We may consider it to be a normal part of everyday life to observe or be swept up in comparison or competition. Men perform for the top spots in business, the fastest legs on the field or the grungiest, hotted up car: we see them competing to ‘get the girl’, to have the most laid-back lifestyle, honours at university or even to drink others ‘under the table’. With women, we see the comparison in our looks, the bikini bodies (or lack-thereof), the hair and all external features, really… From women’s relationships with men, colleagues and friends, to how much and what we eat, business accomplishments, exercise style and how we breastfeed, there aren’t many aspects of life, if any, that have not yet been compared to and competed for.
Is this really healthy?
Where does comparison and competition begin?
After having a baby of my own, it’s apparent to me that a lifestyle rich in comparison and competition and the seeking to be recognised for anything and everything that we do begins early – from day dot. Potentially this way of living has actually already been set up to begin this way from conception, as we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of. But with our focus placed on competing for and achieving what these pictures promise, are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?
I have noticed for myself that babies are categorised by their head circumference and their length, their birth weight and how much they drink, whether they are breast or bottle fed, how much they poop and of course at what month do they begin to eat solids, sleep through, where they sleep, and when they first smile, crawl, talk and walk. Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals.
Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.
Becoming distracted by these external considerations pulls us away from the truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact
When we are raised to know this – that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise – we are given the space to live a completely different lifestyle… perhaps one that is truly healthy!
Yes, we are still going to grow, walk and fall over. We’ll learn all the lessons life brings our way, reaching our milestones, getting the awards, the relationship or the job and be categorised as ‘average’, ‘above’ or ‘below,’ but the important part here is that it won’t really matter what we do because we’ll know who we are first and foremost: we’ll stand on a solidness within us where competition and comparison can’t even touch the sides!
Of course, not many of us as adults can say that we were educated and fostered as children to be, and to know, the essence of who we are before all else, and hence live a truly healthy lifestyle, free of the seeking or need to be recognised, or free of competition and comparison. But the fact remains:
We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.
From here, a truly healthy relationship with ourselves and others is born, as when we know who we are in essence, we know our quality. When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other. Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.
All of this is the beginning of a healthy lifestyle, discarding the separation that comparison and competition only serve to spread and supporting us all to feel equal, whilst appreciating more deeply the qualities we are and that we bring.
I have begun to appreciate the relationship and health benefits in those students of The Way of The Livingness who are choosing to practise this way of living for themselves.
Deeply inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for reawakening me to my true essence and reflecting to me the importance of living this in my everyday.
By Cherise Holt, 33, Nurse, Mother and Woman re-acquainted with her True self
Related Reading:
A Life of Comparison
Competition and self-esteem: Turning the tide on competition and comparison in schools
The Beauty of Meeting Children and Allowing Them to Be
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Without any comparison would we have all the turmoil that is going on in the world today? Maybe life would have a completely different reflection as we would all be able to Love without any jealousy and thus be harmonious❤️ in all our relationships!
This sentence really caught my attention
‘when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact’
I can feel how fall for the lie that the ‘everything’ is completely squashed out of us like tooth paste from its tube. So that we have no idea that we are ‘everything’ and are instead riddled with self doubt, nervous tension, anxiety, self worth issues which we take on as our persona instead. If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon bringing awareness to the way we live we would all still be crushed by the weight of not living to our true potential. I have to ask the question who out of the 7.5 billion of us living on this planet is living to their full potential, not many.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.” Brotherhood shows us that we are all equal and needed, from that foundation we can see every different expression and skill as needed and contributing to the whole, like different notes in the one song.
We are all equal, and we all equally have an important purpose in life, in what we bring and can offer humanity, and so contribute to the whole.
Comparison and competition cripple us and are cheep ways of keeping us from the connection to our essences, inner-most-hearts / Souls and when we understand this relationship we can return to the wheels of evolution.
I had a meal with some friends recently and we were discussing comparison which is endemic in our society. We picked apart just how evil it is to compare to each other as it keeps us all in the state of individuality and in this state we have accepted the blinkers that then keep us separated from each other. And there’s the trick we have all fallen for ‘separation’ from each other when the complete opposite is true it is in our best interest to work together as a collective so that we can support each other to get out of this plane of life. When we work together in harmony much can be achieved.
“we are filled with pictures of how life should be” We have to put away the mental photograph album and feel the innate beauty and wonder of who we, and everyone else, naturally are in our essence. There is nothing to compare in the glory of the Universe.
Comparison starts so young….. from when a baby smiles back at a parent, rolling over, sitting unaided…. and on it goes. All pointless as we all learn to sit, walk and talk in time. Children learn from their parents. Would we compare if we haven’t been taught to, however subtly?
Everyone develops at their own pace, from baby into adulthood. None of us know every detail of another’s lives so comparison is pointless, just leading us to feel less worthy ourselves or, in arrogance, as feeling better than others. All non-evolving.
We continue to evolve and become aware still at a pace that is true for ourselves
When we go into comparison we are in a place where we feel less. Learning to appreciate in love who we are and what we bring in full, whilst appreciating with love what another brings in full also, cuts the comparison and jealousy.
Appreciation is key, you’re so right Michelle, for ourselves and for the other..
Appreciation helps counteract comparison and jealousy, our attention is put on how amazing we, and, or, another is, and if we are consistent with appreciation then this just grows and expands.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too. Awesome, thank you Cherise, I love being reminded of this again. I will now go of to bed in the knowing that I am already everything!
By the time we reach teenage years, the jealousy and comparison can be excruciating and the feelings of inadequacy are blown way out of proportion. Is it any wonder when we are groomed to be this way from birth – nothing in society is set up to honour us for who we are from the inside out.
I used to sculpt and I love faces, all shapes and sizes, with all the intricacies of the features – there is no such thing as an ugly face because everyone has something to reflect to the world. Their smile, their eyes, the shape, even the size of the nose has a purpose, the angles presented, how beautiful they are or the texture. These things are not random they are by grand design and are that way for a purpose.
Julie what a great reminder that we present an angle to the universe and to make physical changes to our bodies obviously changes our reflection back into the space of the multidimensional intelligence that we call the universe. We have forgotten that we are all part of a grand design in our quest to be individual.
I recently took part in an exercise about comparison and I found I compare all the time, to the smallest detail of something as silly as I prefer that hair cut to mine. Someone in the sales Dept. is making more sales than me. I prefer some else’s, house, car, that they have more money, more holiday’s etc., the list is long. This shows me I have little appreciation of what I have and have bought into the old adage of thinking “the grass is greener on the other side”. Looking outside of me rather than appreciating my innermost which is all of me, and how far I have come from being withdrawn, depressed and life is just a slog to be got through as best one can. To understanding how simple and joyful my life really is. Needless to say the exercise was a wakeup call. We are so busy looking outside of ourselves; we neglect to our detriment the most important part of ourselves which is our inner most.
Appreciating who we are, what we bring to the world, that.no one else does. All the stars make up heaven. We are all needed. Each one of us brings our own part in the jigsaw of life.
The world is seeped in comparison and jealously, we all feel it and all know it to be horrendous but very few are able to respond and not react to it.
I am learning more and more that when we compare to another we are literally poisoning our body. This is so true what you have shared here ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ So if we ALL are already everything and each of us brings a uniqueness in our constellation but in essence we are the same surely this should be celebrated rather than not!
Interestingly I watched a children cartoon and it was full of comparison and competition. When I was younger I used to watch these cartoons because they were funny I was not at that time aware of just how much they made such behaviour seem normal and acceptable especially as it is a children’s cartoon. We have made ‘normal’ so ‘normal’ when it is not ‘normal’ at all. When we allow ourselves to be more aware of our surroundings this behaviour then stands out.
When we are not contented with ourselves I believe that is when we look outside of ourselves and compare to other people and our surroundings. It can be seen in sibling rivalry where the first born does not get all the attention it has become accustomed to when the second or third child is born. But how many of us take the time to support the first born to express what they are feeling? In this fast paced world of our own making we have a tendency to brush over the situation but does it really go away? Does it rear up again throughout life because it was un-dealt with as a child.
So true Mary. If we are not content with ourselves / our lot, that’s when we look outside and compare or feel jealous of another. With regard to first born children, I always make a point of relating to and connecting with them first before going to see a new baby.
Where there’s jealousy and comparison there is no connection to ourselves and hence to another, only separation. Is it worth it to do everything that is needed to be the best and better than another? How does this make us truly feel? Or is the connection to ourselves and to another regardless of what we do what matters most?
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” Everything is pretty big, so how vast and glorious are we?
There is something purely magical in watching a baby and in seeing them grow and develop at their own pace. To watch them learn to smile, to sit, to stand, to walk etc, it is beautiful to see. But the reason that it is beautiful is not because they are achieving what society calls milestones, but rather because of how they go about doing it – with absolutely no agenda and no goal or achievement picture, but purely in a natural way and rhythm. Babies don’t sit around and clap at the fact that they have achieved standing and show off to other babies who are not yet able to do the same, they may clap simply out of the joy of what has unfolded and other babies would delight in this too. This is perhaps something for us to be inspired by – to keep growing but without the comparison that seems so ingrained in us as adults.
Babies are very inspiring, and I am sure there is much we can learn from them.
This is unfortunately the reality and the only blessing in this is being aware of the game that is being played and that we have a choice in participating or not: “we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of.”
Being aware of comparison or jealousy is key, then we have a choice whether we observe the insidious game, or join in.
Absolutely, William there is always more responsibility revealed as we feel and live the truth of who we are.
Such wise words: “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” And to know that at any age, we can raise ourselves as if we were a beautiful child who has just arrived in this world, is the most glorious feeling of liberation from the shackles of not knowing who we are that have been wound around us from day one. In every moment we have the power to change our lives, if we choose to say yes to it.
Spot on Ingrid – very much a powerful realisation when we are adults and can ‘raise’ ourselves differently and now make different choices. Our upbringing does not determine the outcome as we are old enough at any point to take hold of the reigns and decide to live in a way that truly cares for us and honours the sensitive beings that we are.
We are already everything, if we allow ourselves to be so, ‘that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath’.
You have shown me another aspect of comparison here that I feel I haven’t been fully aware of, I guess this comes with not having children, but that is how we compare our children to others and if their development is the same or ‘better’. Gosh we really do need to knock comparison out once and for all, it is so ugly and of course does not allow us to appreciate.
I agree we have set this world up to be the complete opposite of whom and what we naturally are. I don’t feel we are as yet willing to take responsibility for the fact that we are moved by a consciousness that does not want us to know our true origins and it does this by any means it can with a plethora of distractions such as nationality, borders, war, crime, abuse, competition, comparison, sports, education, food, drink the list is endless as endless as the desire to explore being an individual. It seems to me that until we become aware of the game being played and realise we are just the puppets, we have no marker that life could be lived a different way. However all this changed in 1999 when Serge Benhayon started to wake the world up with the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, if this had not occurred we would still be held and moved by the consciousness that does not want humanity to wake up.
‘..we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise ..’ Imagine a star comparing itself with other stars or the sunrise with the one the day before and yes we are from this grandness too so why not follow the example stars and sunrises are giving us.
Lovely analogy of the sunrise comparing itself to the one the day before – just brings home what a waste of time comparison is and how it knocks out any harmony or natural flow.
That shaping and tainting in competition begins at the start and when you consider that babys are utterly themselves and do things in their time, in their way it seems so crazy and exposes our addiction to competition, to the outside measure rather than nurturing us, our knowingness within. Thank God for the Way of the Livingness which asks us to look within and know the answers are in us.
Having had a child I can say from my own firsthand experience that they are not allowed to grow at their own pace and this is exacerbated when they go to school. They are pushed to meet the targets set by the education authorities this to me is a ridiculous way to treat children. When my child came home from school we would always sit down and discuss their day and often they would be worried about their reading, spelling, math’s etc., feeling they were perhaps not keeping up with the rest of the class. This is a huge pressure to put on children to perform who develop at different times as they grow. To me it is painfully clear that the current education system isn’t working as it doesn’t allow the child to develop naturally their own sense of self-worth and abilities.
When we relinquish competition, comparison and jealousy we see our true natures and that we really love to collaborate, support and work together.
I love what you introduce here how from a baby we are surrounding by comparison and jealousy, so it is not wondering that we have let that infiltrate into a way of being that has become normal. What is normal about saying you are not enough and that someones else is better because of XYZ, that is not normal, that is abuse.
The truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… is something that I feel so deeply that it informs, and will for as long as is needed, every parenting step I take from here on in.
This happened to me recently. Doctors using statistics and averages to determine what was ‘good’ – not from a desire to help but more from a fear of being sued. Shows how we are usually looking at the wrong end of life, worrying about avoiding strife instead of embracing Love and life.
When we lose ourselves in creation competing amongst each other to how we think we should live based on the ideals and beliefs as a society we have taken on, we abandon the truth of who we are. We live in the falseness and pretence making our priority to outdo another solely for personal gain but at what expense do we harm one another and abuse the body? What if living in a way that is not true for us was taken into consideration and the endless possibilities and potential this would have on our health and well being?
There is a great beauty in how although we are all equal in essence we can naturally express in different ways and complement each other so that together we are greater, making comparison and competition seem pointless.
We only need to scratch the surface to realise how properly ridiculous it is that we compare, compete and vie against one another – it is the absolute opposite of what we all really long for.
Yes, we complement each other, so that together we are greater, ‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’
The best antidote to jealousy is appreciation. Someone I love to the bone has recently stepped up in her commitment and expression in life and it is showing so clearly – she is more beautiful, gentle, claimed and powerful than I ever remember seeing her. To me, this is a joy not only because she is totally awesome, but also because the world actually needs what she has to offer. There is not one atom of jealousy in my body. I am simply inspired and blown away by all her choices.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.
I can vouch for that. I am raising myself in my late 40’s in this knowing.
Working yesterday in an organization where 170 people will lose their job within a couple of months with lot of the same job descriptions we spoke about how important it is to work together on this, to support each other and not become competitors. By knowing your own qualities we can never compete, but only appreciate what each of us brings.
It’s like we pound our head against the wall all to avoid turning round and facing the fact that we are Love. What a crazy thing to be fearful of.
Oh yes it is – and all that incessant pounding is very painful, but it seems like we almost become used to it. Now that’s an even bigger ouch, especially when we are using it to avoid “facing the fact that we are Love”. So, I wonder why we are so scared of love?
Yes it is very beautiful to see people change coming closer to living in their essence. The grace and harmony that we bring when we are living this way is a joy to experience.
Competition and comparison are deeply harmful and yet often championed which is really adding injury to insult!
When we know who we truly are, there is no need for recognition or validation, we are already full and filled.
The most effective way to reduce (squash) the multidimensional aspect of ourselves is to introduce into the equation a set of expectations and/or measures that seek to constrict our full expression so that we end up conforming to human set ideals that keep us playing small and ‘only human’ so as not to be impulsed or influenced by our inerasable divinity.
A beautiful and honest understanding of the harm and separation of comparison and jealously and how it effects our lives from young. The knowing that “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” Inspirational and honouring of who we really are.
Feeling and living the equality we know from the heart as the foundation of all relationships is the basic level in human relation, it is not something special but without it there is bound to have conflict and separation.
The word healthy can have different meanings for different people. One mum considers a sandwich healthy when it doesn’t have chocolate sprinkles on it but for example cheese, whereas another mum only thinks yoghurt for breakfast is healthy. It would be great if were taught that listening to our body is healthy and that our body knows what it does and doesn’t want to eat and drink, instead of comparing our different versions of healthy with each other.
I always find it fascinating how the most basic features of our bodies can be used to compare, as if one basic feature could be better than another…
Comparison is rife in the world, especially amongst women and this will continue until women re-discover their own inner beauty and begin to embrace the uniqueness that has been there all along.
When we are not cherished as little babies, we begin to feel that we have to do something to be liked by those around us. We try our hardest to impress, learn tricks, how to read and write as early as possible and dance choreographies, and poems – all to get some recognition, some attention and some affection.
It is impossible to truly love another if you do not love yourself so chances are the parents did not get that foundation as a child and don’t have it to pass on… and so it goes round and round on the unmerry-go-round until someone steps off and up and out of this sorry cycle and into love!
Yes, Serge Benhayon stepped off the unmerry-go-round and has shown us true love and many others are now inspired to take those same steps. However, throughout history we have had many great people step off before and show us the way, and yet still the majority of people not only choose to stay in the lovelessness but actually are so confronted by true love that they see it as something harmful to be quashed at any cost.
Love and cherish all with no pictures and expectations.
A beautiful reminder, thank you. Whenever I don’t feel my own qualities or that I am already everything I need to be it is so easy to fall for the comparison and jealousy trap, even though I know it never supports and harms. Sometimes it is just a game to not have to step up, be more aware and more responsible.
We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.”
At 47 I am still raising myself in that knowing. It is never too late.This is a loving work in progress for me.
I am 58 and here the same it is a loving work in progress to know and thus make choices based on that I am already everything, and it is not only me but we all are already everything, that’s the joyful part of this knowing.
When we appreciate the quality that we are in our essence then it is natural to bring that quality into all that we do for the benefit of all rather than need to compete to try and prove our worth.
I have found out for myself that comparison and competition is a clever way our spirits manipulate humanity to keep everyone separated from each other, this is in total opposition to our natural way of being.
It really is extraordinary how comparison starts just so early… And then, purely through ignorance of course, supported and enhanced by everyone’s contributing.
