Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour

I was told to take responsibility for many things from quite a young age with no real conversation as to why this was important. I was told to clean my room, wash the dishes, do my other jobs, do my homework in the designated time, not to over-eat, eat a balanced diet… the list of expectations my parents had of me was endless.

I would rebel and take as little responsibility as I could. One of my behaviours was to sit on the toilet each night after dinner until the dishes had been done. Not sure how I got away with that for so long. I often wondered why I was such an obnoxious brat growing up.

I observed my mother overeating and eating all the wrong foods. My father did not do a thing around the house and if dinner was not ready when he got home from work he got very cranky. He left all the cooking and cleaning etc. up to my mother and us kids, who had to be screamed at to get anything done, and when that did not work the wooden spoon came out.

They smoked copious amounts of cigarettes inside the house and drank every evening. My mother started with a sherry or vermouth at 4.00pm joined by my father when he returned from work, then wine with dinner. They would chain smoke when our family piled into the Holden, four sometimes five of us in the back seat. They wondered why we would be punching each other in the back of the car and, intermittently, one of them would turn around and scream at us to take responsibility for our behaviour.

We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like. Of course there was the obvious – my father ran his own business and he was very good at this; my mother was on every committee she could sign up to in the local community, and she led many of them and she was very good at this. Even as a kid I knew that this was not true responsibility. My mother loved her committees because it gave her a sense of worth and an excuse to get out of the house and my father used work to escape from our fairly dismal home life.

In my teenage years my irresponsible behaviour escalated into a whole other level – dropping out of school, taking copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, not working, living off the dole and not caring about the effect my behavior was having on any of my family and friends.

I lived this way on and off for the next 30 years until I met Serge Benhayon and heard him present on energetic responsibility, and coming from a man who was actually living what he presented, this had a huge impact on me. It was extremely healing even though very confronting at forty-five, to have to see the effect my irresponsible way of living had on myself, my health, my mental state, my children and all my family and friends. I also healed any resentment and anger I had towards my parents, as I was able to look back and understand that they were doing the best they could at the time given they were also a product of their parents, thus unable to role–model true responsibility.

Nearly fifteen years later, the way I live has changed beyond recognition from my earlier life, and my relationship with responsibility has changed immensely from one of thinking it was a ‘burden’ to one of seeing that the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.

I am constantly looking at ways to deepen this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant. But I am so onto this pattern, which is to think it is “too hard” and that “I cannot do it,” that the awareness I have developed around it means I do not give in to it. Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go whether that be a shift in the quality in which I approach life, or specifically with a job or project that asks for greater responsibility.

The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others with an understanding that I did not have growing up.

By Mary-Louise Myers, Complementary Healing Practitioner, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia

Related Reading:
The Importance of Self-Responsibility
True Responsibility
Responsibility in the Workplace

423 thoughts on “Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour

  1. We all know deep inside what it means to take responsibility, to respect ourselves and one another, but for so many of us we have wandered off the track and think that talking about it is enough. When we meet someone who has put the knowing into practice 24/7, from the way they brush their teeth, interact with the kids and run their business, one constant expression of love and respect, it instantly calls us back to our true path. Then we are faced with the simple choice, to align to what is innate within us and do the necessary leg work to get back on track, or reject it outright because it exposes too many wayward choices.

    1. So true, Rowena, It is all the little things that make the difference and builds our rhythm and our choices from morning to evening every day to develop us to take responsibility from one day to the next ..or not. It is our simple choice to choose to align.

  2. Mary-Louise, I can feel with what you are sharing here that often as parents we tell our children what to do and how to be when we are not living in a true, loving and responsible way ourselves, ‘We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like’, I am aware that I can focus on my sons behaviour when I am not living what I am telling him to live and that living it first and being a role model is key.

