Do you ‘freak out’ at the possibility of getting up and talking in front of a group of people? Why? I mean, really why? Over the years I’ve heard many answers to this: I’ll make a fool of myself, I’m not good enough, I’ll forget what to say, I don’t know the topic, I don’t look good enough, no one will be interested, I can’t handle all that attention focused on me, my voice is too quiet, I’ll make mistakes, I can’t do that, I don’t have the confidence, etc. etc.
At one time or another I’ve given all these answers as reasons, or rather, excuses, myself. But are they really the crux of the issue? Are they causes or merely effects? I’d like to share some experiences of my own to explore this question with you. Perhaps you can relate.
First memorable stage failure – not showing up at all.
I was five years old and the students at my school were required to do a song and dance concert. Mum made me a gorgeous costume; I loved it. But I didn’t want to perform, and I got sick and never went to school on concert day.
Second memorable stage failure – voiceless.
Until I was eleven years old I loved to sing in the school choir – everyone feeling the oneness and contributing to the total harmony, no individualism, no competition, no recognition of anyone being better than anyone else.
One day I was pulled up onto stage by myself and asked to sing a song I didn’t know. Well, in those days, it wasn’t ‘asked’, it was ‘demanded’. You did what you were told! The teacher got angry and forceful with me, demanding that I sing.
I felt separated and abused, and I lost my voice – no sound would come out. I was sent from the stage in disgrace, failure and embarrassment. For decades afterwards my voice was not able to sing, not even when I was alone.
At university, along came the mandatory requirement to do assessable presentations in front of an audience. Again, I dreaded it…. doubly so, because now my performance determined my grades! What to do?
No matter how much mental control I exerted, I could not stop the terrible physiological reactions of nervousness and fear. The first time, I tackled the situation by absolutely memorising my talk. But fear kills memory! But not memorising would be even worse, as fear also kills the ability to bring forth any expression. So I concluded that I could only speak on stage if I knew my topic so well that it could just flow out of me.
By my third year of undergrad I got an A+ for a talk on natural selection, but I was still covering up the feeling of being very stressed and racked by nerves, and fell in a heap afterwards. In retrospect I realised I had to ‘harden’ myself to be able to get up and do talks.
Fast forward to the early nineties…
Awake all night with frequent vomiting, diarrhoea, nausea and trembling – does this sound like food poisoning? Well it wasn’t – it was my body’s reaction on the night before I had to give a conference presentation on the medical research I was participating in!
Apparently I handled the talk and questions very well, and was congratulated on a great presentation. I completed it despite feeling faint and staggering on my feet the whole time from lack of sleep, no food, and a night of involuntary physical purging, followed by being almost paralysed with terror on stage.
Then along came business meetings and presentations in the early 2000’s. I was getting an inkling that true sharing up on stage had something to do with ‘being myself’ and ‘connecting with the audience.’ I did a few talks, and I was getting better at it. But I still had to ‘harden up’ in order to push down the faintness and fear so I could speak to an audience.
I told myself that my early experiences of ‘performance abuse’, like the singing incident, had conditioned in me an intense anxiety and fear reaction at the thought of having to perform on stage. That seemed a reasonable theory at the time. After all, our strongest experiences leave indelible imprints on our personalities, bodies, responses and reactions, right?
But is this going deep enough? Are we right back to causes yet? How is it that when I had only just turned five, I was already in dread of performance to the point of illness, though I’d never had any stage experiences before?
I was the first child and the first grandchild of my family. I feel that might have something to do with it. I didn’t realise this until much later in life, observing how babies and little children are expected to ‘perform’. Not only expected, but encouraged, pushed, even harassed to act in a certain way, and rewarded when they do, not just by their parents, but by all their family and in fact all of society.
Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough. The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.
Babies can sense a feeling of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and hurt rejection coming from adults when they don’t get what they want from the child. On top of this, the babies have to make a big show of pooing, peeing, walking, talking, eating, reading, writing and counting; in fact, every moment and movement of the child is some kind of performance that has to meet certain standards to keep adults ‘happy’. Before we can even crawl, we are ‘on stage,’ having to front up and perform, whether it’s our natural expression or not.
Why do adults crave attention and reactions from babies? Is it that there is such a lack of love for ourselves and so little real love expressed between adults, that only little children offer a ‘safe’ place to get the love that is missing? But does enforced performance provide love? No. And what does it satisfy? How can superficial, elicited attention and emotional reaction be love? They are a substitute for love, untrue both to the baby and the adults.
What is the baby learning from this? That real love is unacceptable, and that emotion and performance are what love is? That you are ‘better’ if you ‘perform’ better than others? In other words, better at stimulating emotional and mental satisfaction in others.
Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?
We know the truth within – that expected performance is not loving, and that it comes with separation and competition in conflict to our natural sense of equality, brotherhood and co-operation, and is thus abusive. Wouldn’t that be enough to produce physical ill-ease and lifetime stage fright? I reckon so!
Is performance anxiety only about talking in front of groups? What about feeling inadequate to ‘perform’ in work, in relationships, in parenting, in sex, in fashion, in looks, in coolness, in smartness, in humour, in kindness, in goodness, in business acumen, in intelligence, in knowledge, in ethics, in just about any and every realm of life, all the time?
Is the original and continuing experience of lack of love behind the anxiety in every one of these scenarios?
Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside? We know we are not being true to ourselves – isn’t that enough to feel rotten about?
But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?
This is what turned it all around for me.
One day I felt impulsed to share with Universal Medicine students what I had discovered at a science talk, and how it could help bring science back to love. Serge Benhayon encouraged me and supported me to get up on stage, with not a drop of pressure, judgment or expectation. I went through the old physiological nervous response beforehand, but this time what followed was very different.
I knew that I was loved, accepted, that the audience was full of friends (even the ones I hadn’t met yet) and it didn’t matter to them whether I screwed up, looked stupid, blanked out, etc. What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed. Awesome! The lifelong stress response fell away.
Since then I have done many talks on stage, from my love, from my caring for the future of humanity. And this unblocking of my expression has unlocked a lot of other things within me too, and changed my life.
Serge Benhayon has continued to unimposingly, lovingly support me to express whatever I feel needs to be shared with people, and now, in my sixties, I am finally beginning to do the work I was truly meant for in this life, with great appreciation and joy (and no stage fright)!
by Dianne Trussell
Further reading:
How To Free Yourself From Performance Anxiety and Stage Fright
Music: Detaching Singing From Performance
Anxiety – Unfolded
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Stage fright perhaps is when we don’t know who we are but when we reconnect to our body and know the power of just being who we are then what we share with others is felt as truth.
“I knew that I was loved, accepted, that the audience was full of friends (even the ones I hadn’t met yet) and it didn’t matter to them whether I screwed up, looked stupid, blanked out, etc. What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed. Awesome!” Dianne this is such an amazing moment for us all, to realise after all that time of trying to be what we thought others wanted, what they truly want is ourselves. How much stress we must all be under daily to fight the very essence of our being to be what we think is expected. I loved the words “What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed”. I’m not sure when being real became so uncool, but we feel so much more settled when we do receive the whole and true person, in all their strengths and weaknesses.
“We know the truth within – that expected performance is not loving”. Based on your observations of childhood onwards there seems to be a strong thread of expected performance, and not a lot of space to simply be ourselves – and for that to be received without pressure to confirm to be otherwise.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” It’s such a wonderful and supportive blog Dianne, I always receive so much from it. The focus on being true to ourselves feels very steadying, rather than looking to receive from the audience, or those around us, what they want and adjusting to meet expectations. Truly the model of a simple life is to be ourselves, but it’s not always easy, imagine that – being ourselves is something we have to master.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” What a great question, and what could be more anxiety filled than trying to be something other than ourselves? I also find if I try to project into the future what’s needed I get quite anxious, or if I want something back from the performance, instead of simply being myself and taking care of each moment before to support me to be ready whenever the presentation comes. I love the premise here to just keep it simple and just be ourselves, equal to others.
To just be ourselves in every situation feels great, ‘The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.’
Why is it just being our natural adorable selves, is not enough, or is it that we are too much?
For me I was forced to sing in the classroom, and the music teacher would come up to the faces of the quiet singers and the quieter we sang, the more likely we would be picked to sing in the group choir. I loved to sing but wouldn’t, couldn’t and shouldn’t, all contributing to the prevention of expressing from who I truly was.
My expression has changed over the years, and I feel the true me is emerging through even more. I haven’t mastered the singing, yet and maybe one day it will as my expression is taken to the next level. As we let go of that which no longer serves us, we become more acquainted to us and our true voices, then we find our lives are lived from a different place. When we claim our voices, we find it matters not how it affects the other as all is an offering of healing, how they react and respond is not our responsibility.
Could it be our old friend comparison and it ensuing cousin jealousy that we feel when we get up on stage and when we understand how these energies work we will make the most loving choice to let people in and appreciate our essences and that there is an equalness with others thus being open to deliver the Truth no matter what the platform?
I found the more I became acquainted to me the more my expression has changed, and the more I say what needs to be said at that time. Sometimes more is said in the not saying then in the saying of words.
I have a presentation to do and was surprised by the force of anxiety and nerves that hit me around it. I can see a similar pattern across my life, but not just for public speaking, also for performing well in terms of exams or producing work, etc. I so appreciate everything you have shared here Dianne, I’ve read the blog before and I understood what you have written but until the same thing came up in my body I could not truly apply it, which is something I am now working on, thanks for the support.
I have found that it is only through giving presentations, and challenging myself in this way, that I have over time reduced the anxiety and nerves significantly. In addition it has been done with holding myself very lovingly and not asking for any perfection. With practice (the actual on-stage part and not behind the scenes!) and loving myself up, I have gotten to a point in being able to present which already feels amazing. But at the same time I know there is more and I do not intend to drop the challenges on myself and I will keep asking for more so long as it is needed.
This is great advice, thank you Henrietta, the only way to address something is by actually doing it, and by loving and caring for ourselves in a true way. When the nerves hit it can feel like the best option is to avoid the situation instead of exploring it, with support if needed, and learning how to be unaffected by it.
I too have had and still get stage fright Diane – and I have always thought I was alone in the ‘non-food poisoning’ syndrome (the vomiting and all) the night before a presentation or oral exam. Not that I am happy to know that someone else has experienced this too, but it helps me understand how sensitive we are and how we have allowed ourselves to be affected by past experiences to such point that we do not feel safe when allowing our expression to be voiced.
Henrietta, this is an interesting line “we do not feel safe when allowing our expression to be voiced.” There is a lot to ponder on here because we have so many areas we express in, from daily life to on stage presentations.
Awesome sharing Diane! And I did not realise it was a blog written by you till the very end and then I was super delighted with this surprise – the style is so very much Diane and I should have guessed it – such an openness and honesty and no holes barred so that anyone can relate and a healing is offered to all. Thank you Diane!
It makes sense that we call it “performance anxiety” – performing and not being ourselves is exactly what we are anxious about. It was so supportive to read how it’s not just isolated to public speaking, but the feeling we have to perform can arise in any part of life.
Sometimes when we hold back we are holding back on the things that we are strong and powerful with or holding back on being seen in our power. Whatever the reason there is still a withdrawal from life and choosing a life of comfort.
I get stage fright when I forget that what I am delivering is coming from my body not my head and that it will just come through me if I get my head out of the way!
Love this Lucy – stage fright is simply when we leave our body and rely on the head which really does not know what it is talking about since the real author and authority is the body.
This year I became a facilitator at work, I was quite nervous at first as I had never done this before, yet what I found invaluable was to stay very connected to my body and not allow myself to go off into any thoughts that were demeaning of me or feeling like I needed to please everyone.
I know whenever I abandon myself and go into trying to perform or please anxiety quickly follows.
Funny that how we still have a tendency to seek that performance aspect – like you I can have that happen quite easily, if and when I am not fully with myself and staying aware of my body. This is a great thing to look out for.
It seems to be key to stay connected with ourselves, and our body, to support ourselves at these more challenging times.
Gosh after reading this it really makes me wonder if all the well intentioned attention we give to babies and children’s every move and achievements may actually be giving them a loaded message which may actually hold them back in the longer term.
Wow I think it’s amazing you have over come your stage fright, I am much more comfortable in myself but still get extreme palpitations if I speak into a mic, or in public, but it’s amazing to read that this does not need to be a forever thing, and can change with work, time and patience.
Gosh this is a big topic and I can see how this ‘performance anxiety’ plays out in every day life…you can sense the tension in almost everyone because of this.
“What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed. Awesome! ” When we go into ‘performance’ mode we lose connection to the truth of who we are.
I have never been keen on speaking on stage, as soon as I walked up I could feel my mouth begin to dry and even beforehand when the speaker before me is speaking I start to feel my hand getting sweaty. However now I am more confident within myself to be myself and I often do the Gentle Breath Meditation beforehand which has proved invaluable, as now I find it much easier to do.
What a helpful offering. I too can remember the rising panic as ‘my time’ approaches. Today will be a new beginning!
This is a pivotal point… In the caring for humanity, you made that reconnection, and that choice to be able to deliver what is there to be delivered, and what is needed to be heard
We feel the constant pressure to perform, an image to live up to, the message that says we are not good enough as we are, and in return we seek recognition. We communicate this in our everyday interaction with one another, and even with ourselves.
To deepen our love and cherishing of self, so we know we are truly amazing feels a very wise choice.
Without minimizing the importance of stage fright, something you can learn to manage, the real thing on stage is to be seen for who you are. To what extent do we allow to share ourselves?
Thinking we are separate from others is the perfect setup for stage fright as it is only when we are connected to our innermost self that we know without a doubt that we are all a part of the whole and there is no real separation.
It’s very freeing to read every word of your sharing Dianne. Thanks for letting go the fear to speak because what you expressed here is very valuable and relatable. It uncovers the general pressures to keep the appearances that is quite common in our society. It brings me to understand why sometimes I’m still afraid to speak in public, even if it’s a small group of people. It inspires me to live and express impulsed by my own love. Thank you so much.
It is supporting to read that many people also struggle to speak in small groups at times.
Having seen you present many times on stage Diane, it is hard to believe you experienced a lot of stage fright in the past. It is beautiful that you have moved through the stage fright as what you offer all the students now around science has made it easy to understand and enjoy science in such a simple and practical way.
I was amazed to read that you, Dianne, used to suffer from stage fright, as now you are very natural, and even seem to be enjoying presenting.
I can so relate to your stage fright as I am aware alot still goes on in my head to sabotage my confidence in standing up and speaking to large groups. Everyone sees you and there is no place to hide up on stage… so I continue to give in to that part of me that wants to be a wallflower to ensure I keep hiding amongst the crowd. But reading your blog has been very inspiring and has left me much to ponder on Dianne so thank you.
Yes this coming out of hiding and being seen is big deal for lots of people I reckon.
It is fascinating how whenever I go into needing or wanting to perform I lose track of my thoughts, what I am saying, get self conscious yet if I were to do the same thing just with myself none of that would be there. For me it seems to come from wanting to impress others by recalling knowledge and information rather than from the knowing that I am already more than enough just being me. So when I do find myself in the ‘stage’ scenario so long as I do not think I need to have to recite the right words then I have the perfect words. I love how we are provided with everything we need when we surrender and allow.
I love some of the questions Dianne asked in this blog, ‘Why do adults crave attention and reactions from babies? Is it that there is such a lack of love for ourselves and so little real love expressed between adults, that only little children offer a ‘safe’ place to get the love that is missing?’
I think it’s really helpful to recognise if we’ve gone into a kind of ‘performance conciousness’ were we think we have to put out a certain picture or image or get a certain response from the audience (however big or small) rather than simply present from who we naturally are, without trying to put on a show so to speak.
I have a presentation to do today and I will take your consideration with me – I will not try to be who I think they want me to be but honour who I am and why they said yes to me presenting my topic in the first place.
Every time you present, Dianne, your joy about the science and your love for humanity just beams off the screen and I want to hear every word that comes out of your mouth. A true living inspiration.
Me too Monika, I love how Dianne brings Science alive in such a simple, practicle and relateable way.
“I was getting an inkling that true sharing up on stage had something to do with ‘being myself’ and ‘connecting with the audience.’” The love, wisdom and ability to make supposedly complex subjects easily understandable and fun when you are ‘being yourself’ on stage has been an inspiration to many to willingly present on stage and in life.
Thank you Dianne, this was so supportive to read again. It’s such a common experience to dread doing a talk, I read that it’s the number one fear ahead of death and divorce! It makes sense all you have shared here about the reasons why we hesitate because of a lifetime of being expected to perform, and fill the emptiness of our audience instead of sharing the love we are with others who are equal in love to ourselves. Nothing needed or expected, just to share from the same essence of love.
For years I would shake in my boots when I had to speak in a group, at a meeting or in front of people but that is all in the past now as I often speak in front of groups. I put this down to having attended workshops run by Universal Medicine where we speak in front of a small group with a given topic, no research or practice.
Julie thank you for your comment, I can see the same has happened for me where I have grown in confidence thanks to the exercises to work in small groups and share without preparation. It’s also showed me that we are all the same and may feel nervous or anxious before speaking. Just being myself is the key for me – that’s the thing I do best. 🙂
What great support, and maybe you are more present in your body, with a greater amount of love for yourself?
Currently I am feeling a strong lack of confidence to being me, relaxed and content within my own body. To avoid feeling this tension I’ll entertain thoughts of me deliberately hiding away in a very judgmental tone, force doesn’t work as your school experience shared. It’s in these moments of avoiding my feelings that I seek support from others that is non judgmental nor providing solutions but allowing me the space to be gentle with myself and face what I am feeling. Being gentle and caring for myself helps to overcome situations far simpler than trying to force myself through until next time.
Such a wonderful opportunity to heal Leigh. I had a similar resistance to feel this tension of feeling not confident or inadequate. But what I’m finding now is that it’s an opportunity to be real and look at what’s causing these feelings which in most cases comes from a childhood experience that hurt. Having the loving support from an esoteric practicioner supports me to come back to the completness of my body where I feel unified to all. From there it’s impossible to not feel good enough but truly precious like everyone.
Taking the stage is always part of a movement. The question is what is the movement that brought us there? Is it a movement that seeks recognition, approval from others based on reducing ourselves to that which we offer or is it a movement that offers reflection, connection, love and wisdom based on who we are?
The ease with which you now connect with an audience and present science in such a relatable way is inspiring and a great role model for others to share their own wisdom.
It is horrifying to feel how stage fright can start so young because of the way we impose on children and demand that they perform to satisfy our needs. It will only be when we let go of any expectations and support young people to stay true to themselves that stage fright will become a thing of the past.
It makes me realize how much it is made about the parent than and not at all about supporting the child to be her/himself in their fullness, which is what parenting is actually about.
It’s great to be questioning the behavioural demands coming from adults to our very young. Imposition of beliefs is one thing, but the constant demand for a performing seal act is not only imposing but also shaping and grooming an entirely unhelpful form of reward-seeking behaviour in the child as they get to understand that what wins points isn’t an expression of their innate self-worth but a level of worth that must be earned by doing and is hostage to the degree of external recognition it can achieve.
The quality we live our lives in along with our purpose can really support us with being seen and expressing our truth in full.
A beautiful turnaround Dianne, being true to ourselves and knowing and feeling that we are not being judged makes a huge difference.
Putting pressure on another to perform…but at what cost? We are equally sensitive beings and it is not worth crushing this for the sake of performing a mere skill…
I can relate in full to ‘stage fright’. What I am coming up against right now is how it affects every aspect of life. How much do we hold back in every day experiences when we live with the fear of not being accepted? Lots, I know. What I get from this sharing is the level of appreciation and acceptance for herself that Dianne has built is the foundation on which she can now share her love and knowledge with us all. Our world would be a far lesser place without what Dianne has offered. What does that say for all of us? Imagine how enriched the world would be if we all shared our love and knowledge.
I have experienced this coming concerning speaking to large groups. I can see that I have had expectations placed on me to be a certain way, this is a performance, it is a pressure whether we put it on ourselves or it is from someone else. I can also feel that for me it comes from the willingness for me to actually be seen, I have pictures around stepping out and being seen by many, it feels like an old habit to play it small. I have been beginning to speak up, it feels very expanding and freeing to present on what is already lived, no try or push. I know there is no difference between one person listening or a billion…we just tell ourselves there is…if we are being ourselves how can it be any different.
“But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?” This changes everything. When I can forget about me – and focus on what i can bring, the stage fright disappears. There may still be some nervousness, but that is ‘copeable with’ as opposed to the stage fright I used to experience when my brain would turn to mush. Love your presentations Dianne….
Your points about what is expected if not demanded of babies is very valid – and politicians know this all too well: nothing like a photo with a baby or a pet. Would it be fair to say that this is abuse and that the abuse of each other in society can easily masquerade as doing something good?
I have had the experience of stage fright when at interviews, where I have clammed up and not been able to talk about what I do. I have also experienced how lovely it is to have no expectations of myself and speak to a group of people feeling very relaxed with absolutely no nervousness. Its the expectations I have put on myself that have been crippling. When I give myself permission to simply be me and connect to the audience, however big or small, its been effortless and simple.
It is an absolute joy to see you present on stage at Universal Medicine events. Seeing you on stage has exposed a picture I held of someone on stage having all the answers and being perfect and better than the rest, and how that was making me critical of those on stage and of myself.
True love is being held by another for exactly who we are in our essence, without an ounce of any feeling of judgment to what we can put out as a decoy to our own magnificence. When this level of love is felt, it becomes super simple to choose to drop the decoy’s and re-claim more fully our innate magnificence that we are being appreciated for and held in.
This is a great testimonial, Diane. What you share is a living example that stage fright can be completely reverted and be transformed into an enjoyed service to humanity. Very inspiring. Thank you.
You really are an inspiration in so many things Dianne… What an extraordinary process of dealing with the extraordinary confrontational process of expression in your life… And I do so appreciate the way Universal medicine integrates how to actually present into the courses that they run… Let’s face it… No one is going to hear about the amazing transformational experience that is available to all of us if… We can’t speak about it!
Seeing you on stage now Diane it is hard to believe you had all those earlier experiences with presenting, you have a lovely ease and confidence when you present now and you make science so simple and accessible for all it is truly beautiful to listen to you.
As someone who has been ‘on mute’ my whole life, I can relate to all that you share Dianne. If all the world is a stage, as presented by Shakespeare, then stage fright is reflective of the crippling fear we have of being whole-heartedly in the world, connecting with each other. That is, we hold back sharing ourselves in full with the world and letting others back into our hearts.
The moment when we realise what we have been so afraid of most of our lives is exactly what we are meant to be doing and actually really natural at doing is absolute pure gold, because when we are bringing all of who we are for everyone, we will be supported so immensely for that to happen.
What I am starting to see is that the anxiety we feel when we express in public or on stage is just our bodies way of saying you have so much potential all bottled up inside, why haven’t you been doing this and so much more. Allowing ourselves to feel this anxiety and to then reconnect to our bodies and our intricate movements brings us back to who we are and what comes from there is pure magic that has been ready and waiting eagerly to be shared.
When we stand up on just about any stage in life, almost all are sitting there in judgement, critique and at times other emotional reaction to what we share and have to say. Even those who are supposedly allowing and open to what we have to say are still filtering it through the own mental filters of critique and judgement. Being judgemental and critiquing is what we have been taught from young to do and it is like stabbing another with a mental sword of utter lovelessness and the person on stage feels it! How could they not? Being shown a different way through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have opened me and others up to the truth of what being non-judgemental and utterly allowing and accepting and appreciating too (!) has allowed many to feel an entirely different experience on stage
Wow Dianne. You help me to see that there is a huge difference between presenting a performance and presenting with purpose.
Dianne, I have seen your talks and they are always immensely inspiring and relatable and so what you pass on and share stays with me forever. You bring science to life.
Wow Dianne, the way you are able to present now on stage has not an inkling of stage fright about it. What an incredible transformation you have gone through to be able to talk about what you love from your lived experience, because you have been supported to do just that with no expectation. Deeply inspiring, and thankyou for sharing your love of science for it has certainly opened my eyes and my heart to a subject that I have long felt a resistance to for varying reasons. It also makes me appreciate the responsibility we all have to share what we know so that others too can be inspired.
Dianne, amazing to feel how we can be supported to let go of our fears and past experiences in order to be there to express to all, the All.
It makes sense that as a child we would be picking up on so much more with regards to the expectations of teachers and parents, and feeling like we have to perform in an unnatural way, but I personally never put this together with stage fright and performing in front of people. Having had and continue to have my own speaking up in public issues, this story is all too familiar to me.
Dianne, I can relate to the fear and turmoil that are actually out of proportion to what is actually happening. I too have had oral presentations and exams to do for which I had to ensure I had located the closest rubbish bins to vomit in along my way to the exam room. But I feel there is more to it than just this life – I feel there could be an even older fear of severe repercussions from expressing ourselves. Perhaps in a past life if we expressed our truth then we were shut down, so perhaps this has scarred us till in this life we allow ourselves the space and time to heal from this and recommence our expression in truth, knowing that this is what is really needed on all levels and for all.
I agree with you, we put quite a bit of pressure on babies, toddlers and children to perform in a certain way that confirms us and makes us feel safe. Same with pets, they are often there to fulfil what people think they can’t otherwise experience. And let us not forget, politicians just love holding babies, during election time that is. It is supposed to be a good look and go down well with the voting public. What a set up and it smacks of exploitation.
It is true the way that as adults we expect and demand children to perform never stopping to consider the imposition and damage that is being caused to them and instead of fully meeting them for who they are and allowing for their expression to flow naturally.
So true Dianne, about the expectations foisted on to us from very young… everything is a milestone, an assessment or grading – or a pressure to fulfil the emotional needs of others – way before we even get to school. No wonder we feel ‘under the microscope’, scrutinised – we’re continually being assessed for what we do rather than who we are, the natural beings we are, without all the added-on bells and whistles of performance. No wonder we’re anxious!
