many of us are familiar with because the idea of shutting down and protecting ourselves (closing doors) started when we were all little.
Exactly Naren: there is nothing like a private life. We have just one life and are responsible and accountable for everything that we do at all times.
It is private in inverted commas as it is not really private at all. The way we live is carried with us everywhere we go for all to feel.
And yet, privacy is something that is defended and fought for tooth and nail. While it is not ok to invade someone’s personal space in the way that much of the press now does, on the other hand we have websites dedicated to facilitating people to have affairs, all built upon a sense of entitlement to privacy. It seems that our definition of privacy in fact means “a right to hide something from others”. Which as you and Michael have said, is not actually possible.
Well said Naren – It seems that our definition of privacy in fact means “a right to hide something from others”. That is indeed what it seems to be.
I love what you have shared Sara being the falseness that humanity lives with and the ill that this causes in so many different ways. We think we get away with our behaviours so long as nobody sees them, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. ‘What if we were to live without these walls and doors?’ What an awesome question to ponder on…
I agree Vanessa – “What if we were to live without these walls and doors?” is an awesome question to ponder on.
Yes great question and topic Vanessa, I wonder how many of us would be ready to see all that goes on without any barriers? Would people who are struggling, using different vices, abusing themselves and/or others get the support they need, as it would be out there for all to see? There would be no room for sympathy but instead a clear understanding why people are behaving the way they are, especially with children. I’m sure most Teachers get a sense of what is happening in children’s homes.
Hello Vanessa those that see this can lead the way. In other words those that have the awareness of what is truly going on here can live in a way that is “without these walls and doors”. That way this living way can be seen by everyone and is available to everyone. We are all apart of society and so if ‘something’ is going on in society that we can see is not a way to live then it is our responsibility to bring awareness to that. It’s not about making banners or lobbying parliament but about living this awareness consistently in our everyday. We are humanity and as we are speaking about, if humanity lives in a certain way then we are all responsible.
“On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well. Every day there are countless stories of horrific abuse of women and children, and the most despicable crimes you could possibly imagine are perpetrated. We would be ignorant to think that these acts happen at random or just come out of nowhere.” This feels so shocking to read and it really brings home how important it is for each and every one of us to take responsibility for how we live in every moment as this is what is reflected in the world.
Well said Tamara… absolutely shocking that this is happening. If we continue to allow it to go unnoticed, then we are sleep walking through life, pretending that things look nice and not feeling what is really going on underneath the surface.
Hello Tamara and I agree. These are based on the ones that have been reported and as we know some never are reported. I wonder what this figure truly would be if everything was there for us to see. On another related note is it truly the fault of the person not reporting a crime that they haven’t stepped forward or do we all have a responsibility in this? I would say we all play a part, when things go on around us and we don’t speak about them or acknowledge them or we don’t discuss them they stay hidden and unseen. I would think this style of behaviour would then over time grow into people not reporting serious abuse to the authorities or at times to anyone. For things to change we all need to make that change or make that choice to see.
I really enjoyed reading your blog Sarah. I often wonder what goes on behind closed doors and like you say there are many houses that I walk past and can feel that something just doesn’t feel right.
What is interesting with what I have learnt from Serge Benhayon’s presentations over the years through the Ageless wisdom is how if everything is energy, and everything is because of energy then even what goes on behind closed doors affect us all. When you think of it like this, it requires us all to be more responsible because what we do is in fact affecting everyone even if they are not aware of it
Some really great questions you have asked, What if we lived love in our homes, and unreservedly let that out for all to see, took it with us to everywhere we go, and let ourselves and our home be a light for all to see.
Yes harryjwhite, a great way to live for sure, and we have the Benhayons as an example to see just how effective and successful it is to live this way, in every sense.
Yes harryjwhite, we would live in a very different world if this were the case. And the Benhayon family are the number one example of how this can be done. We need to look no further for inspiration on how to live in this way as Sara has written in her blog, “Meanwhile, the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.”
Fantastic Blog Sara. It would be really interesting if everyone was transparent about everything we do, everything we touch and every thought we have! I some times walk down the street and wonder what is happening behind the walls of the houses I can see, some houses seem quiet and miserable, some I can hear children playing and some seem dangerous. The things you have spoken of like, Domestic Violence and pornography are atrocious and yes children (and adults) can certainly feel the energetic effect that they have and don’t end when the laptop is closed, it continues with us wherever we go.
I was just talking about how isolated we live especially as you become more wealthy in your property, the fences get bigger and you become semi or fully detached (UK) whereas when you are not so well off you tend to live close to each other even on top of each other so there is much more opportunity to know each other and also hear each other. Domestic violence is something I have lived above and it is horrendous. It seems almost peculiar that we strive to live apart from each other and create so many barriers to being with each other.
That’s an interesting point Vanessa. I too have observed that the more successful (materially) that people get, the more they separate their homes from others. They become very preoccupied with protecting their material possessions. We also tend to think that because they have ‘made it’ that in theory their lives are trouble free, because money can buy almost anything, but we all know deep down that is not the case. They too have just as many closed doors.
Hello Vanessa and yes I agree, the divide grows larger. Those that can afford it have sprawling properties with gates and the like while others are crammed into small apartments or houses. I see the average size of a building block has decreased and we are getting less land for our money. This in effect is bringing people closer together which sounds like a good thing but it’s the way that it is being done that will create the opposite effect.
“It seems almost peculiar that we strive to live apart from each other and create so many barriers to being with each other.” Well said Vanessa and your comment shows that really our doors and consequently our barriers are so thin and in-effectual. The thing is we can all feel the quality of how everyone lives all the time, our postures and body language speak volumes on a daily basis. The real question is why do we ignore these obvious signs of distress that we see in one another every day? We, humanity, are capable of expressing so much love, why are we settling for anything less?
Energy doesn’t know walls. It is. And the moment we choose to abuse, drink, hit or anything we are under the influence of this energy. So what we can do is: not look away. It is not supportive to ignore what’s going on, neither to preach the better. But to live love and therefore be a reflection for others to feel offers a chance to change – which is under the power of free will. And that is actually the choice to be done.
Powerfully and beautifully said Christina. Living a reflection of love to others and not turning our back is our responsibility.
Yes to all of that Christina. The greatest way to support people when we notice things going on is to be the true reflection of living lovingly and open. Preaching gives the impression of judgement which is not supportive at all and ignoring does not acknowledge that something is wrong which allows the rot to grow in the shadows. Bringing the light by living responsibly and loving is the true way to expose the untruths we allow ourselves to live with in this world today.
We may not be able to stop the violence directly but it affects us and how we live affects them too, so our living in true harmony can be a reflection to all of humanity because they will feel it.
Yes, you can really numb yourself to violence but the numbing disappears when you meet somebody who hasn’t numbed themselves. That is then very confronting and you can escape into more violence or you can feel the suppressed hurt and anguish.
Well said Christina. When we choose to self abuse or abuse others, we must first have aligned to the energy of that abuse. As in, for us to pick up our third bottle or raise a finger, we have already accepted those behaviours into our ‘norm’, and into what is ‘acceptable’, therefore allowed an energy to have influence over us. Thus, when we walk out of the house, although we think we have left those actions in the 4 walls, we carry the same energy with us.
“…a chance to change” is indeed only given by someone living and hence reflecting a way of living that one would not have considered to be possible, although deep down might actually be known and hoped for once again as we all know truth. In a world that lives loveless the pain and level of giving-upness is suffocating and needs a role model that we can observe and check out for as long as it takes to regain trust and one day decide to give it a go ourself.
By living in what we perceive are our separate homes, neighbourhoods, states, countries, cultures or professions we are choosing to be blind to the truth of what is happening to all around us. When we live with these walls, we actively choose not to see and feel what is happening around us. This might be fair enough in some instances as what is going on around us is quite intense, and we are by nature very sensitive beings. What we do need is to allow this sensitivity out more and more, as this is what we all innately are. By blocking it and pretending we do not hear, see and feel all of what goes on and how much this actually disturbs us, it will continue, no doubt. When we block our sensitivity we also need to use energy to do this, and this can be exhausting. With the rates of exhaustion in our world – is this not something worth seriously looking at?
Not only is it exhausting, but we are training ourselves to be numb. Its a way of being that we we then get used to living with, choosing the comfortable option, checking out at the point when it gets too much. When these times are exactly the point when we touch into our sensitivity again and have a chance to live as a sentient being and participate with what is really going on.
‘When we block our sensitivity we also need to use energy to do this, and this can be exhausting. With the rates of exhaustion in our world – is this not something worth seriously looking at?’ Great question Amelia and letting our sensitivity out more is a great start – the more real we are the less energy we need to use to suppress all the things we do not want to feel and the more we shine our light the more we inspire others that this is possible to do.
It sure is worth looking at Amelia. I totally agree that we need to honour, nurture and develop our sensitivity (being aware of our senses and what is around us).
If you engage in harming activities like cyber abuse, it affects your expression with everybody. A very unpleasant consequence – a bit like diving in a sewer – we still smell (stink) even after we have had a shower even if we can’t smell it.
What a great analogy Christopher. What ever goes on behind closed doors, there is always some feeling of the 6th sense that informs more than the eye can see.
The metaphor couldn’t be better as it is so tangible e.g.smelly. What is written in the blog would become very obvious, if all secret abusive activities were to have a smell. We would finally be able to acknowledge by smelling the rot that there is a serious issue at the heart of our society – on one hand. And on the other hand an extra-ordinary example in the midst of it of a family who is so open, loving and radiating the love from their home that we are offered another way like the smell of a bouquet of roses. A way of treating each other ánd ourselves with deep love, respect and integrity. Now that is a level of responsibility unheard of, yet so needed for all to feel.
I agree Christoph, we have to be responsible in all areas of our lives and cannot live under the illusion that what we do in one area does not affect every other area of our life. I.e there is really no on or off switch even though many of us would like to believe there is!
Very true – energetic responsibility is not something that is easy to accept when we have based our existence on our five senses. But in accepting the responsibility our sixth sense offers, we become open to something much much much greater – the true love that we are!
The smelling would be an issue only if you try to mix with non-smelling people and play to be one of them. But what if the smelly, first of all like the smell (or even feel proud of it), and second, prefer to meet primarily with others who not only smell but also that confirm the reason why smelling is good? Awful as this may sound, smell, at the end, allows you to stand out, to be recognised and even cherished by others.
I find that even when I am used to a smell on some level I am still aware of that smell. I am not disturbed by the smell any more, true, but I know it is there…
Yes Christoph, if we’re choosing to not be honest, manipulate, abuse, bully etc. this can still be sensed even underneath the outward apparent niceness. Sadly – truly sad – is that fact that as a society we’ve chosen to deny whatever is going on within us or behind closed doors. There’s so much beauty in us, we’ve only got to connect to it. But in order to get there, we’ve got to arrest the acceptance of so much vile behaviour. If I read that one woman is killed each week in Australia, I can feel how much I don’t want that. It’s almost as if I don’t want to know. Because it is devastating that this is happening there on a DAILY basis – and in all of the world. And all the suffering and fear that this is causing. We can’t turn a blind eye, we’ve allowed it to come this far, so we are to turn the tide as well. But this will only happen if we dare to see what’s going on in the world, talk about it openly and together ask for policies that support us and creates safety and trust that we do care for each other. That we all do count. That however deeply hurt, angry or in panic we are, that we will be there for each other. But that we will also hold everyone to account if one chooses to act violently in any way. Whether that being online or in real life, whether that being physical or verbal, we’re stopping it by saying no together.
