I recently visited family on the other side of the world. It was a long way to get there – three countries and a total of three days. I travelled standby with a young family and had to interact with a lot of people in order to secure getting on various planes.
There were some challenges along the way, but nothing that was not insurmountable; in fact, mostly it felt like an exciting adventure we embarked upon.
However, it could easily have given rise to an enormous amount of anxiety for me; especially because of the fact I was travelling with two children. But I have been addressing my anxiety for many years and now have tools to support me. So what could have been a tense journey was not at all tense for me… it was amazing confirmation of how I have supported myself out of what appears this global condition of anxiety.
As I continued my visit and travelled around, I was interested to observe these phenomena of anxiety; in fact, I observed a deep, deep anxiety that most people appear to be in. And it led me to continue to keep observing and gain a deeper sense of what actually lies at the root of anxiety.
What I could sense, and I have continued to since, is that people feel almost fearful. But fearful of what?
People appear fearful of not knowing how to be; they appear to be experiencing a deep unease and disconnection to a sense of who they are. There appears an unsettlement, a distress and a scrambling panic that ensues.
What I often observe is that when an interaction with anyone else then occurs, an intense anxiety seems to present as we worry that we are not going to be liked; we scramble to connect with the person in front of us but can only do so on a superficial level. Underneath the surface physical dialogue, there appears to be another silent dialogue occurring, which actually speaks the loudest. This expression seems to be communicating things like, “Do you like me if I say this, or act like this, or take on this opinion, this posture…?” And all of this creates a haywire communication; it blocks a natural connection. Each person in the interaction is distracted in the hidden communications, obstructing any opportunity for a steady stillness for true connection and interaction to occur.
An analogy would be like sparks of electricity or energy trying to connect. But it’s all going haywire. This to me explains why we seem so lost and at such unease with ourselves, because we are not actually being ourselves.
I’ve walked this journey and lived in intense anxiety all my life, and I am still fixing up the physical and psychological toll it has taken on my body.
But during the past few years I’ve dedicated myself to a knowing and loving of who I really am and it is this intention to know myself which has led to a deeper ease and self-confidence to be more myself in daily life. There’s always more to deepen and fix, but through self-care and self-loving choices, and supported in particular by Western and complementary medicine – including the Universal Medicine modalities, – I have deepened my acceptance of myself, and I am now far less anxious.
What felt like a very complicated journey was actually very simple, because scratch the surface and there I was. I’d spent so many years willingly giving my sense of who I was over to the outside world to layer over false identifications, the ‘me’ part was hard to find. But finding me I am!
And you know why it is so important to take this journey? Because, if one person in the interaction has an understanding of who they truly are and is steady in that, in a non-imposing-up-yourself confidence, then the other person is supported to connect to who they are. Back to the analogy; when there is just one solid wire emerging to connect with – and not many flailing all over the place – it is easier to make that connection.
It takes a while to shed the false layers of who we identify ourselves as. Education, media, even misguided parenting (with all best intentions), lead us often to feel that we need to be someone or something else. What I am learning is to see the ‘real’ person, and in that I’m more able to support others to make a connection to that true sense of themselves.
Could anxiety simply be not living all of who we really are? We can turn the tide and make the changes. It is possible. I have the scars and the joy to show for it…
By Anonymous
Related Reading:
Psychotherapist Jean Gamble speaks about Anxiety
Anxiety and expression . . . are they related?
Anxiety: Why are you Ruling my Life?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I would say yes to you question
‘Could anxiety simply be not living all of who we really are?’
Society as we know it does not want a connection to God and in the disconnection to what is the truth our bodies are in the anxiousness of the disconnection. Rather than admit this we then seek the myriad of distractions to quell the anxiousness we can’t stop feeling.
We have to deeply question a model of life that fosters the majority of the population into disconnection from their innate and authentic selves. Surely we will look back in future generations and see it as the abuse it really is. It’s so rife that most of us don’t even realise it’s happening because we always have some kind of identity and level of function in life, but without that connection to our inner being, the true essence we were born as, there will always be a sense of lack of settlement, and a need to medicate the inner emptiness somehow.
