Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour

I was told to take responsibility for many things from quite a young age with no real conversation as to why this was important. I was told to clean my room, wash the dishes, do my other jobs, do my homework in the designated time, not to over-eat, eat a balanced diet… the list of expectations my parents had of me was endless.

I would rebel and take as little responsibility as I could. One of my behaviours was to sit on the toilet each night after dinner until the dishes had been done. Not sure how I got away with that for so long. I often wondered why I was such an obnoxious brat growing up.

I observed my mother overeating and eating all the wrong foods. My father did not do a thing around the house and if dinner was not ready when he got home from work he got very cranky. He left all the cooking and cleaning etc. up to my mother and us kids, who had to be screamed at to get anything done, and when that did not work the wooden spoon came out.

They smoked copious amounts of cigarettes inside the house and drank every evening. My mother started with a sherry or vermouth at 4.00pm joined by my father when he returned from work, then wine with dinner. They would chain smoke when our family piled into the Holden, four sometimes five of us in the back seat. They wondered why we would be punching each other in the back of the car and, intermittently, one of them would turn around and scream at us to take responsibility for our behaviour.

We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like. Of course there was the obvious – my father ran his own business and he was very good at this; my mother was on every committee she could sign up to in the local community, and she led many of them and she was very good at this. Even as a kid I knew that this was not true responsibility. My mother loved her committees because it gave her a sense of worth and an excuse to get out of the house and my father used work to escape from our fairly dismal home life.

In my teenage years my irresponsible behaviour escalated into a whole other level – dropping out of school, taking copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, not working, living off the dole and not caring about the effect my behavior was having on any of my family and friends.

I lived this way on and off for the next 30 years until I met Serge Benhayon and heard him present on energetic responsibility, and coming from a man who was actually living what he presented, this had a huge impact on me. It was extremely healing even though very confronting at forty-five, to have to see the effect my irresponsible way of living had on myself, my health, my mental state, my children and all my family and friends. I also healed any resentment and anger I had towards my parents, as I was able to look back and understand that they were doing the best they could at the time given they were also a product of their parents, thus unable to role–model true responsibility.

Nearly fifteen years later, the way I live has changed beyond recognition from my earlier life, and my relationship with responsibility has changed immensely from one of thinking it was a ‘burden’ to one of seeing that the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.

I am constantly looking at ways to deepen this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant. But I am so onto this pattern, which is to think it is “too hard” and that “I cannot do it,” that the awareness I have developed around it means I do not give in to it. Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go whether that be a shift in the quality in which I approach life, or specifically with a job or project that asks for greater responsibility.

The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others with an understanding that I did not have growing up.

By Mary-Louise Myers, Complementary Healing Practitioner, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia

Related Reading:
The Importance of Self-Responsibility
True Responsibility
Responsibility in the Workplace

568 thoughts on “Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour

  1. The way we live is our greatest responsibility – and this brings so much more than our words when we speak and relate with others.

  2. Thank you for sharing Mary-Louise I can relate to what you have shared and also rebelled with against responsibility. I took it to mean a task or something rather than the quality of energy I am allowing to run my body. The moment I actually stop and do this everything changes and I do not see it as an arduos task but rather a loving act.

  3. Lovely raw and open article about what responsibility means on a very personal level, but in this we can all be inspired and appreciate where we also have a relationship with responsibility.

  4. There are certainly a myriad of ways to wriggle out of what is called responsibility – sitting on the toilet is a good one; someone in my family used to ask “anything I can do?” just when everything was done and no sooner, just in case. But of course, energetic responsibility is even vaster than that and goes far beyond paying taxes, doing the dishes, etc. etc.

  5. “more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes” , this is so true, one I have become to understand, when we step up to true responsibility our life changes in all direction, we get some much clarity within our body, our choices change, how we feel, look and eat. Everything starts to change.

  6. Our perception of responsibility is one of burden but what you have described here Mary-Louise does not sound burdensome in the least, but joy-full. Thank you for sharing.

  7. It’s amazing how our irresponsible ways or quirky ways we develop can be then ingrained and part of default behaviour when we are adults, for instance we may be able to change some behaviours – but changing the root cause is what really brings the change.

    1. If we do not change the root cause then nothing really changes. The outward behaviour may change but usually it will just get changed to something else and the original behaviour we were trying to avoid and deal with will simply later arise and grab us again.

  8. What comes with a responsibility is also surrender, a surrender of what we are thinking is right from our heads and letting out what is in our inner hearts.

