We may consider it to be a normal part of everyday life to observe or be swept up in comparison or competition. Men perform for the top spots in business, the fastest legs on the field or the grungiest, hotted up car: we see them competing to ‘get the girl’, to have the most laid-back lifestyle, honours at university or even to drink others ‘under the table’. With women, we see the comparison in our looks, the bikini bodies (or lack-thereof), the hair and all external features, really… From women’s relationships with men, colleagues and friends, to how much and what we eat, business accomplishments, exercise style and how we breastfeed, there aren’t many aspects of life, if any, that have not yet been compared to and competed for.
Is this really healthy?
Where does comparison and competition begin?
After having a baby of my own, it’s apparent to me that a lifestyle rich in comparison and competition and the seeking to be recognised for anything and everything that we do begins early – from day dot. Potentially this way of living has actually already been set up to begin this way from conception, as we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of. But with our focus placed on competing for and achieving what these pictures promise, are we then missing the simplicity of the connection within ourselves and with others that we all naturally seek?
I have noticed for myself that babies are categorised by their head circumference and their length, their birth weight and how much they drink, whether they are breast or bottle fed, how much they poop and of course at what month do they begin to eat solids, sleep through, where they sleep, and when they first smile, crawl, talk and walk. Their physical characteristics, developments and patterns are what make up most of the conversations between us as parents and also with our healthcare professionals.
Absolutely all of these developments for a small child are important as they grow and develop at their own pace, but what is not important is to compare our own child with what anyone else’s baby is doing: nor is it a healthy practice to become fixated on these developments or associate them with successful parenting or a successful child.
Becoming distracted by these external considerations pulls us away from the truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact
When we are raised to know this – that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath and that we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise – we are given the space to live a completely different lifestyle… perhaps one that is truly healthy!
Yes, we are still going to grow, walk and fall over. We’ll learn all the lessons life brings our way, reaching our milestones, getting the awards, the relationship or the job and be categorised as ‘average’, ‘above’ or ‘below,’ but the important part here is that it won’t really matter what we do because we’ll know who we are first and foremost: we’ll stand on a solidness within us where competition and comparison can’t even touch the sides!
Of course, not many of us as adults can say that we were educated and fostered as children to be, and to know, the essence of who we are before all else, and hence live a truly healthy lifestyle, free of the seeking or need to be recognised, or free of competition and comparison. But the fact remains:
We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.
From here, a truly healthy relationship with ourselves and others is born, as when we know who we are in essence, we know our quality. When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other. Our men are then supported to share the skills they have with others and truly work together, whilst women, when free of comparison, are in the harmony of being truly inspired by each other and our collective choices.
All of this is the beginning of a healthy lifestyle, discarding the separation that comparison and competition only serve to spread and supporting us all to feel equal, whilst appreciating more deeply the qualities we are and that we bring.
I have begun to appreciate the relationship and health benefits in those students of The Way of The Livingness who are choosing to practise this way of living for themselves.
Deeply inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for reawakening me to my true essence and reflecting to me the importance of living this in my everyday.
By Cherise Holt, 33, Nurse, Mother and Woman re-acquainted with her True self
A Life of Comparison
Competition and self-esteem: Turning the tide on competition and comparison in schools
The Beauty of Meeting Children and Allowing Them to Be
639 thoughts on “Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition”
Without any comparison would we have all the turmoil that is going on in the world today? Maybe life would have a completely different reflection as we would all be able to Love without any jealousy and thus be harmonious❤️ in all our relationships!
This sentence really caught my attention
‘when we are born we are already everything… and there is nothing we will ever do or not do that can change this unwavering fact’
I can feel how fall for the lie that the ‘everything’ is completely squashed out of us like tooth paste from its tube. So that we have no idea that we are ‘everything’ and are instead riddled with self doubt, nervous tension, anxiety, self worth issues which we take on as our persona instead. If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon bringing awareness to the way we live we would all still be crushed by the weight of not living to our true potential. I have to ask the question who out of the 7.5 billion of us living on this planet is living to their full potential, not many.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.” Brotherhood shows us that we are all equal and needed, from that foundation we can see every different expression and skill as needed and contributing to the whole, like different notes in the one song.