Yeah, this article certainly shines a light on many things we grow up being scared to do for fear of failure and lack of acceptance from others. What an extraordinary difference it makes when we are encouraged and not imposed on. It’s too simple, just allow others to be.
I’ve never really been one to get up on stage and talk, but over the last few years when putting my hand up in Universal Medicine workshops (sometimes taking the mic and speaking in front of 150 people) I’ve noticed my heart races like in the cartoons, it feels like it would come out of my chest if it could! In these situations theres the space to actively encourage speaking from who we truly are, but we are taught lifelong to do everything other than that! The idea that something horrible will happen if I speak from how I feel has at times really winded me and has felt completely out of context as nothing that these fears are built on actually happen after I speak. The panic is reducing each time but the notion that to speak our truth and share our feelings is embedded in how we live with each other and shows in our everyday communications with others – how much do we share what we are feeling on a daily basis?
How awesome that you have been able to break down and overcome the anxiety you experienced on stage and as such can now present and share what you do. It is deeply empowering to know we can overcome what stands in our way by choosing to connect deeply to who we are and express from a loving impulse what is needed.
Thank you Dianne for sharing your experiences your knowledge and your wisdom; I am so appreciative of what you share, thank you.
‘Before we can even crawl, we are ‘on stage,’ having to front up and perform, whether it’s our natural expression or not.’ so true Dianne we go into a way of living that is not true from an early stage letting the outside world to determine whether we are okay or not. And this becomes our reality. How wonderful would it be when we are confirmed from young in the love that we are, I already know parents who are with their children coming from love and how this love, true wisdom is coming out so naturally.
Expectations of any sort put a pressure on us that challenges us to just be ourselves; obviously acceptance is an issue here, wanting to be accepted by others and accepting oneself with all the flaws and greatness we all equally have. If there weren´t any ideals and judgments we compared ourselves to we probably would be at complete ease with just being and expressing.
Dianne, you are a true inspiration, I have been present in the audience for a number of your presentations and what you bring to all is pure gold, appreciation, and confirmation for ourselves and our own qualities allow us to deeply connect to the innate wisdom where we can share and present exactly what is needed at any given time, thank you.
Dianne you bring a new dimension to how we can present ourselves from the awesomeness that we are in a way that far surpasses the performance anxiety that plagues too many of us today.
Stunning exploration of where performance anxiety can come from. It was with sadness that I was reading the sections about as a baby, when you asked the question – is it not enough just to be the love that we are and the pressure that is put upon babies to perform their duties or to entertain the adults. I so think you are onto it here Dianne because the lack of acceptance of who we truly are starts very young, so we learn quickly that when we perform, we get the goods and we take that into our lives.Or if we feel we cant perform, we live with crippling anxiety about that.
I really appreciate reading about your experience Dianne. It’s really strange that we live in an era where everyone wants to be famous but no one wants to get up and talk in front of a crowd. I used to find performing or speaking to groups of people absolutely terrifying but the presentations provided by Serge Benhayon have supported me to change this and I feel far more confident speaking to others in all aspects of my life.
It is a sad state we are in that we are not expressing from that what we deep down know and feel. We have made life about so many rules and must dos and shouldn’t dos that we run around in straightjackets, far away from the freedom we could express from. This is a beautiful exploration of how we constrict ourselves and how we can allow ourselves to undo these chains to walk and talk and move and express more freely and truthfully with every step more.
Thank you Dianne for sharing the freedom of presenting with love the wisdom that you have found.
Dianne, the world would be a lesser place without your wisdom, wit and observations shared. I thank God that you reversed this curse, a spell many of us are still under.
Thank you Dianne, I definitely know those moments when you are on stage and nothing comes out, what I have found is that if I focus on the way I live each and every moment then being on stage is no different to speaking to a friend as it is my ability to connect to my body and others that creates a natural flow of what is to be expressed at that moment.
Wow I love this Dianne, this shares so much and I have no doubt at all I will bring this into my daily living and apply it for those moments where I need to speak in public. I have had way to many freeze moments – very public ones and I can feel the difference you speak of when it is forced performance and when it is coming from purpose for more than self.
I’ve had a couple of really horrible experiences (disastrous flute recital aged 9 springs to mind), and have often felt that thumping of my heart that drowns out all rational thought just as you get up on stage. Yet over time its changed.. and the difference is that the less I worry about what I am going to deliver and ‘will they get it’, and the more I just get up and be me… the better I feel, and more gets delivered of the gold that was there in the first place.
Love this blog Dianne and the way that you’ve asked and presented the answers to many reasons why we can be experiencing stage fright or performance anxiety. If we measure our worth or the worth of our expression by the reaction or approval of others than there will always be an underlying anxiety there because we’re not just being ourselves or expressing freely without attachment but constantly calibrating to what we think will make others happy.
The teaching profession puts a teacher on the spot constantly. Even if this profession is all about sharing knowledge, the stage thing has an enormous component of control. So the stage thing is only a way to manage one kind of relationship with the students. This is the key though. On stage we can also construct a different type of relationship with the people off stage. This requires connecting deeply and universally with what we have to offer so the public can connect with it in the same quality.
Back in my memories of presentations delivered in conferences. I was never in my body (of course this was no different outside of the conference room either). Suddenly, I was the talk being delivered. I managed in every case. At the end, a feeling of fiu!!! I did it and it did not go badly. Now I am more with it!! This was the real dialogue the one entertained with myself.
Hello Dianne and it’s true how other things can take over when we are under pressure or expected to perform. I have settled with another point from how I am. I settle myself because I can only deliver what I live. In another way getting worried, concerned or anything else is all only a distraction from your own breath. So my focus or dedication is to no matter what breathe my own breath and keeping settling or feeling still in my body. As you are saying we are always performing in a way and so the best way to deal with this is to realise that anything you do the moment before a ‘performance’ isn’t going to change the how it is. You deliver what you live, the sum total of the quality you live and so if you want to make anything a sure thing then live that way and it will be that way. The Way Of The Livingness is a living way that supports you no matter what the climate. It supports you because it is you, a living way that connected to you deeply and you to it. Living in this quality then makes everything simple because no matter where you are or what you are faced with the game is always the same, connect to your body, breathe you own breath and express.
Its incredible that you come such long way and actually healed stage fright and now enjoy it! I never heard a story before that people could heal such thing as stage fright without using any medication, drugs or alcohol! So how incredible it is that you are now being yourself on stage without all these previous feelings you had.
An awesome reflection you are offering Dianne, the thought of public speaking stresses a lot of people out, myself included. However doing it the way you have described makes the task so much more appealing.
There’s so much more that is being presented when speaking on stage, not just the content of speech, but by the way a person feels, moves and sounds.
I can relate to feelings of this when entering a new relationship, of worrying if I will be enough, of worrying if I am okay, worrying if I need to be something instead of trusting myself and allowing that to be expressed.
Awesome Dianne – it feels like this turns around a lot of things. Performing without stuttering, making mistakes, sweating but with an image of being calm and settled does obviously not mean that everything is ok on the inside. So image alone does not cut it, it has to come from us feeling enough as it is and being honest with ourselves and therefore we will emanate that to the audience, and imagine what thoughts and ideas that can come to us in that state instead of memorizing a whole talk.
When we go on stage we do not walk on our own, we bring all our issues along. It is a bit like we attend two fronts at the same time, an internal, invisible one, and the audience. We tend not to be with ourselves as we speak. When we do so, the two fronts disappear. It is just you expressing.
I used to get super nervous having to stand up in front of people or a class and speak or present something. The more I have established confidence in myself the easier it has become – in fact now I love it! The confidence has not come from learning more or anything like that but rather knowing myself more and having confidence that what I have to share is important and so needs to be shared – and with that purpose there are no nerves – at least that is what I have found.
Likewise I am learning that when there is more settlement in my body, there is a greater ease with which I can deliver what it is that needs to be heard. Serge Benhayon has been instrumental in supporting and encouraging this expression to unfold. As has my willingness to wriggle free of that which has kept me so bound and scared to speak. The key to withstanding the force of all that is not love, is simply to deepen the expression of love through the vehicles we are given to do so. The body that trembles is the body that has forgotten the true power that is found within it. As the great pyramids have never shook throughout the ages, so too our bodies can be the temples through which Heaven is known to all once more.
It would be so healing if more people could experience presenting in a way that you have Dianne. To feel loved, supported and not judged allows you to enjoy what you are sharing. Without judgment from others or ourselves we are free to express and realise the value of our unique expression
There is so much to consider in this blog. I was at a training day recently and noticed how reluctant most adults are to present/speak in front of the group. I feel what puts us off the most is the feeling of expectation, which came from outside as kids but we have internalized as adults. It creates this idea that we cant just be ourselves, that we have to come up with something ‘more’.
Really affirming and confirming to re-read Dianne; a wonderful reminder to express from our self love and innate wisdom;
“But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal?”
Great blog Dianne, I agree we learn to preform for reward from an early age and we get badgered to do things regardless of if we want to or not, and we learn to put up with it and perform on cue, which is enough to put any of us off, and no wonder we get stage fright. It would be great if as adults we allowed children to be their natural selves and if a child is comfortable in a person’s presence they will interact without any need to be pushed or rewarded.
I had made several presentation in professional conferences. My presentations were solid across the board. Yet, the whole thing was horrible for my body even if I was wearing a smile on my face. How different it feels to present from what the body knows to be true!
The more I value myself, and stay in connection to myself and just be myself, the easier I have found it to be up in front of others presenting. The more I worry about what people think and will I be ‘good enough’ the more my knees shake and the nerves kick in!
Seeing you on stage is like a breath of fresh air, so natural and open being you that it is hard to imagine that it has not always been the case. ‘Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside?’ Yes and the more I let go of ideals and believes how I should be the more I free myself from nervousness and develop a loving connection with my body.
I have seen you present on stage many times Dianne. I could deeply feel your love for science, for humanity shine through whenever you presented on stage. Your presentations brought another side of science to me that I have never considered before, that science could be fun, joyful and magical. I often wondered how much I would have enjoyed my science subjects at school if I had a teacher who shared equal enthusiasm and love for science, for life and for humanity as you. Now, my understanding of science has expanded and I appreciate it on a whole new level, many thanks to yours and Serge Benhayon’s presentations on science.
Hi Dianne, thank you for writing this. Having seen you on stage, you look so at ease and so natural – just you being you, with no need to perform. It’s hard to believe that you suffered from intense stage fright. What you describe are such common symptoms that most of the world accepts as ‘the way it is’ – i.e. you’re supposed to feel anxious if you get up on stage, and that feeling nervous is a normal and totally accepted feeling. Yet feeling this nervous, and having to harden our entire body to get up on stage, feels pretty awful. Your blog has made me consider what it would feel like if we just accepted ourselves, and dropped the need to perform, and were who we naturally are, on stage and everywhere else: the same quality all of the time, no ‘on’ moment.
When you really stop and think about it we get all stressed out about standing up on a stage where everyone can see us (I know I certainly do) forgetting the fact that all day everyday people are watching our every move in all that we say and do.
A really great blog Dianne, thank you. The word performance does seem very strongly linked to meaning not being yourself – putting on an act/ front/ facade to get recognition or approval from others, no wonder we can get anxious or nervous preparing to not be who we truly are! To share instead brings it back to being just that, a sharing and connection of equality without the need for people to react or respond in a specific way.
So true Fiona. I have found that I feel wonderful when I speak from my body rather than speak from my head and what I ‘think’ I know. Anxiousness disappears when we feel connected to our souls and this gives us access to everything that needs to be communicated.
Stage fright is deeply linked to our anxieties and sense of self-worth and fed by our fear we are unprepared to manage what is before us. But what I am slowly realising is that we are all far more wise and capable than our mind allows us to think we are.
A great re read Dianne. I have been present at my grandchildren’s school recently for presentations they performed in front of the class. I have been amazed at their natural ease and great delivery of their own written words. I know they have wonderful supportive Teachers. When I have been asked to speak in front of a group of people my lack of courage and nervousness kicks in! I realize it is all about self belief and love and the truth of the content plus taking the pressure off by not having expectations of myself.
At school my son has been preparing for a public speaking competition. He is 7. At first we practiced him just getting up and speaking on the chosen topic and he gave a funny, engaging speech. But he was told he had to write it out, prepare palm cards and rehearse what he was going to say. Anxiety kicked in. I’ve watched the process and supported my son the best I can as he wants to do what is required of him. But what was quite natural to him has become a challenge.
Thank you Dianne. I am about to do a couple of presentations today and your blog has given me everything I need to feel truly confident and at ease while presenting. How lovely it is to simply present from a place of connection and sharing.
Stage fright and speaking up in public can be so terrifying and has been for me all my life. I really admire you overcoming this fear Dianne and I very much appreciate your presentations. This blog is a timely reminder to just be me no matter what I am doing and to lovingly and tenderly lay a foundation to support this.
Having suffered with the fear of speaking up in public myself, and for years having put this down to an attack on a family member where I physically could not scream, shout or move, reading this has me wondering does it go back even further than that incidence at aged ten? This is such a huge subject and one of which many people will be able to relate to, thank you Dianne.
This was a great article for most of us who fear public speaking, very supportive thank you
What you have shared here Dianne is very useful because so many of us say that we have a fear of public speaking. It is great to have light and truth shed on this topic. I have come to know that it is all about how I live before I go on stage that determines how I will be on stage, that is have we lived connected or disconnected from ourselves. If we live connected then what we present on stage will have that quality in it.
This is a great question to reflect on Dianne, ‘Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?’
“But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?”- Thank you Dianne for showing us how this can be done without provoking an anxiety attack. Very inspiring to read, as I too suffer from anxiety.
I loved re-reading this blog, its a simple reminder to allow ourselves to just BE in all we do. In my experience performing will naturally take its new shape of presenting you, no different in quality regardless if you are on or off stage.
Yes Dianne it is so true how babies are expected to perform for others, I see it every day in my work. Parents comparing and worried that their child isn’t keeping up or there is something wrong, and this is discussed right in front of the child. Do they forget that babies have ears and can feel also?
The penny dropped for me Dianne, when you mentioned how babies are expected to perform. This is something that is encouraged from when we are young and often when performance does not meet the expectations then disappointment or a let down is experienced.
‘Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside?’ For me the pressure I put on myself is the biggest one plus knowing what I can do and choosing less than that.
To me its a circular effect – if you are not confident in yourself… literally with yourself, then you are going to be nervous about what you are presenting. That then means that your heart starts pumping till it is the only thing you can hear. And what naturally follows is that you are unable to deliver the gold that is sitting inside you waiting to come out from your natural expression.
You will always feel nervous on stage if you are invested in any way to the way people will receive what you have to deliver.
“Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside?” Cracker of a blog Dianne. Having this level of understanding about why we may not feel enough in life, feel anxious, nervous etc. is a god-send.
It is when we become very good ‘performers’ in life that is more of a concern to me… we can choose to play a part in every part of life, always being on show – whether it be on stage, or as the good housewife or husband; mum, dad; business woman or man; anything at all. Performing is not natural to us, and thus plays a big role in our levels of exhaustion; and the incredible amounts of sugar and caffeine we need to consume to keep it all going.
Pressure to perform asks us to stop being who we are and to put on ‘the show’. Of course we feel unequipped for this, and hence the anxiousness that ensues. Whilst we can’t eliminate the source of pressure, we can not let it dictate how we will be in the face of it.
You’ve nailed what I’ve felt many times when experiencing stage fight or any pressure to do or get a task done. Theres an anxiousness because I feel unequipped to handle the situation in the way the expectation wants it to be achieved, as it often is void of how I feel to be in the moment. Thank you Kylie.
That pressure and tension to perform against what we are feeling builds into our life this belief and imposition that no matter what we can’t act on or follow how we truly feel, it has a two pronged affect if not forceful effort to shut down how we truly feel to be in the world. This was highlighted to me very strongly in a recent Esoteric Healing swim session that when asked to just walk or swim forward with my all, in however way that plays out physically there was an overwhelming terror towards doing such to such an extent that I froze on the spot and refused to move. This belief that we have to perform in a certain way also breeds and supports comparison because what we feel to express may not be how everyone else is expressing. Stage fright isn’t just when we are standing on stage but affects every single relationship we have with each other as we are asked to put on a performance for each other and all be a part of the same charade of overriding how we feel.
Loved re-reading this blog Dianne, I can clearly see that holding any expectation of our self to perform in a certain way or to be anything other than who we are is an outright rejection of our self.
What has helped me a lot with presenting is that I only present what I live. In the past I thought I had to perform and deliver something, now I know I don’t have to deliver anything. I am me and share what I know and live, nothing more, nothing less.
Having the opportunity to address and let go of something so deeply ingrained is a testimonial to what is being actually presented at Universal Medicine… There was a great survey of 3000 people in the USA, where fear of public speaking was at the top of the list of greatest fears in people’s lives… Even topping death, so this is no small thing.
This is great Mary-Louise, ‘When we connect to our audience, whether that be one person or hundreds, present from our body and from our experience then there is no stage fright as we are not trying to perform or please any-one we are simply delivering what is needed.’ This backs up what Dianne found, presenting from her true self, knowing she is accepted and loved, what is needed by humanity.
I used to always feel anxious about speaking in front of groups of people, this comes from thinking people are judging me, and me judging myself. I have been choosing to appreciate myself, and let go of judging, so it will be interesting to see how I feel presenting and speaking to a group in a few weeks,
When we connect to our audience, whether that be one person or hundreds, present from our body and from our experience then there is no stage fright as we are not trying to perform or please any-one we are simply delivering what is needed. This is something I am still developing as a presenter and when I nail it feels very expansive with not an ounce of self gain… it is a work in progress and thank god for Serge Benhayon expression workshops which have supported me immensely.
Anxiety comes from knowing we are capable of being, expressing, serving a lot more than we are currently, so we live in the anxiety of knowing that we are not living our potential.
The most gorgeous – and interesting blog Dianne – thank you for offering us such great and deep insight into our true nature.
Dianne, you appear to be very natural and at ease when presenting on stage now, I was surprised to hear this once was such an issue for you, thanks for sharing your experience with this.
A lovely blog Dianne, thank you for sharing your experience of something myself and I’m sure so many people can relate to… The ‘presenting from your own love’ however, is a brand new concept for most though and from what you’ve described, I can understand with more detail how it is that we need to be with ourselves ~ cherished and loved ~ held and honoured ~ so that we may have this platform to stand upon when we do present ourselves to anyone else; be that on stage or in the grocery store!
Dianne, this is wonderful to read, what you have written here has given me an aha moment, ‘Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside?’ Working as a photographer people often say that they ‘hate having their photo taken’, I often ask why and it seems that people do not like putting on a false smile, what I can feel is that with having your photo taken there can be an expectation that we need to perform, to smile on cue etc and that this can feel pressured and unnatural. Thank you Dianne for helping me have more awareness around why people may not like being photographed.
I am beginning to recognise that stage fright can mean more than just the fear of public speaking, it can also relate to a fear of commitment to life.
Having recently been to a Livingness 1 presentation presented by Serge Benhayon, I was inspired again to truly connect to the people in front of me when I got home and had a meeting with others. I let myself feel their essence and form that could feel the connection which took away any thoughts or feeling of self, any doubts or worries about communicating, because all I could feel was a oneness. It was beautiful.
This made me reflect on my experience of the same fear as a child and in early Uni. I see that I hardened up when I started university teaching at the start of my PhD. I developed coping skills to teach, that actually made me hard and separate from the audience or group of students, instead of being open and connected. It has taken me some time to undo this but developing my self acceptance and appreciation has helped heaps and I now find it easier to let people see who I really am.
Bringing full presence and connection when we are engaged in the ‘little’ things in life is a great way to build a more consistent strong foundation of connection so that when the ‘big’ things happen, we have that foundation to stay steady and present – and therein the confidence to express fully and openly – and we also find that there is no difference between the ‘little’ and ‘big’ things when we bring our greater awareness to all.
What becomes so apparent when reading your words Dianne, is how very much we set ourselves up or are set up for the life that we are going to live. There is no randomness or chance just a very logical succession of steps undertaken that leads to our future. This is one side, if we let life be determined by the standards that we have made life/society to be. Then there is another way, a way where we do not follow what life in its societal setting seemingly demands from us, but a way where we follow our heart, where we follow that which feels true to us and nurture and cherish that, despite the discrepancy it stands towards the norms we have created. That way we can let go of the performing act we have adopted and step by step surrender back to the true ‘me’ that lies beneath all this heavy cloaking of disguise.
“Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough. The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.” It is no wonder that we grow up feeling that the only way to be loved is by doing well at something, and if we don’t we give our selves such a hard time. How differnt the world would be if we appreciated and loved each other just for being who we are.
Yes, this is a self fulfilling cycle we put ourselves under. We basically train our children to perform all the time not giving them the space to be themselves and simply just be and express from there, so we end up being under constant pressure.
Thank you for writing this Dianne, i feel you are onto the point on the topic of stage fright, we are reacting on the question to perform, to not be ourselves. While I know when I am truly asked to share what I feel, whithout any push from outside or inside myself to perform a certain way the fright ceases to exist. We love sharing all of ourselves.
How important it is to have this dicussion and to start seeing the performance tyranny for what it is.
How different it is when we enter the stage just being ourselves, as opposed to doing a ‘performance’. Serge Benhayon and his way on stage has inspired countless people to let go of the guard and protection or whatever it is we would put on before going on stage.
An inspiring blog Dianne. To speak without feeling expectation, judgement or pressure but to have support and encouragement allowed you to heal life long fear. What an impact these expectations and demands we put on children have rather than appreciating them for the love and joy they bring.
One of the biggest steps that I have found to reduce stage fright is being completely present with myself. Over the last few years, there has been a decrease in the everyday nervousness and anxiousness that is just there in the body when it is run ahead of itself.
So good Dianne – ‘Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” I remember when I had to give my first public presentation about the work that I do, and I also was so nervous that I wrote everything down so I would not make a mistake, it was, in my head – all about performance. No longer now, as I have discovered over the years and with the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, that by just being there in my fullness, everything that needs to be presented is just there. Feels so much more authentic to just bring who I am to the ones I meet.
Dianne thanks for uncovering what is underlying most peoples anxiety around expressing in public and the fear that it can bring up in us. You show us very clearly here and with the presentations that you have so beautifully shared, that it is never about us as a person and what we can and can’t do, its all about presence with yourself and who you naturally are and allowing what is there to be expressed out for others to hear, as we all have an amazing amount of wisdom to share.
How important is it that we honour and encourage our children’s natural expression, without any of our own expectations of how that should look.
Usually we associate stage with ‘performance’ and so performance anxiety can creep in.
“But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?” Getting ourselves out of the way and connecting to true purpose is a great key, thanks Dianne.
“Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough.” We are in fact enough already as we are. It is powerful and life-changing to start to accept this.
Understanding ourselves as an equal being in connection to others does take the fear our of being in the spotlight. When we see ourselves as individuals the fear and anxiety comes rushing back.
It seems that from a very young age we are encouraged to be performers as if on a stage, and the most natural thing would be for us to get up and share openly with others what we have come to understand about a subject, but this is not most peoples experience of public speaking or speaking up within their own families. Is it any wonder that as a children we would be reluctant to get up in front of an audience, large or small knowing that we would feel the judgement and the expectations coming from parents, school teachers and then later on bosses.
Your story Dianne shows how we can deeply feel from young the devastation when we are coerced to abandon what we feel and adopt competition or performing to gain approval. The strategies we adopt to cope with this varies – some of us becoming a polished performer, some feeling a failure and some of us trapping ourselves in rebellion. It is a heaven sent opportunity when we come across someone who does not expect or demand anything from us other than who we truly are, just like Serge Benhayon did for you. This is the greatest gift we can offer one another.
It would be a tremendous step forward to nurture children’s natural joy of expression unhindered by imposed ideals or expectations or pressure to perform. The more they feel truly acknowledged for who they are, not for something they achieve to please us, but rather supported to stay true to themselves, the more they can be assured and confirmed within themselves, and grow in true confidence.
We certainly complicate parenting pressuring our children to perform, often so we can feel good about ourselves when really parenting is about supporting our children to be who they truly are.
Even when I know my stuff I still get sweaty hands and hold onto the lectern to stop me waving my hands about or not having a clue where to place them. Over the years it has got a little easier and I watch Serge present with such ease, I am beginning to feel the more at ease I am with myself, the easier it is to express to a group, and then more easily to a wider group too, it’s all about connecting to myself first.
It is a great point Dianne makes about the anxiety running through our bodies in the having to perform in all areas of our lives. Unless we are totally honest with ourselves as to where the anxiety, nervousness, fear etc is coming from we are performing all the time for in truth these emotions are created by us and are not who we are.
Expressing in a group of people let alone on stage in front of an audience I have found to be extremely challenging. I was always afraid of another condemning what I had said and therefore I didn’t see any point in speaking up if I was going to be shut down. This is completely changing thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and what is interesting is the more I am speaking up the more I am enjoying it which once upon a time I never would have thought possible!
What you share here about babies is so true Dianne, and babies learn very quickly that if they ‘perform’ they will get attention. This is a really fundamental point that you make here, and its a great question to ask, that what we then project onto our young is what they grow up believing they have to do to be recognised or even noticed. If a child grows up with this lack of love in its life, it is no wonder it cry’s out for attention. So perhaps feelings of anxiety before being asked to perform is not so out of the ordinary after all.
This is what people also want from our public servants – to come from their own love and their caring for the future of humanity. It is my belief that majority of people go into a life of politics to serve, to care for their community but that gets hijacked as they navigate through the system and go into protection and their own agendas and then the community switch off because they are not getting the real person – more the package.
A lot of people experience this without even going near a stage – just living life itself is enough to given them anxiety and make them ‘socially awkward’ – but is it as you have said that we can feel that the way we are being asked to live and perform isn’t true – it’s not who we are and so there is a tension and anxiety as to needing to perform even just in everyday life.
I love how you turned around decades of apprehension about being on stage to loving humanity enough that you wanted to share with them all the truth about science and where we could take it to serve us all- that is truly impressive Diane.