  9. A beautiful sharing of true responsibility and how it can take us a life time to really know this from within but when we do our life changes dramatically and the simplicity and purpose of our lives becomes obvious and loving.

  10. I love re-reading this blog as it is so real and raw and brings a ‘can do’ attitude to taking up new and greater responsibilities as they present.

    1. Me too Kathleen, it is inspiring constantly asking whats next? How can I deepen and take more responsibility in this area or that area. Knowing that there is an abundance of love and living in a way that forever deepens this love is the only way otherwise we settle for better which is light years away from the magnificence we are.

  11. Could it be that being a rebel can be a good thing? What if we have lived lots of lives in the same old rut, rich, poor, healthy or sick? Does being a rebel give us the opportunity to step back and really look at our life and the pattern of choices we keep repeating? The energetic responsibility taught and lived by Serge Benhayon is the candle in the darkness we seek, that shows we can change our choices at any time!

  12. I see this a lot play out in schools, where kids blame one another instead of taking responsibility for themselves. Through experience I am learning it is much more joyful to take responsibility for myself in a situation.

  13. At the age of 6 I thought I had a responsibility to tell the viewers of our house that was for sale about the damp patch on the wall that was being concealed by the painting. My mother didn’t seem too pleased, but I’m sure my honesty was appreciated by the potential buyers. Where does our responsibility actually lie? Is it only when it is convenient or when we’re not going to get into trouble? Our responsibility needs to be to the truth rather than to any person or loyalty.

  14. I have typically looked around at the world and seen that there isn’t much responsibility going on, that has been with myself included. Whether that is at work, seeing how people shirk responsibility, do not tell the truth, not been honest in how they interacted with others. Then there is how responsibility turns up in relationships, not being self honouring or honouring of others. and how we are then with our bodies. There is so much that we don’t take reposnsibltiy for, so what you’re sharing Mary-Louise is so huge and very much worth celebrating.

    1. I agree Matilda, responsibility is not a ‘dirty’ word, it is glorious and life becomes purposeful and full of joy if we truly embrace the truth of this word.

  15. It shows how much we have made life and its daily tasks and chores hard and burdensome, with the focus always on what needs to be done and with that we loose the connection to ourselves and the people that are involved.

  16. I find being ready and willing to look at what is coming up for me, is all I need to do. The rest seems to be easy when I make it about what I have done and what I can now choose , and take the focus off what others have done.

  17. Interesting how the household you describe growing up can seem crazy on one hand but so normal on another. We have as a society learnt to put up with and accept a picture of a family that is not true. What I love about this sharing is the deep change that has taken place to embrace full responsibility.

  18. Yes, it is so wonderful to appreciate that responsibility is a gracious thing and not a burden in life as I too used to see it. I know this is still a work in progress for me, very much so, but a great one.

  19. It is very easy to shirk responsibility, especially that which asks us to be more aware, tender, loving and understanding. When all is said and done, it is often that which we avoid that the world needs most.

  20. It’s fascinating to observe all the behaviours we go into to avoid taking responsibility…if we spent as much time being responsible as we do trying to avoid it the world would certainly look different!

  21. Thanks for Writing this Mary-Louise as although I am far more responsible than I used to be I still have a problem with it and a long way to go, not always stepping up to the plate when needed. Seeing it as not a burden as it makes your life far more fulfilling is an inspiring sentence to read.

    1. Hi Matilda, fully agree. And it inspires me to write articles and express more about what true responsibility is.
      I love this word: responsibility as in response-able. We are so powerful and very well able to respond to whatever is coming to us, whatever evil there is in the world.

  22. The attitude that life is burdensome and something to be endured is prevalent. Responsibility for many, including myself had a similar meaning. I spent a lot of my early adulthood doing my best to avoid it. The thing is, the consequences of my choices always showed me that avoiding responsibility created more mess and complication. These days, I find dealing with life and facing what need to be dealt with has simplified my life and made it much more enjoyable.

  23. I agree, Mary-Louise, about the importance of having true role models growing up. Just one person who is reflecting love and integrity with consistency can be enough of a reminder of our true nature.

  24. What an extraordinary turnaround… Really, Mary Louise, you should be presenting your life story to Parliament house… having just had new Australian governments fiscal budget released yesterday, you will story of breaking such a deeply entrenched pattern that should normally be continued generation after generation is something that should be headlines… It would certainly, if adopted by everyone, turn this country’s economy right around.