We are all equal, and we all equally have an important purpose in life, in what we bring and can offer humanity, and so contribute to the whole.
Comparison and competition cripple us and are cheep ways of keeping us from the connection to our essences, inner-most-hearts / Souls and when we understand this relationship we can return to the wheels of evolution.
I had a meal with some friends recently and we were discussing comparison which is endemic in our society. We picked apart just how evil it is to compare to each other as it keeps us all in the state of individuality and in this state we have accepted the blinkers that then keep us separated from each other. And there’s the trick we have all fallen for ‘separation’ from each other when the complete opposite is true it is in our best interest to work together as a collective so that we can support each other to get out of this plane of life. When we work together in harmony much can be achieved.
“we are filled with pictures of how life should be” We have to put away the mental photograph album and feel the innate beauty and wonder of who we, and everyone else, naturally are in our essence. There is nothing to compare in the glory of the Universe.
Comparison starts so young….. from when a baby smiles back at a parent, rolling over, sitting unaided…. and on it goes. All pointless as we all learn to sit, walk and talk in time. Children learn from their parents. Would we compare if we haven’t been taught to, however subtly?
Everyone develops at their own pace, from baby into adulthood. None of us know every detail of another’s lives so comparison is pointless, just leading us to feel less worthy ourselves or, in arrogance, as feeling better than others. All non-evolving.
We continue to evolve and become aware still at a pace that is true for ourselves
When we go into comparison we are in a place where we feel less. Learning to appreciate in love who we are and what we bring in full, whilst appreciating with love what another brings in full also, cuts the comparison and jealousy.
Appreciation is key, you’re so right Michelle, for ourselves and for the other..
Appreciation helps counteract comparison and jealousy, our attention is put on how amazing we, and, or, another is, and if we are consistent with appreciation then this just grows and expands.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too. Awesome, thank you Cherise, I love being reminded of this again. I will now go of to bed in the knowing that I am already everything!
By the time we reach teenage years, the jealousy and comparison can be excruciating and the feelings of inadequacy are blown way out of proportion. Is it any wonder when we are groomed to be this way from birth – nothing in society is set up to honour us for who we are from the inside out.
I used to sculpt and I love faces, all shapes and sizes, with all the intricacies of the features – there is no such thing as an ugly face because everyone has something to reflect to the world. Their smile, their eyes, the shape, even the size of the nose has a purpose, the angles presented, how beautiful they are or the texture. These things are not random they are by grand design and are that way for a purpose.
Julie what a great reminder that we present an angle to the universe and to make physical changes to our bodies obviously changes our reflection back into the space of the multidimensional intelligence that we call the universe. We have forgotten that we are all part of a grand design in our quest to be individual.
I recently took part in an exercise about comparison and I found I compare all the time, to the smallest detail of something as silly as I prefer that hair cut to mine. Someone in the sales Dept. is making more sales than me. I prefer some else’s, house, car, that they have more money, more holiday’s etc., the list is long. This shows me I have little appreciation of what I have and have bought into the old adage of thinking “the grass is greener on the other side”. Looking outside of me rather than appreciating my innermost which is all of me, and how far I have come from being withdrawn, depressed and life is just a slog to be got through as best one can. To understanding how simple and joyful my life really is. Needless to say the exercise was a wakeup call. We are so busy looking outside of ourselves; we neglect to our detriment the most important part of ourselves which is our inner most.
Appreciating who we are, what we bring to the world, that.no one else does. All the stars make up heaven. We are all needed. Each one of us brings our own part in the jigsaw of life.
