Recently I have started to appreciate the energetic changes in myself, and how I work with people. I was reflecting on my career in health and social care and thought back to the days I used to absorb everything. I was literally a human sponge for any emotion that was flying around; the more intense, painful and heavy the emotion, the more I seemed to attract it!
I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.
When working at hospital I would feel absolutely exhausted, drained and often sad. After work I would think of the patients I met that day, often waking up in the night worrying about something I said, or how I could have made it better for them.
This absorbing of emotions did not just happen at the hospital… I used to absorb the bus driver’s frustration, my friend’s distress, my parents’ expectations, the anguish on the news, the angst in the shopping center the list goes on… no wonder I was a nervous wreck!
As you can imagine, having all these emotions flying about the place and me acting as a sponge absorbing them left me quite confused as to who I truly was. The boundaries of who I was and who was another would become foggy – I would be left feeling out of sorts and agitated. Sometimes I even came away with the symptoms of my patients.
All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.
I could sense this and could also see this in many of my colleagues who were stressed and burnt out. Thankfully I made a stop. I knew if I continued the way I was going I would end up mentally, emotionally and physically very ill.
So what happened?
I was introduced to Universal Medicine and it was here I learnt about the Gentle Breath Meditation™. I learnt about energy and how to discern it – that is, how to still feel it, but to not let it in and affect me.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486
This has been life changing and a true miracle for me. I care deeply for all those I meet and now to the best of my ability live by the principle ‘observe and not absorb’: this allows me to be a 100 million times better carer, reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!).
This is of course a constant work in progress and sometimes I still find myself absorbing the energy around me, but thanks to Universal Medicine I have an array of tools I use to help get me back to me.
The Gentle Breath Meditation™ is a fantastic tool to help keep me centered, in touch with who I truly am, and focused on the present moment. This allows me to give the best to those I work with without draining myself in the process.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Gentle Breath Meditation in Daily Life
The Gentle Breath Meditation™ & Discovering my Inner Self
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I grew up in a religious family where it was encouraged to forgo your own feelings and support others because life was not about you but about helping others and the more you supported others the ‘better’ person you were and that God would love you. I understand now that this particular religion has taken one of the ancient wisdom teachings and barstadised it, in such a way that it is close to the truth but actually isn’t true at all. It is impossible to ‘save’ another, what we can do is walk beside them and reflect a different way to be, it is then their choice if they want to make the changes to their life or not.
When we absorb it is like taking the pieces of everyone else’s jigsaw and muddling them up with yours but when we observe we work side by side with everyone realigning their own jigsaw.
Wow do I understand about this ‘absorbing’ instead of ‘observing’ more and more. It is far from perfect and I know then, I am in constant reaction, so of course I’m going to be pooped every day. What a marker of truth when you wake up and the body is tired yet your being is awake and ready to go.
The body continues to signal day to day, and when we focus on allowing the body to lead the way, well our lives will be very much different.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is the key to bringing us back to ourselves, and it isn’t hard to do once you add it to your daily rhythms, it’s just like brushing our teeth.
All I can say is thank God for the Gentle Breath Meditation, it has supported me countless times and no doubt will continue to do so, so I am not forever humanity’s sponge anymore.
“I learnt about energy and how to discern it – that is, how to still feel it, but to not let it in and affect me.” Absorbing or observing is a huge topic, it’s one of my current weaker points which I’m working on daily. I have recently felt how damaging ‘helping’ energy is, that is the bastardised version that comes from a source of energy that is not loving. It might sound odd that to help another is not supportive, but it’s more the kind of help that’s being offered, one that comes from reaction and sympathy and wanting people to have the picture of a good or better life, or the help (I prefer the word support) that comes from love and is a quality that may or may not do anything in terms of taking action, but offers the energetic truth that we are all souls by virtue of what we live and then reflect.
Growing up in the health care profession, I know the art to helping or sympathising. It is the biggest killer to empowerment. The most loving thing anyone can do for another is to give them space to do it themselves, in however or whatever way they want to do it. That is ‘observing’ and definitely not ‘absorbing’ or ‘helping’.
Melinda Knights, what I find fascinating is how we can now talk about energy and how it affects our bodies. No one I knew had such a true understanding of energy and the two types of it, or how energy behaved until I met Serge Benhayon. The Ageless Wisdom through Serge Benhayon has gifted to the world a way to discern energy so that we do not get caught up in it, but can just observe it. This gives us all such freedom in our bodies because we are not owned by it.
Just re-reading this blog reminds me of how I too used to be a sponge for all that was happening around me and how easily I would absorb things and let myself get affected, run down, depressed etc. But thankfully I too have learned tools such as the gentle breath mediation (as taught by Serge Benhayon) that have helped me to be more aware of the differences in energy that abound around us and how to hold myself steady in and amongst all of this – with no perfection of course, but such a vast support to how I can now live.
I used to absorb so much, and made myself really ill as a result, now I am learning to stay observing. Going into sympathy or trying to fix another are ways we can absorb another’s energy, ‘I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.’
Sometimes I find it is hard not to react to what we see around us – either in anger, frustration or sadness etc. However, whenever we react, then what we see or feel around us then has permission to affect us. The answer is not of course to shut down or harden up or to ‘protect’ ourselves energetically so to speak because all that does is simply numb us from the effects of the energy. But it is about asking us to understand the situation deeper which we are all capable of but often resist doing.
Henrietta I find it hard not to react too, especially when I see someone suffering, I want to jump in and save them. For me it’s a huge learning that we are all where we are in life because of the choices we have made, and let’s face it, many of us have made some really unwise choices that have led us down a path of consequences that were unforeseen. Understanding is the key, to understand that we all have lessons in life that we need to learn and move on from, to understand that if we jump in to support another person then there’s two of us in the mud and no reflection that there is another way.
Taking on another stuff has to come with comparison and judgement otherwise we would be in the position of the observer and not be taking another stuff-erence on.
One of the things this blog reminds me of is how sensitive and aware we are, and how much energy there is around us that we can be affected by if we don’t have the steadiness of our inner connection to our soul and to our body. I also find appreciating my inner qualities has helped me to form a relationship with me and establish healthy boundaries, this has been a great way to support myself after getting a bit lost in everything going on around me, absorbing it and losing me.
Melinda I feel this is a great comment because I have also found that by building a relationship with my soul this has changed how I am with myself and other people. And now I wonder if the jumping in and helping people was a way to stop myself from feeling lonely as by helping others I felt needed and wanted which is a completely false way to live because it is centered on others and not my connection with myself hence the feeling of loneliness I was trying to relieve.
I used to absorb loads of stuff including what was on the news, tv shows and films!!!!! The thing is if we do not have an absolute awareness of this or know how to change it then how can we? This blog is great to bring the awareness to the fore and start the discussion .. and yes I agree The Gentle Breath Meditation https://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free is the perfect tool and support in supporting us to stop absorbing and start observing.
I practised acupuncture for many years, and during my training was never warned that we can potentially absorb another’s energy. I became really ill from absorbing all this poison from patients and people in general, and was finally brought to a stop when treating a patient who had had electric shock treatment and was on very heavy medication for depression.
Vicky you raise a very important topic that we without fully understanding how it happens we absorb so much from the media, films etc., especially at the moment when there is so much happening in the news. So many people I talk to say they have stopped listening or watching the news because they feel it is so negative and that this constant negativity is affecting their health.
I can relate to your words about not having clear boundaries, or knowing yourself clearly because of being attuned to what’s going on around you and absorbing it all. I have found the Gentle Breath really does help with this as it supports a reconnection back to our essence and establishes a sense of self.
I can really relate with what you share here as I used to be the same taking on others emotions from family, friends and even the TV!!! The Gentle Breath Meditation is such a simple tool to step away from that and back to who we are. Also how can we ever truly support another if we are burnt out, a nervous wreck and sick!!! This is a real eye opener: “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing other people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486′
Absorbing another’s poison will cause illness and disease in self, ‘All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.’
“All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.
I could sense this and could also see this in many of my colleagues who were stressed and burnt out.” So many in the caring and helping professions suffer from burn out. Learning how to observe and not absorb would be a major turn around in their training.
Taking on other people’s stuff is often not considered to be harmful because the harm is not always immediate or obvious. We seem to negate that we are energetic beings. This quote below makes sense and give us a better understanding of why someone who looks super fit and healthy could still experience illness and disease. “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.”
Love what you have shared here Chan – and I agree that much of what we carry is not ours to carry but is our responsibility to lovingly hold ourselves steady and support another in a true way so that it is clear what is ours to deal with and what is another’s to deal with.
“I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain”. It’s such a common and seemingly innocent thought to want to help others and take away their pain, but unfortunately it’s often sympathetic and leads to absorbing. I’m still learning this one, and learning how to observe, give space, and offer genuine care and understanding without enjoining the problem. It’s a loving detachment.
This is a big learning for me too Melinda wanting to take the pain away and make everything better. But I am realising this is the catch because by trying to help, the person doesn’t get to truly feel the consequences of their actions and this is our learning that all our choices have consequences positive or negative.
Yes, absorbing instead of observing is a big habit to break, and important we all understand how damaging it is, ‘Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.’
We think it is caring to worry about someone else, but having been the person people have worried about, it is odd, but it doesn’t actually feel very good because there is a sense the other person does not consider I am equipped to deal with what is ahead of me. Not very empowering.
We want to do the best work we can, or be the best friend we can. Listening, understanding and trying to help another fix their problems was always considered part of being a good friend. The worries are taken on and shared. But I have noticed something changes when this happens between two people and I have started to realise that the person with the issue in their lives is the only person who knows the movements they made to get there, why and how they made them, therefore they are equally the only person who can truly know how to unravel it and move a different way to ensure it does not happen again.
Yes supporting the other person to find their way to deal with the situation feels very different from taking it on and sorting it – which leaves the other disempowered.
This is so true Lucy, ‘the person with the issue in their lives is the only person who knows the movements they made to get there, why and how they made them, therefore they are equally the only person who can truly know how to unravel it and move a different way to ensure it does not happen again.’
‘this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud” – how many of us do this, with our kids, partner, family, friends, colleagues etc. How do you help someone out of predicament if all you do is join them in it?!
And how funny is it to realise that many of us make exceptions when we know its ‘our mother’ or ‘our partner’ or ‘our child’ etc – it is not about being cold of course, but it is about realising that we are all beings and one is equal to another, regardless of it being a blood tie, close friend or a stranger. Family is our biggest test of true love.
When we become a sponge to other’s emotions, we can no longer support them.
Anonymous , like you The Gentle Breath Meditation supports me to stay connected and not be drawn into other’s emotions or try to fix them. We cannot truly support another if we enjoin with them in their emotional state. To stay present with ourselves, loving, clear and steady offers patients and clients the opportunity to come back to themselves.
The more we enjoin others in their emotion the harder it is on our body and the more exhausting it becomes, yet when we observe what is going on we are able to support someone without getting hooked into the emotion, and we retain the ability to see things clearly.
Life is not perfect and we all get caught by and in things sometimes so it is great to have tools and techniques like the Gentle Breath Meditation that support me to come back to a steadiness and connection with my body.
Sympathy is so exhausting or draining on the body, it offers no true way forward for another and it is an arrogance on our part for assuming another is ill equipped to empower themselves to move through their situation.
Life became so much more fun after I was able to observe life more than I to absorb it as I did in the past. I do now read the situations and see what there is to learn for me and for humanity. So observing puts me in a place where I can evolve in life, a quality of life I do not remember to have since I was a little child.
Letting emotions of others in is like a poison for our bodies and will dull and exhaust it so much so that we can feel ourselves at the end of our life wrecked like an old shipwreck at the bottom of the sea.
I could easily call myself a sponge because I was very good at absorbing people’s emotions and easily jump in to try and rescue people out of their emotional dramas or whatever they were going through. I would think about their issues and sometimes I would get so caught up in it. This, I now realise stopped me from dealing with my own stuff and also made me feel exhausted, disconnected and not myself. Now, I have more space to contemplate and reflect on my relationships with people, my day and how I feel. By not taking on other people’s stuff, I am more steady, clear and have clarity to truly support without imposing on others. These changes within me has been incredible and I too have Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to thank for showing me how these tools for life are so practical and always accessible to every single one of us.
Chanly88, I agree the changes you’ve made are incredible, without them we self imprison ourselves and become exhausted by our own confusion in not discerning what is ‘ours’ from what is ‘theirs’. Like you, many of us used this to distract ourselves away from our own ‘stuff’. Learning to clear our own stuff and become a clear mirror really is a breakthrough for self and supports us to offer much more to others.
I can relate Chan, thanks for all you have shared here. It’s made me realise that sympathy negates the essence of the person by only seeing the problem, and it doesn’t offer the opportunity to observe or discuss how or why someone left their essence to now have their issue, and the possibility of supporting someone to then know how they separate from their true selves and how to instead live from their power.
I found the Gentle Breath meditation life changing too, I take so many breathes I’m not aware of and the technique has helped me see how easily our breathe changes in certain situations and how easily with this awareness it can be changed back to my natural way of breathing.
Like we made ourselves unaware offer breathing we also made ourselves unaware of our movements which can keep or bring us in a certain vibration that after a while becomes our normal way.
Learning to observe and not absorb leaves us free to feel love and not get caught up in the drama.
Beautifully said Mary, you are spot on and there is nothing more supportive than love and for us to reflect who we are (love) to the rest of the world.
To not get involved in issues and dramas is such a wise choice.
In the past when I have taken on other people’s stuff I have ended up feeling really drained, and lethargic, and now when I listen and observe what is going on I get a much clearer picture and it is no longer clouded, and most of all I don’t feel drained or exhausted.
Observing, and not absorbing supports us to support another.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world”. That is huge, especially as we do that a lot. It has become almost ‘normal’ to sympathize or feel responsible for otherone’s emotions and try to solve their emotional problems. What is offered here, is a turn-around: by breathing your own breath and observe what occurs with the other, there seems to be more space to truly feel what is needed and can be of support. Often, just being and listening with loving ears.
Observing and not absorbing serves us all greatly, it is a true support to be with each other and evolve together.
We are all affected by our own and each other’s emotions and reactions. The more we become aware of this the more responsibility we have to step out of this game for the benefit and liberation of all.
Like you say Nicola, if we step out of the situation then we are also able to help others with a wider perspective and a less emotional response. Its a tool worth learning and living not just for ourselves but everyone around us.
When we understand and truly experience how not to react but to observe, we will really live like the fish in the sea does not get wet
I first heard Serge Benhayon present on Observe don’t Absorb in 2005 (although I am sure he has been saying it longer than that) and it still remains one of the most practical, every day, every moment learnings that I have been graced with for to truly live in this way is a great joy and liberation.
Same here Nicola, to ‘Observe don’t Absorb’ is the most practical tool for life and it makes so much sense. To be able to stop and observe is a deeply loving choice as we allow ourselves a moment/space to see what is in front of us instead of jumping into a reaction.
My feeling is that at some point we do not even need to exactly stop to observe, but develop a way of living that is observational. This leads to greater understanding and awareness and we are no longer at the mercy of having our strings constantly pulled!!!
Instead of getting involved in something that is not ours to get involved in in the first place.
“…. reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!).” What a powerful, transformational and truly loving approach to others instead of sympathy.
Yes Anonymous , a great tool to be more energetic, more full of yourself and in life becoming more aware and observant, as we are breathing less of the world in and more of our Godly selves (source: love).
Our body is not just for our own. It is feeling everything around and processing a lot every moment. A choice we make to reflect heaven can be clearing lots for people; a choice to reflect man we can be burdened by many people.
Like in tango, there are always two: the human being that aims to do something for others who are undergoing difficulties, and the human spirit who knows that this will have deleterious consequences to us and cheers us to go there.
I love how it all comes back to our responsibility which puts us back in the place of power. I feel most people are aware of how we get affected by others’ emotions and what goes on around us, and how harmful that can be, and it’s so easy to blame what’s out there for how we feel.
So true, it is so much ‘easier’ to blame another than take responsibility for our own actions and yet by taking responsibility there is space for everyone to grow.
Yes, it is great to look at our part, be responsible, and reclaim our power.
Countering another’s emotional distress with our own can at times seem natural and supportive, and yet perhaps we are just jumping into the same hole with another or bringing a shovel to make the hole bigger and harder to get out of?
The quote by Serge Benhayon that 80% of our ills come from absorbing other people’s emotions is one to consider deeply. It makes sense that its hard to heal an emotion that wasn’t ours in the first place. It made me think about if we all learnt to observe and not absorb, how our health would radically change.
Yes, when the harm of absorbing other people’s emotions is generally understood and that understanding integrated within the medical profession’s approach to healing it will be a paradigm shift that will revolutionise the healing of illness, disease and mental health.
and also let’s not forget that we ourselves are often the other (ie the one expressing) so we have a responsibility to not indulge in emotions either by expressing or absorbing – same same!
It is truly exhausting trying to save another and our bodies cannot but reflect this choice to jump in another man’s life or absorb all life is offering. I was like that too and was a nervous wreck myself but not admitting this truth for myself but also not knowing how to change it – I tried all kind of new age meditations that should protect me. I now know, using the Gentle Breath Meditation, we don’t need to protect ourselves, it is the other way around when we breath our own breath we open ourselves to who we are and to the world being aware of what is going on energetically and just observe and not take things on.
Yes, through making the Gentle Breath Meditation part of our day to day, there is a relationship built with the energetic aspect of life and we see there is so much more at play than what we see hear or can touch. There is a great freedom with that multidimensional awareness.
I’ve read a lot in the New Age about people affected by others energies, it’s sometimes called being an empath or simply being a sensitive person. There are many techniques on offer to remedy absorbing like covering yourself with white light, visualising being in a bubble, etc, but the underlying view is that it’s something that affects certain people and they need to learn to manage it, often with an intent to protect ones self. None of this worked for me. With the work of Universal Medicine we are able to return to our soulful essence and live from that connection to our true selves, and to understand how reaction, sympathy or taking things on is related to absorbing, and then observe life as a way to avoid absorbing. I have found this works very effectively and has empowered me to understand what’s going on when affected by another’s energy, and to take responsibility to heal the underlying issues.
In the past i too tried many ‘techniques’ to stop me absorbing another’s energy, like you, I found that none of the ‘techniques’ worked. What has been supporting me are understandings from Serge Benhayon, ‘understand how reaction, sympathy or taking things on is related to absorbing, and then observe life as a way to avoid absorbing.’
80% is a high percentage of illness and disease that is caused by taking on other people’s emotions! Just imagine what would happen to the rates of illness and disease if we were just to stop and consider this fact let alone find ways or tools such as the Gentle Breath Meditation to support us to observe and not absorb life.
This is a huge percentage, and would make a big difference in our health care system.
The more we observe the more liberated we become.
That is true and the more liberated we become the more we observe and the more others get to observe!
There is a real focus on the other person and their care and wellbeing when I absorb, instead of starting with me and my connection and letting everyone take care of themselves. It doesn’t mean there is a lack of care from my part, just not an emotional attachment. I can’t say enough how destructive sympathy is, I know we consider it a form of care but it’s the main reason I absorb another’s pain, emotion or distress. That doesn’t help either of us. The body really reveals what the truth is about words (like sympathy) and the energy behind them.
Sympathy as an emotion is very damaging, equally it feels horrible to receive or give this emotion, so we do know what is true.
Melinda what this blog and all the comments are showing me is that as a race of human-beings we do care, we care deeply about ourselves and each other as we know that we are all connected by the very particles we are made of, which are the same particles that make up our universe, fact. There is a knowing that we have completely stuffed up how we are to be with each other and now live so very far away from who and what we are. There is a pull from the universe that we can all feel in our bodies that is devoid of all the emotional entanglement we have wrapped ourselves in and this pull that we can all feel will support us to realign back to the universe when we are able to do this all the emotional entanglement, lies and deceit will drop away and we will discover the truth of who we are and why we are here and what we are all supposed to be doing.
I agree Anonymous , the Gentle Breath Meditation is a fantastic tool that we continually have on tap to support and nourish us throughout life.
Powerful sharing. The unfortunate reality that in today’s world many don’t yet know the fact that we absorb the emotions of others. Just having this article on the Internet is bringing the awareness of this very real fact into the minds of us all.
Learning to hold steady, to just observe what’s going on around us without getting emotionally attached and/or entangled is a great support to ourselves and others. When we get emotionally wrapped up in stuff, it’s easy to lose ourselves in it and the steady reflection that we could offer to each other- the reminder that says there’s more to you than your emotions, and your emotions aren’t an intrinsic part of who you are- is wobbled. Observing and staying steady is far more loving than wading in and attempting to fix everything, hoping to make ourselves feel better. Observation doesn’t mean taking no action and not speaking up, but bringing understanding to a situation so that everyone can see their part more clearly and we can tap into that sense of knowing just what’s needed in that moment.
Learning to read between the lines and discern what we are feeling is vital to our health and well-being.
To be sympathetic towards another one must hold the upper ground, a kind of supremacy that is looking down and pitying another without reading the situation or bringing any true respect or understanding to the the other. Not so noble when we look at it like this.
Spot on Kathleen, a very wise woman once shared something similar with me, her sharing supported me to let go and clear the pattern of sympathy from my life.
An inspiring blog Anonymous . Observing and not absorbing is a great antidote to exhaustion and the sticky, cloying energy of sympathy that pulls everyone down.
Sympathy is a shocker as it is so harming to everyone and as you so beautifully expressed Anonymous it simple keeps us all stuck in the mud. And why we jump in the mud to ‘save’ someone has to examined as we need to identify what is in it for us; what are we getting out of this?
Good point kathleenbaldwin. We can learn a lot about ourselves and our behaviours if we we are willing to look more closely at the how and why we respond or react the way we do. When we get to see what is in it for us we can go deeper still and root out those ways of thinking and being that inhibit the great love that there is for us to share.
There is such a difference when we can observe life and not absorb life, and in this observation we can respond rather than react, and in that response, we free ourselves and others and support each other in a way that is not imposing or exhausting.
Very true Monica, absorbtion makes us super tired as we allow other energy to come in that is not ours.. Not even knowing truly what the energy does us when we allow it in. So, we must discern energy and start feeling when we absorb and when we observe, to start feeling the difference in our body. And claming our truth.
“This absorbing of emotions did not just happen at the hospital… I used to absorb the bus driver’s frustration, my friend’s distress, my parents’ expectations, the anguish on the news, the angst in the shopping center, the list goes on… no wonder I was a nervous wreck!” This is such a great listing of things we absorb. We are very sensitive beings and can feel what is going on with others, which is super great and it is so very important to acknowledge and honour that and then it is so important to understand that we do not have to take on what is going on around us but can observe without being sucked into the (e)motion or counter it with another, but simply feel. And it is amazing how much more this helps another and ourselves. There is clarity then and a beholding love.
Its interesting – when I was a teenager I berated myself for being cut off and not feeling anything (which was not far from the truth) so I started to look for a more feeling state… and the model that the world reflected back to me was to be more emotional, sympathetic and to get involved in other people’s drama. After many wasted years trying this model out, I’ve been blessed to discover Serge’s true approach of caring deeply, feeling everything but always observing.
Being in our bodies ( and not our heads), supports us to be present in every moment which is key to not absorbing the emotions of others.
Great point Jacqueline, the connection to our body makes such a difference as it supports us to become more aware and read what is happening around us.
I used to want to save everyone from their pain and hurt, using sympathy as a way of so called love, all the time absorbing others emotions which at times would make me feel depressed. The Gentle Breath Meditation is a great tool that helps us to stay with ourselves and not breath in the emotions of others.
I agree Anonymous the Gentle Breath Meditation is a great tool to practice staying with ourselves and not getting absorbed into all that is going on around us. Breathing our own breath, in other words, determining the quality in which we are and breathe is super important and vital for our own health and wellbeing.
When we absorb the emotions of others we get saturated like a sponge and start to drip those emotions wherever we go. When we observe emotions and meet them with love we don’t add to the problem but offer another the space to equally observe and let go of what is absorbing them.
This is a great picture you draw here to understand what it means and see its effects when we take on another’s emotion.
It is literally life changing when we get to understand just how much we absorb the emotions of others, which lie toxic in our own bodies and then unaware that we have absorbed and how that is affecting our choices. Returning to our awareness is priceless but we do have to make that choice to, and embrace the changes your body is asking you to make which is a continually refinement.
Great to re-read this blog again which has left me pondering and asking myself am I still absorbing because I am really tired of late, going to bed early and still waking tired. Mmmm, I will take this into my day, and have several stop moments or check-in moments to see if I am full present in my body.
I heard again yesterday of another teacher who has given up because of not being able to handle the adolescents with their challenging behaviour in the classroom. In order to make a difference in the world we need to be strong in ourselves and not be affected by such things. I know how I can react to others behaviour and end up weakened in the process.To observe and not absorb is crucial if we are to have healthy bodies and healthy minds and be in a position to be role models for children in school or anyone anywhere.
Wow this has bought back memories of the ‘sponge’ I was once upon a time and exhaustion crept in so sneakily and I thought it will pass one day. In some respect I was arrogant thinking it wouldn’t affect me. Well it did and it got worse till I developed an endocrine condition, my stop moment. I too had to learn to observe and stop fixing it for everyone without perfection and I’m still refining it more and more. What I now observe is the absorption that takes place in others. I recognise it in their voices, their emotion, the way they communicate and even in their facial features when they’ve been caught in other people’s stuff. Whenever I can, I bring it to their attention, how it’s affecting them to help them understand what they are doing to themselves is affecting them. If they are interested in hearing, I offer that support otherwise I avoid the imposition. Observing is like going to the movies to watch a film without getting caught in the action and drama of it all and walking away without it affecting your moods.
Yes I recognise this too in others, especially in their voices, which can be highly pitched and in their facial expressions too. With one family member of late, I have noticed this. Each time they share what is going on for them, I observe and feel not to say anything as they are not ready to hear,
Thanks Anonymous, this is a great blog for me to come back to having been someone who has absorbed a lot in life. A supportive line here on the difference between observing and absorbing “reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!)”. When we bring it back to the quality of energy we are in it exposes the lies the beliefs and ideals are that cause us to sympathise or self sacrifice in our relationship to others, as the energy of those things feel truly harmful to both parties.
Often times the words sympathy and care are put together, as if you cannot have one with out the other. But what this piece of writing shows us is how important it is care for yourself first, and that by absorbing – through sympathy – we are actually not helping at all. You care for yourself fist because when you are full and loved and glorious and light, you bring all of this with you, an inspiring spark for the world to see.
‘”Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486’ Wow, this is a shockingly high statistic. Imagine if we were to learn this as children and then lived with this knowing making a conscious choice to not abosrb ‘other people’s stuff’, how much illness and disease could be prevented.
Profound blog, sharing that we are always able to safe ourselves from the misery we had created, no matter how bad or worse. We are powerful beings that have greater wisdom than we are currently living from. Nevertheless it is a beauty in us that knows how to observe instead of absorb, and hence it is so important that we actually acknowledge this wisdom within ourselves – again.
Caring deeply for another doesn’t mean we need to take on their emotional state or plight, which doesn’t truly help either party… If we stay open to observing a situation we are much more likely to be able to share an insight or shed light on something for the other to truly assist them…
Absorbing is often seen as compassion. But in truth is a pattern of movement fueled by lack of self worth and the fact that we do not accept that ill-being in anyone is the exclusive result of his/her movements, that is his/her choices and alignments. So, we have to be careful with our ‘sympathy’. What are we really saying yes to? We cannot say yes just to the tip of the iceberg. We ‘buy’ the whole package even if we prefer to pretend this is not happening.
” “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486 “. This is an alarming percentage and shows how important it is and the responsibility we have for our own health as well as that of others that we learn to ‘observe and not absorb’.
When we observe everything is revealed to us and we can say we have a true choice in how to respond because nothing is hidden, whereas absorbing gives us a limited view and from there we try to make the best choice but essentially it is doomed from the start.
It is fantastic to read this article again, I can see the steadiness in your presence as you observe what is there to be given work to but without allowing that work to drain you, therefore making you someone who can be consistently relied upon. And this is very inspiring, for myself, and I am sure for all those who you come in to contact with during your day.
The Gentle Breath Meditation has changed my life, allowing me to go from someone who’s been trigger happy with reactions to having space to respond … that’s not to say I don’t still react, I do, but I notice when I do as now I have more times where I can just observe and respond, and it’s made me more effective in work and means I have a better working relationship with my colleagues.
Our/my connection with the breath supports us to stay present and connected with ourselves, for if we are not breathing our own breath we are breathing in everything else around us.
Love these words of wisdom from Serge Benhayon. “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” Observation really does allow for the space to see and read clearly, and in this not automatically react to what is going on around us.
I love how something as simple, free and easy as focusing on how we’re breathing can help us to stay steady, and observe what’s going on around us without getting so caught up and lost in it.
Reading your words it becomes clear why so many are exhausted and burnt out, as with taking on all the emotions that are going on during our day, we are mightily busy dealing with things that are not ours on top of what we actually need to deal with, our own stuff.
Well said Esther – double the workload so no wonder it is exhausting!
I used to feel so exhausted and distressed from absorbing other people’s dramas, issues and frustration. Now, I can easily recognise it when I fall back into this old habit and can quickly let it go without judgement. This is thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for sharing an array of tools to support me and many, many people world-wide in our everyday life, to observe and not absorb.
Sympathy is always about taking on others stuff and in a way it is making yourself more important than them, as if they are not capable to deal with what is happening and you are.
What energy we live is what we get back. So is it then not wise to make your living as truly loving as possible?
Taking on peoples issues is so simple, then when you understand how not to through what you have shared Anonymous our whole life transforms for the better.
To observe and not absorb frees us from imposition and allows a pathway for Truth to be seen and heard.
True Anonymous , Universal Medicine has given us an array of tools to help us to come back to ourselves and all are practical and simple. They make us remember we are an equal part of the universe.
I frequently used to come away with my patients symptoms, and even being around someone for a short time I would still pick up ‘bits’ from them, a bit like a vacuum cleaner collecting rubbish! A clear example to me that we are all connected by energy, there is no separation. Yes, I made myself very ill from this behaviour, and am still recovering, I regularly have to remind myself to stay observing as the pattern has become more subtle.
I had an example last week where I absorbed and it left me feeling very unsettled, absorbing is not the way forward if we choose health and well-being, the situation was a great learning on what not to do in my life.
It is absolutely life-changing and very well-worth observing life, with detachment rather than taking on the emotions of others and situations around us.
‘I learnt about energy and how to discern it – that is, how to still feel it, but to not let it in and affect me.’ … this is such a simple, yet deeply profound and life changing statement … can you imagine what life would be like if we all learned this and lived life so that we clearly knew energy … it would debase so much of what we see in the world, de-personalise many situations and lead to a completely different way of living and being. This has now started for many with the Gentle Breath Meditation and it’s a ripple continuing far and wide .. simple, effective and accessible to all who wish it.
It is so important to understand that it is not normal to absorb everything that goes on around us and that there is another way to live, as you describe, by learning to observe things and feel instead of going into reaction and emotion.
Absolutely when we absorb everything that is going on around us it is impossible to have stable boundaries and be clear about what is and is not our responsibility. The more I care for myself and maintain a solid foundation the clearer I am to observe another’s distress etc and support them but not enjoin with them.
Beautiful Anonymous – highlights the harm of absorbing and then the support of observing.
Absorbing others’ stuff is destabilising and debilitating and totally draining. Building a solid foundation of connection to ourselves, and really listening to what we need first, supports us to have the steadiness that then supports all others.
Powerful – our health is in observation. We are forever beings that exist out of energy constantly – so all we can do is observe and be open to what is love and what is not love.
“To observe and not absorb” is one of the greatest teaching from The Esoteric, it allows space for true evolution for all – by allowing one to not take on energies that don’t belong to our energetic configuration but also allowing another space and the opportunity to create a new imprints in their lives.
It is exhausting carrying around all of everyone else’s stuff – this is how we end up with the weight of the world on our shoulders.
Very true,
It literally loads us up with baggage that is not even ours when we take on others’ emotions.
I agree Debra, I had a meeting yesterday where I could in the past have gone into reaction, instead I chose to go with the flow and observe. This allowing feels far more lovely in my body and the energy of the entire group.
I had a situation yesterday where I could have potentially got emotional because of things not going my way, however, before the meeting I chose to be in observation mode. It made a huge difference to observe myself and others in the meeting and not come with an agenda. I prefer this way of being compared to the old way where I used to get wrapped up in drama and wanting to control or fix things. I am less drained, and have a clearer perspective that enables me to make better choices.
What stood out for me reading this was the point you made about not knowing yourself because you took on so much from others. Wow I really related to this and could see how I never knew who I truly was because I was in the pattern of taking things on and being what people wanted me to be. And all at the expense of giving my power away and presenting a false version of myself to others.
It’s true – the way we either react or respond to another’s condition or emotional state makes a big difference for both parties – if we absorb the emotion we take on poisen and with that dull the clarity we may otherwise have been able to share with them that would have truly helped them.
To observe and not absorb, surely it is easy? Like learning to swim it’s a natural action that we do – after all who wants to swallow all that water? Well recently I’ve been relearning to swim and changed the whole way that I’ve been breathing. After this swimming has gone from an arduous task to something I enjoy completely. So I feel it’s never too late to see there’s a simpler way for us to be. The Gentle Breath meditation as you say Anonymous is a brilliant support in our day-to-day for us to go deeper and be super clear about the energy, ripples and waves we live with.
“All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.” So true Anonymous and something I can relate to also, having worked in hospitals and as a therapist. It is no wonder nurses, doctors, teachers etc get burned out if we don’t observe rather than absorb, This doesn’t mean we are not interested or care about those we come into contact with. We just allow people to make their choices and have understanding of their choices and predicaments.
I can now feel in my body when I’m taking on something that is not me. I get an unsettlement in my body and this is a warning bell to stop, check in and take a moment or two to feel what’s going on and renounce and discard the unwanted energy. I am learning that to get caught up in other people’s emotion doesn’t help the other person in fact it can make the whole situation worse as it can be seen as giving them permission to delve deeper into it and wallow.
We are never not being affected by and, affecting, others at all time, and I often find myself already in reaction before I know it. What I am learning is how these reaction often come from my expectation/ideal not being met – like, I am already walking around full of pictures to be met by the world and its people – and of course it’s not going to happen, so I am ready to pounce. So, by calling it ‘reaction’ I can feel now I am trying to disown my responsibility, as well as robbing myself and others of space to just be. Ouch.
Of late I am becoming acutely aware that a thought precedes letting in the emotional baggage of another, or even attaching to past emotional experiences of my own, and the thought is always around lack of self worth. With this discovery I can now literally feel the importance of appreciating my value.
The more I see and heal myself the more I see and observe another but although I am choosing to see and read more and develop understanding it is the relationship to self that determines as to whether I react. As I develop love for me first with consistency the more I build love in me and it is this love that supports me to observe and not absorb.
The Gentle Breath is always there to connect to at any time in any situation. It supports us to maintain our true connection.
I used to absorb loads as well when I was younger and knew that this was not good for me and was making me ill but it was like I did not know how to stop and as crazy as it sounds it was like if I didn’t absorb other peoples stuff then it meant I didn’t care!!!!! This is huge what Serge Benhayon has presented ‘Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing other people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486
There is quite a well known story about us going around like garbage trucks taking on others peoples trash and then overloading/exploding and taking it out on others. I find the more I connect with myself the more aware I am of what is going on around me and with others and so the more I can observe everything rather than getting caught up in it all. I then find I am such a better friend and person as I can clearly support others to see there is another way and another choice to be made.
It is important to take note of how others may and will respond when we do not go into sympathy and actually start to truly enjoy life. I find what I feel is another persons regret at the choices they have made and so rather than fully take responsibility it is easier to take it out on you or another person, but all this does is continue the cycle of misery.
Recently I was thinking I had progressed to the stage that I didn’t have to connect to my breath any more. What happened next? Just what has ruled my life for 30+ years! Fights, arguments, incidents and issues suddenly appeared again in my world. I can testify without doubt that the gentle breath meditation and being aware of your connection through the rise and fall of your chest is something essential for me. From here I can feel what is true and what is false and how to move next. It may be a hard lesson to learn but the answer we seek Anonymous is as you show, right under our nose.
It’s a great point Linda, we actually can be identified in our role as helper, rescuer, carer etc, but if we lack that connection to our own essence and the love within we can literally get sucked into another’s world and lose ourselves through absorbing and taking on another’s stuff. Knowing who we truly are is an important part of being a true support to others by reflection, and also supporting ourselves to not take on emotion.
I would suggest that absorbing is a very common problem around the world and to some degree most people experience this. Sympathy is also regarded as normal, when in fact it’s actually quite harmful to both sides, so that in itself is one emotion that leads to absorbing. We see sympathy as being kind or understanding, but it’s energetically not from the soul and feels very different to love. We feel that it’s “good” to be sympathetic but if we feel it’s harmful quality of energy and what it leads to then we can make a choice to simply be love instead. It takes time to make this change as it can be automatic to be sympathetic but it’s worth the effort to be love with people instead.
It is astounding how often we can take on another issues rather than remain the observer and allow another to be where and with what they have chosen. It pays to remain with us and to let live.
True – it is absolute Gold to know that to observe life rather than take it on allows us the grace to understand what is before us and to not react, remain detached and respond in a true, needed way.