Competitiveness has become normal and even championed in our educated system. Schooling is fundamentally based on competition often praising those who do great work yet what about those whose work is standard or below? Has it ever crossed the minds of those in the education system how these children feel and the impact it has on them? We are so attached to the belief that competition is good for us that we are stubbornly ignorant and arrogant because of our investments to the fact creating competition has an impact and that impact separates us and not unites or brings us together in a world where we are deeply longing for connection.
We compare and compete because we feel a lack of worth within ourselves, when we compare to another person if they are worse off than us (based on our perception) we somewhat feel better about ourselves, this is an insidious game because once that person starts to make steps and “does better” we are instantly smashed by our own insecurities. We feel like we’re not worthy even more, we can sulk and beat ourselves up – only because we know that we could equally be making these steps. It’s a game that we play, we lie to ourselves and have all the excuses in the world as to why we don’t like people, but truth be told it is probably because we are comparing ourselves to them on one level or another.
often see parents very stressed out if their child is not going along the same growth trajectory as other kids. This expectation is a complete imposition on children and very unhealthy for the parents.
It is really good to consider how comparing our baby with another one will impact on them because even though we don’t always realize this, they feel everything and will feel how we want them to be quicker, stronger, better etc. So this is the start of us competing for attention and thinking attention is love which it is actually not, love is love and love holds all for the beauty that they are. Whatever the speed you are growing in.
If I do not appreciate the connection to my essence and the qualities I bring to whatever I do I will be forever at the mercy of comparison and jealousy. There is no job title greater than another (which is what is being exposed here in my livingness) when we live the truth of who we are.
That’s beautifully said Caroline and rings true to me as well – “There is no job title greater than another when we live the truth of who we are.”
I see a lot of contradictions about when comparison is acceptable and when it is not. We love to see two teams competing and even getting aggressive with each other – it’s all part of the entertainment, right? – but ‘tut’ when the crowd breaks into a brawl. We love to see our kids winning, thinking it boosts their confidence but do not see the ripple effect of the tension/anxiety that develops, knowing they need to perform to get noticed. WE champion the bits we like but don’t see the devastation it creates.
The world as we know it today is setup to honour those that are more elevated, richer, smarter, fitter, faster than others. This measuring of worth is ultimately flawed, for it does not acknowledge the equal essence of us all.
‘We are already everything’ – if we believed and lived this, how different would our life, our relationships and our world would be. Distraction from this truth is starting younger and younger and begs the question – where do we go when we are not truly seen as the love we already are?
It is beautiful to watch young children play, because they play together and help one another, no comparison or competition, we are naturally born to be in brotherhood with each other, yet we choose to go into comparison as soon as we no longer feel we are enough, and yet the truth is we are always enough when we are with ourselves.
We are all everything, we have always been and nothing changes that … despite our best efforts, what a great reminder, thank you Cherise.
Yes comparison and competition is super unhealthy, in fact poisonous to our whole being, body and mind. Yet competition is championed as being a healthy way to interact throughout the entirety of our lives and comparison is purported as the only way to get ahead, to improve and better yourself. It is so entrenched in our daily lives that it is almost inescapable and what’s more if you don’t partake in it you are consider weird. What a backward and upside down world that we live in.
The choice of words (i.e, comparison, complement) is just a reflection of how we choose to see the world. It precedes our pattern of movements.
When we are connected (in joy), and committed to life and our purpose we cannot possibly gauge our worth against another.
Comparison can be so subtlety enmeshed into our way of being – like the ingrained way we decide whether we are going well based on what others do. A baby has none of this – it knows it’s already enough.
Comparison is the killer of all relationships, setting ourselves up to vie against one another and even it its subtlest for, comparison is the wedge that has us ever so slightly wary and protected in all our interactions. When we choose to explore how comparison plays in our lives, shining a light in the shady corners it dwells, we pull the rug from underneath it and give ourselves a real choice to live beyond its incarceration.
Competing is hailed as such a positive thing in society. Our education systems embed it so we get socialised to this early. We also see it role modelled in the media, in sports and in our own families. I have also seen it very strongly for parents who are constantly fed where the baby ‘should’ be at compared to the norms.
I love this – ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’. How lovely to raise ourselves in this knowing and know the amazing reflection this will bring to others.
Do we need all these charts, measurements and guidelines because we do not let ourselves feel whether there is vitality and joy and thus, the person or baby is doing just fine. In the chosen absence of our clairsentience, we sort to function and make that the only valid milestone.
I agree Gabriele, as parents you can get very insecure and this is only because we don’t have a solid foundatation of love build in our own body when we receive the advice when having a baby.
What does getting the girl or guy, job, house etc really get us? A moment of happiness or feeling of achievement over another. In truth we never really get anything, when we ‘go after’ things to satisfy our feelings of emptiness or not being enough. Being in life and living in connection with our innermost on the other hand can be very fulfilling and does not necessarily require having a something.
To appreciate that we are already everything makes me realise how hard I have to try to be less. And so we play the game of calling in things that are not us and then wanting to hang onto this. But what if we simply trusted the fact that we do know, that it is possible to let go of hurts, ideals and beliefs and to experiment with what the world is like this way.
The key to feeling any comparison or jealousy comes from resisting to build a foundation of appreciation for who we are and the qualities we all bring.
My first child didn’t start to even try and walk until she was about 18 months old. And even then she wasn’t really interested in it. She was quite happy shuffling around on her behind! But I remember there was so much pressure from other people about the fact she wasn’t walking and there must be something wrong with her, that it was quite hard to not take that on as ‘it was not usual for a child to not be walking at that age’. Comparison does start so early on in life. How liberating it would be for everyone if we simply accepted each other for who we are and the qualities we bring with no expectations.
‘competition and comparison are experienced as the norm’. We have arrived at this state because we have lost connection to our innermost. When our internal radar is disconnected from it is then very easy to get caught up in feelings of not being good enough and the resultant feelings of self-doubt then keep us in the spin we have created.
To come to know that “We are already everything” has the power to change the fabric of life, as it instantly demolishes the drive to have it all, to be better than others and the need to fit into societal expectations; a very artificial and exhausting way to live.
There is an enormous release in ‘we are already everything’… the striving and struggle drops away and we are left with the sweet and inspiring job of getting on with being us and expressing ourselves out in the world.
When we claim and live our divinity, there is simply no room for comparison, jealousy or competition as we are too busy appreciating and confirming another’s divine qualities.
This is very true Anna, today I met and conversed with a lot of different people from all around the world and as I looked into their eyes I could feel that we are all the same but we allow ideals, beliefs and worst of all pictures to blind us to deepening our connection with each other which I feel is why we have so much trouble and strife in the world its because of the disconnection we live in.
Claiming our essence is a true way to live. We work in collaboration and true team work with others in spaciousness, joy and unity. Any way else would cause tension.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other” – yes, and when we really feel and know our own quality and the power of this as being the seat of our innate worth there is nothing but appreciation and confirmation for another’s quality, their skill, worth and importance.
If we let go of all that we hold within, the love, wisdom, inner knowing and intuitivity then we cannot but look outside of ourselves. Disconnected from our inner compass we stumble from external picture to picture trying to grab something we can hold ourselves against. In this scenario we cannot but compete and compare as our entire existence and worth is based on it and gauged every moment of the day.
‘when we are born we are already everything’ There is such a spacious feeling in this phrase; already when we are born we have wisdom from other lives and from our connection to the Universe and
this connection can keep on deepening if we let it. If only we could begin the unpacking and discarding of any thing else other than our essence so that by the time we had children of our own we would be free to share with them all of who we are.
Comparison immediately casts judgment on either ourselves or others by completely undermining our integrity.
Even though comparing ourselves to one another seems like a common sense and healthy option as is indicated by determining our health in relation to preset expectations, the way comparison has been adopted as a society to undermine both our own self confidence, and impose on others, is completely unacceptable.
Comparrison and competition is all about self. There is not an ounce of consideration for another in it, and it is also irresponsible as it discounts the fact that we are not wanting to see the choices someone else has made, and how different they are to our own, and therefore how can we compare in the first place.
Competition is seen as healthy in our society, in sport, in business, and in schools it is fostered and developed. But competition is just comparison in another outfit, and comparison is the seed of forever feeling less than.
Competition is the bedfellow of comparison and is one of the key building blocks of inequality. The thing is that this has to be sustained through constant competition and comparison because without our effort it would not exist… it is not our natural way at all.
Comparison is such a killer of truth.
I agree that comparison builds a barrier between people, which can affect the connections that we have with each other. And so, I can see how this barrier is like a self-feeding-loop, because the more disconnected one feels from the people in their life, the more entrenched the barrier and hence the judgements seem to become.
Cherise, this says it all; ‘Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition’. I had not considered that all of the comparison with babies was unhealthy until reading this. I can feel that we compare and compete in so many ways, from our children, our work, our houses – everything about life. It feels important to have this awareness and to feel how harmful and dividing this is for us all as a humanity.
Excellent article Cherise! There is a greater responsibility to take in regards to comparison, and how – for example – if we compare our babies or children with other kids, and build family values that are all about being the best, having a perfect picture and things always going smoothly, then how are we inspiring our kids to grow up and respond to life, people and competition?
So what is the quality of the cycle we are choosing? One that perpetuates comparison and us living in competition with one another OR one that accepts that ‘we are already everything’ and support one another simply by expressing this natural ‘everything’ in the world?
We live in a culture of comparison – but this does not have to be normal – because it actually isn’t. It keeps us small and doubting who we are when in fact we are just playing small. Babies are a great example, and having one of my own has shown me how easily parents can go into the comparison with their kids when this block out appreciating each other.
‘it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing’ that we are already absolutely love, loved and loving. This is the re-parenting we can all do for ourselves and those around us and there is no regret, despair or giving up when we realise that there is no such thing as ‘too late’.
beautiful Matilda, every moment we claim ourselves back to this love, every step we take closer to ourselves is worth it, no matter at what point in our lives.
It is mad when we think about the fact we are taught that competition is healthy – how about truly working together and then seeing what is possible. Rather than struggling to out do each other. I know I have found so much more can be achieved when working with others for the same goal.
There is such a grace in how we are designed by God, when there is true collaboration there is space to be who we are, support each other to evolve, to be more love and live the truth of human life.
It is interesting to consider that comparison and competition and jealousy are actually ways that we have to keep each other out and away from seeing who we are, the real and honest us. And I guess this is the case because being open and honest usually also means to be vulnerable, which is not always so comfortable to do. Because criticism can hurt, being isolated can hurt too. So perhaps the key is to develop that honesty slowly and with time, so that it is known in oneself as a strength.
Once we reconnect to our essence we know we are equal to All but when we slip back into our head there it is again comparison and competition.
Very true Kathleen, it is amazing how we can fluctuate between the 2. And how insidious the comparison and competition can become.
There is nothing healthy but everything poisonous about competition and comparison … though at least admitting we do have and are affected by it is a step towards healing lack of self-worth that fuels the ‘not feeling good enough’ crisis pushing us to compete/compare. It thus reveals the curse and fallacy [and absurdity] behind promoting ‘healthy competition’.
Yes let’s ‘out’ the misconception and devastation of ‘healthy’ competition and comparison, as the very opposite to healthy that it is. This does require us to admit how much we are hurt by it in our everyday lives.
This blog brings up a very important point that we need to look at in society. Comparing our children to each other and the normal milestones is an out play of the comparison that rules our adult lives. But it is one of the first places where children feel the heavy imposition of norms and the way it currently is in life.
It can be so easy to forget the fact that we are absolutely everything that we will ever need and then some. But the more we remind ourselves of this the more we get to see that it is ridiculous to compare or go into jealousy over someone. We are Everything and then some.
What we need is collaboration and not competition. Collaboration allows us to know that there are people just like us with different skills and abilities from us that can support to bring more out of us.
Indeed Elizabeth. How amazing would it be if children were taught to collaborate rather than compete with each other from an early age?
If we consider that we are born with everything we need in life, when we become focused on competition or comparison we are forgetting this fact and are focusing on the externalities of life. When we see past what we see with our eyes there is no need to comparison or competition.
Being born from the ALL and choosing less comes laden with hardships we choose.
I love that it is never too late to start raising ourselves in the knowing we are everything already, it is just a choice and most of us, or nearly all of us weren’t raised in this way, but it sure is a great idea if we aren’t already.
A lesson that should be implemented in all schools and work places. The go to phrase or the school and business vision. A stark contrast to what we are living now.
Even though I know the complete evilness of comparison, I still find myself slipping into it more often than I would like to admit. Oh I just did, admit it I mean, but I find the more honest I can be with myself and others about it the more I can be aware and get a handle on it.
Yes. I agree. Honesty first. Then at least we can explore how much competition and comparison hurts us and infects our relationships.
“…the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.” How beautiful, and how different we would feel and how different the world would be if we all understood this simple fact.
Never thought I was competitive as I disliked the separation it brought out in those competing and those who were the spectators, but then I realised or became honest to the fact that I competed with myself. There are many ways in which we compare or compete with each other and all of them cause division between us which is what we go on to foster in our newborn babies not only through sport but by many other ways, culture, colour, age, intelligence, etc. When we begin to accept “the truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything…and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact” – we are all equal and each has their own unique qualities there will be no room for comparison.
Yes, comparison, competition and jealousy are rife – all being pernicious and insidious affecting us all to our detriment and yet we all sign up for this game. Understanding that these stem from a lack of foundation of worth and self-confirmation and to compensate for which we look for confirmation on the outside to validate us. The shocking thing about it is how much we do this without really clocking what it is we are doing and then call it normal. After being aware of this for a long time I still find myself getting caught out in it and so each time this happens I am shown that there is deeper to go in my relationship with me.
What I’m really appreciating at the moment is just being me and getting to know this part of me again that I put to one side encouraged by society around me that I wasn’t enough that there was more, somewhere in the distance all I had to do was keep searching. What a complete waste of time! The all that I am is so delicate and yet so powerful and I am back in touch with the universe which for me is greater than anything I can experience on this earth.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ The more we each cherish and celebrate ourselves and others just for being us the less we will feel the need to seek recognition and acceptance from outside because we will already have it from within. We do not need anything, to get anywhere just simply surrender and allow all that we are to live and express.
Understanding that we are much grander than our physical structure is key, otherwise we give far too much focus to something that is not what it is all truly about. We are far more Amazing than we tend to think ourselves to be.
“We are far more Amazing than we tend to think ourselves to be.” I absolutely agree Thomas. Something for us all to discover and live in full.
To learn and understand that we are more than our physical structure is what is often the missing ingredient in our discussions at home and in schools. Could you imagine if we shared our true worth had nothing to do with our achievements and accolades.
Touched and inspired by articles such as this, I look forward to when we work together collaboratively and respectfully, honouring all the unique qualities we bring to make up the whole, knowing this is our natural and the timing of it happening is decided by our choices now.
How can we possibly compare the beauty of our uniqueness.
Exactly Jenny… This is what absolutely needs to be recognised understood and experienced that we each and everyone of us are unique
When we live in connection with our true self, we are whole, divine and complete. It is only when we drift from this that we create a polarity within us between that which is divine (Soul) and that which has separated from that divinity (spirit). In this divided state it then becomes the norm to look out to others and measure ourselves against them because there is something inside us that is sensing something is missing due to our choice to fragment in this way. We all miss our true self and in this pain, compare ourselves to anyone and everyone because we are looking to feel more ‘complete’. Of course, this is pure illusion because comparison will not lead us back to Oneness, it will only cause us to drift further from it.
How different would it be, if parents would ask each other how the baby feels like, with what kind of energy did it came through, what qualities are already recognisable, what is the best way to support the child remaining themselves, when it gets older, how it feels like being a parent etc etc…Upbringing and becoming a parent would reflect a total different responsibility.
Comparing each other’s babies is quite common at mother and toddlers groups, the trouble is that when we are young mums who are finding our way (without a handbook) we can easily see our child’s development as a negative thing and worry that they do not fit in with the expected norm. Whoever said that children must develop at a particular pace.
Great point Julie. And mothers are often comparing baby milestone’s with each other, not to be in competition, but to simply gauge whether everything is going right with their own child, and if they fit into the norm they are happy. But, if we chose to align to universal intelligence – _ our own true truth – then there would be know need of all this. A mother would ‘know’ how their child was going, and, for example, not worry if he or she were walking later than another child or having trouble getting used to being into a physical body. There are always good reasons for these things and doesn’t mean to say something is ‘going wrong’.
I remember when a close friend had her first baby, she had to fight off the force of the beliefs that were coming at her about the fact that she should breast feed. She gave it a go but could feel that it was not the right option for her or her baby. She was so strong in claiming this and doing it her own way regardless of the judgement that was inevitably going to come at her. She was such an inspiration, and in being so has paved the way for more women to do the same and make their own choice. There is no use comparing ourselves to others. We just get in a mess.
You make a great point about not comparing to other people – take babies for example – it is common place to compare baby a with baby b and asses who is developing at what rate. But this is so unloving – it takes away from celebrating and appreciating each person’s development. it compares us to something outside rather than celebrating who we naturally are.
Who actually says, that a baby that starts walking is more advanced than another? Who sets these standards and from which background, do they come from?
Comparison is the biggest evolutionkiller- how can your life, that is absolutely unique in its path , be compared to another- can you feel the harm?