The world is seeped in comparison and jealously, we all feel it and all know it to be horrendous but very few are able to respond and not react to it.
I am learning more and more that when we compare to another we are literally poisoning our body. This is so true what you have shared here ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.’ So if we ALL are already everything and each of us brings a uniqueness in our constellation but in essence we are the same surely this should be celebrated rather than not!
Interestingly I watched a children cartoon and it was full of comparison and competition. When I was younger I used to watch these cartoons because they were funny I was not at that time aware of just how much they made such behaviour seem normal and acceptable especially as it is a children’s cartoon. We have made ‘normal’ so ‘normal’ when it is not ‘normal’ at all. When we allow ourselves to be more aware of our surroundings this behaviour then stands out.
When we are not contented with ourselves I believe that is when we look outside of ourselves and compare to other people and our surroundings. It can be seen in sibling rivalry where the first born does not get all the attention it has become accustomed to when the second or third child is born. But how many of us take the time to support the first born to express what they are feeling? In this fast paced world of our own making we have a tendency to brush over the situation but does it really go away? Does it rear up again throughout life because it was un-dealt with as a child.
So true Mary. If we are not content with ourselves / our lot, that’s when we look outside and compare or feel jealous of another. With regard to first born children, I always make a point of relating to and connecting with them first before going to see a new baby.
Where there’s jealousy and comparison there is no connection to ourselves and hence to another, only separation. Is it worth it to do everything that is needed to be the best and better than another? How does this make us truly feel? Or is the connection to ourselves and to another regardless of what we do what matters most?
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” Everything is pretty big, so how vast and glorious are we?
There is something purely magical in watching a baby and in seeing them grow and develop at their own pace. To watch them learn to smile, to sit, to stand, to walk etc, it is beautiful to see. But the reason that it is beautiful is not because they are achieving what society calls milestones, but rather because of how they go about doing it – with absolutely no agenda and no goal or achievement picture, but purely in a natural way and rhythm. Babies don’t sit around and clap at the fact that they have achieved standing and show off to other babies who are not yet able to do the same, they may clap simply out of the joy of what has unfolded and other babies would delight in this too. This is perhaps something for us to be inspired by – to keep growing but without the comparison that seems so ingrained in us as adults.
Babies are very inspiring, and I am sure there is much we can learn from them.
This is unfortunately the reality and the only blessing in this is being aware of the game that is being played and that we have a choice in participating or not: “we are born into a world where competition and comparison are experienced as the norm: we are filled with pictures of how life should be, what makes one successful and what a secure lifestyle consists of.”
Being aware of comparison or jealousy is key, then we have a choice whether we observe the insidious game, or join in.
Such wise words: “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” And to know that at any age, we can raise ourselves as if we were a beautiful child who has just arrived in this world, is the most glorious feeling of liberation from the shackles of not knowing who we are that have been wound around us from day one. In every moment we have the power to change our lives, if we choose to say yes to it.
Spot on Ingrid – very much a powerful realisation when we are adults and can ‘raise’ ourselves differently and now make different choices. Our upbringing does not determine the outcome as we are old enough at any point to take hold of the reigns and decide to live in a way that truly cares for us and honours the sensitive beings that we are.
We are already everything, if we allow ourselves to be so, ‘that the essence of who we are is already everything, that we are made of love and pure Divinity prior to conception and that this never ever changes, that we are amazing by just being ourselves and breathing our own breath’.
You have shown me another aspect of comparison here that I feel I haven’t been fully aware of, I guess this comes with not having children, but that is how we compare our children to others and if their development is the same or ‘better’. Gosh we really do need to knock comparison out once and for all, it is so ugly and of course does not allow us to appreciate.