When life gets intense it’s all too easy to absorb what is happening right in front of us. The gentle breath mediation is the perfect stop to create greater space to allow for observation and reconnection.
Great blog Anonymous . When we absorb another’s emotions we literally are blinded by the mist of the fog they are illuded by which they are seeking support to see past. The true observer is the only one who can offer such support as such fog does not cloud their vision and their clarity can offer the client a truely loving support they are asking for.
when we are in observation it is as though we are connected with the all, the universe, the stars and when we are in reaction we can only express or produce what the reaction is giving us, and only what we have learned in our minds as a form of defence.
The truly only way to avoid being stressed and taking things on is to observe what is occurring and not let ourselves get affected by what is happening around us. We are not responsible for others; only ourselves, and the more we live like that the freer we become.
Yes, and it is so simple, we only need to take care of ourselves a 100% and take the responsibility we have over our own life, that alone is enough for a drastic change towards a more loving and caring togetherness in this world.
It is interesting that people take on others problems and yet leave themselves uncared for. Where do we learn this pattern?
Anonymous I can relate to being a human sponge and taking on other people’s stuff. I used to do this all the time. And just recently I have noticed just how much I have changed because a close member of my family had an accident and I was totally calm about the whole thing. I really felt it wasn’t for me to get involved with the situation. How cool is that ! This is all due to the amazing journey of self rediscovery I have been on since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending the Universal Medicine works shops and events. As you rightly say diving into other peoples emotional issues doesn’t work as then we are both stuck in the mud someone needs to be on the side line with the life saver.
One of the things with absorbing or taking on other people’s emotions is that it doesn’t help them either – it actually just magnifies the disharmony they’re in whereas when we truly observe we give them space and with that a support to get to more clarity within themselves.
Absolutely – we essentially let them off the hook and confirm them in a false rather than offer a true reflection of love and understanding and an opportunity to arise and return to the same.
To observe and not absorb is the answer to not reacting to people or situations. If we did this more we would not have the dramas that we like to create in our life.
Observing life rather than absorbing it takes a lot of dedication to practice something so simple, but a challenge to do. It’s a constant reflection of my own reactions. The steadier I hold myself in conscious presence the easier it can be. When I let go of that inner-steadiness and observant eye… reaction and absorption floods over and then I am in the whirlpool of life.
To observe and not absorb sounds simple in theory but omg can be quite the opposite in practice. Like you Sam I absorbed everything, but then let me be honest, I was checked out and empty, which made it so easy for me to be a sponge…. Thankfully that changed, when I started to attend the courses and presentations by Serge Behhayon and Universal Medicine which supported me to heal and clear my old and ingrained hurts from my body, ( this process began seven years ago), so that today, I can simply ‘observe’ and love others where they are at which has been life changing.
Thankyou, it’s true it’s not as easy as it sounds but it’s well worth the effort to learn to observe and not react to where others are at. For me beliefs around putting others first or needing to be there for others has played a part in absorbing, rather than being with people from a foundation of my own self love first and the love I can bring to people from that place. Love is truly the great observer.
When caught in the rollercoaster or raging river of emotions that are present in daily situations then it seems bigger than us and overwhelming, it feels as though the emotions rule our lives. And with this we are all seeking some form of break, relief or hope outside of it. How blessed to know of The Esoteric and The Ageless Wisdom which offers a rather simple approach which is to ‘observe and not absorb’. It does acknowledge the suffering, the difficulty and the dilemma but teaches not to give power to it but rather see things for what they are.
And the thing is Sam, is that for most people the ‘sponge syndrome’ is their daily life, and thus the incredibly high turnover of councellors psychologists etc.
It is completely exhausting trying to help and save everyone – something I have found is that the more I look after myself the more I also am looking after everyone else because I am able to hold a space of love much more and not get drawn into the emotions or the drama of what is going on which as you say is exhausting. I used to think this was selfish but it is far from it – after all how can we truly help another if we are not 1st love ourselves.
What actually works in life is often the opposite to what we have been told. Self love is never talked about yet the ideal of putting others first and sacrificing ourselves is very common, but it exhausts and depletes us and doesn’t truly support either party. As you say, self love generates a space of love for everyone to feel and be supported by.
I remember being told how selfish it was to put myself 1st and so would always put others 1st no matter what I was feeling. The problem was whislt it all looked rosy on the outside all I was doing was being a polite curteous boy but deep down was suppressing everything I was feeling and pretty much gave up on humanity and the world changing, let alone being love.
I remember the first time I heard Serge Benhayon present on how ‘ to observe and not to absorb’, it was definitely a light bulb moment for me as I also had lived being affected by others emotions and taking on their poison. Learning to observe more in my life has been an absolute game changer where I feel much lighter and from this I can offer true support to others without draining myself in the process.
To observe and not absorb is an art worth mastering, as it is only then that we can break away from the traps and illusion of the work and once again reconnect to the divinity of The All.
I agree Anonymous it is quite difficult well in my experience to look out at fellow brothers and see people in so much pain or misery – its as if we choose to take it on in order to not see it, when this is poisoning ourselves. Your blog gives a great description and analysis of what we are actually doing when we ‘absorb’ the emotions of others, we create them within ourselves and because these have no root cause they are an added energy which doesn’t belong to us – which clouds our thoughts and beliefs.
I still find myself resistant to building a connection with my body because I’m not wanting to be aware of and let go of all the pictures I’m holding onto about how life should be, but is not. Perhaps also because that is how Ive always known myself- through my reactions to others. But this way of living, not reading energy and taking on everyone else’s stuff, is exhausting and harming. It offers no evolution for anyone. This is slowly changing, as I start to build a connection with what I can feel through the Gentle Breath Meditation – a great tool as you’ve shared Anonymous .
“this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.” This is the best visual of what we are doing when we are taking things on from people around us. You can only support someone when you yourself are not in it. Like we can only pull someone out of the mud when we are on the dry land. The thing is with the mud it is quite obvious but with energy and emotions we can’t see it visually, learning to feel before we have taken it on is key here.
The thing about this absorption pattern, is it’s not just an unfortunate accident, or a sad side effect but something we actively choose to ingest. What I am beginning to realise is how so much of this stuff I have encountered I have used to cover up what I feel underneath. So part of saying no to absorption is saying yes to my sensitivity. Thank you for sharing Anonymous .
I never realised or was aware of how exhausting it was to absorb emotional stuff and getting caught up in other people’s drama prior to attending Universal Medicine courses and presentations. Understanding how to observe and not absorb has been hugely supportive for me in eliminating exhaustion and emotional outbursts.
Over the years I have come to understand when we don’t get caught in other peoples emotions, we are able to be more or a support and reflection for them. We can truly be there with them or for them to show them the way , however when we start to absorb their emotions, we are no good to ourselves or them.
If we observe and not absorb we see what is really going on, and we are reacquainted with the fact that we feel energy all of the time.
To live in life with no attachment to outcomes.. ahh the glory of that.
Indeed the more we allow things to naturally be then we allow the beauty and magic to take place. When we narrow something down by focussing on a specific outcome or goal we are limiting and constricting what is available.
This is quite ground-breaking what you are sharing here Anonymous , and it would be great if you could be studied and have a paper written up on the miracle you have just shared. If these practices were adopted by the healthcare industry, the world would me much different place.
Taking on other people’s emotions is very much poisoning our body, as Serge Benhayon so beautifully states. It has a great effect that we don’t always like to admit. Being aware of the energy that is around us is very much supporting ourselves to be more steady and support others in a more detached way.
Thanks Anonymous , a blog I like to come back to as absorbing energy has featured strongly in my life. I also feel that identifying with caring and being needed can be part of the absorbing, and it’s almost championed to take things on – to be sacrificial, a martyr, to get involved (which really means entangled). Even concepts like “Jesus died for us on the cross” is to me part of that consciousness, as if someone can take on others responsibilities and then die for it and it be seen as a good thing.
I have to admit and be honest I absorb a lot of things – which does make me exhausted and cause physical illness. I take on a lot of other peoples stuff. I could say I find it difficult to observe life but that is not true, I obviously get something from it, it stops life from being really simple and clear. And you know what it’s boring taking on other peoples stuff and very damaging to my body. If there is one massive thing that would change my life and health around it would be ” observe and not absorb” .
I used to absorb things left, right, and centre from people, and back then I was a practitioner of Acupuncture so I ended up making myself very ill. I still have to consciously make sure I do not go into sympathy and, or, absorb people’s ‘stuff’; and stay observing.
I can totally relate to this Anonymous as it was the way in my past also to absorb the emotions of others to the degree that I began to identify with the emotional whirlwind I felt inside me in the sense that I thought it WAS me. This set me up for a long path of self-loathing and despair, that I now, knowing better and sensing what is true, have to admit suited my choice to play ‘less’ in the world and not shine the full power of the true light I know myself in essence to be.
Thank you Liane, we can hide out in the shadows of other people’s choices instead of claiming the light we are.
It is so true, I had not considerd that I absorbed what was going on around me till Serge Benhayon mentioned it in a talk I attended many years ago, but when I considered how the worry about another persons’ problem felt in my body I could see and feel that my body didnt know how to handle it. It wasn’t my worry and it wasn’t meant to be in there. I was doing neither of us any good. Such a great life lesson.
I agree it is such an important life lesson and amazing quite how much we take on other peoples emotions or reactions without even realising.
Once we start to become more aware of our movements when in connection with our bodies we realize that most of the disharmony that we feel is the accumulation of absorbing other’s emotions and it is only through our livingness and commitment to not react that we can once again restore true health and wellbeing.
I have often pondered on why I got and still do from time to time totally wiped out after being in the presence of others. In fact I don’t think I have actually realised and admitted how exhausting and draining absorbing energies around me are. Living to the best of my ability a way that supports me daily no doubt helps me to observe but also having the understanding of others and allowing them to be where they are at is also helping me to stay with myself and not get pulled into something that only causes drama. It is my responsibility to observe and not absorb.
We have so much more to offer to others when we don’t get caught up in all of the emotions or like you say, become a sponge for it all. I used to live off the drama of emotions and now looking back, I can just see how draining and exhausting that all was. Its not that I don’t care anymore, I do…. but I just don’t feed into it all as I once did.
It’s a great point Rosie that we equate being absorbed (literally) in another person’s life as caring when true care begins with ourselves. We can still care in observation, and that care would in fact be greater because we are taking care of loving and respecting ourselves first.
I can relate Rosie, and it is certainly something that sadly so much of the world continues to do. It’s a way to offset the emptiness we feel within when we haven’t connected to the inner-most part of us. We then choose to absorb whatever is around us as it’s a welcome distraction – anything is ‘better’ than feeling the constant gaping call from within – which is simply the call to remind us to take the way back to who we truly are.
Understanding this, has been life changing for me and I know many many others. Most are brought up that sympathizing is the right and nice thing to do. A common saying is, ‘If I could take it for you I would’, if someone else is ill or has an issue. When we do this though we are swallowing another person’s creation, hence we can’t heal that as it wasn’t ours in the first place, we can only let go of the poison from our body once we are honest with that we have sympathized and why.
Its so easy to get caught up at work, and for the outside world to become the inside world, but the building of an more connected and embraced you within you with a tool like the Gentle Breath Meditation can change all that.
This highlights so clearly how we are always led or moved by a quality of energy throughout our day and that it is us that commands which energy we allow ourselves to be led or moved by. As a result the quality in which we reach the end of the day in is an incredible marker, if we are willing to be honest, as to what energy we have been moved with. Are we exhausted or are we sparkling and present? As we have either been led or moved by emotions or we been led or moved by our Soul, in connection to who we are, where who we are is already known as such the need to be fulfilled or identified does not exist. Being ourselves and holding steady is the best medicine and prevention for illness and disease,and allows us to bring a greater and true quality to all that we do.
It makes so much sense to me that getting involved in someone else’s stuff is causing illness and disease in the body as our bodies are designed to be in homeostasis and anything we take in will disturb this and will force other systems in our bodies to work harder to assist in the restoration of this equilibrium, that still and inner peaceful state our body wants to be in.
So true, it makes so much sense when put that simply. Serge Benhayon certainly has a knack with simplicity!
So true Lucy, Serge Benhayon is indeed bringing common sense and simplicity back to us and we all know that because when we enter into complexity we all do not like that and if we observe it for what complexity actually is we will find that it is only there because we are trying to avoid the obvious simplicity that life has on offer. It is only our wondering mind that is able to create complexity in it by bringing in emotions and individual issues.
What you are sharing here is huge Anonymous , I hear of people that leave the care profession because it is emotionally too draining, it is great to hear how you observed what was going on and no longer got affected and how truly supportive this is to people. I worked with a care client who other people found too hard to deal with, I found that if I stayed calm and steady and did not let myself get caught up in what was going on around me that it was fine, I found a real steadiness within myself in this work and realised that I can stay with me and not be affected by others, this was an amazing learning for me and has been deeply supportive for my clients.
Very powerful Anonymous , showing us exactly what we need to hear about the energetic laws of energy and what happens when we absorb or observe. Learning what life is about and how we can address things, we have let things slip… but all the tools indeed are offered for how to come back, as we are not perfect. So much illness and disease is because of the stuff we take on from others and the stuff we react to in life and that we can not debase the stuff we take on from others, and hence, this is a good reminder of the urgency to start observing our ways instead of absorbing… step by step.
“All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.” I too was definitely heading in that direction myself before I encountered the works of Serge Benhayon as I used to be the queen of absorbing others’ emotions. It is such a relief now to allow others to carry their own problems and concerns and to know that the best help I can be for them is to just live true to myself.
It is interesting how we take on board that the only way to truly care is to take on everyone’s issues, but in actual fact in what way does it actually help the other person? Having worked as a carer myself I am all to familiar with getting drawn into the sad situations of peoples lives and feeling helpless to significantly help them. When Serge Benhayon mentioned how we absorb others peoples stuff and that we are affecting ourselves and adding to the emotional situation, it made perfect sense as to why I found it difficult to switch off.
Great article and too true. I remember carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and not being able to see what was me and what was others. I thought that everyone needed help and it was my place to help them. It’s not that this part isn’t true but the way I was helping them was making me worse and actually not helping them at all. I was in so much pain both external and internal and at one point didn’t really know which way was up. When speaking with Serge Benhayon I could see and continue to see how many people he supports and all this from a place where he supports himself equally. There was a saying in my old job similar to, ‘the most important thing is that you get there so be careful with how you are because you no good to anyone if you don’t arrive’. It is similar in life, we need to take care of ourselves and the way we are and in this way you will be in a place to support others. Take no care of yourself and at some point it’s possible you will ‘crash and burn’ and then you are in no place to support anyone or anything else.
I have come to feel that there is absolutely nothing worse than not living who you truly are. And therefore not taking on / allowing energy in is a crucial key in this.
I could feel the exhaustion just reading your blog Anonymous. To feel that 80% of illness is taking on other people’s stuff, shows how the way we are living is not truly loving or supportive for anyone. Very exposing of what true care need to look like, a reflection of self love and care.
I have always been very sensitive to energies around me and used to think I had no choice but to ‘protect’ myself and harden, not realizing I was losing myself in its process. I cannot be reminded enough to observe, and not absorb. This is such a basic yet essential principle for human interactivities. Why do we not learn this at school?
Anonymous , I can relate to this, ‘observe and not absorb’: this allows me to be a 100 million times better carer, reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!).’ I used to work as a carer and found that by staying my light, joyful self that I was then able to fully support my clients, I noticed that if I got caught up with their issues and went into sympathy trying to help and give ‘my all’, then I would feel drained, sad and I did not offer a reflection of light and love that could support them to see the bigger picture and not be so caught up in something. Keeping myself well and staying present with myself was the best gift I could offer my clients.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486. This teachings by Serge that expand on this understanding of life, hold the answer to how and why we get ill and that illness is not only the final symptom that shows up in the body.
Thank you Anonymous for so simply showing the difference between absorbing life or observing life, and how we are “reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone”.
This lesson should be the core teaching for us all in primary school, because it impacts every facet of life – parenting, family, relationships, work, study and llfe. We like to pretend that we are not energy nor the subjects of energy – yet everything in this world shows us otherwise.
Great description of what happens when we take on other people’s stuff – a surefire way to exhaustion if not burnout. Furthermore, it doesn’t help anyone, not the person in strife (as they are treated as being powerless) nor the helper or support person. That makes me wonder whether this might be where the term ‘wounded healer’ comes from – and is it possible that that description carries an undertone of superiority and even arrogance?
I can so relate to being a “human sponge”, absorbing every emotion in a very large radius, and then wondering why I was always so very tired and often unwell. To have come to understand that we are here to “observe and not absorb” and to commit to practicing this to the best of my ability – I do still have my absorb moments – has made the most amazing difference in my life. Giving up trying to save someone by taking on their stuff is no longer a choice and in fact I can be much more supportive for them when I am not full of their emotions.
This has been life changing for me too Linda. I am deeply grateful to have learnt about how energy can affect us.
If everyone in the world truly learnt how to observe and not absorb life, then we would not have as much conflict, exhaustion and illness and disease. So to me this shows that our personal and world issues can easily be resolved but it requires us all to participate and to fully be on board to observe and not absorb life.
Anonymous your example is the example of many, or actually the situation created by us all individually so. Hence what you bring to the piece is that we are all responsible for either observing things in our lives or absorbing! Oops! And by giving our power away we are already in absorption giving our power away obedient to another source of energy (emptiness, evil). Hence. your blog is a blessing for those who are willing to be honest and transparent about what they have chosen and will be choosing in life. Is it absorption or observing? The choice is yours.
Anonymous , the part about you absorbing people’s ‘stuff’ to the point where you sometimes felt their symptoms highlights how we can actually make ourselves sick from going into sympathy and absorbing other people’s emotions. I have felt this myself and it doesn’t support any form of healing when we give our power away. No wonder so many people are exhausted, because so many people are not aware that going into sympathy and emotions can harm us as well as other people around us.
Not absorbing makes me a much better observer, although people sometimes have difficulties with that response as they expect me to be involved but it is so much better for me to not get myself not to join in in the issues of the other and at the end for all who I am with.
So great to read this Anonymous and feel the different quality of true care versus the emotional care that you describe. So many of us care and then tip over into absorbing the situations of others, pure poison to our bodies.
I am seeing how I take people’s stuff on by trying to fulfill their wish for someone else to sort their issues out. By taking on their stuff I distract myself from dealing with my own issues.This symbiotic relationship creates ills in all parties and society at large – no -one taking responsibility for their choices and subsequent actions means things deteriorate because, no matter how much another tries to rectify another’s mess, the only true change is when we all accept our responsibility for the lives we live. .
This is HUGE Anonymous , what you have expressed totally debunks any sympathy, absorption or emotion. Hence, a big big gift to the world to read that there is another way to be in life with all that is coming our way. And the important note Serge Benhayon has given us to feel and deal with. To consider that taking other people’s stuff on is not great at all in everyway. And must be a moment of stop to ponder where and why we might be doing this. And an opportunity to rest and feel that we might wanna stop that. Awesome.
When in disconnection to our beingness it is easy to judge and react to the emotions of others and our own emotions thereby absorbing that which does not belong to us into our bodies, living and moving in connection allows us to read and observe life, offering true support to those that need it most.
I agree Francisco, when we are disconnected from ourselves, our choices and moments are often harming and not healing or supportive.
We are taught to be sympathetic with people and we judge each other if someone does not show this type of behaviour, and judge them as being cold or unsympathetic, but what if this is actually draining us and contributing to us feeling unwell within ourselves by taking on other people’s stuff.
We have fallen for the illusion that in order to understand what someone is going through we have to feel their pain and take on the emotion which is running them – how exactly does this help them?
To observe and not absorb depends on my movements leading up to that moment. If I am in connection to myself then I find it much more easily to stay with me and therefore not react. I am realizing that it really is a about commitment in every moment to self love.
It strikes me that we are taught to take on others emotions and issues in order to help them and fix the issue they have. I have noticed this a lot in many religious faiths but also in many workplaces where the issue of the client becomes an issue of the employee or business owner. There is so much associated with this pattern, particularly recognition for the employee in the likes of them fixing another’s issue but so to is the rush of the drama that such an issue creates. It is completely a waste of energy and a way for both sides of avoiding taking responsibility for what is truly going on.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is a valuable tool for re-connection and, when placed with the everyday livingness of conscious presence through our body movements, there is great benefit for all because every ounce of your being becomes a part of something greater, back to its true origins – a divine love that has no bounds.
Great article that I am sure many many people can relate with in taking other people’s emotions on or wanting to ‘save’ others .. which never works. Reading this line I clearly remembered many times in my life I would feel this ‘The boundaries of who I was and who was another would become foggy’ and it actually made me feel sick but I did not know what I could do. It felt like I had just been spun and spun around in circles until I didn’t know who I was. Until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have been a true blessing in many people’s lives either directly or indirectly because of what is lived and also what is taught, Serge is the only person I have met in my life that has taught the truth about energy on every level, including how to heal deep rooted hurts. Hence I no longer feel the ‘need’ to take on other people’s emotions or stuff but can still genuinely care for them and … it feels pretty awesome.
I can feel that when I go into the doing, my movements change and I am not so connected and present in my body and then I leave myself open to take stuff from others…..but I am quicker to spot when I move and not connected to my body!
Even though I have come across this teaching by Serge Benhayon a long time ago I still am discovering levels of taking things on from other people instead of just seeing it as something they choose and that I don’t have to heal their pains by enjoining them. Actually the opposite – a great reminder thank you Anonymous .
We are all feeling energy all of the time as everything is energy, thus it pays to be able to discern and read the energy that is around you or coming at you, in order not to go into reactions and take on other’s stuff.
It can be difficult sometimes when we see our loved ones making choices that we know will be harming to them however we are not responsible for them. We can be responsible to them and share our thoughts and feelings but the choices are theirs to make.
I have been trying to save people all my life – not only is it exhausting and unrealistic it’s also from a need for the world to be ok because it’s harsh otherwise. So ultimately it’s about me not wanting to accept life as it is and control it instead because I’ve believed it too painful otherwise. So my need to save others is about me and not respectful of their journey. I’m slowly letting go of this savior mentality which is also caught up in its own importance and all sorts; and when I do let go the relationships that happen are based on love and equality and there’s a harmony within that’s so lovely. Then I get to feel how ugly sympathy and rescuing is.
What a fantastic blog Samatha in all you share here especially the fact that when we absorb other people’s emotions can lead to a path of illness and disease. Not many people know this, I certainly didn’t until I too attended courses and presentations by Serge Benhayon. And just like you I too absorbed everything, and I did become ill about 6 years ago. This was a huge lesson for me to learn and I still have to be aware every day to be discerning of the energies around me.
Thank you Anonymous for this very clear, simple and important blog about such a crucial subject. Imagine if every person on earth knew about this! I know for me learning to observe and read life in full, including the energy that is taking place, has been an absolute game change for my own health and wellbeing over the past 10 years.
It is key to get to see and feel all that is going on but not absorb it and get caught in everything that is in our ways of life.
This has been a key teaching in my life also – to observe and not absorb the world around us. Of course, it also means to not do the opposite of full absorption, which is to stand guarded and at a distance from life, watching as a bystander and not a participant. That is to say, true observance does not give us permission to stand idle but more so develop a way of living in which we fully embrace life, gets our hands dirty and live it whole heartedly while not taking on anything that does not belong to who we truly are, which is love.
I have found from working in social care that it is a cess pool of what I would call wounded healers going into sympathy, saving or attempting to fix another at the expense of all involved. What you have shared is paramount to our own well being and the most beautiful support for anyone requiring true support or care.
In just one day of doing Esoteric Connection Tissue exercises regularly in combination with The Gentle Breath Meditation I feel a complete change in myself and my body with SO much less tension and holding. Being in connection with ourselves and hence our body through making the continual choice to be connected is the only way to observe and not absorb.
It is beautiful that we have tools like the Gentle Breath Meditation to come back to ourselves, thanks to Universal Medicine, we have been able to discern energy and connect to the true energy. Work in true love and harmony and not get caught in exhaustion, when we do which happens sometimes we have tools to come back to ourselves.
I love what you share about sympathy Anonymous and how it is characterised by you wanting to take away anothers pain by absorbing it. I particularly love your analogy that when you jump into the well to save another it leaves you both wallowing and ‘stuck in the mud’ for this is exactly what happens.
Absorbing energy is often from a foundation of focusing on others, their wellbeing and issues, and not having a connection to and awareness of self and care for self first. I can see why absorbing would be present in caring professions and roles, as overall the concept of care seems to be one that is self sacrificing and not really inclusive of self equally.
Exactly Melinda you’ve hit the nail on the head as they say. Well said.
The beautiful thing about the Gentle Breath Meditation is that it allows us a moment in the day to stop and feel the quality of the breath and life that we take in and then breath out onto others.
I’m so grateful for having been made aware of just how much stuff I absorb on a daily basis. Having this awareness really does allow me to cope a lot better with life, because it’s clearer to me now that other people’s drama’s are not my own and that I can’t actually support them when I have entered the cave with them.
Great to re-visit this blog Anonymous , as taking on other peoples emotions and problems can be quite insidious and something I have to be vigilant about, and if left unchecked can cause havoc within our bodies.
Awesome Anonymous , the whole blog is and I love to revisit this blog as I too was a human sponge always wanting to ‘save others’ which was very draining to say the least! It is a reminder for me today to discern if I am observing or absorbing – thank you Anonymous .
To learn to observe and not absorb is one of the most valuable skills we can develop, as taught by Universal Medicine. We so easily confuse sympathy – taking on other peoples emotions as love, whilst love is not that at all but is a beholding light that allows the other to be where they are at without me getting involved in their affairs, but holding and supporting them firmly with love in every way providing a true reflection of the choices that are available to them.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, ‘Esoteric Teachings and Revelations’. WOAH Holy Moly! That is HUGE!!!!! 80% of illness and dis-ease is not even from us … it is because we have taken on stuff from other people!!!!! This definitely needs to be pondered on! I used to absorb other people’s stuff and emotions the whole time as well including the news on the telly and completely understand what is being said here. We end up having that energy we have taken on run through and in our bodies the whole time instead of being who we really are. It is like an oil leak when it gets into water, it starts to become messy and not the pure energy that is within us, or that we don’t even get to feel, resolve and heal our issues because we are dealing with everyone else’s that we have taken on. Which ultimately does not even help the other person at all anyway because they still have to deal with it themselves!!!!! When we feel something is not right in our life and make a deliberate effort to stop and feel this and move forward to truly heal or change it; love is there immediately and we are shown the way. ‘Thankfully I made a stop. I knew if I continued the way I was going I would end up mentally, emotionally and physically very ill.’
A brilliant way of offering to the world the intensity that becomes normal life for many. (the constant barrage of others emotions that we take on as our own) is not how it has to be in life. This article along with a willingness to explore what it offers is a window into the true, health, wellbeing and service that can be lived in our world today.
Observe and not absorb is a HUGELY important teaching. It is something I have been working on since about 2004 when I first heard Serge present it. As a consequence my whole life has totally transformed and I have lost heaps of weight to settle at a healthy weight for my body. Also my energy levels have improved dramatically. Whilst I don’t absorb in the gross ways I used to, as I observe more, I become aware of more and more subtle ways that I take things on and the harm it causes. To live observing and not absorbing seems to be a lifelong super valuable commitment.
I really felt to re-read this as I know how toxic absorbing other’s emotions is. Somewhere I took on that if I didn’t go into sympathy i would be met with anger and emotionally attacked. People can find sympathy comforting because it doesn’t ask them to be who they actually are but gives them recognition for whatever situation they have created for themselves. So when someone doesn’t buy into them as a victim they can get annoyed. So when I go to sympathy it’s incredibly far from love and true care. It is toxic for both parties. It’s my saying to the other person you are not a Son of God and nor am I and we are stuck here. When actually I could reflect I am love, so are they and wherever anyone is at is the end result of their ill choices which they can accept they made and feel they are not who they are. It’s about me lovingly accepting my ill choices and be compassionate with myself so I can have a greater foundation of knowing who I truly am to reflect the possibility of living lovingly to others, not needing to be accepted by others and feeling, if other’s react, it is not an indictment of who I am.
To observe and not absorb is only possible if one is able to accept what they are seeing in its totality. Any investment, or need for life to be different to what we observe, and we get affected.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is an absolute revolution of awareness that is essential for humanity… And even then it is simply the doorway to an even deeper experience of the reconnection that is essential for our evolution
Learning to observe and not absorb is like not leaping into a lake when someone is drowning only to find you are both sinking but staying on firm ground and offering them a lifeline to pull themselves to shore.
To learn how to observe and not absorb is just as important as learning how to read and write.
Observing and not absorbing allows us to bring understanding to situations and to other people .
Imagine if you watched a film with compelling twists and plot lines and were so swept along, you thought it was real. The Gentle Breath is a beautiful stop moment that can help us see that what we think is so serious and dramatic in the movie of life is not actually the true or right. Thank you Anonymous for showing how we can choose to let go of what we experience in this show.
Yes – Anonymous , that is right, we are so used to absorb that we almost lost connection to what observation means and how it is so so needed.. Like Serge Benhayon says above: ‘ ..absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.
So we shouldnt and if we see we are , we should look for a way how to be more observant and less absorbing.
The health care systems around the world may not be under so much stress and reliance if humanity chose to breathe there own breath. The Gentle Breath Meditations are a powerful and very valuable asset to societies wellbeing.
Agreed in full, from the perspective of the hospital worker, the gentle breath meditation is so simple to incorporate into our work, and it aids us deeply to not take on too much at work. Work is full of opportunities for us to be sympathisers or true supporters of people going through difficult times.
I am so glad I am learning how to be with people in stressful situations and not take it all on.
I have also found that the tools Universal Medicine offer have provided so much support and healing. I am still working on not absorbing, however the level of stillness I have in my body now has helped immensely, because I was previously just a jumble of emotions, reactions and a very racy mile-a-minute mind. Connected to my stillness I have an opportunity to see things as they really are and let them be. And instead of the absorbing, I’m now instead focused on nurturing myself and my own life.
I have found the Gentle Breath Meditation to be an enormous support for me in my work. I have found I no longer take on everyones trauma and drama which has meant I feel so much less tired and irritable.
Lucy the beautiful thing about the Gentle Breath Meditation is that the breathing can be used at any time of the day when we leave our connection to ourselves in reaction to what’s happening around us. We don’t have to actually take time out to meditate if it’s not appropriate (ie the middle of a work day), but we can still change our breath to reconnect.
This was a timely read as I had dropped the level of care for myself and am finding that I am reacting to situations at work much more. It was a good reminder when reading this to observe when I do this how much I react and then take on others stuff.
When we are able to observe and not absorb, this will be the turning point in our evolution, when we understand all that comes with living life from an energetic perspective and putting that understanding first. There will be far less conflict, a lot more acceptance and understanding of how we are and operate as a race on this planet.
Understanding energy is so central to everyday life but it is something that we give so little attention to. Universal Medicine is changing that by re-introducing energy to us ,so we can see how it plays out in our lives. This is a great example of how we can take on energies and what happens when we do, and then when we choose not to, what happens as well. No right or wrong, no judgement, just clear examples of cause and effect. I do something, I get a result. I do something else, and I get another result. We are then free to choose which result and action we wish to continue with.
To observe is so very helpful in any situation. Thank you for bringing a detailed example of how this is possible and what it means to observe and not absorb.
To observe and not absorb, this is true mastery in life and what allows everything to flow. A thought at any time can distract us from this purpose so even observing our thoughts can be crucial.
Not absorbing the energy that is there around us is supporting us to be who we truly are, letting go of the constant need to keep others in shape before ourselves. It is very harming to not see the energy for what it is, and when we want to be aware we all can feel it in the tension that is in our body most of the time.
How many of us become human sponges at such an early age? It is like an automatic process because we are not taught about energetic awareness in our education system, and we have this human part that wants to support, help, fix, and find a solution for other’s problems, especially our families – I know this only too well. Through the attending the courses by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been clearing and healing past hurts which has created the space for me to become more aware of whether I am observing or absorbing…..and still a work on process, but I am on it!
There are certain people and situations where I hold more expectations on and therefore take things personally, in such situations I would be more at the mercy of absorbing rather than observing. When I understand why I do this, it appears that there are more hurts unexpressed in these situations, and therefore, I will go back to express and let go of the hurts.
There is nothing better than being present in our bodies, from that place we can discern what’s going on around us and just observe and not absorb that which is not from truth.
Absorbing emotions for me is wanting to fix things and make things right for people. I work in health too find that I can get quite tense while I am “sorting things out” only to find that my relief is short lived because I was sorting things out for the relief of my own tension (which was from absorbing the circumstances around me) rather than simply observing what was really going on, which would allow others to feel what is going on of them. Me absorbing prevents this. Observation is an art and a true gift.
‘Observation is an art and a true gift’, absolutely agree Jennifer, and is an art I plan to master!
To observe and not absorb really is earth breaking stuff. It is something so powerful.
What you describe here is something so important to know, that it is never about taking on the emotions somebody is in but simply feeling them and staying with us without letting the emotion grab us/take over.
Taking on other people’s emotions is pure poison — and leaves us utterly exhausted.
Perfect blog for me to read today… Just 2 days ago I was with a client for over an hour in which this person did a lot of the talking. Next morning when I felt absolutely knocked for 6 and struggled to get up, I felt to back track my day. I could feel how I allowed this person to ‘offload on me’, thus I absorbed his stuff. This was a great lesson for me in increasing my awareness of how easy it is to absorb (an old habit of mine) and to be aware and discerning at all times.
The other day, I woke up early, feeling well-rejuvenated and vital and ready for the day – yet a few hours later, I was feeling exhausted and low in energy and I kept wondering what was going on. This is a great reminder how unconsciously I may be allowing my energy to be drained if I am not fully present with myself, and how that contributes to me going into reactions even more so.
Although it is a huge step to recognise that we have been absorbing other peoples emotions and bring that to a stop, it is important to then ask why. In the past I would have said it was because I was so caring, loved people ‘too much’, wanted to help etc. But really I was avoiding feeling something in me. I was either avoiding addressing my own issues by focussing on other peoples or I was playing a game of feeling like I was doing ‘something’ when all I had to be was the light and love that I am.
I too used to be a human sponge for peoples emotions. Somehow I had decided that this was a way to support people who were struggling with emotions. I imagine it like seeing someone carrying a large bundle of sticks, and I offer the carry some for them to lighten the load. I suspect many healthcare professionals work like this, with great intentions but eventually falling over with the weight of the load they have taken on, none of which was theirs to begin with!
‘Somehow I had decided that this was a way to support people who were struggling with emotions’. Fiona, I too adopted this pattern and was also a human sponge for peoples emotions, especially my families. It neither served them and most certainly I harmed myself. What I have found though is that through self-care and self nurture, I am deeply supporting and caring for myself which is a full time job, thus less time to ‘worry’ about others or finding solutions to their problems ( another old pattern). Being loving with myself has been key to stop the habit of being a human sponge.
I love your analogy of jumping in the well with a patient out of sympathy and finding you are both stuck in the mud. When sympathy is in the mix of a conversation or interaction, there is nothing new on offer, no lifeline to pull the person out. The ‘victim’ tells their story from their current perspective, the very one that got them into the mud in the first place! The ‘sympathiser’ offers nothing new, only confirmation that the person is a ‘victim’ and recognition for the emotions or drama of the story. They do not offer the fact that we are all divine, all wise beyond imagination and graced with the ability to deal with whatever is presented.
I still absorb a lot of stuff – observation is definitely something I need to work on, life is so much more simple and joyful when I do this, I don’t take things personally, am able to understand whats going on, observe and support people, when needed, much more, there also is far more space and expansion in and around my body.
I’m pretty good at absorbing other peoples stuff, so incorporating the gentle breath meditation into each day is a must do.
When we take on other people problems it adds to what we already have to clear through our own body. If we observe rather than absorb, our body is then not overloaded with additional problems, only our own which alone take a lot of energy to clear. When we add to it we get exhausted.
In so many areas of life it is deemed considerate and caring to go into sympathy and take on others emotions. But in truth this is toxic to yourself and the other person. Love is an observation yet so often we want to get in there and muddy things up.
wow this is perfect for me to read right now. I am finding the more self loving choices I make the more I can see where I am absorbing someone else anxiety or stress. I would have thought it was mine but this blog has helped me to remind me of the importance of knowing what my own body feels like so I can spot the difference.
As I have always felt to natural be there for others as a healer by laying on my hands I found that I would take on the pain of another. I would actually feel the pain for days of that knee problem etc. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I now do not suffer other conditions any more because I have learned to “observe and not absorb”.
yes stopping for a moment and taking stock, it is surprising and somewhat shocking to realise just how much we react to the world around us, which means we have already taken on the ill energy and are in a form of energetic dynamic with whatever is at play. This is part of what we are identified by so much that we actually think this is us. Learning to truly observe and not absorb and we can reconnect to what is true within and from that understanding clearly see what is not of truth, and therefore what is poison that we might otherwise take on in our bodies.
It’s a great topic to write about, as the harm of taking onboard other people’s stuff is exhausting and does nothing to help anyone.
‘To Observe and Not Absorb’, this is something that is very much not yet mastered within myself. I love what you have shared and reading with much inspiration, as there is a tendency for myself to still get caught up in the reaction and emotion at times of situations. This is a work in progress for sure.