One step further : if reincarnation truly exist, we all birth in with many many life experiences- doesn´t the way to compare feels even more ridiculous now?
To know from the day that we are born that we are enough is the most precious thing that we can know because it sets us up in life to live the truth of who we are in all situations.
Why do we offer a new born the endless love and adoration yet can’t not stop to offer that in equality to ourselves?
We have all walked different paths, and we are all different shapes and sizes with different abilities, so it feels that we are set up from the beginning of our time as man to compare and compete, otherwise like our spirit and our souls we would all look the same.
I love how you write that it is never too late to raise ourselves into the absolute knowing that we are from Love too. We knew it as babies, lost it on the way, but it is beautiful to return to feel it later on in our lives. It is brilliant to let go of comparison and competition when it has had a strong hold in the past, the difference changes lives as the energy that used to drive people changes.
“when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact” How beautiful and how amazing to know and honour this in reflection to a life of comparision and competition that begins to fester when we are born and how different we can live and bring up children when we come back to ourselves and our fullness.
Instilling comparison comes at a very early age!
One of my first memories at a very young age was being put in a running race with other kids with the emphasis obviously on winning the race. For a start what does it matter at that age and also it just sets you up as early as possible to enter a life of competing when it could be cooperating instead. Maybe the race could have been obstacles that we each had to help each other over to get to the end with no winners or losers.
‘We are already everything’ knowing this really changes everything. Growing up we are taught to seek and attain knowledge and skills ultimately for security and to get through life ad fulfill a set of goals and ideals. But for me I found none of these satisfied me and always left me empty wanting more. The only true contentment I have ever found has been from reconnecting to the love I am and not seeking anything from outside of me. The more I have looked out the more I have reacted and been hurt by the world and others and conversely the more I have gone inward the more love I have felt for myself and others.
If we step back a moment to consider the big picture of life we can see the that we actually spend the later years of our lives unraveling the way we lived. That is letting go of the push, the identification, the striving to be a certain way. When the natural ageing process starts or we are initiated by ill-health, we start to appreciated what truly matters in life, and no one ever says it’s about being the best anything. It’s always much more about the loving opportunities with people that are possible.
‘Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.’ As I was reading your wise words about comparison Cherise, I realised (from a feeling within me) why we do this strange measuring against one another with baby rearing, and it strongly has to do with safety – the sense that our child is okay, doing well, or even doing ‘better’ than others. It is all for the sake of safety – something we all so desperately seek because of the the eternal unrest within us because we have not been living from our essence, but from the separated state of the spirit. What a wonderful thing to break this consciousness. Thank you Cherise.
If we used all the energy from comparison and competition to truly invest in ourselves, this world would very quickly evolve and become the harmonious place we all deserve it to be.
Great reminder Thomas, when connected to our divinity we heal and transform our relationships and any situation around us.
From as early as I can remember competition was part and parcel of my life and presented as part of human nature. Having it presented as not being so instinctively felt true even though it is contrary to how I was brought up. What a joy, even if challenging, it is to endeavour to eradicate it from my life.
I have been a very competitive mum and it is a very precarious, unhappy place to be… nobody wins.
” that when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact ”
This truth is really amazing, and to consider how humanity does not want to accept this fact.
To accept this truth is like discovering that the world is round when one had believed it was flat.
If we could appreciate what we could all bring in essence, then comparison is dead in the water with nothing to feed upon.
Thank you Serge Benhayon who teaches us to meet another in our and their, essence. And then we can see that we are all equally amazing.
Knowing we are everything requires the support of moving in this way to actualise this knowing. So if any moment we say we don’t know we are conflicting the truth of knowing.
Comparison and competition are deeply intrenched in our world.
It is time to stop the belief that humans are naturally competitive. It is all about being honored for who you are rather then what you do.
Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting another way to live.
Jealousy has played a huge role in my life, sabotaging relationships, keeping people at arms’ length, turning me judgementally and cruelly on myself… I love this article for the inspiration, wisdom and support. Thank you.
That’s a really great insight of how as soon as a baby is born there is already comparison and measurements against ‘parameters’ – I had never considered that before until reading your blog. Great to have this awareness.
An enormous YES to your 2nd paragraph Cherise, about comparison and competition and ‘ are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?’ In this simplicity lies the entree into the most exquisite and powerful realm of true love and the universality from which we all originate. Otherwise we are trapped in the agony and desolation of competition and comparison.
I love what you’re presenting here with this blog. “Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals.” I also experienced this when raising my children – the measuring never stops – it continues through school and beyond. It is such a setup and leads to a constant feeling of dissatisfaction when in truth we are all naturally divine yet by focusing on the external we completely overlook and thus dismiss the true beauty that is within.
This is also what this sharing made me aware of Deborah – how the measure up against something outside of us can start so early. And you are now adding to it the fact that it then can continue throughout life.
Children can feel this comparing and sometimes children specifically shows me that they did not like me comparing them with others by being so different that I finally stopped.
Great post Cherise. “we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of.” Comparison and competition do start from day one. Babies are compared with each other, from when they smile, to sit unaided, to walking and talking. This doesn’t stop throughout the educational years – with top grades and exam passes, then entrance to universities and degrees. What sort of a world are we introducing our young ones into? Left to their own devices, they probably wouldn’t care, unless we as adults introduce them to a system where it is important not to be seen to fail.
From my own experience returning to the quality that is within me has been a journey of self discovery. To find that I have a wealth of deep beauty that I have chosen at some time to hide or not claim it as my own, seems now to be quite ridiculous, how silly! What I do know is that I am not special and that we are all special, and what I have rediscovered within me is waiting to be rediscovered in all of us.
External markers of difference and so called development is given much more attention than the true essence of a person. Time to turn that inside out and honour what is innate beautiful and complimentary in us all and let’s appreciate the divinity clear to see in every baby, child and adult.
‘… we’ll know who we are first and foremost: we’ll stand on a solidness within us where competition and comparison can’t even touch the sides!’ Knowing who we are and being in the joy of that connection is living pure, unadulterated, absolute Love.
A brilliant observation Cherise, how we are ‘measured’ from the first days of our existence and so quickly learn to measure ourselves to an external barometer. For me this last week has been a gorgeous exploration of simply feeling and being the innate quality I have inside. Without perfection, I can easily see there is an effortless outplay of that quality, rather than always trying to be something else.
I never liked competition. But I went along with it because everybody else was doing it. Not a good reason to do anything.
By remembering myself, with support from Simple Living Global, I am feeling again the destructiveness of competition, and have stopped playing any sports or games.
The moment I am in comparison I am in self, making it all about myself, reducing life to be only about me. Therefore one way to subtract oneself out of comparison and self is making it about everyone equally, to open up to being with people, knowing oneself to be a part of the greater whole where everyone plays an essential role and no one is more or less than another.
If we go into competitive comparison it stops us from appreciating the true beauty that is already there in ourselves and others; focusing just on the surface level, whether that be looks or skills, blinds us to the energetic quality that is being expressed, and to appreciating the essence within us all.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” A gorgeous reminder that we are indeed everything from day dot and we can connect to this knowing anytime and anywhere, shows us the power of being ourselves and the quality of this connection then brings to the all. Thank you Cherise.
Comparison is a movement that deliberately turns towards the outside away from oneself to seek for something or someone to reflect back that you are different – either better/more or worse/less. Both serve equally the identification of being individual and guarantees a separation between oneself and others. In the movement of comparison we are only able to see what confirms the separation and hence the individuality; the moment we shift our movement towards oneness, equality, appreciation comparison no longer exists. Comparison is an artificial creation that only exists as long as we make it exist.
I have two children and it is true in terms of their development many parents often say when what is your child doing when, almost pitting us against each other to see which children is developing quicker, compassion is a big issue. We all have our own path to walk, it is always with everyone else but it is not necessary to be competing with them.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.”- If we could all accept this statement as truth, and see that each of our characteristics and skills work together like all the different organs of the body work together in harmony to make the whole body work, but without any one of those the body breaks down and fails, then we can move forward in a way that is allowing these natural strengths to come out without a need or push from parents or others from birth for us to be a certain way and prove ourselves. Nature itself works more by cooperation than competition, as was inaccurately portrayed by Darwin and accepted as truth without society ever really feeling if it was correct in the first place. Because if Nature was based on competition there would not exist the harmony that is there between species that makes whole ecosystems work and enables them to be so resilient to the impositions of humans and bounce back time and time again. Instead, if competition was the rule in Nature there would probably be total chaos and disharmony, just as there currently exists in human life that is dominated by this high level of competition.
In some countries and cultures, this competition starts before conception in the pressure to have a boy not a girl, and during pregnancy the baby being refered to as a boy for example. We place so much pressure on children to be something from the beginning, is it any wonder that we can see in our younger generation such high rates of mental ill health, alcohol and drug abuse, when they have not been raised to know themselves
So true Rebecca – as a society we have for aeons, used our unborn children as pawns in one ‘power’ game or another – often to secure dynasties, and very often to ‘fulfil’ a huge unspoken unconscious neediness within ourselves. We have not been conscious of the true reason we are born here on earth and what needs to be done i.e. the bring our children up to be ascended masters!
I agree – what if we were to bring children into the world to raise them to be all that they are and fulfil their potential to be who they truly are, rather than modelling them into something we think they should be
There may be some validity in observing the trend within our own life and around us, but this should never ever take precedence to paying attention to what we can read everything reflected to us in the specific situation we are facing and our innate sense of awareness.
What’s interesting here is how babies are monitored and measured on their external features – so as long as that is all being ticked then everyone is doing a good job. But we are so much more than this . Kids are so aware and just feed back to us what is going on around them. And yet we are not supported to pay much attention to this at all.
I notice this too HM, that the focus is so pointed at the words they can say or the new actions they are capable of making but there is so much more than just this going on. We live in a sea of energy and our children are masters of reading it to the core, there is a depth to them that must be fostered and cherished as they grow so that they do not grow up to forget their natural strengths and give these up to fit-in, compare or compete with the everyday simple tasks just because that is what everyone else does or worse, that is all that gets them liked or feeling recognised.
We live in a society that becomes more and more obsessive with recognition and the need to be ‘liked’ and confirmed – it makes a lot of sense what you are sharing here that this need begins from the moment we are introdused to competition and comparison, a constant measuring and judgment of ourselves and others. What a way to set ourselves up for dis-connection, not only to ourselves, but everone and everything around us as well.
Interesting enough the origin of the word comparison stems from ‘to make equal with’ and that is what we do when we try to be like someone else, but as it comes from looking outside and comparing to only what we selectively want to see about the person we compare with we deepen the separation and lose the true state and common base of equality we naturally are united by.
The lifestyles we create of comparison and competition in the world are far more harmful than we realise and incidious in undermining ourselves and others but replaced with appreciation and love this changes everything so simply and joyfully.
‘that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise ‘ Indeed we are Cherise , thank you for the reminder.
Even knowing that it is all about our connection to our essence I still struggle to actually make life all about this. I am getting there but it is life times of not living with this focus that and everything around us is telling us the opposite.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ Well said Cherise, our ‘absolute knowing’ is with us all the time, just waiting to be accessed.
‘From here, a truly healthy relationship with ourselves and others is born, as when we know who we are in essence, we know our quality. When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’ I agree totally Cherise, and would like to add that our skills are there to be deeply appreciated – our own and those of others – as the particular way in which we can serve hierarchy for the sake of our brothers.
‘We are already everything’ but as long as we don´t embrace that fact we will compare and check how much more someone else has chosen to be what we have not yet chosen – it is the thorn in our flesh that we could be everything but hold on to being less, i.e. the eternal unsettlement.
When we compare like that it is all about self criticism and you can’t help but be beating yourself with a big stick (or worse still the damage you wield on the other person through your thoughts and actions). But the worst thing of all is the missed opportunity to be inspired by another person who is living more of themselves or making more loving choices. They are shining bright so that you may also, rather than trying to squash or belittle them.
Every single one is unique in our expression bringing an equal part that makes up the whole hence there cannot be ever any comparison or competition when lived from our essence. Therefore, comparison and competition has to be introduced, emotions to keep us separated from who we truly are and from the qualities we inherently bring.
Very true Caroline – the crazy thing is that we are comparing the outside, the facade and the appearances, when truth is we are all in essence unique in our expression – how on earth can we then compare?
It is great medicine and very good for our health to honour the multi-dimensional being in us all and to realise that we are already everything we need to be before we do anything.
I love what you have expressed here Cherise: ‘Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing’. Yes, the functionality factor is important in a child’s development, and it is very lovely when one’s child appears to be able to digest food, hear and see well etc. ad is growing. But these things pale beside the truth of each Soul’s life, and the opportunity for each baby to grow and take their place in the world using their own unique gift to serve. And one child can certainly never compared with another – a pointless, harming exercise which just feeds the parent’s false pride and need for recognition through their child.
Yes when you observe babies or small children they do not compare or compete naturally with each other but colloborate and naturally seek to connect and share with each other, so this means this competitive and comparison game is an introduced ‘virus’ to our species and not part of our natural make up or lifestyle.
Competition and comparison is indeed a nasty virus, not introduced with the purpose of evolution of mankind.
great article Charise, indeed there is comparison and competition engrained in society and by default into babies lives from the very beginning. I recall “a good baby” is one that sleeps through the night, what does that make the other babies? its so ingrained that some even suggest competition is natural and children are born with it.
With what you have shared Cherise, what must parents feel if there child is born with a disability for example. When we consider the Ageless Wisdom teaching that we are already everything when we are born, imagine how a parents perspective can be supported knowing this as the truth.
Great point you raise here, what you have shared pulls down the array of pictures that we have around what ‘being enough’ actually is. There are many factors that are needed to be understood to truly understand the whole picture of one’s reincarnation but along side this is the important point that before we are even human we are a being that is purity and love (and equally already everything) in essence.
When comparison and competition is taken out of our interactions there can be a beautiful harmony and collaboration that can come into play.
Living our true Quality and our awareness and appreciation of this is seen here and shows the importance of this beautifully.”We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.”
As you expose this awful way of behaving with the energy of comparison and competition Cherise, starting the minute we are born, it is no wonder it feels so much a part of us. Knowing it isn’t, is the start of stopping this way of behaving.
True, we need to be confirmed from the day we are born and all through our childhood, that we ARE already everything, otherwise how can we possibly know, when the majority of the world is reflecting the opposite?
The teachings presented by Serge Benhayon that we are already everything must never be undervalued or overlooked, for herein is the key to walking our own path in the truth of who we each naturally are and not in another shoes.
“the essence of who we are is already everything” – This is something to deeply appreciate, the fact that the ‘all’ is available to us and we are ALREADY everything.. This has nothing to do with our education, appearance, ‘talents’ or wealth, which are things we often measure ourselves by.
There is nothing wrong to being a part of life—to experience all that Life offers. But not holding onto the picture of how Life has to be and what these pictures mean—that is whether they signify success or failure etc, it makes committing to life really enjoyable and wondrous.
To think that we are taught to compare ourselves from such as young age (how the Mother is, is what the baby learns). We need to see ourselves as equal to all others from day one. We would see as very different world.
Is comparison and competition healthy? NO! This is sooo important ‘when we are born we are already everything’ if we truly realised and appreciated this for every single being then we could not compete or compare for in truth although we are each unique and bring our own ray of expression we are also equally innately the same.
When we allow ourselves and others to grow and learn at a time that is ready for that being then you can’t possibly say that it has to be a certain way as we are all coming to it at a slightly different angel. There is no right and wrong just the present moment and the learning for each and every individual where ever they are on the path of return.
The more we value our own unique expression and those of each and every other, the less comparison and judgement rear their heads.
Eradicate comparison and competition from people’s lives and we would totally change the way we behave towards each other, and as you show Cherise, it starts from an early age. We have encouraged children to compete, we even say competition is healthy, and makes us stronger but we don’t question if it is true and how much it can affect our lives. I know when I was riding horses and entered competitions I was already anxious 2 days before competing and could sense that I was going to fail, and sure enough most of the time I did, and this lead to comparison, seeing other riders and horses winning and feeling the sense of failure in myself. We are not meant to compete against each other, in fact the opposite, we are designed to work and live together in harmony each knowing that we bring our unique expression to the whole.
We live in a world with systems set up to ensure we are not living as who we are – competition and comparison are part of the apparatus of these systems.
We are already everything, to know this, and who we are in truth, is important understanding to bring to all children and adults alike.
Comparison and competition erode our wellbeing if we allow them too.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ This is something that I have and some very supposedly successful people don’t feel or know. Those who have very well paid jobs, houses, cars, careers, families and tick all the boxes and yet they still are full of self-doubt and a lack of self-worth.
Working with kids I can see that every child grows, learns and develops in different areas of their lives at a different times. What if there is no right or wrong time, but simply what is right at that moment for that child on their developmental path.
Yes interesting isn’t it Meg that when we take the right and wrong of timing out of it (those expectations and developmental norms) how much more room there is for the child to find and communicate their own pace and trajectory of development.
Absolutely, and from us not understanding that every child develops differently and at different paces and imposing a right or wrong time on them do we actually do more damage than we realise? Because rather than appreciating their opportunity to learn we are teaching them that something is wrong with them because they do not fit to the timeline that society accepts.
As an Early Childhood Teacher it has always seemed clear that the milestones provided to support parents were only ever guides and not actual expectations. The unfortunate thing is they get used as points of either concern because the child is so called “behind”, or elation because the child is so called “ahead”. So as you say, the stage is set for a lifetime of measuring against external markers, rather than allowing the internal guide of our soul to provide all that is needed.