You are so right Christoph that you can never really hide what you do behind closed doors; ‘you can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time’.
Least of all yourself, Steve.
What you see, is what you get, — though when seeing is not just about or reserved only to sight, but feel, what you ‘see’, is a whole lot more, notably of the quality being shown that’s either of love, or otherwise its opposite.
Yes Sara, agree, living compartmentalised does create a strain or measured way of being that can be felt, as too can living openly with those permeable walls you speak of which describe life as being one-whole; that there is no difference between ‘personal’ and ‘professional’ when it comes to the quality of a life lived – our quality infuses everything and cannot be just one selected part.
Beautifully said Zofia.
Beautiful Sara. Over the years that I have know the Benhayon family and observed their openness I have been inspired to be more open with my family. This offers an amazing opportunity in that, if there is a behaviour or occurrence in my household that I would rather others not see, I reflect on why that is and look to address the issue. For example, if I speak harshly to a family member and I feel that I would not like others to have seen this interaction I don’t just say thank god that happened at home. I look at what led me to speak in a way that is not true for me, what reaction was there, take responsibility for that and commit to not reacting in the future. While I am not perfect, it is a beautiful way to live, to feel like your home is open to all and that you have nothing to hide.
What you say here is a great inspiration Lee.
We can continually commit to making different and more loving choices in the way that we are with ourselves and others. It is never too late, which is what I feel your comment is saying Lee.
Sara, this is such an important blog as it highlights the illusion many of us have been living as normal for a very long time. Despite what we may think nothing is hidden, everything is always felt and people do sense what is going on, even if they may not physically know or see the details – they do know when something is off or doesn’t feel right. It is a huge arrogance and irresponsibility on our part to consider that we can live this way, public face all bright and shiny, and private face where only those closest to use see what is really there. Everything we do comes with us and everything affects everything, and once we truly embrace this there is the joy of sharing this with one and all; it is our natural way, and to live in a way that keeps others out is not our way. If we live in the way you speak of Sara, and as shown by the Benhayons, yes there are private moments but they are lived as the love we are and in this way we are ready to be and share with the world in each and every moment, and we know each private moment if lived with love allows us to share and be joy with everyone around us whether it be a close friend or speaking to the lady at the check-out. Every interaction is with all we have nothing to hide and everything to share.
‘Moments turn into days, days into a week and weeks into years.’ – I have experienced this. And one day I woke up and realised that the loveless world that surrounded me I had allowed, and this was not a reflection of who I really am in any way, shape or form. It is no wonder that society today is riddled with ways to escape from the loveless lives we have set up and created for ourselves. Keeping up appearances, constantly living a lie and putting on a ‘brave/happy face’ is exhausting. And so the need to escape and find relief from the reality of the choices made from overriding our truth and love, not expressing how we feel, settling for loveless relationships comes in so many forms and includes the abusive relationship we at time find ourselves in. Getting back to the basics of simply being honest with ourselves and how we are living in our homes is the responsibility we all have to be able to move forward in a truly loving and honoring way. A way we all rightly deserve and can live together. Thank you Sara for bringing this truth to our attention.
Absolutely brilliant blog Sara, I love everything you’ve shared, it is so true and exposing how many people choose to live in separation and allow so much abuse to grow and fester behind closed doors. The contrasting example you give of the Benhayon family is truly inspirational. I too can see more and more families being inspired and choosing to live with love, transparency and truth, by taking responsibility and no longer hiding behind closed doors but coming out to express who they are and contributing to their community in a supportive and a loving way. Your blog offers so much for us to ponder and reflect upon. Thank you!
I’m discovering that the patterns I have at home I take into the work place or vice versa, like rather than get in and get the job done, I tend to delay it or believe I’ve got a week to get the job done so I do a little each day and drag it out. I’m learning that you can’t be different at home and be another person at work. You are you and you take you where ever you go.
Yes lindellparlour, as the saying goes, ‘wherever you go, there you are.’ Our habits and behaviours come with us, even if we are not actively doing them at work, it will affect how we are. The great thing is we can, by being very honest, start to change old unloving behaviours for more loving ones. I can vouch for that.
Yep, so true Debra. We cannot escape our choices and and behaviours and actions will always reflect that. I love seeing these unloving behaviours and recognising that it is my choice. At the same time I love appreciating my very loving choices and knowing this is what supports me to see where even more love can be expressed.
It’s a very interesting topic you raise Sara. It feels like for some those four walls and a door can be a prison.
or a death sentence as the murders show. We have recently in the UK had a landmark law go through where someone can be imprisioned for 5 years for controlling or threatening behaviour where no physical violence has manifested. This is a huge step forward to recognising what is abuse and its many forms. The most abusive thing for every human is to live less than the love we were born to be, if that was our criteria we would all be having to put our hands up and say we were abusers. Like Sara shares the Benhayon family and a few more are an exception to that generalisation.
Yes Vanessa, or a death sentence. It’s great that the UK is being proactive, I hope society accepts these new laws so change can begin.
The Benhayon family are leading the way in showing the world how to live true to the love that we all are. As you say Vanessa few of us can actually claim to be living the love that we are in full, although many are now on their way to doing this thanks to the reflection provided by the Benhayon family. The more people live true to who they are the more it will change how we see abuse as it asks us to be accountable for all aspects of our lives.
Yes Vanessa, and we tend to settle i.e. we compare with more extreme behaviours, so if we are not getting beaten, we think we are in a more loving relationship, but actually it could be very abusive, but in a different way.
The threat of violence is equal to the violence itself. To live in the tension of wondering when the next blow will come is a prison sentence and is a way to control and dominate another and keep them living in fear about if and when a phyical blow may come.
That is good news about the new law Vanessa, the more society is willing to see and no longer accept such behaviours the more we will be able to recognise and address the myriad ways we abuse and are abused that do not show up physically.
Thank you for sharing this Vanessa. A big step. As you say, to recognising that abuse doesn’t have to involve physical violence. The physicality of abuse is a benchmark behind which so many hide. How many zillions of times have we heard “I never laid a finger on her”. As you very rightly say, if abuse were measured at it’s truest level – then most of us would have to raise our hands. Certainly, I would. A very humbling thought.
There is no law against calling your children or spouse degrading names etc and yet these things have a very damaging affect on people both immediately and long term. It is crazy that so may of us accept this as normal. Great to be reminded that anything that is not love is abuse too, there can be no blame, just acceptance, love and responsibility.
A prison that does not let them out (apparently, the key is always there) and does not let others in.
You’re right Gabriele it is seen as a ‘private’ affair, no one else’s business according to the perpetrator but it is a very public affair that is felt by all and seen by many.
Yes Gabriele, the prison provides the illusion of safety, the comfortable clothing that we know and readily turn to. In truth – the gates are never locked and we are there by our own choosing.
Our home can be a prison of our own creation, or a place of nurturing and confirmation – the choice is ours.
AsI starting reading this blog, it was as if a memory came back of when we didn’t live behind closed doors, looking after our own patch of family, fenced yard and life. It is in the cellular memory of many of us how we used to live much more openly and transparently and with the love the you share here Sara that the Benhayons live with and are now inspiring so many. It used to be the case that we lived in true community with our hearts open. That is a way of living we can return to, and bring again to our modern day of living. All it requires is a willingness to open up again and let out the love we already are.
“It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.”. Sara your blog raises many important points and when I read this line I was struck that this facade is both the physical and the metaphorical because quite often people appear confident and at ease with life, but on the inside, suffer great anxiety. All is not what meets the eye.
Thank you Sara for this peer beneath the curtain of what has come to be our very veiled existence. We hide because we cannot bear the truth that we are not living the love we so naturally are. While we may politely mask this behind closed doors, in-truth there is no hiding in the world of energy. Thus, as you say, the abuse that we enact at home is the abuse that we carry with us through the day, regardless as to whether it is seen with the physical eyes or not.
Our goal here on Earth is to learn to live in such a way that the true nature of our inner being, the Soul that is pure love, is reflected in our outer environment, the world in which we live. This can only happen if we let down those fortress walls and let the world back in, to the kingdom of our hearts. This can only be done with honesty, humility and complete transparency – all qualities that I have come to know and adore in every member of the Benhayon family. They are not special. They are here to show us, by way of reflecting our true nature, that there is an ease to living life here on Earth and it begins by accepting that we are a Son of God (pure love) and no less. When this is accepted, appreciated and lived by us all, Heaven will be restored in this plane of existence. And the many walls we live within, will dissolve into the shadows from which they came.
Wow Liane – what a comment. It is incredible to see the link between accepting our divine nature and letting the walls we live within dissolve. I can see that any form of hiding is a denial of who we are.
True equality doesn’t have any ‘but’s’ or ‘if’s’ or maybe’s or ‘sometimes’s’ – all of which are what fester behind closed doors. Equality and transparency are totally connected and inter-related. Once we accept that we are all equally the Sons of God, then what on earth is there to hide?
We are all connected and we are all the same yet we think it is true that we can harm another without harming ourselves or (more often) vice versa. This really is crazy.
Yup. It is crazy. But it is also totally understandable that we should believe that, in this utterly disconnected and individual world that we all live in. If we have built a bubble of re-inforced steel around ourselves, then we would never consider that someone else, in their reinforced bubble, could have any effect on us…or, as you say, that whatever we do in our bubble can have any effect on another – and anyway, since we don’t even know that other person because we are so ensconced in our own bubble, we probably don’t even care what effect we might be having on them! I say all of this because I find that it serves me to see the world that we have chosen and then I can understand the way we are. If we step out of our bubbles, open ourselves up to others..then we begin to feel that equality…then we can accept the possibility that what we might be doing will affect others and, vice versa.
I live with 3 other people and this blog allows me to feel that we can have a closed doors approach within our homes too. It is as though we believe that the people we live with will not be affected by our actions if they do not see them. Over the last few months I have been reminded that absolutely everything I do affects others. The more we are willing to see and feel the easier it is to bring what is hidden out into the open.
This is true Leonne. Nothing can ever be truly hidden. We are only deceiving ourselves
Leonne, living with others is a great way to really understand that everything we do is always affecting the others. I have found that too, when there is an ounce of disharmony in the home it can instantly be felt. My flat mate and I never let anything slide which has laid a strong foundation to express openly much more out there with others in the world. Although we may close a door, everything can still be felt. The more we understand this, we are then called to a greater level of responsibility in how we live.
There’s no getting away from our ‘stuff’ when you live with others …. everything is felt and the consequences can be equally supportive and evolving as they can harming and abusive depending on how everyone chooses to ‘be’ with themselves and with everyone else and the level of commitment to honesty and truth. This is further complicated with families as there is all too often a tangled web of needs and expectations that adds yet another dimension.