If I am totally honest and real, I have to say I live life absorbing more than observing, I often react to everything, from the way someone closes a door, how they say hello, that people aren’t honest with one another in a work place or family setting, and being nice, to not getting table service in a restaurant. It’s actually crazy when I stop and observe it, it’s constant. I am even at times in reaction to myself, but it’s cool, I am learning. I really need to stop and look at this, it’s exhausting and in time, if I don’t stop, it will without doubt, make me very physically ill. At the same time, it’s keeping me living in my head, and isolating me from life, people, what needs to be done. I actually have a responsibility to not react for the harm it causes myself and everyone else, for who can we support people and what do we reflect if we are living a life of constant absorbing other peoples stuff. It just keeps us small. And to be quite frank and honest, why on earth do we want someone else’s misery, sadness or anger in our body, when we can easily live a light, super joyful and harmonious life.
So true Gyl, I also find life challenges me in very much a similar way and I am constantly having to feel and take responsibility for how I react in every situation. The feeling I get when I catch myself straight away going into any type of reaction is one of joy and therefore I do not absorb. In all honesty not reacting is a work in progress and to fully allow what is happening around me and to not be affected by it is something that I will continue to be aware of.
I often wonder how much our absorbing of others’ emotions leads to toxicity in our body and a depletion of our vitality.
You only need to look at the current health system and see how people are struggling with caring for others to see how toxic and poisonous absorbing others problems are.
All that absorbing sounds exhausting! Absolutely great that you have found a an impulse from your body to listen to and honour
Absolutely Michael and it’s no wonder people feel like the world is on their shoulders with and laden with burdens with all that absorbing.
Absorbing other people’s emotions is nothing that just happens by chance. It is part of how we relate to people, how we try to become important to others even if we do not communicate about what we are doing and what is going on. Being open to importing emotions into our body is also a clear way of how we relate to ourselves.
Taking on others’ problems and emotions is a surefire way to one’s own devastation.
To learn to observe is so important and not absorb what is going on around us. When we don’t do this and not living from a surrender, we can take on what is happening with others, situations, interactions with people. This then impacts on our bodies and does not allow a freedom and space to then make loving choices for us and impacts on our behaviours. This is not serving anyone.
I recently had a session with an esoteric practitioner and we spoke about when Serge first said “Observe not absorb” and how powerful that was. I realised that whilst I have heard the words many times the depth of what is contained in those words goes over my head.
Reading what you share Anonymous , I see us all as ships, sailing around this world with holes in our prow, gradually letting in water that bogs us down to the point we seem to be sinking. When we don’t care for ourselves it leaves open these holes to the world, and in them pour issues and difficulties, stress and sadness. But none of this need be there if you just look after you. It is an inspiration to read your story and see how you can transform your life so now I naturally want to be a greater captain of my ship and make sure my starboard side is sealed and nicely prepared for this voyage and trip.
I react to a lot of stuff, this is something I am working on and also to have the understanding of why I react in the first place. It’s so much simpler to observe life, and also creates far less unease in my body. The unease comes form trying to process everything I have taken on from others or life into my body. This is not healthy for the body.
The more you learn about energy, there you understand that you have to discern all energy, you have to observe and not absorb any emotions taking place. I use to be a person who use to get caught in the emotions as I always wanted to help. But now with what I know and understand, I am more discerning of energy and to my best ability observing and not absorbing.
I have ‘observed’ that the person who absorbs has a hard time to relate with people that observe. Their ‘natural’ modus operandi are really different. Someone who absorbs seeks someone else who also absorbs.
That’s the key Anonymous , to use the array of tools including the Gentle Breath Meditation to come back to what we know is our centre, our essence or our true selves. It isn’t about being perfect and not making a mistake, but what I’ve come to know is when I do slip, I know how to bring myself back. That has been life changing for me.
“The Gentle Breath Meditation™ is a fantastic tool to help keep me centered, in touch with who I truly am, and focused on the present moment. This allows me to give the best to those I work with without draining myself in the process.” This is a great tool to incorporate in your self-care routine and can only increase one’s quality of service.
“All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.” This is particularly pertinent statement for me when I feel into how much, in my life I have absorbed the expectations of other people.
After 10 years of working in the healthcare system I had a burned out when I was in my twenties, I had no idea who I was and was a complete mess, it took me a year to come out of it but sympathy and taking on the emotions on was still my way of living, I learned how to manage my life but frustration and nervousness was there. When I was nearly fifty I discovered the first real tool to get to truly know myself was, as you have mentioned Anonymous , the Gentle Breath Meditation, to feel my breath and my body connected me to my essence and this has been the beginning of living the love that I am, always expanding.
Absorbing all the emotions of the people around us is poison. I realised how I was doing this all the time – When I sang a song, I would sing it with the emotion of the song writer; when I watched a movie I would get involved with the emotions or I would shut down; the other day I realised I was worried that I had chosen one tea cup over another and was concerned about how the left out one would feel. This is when I realised how emotion had become so insidious in my life. I had discarded the big stuff but those everyday moments are still being caught and catch them I will. It’s funny and crazy at the same time. It does us no good to be taking on emotions it is by far more healthy to be inspirational and compassionate treating all people as equal brothers. I don’t think I need to worry about the tea cup.
When I realised that I was investing in the lives of how others were living to fullfill the emptiness I was actually feeling in my own life, my exhaustion from emotionally investing in other people’s lives lessened. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I discovered how being honest with how I was truly feeling and bringing awareness to the degree of self-love I was choosing to live for myself, allowed me to embrace the responsibility of the choices I was making. Through discerning where my choices were coming from my awareness has developed so now I can to the best of my ability I am able to observe more that than I absorb. Always still learning and appreciating how much more of ourselves, of truth and love, we have to offer and share with each other when we live this way.
Superb reminder Anonymous that jumping in the ‘well’ with someone is not supportive of them and allows them to wallow in it. Supporting another from the sidelines is much more powerful and invites them to take responsibility without judgment from others. Love it!
“The Gentle Breath Meditation™ is a fantastic tool to help keep me centered, in touch with who I truly am, and focused on the present moment. ” I absolutely agree Anonymous this is definitely one of the tools connect us back to our body and present moment.
Thank you Anonymous . Reading this blog has been the highlight of my day because it confirms everything I have been feeling about this issue lately. The analogy that sympathy is just like jumping in the muck with someone is absolute gold. I can no longer kid myself believing that I can help another by taking on their issues.
Thank you Anonymous that is so important what you share as we are so setting the trail for ourselves to be love , who we are – or the opposite and hide away from it. The results are clearly seen in the world. As this had been made available by free will, our choice to be aware of energy again and choose truth , love , harmony, stillness and joy .. And read in the world what is going.. This is so much better than reacting, like we all can do very intense and frequently. This to set new norms.
How huge are these words? The observing of every situation around us and not choosing to absorb it is a massive marker of the quality of life we are willing to let others live. Why do we absorb? I have found that over time it’s been an investment for me on how I should be or how I “thought’ others should be. The work of Serge Behayon and Universal Medicine has allowed me to stand back now, listen to all that is shared around me and without perfection note what is shared as there is always a lesson to learn from others and a reminder of what we still “think” is playing out for us but is not necessarily so.
Observing not absorbing supports all – as I know I am always more open and expressive with people who are not invested in what I am saying or trying to “make it better”
Absorbing as you describe it is a very, very common affliction and a major factor in the huge (pun intended) obesity problem we see growing (pun intended again) everywhere. Seriously though, it is not a joke and causes a lot of hurt and harm very often under the name of good and nice.
Taking on other people’s emotions is like drinking poison! And as you show Anonymous we can still be deeply caring and compassionate without absorbing another’s issue.
To observe and not absorb is an expression I use every moment of every day! It is so easy to get swept up in a drama or someone else’s emotion but the moment you feel their anxiety in your body you realise that you have been no help to that person at all. You have simply joined them in feeling like they can’t cope, or even confirmed to them they can’t cope. Observing and not absorbing means we walk beside someone knowing they can cope, they have everything they need to handle whatever is ahead of them, and our support is all that is needed.
It certainly is a drain when you take on other peoples emotions, and I can recall many times when I have visited a relative and come out feeling a bit grumpy, or a bit negative. It is definitely a work in progress when it comes to not absorbing other peoples issues but well worth the effect, especially as we cannot see clearly what others peoples emotion do to our bodies.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world” – that is a huge statement. I was experiencing this just yesterday with a client who has got themselves in a right pickle potentially spoiling a great little Company. Certainly I can provide a reflection and assistance, but if I take it on then it hits me equally hard (which it did).
When I make the choice to observe I have also noticed that I am not attached to any outcome. This is the most freeing feeling for me.
Thank you Vicky. I feel the same will be more possible for me. It is new for me to be able to learn to stay with my sensitivity and yet observe, instead of reacting to what others’ behaviours are, or feel drawn into what is happening around me and feel the imposition and effects of it.
‘Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.’ By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486. Everyone should have access to what is written and shared here.
Perfect for me to read today as I start a new job working in health care. I am also a student of The Way of the Livingness presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and have many tools that I practice including daily connective tissues exercises, walking, going to bed early, and conscious of what I eat that support me to not absorb the emotions from others, something that I did all my life, and I did become ill several years ago because of this and many other unloving choices.
Thankyou Anonymous , I really enjoy reading this blog. I’m working on observing life and I find the Gentle Breath Meditation so helpful for this to keep me centred. Once I’ve reacted I’ve already left myself, so until I can return to my inner connection, to my essence, observation is really difficult. Life is like choppy seas, everything from what’s on the news to the things we feel and see around us can have a huge affect, unless we are in the still, calm centre of the inner heart.
Anonymous, as you say there is such a difference between observing and absorbing. When I observe life I clearly see what is going on and stay with my amazing self. Yet when I absorb I get caught up in what is going on, my body becomes racy and things start to affect me. The more I stay with myself the more I catch how easy it is to take things on and react to life rather than observe and understand life. It is not always easy but definitely worth giving it a try.
“The Gentle Breath Meditation™ is a fantastic tool to help keep me centered,” absolute truth.
“I could have made it better for them.” I realise how imposing and not loving this is, I can totally understand where you are coming from, and it’s not a bad thing, that deep care and love of people and wanting everyone to be okay, being hurt by seeing the unloving choices people make and the way they live – well that’s the case for me. But what I now know and have come to realise making it better does not work, it’s a comfort, a band aid covering over in fact, the absolute comfort and unwillingness for many to take responsibility and look at the choices they have and do make. Sometimes if not always the most loving thing we can do is step back, observe, deeply hold another in love, but give them space, allow them free will, to make the choices they want to make, to feel the pain, be it emotional or physical to shake us and shift us out of the rot, comfort, damp and numbness we have been living in for eons.
I often find when I worry about something I have said, or not said, it’s because I have held back in the fullness of my truth – I’ve held back, watered down, been polite or nice, instead of just being me and saying it as it is, straight to the point, no faff. There’s no grey only black and white with me. Or the other case is not trusting myself deeply and going into a default program of over thinking, negative or worst case scenario, when in truth 99% of the time in these situations what comes back is the complete opposite to what I have been thinking, these pictures, and or extremely positive. It just goes to show there’s another unseen energy running the show at times that is not us that can be very manipulating and cruel if we allow it.
Likewise when I was younger I used to get affected by all sorts of different influences… a throwaway comment, my grades, competitive sport, what girls might or might not think about me… or my friends. It made for a very confusing upbringing where I was lurching from one way of looking at myself to another. I would love to have had the guidance to settle into me, and then observe the rest of it all play out around me.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.”
What an amazing teaching by Serge Benhayon. Our own emotions and thoughts are poisonous enough without absorbing those of another. Thank you Anonymous for highlighting this powerful lesson.
To observe and not absorb the world around us brings a whole new dimension and understanding to our daily life.
Observation allows for far much more love, compassion, understanding and no need. It allows people a far greater freedom than we can, for this moment, physically see.
You have given such an awesome description of how we absorb emotions – when on the bus, at the shopping centre, in our home, at work, the hospital etc. The effect on our bodies is ginormous, and the joy in knowing what is behind all of these emotions helps us to be clear and see things clearly.
How many people are aware that taking on other peoples stuff is a poison? Or that its hard to heal or shift energies of emotion that we have taken on, on behalf of another? Yet our society is loaded with sympathy and its expected by many as the proof that we care. I have felt the difference between being given sympathy and being given true support- the impact is worlds apart, and i would never again wish for sympathy now that I know the difference.
“To observe and not absorb’ – I had to laugh when I saw the title, as is brought me straight back to simplicity – Life is so simple when we choose to live this way. It’s incredible how we choose to complicate the most simplest of things.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” These are so amazing wise words form Serge Benhayon and they have changed my life. I used to take on so much from others that i was constantly drained and exhausted. Once i understood how to observe and not absorb, my life and body started to change.
If I go for an outcome in my nursing work I know I am absorbing and wanting things to be different, instead of seeing the world as it is and knowing that whatever they choose or whatever happens is perfect as it is.
To be clear of emotions/ reactions/ taking things on is a way of living that is truly medicinal.
Absorbing is such a poison; one that at times, we don’t even know we’re drinking until we feel the effects afterwards. Observing others, and life, is the only way to see the world for what it is without being consumed by it.
“Sometimes I even came away with the symptoms of my patients.” – To me this shows just how much of an effect emotions have on our physical body! And how poisonous it is to absorb or take them on, this I know from personal experience too.
Our own emotions are poisonous enough without taking on other people’s poison as well. If we care about our health we cannot afford to indulge in emotions.
I can completely relate to your blog here Anonymous as I was in a similar position to what you describe 10 years ago. On the verge of burnout as a health care practitioner mostly because I was absorbing the issues, distress and emotions of the majority of the clients that walked in my door. I knew something was not right but did not have the awareness at that time to know how to change it. As soon as Serge Benhayon explained to me how energy really works and that there is a whole level of communication and trade in energy going on alongside and underneath the physical world that we experience, this empowered me to make some big changes in how I work which has led to much reduced levels of burnout, anxiety and exhaustion. The gentle breath meditation was a key component of this turn around as it gave me a simple practical tool I could use straight away to really start to feel this energetic communication and how it was effecting me.
This should be in every workplace but especially the health sector, as there is nothing more healing than being supported by someone who stays with themselves and doesn’t take others stuff on… the patient is free to make their own choices and not feel imposed upon by the carer sympathizing or needing to fix them.
Makes me wonder why this is not taught in every school and educational institution as the most basic of basics. After all, this feels like one of the key fundamentals to healing all illness and disease in humanity.
I have similar experiences Anonymous. Interstingly I realize, even if I am observing much more now, I feel still some draining in the body sometimes and the observation is that there is a belief in me like an underlying energy to be not good enough, to master life etc. I know this is not true and as we are not perfect, mistakes are allowed. Not being goood enough is a lie and the antidote is appreciation.
It’s such a basic skill to know how to work amidst drama and not absorb it all. I know I use this constantly to support myself in my work.
Working in nursing, observing and not absorbing is essential. I have felt sorry for people in situations or circumstances that seem unfair and I know my colleagues do the same. Essentially we go into sympathy with someone and where they have found themselves in their life. I had never really wondered about the effect that this had. But really I only need to look at the overall health of nurses to see that absorbing does not work and has negative consequences for our own health. Observing does not mean ignoring either. It’s actually very loving and very supportive of the other person as well as ourselves.
I too have felt so liberated by not needing to absorb dramas from others and still being able to be a huge support to them at the time. I find I can support people in crisis far more by not going into their pain, but by holding as still as possible and gently guiding them through it.
I used to live like that daily- i used to welcome dramas, so I could thrive off the emotional roller coaster that ensued.That is all over, I do so love now to simply allow whatever is happening to just be observed.
How many people want to do the best they can for others, but they think that sympathising with others is essential and helpful. It is not. Nothing feels worse than being on the receiving end of sympathy. It means you are viewed as a victim of your situation, rather than a creator of all that is in your life right now.
This has never been explicated for me like you have done here so well by another health professional Sam.
I am so glad to have it so well explained.
Even going to work in an office, there is a huge opportunity to choose to observe and not absorb. Otherwise I find myself like a cork on the ocean, bouncing around at the whim of whatever drama comes my way.
Thank you Anonymous. It is poison to take on other people’s stuff and yet we are often fed the not so subtle message that doing this makes us compassionate or ‘good’ in some way. Your blog debases this beautifully.
A great lesson in this piece of writing. Becoming involved in someones issues is never helpful to a fluidity resolution instead offering barriers to true healing.
The Gentle Breath Meditation has been an absolute miracle in my life, nothing short of life changing. Such a simple tool that takes so little time, but where would I be without it… not in the joyful and full life I now enjoy.
Observing life from a deep connection with our bodies supports us to bring understanding to others and ourselves without taking on the emotions of others.
I shared this not long ago with a friend who is training to be a therapist as she was exhausted it made so much sense to her that taking on others emotions is poison.
Constant work in progress for me too Anonymous. As a therapist I would not hesitate to say that it has saved my life this practise as I no longer have asthma! Incredible teaching
I used to think that if I didn’t feel sympathy for people, that I was hard and uncaring, so it was great to learn that you can still be loving and care even more without taking on and absorbing another issues. Not to mention how much grief you save yourself physically, mentally and energetically.
Connection with our bodies allows us to observe what life presents us with and stay detach from it this is huge as it allows us to bring understanding without taking on the poison of emotional turmoil of another in our bodies.
The problem with taking on or absorbing another’s emotions, especially if you are not conscious of having done so, is that they then become buried deep in the body, dormant. Then, at some point in the future, they get activated by something, and you seek help to understand what this emotional turmoil is that you are experiencing. It may be anger. It may be grief. The problem however, is because it was not yours to begin with, you cannot trace it back to an event or source, and therefore it can be very difficult to heal.
It’s interesting how absorbing what another is in is the exact opposite of what is going to truly support them. Absorbing doesn’t take away what is going on for another. Absorbing allows them to stay in whatever they may be in and in addition it confirms it because now they can see another equally as affected. To hold steady and observe offers them another choice – one that only they can truly make.
It is absolutely exhausting to absorb the emotions of others. Given people consume alcohol, caffeine, and sugary drinks/food because they cannot get through the day without them as a result of being so exhausted does this not reveal to us how much people, in general, are absorbing the emotions of others?
‘The boundaries of who I was and who was another would become foggy.’
For years what I thought was me I based on what I’d absorbed. What I’d absorbed felt ugly and I believed that ugliness was me because I could feel it inside my body. Though I know I have barely allowed myself to feel and live the beauty beneath, I know any yuckiness is not who I am; I know the yuckiness to be yucky because I know beauty.
Gentle breath meditation supported me in building more conscious presence in my body to ensure that i was not getting caught in absorbing other emotions.
We can absorb anywhere anytime, form people, buildings even whilst driving. Emotions are left behind everywhere as we currently all do not live with the responsibility that we leave behind imprints for others to feel. It is therefore so important for us to be consciously present to avoid being a sponge and taking on other peoples emotions.
Sometimes we even absorb things in buildings or on the street where other people have walked and left a trace of emotions. So we don’t even have to meet the person or know who it was to absorb other people’s stuff. Conscious presence is the greatest tool to stop being a sponge!
Learning to deeply appreciate myself has been and is still an ongoing unfolding. When we appreciate ourselves, it creates the space to be understanding, to be more expansive and not allow a narrow focus to come into play in how we are with those we feel we have issues with.
The Gentle Breath meditation mentioned in this blog is what supported me to stop taking on everyone’s emotions by learning to re-connect with myself. What a simple yet absolutely profound tool it is.
The moment I step away from the rhythm of stillness I have come to know, that quiet inner space that allows my body to feel open and very present, I feel the stress and tension I am choosing. When I am still it is much easier to observe all that is taking place without becoming involved or getting affected.
When I’m wanting sympathy from another, it’s because I’m not willing to be with me first and feel whatever tension I’ve created or taken on and am not willing to be responsible for. When I stay in that stillness and quiet inner space, and feel whatever is there to be felt, it quietly dissipates like a thin layer of fog. Underneath that fog, that huge quiet space is always there, needing nothing from the outside and nothing from another.
Taking things on is super-draining. In my experience it feels horrible to attempt to solve things for others – for in doing so, we are making a judgement of them that they don’t know or can’t solve it for themselves. This is very arrogant when the issue is not even ours to solve and disempowering of another.
I completely agree. Taking things on and sympathy can present in many ways, not just in the overt obvious ones.
Awesome blog. I never was aware fully how much I absorbed others energy and was certainly never introduced to ‘observe not absorb’ until this was presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. How many of us absorb other people’s stuff or what goes on around us during the day, I would say the entire world! The media plays a HUGE part of this and actually feeds the absorbing energy to us .. not a good or loving thing at all and we really need to wise up to this fact about the media. The observe part is beautifull, without being ‘in it’ we can then start to feel and see the truth in what is really going on and the Gentle Breath Meditation is so supportive in helping us to observe more. This doesn’t mean we are less loving or supportive to others it actually means we are more loving and supportive to others when observing first. .. basically not getting caught up in an energy that isn’t ours.
Anonymous, it is amazing quite how much we ‘take on’ during the day from what is going on around us and from other people. Any time we hold back expressing ourselves effectively we are letting the situation affect us because we have not expressed what is there to be said. It is exhausting and in my experience makes us replay the moments in our head meaning we are then not present with what we are doing next with all the, ‘I should have done this or said that’ etc..
“I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.” Yes I find it feels sometimes uncomfortable to see someone very much in despair and problems and then staying in feeling actually pretty good. There is that notion that that is not polite or rude not showing sympathy. Yet as you say when I would jump in the despair as well there would be no way out for both of us. Giving the reflection of feeling great might be just the way out for that other person.
‘Observe and not absorb’ as presented by Serge Benhayon was revelation to me, and a chance to take responsibility for my part in taking on emotional turmoil.
Absorbing and taking on others’ stuff is very draining and affects me badly. I feel my secret investment in creation when I find simple observation difficult, that I am somehow still attracted to the messy soup of emotion. I know I am not a victim, but I am the one who is choosing it by not choosing what true love offers.
We always have a choice in whether we respond or react to situations, and the reaction doesn’t have to be fierce or explosive, a reaction can be sympathetic or pandering to an emotion too. Observation allows space to respond in a way that best supports everyone because the situation has been clocked, it’s been read with clarity and the understanding from that allows a true response.
The quote from Serge Benhayon makes so much sense, but the figure shocked me – 80% of all illness and disease is from absorbing other peoples stuff… that’s huge! I have taken on the habit of absorbing because it was easier then discerning and being responsible for reading situations, but that has proved very untrue by virtue of having to put in more work to clear stuff that is not actually mine. So really, what is easier, observing and reading a situation or absorbing it and having to clear it without the understanding of where those emotions or tensions have come from?
Anonymous thank you for the blog as its been truly healing to come back and read again. I recently realised I was in sponge mode, sympathising, wanting to take things on, and to step in and be the rescuer. All it really ever can be is stepping into the same mud someone is already in, which just confirms for them where they are at and doesn’t offer anything higher in terms of reflecting another way to be. I also feel for me this behaviour is to delay my own movement forward in life, to stagnate and damage myself instead of allowing myself to grow and deepen in the love and amazingness that I am.
It is so true, we can just feel it as we spend time with people who are either relaxed or stressed and usually will feel it as soon as we are in contact with them.
When we take the situations around us ‘on’ it can feel almost impossible to consider that letting them go is the only way to ever get any clarity on getting them resolved or healed. But this is the trick. By the time we have already taken them ‘on’ we have absorbed them into our body and hence our choices will already be influenced by this lack of observation we have chosen to make
Being able to step back from a situation, make some space rather than it being right up in my face is priceless. to observe allows me to see things clearly, where when it is right there in me I am just a puppet for the strings that are getting pulled.
Anonymous this is my experience too the moment I allow my emotions in and want to help, I start to absorb the energy, and find I end up taking on other peoples emotions and get caught in it all and feel exhausted. I too have learnt from Universal Medicine to observe and not absorb, and like you say we have many tools to use if we ever get caught in the absorption.
The moment I start absorbing, in comes the tension and out goes the space.
That is my experience too, it just takes a split second and I can be affected. This is a great reflection and a reminder on how important it is to stay consciously present and discern Energy.
Absorbing is draining us deeply, it is that what depletes us. We can’t not be tired when we constantly absorb that which others have chosen. We are not the ones who need to deal with these ill choices. It is incredible what a relief of tension in our body it gives when we choose to not absorb but discern the energy and see that it is not us that needs to deal with it, but keep the distance and feel what is going on, and serve the people accordingly. Without trying to relieve it for them, staying with who we are is the greatest support.
This is so true Anonymous, the way we choose to work with people has a great effect on our health. Not taking in the emotions of others is freeing up so much space to truly support them. Standing strong in our own truth brings a much greater support than taking on others emotions in any way.
Absolutely not taking on other people’s emotions creates so much space for us to truly support them in their healing journey.
‘Observe not absorb’ is a great principle to live life by as it catches you whenever you’re invested in a particular outcome and highlights when you’re taking on other people’s stuff, their energy, their emotions. Observing people with compassion and respect is more supportive of them as we don’t risk enjoining their behaviour but can remain objective. It’s also way better for our own bodies to remain in a state of equilibrium and stillness. That’s then what the other person receives from us and we stay consistent rather than at the mercy of any and every emotion doing the rounds.
A Universal Medicine practitioner highlighted for me the other day how much I take on the struggles and the dramas of the world around me, leaving me drained and on the road to burn-out. And I could see while she was saying this how ineffective this actually is as a way to be useful in society, and yet I have known no other way, why is that? How could I not know any other way to be in relationship with people other than to fully absorb all of their issues? This highlights to me how strong is the role model who lives and works in the world fully committed to life and yet not drowning in the dramas of it.
I can so relate with what you shared here Anonymous, this is exactly what I used to do, and made myself ill in the process. I am now learning and choosing to stay observing, ‘All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.’
Being able to observe and not absorb is a true gift, as Serge has shared many times, it is to be like a fish in the sea and don’t get wet. I too used to take on others problems and feel sorry for them or take on their sadness and it is very liberating to be free of that most of the time.
This is one very practical everyday great common sense suggestion that has ever been offered. But it is not commonly known. We believe that being sympathetic is actually a good thing. But when we consider that 80% of our illness and disease is caused by us taking on the emotions of others – this is huge. It really needs to be one of the first things we learn about self-care.
Anonymous, it was when you described how you would even take on the bus drivers frustration that brought home to me just how much I have let the emotions of others affect my quality. Growing up I was hyper sensitive as I still am today and never really had a great handle on it. Each year I study with Universal Medicine deepens my appreciation of this sensitivity and how it must be married with an observation of life, never a reaction. The reaction will bring the ill health as my body is basically thrown out of alignment to its natural unemotional way.
Being with myself in every thing I do is certainly helping me to not absorb another’s emotions as the moment I have checked out while listening to another’s story I have slipped into sympathy instantly without me realising it to find it catches up with me later. Sympathising is deeply harming to the body; I have felt it and I have to ask myself as to why this has been for most of my life a behaviour of mine which I know is not true to my body.
So interesting – you make a comment that sometimes you would come away having picked up some of the illness of your patients. Isn’t this what is happening in the world all the time? We fall for what is normal and accept that into our way of living, rather than feeling what is true and realising how absurd some of that normal really is.
Observe and not Absorb is such a powerful teaching. Breathing ones own breath… v/s being breathed by everything else in life. I have found the Esoteric Yoga Modality truly supporting as a way to deeply connect through the body to the solid and steady foundation that is our very essence.
With observation there is always space to feel and respond whereas when we ‘absorb’ we get swamped with a sea of emotions and the clarity is gone. Developing a steady foundation and connection with the body is key to being able to hold ourselves in challenging situations.
Reading this again had reminded me too of my morning journey to and from work every day as I move thru one of London’s busiest train stations. It is like salmon spawning, but one touches anyone! How close can we get without actually making contact, as the game we played when we were young Tag, but in reverse! So, if we are so good and practiced at this why do we then absorb others emotions?
To observe and not absorb emotions, situations and issues that swirl around us almost every second of every day is such a wonderful tool. I often whisper to myself, just observe, breathe gently and observe. Most of the time it works enabling me to hold my inner stillness and harmony.
I completely agree – the gentle breath is an awesome tool to connect us back to who we are, so we can begin to live with a more solid connection to our essence rather than living in the whirlwind of life, it’s such a simple technique but it’s effects are profound and widespread.
Being able to observe and not absorb what is going on around us is definitely a skill in which to develop and live this way. I know that for me this is still a work in progress, being able breath our own breath is a tool i have adopted that assists with this unfolding process.
I can related to absorbing other people’s stuff. I used to want to always help others too, I would get caught in the emotion of my family, friends and even at work with clients. I use to find myself so exhausted and tired all the time. I too came to understand what I was doing through presentations from Universal Medicine. I learnt how to observe and not absorb. Practicing this in my daily life has supported me so much.
‘Observe and not absorb’ is a powerful saying by Serge Benhayon and an absolute game changer when we choose to live this truth everyday. Recently I caught myself going into sympathy with a family member’s issues, fortunately I was able to observe what I was doing and make a different choice and know that I didn’t need to ‘fix’ anything at all – to just be still and allow another to be heard was all that was needed.
That is lovely Anna – when we begin to observe it feels like a miracle – and it also feels so different in the body. I noticed the other day when someone in my life was in a minor panic and I did not go into seeking a way to sort out their problems, as I allowed them to work things out for themselves, which felt so much more empowering for both people.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is the simplest way to connect to our true quality of love and stillness of who we are and to become the observant of life and not the recipient of others emotions.
Absorbing the issues of other people is a perfect tool for avoiding awareness, in the guise of ‘caring’ and ‘helping’, and its also a perfect distraction to any personal issues that need to be addressed.
I too used to absorb people’s emotions and felt responsible to make them feel better or resolve the awful feeling I get after taking on other people’s emotions. Now, since attending Universal Medicine courses, workshops and presentations I have learnt how to not absorb emotional stuff or take things personally. I am amazed at how much lighter I feel when I am around people regardless of what is going on for them. I can also see things with more clarity when I am not sucked into the dramas and emotions but instead I am able to be supportive and loving.
Ships don’t sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Is this what our life is like when we take on other people’s stuff?
I love what you have shared here, I have recently began working as a full time Registered Nurse and am experiencing the challenges of working in a highly emotionally charged environment of anger and frustration and dispair. I find that if I am wanting things to be different I am absorbing and reacting but if I just go to do whatever is needed I tend to discern more and address things without reacting or absorbing. – and yes my breath stays gentle
I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.
Beautifully said … to observe and not absorb …this is one of the most profound things that can be taught to healthcare practitioners, as this lead to a significant decreasing burnout throughout all the modalities.
Knowing that I have the choice of observing and not absorbing, with the best tool to achieve it (the Gentle Breath meditation), has been key into my life. As you say Anonymous, this is not something that I can sustain everyday at every moment, but I’m working on it. Close the door to other’s emotions into my body, is something that gives to me more awareness about what surrounds me. Not only brings to me a healthier life, but also helps others in the best way that now I know: this allows them to take responsibility about their own choices. I don’t try to manage or hide other’s reactions to not feel their discomfort. I simply observe this by what it is, without judgement. If I feel it, I offer my support, but anymore is a sponge.
If we sympthatise with others, we take on stuff that is not ours and this can cause us to get caught up in this energy. When we give others space to process It creates a loving situation where they are held and we have the awareness to read the situation and not take anything on.
Another great tool not to absorb other’s energy that I learned from Universal Medicine, is allowing all to process whatever is there. This might include heavy reactions to what I present, be it physical or emotional reactions in them. Allowing this in them – of course – within the boundaries of love and respect.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is a great tool that allows me to connect to the stillness within and to live that quality throughout the day honouring the love that I am.
Observing and not obsorbing is just as important as having a healthy and self caring lifestyle
I can’t be reminded of this enough – Observe and don’t Absorb. Having this as a constant reminder that even thou there is the temporal world and that we are in a human form that actually everything is energy and this is what we need to be reading not what we are seeing. When we take away our visual senses and feel what it is that we are picking up on then this is the truth of what is at play. The key is to honour what you are feeling.
Observing does include feeling but there is a purpose and that is to have understanding and bring that to the situation lovingly without any preconceived ideas and thoughts. Then I find what is being felt moves on through me I don’t attach or absorb what is being felt and I’m free for whatever is next. The other way locks me up, bogs me down and plays havoc in my mind till the next distraction.
When I have taken on stuff that doesn’t belong to me I usually feel exhausted at the end of the day. It doesn’t have anything to do with what I’ve done or how busy I’ve been, but everything to do with how I’ve been with myself and if I’ve reacted to others. This is a great blog that makes us more aware of how taking things on depletes us and makes us less able to be fully present and see clearly what is there to be dealt with.
Imagine if we were taught from a young age that emotions contributed to illness and disease and observing life was more healing than absorbing it wth all its’ emotions attached.Our state of health would be very different.
This is such an important blog Anonymous. I’m sure that most of us go around absorbing other people’s stuff. If this is the cause of 80% of illness and disease we need to sit up and listen! I love your point that we can still care deeply but learn how to observe so we can offer more of a support rather than taking it all on.
When we jump into an emotionally charged situation without feeling first, it is like a high dive in the pool, once you commit it is too late, you are committed and choose to dive head first, you are going to get immersed in the mire.
I agree Steve, when we are not aware of what is going on then its easy to get caught up in emotions that can take us out. All this can happen in the blink of an eye if we get involved in an emotional situation.
By knowing ourselves in full, we can spot what is not of this light and this love a mile off. Void of this knowing we are lost in a sea of emotion, unable (unwilling) to light the path through the storm.
We are divinely designed to sense everything as it is without a filter. Our ‘protection’ here, if we can call it that, is our ability to surrender to and live the love that we are. When we connect to this love, we immediately have a marker for all that is not love that then tries to intrude/impose/enter. Simple. Where we go wrong is that we do not truly connect to the quality we hold deep within and as such we have little to no true foundation on which to stand when the ‘ill wind blows’, so to speak. Therefore we get rocked because we allow all that is not of the love we are, to enter, instead of the other way around, which is letting our love express outward in order to bring about true change by standing on a foundation that will not shake.
For long we have assumed that protection is the way to counter the ‘ill winds’ but actually, it opens wide the doors and windows and hence the ill can intrude as it likes. To present our fullness in the face of everything that is not love exposes the ill as the measly phoney that it is. That doesn´t mean there is no tension or intensity to be felt, there is indeed tension, but it is the what-is-not-love that is challenged to face the glorious music.
To observe and not absorb the tensions of others/the world has been a great lesson for me also Anonymous. This is my favourite teaching from what Serge Benhayon presents for it shows us how to ‘swim like a fish in the sea but not get wet’. That is, there is a way to be actively engaging with the world in which we live and those we share it with, without succumbing to the ‘weight of the world’ (the denseness we feel from a lack of truth lived). As such I am enjoying discovering how the key here seems to be to bring the solidness of what lives deep within; the stillness, joy, harmony, truth and love, out to the world at large and in doing so prevent ourselves from absorbing the ‘poison’ i.e. all that does not belong to the truth we are from; the chaos, disharmony, tension, anger, sadness and lies, into our bodies where it never belongs.
‘Bring out to the world’ is key here, i.e. to express in full to be the all that we are, leaves no tender spot to get wet (no perfection needed or possible). We need to recognise the ‘weight of the world’ for the bully that it is; as soon as we do we realise that it was us who bought into the deception and gave our power away; then it is a choice to re-empower ourselves again and re-discover that we are not just small fishes in an overwhelming ocean but big fishes whose flap of the fin can change the tides.
You are right Alex, every one of us are classic cars stored in sheds waiting to hit the road again, we are priceless. It all is just a choice away.
“This allows me to give the best to those I work with without draining myself in the process.”….If the world took a step in your direction, energy drinks and caffeine would be a thing of the past.
I agree Mary, living with emotions is exhausting. It is as if we create them so we can be identified with them. For many if life is to simple it seems boring so we create dramas to give us something to do so we can feel a sense of achievement for overcoming them – but all the time we wasting energy and time. It is a crazy game we play.
This is one of the great learnings I received from Universal Medicine, it is so important to not absorb the energy that others are in or what is going on. You describe the effects beautifully, I feel it is an important thing to learn for everyone, as it is a great drain on our bodies to constantly have to deal with others emotions.
I like the term or concept of ‘Emotional Fitness’ once presented by Universal Medicine – if we only learn to have a well ‘trained body and being’ to withstand the emotional onslaught the world will be a completely different place as we interrupt the emotional chain reaction that rules human behaviour.
It is a great thing to remember and if I find myself in a situation where I can’t observe and go into reaction it is a great cue to dig a little deeper.
I also have a friend who is very much into the drama of life and only seems to come alive when there is something to get excited about, and I have often wondered if this is the same as an addiction. Is it as hard to come out of this as say gaming on a computer or watching the TV?
“All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.” – I think this is a crucial point – about how much absorbing others emotions contributes to illness and disease. We spend billions looking at genes and developing drugs to cure disease (which are needed) but we also need to look with clarity to what our relationship with ourself is like and how this extends to how we are with others.
This would really turn the medical system upside down Fiona, and also allow us all to see how living with responsibility is the way to true health.
Anonymous, this has been a silent killer for me too. Although, I have to say, not so silent now that I can really feel the difference in my body when I take on other people’s stuff. I can now identify that my whole body feels completely wiped out to the point where I feel like I need to go to sleep and can barely stay present for more than a few seconds. The energy is so unbelievably heavy. I love how loudly my body tells me what doesn’t work for it.