  3. Serge Benhayon’s presentations blow out of the water what we previously thought responsibility was. Energetic responsibility is a different ball game, but in truth it’s not new. We do actually know how to play it but have chosen to avoid looking at it. As a result, we have reaped the consequences worldwide with our choices, actions and behaviour…this may take a long while to correct!

  4. “But I am so onto this pattern, which is to think it is “too hard” and that “I cannot do it,” that the awareness I have developed around it means I do not give in to it.”
    I can relate to your honesty here Mary-Louise, we can feel that greater responsibility is a package that has a ripple effect through every aspect of our lives, the mind can work hard to create expectations & issues that sit in the way of this potential change. I have found that it is easier to cease this chatter by bringing our awareness to our bodies and gently releasing any anxiety or tension we may feel there first, for ‘yes’ needs to be a full bodied experience.

    1. Beautiful lucindag, staying present and feeling what is coming up in our body and releasing what is there to let go of is simply all that is needed…. closing the door on the ‘what-if’ chatter.

  5. This is amazing and it just goes to show that we do not need to stuck in patterns, perceptions and ways of being, and that there is always a choice – no matter ones age or length of time they have been doing one thing.
    ‘Nearly fifteen years later, the way I live has changed beyond recognition from my earlier life,’

    1. Yes, it is a fallacy to say we get too old to change. This is an excuse for not wanting to take responsibility.

      1. It seems to be quite common to say it’s too late to change, it feels like a sentence that it full of regret.

  6. ‘We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like.’ A very powerful and also sobering sentence well worth considering when we look at how we are choosing to live.

    1. The ‘do as I say not as I do’ approach doesn’t work and yet where in the world are we taught the extent to which we lead by pur lived way? Only Universal Medicine has gone into such detail on this subject that I’ve experienced.

  7.  Mary-Louise I so loved this blog. It describes so many elements of my childhood and the repercussion of it, all of which are reflected in our community on a grander scale. The more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.

  8. Even when we feel we are not making a difference by living responsibly, there is a subtle and deeper change taking place both within our own livingness and the response that we receive from others.

  9. Your blog is a perfect explanation on what a true role-model is – a quality that can only be felt by others if it is truly lived.

  10. A great reminder of how everything that comes from us, the words we speak, the way we move and interact in life is so hugely important and has a definitive effect on all around us.

  11. Deep within we all crave responsibility. Yet we’ve been sold a heavy weighed down version of it as it is not often we see responsibility modelled in it’s truest sense.

  12. “We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like.” Ouch! Good point about truly parenting our children or not!

  13. “Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go whether that be a shift in the quality in which I approach life, or specifically with a job or project that asks for greater responsibility.” I have been in the presence of this in action and you have truly inspired me as a result of this.

  14. I can remember when I was younger and that I didn’t want to own up or admit that I did something that is irresponsible. The shame and disgrace that I would go into and simply just not wanting to be exposed. Today I have been more loving with myself and when something that I choose was totally off and not responsible I can lovingly say to myself ‘ok thats not it, why did I choose this and the next moment I can choose something different.’ Giving ourselves the grace to learn and to be honest as to what got to that point where choosing irresponsibility came from a series of disconnecting and dishonouring.

  15. Our version of responsibility that we so easily accept really doesn’t sell it very well, and because of this we have this feeling of being burdened or inundated with stuff that we instantly feel we cannot cope with, hence, avoiding it generally as the rule. But when you feel into true responsibility as you share here Mary-Louise, you feel great joy in choosing to be responsible for you and your choices because you can feel, it’s not only for us.

  16. There can be enormous force in holding back from others when we react to the lovelessness around us. I understand now that rebellious hurts me just as much as others and just a outward form of resistance.

  17. You make some really important points Mary-Louise around responsibility and how often parents are asking this of their kids yet living totally irresponsible lives themselves offering no true reflection for others to be inspired by. That’s what I love about Serge Benhayon that everything he presents on he lives and how powerful his reflection is that constantly ignites and supports us to be more of who we truly are.

