I was told to take responsibility for many things from quite a young age with no real conversation as to why this was important. I was told to clean my room, wash the dishes, do my other jobs, do my homework in the designated time, not to over-eat, eat a balanced diet… the list of expectations my parents had of me was endless.
I would rebel and take as little responsibility as I could. One of my behaviours was to sit on the toilet each night after dinner until the dishes had been done. Not sure how I got away with that for so long. I often wondered why I was such an obnoxious brat growing up.
I observed my mother overeating and eating all the wrong foods. My father did not do a thing around the house and if dinner was not ready when he got home from work he got very cranky. He left all the cooking and cleaning etc. up to my mother and us kids, who had to be screamed at to get anything done, and when that did not work the wooden spoon came out.
They smoked copious amounts of cigarettes inside the house and drank every evening. My mother started with a sherry or vermouth at 4.00pm joined by my father when he returned from work, then wine with dinner. They would chain smoke when our family piled into the Holden, four sometimes five of us in the back seat. They wondered why we would be punching each other in the back of the car and, intermittently, one of them would turn around and scream at us to take responsibility for our behaviour.
We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like. Of course there was the obvious – my father ran his own business and he was very good at this; my mother was on every committee she could sign up to in the local community, and she led many of them and she was very good at this. Even as a kid I knew that this was not true responsibility. My mother loved her committees because it gave her a sense of worth and an excuse to get out of the house and my father used work to escape from our fairly dismal home life.
In my teenage years my irresponsible behaviour escalated into a whole other level – dropping out of school, taking copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, not working, living off the dole and not caring about the effect my behavior was having on any of my family and friends.
I lived this way on and off for the next 30 years until I met Serge Benhayon and heard him present on energetic responsibility, and coming from a man who was actually living what he presented, this had a huge impact on me. It was extremely healing even though very confronting at forty-five, to have to see the effect my irresponsible way of living had on myself, my health, my mental state, my children and all my family and friends. I also healed any resentment and anger I had towards my parents, as I was able to look back and understand that they were doing the best they could at the time given they were also a product of their parents, thus unable to role–model true responsibility.
Nearly fifteen years later, the way I live has changed beyond recognition from my earlier life, and my relationship with responsibility has changed immensely from one of thinking it was a ‘burden’ to one of seeing that the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.
I am constantly looking at ways to deepen this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant. But I am so onto this pattern, which is to think it is “too hard” and that “I cannot do it,” that the awareness I have developed around it means I do not give in to it. Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go whether that be a shift in the quality in which I approach life, or specifically with a job or project that asks for greater responsibility.
The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others with an understanding that I did not have growing up.
By Mary-Louise Myers, Complementary Healing Practitioner, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia
Related Reading:
The Importance of Self-Responsibility
True Responsibility
Responsibility in the Workplace
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
What a gorgeous turn around of your life, ’embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others’.
As I read this blog, I realised we think we are the only people on this planet that have similar upbringings as yourself. It is not a criticism but the fact that every household would have something similar going on, a sad state of affairs playing out for many.
When someone actually shares their experiences, the enormity of this problem is rife and sad that many have grown up or growing up in this same manner even to this day. Until one day someone like Serge Benhayon reflects that there is another way, and how we are in the situations we are placed under, is key. It’s just like putting a pair of spectacles and then clarity appears.
What I loved is that I can place this scenario in any situation, in particularly my current work environment and observe what is playing out. So this blog was a reminder that I need to settle and take further responsibility of my behaviour, anything else is just not acceptable – it is that simple.
As parents and grandparents of all young people around us we have a responsibility to be role models of living with love and truth.
As we return to our essence so much of what we use to called normal has shifted and understanding how we all got into these type of scenarios and the way the goal post are continually being shifted is part of our divine learning as students on our return to our inner-most-essence.
Mary Louise in her blog mentioned that though she was told to take responsibility in life as she was growing up, she did not feel inspired to do so till she met someone who was living this responsibility themselves. How powerful is the reflection of someone who lives and breathes true responsibility and shows how easy and fulfilling it actually is.