Anxiety feels like the cruel brother of comparison as would we be anxious if there were only people living in harmony and thus no one to compare to or differentiate from as everyone would be absoulute in there connection to there Essences, Inner-most-hearts / Souls!
Knowing who you are, even if not living it to the full, brings purpose and not knowing who you are leaves you in the maelstrom of the dilemma ‘Who am I?’
We can live with anxiety and not think it is anxiety, it is common that we call symptoms something else. For example, often when we feel anxious we reach out for foods so what happens is we make an association between the feeling and the action and end up calling it hunger, instead of what it truly is – anxious eating. So if somebody asks another, are you an anxious person – the other can say no & be convinced that they’re not, yet piling up the kilos every time they don’t feel equipped to deal with what is ahead of them.
Not being aware and understanding what our body is truly saying to us, and so then numbing the messages with food, or whatever is common.
Thank you Linda for your comment, “When I learnt to start listening to my body and accept and value myself for who I am my levels of anxiety greatly diminished”.
It makes sense that if we aren’t able to feel settled in our true selves that this can lead to anxiety. It’s that terrible gap of space when we disconnect and then wonder how to deliver what others want or need, or how to meet the demands of the day, instead of that beautiful settled feeling we have when we are ourselves and feel that it is enough.
Being settled in our true selves supports us to embrace life, ‘So what could have been a tense journey was not at all tense for me… it was amazing confirmation of how I have supported myself out of what appears this global condition of anxiety.’
There is so much for us to learn about ourselves when we get comfortable with being uncomfortable because that is when we don’t leave any rock unturned to move from that discomfort to ease in the body.
This is a great blog to read because I feel that anxiousness could be our best friend if we were to stop and listen and to pick apart what is under pinning it. But many of us do not do that we seemingly run away from the feeling by numbing ourselves with a plethora of distractions. Has anyone noticed though this is not enough anymore as our distractions are getting more and more extreme. So what is it we don’t want to feel?
It is key to feel what we don’t want to feel, only then can we be aware of it, nominate it, and start to heal it.
In a world full of hurts, sadness, aggression and reactions to one another is it any wonder that most people feel unsafe or at least wary on some level? We are all sensitive beings after all and the sooner we stop pretending that we are not the better for everyone in the world.
Yes, accepting that we are all sensitive beings is an important step in reclaiming who we truly are.
I love your observations particularly this ‘underneath the surface physical dialogue, there appears to be another silent dialogue occurring, which actually speaks the loudest.’ Even if we try to ignore these silent dialogues with all our might they are still there! Also the fact that you have worked on and healed much if not all of your anxiety means you have a body that can reflect this to others which is very cool ✨
When you know who you are and appreciate yourself the anxiety can’t take hold.
One thing that has been triggering me into anxiety is money. But today rather than freaking out and panicking I sat and felt into what was behind it all. Coming back to my body to feel the energy of situations is a tool that helps me no end in any situation in life. The more I understand the less I react.
I find the same Leigh, I can feel completely out of sorts but if I reconnect to my body and move in conscious presence I feel a lot more settled, and I can access more easily what’s really going on inside me through my body – not my mind.
I love bringing understanding into all situations, it is such a game changer.
As I increasingly develop self-love and appreciation of myself my connection to my inner-confidence deepens and so my anxiety levels have dropped significantly.
It is so important to love, appreciate and care for ourselves, this will support us to be confident in the world.
When we feel at ease with ourselves it matters not what others are thinking. Staying true to ourselves, appreciating and loving ourself goes a long way to reduce anxiety.
Yes that ease is palpable and offers a grand conversation that means we stand on a very solid foundation.
Building a connection with our inner self, loving who we truly are, supports us not to entertain anxiety, ‘People appear fearful of not knowing how to be; they appear to be experiencing a deep unease and disconnection to a sense of who they are.’
It seems that people’s awareness has increased but not their ability to deal with the newly increased awareness, hence increasing anxiety.