  18. How can we expect or even hope for people and societies to change for the better when we are not the ones living first the true good we want everyone to have and live?!

  19. I love the feeling you are sharing when I read the willingness ‘to give it ago’. Coupled by the fact that you are saying yes to a level of responsibility that is still to be fully revealed. This is developing trust in ourselves, that we truly know what it is we are called to do that supports everyone, and we don’t need to hide any longer to stay safe. It is much safer to claim ourselves and live all we are, as we are then the authorities of our own lives and not at the whim of reactions.

  20. Responsibility is deeply empowering when we allow ourselves to feel the strength and leadership it offers us. I can very much relate to how you felt as a child seeing the parents going crazy, yet telling the kids to behave responsibly- it simply doesn’t inspire at all to have this contradiction yet so many of us grew up with this. I am so glad that even after living irresponsibility for decades you were simply able to find your way back to living responsibly, and confirm in your own life the power of this. I love how the shift occurred in your life because you could see that Serge lives responsibility to the core.

  21. The responsibility of being true role models in the world can be clearly seen here and the difference this can make to our lives and that of others by the way we live . A real inspiration and knowing of what the word responsibility is but also showing how this has been changed to something we rebel against and not lived instead of fully embracing into our lives and the joy and contentment this allows.

  22. Your blog is so honest Mary-Louise, and how powerful was your meeting with Serge Benhayon that you made a choice to change the way you were living in total disregard to yourself and others. To the amazing confident hard working woman you are today. It is so inspiring because quite frankly if you can make the changes then anyone can, it’s all down to a choice and then commitment to the choices constantly made.

  23. It made me laugh the extent we will go to, just to get out of doing things we don’t want to do. And we are so wily at such a young age! I was struck by the importance of role models in this blog. I know I can say things repeatedly and get no response. Yet when someone lives absolute energetic responsibility, every cell in your body is listening and wants to align with the responsibility they live. They only have to say it once and you know exactly what they mean.

  24. When someone comes into our life who lives the truth of everything that they present it is the most life changing reflection we could ever be presented with. But of course whether we acknowledge what we are being presented with and then act on it is entirely up to us; it is our choice as to what happens next but as you discovered Mary-Louise, what happens next can be miraculous in every way.

  25. ‘Do what I say not what I do’, that is what I got back whenever I questioned the lack of consistency in the message or the lack of role model. Looking back I am quite impressed with myself for asking – clearly, I must have pointed out the lack of integrity in the instruction to have got that reply! So now I am older, an adult and parent myself, I must walk the talk and ensure I do not ask another to do what I am not walking myself.

    1. Yes I remember being told that too, so thank you for pointing that out, we clearly were questioning some things. I remember picking my mother up for saying “yes” blindly to something my younger brother was asking when I knew she hadn’t heard his question, recognising these things can have huge implications down the line, though I also see now that he too will probably have felt that she wasn’t listening at that moment.

  26. When we see people around us not being responsible I’ve found it hard to not fall into, ‘well, they’re not doing it so why should I?’ But what I’m discovering is that it’s really beautiful to be responsible, and that’s a loveliness that’s not dependent on what people are doing around me. How freeing.

  27. I love what you say about being so onto the patterns. I’ve been noticing that in myself very much lately – a familiar feeling coming up of oh, that is too hard and I can’t be bothered – an old pattern that comes up every time I’m about to take a big step into something grander, something new. Being on to it makes all the difference, I can see it for what it is and go, yep – there’s that sneaky bugger again – and then let it go.

  28. One of the greatest responsibilities we have is to continually deepen our connection to our body and our multidimensionality so we truly know that we are more then this body, that we come from the stars.

  29. Responsibility, the word can be used by many but when it is lived then it is insuring a a role model is there to lead the way. Saying it and living it can be very different.

  30. Thank you Mary-Louise for the reminder that the ‘too hard’ ‘can’t do it’ thoughts are not true. Yesterday when feeling into a part of life I’ve been avoiding responsibility for my whole body expanded and became starkly more still within myself. This beats the racy panic that stirrs up when trying to create reasons, logic and excuses for why I should or am holding back.