Comparison and competition is so embedded in our society that many would struggle to see it as that, as many consider it as very ‘normal’ and healthy. Beginning to expose this consciousness that runs deep Cherise is a great start and the more we are willing to look at how comparison and competition may still play out in our own life, the more we can begin to shift this and heal this very harming form of behaviour.
I’m so struck that this comparing to what is normal from so young is such a pressure for parents. Parents aren’t supported to trust their connection with themselves, their inner wisdom, and what they feel is true for their children. Indeed, if they do speak up against the norm – fundamentals around diet and weight for example, then the establishment can put up a fight with them. This is potentially very intimidating and a recipe for self-doubt!
This is so true, Karin. I spoke up against the norm – not so much ‘out’ spoken as doing what I felt to be true for my son and myself – and I had immense pressure coming at me from every angle you can imagine…from my in-laws to health visitors to friends with or without children. I was very fortunate in that I went with a private midwifery service, and the midwife I worked with was an amazing source of support and loving guidance. She continued to pay regular visits for a number of months after my son was born and encouraged me to following my inner wisdom, helping me to understand how important it was to focus on my son and myself and not to allow influences from the outside world that didn’t feel supportive. She brought humour and lots of laughter…a lovely tonic for two people embarking on the wondrous world of parenthood.
‘we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise ‘ Thank you for your words, beautifully said Cherise.
Something I had long forgotten is this quote from Serge Benhayon that “when we are born we are already everything”. But when we know this in our bodies, the learning we need to do in life is almost consequential, and from this point, there is also no need for any pressure on us from anyone with anything from birth to throughout our lives to death. This knowing gives a whole different perspective on life.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ This is pure gold, Cherise, and so incredibly expanding to read that it is never too late to raise ourselves in the absolute knowing that we are already everything. Most of society thinks that we are well beyond being ‘raised’ once we hit adulthood. You simply confirm that raising ourselves is a never ending cycle that continues until our last breath and that already being everything is a way of being we can return to at any stage in our lives.
It is interesting to see how insidious comparison and competition are, how they have become so normal that it is a constant unpeeling of layers to see how it affects us and governs our thoughts and conversations. I remember trying to keep up with the baby milestones yet knowing they were developing perfectly, in their own good time and I love that this has been reflected in the way they are now. I simply had to learn to get myself out of the way.
When we consider that for one person to feel elated by winning something, one or more will feel crushed and their self worth takes one step further towards ground zero – is it really worth it?
It’s funny, when my kids were younger and I was in “baby land”, I was so concerned about when my kids did things, always trying to figure out if they were “normal” and making sure they were gaining “the right” amount of weight and having the “right” motor skills and the “right” times and now my kids are older and it is all a weird faint memory. All the things that you thought were important, are not even slightly relevant. It is such a strong consciousness, it really is a scary and unneeded pressure for parents and children.
What is also clear in this pressure to perform is how much we as parents need from the child – is it possible that we need their love and affection and attention and to feel like they need us, we need them to do well because it gives us a sense of pride and achievement and success as a parent?
“we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of.” What if our lives didn’t start out this way and that we were just accepted for who we were with no expectations or preconcieved ideas about how we wanted our children to be? What a difference this would make to the whole world.
I was in a large shopping center recently and I was watching parents with their babies and I observed a shift in parenting. I noticed how engaged the fathers were that they seemed to be the ones holding their baby and gladly so. I noticed how proud they were too and how open and caring they seemed to be. I don’t remember men being this way when I had a baby it was more that the fathers were a bit distant from their babies giving the care over to the mother rather than joining in and being a part of it all. If there is a social change occurring then may be one of the many pictures we have of being parents is being disassembled?
You raise an important issue here Cherise that our lifestyles can include the norms we have adopted such as comparing ourselves and children to others rather than appreciating for who we are not how we differ.
I feel the main way women compete/compare and identify their importance as a woman once she has birthed a child is through parenting. It is thick and can be very ugly and in your face.
I love how you sign off Cherise “A Woman re-acquainted with her True-Self”, very lovely.
I really loved the feel of that when I read it too Toni, “A Woman re-acquainted with her True-Self”. Rich and full.
We would all do well to remember back to when we were wee little kids and how we lived totally from our bodies and what we felt and needed at the time. Very simple basic stuff, with no need for comparing or judging because our whole world revolved around us knowing we were amazing and we felt the joy of that amazing and let ourselves be that. It was only the parents/adults who have a hard time of it because they too don’t want to see their own reflection in that natural joy and need to have us a certain way to be like everyone else.
Another beautiful ‘never too late’ moment… it is never too late to remember and honour the fact that we are enough just the way we are and that no end of achievements will fulfil us if we do not have this foundational understanding.
I have a young toddler – and I have been observing how when I am around parents – that it is so easy to go into my story vs your story. Especially with kids. So then the question is what energy are we choosing to be in by going into this? What do the babies then pick up and learn? It is so easy to compare. So easy to try and out-do the other with a story – but this is exactly what feeds the bigger picture of separation in the world.
That’s an important point HM, without a deeper awareness around how and what we express when we socialise, we can be hooked in by comparison before we know it as it is such an accepted way to communicate.
I totally remember as a wee girl doing something repetitively so that i would have the praise from my parents and it made me feel loved. That is super sad now that I look back at it. Not that I am blaming my parents at all but it is fascinating and by no coincidence that our parents and generations before them have not been encouraged to celebrate there children just for being who they are and how amazing this is.
Could you imagine a world where inspiration was the norm and not competition? That we knew the divine fact that we are already everything and our main job is to connect to and live from that, and then express from there in our own ways. And from this unique expression, we inspire others – not judge, compare nor compete? It is possible, and it is starting now, slowly but surely.
Yes, Sarah, I can imagine what the world will look like when we dispense with judgement, critique, competition and comparison. And yes it is in our hands now, up to us not if, but when.
Perhaps one of the first ways that comparison begins for us as parents, is when we begin to think of the children we are raising as our own people, that is, when there is a sense of ownership over this other person and then as a result, whose every particle of their beingness becomes a reflection of our capabilities and hence our worth as parents, and ultimately as people ourselves.
Is it therefore one of the greatest revelations that to begin to abolish comparison, we can begin to develop relationships with ‘our children’ that are based on mutual respect and equality, as even though we are the parents and they are in our care and we have certain duties relating to this unchageable fact, essentially the child is their own person with a path back to life with their soul that no one else can walk for them or have control over or ownership of.
Our skills and its results remain empty if they are not made by us in connection with us. Yes, you can get amazing results out of a talent, but is it the quantity that counts or the quality in which it was made?
Any doing “without us” is just a doing, not the amazingness that can pour through any activity if it is done in connection to our essence.
To do in disconnection and the hope that the doing will in some way fulfil us, is a futile pursuit. To accept that we are already all we need to be, to learn to love and honour this and then go about our daily activity brings a whole new quality to everything.
I was fully aware of the effects of banding students at school and in different phases of life but did not consider that we start this as early as babies in hospital – no wonder we become so accustomed to having a value assigned to us from something outside of us rather than the naturally equality in our true nature.
So true Michael. There is so much joy and love in a young baby that is just busting to get out, it must take something very persistant to make them question how he/she feels about his/herself to prevent them from shining.
As a mum, I became very aware of this around other parents of babies and small toddlers. This insidious comparison between each child’s milestones was taken on as a reflection of the quality of one’s parenting. If one’s child wasn’t progressing as it ‘should’ then the parent would immediately worry about what it was they were doing wrong or not getting quite right! This so exposes how riddled we are with lack of worth that we look to the outside to confirm us rather than reading what is before us for what it is.
You only have to look at our current education system to see that generally competition and comparison is basically championed as a good thing in our society, supposedly character building and motivating in my view it actually achieves the opposite and sets up our children to live a life perpetually in fear of failing or falling to the ‘bottom of the pile’.
True Andrew – we set our children up for an adult life with the never ending horror of not being ‘good enough’.
Totally the systems create the fear of falling behind, wanting to be safe and secure before anything else in our lives. It’s very insidious.
Comparison runs so deep in our education culture, which is based on strive, drive, achieve – and this is always at the expense of another. So great to be aware of this to the enth degree, and bring the opposite….. the joy of appreciation and celebration of oneself and others everywhere.
Why is it that we do compare and compete anyway? The true part of us knows we are all equal in essence and do not truly need to express ourselves in the exact same manner . . . if we did express everything the same we wouldn’t learn from each other. This part of us also knows that if we didn’t judge we would accept ‘want is’ until it didn’t serve any longer. And then there is the other part of us who clearly gets off on the judgement that sets us up to compete and compare as the idea of self-aggrandisement . . . which is basically one-upmanship . . . is the name of its game and this married with greed is the cause most of the problems we have in the world today.
“Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals”. I have noticed this too but never realised that this part of where we begin to recognise kids for what they do, how they look and how they compare instead of talking about their qualities.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ – Beatufully said Cherise – we may have been faced with experiences in our lives that have made us choose to dismiss this innate knowing, but that does not make us the victim of our own choice, it is never too late to re-connect, i.e. re-learn and re-member that knowing as an adult.
“We are already everything……” If this simple piece of wisdom was known and accepted by all, how different the world would look. However we can start by living this truth for ourselves and reflect it out to others.
Generally our communication does centre around superficialities – its almost like we need an excuse to talk to one another and invariably if the conversation gets deep in any way someone will change the subject or make an excuse to leave. Students of The Way of the Livingness tend to be open to uncovering what lies beneath and exploring ways of living a fuller and more purposeful life.
So true that comparison and competition is ingrained in everything temporal from birth, not to mention when siblings arrive in families and children are not encouraged to express from young what all the confusion and uncertainty they are feeling really means. There is a lot to undo in life but amazing that we can start any time in calling out what does not feel loving or true and start living what we know is true in our lives.
We are definitely born with everything and all knowing, we just need to connect and remember the truth of who we are. Stare through the fog into the charity of the light.
Thanks Cherise, this is a great blog that exposes and breaks down or debunks the power of the energy of comparison and competition. It’s so crazy the world’s thirst for this energy of separation and how it does start from our first day in incarnation. What a great trick to keep us working against each other in turmoil and conundrum when we come from brotherhood and god, all sons equally. That is before we start to compare, compete and get jealous of each other. It’s basically the perfect plan to keep us working against each other and the plan for our salvation and evolution. As we can see the biggest corporations champion this competition or comparison, so here we all are standing up and saying no I’m sorry but that is not the truth, thanks for bringing this one into the light everyone.
I was just struck by “when we are born we are already everything”. There is a strong belief when we are being raised that because we are babies or children we know nothing. We have all been brought up in the opposite of the truth. Which means that in life we have to be something and spend our life working towards this goal of being something or someone. We have certainly turned life into something that is upside down and inside out and completely opposite to what the truth really is. We only need to look at a child and hear the wisdom that comes out to know that we know so much more than we realise and unfortunately for many thousands of years we have lived in ways that stops us from realising this.
The fact that we are already everything is so beautiful to know and to be allowed to be who we really are but this is not the world we are currently born into and there is so much more for us to be. A very supportive sharing with the understanding of jealously and comparison with the true understanding and harm of this and how things can be very different and loving as our way of living.
If we didn’t have comparison with one another, we would certainly know each other a lot more for who we truly are, and would not experience such capping forces against each other such as jealousy and control.
Every gorgeous little baby does not know initially he or she is being compared to another, they are simply gorgeous as they feel they are by being themselves. As we all knew this, the beauty is it is something we can return to, it never leaves us, we compromise and leave it. Reconnecting to this quality releases so much tension because we find everything is within us.
Arianna yes I agree, when we appreciate everything and everyone their is no space for comparison, jealousy and competition.
“Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.” This is a beautiful reminder for us all.
” We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too. ”
This is true , and one of the way of raising ourselves out of comparison and competition is to appreciate those people who are living the fact that they are already everything.
Wow same life but worlds apart if we live from comparison or if we live from knowing we are amazing, divine beings. The world is set up for us to fall for the former but we can observe this is the set up and appreciate who we truly are regardless of how the world currently predominantly operates.
The irony is that when we make it about comparing and competing, we opt for enforcing our expectation, we do not honour the flow and unfolding each of us is going through and end up getting in the way of true development and expansion.
When we impose a way of living that brings in ideals about the way we should be this has never worked. Then can we say that any level of imposing as has happened over many generation as history clearly shows bring us into “individuality”, which is divisive and against our true nature. When a child has been allowed to feel for itself what is going on, as “when we are born we are already everything,” then this changes the game for parenting. So could it be that when Loving ways are shared with anyone the True relationships will develop and have a direct relationship with our ideals that have never worked so they are exposed then we start to evolve?
Reading the title is enough to bring us to a stop moment. Could we honestly say that when a baby is born setting them up for a life of competition and comparison is our intention? It’s absolutely essential we are aware of the ripple effect of our so-called innocent actions and good intentions. There is an expression ‘ignorance is no excuse’, which is actually worth heeding to bring our full responsibility for all our thoughts and responses into each moment.
With the acceptance that ‘we are already everything’ comes a responsibility to live this truth, which can feel overwhelming. However, if we consider the alternative, to continue on in life as we are, when we know there is something missing, and we have been given the key, makes the choice pretty straight forward, for me. We either choose to live the truth of who we are, or not. We can feel when something is true or not, if we want to be honest with ourselves, we just know.
‘there aren’t many aspects of life, if any, that have not yet been compared to and competed for.’ …. I read this, Cherise, and felt the truth in what you’re sharing …. but re-reading these words today and allowing myself to feel the impact of this is really shocking, if feels important to acknowledge how destructive and divisive this way of being truly is, how it takes us away from the love and light that we innately are, creating a very different environment for us to be in together. With this awareness, we can inspire each other to live in a way that reflects the truth of who we are and support each other to come back to our true selves when we wander away.
If you consider that we all sparks from the same God therefore each one of us is unique but from the same source then we would know there was no need to compare with each other as we are all the ‘same, same but different’
It seems that life is set up to be everything that is not an expression from our true essence… so much so that we don’t recognise what living from our essence really is and live the counter opposite. Imagine if we lived with no comparison or completion what would take its place… collaboration, harmony, team work and appreciation for each person and what they brought?
It all comes back to the key issue that we have not been celebrated for being an amazing beings that we are. From this lack of appreciating how amazing we are then it is only natural to try and find it from somewhere else. The recognition and acceptance from others instantly triggers the comparison and competition. I have been breaking all the nonsense that I have created that doesn’t celebrate the fact that I am awesome and I am starting to really celebrate how incredible I am just by being and connecting to my soul then with even trying the comparison and completion falls away. When I disconnect from me then it slips in very easily as it is so ingrained.
To practise the art of observation that allows us to not react and hence not compare or compete we need to have a marker of who we are; should that be lost in the entanglement with life first step is to re-establish it to then step by step extract oneself back from the game of comparison and competition that simply put is the identification with what we are not.
It’s absurd how babies are thrown into the energy of comparison as soon as they are born. Is it not enough to simply enjoy and appreciate them and revel in the absolute joy that they bring?
So True Rebecca, when we allow a baby to be naturally who they are then that level of Joy become infectious and is felt by everyone. This is becoming more obvious as lives that are Joy-full are now being lived, which is and has changed many lives.
Competition and comparison can only exist because we have created a reality that sees ourselves as separate to one another because when you think about it how on earth could any of us compete or compare ourselves to one another if we remembered the truth of who we are, which is that there is actually only one of us.
The joy of appreciation… from the inside out.
“the important part here is that it won’t really matter what we do because we’ll know who we are first and foremost” – this is so inexpressibly important. With the rising statistics of mental ill health in our young we need to begin to consider the impact a life of feeling unworthy and having to strive to ‘do’ to be accepted and seen as successful, but possible never truly feel successful.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’ – as I open myself up to the possibility that I am everything I have taken the first steps towards unfolding and healing past hurts.
Just as our understanding of all there is is misguided by not including the whole truth so do we set out without it in all we do. This includes how we treat babies and children.
Self love is the cheapest medicine on the market, which all starts with beginning to self-care and self nurture, which continues to refine over the months and years, but the benefits of good health speak for themselves.
“when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact” A truth that we can return to at any time and one that we are supported to re-discover through the work of Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom.
When we look at young people we would never imagine that we would be imposing our own ideals and beliefs on them but that’s what we do in how we interact with them. Bringing awareness to this means that we come to greater understand ourselves so that we allow others to not be imposed upon.
When we spend all our time measuring, weighing, testing, comparing and cataloguing the external and functional attributes of the human being from start to finish, all we are doing is making the wrapping paper more important than the beautiful gift inside.
What a great analogy, this is so absolutely true.
Nailed it Rowena – we have lost the plot completely and made it all about the external.
Whilst the parents of children live in and with competition and comparison so it will be passed on to our children. As adults we have a responsibility to arrest these behaviours, to call them out for what they are, and to live life in a way that is harmonious, equal and one of brotherhood… which is how children innately and naturally are.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” while we have breath no matter what our age the opportunity to connect to our divine essence is always there ready and waiting for our return.
When i spent time babysitting, those miles stones are amazing and a moment to appreciate but what I loved most was getting to know the little person and their qualities – what they found funny or would catch there interest, what parts of nature they like and how they played with their toys – teaching them and watching them learn to be gentle or tell jokes – these are such beautiful parts of every person and they appear at such a young age to be cherished
The first step away from who we are is the beginning of an unhealthy lifestyle leading to illness and disease. The first step back towards who we are is the beginning of a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle.