You talk about being a ‘human sponge’ Anonymous when it comes to taking on emotions and it is no surprise that we see so many who look so depleted and exhausted. I was one of them when I was trying to be a new age therapist and speaker. I needed so much time off to recover and would convince myself that was ok. To be honest I had lost the plot until Serge Benhayon talked about the Gentle Breath Meditation and with practice I realised that my in breath allowed me to breathe my own breath and not take in the world. So another can be in their stuff and my breathing a true in breath meant I did not take on their stuff.
After a decade I can say it does work and I no longer have to be so ‘on it’ as I feel very quickly if I have taken on another emotion. I know the benefits and now share the Universal Medicine Gentle Breath Meditation with the general public.
Indeed Bina, I can very much relate to loosing the plot – there was nothing or no one that had ever inspired me to trust that I could live in the world with joy, and to fully live my own life rather than just existing and coping, not until I came across Serge Benhayon and his tecahings. The Gentle Breath Meditation has been life changing, and like you, I am deeply grateful to now be able to share this profound breathing tecnique with the general public.
Beautiful Bina; an inspiring reminder to consistently observe the rhythm and flow of life. being very aware of what flows through us.
I am learning how to observe myself, and in this I am finding that there is more space to not get caught up in the dramas and the insecurities that I can create in my head.
Ha ha just what I was about to write as I came on here and read the title of the blog – learning to observe ourselves is the key – it makes life way more simple and loving. Someone once shared with me seeing emotions such as anger, sadness etc simply as pockets of energy coming up to be cleared and not attaching to them – keeps it simple.
Shami, I am finding this also lately, how there is a definite gap between the choice to go with my mind or stay with my body, and how it feels when I do choose to go into creation is less and less appealing.
It’s so awesome to appreciate the fact that is a choice whether or not to take on and absorb another’s emotion. I’ve grown up absorbing people’s anger if directed at me. I react in fear- will they uncover a irredeemable fault with me or put in a consequence that I will never recover from?!! It felt very debilitating so I’d do anything not to incur someone’s wraith.
But, more often than not, now when people are angry around me I pause to choose to stay with me, feel there’s nothing wrong with me even if I’ve made a mistake, and respond respectfully to all parties as an equal with understanding.
As I read this blog for a second time I recalled that Sam had written it. As I continued to read I could feel Sam more deeply through her writing – and so the penny dropped!
How I live, in every minute detail is felt by another – this is the deepening of the responsibility I offer myself, and everyone else.
This is a wonderful thing for a carer to understand Anonymous – and to share with others. I work in Health and Social Care and can clearly see how a person who does not ‘jump in the well’ – but reflects back the amazingness inside us all – ‘throws them a rope’ instead. Such carers offer a true choice to their patients rather than keeping them stuck in the mud.
Beautifully said Richard and I can totally relate to that – sympathy adds to the issue rather than as you say inspiring someone by reflecting back to them that there is another way.
I had a couple of experiences the last couple of days where I saw some situations occurring around me that where tricky. It sparked something that I had not felt for a while, sympathy. I felt how amazing the person was within, but I found myself feeling sad that they where in the situation they where in. It is interesting because I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I feel it is true for me that Everything that occurs in life is there for me to learn something and so return to who I am in essence. This is something that I have experienced over the last few years. I feel there are always going to be layers concerning our healing, and experiences come up to show us how habitual some of our response are, and whether we are we willing to observe ourselves so that when we absorb something that does not support us we call it out.
to “‘observe and not absorb’: this allows me to be a 100 million times better carer”. I absolutely agree, it frees us from the emotional chords we can attach to, and allows us to see life with clarity and truth. It is only from here a truly solid base can be lived from which to offer support from, if called for. Deep care can be offered by standing solid, observing life and allowing it to unfold for people.
As you say Gyl the title alone, what this means and how I apply this to my life completely changes everything. It is not life that I get tired my, exhausted or end up craving that sweet treat – but it’s my choice to absorb everything that is going on – everyone’s stuff instead of observing it. Four words would change so much for so many worldwide.
” I would be left feeling out of sorts and agitated.” this is a great gift from our body that we have taken something on that does not belong to us or the divine wisdom we are from.
I work in schools and what I find is if I react to the kids choice of behaviours, or need them to be a certain way, I come out of class and school totally floored and exhausted. Whereas if I have been having fun playing with sitting in the class five minutes before they come in and connect to my breath in my body and feeling my ribs moving as breath. When I do this, the stillness in the room is felt and is immense- simply by being in my body and not in my head. From here I am much more able to observe, bring understanding, and feel what’s needed for each child and class. This week we have been starting classes with gentle movements before any lessons, which makes a huge difference to the kids.
How awesome that you can bring gentle movements to your classes and have the children feel the gentleness for themselves. If you can feel the difference then they can too. A great foundation you are offering here on many levels.
Great comment Gyl. I too work in a school and can totally agree with how exhausting it is to be attached to how I want the kids to behave. When I don’t absorb, I can still deal with behaviour issues, but in a calmer detached manner where I am still centred and in no way escalating any emotion that might be flying around in the classroom.
By the way I like your idea of starting each class with gentle movement.
“To Observe and Not Absorb” – it’s the answer to life in a nutshell really.
Agreed Gyl, having the ability to observe, read and not absorb is the way to go – simple.
ha ha I was looking up a blog this morning and was drawn to the one’s under stress, only to laugh when I clicked on the page and saw the title “To Observe and Not Absorb” – it is as simple as this.
There are so many things in life that we have gotten wrong. One of those things is what you are talking about here Anonymous which is that somehow it is supposed to show how caring we are if we absorb the poison of others emotions and end up burnt out ourselves. The only way we can care for another is if we care for ourselves first, otherwise the energy of caring is simply not available for us. When we apply energetic laws to life everything becomes very simple.
I agree Brendan, this would be a life changer and would set up our youth for the rest of their life being responsible for their own wellbeing.
Not being sympathetic does not mean you leave someone out to dry.It simply means you do not take on the drama of their situation. In that way you are able to remain clearer and actually able to offer true assistance. Too often we hear of people jump in the surf to save another, only to see themselves drown, and the principle in regards emotion remains the same. Get suckered into another’s loneliness or despair, and then it is often you that are worse off, and having to deal with emotions that are not yours, and are all the more poisonous because you cannot trace back their root cause. That is the true issue with sympathy, and not be confused with not caring.
I agree, not getting caught up in the drama, is critical to not being sympathetic, but still supporting someone else “Not being sympathetic does not mean you leave someone out to dry.It simply means you do not take on the drama of their situation.” We can still offer understanding, love and care but the drama of a situation is merely a distraction that feeds our issues rather than bringing resolution or healing.
Yes, we can be of much better support if we stay out of these emotions of others, they will most of the time only make us feel much worse afterwards. Learning to stay with ourself is a great gift for ourself and others.
It is huge to think of the harm it does to take in other people’s stuff and how much it can distort who we truly are.
I agree, Nicole, if we would be more aware of the harm it creates in us when we take on other people’s stuff through reaction, we would be much more willed to observe situations the way they truly are.
Learning what it is that triggers reactions in us is ultimately freeing.
I know from personal experience that it is utterly debilitating to absorb the problems of another, and that acting like a sponge for the problems people face serves no one to heal. Now I am much stronger at deflecting of emotions and rarely if ever display sympathy as I know it is deeply harming and offers no true resolution of the issue at hand. Thanks for writing this piece Anonymous, it is great to see in words your experience of what I have myself have felt too.
Yes Brendan, it is such a good call to teach the younger generation to observe and not absorb it would benefit the whole of humanity. When we grow up knowing what is our stuff and what is anothers it makes it so much clearer as what it is we need to learn to evolve rather than getting unnecessary bogged down in the emotions of another.
As a child I learnt that sympathy for others was a very good and caring thing to do and I got to be very good at it though somehow it also never felt right. It was not until I encountered Universal Medicine did I come to realise and appreciate my feeling that sympathy is not a ‘good and caring thing to do’ was actually true. By sympathising it is absorbing the other’s emotions and jumping “in the well to save them”, which only makes matters worse as there are then two people, instead of , get out of the ‘well’.
Its is so true Samatha, there are entire helping and healing professional that teach you to absorb the emotion going around you, so you can better understand and walk in people’s shoes, it gets called empathy. The fact however, is that we are totally able to connect and understand the plight of another without taking on their emotion. Like you the gentle breath meditation was my first real experience of what this difference might feel like.
great point Brendan, is it that by absorbing other people’s emotions and issues, we stay identified with and in the attachment of the illusion of this world, and distracted from truly seeing the choices we make to keep this illusion fueled.
Before encountering Universal Medicine, I was torn with getting involved in sympathy with people, or trying to rescue them, yet realising this didn’t feel right, nor did it really help them anyway. I now have the understanding of what is underplaying this, and how it actually is true that we are not helping anyone by going into sympathy, keeping them in their issues, and only trashing ourselves in the process. Learning to hold steady and just allow the space for another to come to their own awareness and understanding, this is what allows true healing to be possible.
Well said Annie and it is something we should teach all of our children at school. Sympathy is a killer, not only does it destroy ourselves it is also extremely judgemental and so we all lose out as a result of it.
This is exactly what a true miracle is, existing from a nervous wreck in constant reaction to life, to being more aware, understanding and observing life, knowing of how absorbing others emotions creates illness and disease.
“To observe and not Absorb” – one of life’s simple truths, it offers us the answers to everything.
It is beautiful to see a health care workers able to offer care and support without taking on any of the stuff. You can visibly see the quality of care offered decrease when the carers absorb.
I agree Heidi Crowder – so true. There is a marked and clear difference – and it is as you say – a beautiful thing to observe.
This really should be something taught at school, how to not get caught up and involved in the stuff around you. It plays out everywhere, from the playground up to the office. So many kinds of issues stem from the fact that they pack together into groups and escalate drama within the group, bullying, gossip, boys, alcohol etc. Learning this principle from a young age would be great for reducing the intensity of this situations.
It is easy to see how lifestyle behaviours such as the foods we eat or lack of exercise might lead to a path of illness and disease. However, how many in the world have considered absorbing other’s emotions as being poisonous to our bodies when so often having sympathy is so widely championed as something worth doing. This is such a great blog for us all.
To observe and not absorb – wise words which when understood properly actually contain one of the great secrets to illness and disease. We do no consider deeply enough what effect taking on other people’s emotions has on our health.
Very true Adam, well said.
And also regurgitating other peoples emotions.
Once we start realizing that we have the choice to observe or absorb, we can understand that whenever we fall back into the absorbing, that there is something we haven’t dealt with and there is potential to heal our issues. And it is not about being hard with ourselves but to have understanding.
In our humanness, we feel others’ pain and vulnerability and it is hard at times to just observe and not absorb, and I am finding myself stunted at the moment in the midst of a natural disaster that has affected many people not far from where I live.
Something I have been noticing is that the moment we go into sympathy for another, we not only absorb their emotions, we instantly get drained at the same time. The name of the game is energy and the more I see it as that, the easier it is to observe all that is playing out in front of me.
Even when I think I have dealt with any sympathy issues I can find I catch myself going there with the slightest pull towards the other person – such a hooking energy. So I keep observing myself and it is becoming less and less and when I feel that pull I just say no to it now.
I agree Natalie, I felt I was aware of sympathy and would not go there but still find that I have responses to people in what I say and how I feel that come from here. Makes me realise just how prevalent sympathy is within our lives and society as an energy which supports the lack of responsibility for our own choices.
Sympathy is such a hooking energy Natalie, thank you for calling it out in this way.
Agreed Natalie, Sympathy is such a hooking emotion and even the slightest of it in our bodies is enough to create disharmony which leads to illness and disease in the long run.
Hi Anonymous, I really related to your example of a human sponge- living in a way where everything is absorbed and taken on. It is so easy for us to do this – to take on all that is happening around us and think it is normal – when really it is what keeps us small and not truly able to claim who we are. But as you have shared here – to absorb is a choice we make to give our power away to what is happening around us.
We have an amazing opportunity to not live in this way and claim who we are in full.
I agree, hvmorden, we have an amazing opportunity to claim back who we are in full. It just needs the understanding that we are not dependant on each other but beings who are love and as such do not need any love from outside. We only need choosing to feel this truth.
Very true Christoph – we look to blend in and not stand out for fear of what comes our way, mainly unseen from those around us, but in doing so we hurt ourselves more then another ever could.
When I first read this blog and now coming back to it I can see a level of arrogance I was previously entertaining. We are never free from absorbing the energies of the world around us unless we have a solid knowing of who we are based on a quality that can be felt from our bodies. Without that connection we pull from outside of us to find our identity which cannot in truth be found outside of us. Thank you.
Thanks for expressing and sharing your expression,- this blog is awesome! Such a pleasure to read and learn from.
Being taught about energy was also a major turning point in my life, it just explains so much about our behaviour that otherwise makes no sense. I have been in the situation where I have felt an others sadness and bawled like a baby without knowing what the hell was going on and that I was totally absorbing. So great to know that this is not helping anybody and that observing with loving understanding is a far more helpful route to go down.
What if, obesity was caused in part by absorbing other people’s issues? How would it look and feel like in our body? In the USA, 3 in 4 men are now considered overweight, and it leads the world in 39.5% of children 5-17 that are obese. When we take on other’s issues we are carrying around other people’s stuff, weighing ourselves down, perhaps this also contributes to weight gain and obesity?
When I consider everything that I have absorbed or taken on it is huge, like a need a truck to carry around all the ideas, attitudes or emotions. There is nothing better than letting all this go, maybe not all at once, but clearing the load brings unimaginable freedom. I’ve realised that some of what I had taken on came with rules that locked me into keeping my awareness shut down. It is really incredible to now be able to feel other perspectives that would otherwise have remained hidden.
I second that motion Matthew – it really is incredible to free yourself from any investment in an ideal or belief and open up to new perspectives. It is life-changing.
Well said Matthew – letting go of all the stuff that we have absorbed brings true freedom.
It sure does Eva. I have found other people’s emotions and things I have absorbed to be very toxic to my body – weighing me down far more than I could have imagined. We think taking on stuff for others helps but it makes it worse for all of us. We get weighed down and they do not learn the lesson that was being presented to them.
Matthew I really appreciate the symbolic truck carrying all this stuff around with me. Why would I be attached to any of it as I am when, by keeping onto it all, I’m weighing myself down. Awareness is light.
We are love. When we live that love without knowing how, people around us get reminded how much in their life is not love, so they get upset and jealous. Therefore we stop being love as their reactions hurt too much. How do you stop what you are? A good way as Anonymous describes it, is to absorb another’s emotions. It makes sure we are burdened by their issues and we don’t notice that we are love any more.
Yes Christoph. And mankind has repeated this pattern for so long that we have forgotten who we truly are.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is such a simple and easy tool that we can use to assist getting to truly know ourselves. Breathing our own breath rather than another’s (ie. absorbing other people’s energy) is our own form of good medicine.
It is like a miracle the different feeling in the body between observing and not absorbing. The lightness of being, having vitality at the end of the day and then waking up re-freshed is a joy. This supports a new day of choosing observing over absorbing.
Observing and not absorbing anthers emotions and issues is actually saying to someone I love you and me enough to reflect something different here. The reflection gives the other the choice to step out of what they are in and to return to being themselves.
‘Observing and not absorbing another’s emotions and issues is actually saying to someone I love you and me enough to reflect something different here.’ This is so beautiful Vicky I wanted to post it again. Observing and not absorbing is a win-win loving situation for us all.
if our health care workers are able to do this, we would find true supporrt in our hospitals and find that the patients are offered a real healing that surpasses their wound dressing etc.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world. This is huge. We are literally killing ourselves with other peoples stuff.
Well said Vicky a very true perspective and definition of love, very different to the consciousness of emotional love we grow up with.
Exactly Gyl. And when we do choose to hold our love and truly support another the trust is felt instantly. Even if it is uncomfortable, as the energy is exposed, they know that you have felt them and loved them enough to say, that is not you.
Great point shared Vicky. The fact that we choose not to be absorbed shows there is another way to live that brings more care in how we connect with one another.
Vicky that’s so true. It’s amazing to feel people come back to themselves but also to understand when they do not. Not being invested in the outcome but simply observing gives people the space to make their choices and feel somewhere inside themselves that these choices were all theirs without interference from you.
Brilliant Anonymous. Thank you for sharing. Your sharing and experience will support so many people who are struggling with the same but may not understand or know what is going on and why they feel so emotional. The Gentle Breath Meditation is a great tool that definitely brings us back to ourselves so that we can observe more of life rather than absorb it.
Observing and not absorbing is crucial in everyday life and especially so in the caring professions where a delicate balance of remaining compassionate yet uninvolved and without becoming aloof is required. And yes, the Gentle Breath Meditation is a wonderful tool to assist with this in helping us to maintain an ongoing connection with ourselves.
It is so important not to take on the world around us. This can sound perhaps selfish to some, who may consider that that is how we can show our love for another person – by carrying their burdens for them. However, if we consider that each and every person has the strength and will inside of them to be able to handle every situation they encounter, then is it actually an act of love to take that situation on for them? Or is it in fact the deepest form of love to respect another person’s innate strength and to actually stand next to them in your own strength and power as an equal?
To stand next to another in our full strength as an equal to them is indeed the best medicine we can give another.
I have found this too Anonymous, the minute we buy into trying to help, fix, rescue someone or a situation, then you have already set yourself up for a fall – because in this we have invested in something happening and being controlled.. If instead we choose to hold steady and observe, this is what allows the space for all to gain insight and awareness, and from there things can truly change. And it means we do not drain our own energy and go into exhaustion or burnout in the process.
Yes Annie, it inspires others to connect to themselves and make the choices they need rather than a decision coming from the outside.
These decisions coming from the outside can often feel imposed when others absorb and then try to fix the situation for others.
This is a process that in the past has been all to familiar, the setting oneself up for a fall, by investing in an outcome, having expectations, trying to control a situation or people. All of these things just create anxiety in the body and sets the nervous system off. Being able to recognise these things, being aware of your own strengths and weaknesses around such things, is helpful, creating the space then to make other choices and to begin to let go of what can drain us.
This is so true Annie, when we hold steady and observe, there is a magical unimposing space that opens up offering an opportunity to deepen awareness and understanding.
Very true – we invest and our bank runs dry and when we detach, life is abundant and rich.
Yes, the more we detach from life and people, the richer it feels. We are our own ‘bank’ so to speak and the less we invest in the outside, the more we can connect to all that beauty that is inside us and reflect this back to others.
This is true Annie, I have recognised that I have been trying to save my daughter from some things lately, and not only is it not supporting her, it is draining me.
This is really great and true what you share here Annie. This is an old pattern that I am choosing to let go of as it is really harmful and does not help anyone in truth. Observing and giving another space is far more loving for all concerned.
Well said Annie, the best example we can be to others around us is to hold steady and be consistent with the love that we are. Then they have a marker, an example to look at whereas if we drop to their level or judge them then we are in the same mess that they are in.
To observe and not absorb is something so important and fundamental to life . This is an on going process of learning and a way of living and brings true medicine to our life. It is something we are faced with every day in every moment as we engage with life and it really does make a difference . Thank you Anonymous.
I agree, Tricia, to observe and not absorb brings true medicine to our lifes. It is sometimes a challenge to not absorb but it is worth the effort.
And I agree too. When we are able to observe and not absorb and react to situations and other people’s emotions we find a steadiness inside that is so powerful yet tender and compassionate. We no longer go hard to try and protect ourselves from the emotions hurting towards us or succumb to those rising up like a storm within us. We can just observe from our place of steadiness and stillness. To be able to do this feels like a blessing, like someone stopped the merry-go-round and you are free to be.
Yes, definitely worth the effort. Learning to observe myself allows me the pause to step away from whatever emotion and negative thoughts I’m letting run me. A pause where I can bring understanding and deepen my relationship with me.
Observing ourself and the situation, rather than jumping straight in and absorbing the energy of what is occurring gives us space to truly feel what is needed, whether that is to withdraw from the situation altogether or to step up and express, taking the time to truly feel and observe lets us see our true position without being drawn in or absorbing peoples emotions.
It actually is medicine for our bodies. My body has been exhausted for years from absorbing people’s stuff. Today I know what it does to me, and I then have a choice to either just observe or take it on. If I can eventually free myself from the exhaustion I’ve been living with, then that affects my whole life…I would definitely call that medicine.
It has dawned on me recently that singing emotional songs is also a way of taking other people’s emotions on. We sing, the words, the music, the emotion behind the song, we express all of that through our own vehicle, we vibrate that within our own body. This, I have experienced for myself, leads to illness and how can I even know the root cause when the emotions were not even mine. This works as a poison to which I do not have the antidote.
I can relate to this Amanda. I would find an emotional song fit for any occasion thinking that I was feeling what was going on when in fact it was magnifying whatever emotion I was in at the time – truly insidious and highly toxic.
It makes me wonder if the same occurs for when we have a song in our heads, as Universal Medicine has presented every expression magnifies energy – thinking while moving our bodies does just that.
Great point Amanda – a very important understanding that many are yet to consider. The fact that music is not just sound but energy too and we are vehicles of energy that get affected and influenced is huge! Yes, we watch what we eat and know certain foods are bad for us and make us ill but when will it become common knowledge that we need to be aware of what we listen to, what we watch, what we say and how we move..? For all these aspects of life have just as much influence over our health and wellbeing as food.
I agree Rachel and all of these feel like ‘big heavy overcoats’ which completely dull us not only separating us from who we are but adding a false image of how we are feeling, feeding the body dis-ease. When we all become more aware of these influences and make the choice to ‘observe and not absorb’ as Anonymous has discovered, our living experience on earth will be very different.
Other people’s emotions as a poison that we don’t have an antidote for – so true, that makes sense; they are not ours to take on.
The gentle breath meditation is a simple way to bring one’s focus back to themselves, to be less impacted by life. And as a wise man once said, ‘to live like a fish in the sea without getting wet’.
Kate this is a key saying that would be a loving support for all children to appreciate as well as all adults. I too find the Gentle Breath Meditation a great support when my focus is everything but me.
A simple yet powerful sharing Anonymous, thank you. If this was taught in preschools, schools and homes it would change the world, literally.
There have been times in my life when I have been sick or injured and have felt guilty because the other person was suffering because I was. Them taking this stance did not support my healing.
A great remider for everyone to let people deal with their own stuff and not try to rescue or pour sympathy towards anyone – to truly support is to observe and not join in.
Agreed, the best approach to take is to observe but not absorb and in this way we can bring ourselves to the situation.
To learn not to absorb life around us is so huge and truly life changing. It allows others to be where they are at and feel held but not imposed upon.
Learning to not engage in everything around me but commit to being present in full with it all is an ongoing process but one that has made an awesome difference in how I feel at the end of each day.
It was so clear to me today when the room I was in was very busy, and noisy and very full on. In the moment that you register in your mind all of that apparent chaos, is also the moment you can choose to either go with absorbing and become stressed, or breathe, feel your body and realise you are still actually totally fine. Then you can just keep on being amazing, because your bringing yourself to all of these situations, so what’s not to enjoy.
To observe and not absorb is a great form of medicine for us all – something to go on every prescription!
Everything you share here is so familiar to me Anonymous. I used to spend my days off in bed when I worked in retail as I was exhausted after spending my day like a sponge, soaking up everybody else’s emotions. I still catch this happening from time to time and I have realised that I always end up absorbing other people’s emotions when I am not connected to what I am feeling. When I remain present and aware of what I feel I can observe without absorbing.
Thank you, Anonymous. When we realise how much we have been absorbing in life, we see how dishonouring of ourselves and our bodies we have been. It is liberating to stop this behaviour and our energy is freed up to be light and playful again, as we were in childhood.
To “observe and not absorb”, to “breathe our own breath”, such simple advice and yet what a profound difference it makes to our health and wellbeing. The principle that we offer deeper care by not getting caught in the emotion of someones situation seems very logical to me. If we consider that often we can get the best advice from those who are not attached to our outcomes, but can see past the emotions on display to the truth of what we are experiencing. Being in sympathy is actually a very harmful and draining way to interact, and from my experience has in the past left me feeling crushed and desolate, in the most extreme cases.
Love the analogy of jumping in the well to save someone and ending up stuck in the mud next to them! We tend to believe that colluding or sympathising with others is helping them but is it really? Are we not more help and support by staying out of the mud and extending a strong and steady hand to help them out?
In any life threatening situation we are taught to stay calm and not get caught up emotionally and simply do the steps that are needed that truly help but in our every day life we are left to be caught up in the emotional fog we create thinking we help each other if we join in. If we allowed us to stay calm in any situation in life as we are asked to in an emergency situation there would be far less stress and complication in our lives.
I’ve noticed that the slightest thing can take me out – a child crying, a couple arguing, an old lady crippled with arthritis – all these things have an emotional ‘hook’ that I can choose to engage with or simply observe without draining my own energy. It is a choice, we are developing a way of being different from how we are used to living, being more discerning, being aware of how the world is and how much we are affected by it as well as learning our responsibility in terms of the energy we let in and what we put out.
Great call Carmel. When I am in a shopping centre and I hear a child crying or screaming I tend to get an instant reaction of ‘oh no’ but I then choose to just be with me knowing that the child is just where they need to be at that moment for their own evolution and it is not my job to try to save them from that or impose on the process.
Everyday life is constantly teaching us there is more going on that just what we see. How can you explain how different you can feel, just by changing room or having a particular conversation? When you start to consider the scientific facts that we and everything else in this world is energy, isn’t it quite absurd to live our lives like we are a separate island in total isolation? This apparent ‘security’ is an illusion that keeps us from being real about the energetic reality of life. Thank you Anonymous for bringing these facts to our attention.
Very inspiring Anonymous…being a human sponge is very taxing. I know this from experience too. To observe and not absorb is quite an art and one I am working with every day.
It is very easy to walk away from a job and run over and over events of the day or the day before, and not realise how much that drains us. Being able to stay present in each moment and let the past go is a new way of living for many of us, and is quite tricky to maintain consistently, but the difference is amazing.
I agree Carmel – I have found that this also applies to worrying about things that we have yet to do and the day ahead. The perfect excuse for becoming nervous and anxious and ultimately equally harmful and exhausting as this becomes the energy that the day is lived in – being affected by all external stimuli that trigger further reactions from the exposure we already find our-self in. Does it not seem like an obvious choice to spend a little time to develop presence so that we are less affected by these things?
‘Thankfully I made a stop.’ I had never realised how profound the simple action of stopping could be. Just stopping everything and allowing space to feel exactly what is happening, I have not yet mastered being open to the truth of all that I feel and how my choices have got me to that point and why but the stop in itself offers the opportunity to do all of that if we go there.
This is a great point Michael- the stop in itself is profound.
A simple stop can change everything…
Yes Linda, there is such beauty in just holding a person in love rather then imposing on them that need to be a different way.
Emotions are like a drug -we love the feelings they bring and want more. We can get these emotional feelings from books, movies and of course from real life and people. We are encouraged to absorb emotions -it is viewed as “normal” behaviour. Observing a situation can be seen as a detachment and is not viewed as positively by most people. Our bodies are very discerning and I can feel very clearly the difference in observing and absorbing and the clarity that observing a situation can bring. This is a powerful teaching.
Having been a ‘rescuer’ most of my life to now feeling more of who I truly am the weight on my shoulders is so much lighter. The Gentle Breath Meditation has played a big part in bringing me back to the stillness to connect and learn to feel ‘me’ again the person who got lost in many other peoples lives and had barely started to live her own (through choice). I was held in the illusion that I was ‘helping’ others when infact the opposite was infact the truth. Thank you for sharing your amazing journey Anonymous.
Yes Marion, on reflection I too have been a ‘rescuer’ and some days still have the tendency to rescue! I used to run retreats for cancer patients and would take 3 weeks to get over them because of the emotions I took on from the participants. I still work with cancer patients but now I simply walk alongside them, supporting them the best I can, without empathising, and without taking on their emotions. This way I do not get drained and tired at the end of the day.
In your very first sentence Anonymous it caught my attention “Recently I have started to appreciate the energetic changes in myself” – Truly amazing things start to happen in our lives I feel when true appreciation of ourselves is accepted and not taken for granted when we start to live in a way that is more self-loving and self-nurturing, the many changes that we start to implement into our everyday way of living. If we do not appreciate ourselves how can we appreciate others no matter what comes our way in life. I feel with this comes an inner strength that develops and a confidence which is certainly transformational in our every day working life – to observe life and not absorb it.
I feel with this comes an inner strength that develops and a confidence which is certainly transformational in our every day working life, Yes, so true Marion, Anonymous has expressed beautifully the power of appreciation and how it naturally builds our own sense of self and in that, restores us to our natural glory.
Thank you Anonymous for this life changing sharing of yours and all you offer by this . “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon. Your story of your life and taking on others stuff is so real and relatable to and the choice to change this is a real inspiration thank you, you are an amazing reflection also.
Thank you Anonymous for this honest blog. You describe very well what I am observing too as I am working in the health care area as you do. “All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease.” To get the understanding that I am not able to find a solution for others or that I can not remove e.g. their sadness helped me a lot to be more in observation. What deepened my understanding was exactly the quote you have mentioned in your lovely blog – especially this part: . . . ” absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” For me that said it all.
What helps me further is understanding that we create our own suffering and that we are not really victims of others, thus the emotional turmoil people are loaded with is due to their own choice and making. It is not about being hard or cold or blaming anyone but remembering that we don´t support another by buying into the stories they feel caught in and seem to be the cause of their suffering but deepen our understanding to why and how they create it, giving them a reflection that there is another way and allow them to come to their own understanding in time – live and let live while beholding them in love.
‘..we don´t support another by buying into the stories they feel caught in..’ so true Alex, holding people on the fullness of the love that they are and offering a true reflection of this gives them the choice to remain where they are or make a new choice.
And that is the only way to not impose on them, seeing and holding them for who they truly are so that they finally get to experience the feeling of being met, the one thing we all long for that can ignite the inner spark we once have given up on.
Equality is a big part of not sympathising or rescuing. When we see another as not just equal, but equally amazing, powerful and all knowing, we can give them the space to get on with their process of evolution. This also gives us the space to focus on ourselves, and space to understand the world more deeply through observation.
So well said Melinda when we truly know ourselves to be equal to another there is no room for sympathy. To be in sympathy for another is always implying there are less. Compassion on the other hand is all that is needed.
I agree – how can we have sympathy for a brother of ours not choosing to live the in the amazingness of the light we are all from when it is entirely by their own choosing. Acceptance and understanding bring compassion.
Thank you Anonymous for this reminder to not get carried along and absorb the emotional river we live in called life. It is so easy to get caught in this flow and take on other peoples issues and emotions. There is a very clear difference in being caring and compassionate to another and getting dragged into the flow and taking it on as our own.
Thank you Roslyn we can just let that river pass us by and not take on others emotions and why would we even want to take on someone else’s issues. Learning to connect deeply to our inner-most using the “Gentle Breath Meditation” allows us to ‘seemingly’ walk on water so we do not get wet by any emotional issues!
I so appreciate being able to feel more clearly what I am absorbing and how I have allowed the energy of another in. While these energies are always disturbing, I had become so familiar with taking on what others are in, I would often be left at the end of the day wearing (energetically) much more than I left home with. The more consistent I am with choosing to stay with myself the more obvious these subtle and not so subtle changes in energy are becoming.
Absolutely Vicky – even the more important to check in at the end of the day how we feel, and to ensure that we don’t go to sleep with other peoples stuff still cooking inside of us, which could easily keep building into a momentum that we are being run by.
Beautifully said Eva. I find that it is actually quite loud in my body when I have absorbed another’s stuff. I feel quite disturbed immediately, my clarity goes and my movements get more rough. To not put a stop to this, once I have allowed it in, could even be described as abusive.
I can very much relate to this. I used to absorb a lot. Reading this blog I realize how much already as a child I had absorbed emotions, like worries, anxiety, sadness, nervousness, of my parents my sister and grandparents, how I contracted when other people got upset or became angry. And with all these emotions in me it becomes, as you wrote Anonymous, confusing/difficult to stay connected with one self and who we truly are.
Nowadays I still absorb energy, which then makes me feel tired and heavy, though not as much as I used to do, and today I am more aware of this which allows me to make a stop when it happens.
Thankyou Piajung for your comment. I remember as an older teen and in my early 20’s feeling like I didn’t know myself, or where I started and ended because I was so full of other people’s emotions. I felt like I had no clear definition of me. I didn’t know who I was because my body was full of what was not mine to begin with, but I was interacting with what I had taken on as if it was me. My relationship to myself was in part a relationship to what I had absorbed. It was really confusing, like having a suitcase packed with other people’s clothing, none of it fit or felt like me, yet it was within my own body. It is so profoundly honouring to now live observing, which gives me the space to simply be with me, and to have tools like the Gentle Breath Meditation to support me as I learn to do this.
Often we feel we are supporting or helping another by going into sympathy, trying to change the person/situation, fix things or make it better, but in actual fact by taking on their stuff we are harming and belittling the other by not allowing them to evolve through a situation of their own making, perfectly designed for their needs, knowing they are fully capable, and giving them space to do it in their own way in their own time.
Great point, Katie, the gentle breath meditation is something we can choose in any moment. We don’t need anything to be able to do it, other than our choice to do so. A very beautiful technique that supports us to come back when we’ve allowed ourselves to be taken away.
When I read this line – “acting as a sponge absorbing them left me quite confused as to who I truly was” the penny dropped deeper. I was like…oh yeah, of course that’s what happens. And then I saw clearly that’s also why we do it because we don’t want to know who we truly are because we know when there’s moment of quiet, feelings of anxiety, loneliness, anger, frustration can come up and we think that is us. But it is so not. It’s just us taking on people’s stuff and a reaction to our own unloving choices. But that is not us. Who we truly are is a divine being who knows how to bring heaven on earth – to live the qualities of heaven – stillness, harmony, joy and love.
Great question Brendan and I agree it would be incredible if this was to be taught at schools to our young generation. Our education system can certainly be more open to teaching our children about life experiences instead of focusing too much on knowledge. The best education we can have is life experiences and learning how to relate with people, live in harmony and in truth.
I read your blog a few days ago and I felt to read it again as what you present here is a massive support for people. I have in my life experienced many times giving my power away by absorbing other people’s emotions and feeling responsible for them. I agree, it is totally exhausting, and what is also exhausting is when I hold back and not express what I feel and in expressing truth. By observing and not absorbing is very loving way to interact with people. It supports us to be ourselves and be more able to deliver truth as it is.
The great illusion that so many of us buy into (myself included!) is that we think we are helping when we take on someone else’s stuff. That alleviating them of their burdens by switching the weight over to our own shoulders is making them better.
Unfortunately, not only do we end up having to clear a situation from our own body which we have no frame of reference for, we also deprive the other of the opportunity to take responsibility for their own issues.
A great illusion indeed, Naren. We are taking on poison and the other person is still left to deal with their stuff, except we have left them a little more disempowered – loose, loose.
Exactly, Alison. Plus, you can add to the mix that by apparently taking the issue away for them, they may think that the way to solve their problem is to have someone else deal with it for them.
Super important point Naren – who are we to think we can deprive another of the opportunity to take responsibility for their own issues? Isn’t that the same as depriving them from the opportunity to learn and grow? And to learn and grow, evolution – isn’t that the whole point with human life?
Absolutely, Eva. Our struggles are only struggles when we do not see them in their truth: that they are there for us to learn from, not indulge in and not to be solved by another.
We should definitely have support when we need it and ask for it. But when we are asked to support, we are holding both ourselves and another if we do not recognise the truth behind the trial that is being presented.
I used to be exactly the same Anonymous. I did this absorbing in all areas of my life, especially where I felt it was my duty to do so. I somehow felt that I was helping others by taking on their stuff, redistributing the load between us. But the analogy of the person who goes in to save the drowning swimmer and ends up drowning themselves is very apt in this situation. This self and social expectation of health care workers means it is no wonder that there is compassion fatigue, stress and burnout. The health system would change overnight if the workers all started to observe and not absorb, as patients would be rightfully re-empowered and we each would take far greater responsibility for our state of being.
I know what taking on others emotions feels like Anonymous. Going into sympathy for someone does not let them take responsibility for their own healing and makes me feel foggy and confused with the taking on of their stuff. I used to think that staying detached meant being unloving and uncaring but can now see that unattachment is giving another space so they can feel for themselves what is needed.
Absolutely Anonymous, the Gentle Breath Meditation has been the greatest tool in supporting me to stay connected to my breath and my body as the foundation of who I am, and as a result I am no longer swayed to the same extent by the ups and downs of life around me.
The gentle breath meditation is a super support that has helped me also to reconnect with my body. And like you Janet, these days I am also less pulled or swayed by what is going on around me by keeping and living a simple life.
Me too Janet. The steadiness in my body these days as a result of the Gentle Breath Mediation is markedly different to how it was 6 years ago and prior to that where I lived with constant anxiousness
I’ve recently realised that I can read a situation in full, and recognise it is not true and it is not my responsibility to take it on, but then I may go into a judgement about what I read and not a full acceptance and understanding of what is there. It’s in this judgement that I will swallow the energy hook line and sinker. Thinking that I am observing and not absorbing but the whole time taking it on in full. This can be in relation to what I see in another, or even in what I see in myself.