Henrietta, ditto to what you have shared. I also felt the impositions placed upon Mary Louise too. It’s like lecturing to someone to not smoke whilst you puffed away on a cigarette, no difference.
It is rare for any of us to grow up with true role models and even then as no one is perfect, growing up requires several role models – as they say raising a child takes a community. But once grown up if we learn and see a different way to be and live, it is simply for us to make the choice and live the changes – no one else is responsible for this.
Mary-Louise what an amazing turn around of learning to take responsibility and truly so in life. Your example is one that shows that it is never too late, and no matter what we may have experienced we can at any point begin to make different choices in life.
Embracing responsibility, ‘my relationship with responsibility has changed immensely from one of thinking it was a ‘burden’ to one of seeing that the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.’
The roles we have as parents is huge, especially when it comes to reflecting to our children what it means to live responsibly. Children tend to look up to their parents, almost worship them at times, and any parental behaviours are the first clue as to how the children will go on to live their lives. If they see a parent or care giver slam a door, they won’t think twice about slamming one – but how can you tell them off if that’s what you do? Learning to take responsibility for our behaviours is one the most vital lessons in our early lives, but looking around at the state of society and out into the world, it is easy to see that this lesson is definitely lacking.
We cannot teach true responsibility without living it ourselves.
How can we possibly expect anyone to do what we say if we are not doing it ourselves?
It reminds me of the saying “Do as I say and not as I do” – this teaches people simply to live a lie. Whereas when you role model to someone through your lived choices, there is no game being played, but simply a life being lived.
And when we choose love we are an example of inspiration to each other. We can always learn.
As a kid, how are we going to know responsibility if we do not have a lived example of it to reflect back to us?
What a great blog to re-read at this time. What really stood out today was how irresponsibly we can be and yet when a powerful reflection comes along we then have the choice to take notice and change or reject the reflection and carry on in our own way.
Yes, we need a reflection of what responsibility is, and maybe this will then inspire us to be responsible.
Taking true responsibility is very powerful and allows us to be very powerful
I remember how it felt to support my mother. She prepared meals we cleared the table. washed, dried and put away the dishes, boys and girls equally-great team work.
My parents gave my siblings and I clear responsibilities in the running of the home, which laid a great foundation in later life. What was missing was making the connection between completing practical tasks in the home to the bigger picture and ultimate responsibility we have to not just work for ourselves but other people also.
Teaching children about responsibility by modelling responsible behaviour is the only way and will support them through every stage in life.
And it is true this modeling that they know what they can and can not do.
And what a simple way to teach another by not teaching but simply by living.
It is a lovely way to ‘teach’ another, simply by living what is true.
I love your ‘give it a go’ approach here to life. We all hit those points in our life where we are being asked to grow or change something, sometimes not knowing what the final outcome will be, and being open to that change is so important.
I love your honesty, Mary-Louise: ‘I am constantly looking at ways to deepen this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant.’
I bet many of us can relate to this, how we love to cruise, create a certain level of comfort and plato instead of saying daily: what is the next step, where can I deepen? Commitment to life asks that of us to be wiling to continuously say yes to more expansion and awareness and challenge life.
Taking responsibility is an absolute pleasure and makes life simpler too, yet it is what most of us run from. Human beings are so bizarre in their choices of behaviour sometimes as the only person we seem to be making life harder for with this abdication of responsibility is ourselves!
My own feeling about it is that it leaves me feeling full – can’t put it any differently, other than that sense of having delivered what was there to be delivered in that moment.
Ha how beautiful this is – deepening your relationship with true responsibility and the effect on the world around you .. Is beautiful !
True responsibility is to live who we are every moment of the day, do this and we will find that we will become responsible in all areas of life.
I recently saw a picture of you and your face was glowing, your eyes were shining as never before, such a joy in your whole being. A true testimonial for living with energetic responsibilty, which brings evolution and is powerful beyond words.
Connecting to purpose brings the joy of true responsibility.
Yes, there is a lot of simplicity and, in the expression, joy in responsibility.
