Just the other day I was asked to do an action stunt whilst shooting a movie – they wanted me to jump off a roof. Of course, everything was done to be safe. But what did I do?
I used to push myself and my body really hard all my life, living in the belief that “I am strong, I can do that, and I’ll make it without any help.” Trying to show how independent I was as a woman, somehow trying to prove that “I can do it!”
My body was quite hard, battle-scarred, like a warrior’s body. It had survived a life of numerous car, motorcycle, and sports accidents and injuries. All because I’ve always wanted to be that little step ahead, to be seen as the woman who can do it all… independent, not needing anyone, being respected because I could handle anything.
As I know today, this is a condition many women have been trapped in for their whole lives.
A serious car accident in 2007, in which I nearly died, was a huge turning point for me. It offered me a chance to make changes to my life and attitudes – to start feeling into my body and looking after it with care and love. I opened up to me, which finally brought me to Universal Medicine in 2011. For over four years now I have been studying The Way of The Livingness, which has supported me to increase my awareness a lot.
I learned to stop acting from my mind and I began treating my body with respect, nurturing it with what it needs, instead of what brings the greatest pleasure. I was gently reminded of the fact that my body is the greatest gift I have.
I explored the possibility that my body knows everything (!) – when a rest is needed, which food it needs, which exercise, how often to go for a walk and how to walk more gently. How it senses the world and navigates me through life like a compass, through every mood that others are in and are communicating with.
Every need it has, and all the love I have in me, my body expresses with beauty and grace – far beyond any demands or expectations. In short, it is my pure and solid partner.
I learned to shift my behaviors from choosing what was cool to have, fancy to be, or yummy to eat, into: feel first what to eat, which words are truly needed to say, and what I am really to do, and that being connected with my body is the real deal!
So, after having stopped making obvious destructive choices such as motorcycling, heavy partying and pushing my body hard, which only led to my body being in pain, I started being more caring and self-loving. With this, more hidden choices of self-abuse showed up… like eating food that did not agree with me, or too much food, or not resting when my body was tired etc.
So I started working on this and deepening my awareness of what this sensitive vehicle really needs. But still, when I was asked the other day at work to do the stunt, I found myself crossing that border again. I pushed my body again very hard to get the result that was needed. And so – I jumped.
Everyone was happy that they got good pictures and I had ‘fun’ doing it. But what had truly happened?
I was shocked when I took a rest to feel how my body felt. I was shocked by how I am automatically used to abusing my body instead of treating it with love: how deeply conditioned I am to the “I can do it” attitude. It came in again in seconds!
And the need to get the recognition for having it done ‘right’ – something that brought me back to my childhood years when I started to fulfil what was needed in order to get recognition or acceptance for who I am by what I do! A lifetime of feeling I have to prove that I am good and worth it, that I can do it, that people can rely on me. I would have done anything.
After that roof-jump, I could feel how much my body did hurt and that I needed to rest for days. It took me a week to be able to walk gently again because every part of my body was in pain. I then started to question very deeply: why did I fall back into “I can do it”? Why do I put outside demands in front of respecting me? Why do I think I am not enough being me?
I got to the point that I recognised that whenever I do something that is not truly felt to be right from my body – I am abusing myself. There is no difference whether it is jumping from a roof or talking to someone to ‘be nice’ when I truly do not feel like talking: they are both against the truth of my body, they both need a push to go there. One may seem more dramatic than the other, but there is no difference – they both feel horrible afterwards.
Understanding this is my key to truly ask and feel the body first – and listen to the answer on the inside. To not put other people’s demands, or my own beliefs of how I think that I have to be, ahead of how I truly feel to act. This uncovered the evil held under the umbrella of ‘making it right’ for me. The only truthful ‘making it right’ is to feel first and let love be the fuel that runs my engine. No more, or less.
To me Serge Benhayon made the step of speaking up for true love, an inconvenient way to talk or express sometimes. Not everyone likes to hear words of truth and love because it’s confronting to what is seen as normal.
Even though there is a lot of illusion around what is normal, there is a way of reconfiguring the ‘normal’ to stop the constant abuse we are all in. The abuse happens anytime we are not truly aware of ourselves and others. It happens anytime we are not living the true love we are. Nowhere else outside of Universal Medicine was I ever reflected this truth before, to which my inner heart responds without doubt.
By Christina Hecke, Actress, Berlin, Germany