Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition

We may consider it to be a normal part of everyday life to observe or be swept up in comparison or competition. Men perform for the top spots in business, the fastest legs on the field or the grungiest, hotted up car: we see them competing to ‘get the girl’, to have the most laid-back lifestyle, honours at university or even to drink others ‘under the table’. With women, we see the comparison in our looks, the bikini bodies (or lack-thereof), the hair and all external features, really… From women’s relationships with men, colleagues and friends, to how much and what we eat, business accomplishments, exercise style and how we breastfeed, there aren’t many aspects of life, if any, that have not yet been compared to and competed for.

Is this really healthy?

Where does comparison and competition begin?

After having a baby of my own, it’s apparent to me that a lifestyle rich in comparison and competition and the seeking to be recognised for anything and everything that we do begins early – from day dot. Potentially this way of living has actually already been set up to begin this way from conception, as we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of. But with our focus placed on competing for and achieving what these pictures promise, are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?

I have noticed for myself that babies are categorised by their head circumference and their length, their birth weight and how much they drink, whether they are breast or bottle fed, how much they poop and of course at what month do they begin to eat solids, sleep through, where they sleep, and when they first smile, crawl, talk and walk. Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals.

Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.

Becoming distracted by these external considerations pulls us away from the truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact

When we are raised to know this – that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise – we are given the space to live a completely different lifestyle… perhaps one that is truly healthy!

Yes, we are still going to grow, walk and fall over. We’ll learn all the lessons life brings our way, reaching our milestones, getting the awards, the relationship or the job and be categorised as ‘average’, ‘above’ or ‘below,’ but the important part here is that it won’t really matter what we do because we’ll know who we are first and foremost: we’ll stand on a solidness within us where competition and comparison can’t even touch the sides!

Of course, not many of us as adults can say that we were educated and fostered as children to be, and to know, the essence of who we are before all else, and hence live a truly healthy lifestyle, free of the seeking or need to be recognised, or free of competition and comparison. But the fact remains:

We are already everythingand it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.

From here, a truly healthy relationship with ourselves and others is born, as when we know who we are in essence, we know our quality. When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other. Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.

All of this is the beginning of a healthy lifestyle, discarding the separation that comparison and competition only serve to spread and supporting us all to feel equal, whilst appreciating more deeply the qualities we are and that we bring.

I have begun to appreciate the relationship and health benefits in those students of The Way of The Livingness who are choosing to practise this way of living for themselves.

Deeply inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for reawakening me to my true essence and reflecting to me the importance of living this in my everyday.

By Cherise Holt, 33, Nurse, Mother and Woman re-acquainted with her True self

Related Reading:
A Life of Comparison
Competition and self-esteem: Turning the tide on competition and comparison in schools
The Beauty of Meeting Children and Allowing Them to Be

634 thoughts on “Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition

  1. I love what you introduce here how from a baby we are surrounding by comparison and jealousy, so it is not wondering that we have let that infiltrate into a way of being that has become normal. What is normal about saying you are not enough and that someones else is better because of XYZ, that is not normal, that is abuse.

  2. The truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… is something that I feel so deeply that it informs, and will for as long as is needed, every parenting step I take from here on in.

  3. This happened to me recently. Doctors using statistics and averages to determine what was ‘good’ – not from a desire to help but more from a fear of being sued. Shows how we are usually looking at the wrong end of life, worrying about avoiding strife instead of embracing Love and life.

  4. When we lose ourselves in creation competing amongst each other to how we think we should live based on the ideals and beliefs as a society we have taken on, we abandon the truth of who we are. We live in the falseness and pretence making our priority to outdo another solely for personal gain but at what expense do we harm one another and abuse the body? What if living in a way that is not true for us was taken into consideration and the endless possibilities and potential this would have on our health and well being?

  5. There is a great beauty in how although we are all equal in essence we can naturally express in different ways and complement each other so that together we are greater, making comparison and competition seem pointless.

  6. The best antidote to jealousy is appreciation. Someone I love to the bone has recently stepped up in her commitment and expression in life and it is showing so clearly – she is more beautiful, gentle, claimed and powerful than I ever remember seeing her. To me, this is a joy not only because she is totally awesome, but also because the world actually needs what she has to offer. There is not one atom of jealousy in my body. I am simply inspired and blown away by all her choices.

  7. “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.

    I can vouch for that. I am raising myself in my late 40’s in this knowing.