Anxiety is indeed not living who we truly are but there is more to this because the entire world is geared in a way to not support you to be who you are, We could even take it as far as there is perhaps even a drive to ensure you feel insecure within yourself and hence seek a form of security and protection. No-one has masterminded this but it certainly appears to be the case when you really look underneath the layers at what is taking place every single day
I am coming to understand from experience that anxiety is a chosen and then fed state of being. And that I can always choose to be very present and settled in my body or to be flitting around in disconnect from my body and that in the latter all sorts of nonsense can play out… anxiousness being one.
As soon as I settle into my body and read the situation there’s no anxiety. Leave my body and it’s madness.
This is so true – ‘It takes a while to shed the false layers of who we identify ourselves as. Education, media, even misguided parenting (with all best intentions), lead us often to feel that we need to be someone or something else.’ What we take on from the world around us can be confusing, and lead us to adopt an identity that is not true to the essence of who we are by nature. I feel this is one of our greatest problems in society – the lack of honouring of our true being.
Agreed and the messages to conform and fit in are subtle as well as blatant and can lead us to be unaware they are there… or perhaps being unaware is a choice as well.
Indeed Alison, when I am not present with what is I can miss out on all the support that is naturally there and how life has a wonderful way of unfolding as it needs to be.
By letting go of the anxiousness and the control of wanting something to be a certain way, and learning to trust that everything is as it should be, has simplified my life. I no longer expect things to be a certain way and instead of going into anxiousness I now allow myself the space to observe and let things unfold, this is the magic and joy of life.
‘People appear fearful of not knowing how to be; they appear to be experiencing a deep unease and disconnection to a sense of who they are.’ So true anonymous, and this leads to hardening and protection … and then we are basically in combat when we go out into the world.
Letting go of protection, and building a love and appreciation for who we truly are makes so much more sense, ‘I’ve dedicated myself to a knowing and loving of who I really am and it is this intention to know myself which has led to a deeper ease and self-confidence to be more myself in daily life.’
“If one person in the interaction has an understanding of who they truly are and is steady in that, in a non-imposing-up-yourself confidence, then the other person is supported to connect to who they are” – so true, and this is how we come to know there is another way to be in the world. “Could anxiety simply be not living all of who we really are?” – yes, definitely, and a way of being sometimes we willingly choose and indulge in in order to play a game of being a human.
This brings to mind a woman I met recently on holiday who chain smoked and talked constantly. On the surface welcoming, exuberant, amusing but unsettled inside. She was anxious, but unable to speak about her anxiety and how she was feeling with us. We often wear a mask, refuse to connect to how we truly feel, this in itself produces anxiety. Expressing how we feel, distances us from anxiousness and supports us to be honest and open with self and others.
Kehinde, I agree, I’ve observed the same in myself and others when we don’t express how we feel, and we may not even know how to, it then can become like a pressure cooker within our being and the body becomes agitated and unsettled. Even if our inner being cannot articulate it the body may express it as anxiety, or in other ways.
A fantastic point here has been raised, in how much anxiety is created in trying to be liked, and so, what if you were to never try to be liked, and just loved yourself for who you are… this would change so much of what is happening in the world today.
Very true and love starts with ourselves.
I was asked recently to do present a program in an alternative primary school with the subject of… It’s okay to make mistakes. The reason being is that the children were collectively coming to school, with an anxiety of feeling they had to be perfect. So many people are carrying this, and of course it is a total set up… It just keeps us permanently on the hamster wheel.
This is a blog which offers the opportunity to understand how fear can cap us. The fear of standing out, getting it wrong, not being liked, all lead to behaviours that ensure we fit in, become less discerning and override our innate sense of what to do next.
If anxiety is due to not living who we truly are and not being present in the body, it is no surprise that it is by far the most common condition presenting in mental health for teenagers. We have to ask why it is that so many young people are opting out and withdrawing into a digital version of life…this is a global concern for all.
Great question Janet and very true, not only is it just teenagers but also adults who are glued to their screens. It is amazing to watch how many times people even during mid conversation are checking their phones. I asked someone yesterday who stopped mid vacuuming to check their phone what they were looking for and it was not that they had a message but said they wanted to check! And then saw there was no reason for it. It for me is one of the easiest way to check out and distract ourselves from life and now with the internet being so accessible on our phones is like it is our best friend with us by our side 24/7.