It’s amazing that you were able to present in front of an audience who ‘wanted the real you’ and didn’t have any expectations about your presentation – this experience can be a huge support in terms of learning how to present in front of other people even if they DO have expectations and not holding back.
I have witnessed (and done it myself) well meaning parents really encouraging and rewarding their children for something they have done well or trying to train them to do something well e.g. throw a ball, believing that we are preparing them for their adult life. But if we make it just about what we can do well without any attention on being who we really are (and discovering what that feels like) are we not setting our kids up for a life of misery and empty of real meaning and confidence? And by doing this we also perpetuate a world that is all about performing and success based on doing things, rather than quality of being, which if we are all honest, hurts us every day.
Great point that as babies we are on our first stage with our whole world focused on our every move and gesture. It makes me wonder is it not a bit weird that a family gives more attention to a baby than to everyone else in the household, just because they are little and cute? Should not the attention, adoration and connection be equal amongst all in the family? Why do the parents for example not hold each other with the same adoration and attention as they do the child? We must feel this as children and sense that it is not natural and this creates the tension between what we know is true and what is occurring.
I realise now that stage fright is actually just my own issues getting in the way of what work actually needs to be done, because if there are words to be spoken, then what right do I have to hold them back for fear of rejection? Rejection does not define who we are, nor should it hold us back from expressing ourselves.
Either being put on a pedestal and worshipped on stage or ridiculed and vilified, both are things that separate us as a presenter from our audience. Deep down we know that we are equal in essence and designed to be interconnected and work together in harmony, so when we feel this separation, we feel uneasy. I know this is one thing that has definitely freaked me out when presenting on stage – if I don’t feel connected to my audience and equal with them then it can feel very lonely, isolated and scary up there! In my view a great presenter is one who connects with and engages their audience so it almost feels like one big group discussion and that everyone supports each other to discover the answers or the wisdom sought by such a gathering. Serge Benhayon excels at this and has inspired me a lot in how to present.
Reading some of your childhood experiences here Dianne makes me wonder if one of the reasons we all find it a challenge to speak or present in public is because we feel the energy of all the people in the audience all focused on us at the same time! If there is jealousy, envy, comparison, criticism, judgement or adoration, sympathy, etc going through the minds of those in the audience we feel this as an imposition on us, it is an energetic force directed at us and it is multiplied several times and so more intense than we would normally feel it one-on-one (although it can occur in one-on-one situations). Learning to just be who we are when presenting is the only way I have found to give myself space from this imposition and observe it for what it is and not absorb it, therefore vastly reducing the anxiety and fear factor.
Early memories are great insights into the roots of our patterns of behaviour and also a great opportunity to heal them once and for all.
Attending to the detail, inspired by this article, I have noticed recently that my ‘expression police’ hold me back over the smallest of indiscretions and that stalking me they are constantly saying, ‘Don’t show yourself up. No mistakes allowed.’ And it is in this bullying about perfection that I am my own worst enemy. Great though to know what I am working with – so loving this new awareness.
Serge Benhayon has supported me hugely with developing a deeper connection with myself and with that being more present and confident in life; a genuine solid confidence rather than something that is forced. I still get nervous at times but much less than previously and I now have the awareness of how to bring myself back together and enjoy expressing whatever is needed to be said.
It becomes such a habit to be voiceless, feeling our opinions don’t count or it’s not worth speaking out. I have been very quiet and withdrawn for many years. As soon as I start to practice what I am going to say in my head, the mental criticisms come in, the subject muddles, and I feel a fluster inside that it won’t come out properly. then I can feel anxious and my hand goes down. I have the awareness of this process now and have observed that when I am engaged and present, connected with something, I am learning to feel to speak up without hesitation.
Dianne, it is very inspiring watching you present on stage and share your knowledge and love of science and make it accessible for everyone.
Performance is something that is put upon us from a young age – just like you have shared in your gorgeous blog, Diane. And it continues on into adulthood too and never seems to stop. There is performance expected on so many levels. But it is for us to recognise this and then not buy into it. And this is often harder to do than it is to say! We also need to look at why we might buy into it – in other words what are we getting out of the performance itself. This means being really honest, and for example admitting that we are craving the attention or wanting to be liked and so we abandon who we are in order to take on a role and perform. But the most important take home message is that we have a choice – a choice to continue with the performance or a choice to step away from it. In the end the choice is always ours.
I find one of the biggest barriers to speaking in front of people is wanting to get it right. To ask or answer a question, I seem to want to know the answer before I speak and this stops me from speaking. The wanting to get it right takes away any of the curiosity and exploration that could be there or openness to discover new ways to look at it. This feels like one of the ways we get stuck individually and as a society in our current thinking. If we are all trying to get it right, we do not have room for innovation or the process of exploring something together.
Completely Fiona. I know this of myself – I put so much pressure on myself for even getting the asking of the question right. So how can I possibly be open to the answer. In creating these boundaries for ourselves we cut off evolution for everyone.
It makes me question what success really is, when you described how applauded you were for your conference presentation, despite being physically ill from nerves. We may be able to ‘pull off’ a presentation but if it’s at the expense of our body is it really a success? The audience gets facts and information but they don’t get to hear you and the joy of your connection to what you are speaking about.
I find that when ever I am at events where I have something I feel to share, I will do one of two things – either convince myself its not important and talk myself out of saying it, or put my hand up and feel the panic rise inside me at the thought of speaking. Now I have never gotten struck by lightning or laughed at when I have put my hand up, and yet this panic is still there and I am coming to realise and work on the fact that my worry around what others will think and whether or not what I say will be ‘right’ is crippling my expression because I stay quiet rather than speak up and learn from my mistakes or confirm myself it its true.
The feeling of being expected to perform is quite oppressive and imprisoning. You know that people aren’t interested in you, they just want to see you perform your role and do what they are expecting to see. This in itself is enough to put anyone off performing for others, as there is no freedom to express and absolutely no joy.
I have seen Dianne present many times now and it is always a joy to hear and see her speak. There is nothing getting in the way of her sharing with us true science, the delight and curiosity we had for life as little kids. It would be a crime if this passion and joy was kept buried under stage fright.
“But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?”- great revelation and positive turnaround Dianne with the help and encouragement of Serge Benhayon. Thanks for sharing what is underneath performance anxiety.
“Going on stage impulsed by our own love.” This is so beautiful Dianne. A game changer when one contemplates expressing in public. Thank you.
So supportive to re-read your blog Dianne. Wanting acceptance and recognition from others is a major source of stage fright. Learning to accept and appreciate ourselves in full and also to know that most times the audience wants us to do well, can be a powerful way of moving forward.
Some brilliant questions here about the true cause of performance anxiety. The fact is, we give our power away from an early age to a set of external ideals and images about what good looks like – in all spheres of life – and in so doing set ourselves up for needing recognition and approval from the outside world instead of feeding our self worth from all that we know and feel from within. We stop being true to ourselves and instead become the chameleon with learned behaviours that will assure us of a positive response from a judging audience.
I used to think that speaking with ease in front of others was something I would never be able to do because of the pressure I put on myself for ‘not being good enough.’ Yet the more I self appreciate and the more I value what I bring the easier it gets to speak in front of larger groups.
Shared like a true scientist Dianne, it is so important to explore and understand how we grow up with such deep-seated fears and terror, things that totally cap us and our expression, and in fact moulding our lives to manage these fears or avoid situations that may threaten us. Is this not true incarceration – a prison of our own making that totally controls how we live our lives.
The world is a stage, and our expression is much needed. Any issues we have presenting on stage, are likely the same issues we have in our day to day life, perhaps only on a smaller scale.
It is in fact horrible in which way we need already little babies to perform. They have to smile, to laugh, to wave…and all because we feel uncomfortable in their stillness because we gave up on it. We educate the next generation in ‘performance’ as we were – a cycle of push and expectations. And all of this – how we learn to be with each other – is not a true expression anymore. No wonder that we are frightened to get exposed while our failure is preprogrammed.
To support others (like our next generation) in true and confident expressing we need to claim this first for ourselves. In this I found the support by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that can not be highly appreciated enough.
It’s so true what you’ve shared Dianne about feeling the expectations of an audience and contracting away from being ourselves on stage because that isn’t what they ‘ordered’ or are wanting to see. I also feel that if we were to arrest our own ideals and beliefs about how we should present and what we should present then we would talk from how we live and our experiences rather than an image/ideal. This involves a lot of responsibility, which may be why so many people prefer to base their presentations on intellect or knowledge rather than their own lived life.
Is it possible that self critique and judgement of oneself is the open doorway for performance anxiety, as what we experience inside is what we see outside of us = fear of being judged and rejected by others and thus total freeze and lock down in expression
Thankyou Dianne, I very much needed to read your words today. I especially felt supported by “true sharing up on stage had something to do with ‘being myself’ and ‘connecting with the audience.”, and about your audience “What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed.” It feels so beautiful to read of the difference between performing and sharing the love that we are and the care we feel with others via presentations.
‘fear also kills the ability to bring forth any expression’ this is so true Dianne. Fear is debilitating and takes us further away from our ability to connect to love and truth for sure. Our fears are not real but they have the ability to control us because we allow them to, we therefore have a choice to not identify with our fears but choose to connect to truth by understanding where they stem from and heal what we have not let go of that holds us ransom, contracted and debilitates us from expressing truth.
As soon as we feel that there is any hurt from being ourselves ‘on stage’ we individualise and make the experience all about protection because we feel hurt. This stops any ability to be natural and content on stage as we are making it about ourselves and not the all
We are set up to fail with this old cycle of performance making us acceptable and what we do or do not achieve as being the measurement of love. Low grades – self doubt and worthlessness creep in. High achievers can keep pushing harder to have more accolades and attention to know they are ‘someone’. Both ends of the spectrum from the same cause – not being fully met for the gorgeous and glorious bundle of love that we all are as Sons of God. This performance orientated way of life has been handed down through generation after generation and people become more and more disconnected from their innate essence, which is filled to the brim and overflowing, ad infinitum, with love, harmony, stillness and joy. We have really sold ourselves short with this lack of understanding of who we truly are.
“does enforced performance provide love? No. And what does it satisfy? How can superficial, elicited attention and emotional reaction be love? They are a substitute for love, untrue both to the baby and the adults”.
There are definitely times in my childhood where I remember feeling a great wall of expectation coming at me and I can also relate to this as a parent and holding onto an expectation of a child doing something and them just clamming up and refusing to co-operate – no wonder! As a child it is hard to find words to describe this feeling.
Dianne what a beautiful sharing, I can relate to a lot of what you shared. From stage performance to singing,, playing instruments to presenting for work and being forced to go on stage. All of these things impacted my expression for a long time, where teachers made me feel useless and not good enough. But thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine,I have found my true voice and have been developing my expression, to be able to present in groups and on stage from the love that I am, and knowing that is all that is needed.
I have experienced this inability to bring forth any expression when my mind is pre-occupied with getting it right, which just brings up more anxiousness and the nervous system kicks in to complete the belief that I am unable to express. Accepting and appreciating myself and others at a deeper level has brought many changes to my expression. When bringing the mind to the body to have conscious presence, there is a foundation to explore my expression from.
“No matter how much mental control I exerted, I could not stop the terrible physiological reactions of nervousness and fear. The first time, I tackled the situation by absolutely memorising my talk. But fear kills memory! But not memorising would be even worse, as fear also kills the ability to bring forth any expression”.
The idea of there is a ‘me’ creates all of this trouble, does it not? And this idea is an illusion, a created reality what is not truth.
The pressure of ‘performance’ kills any true expression – we cannot be ourselves.
Authority comes from accepting in full what you live. If you then express from this authority, you will never question yourself in front of another.
Dianne I had a memory come into my head yesterday of how I used to feel proud that my young son could count to ten in several different languages. I would encourage him to count and be as pleased as punch when he could. The memory also conjures up the image of me throwing dead fish to a performing sea lion!
I have known people that have also been physically ill and full of terror with just the thought of public speaking. All of this suffering because at some point a long time ago we were forced to perform and be something we are not and then told we are a failure? How has this hidden rejection contacted every part of their lives? You are proof Dianne that it is possible to unlock within us, our ancient hurts.
“…observing how babies and little children are expected to ‘perform’. Not only expected, but encouraged, pushed, even harassed to act in a certain way, and rewarded when they do, not just by their parents, but by all their family and in fact all of society.” This is huge isn’t it! No wonder as children we begin to feel anxious and self conscious about being enough and a feeling of needing to perform well before we get to school age.
As children and even babies we are expected to perform usually to make the adults around us feel proud and good about themselves. I can remember doing this to my children and it’s not ok. Letting children be supports them to express freely from their essence.
Brilliant blog, Dianne. When you shine the light on the causes of stage fright as you have, there is no question that wanting babies to ‘perform’ for adults feels utterly abusive and completely void of true love. And yet it is so common and seemingly so… normal, when in truth there is nothing ‘normal’ or loving about it.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” This is such a great question that you ask here Diane and a very revealing one. I experieced similar feeling and symptoms to you when asked and/or commanded to ‘perform’, and as a result withdrew into myself and life in general. When we truly understand that life is about sharing what we innately know and that it can inspire others, rather than doing something to ‘be seen’ it becomes all about honouring who we are and the responsibility that that brings, and not about performance at all.
I’ve often wondered what those overwhelming and every physical feelings of ‘stage fright’ arise within me before having to talk to a group. I think you hit the nail on the head Dianne saying – we could be nervous because “.. we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards … regardless of how we feel inside?” When I am just being me and allowing what is there inside me to be shared flow through there is not a drop of doubt or nervousness compared to when I am planning what to say and trying to get it right there is.
Wow Diane on so many counts! You are one very special and deeply inspirational lady and ps it is not possible you are in your 60s!!! You look so much younger! And I love all your science talks – you’re an absolute legend! So very cool to know that you used to experience all the same stuff I do before presentations and how you overcame that…. Awesome sharing, thank you ❤️
I have been reflecting on that feeling of being a baby and child and not feeling that we are enough as we are, as you say ‘perform’. I can feel that in my life, I can feel that now, as I am still learning that I am enough just as I am, no need to prove, get acknowledgement, praise from people who know me and have known me all my life. It feels liberating to let go of the attachments I have had in seeking other people approval.
True service for humanity gets our ‘self’ out of the way. Lovely to read about your experience of stepping up and out and expressing what you feel and know about science and life.
I used to clam up, couldn’t physically get a sound out some times in my child hood, my hiding continued into adult hood, one to one I coped but in large groups and public speaking at work was almost impossible for me. I used to have a go, in small groups at work, but as soon as I stood up, I got ‘stage fright’ sitting down equally with everyone I was comfortable. I recently spoke / presented in front of hundreds of people, there is no way that this would have been possible 10 or even 2 years ago…but I have found my voice and it is growing in depth and it has a lived consistency that I feel. I know there is no difference from standing, sitting, talking one to one or with hundreds listening, it is how I feel about myself, whether I am connected with my inner heart and whether I have been consistent with self-care and self nurturing, that is what matters. I couldn’t have talked in front of many people if I had not been living the quality I delivered on stage, I am learning to walk consistency and express consistency where ever and with who ever.
Wow Dianne this is such an honest and relatable real life story, I’m yet to fully be on stage and allow myself to be all of who I am and know that this is All I will Ever need. Since Universal Medicine and exercising in my life, the practical tools that are offered I have definitely been able to let go of some of the nerves and freak outs. And I can feel I am getting stronger with in myself that I don’t actually care about what people think of me anymore which has been a massive one for me. Trusting that I Am Everything and Surrendering to this is key and keep reminding myself.
When we are truly with ourselves the presenter is ready, any time any place. I’ve been inspired by the many presenters that just allow themselves to be themselves, no act and it is very healing to feel.
I have had experience of performance anxiety in my life which in certain situations has been totally debilitating and which I can still feel at times of late. This blog provides a beautifully revealing expose on the reasons for this and a confirmation what I had come to realise for myself. I feel that it is only very few that do not feel any performance anxiety in their journey through lives because of the way in which we live. Yet it is very simple to change this with an appreciation of the qualities that we are rather than the acts we perform in the first place. Life is not about a performance but an expression of all that we naturally are.
Thank you, Dianne. When I consider my own need in the past to get a certain type of response from a child, I can feel how it came from an unconscious sense that children were more likely to feel and reflect truth and so I was looking for confirmation that I was ok. We so often use interactions with others to meet our own needs rather than simply to connect and appreciate what’s in front of us.
Serge Benhayon has presented for a while now that presenting on stage is no different to speaking to one person and that being present and connecting first with ourselves and then what is to be delivered is the key to not getting stage fright. What if we were taught this at school rather than the usual role of getting up and reciting what we have learnt from memory. I struggled at school because I could not memorise things, even for school work so the thought of getting up on stage terrified me. Dianne I love that you were not put off by your experiences for we would not have your wonderful presentations about science that have enriched us all.
If Shakespeare said that life is a stage then it feels true to me that everywhere we go we are ‘on stage’ as it were and have an opportunity to present to others. Do we feel the pressure to perform and deliver what satisfies others demands and expectations? Or do we simply present who we are and what we feel? Having tried both I know they feel very different in my body and I know that I prefer to do the latter, although if I am honest it is still a work in progress, and I frequently fall back into the former.
Dianne having seen you present on stage in the last couple of years, it is surprising to hear that you had so much stage fright going on as you have so much ease, grace and poise on stage these days. It looks so natural and easy to present in this way so you are an inspiration to so many who have a fear of presenting on stage.
This blog really highlights the importance of reading situations and our behaviours to track back what the cause of anxiousness, stage fright or any issue is for that matter. If you were to experience the vomiting and strong body repulse you felt when on stage and NOT have tried again, eventually learning about what was the underlying issue BEHIND the stage fright then there wouldn’t have been this learning experience and those who you present to now would have missed out. We may say that there’s ‘no way’ we could ever present on stage or to an audience as we’re ‘nervous and shy people’, but from your blog I feel there is more to it than that.
I have always been in awe of your stage presence and ability to express so clearly with no fear or holding back. I am inspired by your journey – your choice not to let past experiences define you.
Well said Carmin for when we let our past define our present we will never be able to heal or let go of it.
I still get anxious with talking in front of a group. But what I know with this is that I set myself up with expectations. Expectations of how I should be, what I should sound like, look like and deliver. Expectations I know that I could never live up to. Then I can get anxious about being judged by others, but the set up here is that I end up judging myself because of those expectations. Pure set up. I feel that this is where appreciation comes in because when I am appreciating who I am in what I do, then there is no need for expectation and definitely no need for self-judgment. From here really then talking in front of a group is no different that having a conversation with another.
Dianne, this is a great article, ‘babies and little children are expected to ‘perform’. Not only expected, but encouraged, pushed, even harassed to act in a certain way, and rewarded when they do’, I really see this happen so much, babies and children are not allowed to simply be, i notice with young children how they are encouraged to get excited about things, say certain things and be a certain way.
This sets a new standard to parenting. We have made ourselves believe that parenting is about educating our children to be able to perform in society whereas parenting in truth is about assisting (all) children to be who they are. So that our children can BE in society instead of being consumed by it.
When we have to ‘perform’ in any area of life we feel anxious. It’s simply not our natural state of being.
Beautiful Dianne, when we come to see the true reason we stand here on the stage of life, and what we have been given specifically to share, this changes the whole conversation from one of fear and delay to one of care. How ironic that we have such hang ups about performance in life, when we see ourselves as limited and individual beings the whole of our life is really an act. When we are genuine, real and sincere, no prompter or voice coach is ever needed because the content flows in a way that is clear and equal.
I have learnt this just recently. Once we connect to the unifying source that we all truly come from, everything is there to be shared for everyone, equally so. It takes away the individualism, the trying to get it right, the performance and leaves us with purpose.
Dianne, you would never know about your previous history of stage fright from seeing you and hearing you on stage now. Your whole body tells us, you are right at home and totally connected to what you are sharing. This puts the listener in a very lovely position, being held by your own loving presence and then able to absorb what you are so graciously sharing. What a treat it is when you share with us all.
Dianne what you’ve shared here is huge. I agree, it seems many mothers require their babies to ‘perform’ – even if something as simple as making a baby smile for example. For me, there is no need for a baby to smile – I can already feel their gorgeousness. Yes, it’s gorgeous to feel a baby when they light up in a smile of the connection with another but not so lovely to feel when it’s done from a parent trying to prove their baby is ok. I also feel how we don’t generally appreciate our beingness as adults and perhaps we think we have to prove our loveliness.
Whilst I’ve been told many times the fact that life is a stage, whatever we do and where-ever we are, sometimes we choose not to see it like this. Yet stage-fright and anxiousness as you say can happen anywhere, walking in the street, talking to people to also looking in the mirror or talking to your partner. The fact in my experience has been I am bought up to perform to what people want me to perform – yet what I find really interesting is when we don’t try and perform for someone or a group we don’t have stage fright.
I love how you have brought it back to how we have to ‘perform’ as a baby. It is true, babies are often in the spotlight all of the time, every move they make is registered and they need to smile or touch on demand. Imagine someone doing that when we are adults this would be very intense.
How many live resigned to the fact that we have stage fright and that is that? This article has supported my understanding of the why but also exposed my apathy of staying in this ‘trap’. Talking to groups on stage or not (in front of a class, a social gathering, presenting…) are all simply extensions of everyday communication and what great opportunities to learn and grow.
Dianne your fear of public speaking could be applied to so many ways of expressing what we have to bring, sometimes I hesitate to speak what I feel for fear of upsetting the other person. Being nice is full of fear, being quiet is often coming from anxiousness. As you have so beautifully explained, when we make it about bringing truth and love to the table, and connect to our audience as supportive friends not critics, we are supported by our bodies following these intentions.
Performance is putting on a show; and immediately asks us to stop being who we are in that moment and to please. It’s no wonder it is completely unnatural to us.
With the support of Universal Medicine, I’ve come to now learn the difference between performing and presenting. The latter being an opportunity to share from who I am – with no performance necessary.
I can only imagine that the pressure of having to produce something rather than allowing what is there to be said felt and experienced is the difference between presenting for some sort of outcome or presenting as it is there to be expressed.
You present totally from your heart and natural curiousity of the universe, it is infectious Dianne. What is so inspiring is how you meld the science and your own lived observation and understanding to make any topic you present about interesting.
Thanks for opening this up Dianne! Being on stage and doing a performance or giving a talk in class, can often be a blurry experience when we look back and all we can remember is that we felt nervous, were anxious about being laughed at, forgetting what to say, and how to act normally. Presenting in conscious presence is a totally different experience and It has a feeling of connection with the topic and connection with the audience, from here is so many more amazing levels that we can present from but are mostly unexplored because of allowing nervous tension to take over!
This comment Dianne ‘No matter how much mental control I exerted, I could not stop the terrible physiological reactions of nervousness and fear’ I too have felt deeply in my body, no matter how hard I tried, things didn’t change. That feeling used to be repeated in other areas in my life too and I carried this boulder of being anxious everywhere. But going on to stage with an impulse of our own love from within feels completely different and we can feel the support for ourselves once we know we are enough from our own connection. It confirms what we know is true within in our bodies.
Presenting is all made about what we know, what we can recall and what we memorize and can then present, but actually presenting is a body experience and stage freight for me came always from not being in my body. Standing there and feeling this massive disconnection and emptiness, being focused on my brain and what I had to say made me even be more disconnected and often to such an extend that I would literally pull out of my body and listen to me talking, like I was the audience. This shows very clearly how we are vessels of energy and that it is the presence and the quality we choose to live by that determines which energy we choose to express with.
We grow up un-learning to be ourselves, so how can we then stand there in all who we are when all what is expected from us is to be someone a someone who has nothing to do with ourselves.
What a beautiful and real understanding of performance and the resulting stage fright of this in our lives from such an early age and the reprecussions of this in life everywhere . Thank you Dianne this brings a reality to what is going on and a healing to begin for those reading this.It allows for us as adults to really look at what we expect from babies ,children, adults and also animals for do we not put everyone on stage for our own entertainment.
This is great to look at, as this affects us far more than we realise. We can be walking around as adults controlling our movements or making movements that are not even ours and how we would truly move because of the payback and emotional love we received when we were celebrated for how we moved, walked, danced, skipped and sang.
It is interesting reading about the ‘failures’ that built up the anxiety about going on stage. Our minds are capable of so much, yet we spend so much of our mind’s time building minor things up into full-blown complexes. It just proves again that when not connected to and led by what our bodies are feeling, our minds tend to lead us down a dead-end.
Every time I have been and still am in a situation of public speaking, I feel the truth that every person in the audience simply wants to be connected to. In the past, I have always let personal doubt override me. Now, I allow that feeling of connection to enter my body and it presents what is needed. It is a beautiful deconstruction of being ‘the individual’ and serving as a reflection of who we all are.
Dianne, I enjoyed reading your blog and I must say how much I have found your presentations truly inspiring as I can feel the love and the impulse in your body to express truth of what you know to be. Thank you.
Dianne what you share absolutely rings true for me the fact that we adopt these responses to expressing in front of others due to undue pressure we place on ourselves, based on our lifetime set up to ‘perform’. It unlocks a lot for me as I have been someone who has struggled with the image and belief that expressing in front of others was something I could not do. All of what you share turns this belief on it’s head because I know the moment we begin to express the truth of who we are everything just flows. Such a beautiful healing blog thank you.
Yes, its interesting how one moment we can be fully connected to ourselves and really open with another/others, then the next time you are with that person, you are struggling to find things to say. An awkward, disconnected moment, feeling the need to say/be more when there is no need, and the awkwardness is feeling when we have left ourselves and have gone into self judgement over it. When really all that happened was we weren’t fully present that next time and so feel to fill the empty gap in between each other.
Thank you Dianne this blog is very inspiring and supportive for anyone who experiences anxiety around presenting. For many years I was an actress and had no problem with getting up on stage in front of hundreds of people and performing, but the thought of presenting on stage and I can feel the anxiety rising in me. Why the difference? Being an actress you are wearing a mask and hiding behind the character whereas when you present there is no mask you are asked to bring the real you. Your blog is a beautiful reminder that we can all learn to express and present on stage without the fear and anxiety by simply connecting to the purpose and bringing all of who we truly are.