  8. Working yesterday in an organization where 170 people will lose their job within a couple of months with lot of the same job descriptions we spoke about how important it is to work together on this, to support each other and not become competitors. By knowing your own qualities we can never compete, but only appreciate what each of us brings.

  9. Yes it is very beautiful to see people change coming closer to living in their essence. The grace and harmony that we bring when we are living this way is a joy to experience.

  10. The most effective way to reduce (squash) the multidimensional aspect of ourselves is to introduce into the equation a set of expectations and/or measures that seek to constrict our full expression so that we end up conforming to human set ideals that keep us playing small and ‘only human’ so as not to be impulsed or influenced by our inerasable divinity.

  11. It is true that this comparison starts from the moment of birth and starts to categorise the child in relation to other children the same age. This is completely unnecessary and only creates anxiety in worrying that one’s child is not conforming to what is a totally false norm that allows not for different paces of development. Then the same unhealthy comparison continues all the way through school until adulthood, branding anyone who does not meet these false norms as less in some way, thereby affecting them for all their lives with feelings of lack of self worth. It is a horrible setup.

  12. A beautiful and honest understanding of the harm and separation of comparison and jealously and how it effects our lives from young. The knowing that “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” Inspirational and honouring of who we really are.

  13. The word healthy can have different meanings for different people. One mum considers a sandwich healthy when it doesn’t have chocolate sprinkles on it but for example cheese, whereas another mum only thinks yoghurt for breakfast is healthy. It would be great if were taught that listening to our body is healthy and that our body knows what it does and doesn’t want to eat and drink, instead of comparing our different versions of healthy with each other.

  14. I always find it fascinating how the most basic features of our bodies can be used to compare, as if one basic feature could be better than another…

  15. Comparison is rife in the world, especially amongst women and this will continue until women re-discover their own inner beauty and begin to embrace the uniqueness that has been there all along.

  16. When we are not cherished as little babies, we begin to feel that we have to do something to be liked by those around us. We try our hardest to impress, learn tricks, how to read and write as early as possible and dance choreographies, and poems – all to get some recognition, some attention and some affection.

    1. It is such a shame that parents cannot simply love and cherish their children. Such a foundation would give them everything they need in this world and no trying to please would be necessary.

      1. It is impossible to truly love another if you do not love yourself so chances are the parents did not get that foundation as a child and don’t have it to pass on… and so it goes round and round on the unmerry-go-round until someone steps off and up and out of this sorry cycle and into love!

      2. Yes, Serge Benhayon stepped off the unmerry-go-round and has shown us true love and many others are now inspired to take those same steps. However, throughout history we have had many great people step off before and show us the way, and yet still the majority of people not only choose to stay in the lovelessness but actually are so confronted by true love that they see it as something harmful to be quashed at any cost.

  17. A beautiful reminder, thank you. Whenever I don’t feel my own qualities or that I am already everything I need to be it is so easy to fall for the comparison and jealousy trap, even though I know it never supports and harms. Sometimes it is just a game to not have to step up, be more aware and more responsible.

  18. We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.”

    At 47 I am still raising myself in that knowing. It is never too late.This is a loving work in progress for me.

  19. When we appreciate the quality that we are in our essence then it is natural to bring that quality into all that we do for the benefit of all rather than need to compete to try and prove our worth.

  20. I have found out for myself that comparison and competition is a clever way our spirits manipulate humanity to keep everyone separated from each other, this is in total opposition to our natural way of being.

  21. Competitiveness has become normal and even championed in our educated system. Schooling is fundamentally based on competition often praising those who do great work yet what about those whose work is standard or below? Has it ever crossed the minds of those in the education system how these children feel and the impact it has on them? We are so attached to the belief that competition is good for us that we are stubbornly ignorant and arrogant because of our investments to the fact creating competition has an impact and that impact separates us and not unites or brings us together in a world where we are deeply longing for connection.

  22. We compare and compete because we feel a lack of worth within ourselves, when we compare to another person if they are worse off than us (based on our perception) we somewhat feel better about ourselves, this is an insidious game because once that person starts to make steps and “does better” we are instantly smashed by our own insecurities. We feel like we’re not worthy even more, we can sulk and beat ourselves up – only because we know that we could equally be making these steps. It’s a game that we play, we lie to ourselves and have all the excuses in the world as to why we don’t like people, but truth be told it is probably because we are comparing ourselves to them on one level or another.

  23. often see parents very stressed out if their child is not going along the same growth trajectory as other kids. This expectation is a complete imposition on children and very unhealthy for the parents.