Spot on there Alex – and absolutely true.
True medicine expressed in true simplicity.
Great gems, absolutely true, keeping it simple.
Competition and comparison erodes self worth. Often it starts with the insecurity of the parents who must pitch their baby against another in order to feel any sense of value in themselves and get the recognition that they are a ‘good parent’. We then have systems in place to support this, with education/school being the final crushing blow. Our children come into the world untainted and uncorrupted in this sense but learn pretty quickly via what is being reflected all around them and by what is being inadvertently imposed on them, to calibrate to this way of being. By being aware that this set-up is in place and has been for eons, we are far better able to bring about change – first within ourselves by not falling for this, and then by ensuring that our children are truly supported by the education system and not pushed into competing with each other because each are valued for who they truly are and what they bring to us all.
So many people use the achievements of their children to bolster their own sense of self worth. If we truly understood and lived the truth of who we are then we would understand how utterly ludicrous this actually is.
You raise a really important point here, which is that it’s never too late to learn and just because we might not be in a classroom, listening to a presentation or reading a book doesn’t mean we aren’t studying life.
Oh yes, oh yes. I am a constant and every-moment student; always still learning, often still making mistakes but hugely appreciative of myself for committing to my studies and blessed to have the world’s best teacher, mentor, tutor and inspiration in Serge Benhayon, the best-ever text books in the books that he has written, the greatest ‘lectures’ to attend and the most supportive and loving collection of fellow students. School was never this great!
I was with a group of people recently and they were discussing a series it may be on television or some other devise, the film makers just let the camera run and recorded children aged 4 years old interacting with one another and how they are so caring, open and genuinely loving towards each other. It was also noted that when the children got to five how some of them changed and became more calculating and less loving. I asked the question
“Why is it that this happens? That at age 4 years old we can see how open and loving we can be towards each other and when we get to 5 this starts to change and by the time we get to teenage years that loving care we had at 4 years old has in the majority of people disappeared altogether.”
Too be honest no one wanted to go there because it would have meant that they would have to have a look at their own timeline and that was a no go area. The people who saw the series were quite content to stay at the surface level and be enthralled at the cuteness of the children but to look deeper was a step too far.
Indeed it is a re-aquaintance to that inner essence and the knowing that we are already everything.
Completely agree. An amazing place to start – we can then also consider why we fell or chose to accept these pictures when we all do know the beauty and truth deep within us.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ True, it is never too late.
How about a school motto that reads – “Everything we need to be, we already are”.
Liane, love it, simple and very clear, every child can get this, feel it and claim it for them selves “Everything we need to be, we already are”.
Absolutely brilliant sharing Cherise. When we take the first step to a healthy lifestyle we may make it about the way we eat, move or sleep but how often do we go to the source, our thoughts and our relationship with ourselves and the world around us?
Discarding the separation that comes with comparison and competition and appreciating more deeply who we are and the qualities we bring are essential foundations to build a healthy lifestyle on. Without this in the long term no matter how ‘fit’ we keep ourselves physically we are inviting all sorts of dis-eases which can lead to all sorts of medical conditions
Great that you pointed out all the comparison and competition that is around between mostly mothers and grandmothers maybe too. When you think about it, it is actually really silly to compare because the situation for everyone of us is different and so we could never compare in a way that would be valid and equal. That said, it is important indeed to keep track of a babies development so we need all this information but our feelings and our observations of our child can tell us a lot about this too, if they are going well or not without comparing them to another child.
The comparing of ourselves, our lives and each other stems from the fact that we do not know ourselves and are constantly looking for validation from outside of us. It is as if we have lost the ability to trust ourselves and go with our own feelings, and know that the decision we make is the right one for us and maybe not one other person on the planet.
As we progress down life’s highway, we do not need baby milestones for we are now leaving monoliths! When we choose to stop this cycle and denounce comparison and competition, it is fun to watch our past monoliths in our rearview mirror fall like dominos.
When we are bereft of who we are then it’s easy for us to compare ourselves with others but when we are brimming over with the truth of who we are then comparison simply isn’t there.
Our society is actually very sick if you consider the fact that we are already everything when we are born, equally wise, loving and understanding and fully equipped to live the life we know will be beneficial to our being. But instead, social pressure and the held ideals and beliefs makes us think otherwise and tries to make us feel not being capable of living that way of life we naturally know from within and that that we have to learn to become valuable citizens of our societies and the world instead.
Comparison is born from lack of appreciation and lack of accepting that we are all from the same God, so the same in essence so what really is there to compare to? Others may have made different choices then we may have and if we compare ourselves with them then we do not get the reflection they are offering us.
So true what you share comparison comes from lack of appreciation and acceptance that we are all from the same God.
When we appreciate what each one of us bring and how we complement each other, there is no need for comparison as we realize we need each other to complete the picture, like a jigsaw which is not complete without all the parts.
Comparison is one of the biggest issues that hold back our development of self confidence in this life.. Thank you for bringing this topic to the fore Cherise.
Realising that we (I) can also compare myself to an ideal or belief that I have held exposes the root of judgement: there is no right and wrong.
We have an unfortunate habit of valueing ‘distance travelled’ instead of ‘quality lived’. This way of being is less a milestone, more a millstone we carry around our neck. Thank you Cherise for expressing it so clearly.
I used to live my life by competition and sometimes I still catch the comparison. It feels absolutely and totally uncomfortable in my body and I can feel the tension that this causes not just in my body but with whoever that has come up with.
I was never one for reading baby books when I had my children. I remember being given a book when I was pregnant about the intricacies of everything that needed to happen in order to become pregnant and then all the things that could cause termination. I never looked at it again as it seemed too possible for things not to go as expected. I preferred to take care of myself and allow things take their course. The same was true when my children were born, everyone always offered advice, which was lovely, however, I knew that the most important thing was to trust in myself and what felt right in the relationship between me and my baby, allowing us to develop our own rhythm together. Everyone is different and every child is different and it’s up to each person to feel into what best supports them and their baby.
Other than competing for jobs, sports trophies etc, there is another form of competition which is used very extensively throughout our society – that is to make a joke at someone else’s expense to seem funny and clever to others. There is a very fine line between having a joke with someone and having a joke at the expense of another. It is very easy to spot the difference by feeling the energy, we know when something is said playfully, with love and when it is not.
“There aren’t many aspects of life, if any, that have not yet been compared to and competed for”. The awareness of competition and comparison start very young for us. We get to feel that it’s not enough just being ourselves. We are guided by other people’s responses and develop ourselves in certain areas that may not be our natural strengths.
I know when I had my child the focus on babies by society was on when they achieved their milestones. It was like they were always being pushed to be more, to do the next things as if they were not complete and it was something they were working towards. Is it too much of a reflection of how complete and absolute they are that we have to impose something on them to bring that down?
Comparison can feel so easy its almost inbuilt – and in a way, if we are not living all of who we are and content in our lives as they are, the choices we are making and our pace in the flow of how our lives are unfolding then comparison will be cropping up because we will find ourselves looking outside to just check if we measure up to everyone else
As long as we choose to be less than who we are we will compare. The moment we choose to embrace who we are we also embrace everyone else for who they are and thus who we all are together as one.
This makes so much sense Alex because of course whilst we continually hold each other less than who we truly are there is always going to those seen as better and those seen as less than you.
Thanks, Cherise. I love how you confirm that it is ok to make mistakes as part of the constant learning and growing process, without any judgement or needing to be anyway different than just where we are at.
We think we are advancing because there is more and more detailed and specialised information describing how every aspect of life ought to be progressing. Yet the most useful thing as far as I am concerned is if like Serge Benhayon does, we teach ourselves to deepen our awareness and ability to read what is actually required for the evolution and expansion in that situation and that moment before us.
It’s the competition within friendships and family that eventually perpetuate and lead to the large scale atrocities around the world.
Comparison and competition attempt to prise apart the united body of God. Of course they can’t actually make a dent but they can and do interfere with our perception.
“But with our focus placed on competing for and achieving what these pictures promise, are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?” Indeed we are, and by it’s very nature competition means that some win some lose, so effectively we are competing with each other about who will have the most successful and happy life, meaning if we engage with this competitive way of life, we are saying we deserve to be happy, successful etc.at the expense of another.
The damage competition and comparison create which is nothing less than enormous, will be felt through the reflection of those who live having renounced these evils in their own lives and ways of being. That is when we witness true family and brotherhood and a joy and intimacy in relationships that is endless. Plus the constant expansion of the person who does not cap themselves by comparing – which is how we can and ought to all live.
“Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.” – This is so true Cherise. The power of being pulled up/inspired by other people and working together is enormous, and what we are able to do and bring in true brotherhood is blindingly bright.
“Yes, we are still going to grow, walk and fall over.” Yes, we live on a perpetual learning curve and one that does not rely on how big our heads are when we were born, but our openness and willingness to evolve who we are on from the inside out and deeply appreciate and apply our intangible gifts from God.
Some people are good at Maths and many, especially women, claim they are not and I wonder how much that is due to conditioning at school. When I was around 9 (1959) at Junior School in the UK I remember that we had to learn our times tables up to 12 and then 14x and 16x and I’ve been surprised how often I’ve used those extra tables, even with decimalisation. In our maths class we were put into Express Train, Passenger Train and Goods Train and I often wonder if that classification at age 9 affected any of my classmates for life.
I know there are many small to large things that happen to us or are said to us perhaps without the awareness of the effects while growing up in our families and during our school years. I’d say yes it is very possible Carmel. Many people tell such stories and hurts really of small things others said to them when they were young – if we believe these then it effects our perception of ourself and then what we do later there after.
I can relate to this Carmel. I always found maths a difficult subject and becuase I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class, I would drop behind and ended up in the equivalent of the ‘goods train’. But when someone took the time to sit and explain it to me in a way I could understand, I would eventually get it. However there was always an overriding feeling of not being as good as the rest of the class which always seemed to win out. To this day I have a ‘block’ when it comes to working out certain formulas with numbers and I do wonder if it had been taught differently how much more I would have taken in.
Cherise, when I read this I feel how crazy it is that we don’t live like this in society because it feels so natural and makes complete sense; ‘the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’
I love this ‘to compliment each other’ – these words just bring a beautiful harmony feeling to the potential we could all live with.
We all know we are all unique, one off and the mould was broken after we were born. So, why put children in boxes? Was there a place in the house we grew up that had pencil marks with ages on the wall that held the family lineage of growth? Why do we treat children like modelling clay and try to form them into something we want? We all have the ability to form ourselves into what is required, we just need a little guidance.
Sitting here thinking how different things would be in the world if we could make comparison and competition a thing of the past. If all the energy poured into these two things was used in a more cooperative way and we could stop being stubborn and stuck in our ways we would all evolve at lightning speed.
Sharings like these are very important I feel for us to be reminded that there is more to life than what we experience on a day to day basis.
This sentence is a game changer – ‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other’ It opens the door up for all humanity that we are innately designed to complement each other and this is very possible when we connect and know our quality. For me, I know when I live and appreciate my quality, I can feel and appreciate the qualities that others bring from their essence – this leaves no room for competition or comparison. When we do not live the truth and confirm our quality, our needed part we play then comparison and jealousy creep in and it may appear that it is directed at others but in truth it is at ourselves as we know we are not living our truth and responsibility in life.
Cherise- this is a divine blog sharing the disparity to the way society generally lives in the world today and the truth of ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ I love what you share about how life can be if we start from this fact and do not choose to run with the imposed ideals and beliefs, competition and comparison.
Comparison and competition/out-doing another or one upmanship should be banned from society… in fact banned from even entering any family home, full stop for the utter devastation it creates.
It’s a great point Zofia and I agree. I have heard competition described as being healthy when it is anything but. Most recognise that comparison is not healthy and yet there could be no competition without comparison. We are not fooling anyone.
We have lost all concept of success based on the quality of expression and being in the correct flow of what is true for us – coming to have a relationship that is truly loving and evolutionary at just the right time for us, not just simply to tick off another life milestone and look as if we are doing well, measuring our success based on the quality of love we express and experience in our lives.
Energetically, there is so much on offer, divine wisdom there, waiting to pour through us, when we are open and aligned to receiving the love that we are all a part of, the Universal love that is there for us all, that can only come through us when we are aligned with our soul energy, where comparison cannot exist. It comes down to an energetic choice, will we choose love or the opposite.
We always have a choice to be more, or less. Comparison is a sure way of keeping us on track for the later.
Its funny how we start off just adoring and loving our small bundles of joy, and then after a few months we go into comparing them with others and getting caught up in whether they are doing this or that like such and such. The moment we start to do that we are basically saying to them, I need you to to be more than your loveliness because that is not enough, we have a reputation to keep up here.
Visiting a close relative in the hospital today I realized that the topic of all the conversations in the hospital room is similar to what described in this blog: it is being brought back to functionality and almost the same competition and comparison of who has the worst symptoms, the most tests, has to stay the longest etc. No exchange about their innate divine qualities nor about their learnings and different choices in life after these diseases.
The comparison milestones are waiting for us the moment we arrive in this world and unless we truly know ourselves we are swept away, taken by the need to fit in and comply.
Needing to fit in only has it’s out play when we choose to leave the beauty of our heart and living that in life.
It’s crazy what we do to ourselves and each other in terms of comparing and judging. We do so much harm.We need to leave well alone and simply allow ourselves and others to be who we naturally are.
This just goes to show how empty we have allowed ourselves to be that it would be normal for us to compare and judge in this way. In appreciating the qualities of my own essence there is no impulse to judge, as from a place of acceptance there is simply more space for observation and there is less investment in having a return on anyone being anything or delivering anything. This then supports with allowing ourselves and others to naturally be who we are.
Thanks god that it is never too late to discard comparison and competition. I love it that I can choose to live a healthier lifestyle as choosing me means that I am not dependent on what others are doing or not doing!
Always a choice to change. I appreciate the many elder people in the student body who have made this choice and completely turned their life around, living healthy, living true and wow do their bodies reflect this light.
For sure babies are categorised by their “head circumference and their length, their birth weight and how much they drink, whether they are breast or bottle fed, how much they poop and of course at what month do they begin to eat solids, sleep through, where they sleep, and when they first smile, crawl, talk and walk”, But as a new mother I remember that these values, if I started to compare with others, could become a cause of concern or worry if there was perceived to be a ‘lack’ or difference in the comparison. I have since learned and witnessed in others, a very different way to relate to a child – with the knowing that they are already everything and that to go by what those measurements are, is to miss out on a deeper relationship with the baby.
These things and when they are used to compare are all there to seed doubt or fear in us or giving our power away – when in fact we are gorgeously divine upon birth and always hold that within. It is our choice to listen to that and live it.
Very much so, doubt is maddening at times with a baby, in ways you can’t imagine, simple tasks become monumental! It definitely helps to throw the ideals and beliefs of how it should be and start to live with connection and knowing which transcends doubt in a nano second.
This is a beautiful equaliser between mother and child and offers the one and only true platform from which to relate to one another from the very get-go – the knowing that we are all ‘gorgeously divine’.
Absolutely Rosanna. My daughter used to shuffle around on her bottom and didnt even try to stand up unitl she was nearly 2 years old. I had so many people telling me that there must be something wrong with her and that I should get her checked out that I took this on and began to really worry and compare her to other children, even though deep down I knew that she was perfectly ok and she would walk when she was good and ready. We can so easily miss out on this deeper relationship with our growing children if we allow comparison with others to get in the way.
These are the experiences that so many parents have that show how easily we give ourselves away, ‘our true knowing’, to what we think others think or expect. Comparison is a vicious cycle that flows between people and families or all relationships when we allow it. I recall when my son was beginning to stand and walk he wasn’t at all interested in crawling, I had others tell me that children who don’t crawl have developmental issues later in life, but I just knew this was not our truth and didn’t allow that belief to get in the way of enjoying my son’s own exploration of his new movements around the house.
I’ve found that with other averaged developmental markers Sandra, that to label the child as ‘not enough’, ie not fitting the norm, different, or even in the minority percentile, is hugely dismissive of them and all that they bring thanks to their unique expression and timing.
Yes Rosanna, it really is, and has an enormous impact on their self esteem which is carried with them into their adult life unless it is addressed.
Yes comparison is toxic and serves no true purpose other than destruction…
It is never too late to change, that is such a great blessing.
Living in this world as humans it is inevitable that we all have differences. Why not appreciate and celebrate this instead of going into the ugliness of comparison.
Hear hear to this Rebecca. Choosing to appreciate and be inspired by others opens us up to the glorious depths of space within where love and joy are just bubbling up inside.
Yes celebrating and appreciating all we bring in our differences is the way forward not living the opposite of that.
A simple choice and is one that makes total sense! However, in order to make that choice, it feels like there needs to be a level of self-acceptance first where there is no need to look to the outside for confirmation and measure one’s worth by what other people are doing, or how they are behaving but simply to observe from a place that knows that what one brings by being who you are is more than enough as it is.
I have also noticed a lot of comparison and worry from parents about kids and the normal milestones. Over the years I have heard parents worry about their child not doing what they ‘should’ be doing or what someone else’s child is doing. This is whilst the child is playing around us, clearly ok and contented in themselves. The worry seems to block parents ability to appreciate their child as they are and their particular timing, or understand why they are ‘behind’ the norm.