Beautiful Dianne, and I love to see you perform on stage, sharing the real you and the absolute wisdom you bring through. From this, I am deeply inspired by science, that everything is a science and I am an amazing science experiment too.
A baby is often a reflection of Love – connected to the source and surrendered to all that they are.
When we are not connected, we are forever desperately reaching for and striving for the Love we know deeply to complete us…at any time we can simply connect and return to the Love we are.
“But does enforced performance provide love? No. And what does it satisfy? How can superficial, elicited attention and emotional reaction be love? They are a substitute for love, untrue both to the baby and the adults.” These powerful questions expose how empty we are, that we need to do this to feel full.
“Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough.” I have a vague memory of being this pure early on in life. And I can see from hindsight how I have created an untrue image of myself. Now life is about releasing the layers day by day, that cover up the real me.
The real me (us) is ready to go at a nano seconds notice. We simply have to stop all the activity and nonsense that interferes with it doing so.
What I also feel is that through all this imposition, judgement, comparison etc….the child is prevented from seeing their responsibility in life – which is to be absolutely everything they are for their own sake and also for the sake of everyone they connect to and the whole of humanity. We talk so much about responsible parenting and nurturing these children. Absolutely that is important – but also they need to take their own steps and claim their own choices (and make their own mistakes). It is not all about the adults showing them the way – it is about them embracing the fact that they are in charge – and thus they take responsibility for the bigger picture.
I too wonder how is it possible to speak with another freely and openly and yet at another point in time, or when we are on stage so to speak we dry up? What I had not really considered was the whole set of not being true to ourselves may play out, the setup of having to perform, to act a certain way instead of being “allowed” to be who we naturally are. It’s a great point to consider as even if we get through our stage fright in what quality are we presenting?
This is beautiful Dianne. I have seen you present on stage and the love you have for science and your ability to express from this is lovely to feel.
I hope one day my expression is fully set free from the self imposed bonds I impose on myself so I too can share what ever it is I have to offer with everyone, no matter what the size of the audience is, as I have seen you do Dianne and many others who speak from the truth.
We can try and hide from the stage of life but it is unavoidable, we are always on the stage. This is something that I am beginning to appreciate, accept and the support has been realising that there is a bigger picture or game going on and that if I can see this, I have a responsibility to speak up.
I know so many how suffer from stage fright, either pushing through and using bravado or avoiding it like the plague. I can remember very clearly as a little girl being totally not bothered by going on stage – I rather liked it. But as I got older and the expectation of who and how i was on stage increased, suddenly it was something I didn’t like because it no longer felt like I was enough.
The stage is life and how easy or hard it is to be on stage is a reflection for me how committed I am to life. It’s not about judgement or being hard on myself. Just cherishing the observation and the learning in it.
The more I make the commitment to stay present and connected to myself the easier it becomes to speak in front of others. Staying “present” is the perfect key for presenting!
Dianne, I have observed this, ‘The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.’ I have noticed how it is the ‘norm’ to try and get babies to smile on demand, to say to the baby ‘smile’ and for everyone to try and do whatever is required to get them to smile and if they do not ‘perform’ for the parent to say that there must be something ‘wrong’ on this day. Working as a photographer it is all about getting babies/children to smile, it is as though you have not got the shot or have failed in your job as a photographer if they are not smiling.
It is worth considering that, everywhere we go, be it walking into a shop, our workplace, shopping centre, going for a walk, (anywhere) is like you are walking onto a stage. Everyone is always on show, and noticed in the way they express.
Presenting many workshops and speaking at conferences myself, I have learnt that as soon as I make any part of the presentation about me, I contract and lose the plot. The only way back is to connect with and totally offer myself to the group and it is amazing what opens up. Someone will ask a question or I will be given an angle to share on the topic. If only we all chose to feel (more of the time) how grand we really are!
‘Since then I have done many talks on stage, from my love, from my caring for the future of humanity.’ I can totally relate to presenting ‘from my love’ and expansion and openness that comes when connected to me Dianne. An awesome excavation to the root cause of ‘stage fright’ that comes back to not being who we truly are and claiming that as soon as the expectations begin to bite – even at 5 years old!
Carrying a picture of how we need to ‘perform’ sets us up to feel anxious as it implies that we aren’t good enough as we are and that we need to be something else. I’ve learnt a lot about myself through Serge Benhayon’s Expression and Presentation workshops and continue to let go of any ideals about how I think I should be or need to ‘perform’ if they pop up!
So much of what you have written here Dianne rings true with my own experience of public speaking and performing. The anxiety which can accompany the task is by far one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced and I have become a master at avoiding any situation where I would have to stand up and speak in front of people. Now I find that I am in a place where I will willingly speak in a meeting and I do not avoid any situations now as I see them as moments to evolve from and I have learnt that holding back only makes matters worse.
Choosing the next movement with an absolute loving appreciation of the uniqueness of who I am brings a world of difference to the next moment. It is a loved-filled, tension-free moment supporting all I have to offer humanity without fear. Why would I choose anything else?
It seems that human life is based on stimulating and receiving as much emotional and mental satisfaction in and from others. In fact we can’t seem to get enough and as you say Dianne, that is because it is not the true love that we know is possible and are seeking. The true love we are seeking will never have even a drop of emotional stimulation in it. Have we been fooled all along to look outside ourselves for this? I think so.
Thank you for this, Dianne. You have beautifully exposed the root behind performance anxiety. The very idea of performing conjures up ideas of being someone other that who we are, but ironically that is exactly what is being asked of us: to present ourselves as we are without artifice, bare and open. It sounds vulnerable and dangerous, but the truth is that we are given the greatest protection by presenting from the truth of the who we are.
Thank you so much for this blog Dianne as I can relate to many aspects you wrote and I can feel that it is so true too that when I am asked to ‘perform’ that I cannot do that freely but always feel stressed and insecure. I can remember one year in my grade school where we were asked to make short plays just for fun and I really loved to do that and and from there I was one day asked in one of the higher classes, to perform in a Christmas play where I had to play the role of Joseph. I can remember that this was completely different to what I described before. In the christmas play I had to ‘perform’ to the expectations that where set of how such a play would look like. There was no way to involve any of the playful acts that were allowed in the earlier class plays where I was allowed to be fully myself but now I had to meet an expectation and that took me completely away from myself and made me to dislike to perform for audiences as from there.
One of my first memories of stage fright was having to do an oral presentation in front of a class when I was very young. I had prepared palm cards and practiced diligently but the moment I started I couldn’t even hide my nerves because my hands were shaking, which meant the palm cards where also shaking. This experience stuck with me for quite some time. What has truly supported me to get over the stage fright is being more present with myself, as much as possible, so that when I do have to speak in front of groups, it becomes no different to speaking to one other. I never thought this would be possible, let alone that I would even enjoy it.
What a great joy to share you with the world and your love of Science.
Interesting Dianne, how you comment on being the first born and feeling more pressure from your parents to perform. I know it was similar in my family ( I was the second born and given much more leeway). Could it be because the first born is the first joint product from the parents and the whole family to feel the need to show society the successful child to prove their own success, instead of letting the child simply be themselves?
I love how you address this issue not accepting the excuses we have used our whole lives, but digging deeper down to the root of the problem – the reason behind what we feel when we are presented with getting on stage. I know I have always gotten very anxious when it came to putting my hand up or getting on stage – the feeling of needing to preform, and also not trusting that that I am enough.
Dianne it literally blows my mind that you had stage fright at any time in your life, I am one of those who have been lucky enough to witness you present and I have loved every minute of your talks. You have reignited an absolute love of science and the magic of the body that I had turned off from as a child, I totally got the wonder of the body and nature but the way science was taught was so dead I quickly gave up on learning about it. What you have done is presented in a way that brings the simplicity and power of science out and I am blown away that this would have been something you found difficult to do earlier in your life. It shows how powerful our early experiences are and as you say this unnatural need to preform to be loved stifles and kills our natural expression. As you are natural presenter!
What an amazingly insightful observation you make Dianne when you ask, “Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” What greater inner conflict can we have than to be asked to be something other than ourselves?
I used to play in band as the lead singer and used to have at least three or four pints of beer before I got on stage which would take the edge off any nerves that I was feeling and the music was well rehearsed so it was just going through he motions, but getting up and talking fully sober about specific subjects still scares the hell out of me, but reading your words Diane has given me some wonderful insights as to why that is. I don’t feel as a child, like many others, I was ever allowed to be just me and always had to live up to something I was not and could never express as I never felt I had the freedom to.
“What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed. Awesome! The lifelong stress response fell away”. Awesome indeed.
How beautiful that you are now doing what you are truely on this earth to do. Thank you for sharing your insight, wisdom and experiences into performance anxiety; a great lesson for us all.
This post has got me reflecting back to when i had first had stage fright – which was a school talent contest – and as i was introduced to the assembly hall to do my lo-lo ball routine, i completely forgot it, and walked off the stage feeling awful and with huge internal disappointment – about myself. This followed a room full audience including family where i forgot my gym routine and struck with fright, the sea of people watching, had to be guided through it by my Gym Tutor. There are other similar incidences i can recall , and each one of them I can feel especially having read your post Diane, has been to do with ‘performing’.. and feeling the huge tension in not wanting it to be about having to perform/ a performance or a show, though at the same time having to make it about this, to entertain, please, get validated in front of others, which is not being real or true. Isn’t it this that’s the real ‘fright’ or ‘shock’ ?! Hence i’ve been experiencing that the more we become ourselves, the less of an ordeal it becomes to ‘be seen’ by an audience for example, because of being real every in everyday life. The more moments we are real, the more that becomes normal on or off ‘stage’ – a levelled stage, or grounded one. And the reverse too, the less we are our true selves, the harder it is to be this in front of others to arise the tension of knowing this ‘false performance’ isn’t us.
Stage fright, stage fight or stage light? That is, do we fight our light when we take fright in front of others? As humans we put enormous pressure on ourselves to be something other than the enormous gorgeousness that we are. Because we keep this hidden, we put pressure on ourselves to perform in such a way that means we will be accepted by others who are also not living their light and so want their protective stance confirmed.
…and so ‘to shine or not to shine’ becomes the question.
“But is this going deep enough? Are we right back to causes yet? How is it that when I had only just turned five, I was already in dread of performance to the point of illness, though I’d never had any stage experiences before?” Dianne, this is great that you have suggested here that the true cause of your stage fright goes back even before the time that you were exposed to ridicule and judgment on the stage around age 11, and introduced how we are brought up from the time we are babies. This feels very important to me. When I look back to photographs of myself as young as 4 or 5, and even younger, I can see that the constant hiding from others that I lived with for much of my life was also visible in my really early photographs. I was an extremely shy little girl, very unsure of myself, as far back as I can remember, and the photographs certainly reflect that. Yes, your suggestion that our constant judgment and measurement of love that we give to our babies and toddlers are all based on what our child can do, we are not truly loving them for the fact that they are who they are, very precious beings is a great observation. It may be to varying degrees that we treat our young this way, but when I consider this, it is very obvious just how damaging it is to a little one, who is a precious Son of God, as we are. A very young child knows this innately and is actually very connected to their innermost, so how vulnerable they are to being expected to perform to receive the true love they so deserve, absolutely unconditional love. It is no wonder that later in life we feel the need to be DOING, rather than just BEING to receive the recognition that we so desire.
I see it often at my work with children and their parents expecting them to do/be a certain way with others, getting them to perform for the parents sake. You can feel that those children change and some will either do what is requested, react and go into upset, or just totally ignore the parents request. I can see how this could go on to affect them in later years.
Expression is everything, as Serge Benhayon has continually shared. I seek assistance with my anxiety around expressing and Serge Benhayon and Chris James have been instrumental and so incredibly supportive in these endeavours. My appreciation for them is immense.
As a teacher I perform daily – this is revelation Dianne. Recently I have been feeling totally inadequate in my roles as a teacher, parent, friend – and it is because I am making it about having to perform to an outer expectation – to deliver and fix the issues of the recipients. And when you teach 150 students daily, that’s a lot to take on!!! No wonder I am exhausted. This is revelation.
“Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards … We know we are not being true to ourselves – isn’t that enough to feel rotten about?” Currently I am teaching a unit to 60 students which requires them to deliver their analysis in front of the class. I have to grade them on their performance – more imposition from outer standards. Not one of them feels natural or confident. It feels abusive at times as a teacher to put them through this – so I prepare this assessment with a lot of support to connect them to be natural, that they are awesome before they even get up, that they have something valuable to share and to connect them to the passion of what they have researched. I then address the class and share the importance of their part, to sit with only encouragement in their body language and eyes for the presenter; so the student presenting feels cared for and supported. I always point out that there is no one in the class who is willing them to fail, only to do well. (Jealousy and competition can easily creep in – but don’t get me on this with the culture and consciousness of education.) Having read this I can support my students on a far deeper level. Thank you Dianne.
Absolutely brilliant Dianne to unpack this fear of presenting. I can feel how the imposition of parents to have their kids perform in order to fill the void of the lack of love and emptiness within themselves is at the core of the issue and is incredibly abusive. So each time we come to stand up and present in front of others it comes loaded with this incredible responsibility to fulfill something other than just being ourselves – to fill that gap. That is impossible! If we were simply celebrated for being ourselves, then it becomes simply a natural expression.
What revelation and inspiration Dianne! Thank you so much. I can now understand how I have taken on in my life the responsibility to fix people’s emptiness when I perform; in EVERYTHING. I teach 150 students – that’s a lot to take on. I can feel how in every interaction in my day, I am performing to fix the other, and I can feel from very deep down how a lot of it stems from a very young age, taking on the responsibility to fix and heal my mother’s deep anguish.
I have always been afraid to present on stage, I never was able to give a speech without bursting into tears. I had so much anxiety that I would just freak out to talk in front of a group. Nowadays I give presentations and workshops and what has changed is that what I present, is what I live. I don’t talk about things that I don’t have an experience with and this has supported me big time. This week I gave a workshop and I loved being in front of a group. I was just me instead of trying to perform.
Yesterday I had to introduce myself to a class of people and say a few things. I felt pretty at ease with it as I chose to be open with the people in the class. And wasn’t so much focussed on myself. When I am focussed on me, then that’s when the anxiety takes over.
Dianne I love how you made it about love for everyone equally. That was enough to allow your expression to just flow. People go to workshops and courses so they can speak in public, however the connection to love for humanity is not taught as a key ingredient. It takes the focus away from the individual and makes it about the all.
Who would have ever have thought stage fright is so closely linked with how we are in life? So close in fact that it is one and the same. If we are feeling inadequate on stage then how are we in life? The stage is not just in front of others at a presentation etc, it is the stage of life and we are always on show all of the time
There is so much gold in what you have worked out over the years on performance anxiety Dianne. It has unlocked an awful harming pattern I’ve been in and answers a lot of questions about why do I still perform around family, and need to rattle off everything I’ve been doing etc. I was also the first grandchild on both sides and with a big extended family was expected to perform, be cute, and give the adults what they craved. This leads to so much control of thinking you need to be perfect… because perfect gets smiles and nodes and affection. It’s great to see this for what it is of course without any blame, as the same has been going and passed down for eons. I also see how when my children were very little I too carried this on and imposed the same on them.
Thank you much for so clearly describing the way we have felt the need to perform from such a young age and the way it plays out in life. It is so relevant to all aspect of life – I might not need to perform on stage often, but I know I have approached life from a need to perform and prove myself rather than just being me and that is huge
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” This is such a great question Dianne, and one that really resonated with me. Understanding that this could possibly be the reason that I have always felt, and until quite recently still felt like a rabbit in the headlights if I had to present something in front of lots of people (unless its singing). To appreciate this is enormous, that there was always an expectation from others (and even myself because I’d taken on that belief) that in order to deliver what was being asked for I had to leave myself behind. No wonder we get so lost in situations like this. Great blog Dianne, thank you.
Thank you Dianne for sharing the reason behind why many areas of our lives can cause a stress and anxiety as I feel the following applies to so much “Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?”
It feels to me as if there is actually a reason that we are singled out or put in situations which create a feeling of anxiety and fear within us of failing to perform according to expectations. It is as if we have not wanted to shine in the natural glory and magnificence that we all are. Awesome to reconnect to tour true purpose and step back into the light we naturally shine.
Serge Benhayon has been supporting hundreds of people to be in an expression workshop, and talk about a whole range of topics on the spot. For me this has totally changed my view of what public speaking is and the fear that can come with it. The other thing he mentioned, is that we are always presenting. Whenever we express we present. That shows me how it does not matter if I am on a stage in front of thousands or speaking with my partner, when I speak, I present from me. And so we have an opportunity for every movement to be equal, and place nothing more or less on certain situations. Seeing things this way has allowed me to debase all these beliefs I had about ‘stage fright’ and what it means to speak to people. In the end it is an opportunity to express, and the more we express in each moment, the more it becomes a very normal thing, no matter who the audience.
This article is a really rich piece of learning for me. I still have lots of barriers to speaking in public and presenting, but a huge willingness to dispense with these.
“…what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal?” This change in approach is enormous. We learn so early on that we have to perform for others, for our parents then at school, putting ourselves at the back of the equation; we are not often supported to do things for ourselves and others in a quality that holds all equally.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance? So true Dianne as when you are expressing from your truth, there is no stage fright, as you are not ‘performing’ anything you are just expressing who you naturally are.
I remember loving singing and had no qualms about standing in front of an audience and performing with all of my heart. One day a nun came up to me at choir and asked me to mime as she felt I was not in tune with the others. I was devastated and from that day on I played up in choir and let go of my natural joy to sing and perform. We need to encourage the young not squash their enthusiasm.
If past lives exist, how much is the way we chose to live in the past influencing our stage fright as stage fright often seems to be very strong compared to the actual situation?
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” Wow Dianne this sentence got me as I could feel that it is true for me – that from being expected to be untrue to myself I gave myself up – so how could I not feel overwhelmed during a presentation? With this deeper understanding I was able to chose to connect back to me and with that I was easier for me to present yesterday.
Before Universal Medicine I always thought that I had to be really well rehearsed before presenting. This has changed remarkably as I have been inspired my Serge Benhayon in that never presents with notes. What he shares is that when we speak from our body and in connection everything is already there for what is to be said, no notes needed. I have been working with this over the past couple of years and the more I remain connected with my body I am able to talk from my body opposed to what I think I should be saying. This is a completely different way of presenting that I am really enjoying.
Great blog Dianne. What happens when there is no such thing as ‘performance’ – but just everyday presence? The more I bring myself to that, the more I am confident to just be myself on stage or anywhere…
Most of us have life times worth of feeling the pressure to come up with what is expected rather than deliver what is in our heart and so many us live this way as a ‘norm’. The wonderful insights in this article show that we can all approach it very differently. And also what a profound impact it has when any of us like Serge Benhayon let another know that we wholeheartedly and unconditionally love, and accept them and they do not have to perform or come up with anything and impress anyone. The people actually start to shine their amazingness.
A while back, I volunteered to speak at a work training day as each centre had to present to the whole Council what they had been working on related to connecting with community through the year. This is not something that I would ever say yes to, but at the time my whole body just said, your going to do this and I did. This experience showed to me beyond a doubt that when there is a true purpose to something and you just get yourself out of the way, it naturally happens and your whole self is there to support you in full with no need to try.
Experiencing your talks recently Dianne, I never guessed it was you writing about those early experiences until I came to the end and saw your name. What an amazing turn around and joy, and that is what I feel when I listen to your talks — joy, for I am with you because you are with yourself, and everything is so clear and easily understood.
Very amazing Dianne, what a blessing to read your change and this all because of Universal Medicine in your life – that is gigantic! And how beautiful that by this support and your choice you have been able to break through this angst, fear and consciousness and be you again.
‘Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough.’ This I can observe in society in how we are with babies and children. It’s what I can feel in myself but reading this article is awesome as it opens the door to me taking responsibility for coming back to the love that I am and discovering it is, I am enough.
I watched the webcast of the science talk you gave Dianne, it was incredibly enlightening, your passion was infectious, I remember feeling I wanted to hear more. I wasn’t trying to use my mind to understand what you were sharing, you inspired me to feel what you were sharing, there’s a big difference.
So it is possible to not freak out on stage, my heart knows this, but my head plays a big role in pulling me in the other direction, although it is having a less influence the more I live in my body and not in the head, walking has supported this immensely.
I love this Dianne how you have taken us on a journey right to the core of stage fright – expectations felt even from within the womb. If we were to embrace the fact of energy I feel that none of this would exist for then we know that we can communicate on a multi dimensional level – a telepathic connection of just being without having to push ourselves out.
“I felt separated and abused, and I lost my voice – no sound would come out. I was sent from the stage in disgrace, failure and embarrassment. For decades afterwards my voice was not able to sing, not even when I was alone.” What I find so fascination Dianne is how deeply we hold these memories within our bodies, I recall realising in my late 20’s that I no longer had a audible laugh – I just opened my mouth and nothing came out it was like I had literally swallowed it up!
Your honest sharing Dianne inspires and gives heart to all who have experienced the same.
Dianne, your blog should become part of any teachings or courses that try and counter stage fright. As for most of these we learn tricks and ways to override how we feel whereas your sharing shows how it is not about tricks or mannerisms, but about feeling absolutely ok within ourselves and from there knowing that we do not need to be anything other or more.
I agree Carolien, all the management tricks don’t get down to what needs to be healed like Dianne takes us to here in this sharing, the performance that we demand from babies and the impact this can have on how our natural expression develops or not as the case is most certainly for the majority of people.
That is a good point Vanessa, as we talk about our children’s development: in truth we should be talking about the construction of the development of what is naturally there instead of imposing ways of being that are not natural at all.
I love how you share that the self-consciousness melted away for you Dianne. I’ve been enjoying observing and learning more about self-consciousness lately. And I can see and feel how I’ve indulged in it as a form of protection for so long, and used it to hide the true glory of who I really am.
I have been deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon’s presentation workshops, and with this I’m learning to get my ‘self’ out of the way when presenting. When I connect with myself and allow my body to surrender, what needs to be expressed simply flows through me. In these moments, it’s like being plugged into the pulse of the universe.
I love this Dianne, when we express from our love and from the place inside us that deeply cares “for the future of humanity”, what needs to be expressed naturally flows.
I remember all so well a moment I literally froze on stage when performing as part of a dance troupe at a busy community festival. In that moment my body simply could not perform the moves that I’d so meticulously rote learned. I left the stage feeling horrendous humiliation, shame and disappointment. However, there was also a part of me that appreciated the absolute blessing this experience offered, because it was a really clear message from my body, that performance is not what is needed. Performance is just entertainment that’s designed to stimulate and arouse emotion which disconnects us from our heart and from our bodies. Whereas the expression of true movement offers those moving and those observing, an opportunity to deepen in our bodies, and to connect with the joy and divinity within.
Dianne the word ‘stage’ really stood out for me this morning and I recalled Shakespeare saying “all the world’s a stage”. Here we all are, pretending that we only have ‘bit parts’ in this drama that we call life, never owning up to the fact that we are each the script writer, director and lead actor rolled into one. There is going to be a moment when we all have to take responsibility for the dark pantomime that we are choosing to create.
A truly awesome blog here, Dianne, you have exposed such an important fact here. It all makes such sense to me now. I have always been terrified of speaking up, and the thought of going up on the stage used to be terrifying to me. But by bringing it back to how we were all usually brought up from a new little baby, with all the adults, including Mum and Dad, measuring our worth through the things that we do, perform etc., down to all the tiny little details that you shared, to how and when we pooed, offers a great explanation and understanding of how most of us suffer from this fear for much of our lives. Maybe when we were first born, there was a chance that we were loved for just being us, but because of the competitive nature of how we live as a society, we look to measuring all the milestones of development as the baby grows into a toddler, into school years and beyond. We compare and analyse the differences, speak with pride, or make excuses, all based on this artificial measure that we all tend to use of ‘normality’. How destructive all this is to the subject being discussed, our young selves, when all we truly want is to be loved and cherished for who we are, not what we do. Thank you for introducing this subject, there is much discussion to be had in this regard, which could make such a difference to our society and indeed our world, when we all come to realise the ramifications of how we measure our love for our children. Maybe this will be the beginning of a very big change to the way we bring up our children.
When I recall my own experiences of stage fright, a debilitating all-consuming panic that takes over my body, I get the sense that I am deeply afraid of failure and rejection. However, the gift that we all come with is the power of our expression. And so is it possible that any distraction in to the fears and worries that public speaking brings, even if it is just in front of your colleagues at work, is just a way to dampen down that power.
Once we claim our true expression the words are there, but at this point in time very little is know of true connection, so the pressure to preform comes with loaded expectations from the audience and ourselves, trying to live up to many images, which puts so much pressure on the body. Not loving at all and we all know the end result, but living from our connection and love in understanding we have access to a wisdom and power that is our source, we have all the support we need when we surrender.
Observing others on stage I have noticed that ‘…to ‘harden up’ in order to push down the faintness and fear…’ is very common and I too have done this and yet when we slow down, remain gentle and unattached its so much easier to listen to us while we present.
Beautiful Dianne, I agree with you, it is a lot easier if the crowd is supportive and if there is no pressure to share what is there to be shared.
And aren’t we all truly blessed to have you doing what you were always meant to and sharing the amazing wisdom that you do Dianne. Listening and feeling you present about science and divinity and how that plays out in the macrocosm and microcosm of life and the universe, is an absolute joy that I sit in awe of the magnificence of God in everything.
I am a theatre teacher and I think about this often. Thank you for giving much to consider.
Precise and delicate Dianne, the way you dissect life and do not stop at the comfortable answers. I love this approach as you have applied it to stage fright. I can see you as that little girl, already anxious, because you have been placed on a stage (as we all have) from the time we were first expected to smile, chuckle and do a poo in a potty. Always performing to others expectations…the only thing about a “real” stage is that we are so physically exposed and vulnerable standing on it alone, for all to see.