  25. With parents that chose irresponsibility we obviously don’t have the best role modes. If we clock that, we can make different choices and say: hey I don’t want this behaviour, I choose differently. The real problem is that we see the behaviour of our parents as normal, as the norm, and we copy that. I did that also for a long time, copying behaviour of my parents, like chasing big business dreams and then forgetting all about our relationships. Fortunately, I ran into Serge Benhayon who reflected what living a responsible life is really like.

  26. Taking responsibility for my life and behaviours is an ongoing development, I have come a long way in this and there is still more responsibility I can bring to my life. But the more I am responsible I can truly say the more I feel free in my life…

  27. I remember the huge disappointment when I asked the adults at my school to explain the significance of what they were demanding of me and their guarded response showed that they did not have a clue either. So similarly I did not want to play ball with their demands. It is amazing meeting people who walk their talk and honour others as an equal, because they offer a reminder that this is our natural essence and provide an inspiration for us to live that too.

  28. As you say Mary-Louise, there is unlimited joy that comes from taking energetic responsibility – dodging responsibility is dodging our evolution, and our ever-expanding love that knows no end point.

  29. Being a role model for responsibility requires a deep commitment to self that is something each of us and thereby the world needs. We all can live this way if we choose, but it is a development and not an instant resolution to our previous way of living.

  30. Hearing Serge Benhayon speak about energetic responsibly was a complete game changer on the topic. In the understanding that our every move will affect everyone equally whether adversely, or advantageously is a huge transition from what we currently think responsibility to be.

  31. We don’t need to have perfect lives or upbringings to be role models, just honesty and a willingness to become more aware of the impact our choice have on ourselves and those around us.

  32. It is so interesting how we rebel against Responsibility in life, seeing it as a concern that is a burden and hard work. Whereas since I started taking Responsibility for my life, I have experienced the absolute opposite – I am no longer exhausted, worried or anxious, I have more clarity – life is much easier because I am no longer fighting Truth.

    1. So true Jenny, when we fight truth our whole life is in reverse! Being fully responsible in all we do is like a breath of fresh air that continually deepens and brings a feeling that is forever deepening.

  33. In rereading your blog I remember my familiy often functioning in a so called responsible but loveless way and I have similar experiences concerning responsible tasks and how heavy this felt.
    It seems tha love was avoided to the best of everyones ability and caring for others except oneself was the focus. To learn to care for myself, cherish and appreciate who I am, accept myself the way I am and learn to take new choices is a work in progress.

  34. True responsibility must be lived if we are to walk our talk – otherwise we offer no true inspiration or role modelling.

  35. I love this line: “the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes”. I love it because it places the fulfilment of life firmly in your own hands as your own responsible practise to make it so, and not anything any one can give to you because your fulfilment is yours to master.

  36. I agree that the word responsibility is bandied about a lot in parent and child and family conversations but as you say astutely in your blog if this comes as a burden without explanation or is spoken but not lived by example it is an empty word and this can be harming in the sense that it can put us off responsibility for life, even though it is one of the laws of the universe and therefore something that makes up our very being and essence.

  37. Today I have become more aware of how I speak and the quality in which I speak to another as a form of responsibility. For example if I am tired and not taking responsibility for what I am saying to another I can feel then just how unclear this becomes in conversation for either myself or the other person and how either can be left to feel this after the conversation. So responsibility in expression at all times is something I need to be more aware of.

  38. A beautiful, honest and inspirational sharing Mary-Louise, thank you. Taking full responsibility for every aspect of our lives is certainly the key; it is incumbent on us all to be the forever student as we learn to live what responsibility truly means.

  39. It’s common sense. Children are not going to take us seriously if we do not portray the type of behaviour we are asking of them. It’s surprising how many adults think they can get away with anything when they think their kids aren’t watching. But children can feel everything. They can’t be fooled. Why should they listen to someone who doesn’t walk their talk.

  40. Responsibility is a continuous choice in every moment, not a big decision that one undertakes to fulfil the responsible imagery.

  41. Thats what we need in life, role models that live responsibility and not just talk about it, we can’t tell our kids to keep their rooms clean if any part of the rest of the house is not kept tidy.

  42. We are sold a lie that responsibility is not enjoyable, when in fact it is key in living a steady and forever deepening joy each day.
    At best in irresponsibility there will be ‘high’ moments that take a tremendous amount of effort to try and sustain.