  31. What an amazing turn around you have had truly extraordinary for someone on that sort of path. You raise my awareness to appreciate the relatively responsible background I come from, up to a point, and how Serge Benhayon showed me a whole other league to go to.

  32. The moment we are willing to take responsibility we are also ‘equipped’ with the power for whatever it takes.

  33. What you share is very deep, as so many of us had wandered off the track into self abuse and irresponsibility. It just takes one person to truly reflect what true responsibility for others to feel it and give the courage to step up to being responsible.

  34. Amazing support naturally comes to us when we live with true responsibility. Its like everything constellates to support such integrity.

  35. Two things were really clear reading this today, the first being that the absence of true role models on a child growing up has such a significant impact on setting up behaviours, and the second is that as adults (including young adults) we have a choice whether to continue those behaviours or to find our own true models and/or become one ourselves.

    It is deeply inspiring that Serge Benhayon has stepped up to be a true model for humanity, and is then inspiring thousands of people to become their own, which goes on to lead for others – the ripple effect is huge.

  36. There is great joy in responsibility because with each step up we are offered a window into our potential, and when we realise that this has no real limits, its impossible not to celebrate ourselves!

  37. Isn’t it amazing how much impact someone that lives a life in integrity can have on people around them? If you look at that, it reveals how easy it can be to change the world!

  38. My old thinking of what responsibility is was for example eating healthy concerning what books, doctors and friends were telling me, it was that I am on time, that I help others, that I do my homework, support in the household, attend church etc. All those things did not tell me who I am, only what I needed to do coming from the outside. Nobody told or reflected to me that there is a way to connect deeply with myself and bring this into my daily life. Only when I started attending courses with Universal Medicine I started to become aware, there is another life and there is another responsibility, the responsibility to care deeply for myself, nurture myself and stay connected to me and my inner heart, actually stay true to me.

  39. Having a role-model or models that reflect to us true responsibility is the best kind of teacher we can have. We are all watching each other and clocking how we are actually living and moving even if it is something that we’re not so consciously aware of and so to have an actual lived reflection of energetic responsibility speaks volumes.

  40. As children, we are often told.. “do as I say, not as I do”. Therefore adults, knowing that they are not being responsible in their own lives are expecting children to do so. How hypocritical is that? I remember an old aunt telling me I didn’t respect her and she was right, because I didn’t. She was blaming me but the reason was that she was attempting to control me in a very forceful imposing manner.

    1. And when you say ‘yes’ to that responsibility, there is a deepening of self-acceptance – that you are saying ‘yes’ the fact that you are devine, ‘yes’ I am enough, capable and powerful…

  41. Without true appreciation and connection in our relationships we are ‘ telling’ another what to do, which feels meaningless, has no love or evolution in it, and only creates reactions.

  42. I was given the examples in my life that it was acceptable behavior to smoke and drink by my parents and their friends. As we become adults, we can’t blame them and I did copy their ways for a while. But I started to look after myself more, and felt the positive change of this in myself. The responsibility of all our choices is ours alone, and this is also the example we set for others all the time, it grows and grows.

  43. “In my teenage years my irresponsible behaviour escalated into a whole other level ” what stopped me when reading this was the fact that we accept and think teenage behaviors is normal, I put up with this and whilst I was super unsettled I was told this is normal. If I look at this today, its not normal just widespread and its time to truly support our young adults.

  44. Mary-Louise, it’s interesting how we are told to take responsibility when the people who are telling this are often not living responsibly themselves. I have noticed with parents how we expect our children to behave and live in a certain way – for example be gentle and kind and look after ourselves, but as parents we are often not living this way and so children are not seeing this role modelled and so are less likely to listen or understand what this means.