This blog has supported me to go so much deeper with this. I hadn’t considered before that stage fright comes from the demands to perform placed on us when we are babies and children, but it makes absolute sense to me. For me there’s a fear, and anxiety of getting it wrong, of stuffing up and letting people down, all of which I can now feel comes from wanting to makes others happy so I felt accepted and loved. This anxiety permeates all aspects of my life from work to relationships to simply being me – all have been laced with the imposition from when I was baby to dance to another’s tune, and get it right in their eyes. No blame on anyone here, for isn’t this simply how almost every single one of us has been raised. Even by coaxing a baby to smile at us, we are basically communicating to them that their feelings and choice, their expression to observe us in that moment, or to not engage, is not enough and is wrong, so therefore they are not enough. Gosh, this is huge.
Understanding why we are anxious or get stage fright allows us to change that, to look afresh and move forward. Yet what stands out to me is that as a baby gets hurt by the expectations adults put on it to fill what is missing in their life, it shows we are all responsible for not wanting someone to be something for us. If we all stopped and allowed another to be naturally who they are, not for us but for them, then I get the feeling stage fright would not exist.
As I read this blog I was reminded of a moment during my childhood. I was in church with my family and we were singing a hymn. A lady in the row in front turned around to look at me and gave a smile of acknowledgement to my father. She was ‘saying’ that I could sing and sing well. I didn’t like being singled out in that way – it didn’t feel true. Until that moment I was just being me, just singing with all of me but somehow, this apparently minor incident changed something. I was being ‘appreciated’ for what I was doing, not who I was and after this I became very self-conscious when singing. My feeling is that we all have a deeply innate knowing of our equalness with each other and when this is dishonoured, there is tension. In our connected state where we know we are all equal, we are in touch with all our ‘faculties’. When we are singled out in some way, there is disconnection – and we cease being all that we are.
In my work as a trainer, the moment I accepted that I didn’t have to know everything and that it was ok to say, ‘I don’t know’ in a course or workshop was the moment I could relax and be myself and hence, be much more connected to what I do know. I find this approach supports those attending to be themselves too. It isn’t about knowing everything but about being who we are.
This blog is quite relevant to me as for all my growing up I stuttered and was put in many situations by teachers to speak in front of the class when it was just not possible. I could never even finish one sentence before being asked to sit down. This was repeated throughout school so I had built up a huge resistance to being seen and heard as it was always humiliating, embarrassing and even fearful to some degree when I had to speak. Blogs like yours have a huge impact on healing that which holds us back from expression.
I came to an awareness recently that during my school days, there were some teachers who were easy to listen to and others who I found it very difficult to hear. Now, there is nothing wrong with my hearing but this was about their connection to their subject and how much they embodied what they teach. Some teachers communicated their lessons from their lived experience – so that what they expressed came from their bodies. This was easy to be with and to understand. Then there were others who were simply teaching a topic from knowledge, so just from their heads. To me, they could have been speaking ‘Swahili’ – it was as if I could not understand them. When we speak from our innate connection to our subject in our bodies our expression is so very different and as a presenter, there is a strong sense of knowing what we are saying and an absence of doubt and or the need to convince anyone. I heard a presentation on this once and will always remember what was said – ‘he who seeks to convince, is not himself convinced’. I feel that part of stage fright is in the need to convince others and hence convince ourselves and in that seeking there is the opening for anxiousness to arise.
Thank you, Dianne. I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach going to visit relatives of being expected to be something, to present myself and prove that I was special in some way. It has taken a long time to not have expectations or put pressure on myself in the company of others, to just stay fully connected and respond simply from how I am feeling inside.
Wow Dianne Trussell – this blog has so much in it. I feel it is so true that we have been totally conditioned to seek the acceptance and approval of others for ‘what we do’ and that ‘who we are’ is completely negated. This begins in our early years, then through school and into work – all focused on doing rather than being. It is no wonder we live lives full of anxiousness. Yet, our true beingness is delightful and joyful and it is the root from which we can simply express ourselves, who we really are. Speaking from this connection to self, we connect with others too and they can relax. In my experience, doing this has a magical way of communicating to our audience ‘it’s ok to be you, to be who you are’ and they too can release themselves from this abhorrent expectation that they have to perform for us as presenters. What an immense relief – and what a joy it is to just be who we are.
Performance anxiety taken back to its roots. Now I have some understanding and an opportunity to heal past experiences so that they do not impinge on my life today. Thank you, Dianne.
Thank you Dianne for sharing so honestly about your experience with stage fear. It helped me to get a more deeper understanding of myself as I am also a person with stage fear.
A great point Dianne that performance anxiety occurs off the stage from the expectations and ideals we hold ourselves to in our everyday lives. Ultimately it is one’s own choice to love oneself dearly and completely that takes all the pressure off and allows us to open up from the fullness of who we are and that no pressure or expectation from another can touch the power we have within us if we choose to remain connected to it. I agree Serge Benhayon, through his own holding of love, is true inspiration without pressure or expectation.
Dianne for years I lived in fear of having to speak in front of people, forget about trying to get me on stage that was out of the question. My experiences throughout my life had instilled a fear that had me freeze, lose my voice and I would try to disappear. My protection was to distract with my outer image, or go into being busy, now I have built a relationship with me and got to know the essence of who I am and appreciate what I bring and the biggest of all … dropped the looking good and perfectionism and of course comparison. It now has me smile when I speak to people and I actually love hearing and sharing in equal-ness, it has been quite a journey to release all the fears and hurts and I possibly won’t be on a stage anytime soon but if I am, it doesn’t terrify me any more as I know it will be for a purpose that I can bring.
As adults we need to be sensitive to how we treat children, in terms of planting seeds that may one day lead to a forest of nervous tension or inability to connect with people. Like you singing teacher Dianne – I wonder if she ever realised how important her role was or the impact her decisions had on the lives of children. How many other kids grew up with the imprint of humiliation and embarrassment in being seen and talking or expressing in front of groups? A great example in that our choices affect everyone – no matter if you are a teacher or not.
Apparently, as a child I would vomit on the way to kindie because I was so nervous. Now, I haven’t really gone into that and don’t remember, but I can relate to the nerves now and how overly excitable I can be at anything to the point of totally losing myself, my breath and sense of stillness. Nerves are one thing, but our reaction to those nerves is really what can send us into a panic. I want to experiment with this nervous sensation more and see what happens if I surrender to the feeling and not react. I wonder if it would dissolve.
‘Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough. The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.’ This certainly bring points of reflection to how I am with my beautiful niece and other babies and children. Even when we smile are we asking a baby to perform to prevent us from feeling rejection?
Feels like appreciation of our glorious selves is key, really claiming that we are already everything that we need to be, in spite of how we have been treated in life, then trusting in ourselves and allowing the space to connect to what is there to share.
‘Performance expectations’ certainly can be anxiety inducing in whatever situation they present! What is key is our connection with ourself and valuing what we naturally bring in our expression so that as you say Dianne we give ourselves permission to express from our essence rather than trying to meet an outer ideal.
It is actually about everyday life too isn’t it? How we are with our partner or friends, family, the man at the service station, are we being fully ourselves or in a picture of how we need to be to be accepted by them.
How we are on stage is an amplification of how we live everyday!
Yes powerful blog deepening what is really going on with stage fright rather than the superficial aspect. It exposes as clearly expressed, that society, which is all of us, suffers anxiety and other ailments due to the so called external pressures. It’s not until we stop, and start to build a relationship with ourselves that we are no longer at the mercy of external pressures but become the captain of our own ship, gliding through the seas of life, the glide of love in full expression to be shared.
Your questions Dianne expose much about the way all our lives begin and the possible ways this impacts on who we are. These impacts are very powerful considering that we are so young at the time and that we unconsciously can go on to continue to perpetrate these behaviours as adults. What holds us back or what we allow to hold us back is not real or true and as you have shared we can choose to re-connect to the place that is all knowing and bring all of who we truly are, free of the harshness you have described. Thanks Dianne.
At Universal Medicine expression workshops presented by Serge Benhayon it is the most wonderful and healing experience as we are supported to present in small groups. But the setting is based on love. In each group we are supported and held in love, without judgment or expectation. As we stand and present, we are just given a topic on the spot with the understanding that we have an inner wisdom and connection to humanity, as we express from who we are, total freedom to express, it has a playfulness and freedom about it, feels amazing and confirming how there is so much wisdom within all of us. This just completely wipes out stage fright in the moment.
‘Are we nervous and/or hardened all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside? We know we are not being true to ourselves – isn’t that enough to feel rotten about?’
This is a powerful statement, our deepest hurt is that ‘were are not being true to ourselves’ and we make it about everything else that is the problem or cause.
This is fantastic to expose what is really going on behind stage fright. It is performance pressure which is closely related to our identity of our value of who we are, although this is not true as shared, but many of us carry that. As stated it is unloving, completely unloving and that is what really hurts us. That’s why when Dianne mentioned earlier about it started to change when she connected with the audience, because it becomes about people connection, love and sharing, and the presentation is about sharing what we are learning or have learnt for all. That is loving to share! We all have much to offer as Dianne so gorgeously shared.
Thank you Dianne for sharing a great story, It is so beautiful to be able to get up on stage and be able to share from the real you, knowing there is no performance needed and no perfection expected, just you being you, and sharing from love, your experience and knowledge of science.
Great to hear how you overcame your fear of presenting in public, on stage. It would make it easier to remember that we are presenting to friends, even if we haven’t met them yet. Our experiences can be hurtful but that doesn’t always mean they will happen again, we can learn to trust and re-ignite our abilities to present again!
Wonderful Sharing thank you Dianne! You have highlighted such a huge condition which plagues us all, our expression! From young we experience so many things and choose to change our natural expression, in one way or another and this can lead to all forms of things!
What you present here Dianne is thought provoking with much to consider. Children do have so many adults expectations imposed on them from very young – all tick boxes of recognition for the parents, when the babies/children are so full of gorgeous love that is totally overlooked… perhaps because it would expose the adults lack of love and/or disconnection from love – the very thing we all crave the most.
I have always avoided speaking to groups in public. I knew that it was something that I was avoiding too and yet I had no problems sharing with friends, speaking one on one. During an expression and presentation workshop presented by Serge Benhayon, I came to understand that this in fact was no different to standing in front of a large group of people and presenting. Either way if I am talking with one other or a group it’s the same. Now I may create a whole lot of difference in my own mind, but none of that is the truth. This makes sense why should I be different and why should this be different? This is not to say that this is something that I still don’t struggle with, for I do get nervous and loose my words still. That’s ok for it’s not about perfection. Its actually about being myself…and that’s everything. No need to ‘perform’ when I am just being myself.
I was recently at a presentation where the most awesome presenter I have even been in the presence of, Serge Benhayon, lost what he was saying. He had nothing to say. For Serge this was hugely uncommon and what had happened, as he himself shared, was that he had lost connection. He began to focus on the time instead of being connected and allow what was there to come through him so that he could present that to us. It was hugely healing as I realised that he is not special and being a great presenter is not a gift. What he does is connect to himself and to God and then everything he needs is right there for him. Serge has been saying exactly that for years, but for the first time I saw it in action.
I love this blog Dianne. You have given me much to ponder on as I have a fear of being on stage. I have never had a horror experience other than not being myself and memorising information that I have regurgitated to an audience. This left me feeling not great about being on stage. Knowing that I can get up on stage and present myself seems freeing yet somehow it still makes me nervous and this comes back to expectation on myself. When you shared that in the audience were your friends and it didn’t matter to them if you screwed up, this was a stop moment. To realise that others have no expectation on me was very healing, and if they do well that can be their problem, not mine!
Diane yet another gem of a blog that made me ponder deeply on my own left-over stage nerves. I have found too that the anxiety comes from the need to ‘be’ something other than what I am, or to bring, do, deliver etc. It is a pressure over and beyond that which I am and can express naturally so. And so your blog inspires me in more surrendering and a deep trust that I am all that I am and that is all that is needed.
I love the questions you ask Dianne. ‘What is the baby learning from this? That real love is unacceptable, and that emotion and performance are what love is?’ it’s no wonder that we have a very skewed and far from true understanding of what love is. we are walking around thinking that love is emotion, our ability to get an emotional reaction from someone, and performance. Love is so much more than this. Through reading powerful articles such as this and others by Universal Medicine students, I am given space to put beliefs and ideals under the microscope to see what is really going on.
Such a clear contrast between the different performances described. One being part of a whole group with the harmony and equalness that can be felt. I have felt this in choirs, it is absolutely wonderful as our entire bodies respond to the purpose of singing together, it is for the whole. The solo performance can have by definition an intense focus on the individual. Purpose for the whole can be lost, as pressure to stand out and get it right increases with the expectations from everyone’s anticipation that something worthy is expected to be delivered.
One of the comments above about life being a stage reminds me of Shakespeare. How do we ensure we are ourselves in every moment, regardless of the situation? I certainly don’t want to be an actor taking on roles to cope, yet I definitely thought that was normal till I came across Serge Benhayon and he showed me how to re-connect to my innate knowing. Building a body and a way of living where I don’t act my way through it, where I take myself into every situation is the simplest way to live, but it takes dedication and practice because the norm is to be the actor and live with the anxiety of wondering how I will cope with the anticipated stage fright. What a freedom to be able to see there is a difference that can have incredible benefit on our mental and physical health and well-being.
Wow this is an amazing article and absolutely true for everyone whether we want to see that or not. You’ve gone to the straight to heart of the matter here. We arrive in this world being everthing we need to be and full of love and joy, only to get the strong message that that’s not good enough. We then choose to perform our way out of that hurt and keep everyone smiling. Thus begins a life of never being ourselves, and a commitment to being in competition with each other. wow.
I can totally relate to this. I have had moments of utter knowing I was fine on a stage or in a presentation, and times of complete stage fright. The complete stage fright moments always seem to be so public, very often I do or say something completely inappropriate to make up for it which ends up making it way more obvious and humiliating, cementing the feeling that I should never put myself forward again. It has taken age, time and experience to come to the conclusions you have done and I would say I am still a work in progress. To be able to offer this to younger presenters is an incredible gift, so share far and wide Dianne!
’First memorable stage failure – not showing up at all.’ – This reminds me that during my entire childhood I always got sick when I was meant to perform in a play at school. My way of dealing with it was certainly to not show up.
“Since then I have done many talks on stage, from my love, from my caring for the future of humanity. And this unblocking of my expression has unlocked a lot of other things within me too, and changed my life.” I love this Dianne – is this the secret ingredient to presenting – to unlock it by knowing you have humanity listening to the feeling of your love and to activate what is there to express ..
Presenting truth to another without holding back is simple and no different be it on a stage, in a witness box or at the corner store. It is we who complicate matters when we disconnect – we open the floodgates for negative thoughts, images that are not true and many destructive dialogues in any manner of forms designed for us to shrink from our power and hold us less.
When we connect to purpose and get ourselves out of the way, it is simple to deliver what is needed for this is not owned by us and it is not for us to contain, control or finesse its delivery.
Breathing our True Breath is key to navigating life. If we breath in the situations around us, the beliefs and pictures that flood in and other’s emotions, it is little wonder that we can’t cope.
Amazing revelation here of how it is possible to overcome stage fright. Thank you.
For me, performance anxiety about being on stage or speaking publicly to a group comes from feeling like I am alone, it is all up to me. What if I don’t have the goods to deliver? I will let everyone down. But this comes back to what you have shared here Dianne, in the sense that I feel alone and it is all up to me because I had lost a sense of who I am, I was empty, so the weight of the world was on my shoulders to pull out whatever I could. So until recently I had avoided public speaking like the plague. Recently, I gave my first public presentation in years. It was to a group of about 20-25 people from all over the world. Just before we started I expressed to the team I was presenting on behalf of that I was feeling nervous and they all said in their own way, ‘We are all here, we are in this together.’ This felt amazing and I could feel the truth in these words. We are not alone, we can have ourselves, God, and everyone in humanity with us if we choose to. It was a profoundly healing experience for me and the feedback has been inspiring and deeply confirming of me and my ability to embrace the audience in the same way I embrace myself and others on a daily basis.
Recently, I made a speech at my sons 21st party, I’d written something out beforehand, knowing that I wouldn’t use it, it was just there in case I got stage fright and needed to refer to something. I thought I’d be nervous, but I actually really enjoyed myself. I spoke from my heart with no attachment to impressing anyone, just being me and sharing my love with my gorgeous son and everyone else.
Just love what you are sharing here, Dianne, the expectation that’s felt from a very young age that it’s not enough just to be ourselves. No wonder we are freaked out by the prospect of presenting in front of people. If it’s not enough just being who we are, we then feel the pressure to bring so much more than this, however, nothing is more amazing or precious than just being our glorious selves.
Stage fright was massive for me. I would literally freeze, and the terror would close my throat over and shake my whole body. It was Serge Benhayon who helped me realise that ‘confidence = presence’ SB, and that building that presence within myself was a daily process of self love, love, staying with myself in every moment, and then I stopped leaving my body when I went on stage, and in life in general. Now going on stage is like mostly stepping into my lounge room! A life-change I would not have thought do-able.
Stage fright is life fright.
Life is a stage ! Meaning every situation in life actually asks us who we are and we make a choice who we will be – will we be true to ourselves or will we take on a role to handle the situation? As long as we hold images or expectations, consciously or unconsciously, we are owned by them and see life only through a filter how subtle it may be and we will perform to its conditions.
This is so true Alex, even though we know who we are at birth and as little children, we learn to doubt that and take on images and expectations which end up working through us consciously or unconsciously. I will enjoy bringing more awareness of this today and beyond to see what I notice about the roles that perhaps I still take on to handle a situation I don’t feel comfortable about.
I love your blogs Dianne, and I loved the angle that you took on this one. I am terrified not only of public speaking but also of talking in a large group. It seems in a smaller group if I can eye ball everyone I am ok but if not I am overwhelmed and therefore find I have no impulse to talk at all! I have pondered on this and have felt that it may have been from being ridiculed as a small child that went completely blank in spelling bees, or when I had to read out loud to the class, being a bit dyslexic did not help. I would dread the spelling bees even though the rest of the class insisted that they were fun. I will ponder on your performing babies theory though I feel for me it was rejection at birth as my mother nearly died in childbirth so she was in no condition to see me or hold me for 2 weeks after. So that may have been enough to give me stage fright . . . that being my first performance or entry onto the stage in this life.
“Apparently I handled the talk and questions very well, and was congratulated on a great presentation. I completed it despite feeling faint and staggering on my feet the whole time from lack of sleep, no food, and a night of involuntary physical purging, followed by being almost paralysed with terror on stage.” This is living proof of how messed up our education system really is. Why didn’t anyone feel or notice what was really going on for you or others who faced this same situation? Unfortunately, results were deemed to be the ‘be all and end all’ and students were treated like sacrificial lambs.
As young ones, being who we naturally are, is never enough. So we try to please and look for praise when doing something ‘right.’ This not being met for who we are then leads us to adapt away from our true self, adopting a false mask or persona. Could it be that stage fright is just an extension of this? Yet if we just act our natural selves, as you do so amazingly powerfully on stage Dianne, we come over as more authentic.
Letting go of the need to please, ingrained from our early years, is so important when presenting. Speaking or singing from our hearts is the way to go – just being who we are, rather than trying to impress. After all, we are never going to please everyone, no matter how hard we try.
Dianne your article highlights the way so many of us are taught – by having to fulfil other people’s expectations and ‘perform’ in a way that may not be natural to us. How different it is when we are allowed time to come to our own expression and to be appreciated for everything we are, instead of castigated for not being what others want us to be.
I can really feel the life and vitality in your blog with no compromising to feed the mental or emotional satisfaction of others that is so commonplace in our society today. It has become so commonplace that we are now unaware and accepting of it. This manipulation is rife in the media. It doesn’t have to be this way and it is inspiring and a real joy to experience a true presentation.
Dianne, I love and truly appreciate that you have finally let go of your “stage fright’ as I absolutely love listening to your inspiring presentations. You share with the audience as if you have been presenting with ease forever and as a result, for me, what you are sharing comes alive and I always learn so much, as I know so many others do as well.
I can still feel within me a neediness to achieve recognition when I do something well, or hope for praise that I have done something to a good standard. Listening to Serge Benhayon talk on this subject brought to light how strong these feelings can be and how they often stem from a young age when we are looking for that same recognition that we have done well, a justification of our worth, even though this is a false and harming way to live as the need will never be fed. Far better to work on accepting me as I am then the praise becomes inconsequential, just a sweet aside to the stage of life that we walk everyday.
“Before we can even crawl, we are ‘on stage,’ having to front up and perform, whether it’s our natural expression or not.” Parents rewarding children for what they do gives children the impression that they are not good enough as they are and that they need to produce something in order to be loved and acknowledged. It happens so early and can mean that they leave themselves to act a part to please others. How distressing this is for the young child and then we wonder why as teenagers they will not connect to us. We have already killed the connection by expecting the performance.
The moment I want to ‘sell’ something on stage or anywhere, I am in the danger to get discovered and exposed. When I present what I live – it is just that. I can not go on stage and turn the button of authority and love on to express something important. There is no button. We live it – or not. And so we can present it – or not. If ‘not’ we have to create something and than try to ‘sell’ this…but everyone can feel and so we KNOW that we will get exposed – sooner or later. No wonder that we know ‘stage fright’ in many different ways – we are afraid of getting exposed in how we live. Or we live to the best of our ability and present this. Every challenge here will be a learning for us all and so not needed to be feared, but welcome.
Going to school performances can often be a boring affair and parents put up with it so they can see their own child do his thing. Performing children are not themselves when they are going through the motions to please parents, teachers or audience. They know it’s not true and I think you have hit the mark Dianne, by putting forward the suggestion that ‘stage fright… actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance. It’s so refreshing when someone is just being themselves on stage for they inspire us from their fullness instead of just showing us a cardboard copy of who they are. I find that with your scientific presentations Dianne, your love brings science to life.
Stage fright is a very real thing for many people. A member of my family used to be a member of a professional orchestra. Most of his colleagues were on beta blockers to be able to deal with the stress, and the use of alcohol was very high. The stress comes from grueling schedules, but mostly from the pressure to perform and deliver a perfect performance. The way the professional musicians deal with this is to numb themselves completely so they cannot feel anything. This certainly does not deal with the underlying cause, and it creates more problems than it solves.
Your blog shows very clearly how we can close down and feel traumatised when we were young and what an effect that can have on our expression for our whole lives. But the great thing it also shows is it isn’t true and doesn’t need to affect us at all, it was our choice to shut down and it’s our choice to let it go now and return to our true expression.
It’s interesting re-reading this and realising just how much we expect other people, including young babies and children (and our pets) to in some form or another entertain us, fill us up, love us and make us feel okay about ourselves. When we make the effort to connect to the loving warmth inside our bodies, our neediness for entertainment simply dissolves, which then makes way for true relationships that ask nothing of another other than to be who they naturally are. The appreciation this brings is so freeing and very supportive, we have no expectations or agendas, so that when we choose to present we do so from a place of love, enthusiasm and joy, rather than the pressure of living up to something we are not.
When I am anxious about speaking in front of people I know that I have been living in disconnection to myself, because when I am in connection I feel steady in myself and the words just flow.
‘…what love is? That you are ‘better’ if you ‘perform’ better than others? In other words, better at stimulating emotional and mental satisfaction in others’ – I think this is a stellar line Dianne, as it totally exposes the expectations put onto babies, children, teenagers, adults and the older generation – so everyone! – and the belief that love comes in the form of attention, which is ‘given’ to you if you perform well enough to keep everyone interested.
This is a great piece of qualitative research: showing that studying ourselves lovingly and deeply (going to the next stone after each one is turned over), breaks through and heals deeply rooted behaviours and responses to life. Thank you, Dianne, for bringing you and science to life.
Putting the benefits and service to the audience before your own anxiety or concerns provides us all with a key to being a great presenter.
Actually Dianne, I have this stage fright too. To be truly me on stage is still a challenge. The expression workshops of Serge Benhayon are a great support to let go of this fear.
I love how this blog went to the next level with its discussion of why we may have fears of publicly speaking. This blog gives insight to how everything has a deeper level of understanding. It just depends how deeply we would like to go with it.
Boy this is a big one Dianne! I can’t recall having any defining moments which would have attributed to my terror of performing solo on stage in any way, shape or form. A similar feeling of fear would also arise, albeit in a somewhat lesser degree, when it was my turn to speak in group discussions. On reflection it boils down to an image I hold myself in which is based on an untrue and unfounded lack of self worth. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to delve a little deeper!
Dianne, what you have shared is beautiful and so many of us I am sure can relate to! I certainly can relate and recall also the anxiety of presentations and exams that were based on oral presentations. I know I always appeared super composed and delivered beautifully, but my experience in my body was awful – like for you it was the nerves, the anxiety the nausea and yes for exams I too had the vomiting and the retching that happened leading up to the exams. There was a lot of pressure on, and like you, I could easily and justifiable blame the pressures (I only got one go at the oral exams, and it was a pass or fail, I was doing them all in a foreign language that I had not yet mastered, should I fail 1 exam the system would consider me to have failed all the exams and I would not be permitted to continue my studies which would have meant for me to leave the country and my family) – enough to justify such a reaction of nausea and vomiting and nerves. But as you have so beautifully said, it is so much more than this…there is something here for each of us to ponder on and I feel this has much to do with our fears of stepping out and being seen for the amazingness that we are, yet that society does not celebrate this amazingness much at this point in time. As a society there is still much support lacking and we need to open up the conversation about this and see what gets uncovered.
Performing wether it be onstage or going about our day to day lives is placing enormous pressure and tension on our bodies that stays with us for long periods of time. Not only after the performance itself, but also before especially if we are rehearsing and practising so very hard to be perfect. What is beautiful about expressing instead of performing is the space and wisdom from our bodies takes centre stage and from here we can share amazing power and truth, which far outweighs having to perform on a day to day basis.
When we perform, we may be trying to be something else, something we are not, just being and expressing from our inner hearts we are everything we need to be and have access to infinite wisdom – it doesn’t get any better than that.