I can truly feel how this little phrase ‘observe and not absorb’ is so powerful to anyone working with people, especially in health care. It never used to occur to me that all this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease, but once it’s described in this way, it is so clear.
“absorbing others people’s stuff is poison” this part of the quote by Serge Benhayon is something that I know but don’t place as much importance on as is warranted. It changes everything about how we learn to live and be in life, plus would save the NHS billions a year if we paid attention.
When I have heard Serge Benhayon talk about other people’s emotions being poison in our bodies it makes so much sense. With our own emotions we can trace back what we have chosen and gradually undo this process. But with another person’s emotions, there is no foundation or pattern in the body to undo. It is like we have been slipped a poison unaware and so don’t know that it is there until our body gets sick.
Fiona I love how you have clearly expressed the difference between our own emotions and taking on the emotions of others, and the fact we are able to undo the affects of our own emotions if we so choose, but once the poison of another’s emotions have entered our bodies they are there until our body can no longer deal with them and we become sick. A very good reason to learn to “observe and not absorb.”
Sympathy actually prevents us from assisting others as we naturally would otherwise assist without being affected ourselves by what is going on.
Sympathy is rife in healthcare and there is a strong expectation that you will play ball with it. Our commonly held belief that illness and disease are random or bad luck helps to sustain sympathy. However this in no way reminds people of how much power they have to heal themselves.
Real natural sponges were living creatures that filtered their surroundings so why would we be a sponge and just hold onto everything we absorb?
Absolutely Steve Matson, it’s the holding on that creates chaos in the body. Sometimes a person can appear as cool as a cucumber but their internal body is racey and a bag of nerves. I witnessed this yesterday when someone was not able to do the simplest of tasks because they had been affected by another’s distress. I have also experienced this myself and know how horrible it feels. We can of course turn off our feeling part and just go on regardless, that’s when it is the most dangerous as we have literally given ourselves over to some other force running us.
The Gentle Breath Meditation is an awesome tool and the fact that you have a tangible result is proof in the living. Offering the best without a personal drain is a wonderful gift to all.
As well as the Gentle Breath Meditation I’ve found being in and present with my body, and feeling what goes on in my body a brilliant way to not absorb energy. It’s because I noticed I was absorbing energy by pretending things weren’t going on when they were in fact going on, like lying to myself about any situation, to not see or feel anothers sadness, anger, separation, resentment jealousy and so on and so on. Being in my body I am choosing to be more aware of what is going on around me, and not pretending or trying to block it out.
Danielle – thanks this is a great insight, one that is divinely offered for me as I ponder more deeply how I am still absorbing energy. ‘By pretending’ – more subtle but I can see it has an in road as an ‘old habit and way of being’ that is slipping past the radar – because it is such a familiar way of dealing or more truthfully not dealing with what I don’t want to feel.
There are so many subtle and sneaky ways of our spirit that can only be pulled up and seen with a surrender to our body and willing to be truthful about what’s going on in there.
Of all Serge Benhayons sayings my most favorite is “To Observe and not Absorb”. In this saying alone there is a way to live, love and to be in this world.
A very powerful and poignant blog Anonymous, thank you.
There is a Health Care mentality that if you care for others you have to give yourself up, that the other person comes first. I was working for a week in a Elderly peoples Home. The carer took great care of the elderly people but did not take time to stop when they are thirsty. Classic example.
Great example Janina. Our quality of care is compromised when we are exhausted so what is the best way to not be exhausted? Is to take care of ourselves first before we are able to truly take care of others. But also to observe and not absorb is also key to not getting exhausted, completely drained or be affected by what is going on around us. No matter where we are we can practice this awareness more and more so it becomes our natural way of being again.
I can think of millions of examples like this one you have given Janina, Health care is rife with poor self care and yet self care is the key to not only their own health but also to their patients.
Beautifully said Shirl and the simplicity of the statement can make us overlook how profound the effects of this one line can be. As you say, this is enough to completely change the way we live. First and foremost, this way of living means to stay with me, to observe what I am feeling and not always be looking outside myself. It means not reacting to what we feel outside ourselves, allowing others to make the choices they have made.
“To Observe and not Absorb” I agree Shirl is a beautiful understanding to live, as it allows us to stay in our heart and hold another there, without judgement or expectation, knowing full well they have the power to deal with anything they are facing, in their own time, in their own way.
So beautifully said rosemaryliebe, being able to hold ourselves in the face of what life can bring, not to react, hold people in love first, not by their behaviours is so important. Reconnecting to the love we are and knowing full well, as you say, that we can observe life and not get caught up in it.
It is definitely a work in progress for me Raegan but when I am able to observe and allow another to make their own choices, knowing full well they are quite capable, and even if they are not their lessons are their own, without absorbing or involving myself, magic often happens in the situation and the relationship in the most unexpected ways.
Yes, teaching this would be a great tool for teenagers to understand and use, ‘Observe not Absorb’ is a great life skill that can be well utilised beyond the school gates
What a great idea Johanne. Teenagers are very aware of the intensity of life but don’t know how to deal with it. They can feel what is not true in the world and the lack of genuine love. But like all of us they can only choose to deal with it by choosing what is currently on offer, all of which is just flavours of untruths. If they knew to look within themselves first, they would develop steadiness, trust and confidence in themselves rather than getting lost in the many reactions and coping mechanisms they have to life.
I can remember the first time I actually consciously stopped taking on other peoples issues and suffering. Working as a nurse I get bombarded with this daily, but the day I put not taking on others problems I left a ten hour shift lighter than when I started, it was incredible.
This is amazing Matthew, well done for putting this into practice and the results are incredible. By choosing to observe and not absorb is absolute key to resolving our epidemic levels of exhausting. Imagine the amazing impact this simple technique can have in our work place, our lives and our relationships if we were all willing to try this out.
Beautifully said Linda… there is clarity in observation because there is no need in us for the world to be a certain way- what we see and feel is what it is, and so we are more support in this way because we don’t come with our own reactions and agenda.
Serge Benhayon’s phrase “To observe and not absorb” is a game changer! Through observing, we see and feel what is going on around us without taking it all on which is totally liberating. It also allows others to take responsibility for their own stuff – we can be there as support but their problems do not become our own.
“I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.” – What you’ve shared here Anonymous is huge – how sympathy doesn’t actually help anyone.. And in fact makes more people ill, adding to the issue rather than helping to heal it. Learning to lovingly observe and have compassion but not absorb another’s emotion is key for all of us.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world ” this is an amazing revelation and also highlights the importance of creating a true marker in our bodies in order to know who we truly are and to develop our ability to observe situations without taking anything on that does not belong to us.
Observe not Absorb supports us with parenting, our relationships, our work, our interaction with the world.
It supports us to be clearer, more caring of ourselves and others and way more understanding in general. It supports us to truly feel the love that we are.
It sure does Kathryn, these 3 little words; Observe not Absorb, are indeed the recipe or the treasure to truly feel the love we are.
We have a responsibility all the time to be connected to our body when we are with people or not. If I have a thought that I need to be a certain way, then I am absorbing that way instead of offering me in full service to the interaction I am there to bring. It is the silly game of playing small. Awareness to why things are the way they are is the game that should be played. To be in awareness is to be connected to what you are doing, enjoying every second of you doing it, and honouring the impulse of how it needs to be done to bring a greater truth to the situation. It is great to reflect to others how life can be observed, and understand it is just people’s choices with lack of awareness as to why they are choosing something that may be harming.
Anonymous your expression about absorbing has taken my understanding of it deeper as I really felt what you meant about attracting and taking in emotions in emotionally charged situations. When I read about how 80% of illness comes through absorbing other people’s stuff, it hit home again just how prevalent is a way of living that falls way short of what self love and love for others truly means. When observing is offered from a place of love, it brings space and understanding to those situations where otherwise emotions usually stagnate and often can escalate.
Reading this Anonymous has me reflecting on some of the situations in life where I have been absorbing others’ emotions and taken on board other people’s problems, and I remembered being totally exhausted when I was eighteen. I found myself without a roof over my head so ended up living with a group of friends who at the time were into smoking marijuana everyday before and after work, and drinking alcohol most nights. In those days I did drink on weekends but only due to my low intolerance to alcohol, and drugs was a no no as I just could not smoke anything. The reason I am writing this is because very quickly after moving in I found that I was totally exhausted – it did not make sense to me at the time. I would sleep, get up sleep on the bus to work, fall asleep at work and then again on the bus going home – always sleeping. It now makes me wonder the effects of being a human sponge and how much we allow our environments and people to affect us.
The analogy of not jumping into the well with your clients is well known to most health care workers and yet most still do it. We find ourselves stuck and exhausted as no different way has been reflected to us. What Serge Benhayon is presenting – to observe and not absorb – offers a very different way of being in our work that makes all the difference. This should be taught in every form of education, in healthcare and social work.
Anonymous your analogy of jumping into the well with them is powerful as it exposes that when we enjoin no true healing is offered. Only when we offer a reflection that is different to where they are at can we truly support.
One of the things I love with the Gentle Breath Meditation is the simplicity. Right now I’m embracing the simplicity of just focusing on the quality in which I close my eyelids. I can lie in bed with just this simple exercise and I feel my whole body respond, letting go, opening up, very exquisite.
Exquisite indeed Matts. And so simple.
This is very true of my own experiences…”As you can imagine, having all these emotions flying about the place and me acting as a sponge absorbing them left me quite confused as to who I truly was. The boundaries of who I was and who was another would become foggy – I would be left feeling out of sorts and agitated. Sometimes I even came away with the symptoms of my patients.”
Before meeting Serge Benhayon I thought it was normal to feel everybody’s emotions and symptoms in my own body. I even thought it was a talent or me being hyper-sensitive. You can imagine how freeing it was to reveal the ill in absorbing all this stuff. And how healthy my body has become since then!
So true Felix… taking on everyone else’s stuff and then trying to fix it all for them is totally draining and exhausting, as well as it being toxic for us. Taking that step back allows another to look at their own issues and take responsibility for them. We can be there for support but only when its truly needed, and by observing we know when that time is. This way of being with others is far more healthy for everyone!
Felixschumacher8 my feeling is that there are more people like you used to be who think that feeling everybody’s emotions and symptoms in their own bodies is normal for them. It would be great if ‘observing instead of absorbing’ would be a common knowing – I imagine there would be more people like you feeling healthier.
I too had no idea how much I was taking on from others but knew the way I was feeling after interactions with certain people was an indication that I was taking energy on. Also to avoid this taking on of others issues my solution was to disconnect from others all together, this caused me to withdraw from people that left me and others feeling isolated.
Christopher I love your honest comment. I can relate to the withdraw from people as a solution to avoid taking their energy on and I remember the feeling of isolation if I did so. This feeling isolated is now my marker to know that I am absorbing instead of observing.
Absorbing instead of observing, and living in reaction used to be normal for me, and the fact is that I didn’t know that I was absorbing, I used to think I was just extremely moody and emotionally unstable and sensitive, and I used to hate myself for that. Just this simple truth that everything is energy and everything we do/say/think affects all around has offered me clarity and a more loving relationship with myself and to be more understanding towards the others.
There is a saying that “nice people get cancer” or sometimes it is said “good people get cancer”. There is a vast difference between being nice and good and being loving. We think we are helping when we are nice and mean well, but it is actually harmful to all concerned and especially our bodies. Love is where the healing is.
I was one of those ‘nice people’ who got cancer Nicola, which of course I recognise now 5 years later. I left myself wide open to take on the emotions from others as I so desperately wanted to connect to people and thought by fixing them/saving them, was how to connect, how wrong was I? At one point with my body loaded to the hilt, my body could not take any more and brought me to a stop by giving me cancer, which gave me the opportunity to let go of this old ill pattern and reconnect with my body and develop a relationship with myself.
Jacqmcfadden, I also used to be very nice which was not nice at all. I also used to have happy moments which is a pretty miserable state of affairs. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and having experienced love and joy I have discovered there is a world of difference. Happy and Nice feel yukky and abusive compared to Joy and Love.
I know nice well! Nice, good and sympathy all go in the one basket – they all do nothing to truly support another and they are like poison festering in our body – not nice at all! I love how Anonymous has given us a real life practical example of how this affects us on a daily basis.
Thank you Anonymous, I can well relate to what you have expressed, I too would take on all the emotions around me trying to help relieve their pain and going into sympathy for them, which I mistakenly thought was showing love. I had very little sense of self as it was all about the other. To live these words ” observe not absorb” is an ongoing experience for me, of coming back to my body and gentle breathing. My nervous system is thanking me for it.
Learning to observe and not absorb is a daily choice. Understanding how to observe not absorb is very much a new way of living for me. I too used to take on many things from many people, this still can happen from time to time, just today in fact. But what i could feel was to not go into beating myself up for how I did get caught up in the messiness and complication that comes from absorbing what is around you. Then dealing with how your body feels, having absorbed everything too, which is pretty yuk. So this time I am choosing to be very loving with myself, back tracking to see how did I end up here, what did I allow before today, so I wasn’t solid when all the energy that was at play could get to me so. I was able to feel that there were many choices in my livingness in the days preceding today, that contributed to how I reacted today. Showing me my level of responsibility each and every day and my choices.
Hi Jill, I can really relate to your comment as this was the same for me. I have found that observing goes hand in hand with understanding and when I am in the understanding there is no longer any absorbing to be done.
Yes indeed kathleenbaldwin, observing does go hand in hand with understanding, so it is our responsibility to observe, and as you say, then we don’t absorb because we aren’t invested in the situation so are left to just be ourselves.
Yes Julie and just to add to what you have said with the understanding we can no longer hold onto the expectations we have of how the situation should be or how the other should respond. In this way we relinquish all control and bring in an acceptance that is so needed for otherwise there is always going to be a judgment and nobody responds well to feeling judged.
When we absorb another’s emotions it overrides what we feel ourselves. It is a bit like taking a hammer to our thumb – we have no memory at that moment how we felt before the hammer. This can be very attractive but the price we pay is very high.
I had not considered it like this before Christoph but it makes perfect sense. We therefore make a choice to not feel what is there for us by choosing to absorb the emotions of another.
Hah Christoph this example is amusing …and painful! Absorbing other people’s emotions to help us override what is going on for ourself, similar to “taking a hammer to our thumb – we have no memory at that moment how we felt before the hammer”.
So we end up on a merry dance of heroically coping with the pain and completing the task despite of the adversity and pat ourself on the back . Yet, if we just paid attention and dealt with what was going on prior to the incident, the hammer would be wielded in the care and harmony that was required – no dramas or casualties required.
I agree a hundred percent Christoph, choosing to absorb instead of observe is the perfect way to avoid responsibility.
In your profession, you have so much suffering and emotions in your face, that having this technique is amazing – obviously every aspect of life has its intensities, and so this applies to everything and everyone – we can get so caught up in life that we get swept away and lose ourselves, and exhaust ourselves trying to work through other peoples stuff.
This is a great blog as absorbing other’s emotions is such a frequent occurrence for many people and the understanding you bring Anonymous through your experiences with the gentle breath meditation and the tools to help connecting to oneself is simple, honest and beautiful to read and is very inspiring.
In your blog you compare yourself with a sponge and this is very accurate as I can relate to feeling like a sponge, it is not only the absorbing part but also when you squeeze a sponge the water comes out. Once in a while I had a day, or days, where I could only cry and I felt squeezed out by everything and everyone, nothing left for me. Those days are over now because I am more self loving with myself and know how to observe and not absorb.
I too can relate to those days Annelies, where the tears just kept on coming…… like you those days are long over as I am so more in tune with my body as I choose to listen to all it has to tell me.
I love to come back to this blog…. as I am still working on not absorbing which I seem to do very easily when I am at work, but I have so much more awareness of this now. So a great reminder just how harmful it is to take on the emotional stuff of others.
Same here JacqMcFadden04. Being more aware of the importance of observing and not absorbing makes life far simpler. It’s quite a staggering difference how I am at work when I observe and how much more productive I am and how the business has a real flow to it no matter what is going on.
It’s amazing how much more clarity we can bring to a situation when we’re just observing and not absorbing and because we’re not ‘in the emotion’ our words have the ability to cut right though the angst and are more likely to be heard.
For me also jacqmcfadden04 – still a work in progress – but the first steps of connecting and holding still and observing have already been hugely illuminating of just how many patterns we run without consciously realising it for most of the day. With this awareness, now things are slowly beginning to change.
Yes, Annie, awareness is like the water in the soup, it is the energetic foundation that frees us to truly choose.
Anonymous, your comment about sympathy hit a chord with me. Sympathy is viewed as a great attribute to have when working in the health industry- a total illusion of course. When in sympathy we are feeding the emotions of a situation and truth cannot be expressed. It is great to feel sympathy for the destructive force that it truly is.
It is so important to not go into the kind of sympathy where you take on others emotions. I have found that it doesn’t really help the other person either because you are both smothered in sadness. We can bring so much more when we stand as ourselves, loving and understanding yet not wallowing in emotional patterns that we have no clue as to the root cause. It feels like true brotherhood to allow another the space to be where they are and to stand next to them offering a loving reflection.
This was something I used to do a lot Amanda go into sympathy with everyone in the past. I did that because I was so empty inside and if I focused on other’s stuff I didn’t have to focus on my own! But now the whole feeling around going into sympathy feels yucky simply because we are absorbing every time we do this, and at the same time, we make the other person less, as if they do not have the answer inside themselves to sort out their own lives. Whatever we create, we always have a choice to choose differently. I choose now to observe and not absorb, which my body loves me for.
I agree Amanda, sitting with another in a pool of sadness, is of no use to either person. As you share true brotherhood is ‘ to allow another the space to be where they are and to stand next to them offering a loving reflection.’
“…All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease…” This is a great statement, as recognising our own reactions to something, is the first great step to stopping this pattern of absorbing others emotions.
Yes I agree johnnebrown17, emotions contribute so greatly to illness and disease, how we react, how long we stay in that reaction, absorbing others emotions, all lead down that pathway.
The day society accepts in full that much of our illness and disease is because of what we absorb that is not truly ours is the day that society is willing to be responsible. Until responsibility is a possibility, seeing the truth of how much we absorb and why is not possible to see.
Well said, Danielle, this is something so dearly needed in our society, for people to actually want to take responsibility for their own health. We know so much about what foods we should or shouldn’t eat and yet type II diabetes is increasing at an alarming rate (which would reduce dramatically if people chose to eat and exercise responsibly). It’s as though we would rather kill ourselves, through avoiding feeling our own bodies and ignoring the truth of what’s really going on, than to stop, understand the truth and have the opportunity to make more loving choices moving forward.
It’s true that we will do anything possible and avoiding everything possible, even if we know it is supportive to us if it means that we don’t have to be responsible. We are actually avoiding responsibility and we don’t care at what expense.
We probably don´t even know how loving we can be with one another before we have not developed a proper level of self-love. Both requires that we know who we are in contrast to being identified by and with all the stuff we have absorbed. To observe and not absorb therefore is key to knowing the difference personally and for humanity. Life as we know it will be very different.
Alex, what I now see from my own experience is that absorbing other people’s stuff was a distraction away from observing my own!
Great insight Kehinde, it can be a distraction and a choice to stay in that level of contraction in not dealing with issues we have buried deep down, or a way of staying with the comfort of familiarity of what we ‘know’ even though it may actually be destroying us.
Thank you Annie. It’s true, staying in the comfort of what we ‘know’ can be a silent destroyer, far better to willingly face the difficult and dark sides of self and discomfort that comes with it, as this brings growth and ultimately healing.
Well said, Kehinde, interesting how we can find all sorts of things to distract us along the way, delaying us from dealing with our own stuff and claiming our glorious selves in full …. I know this pattern well!
Anonymous, I remember when i was first presented with ‘observe not absorb’ by Serge Benhayon. The simplicity and power of the expression was profound. An ahah moment. it made me more aware of myself and my relationships with people. Life became much more simple, I stepped away from trying to fix people, reacting and feeling sorry. In one relationship, I stopped all the sympathetic support I was offering and allowed the person to be with their choices. It set me free, I was not responsible for them, only myself. Great sharing.
That is awesome Kehinde carrying other people’s stuff is so heavy for us and does them no true good what so ever.
Yes so true Samatha, just to add . . other people’s stuff is more poisonous in our body than it is in theirs.
Absolutely Kehinde – I remember that aha moment with Serge Benhayon very well myself. It was like someone just put the light on and enabled me to see the truth of what is going on in and around me. A life changing moment.
I can relate to your sharing kehinde, for me it was this huge load had been taken off my shoulders and could actually feel how much more spacious my body has become the more I have let go of the pictures of what responsibility and caring for another is.
Observing rather than absorbing our own and other people’s emotions brings clarity and neutrality that makes us more able to support others and ourselves. This way we deeply care and love another, feel what is going on for them, without getting entangled in their world. I work in the care sector, and the reason relationships with self and client are so healthy is simply because I apply ‘observe, not absorb.’
Thank you for this blog Anonymous and that book quote you give is most certainly “A new study for Mankind”. I have been practising the Universal Medicine Gentle Breath Meditation when Serge Benhayon presented it to me in 2005. Learning that by me taking in a gentle breath I was giving myself permission in that moment to ONLY breathe my own breath and not take on anything outside of that. This took a lot of practice as my mind was racy as hell and my body was full of poison as I was busy poking myself into other peoples stuff without realising it.
Well that was over a decade ago and now I can say that I actually present this Gentle Breath Meditation to people from all walks of life and YES it does work.
It has helped me beyond words to learn how to Observe and not Absorb. The thing is I now know the difference as my body feels disturbed and I become aware if I have taken on anything so this is a great tool for discerning what is and what is Not Truth if you ask me. Not absorbing means I am not going to get sick because other peoples stuff is simply poison in my body. I really get that now.
Anonymous what you have shared is gold – I would suggest that what you have shared: “I care deeply for all those I meet and now to the best of my ability live by the principle ‘observe and not absorb’” is something all nursing staff should learn from day one as it is the best medicine against burn out and exhaustion and it will reduce the costs thereby incurred.
It is very empowering , to understand that we can choose to not absorb the energy of others and things going on around us. I too used to constantly try and numb myself from feeling the negativity of others or the busy world around me. It is much more pleasant to learn to observe and not take on other people’s stuff or stuff that doesn’t belong to you.
Yes Greg, it is just that: a choice we make in the moment, and in some situations easier than others. As you say why load ourselves with stuff that doesn’t belong to us. We can instead listen, observe and simply connect to their essence, not emotional baggage. From here it’s possible to offer support in whatever way we can.
Indeed Greg – not only is it much more pleasant, it is also much more responsible to learn to observe and not absorb other people’s stuff.
This is super awesome to read Anonymous. what it was like before, and what it is like now – what a difference. Its hard work absorbing others’ emotions and taking everything on as your own.
What I realise I have done so much of in the past and can still do today, is, if someone appears in a ‘bad mood’ or upset or out-of-sorts, I immediately default to thinking I’m somehow responsible. How crazy on so many levels is this? Along with observing comes allowing and understanding. So to indulge in feeling complicit or responsible is also imposing, irresponsible and pretty indulgent as it denies so much true support for the other.
Alas I have known this one too ginadunlop. Certainly crazy and as you say indulgent, a way of keeping small.
Interesting point Gina, I can relate to what you have shared. when we live from a way of considering ourselves less or at fault constantly, then it would be so easy to perceive situations from that biased distorted perception, that we are responsible for anothers situation, or that it is somehow our fault. Coming from a platform of understanding and appreciating who we truly are is a great way live beyond these misperceptions and instead bring a greater awareness to what is truly at play in our lives.
Thanks so much for writing this Anonymous, I work in the health industry myself and am currently feeling where, when and how I take on other peoples ‘stuff’. Quite frankly I do so and make choices for others at the expense of myself and my body and it does make us tired, exhausted and extremely unwell, it really is a poison. What I enjoyed about your sharing was the simplicity of how to deal with such a way of life and make the choices to turn things around — these come from, as you say, our natural ability to discern and read energy and the simple tools we can use to bring ourselves back into our bodies; which is where the reading of energy and the focus to breath comes from.
Beautifully said Katie, I know for me that feeling frustrations around me, taking on other people’s expectations and then layering my own on top of myself, pretty ensured I was frustrated 24/7. This has been something I have looked at and worked on within myself for some time. I agree the gentle breath mediation is something that has been a great tool to learn how to be less reactive and more observational and accepting of people.
I agree Raegan. Sometimes when I feel too engaged and stressed with what’s going on around me and I notice myself starting to take on the issues of others and react to them, then I make a point of focusing back on how I’m breathing and how my body feels in the position I’m standing/sitting in. This helps me return back to me, and makes my feel feel more solid on the ground – no longer getting super caught up in the dramas of ‘out there’.
When we take on the responsibility to try and fix others’ issues, we deny them the chance to resolve their own issues. As so, as rightly mentioned in a previous comment, we, the listener, may not know the root cause, but the individual does. Listening, whilst remaining still, and loving provides a space for someone to discuss and possibly feel what is at the root cause.
‘When we take on the responsibility to try and fix others’ issues, we deny them the chance to resolve their own issues.’ So true – and this is so dishonouring and disempowering of the other person. It’s tantamount to saying “You’re not enough to sort this out”. Breathtakingly arrogant really.
‘Breathtakingly arrogant really.’ Exposing this Lucy is ground breaking, because people generally believe they are helping out. But it is all simply niceness, comfort, keeping people in their stuff, and making ourselves feel better under the guise of being a ‘good’ friend.
Yes, Gina, whilst we may be very well intentioned, it’s very arrogant to feel we can ‘fix’ someone else’s problem, which in truth, is an opportunity for them to learn and evolve. It may also be that it’s a pattern that this person is using to NOT have to deal with their stuff.
Yes Alison, and what I can feel you are sharing here is how we can interfere with someone’s own journey to returning to know who they truly are – that harms them and the well intentioned listener. It makes sense to be self sufficient in dealing with our dilemmas because we walk with ourselves 24/7. Whereas, another cannot be there to always support and fix.
All humans pick up on some level what is really going on with each other – and to not be aware of how much we absorb leads to extreme exhaustion. This blog is very supportive to bring this awareness into people’s lives.
if we choose to not be aware of the energy around us, we are in the situation of absorbing that energy and allowing it to affect us. Hardening our bodies in protection actually has the opposite effect, as we are then less able to feel, and therefore more at risk of those energies harming us, … to add on to the harm we have already inflicted upon ourselves by bracing in that false protection. Developing our innate ability of awareness and clairsentience is the only true way of being able to live freely in this world, unaffected by the sea of energy around us.
Anonymous this is a great blog, I love the way you have become aware of how you were absorbing other people’s emotions, it is something many of us do without even realising it. When we take that emotion on, our body has to deal with that as well as our own stuff, no wonder it was exhausting.
Reading this I had a wake-up moment where I realised that I too used to be a ‘human sponge’ but now, thanks also to the teaching ‘observe and not absorb’ from Universal Medicine, I don’t take on anywhere near as much emotional stuff from others as I used to. I used to think I was helping, and was on a bit of a crusade to save everyone when in truth all I was doing was enjoining them in their misery. I more often now stand as a lighthouse – offering light to show the way but not losing my purpose in the process. Before I was a lifeboat where I would put myself in harm’s way to try to rescue someone.
I can very much relate Lucy, for I too was a human sponge in the past. But now like you, I am choosing to shine my light, I am choosing to trust my heart, to listen to my heart and express from there. This is my way forward.
Anonymous, I can so relate to what you share. Because I love people I have always tried to ‘take away their pain’ by taking on their emotions and issues, and trying to make them ‘happy’. What I have learnt through the teachings of Serge Benhayon is that this is not true love. Trying to save others is not self-loving for me – as you share, it is exhausting! Not allowing a person to deal with their hurts and issues is imposing and therefore not love either. “Observe and not absorb” – true love and true medicine.
When we stay connected to what is true, what is true is then what is offered as a reflection of who we all in essence are.
Yes Carola – if we go into the falsity of sympathy or indulge in absorbing then both parties miss out on the evolution on offer. If at least one party can withhold connection to love and see what is at play from a distance then the space is felt to return to the essence within and not get stuck in the issue or situation. We are so much more than the presumed drama of life.
Anonymous I can so relate to what you have shared. I too used take on the responsibility for what was happening in someone else’s life, sympathise and empathise to the point where I made it part of my life also. What I have come to realise now is that when we do this with the many people in our lives we end up having many people’s lives and emotions running us = exhaustion. I discovered that I was allowing this only because there was something missing in my life. What was missing was my connection to myself, a point of knowing the truth, from where we can be guided to offer true support with what is needed at any point in time. As when we are connected to ourselves we are connected to a Love that is who we all are in essence, and are able to then discern what is not loving within ourselves and from others, allowing a reflection of Love to be our guiding Light. With this we share what is true.
I love the point you make here Carola, that you took this all on as a way to fill up what was missing in your life. When you recognised this and you became more full within yourself it was then that you could be a true support for others.
Observation is a powerful way to detach from other’s emotions and create space for a true reflection of love and understanding.
When we take on others’ emotions, and absorb whatever chaos is going on around us, we lose sight of who we are within and this only leads to more confusion and complication. However, when we remain steady within ourselves we become a solid point of reference for everyone around us – a reminder that they don’t need to react to what is going on either, and as more notice that steadiness, the craziness begins to dissipate. We can have such a profound effect on the world around us when we stay true to ourselves.
“We become a solid point of reference for everyone around us” This is so true Paula we offer a reflection to humanity when we live from our truth.
We currently have a worldwide epidemic of obesity. I read somewhere there are more people sick from obesity than are starving these days. I wonder if a part of the obesity comes from absorbing emotions. I know a lot of obese people are very sensitive and develop extra weight as a protection. Also I note in myself that often if I absorb something or take an energetic hit, it is exhausting and I immediately want to eat. When I started observing more and absorbing less I lost about 20 kg of weight quite easily until I reached my healthy and natural weight.
As you say Nicole, recently reported worldwide obesity statistics are shocking. I often say its not just what we eat that’s the problem, but why we eat. I feel it’s a combination of our own unresolved emotions buried deep inside and rather than deal with or own, we take on other people’s emotions and make them our own. Double trouble, and we reach out for food as crutch and comforter.
Nicola, what you have shared here is really important and is offering to take this discussion to a whole other level, that is huge that there are more people sick from obesity than starving; and that one of the reasons people may be obese is because we are absorbing others emotions rather than observing .. hence as you share .. then reach for food in overwhelm. So if we truly learnt this, to observe rather than absorb potentially this would solve a lot of our health crisis/problems! And it’s free!
Wow Nicola, you have just presented another way in which taking things on affect us on the physical level, imagine what difference it would make to our health and wellbeing to bring this level of understanding to all our education systems and weight loss industry?
Wow Nicola. Spoken by a Woman that has clearly felt the benefits of observing.
Nicola, you wonder if part of the obesity problem we have now is connected to people absorbing emotions. I can say from my own experience that it is. I used to be twice the size that I am now simply from taking on everyone’s emotions. Sadness that was not even my own was dripping off me. Thanks to the teaching of Serge Benhayon I slowly learned to observe rather than take everything into my own body and the weight just fell off me because when I learned to observe people and the world I no longer need to protect myself.
Yes, Nicola, I know for myself, when I am anxious or feeling a little off, I immediately gravitate towards food, not because I’m hungry, but to numb how I’m feeling, despite knowing this doesn’t actually help me at all. Given we are taking on poison when we allow ourselves to absorb other peoples ‘stuff’, it doesn’t come as a great surprise that obesity levels are rapidly rising. Not only are we harming ourselves with poison and the over consumption of food, it’s so much worse knowing that millions of people are starving due to insufficient nutrition.
I can so relate to a life of absorbing and not observing and how poisonous and harmful that is for all concerned and to cap it all we think we are helping and doing good. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who showed me another way and how it is with observation that we truly serve.
It’s the same for me, Nicola, and it is an ongoing process to see through my emotional reactions and let them go. I am deeply thankful for what I learn in the Universal Medicine workshops.
Its very refreshing to see through the fog and feel that what is labeled as doing good is actually doing a lot more harm than we could have imagined.
Here here Nicola – a life of absorption leads to grave illness and disease and I know I was probably heading down that path. I was a sucker for sympathy and without perfect, can see the pattern at play. The more I observe the more I realise that that is where true support lies, for myself and the other person.
I can relate to grant too, of absorbing rather than observing. It was until I met Serge Benyahon that I came to understand how I was living, and why I was tired with so much absorbing in my daily life.
Just lately I have been observing my own work environment and we have certain people who get sick a lot with colds and migraines, and report that they never suffered with these conditions until they started working at my place of work. I myself have only been working there for just under two years and have witnessed 11 people leave out of a team of 10 – that’s quite a turn over in staff. But I have been looking more at why people get sick and eventually leave, and how and what are they absorbing, as in is it the frustration, anger, disregard we have for ourselves and others, gossip, abusive customers and the list goes on.
The points you make about observing and not absorbing are key I feel to the situation I have just described. Thank you Anonymous.
What you mention above Julie is sadly common place for many workplaces, though as you say we can take responsibility now by showing others there is another way and that we do not need to go down and get trapped in the absorption well of heaviness, mental confusion and lack of vitality.
Absolutely Samantha being able to make these changes for ourselves and then share this with others it is really inspiring to be around. I have customers regularly saying, ‘Wow you are always so positive and consistent’… So people can sense that there is something different in how you are living but can’t quite put there finger on it.
Just like a sponge we can absorb what is around us, which makes us heavy, but we can also let go of what we have taken on and feel the lightness of who we naturally are.
It really is simple when we keep it so, in any moment we can stop and communicate ‘is this my stuff, or theirs?’ We hold the wisdom to know the absolute answer immediately and from here there is nothing to justify or further analysing to be done, just a simple renouncing of what does not belong in our bodies or minds and the next movement made to be one ‘with us’ and not outside nor against us.
I can remember I used to get so confused as to what was mine and what was someone else’s stuff! What you say Cherise is so true, it really can be that simple we keep with ourselves and discern the energy for what it truly is.
I agree Cherise, it really is that simple – however it requires a willingness to let go of whatewer is in it for us, to look with honesty at what we actually get from indulging in other peoples stuff. E.g. Does it make us feel more important and worthy?
Love that analogy Matthew. Captures it well.
Great analogy Matt
Well said Matthew. l agree and feel strongly about this truth you have exposed. One way to let go of the ‘sponge’ effect is the realisation of the level of sympathy we may be in with another. l resonated with this part of the blog, “I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.”
A good habit to drop.
That is the beauty as quick as we can absorb, we can as quick let go and feel light. Through our wisdom and knowing we can renounce anything we have absorbed and with that the lightness comes back.
Thank you Anonymous for expressing so clearly the way that you are now making different choices that support you to be the gorgeous woman that you are. It will support so many of us to unravel old patterns and gradually let go of the need to become emotionally attached to other people and to outcomes. As we let go we can feel the amazing difference as it is so much less draining and debilitating to our body. I know I was one that pushed myself so hard feeling I could ‘help’ when not realising that what I was doing was holding back my own evolution and that of the other person – as Michael Benhayon so beautiful expresses in his album Heaven is in your Eyes – ‘Together We Will Evolve’.
Absorbing other peoples stuff certainly is debilitating and extremely harmful. For as long as I can remember Serge using and explaining the words observe and not absorb I have used them as a motivation to do exactly that; with varying degrees of success, a work in progress.
Your blog Anonymous is a gorgeous reminder to keep on observing, thank you.
This blog and what it shares was paramount for me today as I watched and observed the anger and aggression in a couple of people and how they misused their position to take this out on others. I was able to observe the tension that they are always carrying, the food they used to numb this tension and the irresponsible way they spoke to others. Through the stillness I stood in, the way I moved etc reflected a true quality that exposed the false way of being. Observing was key, feeling any hurt honestly was also important but not feeling like I had to take it on or enjoin it was the most important part.
Through observation and detachment we are able to speak the truth of situations as there is not any part of us expecting an outcome.
Very enlightening Johanna. Yesterday, I also, observed the anxiety in my hairdresser and lady in the cafe; their need to please and talk was intense. I felt to join in with banter and conversation, but whilst still being friendly and responding I didn’t join in the anxiety. It was great to observe and honour that I was feeling tired yesterday and felt to be quieter, and did not override this feeling.
Beautiful, Gina, that you did not judge and chose to join in the conversation, whilst still honouring your body and feeling into what supported you, staying with yourself, not leaving to enjoin in the anxiety.
Johanna, this is important, ‘Through observation and detachment we are able to speak the truth of situations as there is not any part of us expecting an outcome’. I’ve learned that being unattached to outcomes and expectations is the one of the values of being an observer. As is speaking truthfully about what is observed, though the recipient may not always be ready to hear it. But even this is OK because the choice is always theirs to make.
‘I’ve learned that being unattached to outcomes and expectations is one of the values of being an observer.’ True Johanna and Kehinde, when we are not involved in any of this we are free to see what is truly going on.
Yes Annelies, and when we’re ‘free to see what is really going on’ we are more present with the person and this supports us to be more understanding.
Gorgeous comment Johanna especially the last line: ‘ Through observation and detachment we are able to speak the truth of situations as there is not any part of us expecting an outcome’.
It is a great point Jacqmcfadden04, as so often we want or expect an outcome that our words are tainted trying to achieve this rather than allowing for things to happen. The more I allow myself to observe life the more understanding and sense I get about what is going on and why things are the way they are.