I agree we have set this world up to be the complete opposite of whom and what we naturally are. I don’t feel we are as yet willing to take responsibility for the fact that we are moved by a consciousness that does not want us to know our true origins and it does this by any means it can with a plethora of distractions such as nationality, borders, war, crime, abuse, competition, comparison, sports, education, food, drink the list is endless as endless as the desire to explore being an individual. It seems to me that until we become aware of the game being played and realise we are just the puppets, we have no marker that life could be lived a different way. However all this changed in 1999 when Serge Benhayon started to wake the world up with the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, if this had not occurred we would still be held and moved by the consciousness that does not want humanity to wake up.
‘..we behold a beauty that far outshines the brightest star or sunrise ..’ Imagine a star comparing itself with other stars or the sunrise with the one the day before and yes we are from this grandness too so why not follow the example stars and sunrises are giving us.
Lovely analogy of the sunrise comparing itself to the one the day before – just brings home what a waste of time comparison is and how it knocks out any harmony or natural flow.
That shaping and tainting in competition begins at the start and when you consider that babys are utterly themselves and do things in their time, in their way it seems so crazy and exposes our addiction to competition, to the outside measure rather than nurturing us, our knowingness within. Thank God for the Way of the Livingness which asks us to look within and know the answers are in us.
Having had a child I can say from my own firsthand experience that they are not allowed to grow at their own pace and this is exacerbated when they go to school. They are pushed to meet the targets set by the education authorities this to me is a ridiculous way to treat children. When my child came home from school we would always sit down and discuss their day and often they would be worried about their reading, spelling, math’s etc., feeling they were perhaps not keeping up with the rest of the class. This is a huge pressure to put on children to perform who develop at different times as they grow. To me it is painfully clear that the current education system isn’t working as it doesn’t allow the child to develop naturally their own sense of self-worth and abilities.
When we relinquish competition, comparison and jealousy we see our true natures and that we really love to collaborate, support and work together.
I love what you introduce here how from a baby we are surrounding by comparison and jealousy, so it is not wondering that we have let that infiltrate into a way of being that has become normal. What is normal about saying you are not enough and that someones else is better because of XYZ, that is not normal, that is abuse.
The truth of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon that when we are born we are already everything… is something that I feel so deeply that it informs, and will for as long as is needed, every parenting step I take from here on in.
This happened to me recently. Doctors using statistics and averages to determine what was ‘good’ – not from a desire to help but more from a fear of being sued. Shows how we are usually looking at the wrong end of life, worrying about avoiding strife instead of embracing Love and life.
When we lose ourselves in creation competing amongst each other to how we think we should live based on the ideals and beliefs as a society we have taken on, we abandon the truth of who we are. We live in the falseness and pretence making our priority to outdo another solely for personal gain but at what expense do we harm one another and abuse the body? What if living in a way that is not true for us was taken into consideration and the endless possibilities and potential this would have on our health and well being?
There is a great beauty in how although we are all equal in essence we can naturally express in different ways and complement each other so that together we are greater, making comparison and competition seem pointless.
We only need to scratch the surface to realise how properly ridiculous it is that we compare, compete and vie against one another – it is the absolute opposite of what we all really long for.
Yes, we complement each other, so that together we are greater, ‘When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other.’
The best antidote to jealousy is appreciation. Someone I love to the bone has recently stepped up in her commitment and expression in life and it is showing so clearly – she is more beautiful, gentle, claimed and powerful than I ever remember seeing her. To me, this is a joy not only because she is totally awesome, but also because the world actually needs what she has to offer. There is not one atom of jealousy in my body. I am simply inspired and blown away by all her choices.
“We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.
I can vouch for that. I am raising myself in my late 40’s in this knowing.
Working yesterday in an organization where 170 people will lose their job within a couple of months with lot of the same job descriptions we spoke about how important it is to work together on this, to support each other and not become competitors. By knowing your own qualities we can never compete, but only appreciate what each of us brings.
It’s like we pound our head against the wall all to avoid turning round and facing the fact that we are Love. What a crazy thing to be fearful of.