Wow Dianne – thank you.
I saw your presentation and never would I have thought you used to experience such stress in your body before. You were calm, clear and amazing. I simply love listening to you and of course reading your awesomely shared blogs.
Through what we have experienced growing up we have learnt that truly being ourselves is not always well received or met with love. In doing so we change ourselves believing that to receive what we think is ‘love’ we are best to behave as someone else, put on a performance and hope that this is what will get us ‘love’ we seek. Yet it is not truly Love that we are receiving as this is completely conditional. The Love we truly seek is the Love that we are, and we are blessed by this Love whenever we express it from within as it then naturally flows through our being. When we are in connection to who we are, we know who we all are. From here our expression then simply is a reflection of this truth and love without question, a natural movement, a sharing of ourselves from the all we are for the all we are, where inspiration has no beginning and no end.
Dianne it was just lovely to read your blog, from childhood to present. What I could relate to was the anxiousness that comes from presenting to please others and deliver information, as opposed to the calm that I feel when I simply be me as the foundation for a talk.
‘I was getting an inkling that true sharing up on stage had something to do with ‘being myself’ and ‘connecting with the audience.’’ – I love this Dianne, it is so true. In my experience of performing with singing over the years I have discovered that when we let go of the pictures that we hold on to of what a performance should be or look like and instead surrender to our presence within our bodies, there is nothing but the moment of connection to the truth and love of who we are, and the natural expression of this is a movement that comes without question. There is no separation of thinking what to do and being with what is called for. This is, as you have shared, what I am working on bringing to all aspects of my living day. Thank you for, as always, delivering such enlightening truths.
Its interesting, often the people who have had such issues around expressing themselves are the ones who have the most valuable things to say.
i totally agree with you Jeanette, beautifully expressed!
“Apparently I handled the talk and questions very well, and was congratulated on a great presentation. I completed it despite feeling faint and staggering on my feet the whole time.” This is very interesting Dianne and highlights that we are often so focused on the outcome and appearances that we don’t pay attention to the quality that underlies the “performance”.
You’re so bang on re: the expectations parents and adults have of children to perform. I witness it constantly, not to mention sometimes following into the trap myself. The kids are like puppets there to draw a crowd and be compared with other kids. It’s really quite sad how much we can lack awareness at times. If we understood the implications we’d turn the focus onto ourselves a little more.
Amazing Dianne. I absolutely love reading your very real and true accounts of your experiences as they are so relatable! Thank you for sharing your story on stage fright and exploring what could be the root cause for so many of us. Simple and true.
Wow Dianne this is brilliant and so very supportive. You have brought a deep understanding and exposure to what stage fright is and how from a very young age, as babies, the way we naturally are is met with expectation, judgement and a need to perform and please. This is a huge revelation for me, as one who has struggled with public speaking, as it brings true understanding as to what is actually happening. There is much to consider here and I thank you deeply for sharing this article
Wow Dianne, I had absolutely no idea you had previously had stage fright, having seen you talk – I loved the simplicity with which you offered us what science is, and it rekindled my love of science in the world around me. Your blog is super powerful and one statements really popped out at me ‘We know we are not being true to ourselves – isn’t that enough to feel rotten about?’ – it nails that discomfort many of us feel in life particularly when we are asked to perform and we know it’s not about us at all, but just about what is produced, and we know deep within, this is empty and void of the love we all are. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
This is lovely Dianne and shows what can underlie our fears and anxieties. I have not experienced too much stage fright but the same feelings resonate with me: that of feeling overwhelmed; being judged; not being good enough; and, all the other thoughts that come in. When I am steady and connected to the truth of who I am, no such thoughts arise.
Wow Dianne – you have allowed me to see ‘stage fright’ through fresh eyes. I hadn’t ever really considered how awful it is to be expected to ‘perform’ for others. The example of the way babies are imposed on is very real and tangible. It is obvious that there is no connection in performance but the potential for connection through expression is huge.
‘On top of this, the babies have to make a big show of pooing, peeing, walking, talking, eating, reading, writing and counting,’ and so the performance, the recognition, the achievement and the exhaustion begin.
‘On top of this, the babies have to make a big show of pooing, peeing, walking, talking, eating, reading, writing and counting,’ It is crazy to think that we are asking babies to be unnatural by making a show of the very actions that are natural to them!
Dianne you raise a great point that our performance anxiety stems from the fact that from a very early age we are no longer simply adored like we were as a new born baby for just being ourselves without having ‘to do’ anything. Our world is based on praising people not for who they are but for what they achieve and this is ingrained in us from a very young age. It is only when we adore and love ourselves for who we are, for our essence and what it is that we innately bring to the world rather than what it is that we do, that we can begin to let go of the anxiety around performing, whether that be on stage or in our day to day life.
One way to look at stage freight may be to consider it a strong manifestation of lack of true confidence. True confidence comes from the body and the strength of stage freight may simply show our level of true confidence.
I have seen your presentations and they are beautifully expressed, interesting, informative and the connection you have with what you share is felt deeply. It is a blessing that you share what you live, science and divinity are expressed, intwined with all we feel, live and breathe when you speak about it.
Dianne this is such a great example of how stage fright can get the better of us and can create huge reactions in the body. I know this very well, and for most of my life have found it incredibly hard to stand up in front of others and talk or sing. How you have been able to find what you were truly meant to be doing with no stage fright is deeply inspiring and just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how old you are, as long as we are willing to appreciate ourselves for who we are and not define oursleves by what we do.
Reading about the expectation to perform at a young age, got me pondering about how I felt as a child and as I grew up. How much was I left to be me, and enough as I am, without the need of a song and dance so to speak… I often came up with the one liner minutes after I need it (I perceived) and would clog up with anxiety when I needed to talk in public. A few months ago I talked in front of hundreds of people, I felt some anxiousness bubble up, but I decided to express from me as I am, and feel that it was enough, and so when I spoke it was natural. I know I can still express more, but it was great, the nerves as they used to be were not there. I was comfortable and expressive in my own skin. Learning to love myself has enabled this expression.
It is rare that I get stage fright but I certainly remember the times I have experienced it and they have been very difficult. Thank you for your blog, much insight to ponder here.
I had an experience where I opened my mouth and no sound came out at school. I had volunteered to sing in the choir alone, I had a go and nothing would come…it stayed with me for a long time, the fear of not feeling supported and held by the group, but instead judged and compared with, I shrunk under the pressure. I am finding ways of speaking up and out and it has come from developing a self-love that supports me where ever I go and what ever I am doing.
What if everyone is taught to express the love to humanity in the same way that you are delivering now, rather than carving their own path? The world will be a different place. The facts of life described here relates to my life and I too have come to the point where we feel purpose and support from inside, then the expression is just natural in all aspects of our lives. Thank you for sharing.
I can relate so well to your stories of childhood and their impact on how you developed, Dianne, as I had similar experiences, as I am sure all of us have. One significant one for me was at school at age about 5 or 6 in a singing class. The boy behind me hit me on the head with a book telling me to shut-up as I had a terrible voice. Ever since then, and with further incidences at school that endorsed belief, this I came to completely believe it was true. It is only in very recent years through attending some sessions with Chris James that this has changed.
This is such a gem Dianne. The understanding you share on performance anxiety is so true and makes it very clear why we may have such a strong reaction to sharing openly with others. I shared your understanding with a friend yesterday on exactly this topic of performance anxiety and know another couple of people who will appreciate this as well. It is so clear how we can support ourselves, each other and little ones: to know we are appreciated for who we are and not what we do.
‘and now, in my sixties, I am finally beginning to do the work I was truly meant for in this life, with great appreciation and joy (and no stage fright)!’ this is amazing and so inspiring that we can come back to who we are and do the work we’re meant to do.
This is absolutely so amazing. So many people think these things are just them and can never be changed or addressed. Well Dianne had completely gone against the current trend and how inspiring!
Spot on Karin, it is never ever too late for us to grasp what we know to be true and begin to live it. No time for regrets, but just getting on with it and loving ourselves and others all the more for it.
Dianne what you’ve written has really stopped me in my tracks of putting up with my constant performance anxiety. In front of a group of people you felt were only interested in you being you, who held you in love, your years of stage fright simply disappeared. This is amazing and has got me asking myself how come I still live in fear that words will vanish from my mouth as I speak to a group or even one person I put as more superior to myself – especially bosses.
I realise I’ve never quite moved away from when I was 16 and my first proper job. Other colleagues were shocked I was going to university as I appeared to them as stuttering and stupid – I wanted to be seen for who I was but had so much shame about myself nothing I said was spontaneous – if I was asked a question I rehearsed it in my head to consider how it would be taken and then spluttered it out way past the fact, all jumbled up. That, or just went blank.
So now, whenever I feel I have to perform or am feeling vulnerable, I shut down. I’ve projected onto others the hurts I’ve not addressed of being criticized for when I was myself and brought a loveliness and a truth that others didn’t like to admit so they reacted and put me down. Rather than read the situation as their issue with their lack of connection to themselves, I choose to internalize the reaction as personal and project the same reaction onto others whenever I’m feeling more open and expressing this. Reading your article has supported me to be honest about this. I once thought I couldn’t trust myself – that any given moment I’ll be debilitated in this way. But actually it’s me leaving me and my appreciation of me that allows this anxiety in – even with good friends who love me I can be insecure and want to be liked when I’ve lost my connection with me.
What I project onto others is very imposing -and imposing on myself in that I choose to believe I’m expected to achieve fantastically unrealistic standards where I feel like Rapunzel being asked to spin gold from straw. It is no wonder I procrastinate from tasks which ask me to deliver something – essays etc. – when actually I’m being asked is to express from my knowing in connection. Wow, it is possible I can allow myself to be me! No more Monday morning anxiety before work.
It is amazing to see what we carry in us for so long. If you look back at your first and second
‘stage failures’ and you were so young but when it came to doing the same thing as an adult you still carried that scar or memory. I wonder how many other things we carry in the same way, i.e. we had a ‘bad’ experience while young only to grow up still playing out the same response without truly looking at what’s going on. I think Dianne your piece of writing highlights this in a good way, always be ready to look at things we do, are we really present with what going on or are we playing out a behaviour leant to ‘protect’ ourselves from getting hurt or being embarrassed etc. You are showing us Dianne we carry more then we think, thank you.
Great point Ray. There’s a lot going on, underneath the surface, in every action and interaction. When we open our eyes to the whole truth, the games we play out become obvious and the behaviours stemming from ‘protection’ appear to encompass much of what plays out for us all.
I love your presentations Dianne and I appreciate reading that being on stage was not always an easy task for you, that you had the same type of devastating early life experiences that turns us off shining who we are. Wonderful that the encouragement and support of Serge Benhayon helped turn it round for you and now we can all gain the benefit of the joy filled wisdom you share. “What if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal?” Truly inspiring.
More and more I realise that I still held ~(and hold) on to self-worth / confidence as doing something. After reading this blog yesterday I notice that it is really all about being with me. Not having to do anything. Not a single rule, nor having to living up to any ideal or expactation from somebody else. Today somebody was angry with me which included a lot of blaming towards me and the 3rd person. As I stayed open I could see how I indeed had a contribution towards what happened but that the reaction coming from the angry person wasn’t my responsible. Being able and choosing to be aware of this was very freeing and when communicating this, the person with the anger said later that she calmed down and come back to herself. How Powerful is it to stay with us.
I remember having to do a performance on stage or a speech for an audience would basically propel me out of my body leaving me without any conscious control of what I was doing or saying and trying to stay standing with my knees swaying all over the place. Usually a half hour speech would end after 10 min as I had delivered it in fast forward! I laugh at it know as I now can speak in front of a public knowing that what I present is not about me, not for me (to get anything from it) and does not need to be perfect. To be fully present and let the world see me is a forever unfoldment but one that is very necessary as there is much the world needs to hear that it has not had access to for a long time.
What you share here is huge Dianne, the performance anxiety we have in life, about everything really. We all had that natural ease in us when we where kids and most of us can remember that time, but then we accumulate so many behaviours and masks and ways we “should” be that it takes a lot to get rid off it all again and find back to our naturalness. It just does not make sense that we loose ourselves to that extend, we need to stop this and come back to common sense living and pass this on to the following generations instead of repeating the same ill ways that people have lived before us – someone’s got to make a start in order for it to change.
I love how you raise our awareness of how much we already expect babies and little children to perform and be in a certain way for us, just so we feel better about ourselves. This is so self-centred and causes a lot of damage, but it is so normal that we stay oblivious to the fact.
Yes it’s very interesting because we all seem to love the innocence of babies and how they are so full yet by the fact we get them to ‘perform’ or respond is also exposing that perhaps adults on some level feel uncomfortable with this fullness simply because of their straying from it. Hence control or moulding comes in.
Through Universal Medicine I learned that my knowledge comes second, its only the backup that supports what I really have to present. I am a vessel of energy and what needs to be presented is delivered to me. My responsibility is to live in a way that connects me to the right source.
The pressure to perform and conform to what is expected from the outside makes us unlearn the true freedom we feel just to be ourselves. I had an ease about presentations till my teens and preferred always oral presentations and exams instead of written as I could express better. But already in my late twenties my super confidence on stage that I relied on was covered up by years of University studies and the growing expectation towards myself to give the best presentation of my knowledge leaving me with a suddenly occurring stage fright, that happened just in the moment I took my seat in front of the audience leaving me with an empty mind and a dry voice. The more I “knew”, the more I was in performance pressure and with this my body said no. I also realized that my long praised confidence actually came from a control and hardness with myself and when I finally ended up with all the symptoms it was just the result of having performed all my life.
The need to perform is such a killer. Gone is our ease, naturalness, and the gorgeousness of our expression when we put ourselves under a false spotlight to please and be perfect – This occurs both on stage, and off.
Yes it is occurring all the time if we are not with ourselves. It’s just more obvious in front of groups as the pressure and body symptoms are greater.
When ever the information comes through you from the true source there is no stage fright just as you are just the vehicle of expression for what ever truth needs to be delivered.
Hear hear. Our only responsibility really is to truly look after our vehicle of expression so it is always able to be delivering the needed truth – whether that be expressing verbally or by the way we move our bodies.
I was interviewed for the first time today, in the past I would have been super nervous but today this was not the case as I stayed connected to myself and presented from my body. I expressed what was there to be said knowing that it would be of enormous support to those who listened to the interview. When I get myself out of the way and trust the hierarchy are supporting me my expression flows.
Dianne, not only has unblocking you expression changed your life, it has offered huge inspiration and support to everyone who has ever had the opportunity to hear you speak. Thank you!
Well said Hannah. I totally agree. Dianne is a powerhouse of delivering truth and I do love her style of delivery.
The expectation of being untrue to our self, this point you raise touches not only stage fright but I can feel many areas of life and whenever I feel that I am “needed to be more than me” “needed to be not who I am” then I get anxious, have no confidence and panic. Whilst we can master a topic and feel we are in control of the stage, a new one comes along and the same panic sets in. Yet there are other things, situations and times when I feel at ease, these are the times I am supported to be me, no expectation. Just me.
If children are encouraged from young to express what they truly feel without any imposition, I am sure speaking and expressing publicly would also come very naturally as they grow older.
Having heard you present on a number of occasions Dianne it is hard to believe you ever suffered from stage fright. You are a natural. I find your blog really inspiring, thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I love the thought of seeing everyone in the audience as friends. Friends we may know or we may have yet to meet.
“By my third year of undergrad I got an A+ for a talk on natural selection, but I was still covering up the feeling of being very stressed and racked by nerves, and fell in a heap afterwards.” The discrepancy here between A+ achievement and your body’s response is striking. It is clear therefore that confidence or nerves are not truly about our capability or lack of it. What you present is a very strong argument that confidence and ease comes with a “soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal”.
Once being in the audience of someone whom addressing hundreds yet to feel they are talking only to you, and that there is no skerrick of performance about their presentation, is not something you forget too quickly. To have witnessed this each and every single time I have been in the presence of Serge Benhayon is frankly a phenomenon that no best ever performance could out-stage.
This blog is fundamental in addressing the unspoken tension and anxiety that prevails in our bodies when we live under the pressures and the expectations of other people’s needs. And what is so gorgeous is how Dianne has managed to overcome and even put to rest this tension in her body by returning to the fact that she is loved.
Dianne, I love the way you write and present, the ease and simplicity with it cannot come from anywhere but your own love. Thank you
I can very much relate to the reasons you have listed for not getting on stage – I was very much indulging in some of them myself and allowing them to cap me for most of my life. Until I met Serge Benhayon I never knew it was enough to be me, I was convinced I had to perform – not just on stage but in life in general.
What I love of your discovery Dianne is just that – tracking something to its root cause. So often we as humans tend to ‘settle’, we brand ourselves as just this or just that, without granting ourselves the gift of inquiry, and in doing so miss out on the extraordinary healing always available to us all through uncovering the layers we tend to pile on over the years.
I agree Dianne – “We know the truth within – that expected performance is not loving, and that it comes with separation and competition in conflict to our natural sense of equality, brotherhood and co-operation, and is thus abusive. Wouldn’t that be enough to produce physical ill-ease and lifetime stage fright?” This is a deeply significant observation and one that could well inform the way we approach education of our children in the future. Definitely worth exploring
We are people to perform for entertainment, but what exactly is entertainment. Entertainment is nothing but a relief or reprieve from our own reality, it elates us from feeling the reality of the quality we have lived our day in.
Dianne, thank you for sharing your experiences with ‘stage fright’. I am so glad that you have mastered the art of presenting on stage because you are entertaining, informative and make everything fun, and let’s not mince words here, you are awesome! I am sure there are many of us who can relate to your blog, and it is also interesting that you mention ‘performing’ in all areas of our lives and not just on stage, this is something that I had considered before, going into ‘performance’ mode on occasion which means that I am not expressing as the true me. For me, expressing in full on the stage of life means letting go of the fear factor which lets self-doubt creep in, and coming back to the connection with me, which is something I am working on day by day. You are an inspiration.
Thank you Dianne, for your honest sharing of the terrors of stage fright, it makes sense that when children are asked to ‘perform’ they are not being true to who they truly are. Being able to present what you feel in your heart, your passion for Science and all it teaches us, is way more natural and, because it comes from a true place within you, is inspiring.
Furthermore Dianne, I was quite shocked to read you name at the end of this blog as what you’ve shared was certainly never apparent in all the times you’ve presented, which goes to show that from your first presentation, it was different. Well done, I feel very inspired by what you’ve shared and plan to put it in to practise myself.
Dianne this is an amazing sharing in that it gets to the bottom of where it all comes from in the first place. I am impressed that you let yourself unravel it in a natural way. I don’t feel at all confident to speak in public but maybe this will change with such wonderful examples that you and others have shared. Thank you.
I love love love you on stage Dianne and all your blogs and writings. So inspiring!
And I can say, I feel comfortable on Stage when I know what I express is love and so supportive for all. If my expression is in service – I am fine.
You uncover the lid perfectly Dianne on this topic…”Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” The more love I hold in my body for myself and the more true I am to myself the easier it becomes to be seen by others and to speak in front of larger audiences.
You rock on stage. I have seen you many times now presenting your Science discoveries and I am ‘hanging on your lips’ as they say in Dutch. You just stand there indeed as if talking to a bunch of friends. An inspiration for all of us to just get up there and speak 🙂
Its hard to imagine that you have ever struggled with public speaking Dianne, as you are such a natural speaker and such a joy to see present on the most mind blowing and body altering subjects.
Thanks Dianne, from the King of stage fright, I would rather wrestle an alligator than get up in front of people and talk, it literally terrifies me. So I’m really hoping there is hope for me yet. Now that I have read this blog I need to really look into why I am such a wuss when it comes to public speaking.
Thank you Dianne for shinning a spot light on a subject I am sure many will relate too. It has been my experience over many years to avoid situations where I may have to speak up in front of people, never mind on a stage, meetings at work were very hard for me and I would turn down promotion to avoid this situation at any cost. These days things are very different and I put that down to the workshops run by Serge Benhayon, not only have we talked amongst ourselves in groups but also spoke for a few minutes on stage, along with commenting on blog sites which I feel has been life changing.
Yes, performance anxiety is not confined to the stage, instead it plays out in every moment of our lives, if we let it. I know that anxiety that stems from not feeling comfortable in my body. That what I am offering will appear silly and I will make a fool of myself. Performance anxiety for me stems from convincing myself that what I have to offer is not good enough, or someone can do it better, or that its boring or repetitive so has to be moved through quickly. The rounding of the shoulders as an attempt to protect myself which makes the anxiety worse as the presence lessens, and the awareness of how others are actually feeling is less easily discerned. Thanks for writing this Dianne, great to read your performance anxiety is melting away.
Diane I also want to share that I love your presentations on stage and seeing your expand more and more with an ease and love and the passion for what you share from your body is so beautiful to observe and be part of . Your joy in your presentations is infectious and brings the true wonderment of science to our lives, thank you and from what a beginning you have shared it is really beautiful to feel where you have come too.
You’ve made a really important point here Dianne about how our anxiousness in relationships, at work, in our fashion, parenting, appearance and so forth could actually be a reaction to ‘performing’ in those areas of life. If we have bought into ideals and beliefs that we have to be a certain way in those situations then we will naturally approach work or parenting frightened of not meeting these expectations we’ve put on ourselves. If we were to let go of the expectations it may not be so much a case of ‘performing’ and faking a way of being, but actually being how we feel to be.
What great turnaround Dianne. I have found through the work of Serge Benhayon and Chris James that my expression has dramatically changed. I used to be quiet and very softly spoken with people all the time asking me to speak up now I hardly ever get that! What has changed is my confidence in myself and knowing that what I have to bring is important. I used to think it did not matter what I had to say and no one really wanted to hear what I had to say. I now have no problem standing up and speaking my truth, after all if I do not then people are going to miss out. So it is not so much about me but rather what I can bring to inspire others to live more of the love that they are, so how could I get stage fright over that?!
Dianne this is an amazing blog and sharing that offers so much support to so many with a deep understanding of what is really going on with speaking presenting and being on stage. I have always frozen and disconnected from my self even at the expectation to express in a group of people and your experiences felt so true and real thank you. I love how you share that “is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” This makes sense to me and very much my experience from young too.
Thank you, Dianne. I can really relate to the pressure of enforced performance and it makes me cringe to recall how I put the same false expectations on my children when they were youngsters, to be a certain way with the grandparents, even smile and be polite etc. Anything that demands for us to be other than our true selves is dishonouring and inhibits the natural expression of our essence.
So many presentations may be very slick and well practiced, but when we present from who we are, there is a naturalness and an ease to simply be yourself. You show us this very clearly Dianne, your background may have been different but it is definitely something you have now mastered and is a great example to show others how to present from your heart.
I would have never guessed that in the past you were tormented by stage fright, Dianne. What a turnaround and all because there were no expectations or demands, no need to perform.
Dianne, I love reading this article and this is such a great question, ‘Do you ‘freak out’ at the possibility of getting up and talking in front of a group of people? Why? I mean, really why? Before reading your article I had just thought that speaking in front of a group of people just was scary and something to be avoided at all costs, and so reading this question really made me stop and ponder why is this so terrifying, I can feel that there is and always has been an expectation for us to ‘perform’ from ourselves and those around us, rather than simply stay ourselves and speak and present in a way that is natural for us, where we are at ease.
Certainly an interesting perspective on the possible root cause of stage fright. I had never considered the pressure we put on babies, toddlers, indeed all age groups to perform and how particularly at such an early age this impact that lands from all around us is bound to stick and take effect, especially if it shows us it’s an apparent way to receive quick approval and recognition in an otherwise unloving world.
Oh and by the way Dianne, I have seen you on stage and you are 100% completely amazing. Your utterly natural, unforced and totally real presence is not just an absolute joy to listen to but is also massively rare in this world of spin and illusion that we live in. On stage I see YOU, I hear YOU, I feel YOU and I absolutely love it – every word sinks in because I am fully open to you. Whereas with 99% of presenters, you feel the mask, the game, the costume…I have, and will continue to always adored listening to you on stage. Ginormous appreciation.
I have watched some of your presentations Dianne, and there is a natural flow of presenting something that is needed. It has always been expanding rather than a drumming in kind of educational, academic forum. You bring the love for science you have back to simple, and it is felt with every presentation you give.
Fabulous wisdom Dianne. Thank you for sharing. What you say about adults and babies is so on the money. I watch some of these interactions in public spaces, and I feel the imposition big time – so imagine what the baby is feeling. It’s astonishing how we use our children, or other people’s, to fill our own emptiness. When you really feel in to it, it is such deep abuse. And it is as you say, absolutely everywhere. Even cooking them a meal and asking if they like it, is the seed that you are talking about. It is certainly one of the biggest challenges that I have faced, and continue to face, as a parent. My Dad used to say something quite funny about this. It used to drive him mad how parents would talk about whether their baby had started walking, how many steps they had taken, how old they were…and all those beliefs that if they walked by this age, or that age…and then all those parents who were showing off about how young their babies were when they started walking…and all those parents who were freaking out because their kid hadn’t yet started walking…the whole arena drove him crazy! His response was “Have you ever seen an able-bodied person not being able to walk? It’s gonna happen, so just shut up and leave the kid alone.”
Otto your Dad had it pegged. All that comparison and jealousy by parents…. living vicariously through the child! Though I would refine the ‘leave the kid alone’ to ‘just love the kid and get off their case’!
It really shows how much we really need to turn things around in the way we parent our children. What we currently think is kind and encouraging is actually very harming and sets the child up for a lifetime of anxiousness.
It is in the ‘trying’ to be what we think others want is when we lose ourselves, and when we lose this, we have nothing and therefore huge anxiety follows.
I love how you show that from the earliest age most, if not all of us, are expected and encouraged to perform, to perform an action or a way of being that suits others. What disastrous results it has on us. The Expression Workshops with Serge Benhayon are awesome for allowing us the opportunity to reconnect to ourselves and expose what we have taken on in this regard. We discover that being held in our own love, and being held in the love of others, as you share here, supports us to present on any topic. Stage fright dissolves and loses it’s hold on us.