I love these words too as they are full of such wisdom offering us a supportive foundation for our everyday lives; wise words to remind myself of regularly as I know too well how disappointing it can be when the outcome of an expectation does not go to plan.
Love your sharing Johanna and the importance of living life totally committed but always having a solid foundation in yourself to observe and not absorb the situations of life.
I agree Kristy. I appreciate reading all everyone is expressing on this topic as it deepens the value in which I hold myself in.
What I also love about this is the absolute lack of judgment it brings.
‘Through observation and detachment we are able to speak the truth of situations as there is not any part of us expecting an outcome.’ ….. love this Johanna, thank you. When we’re able to observe and not absorb, we can speak our truth as we have chosen not to take on the emotion and we are not invested in any outcome, rather, just to bring our truth, which in turn is offering clarity.
Great observation Johanna – by not reacting or enjoining a conflict or drama we offer the greatest support and a true reflection for everyone involved.
When we take on other peoples emotions we cannot get to the root cause of the issue because it is not our own. Many daughters take on their mother’s sadness and feel burdened down by this emotion. They are not even aware they have done this and cannot understand why they are so sad and burdened. If they seek support a practitioner may be able to read the circumstances clearly and the woman gets an opportunity to let it go and stop taking responsibility for her mothers choices in life. Many practitioners do not read correctly and try to support the woman to feel what she is sad about and given it is not her sadness this can never be felt and released.
Brilliant marylouisemyers. I can so relate to this in my own circumstances – and understood I took on my mother’s sadness as a toddler. I walked in this sadness for many, many years. How many children walk around carrying on their parents’ sadness on this globe?
Extraordinary really if we consider this one point: many children as well as adults are carrying around a sadness that is not even their own. They then go to counselors or psychologists to deal with their sadness and pay mega amount of money and endless hours trying to get to the bottom of something that they never can because it is not even their sadness. When all along we simply need to see it is not our sadness, to acknowledge this, nominate that is what we have done taken on another’s sadness , see why we did it, learn to observe and not absorb and the sadness releases from our body. This is why the teachings of Serge Benhayon are so needed by humanity as they give simple support to what most people see as complex issues.
Extraordinary revelations you have shared here Marylouisemyers. Thank you.
Gina, I was another who took on this sadness from my mother from a very early age and the weight I carried was very heavy but in retrospect, actually not mine to carry. It wasn’t until she passed away that I could see clearly how carrying her sadness had impacted on my life, but at the time I simply thought that is what you did.
How many of us are caught out with thinking it is simply ‘what you did’. Beautiful sharing Ingrid.
Wow. How powerful are these sharings? I can’t believe how much I heal in reading these comments and blogs. Thank you Mary and Marylouise.
This is such a valid point and something I have experienced .. in taking on other peoples stuff but not being clear about it or fully knowing this and so, as so as you say, not being able to get to the root cause of the issue as it was not mine in the first place! I remember this was something Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine shared and at the time it was like a penny dropping and ‘oh of course that makes sense’. We have so much to learn energetically and Universal Medicine are leading the way in teaching us .. thank goodness for them 💕
I totally agree Vicky – when its not our stuff we have taken on, we have no idea where to start dealing with it, and we get a build up of issues we can’t shift
Globally Humanity are moving around in a sea of emotion constantly absorbing the emotions of others thinking that what is happening is their own stuff – the confusion and avoidance of dealing with this allows for a world where nothing is clear and everything is run from something outside of ourselves. When the understanding of ‘observing and not absorbing’ is known our world will be totally different and the lightness of Humanity as life is lived will be amazing with every person’s awareness increased and each of us taking responsibility for what is our own stuff and letting go of what is not. For those people that understand ‘observing and not absorbing’, it is important to live a life that reflects to others what the truth is and to bring another way living to others.
Such a great point marylouisemyers, that what we feel and take on of other people’s emotions, can create complication and doesn’t allow us to truly feel the root cause of an issue. Thus allowing us to keep the issue as ours, when at times it isn’t ours in the first place. I have felt this within myself many times and have had assistance from practitioners to decouple what I very much thought was mine.
This is a poignant point Mary-Louise. We can spend a lifetime trying to figure out why we might feel a certain way but will never understand or heal it if we are constantly sidetracked by that are not the root cause. This is not widely understood, which is to the great detriment of humanity.
Yes Lucy this is not widely understood and this is why we need to get this wisdom out there, we know absorbing others emotions is a huge universal problem which is contributing hugely to the rise in illness and disease. We have the gold that will bring greater awareness around this issue and it is our responsibility now to bring this in what ever way we can to humanity
Beautifully said Marylouise, ‘When we take on other peoples emotions we cannot get to the root cause of the issue because it is not our own’. And the danger can be when we try to ‘solve’ the problem as if it was our own. Staying out of other people’s stuff makes us more able to support them, if they choose, to explore for themselves what they’re feeling and why.
This is so true, marylouisemyers. So many women are affected in this way, and never realise it is not their own sadness that they are carrying. What a revelation this would be for so many women, to understand that they have taken on the emotions of their mothers and are living them out as if they were their own.
Yes, this is a generational cycle. Just as mothers pass on their heirlooms and treasured recipes to their daughters, so too can they pass on their burdens and emotions – and in time this leads to illness and disease. Illnesses like breast cancer have been found to have a genetic factor in the way they are contracted. However, could mothers be passing more onto their daughters than genes? Could it be that the inheritance of patterns, beliefs, emotions and burdens by daughters from their mothers is in fact the inheritance of illness and disease?
Great point Marylouisemysers, many practitioners and clients do not realise that they have taken on their parents emotions and then live with that in their bodies for many years believing that the sadness is theirs. Like you say it is hard to get to the root of what is causing the sadness unless you look at it from this angle, and I am sure we would have less self worth issues as women if this was common knowledge and talked about openly.
What an excellent, true and yet revolutionary point you make here Mary-Louise. To add to it, not only do many woman take on the sadness of their mother, but their mother took on the sadness of her mother and her mother of her mother and so it goes on. Where does it start and where does it end?! This is where by observing, not absorbing and becoming aware of the harm and the irresponsibility of taking responsibility for things that we cannot be responsible for we can put a stop to such a cycle of abuse and self-abuse.
Awesome point, Mary-Louise, thank you for sharing. It can be very traumatic to take on the sadness of another, particularly when you’re young, as you can’t do anything to stop it and you don’t understand why. In trying to help another, you often lose yourself and before you know it, you’re a chameleon, adapting to the demands of those around you, being what you feel they need you to be for them to cope, at your own expense.
Yes Alison we think we need to help them, but all we are doing is absorbing their emotions and, they do not get to take responsibility for their own stuff because we have taken it into our bodies. So lose, lose situation for both parties
What a great point marylouisemyers, this shows that by taking on anothers emotions is not something small but an un-necessary poison that is held in the body. Im sure that there are emotions that boys take on from their fathers too that can be held onto if not dealt with.
Absolutely Christopher little boys take on emotions from their fathers as well as their mothers. I know a boy who took on his father’s rage and he used to go nuts and smash things every so often. It was not his rage at all he was a very sensitive, gentle boy. I know another boy who absorbed his mothers sadness and would try and do anything for her to make her feel better.
It is always amazing to me the depth to which we can unknowingly deceive ourselves by trying to fix another by taking on what is not ours to resolve.
Yes it suits us to do this because it then gives us a false sense of self worth and then we do not have to do the real work of building this for ourselves. But in the end absorbing others’ stuff ends up illness and disease in our body somewhere down the track whether it be this life or the next
This has to be one of the most deceptively harmful things that we can choose for ourselves, to build ourselves up as one who helps others but in fact only takes on their burdens. As you say, Mary Louise, it is a surefire way to end up with illness in our body.
The convenience of taking on other people’s stuff … ‘Yes it suits us to do this because it then gives us a false sense of self worth and then we do not have to do the real work of building this for ourselves.’ ….. touche, Mary-Louise, you’ve well and truly knocked the nail on the head there.
This understanding of allowing others the space to work through their own evolution and us to work through ours is true freedom.
Naren so true, I have been in that place so many times before, to then be completed exhausted and burnt out. It’s crazy how we allow ourselves to caught into this. What Serge presents to observe and not absorb has supported me so much.
Yes marylouisemyers I agree deeply: “When we take on other people’s emotions we cannot get to the root cause of the issue because it is not our own.” This seems very clear but the thing is most of us are not living like this as you so powerfully mentioned. So my question is – why is this insight not a common knowing?
I can very much relate to this Mary-Louise – been there and done that. My experience was also that practitioners encouraged me to keep digging to find the cause of the heaviness and burdens I was carrying. It was not until I came across Universal Medicine and their profound healing modalities that I was able to understand that the load was not my own, and even then it was an interesting and at times challenging process to let go of what was not mine to carry, because I had identified with it for so long. The imprints of old and ingrained patterns can sometimes be stubbornly resistant to change. What has been important to me in this process has been to consistently remind myself that I have a choice, and this makes me appreciate that every choice I make is what makes up who I am.
This is so important Brendan for reacting to a situation and taking it on denies you the clarity to then feel what is going on and respond accordingly.
In an industry like this, the poison that can be absorbed is immense and deeply harming.. so to have tools to observe another’s stuff and not absorb it on any level is nothing short of a blessing for all involved.
So true Samantha. Learning to stay with you is a godsend.
Yes. The most simple thing in the world and the most powerful thing in the world.
Being still and present when others around are caught up in a chaotic situation is definitely a Godsend and has the ability to bring a sense of equilibrium back to the situation.
Yes Samantha that would be really a blessing for all involved. Imagine the illness rate at such a workplace would be not so high as the staff would care much more for themselves and so less double work as well.
It is much more efficient to look after ourselves and live in our natural rhythm then. Hence it is wise to consider staff wellbeing when implementing workplace efficiencies.
Yes Abby I agree and I am wondering why not “consider staff wellbeing when implementing workplace efficiencies.”
I agree Ester the illness rate of the staff in the health service would be much lower if people would start to observe and not absorb others people issues or problems. This is what needs to be taught really in such industries and that it is possible to be loving and open with people without having to take their issues.
Indeed, Samantha, and the foundation for the practitioner to bring true vitality to their work.
Yes, in order for us to observe, rather than absorb, it’s so important that we are taking very special care of ourselves, building a solid foundation of love, this is what will support us not to take on the angst that may be going on around us. Without this loving foundation, that we create for ourselves, it’s very hard. It also offers a powerful reflection to those around us, that there is another way to be, there is always the choice to let go of the emotion and come back to the body and feel the immense support that lies within.
It would be more than just the health care industry Janina, if we really lived by this it would make a huge difference in every industry and also the world and how we operate as communities- as we would have greater foundations within ourselves to then be able to see through things and call them to account- this would change much and it all starts with how we are with ourselves.
Yes absolutely Samantha, can you imagine if this was actually part of Health Care training – it would transform the way we treat the patients and greatly reduce stress and tension in the workplace.
Not only in health care, but in all walks of life, imagine a corporate office with no drama or dynamics.
So true. Whenever I travel on the train or London tube at rush hour, I am always amazed at the conversations. Such a large percentage of them are complaining or slagging-off or fretting about office dynamics. it’s crazy. And so totally unnecessary. As this brilliant blog perfectly exposes.
I can relate Samantha, it is a deep harm to ourselves to soak up others’ emotions and issues, not to mention doing nothing for the people who are seeking help. Thanks to techniques presented by Universal Medicine, I am beginning to be able to hold steady and truly support another without destroying myself in the process.
Yes Annie. Because it is so much harder to heal other people’s stuff if you have taken it on. Because you can’t recognise the root cause. Often I have caught myself feeling an emotion and then thinking “hang on, where did that come from?” And I realise that it is nothing to do with me – just someone else’s stuff that I have willingly sucked up. It’s game-changing to have this awareness and an amazing tool for life. Thank you Serge Benhayon.
It is deep harm to ourselves to soak up others emotions and issues. The techniques presented by universal Medicine are very supportive, as I have too been able to hold myself steady and support another without getting destroyed.
Well said Annie, Universal Medicine has allowed me to really understand and feel the power and responsibility of reflection not from sympathy to their ills but from a base of love and understanding.
Very true Anonymous, these tools are also so necessary to support us when people refuse to take responsibility for their own health. I work with community nurses, who on a daily basis, are visiting people who ignore everything they are encouraged to do, to self care, to aid their recovery and prevent the same condition from coming back. It’s very challenging for them when you have trained to help people recover from their ailments, you provide help and advice on how the patient can help themselves and they flatly refuse to take any notice. Again, to observe and not absorb is key and also not to judge, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.
I look forward to the day that this teaching is widely known and humanity as a whole start to live with true responsibility.
I often acted as a sponge too and I found I did it mostly to not feel uncomfortable and stand out when others were choosing to go into an emotional drama. It is more comfortable in that it causes less reaction from others when you absorb others emotions and join them yet it is very yucky in your own body to do that! Plus it is like Anonymous said: “this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.”, you can not show another that there is not reason to be in that emotion when you go into it as well.
I can relate to this of watching things and getting affected by everything. It is still such a work in progress for me of learning to observe and not absorb.
Yes I agree Kristy. I’m noticing lately much more at a physical level what happens when I absorb — it really is a case of absorbing another’s poison into my body and it feels hideous! It’s still a work in progress to feel the toxicity but simply observe it and not let it in. Serge Benhayon is a constant inspiration of how when we drop our protection and let ourselves feel everything, we are then the eternal observer.
It is the same for me too, Kristy.
Once I have gone into the emotion of something I find that it is really hard to pull myself out of it. I guess I need to choose to not absorb in the first place!! To observe and not get involved is a personal challenge for me.
Same for me too, Kristy. Not only did I ‘take situations on’ but I also felt I needed to offer help, to suggest ways to ‘fix’ the situation. It wasn’t until hearing the teaching of Universal Medicine that I understood how imposing and disempowering this behaviour is. I can now totally appreciate how important it is for each person to feel the consequences of their situation, learn from it and make their own choices on their way forward. If we try to take this away from them, nothing is learnt and they are being encouraged to rely on others to ‘fix things for them’ which is very unhelpful. That’s not to say we can’t support the person in the process, by listening without absorbing. It’s still a work in progress for me, but I can feel I am in a very different place now than a few years ago.
I agree Kristy, it is very much a work in progress for me also. I am becoming more aware now of heightened emotions and how I feel when someone gets over excited or goes into the drama of a situation, it feels awful and seems to stand out more than ever.
Agreed Kristy, I have found the more I learn to surrender into my body and feel what’s there to be felt allows me to bring observation and understanding into any situation that is presented.
Yes Lieke. There is a perception that to help someone you need to have ‘sympathy’ for them – to feel what they are feeling. I have observed though that ‘sympathy,’ in fact limits the practitioner or ‘helper’s’ ability to offer true support because they cannot see clearly what is going on or what is needed. True support lies in understanding and committing to not judging. Coming to an understanding of how the person arrived at the situation they are in, accepting this and not judging the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ of their decisions then allows a person to offer true support.
It’s awful to be on the receiving end of sympathy, it’s like being smothered in treacle. There is an enormous difference between sympathy and empathy. When people are emotionally distressed, they don’t want to feel the way they are feeling, they want the angst, hurt, pain to stop. When we’re in sympathy we join the other person, helping to keep them stuck. Holding a person in love, listening, observing and speaking the truth when asked, is offering a pull for the other person to choose to let go of their angst, to choose to instead feel the love that they are too.
As you say Katherine committing to not judge is an immense support we can bring to another.
So true Kate
I found it interesting when Serge Benhayon presented the phrase ‘observe and not absorb’, and brought in how damaging the use of sympathy could be. I remember discussing this with someone, who had experienced a family death. The person I spoke with shared that a close relative said she always felt so much worse if anyone expressed sympathy for her and her situation. She was endeavouring to deal with her grief in her own way, and felt others being upset and constantly sympathising with her actually undid all that she was doing for herself, in other words, they were imposing on her and upsetting her further.
Well said Kate, judging is an imposition on another that more often than not results in the person we care about to increase their behaviours more as a reaction to the imposition that is felt.
Great point Lieke and what the other person that is choosing such emotion truly needs is a steady reflection that is free from emotion so they don’t spiral down even further. It serves not ourselves and not the person in the emotion if we go into sympathy with them and feed the emotion.
I agree Alison, it is awful to be on the receiving end of someone’s sympathy. I can remember as a teenager having a very difficult time. When teachers went into sympathy momentarily I liked the care and attention but very quickly I reacted to this as it felt belittling and didn’t really honour how I was feeling, what I needed and what I was capable of. When others go into sympathy for you, you can feel it is more about them and what it brings up for them then it is about you.
‘you can not show another that there is not reason to be in that emotion when you go into it as well.’ Very true Lieke, and this applies to life as such, when we let ourselves be affected by things and thus join in the situation at hand we are swimming in the same waters and have too lost the bigger picture.
It’s one of the first things I ever heard Serge Benhayon say: ‘Observe not absorb’. To embrace and master just that one thing is an epic achievement in itself.
Yes, Dean, given 80% of our illness & disease comes as a result of us absorbing each others ‘stuff’, knowing that this is something we can choose to address within ourselves is huge and it will have an enormous effect on our well being as a society as we learn to master this one thing. Seeing it in these terms shows how powerful and impactful each step in this process actually is. Just to be absorbing less and reflecting more stillness is a gift.
Each time we manage to observe something in life, and not let that be absorbed into our awareness and understanding of life, we are to congratulate ourselves, for it is not a common choice.
to reduce how much we absorb is a huge step forward in personal health and i agree it is also very uncommon – we tend to feed off each other in ‘normal’ everyday life rather then remain in our own integrity and observe and express out our experience of the world rather than take it in from the outside.
Agree 100%. Adhering to these three words “observe not absorb” has made me healthier and more joyful. A better father, friend, husband. More attuned to what others truly need. More efficient at, and enjoying of, my work. Able to see the bigger picture and what is truly at play in situations. I’ve certainly not mastered it. But boy-oh-boy does it make a huge difference.
So true Lieke. If we are all constantly absorbing another’s emotion then how is anyone going to get a reflection of a truer way?
Joshua I so love reading your comments. Simple, clear, and powerful. With much appreciation for all you bring.
Thank you Melinda, that is deeply felt
The truth of rock solid science Joshua. Love it.
I agree Lieke, when everyone is getting involved in something, how do you take that step back and be the only one standing firm. I know I have struggled with this one, wanting to help and knowing that if I get involved then I will be accepted and recognised, but at what cost – and at the end of the day no one learns that there is the possibility of something different.
Yes Rebecca, being able to stand firm when others are not, they are in reaction, completely being unreasonable, or not wanting to see from another perspective, this can be hard to stay the observer and not get absorbed into their way of being, which can tend to be overbearing and imposing. It is a challenge indeed, calling out the energy that is at play can work at times, but when the person is gone ie. that they are just too invested in what they have to say, with very little to take responsibility for what is being said, then it is sometimes best to leave it, the issues, or situation and allow for there to be some space, to be able to come back to being the observer.
Well said – there are times when it is best to step back and remove yourself from the toxic situation.
I can very much relate to this, Lieke. And even though I may not be liking the experience of being in the mud with them, there was something in me that believed that was what was needed and somehow I was offering them support by doing that. I have learnt from observing and receiving sessions from Universal Medicine practitioners true support is nothing like at all.
Yes that is so true Lieke: “. . . you can not show another that there is not reason to be in that emotion when you go into it as well.” So it is good sign to cause a reaction. What we have to do is to change the way to look at these reactions.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” This is a huge statistic and well illustrates the point that emotion is at the root of so much illness.
I agree Rosanna – it is time we take the lid off and take an honest look at what’s cooking.
I know from experience in my own body that to take stuff on affects the sensitive systems within my body. It is clear that if this is allowed to continue the dis-ease will develop until it becomes an acute or critical disease/illness that cannot be ignored. I’d much rather understand that energy has an impact on the physical body and be able to catch the symptoms before they become physically un-ignorable.
That statistic is a huge percentage of absorbing other peoples ‘stuff’. If we all observed and not absorbed the Dr’s waiting rooms and the hospital beds would virtually be empty!!!
The art to observe and not absorb simply requires the humbleness that there is more to this world than meets the eye, that there is a greater plan and and that it is all held together by a deep love that we call God and that everything that happens has a greater purpose and whilst we do not necessarily see the whole picture, if we allow ourselves to feel the love we are held by and act according to it we will be moving forward in sync with it all.
I love and appreciate your comment Judith – you offer expansion and space by reminding us all that there IS a bigger picture and that we ARE a part of it, always. Sympathy reduces us to the human experience and isolates us from this almighty expanse by making it about the issue and not the choices that lead up to it.
Yes Rachael, there is always choice before outcome and this is how it is for all of Humanity. Understanding this frees us all from absorbing what is not ours, but also asks that we live in awareness that the choices we make will have an energetic outcome which affects ourselves and others.
It is an art to observe and not absorb, and art that can be deepened over many years, but can also be learned in an instant.
Absolutely Heather, I agree, the instant we stay consciously present with all we do, leaves no space for our awareness to get caught up in absorbing. That said it still takes dedication with true energetic responsibility to stay reconnected to our inner-most, which is a simple choice!
I agree Heather, observation is a skill that we can develop over time, as throughout life we experience hundreds of different situations and talk to thousands of people – all which has the potential to teach us a lesson about how to observe and not absorb whatever is going on. But as you share observing can also be learned instantaneously when we accept our worth and realise that no issue or problem should ever be absorbed as it could damage our bodies.
I agree Heather, it can be learnt in an instant, considering it is our natural way to be.
Hi Heather yes the true beauty of observation is that we can develop it over time absolutely and yet the true art of observation is the expansion of learning and the infinite space we feel in these moments. Connecting to who we are holds the key to observing in all facets of life.
I didn’t truly conciously know about observing instead of absorbing until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It is a godsend to know this and something everyone should know as it is an integral part of our health and well-being. If we take on other people stuff that is one of the things that creates illness and dis-ease.
Our ability to observe and feel without absorbing has always been with us. It is like riding a bicycle, we have just forgotten the joy it brings with it.
Agreed Heather, The art to observe and not absorb can be learnt in an instant by accepting the love that we are and the responsibility of this reflection to others.
This is music to my eyes Judith, thankyou.
Beautiful comment Judith and an awesome addition to this equally beautiful blog with such an important insight.
This is very beautifully expressed Judith. Remembering the bigger picture is so freeing and the art of observing and not ansorbing is the foundation to maintain connection with it.
I love what you have written here Judith, it is a great reminder to look at the bigger picture and know that there is a plan.
Beautifully expressed, Judith, I especially love your use of the word ‘humbleness’ required in the art of observing, that is exactly what is needed. When we are humble and allow what is meant to happen to do so in the way that accords with the greater plan, then we ourselves will be ‘in sync with it all.’ By observing what is going on for others, and not interfering, trying to resolve other people’s issues, and not absorbing their emotions, we can stand back and maybe see where we may best be able to care for the other person.
Yes, Beverly and surely the best care we can offer someone is to observe and allow another to do what ever they need to do without interfering or doing anything for them.
‘if we allow ourselves to feel the love we are held by’ this is such a simple statement yet feels profound – mostly we live our lives in complete unawareness of who we are and what we are part of. Allowing ourselves to feel who we are makes a huge difference to how we live.
Beautiful Judith.
So true Judith when we realise the truth that there is more to this world than meets the eye, it becomes easier to observe and not absorb, as without observation we cannot know the bigger picture.
“I was literally a human sponge for any emotion that was flying around;…”
Yes, I know this very well, Anonymous, this trying to please everyone so much so that at times I completely lost the sense of what I felt and needed in that moment.
Great point Judith. We act in senseless ways when we have lost the sense of who we are.
As you so well express, Anonymous, sympathy does not help anyone. Once one joins the person in their pain and suffering through sympathy one becomes a fellow sufferer rather than a ‘ladder’ by which they can climb out of their ‘pit’ of despair if they so wish.
Anonymous, its great to come back to this blog, I have recently experienced volatile situations where there were emotions and dramas constantly, but i did not react i simply stayed steady and knew it was not them and that in truth these people were simply hurt and not being themselves. I was able to handle these situations and the only reason is that I did not react – I stayed with me, stayed calm and still, and this defused those situations; there are no dramas now – amazing, in the past I would have walked straight out – and so missed out on getting to know the true amazingness of the people involved.
What an amazing reflection you are offering this couple Rebecca – and also everyone else. It’s beautiful how when we change our behaviour in one relationship this impacts on all other relationships. The wealth to be found in making these changes is immeasurable.
To not absorb energy is like learning a new language for me, as if I had studied to absorb energy for lifetimes. When I came to Universal Medicine relearning to just observe energy was one of the keys that changed my life upside down.
I love how you aliken learning to observe energy as learning a new language, something that is natural yet takes practice. As you say I also get that feeling I’ve learned to absorb energy for lifetimes as well!
Oh yeah Felix – pretty sure I’ve got a PhD in absorbing energy, and that study needed a lot of force and pushing as the movement of absorbing is against the nature of who we are. Observation is our mother tongue, the language we all know but have forgotten and it is so fantastic to be re-learning and re-discovering to speak it again.
Very interesting Sam, especially your description of what happens when you absorb what is going on around you. By definition you are no longer able to just be yourself, so who are you? And can you really offer a different perspective (and some healing) if we are simply becoming the person in front of us!
That is a great point you are making Simon, the moment we lose ourselves, we start pulling on straws as we do not have any connection to truth to offer.
‘I learnt about energy and how to discern it’ – on the one hand this would have sounded strange to me years ago… learning about energy. Yet the more I have learnt, the more things make sense to me. Even sitting round a board room, you can feel the different energies at play as people look to dominate, coerce, negotiate etc…. different energies playing out and when I take a moment to see them, the meetings make so much more sense!
Wouldn’t that make a difference to businesses if they knew about the energetic aspect of Boardroom Dynamics?
Making the shift from having to be ‘in’ everything with everybody and thinking this is how to care, to being able to be absolutely present and caring without ‘getting in’, is huge. I am returning to work in hospitals after 20 years and know that my new foundation is my choice between the above two approaches. Thank you, Anonymous, for this super timely article.
Totally agree Anonymous learning to observe and not absorb is key to shifting from being someone who is in constant reaction to life, to being someone who through being observant and aware can offer and show another way. It is a constant learning to live this, but to know this and to have the many supportive tools that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have offered provides such a support to always be able to come back to you and to not take on and live the worries of the world. Now that is medicine we can all universally apply.
There is no sense in being a sponge, you carry weight that isn’t you, it slows you down and you leave a mess of drips from over saturation. 😉
Ha! Well said Luke and thank you for bringing your playfulness into this subject. The constant clean up of the mess that isn’t even ours in the first place makes for a very confusing life, when the healing of our own hurts or issues are clouded by those of another… Like Anonymous discovered.. ‘The boundaries of who I was and who was another would become foggy…’ And who wants the extra weight anyway?!
Yes, when the boundaries become foggy we are in a pickle because the place to start isn’t even clear let alone the plan.
To observe and not absorb is to choose to remain constant rather than to enter into a state of flux.
I like this, it’s true through our ability to observe and not absorb we stay steady and much more able to reflect the truth of any situation.
To observe and not absorb. To choose to stay with the ‘what is’ rather than to take on the ‘what is not’.
I had never considered it like that before Alexis but I can feel the supportive truth in what you write. I have sometimes asked myself where I let in or where do I absorb that which is around me rather than simply observing. This is a great way to reflect on what we do in this regard.
We are all naturally delicate like a sponge, yet we carry on and throw ourselves around in the world like we are carved from the hardest stone. In this pretend hardness we forget to see that there is an ever-present conversation, a constant communication of energy that goes on in every moment and thing we do. So as you say Anonymous, no wonder we get affected and soak up things that are not true. When we constantly pursue the picture we have of strength we miss our true beauty that lives inside all along.
So true Joseph, energy is constantly passing through us, so it is a matter of choosing to know this fact and to learn how to deal with it accordingly or not.
Beautiful Joseph, it’s no surprise we can not see the wood from the trees when we are not honest enough to admit who we are, where we are and how we feel. The honesty needs to begin with ourselves, then we will be able to discern everything else too.
To care for another, we first and foremost need to have love and care for ourselves which is part of the foundation in which we live day to day, otherwise we will always be absorbing and picking up emotions and energy that surrounds us. This is why Universal Medicine shares the importance of self-care.
Great blog, thank you Anonymous. You have reminded me of my once too 24/7 sponge-like ways. Without the tool or tools that allowed for an experience of feeling without being all consumed by it, I would have had no reference point of knowing any other way. I agree Gentle Breath Meditation is one such tool, a tool that takes me direct to the place of observation, and from there I can walk with that reference point anywhere.
Yes Giselle, it is so detrimental that we do not learn from young how to deal with the fact that energy is passing through us all of the time, and that we can have a choice and a say in what quality of energy we choose to allow in or not.
Beautifully said Giselle – I agree. Our greatest point of reference is our connection to ourselves from where we know what is true and what is not anytime, anywhere.
Anonymous, your experience is one that would change many carers lives by reading how you re-discovered observation as a tool for life. Not even carers alone, but everyone, like supermarket checkout workers! Observation is a tool that allows us to see and feel more then meets the eye, it communicates the other worldliness we are all from. In other words, by observing life we are able to understand the fact of energy and that we are vessels run by energy. The more we see that, the more we can appreciate the essence of another and not react or take on the behaviour. With less reaction in life there is space for so much more truth and harmony.
So true Rachael, and the more we know “…that we are vessels run by energy.” the more we have a choice to what energy we choose to run us.
‘Observation is a tool that allows us to see and feel more than meets the eye, it communicates the other worldliness we are all from.’- greatly said Rachael. These words of wisdom offer us the opportunity to explore the truth that who we all are in essence is far greater that any emotion that is available to us in this world.
Sympathy is such a trap – sure, it can look like genuine care, but underneath that front is pity regarding the other as less or being hard done by. This really doesn’t help anyone, as it is saying that ‘you don’t deserve what has happened to you and how can you be so unlucky’, which totally negates any form of responsibility or accountability for how that person has chosen to live. True care is supportive, truthful and stands strong so the other can see that what they may have been living is not a true way for human beings to be.
Well said Rachael. Most of us are brought up being given the impression that to sympathise is a good and noble thing to do : that you are helping people and being kind.
Going deeper we can see how harmful it can be and indeed is: letting everyone off the hook so to speak and not allowing us to be accountable or responsible and thus not allowing us space to evolve.
Great point Elaine, it is also deeply disempowering to sympathise and take on the problems of another as if we are qualified to deal with it when we are not the ones who created them. We are better off to remain detached and provide the space to support and empower them to come to their own understanding and healing.
Yes Elaine – it seems rather absurd when you put it like that! That what we’ve been told is ‘good’ and ‘caring’ is actually anti-evolutionary for all involved. Just shows how far away from true care and love humanity is when we settle for something false and harmful like sympathy to be it.
It always comes back to the simplicity of the gentle breath meditation to bring us back to us and reflect to all that we meet.
We can bring true understanding and care to someone when we observe and not absorb. It allows someone to be truly met without many words, just holding a space of non-judgement that where they are at is totally ok and not wrong.
“I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.” This is such a great illustration of how taking on the issues of others and trying to fix does not support true healing.
One of the key points about observing versus sympathising and absorbing is self responsibility. With humanity the way it is with its many issues, disease and illness rates etc, it seems that taking responsibility for ourselves has never been so vitally important. I can see that sympathising, rescuing, imposing and absorbing simply gets in the way of us each feeling fully where we are and taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices.
I find myself taking on other people’s issues, often in subtle ways. I often encourage others to come back to their breath, but this is such a great reminder for me to just observe and not try to fix… Just observe any needs/reactions in me and allow another to be where they are at.
Often, many see sympathy as a ‘good thing’, but have we really stopped to look at what it means. I define it as ‘feeling sorry’ for another, which means i see them as less, not capable and so forth. That is not truly supporting another by making them less. We are all equal as human beings, yes we have different life circumstances, and have made different choices but that does not make another less than us… true support is supporting another to know that.
The gentle breath meditation is a simple tool, in that it supports us to reconnect back to us, the profoundness and simplicity of this is that as we start living more and more from that connection, we naturally begin to absorb less of life and begin to feel more supported in ourselves to care for us and others in a way that does not require martyrdom and sympathy.
Anonymous this is an important subject, where many of us live absorbing life to the point where it can be very crippling and were not even aware of it, thinking that its all our stuff and has nothing to do with what we take on….another factor is when we take on another’s stuff, then they are not made responsible for their choices and do not have the opportunity to grow. Sympathy is a big one in this industry and it nearly killed me – my physical health.
Like you gentle breath has been an extraordinary bridge for me, such a simple technique to return to who i am, connection to me and from there be able to discern the quality of energy I go into and truly care and give my all without exhausting myself in the process…
When I was reading your comment Karoline, it brought home that when we take on other people’s problems the world can be overwhelming in how much there is to do, how complicated it is, the sheer enormity of the problems that can be presented to us. Of course if we stay with ourselves then it stays terrible simple… just one gentle breath at a time, one moment to be love and then another.
Anonymous thank you for writing this, I can really relate. “….reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!).” Absorbing others emotions by becoming involved in issues is quite common, I’m sure it’s a big part of carer burnout across many professions. The point you make about observing meaning you can still care and bring your love is profound because I’m sure that many people don’t know a way to be in a caring profession but remain unaffected by what they are dealing with. What you are really describing is true care, care that encompasses everyone (including the carer) equally.
‘As you can imagine, having all these emotions flying about the place and me acting as a sponge absorbing them left me quite confused as to who I truly was’ – this statement holds a snapshot of the truth about where humanity is. We are run by what is happening around us most of the time, people are exhausted and always running to keep up or seeking answers and solutions. Whilst these are the choices we make we will never know who we truly are and the beautiful stillness we have access to the moment we choose to look inward and living our lives from there. It is empowering to know we can choose to change this at any time and awareness and observation is a great place to start. Thanks Anonymous – a great blog offering further reflection on the lives we are choosing to live.
Learning how energy works should be a given to every man that walks the earth. Serge Benhayon selflessly offers wisdom this is rightfully all of ours to share.
I felt exhausted just reading the way in which you worked and lived your day. It’s nothing short of evolutionary when we re-learn how energy works. To think that we continually have energy moving threw us at all times, in a world that is made of energy and still chose not to know it’s movements, seems crazy now I choose another way.
I know the two energies are there all of the time and we are choosing one or the other constantly. Whilst I know which one I would like to live with and by, I am often shocked by the infiltration of the other, which is only made possible by my lack of presence in a moment.
Me too Matilda, the more aware we become the more we see how much we are infiltrated by the other, and without a doubt it’s shocking.
Yes, I totally relate to your description of absorbing the emotions of others Anonymous. I didn’t realise how much I did this until I started attending Universal Medicine and heard Serge Benhayon speak about emotions and how draining they are on us all. Like you, it’s taking time and effort to change these patterns but I know that I have shed a lot of my old ways and am now practicing a way of Living whereby I can more readily discern what’s mine to look at and what belongs to another. The weight off my body and mind is enormous.
When reading what you shared Anonymous I wondered ‘doesn’t someone’s training automatically include how to be with clients and patients without identifying and taking on all the worries?’ If not there certainly seems to be space for developing an awareness of this. Supporting ourselves when caring for others is essential, otherwise it’s the exhausted and un-well, caring and offering more of the same to the exhausted and un-well. True support and healing originates from love and care.
A human sponge is a very apt word for the way we learn to sympathise and take on or be part of other people’s problems. It is very obvious that this can’t be very healthy for us considering that these soaked up emotions don’t simply dissolve once they are absorbed but run havoc in our own bodies.
I used to link it was loving to en-join another and sympathise. Surely a burden shared is one that is easier to carry? I can now feel how wrong that is. The heavy load is chosen and even if you step in and offer a hand, it’s likely they will choose more to add to the load. I realise now I don’t need to loose myself and that me holding myself is a far better support. People may want sympathy but sympathy has never got anyone out of anything – in fact it only creates more of that same and says that’s ok, poor you. But what is needed is a reflection of responsibility and love – to claim that we are responsible for our choices.
Brilliant Anonymous, this is a great example of how easily we can be washed about in a sea of emotions and the breath is a great marker of this. I totally agree that by connecting to the stillness and strength in our own breathe then we are far less likely to allow the dramas and emotions around us to alter our natural rhythm.
The simplicity and the power of this simple sentence: observe and not absorb is mind blowing. I found it very difficult to be in a world with so much to feel and so much going on for everybody and at times I hated my sensitivity. When I stopped absorbing other people emotions it felt like I could breath again.
Joining someone in their chosen anguish or pain only confirms them in it. Reflecting something different offers them another choice.
The futility and lack of care involved when we jump in to someone’s pain is obvious and often the reactive pendulum swing from this is cold detachment. What Anonymous has shared is real empathy and support that can only come from our taking responsibility for ourselves and then being really open to others (without any absorption) so all that is needed can be provided without enmeshment and consequent exhaustion for the carer.
Being sympathetic in the health system is championed as being something good and I have observed how easy it is to enjoin others in this sympathetic reaction. I have always felt how we are absorbing emotions when we are in sympathy and how unhelpful this is to either myself or my patients. The quality of the care and connection with my patients is amazing when I observe rather than absorb what is going on for them.