The contrast in the way some of us were raised with the total absence of responsibility as a role model to the paradigm shift that now many of us are actually living with now, by choice… where we choose to be as responsible as we can for everything, is extraordinary.
This is such a wise insight into the fact that responsibility, once accepted, is always offering us the opportunity to go even further. “I am constantly looking at ways to deepen this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant.”. And when I feel that resistance I know that this really needs to be carefully considered and not simply ignored.
I really love the open, honesty of your article. And in this, we are given the chance to see how miserable life can be, how loveless and harsh, and yet, there is no need to stay there, we can change, grow and introduce truly loving ways back again, ways that can have an affect on everyone and not just ourselves.
Yes Shami, nothing is set in stone, unless we choose to let it be. Mary-Louise shows us that despite childhood experiences or wayward choices as adults, it’s possible to turn around our lives, become loving, responsible human beings inspiring others.
I am fascinated by the sheer volume of people that have changed their life’s in a positive way since meeting Serge Benhayon, so there has to be something in what he presents that resonates with humanity for so many people from all walks of life to want to make the changes to how they live out in their community.
I know, there has to be something in it and thankfully we live in a world where the only person stopping us living it is ourselves. There will be people who are irritated by your decisions but they will at least be your decisions so you are the only person who needs to be at ease with them.
For me, there is definitely something very wonderful in what Serge Benhayon presents that is changing the face of some people’s lives; it has mine. And on the very long list of the wisdom he shares, is the subject of responsibility, particularly the responsibility as to how we live in this world, as everything we do and say has an effect on everything else; now that to me, is the ultimate responsibility.
Responsibility includes our every movement, our every thought, we affect people more than most of us choose to be aware of, ‘ the responsibility as to how we live in this world, as everything we do and say has an effect on everything else’.
The thing is we can’t pick and choose when to be a ‘role model’. Realising we are always reflecting something – good or bad, to everyone around us is a part of being responsible, I guess.
Responsibility is something that we are very capable of as children, yet we are seldom given true responsibility when we are very young, and later when we do get given responsibility we end up feeling that it is a chore. Children should be encouraged to take responsibility early on as it is a natural way of being for them, but not pushed into doing something, allowing them to step in and help with what they feel is true for them.
I like your emphasis on ‘true responsibility’. Children, from early years can be shown how to be responsible for themselves, the next level is to support them to understand that what they do can either heal or harm others.
These changes Mary-Louise are astounding, and super super inspiring – to go from your previous way of living to who you are and the way you are living now is miraculous and a true testament to the miracle that can happen when we start to choose self love and self responsibility.
Role models, whether positive or negative, have a profound effect on children as they observe those around them.
Rebellion is simply a sudden explosion of emotions within a body, a being that says yes to it and the choice to move in sync with it afterwards. It brings nothing of value into our world. Pure poison.
You perfectly describe how useless it is to advise others in what to do without living it yourself. Yet the power of expression when what is said is actually lived is life changing. Serge Benhayon offers everyone who meets him this opportunity. Whether we take it is up to us, but inside all of us we know the truth and Serge and his words often re-awaken this.
The the power of expression is important but the thing that has the most impact is the reflection we offer through that expression because sometimes how we express is in contrast to how we move which makes hypocrisy very obvious and is not inspiring for anyone. It is a well worn path to talk a good talk but not usual to hold back the talk till you are talking the walk.
I agree, Lucy, the chances are super big that we come from knowledge, which is something different than the wisdom offered by our livingness.
It really is only when we take on responsibility on all levels that we can start to heal on all levels.
When we are truly responsible in life we are role models for others, some love it and some hate it, either way an opportunity has been offered to another by our reflection.
Living and reflecting responsibility is our responsibility, what another does with this is their responsibility.
To be a true role model one needs to actually live the quality of the words they share with others – for when someone tells you to do something with words that they do not live themselves they are just empty and will always fall on deaf ears.