I used to even get ‘stage fright’ by the thought of commenting on a blog! There was so much I could have said but did not. But I realised that all I needed to do was to connect to me and then what was needed to be expressed just came through – no trying involved!
Thank you once again for sharing with such candid honesty. I have to admit I had a little giggle at times as I related to the sheer terror of presenting in front of a crowd but also at how uncalled for that response actually is. To be held and honoured for just who we are and what we are here to bring certainly is the antidote to expectations or a forced performance.
Thank you Diane, once again your article brings a deeper awareness of why so many of us suffer stage fright and the real reasons why we ask children to perform for us. I too have backed away from the stage and on reading this blog realise it is because we are being paraded as trophies. If we were truly treasured for the love we are there is no need to perform or entertain or be anyone else’s success story. What is a true triumph here is you being able to walk onto stage and deliver all your love of life, science and the world without a shred of stress or anxiety, a true testament to the power of the love Serge Benhayon holds you in and holds everyone in.
Gorgeous Dianne. I can relate to much of what you have shared. I have always been petrified of speaking in front of people. Over time, with the help of the presentations of Universal Medicine, I have gradually started to be able to simply speak in front of groups without the same self-consciousness or nerves. I am learning to simply be me, and the knowing that this is enough and that I don’t need to ‘perform’. A wonderful transition.
That initial rejection for just who we are as little people, rather than what we should be doing is a huge influence throughout our lives. It can define so much of who we are, and I know for me I still carry it around with the potential to hamper any conversation …. where I feel one thing but get concerned at expressing it in case I am rejected. But to just be ourselves… ahhh. It’s so liberating, and what comes through is so much more profound, interesting, useful for everyone.
Connecting with ourselves first and foremost is key when presenting. From here we have access to all that is needed and called for. We need seek nothing in return for our contribution for in truth in sharing our experience and lived wisdom with others for the benefit of all leaves zero room to make a presentation about self.
You have nailed it when presenting the notion of performance and seeking outside of ourselves for approval, recognition or acceptance – all such pursuits leave us empty, seeking and never content with ourselves. How can they provide otherwise when we are in those moments disconnected from ourselves, without a connection to God and the one-ness with all others.
I love your presentations Dianne, so open, natural, funny and humble. Such an inspiration you are. The beauty is, it does not feel like you present, it feels that you just walk on the stage, share you and then you get off the stage. There is no doing in it, you are just being you.
Awesome to be asking the question ‘is this going deep enough?’ we often assume we have the reason for something when in actual fact we have not gone deep enough or far enough back. Realising the performance which is expected of us all as babies and throughout our childhood and then in later life, it is no wonder that so many have stage fright or feel uncomfortable in front of an audience (of which I have also been one). So different we realise we can be ourselves and in fact this is the true purpose of presenting to others, to share that which we know to be true.
As ever in your presentations Dianne, a clear analysis of cause and effect. We can suffer stage fright in life when we try to be someone we are not as we know that others can feel when we are not being our true selves.
Dianne this blog brings such simplicity back to presenting. When we get up on stage we talk about what we love and why we want to share it with humanity. Can’t get any simpler than that!
“Why do adults crave attention and reactions from babies? Is it that there is such a lack of love for ourselves and so little real love expressed between adults, that only little children offer a ‘safe’ place to get the love that is missing? But does enforced performance provide love?” – this is such a great probing. How our (=adults’) lack of self-love starts instilling the same in the baby pretty much as soon as that is possible through being repeatedly pressured to please others in the name of so-called love is amazing. We all know the purity a baby is born with, and a baby’s smile melts us all, it is a safe place to get love definitely, but also that purity and innocence was something I couldn’t get too close to as I went through a period of feeling very uncomfortable being around them because I felt that they could sense something was not right about me, and it was too much for me to have this exposed.
What a surprise it was to find your name as the author of this sharing, Dianne, as I only know you as a fantastic presenter who delivers with such joy and confidence. I hadn’t associated stage fright with other situations where I would be extremely nervous and anxious about, but it’s true they are just the same in that we feel we are being asked to perform, or manufacture something to meet the expectations from ourselves and/or others – and I totally agree that all these physical and physiological signs are a give-away that we are forcing ourselves into a configuration that is not natural to us.
Also wonderful to understand what might lie underneath this fairly universal experience… very helpful thank you.
Thank you Dianne, having seen you present many times you have most certainly overcome the sort of nerves you speak of. It is an absolute pleasure listening to what you share, so much so it has re-ignited a fascination for the level of understanding you bring to the way things work.
Absolutely brilliant sharing again Dianne. You inspire me and your expression has me right there with you and at the same time connecting with my own experiences of the topic. Looking forward to your book?!
Oh yes?!! Is there a book? if not, you ought to get on to that Dianne!! What a treat that would be!
Being asked to perform seems unnatural and a false representation of who we are. But when we are asked to express it is a natural and effortless way to share our essence and divine knowing with the world.Thank you Dianne for another jewel of wisdom.
Dianne,
You have given me much to ponder on here for myself. The greatest of which, I am so enriched by what you have to share that it has made me consider how important it is for me to do the same.
I have presented to groups in the past with mixed degrees of nervousness. When I was at school, l loved performing and expressing myself this way but there was a bully who made life very unhappy so I stopped and didn’t go back to it. After this I was very careful to not expose myself to that kind of situation. But you are right Dianne, the pressure to perform starts very early and I obliged by being good at it. This expression was not true. Recently, I began to work on expressing from my heart and it has been liberating.
Expressing from my heart, trusting what will come and knowing that we are love and can connect to each other because we are love makes talking to each other no longer a performance but a connection.
Wow Dianne, who would have thought seeing you on stage and how beautifully and naturally you express to us all and so easily that your history was so very different previously. So great to have the details of how this came about so we all get an understanding for ourselves of why we have this almost epidemic like fear of speaking in front of others. It makes so much sense that it started from when we are young as I see this everyday in my work with children and how parents are with their kids, there is always an expectation of what they have done even in the babies room. It seems we are so conditioned to only focussing on the achievements that we miss the absolute gems in the simplest of responses and ways they can be.
Thank you Dianne, what a pleasure to read. it is incredible how much is loaded on to the thoughts of public speaking and insightful to look at where this pressure originates from. How liberating it is, and feels, to simply talk without having the loaded concerns.
Dianne- seeing you up on stage and talking so passionately, with confidence and authority about science, and how it connects with the universe and ourselves as humans, is very inspiring. I would never have thought you had experienced anxiety/ stage fright in the past.
“Is the original and continuing experience of lack of love behind the anxiety in every one of these scenarios?”-
For myself fear is running the show- fear of making a fool of myself, fear of forgetting what to say or getting it wrong, and fear of rejection. I can also feel that it is about meeting an expectation outside of myself- needing the acceptance and approval of others before believing in myself and acknowledging that I am enough just the way I am. I feel the key is in the connection to self first from feeling the love that we are.
Thank you Dianne for allowing me to feel that indeed lack of love of self is behind all forms of anxiety.
What you reveal Dianne is a common experience for children I feel and to stop or restrict our expression, what could be more un-evolutionary than that? Humanity needs us to speak up with the truth to get us out of the mess we have endured for millennia. Insidious as it is I can see how we have as a society been unwilling to express truth as in the past horrific experiences and even deaths could have resulted from this simple way of communicating with truth. Is it no wonder that we bring in a propensity to not open our mouth and let the truth of love out – we have caged ourselves just like birds are kept and now is the time to let the birds out to fly free and express their beauty of love and truth.
This is beautiful and a great sharing Dianne. I can relate to a lot of what you have shared here. You are an inspiration to many with the way you present with all of you.
Awesome everyone! I agree that the Expression and Presentation workshops by Serge Benhayon have allowed my expression to go to a whole new level of ease and flow. In those workshops it’s a wonderful thing to hear words of wisdom and deep truth about any subject come from my own mouth that I have not even heard or thought of before! It comes from the connection to soul and God, and realizing that the physical body, brain and mouth standing there speaking is merely a vehicle, vessel and instrument, not the originator of anything expressed through it. Realizing that takes away the fear that comes from individuality and thinking you are what you do and you have to get it right. ‘Getting myself out of the way’ – actually getting my individuated personality and its cargo of ‘stuff’ out of the way, and allowing myself to be a boundless and formless instrument of God’s truth, is for me how the ease and flow comes. The work is to develop my livingness to the point where this is a 24/7 way of being.
Dianne, I loved reading this blog and the depth of understanding and insight you bring to ‘performance fear’.
It brought up a school memory when I was chosen in class to read the passage on ‘heavy petting’ by one of the nuns. Yes, you can imagine… I was devastated and embarrassed as for a 13 year old this was torturous. I was trying to keep it all together as the class was holding back the laughter. It is amazing how these experiences stay with us. I find it quite comical now but it certainly wasn’t at the time.
We all have so much to share and to support each other to work through our inhibitions will enable a level of community discussion and interaction that can bring the change that is so needed. Serge Benhayon knows this and hence why we now have regular ‘Presentation and Expression workshops’ which I so appreciate, to be able to shift the ill patterns that prevent me from my contribution.
There is no rule book on how to raise our children, it is a process of trial and error and certainly no perfection. But with a commitment to developing my own awareness, I am learning how to let my daughter be. Bit by bit, I weed out the expressions that we habitually repeat to our children: like “you’re a good girl” or only praising my daughter when she delivers a picture or expecting her to be the same as me in her choices….. and rather confirming her when I see her shining her bright light, or expressing her love, unique qualities or contribution to the family. I have felt to drop after school activities all together for a time, just to let life be simple and to develop our home life together. Time is short before and after school and I want us to share quality time with each other, just having enough time to stop and really look at each other and have a cuddle and a laugh. This fills both of our cups and significantly changes ill behaviour. I see her natural confidence beginning to flourish the more I let her be, but equally, bringing the quality of my presence to our interactions.
Despite years of theatre, dance, singing and circus performance, presentations and debating at school, and giving the odd speech over the years, my relationship with expression in public plummeted when I began the work as an active student of the Ageless Wisdom. For I was no longer performing, operating with a mask to cover my sensitivity; I was exposed in the rawness of who I am. And yet, this relationship was so tender, so new, so fresh that I was not at all familiar with it yet. And so, the physical bodily reaction I would experience when I came time to speak up was super intense, becoming freezing cold, jittery, unable to remember anything and completely blanking out; just blurting something out to get through the experience, often to the exclusion of others around me.
This year I have noticed a monumental shift occurring within me, without actively changing anything to do with public expression, but rather in my day to day relationship with myself: confirming and living from the presence in my body in every movement; choosing to honour my sensitivity rather than to dull it; and realising that every expression, both with myself and with others one on one, is no different to when I express to a larger group, and so I have been consciously present of expressing myself in full in all of my daily interactions. And like magic, now when it comes time to share, feeling what is needed to be said by connecting with those that I am with, my voice is returning, my clarity stays with me and my body is solid and strong. Wow, and what appreciation I feel for this significant turning point.
I love that you have continued to explore this to a depth of understanding what is really going here, Dianne. I feel what you say to be true – that we are living nervous and hardened “all the time because we are asked, and even expecting of ourselves, to perform to outer standards in everything in life regardless of how we feel inside.” And this is impossible to live up to and so we retreat, for fear of humiliation. And I can see how it began as a child in my family and going through the education system; it’s just the way things have been. To shed this light on this matter is fabulous, both in our own healing of our expression as adults and also in the way that we raise our children.
Dianne thank you, I can definitely relate to what you share from my own experience. I always volunteered to do the stage props, and painting the scenes rather than being out there acting on stage with everyone’s eyes looking at me. Now I am much easier about presenting and know that it’s about how I am with myself not about what I present.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” – I feel this makes sense Dianne because the more true we feel about who we are, in our own skin, the less anxiety there is; and we have more confidence about ourselves because of this – such that expressing ‘us’ presents no issue. Self-acceptance rids acceptance needed from others, to rid the need for performing, which becomes key in public speaking.
I avoided anything to do with getting on stage at school but in my work when I sold computers I occasionally did presentations to new clients. I would dry up after about 5 minutes and I would hate the silences and the uncomfortable feeling of not being able to continue. I have still not mastered standing up and talking in front of people on a certain subject. I feel that my lack of confidence talking to a group of people stems from my lack of expression when I was a child. I never spoke up or said what I felt and this has stifled my natural ability to express what needs to be said as an adult.
What a brilliant post Dianne, so many truly helpful things here when considering stage fright, which I also suffer from, and am working on too. What you say here: “But not memorising would be even worse, as fear also kills the ability to bring forth any expression” – this was how I used to do uni presentations, by memorising word for word which came out robotic, to the point of not memorising to look/sound ‘more natural’ – but then forgetting what to say from feeling paralysed with fear. The more I focus on being myself and expressing myself especially over these past 2 years and consider the presentation more of a sharing (of me), the less pressure I feel in performing, and getting it right, looking intelligent, sounding good etc. as you say.
Dianne thank you so much for this. I often get stage fright when people pay attention to me! There is often a low grade anxiety when I’m around people that I’m going to displease them and I’ll feel their anger. Even when I’ve presented to people whose love for me I can feel I still can crack under feeling shame but this helped me see clearly how much fear of being myself I have around people.
I’ve been working on appreciating myself so am often confident when with others. However, what you’ve written gives me greater understanding of what’s at play and to tenderly connect with love and acceptance of myself. I can really feel and understand that those who wanted me to entertain them and make them feel good were doing so from a deep lack of love and knowing of themselves – it had nothing to do with my worth.
Brilliant blog Dianne, I can totally relate to it. The points you raised are so, so true and exposing. It is incredible to notice how our body feels when we are not expressing or presenting from truth. I have experienced nervousness, shakiness and heart palpitations when I express in a large group from identification and recognition. In contrast I experienced stillness, clarity and expansion in my body when I express truth for everyone and not just me. Whenever I make things about myself I have to contract my body to do so. It is unnatural for us to express or do things just for self-gain it means we have to work against our body, therefore against humanity to make it solely about ourselves.
Dianne this is pure brilliance. Wow, we really need to take a look at how we nurture our children.
‘..babies and little children are expected to ‘perform’. Not only expected, but encouraged, pushed, even harassed to act in a certain way, and rewarded when they do, not just by their parents, but by all their family and in fact all of society.’
There’s a cycle of not being met by generation to generation. I know I’ve been with babies and felt the same panic as when I’m asked to perform in front of an audience. If the baby cries then I think everyone around me will judge me for being poor of character or a failure of something!! It’s no wonder the baby cries!
And then I’ve felt people who are very confident in their ability to elicit a response from a baby feeling accomplished for doing so. It’s an accepted norm that’s not questioned or never stopped.
Such a difference to when one is in tune with a baby and just being. Such a gorgeous connection that needs nothing and no-one to perform in any way.
Wow Karen, this just gave me a new insight! I’ve always abhorred the performance pressure people put onto babies. And for many years when I was younger, on the infrequent occasions when I was handed a baby, it would immediately start bawling. I felt awful, like there was something dreadfully wrong with me. But now I realize that it might be something altogether different. One possibility is that the baby, feeling my understanding of its situation, is then free to express how it’s truly feeling (ie awful), having had to hold itself to performance all the time and was now released from the pressure to ‘be happy’. The other possibility is that the baby has learned already the comfort that comes from suppressing its own feelings and being rewarded for meeting performance expectations, and then suddenly finding itself in the arms of someone who just wants to stand there with it in truth and equality freaks the baby out! So I can drop the negative judgment of myself, and clear the way for reading the truth in ‘baby situations’. In 1990 I was handed a little Navajo baby girl just a couple of months old by her busy mother who did not know me in a temporal sense, but had observed and felt me and in that way knew me better than most. That little baby looked deeply and ponderingly into my eyes for a few moments, decided that I was a trustworthy supporter, and promptly fell asleep in my arms for an hour. She healed me of my ‘baby fear’!
If, as Shakespeare presented, ‘All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely actors’ …then it serves to look at the quality with which we ‘perform’ both on stage and off, for there can never truly be an exit when every exit off stage is an entry into another one. That is to say, we live in a great loop of life where the quality we live in one moment will determine the quality we live in the next. If we treat each moment as a stage, that we are under a spotlight so to speak, we need not fear being examined, rated and judged if what we bring is the love we are, in full, to all, in each of these moments here on Earth. The key here is not to ‘act’ out certain roles as such, but to live the truth of who we truly are and be completely transparent with this, so all the world can see the All that we are and thus reignite the same truth within us all. We are not here to rate each other, compare and compete with each other as actors vying for the spotlight. We are here to express truthfully, lovingly and soulfully as each other’s perfect equal. The spotlight in this sense is the light of the Soul, lived wilfully, absolutely and joyously from the one centre stage.
Yes, Liane an awesome call. Treating every moment as ‘being on stage’ not to perform, brings a great and wonderful responsibility – to be true to ourselves and utterly transparent.
Dianne, I was one of those friends you had not yet met when you presented on science for the first time at a Universal Medicine event, and having a huge fear of public speaking, I was in awe of the ease with which you presented. I would not have guessed that you suffered the same palpitating fear as me! What you have presented here makes perfect sense. It is the lack of love that we fear to feel and so we need only be the love that we are to eliminate this from the equation.
It is amazing how small incidents in our early years can impact us for life. I can remember when I was in Year 3 at school, I was super shy but my teacher liked me and so I felt more confident, we had an afternoon where kids could put on a show. I got up (which I had never done before) and started to act out a skit where I was a horse or dog (I can’t remember) but I was doing all sorts of silly stuff. Everyone was cracking up so I kept going even though I felt a bit stupid. Everyone thought it was great so from there I adopted the class clown role and always played myself and my own intelligence down because I preferred the response when you made fun of yourself and people laughed- this became my pattern for many years.
A gorgeous sharing Dianne. I can relate as I am sure many can to feeling stage fright and it is still a work in progress for me. What Serge Benhayon has shared around presenting has blown all images out of the water in regards to what makes a good presenter. What I have learnt is that all I need to do is drop all expectations of performing and just simply be myself. Being ourselves is what people truly connect with and when we present from our body, people feel us and thus connect, relate and receive.
Stage fright is horrible and as a result of crippling people into inaction, denies the spreading of truth… so it is gorgeous to read how you have overcome this… for it is a terrible barrier that stops people from sharing themselves and what they have to offer with the world who will never be blessed by the wisdom there to be shared unless the fear is overcome.
There’s a lot in this sharing Dianne. It is both very empowering by reading how you’ve turned around your fear of being on stage by choosing to present you, and also very sad that we learn to perform from day one we are born. I sense a very deep pain and loneliness within myself and about the state of the world regarding this. There’s a lot of resistance ‘going there’ and really feel it. Your sharing has definitely opened up something in me. There’s much to unfold.
It appears that holding back of our own unique expression in its many forms is what we learn to do to be accepted and ‘fit in’, which then prevents us from knowing who we truly are, coming from the rejection of true love we feel and know ourselves to be from a very early age. This is a plaque to which nearly all of us have contributed and to which we can choose to change by simply feeling and returning to our essence of love, knowing and appreciating that love is the inner quality we are all equally a part of. I totally appreciate the way you present science, Dianne, in a way that makes it easy to understand and relevant to our everyday of living.
How is it not enough that as adults we can be in the immense love that a baby naturally is without want for it to be on cue or just the way we want it when we want it. I agree Dianne it has much to do with the fact we have long discontinued that loving ways for and with ourselves. So here we have our blessed Great teachers reminding us of who we are, and what do we do?
Taking performance out of the equation and feeling our own love which is so much greater than any expectation or judgment sent our way, the whole world is our stage whether it is actually stepping onto a platform or even sitting down on a toilet, we are on every moment of our lives.
Thank you Dianne for peeling back the layers of your experience of ‘Stage fright’. This has exposed how we are all imposed upon from the beginning of life and how we continue to impose on others even now. This blog has asked me to get honest around my interactions with other and also in myself through situations that are difficult. The layers you have peeled back on behalf of us all has left an ‘Ah Hah’ moment for me – Thanks for sharing.
Do I freak out at the concept of speaking on stage? Oh yes I do and in fact I start to tremble and feel really shaky and on reading your blog I remember a time where I had to sing a song in Spanish in front of the whole class and everyone laughed at me and my accent.
I have no problem talking to small groups and in fact I love sharing and presenting, it is just big groups that freak me out for now, and I say for now as I know that from reading this and being more aware of the cause I may just be able to let go of this fear. Thank you.
This is monumental Dianne, thank you so much for all you bring on stage and off. I love so much to feel someone’s finger so on the pulse as in doing so it reminds me I too am feeling that rhythm.
Thanks for writing this blog Dianne, having watched quite a few of your presentations, I would have never known that this was your story and it is really inspirational.
If there are past lives, I wonder if stage fright is simply the memory of having been killed or worse for speaking up in public. After all, the reaction can be way out of proportion to the importance of the event.
I agree Christoph, it has to be. It starts so early in babyhood… and yes the reaction seems all out of proportion.
To be a performer on a stage is frightening but to present from a platform of truths is empowering and liberating. Thank you Dianne another enlightening read!
Thank you Dianne. Debunking stage fright so well! i can see clearly what you mean regarding children and performing. As children, we are ushered to perform day to day and get congratulated for doing what is expected of us. and so we learn the rest of our experiences from this. Love what you present here, that there can be a presenting without any needing to give people anything certain, fearing rejection and judgement… Simply being yourself.
Dianne this is a fascinating blog. There is much to take in. I feel like you have opened the lid on a really big subject and one that affects us all. I felt the yuck about how we ask the babies to ‘perform’ to give us the love and relief that we are not prepared to bring to ourselves or each other as adults. I had known about what you write as I have observed it (and done it) but to see it written so succinctly, it is right there for consideration.
Fantastic Blog Dianne. I almost felt nervous just you talking about the pressure of performing.
We all have something to share in this life and when we can feel our own lived experience in our body and simply speak from there than public speaking becomes a little easier.
Hello Dianne and I agree. There was a number of platforms that I was asked, demanded and expected to perform or present on and the only thing that would allow me to sleep the night before was settling on the truth. In other words all I was going to do was say it how it was and not try and be or add anything else. The only point I have ‘got myself’ into trouble on is when I have said something that I didn’t know to be true. In other words I had spoken about something that wasn’t my lived experience.
‘Settling on the truth’ – I love it! True for me too. I even find these days that I’m reluctant when asked to write a description of what I am going to present on. Having it spelled out beforehand (for printed flyers, email invites, etc) can put a bit of a limit on the free-flowing expression of what is needed on the DAY. However I’m learning to just give what’s needed for the flyers, then ‘fly with the truth’ on the day!
Fantastic Dianne! What stands out to me is the expectations we build around our image of what we are expected to know and how we feel others want us to perform. Some of it is true – people often do want us to meet their needs but then we need to also ask ourselves how much we have learnt through our experiences and then subsequently build our own set of rules. There is a real hardness in this because we have automatically set up a situation where we are either failing or passing certain benchmarks we have set ourselves. Thanks Dianne for showing that stage fright is nothing more than a set of expectations we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in. When we can appreciate that the key to presenting is making a connection with others through a willingness to share ourselves and the wisdom we hold, then all else falls into place.
It makes no sense that we live cowering and in fear of standing on a platform and speaking out loud. ‘Whhooo! watch out that looks like a stage! run for it!’ Yet if you speak to people it is so common to hear that public speaking is their greatest fear, more so even than death in many cases. What you share here Dianne puts the spotlight on how this fear needn’t be true and significantly how when we connect and share from Love, wow what power we have to bring through. No fear actually needs to live in me and you. This difficulty connecting and speaking can exit stage left!.
There is so much in life that encourages us to shrink away from who we are, and fit into some sort of pre-determined image. In presenting this is very much the case, with a “look” of what a presenter should look like. The freedom to be yourself, and let the gold within shine through for the world to see is a gift to all who are there to witness it.
Awesome to hear you are doing the work now you are truly meant to do with a true loving soulfull impulse. Gosh I was the same as you in that any attention on me even in a classroom and I would want the floor to open up and swallow me! As part of my job now I go to schools and teach classes of young people, assemblies and recently did a talk for parents. If you told me, even a few years ago, I would be doing this as a job I would not have believed you at all. I do not think of myself as a confident (and sometimes capable person!). But here is where I really relate to what you share about doing things with a true loving and soulfull impulse because this takes the ‘me’ out of the equation and makes it about something that needs to be done. It then comes from the love in my heart and me wanting to genuinely connect with everyone I am with and that, I know is how it is done 😀 ✨
This is an area that truly handicaps mankind, because from my experience stage fright does not just apply to the stage, it applies to any moment when we are called to stand up, be seen and be counted. Thank you Dianne for sharing your wonderful inspiring insights.
What changed and lessened my stage fright is the presentation and expression workshop Serge Benhayon presents. The experience of connecting to my body and allowing what I know from inside to express gave me so much confidence. There is always something relevant, from the human point of view, to share and it feels amazing and expanding in my body too when I allow those words to come out.
I love your sharing, Diana and to me you are one of the living examples of presenting everything with much fun, super interesting and very relevant. And the question comes to mind: is writing a form of presenting too?
Writing sure is a form of presentation, and I know SO many people who, when facing a writing expression, go into the same terrors as most of us do before ‘going on stage’. And so they don’t write, and the world is the poorer.
We are all on stage non-stop. Every time we meet another we are on stage and have an audience. The number isn’t important.
Thank you for sharing, Dianne. What you express is so warm and heartfelt. Having heard and loved your presentations I would never have guessed the stress you had experienced in the past. It is inspiring to read of your transformation.
Great sharing Dianne! This is something we can all relate with and something that is often brushed over and accepted as being the norm, that to get stage fright is just normal. But it is not and it is actually not healthy because I would always remember after getting ‘off stage’ after speaking the same fear that I felt ‘on stage’ was also there ‘off stage’ but just in a greatly reduced form
Thank you Dianne for this exquisite uncovering of stage fright. We are so used to performing all the time and thus worrying constantly, that it is a blessing to feel and know that all we actually have to do is be and present with who we are and what we live without any pretence of anything else.