Serge Benhayon’s presentations are brilliant for learning things not as a dictation but for discovering it for yourself. I recall in one of the first workshops I went to a friend role played ‘giving me love’ which felt nice at the time, made me feel like a child being cradled. Then she role played by appreciating her own breath and the love within her, then simply being with me in equalness. I was no longer a child, but an empowered equal adult, inspired by someone who had taken the time to connect to their own amazingness to also connect to my amazingness. WOW! That was a real eye-opener to the difference between gushy loving gestures which encourage others to act as needy children, and the responsibility of making sure we live our fullest and meet others as equals, so that they are inspired to also live the same.
Observing and not absorbing is a total game changer. Not taking on other people’s stuff has been life transforming, especially in the field of healthcare and for someone like me who felt the same as you Anonymous.
Agreed Matthew… it would be lovely to hear other staff that Sam works with and their observations of the difference in Sam as she has developed her way of living. Do they know or can they see just how simple it is?
Observing and not absorbing is a great marker. There have been times where it hasn’t been so clear to me that i have slipped into absorbing a situation and have headed off full flight into a drama or a reaction. So my marker is now if I am not able to maintain the role of the observer I have something to reflect and work on. Rather than the observer meaning that I am distant it merely means I can be fully present with the energy at play at the time and be able to do what is needed.
Reading your blog has given me a lovely opportunity to stop, reflect and appreciate “the energetic changes in myself” and how much richer and fuller I feel every day.
I completely relate to what is presented – absorbing life rather than observing it wreaks havoc in the body and is a huge strain both physically and energetically. It quickly becomes difficult to feel ourselves when we are adrift in a broth of poisons interspersed with poisons, such is the effect on us of swallowing whole the chaos of others.
Beautiful and powerful imagery of the damage that is done and the clarity that eludes us in the chaos caused by such a choice.
Very inspiring blog Anonymous and a great reminder of how truly powerful we can be when we choose to live by the principle to simply ‘observe and not absorb’.
Ah, the old “human sponge” – I know that one well too Anonymous! It was not until I came across Universal Medicine that I became aware just how much I was taking on everything that went on around me.
Its a very simple but profound statement …”Observe not absorb” I am very pleased I know that now, but it is essential to know that as we enter the “helping professions” We could save ourselves a whole lot of unnecessary unwellness.
It is also essential in the counselling profession where therapists can burn out or take on eating disorders to numb the exhaustion.
I agree Jennifer. Taking to heart to observe instead to absorb provides us with a totally different energy level
Anonymous I relate so much to your sharing as for many years I was trying to save or fix other people’s issues thinking it was a great deed to make even when my body was close to full burnout, thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for showing me the way to snap out of that illusion and claim back my love and responsibility for myself and to know that is the best medicine and support I can give to others. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing the profound effect the Gentle Breath Meditation has had on your life Anonymous. I feel inspired to try the Gentle Breath Meditation again myself as I have always resisted it or found it difficult.
Absolutely Leonne, I feel the start of true movement in the body starts with the way we breathe!
Ha! Love your honesty Leonne – I too have struggled with the Gentle Breath Meditation, or should I say sitting still and being with myself for 10 minutes is the struggle. For me the Gentle Breath Meditation brings to light how I am with myself – for instance, I can be very forceful with making by breath gentle and hard on myself when it is not thus easily giving up if my breath is not how I want it to be. And that way at large is how I can be with many things in my life, forceful, controlling and trying to fit an image of what I want. The Gentle Breath Meditation offers a chance to re-imprint that behaviour with space to appreciate and honour what is already there, my rhythm and that perfection is not the aim of the game.
To observe in any given situation allows for a deeper awareness and expansion of how we see the world. If we remain connected to ourselves in pressing situations we offer all a valuable reflection to take responsibility for their choices. This is a very powerful gift for all.
Taking on the problems of others and in particular their emotions was something that I experienced in quite a strong way. What I found particularly devastating in doing this was how I would have feelings of sadness and grief in my body that I had no handle of, it was inexplicable to me until I came to understand that we can never have a handle on emotions that are not our own. In this way absorbing the emotions of others is something I found to be deeply harming and of no use to anyone. I chose to never again be in sympathy as it serves no-one and does nothing to heal the harm that is there.
Agree Anonymous, thank goodness you made a stop as the quality and quantity of work you are now able to so tirelessly do would not be possible. You are a great role model for all women and drop dead gorgeous.
When I ran groups for elderly carers who cared for their partners with dementia. I introduced them to the Gentle Breath Meditation and the principle ‘observe not absorb’. I explained why absorbing was so harmful and how they could learn to observe. Years later I talked to some of them and they told me it revolutionized their lives. Some of these men and women were 80 plus years old. This connection with themselves before they passed over will change the course of their next life. Shows it is never to late to offer another way.
This is super inspiring, marylouisemyers, thank you for sharing. ‘Never too late’ reminds me that wherever and whenever we are in life we have the choice to transform patterns of behaviour with far reaching effects.
I agree Matilda, there is a saying that many elder people use ” you cannot teach an old dog new tricks”. It is absolute nonsense and a cop out, as we all have the ability to learn and change at any age.
We sympathise with another because we sympathise with our selves. We let ourselves get away with certain ways of being which we know are harmful and we do not pull ourselves up thus we do not pull another up, instead go into sympathy and feel sorry for them as it makes us feel better about ourselves. Sympathy causes illness and disease.
Wow Mary-Louise I love your way of expressing the raw truth, you literally dissolve the elephant in the room. I deeply respect your ability to present the truth based on your dedication to and understanding of self responsibility.
Great expansion here Mary-Lousie – I hadn’t put those together before but it makes total sense. So, when we sympathise with another we are saying it’s ok to not be accountable for their actions, but we wouldn’t be doing that if we ourselves did not want to be excused from responsibility in the first place. Love this! It all always comes back to us and how we are with ourselves and our relationship with evolution.
spot on Rachel
This is so true Mary-Louise, I have wanted sympathy from another for exactly the reason you say, not wanting to feel how in fact my behaviour has been harmful and not having to deal with the real issue at hand because I may feel a ‘bit better’ after the sympathy. The energy of sympathy is truly not very nice at all and no love comes from it.
What I see in, and how I behave around, others is always a point of reflection for me, and in that moment I simply have the choice to accept what I am being shown or do a masterful cover up (further embedding the ‘problem’).
When I think of sympathy, I think of the good Samaritan. My immediate thought is that its not a bad thing, yet emotionally its going to be just as toxic as stress, anger, fear…. and I would add an unusual one in there – being nice. Nice feels pretty well related, glossing over what is really going on to keep the peace, and thereby allowing that status quo to continue uninterrupted, furthering the damage its creating.
So true Mary-Louise. Sympathy causes illness and disease, and all because it is easier to sympathise than to be honest with ourselves and the other person. There is something about sympathy that makes us feel better about ourselves…..could it be an arrogance that we are not in the same situation as the person we are feeling sorry for?
The absorption of other peoples stuff and emotions often was a way of not having to deal with my own stuff. When I choose to be present I am firstly aware of what is going on for me and in my body, and this also makes it easier to feel what is not mine and what I therefore can let go of. Presence is key if you want to swim in the sea without getting wet.
Thank you Anonymous, compulsory reading. As a mother and a health worker it amazes me how I can get sucked in before I know it and my breath has been the tell tale sign. Incredibly valuable tool. Huge thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Sympathising with another only cements them in what they are stuck in, and basically gives them the go ahead to continue in their emotional roller coaster. I am sure many of us have experienced this when a relationship splits up and our friends give us lots of attention. But that can keep us stuck in emotion and justify a choice to not take responsibility for our part in it all.
Anonymous, you make the old saying of ‘being a fish in the sea without getting wet’ vivid, real and pragmatic. There is an energetic science to life we all ought to learn and Serge Benhayon being an outstanding teacher in this faculty.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world…” just considering for a moment the implications that come with the possibility here presented – humanity is drowning in disease and illness, the health systems are collapsing and 80% of all illness and disease are simply the consequence of us not knowing that by reacting to and sympathizing with other people´s behaviours and emotions makes us sick. It doesn´t take much to inform people, teach them how to handle emotions, reduce reactions, expose the confusion we have with sympathy. It is not cost-intensive, complicated, tedious and would not take years of training and research – it is simple. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine do exactly this – presenting the simplicity of living life instead of being lived by life.
‘Observing not absorbing’ is such a wise teaching that when applied can make an inordinate difference to our lives. When I absorb situations around me, personalise everything and take on others emotions I feel like a train wreck. When I am able to observe myself and others I feel so steady and strong and can deal with situations easily.
Yes Rachel I completely agree. When we absorb our bodies become like a thirsty sponge that doesn’t know how to stop draining us and making us feel yucky. When we observe we are held steady and have a greater clarity of all situations at hand.
Simply and beautiful expressed, Rachel, thank you.
You depict the term ‘absorbing energy’ with very real everyday examples everyone will be able to relate to as we all experience this phenomenon. By clearly stating that everything is energy and presenting the science of energy Serge Benhayon has made something that appeared to be abstract a very tangible thing we have a say in. Tools like the Gentle Breath Meditation are essential to regain ‘control’ over something we often feel controlled by and Universal Medicine is definitely a forerunner of showing the way how to deal with the world of energy with live in.
I have been a human sponge for a very long time and I was completely identified with it. It gave me a lot of recognition as people saw me as this highly sensitive and sympathetic person and I actually liked that role. Looking back now I can see that this has nothing to do with being sensitive but that I was just absorbing everything around me and with that, I was not in my body nor connected with my body. Yes, I am a sensitive person and I can feel energy, but we all do. There is nothing special about it. The key is, like you share, to observe and to not absorb
Anonymous a truly inspiring sharing and one that is so important for us all to learn and remember, as I can see that I still do get caught in absorbing especially where family are concerned. I recognise this fairly quickly when I do it, and can pull myself back by connecting back to myself through the breath or not allowing the thoughts in.
A great observation it is Roslyn 🙂 once the marker has been set within my body of what it feels to be with me, it becomes easier to notice when that has been disturbed/I have left it, and once noted can return to.
Anonymous what a great blog and I love the “Human Sponge” effect you talk about. I can relate as I thought if I become like the person I am with, then that will help them. But if we are all unique expressions of the one whole then me becoming like another means everyone misses out on me. That’s the sad thing. Plus the fact that if someone is sick you would never choose to be sick, yet that’s what I did by absorbing, great to reflect on and inspiring to see a new way forward in healthcare.
Having majored at being a human sponge for most of my life and recognising how much it depleted me, it does not surprise me that absorbing other people’s issues is responsible for 80% of illness and disease. This is huge and learning to observe and not absorb is crucial in addressing our worldwide health crisis. Thank you for sharing your personal journey with this Anonymous and the benefits of the Gentle Breath Meditation – amazing how breathing gently allows us to detach from the emotion of any situation and thus be fully present and so much more able to do what is required without investment in the outcome.
Anonymous, i had not realised this, “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison”, thank you for sharing this quote by Serge Benhayon, i have witnessed in my family how if someone is sick and someone else in the family feels really sorry for them and wants to take the pain away and gets very caught up in the other persons illness then they too start to get sick so this quote makes sense to me.
Anonymous what you describe here is the key to a super caring, healthy and productive (working) life. This simple teaching and the tools offered by Universal Medicine as a way to be in our day to day, are invaluable to any employee – and employer! It is absolute gold that you share here.
Yes Rosanna, i love “….a way to be in our day to day, are invaluable to any employee – and employer” and all of life, such as a friend, family member and so forth.
I can so identify with your absorbing approach to caring, I thought that was how caring worked – I was just following the example of my parents, their parents and so many adults around me. It was as though ‘she has worn herself out caring for others’ was a compliment.
Thanks to Universal Medicine I can now totally understand that the first rule of offering any support is to first make sure that I am standing on firm ground. Interestingly on a recent first aid course, when we were asked how we would deal with a variety of situations the tutor always came back to first assess your own safety
Great point about the first aid course – it is the same on the airplane where we are always told to put the oxygen mask on our own face before attending to any children.
A great sharing, thank you Anonymous. It is awesome to have tools that support staying with that sense of yourself. This is definitely self care.
I agree Johanne, learning energy is a new marker for what true self-care is.
Anonymous, this is a very real and truthful blog and comes with so much understanding – deeply felt on reading. “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind. This says it all.
Top blog Anonymous, true wisdom through experience expressed.
here, here Kevin, ‘…true wisdom through experience expressed’
There is a saying that we should all live like a fish but don’t get wet, that sums up all you have said Anonymous. When we do. it helps keep us out of the 80% group. But the auto control switch is always there to turn on the pumps in a moment of distraction. At times it is like driving at night without headlights, with only the light of the full moon, on a gravel mountain road with no railings… when we are present and with ourselves we know what is driving us.
A great testimony of our true purpose in life to reflect the grandness we truly are. The power of reflection is endless and we support by being our true self and reflecting this and not by jumping into the puddle and getting involved. The need to do something for others, save them or get them out of difficult situations is a very strongly held belief that actually does the opposite. True equality is lived by holding each other in our grandness, knowing that it is a choice, always.
It’s so common to think that we can save someone by trying to help them. But the truth is we do not help – we simply lose ourselves in other people’s problems and then we are no help at all. Far better to focus on our own health and healing in order to bring a solid reflection of love. This is no less caring, in fact it is more so…
So true Rebecca – how can we care for another when care is something foreign to ourselves and own lived experience? What ever we deliver or offer humanity must first be lived and embodied with ourselves, so it has quality and a foundation to hold others in their own self-care. This is where the language and universal law of reflection comes in.
Absolutely Rebecca, it is in fact true care.
Agreed Rebecca, I used to lose myself in other people’s problems as a way to manage life so that I didn’t have to take responsibility for my life, looking back I can see how I was the one that set it all up for people to come to me for help and dump their stuff. It was only until I chose to start caring and loving myself that I could see the cycle of abuse I was in and understood the responsibility of reflection to others as being the true support that can be given at any time.
This is so clear Francisco. It’s the perfect set up to avoid responsibility.
The many times I’ve wanted to save a person’s life (not literally), and now looking back I can see how desperate I was for attention, to be loved etc. The neediness in me fed my want to be the saviour, the hero, for another. It’s actually an awful feeling when you can feel someone else’s need imposed on you. It’s true, we are not helping when we take on others people’s stuff…it just allows the other person to wallow further rather than having a reflection from someone who is loving and appreciating themselves. Misery breeds misery.
Yes it feels awful when you feel someone else’s need imposed on you. By experiencing this it shows us what we do to others if we leave our issues unresolved and act from our needs.
I love this Anonymous. I’m sure most of us can say that we know what it is like to absorb everything around us. I know I can – and this is so exhausting and detrimental to our health. The Gentle Breath Meditation is certainly a ‘stop’ and an opportunity to change the way we operate in the world.
Observing rather than absorbing life has been a life saver for me to Anonymous, I used to like ‘helping’ my friends, offering a solution to their problems so that I could support them…..quite arrogant really. I thought I was being helpful but really it was a distraction so that I did not have to look at my own life.
Great point you bring up, Alison, why do we absorb and like being too involved? Do we indeed prefer this over looking at our own life. I would have to say this has been the case for me.
Love this blog Anonymous, being a human sponge is something I am very familiar with and my reaction to this was to slowly withdraw from work and the more I withdrew the more isolated I became. I used to think I was too sensitive and did not want to know about the world and what was going on as it was too painful, but since meeting Serge Benhayon that has all been turned around and I have a new way of looking at life. To observe life and not absorb it is definitely the way forward.
For me I’m learning now to be at ease with the world while I’m in it. Rather than fighting or ignoring what’s presented to me. I wanted to have a life full of Love – no matter if this wasn’t True Love, as long as ‘my life’ bought me the desired ‘outcome’, harmony. This is changing now as I’m opening my eyes and observe (!!) the evil that’s behind a lot of things going on in the world. Accepting this is a major part. We can’t change the world, we can only change ourselves. But by changing ourselves we offer others the possibility – by reflection – to also choose differently. Of significant importance is to become aware of any belief, ideal, picture, etc. accept them and let go. Otherwise we’ll be stuck in the mud forever.
Once we get aware that there is a difference in observing instead of absorbing life, this has an huge impact on our life. Most of the people even do not know this important difference and that we can learn to stay present with us and not take on other people’s stuff.
The first who reasonably and tangibly explained this, was Serge Benhayon. And you bring a great example here, Anonymous how this changed your life out of exhaustion.
Very true Sonja, most people do not even know that life can be observed and does not need to be absorbed to be in it. It was a normal for me to absorb life I didn’t know any better and thought it had to be that way until I attended my first Universal Medicine course where Serge Benhayon presented the possibility of living a life observing what is there to see but not take it all in and make it my ‘own’. It has changed my life significantly and brings, as Anonymous has shared enormous support to our relationships. We are not in the water with anybody drowning when we observe but stand on firm ground which allows us to see what is truly going on.
When I got the know the gentle breath meditation I used to practice this way of breathing while I treated my clients. In the past I would always feel their symptoms in my own body. Doing the gentle breath I could feel the symptoms vanishing in my body and then feel just me and my body whilst treating. This was healing for me and for the client at the same time.
It is very revealing and rather exposing to see that quite simply most of the illness and disease is actually healed by something so simple as coming back to our bodies and to love by not absorbing the situation around us
Yes I still find it very exposing and revealing to read what Serge Benhayon wrote “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing others people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” So much of our illness can be prevented by observing.
When we absorb, it uses up so much energy and the thing is we often don’t even know that we are doing it. I use to teach a couple of yoga classes a day and be absolutely exhausted from it because I was absorbing everyone’s stuff. Now I can take 4 – 5 classes in a day and feel energised because since coming to the work of Universal Medicine I have learnt to observe and not absorb.
Learning that there is a difference between emotions and feelings and that emotions are not healthy to live with and then also to learn that to take on other people their emotions is even worse has brought great change to my life. I feel more free to be me and let others choose the life they want without feeling to take things on or enjoin their behaviors to make them feel comfortable or something like that.
Allowing another to choose their life, make their own choices, with the consequences, is a very loving and also honoring thing to do.
Yes Monika it is, and it is also very liberating to drop any false sense of duty and obligations and replace them with understanding and acceptance.
That is a great suggestion Jeannette, I absolutely agree with. This frees up energy, enhances our vitality and increases our being love.
Learning to observe and not absorb is paramount for us to live in the world yet not be affected by it. If this was taught to children from a young age so many illnesses and diseases would be eradicated simply by applying this principle.
That beautifully simple and effective approach to sustaining wellbeing would be well worth some funding dedicated to researching it more fully as the millions spent so far on medical research is not actually improving the standards of world health and have not been for some time.
Being on the receiving end of sympathy – I used to like it because it verified my emotions, that I was entitled to (re)act in that way. I used to think those who were more willing to sympathise with me were my closest friends who understood me – it satisfied my needs and criteria of what I thought love was. But now with my developing awareness, and willingness to evolve, emotion is the last thing I would like to entertain and sympathy feels suffocating, like a wet blanket stopping me from seeing the whole picture, confirming me in that misery.
Great point Fumiyo. When we see sympathy for what it really is it is the last thing we want to give or receive.
I love the way you have expressed this Fumiyo. “sympathy feels suffocating, like a wet blanket stopping me from seeing the whole picture” I completely agree with you.
I agree Fumiyo, that is the illusion of emotional love, it keeps us embellished in emotion, which is poison to our bodies, and away from knowing true love that is within us and that we can connect to anytime we choose and which has nil emotions, only love and responsibility for self.
For want of a better metaphor, how can one help someone who is drowning if they jump out of the boat so that they can be in the water alongside them? Who then is going to be able to assist them back into the boat? Sympathy never serves.
It is a good metaphor, as it applies to common sense! If you ever tried to get back into the boat from the water, you know it is very hard to do.
Perfect metaphor, unnecessary double trouble I would say.
… and who then is steering the boat on course?!
This is a great metaphor Adam. I will use this in the Aged Care Course I am writing up. They champion sympathy all through the course and your metaphor is an easy read for people to see how it does not work and in fact it feeds the problem and, by sympathising you go down with them.
the fact is that sympathy is a very disempowering emotion to impart onto someone, as it does nothing to communicate the fact of their own innate ability to connect to what is true, regardless of what suffering they may be experiencing. This may sound harsh, but it is not. It comes from an understanding that we are much more than what we physically see.
Does not sound harsh to me Adam not only is sympathy a very disempowering emotion it is very indulging to feel sorry for yourself or another. There is not an ounce of responsibility in being sympathetic. You are imparting to another that they do not have the ability to learn what ever it is they need to get themselves out of the mess they are in. We are never given anything in life that we cannot handle. I know this from my own experience, I could have pulled the ‘poor me I am just a junkie cause I had an abusive childhood” card for ever but no I did not, step by step I pulled myself out of the mess I was in now ‘living the dream’.
This is a great example, with sympathy we simply drown together, with no true help offered only keeping each other company struggling.
I know Adam, this just makes common sense yet was not really in my awareness before I met Serge Benhayon.
And thus I am learning, as I choose to hop back on the boost and continually offer my hand for others to sail with me.
A great metaphor Adam. Another I like to use is that if somebody walks in front of a bus over and over again, and we run out into the middle of the road each time to save them – thus throwing ourselves in front of the bus and being hit, and them being pushed safely out of the way, then they may never learn to look both ways before crossing the road. Whereas if someone goes to walk across the road without checking and sees that there are a group of people standing on the sidewalk waiting for the cars to pass, he is likely to realise his choice and walk back to the sidewalk. And no one is hit by the bus!
Observe and not absorb – so simple. This says a lot about how much there is for us to learn to be a true reflection. I know from my own experience how hard it is to just observe – with absolutely no judgment. How hard it is not to react – without absorbing or going into protection. And that way of being as a true reflection – feels like the way God loves.
We have so many investments in how we should be around people, especially when they are needing support. We think that by taking on someone else’s stuff supports them, but all it does it hurt ourselves and keep the other person in their stuff for much much longer (note for self)
A fabulous and so true blog Anonymous. Thank you for sharing your learning and experience with us. Observation does equal true support.
Move with our body as the eternal observer, express as such, and what is not love cannot touch us.
Well said Adele, it is the movement we are in and with this the quality we hold in our body that let us be the eternal observer. Be love and what is not love cannot touch us!
There is a space that opens up between us and what is not love when we observe and move connected to our essence.
Feels absolutely gorgeous when reading your words Adele.
Gorgeous Adele, I just want to cut and paste, as to repeat what you shared but instead I will say, deep appreciation for your expression.
Gorgeously said Adele. I can feel the flow and grace of life when I read your comment. Alternatively, when absorbing life I can feel the hooks, enmeshment and tension.
We are all seeking to love and to be loved, especially seeing all the lovelessness in the world, we all want to share love. But if the picture of love is in the first place not one that is true, we are adding onto the lovelessness that we want to change. Emotional love is harm, it is actually loveless, it is the picture we have accepted love to be in our present world, and it will never bring us to the true unity of love.
Great point Adele. Until we look up and stop accepting the version of love we are spoon fed into believing it is, nothing will change. The emotions just keep turning up and the consequences of our lovelessness keep on rising too.
So true and beautifully said Adele “We are all seeking to love and to be loved”.
So true Adele how we have accepted the emotional love as really love. Until I meet Serge Benhayon and was re-ignited with my/our true divine Love I got to see that the emotional love that I thought was it, was the complete opposite.
This is awesome Anonymous. The vast majority of the human population are absorbing everyone’s issues as well as needing to deal with their own so it’s no wonder that the rates of illness and disease are what they are. What Universal Medicine teaches in this regard is priceless and can bring about enormous healing to mankind.
I agree Katerina, and if we were to simply master this we would naturally find we have so much more energy for all other parts of life.
Well said Katerina. On top of our own issues, problems and beliefs, many of us are absorbing everyone else’s affairs, and thus there is no surprise that illness and disease is so common at the moment as so many people are polluting their bodies full of thick, heavy complications and problems.
Katerina it would certainly be a huge potential if mankind were to be inspired by Universal Medicine and their teachings. We would see a significant decrease in illness and disease over a longer period of time because what we have brought into our bodies has to come out. With healing and support from the Ageless Wisdom we have the opportunity to be All of Who we Are.
Indeed the simplicity of a universal form of medicine for everyone.
True Katerina – and that Humanity are living in ignorance of the fact they are breathing others issues and rhythms and perpetuating the cycle endlessly has a huge impact on our state of health and well-being.
It becomes such a mishmash as to which emotions are ours and which belong to another and at times impossible to tell when we absorb another’s issues.
It is wise to breath our own breath and to live life from here rather than breathe in another;s woes and stress and allow this to live us.
Well said Katerina. We have enough going on for ourselves yet take on more because of the discomfort of seeing where another is at.
If we consider that ‘80% of disease is caused by other people’s ‘stuff” we can start to see that there is actually very little wrong with us, except that we are choosing to play a severely toxic game of pass the parcel. Thank you for reminding us Anonymous, that we need not absorb, to be in life. In fact this is the very thing that takes us out.
That’s such a great description Joseph “we are choosing to play a severely toxic game of pass the parcel”.
Imagine then what would happen if we stopped absorbing the stuff of others and made real changes in our choices. Our health would turn around so quickly.
I like what you have said Joseph, “a toxic game of pass the parcel”, which it is exactly.
This is a pretty incredible revelation, ‘there is actually very little wrong with us’. It stops you in your tracks and ask’s the question, ‘if there is very little wrong with us why are we getting sicker and sicker’.
Great sentence to highlight and great point. Realising we are responsible for our own health (or illness) can be a hard pill to swallow. It is much easier to blame genetics, fate or simply put it down to bad luck. We have a choice in how we live and those choices have consequences.
And it is a game Joseph, nothing gets solved by copying and pasting anothers energy into our body. Each person must learn what is there for them to learn, take responsibility, and make their own steps towards healing and evolution. We make where people are in their lives and their health “wrong”, when it’s exactly where they have chosen to be and abundant with opportunities for them to evolve by choosing love. Letting them be to get on with it is a foundation of respect. Our reflection of love and a lived way of love is something we can offer that is very powerful, as opposed to our reactions, needs, or our belittling of their power to choose. We are all capable of making very powerful choices, and our life simply reflects whether these are loving or harmful.
So true Mary… getting involved in other people’s issues distracts us from our own lives – we can avoid feeling what is truly going on in our world and focus on others. And certainly we can feel superior that another is worse off than us… whatever degree that ‘worse off’ may be.
Both are totally irresponsible ways of being with ourselves and with others – neither way supports one to take responsibility for one’s own life and to begin truly healing choices that have been made.
Great comment Joseph. Indeed, we are playing pass the parcel, a very irresponsible game that has yet to have any winners.
When we are that absorbed in another’s emotion it is impossible to support them to realise their own way out, “this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud”. When we observe, listen and understand without the need to try and fix another persons problems, we are giving them the opportunity to arrive at deeper understanding of the situation they are in and to possibly realise this is because of the choices they have made and from that they may even choose to change those choices opening them up for a true healing to occur. The Gentle Breath is a great tool for us to be able to observe and not get absorbed in another persons problems which in truth only they can resolve.
That is a very simple explanation of how to truly support another. In first aid we have to check for our safety first, we don’t jump straight in the well because we have to maintain detached in order to offer the best support to the person. We can apply this model in all areas of life without loosing the love that comes with supporting another, indeed it gives them the opportunity to ‘arrive at a deeper understanding’ as you offered.
It makes such a difference when we step back and observe and feel all that’s going on without taking it on personally, not only in our own bodies, but in the space and opportunity we allow for another to feel their own.
Angela, it is so important to allow other people to feel their own bodies and to own what is happening to them. Absorbing the emotions in a situation often sends us into a fix-it mode and this does not support another to take responsibility for their own bodies.
Beautifully put Angela
I agree Angela, when we enjoin in ones pain and misery we only confirm there state of choice, we then don’t offer a point of reflection that there is another way.
When we step back we have the grace of clarity. If we take it on we become enmeshed in it all and any semblance of clarity is long gone.
Yes I can feel that Shami. Even though I am in Australia. What a gift to humanity to have workers who truly live and understand self care.
We cannot help another when we enjoin them. And as you say, ultimately this is how we get sick. Our true care comes from true care of and steadiness within ourselves.
Very true emmadanchin, we can only support others if we choose to support and care for ourselves first. It is so very simple, yet I need to remind myself of this again and again until the day that it is my only way.
Yes and we are therefore equipped to support others when we are living this true care and support of ourselves.
This is absolute truth Emma, and what a truly important message and way of living for us all.
Agree Emma. We cannot support others if we enjoin them in their issues and problems – what reflection are we offering them as inspiration to change? A mirror image will confirm them in their ill-choices rather than expose that they are choosing to be much less than who they can be.
Yes it does, yet many of us have been tricked into thinking caring for ourselves first is selfish. As a carer, mother, friend, partner…there is often a common belief that showing love is putting others before yourself. This is so far from the truth as how can we express love if we are not full of love? That fullness comes from us loving ourselves and realising we are love. Then the love pours out of us with no abandon – and for all equally.
So true Emma… enjoining only brings complication and confusion – and eventually illness and disease for both. As you say, true care for others can only come from true care for ourselves, and holding that in the presence of others for them to be inspired by… something so simple yet it can be quite profound for both people involved.
Coming back to the gentleness in the body and breath is an essential tool that I now live with. I can be bombarded by another’s emotions and even enjoin them momentarily, but then I can return to my connection with relative ease. I am deeply appreciative of this, having spent a lifetime being buffeted around by the emotions of those around me.
We have been given a gift, such a simple one that it would be easy to take it for granted. The challenge I find is to be sure to appreciate the changes we have made through these ‘simple’ tools and see how much more we took as normal that we could now reassess.
What I took and as normal has felt never true Lucy Dahill. My appreciation of the presentations of the Ageless Wisdom by Serge Benhayon is immense and yet I can still find myself responding from the ‘never felt true’. These patterns will remain until I am more connected to and responding from my body, where I felt the appreciation in the first place!
This is true Lucy. The teachings of Serge Benhayon and tools such as Gentle Breath Meditation are a gift from heaven, yet something that I easily forget about and take for granted. It is beautiful what we have been given.
How fabulous to know that we can deeply care for humanity but remain connected and intact within ourselves. It is a refining process that I can equally say has been profound for me, both in my work as a practitioner and also in family and everyday relationships. The key is to read the situation that is going on for another and remain steady in myself until they are ready to return to their own steadiness.
I agree, it is gorgeous that we are able to care for humanity and for this need not invest or sympathise or take things on. Like this we can stay steady and reflect to everyone that there is another way.
It is true Kerstin, and to see and understand that by simply caring for ourselves and our actions naturally has us caring for humanity. Our actions speak a thousand words.
Thanks for your comment Emma, “..we can deeply care for humanity but remain connected and intact within ourselves.” This is something that can transform both our professional and our personal life, as its something we can live. Sacrifice, martyrdom, and rescue can be replaced with equality, connection, responsibility, and love and care for all equally (beginning with ourselves).
Great comment Emma. How important are the words “to read the situation that is going on for another and remain steady”. The Wisdom in this is grand. It’s telling us that we’re actually not (emotionally) responsible for any one else. In a world that’s taking on emotions all of the time, it’s the complete other way around. True love I would say.
Feeling and reading the situation truly helps to bring understanding into anything that occurs around us and it is such a supportive tool to develop but unfortunately something we are not taught when growing up. Thank you Emma for reminding us of this life changing way to deal with things and thank you Serge Benhayon for teaching us about this amazing science.
It is fabulous indeed Emma,” that we can deeply care for humanity but remain connected and intact within ourselves” and when we truly understand this, going into sympathy can be seen and recognised for the poison it is. Our duty of care to one another is to maintain that connection within ourselves, because then we are remaining connected to the warmth, wisdom and love of God in all we do, and surely this is what we are all looking for when things get tough or messy.
‘The key is to read the situation that is going on for another and remain steady in myself until they are ready to return to their own steadiness.’ – words of wisdom.
Agreed Abby, nominating reading situations as being the key to sustainable steadiness is absolute truth and wisdom. The experience of ‘reading’ a situation compared to getting caught up and identified in the emotions of it are as different as night and day.
I also remember taking on symptoms from clients and, I have to admit, feeling rather special about it, as though I had ‘special talents’. Little did I know how detrimental this was to my own health and wellbeing and how much it drained me. And to add insult to injury, wallowing in sympathy has not ever truly helped anybody, it just intensifies the situation and makes it look more complicated than it truly is.
I’ve had many a pitty party none of which have supported me one iota, as for taking on other peoples rhythms – I find this most challenging at work, that is, to work in my rhythm and not displace myself because I want to make a good impression on others.
It is incidious when we ‘think’ we are special. My understanding now is we all have the ability to be clairsentient (feeling clearly), so yes we can know what another is going through it is just not takng it on though but instead standing in our truth and holding love for another to support them. The Sacred Esoteric Healing Levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 (actually all the Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities) are a great support in teaching us how to do this .. to feel what is going on for another but not to take it on and lovingly support them so they can let go of all that is not truly them.
I agree Vicky and Gabriele it is very common to get off on the “I am special because I can feel everything and am so sympathetic and empathetic”. But as you say Vicky we ALL can feel everything all the time and to absorb is deeply harmful for everyone including and especially ourselves.
Vicky, I also agree that the Universal Medicine Sacred Esoteric Healing courses and The Livingness Workshops are outstanding in teaching us true feeling and energetic integrity and discernment. I remember years ago in a Sacred Esoteric Healing 1 workshop having a tangible and rather shocking experience of the difference between “sending love” and being love. It is actually impossible to “send love” what we are really sending is emotions or our illusion of what love is and I got to experience how yucky, imposing and harmful that felt to both parties. However, when we simply are love, that is a very different matter and felt by both as a beautiful healing and expansion
There is a belief that we are somewhat special if we feel and emote with others and I have been confused by this myself and also conveniently thought it was ‘a good thing`. Now I know, with more awareness, that this is definitely not the case. I lose energy in a situation like this and lessen my ability to read what is truly going on.
This is a great point Elaine… taking on others emotions is totally draining, and the sympathy arising from taking on emotions only succeeds in diminishing everyone, whereas when we stay true to ourselves and hold this with others we offer a reflection of truth that supports everyone to be equal and harmonious.
“And to add insult to injury, wallowing in sympathy has not ever truly helped anybody, it just intensifies the situation and makes it look more complicated than it truly is.” – So very well said Gabriele, that is entirely my experience too! We seem to commonly tie sympathy in with being caring whereas true care can be full of heart without any sympathy.
Sympathy has one big advantage for the recipient and a smaller advantage for the sympathizer: The recipient does not feel the full impact of their own situation which they enjoy and the sympathizer, by making themselves feel (much) worse than they really are, reduce the contrast with the other, thereby reducing any jealousy or envy from the other.
Both get harmed but both feel better in the short term.
Beautifully explained Christoph. When we sympathise we reduce ourselves and are more on par with the recipient, creating less of a gap – which can be more comfortable for everyone.
That is an excellent point Christoph and a very poisonous hook. The recipient gets relief from their issue which allow them to delay having to deal with it so it continues to fester and often entrenches itself further, and the sympathiser gets the comfort of keeping themselves small and accepted by the masses who are not standing in their true love and power!
Great point Christoph, this game is a total distraction and delay we choose to avoid taking responsibility to move on or take the action necessary. In both these roles there is an identification, the victim and the saviour… no difference from the spirits point of view and equally indulgent. We are selling ourselves way short here in settling for this reduction of our glorious selves.
Sympathy is prolific within society that is for certain and sympathy dressed as compassion when they are worlds apart. Our true meaning of compassion has been lost which is an observation and an allowing and understanding of another rather than a toxic exchange of poison, a confirming of a person in their poison, a belittlement and an investment.
Wise words spoken by Serge Benhayon say it all – to observe and not absorb.
True Gabriele, indulging in sympathy does intensify and complicate situations. It’s like feeding a monster. It is also very draining to absorb others emotions and damaging to our own health. We can bring clarity in observation and true loving understanding to situations when we remain steady and with ourselves.
I have been someone who oscillates between wanting others to be sympathetic for me and take pity and rescue me; then being incredibly attacking if anyone thought I couldn’t handle a situation. Only when people who didn’t relate to me in either role but related to me as the creator of my situation and for the amazing person I am could I then see my part in how my life unfolded; only then could I make the choices that would bring me back to myself and harmony.
Now, having felt this, when people are communicating with their whole body for me to be in sympathy with them, who may even say I’m cold-hearted because they don’t want to look at the choices that have gotten them to wherever they are, I remember how much those who stood by me and never once wavered in reflecting back to me who I truly am.
I am by no means free of falling into sympathy with another or never choose to try it on and get someone to feel sorry for me but I do know what a toxic thing it is for everyone concerned.
Karin, your honesty is totally disarming! I can say that my life in the past was similar and just a few days ago felt those same patterns again. – not responding from the ‘amazing person I am’ but from an emotional level of sympathy or need for attention. The feeling in the body is dreadful and so heavy. I am appreciating greatly that I now know the difference and anything that does not come from the truth I hold in my body is indeed exhausting for me and does a great disservice to others.
Sympathy is totally toxic for the giver and receiver – it belittles, disempowers and squishes another with supreme judgement for never is another held in equalness by its use and never does sympathy call another to arise to their full power and all that they are.
Exposing sympathy without an iota of sympathy, yes Deborah. “never does sympathy call another to arise to their full power and all that they are.”