Just imagine if all children were raised to know that everything they do and say affects everyone else. This would bring the long overdue understanding to humanity that we are responsible for every action, and that hiding behind doors of any kind is so very harming and does not change our level of responsibility as to how we live and how we treat others.
When we choose to accept that everything we do effects another we live from a far greater level of integrity which is desparately needed the world over.
Leonne – terrific that you have shared this. We went on holiday over Christmas and we rented a small house and myself, my wife and our three kids all slept in the same room. It was fabulous. And since we got back, they’ve all moved in to our room. It’s very gorgeous to share the space together. And a million miles from what I would have wanted in the past – MY SPACE.
This is very sweet and beautiful ottobathurst. when there is nothing but love there is nothing to hide.
“The more we are willing to see and feel the easier it is to bring what is hidden out into the open.” – so true Leonne, it really does start with a willingness to see and feel whatever is there – with that willingness, openness and honestly follow.
Super powerful blog Sara – thank you. This responsibility that is called for is the switch to the light we can turn on in our homes, as switch which we all have access to. Every home has however many people there are living in that home. It is our choice to be responsible for our actions and so how we are with another. When we choose to be honest with how we are feeling about a situation or in a moment we can then share in honor of love, the truth. With this we build a truly loving relationships with which we respect and honor each other. As how we are at home with our family or whoever we are living with is what we bring to the world. If we bury our feelings, hide from the truth and live a lie we then live a lie in the world, hiding who we really are by putting on a facade. This is why we then need to escape as the keeping up appearances, living a lie is exhausting. When we choose to live in truth, with love, there are no games to play and no hiding or burying needed. There instead is room for learning about ourselves and each other, growing together and being more of who we are, as we are living simply expressing in honor of the love we are and the truth we feel. I absolutely agree ‘the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.’ And this is something we all can live as we all have within us the light we can switch on and live at any time.
‘What happens in the home, stays in the home’ might be something that we like to believe happens, but it is far from true. A more true statement would be ‘What happens in the home cannot be contained by 4 walls and is there for all to feel’. Whether it be hidden secrets or various levels of abuse…or absolute joy and love, none of it can be contained because everything we do affects everything. This is something we simply cannot escape …
I love your comment Carola and I can feel the ease that comes with letting go of the facade. Sometimes it seems easier to hide but this is a trick. Openness brings harmony.
So true Leonne. It is a false light that beckons us to take the seemingly easier road, yet on this path the lovelessness continues as no truth is lived here. When we choose to be honest with ourselves, we choose Love for ourselves, and so we are able to be honest with what is not Love. I agree with this openness to Love and harmony will be sure to follow.
Just one family – in this blog, the Benhayon family – switching their light on has inspired many others to do the same, as what they see lit up by the light is so beautiful and so profound that making the choice to ignore it would be a waste of a life changing choice.
It’s true – we box ourselves into a way of living that is far from reflecting the enormous love that we are. In this confined space we contract and use these self-imposed walls as safeguards, sealing us off from the world and the world off from us. Politely we walk around, a smile here, light conversation there, while meanwhile the lack of love that we live stings us to the core of our being. For we are love and to not express this love is a pain far greater than the abuse we act out for lack of it. Love is expansive and ever emanating. It is a light that forever burns bright from the flame we each hold deep in our inner hearts. To erect walls to safeguard this love not only has the opposite effect by way of diminishing the expression of our love, it also imposes on us angles that are very unnatural to our bodies and beings. Thus the geometry in which we live becomes a geometry that is deeply harmful and hence abusive to the nature of our true selves. We were not designed to live in a box with walls and corners in which to hide…we were designed to be that which we already are – a glowing orb of light able to reach out and connect with the other rays of light with no boundary between. We are the many Sons of God, and in this it is our true birth right and thus, our responsibility, to burn as bright as the midday sun, with not a cloud in its way.
It’s very true Sara – we do live behind walls and closed doors and often turn a blind eye even when we do know that something is happening elsewhere. Arrogance that if others can’t see it, then it doesn’t count or fear of others knowing and judging what is going on keep us silent and going on with life in the same ways but at a huge cost that the majority don’t realise is slowly but continuously adding up. I agree that the Benhayons are role modelling a completely different way of living and that others are now following their example. Society has a long way to go but at least the momentum of change has started.
Thank you Sara for a view behind closed doors. Most people would have suffered some form of abuse in their lives and inadvertently perpetrated as well. When we realise there is no shame in revealing what has or does happen behind closed doors, then there will be nowhere to hide for the perpetrator who will be forced to take responsibility for their actions and ask for help, which is obviously needed on both sides. In the past there has been some violence in my neighbourhood and it can be a tricky situation, calling the Police can be seen as interference but must be done. I agree we are so fortunate having families such as the Benhayon family as wonderful examples of transparency. The Way of The Livingness is the way.
Sara living with permeable walls I feel is a great awareness to the integrity of how we are actually choosing to live. I agree the Benhayon family is an absolute shinning bright light when it comes to living truth consistently and being transparent in everything.
This is a very powerful blog Sara. We seem to ignore what is truly going on in the world if we can’t see it. Yet the truth is is that we carry all that we choose with us everywhere we go.
May we open our eyes and hearts to the reality of how we are living and be inspired to make changes within ourselves.
Sara, I love how you have written this article. Not only have you touched on and revealed some of the abhorrent behaviours that go on ‘behind closed doors’ but you have also shown that there is another way – where we do not have to hide and close the doors to the world. We can heal ourselves so we do not want to have those behaviours in our lives anymore and open the doors to let the light shine out. I too deeply appreciate the Benhayon family for shining their light for the world to see.
Invaluable topic of conversation you’ve started here Sara thank you. When we feel we need to keep things behind closed doors, the question I ask myself is what, or more so, who am I really hiding from? The idea of transparency inspires much in the way of self acceptance.
“because living boxed in is not actually natural, even though we have made it our normal”. It is no wonder it is so hard for many to truly express when they suppress their feelings by shutting themselves off in this way. This can sadly begin at a very young age when we are encouraged to keep secrets. “Meanwhile the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community” by being all the love that they are, wherever they are and whoever they are with. “This is what love in action looks like” and what so many have been inspired by, to in turn begin to live, for if we are living loving responsible lives there is nothing to hide – no barriers or walls to create.
Well said Deidre – we just need to let our hearts lead the way and the barriers and walls will disappear.
A stellar blog Sara Harris. You speak the Truth of what is going on for so many and also the living way that the Benhayon family live. The way that they Live IS showing us ALL another way. They are ALL so supportive. Thank you Sara.
Thank you Sara for bringing this topic to the fore. We are so used to accept “What happens in the home, stays in the home?” that we have learned to not even look further. We have categorised our lives into different groups (home, work, gym, school, friends, neighbours, acquaintances etc.) and each group we act differently. But as you point out Sara, we do not perceive/receive life in pieces but as a whole, thus everything we do, no matter where we do it is with us in every moment.
I find it striking that in Australia a land most consider modern, safe, secure, ‘normal’, one at least ONE woman is dying in the hands of her closest friends or family EVERY SINGLE WEEK. Huge but even more striking is how normalised this statistic is to most that this does not even raise an eyebrow
Yes Joshua, I agree this statistic is staggering and shameful. While we all are individually responsible for our own behavior collectively we are responsible for the culture that has allowed this degrading behavior to become normal. It affects us all and brings us all down, and there is much we can do to expose abuse wherever it may appear.
An awesome blog, Sara. We need many more families like the Benhayons to show that how we live our lives can be very different when we are honest, open, responsible and loving and the world desperately needs this reflection.
Absolutely Anne – we all need to play our part to make the world of difference!
More and more homes switch their light on for all those to feel, share and reflect to. It only needs one home with their light on that creates a light for all those around. It start with one home, one light, one person or family that start to live love in action, and from that, true change can happen.
Thank you for writing this blog, it is clear to me that living boxed in isn’t natural, but on the other side it has become so normal. It is of great importance to start to feel what is going on in the world, and get to feel everything, through that sharing the love that we are. In another way feeling all is possible.
“Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.” Countless times I have heard interviews with neighbours talking about the suicide bomber, the murderer, the abuser who lived next door, and it seems like a cliche when they say ” Oh he/she seemed like a nice enough bloke/woman”.
There’s so much you say in this article, Sara. I am feeling how flimsy our world really is – for it to be heavily reliant on images that do not often represent truth, and many of us invest so much in refining them.
it is something I wonder often, what is going on behind closed doors – when I look at the statistics domestic violence child abuse, porn and substance addiction have to be happening right under our noses. So I have to ask myself what am I choosing not to see and what is needed to support honest conversations to help all involved?
It seems like while we put out a face externally to be accepted by society, we expect those who are the closest and the dearest to put up with our worst behaviour. That’s insane.
It sure is insane Fumiyo. One can’t help but wonder how we could ever allow ourselves to believe that this sort of behaviour was in any way acceptable.
It certainly doesn’t make sense to treat the people we love, and the people closest to us the worst. I’ve witnessed it my whole life, so many people have a public persona and then let out all their true feelings at home to their family, it has never made any see see to me.
Yes I agree Sarah. It is time to live in such a consistent way that it does not matter whether we are in the comfort of our own home or in a public space. There should be no difference if we hold ourselves in the integrity that we deserve to be in and all others deserve to be met in.
Whether it is hitting someone or watching porn behind a closed door; fronting a professional façade in public while having another one at home; eating secret stash of food – whatever we choose to only do in secret, they are all saying the same thing: we do know somewhere that what we are getting up to is not kosher. There is something in us that somehow thinks we can get away with things, and that attitude of arrogance, irresponsibility, thinking in any way that we are above/beyond the energetic law – is actually everywhere. We may not be doing anything remotely extreme, but the very same seed is found in our ‘normal’ everyday living, just not acting out at the scale it is obviously recognised as abuse.
Hugely powerful blog Sara. You had my full attention from your opening question “Have you ever walked the streets in your neighbourhood and wondered what is going on behind those closed doors; with the people living isolated and separated lives behind them?” It prompted me to recall how sometimes I would think about what kind of people lived inside the houses as I was either walking or driving by them but, interestingly, I always imagined a ‘lovely family’ scene. Definitely had my rose coloured glasses on which, upon reflection, does seem a little strange as I certainly was aware that a lot of bad stuff was going on in the world.
Either it be living with one other person, a family, working with others or in a flat block surrounded by and sharing walls and ceilings with other people we can’t help but affect each other by our own choices and movements in life. The world isn’t big enough for every person on the planet to have a cave and isolate themselves away from everyone else and yet that is how we are living! Trying to conform, squash and hide what naturally wants to be transparent and open to all is the complete opposite of how human life has to date been portrayed, the ‘comfortable’ life is not something worth striving for because the end results, both in the body and when the relationship hits that extreme breaking point / moment, show that it’s not working.