Oh yes it is – and all that incessant pounding is very painful, but it seems like we almost become used to it. Now that’s an even bigger ouch, especially when we are using it to avoid “facing the fact that we are Love”. So, I wonder why we are so scared of love?
Yes it is very beautiful to see people change coming closer to living in their essence. The grace and harmony that we bring when we are living this way is a joy to experience.
Competition and comparison are deeply harmful and yet often championed which is really adding injury to insult!
When we know who we truly are, there is no need for recognition or validation, we are already full and filled.
The most effective way to reduce (squash) the multidimensional aspect of ourselves is to introduce into the equation a set of expectations and/or measures that seek to constrict our full expression so that we end up conforming to human set ideals that keep us playing small and ‘only human’ so as not to be impulsed or influenced by our inerasable divinity.
A beautiful and honest understanding of the harm and separation of comparison and jealously and how it effects our lives from young. The knowing that “We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.” Inspirational and honouring of who we really are.
Feeling and living the equality we know from the heart as the foundation of all relationships is the basic level in human relation, it is not something special but without it there is bound to have conflict and separation.
The word healthy can have different meanings for different people. One mum considers a sandwich healthy when it doesn’t have chocolate sprinkles on it but for example cheese, whereas another mum only thinks yoghurt for breakfast is healthy. It would be great if were taught that listening to our body is healthy and that our body knows what it does and doesn’t want to eat and drink, instead of comparing our different versions of healthy with each other.
I always find it fascinating how the most basic features of our bodies can be used to compare, as if one basic feature could be better than another…
Comparison is rife in the world, especially amongst women and this will continue until women re-discover their own inner beauty and begin to embrace the uniqueness that has been there all along.
When we are not cherished as little babies, we begin to feel that we have to do something to be liked by those around us. We try our hardest to impress, learn tricks, how to read and write as early as possible and dance choreographies, and poems – all to get some recognition, some attention and some affection.
It is impossible to truly love another if you do not love yourself so chances are the parents did not get that foundation as a child and don’t have it to pass on… and so it goes round and round on the unmerry-go-round until someone steps off and up and out of this sorry cycle and into love!
Yes, Serge Benhayon stepped off the unmerry-go-round and has shown us true love and many others are now inspired to take those same steps. However, throughout history we have had many great people step off before and show us the way, and yet still the majority of people not only choose to stay in the lovelessness but actually are so confronted by true love that they see it as something harmful to be quashed at any cost.
Love and cherish all with no pictures and expectations.
A beautiful reminder, thank you. Whenever I don’t feel my own qualities or that I am already everything I need to be it is so easy to fall for the comparison and jealousy trap, even though I know it never supports and harms. Sometimes it is just a game to not have to step up, be more aware and more responsible.
We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too.”
At 47 I am still raising myself in that knowing. It is never too late.This is a loving work in progress for me.
I am 58 and here the same it is a loving work in progress to know and thus make choices based on that I am already everything, and it is not only me but we all are already everything, that’s the joyful part of this knowing.
When we appreciate the quality that we are in our essence then it is natural to bring that quality into all that we do for the benefit of all rather than need to compete to try and prove our worth.
I have found out for myself that comparison and competition is a clever way our spirits manipulate humanity to keep everyone separated from each other, this is in total opposition to our natural way of being.
It really is extraordinary how comparison starts just so early… And then, purely through ignorance of course, supported and enhanced by everyone’s contributing.
Competitiveness has become normal and even championed in our educated system. Schooling is fundamentally based on competition often praising those who do great work yet what about those whose work is standard or below? Has it ever crossed the minds of those in the education system how these children feel and the impact it has on them? We are so attached to the belief that competition is good for us that we are stubbornly ignorant and arrogant because of our investments to the fact creating competition has an impact and that impact separates us and not unites or brings us together in a world where we are deeply longing for connection.