  43. What a joy to read Mary-Louise, and just shows how we all have the power to move from being irresponsible to being responsible with our choices and how this is how we set ourselves ‘free’, and become a reflection and true role model for others.

  44. Super real, humble and honest – and that a true offering for us all to be inspired to turn our lives literally around. We are not victims of being in a dismal existence if that is what we find ourselves in. We feed our own stories and our own creations with our choices – and if we choose to avoid the real responsibility we carry by virtue of being part of the human race, we are also choosing the dismal, the mundane, the struggle. And the choice can always be made differently – something your story Mary-Louise keeps inspiring to the hilt.

  45. Until we have a foundation of words that we live in the energy of those words can we say we have any responsibility in our life? For everything is energy and energy comes before words so our words have to be energetically lived in truth so we can be role models as you have shared Mary-Louise, and I know that you walk the talk when it come to energetic integrity!

  46. Joy is not often mentioned in the same sentence with responsibility but there is a deep joy in taking true responsibility for our actions and the way that we live, one that takes equal care and holds ourselves and all others in equal love.

  47. Great sharing Mary-Louise, it is a choice we make every moment, to take true responsibility, we seem to have diluted the true meaning of responsibility to mean a half hearted type of responsibility. I now know that true responsibility is far deeper and meaningful than I first thought it was.

  48. This is a great example of taking true responsibly. Something many of us shy away from. We are so used to wanting to go into comfort that we are sometimes not even aware that we are indeed shirking responsibility. So the key is to bring awareness to how we live and move in life.

    1. True – every pocket of comfort that we are in is an indicator of the irresponsibility we are choosing and allowing to run us.

  49. I love your approach Mary-Louise of being prepared to give something ago, even though you’re feeling a resistance to it and not quite sure how or what needs to be done next. When we stay open to feeling what’s needed next, then we allow space to feel the resistance, observe it and let it go – and what is naturally next then comes into view. What’s also important is discerning – are we chasing down something to be responsible for, but in a way that we want to own it out of a neediness for recognition, to be seen to be doing something ‘good’, or are we taking responsibility for our energetic quality in everything that we do, and allowing greater responsibilities of life, work and relationships to flow towards us and be encompassed within this responsibility that we are already taking of ourselves?

  50. The greater call to be more responsible often involves letting go of old patterns that I’m holding onto and don’t want to let go of, because they feel like a part of me. To not have them asks me to be more of me, to let go and surrender, which can feel like a scary thing, but only when I identify myself with these patterns. Connecting more to the stillness and steadiness we can feel within supports us to let go more.

  51. it has been a big con that the world associates responsibility with arduousness, struggle, and a burden when it fact it could not be more opposite.. once we truly begin to understand responsibility we learn that it is an intrinsic part of the joy and freedom we could be living every moment of the day if we were to so choose.

  52. When we accept that we (and no one else) are responsibility for all of our choices in life, it removes blame out of the equation altogether, because we see in every situation that we have played a part, even if something ‘has happened to us’.

  53. A beautiful and very real sharing of what responsibility really means and the joy of living this in our everyday lives thank you Mary- Louise for sharing this amazing truth lived.

  54. Our responsibility is to hold everyone in Love and Truth always and to reflect a way forward by the vibration we emanate.

  55. We often champion deeds as responsibility and have endless lists of them to tick off and be fulfilled (seemingly) in their completion but true responsibility is everything about the energy in which we move, breath and express – the alignment to all that we are that is true and divine or the alignment to all that is contrary to this true fire which is in fact energetic irresponsibility.

  56. When we truly embrace responsibility, it brings more joy into our lives, and involves acceptance of ourselves and all of our choices. Being responsible is all-inclusive. It means taking responsibility for our quality and all of our choices, our greatest moments and our biggest stuff-up moments. Nothing is left behind or left out, everything contributes to the whole.

  57. I can relate to being told to do something by adults around me but observing that they do the exact opposite, be it concerning health, or behaviour….role modelling is key to true inspiration and someone living lovingly with responsibility is a shining light to be inspired by.

  58. ‘The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life’ and our greatest tension is found in resisting this responsibility – the responsibility of being all that we are and not anything less.

  59. Taking True Responsibility for what I bring to life needs adjusting all the time – to always be an expansion. It is amazing how there is always more to bring, and I when I am there , I often wonder ‘ why didn’t I see that before’?

