Self-abuse Under the Umbrella of Making it Right

Just the other day I was asked to do an action stunt whilst shooting a movie – they wanted me to jump off a roof. Of course, everything was done to be safe. But what did I do?

I used to push myself and my body really hard all my life, living in the belief that “I am strong, I can do that, and I’ll make it without any help.” Trying to show how independent I was as a woman, somehow trying to prove that “I can do it!”

My body was quite hard, battle-scarred, like a warrior’s body. It had survived a life of numerous car, motorcycle, and sports accidents and injuries. All because I’ve always wanted to be that little step ahead, to be seen as the woman who can do it all… independent, not needing anyone, being respected because I could handle anything.

As I know today, this is a condition many women have been trapped in for their whole lives.

A serious car accident in 2007, in which I nearly died, was a huge turning point for me. It offered me a chance to make changes to my life and attitudes – to start feeling into my body and looking after it with care and love. I opened up to me, which finally brought me to Universal Medicine in 2011. For over four years now I have been studying The Way of The Livingness, which has supported me to increase my awareness a lot.

I learned to stop acting from my mind and I began treating my body with respect, nurturing it with what it needs, instead of what brings the greatest pleasure. I was gently reminded of the fact that my body is the greatest gift I have.

I explored the possibility that my body knows everything (!) – when a rest is needed, which food it needs, which exercise, how often to go for a walk and how to walk more gently. How it senses the world and navigates me through life like a compass, through every mood that others are in and are communicating with.

Every need it has, and all the love I have in me, my body expresses with beauty and grace – far beyond any demands or expectations. In short, it is my pure and solid partner.

I learned to shift my behaviors from choosing what was cool to have, fancy to be, or yummy to eat, into: feel first what to eat, which words are truly needed to say, and what I am really to do, and that being connected with my body is the real deal!

So, after having stopped making obvious destructive choices such as motorcycling, heavy partying and pushing my body hard, which only led to my body being in pain, I started being more caring and self-loving. With this, more hidden choices of self-abuse showed up… like eating food that did not agree with me, or too much food, or not resting when my body was tired etc.

So I started working on this and deepening my awareness of what this sensitive vehicle really needs. But still, when I was asked the other day at work to do the stunt, I found myself crossing that border again. I pushed my body again very hard to get the result that was needed. And so – I jumped.

Everyone was happy that they got good pictures and I had ‘fun’ doing it. But what had truly happened?

I was shocked when I took a rest to feel how my body felt. I was shocked by how I am automatically used to abusing my body instead of treating it with love: how deeply conditioned I am to the “I can do it” attitude. It came in again in seconds!

And the need to get the recognition for having it done ‘right’ – something that brought me back to my childhood years when I started to fulfil what was needed in order to get recognition or acceptance for who I am by what I do! A lifetime of feeling I have to prove that I am good and worth it, that I can do it, that people can rely on me. I would have done anything.

After that roof-jump, I could feel how much my body did hurt and that I needed to rest for days. It took me a week to be able to walk gently again because every part of my body was in pain. I then started to question very deeply: why did I fall back into “I can do it”? Why do I put outside demands in front of respecting me? Why do I think I am not enough being me?

I got to the point that I recognised that whenever I do something that is not truly felt to be right from my body – I am abusing myself. There is no difference whether it is jumping from a roof or talking to someone to ‘be nice’ when I truly do not feel like talking: they are both against the truth of my body, they both need a push to go there. One may seem more dramatic than the other, but there is no difference – they both feel horrible afterwards.

Understanding this is my key to truly ask and feel the body first – and listen to the answer on the inside. To not put other people’s demands, or my own beliefs of how I think that I have to be, ahead of how I truly feel to act. This uncovered the evil held under the umbrella of ‘making it right’ for me. The only truthful ‘making it right’ is to feel first and let love be the fuel that runs my engine. No more, or less.

To me Serge Benhayon made the step of speaking up for true love, an inconvenient way to talk or express sometimes. Not everyone likes to hear words of truth and love because it’s confronting to what is seen as normal.

Even though there is a lot of illusion around what is normal, there is a way of reconfiguring the ‘normal’ to stop the constant abuse we are all in. The abuse happens anytime we are not truly aware of ourselves and others. It happens anytime we are not living the true love we are. Nowhere else outside of Universal Medicine was I ever reflected this truth before, to which my inner heart responds without doubt.

By Christina Hecke, Actress, Berlin, Germany

Further Reading:
Your Body The Truth
Abuse – My Understanding So Far
Listening To My Body And Honouring My feelings

1,069 thoughts on “Self-abuse Under the Umbrella of Making it Right

  1. “I got to the point that I recognised that whenever I do something that is not truly felt to be right from my body – I am abusing myself” – this is a powerful realisation to have, one that has the potential to change one’s life forever.

  2. “The abuse happens anytime we are not truly aware of ourselves and others. It happens anytime we are not living the true love we are.” . . . Saying no to abuse is simply staying connected and listening to what feels true for us. It is not allowing the ‘outside world’ to dictate who we are.

  3. I love how you have uncovered the fact – the truth – that self-abuse can be very subtle, acts that we have come to accept as normal. But how wonderful that when you began to let go of the bigger forms of abuse that there waiting underneath were many more layers waiting to be healed. And as you say so wisely, and a great reminder for us all, abuse “happens anytime we are not living the true love we are.”.

  4. ‘There is no difference whether it is jumping from a roof or talking to someone to ‘be nice’ when I truly do not feel like talking: they are both against the truth of my body, they both need a push to go there. One may seem more dramatic than the other, but there is no difference – they both feel horrible afterwards.’ Absolutely Christina – there is no difference – while jumping for a roof may be easier to spot as going against the truth of the body, not expressing our truth and substituting what is true for ‘good and nice’ can be worse, as they cannot be faulted unless one is discerning of energy.

  5. I feel we are so conditioned from young not to have any consideration for our bodies what so ever, and usually it’s not until a serious accident or illness brings us to a halt and we are given an opportunity to re-evaluate our lives.
    I have found that The Way of The livingness introduced by Serge Benhayon has supported me to develop an awareness with my body, I have started to take more care of it and therefore me, and when I go back into the drive to get things done, how quickly my body shows me that I can no longer do this. I am beginning to appreciate and understand just how sensitive our bodies are and just how disrespectful and abusive I have been with my body.

  6. Being the superwoman who can do it all in life is such a trap as it is often at the expense of our tender and precious bodies and against our innate sacred essence.

  7. We buy into images of ‘independence’ and let them walk us to wherever they walk us. The images we buy of ‘independent’ are not just any image but ones that suit us and that make sense to us given our previous pattern of movement. In other words, all we are doing is to adopt an image to become ‘independent’ as a means to become even more dependent of the pattern of movement underneath the selection of the image. Just another way to keep going in the same pattern while we try ourselves to convince ourselves that this is something new to bring change into our life.

  8. ” Just the other day I was asked to do an action stunt whilst shooting a movie – they wanted me to jump off a roof. ”
    When reading this , I want to say ” you want me to do what “

  9. I remember going back to heavy lifting (out of sympathy for a worker) after having started to treat my body with much more care and respect and it hurt a lot, and for days! And I can still at times just drop that one little notch in my self-care but feel the effect immediately now rather than pushing through, trying to do, fix and impress others.

  10. Needing to be ‘right’ in fear of getting it ‘wrong’ is a defence we use in order to not feel, express, breathe and thus live, all that is true.

  11. I don’t think there would be one person who could not relate to doing actions to either be ‘good’ or be ‘liked’. If the action is not from truth or evolution then one would have to question what we are moving for and why…

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s