I experienced anxiety recently at a wedding where everyone was drinking and I didn’t want to be there in the first place as I only knew a couple of people other than the bride and groom. All it took though was to connect with that one person who had the solid wire, who introduced me to some decent people and the anxiety dropped away and I reconnected to myself and actually started to enjoy myself.
This is a really solid example of how we feel like we can’t cope when people are not themselves but when you meet people who are more at ease in their own skin there is more ease all round.
These are great observations, Anonymous, that I have also found especially with young clients, many of whom have little to no sense of how they should be in the world, how to be in relationship, how to express their feelings. There is an urgent need to support the younger generations to connect to themselves and discover who they truly are.
Great point Janet, there is indeed an urgent need and yet I feel society is looking the other way because, on the whole, there is no willingness to look at how we are reflecting that lived sense of who we are.
Anxiety can indeed spread like wild fire between people, as it does too with animals. Just like your analogy of sparks of electricity, it just takes one member of a flock of birds, a herd of cattle or a shoal of fish to sense there is something wrong and the rest will feel the anxiousness and react in the same way almost immediately. And we are no different. But when we stay connected to who we are we do not get affected in the same way.
The ability to hold and be with ourselves in the moment, builds confidence and lowers the anxiety of needing to be anyone else than ourselves.
The bottom line is we have to get far more honest about anxiety and be truthful in how we actually are feeling about it and expose it as it seems to almost be a true gauge of how connected or disconnected we are from ourselves at certain times.
Yes I agree. When I feel anxious it is a sign that I am disconnected from myself and trying to sort things out from the outside… I have never managed to make this work so it is madness to continue this approach.
Whenever I/we leave ourselves, our connection to our bodies and the presence with the moment we are in …anxiety is there. There is nothing more gorgeous that to feel at ease in ones body and being.
Yes of course anxiety is a global condition for if we are not really connecting to who we truly are we are bound to be anxious. It is like swimming along side the boat without realising that we just need to hop it.
Anxiety can be a crippling condition for many people around the world, as we begin to connect more from within ourselves we begin to build an inner confidence and this naturally builds a foundation that we move with which allows the anxiety to subside, until we no longer have anxiety in our lives.
The bottom line for me when I observe anxiety in myself and others in life is that we can’t DO life from our head. It’s like we are all walking around as these heads without bodies trying to feel, deal with and navigate life. Of course that would put anyone into a state of anxiety because without the connection to our whole body, we do not have the tools to navigate what we need to, to respond to life the way it’s asking to be. The mind is just one aspect but shouldn’t be given the role of ‘boss’ – it’s totally under qualified.
Yes and if we are feeling anxious then why on earth would we want to connect with our bodies and really feel this…. feel this even more?? But that is the key, to connect with our bodies and when we start to do this more coming back to the stillness and holding ourselves in love things such as anxiety, stress, self doubt etc have less hold on us ✨ One of the best and simplest tools I know for coming back to our body and holding ourselves in love is the Gentle Breath Meditation http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free
Anxiety is a condition that is rife in society today, debilitating many people. We are seemingly at a loss as to how to deal with it, so when something comes along like the Way of the Livingness, that offers support through empowering the person, then there is something to be looked at.
Anxiety is a global issue that could be remedied if we were to listen to and adhere to Serge Benhayon’s teachings on what anxiety is really about and how we can deal with it individually and as a society that can support those with anxiety.
The underlying cause for anxiety is a momentary or ingrained pattern of lack of worth, lack of presence of being with ourselves and being ourselves in the worth that we are.
I loved your phrase about ‘finding me’, it does not really need to be a ongoing search for the truth of ourselves outside of us, rather an inward journey of self acceptance and self love.
We have become so used to a constant anxiousness in our body that most of us find it rather unusual and scary to live without, as crazy as that may sound.
The disconnection to even a sense of who we are and the disconnection from even the own body leaves us with no true anchor in life. We are unsettled, and without settlement, we have no place to return to. We live in the anxiety of what may life have in store for us. A true killer.