Cherise a great point you make is just how many health differences and benefits there are when you let go of comparison and competition in your life. I can feel that sometimes I can get caught in a bit of competition now and then but also how different this feels from the surrendered at ease feeling when I am not in competition, be it with myself or another. As we raise the next generation in this way so to do the ripple effects take place for all others to know a different way.
It’s only possible to bring a child up to know who they are in truth if the parent has an unshakable understanding of who they are in truth.
I just had a meeting where everyone had a valuable contribution to make, each person was listened to with a sense of respect and equality, and given the space to express what felt important to them. Things can really flow once we get self out of the way and allow the potential of what we can bring together.
We do seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the way we look, what we can do, when we can do it and how much more we can achieve, all of which takes us away from the awesome qualities that reside inside us. What a different world it would be if we focused on mapping out and recording the qualities we bring instead, that the first thing on a babies chart is not their weight but the quantity of joy they arrive with.
Cherise, reading this article I can feel what a waste of time comparison and competition is, it only sets to make us feel less and separates us from others. If we appreciated ourselves and others and supported each other to know our qualities and live them then life would could be much more harmonious, supportive and enjoyable for us all.
This shows just how invested we are in the pictures that we hold, so much so that we compete to try to bring them to be or to maintain them once created. Is this not the start of all conflict when our natural state is to be in harmony and flow with each other.
We all began life on a beach then the tsunami wave of comparison and competition comes and carries us through life. We get so used to be carried away in the flow that we forget we only have to stand up from the shallow water that has been carrying us along.
Lovely blog Cherise. Comparison is such a bitter taste that pervades our whole society from day one, as you say. It is our way of seeing if things are alright or measuring up instead of simply feeling the beauty of all and living from love. It is like a deliberately spread disease to disable us from returning to the grandness that we are.
Is there any better tools to divide the human race better than comparison and competition? Throw in jealousy and you have separation for as long as these things are about.
I wonder if when we are very young we feel a lot and that can be too much. We then may get interested in a way to manage our feelings and comparison and competition are great distractions.
One of the things that gets me with competition is in industry and retail – competition is encouraged with the result that prices are driven lower which is bad for suppliers or higher with is bad for consumers. Everything becomes false, true service is lost in the interest of one organisation competing with another, even Share Prices are an overlay that has nothing to do with providing a simple good service to a customer.
It is a sad fact that competition and comparison are experienced as the norm – from day dot for most of the world’s population. I remember feeling how ugly judgement and comparison was when I first let myself consider that this might be the case, that actually the norm was not natural, that instead we are, as you say Cherise “already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.”
I knew there was a reason that I did not record my kid’s milestones because even now, friends of mine have babies and ask, were your kids standing at 10 months? Or when did your son say his first word? I reply that cannot remember but whatever their babies are doing is perfect, they are all unique and yet all so the same. They are all beautiful and special, they all come to things at slightly different times and some never come to certain things, which is okay too because we never love them any less, so why not give them a fighting chance by removing comparison in one area at least?
By attaching goals to parts of life, we ignore the fact that we are already rich. As a race we think we are advanced but when it comes to living free from ideals, we’re just learning to walk. Perhaps if we saw ourselves more as this curious new born we would be closer to living the truth? Thank you Cherise for nurturing and sharing what you know is right.
Just think, if there was no comparison in the world between us as peoples they’d be no business making their mass fortunes out of humanity’s lack and misery, but instead their fullness and joy to make a total change in the demand and supply of goods, products and services available; the entire structure of world economies would be reversed, then, where would we be??
With love, comparison and competition do not exist, they can’t, we have to be in the opposite energy to enable these behaviours to be, therefore, it’s a big red flag for us to know what energy we are choosing to align with. Fortunately, just as quickly as we can loose ourselves, we can re-connect back to the love that we innately are.
There is nothing positive that comes from comparison, it feels quite simple really, we have a choice to appreciate what IS, in ourselves and each other, or fret and become fixated by what is NOT. The choice is ours to make.
When we are living in and from our essence there is no space for competition or comparison because everyone’s essence is equal – so how to compare when there is equality!
I love this line…”…when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact.” The truth of who we are from the moment we are born… our essence is with us always – it is us that walk away from our truth.
‘…that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise.,’ and yet we succumb to being valued by what we do and external characteristics despite this divinity being within us constantly.
Cherise this is great to share the understanding that our skills are to complement each other and not to compare. What a difference to our everyday life this does bring when shared with open hearts and willingness, there is an appreciation for the All and Whole that feels naturally part of this – offering a whole that is great than the sum of its parts.
When we are connected to our divine essence we are then connected to all others where comparison and competition cannot survive for we are all one all from the same source of love, it is only in separation this love that comparison and competition survive.
‘Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals.’
This type of conversation keeps going the rest of our lives. When I observe (older) people in the supermarket chatting with each other they talk about their doctor- and hospital visits and the medication they are taking. Exactly in line with what you describe in your blog.
It’s crazy how early we begin to push our kids and how this impacts our whole lives – I know now as a young adult there is still this feeling of need to do something or get somewhere now rather than allowing it to develop in its own time that I can so see stemming from the way we are raised and educated not at our pace and in flow with our own learning and growing but measured up to standardised across the broad ideas of where we should be.
If we are not sensible ourselves it would make sense if we are not sensible when raising our children.
In comparison and competition we live separated and divisive lives, constantly against one another… when in truth we are all seeking connection, harmony and brotherhood.
The antidote to competition and comparison is appreciation… appreciate everyone equally so for the qualities they bring, and for who they truly are, and there is no room to compete or compare.
Yes, surely our role as parents and educators is to bring out a child’s unique qualities rather than give them lots of measuring sticks to fall short of.
So true Cherise how this functional categorisation of our young’s outer appearance and daily behaviours can dominate the enormous energetic changes that take place when a baby is born, the abundant feelings and responses that are frequently overridden or unexpressed, the memories that this unearths about our own childhood experiences and the offering a baby brings to deepen our relationships.
Could this absorption into the perfunctory baby comparison and competition, perhaps be a circulatory way for humanity to avoid that truth of what they are feeling?
Crazy that as parents we can get competitive about our own children and what they are doing which it occurs to me extends even into when our children grow up – I have overheard parents discuss their grown children in terms of who has the best job or income or family life etc… do we realise what we are actually teaching our children here and therefore perpetuating more of the same in every generation?
Baby milestones so easily become millstones around our necks.
What strikes me most about reading this today is what hard work it is to be continually comparing and competing! And where in truth does it actually get us? Looking at the world today and the quality, or rather lack of it, of our health and wellbeing, it seems to me that competition and comparison have not delivered what we want. My own experience these days has shown me that our natural well being comes from respect, co-operation and equality, healthy activities that enable us to appreciate everyone’s qualities and talents that together make up the whole of us.
“…but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing…” This is also an important message that can be applied to one in adulthood… not to compare … as each person is individually unique in their own way by their own choices.
Comparison is so common and when we stop to feel, it hurts for sure but we can also counteract this with bucket loads of appreciation.
I remember when my son was a baby and the nurse would come and do all the measurements to see how he fitted in with all the graphs. I always thought it was amazing that we expect babies to all be the same size, do things at the same time etc but as adults this would be ridiculous. Imagine if we were all expected to be the same height! We are all unique and that is what can celebrate in full.
Cherise, this is really beautiful; ‘Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.’ How amazing it would be if we lived like this, we could support each other and work together rather than being jealous of and comparing ourselves to each other and working competitively with each other as seems to often be the case.
I love that Cherise, it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing that we are already everything as we can no longer blame our parents, schools or whatever, we can just claim it any time we like.
When I reflect back on this life, there has been so much that I have rebelled at in my own way. It is never too late to express our awareness of who we all truly are fully, and now it is the easiest it has ever been for all of us to express ourselves in full.
Not before I got more rid of comparison and competition I realized how burdensome they were. Life is so much healthier and simpler without comparing and being in competition!
It must feel so imposing to babies and children when their development and achievements are used as a way to compete with other parents and/or provide a false sense of self worth. At heart people are very decent, they have good intentions, so this is not said in any way with criticism, judgement or condemnation, but the imposition we place onto others because of our own needs and to temporarily fill the inner emptiness that can only be fill with our own self is a reality that needs to be understood. There is so much more on offer to be experienced in our relationship to ourselves and all others (including our children) that stems from connection to who we each are and not what we do. Comparison and competition are a repeating cycle that does not truly support or fulfil anyone, they are a dividing force when at heart our natural way is love and unity.
There were many times where I wanted to blame my parents and not take responsibility and it does not matter how old we are, we are the ones that can make the changes. I love this line:
We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.
Having spent some time looking after or being around some very young children, we push them to perform within months, coaxing them into making noises, crawling, smiling, walking, talking for people rather than just letting them be
I have the pleasure of working with some amazing children, what I see is that many of the young ones do not hold comparison it seems it becomes much more ingrained as we get older.
Cherise I enjoyed your words about bringing all we have to share with the world, our qualities and skills, with the focus being on working together. This is very different to needing to be recognised as an individual and standing out, and vying for top position as part of competing. It’s understandable that the world is like this as the whole education process fosters comparison and competition, not cooperation and collaboration, nor does it foster valuing the person only what we do and achieve.
‘When we are raised to know this – that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise – we are given the space to live a completely different lifestyle… perhaps one that is truly healthy!’ – knowing and appreciating this truth, we can openly celebrate and appreciate everyone else in all their glory, as we are full of our own divinity, there is nothing more we need or want, we are full of our glorious selves.
Comparison and competition, if I consider them I know that mindset destroyed all enjoyment of the actual activity – which is the whole of life because Everything can be compared – and the relationships within these activities because the process of comparison takes us away from being present with ourselves or another (including the most supposedly intimate ones – how do I compare to his ex-girlfriend from example). What we’re missing when we compare and compete is intimacy, is connection, is love.
This is beautifully expressed, Elizabeth, and so true that it is never too late to learn this.
I agree, Susan, however, we don’t own our children, we are there to support and guide them to be their amazing selves in life. This is something we can do with all children, not just our own. I’m reminded of the community living we had many, many, years ago, where children ran from one house to another as everyone worked together in the community. In this way of being together, it feels as though there is no room for comparison as everyone works together in unity and harmony as a part of the same whole.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.” With everyone working together in harmony, each bringing their own unique contribution to the whole, then we will have true brotherhood.
I love how you bring up that none of the developments of our children can be associated with successful parenting or a successful child, they are just developments and nothing more.
Jane thats a great point, we know what is not true and what does not feel right so when we accept these things as normal its what hurts us and all those around us. Indeed if we accept the comparison parents make between babies as normal then we set up the whole next generation to not be who they are.
How amazing is it to not live in the constriction of comparison – why would we compare one Son of God to another?
Comparison and competition divides and separates us.It is the basis of the cult of individuality.
Reading this brilliant blog I had to stop for a moment and I considered that to me we lead a brutal life, it’s full of abuse, violence, comparison, jealousy, miss trust. You name it we subject ourselves and others to this way of life. And I have to ask the question can we honestly call this living or just existing? Or, worse are we rotting away as our illness and disease statistics suggest as they are through the roof and out of control.
Thank you Cherise for this great blog on competition and comparison, which are the two downfalls of our society. It has also been a great reminder for me to look at all the pictures that we place upon ourselves to live up to and how they can interfere with our natural and innate expression. A very powerful reflection indeed.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other. ” – our qualities are to be celebrated and to be valued just as much as any other’s quality, in the knowing that these are all here to equally inspire us to develop those same qualities within ourselves as well as in another.
I can feel that there is a jostling for a place in society that is deemed to be acceptable, or even possibly one that is to be improved upon, ensuring a good spot in the ‘pecking order’ of life. But all of this is a picture when we consider the teaching that we are all in fact equal, equal within the heart of God.
This is another great example of how much as a society we dishonour and abuse ourselves. Even the preciousness of a young child’s early development is thrown into the hogwash of comparison and competition.
We are experiencing the repercussion of a world we have created in which we champion and value the gathering of information. Most people are invested in gathering and holding onto information in order to be recognised and special. Hence we have specialists who subconsciously and at time consciously promote themselves as the only authority on that element of life, and at the other end we are more than happy to give our power away to those we deem know better.
Yet we are the ones living in our bodies, we are the ones living our own lives, we are the ones who are with and observe our babies more than anyone else. We could be paying far more attention to our own relationship with ourselves and with our children alongside checking out ‘expert advice’.
What do we actually gain from comparison and competition in society? Not only are we toxifying relationships but also working completely against each other when we could in every case work together and support a greater purpose.
A great question to ask Susie! When we seriously ponder and ponder honestly on it we can’t get away with ‘competition is good for you, that it builds stamina, that it builds the ability to ‘lose gracefully’. This whole consciousness is flawed on the basis that the paradigm says there are only winners and losers in life. But what if we were all here to support each other to make a complete whole? Would we not then deeply appreciate the skills and qualities that others bring knowing full well that our own qualities and skills lie elsewhere but are equally valid and equally necessary? Would we not then support each other to our fullest knowing that without that person being who they are and bringing what they do we would all lose out?
That’s right Susie, this shows us that comparison and competition is harmful and not working for humanity but even though we know this, nothing much has really changed globally. The only place I am seeing true change is the Esoteric community inspired by Serge Benhayon.
‘When we are raised to know this – that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes’. This is beautiful Cherise, so simply put together, the truth that we are divine before and after conception.
If you really step back it doesn’t make sense. Where did comparison come from? When did women start looking at each others bodies and comparing them? Our body is our tool in this life perfectly designed to help us evolve, it’s definitely time that we stopped running with all these damaging thoughts and started to open our eyes to what is really going on.
Comparison does not make sense when everything in human life points to the obvious fact that we are strongest when we work together and even designed to work together to evolve.
Yeh great point – not only are we are strongest when we work together, life is actually designed for us to learn and evolve together. We’re definitely not made to do this alone.
What on earth have we done to ourselves? No really, what have we done? We’ve taken the glory of who we are and mangled it in such an extent that it feels like we’ve almost permanently disfigured ourselves. Thank God that we can’t ever taint who we are in truth or we’d be really stuffed!
Cherise this is a powerful sharing about a way of living that when lived, is powerful beyond measure.
We pass onto our children what we have not bothered to address within ourselves, with devastating consequences as history has shown.
Milestones are milestones but not rigid measuring sticks or ways to gauge success or an advance of some kind.
Thanks, Cherise, for exposing how crazy it is to think that one youngster is better than another because they can walk and talk etc, when all of us are born equally divine.
I’ve noticed we can project our own insecurities and unresolved problems onto children wanting the success or achievement we may not have achieved from them. The Way Of The Livingness is a way of living that returns us to divinity the we are, where we are enough just being ourselves, and then this we can take to others in supporting them to be and live their divineness too.
The journey that we are all on, back to the fullness of our divinity, isn’t something that happens over one or two lifetimes, it spans all the lives we have ever lived. Where we are today isn’t a coincidence, it’s a result of all the choices we have ever made throughout all of our lives, there are lessons for us to learn before we can continue forward on our journey, that are very specific to each and every one of us and life is constantly constellating to offer us opportunities for this learning to occur. Appreciating how incredibly magical and supportive life truly is supports us to be more of our true selves, rather than being sucked into comparison and competition which pulls us down into a very negative and harmful way of being – there is absolutely nothing to be gained from this very negative energy, but much to be lost.
Interestingly it is not the babies that are doing the comparison, it is us as the parents. The babies are being their beautiful selves, doing everything at their own rate, being in their harmony but they will feel the comparison energy we impose on them straight away. They know their own essence, it is us that need to return to that.
Thank you Cherise. It’s true, we are steeped in a world of comparison and competition, yet is it never too late to know our selves by our essence, to see through the narrow limitations of our external measures and fully embrace our internal values, grace, wisdom and innately loving natures. To raise a child who knows their inner qualities and essence first and foremost and stands strong in their connection is in my eyes, true success.
Its exposing that we begin imposing that which we have in lives, on babies from so early – brings a deeper level of understanding that we have, in how we live and its effect on others.
You have delivered an absolute gift of love for all here Cherise. Thank you.
This blog offers a great platform to expose the deeply harming and insidious nature of comparison and competition that is imposed upon children at a very early age and consolidated by the school systems focussing on the end result of being a high achiever in order to be recognised as being successful and somebody of importance.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’ Yes we need to parent ourselves in this way and it is never too late to start living and moving in a way where we know that we are everything and are given everything.
Simone – I love how you have said we need to parent ourselves now – after all, once we have grown up, regardless of the parenting we may have received, it is all about now making those super supportive choices that are totally in our hands now. This may not always be easy to do as such, because of our past habits to do something less supportive – breaking habits can take a lot of focus and dedication – but the reality is that our life and what we make of it, lies in our hands and the choices we make. So the real question becomes – How much do I want to support myself and my natural and innate way of being?
Comparing children’s abilities start from very young. As a former antenatal teacher I would host reunions for the families after all the class had given birth. Comparisons were already setting in, as to who was still breast feeding, had their baby smiled yet etc. and later, whose baby was sleeping through the night, sitting up unaided – the list goes on. Yet everyone of those children would smile, eat, sleep, talk and walk at some point in their near future. Comparison is true evil. It sets us up for jealousy and separation from each other.
Well said Sue and very true – ‘ Comparison is true evil. It sets us up for jealousy and separation from each other.’