Dear Sara,
A very exposing honest article that has made me pause. It is not that I don’t know of the extent of domestic violence and pornography, for I do. But to no longer make this knowledge about numbers and to feel that real people are suffering from just such horrors every day is staggering. Where have we as humanity allowed ourselves to come to that very little see, or want to see the very deep harm that is happening to millions of people every day. How the Benhayons live is definitely a shining light, that has ignited the same love and integrity in others. Living this way, letting the world see the realness and naturalness of it is what can bring a stop to humanities atrocities. For people will see they have choice to live without the abuse.
a very touching call for more honesty, responsibility and being real with all the disharmony, lovelessness and atrocities going on in the World. Indeed energetically there are no such things as “closed doors”, or “private life”. Everything we do, say, live, is with us all of the time. The Benhayon family certainly set the standards for me.
Thank you Sara, I can totally relate to all that you’ve shared. The notion that “What happens in the home, stays in the home” is actually so poisonous – I was brought up with that ideal and found it very hard to speak up or ask for support when things were not going well at home because I felt a false sense of loyalty, combined with feeling responsible for the situation, so that asking for help was an admission of failure or not being strong enough. It’s pretty full on that these ideas are planted from such a young age. I have so much appreciation for the Benhayons, for they have shown me that there is another way and offered 100% support whenever I or so many others I know have asked.
This is amazing, not because what is said is good news, but at least we are opening closed doors and making it open to discussion. I myself can relate to having closed my door and pretend with whatever was going on. I was holding up a mask. But guess what? It was never truly hidden. What I recognize is that many many homes around me are closed down.. But the key is to open your own doors, not being afraid of hurts and trust that love will support us, to all people and let them feel your openess so they feel safe to open up their home doors too. When love is felt doors will be opened, I trust this is our only way – but we can only do it together. Thank you Sara, this wakes me and makes sure I open my doors as wide open as possible!
Hear hear Sara! You have covered so much here in this blog, and it is the truth of what is happening in our world today. It is our reality that all these things are happening and we (as humans) appear to be happy with the status quo by and large, as little true change has occurred over the past few years. It takes commitment to full responsibility in how we are, if we choose to keep our light on and allow others to see what is possible in this otherwise crazy world. The Benhayon family lead the way with this, and inspire others to go on and do the same wherever they may live and whomever they may live with in the world. Love can go anywhere, as it is deep within us all. The choice to connect to it is ours, and thus a life of joy awaits for any who so choose it.
I love this blog, Sara. So profound and so very true.
This statement is great:
“In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves.”
To me, this is the essence of the problem, and the cruel irony is that the ones we hurt are the ones we say we love. Only when we choose to take responsibility for ourselves, loving ourselves deeply, and dealing with our hurts, will we see any true change in the escalating cycles of abuse.
Such an amazing blog Sara that reveals the almost unspoken truth we are all aware of, that how we live behind closed doors is never truly hidden (despite our best efforts) but is felt by all. I love that not only does it expose this fact but presents to us all the possibility that we know another way and that is something we can all choose to live and embody in our every day.
We may not get to see the irresponsibility and abuse because of the closed doors, but because of those closed doors nor do we either get to see the suffering or the pain others might be in, the depression and the turmoil that gets them to act out these behaviours behind the same closed doors. As you say Sara; “there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world.”
Tragedies of gigantic proportions bring people together. We have all seen how people drop the walls that keep others out in times human disaster, extreme hardship, sudden accidents or other tragedies. This shows me there is love in the heart growing strongly of these people and that we can make the ‘Brotherhood’ experienced in these times, a way of life. Thank you for expressing and exposing much of what is happening but also for shining a light on the different choices we can all make – simple really.
“Living boxed in is not actually natural even though we have made it our normal.” This is great to read. For me it was certainly my normal to live boxed in as I sought out refuge from the world in my home. I used to get exhausted from being around people all day, especially as a teacher, so didn’t want to engage with anyone when I got home. Nowadays, from being inspired to live my life in a more self-loving way, and by not engaging with emotions as much or feeling the need put an act on to please other people, I don’t have that exhaustion anymore and can maintain an openness in and out of my work, and my home.
The Benhayon family has shown me a way of living as a family that I quite literally never knew existed. They inspire me every day to embrace what family is all about and to live it within my community.
You’ve raised a big topic Sara. We may think we don’t know or choose not to know what’s going on but the reality is that we can feel everything all the time. Our only way is to take the steps to connect back to the love that we are.
Sara, I love how you expose the fact that just because certain acts are carried out behind closed doors, the energy of these action affects everyone. Although it might not be seen, it can certainly be felt.
Fantastic blog Sara. When I go for my walk around my neighborhood I often wonder about the things that are going on within the houses. For a lot of people their home is one of the most dangerous places on earth. This is not okay but as you say we accept it as being okay. It is very refreshing to read a blog like yours that says it as it is.
This blog puts me in mind of how small town or village life used to be like years ago in the UK, when there was more of a sense of community, and everybody’s doors were open as neighbours and families would always be dropping in to see each other. Even though there would have still been stuff kept behind those doors, people were much more open to sharing their lives with each other and ultimately there was a stronger sense of brotherhood.
I agree with what you are saying here Elanor. I have lived in a small country town for most of my life, and the community was definitely more connected when I was a child than it is now. We can come up with many reasons as to why that is, but can we reverse the trend and bring back genuine care and loving support to our communities? My sense is this becomes a natural extension to us living, lovingly supporting our own bodies. And bringing back to humanity the truth that how we treat ourselves is how we will be with another.
Pornography seems to be going almost as socially acceptable as alcohol, and in some respects more so in the fact that you have to pay for alcohol, but you can easily access porn for free on the internet. How is this being allowed? My only assumption is that there must be a lot of people out there making a lot of money from the production of porn, so much so that they have more power than the ones who can see how damaging this is to our society.
“Love in action”, this is exactly what the Benhayon family are. There is no stone left unturned and certainly no walls, in fact the opposite, complete transparency. They have been a shining light for me for years, and each and every day, I am thankful for their presence on this earth.
Sara I just loved this. You write in an incredibly real way. Such honesty,insight and inspiration.
Everything you say is so true, how sad that so many live with skeletons in the closet which brings a great level of discomfort for all concerned. Beneath the superficial veneer of respectability that is presented to the world we can feel what is truly going on and that creates confusion. All power to the Benhayons for living a life of openness and truth, they are great role models of another way to live, The Way of the Livingness…..
‘ It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.’
One way or another many of us live like this to some degree. If not the more obvious abuse – it can come in many forms. The facade we bring to the world, playing happy family on the outside while there is a seething mess underneath is mostly accepted, as it makes us uncomfortable to see what is truly occurring. We, as a society are equally responsible for not wanting to look at the mess, and understand and address the hurt that it stems from.
Agree Jenny,
I know for myself that when I have felt something is not easy and feeling harmonious that I have pulled myself away because I have not liked what I felt. I am learning to stay present when I feel the disharmony, as to retreat means that I am very rarely fully present with myself, as I feel so much more now just how hurt many people are in our world, and the choices that are made to hide and hold down these hurts. This is not easy, but is so worth doing as often now instead of pulling away I can stay present and hear what another wants to share. Sometimes truly hearing another is all that is needed, sometimes I can share my own life experiences and feel the support that this is for both of us.
Exquisite blog, thank you Sara. Indeed what goes on behind ‘closed doors’ is revealing of the real state of our lives. As you say it’s not that we can’t have any privacy but we need to be honest about what is really going on for us underneath any facade we may want to meet and be willing to look at how to live to more let out the love that is inside us all.
This is so true Fiona, we do have our own internal closed doors that we come up against from time to time. In my experience when face to face with them, and with the support of my love. When I allow myself the grace to open them, just a little, they are no longer closed and they open more and more until I feel no need to hide that part of me any more.
So many important issues you discuss Sara. Transparency is the new way forward. “And while the world carries on behind their closed doors, there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world”. Inspiring…
The gap and at times a gaping void between what we portray to the world and what life is really like. I have found so much honesty and inspiration from many of my interactions with the workshops and students of Universal Medicine. We peel back the secrets only to find what we are harbouring is the same doubt, guilt, joy, wisdom.
Thank you Sara for this powerful blog about the responsibility we all have to not close our eyes, our doors for what is happening in everyone’s home. Your question ‘What is really going on in people’s homes that we are not aware of until it is way too late?’ raises the following: Are we truly not aware or have we decided to not feel, hear, see the truth of what is going on and say ‘thats not of my business’.
Too often these days peoples lives are so busy or by choice insular, that they dont acknowledge let alone support their neighbours.
I live in a small fairly densely housed community and there is nearly every kind of person in it. I have come to know that everything that goes on here is felt, and often seen or heard and cannot be completely hidden. I feel this place reflects what is going on in the world (a microcosm of the macrocosm) and feel fortunate that by living in amongst it so to speak I am no longer able to be blind or deaf to what happens behind closed doors. It has supported me to develop understanding and to not be afraid to speak or let people know that I and others are aware and respectfully ask if they would like support. Often, just knowing someone knows can initiate change. Thank you Sara for giving us the opportunity to reflect on this.
What this blog exposes is that anonymity and the idea that we can act unseen fosters abuse, because we are not made accountable for our behaviour. The way Serge Benhayon and his family live, like an open book and according to the teaching that everything is energy and everything is because of energy, calls us into a much greater responsibility.
“Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse…” that is an interesting point you are making, Sara and a very relevant one as without this behaviour abuse would not have a chance to last. If we openly talked about what is happening obviously everybody would know who the abuser is and support could be offered to bring this person back to a balanced behaviour. In addition to that everybody would know that they will be accountable for whatever they do.
It is really important to call out these abusive behaviours. I was having a conversation about people who are controlling to the point where it feels like extreme and mad behaviour, and my friend said if she went that way she would prefer someone to call it out rather than pandering to it and humouring her. This is true of abuse. We head down a certain path that in comparison to other paths seems normal, then we create some stories to support this position. How will we see that we have fallen into abusive ways if those around us condone the behaviour by saying nothing?
Beautiful Sarah… To live life fully open to world is something that few of us are doing, and as you say the Benhayon’s are showing us the way by living in an open, loving full way for the world to see.
It doesn’t really matter if we think we are hiding parts of us from the world or not, people can still see and feel the truth about the way we live by the way we are in the world no matter what we say.
I love the start of your blog pondering on the closed doors. There was a time in history where we did not have closed doors, even times when we lived in tents, so without walls, and everything that was said could be heard throughout the camp. It makes you wonder where have we evolved to, if at all, that we have built bigger walls in between us and today often sit behind those walls in isolation, feeling desolate, depressed and lonely.
In your description of the lurking that happens behind closed doors there is such a dark and uncomfortable feeling to it. All that festering that goes on and all the pockets of stagnation that have not seen the light of day for many years just feels awful. Yes we can choose to hide behind closed doors and choose to live in a way that we would never allow the world to see, and so many people do this. And left to fester and build up over years it can turn into abusive situations. This blog has grounded a new awareness around this that will help to shine light on the areas of darkness in our lives that we choose to keep hidden to the detriment of ourselves and the world.