We compare and compete because we feel a lack of worth within ourselves, when we compare to another person if they are worse off than us (based on our perception) we somewhat feel better about ourselves, this is an insidious game because once that person starts to make steps and “does better” we are instantly smashed by our own insecurities. We feel like we’re not worthy even more, we can sulk and beat ourselves up – only because we know that we could equally be making these steps. It’s a game that we play, we lie to ourselves and have all the excuses in the world as to why we don’t like people, but truth be told it is probably because we are comparing ourselves to them on one level or another.
often see parents very stressed out if their child is not going along the same growth trajectory as other kids. This expectation is a complete imposition on children and very unhealthy for the parents.
It is really good to consider how comparing our baby with another one will impact on them because even though we don’t always realize this, they feel everything and will feel how we want them to be quicker, stronger, better etc. So this is the start of us competing for attention and thinking attention is love which it is actually not, love is love and love holds all for the beauty that they are. Whatever the speed you are growing in.
If I do not appreciate the connection to my essence and the qualities I bring to whatever I do I will be forever at the mercy of comparison and jealousy. There is no job title greater than another (which is what is being exposed here in my livingness) when we live the truth of who we are.
That’s beautifully said Caroline and rings true to me as well – “There is no job title greater than another when we live the truth of who we are.”
I see a lot of contradictions about when comparison is acceptable and when it is not. We love to see two teams competing and even getting aggressive with each other – it’s all part of the entertainment, right? – but ‘tut’ when the crowd breaks into a brawl. We love to see our kids winning, thinking it boosts their confidence but do not see the ripple effect of the tension/anxiety that develops, knowing they need to perform to get noticed. WE champion the bits we like but don’t see the devastation it creates.
The world as we know it today is setup to honour those that are more elevated, richer, smarter, fitter, faster than others. This measuring of worth is ultimately flawed, for it does not acknowledge the equal essence of us all.
‘We are already everything’ – if we believed and lived this, how different would our life, our relationships and our world would be. Distraction from this truth is starting younger and younger and begs the question – where do we go when we are not truly seen as the love we already are?
It is beautiful to watch young children play, because they play together and help one another, no comparison or competition, we are naturally born to be in brotherhood with each other, yet we choose to go into comparison as soon as we no longer feel we are enough, and yet the truth is we are always enough when we are with ourselves.
We are all everything, we have always been and nothing changes that … despite our best efforts, what a great reminder, thank you Cherise.
Yes comparison and competition is super unhealthy, in fact poisonous to our whole being, body and mind. Yet competition is championed as being a healthy way to interact throughout the entirety of our lives and comparison is purported as the only way to get ahead, to improve and better yourself. It is so entrenched in our daily lives that it is almost inescapable and what’s more if you don’t partake in it you are consider weird. What a backward and upside down world that we live in.
The choice of words (i.e, comparison, complement) is just a reflection of how we choose to see the world. It precedes our pattern of movements.
When we are connected (in joy), and committed to life and our purpose we cannot possibly gauge our worth against another.
Comparison can be so subtlety enmeshed into our way of being – like the ingrained way we decide whether we are going well based on what others do. A baby has none of this – it knows it’s already enough.
Comparison is the killer of all relationships, setting ourselves up to vie against one another and even it its subtlest for, comparison is the wedge that has us ever so slightly wary and protected in all our interactions. When we choose to explore how comparison plays in our lives, shining a light in the shady corners it dwells, we pull the rug from underneath it and give ourselves a real choice to live beyond its incarceration.
Competing is hailed as such a positive thing in society. Our education systems embed it so we get socialised to this early. We also see it role modelled in the media, in sports and in our own families. I have also seen it very strongly for parents who are constantly fed where the baby ‘should’ be at compared to the norms.
I love this – ‘We are already everything – and it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing too’. How lovely to raise ourselves in this knowing and know the amazing reflection this will bring to others.
Do we need all these charts, measurements and guidelines because we do not let ourselves feel whether there is vitality and joy and thus, the person or baby is doing just fine. In the chosen absence of our clairsentience, we sort to function and make that the only valid milestone.