  60. It sounds like your parents were role models for irresponsibility and that is what they taught you. There is nothing more irresponsible than the misuse of words as we share in Unimedpedia – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia – and saying one thing whilst doing the opposite is completely irresponsible and giving a child a very mixed up view and example of the world. Serge Benhayon on the other hand is an absolute role model for true responsibility and energetic integrity and has been responsible for inspiring and turning around the lives of many hundreds of people.

    1. This is not in any way to judge your parents as they too were most likely products of their parents and upbringing and so it goes on. This is one of many reasons why it is so important to stop the cycle and step of this miserable-go-round as you have and countless other are choosing to do so and embrace the joys and liberation of true responsibility, purpose and service.

  61. Asked recently what really pushes my buttons and I was reminded that as parents telling so called ‘white lies’ or bigger and not living what they themselves were asking their children to do or be. I think this is why I rebelled in a similar sort of way to you Mary-Louise not as extreme but I felt rebellious against the lies I could feel, but never expressed. Children feel everything but if they don’t express it in the right way it comes out in all the different behaviours we take on to mask what we are really feeling.

  62. I love your openness and commitment to always deepening your love and responsibility, Mary-Louise – “Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go”.

  63. It’s interesting how we rebel when as children we are told what to do, but often children naturally want to join in with what adults do. Perhaps the telling comes from a lack of trust that responsibility will happen naturally and there is a belief that it needs to be enforced rather than encouraged.

  64. This is a great example of the bustardisation of what responsibility is. All played out so we are in rejection and reaction of it, never wanting to go near it. When this becomes exposed in our life and we get to feel the true quality of reasonability we are prepared to look at what is getting in the way of us living it, for there is much joy and love to be felt in true responsibility.

  65. Our reflection and movements are far more powerful than any words we could ever say to another. When I first heard the words ‘true responsibility’ I remember feeling quite resistant and scared of what that actually meant for me, but I have been learning to embrace this more fully in my life and to feel the joy and freedom that this choice brings – In fact I now realise I am more scared of the irresponsibility.

  66. I love how you have described true responsibility here Mary-Louise, I agree it does make life more fulfilling. The more steady we feel within ourselves the more natural joy there is in taking on more responsibility knowing it is an inspiring and much needed reflection.

    1. As you say ‘…when we do step into it feels so amazing.’ – this is so true Rebecca and my experience also. For in embracing responsibility we are in fact embracing more of who we are, as such choosing to bring the richness of our connection to more aspects in our lives.

  67. When we choose to live from the truth of us, others get the opportunity to know themselves back from this reflection. This is truly serving and true responsibility.

  68. If we grew up in a world that tells us that irresponsibility is normal we would not think twice about it, and yet our bodies would always tell us if that is the truth or not.

  69. The understanding of true responsibility has been grossly corrupted in our current society so much so that we actually champion and indulge in irresponsibility, with irresponsibility often becoming our lifestyle choice. With this we greatly miss living who we truly are. Thank you for sharing Mary-Louise how embracing true responsibility naturally enrichens our lives through living in connection to who we, as we then consider the quality of connection in which we move through our day, as such we are more aware of the effects that our choices and our quality of presence has in our lives and the lives of others.

  70. Thank you Mary Louise… And it is possibly the case that we can only reconfigure our own aberrant behaviour by having a role model that actually lives responsibility to the core… and in Serge Benhayon we have exactly that.

  71. Mary-Louise you are a role model for us all, the way you live now, your commitment to life, your commitment to truth and your focus on letting go of any harmful behaviours is truly inspirational.
    Since choosing to live responsible your life has touched many many others, through you they have seen that it is possible to change and to come back to live life with a real purpose, real joy and a real connection.
    Thank you Mary-Louise.

  72. I can relate to being offered the next point of responsibility and instantly thinking I can’t do that, and then afterwards seeing it for what it is, an old pattern and the opportunity to chip away at the old behaviours.

  73. We don’t like to think how our Behaviour and what we say has an impact – an impact that is actually massive. And so the same pattern continues, the same cycle of people hurt by irresponsible behaviour lashing out with their own version of irresponsibility – until eventually one by one we make the choice to stop and come back to love.

  74. We must indeed walk our talk when it comes to responsibility; always it is about the choices we make. A very inspirational blog Mary-Louise, thank you.

  75. Haha – when I read that first paragraph I thought it might be one of my kids, or could equally have been me 30 years ago. The point I really picked up though was that no one every explained why. Why is it important to support the family, or how keeping my room tidy might support me etc etc. With a bit of time invested into the why, and linking that to the warmth I feel inside today, my resistance would have melted back then as it has now.

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