  24. It is really good to consider how comparing our baby with another one will impact on them because even though we don’t always realize this, they feel everything and will feel how we want them to be quicker, stronger, better etc. So this is the start of us competing for attention and thinking attention is love which it is actually not, love is love and love holds all for the beauty that they are. Whatever the speed you are growing in.

  25. If I do not appreciate the connection to my essence and the qualities I bring to whatever I do I will be forever at the mercy of comparison and jealousy. There is no job title greater than another (which is what is being exposed here in my livingness) when we live the truth of who we are.

    1. That’s beautifully said Caroline and rings true to me as well – “There is no job title greater than another when we live the truth of who we are.”

  26. ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ This is gold – that we all can raise ourselves afresh in the understanding that we are already everything, it’s not just for children, we can re-parent ourselves in this way.

  27. I see a lot of contradictions about when comparison is acceptable and when it is not. We love to see two teams competing and even getting aggressive with each other – it’s all part of the entertainment, right? – but ‘tut’ when the crowd breaks into a brawl. We love to see our kids winning, thinking it boosts their confidence but do not see the ripple effect of the tension/anxiety that develops, knowing they need to perform to get noticed. WE champion the bits we like but don’t see the devastation it creates.

  28. The world as we know it today is setup to honour those that are more elevated, richer, smarter, fitter, faster than others. This measuring of worth is ultimately flawed, for it does not acknowledge the equal essence of us all.

  29. ‘We are already everything’ – if we believed and lived this, how different would our life, our relationships and our world would be. Distraction from this truth is starting younger and younger and begs the question – where do we go when we are not truly seen as the love we already are?

  30. It is beautiful to watch young children play, because they play together and help one another, no comparison or competition, we are naturally born to be in brotherhood with each other, yet we choose to go into comparison as soon as we no longer feel we are enough, and yet the truth is we are always enough when we are with ourselves.

  31. We are all everything, we have always been and nothing changes that … despite our best efforts, what a great reminder, thank you Cherise.

  32. Yes comparison and competition is super unhealthy, in fact poisonous to our whole being, body and mind. Yet competition is championed as being a healthy way to interact throughout the entirety of our lives and comparison is purported as the only way to get ahead, to improve and better yourself. It is so entrenched in our daily lives that it is almost inescapable and what’s more if you don’t partake in it you are consider weird. What a backward and upside down world that we live in.

  33. When we are connected (in joy), and committed to life and our purpose we cannot possibly gauge our worth against another.

  34. Comparison can be so subtlety enmeshed into our way of being – like the ingrained way we decide whether we are going well based on what others do. A baby has none of this – it knows it’s already enough.

  35. Comparison is the killer of all relationships, setting ourselves up to vie against one another and even it its subtlest for, comparison is the wedge that has us ever so slightly wary and protected in all our interactions. When we choose to explore how comparison plays in our lives, shining a light in the shady corners it dwells, we pull the rug from underneath it and give ourselves a real choice to live beyond its incarceration.

  36. Competing is hailed as such a positive thing in society. Our education systems embed it so we get socialised to this early. We also see it role modelled in the media, in sports and in our own families. I have also seen it very strongly for parents who are constantly fed where the baby ‘should’ be at compared to the norms.

  37. I love this – ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’. How lovely to raise ourselves in this knowing and know the amazing reflection this will bring to others.

  38. Do we need all these charts, measurements and guidelines because we do not let ourselves feel whether there is vitality and joy and thus, the person or baby is doing just fine. In the chosen absence of our clairsentience, we sort to function and make that the only valid milestone.

  39. What does getting the girl or guy, job, house etc really get us? A moment of happiness or feeling of achievement over another. In truth we never really get anything, when we ‘go after’ things to satisfy our feelings of emptiness or not being enough. Being in life and living in connection with our innermost on the other hand can be very fulfilling and does not necessarily require having a something.

  40. To appreciate that we are already everything makes me realise how hard I have to try to be less. And so we play the game of calling in things that are not us and then wanting to hang onto this. But what if we simply trusted the fact that we do know, that it is possible to let go of hurts, ideals and beliefs and to experiment with what the world is like this way.

    1. The key to feeling any comparison or jealousy comes from resisting to build a foundation of appreciation for who we are and the qualities we all bring.

  41. My first child didn’t start to even try and walk until she was about 18 months old. And even then she wasn’t really interested in it. She was quite happy shuffling around on her behind! But I remember there was so much pressure from other people about the fact she wasn’t walking and there must be something wrong with her, that it was quite hard to not take that on as ‘it was not usual for a child to not be walking at that age’. Comparison does start so early on in life. How liberating it would be for everyone if we simply accepted each other for who we are and the qualities we bring with no expectations.