I agree Gabriele, as parents you can get very insecure and this is only because we don’t have a solid foundatation of love build in our own body when we receive the advice when having a baby.
What does getting the girl or guy, job, house etc really get us? A moment of happiness or feeling of achievement over another. In truth we never really get anything, when we ‘go after’ things to satisfy our feelings of emptiness or not being enough. Being in life and living in connection with our innermost on the other hand can be very fulfilling and does not necessarily require having a something.
To appreciate that we are already everything makes me realise how hard I have to try to be less. And so we play the game of calling in things that are not us and then wanting to hang onto this. But what if we simply trusted the fact that we do know, that it is possible to let go of hurts, ideals and beliefs and to experiment with what the world is like this way.
The key to feeling any comparison or jealousy comes from resisting to build a foundation of appreciation for who we are and the qualities we all bring.
My first child didn’t start to even try and walk until she was about 18 months old. And even then she wasn’t really interested in it. She was quite happy shuffling around on her behind! But I remember there was so much pressure from other people about the fact she wasn’t walking and there must be something wrong with her, that it was quite hard to not take that on as ‘it was not usual for a child to not be walking at that age’. Comparison does start so early on in life. How liberating it would be for everyone if we simply accepted each other for who we are and the qualities we bring with no expectations.
‘competition and comparison are experienced as the norm’. We have arrived at this state because we have lost connection to our innermost. When our internal radar is disconnected from it is then very easy to get caught up in feelings of not being good enough and the resultant feelings of self-doubt then keep us in the spin we have created.
To come to know that “We are already everything” has the power to change the fabric of life, as it instantly demolishes the drive to have it all, to be better than others and the need to fit into societal expectations; a very artificial and exhausting way to live.
There is an enormous release in ‘we are already everything’… the striving and struggle drops away and we are left with the sweet and inspiring job of getting on with being us and expressing ourselves out in the world.
When we claim and live our divinity, there is simply no room for comparison, jealousy or competition as we are too busy appreciating and confirming another’s divine qualities.
This is very true Anna, today I met and conversed with a lot of different people from all around the world and as I looked into their eyes I could feel that we are all the same but we allow ideals, beliefs and worst of all pictures to blind us to deepening our connection with each other which I feel is why we have so much trouble and strife in the world its because of the disconnection we live in.
Claiming our essence is a true way to live. We work in collaboration and true team work with others in spaciousness, joy and unity. Any way else would cause tension.
“When we know our quality, we know that the skills we bring to life are not to be boasted about, or compared to those of others, but are actually there to complement each other” – yes, and when we really feel and know our own quality and the power of this as being the seat of our innate worth there is nothing but appreciation and confirmation for another’s quality, their skill, worth and importance.
If we let go of all that we hold within, the love, wisdom, inner knowing and intuitivity then we cannot but look outside of ourselves. Disconnected from our inner compass we stumble from external picture to picture trying to grab something we can hold ourselves against. In this scenario we cannot but compete and compare as our entire existence and worth is based on it and gauged every moment of the day.
‘when we are born we are already everything’ There is such a spacious feeling in this phrase; already when we are born we have wisdom from other lives and from our connection to the Universe and
this connection can keep on deepening if we let it. If only we could begin the unpacking and discarding of any thing else other than our essence so that by the time we had children of our own we would be free to share with them all of who we are.
Comparison immediately casts judgment on either ourselves or others by completely undermining our integrity.
Even though comparing ourselves to one another seems like a common sense and healthy option as is indicated by determining our health in relation to preset expectations, the way comparison has been adopted as a society to undermine both our own self confidence, and impose on others, is completely unacceptable.
Comparrison and competition is all about self. There is not an ounce of consideration for another in it, and it is also irresponsible as it discounts the fact that we are not wanting to see the choices someone else has made, and how different they are to our own, and therefore how can we compare in the first place.