Cherise, ‘what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.’ I remember when I had my child that there was so much comparison and competition between parents, it was subtle and yet definitely there – it felt like a race to be the first on solids – and what kinds of solids, whose child was sleeping through the night, who managed to breastfeed the longest, this way of being was very unsupportive for myself and others, in the end all of our children ate solids, slept through the night, crawled, walked and talked and so the anxiousness and comparison was all unnecessary, the children simply developed at their own pace in their own way.
That really is the thing, we are filled with pictures from day one, some of my earliest memories were gathering around the tv for something, that by what I could feel in the room to be extremely important events and it was the olympic games or a rugby test match. So being the best runner or winning team seemed as important or even more important than God or going to church.
It is ‘never too late’ to reconnect with the awareness of our true beingness – very true. And it is never too early to nurture this awareness in our young.
Absolutely knowing this would be of great support and set us free. We need to bring this awareness to all our children.
No matter what age we are or where in the world we might be, there is an opportunity available in every moment to observe life, learn from our own movements and connect to the fact that there is a greater purpose than leading a mediocre or ‘comfortable’ life. Appreciating that everyone can connect to the same grandness that our particles are made from, and that we are all going through the same process of learning and returning to a greater living way means we can defeat judgement of others and whatever choices we/they might choose to make.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ Sometimes it feels like a huge hurdle to overcome low self worth and to appreciate that we truly are everything, but that may be because we are more comfortable in our low state and being aware of our great qualities means we have to be more responsible for expressing ourselves in full in the world instead of hiding behind the facade of not being good enough.
Very good point as to why we may avoid that deeper level of love and care that automatically supports self worth and appreciation, knowing that then requires our expression to be full in all situations and not just kept for ourselves.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ I’m just starting to raise myself this way, it feels challenging to shift age old patterns but I can feel it is so worth it.
It really is possible and I too are learning new ways to be with myself, learning to unlock the deeply caring and nurturing that is my nature that has been buried beneath roughness, dismissiveness, quickness etc that as I become stiller, steadier their becomes naturally another way. Phew says my body.
Comparison and competition are very common and widespread and as such we consider it to be the norm but I agree it is not our ‘true normal’ as in it’s not natural from our essence to compare and compete in that kind of way, that only serves to divide us.
A very wise man shared that unless you know everything about someone, not only in this life, but every single life they have every lived, all their struggles, sacrifices, successes – you have no business comparing them with yourself or anyone else. This made so much sense to me and allowed me to feel how very harmful and divisive comparison truly is. We have no idea what someone else has been through, how they may have worked so hard with themselves to get to where they are today. The only thing that matters is for us to take responsibility for how we are choosing to live our divinity on earth, knowing that it is for everyone else to make this choice for themselves.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’
This is absolute gold. Yes I along with pretty much everyone else, was brought up thinking I had to be the best in something to get somewhere in life (usually somewhere equates to societal respect and monetary security). But deep down I knew that all my hurts stemmed from my knowing that I was already everything and that this wasn’t acknowledged. But my game was blaming others for not loving me enough and not loving myself. So time to drop this game of waiting to be loved and seen by others and never lose the truth that I am already everything and begin the joyful process of discarding all the rubbish I’ve picked up on along the way that says otherwise.
The interesting thing I felt after reading this blog that exposes the early foundations of comparison and competition in our society is that we say things like “well, boys are just born competitive” and “it’s healthy to have competition in schools and business in order to increase productivity and innovation”. But both of these statements are false as we clearly impose competition on young boys and girls and could equally elevate each other even more powerfully through cooperation and support rather than trying to crush our competition.
I can’t seem to remember when exactly I started to going into comparison and competition when I was a young child. I feel I must have picked this behaviour up from probably day one as it is so thick and dense in my family environment, culture and society, it was everywhere around me.
We are surrounded and measured by comparison. We use it to measure how and when we will shine our light. Once spotted in our life it’s incredible to see how it lives in so many movements we make.
The focus on comparison and competition distracts us away from deepening our awareness and appreciation of our qualities and expanding our relationship with responsibility in life.
We accept comparison as completely normal growing up. I know I never even considered it was something that might have affected how I felt about myself until it was brought to my attention in my very late 20’s. It astounds me how deeply ingrained we are in the cycles we live in and how little awareness we have as a society about this. It affects each and every one of us, so for even a few people to be having the conversation is a great start.
Imagine a world where we were raised knowing who we are first and foremost – that we are divine, and everything from the get go. And that each of us has a unique view on life and skills and experience to offer the world and from this place of knowing how amazingness, we delivered this to the world. With no seeking of recognition or wanting to be more. And as you rightly say Cherise, it is never too late to raise ourselves to offer this to the world.
Yes Sarah, just imagine. Instead of everyone trying to outcompete those around them we accept each persons uniqueness and importance to the Plan. What a beautiful world that will be – one day.
However long it takes, there is absolutely no doubt that we will all return to live from the way of true communication and be met in full for who we are rather than being measured by performance and what we do.
When we have a child, so much advice is given to us and we start to not trust our own feelings or instincts and get caught up in the pictures and comparison. If we can drop all of that and come from our own inner guidance and what feels true, we can better guide and support our children to be who they truly are and support them to be solid in that knowing.
So true. I remember as a child being looked down on, seen as less – as someone who had to earn respect and therefore earn a sense of worth and entitlement. It didn’t occur to any adult in my life to tell me that I already had it all inside and that all I needed to do was connect and express what I felt because it didn’t occur to them either. Fortunately, in relearning this simple wisdom and its power for myself I am able to communicate all of this to my own children, who have self-worth and self-love in spades!
The importance of knowing and reconnecting to our innate beingness cannot be over-estimated. How glorious it would be to be brought up in that wisdom and the awareness that what we do is an important contribution to mankind, but it can never change the depth of love that we are from.
Often we say a baby is a blanc canvas and this is true in the sense that they are not yet tainted by everything we have created in this world. Yet it is a complete lie if we understand that a child is already everything the moment it is born.
Wow what a set up! We have set ourselves up from day dot to compare ourselves to another, when we are in comparison we are saying no to the otherwise beautiful, true, equal, and supportive relationships we can have with another.
Wow what a set up! We have set ourselves up from day dot to compare ourselves to another, when we are in comparison we are saying no to the otherwise beautiful, true, equal, and supportive relationships we can have with another.
It amazes me how easy it is to jump into comparison and if we compare our kids to each other then they learn the art of comparison and in that we avoid appreciation of the individual expression of each and every person. An amazing difference to raise kids to not be in comparison which starts with us.
Comparison and competition are so ugly when we realise how much we are putting ourselves and others down with this way of living. It is not natural, it is learned, once we know this, we can start to un-learn it.
Cherise, I agree with you we have set ourselves up to fail from day dot. The reason I feel that we do this is that we have either forgotten who we truly are or because of the hurts we carry feel so overwhelming we don’t want to know anymore. We just want to tick the boxes of life and get by as best we can. But from my own personal experience I have found that we are much more than we give ourselves credit for. And as we come to the close of another year around the sun, this is a great time to stop and reflect back over the last 12 months of our lives. Which are lived at such a fast pace we don’t give ourselves any space to consider the possibility that how we are living actually isn’t working. It’s only when we are forced to stop through an illness or disease that we then have the space to reevaluate and make different choices.
If it would be know to all of us that ‘we are already everything’, we would live in a different world with less comparison and competition and probably less abuse, violence and health issues. Each of us claiming back this knowing is contributing to this.
‘ when we know who we are in essence, we know our quality. When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other. ‘ Most of us don’t take time to consider what our true qualities are and who we are in essence. When we do we can begin to appreciate the part we play and how valuable our contribution to life is, and how lovely we feel in our bodies. Were we to give ourselves permission we could so easily start the longest and dearest love affair ever, and in this growing love for ourselves we enhance every relationship from there on in.
Babies are naturally connected to their essence and it is our job as parents/supportive adults in their lives to nurture this knowing and not allow the poison of comparison and competition to taint this inner knowing of who they are.
‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’ We actually do complement each other, and when we appreciate that there is no place for comparison.
We do have certain pictures of what we ‘expect’ a certain child to be and as a first-time parent if we don’t trust ourselves and the fact that we know our child best and are in the best position to identify if something is amiss, we can give our power away to ‘professionals’. In order to honour each child as they are, we first have to honour ourselves and our own innate wisdom so that we naturally know what is truly needed for us, our families and the wider community without imposition but understanding.
Thank you Cherise, Wow I had not realised how we categorise our babies when they a born and compare so much in their development. I can see how this sets up for life the comparison and competition that is rife amongst us in life. To appreciate a child’s qualities, divinity, all that they bring, from birth sets a foundation so the comparison and competition out in the world does not define them, they know who they are, and for this we need to appreciate ourselves for the divine qualities we bring, as we are all equal in our essence and unique in our expression.
Comparison is introduced, it is not our natural way by any means, yet even though it seems to be the norm, blogs like yours really offer an opportunity to look at the different perspective and commit to raising children in a different way.
You say “In truth parents want the best for their children” but very often that is not true. Most parents think they want the best for their children but sometimes they have a higher priority such as security. We know that a lot of abuse and choosing not to see what is really going on happens behind closed doors ie in the family home.
I agree and I think it’s true in the sense that “In truth parents want the best for their children” but often we get caught thinking we are needing to give them something in place of them being an equal part in the relationship. Meaning yes they are children but to support anyone to grow they are needing the space and to be truly seen so as we aren’t producing a robot of sorts but allowing the development of what is already innately there.
Comparison and ideals about how we “should” be are so rife that we very often even compare ourselves – today I am worse or better than I was yesterday and so forth.
Not only is competition and comparison considered the norm they are actually encouraged and championed especially competitiveness. Growing up I competed in sport, in academia, in looks, in the clothes I wore, to name a few, most of what I did and how I lived was built on competition. This way of being is the opposite to brotherhood where it is only about equality and supporting each other with what ever is needed.
Totally agree Jane..
We feed and breed competition by the way we bring up our children. As you say, we focus too much on what they can do, how fast they can learn, and we compare them to other children all the time. If we want to see a change in behaviour we need to drop the need for our child to be the prettiest or the fastest of the smartest. We need to take the pressure off them and enjoy them for who they are, at what ever pace is natural to them in life.
Every single person on this planet has a large amount to offer and express that is only going to come through them. When we lessen ourselves through comparison or jealousy we essentially put a lid on it. Therefore when we see someone who is bringing it all to the best of their ability we suddenly recognise the breaks we have put on for ourselves. Our choice in that moment is to either celebrate the person who is bringing it or try and take them out with our jealousy. Its a very powerful person who can be honest about how they feel and then learn to celebrate. For its in the celebrating of another that we see the same qualities within ourselves.
‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’ We are brought up to value what we do and don’t truly appreciate the qualities we bring to EVERYTHING we do. Understanding the qualities we bring helps us to appreciate our selves which in turn increases our self worth.
The moment we begin to appreciate ourselves in our true essence, knowing that the we are already everything, comparison ceases.
It is incredibly revealing how many examples there are of comparison starting early in a child’s life
Yep if we all knew that we are everything already we wouldn’t feel the need to compare and all that energy that we waste on comparison could be used on cooperation.
We already are everything, yes we are, I know this but not fully lived, however the awareness is there.
Yes indeed, Ariana. Imagine if the fact that we are already everything was taught on day 1 at school and every day thereafter?
It is never to late to re-discover that we are already everything. The armorer we have worn is no longer needed that allows our true lightness to be set free once again.
Cherise, this is an important question to ask; ‘But with our focus placed on competing for and achieving what these pictures promise, are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?’ I notice with young children that there is naturally a connection between them, that there is rarely any competition and comparison and there is a tenderness, care, openness and playfulness in how they are with each other, as competition is introduced I see how this openness, tenderness and care with each becomes much less as the comparison and competition starts to take over, there is a hardness in how children are with each other that comes with this.
Yes, Cherise, comparison is rife when we do not appreciate ourselves or each other in essence.
Cherise, thank you for drawing our attention to not only how endemic comparison and competition actually are in our society, but how normal and accepted it is to be this way, when it is actually very destructive and far from our innate way of being together.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ We are already everything… when this is embraced can change our life as well as the life of the children we raise. No need of looking outside, but just knowing who we are.
We all have a responsibility to teach all children the beauty of who they naturally are without any pressure of how, what or when they do anything.
It is so important to remember that every baby that is born is already complete on its own. It is not less than it’s parents or older siblings simply because he or she is just fresh in life and is everything that we are too. The only thing is, like we have done, they have to learn a lot of the practicalities of today’s world and need our support in doing that while maintaining that precious connection with the exquisite stillness and delicacy inside they are born with.
So true – every detail of our developmental steps can be seen as a factor for comparison, and we can so easily get caught and lose ourselves in looking sideways trying to know ourselves thereafter, and I totally agree with you, Cherise, that this way of living is totally detrimental no matter how often we might hit a point of being better/more than.
It’s true. Once you start to see it, you see that it is everywhere. Insidiously imbedded within the roots of our society, behaviours and movements.
I agree you can see it everywhere.
It’s interesting when you use the parse “true purpose” as in fact, for so many of us, our purpose is drawn in direct reaction to such things as comparison and competition and in pursuit of then pictures. So that which imprisons us is also what drives us.
It is a blessing for any child to learn from birth that they are here to be themselves, that would be the true way to raise our children and raise our future generation in a world where there is a lot of untruth.
I love what you have shared here Cherise. No matter what, we are everything from the day we are born. How amazing it is to then be able to share this joy and wisdom with our children and have them appreciate and love who they are from day one and see how our holding of these qualities allows all others to feel the same quality within themselves is truly inspirational.
Comparison and competition, most will see as a healthy part of our life and would not see any problem with them, but maybe the body would have something to say about that.
I had a photo shoot today and I had to really let go of smiling into the camera to please others rather than bring my true power and self to all. We learn from an early age what pleases others and then we deny what is true for us and spend the rest of our life doing this. This is such an imprisonment. What is needed are people who will offer a true reflection of what it means to live as our true selves so that we become inspired to do this for ourselves.
There is so much we loose with comparison, the key one being that we do not have to do it alone, that we’re here to each bring a part, to collaborate and that every single one of us has a unique piece to bring and here’s the thing, we don’t need to become that, we are it, in fact in many cases we have to unlearn a lot of what we have taken on, so we can simply allow the true quality of who we are be shown for all to see.
It is profound that we are already everything. It’s not so much a concept it’s truth. As Cherise as expressed coming from this knowing exposes all that is not you in truth.
Raise a child to know their own truth, and we raise the world [out of comparison].
Wise words Zofia – well said.
The instant we compare we are saying that we are not enough.
‘Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.’ – so true, Cherise. All the charting of a new born’s progress is very supportive to ensure that they are ‘healthy’ and as a means for early detection of any potential health issues. However, going into comparison with each other and becoming fixated on whether our baby is ‘normal/average’ or above or below this median point, is completely un-supportive and already, energetically, sending the message to our baby that they are lacking in some way, or are ‘superior’ compared to others around them – and so the cycle begins.
The underlying cause of competitive behaviour seems to be related to not feeling enough as who we are. We do not need to beat anyone else, or be better than anyone else to be worthy.
I know some amazing adults who were late starters in various aspects such as walking or talking. But instead of being driven by comparison, their parents could sense that each child was developing in their own time and honoured that. It seems so crazy and unnecessary that the stress of competition starts so early.
Yes, I agree Elizabeth. I feel it starts with the parents and adults, because in order to show our children how to interact and be with each other without comparison, competition, jealously and pictures of how life should be played out, parents and adults have the responsibility to live this and teach/reflect by example.
Competition is not positive and does not build people, it crushes one group and fills another with a sense of elation which can not last… there is no winner in a competition.
Comparison and competition breed evermore anxiousness and rush and perpetuate a hamster on the wheel like existence.
Competition allows us to identify ourselves with a strong experience – the experience of winning or losing plus the experience of preparing for the competition. There are a lot of opportunities to get identified, hence perhaps their popularity.
Often we can use the success of our children to feel worthy or successful as parents and this is an imposition to the child, when we don’t put pictures onto someone but just allow them to be we give them the space to express and develop in their own time and in their own way.
At a Universal Medicine event yesterday, they showed a short video of various students who have chosen to live their life in accordance to the principles of The Way of the Livingness. They came in lots of different shapes and sizes and nationalities, but what absolutely was the same was their inner glow shining brightly from their bodies and mostly from their eyes. It moved me to tears. This is what the human race can look like when we are connected to our own selves, and know that we are already everything from the moment we are born. Yep lets knock comparison and competition out of the water, it does not belong with us.
I agree Sarah it was totally beautifully exquisite to see. A group of people being naturally who they are and in celebration of that.
When we know who we are and we appreciate ourselves and what we bring, we can also appreciate others too rather than compare and not really see that we are not here to compete but here to work together and compliment each other.
I had never realised how much comparison was so endemic from the baby years but you are absolutely correct, Cherise and it is really ugly. What a great choice your baby has made having you for a mum who will nurture and honour the divinity already there within your baby.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ True Cherise it is never too late and crucial to stop comparing and competing. I know from when our children were babies how the comparison between mothers about their child was extreme. This way of relating with each other made a lot of the mothers insecure as they gave their power away to what was shared instead of connecting to their inner knowing.
