Preciousness

When I was a child I never had to worry because I always had something that looked like a big chunky lump of glass with me, and this was my greatest treasure.

It was fully mine and easy to take with me wherever I went. No one was jealous or wished to take it away from me, as they could not see any worth in it.

But for me it was everything as I could play the most amazing games with it… it would become an iceberg or a mountain, or whatever I imagined it to be. I would constantly grow from experiencing incredible adventures with it.

When I was sad, a ray of sunlight would fall on it and would be reflected back in all the colours of the rainbow and there was no other possibility than finding my joy again, as I loved those rainbow colours and their playful presence so much.

Later, when I grew up and realised that no one seemed to understand that this ‘lump of nothing’ meant the world to me, I started to doubt its value and simply forgot about it.

It was nearly 25 years later, during a Retreat with Chris James, that I suddenly encountered the glass lump again. At first I was shocked when I realised that it was not glass at all; it is a giant diamond in the rough.

Instead of feeling joy when rediscovering such a treasure, I felt anxiety of what the others might think about it: if they would be jealous, try to take it from me, or if I might destroy it when playing with it again just as I did in my childhood – totally free, without thinking about anything.

When I was a child I felt just naturally free in my body and never thought about why or how I moved. That day I felt so clumsy and insecure that I just did not dare to play with something that delicate.

Whilst pondering about that, sitting on a chair on the terrace, trying to compose a childhood song – as was the task set by Chris – and processing my head off with doubts about myself, all of a sudden an inspiration on feet came along.

This was a friend, who is one of the most inspiring women I have ever met. She glided down the stairs, impeccably and yet so simply dressed, barefoot and with utmost grace continuing to float her way through the park.

She was just with herself, focussed on the task that had to be completed, not thinking about the world around her or how she looked but moving with awe-inspiring grace and beauty.

Seeing her shine in this aureole of glory caused me to feel a love and the wish to simply adore her with all that I could bring; something I have never felt for a woman – expressing as a gay man in this life.

She made it tangible for me that love is so much more than gender or sexual preferences and that when we meet a person who deeply touches us, anything other than love is irrelevant – it is only us who choose how deep we are prepared to go and how many hurts and concepts we are to overcome along the way.

Somehow this gave me enormous confidence and I decided to no longer worry about my diamond, but to put it in my pocket and just wait and see what would unfold. I began playing with it every now and then, cautiously at first and then more and more confident. And boy oh boy, what unfolded next made the magic of God become more tangible for me.

The next day I was, seemingly out of nothing, met by a man who just went beyond any fears or concepts and who expressed openly with the most simple and honest words.

At first I panicked and wanted to back off, but then I opened up and let crumble down, one by one, nearly all the walls of protection I had so painstakingly built around my heart.

The embrace we shared seemed endless, step by step inspiring each other to dare to go deeper and deeper and express more and more of what we were feeling in each other’s presence, nearly no words needed, just an embrace and yet so much more.

The gestures and movements were very small yet so full of care and support like I could not remember having felt before. It was as if we had known each other and held each other for ages.

We inspired each other to step by step open up to be who we really were behind all those layers of habits, ideals and beliefs with which we usually veil our true self.

What he shared with me from his body at that moment was that my diamond was not only a priceless treasure but even more; something that I could polish into a true gem and develop joy in wearing it for all to see and enjoy.

This gem is there for me to look at and to remind me of the colours of the rainbow whenever I might doubt myself, and that it is always there, around my neck shining, glittering and colourfully sparkling with every ray of light that might fall onto it; reflecting to others that this joyful display of magic they see is nothing but a reflection of their own light they are shining towards me.

This diamond is my own unique preciousness.

It is something I can never lose, but just forget about. No one can take it from me, as it will not shine on them as it does on me. And deep inside they all know this and that they don’t have to grab it, as we all have our own gem that suits each of us best – a unique gem which has been custom made.

The list of all wonderful persons to say thank you to would fill a roll of wallpaper, so just one big warm and simple hug to everyone who inspired me to find my preciousness again and to allow my diamond to sparkle every day by shining their rays of light on it.

By Michael Kremer, Personal Assistant, Buchholz, Germany

Further Reading:
Who am I?
Trust and Appreciation
Being Found Out: Online Presentations Opened Me To The Preciousness I am

819 thoughts on “Preciousness

  1. Thank you Michael. This is a beautiful reminder that every move we make is observed and felt by others on some level. If we move connected to our own preciousness we inspire others to do the same.

  2. It is incredible how much we get influenced by society when growing up and how easily we doubt ourselves and let go of something we so treasure because it appears no one else does have this same care and interest in it. It would be gorgeous if we could raise children to stay connected with their preciousness so it is not something that has to be reconnected to but already there and growing.

  3. The story of the lost diamond, is a story many could tell. We are all looking for this diamond if we are honest but most of us have lost faith that it exist replacing it with the mundane things in life, like relationships, food or sports in which sparkle only last for a while and can never replace the real thing. That diamond that was always there inside of us.

  4. Amazing to feel your preciousness and tenderness in your blog Michael. It is deeply inspiring for me as a man and I can feel those layers of protection that you speak of and how much they stop us from being who we are in the world and from experiencing the full depth of love that is available to us.

  5. It is truly beautiful Michael to read a man expressing with such tenderness and openness, this blog is a great reminder of the power we feel when we make the choice to let go of the protection that has stopped us experiencing a deeper and more grander love.

  6. Thank you Michael, your last line was beautiful, “to everyone who inspired me to find my preciousness again and to allow my diamond to sparkle every day by shining their rays of light on it.” It’s a gorgeous way to describe brotherhood and how our choices to be the love we are can support others to shine from their love also.

  7. I too have in recent years reconnected to my preciousness and it is truly precious. I have also found that there is a great power in preciousness which could go some of the way to explaining why it gets attacked!

  8. This is a deeply precious blog to read Michael. Every word has touched me deeply in my heart of the reminder that it is our reflection of the truth of all that we are is what sparkles, shines and purely emanates the qualities of the gloriousness we are all from.

  9. I love this powerful realization Michael – Love simply IS – whatever the gender or sexual preference.
    “She made it tangible for me that love is so much more than gender or sexual preferences and that when we meet a person who deeply touches us, anything other than love is irrelevant.”

  10. When we are willing to surrender and open up our heart we are able to reconnect back to the diamond inside us, our innate preciousness.

  11. We can try very hard denying ever having such diamond, but we all do. But it is not the diamond we are trying to deny, but it is the pain of not living with that preciousness that we want to deny. It is very beautiful how we get inspired to reconnect with that by others’ reflection.

  12. “When I was a child I felt just naturally free in my body and never thought about why or how I moved” Watching children play and express so freely shows us that we still have all that inside us still. It has just got buried under the so-called ‘adult’ life overcoat we have been groomed to assume. Time to unpeel those layers and find the natural joy that has been there all along – the diamond within.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s