Competition is seen as healthy in our society, in sport, in business, and in schools it is fostered and developed. But competition is just comparison in another outfit, and comparison is the seed of forever feeling less than.
Competition is the bedfellow of comparison and is one of the key building blocks of inequality. The thing is that this has to be sustained through constant competition and comparison because without our effort it would not exist… it is not our natural way at all.
Comparison is such a killer of truth.
I agree that comparison builds a barrier between people, which can affect the connections that we have with each other. And so, I can see how this barrier is like a self-feeding-loop, because the more disconnected one feels from the people in their life, the more entrenched the barrier and hence the judgements seem to become.
Cherise, this says it all; ‘Baby milestones – the Beginning of an Unhealthy Lifestyle in Comparison and Competition’. I had not considered that all of the comparison with babies was unhealthy until reading this. I can feel that we compare and compete in so many ways, from our children, our work, our houses – everything about life. It feels important to have this awareness and to feel how harmful and dividing this is for us all as a humanity.
The more we live the beauty of our innermost, our essence, the more we feel the responsibility to live this every single day, every single moment.
Absolutely, William there is always more responsibility revealed as we feel and live the truth of who we are.
Excellent article Cherise! There is a greater responsibility to take in regards to comparison, and how – for example – if we compare our babies or children with other kids, and build family values that are all about being the best, having a perfect picture and things always going smoothly, then how are we inspiring our kids to grow up and respond to life, people and competition?
So what is the quality of the cycle we are choosing? One that perpetuates comparison and us living in competition with one another OR one that accepts that ‘we are already everything’ and support one another simply by expressing this natural ‘everything’ in the world?
We live in a culture of comparison – but this does not have to be normal – because it actually isn’t. It keeps us small and doubting who we are when in fact we are just playing small. Babies are a great example, and having one of my own has shown me how easily parents can go into the comparison with their kids when this block out appreciating each other.
‘it is never too late to raise ourselves in this absolute knowing’ that we are already absolutely love, loved and loving. This is the re-parenting we can all do for ourselves and those around us and there is no regret, despair or giving up when we realise that there is no such thing as ‘too late’.
beautiful Matilda, every moment we claim ourselves back to this love, every step we take closer to ourselves is worth it, no matter at what point in our lives.
It is mad when we think about the fact we are taught that competition is healthy – how about truly working together and then seeing what is possible. Rather than struggling to out do each other. I know I have found so much more can be achieved when working with others for the same goal.
There is such a grace in how we are designed by God, when there is true collaboration there is space to be who we are, support each other to evolve, to be more love and live the truth of human life.
It is interesting to consider that comparison and competition and jealousy are actually ways that we have to keep each other out and away from seeing who we are, the real and honest us. And I guess this is the case because being open and honest usually also means to be vulnerable, which is not always so comfortable to do. Because criticism can hurt, being isolated can hurt too. So perhaps the key is to develop that honesty slowly and with time, so that it is known in oneself as a strength.
Once we reconnect to our essence we know we are equal to All but when we slip back into our head there it is again comparison and competition.
Very true Kathleen, it is amazing how we can fluctuate between the 2. And how insidious the comparison and competition can become.
There is nothing healthy but everything poisonous about competition and comparison … though at least admitting we do have and are affected by it is a step towards healing lack of self-worth that fuels the ‘not feeling good enough’ crisis pushing us to compete/compare. It thus reveals the curse and fallacy [and absurdity] behind promoting ‘healthy competition’.
Yes let’s ‘out’ the misconception and devastation of ‘healthy’ competition and comparison, as the very opposite to healthy that it is. This does require us to admit how much we are hurt by it in our everyday lives.
This blog brings up a very important point that we need to look at in society. Comparing our children to each other and the normal milestones is an out play of the comparison that rules our adult lives. But it is one of the first places where children feel the heavy imposition of norms and the way it currently is in life.