Serge Benhayon and his family have inspired me (& countless others) to live in a way unlike anything I’ve experienced before – a way that has a foundation of love and that is based on the quality of the energy in the way I do things, the way I am with myself and the way I am with others. Here is a family that has never hid behind closed doors and that is an example of true inspiration for us all.
It is beautiful how you write about what makes the Benhayons way of life so extraordinary whilst they are living normal (ordinary) everyday lives. They are an inspiration for many and as you say many have started to live like that and others are following suit and it makes a huge difference to the people and communities around us.
Great blog Sara, you have raised so many important aspects of our current society that is ‘not’ working. Domestic violence, drugs, depression, anxiety, stress, cyber trolls, cyber bullying, all these things that go on behind closed doors, with the majority of people thinking that the 4 walls around them shields them like some magical mystical protection, but it doesn’t work like that. You take you wherever you go, so how you have been living goes with you. It is a concept the Benhayon family absolutely live by and walk their talk, showing that there is a different way, the Way of the Livingness.
Well said Raegan – the four walls do not act as ‘magical mystical protection’, and this blog raises some extremely important points about what is going on in our society that people believe they can ‘get away with’, but also what others believe they can ignore and let sort itself out, which is never the true case with these kinds of abuse or hurts.
I love this blog Sara, you have so eloquently exposed the rot – irresponsibility – that occurs behind so many closed doors in today’s society. As you share, a lot of people use the 4 walls of their homes as an excuse to ‘let off’ tension and steam from their days or lives, be it through shouting at family members, cyber abusing, engaging in pornography or totally checking out in front of the TV and shutting out life. These behaviours, although seemingly ‘harmless’ because they are in the constraints of the home, do catch up to us. They affect and damage our bodies, our relationships, our kids begin to feel the energy of pornography on us, the shouting can turn violent and turn into something much larger/destructive and so forth. What we need to establish is a way of life that is completely transparent – anything and everything you do at home should be something you would happily have others see and know about.
I love your finish line Susie! ” – anything and everything you do at home should be something you would happily have others see and know about.” This gives us a very real marker of what this is about and the opportunity to assess where we are at in regards to this matter.
“anything and everything you do at home should be something you would happily have others see and know about.” I am reminded of that moment when someone decides to drop by your house unannounced, the feeling i get when i answer the door of oh the house is a mess and i’m still in my pjs, its like an instant need to cover up and present something that looks more perfect. Its like holding someone at arms length and putting conditions on how much you are prepared to share.
Yes Lucinda I absolutely know the feeling. This kind of ’embarrassment’ only occurs when we are not taking responsibility, because we are fully aware that the interior or state of our house should be kept differently to what that person is walking in on. Similarly there have been times in the past when I’ve felt embarrassed for looking slightly bloated, and again this is because I do not want others to see the irresponsible choices I’ve made in relation to food.
The world will be transformed when we learn the value and the point of being responsible and the true cost of being irresponsible.
Very true Christoph and powerful statement
Well said Christoph.
Absolutely Christoph beautifully said. When we realise that we are the makers of the world we live in and not made of this world, we realise that we are in fact the custodians of the light, love, brotherhood and wisdom that can be lived in this world. So responsibility is indeed, as you say Christoph, the key to true change in this world.
Christoph value is the key word here, we understand the word when we talk dollars or real estate we get it ,it’s tangible. But to put a value on responsibility is by degree a shifting scale and up to the individual at this point in time. It will change when we all have the understanding of the connectedness of all things, nothing is in isolation and are prepared to see and be responsible in and with every aspect of our being.
An awesome blog Sara, how important is it for all of us to acknowledge everything that goes on in this world, from the love the Benhayons express to the abuse that some households are exposed to.
Wow Sara, there is so much you are addressing here. It is so true that one of our biggest downfalls is the attempt to cover up our short comings and display a perfect world to the outside, instead of looking at our short comings and discuss what we can learn from them and in that way actually overcome them. If we keep pushing them to the side, in the attempt to ignore them we miss out on this further development.
To live two different lives, one behind the closed door and the one you pick up on the way out, must be very exhausting and often very confusing: choosing to be seen to be “good” in the world, but acting out the hurts and issues we carry in the privacy of our homes is definitely living two lives, but in the one body, which needless to say will in turn suffer in one way or another.
In a way keeping issues hidden and buried only delays their exposure. If we all lived transparent lives the errors of our ways would hold such a tension that it would prompt us to at least look at our less than perfect behaviours every single day.
Wow, what a great blog. All that you share Sarah about our closed doors is true. Serge Benhayon and his family have shown what it is like to live with an open transparency. They have shown a way of living that counters the norm we have created and have inspired a change in many.
Your blog is very exposing Sara of how we as a humanity are truly living. We have become so used to living in our own little world in our own little box that we have lost the sense of living in community, brotherhood and harmony. I feel so blessed to have been able to see that there is another way to live life – one that is inspired by Serge Benhayon and his family – and as you say other families who are also willing to live life in a way that is congruent, truly loving and open to everyone. Suddenly we are realising that we can no longer hide away as we cannot hide from ourselves – and why would we want to when we can live a life that is full and engaging and enhances the lives of everyone, everywhere.
You make some really great points here Sara. I had to smile when I read about people opening the doors and letting the light in. Our neighbours are in close proximity and they can see directly into our kitchen, we often give them a wave. I am amazed by how open and friendly I feel towards others, I have nothing to hide. None of this would have been possible for me without the inspiration that the Benhayon family provides. They show what is is to live open hearted.
Thank you Sara for raising awareness of the nature of abuse and how it often akes place takes largely without our knowing. From your blog arose these words: ‘terrorism behind closed doors.’ Abuse, where-ever perpetrated in the home, institution, church, school, children’s home yet always behind closed doors and hidden from view is a form of ‘terrorism.’ One definition of terrorism is ‘the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes. This form is usually public and open for all to witness. ’ I offer a second definition: ‘the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for personal purposes and gratification. The second is more insidious and deadly because it is hidden, goes on without our knowledge, we live and work with these terrorists every day. The invisible terrorist walks stealthily amongst us with a facade of normalcy while their victims are scarred, trapped, hidden and silent. Throughout the world, children, men and women live in terror and suffer violence and abuse at the hands of people they know and trust. At what point do we give this the attention, media coverage and condemnation it deserves.
This really got me into feeling how much society as a whole really hides behind closed doors! Even if all hiding places were turned inside out I still feel there would be those that initiate other avenues to hide behind to carry out their chosen unloving/ill behaviours. Cyber trolls and using the net is a classic case of evil at work. Visually looks good that you’re busy getting on with your life but underneath a veil of driven loaded abuse being fired out. Brilliant sharing Sara thank you.
One of the greatest reflections I have had from the Benhayon family is that true change arises from within my heart, through my choices and how I express. The use of ‘mind altering’ substances is surely a reflection of how many people are seeking to change how they feel. The expressions of cyber abusers, surely reveals deep dissatisfaction and hurt within such a person. Domestic abuse, equally says ‘I am in so much pain here – so much so that I take it out on those who are closest to me’. And here we have a simply amazing family who are showing that to change how we feel does not require a drug, that expression can be truly loving and that to live in harmony with others is absolutely possible, when we accept responsibility for ourselves, and make that choice to live from our hearts once again. My experience is very clearly showing me the power that such true expression holds and my life is an ever evolving reflection of this – said with deep gratitude to the Benhayons and to Sara for sharing this here.
Indeed richardmills363 humanity seems so owned by their hurts, our lives carved by the pushes and pulls of pain – the Benhayon’s have shown me that we absolutely do have a choice not to be owned by these hurts, for once we connect to our bodies, to what feels true then a steadiness returns that is greater than anything before us.
The more truth there is in the world, the less space there will be for all that is not true. We have been shown how it can be by the Benhayons and now it is up to us to show the rest of the people on our street and in our neighbourhoods that there is a better way to live, without the fear of abuse and domestic violence.
I can imagine that this article would make a lot of the worlds population feel very uneasy. With the state that the world is in the only way out is truth, love and everything to be out in the open so we can all help heal it together. Not only the domestic violence and pornography and what ever else goes on behind domestic doors but also the corruption in governments and the worlds financial sector needs to be blown right out in the open.
I love this blog Sara and totally agree that ‘the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.’ Their openness is beautiful to feel and is inspiring so many to have more permeable walls as they take responsibility for their lives and therefore have no need to hide behind closed doors and put on a facade when they go out into the world in the mistaken belief that other people won’t feel the incongruity of their actions.
Energy is not restricted by closed doors. We may think we are hiding the physical and verbal behaviour behind a closed door but the energy is a vibration that is felt everywhere. Viewing properties when seeking to move house it is the energy of the house that is felt first before you step over the threshold and no amount of superficial cleaning up and bunches of flowers can cover it up. The Benhayon family take the love of their family and the family of humanity with them wherever they are through the open door of the heart.
Sara, I can really feel the truth of what you have written, I notice that in my home when I have friends about to come round I will clean and tidy the house because I would not want them to think I live in a messy, disordered house.
Yes Rebecca me too!
Hi Rebecca, I’ve fallen into the trap too. Living life according to what we think others want or to what we think is acceptable to them. Rather than being where we are and allowing ourselves to be seen in full. There’s a vulnerability in that that is actually healthy, even though it may be uncomfortable, because we are being real, more open and more transparent…and therefore the pressure is released.
So true Rebecca, its ridiculous when we ponder how willing we are to focus on the surface, our physical presentation, the cleanliness of our house and our polite manner. Yet if we FIRST brought this same commitment to the quality of our relationships these walls would fast disappear and humanity would again live in brotherhood.
I have often wondered what kind of lives people live behind closed doors, and there is this misconception that because the house may be neat and tidy looking from the outside, the people inside must have their act together so to speak. What this shows me is that we have become masters of making things look great on the outside, but hiding what’s really going on on the inside, and this way filters through to every aspect of our life.
So true Sara, so many people are living these strange “Jekyll and Hyde” lives and I certainly grew up with the “what happens in the family stays in the family” belief system. It is quite shocking really but I carried that through my entire life, choosing to live boxed up with my issues, stresses and abusive behaviours, all the while keeping up a public facade to hide all the grief and desolation. I placed a great deal of importance on my public persona, always polite, good and well behaved but gave my private life very little consideration. I now see that the way I lived behind closed doors, thinking no-one else would be affected by my behaviour except my nearest and dearest, was extremely selfish and irresponsible. When we come to the world of energy, there is no barrier to hide behind, our choices, actions, thoughts and words walk with us everywhere we go. Thankfully I had the grace to meet Serge Benhayon and his incredible openness and the transparent, all embracing love of his family, all of whom have all inspired me to address my own bizarre contradictions and begin to create a life of real continuity and openness and what a incredible blessing that has been. These days I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, I have been supported to heal the desolation, harmful habits and abusive behaviour, so I no longer need for a door to hide behind. These days what you see is what you get, come rain or shine, I am allowing all of me to be seen.