“I met Serge Benhayon and heard him present on energetic responsibility, and coming from a man who was actually living what he presented, this had a huge impact on me.” Serge Benhayon reflects the power of a true role model and inspires others to take responsibility to become equal role models.
Reading this blog is very timely. Just the other day I was having a conversation with a close friend, and we were discussing how there are times when we are resistant to doing something and when we finally do what we have been resisting there is a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
I know this pattern of “it’s too hard” and “I cannot do it” well but when I do do whatever I am always amazed at how easy it is…and how things actually take care of themselves.
Yes, things can seem a bit daunting at first, it is up to us to keep moving forward, ‘Even though at times I am not sure what exactly is being asked of me, I’m prepared to give it a go’.
Life without connecting to the true purpose of things is flat, dull and lifeless. It’s inderstandsble that people loose interest in living like that. But when we understand and see Gods hand in what we do, how could we refuse to do something new? Thank you Mary-Louise.
‘We often did not listen to them as there was no ‘role-modelling’ of what taking responsibility really looked like.’ From young we can sense and feel that there is no truth in what parents often are offering us, as a result of them not having a true role-model themselves. It is always inspiring to read and hear how you have come out of this abusive cycle and are now a beautiful role-model for so many women around the world.
With responsibility comes perspective as well, true perspective that allows us to see what is actually happening in the world.
Considering responsibility from an energetic perspective brings a great depth of understanding to it, which can be confronting seeing choices that we have made but equally if not more so is truly inspiring.
Mary-Louise I recognise the pattern of resistance when there is a next level of responsibility to go to and like you I have become aware of it. And although it is not always easy I also recognise the determination with which you keep on going because we know the other way so well and it is not worth going back to.
we have so many different interpretations of what responsibility means but none of them include being responsible for the quality in which we move through life. In most versions being responsible is being something or doing something you would rather not whereas true responsibility is all about being who you really are and living that in it’s full glory.
That is the huge difference, if someone is living responsibility and walking the walk it is a far cry from those who tell you what to do but do the opposite.
What I find so beautiful about embracing responsibility is that the more you accept the more is on offer, and the with that offering, the opportunity to live with greater depths of who we are in honour of all that we are part of and connected to. Responsibility is now a joy as I understand and have experienced how empowering it is to embrace all that is on offer when we say ‘yes’ to responsibility.
‘responsibility has changed immensely from one of thinking it was a ‘burden’ to one of seeing that the more true responsibility I take, the more fulfilling my life becomes.’ We are never taught this in school, thank you for sharing Mary-Louise
That is truly miraculous and unheard of that you have turned your life around after 30 years of living basically as a ‘drop out’in society and that not only have you healed yourself but now serve and work to improve your community.
Yes agreed Andrew – what a testament to the fact that truth is always on offer for us to live, regardless of our age, gender, culture or how far away we have wandered, we only need to begin saying ‘yes’.
A great sharing Mary-Louise on bringing the joy of true energetic responsibility into your life and by your way of living become a true role model for others.
You show how much we learn from what is lived and not from what is said and that we are no victims to how we have been brought up but can always change the course of our life by living by what we know is true and claim this as our living way.
Yes, Mary-Louise showed in this blog how we can change our old way of living by having a true reflection in life, ‘can always change the course of our life by living by what we know is true and claim this as our living way.’
Rebellion is only a movement away from responsibility that does not change anything; only confirmation of a way that is not true.
Yes, we think that rebellion is the way to go to change things but it is only a statement that things are not working and is not offering any true change. We do not need to show the world that things are not working by pointing them out and judging them. What truly changes the world is when we start to live what we deep down know is to be true and abide to it with our every breath and move and deepen it in our daily life.
This is really great Mary-Louise, ‘The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others’, you certainly are.
I recognise this too at times, I am choosing to deepen ‘this responsibility, and interestingly, whenever the next level is offered I find myself at first resistant.’ Great to nominate what is at play when this resistance happens as you do.
” The embracing of what true responsibility is brings great joy into my life and I can deeply appreciate that I am now able to be a role model to others with an understanding that I did not have growing up.”
This is wonderful Mary-Louise thank you.