  45. Growing up there was no conversations about what responsibility was and looking at it now these messages were communicated by the way my parents and grandparents acted, and then we just followed suit. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to question some of the ways my parents had lived (lots of parties, smoking and drinking) but I still did not see anything wrong with it, because it was all I knew, and had my body accepted the smoking and drinking I probably would have taken that on as my life also.
    It is easy to see how the lack of responsibility can be passed on from generation to generation, and until we start to have conversations about responsibility and to reflect our own responsible chooses to the world and those around us, responsibility will be seen as something to be avoided or burdensome.

  46. This blog has been a great source of inspiration for me in the last week. A simple change that stood out in this blog has brought more clarity to the foundation of care that I was living. Thank you for sharing the potential to learn and grow from all that is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine Teachings.

  47. Looking back I can see that when I grew up, I found it hard to connect. My parents weren’t available in the way I instinctively knew that they could be. So rather than understand this, what I did was cause trouble, difficulty and strife, to play up and make incidents throughout my life. So pretty much the antithesis of responsibility Mary Louise! – but I just wanted them to hug, care and simply be there with me. Looking back now I can see that this was a big lesson for me, and also how this ‘strife’ I chose became a super convenient way of avoiding my power. Amazing the lengths we will go to, all to fill in the space where we know we are Love.

  48. Re-reading this blog, I am reminded how powerful it is to have even just one person in our lives who is reflecting truth and can be a true role model of what it is like to live with integrity and consistency. Serge Benhayon is an absolute inspiration to thousands of people all over the world.

  49. You are true role model Mary-Louise. You show people that we can always choose a different, more beautiful life and that we are not necessarily a product of our parents. It takes an honest look at our own lives, to assess if we are living responsibly or not.

  50. Serge’s presentations on energetic responsibility resonate deeply, and to see this as a lived truth in this man, is a powerful inspiration to reconnect to that same responsibility for ourselves and in this the true joy of that quality lived.

  51. “I met Serge Benhayon and heard him present on energetic responsibility” when I first heard this it was something that every part of me knew was true yet something that I didn’t want to really look at, I hated the word responsibility and to consider that everything I did affected everyone else was something I didn’t want to look at, yet today I see energetic responsibility as the biggest blessing as not only does what I do affect everything and everyone but that means I can equally inspire everyone and everything. In effect by choosing my energetic quality I can help inspire the world to change.

  52. While I agree with you Mary-Louise when you say
    “We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like.”
    I also feel we do have an in built sense of responsibility and it’s a choice whether we act on that sense or not. I know this from my own experience of growing up. I could feel I had a level of responsibility that was quite strong irrespective of what others were doing around me and it was my choice to act on responsibility or not. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t. So I guess what I’m saying is we don’t need role models surely it comes down to a choice, our own choice. To blame someone or something else surely means we haven’t taken our responsibility for our own choices.

  53. Awesome to read your story, Mary-Louise, not only are you a true rolemodel today by who you are but also by the way you have turned around your life completely. It IS possible to make enormous changes like you have, and the way you have made different choices is a huge inspiration.

  54. We can’t be responsible for anyone else’s behaviour, to try to be is exhausting, we have to allow people to be, and take responsibility for ourselves, I am yet to live this in full, but I do know that it is super joyful.

  55. The environments we grow up in can easily form the bedrock of what we accept as normal. It is always free to challenge loveless behaviour and patterns we endorse as a normal part of life.

  56. I am able to relate to what you share here and it makes sense that you didnt want to engage or be a part of the family which worked like that, with no true examples of responsible behaviour. Its no wonder that life simply didnt make sense to you in terms of what you were told to do, versus what you could see being lived by those around you. It also makes sense that responsibility was simple for you to commit to when you saw a man living it daily, and how that impacted all who knew him.

  57. I love your honesty in terms of how you chose to avoid any sort of responsibilty as a chid, and now can see why that was so. Its inspiring how readily you turned it around as an adult when finally you could see the point to it.

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