Awesome claiming Rowena ‘These days what you see is what you get, come rain or shine, I am allowing all of me to be seen.’ I can relate to the public facade I have hidden behind for most of my life but now thanks to the inspiration of the Benhayon family I am building consistency in the way I am in all areas of my life and no longer feel the need to hide at home for relief from the exhaustion of constantly putting a front on what I am truly feeling.
I too grew up with this belief about what happens in the family stays in the family, but it is crippling and doesn’t support anyone. Things certainly seem more intense in the world now with all the areas Sara has written about. If we take domestic violence, the statistics are shocking but I do wonder if it is because it is more openly known about and reported and cannot be contained behind those doors any longer.
Its no wonder we lose our way Rowena when as children many of us grow up in the belief that overriding your natural expression is the accepted way and that being rewarded & acknowledged for the things you do sandwiched with your good & polite manners is all that the world really values.
It is so true that family loyalty can lead to silence when it comes to abuse. And then it is the charge of the many government bodies such a social workers and police to resolve the issues when they get way out of control. But for lots of people, the control of keeping abuse hidden is a craft well developed over many years.
Indeed Sara we seem to be living in a “behind closed doors society” and with this trust has slipped away, the importance of relationships is no longer valued, for ultimately humanity is lost in self, in the box we call home.
Great comment, Lucinda, trust has slipped away, because the box we call home is not true and is not love.
Hello lucindag and as you are saying ‘we’ are part of society. As the Benhayons and many others are showing, if you value and appreciate those around you, including yourself, then the world will look different. Those who live this way including, as we are saying, the Benhayons, will need to continue to ‘lead’ the way. The moment any of us stop and wait for something to change is a sure sign nothing will change. If you have a level of awareness that indicates or inspires a way to live, for me The Way Of The Livingness, then take it out to everyone in the way you live, in the end we will all see the value in this: it just may take some time.
Thank you Sara. A deeply beautiful blog. The love that you shared the Benhayons live with (and I second that) and the love you expressed towards them, simply melted me with every word of truth you wrote. Love has no walls or doors – it is open for all. Thank God for the Benhayons who are living breathing proof of this.
“Love has no walls or doors – ” this sums it up for me Johanna, very well said.
What is happening in the family is a reflection of what is happening in the world; in fact it is the starting point. Change the family to one that is as loving as lived by the Benhayon family and we would have a different world.
Yes Jonathon and what happens within each one of us is reflected in what happens in families. When each person learns to truly love themselves this is what they bring to family and one person can be the catalyst for change. The Benhayon family reflects true love within family and through this family we feel what is possibile for all familiies.
Beautifully said Jonathan. This is the opposite of what we see in charities which focusses on fixing and helping others. What if we focus on living in a way with ourselves and our families that is truly loving and then allowing others to be inspired by this.
Very different indeed Jonathan…and the change has already begun…
Why do people have curtains? The people that hide behind them become curtain twitches, occasionally peeking around them to observe the world from afar. Or, as your list shows, there are plenty of things we don’t wish anyone to know about that we do behind our closed doors… and minds.
The Benhayons are a completely transparent family paving the way for all to see that it is possible to live as a true family, in harmony and with love. Deeply inspiring. When we see the reflection that one family can live like this we know that what they live is possible for all.
Hello Donna and I agree. Many may read this and doubt this fact but that doesn’t make it any less a fact. This may show where we have slipped to as a society in a way, that we don’t believe anything can be different. The way I see the Benhayon family live consistently in and out of their homes is outstanding. It’s no act, no facade just a genuine deep care for everything that goes on around them. I have been inspired to take this into my home and it shows. Take true care of yourself and it supports everything around you, take care only when you are in front of a camera then the world will reflect that also.
Sara this is a very powerful blog. Thank you very much. I also feel very inspired by Serge Benhayon and his family and now my life is much more open and visible to other people than before, as I am. There is less and less difference between ‘work life’, ‘private life’, ‘social life’ etc. It is very much ‘ONE life’ without altering myself in regards to the situation I´m in. This is much less exhausting as I don´t have to put roles on but just be who I am. So I become much more reliable for other people as well. It is an illusion that we can keep things to ourselves as everybody can feel what we carry in our bodies although they might not be aware of it.
And you´re absolutely right: The level of domestic violence and abuse, also cyber abuse is unacceptable. Just because people think they can get away with it because no on can see what they do doesn´t make it less harming.
Indeed Katrin. Compartmentalising our lives and putting on roles is like being in a 24/7 stage-play.
Powerful and true Ariana – “…there are no closed doors only a refusal to feel and see the truth of our behaviour and the responsibility that is required within our lives.” And many of us use the excuse that we can’t feel and we don’t know so that we can turn a blind eye on what is really going on.
Sometimes I allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling when passing past other people’s houses. I am often astonished that we know so little about the lives of the people who live in the same streets as us. My favourite season is summertime when our lives are much more outside and I get to hear my neigbours voices in the back yard. We all naturally are connected and it is a very artificial way to live a life that shuts most people out.
You make it very clear in this blog Sara that the split personalities we are living is in fact devastating to our societies as we all do feel the abuse that is being lived behind the closed doors, in the confinement of the four walls. And the fact that we in a way have agreed with each other to allow that and to not talk about it, to not bring it out, is even more adding to the devastation that our societies are experiencing from the abusive behaviours we so dearly want to keep private. But as we know we live in a world where everything is energy, and therefore everything is because of energy (Serge Benhayon), we also know that we actually cannot live like this. We have a reluctance to take the responsibility that everything that we do is felt by everybody in the world, if we do it in the open or behind closed doors, that does not make any difference. Living like this is in fact a foolish way of behaviour for such intelligent beings we pretend to be.
Thank you Sara, I love your blog. Opening up to the world how I live, who I am, with no reason to hide behind closed doors has been a very freeing experience. I have chosen integrity and love and ever since I have not had the need to hide anything anymore. I am in no way perfect but that imperfection is just part of me being human. By loving myself and bringing understanding to my less fortunate choices, I am today an open book for others to read.
Wow Sara, you’ve opened a pandora’s box here, great blog. It reveals how accountable we all are for the way we live, and the choices we make. I too am fortunate to have experienced first hand the openness with which the Benhayons live, and because of this, know that there is an unboxed way we can easily live. Once our lives are congruent there is nothing to hide.
Very true hartanne60, it is when we feel the incongruity between the way we are living and the way we know in our hearts it is possible to live that we are presented with a choice – to take responsibility and make a change, or to box ourselves in, to try to hide. One choice brings openness and expansion, the other a slow rot.
A woman once shared, long after the event had taken place, that she had driven all night with 2 small children in the car because she felt unsafe in her home. Shocked, I asked why she had not contacted her parents who lived nearby. She replied that she was too ashamed. In that extreme situation I could see how disregarding that behaviour is, but Sara you have shown how there are many less obvious ways in which we attempt to hide what is going on in order to keep up appearances.
And hartanne60, in order to conceal that which we can not in truth conceal we have become masters at lying. So much so that our society is held together with lies. Most are living in a web of deceit and calling it life.
Wow hartanne60 — the sad fact about what you share is that there will be many many more situations like this. Keeping up appearances has become the end goal in a society that is suffering immensely on the inside and is starved of love.
I agree Katerina, ‘keeping up appearance’, I have experienced this way of living as I was growing up and witness many families living this way too. It harbours abuse and allows it to be unseen and starved of love for sure.
Keeping up appearances is all part of the closed doors. Pretending that life is a certain way when the reality is quite different. But what role do we play in that? Do we judge others so much that they do not feel safe to expose what is going on in their life? Or are we loving, open and understanding so that another has the space and support to let it all out?
That’s incredible and yet, it happens of course and shows how accustomed we have become to leading two parallel lives, one to show to the world and the other one that we think we can keep hidden behind closed doors.
A society in disarray to the point of not even realising the extent of the absolute mess many of the world lives in. The answer is a definite and definitive YES to Love and letting people in. We ALL have so much to bring whether we realise we have or not we are all part of the divine pieces that make the whole the whole we all truly want.
Indeed Joshua, living like this, confined between the four walls of our own privacy, is living in separation of each other with the false idea that we can keep things private while in fact we live in continuous interaction with each other and everything we do affects all of us. There is another way of living though and that is to live a life in transparency based on the love that is in us all, that is open to be met by anybody and that is letting people in, everybody equally so. Living like this is adhering to the divine grandness we are all part of and have to return to.
I have heard it said that humanity is greatly ignorant of what is going on around it and your comment Nico exposes the fact that this very notion is true. We are very very ignorant living like this and an example is thinking commonly that war is not going on today yet it is, in places often not talked of by many but that does not change the fact that war still exists and effects us all
Indeed Joshua, great point. And to add to your point, if we do not experience war in our direct vicinity we think it is not there anymore, that we have outgrown that form of behaviour and that it has moved out of our communities. But in fact it is still there in energy as we can see it for instance in playing football games and all the behaviours that are expressed through it. Although people are not physically killed, the way people behave opposed to each other they do try to kill and diminish one another on an energetic level.
With this understanding Nico I reckon enormous change can happen in our justice and legal systems as no longer will we view the action is the defining factor of a ill behaviour but rather the energy
While science has already discovered and accepted that ‘everything is energy’ (Albert Einstein) we as humans and as a society also have to understand and accept this fact especially when we expand it to ‘everything is energy, and therefore everything is because of energy’ (Serge Benhayon). We are energy and our lives conduct themselves because of energy, it is just a matter of what energy we choose in our lives, and that is the level of awareness and responsibility we have to return to.
It makes absolute sense Nico that energy is not just a theoretical concept but a lived fact when we talk about energy and life in a very real and practical way. It is almost like by understanding of ‘everything is energy’ as theoretical is making it very hard to connect to and understand the true responsibility of what such a statement actually entails
Indeed Joshua, it is not a theory but a living fact we are constantly living in and by theorising this we are completely missing the boat as in that we put ourselves outside of it and do not consider the fact that we are living in a pool of energy all of the time, every minute of the day.
Well said Josh. We each do have a beautiful piece to offer and the sooner we connect to this fact the far truer society will eventually be. But before this we must be honest not only about the level of abuse Sara has outlined but also about anything that is not truly of love toward another is infact abuse. It seems that society has such a horrific marker of what abuse is that it would be hard for many to accept and understand that a lot of our everyday behaviours that we accept such as speaking with frustration, overeating or shutting another out are also abuse.
So true johanna08smith. How can we fathom true love in any way when we have an acceptance that the extremes of life are what constitute the very meaning of abuse? A convenient notion to hide behind so as to not embrace true love I say.
Johanna, this is so true, we need to redefine the boundaries of what is termed abusive, the less we accept abuse the healthier everyones lives become, it really is a win win and makes no sense at all when people react to getting called out or pulled up. There can only be positives from making our lives more loving and harmonious, not falling into the easy ways of accepting abuse. Porn is one great example, it is frightening how some are trying to make porn mainstream and advertise this in New York on billboards, this is abuse of the highest order and is one extreme example we have lost our way and need to reassess our values and boundaries.
Hear, hear Joshua, beautifully expressed!