In essence we are beings of love, love is everything that we are and here to represent. When this love is not part of our movements we feel a loss of sense of who we are, an emptiness, a falseness and ultimately the lovelessness we move in feels abusive a desecration of who we are and it is this that is very unsettling. I have found, as I have in the past experienced and lived with intense anxiety, that developing an honoring relationship with that love I am within has allowed a greater connection to knowing all that I am, to living with this connection and feeling the joy of the fulfilment that moving with this quality brings to not only the life I am living but to all the relationships I share.
I have often observed the level of magnified anxiety people are in when they travel, especially at airports and stations. There is a stressed, rushed, fast paced tension with being on time, being late and beating the crowds. What if changing this dynamic is as simple as connecting, feeling the journey and making more space and time needed for what is ahead?
I have noticed this too… in myself and others and it definitely makes for a frenetic environment. Great not to contribute to this, feel an alternative approach, make space for any travel arrangements and then get to enjoy all the moments.
I always make sure that I leave plenty of time for any journey. It makes travel much more enjoyable and allows for being calm and steady even if when there might be hold-ups on the way. It just shows that by making more space, time pressure does not have to be the stressful reality we make it to be.
I can relate to anxiety and wanting to be accepted after noticing underlying feelings of trying to work out what people wanted instead of just being myself. A great line highlighting your healing journey “I have deepened my acceptance of myself, and I am now far less anxious.”
No matter what plug we try we’ll never get the right supply until we connect within. This linked up, cuts out all the anxiety and complication that can come.
The use of a mobile phones has increased dramatically, its so easy to grab it and look something up, message, listen to music, talk, play games etc … basically distract oneself at any particularly moment when out in public. I wonder if this is a handy band-aid mechanism used to subdue the global condition of anxiety?
Great analogy about the electrical wires. I feel like that sometimes when I have a session with a Universal Medicine practitioner. If I am not been me for a while, and go into an anxious state about that and feel myself flaying around a bit, the practitioner is usually super steady and them, being there to support, so it is easier to bring me back to me and then the issue I had to bring to the table, usually isn’t such an issue. But gosh it feels like it when I am flailing about.
Beautiful point made: ‘Could anxiety simply be not living all of who we really are? We can turn the tide and make the changes. It is possible. I have the scars and the joy to show for it…’
Our disregard makes ways for more dis-regard to enter. So we are to simply living who we really are — being in regard of ourselves, so that no disregard can enter.
I love the way that you have described this ‘needing to be liked’ way of communicating that is based on a deep level of anxiety. It is exposing too, and perhaps inspires a deeper level of contemplation for when this is happening without my even knowing it.
I wasn’t even aware that I would go in to a kind of anxiousness when tired to get through the day until it was pointed out, there are many forms of anxiousness and they can strike at many different times. It is something that I am more aware of these days and if I’m honest I still don’t have a handle on it, especially when it comes to speaking in public.
Life shows us the truth of our every choice – but if we ignore our responsibility we’ll see life’s events as random and fearful. Anxiety comes then from denying our own awareness and part in this world. We are not a victim at all.
There is so much in this world that isn’t true, yet we subscribe to. Existing in ideals and beliefs will naturally make us anxious, because it keeps us distant from Love.
Absolutely, well said Joseph. I still find beliefs tripping me up and taking me down a road that is completely untrue and away from the love that I am. Having just come from Level 2 Universal Medicine I can feel myself much freer in my body from ideals and beliefs I have been carrying. With the awareness reawakened from this event it is now up to me to live in such a way that these do not enter and interfere as they have before.
And ideals and beliefs always make one feel like they are not good enough because they set the bar always out of reach. We go into striving and changing ourselves to meet ideals and beliefs, instead of being settled in ourselves and being who we naturally are.
Anything less than living the love that we are leads to anxiousness because we know deep down it is a lie and not true. The more I honour myself and what I am feeling the more content I am within my body and the less anxious, on edge and racy I am.
‘Could anxiety simply be not living all of who we really are? ‘ A great question to be asking, I know I have experienced anxiety at different times in my life and the most powerful and supportive thing I have learnt is to stay connected to my body as it brings a steadiness and a solid foundation that equips me to deal with anything that comes my way. The Esoteric Yoga modality and the Gentle Breath Meditation have been key to developing this quality within myself.