  42. ‘competition and comparison are experienced as the norm’. We have arrived at this state because we have lost connection to our innermost. When our internal radar is disconnected from it is then very easy to get caught up in feelings of not being good enough and the resultant feelings of self-doubt then keep us in the spin we have created.

  43. To come to know that “We are already everything” has the power to change the fabric of life, as it instantly demolishes the drive to have it all, to be better than others and the need to fit into societal expectations; a very artificial and exhausting way to live.

    1. There is an enormous release in ‘we are already everything’… the striving and struggle drops away and we are left with the sweet and inspiring job of getting on with being us and expressing ourselves out in the world.

  44. When we claim and live our divinity, there is simply no room for comparison, jealousy or competition as we are too busy appreciating and confirming another’s divine qualities.

  45. “When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other” – yes, and when we really feel and know our own quality and the power of this as being the seat of our innate worth there is nothing but appreciation and confirmation for another’s quality, their skill, worth and importance.

  46. If we let go of all that we hold within, the love, wisdom, inner knowing and intuitivity then we cannot but look outside of ourselves. Disconnected from our inner compass we stumble from external picture to picture trying to grab something we can hold ourselves against. In this scenario we cannot but compete and compare as our entire existence and worth is based on it and gauged every moment of the day.

  47. ‘when we are born we are already everything’ There is such a spacious feeling in this phrase; already when we are born we have wisdom from other lives and from our connection to the Universe and
    this connection can keep on deepening if we let it. If only we could begin the unpacking and discarding of any thing else other than our essence so that by the time we had children of our own we would be free to share with them all of who we are.

  48. Comparison immediately casts judgment on either ourselves or others by completely undermining our integrity.

  49. Even though comparing ourselves to one another seems like a common sense and healthy option as is indicated by determining our health in relation to preset expectations, the way comparison has been adopted as a society to undermine both our own self confidence, and impose on others, is completely unacceptable.

  50. Comparrison and competition is all about self. There is not an ounce of consideration for another in it, and it is also irresponsible as it discounts the fact that we are not wanting to see the choices someone else has made, and how different they are to our own, and therefore how can we compare in the first place.

  51. Competition is seen as healthy in our society, in sport, in business, and in schools it is fostered and developed. But competition is just comparison in another outfit, and comparison is the seed of forever feeling less than.

    1. Competition is the bedfellow of comparison and is one of the key building blocks of inequality. The thing is that this has to be sustained through constant competition and comparison because without our effort it would not exist… it is not our natural way at all.

  52. I agree that comparison builds a barrier between people, which can affect the connections that we have with each other. And so, I can see how this barrier is like a self-feeding-loop, because the more disconnected one feels from the people in their life, the more entrenched the barrier and hence the judgements seem to become.

  53. Cherise, this says it all; ‘Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition’. I had not considered that all of the comparison with babies was unhealthy until reading this. I can feel that we compare and compete in so many ways, from our children, our work, our houses – everything about life. It feels important to have this awareness and to feel how harmful and dividing this is for us all as a humanity.

  54. Excellent article Cherise! There is a greater responsibility to take in regards to comparison, and how – for example – if we compare our babies or children with other kids, and build family values that are all about being the best, having a perfect picture and things always going smoothly, then how are we inspiring our kids to grow up and respond to life, people and competition?

    1. So what is the quality of the cycle we are choosing? One that perpetuates comparison and us living in competition with one another OR one that accepts that ‘we are already everything’ and support one another simply by expressing this natural ‘everything’ in the world?

  55. We live in a culture of comparison – but this does not have to be normal – because it actually isn’t. It keeps us small and doubting who we are when in fact we are just playing small. Babies are a great example, and having one of my own has shown me how easily parents can go into the comparison with their kids when this block out appreciating each other.

  56. ‘it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing’ that we are already absolutely love, loved and loving. This is the re-parenting we can all do for ourselves and those around us and there is no regret, despair or giving up when we realise that there is no such thing as ‘too late’.

  57. It is mad when we think about the fact we are taught that competition is healthy – how about truly working together and then seeing what is possible. Rather than struggling to out do each other. I know I have found so much more can be achieved when working with others for the same goal.