I agree Joshua even though we are nowadays well informed about the cruelty, the abuse, the horrific acts that take place around the world on a daily basis, we do not realise the extent of the mess we are in or rather we do not want to recognise it for what it is, because in recognising and accepting the truth we can but see how careless we have been living and how big our responsibility actually is in the way we are living on a daily basis.
Absolute Esther, only when we have felt the difference between our careless choices and our loving choices as a felt marker in our body; from there we can choose what is the right one for us, if we don’t consciously choose, we allow others to choose it for us, but that is never what we would choose from our love for ourselves.
It’s true Joshua, this is what we all truly want ~ ‘YES to Love and letting people in. We ALL have so much to bring whether we realise we have or not we are all part of the divine pieces that make the whole the whole we all truly want’
Beautifully said Joshua, your resoluteness – inspiring!
I agree Joshua – so for me it feels that when you see the sign on the door say ‘Welcome’ it truly means ‘Yes to love and letting people in’. Not a cover up job just because it looks good on the outside.
So true Marion, welcome with all my love not welcome with a measure, holding back and judgement that does not let you in in full.
Thanks Sarah, Your blog gives a snap shot of the many ills that actually go on, in and around our everyday living. Its important to not have the blinkers on and just seeing your own slice the world, but to see it all, so not to live in any kind of bubble.
That’s right johannebrown17, living in any kind of bubble is in fact isolating ourselves from people, society and reality, a very harmful way to live.
Yes it is very important that you both make these points. We may think we’re alright if things are not happening directly to us, but I am learning that it’s important to have our eyes and ears open to what is going on around us as none of us are here to live and care for ourselves only, but we’re here to care for the All.
So true johannebrown17. It is important to be aware of what is happening so that we don’t live in a bubble. I have found that if I try to create this little bubble of perfection, when something doesn’t fit this perfect ideal I feel as though I have to cover it up and that is living a lie. There is no substitute for truth.
No walls or façade that people choose to use can stop us from all feeling the energy of what is going on in the world. We all know it is a mess and we have developed ways of hiding this. The Benhayon’s are the leading light in showing us how to live true brotherhood here on earth.
Hear hear Tracy.
Love this Tracy. We think we’re protecting ourselves from the world seeing in but we are also thinking that we can block the world out and not see beyond our own walls…or that beyond our own walls doesn’t matter. Such a separative way to live and so far away from the natural and ever present pull towards brotherhood
It is a very difficult one for me. On one hand I live in protection and on the other hand I know this doesn’t protect me at all and in fact hurts me from not letting brotherhood in. Slowly I am unfolding and realising that the protection that has been set up over life times is an illusion and doesn’t work.
Very well said Tracy, We all do know it is a mess and have thus developed coping mechanisms so that we can deny it, even to ourselves. And then you have the likes of the Benhayon family that let their love be seen in full, and in order to let this love in, we first have to let go of the coping mechanisms and actually feel how much we do miss this love which is so natural, our very own innate love… which is why for some people this is too much, the pain of the suffering they feel too great and so instead of letting the love in, they attack it instead.
It seems absurd to attack love but I myself sometimes struggle to accept the love that is out there and have found myself dulling this love with food choices. It feels like for many of us we have become accustomed to protecting ourselves from hurts and we have lost trust in humanity to show us true love.
I agree Tracey there is no denying the world is one gigantic mess. Thank god for the Benhayon’s showing that heaven is possible on earth once more.
Well said Tracy – we all put our blinkers of comfort on to avoid seeing the mess that we are living in – fooled into believing that ‘ignorance is bliss’ whilst deep inside we all know this is not true.
That’s what I often wrestle with. I know something is not right, loving or good for me but I slip into comfort and old habits rear their head. Working on letting go of attachment of how the pictures should look is a great starting point to healing comfort.
Exposing the fact that so much of our world is about living in one way whilst presenting another is super important. What the Benhayon family reflect to me is how important it is to ‘walk your talk’ and know that your every move and moment is yours to be in energetic responsibility and with energetic integrity; as all of life comes down to this.
Yes Cherise it does not serve us to live in dishonesty of who we are and what is true for us. Living one way but presenting another facade to the world only holds us back from the truth we know within.
You ask some very big questions Sarah, it certainly feels to me like a lot of the act and the persona we present to the world is to be accepted. We all offered ourselves as we are as children and for the most part had this openness and generosity rejected. It is a testament to the few who are able to live without compromising who they are. I have only had fleeting experiences of being as I am but enough to show me that the front I put on to the world is tiring and not at all worth it.
That is definitely the key, keeping up a facade is hard work. Being our selves in full only takes responsibility.
Exactly Benk, this false picture of self is exhausting and takes the vitality out of the body.
Well put Benkt.
Great point Stephen. It is absolutely tiring and exhausting to put on a facade. It’s like going against all that is natural and keeping it up day to day, moment to moment. To know another way is simply coming back to what is already there. And thank God for Serge, the Benhayons and now many more, who are leading the way and inspiring so many to live without the solid protection and hardness they had built around them to keep themselves separate from the world…
exhausting and definitely not worth it Stephen I concur!
No wonder exhaustion is so high in medical statistics world wide. People are caught up in the insidious game of keeping up a facade and living far away from a natural way of being without even realising it.
So true Stephen, it is a front that we often put on for the world for various reasons. For me, the challenge is, despite the reasons I have built to hide who I truly am, to go into the world without this front knowing that while I am not perfect, I am whole, complete, and that is what the world needs. The true me.
All you say is true, Sara, but we also have to remember that men are abused too, I know of families who have been destroyed because it was the woman who was the abuser. In one of these cases the man when looking for help from psychologists was told he must have been the first one to abuse which then left the woman to strike back. But what if women are just as much the perpetrator? As we know it takes both sides to be complicit – for the abuser to abuse the ‘victim’ must be willing to take the abuse and not call it out when it starts. It seems usually this is not the case because we pander to people’s dramas, tantrums and out of control behaviour instead of calling it out and facing up to the consequences. I can see the longer it takes to call abuse out the more time it has to grow into the monster it is today.
Yes, abuse is happening by everyone- all types of people, both genders and all ages. I too once knew a woman who was violent toward her children and husband at the time. The scars remain far after the abuse and others are left carrying hurts. So the responsibility is far greater than we realise as the affects spread far and wide too.
Thank you for saying this Susan. Yes, men are victims of domestic abuse and more so than we realise. In fact there are also cases of children abusing parents. It is by no means that men are the only perpetrators here.
Well said Susan Wilson – both men and women suffer from being abused. Calling it out is key to change.
“we pander to people’s dramas, tantrums and out of control behaviour instead of calling it out and facing up to the consequences. I can see the longer it takes to call abuse out the more time it has to grow into the monster it is today”.
I agree Susan – there is a slow process of de-sensitisation that is happening which means that Humanity are accepting behaviours that are abusive but because they have always been a part of their lives they have stopped questioning this abuse. People have stopped listening to their bodies and the innate wisdom and knowingness that lies within – the voice that is calling for a ‘Stop’.
Great words, Susan! Abuse is genderless. Such as violence. It is a human disease we take as normal – or at least accept to happen as long as it doesn’t bother us personally. The moment we are aware to feel it, see it or get involved any other way it is a choice to take the responsibility to speak up. We can’t walk self-justice. But we can speak up.
Awesome point Susan. When we don’t call out abuse we say that it is okay. And this is how the closed doors start.
In transparency there is the responsibility to hold all things accountable, it is not perfection that is sought as there never can be perfection, but accountability is regarded as a responsibility like oxygen is to life, because anything secretive or hidden feels like abuse.
To cover up or hide our comfortable ways of living behind closed doors is in fact, anything but comfortable! The more responsibility and accountability that is embraced and cherished in daily life, the more acceptance there is of the learning and purpose we are here for.
well said Adele and Cherise, it most certainly is odd we would want to choose to exist in a self imposed prison
You are so right Cherise – there is no comfort in secrets of any kind.
Beautifully said Cherise and super inspiring and so why would we not want to grow and develop that?
Yes beautifully said Adele and Cherise. When we choose to open the doors to truth and love, we open the doors to the the truth and love we all can live together.
In one way there is comfort. As it allows everyone else to stay the same also.. When someone changes this and highlights how damaging living behind closed doors can be, everyone’s comfort in living this way gets challenged and highlighted.
Beautifully expressed Adele. Thank you
Accountability hold every moment of equal importance.
Beautifully said Adele. That which is kept secret can only be abuse – for love is for all, as all are of love. This is why throughout the ages the teachings of Love, known as the Ageless Wisdom, have been made to sound scary, obscure and hidden by corrupting the true meaning of the words ‘esoteric’ and ‘occult’. Words that in their essence never describe that which is secret or veiled, but rather all that is loving and transparent. The meanings were twisted along the way to afford us an excuse to keep living abuse at the expense of the love that we are, but are not taking the responsibility to live. If love appears to be hidden, secret, veiled and not to be trusted, then it is an indication of how far we have strayed from the nature of our true selves.
Well said Adele, I totally agree. Anything that is secretive, hiding doesn’t allow light to shine upon it, space to allow air to flow, so it can only fester and rot, nature reflects this and we experience this in life if this is the way we choose to live.
“…because anything secretive or hidden feels like abuse” – agree Adele, we always like to think that things can be kept secret though only when life is being lived in selected parts or compartmentalised.. because in truth, nothing is ever truly hidden or unnoticed when there is full feeling. It is in not feeling that the illusion of secrecy is kept fuelled, and ‘behind closed doors’ becomes a closed door of irresponsibility. In which there is so too the open door to abuse.
Beautifully shared Adele, and the true sense of freedom in being all that you are that comes with transparency and accountability.
So true Adele, anything secretive or hidden feels like abuse already, there is nothing to hide in responsibility for the quality we put out in all we do.
Love your expression, Adele, wonderfully put, “in transparency there is the responsibility to hold all things accountable……accountability is regarded as a responsibility like oxygen is to life, because anything secretive or hidden feels like abuse”. I absolutely agree, it is time for us all to open up and expose ourselves, so many of us have been living such secretive lives, it is damaging to ourselves and to all others. Many of us have been brought up this way, but it is time to turn things around,no more secrecy, let us strive towards true brotherhood in love and truth.
It is indeed great irresponsibility to have a public facade which attempts to cover up what we do not want the world to see, living this disharmony with ourselves is first and foremost self-abuse. If what we accept is abuse for ourselves, what we are dishing out to the world is also abuse. This is felt and personally experienced in the media industry, where the stories and news produced every day shows the glamorous might of journalism, but behind the closed doors there is so much abuse and lovelessness on-going with every person involved from the deep disregard in how we treat our bodies to meet deadlines, to the equal deep disregard, cruelty and supremacy we show our working partners especially to those “down the ladder”. The media industry holds great responsibility and power with communication to the world, how much responsibility is actually expressed with the irresponsibility we live behind closed doors?
And behind these closed doors of irresponsibility the level and depth of harm that people are going to is worsening.
Great points Adele Leung, well said.