This is a beautifully restoring piece that affirms that everything we ‘need’ to be we already are and that our number one job as a parent is to honour this truth for our children. Thank you Cherise – as a mother of two girls, what you say makes perfect sense.
‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’
This is so true and beautiful. I grew up very competitive because I felt a deep lack of self worth and was very insecure. Though I may not feel it all the time, all the time I know I am already everything and so am letting in stuff that says I am not. So even though I can ask myself what are my qualities exactly? I am open to appreciating myself much more than I ever was.
Wow! Comparison and Judgement really are everywhere in almost all nooks and crannies of society. If ever you have felt judged you will know it is never nice to feel and does not in any way inspire you to be more of who you truly are. If appreciation and understanding were made the way society would be a whole lot more different.
With a continual deepening of appreciation for Serge Benhayon for sharing and presenting the truth that we are everything, complete and equal to all before we are the ‘roles’ /duties etc. we do in life. Understanding this truth and choosing to live in a nurturing and honoring way is absolutely life changing and life re-connecting.
‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’ Yes we all bring a part of the whole and each part is of value, each part contains the whole and the whole is not complete without our contribution.
Allowing a child to live his essence everyday is what I now know to be a truly healthy upbringing and lifestyle.
Great presentation about how from an early age, we are fashioned or nudged to change little by little, with no regard to honouring what we already are.
As a woman, I have grown up and into a life of comparison. And even now as I raise a daughter – I see this everywhere, each time I have another conversation with a mother, I catch myself giving my version of what is going on. And it all comes back to comparison. It is so ingrained in our way of expressing as women. Even the exercise I choose – girlfriends will want to talk about it and compare it to what they do. Likewise with food, clothing, makeup..it is everywhere and this blog really highlights how far this goes.
“but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing” well said the more I reconnect to my soul the more I realise I always knew everything, if I approach my child in the same way with the deep knowing she knows everything then the way she is raised will by virtue of that one fact be completely different.
Thank you Cherise, for so long I’ve considered comparison to do with measuring physical looks, jobs or financial status – but now I can see it is literally anything and any time I measure myself against how others are. The biggest part is not seeing that there is a difference but forgetting that we each come from the same source. We all have our own journey to returning to this, so to measure how we are travelling based on what others do misses the point.
That was the thing that stood out most both in this article and in raising children, the fact that we do know. I can recall many moments where the thing that frustrated the most was the fact that you didn’t follow what you felt to do and rather you got swept up with what others had said or done prior. More and more we are seeing that this is what life is about, undoing all the points that we felt to do what was true for us and in place of that sold it off to do what the popular vote was.
I laughed when I read this first part of this article because I remember with children the concerns that were raised when they were to small, to big, not feeding enough, feeding to much, taking to long to walk, over active etc etc. It seemed every time you took them somewhere or were in contact with someone they were telling you of their concerns with children. As a parent it was easy to get swept away by the comments until you realised that a lot of them were contradicting each other and none of their ideas seemed to be actually about the child in front of them. It’s always great to get support with things but the quality of that support is important otherwise you can’t really call some of it support. With what is going on around us more and more we are needing to make the call ourselves. It’s not that you do things on your own but more connect and honour what you feel to do rather then adopt of way of being that is told to us. Raising children is a great example as a lot is set up for us in how we are as adults during this period.
Comparison and competition are so deeply embedded in our way of life that to think of them not being there was impossible for me. Then came along The Way of The Livingness and I could see there was a different approach, a different angle to see life from and a different way to live… what a difference it is!
I used to think comparison and competition was normal, I didn’t like any of it but accepted it as the norm until I came across The Way of The Livingness, showing me that it is possible to live without comparison and competition. I got to feel how harmful comparison and competition is, whereas before I was pretty numb to it.
This is something I have discussed with men and women of all ages, and not one person has ever been surprised because we all know it. Even if it is not in our current consciousness, we have all lived with the constant and imposing barrage of tick boxes, measuring and competition that is set up from when we are born. There is much isolation in comparing ourselves to others, as it is always in the way of truly and intimately connecting to another. However, when we live that “We are already everything…” we know and see everyone in that same light, then there can be no competition, expectations or disappointment because how can we be disappointed in someone that is everything. Appreciating the everything supports oneness.
Just after having my first child I was encouraged by the midwife to join like minded mothers for a get together over coffee. This group met once a week and took it in turns to gather at a different house each week. I went once and never again, it was like a show and tell party, it seemed to me that already at such a young age 3 – 6 months everyone was competing with one another regarding their babies. There was no sense of togetherness of just enjoying their babies for the joy they had brought to their lives. So yes, I would agree with you Cherise comparison, competition and jealousy starts when the children are very young and it’s the parents who doing are comparing!
Outdoing others is a lifestyle that is eternally confirming itself based on our choice to not accept that our evolution is entirely in our hands.
When we fall into the comparison trap we stop seeing the beauty that every being brings to this planet we share.
What I have observed is that many women (me included) after their child is born can only talk about their child and almost about nothing else. No sharing how they are feeling or what is going on for them and only capable of talking about someone else. Maybe we miss the stillness and the connection that was there during the pregnancy?
What you describe here Cherise is so very important to be aware of as the constant comparison and competition keeps us in very limited relationships with each other because we are never allowed to see the whole person with that nor ourselves but reduce ourselves to one or two or a few things we like to choose.
‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other’. This knocks comparison and competition on its head and reveals the future of how we can live in brotherhood with all.
Nothing is as important in life as knowing who you are and how to express this. Our growing up period is a super important time in our life that can be there to support us to know this.
When we know and appreciate our qualities, we are then much more able to appreciate those of others as well. Appreciation leaves no room for comparison.
I only took my daughter a few times for the weighing etc she was small and absolutely fine but the pressure of scrutiny, especially when a new mum, wasn’t worth the information. Whenever I went through it in my head about this and that, I took the very good advice of look at you baby, you know if they are thriving it’s obvious. It’s when we stop connecting and get lost in ideals that we all come unstuck.
Being a new mum with this awareness you have a perfect opportunity to re-imprint this with everyone you and your little one come into contact with 💕
Yes, even to re-imprint the consciousness of raising a baby.
This really hits home as to how comparison and competition is instilled in us.
The interesting thing here is that a baby does not look outside him/herself and compare themselves to others. It is conditioned behaviour we learn to adopt by receiving the dominant reflection all around us – i.e. what others are living and reflecting back to us. The young child sees and feels all. What then says this of our responsibility in the way we live as parents, grandparents, carers and friends to the children amongst us?
Reading this I can see how those milestones are still running through my life as in I have to be somewhere or match an expectation by now. Growth never comes when expectations are present, they don’t provide the space to grow. For me I feel it’s a case of letting go of the expectations more because when I do the growth far outshines and supersedes the perceived ‘perfect’ goal.
Wow Leigh, so true this still can run us at any age, if we let it, like when we say ‘I’m this age…and I don’t have this, or I’m not doing this yet or I should have my stuff together by now etc. etc. Each age has a consciousness around what it ‘should’ look like or how we ‘should’ feel and be at that time. If we connected to our essence and the truth of numerology and how that supports us in our evolution at each age then this comparison and measuring would simply not exist.
I can relate Leigh, as the momentum of this way of life continues on and on if we let it. I also feel that the letting go comes naturally when we begin to really appreciate, value and know ourselves deeply too.
That makes sense as the more I value me for being me the less I push to do something in order to hit that goal/target/milestone.
Competition is praying on our relationship with individuality to try some-how to be the best and when we start to feel from our Inner-Heart as you have shared Cherise, we all feel like one without the separation caused by competition.
It is so true Cherise, most of us weren’t raised to know ourselves as truly amazing just for being us, but we can return to that truth for ourselves and then live/share that amazingness with everyone.
If we align with the status quo and play the game then it is very crushing indeed and I have experienced this. However, after many years of nurturing myself, letting go of my hurts and healing many of them I find I am able to observe life more without getting involved in the investment for recognition, allowing things to be as they are. This doesn’t only support me but also supports my children in that they are released of the pressure to perform by doing in the loving acceptance of who they naturally are – allowing them more space to connect to this and to claim it for themselves in turn without the need to be recognised from the outside by what they do.
A beautiful understanding of the joy of the journey of coming back to the oneness and divinity we all are and the living of this as we are born. The comparison ,competition and separation we feel and choose is not really us and realising our own unique quality is immense as is the appreciation of who we are and life as a whole. The deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in showing us this is absolute in reflecting to us our true essence and the living of this for humanity.
A wise man once told me that “love is, the knowing-ness, the being-ness that we are everything already”
Seeking outside of yourself to establish your worth is an exhausting cycle that continuously needs feeding but never truly nourishes the vibrant colours that we each are here to bring, share and evolve.
A divine expression, expansion and appreciation of the glory of each of us.
Beautifully said Lucinda
Cherise great blog – ‘We are already everything’ is so key to life and the way we are living. When we start with this knowing then our platform is love and so can view life from this perspective. Starting as anything less or trying to get somewhere sets us up to continually look outside of ourselves and is totally exhausting!!
The world is full of competition and I notice how competitive the children around me are and have been since a very early age. The striving to be better, bigger and faster kicks in very early and only seems to grow with time. I often wonder where they learn this from as the newly born beautiful little baby boy or girl does not have a competitive bone in their body…so it is obviously taken on from observing those around them as they grow and so the very destructive cycle is guaranteed to be perpetuated until someone says stop.
Brilliantly expressed Ingrid. I too am seeing young children becoming more and more competitive, they are not born with this, so I feel it is a learnt behaviour. Unfortunately I am seeing our education system and society encouraging comparison and competitiveness to children as being the norm. We all have the power and responsibility to reflect a way of life that is true, harmonious and deeply uniting that is void of comparison and competitiveness, and to celebrate and nurture children to be who they truly are.
We only have to look at our current education system worldwide where great is considered not good enough and the potential to keep on bringing more is often sold at the expense of being more!
Thank you Cherise, it is amazing to read about parenting from such an aware perspective, because most of the time, in my experience at least, all of the comparison and the competition are seen or noticed but tend to go unexpressed. So, you have given a platform for all of this to be talked about – but from the angle of knowing that we are all already enough, and the comparisons and the competitivenesses are merely just behaviours that are engaged with – they are not who we are in truth. Beautiful!
That is so important isn’t it – to know that it is not us, so when we talk about it we talk about it from taking on a behaviour that reduces who we naturally are.
Cherise, very gorgeous article, I have been aware recently that I have a choice to compare myself with other women or to be inspired by and work together with other women, knowing that we all have our own qualities that we bring, the working together feels great and harmonious and the comparison feels cold and separative. I love what you have written here; ‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’
“… We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute… From here, a truly healthy relationship with ourselves and others is born…” I love this, as you remind us how we are presented with many opportunities to re-establish and restore a relationship with ourselves that eventually leads to Love.
A large key for a true healing – returning to the love that we are in truth by re-establishing and restoring a true relationship with ourself.
It’s true. Comparison really is a waste of time, and can be quite harming to all of us. If we compare ourselves with someone else we are not honouring or appreciating the beauty and the greatness that we are in our essence and through our unique qualities. Comparing puts us on a downward spiral.
“discarding the separation that comparison and competition only serve to spread and supporting us all to feel equal” – True Cherise. When we compare with others it’s like putting on tinted glasses and only being able to see a tiny, tiny bit of that person that we want to pick apart, and not the whole them – an amazing thing to behold.
‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’ A precious gem and one that transformed the way I felt about myself and related to others. From here on, I no longer felt less, or better than, simply equal to all others. An amazing place to be at any age.
Yes, it is great to know that we are already everything as is everyone else. Truly living that is something else altogether!
I remember my Dad would always be amused (and somewhat disparaging) of parents who discussed at what age their toddler has or hasn’t started to walk; boasting, comparing or worrying. He would say “have you ever met a four year old child who didn’t know how to walk – it is going to happen – does it really matter when?” He had a point and when expressed as plainly as this it exposes the absurdity of these comparisons. Of all the astonishing glory that each child offers are we really going to reduce our appreciation down to something as minor as what age they were when they started to walk?
I like your point here Otto and it does make it very clear how very ridiculous it is to compare ourselves in things that are completely natural to us. How limited we have accepted to be with each other.
It is the beginning of the obsession with self. If you really consider it, it is absurd. Our bodies are not ours, our ability to walk is not something that belongs to us or is because of some amazing choice that we have made or anything like that. Our bodies are from, and of, the universe and we walk so that we can move, evolve and serve. And yet, at this very early stage of our lives, by being appreciated or compared because of our ability to walk, we are already being encouraged to see ourselves as individuals.
Yes this is beautifully said and it invites us to see the grandness we are coming from and it shows that with any kind of ownership we reduce ourselves to a mere speck of the universe, all the while we are part of the whole, where no ownership is required but the interconnected flow of the all is all the riches that we need – that are needed.
Great and wise remark from your dad! How much energy, time and often worrying is spent on comparing if a child is ‘on time’ with his/her developments. So far for appreciation the amazingness of every single child and allowing each of them to have their own rhythm and moment to develop certain skills.
Appreciating each child for who they are and where they are at is the simple way.
Haha and classic, a wise man indeed. It’s true though and it makes me consider where these conversations start from, are they an authentic conversation or do we go into something because we are feeling uncomfortable just being with people. I see a lot of conversations start as a point to cover a feeling, it’s great not to know, it’s great to know, either way the importance is for us to understand it’s true for us to be settled in simply being and not needing to be anything other.
This is depressingly valid Ray. We would rather discuss inane subjects like whether our child is or isn’t walking instead of connecting deeply and transparently. What is even more crazy in this specific example is that, almost without exception, any parent around this time is probably exhausted and anxious about all sorts of things and would be craving for a true and supportive conversation about the trials and tribulations of parenting; rather than trying to maintain the veneer of everything being 24/7 wonderful. We could be so supportive of each other – instead we stay in our fortresses and use our children as a way of avoiding true connection.
Yes and instead of asking more questions as what we would appear to crave most is connection. So it would make sense then not to get lost in conversation for conversation sake but more dedicate to simply being with another and open to where the conversation is pulled to from there. Often we have the conversation mapped out for a direction and when we begin it ends up cycling around to that uncomfortable point where it seems like you need to leave and wish each other well and promise to catch up soon.
Just reading your comment, I could feel a wash over my body; a release of tension and the warm welcoming of that transparency and intimacy. It’s revealing to consider how gigantic the world’s problems can seem and then just consider how gigantically healing simple connections like this actually are.
Well said and where to next, what’s the next part of this? Are we always looking to go or move onto the next thing or step or at times like this is all we need do is simply be and in this prepare for the next part to come to us. Movement isn’t a step always forward like we think, no is it stagnate or backwards, it’s a holding of space and this is the most significant move to make.
This is something I have really noticed too Otto as a parent myself and it just shows the obsession we have as a society with rewarding and recognising each other for what we are doing rather than really seeing and focusing on the qualities of each other.
I know exactly what you mean here Otto as a parent myself. It is a sign of our obsession as a society with recognition and rewarding people for what they do rather than valuing and honouring who they are and their precious qualities.
Love this, not the first time i’ve heard that remark that your Dad made but it’s such a valid point. Like of all the things there are to focus on – why something as simple and guaranteed as that?
I have twin daughters, and when they were in their learning to walk phase, both had mastered standing and holding on, but one would just watch her sister do all the hard work of trying and failing/falling. It was not till she mastered walking that the other one just started walking. Children do what they need to do when they are ready.
That is so great Steve; and amazing that you were able to appreciate and give them space; rather than judge one above the other or make one feel less; that is true parenting and I can see how this is even more potent and important with twins where the traps of comparison are even more prevalent (and perhaps even more damaging?)
What a great comment and thank you. I had a smile on my face watching this happening as I was reading your comment. Even twins have their own way and to see the support and as someone else said ‘space’ you have created here is touching. I am sure with this wise guidance their growth will be assured.
Yes the reducing down of a baby to expectations and measures of how they will do things show how we live in a world where we don’t want a ounce of beingness and try to wipe it out immediately, from birth.
Smother their light so that they don’t reflect our choices so brightly back to us. Is that not the ultimate form of abuse?
Great point Otto, if we appreciated babies for their essence there would be no bragging because all would appreciate the gift from heaven before them and within them.
I agree and from there if we were simply to appreciate us all, everyone “for their essence” then the face of the world we see would change. Take a photo of yourself on any given day and then for a week or so make your dedication simply appreciating all you see, give all the other things that are ‘wrong’ with everything a break and simply appreciate. Then take another photo of yourself and have a look at the 2 together and I am sure you will see, ‘the face of the world’ has changed.
Wow Cherise, what a powerful and inspiring blog this is to read on comparison and competition. I love the details of your awareness and observations from being a mother.
“Potentially this way of living has actually already been set up to begin this way from conception, as we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of”.
What you say about that comparison starting the very moment that the child is born – I had never considered this, but can absolutely see what you are saying. Amazing to contemplate and I really appreciate you shining a light on that. Having had three children, I saw and still see a lot of that comparison that goes on between parents (myself included at times) and it is then bound to be felt, fostered, taken on and repeated by the children. If we are looking outside of them, then they are of course, going to look outside of themselves.
Working in a competitive industry the levels of comparison that is seen between colleagues starts with themselves and then feeds into their children and grandchildren. There never seems to be a topic or person that is not affected by this.
Yes, it is never too late to re-connect to knowing that we are already everything and The Way of The Livingness is the way to achieve this.