  58. It is interesting to consider that comparison and competition and jealousy are actually ways that we have to keep each other out and away from seeing who we are, the real and honest us. And I guess this is the case because being open and honest usually also means to be vulnerable, which is not always so comfortable to do. Because criticism can hurt, being isolated can hurt too. So perhaps the key is to develop that honesty slowly and with time, so that it is known in oneself as a strength.

  59. Once we reconnect to our essence we know we are equal to All but when we slip back into our head there it is again comparison and competition.

  60. There is nothing healthy but everything poisonous about competition and comparison … though at least admitting we do have and are affected by it is a step towards healing lack of self-worth that fuels the ‘not feeling good enough’ crisis pushing us to compete/compare. It thus reveals the curse and fallacy [and absurdity] behind promoting ‘healthy competition’.

    1. Yes let’s ‘out’ the misconception and devastation of ‘healthy’ competition and comparison, as the very opposite to healthy that it is. This does require us to admit how much we are hurt by it in our everyday lives.

  61. This blog brings up a very important point that we need to look at in society. Comparing our children to each other and the normal milestones is an out play of the comparison that rules our adult lives. But it is one of the first places where children feel the heavy imposition of norms and the way it currently is in life.

  62. It can be so easy to forget the fact that we are absolutely everything that we will ever need and then some. But the more we remind ourselves of this the more we get to see that it is ridiculous to compare or go into jealousy over someone. We are Everything and then some.

  63. What we need is collaboration and not competition. Collaboration allows us to know that there are people just like us with different skills and abilities from us that can support to bring more out of us.

    1. Indeed Elizabeth. How amazing would it be if children were taught to collaborate rather than compete with each other from an early age?

  64. If we consider that we are born with everything we need in life, when we become focused on competition or comparison we are forgetting this fact and are focusing on the externalities of life. When we see past what we see with our eyes there is no need to comparison or competition.

  65. I love that it is never too late to start raising ourselves in the knowing we are everything already, it is just a choice and most of us, or nearly all of us weren’t raised in this way, but it sure is a great idea if we aren’t already.

    1. A lesson that should be implemented in all schools and work places. The go to phrase or the school and business vision. A stark contrast to what we are living now.

  66. Even though I know the complete evilness of comparison, I still find myself slipping into it more often than I would like to admit. Oh I just did, admit it I mean, but I find the more honest I can be with myself and others about it the more I can be aware and get a handle on it.

  67. “…the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.” How beautiful, and how different we would feel and how different the world would be if we all understood this simple fact.

  68. Never thought I was competitive as I disliked the separation it brought out in those competing and those who were the spectators, but then I realised or became honest to the fact that I competed with myself. There are many ways in which we compare or compete with each other and all of them cause division between us which is what we go on to foster in our newborn babies not only through sport but by many other ways, culture, colour, age, intelligence, etc. When we begin to accept “the truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything…and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact” – we are all equal and each has their own unique qualities there will be no room for comparison.

  69. Yes, comparison, competition and jealousy are rife – all being pernicious and insidious affecting us all to our detriment and yet we all sign up for this game. Understanding that these stem from a lack of foundation of worth and self-confirmation and to compensate for which we look for confirmation on the outside to validate us. The shocking thing about it is how much we do this without really clocking what it is we are doing and then call it normal. After being aware of this for a long time I still find myself getting caught out in it and so each time this happens I am shown that there is deeper to go in my relationship with me.

  70. What I’m really appreciating at the moment is just being me and getting to know this part of me again that I put to one side encouraged by society around me that I wasn’t enough that there was more, somewhere in the distance all I had to do was keep searching. What a complete waste of time! The all that I am is so delicate and yet so powerful and I am back in touch with the universe which for me is greater than anything I can experience on this earth.

  71. ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ The more we each cherish and celebrate ourselves and others just for being us the less we will feel the need to seek recognition and acceptance from outside because we will already have it from within. We do not need anything, to get anywhere just simply surrender and allow all that we are to live and express.

  72. Understanding that we are much grander than our physical structure is key, otherwise we give far too much focus to something that is not what it is all truly about. We are far more Amazing than we tend to think ourselves to be.

    1. “We are far more Amazing than we tend to think ourselves to be.” I absolutely agree Thomas. Something for us all to discover and live in full.

    2. To learn and understand that we are more than our physical structure is what is often the missing ingredient in our discussions at home and in schools. Could you imagine if we shared our true worth had nothing to do with our achievements and accolades.

  73. Touched and inspired by articles such as this, I look forward to when we work together collaboratively and respectfully, honouring all the unique qualities we bring to make up the whole, knowing this is our natural and the timing of it happening is decided by our choices now.

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