Absolutely exposing of the media and many other workplaces Adele. Is there one form of interaction within the office and then a public facade? Politics is often the worst example of this, we often hear about transparency but in fact what is needed is truth and openness. What would it be like if we removed the walls and doors?
I think removing the walls and doors would be one very interesting eye opener… Some would take much more responsibility because they know neighbours can see and they don’t want to be seen badly by their neighbours, this is good in that they are willing to consider how they seem to others, but poor in that abusive behaviour is regarded as ok if its ‘only family’. Abuse is never ok, and if we let down our guard and drop our decency around family, then we are poisoning our own homes. This is never ok and ironically its us who suffer the most from this.
Yes Lee, the fact is when I have talked to work colleagues about office politics they are totally aware of it but have given up on doing anything about it becuase they have been squashed when they have. From my experience the best way to deal with this is to be yourself. I always deliver what I feel is needed. If I feel red tape ahead of me I give my all before I have to go to the red tape and when I do I just pass it on so they actually are faced themselves with the red tape. In truth we all responsible for the red tape in an organisation. The system is made up of all people that work in the system. Be yourself in what you feel is true for all and this will naturally expose the rot without you actually ‘taking it on’.
It feels like a big part of the media are very much sold on the outer image of things, all the while professing they are about ‘uncovering’ things in order to titillate their captive audience with more of the same masticated morsels.
Adele, I very much relate to the irresponsibility of having a public facade that attempted to cover up what I did not want the world to see. For years, I abused myself and lacked self worth. With awareness and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I healed the hurts, re-moved the masks, opened up to myself and others by learning to just be me.
Simply awesome blog – I can feel the call to greater responsibility in our living throughout and could feel exactly what it would be like to remove the walls and doors as it was described. It’s hard to fathom how we have come to believe that that which is not seen by others cannot affect them.
This is hard to fathom Michael, as we all know how a room of people in joy feels compared to a room of people in anger. We feel everything! This is the same principle except somehow humanity have blinkers on thinking what is done behind doors is not affecting others. On the other hand the fact that it is hidden shows it is known that it is wrong and harmful yet people are wanting to hide the harm they are causing.
Awesome point Johanna. ‘the fact that it is hidden shows it is known that it is wrong and harmful’. Same goes for cyber bullying. The abuser hides behind a computer.
Yes Johanna, it reminded me how much terrible abusive behaviour does go on when I was growing up, and worst still how it is covered up to protect people’s name. I experienced and felt it where ever I was. It is known. You cannot hide it. There was no space provided for me to openly express about, until, I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Well said Michael, it is amazing the idea of closed doors and what is said at home stays at home. It is a myth that we can act in one way, in one area of our lives and then totally different in another, with neither affecting each other. I know the way I am in one moment directly affects the next moment and so it is impossible to keep things behind closed doors hidden from others. We can all feel everything, whether or not we want to admit it. The more open and honest we are the more everyone gets to see the love we naturally are. There is no shame in saying we are not feeling great, or that we are struggling with something. We do not have to put on the act and picture that everything is rosey when it is not. We are only then in this case lying to ourselves and others. And when we are feeling amazing that’s great, we also do not have to lessen it for others in case they may feel jealous. We can offer then an opportunity to see the way we are living rather than just cruising through life like so many of us have become accustomed to. we have carved a life which seemingly works, ticks all the boxes, but are we truly happy? For me it has not been until I met the Benhayons that I saw what love and true family is. I could paint the perfect picture for others but I was not content, far from it within myself.
I agree, James, “it is a myth that we can act in one way, in one area of our lives and then totally different in another, with neither affecting each other”. We can all feel the energy, so of course we are affecting others. So many people live that way, some can be so abusive with their family, then walk outside the home and pretend nothing is wrong there, put on a very responsible facade, and become the very epitome of a ‘great pillar of society’, someone who is looked up to by many people who are not really discerning. I agree, the Benhayon family are great role models for all of us of how to truly live an open loving life. Nothing is hidden there, no facades needed, you get exactly what you see and feel, a wonderful family living absolutely true loving brotherhood in true equality.
What I love about being around people who are open and not trying to be anything other than their selves, is that I do not need to second guess what I am feeling. So often we/people put on a facade and then project this picture out, which means our eyes may see this polished picture and their words may confirm it but what we are feeling is completely different. We then start to doubt our feelings and accept what we see and hear as being it, even though we know it is not. I have been on both ends of the stick and know how much I can fool people into thinking I am doing ok when I really am not!
True James, I have learned that being transparent is better than being closed off protecting yourself. Being transparent keeps you open and more easily be able to stay connected to what is really going on.
It sure does Rik and wow it has made such a huge difference to my life the more open I am both to myself and to others. It also has meant I am now far more content with myself and do not try to constantly be something for everybody else, rather now stand on my own 2 feet as I am.
Michael if the walls did come down, there is not one person alive that could cope with what they saw.
We already feel and know what we would see – it would be our conscious awareness that would be required to adapt; no more excuses for the ignorance we have chosen.
I so agree Michael there is such a truth expressed here and a call for us all to live more responsibly in regards to how we treat ourselves, others and choose to live within society. Why do we feel we can behave one way in private and so differently in public? Why do we feel we can lie to ourselves and others, when truth be told all is felt. This blog so beautifully exposes the rot we can live in and the fact that it is possible to choose differently and to live the love we already are.
Totally agree Michael. A huge call for greater responsibility is offered by Sara here. How willing are we to have people really see into our lives and if not so, then what are we hiding from?
How stark does our world need to be before humanity can no longer close the door & deny the truth, energetic responsibility as presented by Serge Benhayon, 12 years ago.
Yes lucindag and powerfully expressed. Energetic responsibility who-ever we are where-ever we are.
Responsibility is indeed all that is being asked, to feel and know that not only that what we show on the outside affects others, but that all that we do affects everything. So holding things behind doors is only fooling ourself in believing that it doesn’t.
I agree Michael there lays a big responsibility in every move we make and every step we take and how we are with each and every person be behind closed doors or in the open; just because somebody can’t see us doesn’t mean they won’t be affected by what we are doing. This is something we still need to understand, accept, learn, there is no switch off button that lets us have time out, time where we can do what we like to do however irresponsible it might be and then simply turn our selves on again to present us in the open. As the fact remains, everything we do, as Sarah points out, is with us all the time.
Live life as if there were no walls, or doors to hide behind, an open book and transparent. And in the world of energy it is an illusion to believe we’re not accountable every second of the day for our thoughts, actions and feelings. Just because it can’t be seen, doesn’t mean it can’t be felt.
In reading your comment Michael, I was reminded of the innocence of a small child that puts their hands over their own eyes and thinks they are invisible. Similar in a sense to what we have created with our boxed in lives, yet not so innocent. We know what we are doing with the choices we make to keep these parts of ourselves boxed in. We may not be visibly seen but everything in life is felt and everything affects everything. It’s just that we have become very good at choosing to ignore our responsibility in it all and think that if it can’t be seen then we can just carry on and pretend it’s not really happening…
Sara we have each learnt as children to play the game of ignoring the truth of any given situation. Everyone around us modeled deceit, lies and role play, it is what we all grew up with and then in turn contributed to. It will take a long time for us to unravel the web of deceit that we call life but eventually we shall get back to truth. Hopefully things won’t get much uglier before they do turn because what is already happening is horrific.
Yes it is Michael, and I love how you name it for the call it is and I can feel the joy and how natural this is can can be for us all.
I agree Michael – I feel the call to responsibility. If we are not living like the Benhayon family – why not? It is how we all want to live, and they have shown what is possible. The call to live the love that we are.
It is an awareness that we have to allow to be there. To see and speak to those we can feel abuse wherever. There is a responsibility to speak up, definitely.
“…how we have come to believe that which is not seen by others cannot affect them” – so true Michael, living knowing this, and how everything we do affects everything and everyone is living life at the highest level of integrity, to which many of us are not ready to admit to, let alone live. Because if we did, our world, and the way we raise families and communities, do business or trade, run companies or countries would be the complete opposite to what is current, to show that the world we have today is from a world lived without responsibility of the very ’cause and effect’ fact you share.
It is so crazy that we think energy can’t be detected from our activities but my God it so can, I agree the energy from people who do porn is very tangible when that magazine is closed or computer turned off – excellent article Sara Harris.
It is our ultimate arrogance isn’t it Michael to go around pretending we don’t know that we affect everyone and everything with our very thoughts let alone actions! It’s obvious that it is true but we have done a good number on ourselves and make it seem ‘far out’.
Yeah it’s very arrogant to go around thinking we don’t impact anyone- crazy in fact
So true Micheal. Everything we do affects all, there is great responsibility in this. A closed door does not remove this responsibility.
Indeed, a closed door doesnt remove this responsibility at all! we cant hide the way we live, morning, noon and night. I love how people who live responsibly feel to be around- simply gorgeous, reliable, not dependent and deeply respectful- we get the end results of this dedication.
Exactly – there are actually no closed doors, everything has an energetic imprint and so comes the energetic responsibility with everything we do say and think.
One can try to close as many doors as we want, truth will always shine truth and responsibility cannot be removed.
That’s so true Michael. What I know is that whatever I do – how I am with myself when at home- actually is felt by others. To pretend it is not, or that it doesn’t affect my relationships with all I meet, is a lie.
I know when I meet the Benhayons and all those who’ve been inspired by them, that not only there is no facade when I see them, but that the level of integrity that they live their lives in the privacy of their own homes is beyond what I can imagine at present. What I feel is that every action, every movement, every thought has an affect on the world and that 4 walls hide nothing.
Very true, however we still think that if no one sees it doesn’t matter.
I agree Michael – when you really stop and think about it, it makes absolutely no sense at all. Another crazy illusion we have naively been sucked into believing.
It seems such an ignorant way to live and yet I don’t think I was aware, or wanted to be aware, of the fact that even if something is not seen by another it still affects them before it was pointed out to me. These blogs are so important in order to bring that responsibility, and even the opportunity to know, back to us.
yes I agree you have summed it up so well, it reminds me of the saying “out of mind, out of sight,”….. if no-one sees it, then its not a problem. Yet the end result of all of this spills onto our communities in how we are within them. We all suffer when people are deeply wounded from their home lives, it affects us all.
I agree Micheal, and yet this is a huge plague which sits deeply set all around us. If everyone were to live with this level of integrity then it would be a completely different world we would be speaking of, so bring this awareness to the surface is important as it offers us all a stop to reflect and really consider how we are choosing to live our lives.
Absolutely, Michael, greater responsibility is the big requirement now, the only way that we can turn around the awful situation in the world where there is so much violence, there has to be much more openness, more speaking of the truth. We have to bring down the walls and doors that are hiding the great festering between people living in so many abusive households, or other abusive relationships, and as a society we have to start dealing with things. It can start by families who have learned to live otherwise to open up even more, so they can be seen by all as showing another way to be living their lives.
So true Michael. We have placed to much emphasis on the physical and what we see- completely ignoring the fact that energy is everything, and we feel everything.
Yes, Michael, spot on. There is truth and there is hiding from truth. We have a responsibility to be truth, whether behind closed doors or not.