“I knew that I was loved, accepted, that the audience was full of friends (even the ones I hadn’t met yet) and it didn’t matter to them whether I screwed up, looked stupid, blanked out, etc. What they wanted was me, the real me, and my love expressed. Awesome! The lifelong stress response fell away.” How grand to know this and accept this, an audience who simply wants you, no performance, no learned regurgitated information, but you and your lived experience on the topic that you presented. This is something to aspire to and something which is so needed and wanted in this world, to drop the act and be real.
I love that you ask “Why? I mean really why?” at the start of your great blog Dianne. How often do we accept something like stage fright without really questioning what is going on. One reason for stage fright that occurs to me is because everything is magnified when there are more people and you can feel the reactions of all the different people coming at you. This is not an issue if we are connected and simply being ourselves, but if there is any need to manipulate or control the reaction or response of another then it is much harder when there are more and we are much more exposed in a big group.
I used to semi-blank out when I shared or expressed before a large group of people. I would speak but afterwards couldn’t remember anything I said and generally did not manage to express or feel that I had expressed what was there to be shared. I too have experienced how much that has changed since expressing more at Universal Medicine events. The big change is that I am learning to stay connected to my body and myself when I speak and to speak from my own experience but without need or identification.
I feel so many of us walk around ‘blocked’ because we are too nervous about expressing ourselves. I know this has been true for a large amount of my life. I feel I am only just allowing myself to truly express what I feel. The other way didn’t work because holding it back didn’t mean it went away and then it would often come out wrong, usually full of anger.
When we do something from our own impulse its always going to come out better than if we are forced to perform. Your blog has made me realise how we put pressure on our young to perform from such an early age. No wonder we associate love with what we can do, because that is what we get noticed for.
I have seen a few of your presentations Dianne. I loved the way you made science sound so accessible and exciting. What a journey you have had regarding stage fright to now being so relaxed speaking in front of so many people. I enjoyed reading about the possible causes.
This is so amazing what you share Dianne – the fact that someone is saying how it is from the side of the baby. I observed a situation the other day where the baby was the absolute meat in the sandwich. With-in seconds the crying started in earnest, all the while the adults are scratching their head wondering what’s wrong with the baby.
Babies can be used as pawns, no wonder we grow up with performance anxieties.
Beautiful Dianne, I have seen you present and we are blessed to have you presenting yourself and science to us all.
I agree Katinka, there is a lightness and joy in the way Dianne presents that makes her presentations so enjoyable.
So true Dianne – “But what if we were able to do everything with and for ourselves and others, not from ‘performance’ expectations but from the true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal? For example, going on stage impulsed by our own love?” This turned it around for me too. Where in the past I would have page after page in my hand to remember what to say when and how, with the support and teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have found the moment I am truly connected to me, what comes is what needs to be presented in the field that I am presenting in.
Wow, this is a great revelation, to get back to the core of the issue is so important. And I can very much relate to what you share, as the need to perform in any part of my life is so prevalent. We are being conditioned by the lack of love in everyones life, and I can see how deep of an impact this has. Knowing this it brings even a deeper responsibility to living the love that I am.
I remember having to get up on stage a few times as a teenager and as a young adult (I did drama as part of my degree). What really supported me no end was to connect with the audience and make eye contact with people. At those times it was amazing to feel the equality in the room and at those times I clocked how present I felt in my body and what a joy it was to be sharing with a room full of people. This was before I had met Serge Benhayon or had done any Universal Medicine workshops. It is palpable how much the audience are open and wanting to support you when they feel they can trust you. Interestingly I am not sure how comfortable they feel when someone on stage is struggling – probably because it brings up in them their own ‘performance anxiety’!
Dianne a beautiful blog that I’m sure many can relate to. I have seen you up on stage via the Internet and I absolutely love reading everything you share in your blogs. I genuinely love hearing about people and what they have to offer in whatever shape or form that may be. When we are connected with ourselves the joy and the passion seeps out and the presentation flows like magic, for both presenter and listener.
I love what you are addressing here Dianne. Even if we have never had to get up on stage to present you are so spot on when you say ‘What about feeling inadequate to ‘perform’ in work, in relationships, in parenting, in sex, in fashion, in looks, in coolness, in smartness, in humour, in kindness, in goodness, in business acumen, in intelligence, in knowledge, in ethics, in just about any and every realm of life, all the time?’ I remember wanting to curl up if I felt that I had said and done the wrong thing and was worried constantly about what other people may have thought of me! To live with this kind of tension all the time is no life at all. Thank goodness to have learned self love and appreciation as my foundation which is the perfect antidote to all that ‘performance anxiety’!
Thank you for writing this Dianne. It shows how the outer physical appearance can hide so much of what is truly going on for the person on stage. Probably no one would know you were so ill after giving a successful conference! Together we keep up the appearance that all is ok and that we all can give speeches without nerves but if we would know how people were truly feeling on stage, it would show the true state of how people are feeling about it.
In the presence of a baby I sometimes catch myself wanting to draw their attention towards me, basically seeking their recognition. Saying it like this it feels quite an odd thing to do. What is it that is so irresistible in a baby like its innocence, purity, tenderness, sweetness… or is it even that we cannot stand this simple still presence that reflects how far we have lost ourselves in roles, performances, doing and trying? Nowadays when meeting a baby or young child I allow myself to feel their simple presence and take inspiration to allow myself the same simplicity, letting them be and letting myself be.
Yes it’s awesome to have that level of presence, allowing, stillness and simplicity with a baby. And boy do they notice the difference from what they are usually confronted with! They just look and look, without emotion or tension, and you can feel the meeting of equal wise souls.
‘Rejecting our real love in favour of performance’. Just simply reading this line makes it very clear why we have so much difficulty performing on stage and presenting our natural selves.
Once we start to explore when the separation from who we are all begins it is shocking to realize how normal and thus insidious the mechanisms are. Often they appear so innocent, harmless, well intended that most people are not aware of it. To finally recognize them reveals how lost we are, not knowing who we are in truth. Serge Benhayon relentlessly supports people to become aware so that they can make different choices.
I share similar experiences as you Diane and they are still active in me when it comes to standing in front of a group of people, sometimes more sometimes less, but since understanding that we have no right to allow nervousness, fear or else to get in the way from us delivering what is needed at the time in service for people it is easier to not get caught by the emotions. True purpose calls us back to who we are and express instead of buying into a repetitive story that actually has not much reality unless we make it our reality.
Any form of expectation is suffocating and keeping us from just being who we are; basically we give ourselves away whenever we try to comply with an image. And of course we have many experiences of people having expectations with all the subsequent reactions to our “performance”, either we disappointed or succeeded, received rejection or recognition. Worst though, we have internalized all these expectations and hold them against ourselves, project them onto situations and people in advance hence experience anxiety already hours or even days before. Setting ourselves free from images and expectations means to come back to simply being who we are and thus naturally expressing from who we are.
Absolutely, Alex! The way we project that stuff inside ourselves is quite toxic to ourselves and our relationships.
Of course Dianne I had not considered it but the pressure to perform starts when we are very young. We are like sponges and soon absorb that it is not acceptable to just be ourselves but that certain actions/behaviours get a more favourable response but in learning to perform these we have to stop being true to ourselves. This is magnified over time and anxiety builds as we lose touch with our true selves and doing what feels loving and true. I have found attending Serge Benhayon’s presentation workshops has enabled me to re-find my true voice and speak with authority and without fear in front of other people.
Stage acting always respond to calls that are very limited in nature. Evolution does not come out of it.
When we are ‘staged’ we learn that it is about controlling to get the desired outcome. Our whole body coordinates to get us the desired result. There is no spontaneity. It is all about being accepted and liked.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?” Yes it is. It is a bit like you are being told, yes your loveliness is all good for not what I need or what will get you out of here. The amount of learnings that happen before school are tremendous and long lasting ones.
Since kids can feel what is going on with the adults, they know what is at stake while they feel how their beings are being assaulted.
This was so accurate, thank you so much Dianne, this helped me, honestly, so much, because I have stage fright myself, and I can really relate to it. Thanks again,
Tess xxx
Kids learn quickly how to perform and to talk to appease adults. It works… for the adults and to be left alone. Adults really enjoy these performances tailor made for them. It is incredible how needy the adults are and how much they force the kids to provide for them.
Wow Dianne your deep love of humanity and the sciences has certainly brought you to the work you are truly meant for, your zest for, and understanding of life is truly inspirational, and your willingness and excitement at sharing your understandings and insights is love itself.
So many deeper reasons to avoid really being seen for ourselves. From not wanting to do what was not true but wanting to fit in, to feeling the jelousy of the people watching.
It is so amazing to read your story as I have seen you speak and I fell in awe of science listening to your presentations. As you share, the immense harm that is done when we need others to perform for us to fill an emptiness, to consider that you may not have overcome the trauma from your experience to withhold this gift from the world makes me realise the harm that is being done.
Recently I had to do a presentation as part of an assessment for my study. The first time I did this, although quite nervous I made the focus first about connecting with everyone in the room. This slowed me down and settled my nerves as I spoke. The second time I presented I had trouble finding my words, I felt vulnerable and like I needed more knowledge to boost my confidence. I realise two things from this experience. One, that I have been invested in being intellectually competitive, throughout my whole life I had always made sure I was in the top 10% of the class and more so that I was never in the bottom half. I also realised that a large part of why I couldn’t present as naturally as I know I can was because I had let myself become dehydrated – this showed me more deeply the importance of daily self care. Eating well, Sleeping well, Exercise and Hydration all have an enormous impact on how we feel and hence how we approach everything we do.
I find the relationship between adults and children fascinating as we are drawn to the love that children are and yet we continue to shut this love down by asking children to perform and perhaps we know exactly what we are doing as we ask them to be a certain way because we struggle with the reflection of how much we have shut down the love that we naturally are.
Dianne I LOVE this and every sharing from you, you make science make sense and offer a very needed reflection for us all. You say ‘Since then I have done many talks on stage, from my love, from my caring for the future of humanity.’ You are indeed a true ambassador for love, keep it coming!
This is such an interesting topic to explore and one I feel many can relate to. The pressure to perform ‘on cue’ and thinking (or being told!) we need to meet the expectations of another, can result in short and long-term anxiety, stress, withdrawal and physical tension. In other instances, it can result in a false outer confidence (or at times arrogance), which if we were truthful, often still over-rides feeling petrified inside! It seems our ‘acting’ careers begin far younger than most of us are perhaps willing to admit and that re-learning to present from the “true, soulful, loving impulse to express and share as a non-separate equal” is the way to go…!
Wow Dianne. I can relate to the stage fright experience… because of a few bad experiences as a child I used to dread everyone looking at me and just wanted to hide. It got to the point that as a teacher I would not want to make an announcement in school assembly because I hated being the focus of everyone’s attention. Now thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Chris James ‘Everyone is born with a beautiful voice’ workshop I am glad to say that standing in front of others has become much, much easier!
I used to sing a lot on stage when I was younger and would memorise my songs excessively so I would not look like a fool onstage or forget my lines, but what I found from these experiences is the more I practised the nerves seemed to get worse. I do actually remember I did forget a whole verse of a song and I could feel the tension in my body and the sweat dripping off my face. I managed to get through it though by just repeating another verse and I got the song back on track and no one realised a mistake had even been made. We place so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but the truth is being who we are is so much more enjoyable and when we are at ease with who we are, that’s where the magic of our expression comes into full bloom.
Personally I have always loved speaking in front of people. When I was younger it was with palm cards and written speeches, but as I got older I discovered a freedom with going ad lib. style with no notes. And this had less to do with practice and more to do with self assurance that comes from treating the audience just like your friend. That all said, Serge Benhayon is the most incredible public speaker I have witnessed with a self assurance that is bar none, and I have learnt a lot about just being myself by watching him speak.
Thank you Dianne Trussell! I love reading your blogs with the powerful insights they bring, from simply sharing the profound changes in your life, that are available to us all, when we are able to see things from a different angle and thus make new choices.
I can totally relate to the stage fright and fear of expressing from a very young age throughout a vast majority of my life. I wholeheartedly agree with your appreciation for Serge Benhayon – thanks to his presentations, I continue (in my 60’s) to be inspired to have more self-acceptance and love for myself with a deep joy in developing and evolving my expression from my body with individuals and groups.
“Serge Benhayon has continued to unimposingly, lovingly support me to express whatever I feel needs to be shared with people, and now, in my sixties, I am finally beginning to do the work I was truly meant for in this life, with great appreciation and joy (and no stage fright)!
I agree Stephanie, Serge Benhayon has been instrumental, awe inspiring and very supportive by meeting and holding us to our essence where we are able to connect to our essence more freely and present who we actually are. Nothing beats this feeling when you yourself feel who or how you need to express and communicate what it is that needs to be said. Such is the beauty of Serge’s workshops, courses and healing modalities – they all support you to connect back to your essence and discard what is not.
I really enjoyed where you took this blog to on stage fright. So often we keep the explanation of things like stage fright superficial but you took it to a deeper level and exposed the lack of love involved when we try and please people by “performing” rather than just sharing who we are in truth through connecting with ourselves and each other. Nothing beats true connection.
Yes, wise words Elizabeth, and so simple. There is no need to be anything for anyone. What is important here is to know or to continually ‘get to know’ yourself in that connection (to your body). Honesty has been key here for me what it is I am feeling in my body by allowing it to impulse me instead of any predetermined thoughts already queued to be there …
What you have shared about your life was amazing to read Dianne as I have heard you speak on a number of occasions now and love how the words flow out of you, sharing what you deeply know to be true and the love you have of the topics you share is so obvious and wonderful to feel. I have had the greatest of difficulty also in my life around expressing in front of groups of people and you have inspired me no end. Thankyou.
It is so true that we look for babies to perform and praise things they do, even pooing. I had never before considered how damaging this must be to us growing up, where we then live constantly looking for approval from the outside. We need a new model of parenting that is based on accepting the essence of the child. From that we will have children growing up who have no qualms about being on stage as they live with a knowing that they are not defined by what they do.
There is an ocean of difference between presenting from our love and presenting from our need to perform. One heals, the other harms.
Yes Jane, I agree. It is so simple and I often find my body communicates to me which one I have chosen. I feel contracted, hard and heavy when I have expressed in a harmful energy. I feel light, expanded and have clarity when I express with love and truth for everyone to share.
I love the way you explored deeper and deeper what was behind your stage fright Dianne. I had felt what seemed forever an ingrained fear of presenting in front of groups and managed to wriggle my way out of any presenting for most of my career. It is only since meeting Serge Benhayon and becoming a student of the livingness that I have begun presenting to groups and running classes and I am feeling it an absolute joy to simply be sharing me in these moments with no ‘performance’ and no script in sight.
Having grown up in a family where children were seen and not heard my expression was shut down at a very early stage of life. Then there was the school experiences we all seem to have had shutting me down further to the point where my body was hard and contracted. The commitment I have made to be present with myself and to expressing in writing in forums like these blogs and in general conversations has supported me to open my heart and express.
I remember the ‘seen and not heard’ days. It was so frustrating, when I had an important bit of truth to deliver, not being allowed to! Then having to deliver something else (not true, or to me – irrelevant) was a double insult.
Once we let go of our childhood hurts we are free within our selves to express from our heart. this is something I am still learning as I slip back into my head and allow my inner critics judgment come in. the more I learn to be present with myself the more I am able to allow true to be expressed through me.
Thank you Dianne for this awesome article… coming from a similar position it is truly inspiring to see what is possible when we understand how this arises, and how it is possible to change the paradigm such that there is no longer the control over one’s life of something so debilitating and incarcerating. Breaking through that prison has unleashed all that potential that you always held, and now the world gets to benefit. Imagine if all children were able to experience the same support and holding to bring out their natural expression.
“Just being here, being adorable, open and full of love seems to be not enough. The little ones have to learn to smile on cue, laugh on demand, make cute and/or excited expressions and body gestures and be entertaining when adults require them to.” How true this is in our lives, it is too predominantly about what we can achieve and not about who we are.
Yes, it is full on Irena. I also feel this at work so very strongly. There is a high expectation to fit into company team roles by ‘playing out’ the culture that has been seen fit and accepted. It is funny it all comes from what we see on television and media as been this is the way it should be especially with personalities. What I see is how people copy to try and be funny and because it does not come from them it is not, and it is becoming more dense and cruel where it is not funny but hurtful. People are becoming more accustomed to not being themselves where their actions are now becoming more ‘out of control’. Your way better off to connect to more of you and express your truth even it looks like your not fitting it in just as long there is a commitment and non-judgement to others around you.
Gosh, it is Serge Benhayon – again – who inspired true healing. This man is worth odes and books of appreciation – and I am sure they will come. For now it is in living what he shares that we can add to the ocean of love he is.
“I was getting an inkling that true sharing up on stage had something to do with ‘being myself’ and connecting with the audience.” For me these are the reasons I had so much trouble getting up on stage for a very long time and still do to a much lesser degree. I think it was because I had to do this for myself first. To realise this was a big step forward for me. When I came to terms with meeting and connecting with myself first the rest unfolded naturally.
I feel I have had stage fright from expressing myself in writing also. I hugely value Simone Benhayons expression programme, supporting us to write comments and blogs. Getting myself out of the way and writing what needs to be said, rather than how it looks to others is still a learning curve for me. But, as they say, ‘practice makes perfect’, and although I’m not aiming for perfection I know my expression is improving in all areas of my life because of this. A heartfelt thank you to Simone.
Great article, thank you so much Dianne. I can so relate to the anxious feelings about having to perform. From the loss of memory through fear, the throwing up and diarrhea when I first started teaching antenatal classes, worrying I didn’t ‘know’ enough and even speaking up in front of a group wondering how people would react to what I said. However since attending the expression days presented by Serge Benhayon when we give very short presentations on a subject ( maybe one we think we know nothing about) I have found it easier to talk. This is because we are encouraged to just be our natural selves, to connect and allow what comes. Practicing in a non-judgmental environment has supported me hugely. Huge appreciation to Serge for these presentations.
Wow Dianne; having listened to a number of your talks I was shocked to read your name at the bottom of this blog! I love the way you present all things Science, physics and life on stage, and am in total appreciation of how you have re-developed your relationship with presenting to an audience. Thank you for sharing your experience with stage fright and performance-abuse, it’s really inspiring to read that anyone is capable of presenting on stage when they are impulsed by their own experience, relationship with and knowing of the topic rather than ‘knowledge’ or the need to do it for others.
“Is it thus possible that the stage fright myself and many of us experience, actually stems from being expected to be untrue to ourselves, from feeling the rejection of our real love in favour of performance?”
So possible Dianne, this feels painfully true, our bodies simply will not allow us to stand in a lie.
Dianne this is a great blog to read and really see how we commonly put pressure on ourselves to preform – but could all the fear and anxiety and avoidance that comes with presenting, simply be because we know we are not being our true selves? How many times I have watched people I know go on stage and as soon as they are up there – they preform they don’t present. They change their body language, voice and movement, and it always fascinates me how different we are under pressure. But as you so wisely share – perhaps it is because this is not us. Perhaps we have the opportunity to see a stage as no different than speaking to a friend one on one – and all that is needed is to be ourselves.
It is so interesting to put this into perspective “Perhaps we have the opportunity to see a stage as no different than speaking to a friend one on one – and all that is needed is to be ourselves.” One on one we usually choose how much we choose to be ourselves depending who it is especially if it is a friend. It makes sense to really be comfortable ‘on our stage’ is the more you are yourself with a friend and anyone the easier it will flow in front of larger audience.
You are an inspiring example for me Dianne, I used to feel exactly the same in the past on the stage as you describe. I would be a quivering wreck beforehand, feel very self conscious throughout and be in complete exhaustion afterwards. I am learning that I can stand up in front of an audience and simply be me, there’s no need to be perfect (because I’m not) and if I make a mistake, that’s fine too. It’s not from having more knowledge that we can gain this confidence, it’s from our connection to ourselves, knowing we are enough.
Amazing – I not only also experienced the feelings of stage fright but so many of the other aspects of the expectations of others and society in relation to this but I guess this is the case for many other people too. It does beg the question why are we living in a way which perpetuates such a cycle of undermining our natural love and causes such dis-ease within us through simply trying to complete that which is required of us.
A great article Dianne, stage fright is a massive issue for so many people that I know and I certainly still get this at different times. What I find really interesting is looking at why we get this, when it started, and your sharing about the possibility it has to do with always being asked to perform and not supported to naturally be who we are makes sense. I’d not really considered the fact that due to a lack of love we can get nervous on stage and we either harden to get through it – as most do, or we can allow ourselves to live more lovingly and then that provides a true support to be on stage.
Dianne this is an awesome blog and perfectly timed for me to receive. What struck a chord for me was your comment that as a first child and grand-child you were asked to ‘perform’ rather than allowed to unfold in your own way. I have been unravelling a tightness or contraction on the whole right side of my body and was asked by the practitioner if I was bound by rules when I was young. I knew this to be absolutely true but couldn’t identify exactly when this started until I read about your insight, and then the penny dropped. There are family stories of how I was ‘tutored’ to be, and it seems I was quite good at it then, but in the process lost trust in my innate knowing.
“In retrospect I realised I had to ‘harden’ myself to be able to get up and do talks.” All the naturalness of our unique expression is lost by taking us out of our bodies and into our heads, moulding and conditioning ourselves to align with standards that belong to someone else – I can feel that this is the undercurrent of much of our education systems.
I loved reading this Dianne, it makes complete sense, I have had many conversations with people about standing up on stage and speaking and it is always the fear of having to ‘perform’, not wanting to ‘make mistakes’ and ‘look stupid’ on stage etc.. I have this too with speaking in groups, it feels like I have a block there and that I am unable to speak, it is lovely to read how you have changed this and are simply being yourself on stage. I can feel that I could also overcome this fear and speak in a group and let go of the thoughts that I have to perform and be a certain way rather than simply be me and present what needs to be presented.
At one of my presentations to a group of women in Brisbane I started to present, then nothing would come out. I stood there totally blank with nothing to say. My worst nightmare. Fortunately I was presenting with a colleague who was fairly new to presenting but stepped up to the occasion, took over and did an awesome job. To this day I do not entirely know why this happened but my feeling is that I had not been living in full what I was wanting to present so it was not in my body as a lived experience, so thus nothing was there to be expressed. I could have gone into my head and presented from knowledge which a lot of presenters do, but this would have harmed the women.
Again Mary-Louise, very wise what you have commented on. I love how you felt your body and honoured it. This to me confirms the level of self-nurturing you have taken to know what is true to be expressed and not. A very non-imposing way to live, and to me a true inspiration – well done !!
This struck so many cords with me Dianne where do I start? I have recently been experiencing much of what you’ve shared here, that expectation to perform in a way that is not true feels like something is looming over and baring down over me. And while that does happen what is worse – the sensation and awareness of the overbearing or contracting my body and making it smaller to avoid feeling the expectations that don’t go away but actually get worse as a result of me shrinking? With the support of the Expression Workshops hosted by Universal Medicine I’ve been able to experience an ease with expression and that me being me and expressing is enough. But expression doesn’t just come from standing in front of people and talking it’s in everything, this blog has got me putting 2+2 together in that ease can be applied to other expressions in life.
Another point I found stood out was how those movements a baby is learning to preform (walking, sitting up, feeding etc) why are the natural bodily expressions being made such a big deal? Because what I’ve been experiencing is the more love I allow myself to express at times there is a sense of amazement and making a big deal out it, but this love is natural. I don’t get excited when I blink so why get excited when I express love? Is that not placing the natural on a pedestal and believing it to not be the natural that it is?
This is a very interesting subject, one that I have considered heaps.I remember one of my first presentations to a group of 40 people where my whole body was shaking noticeably for the first 10 minutes. I stayed with my body, aware of how it may look, but not being concerned. I focused on connecting with the audience and delivering what they needed to hear. As I did this my body stopped shaking and I was able to present what was needed and had a great time.
Beautiful Mary-Louise what a great tip “I stayed with my body, aware of how it may look, but not being concerned. I focused on connecting with the audience and delivering what they needed to hear.”
Dianne I also want to share that I have seen you present a few times and am always captivated by your raw freshness on stage. You have the infectious enthusiasm of a child and an incredible ability to make science not only relevant to life but utterly enthralling.
I totally agree Alexis..
Dianne I felt the painful truth of so much that you have shared, “Babies can sense a feeling of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and hurt rejection coming from adults when they don’t get what they want from the child” oh my goodness, we have turned our babies from simply being love into mechanical monkeys that clap symbols on demand! I find am finding it agonizing at the moment.
I can very much relate to what you’ve said here Dianne – about how much of society is set up to encourage us to ‘perform’ rather than develop our true connection and expression from that. It makes sense that we will feel anxious if we are trying to be something that is not who we really are.
Dianne the enormity of what you have shared has still not sunk in to my body fully. I feel like I am reeling still from the waves of after shock that I experienced at what you have shared.You have shared such huge revelations in the most understated way. I am currently gob smacked!
A great sharing Dianne and so spot on about how from an early age we are encouraged to go into the ‘performance’ as opposed to being seen for who we are. This is huge, and something I too fell into as a parent. As a child I loved the attention from the ‘performance’ I gave but this was not based on a truth for me either, as it was coming from a need for recognition and not a true expression, so it was a performance based on what the end result would offer.
As an adult and from the presentations of Serge Benhayon I have built a truer relationship with myself and now feel that my expression is more truthfully from me as opposed to seeking an end result. Less nerves and more of me.
I can relate Beverley, (I think we all can relate!) however, I remember performing when I was little with so much joy of being with others that I was called a ‘show-off’. This caused me to shut down my performing ability. I have always had the ability to perform in front of people, it’s a natural gift but it brings so much up in my body when the thought of it is there. Here I am, I so love presenting for people but have the extreme tension if I do not feel loving supported. It makes sense now the more I love myself the easier it is to perform or present.