It keeps everyone down, smothered by an energy that keeps us all less.
So true Deborah. it assists them to stay in the deliberating state.. both the receiver and giver
Well said Deborah. Sympathy is the complete opposite of holding a steady reflection for another to feel their equalness and choice to stay in an emotion or not. Sympathy confirms the struggle and identification with emotions and observing confirms our power and clarity.
To observe and not to enjoin is certainly key to arresting the toxic hold of sympathy.
I watched the effect of sympathy within a group yesterday. One person went into sympathy and then what came next was an attempt to disturb the harmony in the whole group. The more I observe, the more I learn how toxic these energies are and at the same time how powerful we are when we see them for what they are and say no.
Being able to observe is powerful in many ways – we are able to clearly discern energies at play, understand others, remain detached and not take on the energy of others.
Well said Ariana – perhaps more toxic to the giver than the receiver for we are lacing ourselves and others with all that we dish out, judge and condemn. We keep ourselves small whilst reducing another.
Truth is the only elixir worth drinking
Your comment Karin makes me realise just how much energy we can put into manipulating people when we don’t want to look at the choices we have made that result in the mess we get in. We are so used to doing it that when we meet people who don’t get in the pit with us, we regard them as either cold hearted or not understanding of the situation. What is really happening is that they are reflecting a way of life devoid of the mess and emotional baggage that comes with it and thank goodness. It is this reflection that I met in Serge Benhayon who holds 100% compassion for everyone he meets because he never judges another person’s choices but will offer when asked, some very sound advice without needing to be liked or recognised for it. Consequently he has inspired so many people to stop absorbing life and all its dramas and to begin to observe life instead, with resounding effects on our health and wellbeing and ability to live life with a steady joy that arises when we stop manipulating and start taking responsibility.
Agree rowenakstewart, and the reflection of a way of life devoid of the mess and emotional baggage is like a breath of fresh air where there is spaciousness and clarity for us to see what is truly at play, or how we have allowed ourselves to be played.
You make an excellent point Karin in that you could say sympathy in the way you describe it is very condescending and insulting. It is saying to the person that they are less and they are that (whatever the story is). Meeting a person in your full love and truth in the recognition that they are exactly the same as you offers them the respect and reflection to reconnect to the fullness of who they truly are rather than identifying with the story or situation.
Yes, having these true loving reflections is empowering as we have the opportunity to let go of any emotional reaction we have let in, and reconnect to the truth in any situation.
Anonymous your last line describes brilliantly what you do and how much common sense is it, to care for others without exhausting ourselves, and yet many do not follow this, and all suffer as a result. So hearing your experience and how you learned to address it and better support yourself is such a joy and reminds us all there is another way, and we can choose it. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Agreed monicag2 it is so simple and makes absolute sense. It is not smart to make yourself ill looking after other people, it builds resentment in both people as neither feel satisfied by the giving or receiving.
True Lucy. “It is not smart to make yourself ill looking after other people.” With our up-bringing of believing we need to put others before ourselves its easy to see how we get to that point. You are right when you say that it breeds resentment and neither feels a satisfaction in the giving, or receiving. Yet when we look after each other in true vitality there can be much joy and love felt in the exchange.
Reading this blog gives you the space to sit back and reflect on different situations in life and how you respond to them. I really enjoyed hearing about the changes you have made and the impact of these.
Agree Kristy. I was reflecting on how similar I used to be . I still to some degree, absorb other people’s stuff, but it’s a work in progress and I have far more awareness now of that happening than I did before. it exhausts me enormously, but simply having that awareness gives me the opportunity to stop it in it’s tracks. An awesome tool for life I have to say.
Yes monicag2, This blog is a great reminder for us all that we take care of others and look after them, but do not have to get caught up in another’s distress and get exhausted in the process. After all, if we allow this to happen, how can we really look after another. It can become a scenario of who’s looking after who? Appreciating that there is another way to take care of yourself as a carer, and that it is accessible for everyone is great to know.
Brilliantly put Sandra, ‘It can become a scenario of who’s looking after who?’ – after all how can we care if we don’t live that care ourselves. It’s a truth we all know but often awkwardly try to ignore.
Agreed Monica.. it is a great thing to show others that there is a difference way – simply by living whats true to you. Usually we just see the same thing in different forms, so when someone is showing that there is a super different way to be with something – that’s super caring, easy and loving for ourselves- its a breath of fresh air.
Anonymous I love how you describe how much more caring you are, ‘to be a 100 million times better carer, reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone.’ Appreciating how much these reflections of true love change the world is huge. They reflect the beauty of responsibility and that we all have the power and the grace to be responsible and live in a way that is truly loving of one another.
Many years ago I remember getting shouted at for being uncaring and unloving when I was observing a person who was in distress and drunk. This would have usually floored me into my insecurities of being a bad, unloving person- identifications that I used to persuade myself I was a worthwhile human being.
But I reflected on my years of trying to make this person feel good about themselves without a foundation of honouring and loving myself. All I had ever felt I could offer was sympathy (I was also in the mud as you’ve described Anonymous) and this was the result. A person in a lot of pain who was not taking responsibility for where they were at and was desperate for more sympathy – like a addictive band-aid I’d been feeding. This incident showed me there was no amount of sympathy or earnest pleas of I do care that would ever be enough. I knew I couldn’t continue being so harming for my own gain of being needed.
Anonymous this is such an awesome blog. Even though sometimes I go into sympathy- especially with certain family members- I can feel the effects on my body and also the thoughts that come in that aren’t me at all – lots of self-doubt and anxiousness. Just noticing all of this fully confirms how toxic sympathy is when once I considered I was uncaring if I wasn’t feeling everything another was and absorbing it all – no wonder I wanted to hide from people.
Yes Doug these are the distinctions we have a responsibility to clarify, how different would the people in the course have been if they heard or read this blog. A truth would have been presented and an opportunity for understanding energetic responsibility and a long term quality of life presented with a health benifit to boot. Gold and life changing!
Wow. 80% of all illness and disease created by being a human sponge? That’s massive. Time to wring it out and work with compassion instead of absorption. Thank you for the reminder.
Very interesting Anonymous what you share about taking on patient’s emotions, to then become yourself as the patient’s emotion, and thus another patient (!) What a pile of emotion that helps nobody in the end and leaves one confused with the boundaries blurred between what’s real or true, and what’s not. Robots spring to mind. I know that when things get stressful, my breath changes, my thoughts become erratic or critical, negative and i loose myself…yet the moment i focus on regaining the gentleness of my breath typically by walking/moving/tidying up my work desk, with the understanding that i’ve ‘lost myself’ and then to ‘restore myself’, after a while the gentle breath regains and i find myself back. The gentle breath meditation tool by Universal Medicine is a godsend for its simplicity through any complexity.
I can relate to what you share and remember working as a medical herbalist and feeling sorry for a young girl and then ending up with eczema all over my arm in the exact same place, or after seeing a client who was depressed, I would feel depressed. It is indeed very poisonous to take on other people’s emotions and physical symptoms because of sympathy and be we absorb instead of simply observing.
I love this blog and it reminds me to appreciate how much I have given up absorbing these days as I have developed in my ability to observe and accept rather than need things to be another way. I also have more understanding rather than judgement.
Thank you Rosie for the reminder to appreciate how much more able I am to observe without absorbing and I agree that in this allowing of others to be themselves there is far less judgement and much more acceptance.
Thank you Anonymous it is such an essential education for all of us, because sympathy helps no-one as you say, you just end up stuck in the mud too. I too have found the Gentle Breath Meditation immensely supportive in enabling me to untangle myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of others and keep a steady course through the day. There are still plenty of times when I need to remind myself to not absorb other people’s stuff as there is nothing that makes us more ill than taking on another’s person’s issues because we are powerless to change them, only they can do that for themselves.
Anonymous I relate to your blog as I have also been in many situations where I went into make it all better only to give up completely on the faith I had in myself as nothing in my rescuing attempt seemed to make anything better. It’s now clear I threw myself in the well and I nearly drowned. Anonymous it’s a basic truth you are presenting, when known will change many outcomes as it then offers a point of self awareness and responsibility if chosen and for all involved
A great sharing Anonymous exposing how “Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world”.
This is a huge figure and when we consider the possibility of a simple principle such as learning how to not absorb other people’s energy, it becomes astounding to think of not only the dollars saved on national health care, but the quality in which people can easily change their lives by the principle of observing but not absorbing.
To ” Observe and not Absorb” has been a phrase I have known for a long time, but it is only since the teachings of Universal Medicine that I fully understand what emotions and energy I am observing and then what I am saying no to absorbing and clearly it’s of no benefit ‘ to jump in the well ‘ but to be a lifeline.
Yes Mary and the evidence is in the suicide rates of doctors and medical staff which in the UK are extremely high.
I can so relate to your blog Anonymous. I was also doing the same. I didn’t realise how harmful that was to myself and others until I was introduced to Universal Medicine. I too have learnt an array of tools from Universal Medicine to support me to be more connected to myself and from this I am then more able to support others without absorbing any emotional stuff or react but to simple be supportive in a loving and gentle way.
I’ve never heard anyone apart from Serge Benhayon present on how to truly stay open, loving and caring with everyone without getting affected by issues and emotions. I can see now how sympathy actually hurts us all and that it is totally possible to be truly caring for another without being in sympathy. I too am not perfect in my application of this but much improved and forever developing!
This is a huge source of burnout in healthcare Anonymous. It is very easy to take on all the issues of patients and try to “save” them, however, as you have shown this is harming. Not only is it to our own detriment but also that of the patients’, as if we take on their stuff they don’t have the opportunity to take responsibility for what is actually their stuff. There is no true care for self or another when we take on the other’s issues and try to fix them.
Recently I had a meeting with a client who was agitated and stressed. His frustrations were very clear and I felt it in my body. This blog is a great reminder to connect back to your breath and be with yourself observing the situation not absorbing it.
When we sympathise with another we do not give them the space required to heal.
When we are connected to our breath and allow the world to go on around us without taking it on we feel a solidness and strength from our beingness. I never would have felt this without the ‘The Gentle Breath Meditation’ Serge teaches.
Lovely to read Anonymous, I have been one to absorb others emotions and go into sympathy, I had the mistaken belief that sympathy was a showing love, showing that you cared. To observe not absorb is something I am learning to do, something that is supportive to both parties.
Taking on other peoples’ stuff is often encouraged as a way to somehow show that you care. If it is not encouraged explicitly it is a silent agreement when someone starts telling you their problems, you will take their side and provide them with a solution or at least a shoulder to lean on.
Doing so is not actually showing that you care, it is providing someone with a way to justify the state that they are in because they now have someone who agrees with them. Loving yourself and another person is supporting them to see their own choices and letting them find the clarity in the next choice that can bring them back to themselves.
A silent agreement it is Naren, an unspoken rule if you like, that when some-one actually opens up to you with their problems, then we should be honoured that they trusted us, and it is assumed that we will take their side of course….a great set-up that I certainly have been on both sides of that fence. What has supported me greatly is the fact that we are all equal and in that truth we all have the answers within to all our problems or questions. And yes I will talk to a friend if I feel a little stuck, which is always supportive in becoming more clear and unstuck supporting me to access my own answers.
Because of that silent agreement, we can at times be shocked if we do not get what we expect from our friends, and we get the reflection of truth and our own responsibility instead of instant agreement that we are in the right. However, there is something there for us to look at when it happens. How entrenched are we in our need to be right? How stuck are we on needing someone to blame? How responsible are we truly willing to be?
“I often was in deep sympathy with my clients and would want to take away their pain; this meant I jumped in the well to save them, leaving us both stuck in the mud.” – in this, sympathy is exposed as not offering the other person anything that will truly support them. It is like jumping in to save someone who is drowning with no ability to pull them keep them afloat…and so you are both at risk of drowning.
Taking on other people’s emotions is exhausting, and something I did too Anonymous. The point you’ve made is spot on…it isn’t about being perfect and never doing this, it’s about knowing how to bring ourselves back when we do, and the Gentle Breath meditation is one such tool that supports me to come back to myself if I do take something on.
It seems that absorbing others issues, in one way or another is very common in a lot of life’s situations! On the bus, at the shop, talking to a friend! It would pay to really observe ourselves and see what happens over just one day! Its the difference between good medicine and bad medicine!
I have been through exactly what you describe Anonymous, I was heavy, emotional, forever trying to fix it for others whilst studiously avoiding recognising that what I went into sympathy with others about, were the issues I didnt want to feel were going on in myself.
Sympathy to me equals ‘identifying with’ which equals ‘adding to the problem’. Subtract ‘identifying with’ from the equation and you have simply you. Clear and available for what is needed.
Thank God for the teachings of Universal Medicine which revealed to me also the distinction between feelings and emotions and about energy and provided the beautiful tools by which we can re-empower ourselves to be a true support, a solid rock, unwavering.
This is beautiful Anonymous, the freedom you have now to hold steady for others, a rock standing firm in a turbulent river, unaffected by what washes over and around it, reflecting what is possible for all of us.
Before Universal medicine and not knowing to observe but not obsorb, I too would constantly feel sorry for people and their plight and think it was my duty to feel sympathy in order to be supportive. It is such a relief to know we can help and be much more supportive to people without taking on all their baggage.
This is such a great blog Anonymous and made me remember how I used to think that to truly care for someone meant always getting emotionally caught up in the situation. The truth is in fact the opposite. I totally agree with you that when we live our lives observing situations without absorbing the emotions that are flying around, we are left free to care so much more, reflecting our love without feeling drained at the end of it.
It is incredible to think how much we absorb when we are not aware of the importance of taking responsibility and not reacting to whatever is going on around us. Anonymous – your experience of being a sponge really made me stop and take stock of how easily we can get caught up in things. Just because we can’t physically see ourselves absorbing, does not mean it is not happening. Of course it is easy to feel the exhaustion and the emotional drain of absorbing, but usually once it’s too late. This is such an important part of conversation, of health, of lifestyle that we should be discussing with society.
Anonymous I totally hear you on this one, I used to be easily sucked into someone else’s issues and wanting to help them out of it. But as you say in the process of draining myself and at the detriment on my own health. When I came to realise about energy and the difference of the two by attending Universal Medicine presentations, courses and work shops I started to understand what I was choosing. To be able to empower ourselves and listen to what feel but not take it on is definitely life changing. One I am deeply grateful for.
This is such a gift to understand and share Anonymous with the lived changes you have made that really does transform your life and that of others observing and not absorbing is everything and really does effect our lives our health and our well being . Serge Benhayon
brings truth and a way of being that brings simplicity and honouring to our lives with a quality that reflects everything we are .
To observe and not absorb is a crucial aspect of starting to live in different way and to feel gentleness and tenderness in our breath and body supports us very much to choose to life in such a quality.
No wonder that one of the largest global epidemic’s is exhaustion.
Sympathy doesn’t work for anybody – it’s like asking to carry around a ten tonne weight in your body.
I didn’t realise I still have the ‘save people’ consciousness in me, great to feel that one, feels yucky, and very needy – in terms of wanting recognition – look at me. Time to let it go and move on.
“I care deeply for all those I meet and now to the best of my ability live by the principle ‘observe and not absorb’: this allows me to be a 100 million times better carer, reflecting true love and healing rather than emotionally wanting to save someone (= exhausting!).” So much healthier than absorbing others ‘stuff.’ I used to walk away displaying others’ symptoms – how crazy was that! I love the principle of ‘observe not absorb’.
This is a great blog Anonymous, straight and simple and to the point.
Anonymous, this is a great article, I can very much relate to what you have written, I used to really feel sorry for people if they seemed to have a hard time and I really want to help, I was often left feeling very sad and whatever I did never really seemed to help long term. Having been inspired by Serge Benhayon I find that I now stay with myself, I lovingly support others but do not take on peoples problems, I don’t feel bad now about feeling light and lovely when someone else does not (which I used to) and actually by staying with myself and not joining in with the misery and drama, I have found that not only is this supportive for me but it is also very supportive for everyone else.
This is a great blog about something which is killing us – absorption of emotions. it was the Gentle Breath Meditation that first introduced me to my essence and that it’s something which has nothing to do with and can’t be touched by what’s happening around me on the outside. This is something that I’ve always felt but it was this tool which gave me the practical know how to get to know what’s on the inside and learn how to come back to that when I have allowed myelf to be affected by what’s going on around me. Very powerful indeed and absolutely accessible to anyone.
Hand up to this one- feels like I’ve been doing it for a long time. I am learning that it’s both possible and beneficial for everyone to walk into a room and not take on all the emotions of everyone around me.
Anonymous what you have so clearly described is the sea of emotion that most people spend their life rolling up and down on and actually imbibing too! Great that you have demonstrated so clearly that its possible to choose another way.
I love the honesty in your article Anonymous. It is very real, which makes it very relatable for me. Absorbing energy for me has everything to do with the sold idea in society that we are (emotionally) responsible for one another. For me it is really key here to be surrendered to be my body and allow myself to feel. Because once I choose to not feel anymore, I’m left to the absorbing part of life. Allowing me to constantly feel is something I’m still learning. When I’m really honest, very often I even fool myself with pretending that I’m observing – but The Truth is, I’m not. Or ‘observing from my head’, which is totally different to when I allow myself to be really open and feel myself. I only now start to learn what it means if people say that you can only care for another, the depth you care for yourself. Very insightful blog and I guess people from all industries can relate to what you’re sharing.
I can relate to everything shared here. After a life-time of thinking it was good to absorb like a sponge, sympathise and try to ‘save’ others, it has been an eye opener to discover how false and impossible that is. Whilst we can be an inspiration and support, it is neither our responsibility nor within our power to resolve what someone else needs to resolve for themselves.
“Living like a fish in the sea and not getting wet” – another one of Serge’s pearler… Such a simple principal when lived, to the best of our ability, makes a huge difference.
Anonymous, I love what you have shared here. I had never considered the nervousness that at times can still affect me being connected with absorbing other peoples emotions and life problems. I too have spent many a night wishing that I had said something different or done something that could have helped more. Absorbing others stuff, in the guise of wanting to help is definitely a very destructive way of living, as, like you say it exhausts us. Because then we have inside of our bodies, something that we had no part in and I sense that this is more difficult to heal as there is no lived connection to it.
Great point Leigh about the toxicity of taking on the emotions of others ‘Because then we have inside of our bodies, something that we had no part in and I sense that this is more difficult to heal as there is no lived connection to it.’ Deserves a government warning label like cigarettes. Absorbing other’s emotions can seriously damage your health.
Beautiful Helen, I can already envisage the posters.
When I have taken on someone else’s emotional pain I feel it in my body straight away. And often I don’t know why the discomfort is there until I stop and observe. While I am carrying something that is not mine I can’t be of true support to that person.
To observe and not absorb is so important. As you have shown living by these principles means we are taking better care of ourselves which allows us to give much more to others. A win win situation.
Allowing people to be where they are at and not trying to fix is something very beautiful to develop. It lets people know they are not held in judgement, only unimposing support.
True Annie, and it actually allows for a new way of being to be presented, from within themselves, to support the way forward. From being held in this way myself, I have and continue to get constant impulses on my way forward, each day.
Being a sympathy sponge can only lead to ill health and exhaustion whether we are aware of this or not.
I work in this field as well and in the past have been in the way of others taking responsibility for their own predicaments. When we ‘think’ that we are ‘helping’ we are often meeting our own needs instead!
A great reflection Anonymous and I know for myself I am so much more available and supportive if I am not “in other people’s stuff’ so to speak or absorbing their experience.
There is no comparison possible between someone who cares for another with observation, and someone who takes on their issues. As you say Anonymous, 100 million times more truly caring.
Very wise words ‘Observe not Absorb’ by Serge Benhayon. It wasn’t until reading your blog that I remembered how much I used to do this as well with family, friends, the news the list went on. I used to think if I took people’s ‘stuff’ on it would lessen it for others!!!!!! Oh the complete illusion of this. As you share I also know and have the understanding that the more I care for myself and be there for others ..observing and not absorbing what is going on for them, the more I can truly support them.
Well done Anonymous, your blog has constilated well for me as I needed a reminder of how to prevent myself from absorbing
This has been a common practice for me for so long until l understood the concept of observe and dont absorb.
This blog could be titled “The Essence of How to be a Healer”. Well done.
I can totally relate to being an emotional sponge too Anonymous, and from a very early age. I was always taking on other people’s emotions and then wondering why I constantly felt miserable and often sick. Learning to reconnect to me with the very simple but very powerful Gentle Breath Meditation has certainly increased the awareness of my body and to exactly what happens when I take on what is not mine; a much more enjoyable way to live.
I can relate . I didn’t know who I was as a result of taking on everyone else’s emotions. I would identify with being a nervous tears wreck…. The difference now is amazing, my heart is much more open to everyone than it has ever been, because I’m not taking on their issues. That’s one of the fundamental things I’ve learnt through universal medicine — that there isn’t an ounce of sympathy in true love. Love holds you in the absolute equallness we all are, as the glorious sons, so how can we feel sorry for another son of God?
Gosh, how much I know this from myself: “acting as a sponge absorbing” and the exhaustion that brings. Knowingly that this can’t be the right way to go, the question was ‘how to go on then?’. Not ‘connecting’ with people in that way anymore left me feel alone or distanced. It is not just to let go of absorbing but also to start to truly connect to me and so be able to offer the world/others a true link. It means to not longer search outside of me for fulfilling. The ‘Gentle Breath Meditation’ also was key for me to build a deeper relationship with me, find the fullness inside. And from here is in fact the only way of true service. I can offer my fullness – not as a fruit basket everyone can help oneself, but as an inspiration to look inside and discover the own wealth.
Imagine we would come together and share our wealth – what a different society we would deliver.
I can relate to the feeling of being alone. How telling of the emptiness that I used to live with, that I needed to connect with others’ issues, to fill me. Now as I let my love fill me (a continuing, deepening choice, day by day) ‘alone’ is no longer felt, as true connection with the essence of people is the most full-filling experience I have ever had.
Very true mary, the hospital stuff is often very exhausted but in the meantime looking for solutions to best care. Whilst actually they have to care for themselves first.. To not dwell of indulge in this actual very sad situation, but to introduce self-care in our health industry for our healthcare workers.
I agree Danna, and self-care for staff would be much cheaper too, no need for increasing budgets and seeking solutions to what is an ongoing problem and has been for quite some time. Quite simple really, the responsibility comes down to the individual for their own state of health and there is really no excuse to abandon ourselves for the sake of others, it just needs a new awareness and some down-to-earth publicity extolling the virtues of self-care, at home and in the work place, not only that but some awesome reflections who are walking their talk such as Anonymous.
Yes Sandra, it is our responsibility to take care of ourself. This will not only increase our quality of health, but also the responsibility in the process of illness and disease. We cannot live without taking care of ourselves, as we have a body and being that deserves the utmost care, and needs the detailed way of attention given by ourselves – in order to grow. As if we resist taking care of our bodies, we are asking for problems.
Yes, self care needs to be part of the curriculum for all nursing and care staff – it is all to easy to put everything else first and then end up highly stressed and possibly sicker than the patients being cared for. As Sandra says “Quite simple really, the responsibility comes down to the individual for their own state of health and there is really no excuse to abandon ourselves for the sake of others,, it just needs a new awareness and some down-to-earth publicity extolling the virtues of self-care, at home and in the work place”
Yes very important Stephanie, as our health as health practitioners is very important to be able to care for others but also as role model and to truly inspire others who are having an illness and disease and look out for a more healthy way. We all have responsibility.
Thank you Anonymous for making people aware of how absorbing life is so harmful.
Well done for stopping and choosing to live another way, inspired by Serge Benhayon who has taught thousands of people ‘The gentle Breath Meditation’-a fantastic tool to help reconnect to the gentle breath which brings you back to your body and true essence.
This example brings us, once again and again and again to the amazing service Serge Benhayon does through the reflection he offers. Without it, how many of us would have stopped in the tracks we were on?
Eduardo, it is truly scary to consider how I would now be living if I had not chosen to be a student of Universal Medicine and the teachings that Serge Benhayon has brought through for all of us. Needless to say it would not have been stopped in my tracks and it would not be with the joy and vitality that I now live with.
Absolutely Eduardo, I know I would have still been treading the same old path, going around and around and never knowing about the power of stopping and connecting to my breath.
We can take this as a mere example of how people live in a way during the day that they pay at night and accepting what happens during day and night as if it were normal. The French have a horrible expression anyone can use to accommodate all miseries: c’est la vie. In truth, it does not have that way though.
Oh that’s such an insidious saying isn’t it? That these expressions become so commonplace says so much about how much we’ve given up as a human race on truly living a glorious life. Which is why its so important to introduce true expressions ☺️
That saying is a great escape from the responsibility we can choose in our lives, no wonder it is overused, as it seems easier to apply our issues and problems to ‘how life is’ rather than looking at the possibility of how life could be, with responsible choices.
Awesome blog Sam ❤️ Very useful for me right now being a professional absorber! Always useful to know yourself so when the mood changes you can be confident it’s not you and give the other person/people the space to feel and deal with whatever it is themselves
Being given the space to deal with any issue that might be going on is a blessing, as is through observation knowing that any person is not their issues, that is not who they are.
I agree Heather, it makes it a lot easier to know that any person is not their issue. It takes away any judgement and allows space for understanding and acceptance.
Great call Racheal R, two vital points 1. When the mood changes you don’t have to align but know it’s not you and don’t be swept up by it. 2 give the other person/ people the space to feel and deal with whatever it is themselves’. Both gems to live by as the first thing we do when there is a drama is rush to the persons side and sympathise, not giving the person a space to feel what they have created for themselves. It’s this simple Wisdom that supports responsibility and change.
How much of caring in sympathy is governed by an image of how this has to be, e,.g, an image of what a good carer is all about?
And also governed by our need to be the one that helped.
Because we want the recognition rather than we do it just because that is what we feel to do…. There are so many things that are done out of recognition rather than love.
Exactly, an image which is in fact void of true care and responsibility.
Yes good point Eduardo. And how much to we beat ourselves up if we don’t live up to an image that is in fact at times impossible and not real at all and all from sympathy and holds no love in it at all.
If we walk in life in sympathy we stop moving in the way our own evolution requires us to move.
Wow Eduardo – what a statement! And I agree, we get lost on a wrong track by sympathy. It is like we all are on our path back to heaven and by falling for another’s drama – what is nothing else then a creation of a ‘wrong track’ as well – we step away from our way. Also we support the false idea of being powerless by ‘helping’. The best way to help is to reflect truth, power and evolution. The best way to serve is to stay on my way, to not give up on love – what is in fact ‘The Way’.
Very true Sandra, “….Also we support the false idea of being powerless by ‘helping’” – if we go around helping everyone the default is that someone else will be there to pick up the pieces ultimately because they’re better than us, or more powerful, in other words ‘helping’ widens the gap of separation between people instead of drawing them together in equalness – through support. Support is different to help, support is about being there for a person, steady, as one’s clear self, with the lived knowing of equalness of greatness with another, and without saving them in any sympathy. ‘Being sympathetic’ and taking on a person’s woes to make them feel better, is not truly caring, supporting via reflection (love) as you share Sandra, is.
So true Eduardo. When I am in sympathy with another I delay my own evolution and am not allowing another to take responsibility for their own.
When I jump in the pit with someone I am choosing to lessen myself through sympathy. Which means now we both need saving!
When I observe, keep holding the other in love, understanding , and knowing that they are equally capable of bringing themselves out of the pit, is the best empowerment anyone can receive.
True – walking in sympathy means we are walking against our own evolution and supporting the other person to do the same.
Well stated Eduardo….
So true Eduardo, as when we are in sympathy with another we have left ourselves and what our next unfolding step is calling for. A distraction for us and disempowering for the other.
Love that… for another’s energy within us cannot but interfere with our own innate movement… thus denying us being all we can be in any moment.
I find it really fascinating that you noticed yourself developing the symptoms of some of the patients whose issues you had absorbed, as it goes to show that taking on the problems of others can have serious affects on our bodies. I’ve experienced this too, and have found that absorbing issues tends to make my body bloat, and cause tiredness or exhaustion.
What a fantastic observation, and imagine how it would change the world were this investigated scientifically.
Yes, absorbing others issues is like poison in our bodies, I agree Susie. It does not truly support us or another.
Yes Susie, me also, and i clock this by noting the (fresh and clear) quality i feel at the start of the working/office day, to the end of it where it’s very often not as crisp, and i know i’ve taken on people’s stuff, my own stuff, lost my presence and become exhausted. On the weekends when i’m not in an office, i note my quality is different and typically clear the whole day.. which points to the need to deepen my quality to hold myself steadier with others especially at the workplace.
Yes, and it can feel worse than a hangover, or an illness because you do not have an actual cause to treat.
Absolutely Kylie – when this happens and our body reacts to taking on other people’s issues, there is no medical diagnosis or treatment that will work – we have to address our own behaviour and our relationship to other people in order for things to change.
There is an innate impuse to oneness that we act upon that brings us down since re-interprets what that oneness means. When you absorbe the other person’s stuff, there is a fake feeling of unity that kills us.
Awesome blog Anonymous – wow 80% I hadn’t realised the figure was so high. I too am learning to observe and not absorb and it’s a hard momentum to change but the Gentle Breath Meditation is a constant support for developing a deeper connection with myself so that I can stay steady where in the past, and still do, lose myself to those around me.
This has been for me a revelation: observe, don’t absorb. I would get frustrated or judgmental about situations around me. So, I got ‘into it’ and became part of the drama, the problem. When I started to just observe a situation, take it for what it was, I could stay with it. The Gentle Breath was and still is for me the practical and concrete way to grow into this observing. Just checking my breath now is enough to know if I am observing or absorbing.
Awesome that you are offering a true reflection of what caring is, both for yourself and for others now Anonymous.
I have lived my life for a long time on a very similar path Anonymous, but once we are aware of this pattern, we can see how obvious it is that we create our own illnesses by our own behaviours. It felt like it used to happen instantaneously but now I have some space and can feel the choice I have to continue the pattern or I can decide to not absorb. I know if I’m tired at the end of the day, I’ve been caught up with someone’s emotion somewhere. It is all work in progress as you rightly say.
All this absorbing of others’ emotions was leading to a path of illness and disease. This sentence says it all and actually for me was true. Having absorbed the emotions of others all my life ( not even knowing I was doing this) let me to becoming ill 5 years ago in which I did not work for a year.
If only we could see what we are doing when we take on others emotions at the time. It would be enough to make us sick instantly and put an end to such behaviour.
Brillant, awesome blog Samatha, and a fantastic support/read for everyone, not just those people in the caring professions, as this topic of taking on the emotions of others is so widespread and ingrained in society that we do not even realise we are doing it. I now am much more aware when I go into ‘investment energy’, which simply is the investment of saving/ helping others as it still tries to creep in the back door!
Too true Jacqmcfadden, the fact that we take on others emotions is felt by us all, I never understood it as being harmful to my body. Nor did I understand that in doing this that I made it impossible for the other person to make any necessary changes that they need to make for their own healing, as in taking on their stuff leaves them “free” of it, but with no connection to the cause of it.
I know this ‘investment energy’ so well. It is something I still have to be vigilant about. I have so many times been hurt and frustrated when my attempts to save someone has been rebutted – it should have been a telltale sign that far from being helpful, in most cases this behaviour is often not even wanted – but I have heroically persisted because I was also invested in me being a helper.
Me too Golnaz. I have always had big investment in helping others, and my return from this investment was the false belief that this was how I could connect with others, while the complete opposite was true…. Just the other day I was skyping with a friend when I found myself in the energy of ‘wanting him to get it’, so there was a push behind my words, and there I was back in the ‘investment energy’. However, I immediately spotted it as it felt just so yucky, that I paused, and literally pulled myself back to myself!
Yes well spotted jacmcfadden04, ‘investment energy’ – or having vested interests i can certainly relate to this especially in my job of sales. Noting those sales deals that are simple and require little or no effort versus the ones where a lot of energy is taken up, energy meaning ‘investment’ – these ones rarely work out and leave one exhausted often with resentment. It’s so crucial to keep on spotting this investment energy because it creeps in, in all sorts of ways.
What a big difference Zofia to the sales with and without investment, its like two completely different energies at play. Yes, I too have to be vigilant to spotting this investment energy because it was so ingrained and became habitual and it still tries to creep in wherever it sneakily can!
It has become such an everyday part of life to absorb the emotions around us – feeling like we have to get involved and take it on as our problems to do any help. I know so many people who rather live of the drama and rush of emotions, or are very sensitive and get easily involved and worry about people. And yet if someone is stuck in mud, you have to throw them a rope to be of any help, not climb in with them, and yet with peoples problems this is what we so often do. Surely, not taking the problem on as your own, and seeing their part to play in whats going on, will make you far more of a help, able to give your support because your not being effected by the issue.
We sympathise with good intention but it is actually disempowering of another, versus the ability to observe and understand where another is at and support them to make the necessary steps to heal themselves.
I agree – it also reminds them and supports them to feel that they are not their hurts and need not be identified by them, giving them the space to heal
Reading this I can appreciate how I too have lessened the amount of stuff that I take on from the world around me, people are allowed to be in whatever state they choose to be in as I have learnt that whats in me is let in by me. Shutting down from the world and my feelings completely has never worked but only disempowers the gatekeeper (my choices and the the energy I choose to allow into my body). It feels freeing to be able to be with a person and not take on their stuff, even if at times there is a sense of people wanting to drag us down into the well because then if we are both in the mud we don’t have to be responsible or aware of the fact that we chose to be in the mud.
I have been in an intense situation where I was caring for someone and taking on their emotional trauma, it is quite a debilitating thing to be absorbing someones grief and I can remember at the time it leaving me feeling quite desolate and helpless. So what you write Anonymous resonates strongly, and staying observant and offering love and care in this way is now the only way I would choose to be there for someone. I can in this feel how much more supportive this actually is, even if it is not seen as normal to not become sympathetic and enjoin the person in their drama.
I find that being able to observe and not absorb really helps me be a more effective teacher at work. I can deal with situations calmly and still have a great day. Being able to stay steady regardless of what the day brings, means I don’t get exhausted by the array of emotions I regularly come into contact with when I am at school.
Observing in the corporate world is also a very useful skill. When the emotions and upsets are flying around, if I can observe rather than get sucked into the issue, I can bring the clarity that is actually needed.
Thank you for sharing this quote Anonymous – a rude awakening to the truly harmful effects of absorbing other people’s emotions etc.
“Taking other people’s stuff on creates 80% of illness and disease in this world – absorbing other people’s stuff is poison, which you cannot debase so easily to heal.” By Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings and Revelations – A New Study for Mankind, page 486
What a useful analogy you’ve shared Anonymous of jumping into a well to rescue someone and then being of no use because now you too are stuck. It makes sense that getting emotional about other people’s issues is no real support to you or them. This is something I am learning, particularly with my children. Supporting them without trying to rescue them leaves them to figure it out their way.
Dear Debra,
I love your last sentence for when it comes to our children and other members of our families. “Supporting them without trying to rescue them leaves them to figure it out their way.” When we can do this it empowers all to understand why something is happening in their life, with understanding we then have the power to make any necessary changes. There have been many of my own life challenges, that once understanding is felt, they are no longer the problem they were before hand.
‘Supporting them without trying to rescue them leaves them to figure it out their way.’ This is key Debra, having spent most of my life rescuing everyone around me I can now feel how disempowering this is because it is sending out a message that I do not trust them to work it out for themselves. Recognising that I was doing this to feel better about myself and actually using other people and their problems in this way was very painful but my relationships have improved vastly now I have let go of my investments in other people getting it (whatever it may be?!)
I also worked in social care a few years ago, and I used to take on the issues and problems, moods…energy of my clients and my staff team, everyone seemed to be struggling and emotional and I either sympathised or became frustrated. This did not support anyone. Prancing to ‘Observe and not absorb’ has allowed me to be be in many different situations at work and a t home with out getting lost in them. I used to feel like a ‘sponge’ also and i would become sad and exhausted. We can still support, we can actually support more when we do not take on other people’s issues.
Its like a killer virus going from person to person, only able to be stopped through observation.
This is one of the greatest solutions to eliminating exhaustion, stress, frustration and illness and disease by simply observe and not to absorb other people’s emotions. Wow, this is so simple yet not many people in the world are aware of how powerful this is. So awesome openly share and bring more awareness to people in regards to how our choices affect ourselves and each other.
It must be awful to work in a place where people are not accepting their part from their choices that has caused them to require medical assistance. You are there with straws for everyone to suck your energy emotionally and physically… because you are the one to fix them! They see that as just part of your job. It is easy to see how the burn out rate is so high. You have shown Anonymous you don’t have to hand out straws and how easy it can be to wring out the sponge when it does occasionally does soak up a spill and everyone gets a healing.
Awesome Anonymous. What you are sharing here is something that many people do but they are not aware that they are doing it. In clocking that you were harming yourself by absorbing others’ emotions and in sharing that you no longer do it is very exposing of this trait and will support others no end!
……What a beautiful inspiration you are for your work colleagues too Anonymous and a shining light for all the people you work with out in the community (and in hospitals).
So true Marion, as we all are and have a responsibility to be wherever we are. We bring healing or hurt.
It is so easy to get caught up in other people’s stuff for sure, as I found out only this morning with a few tears of sadness welling up in my eyes. Having the knowledge as you have mentioned, learnt from Serge Benhayons teachings and Presentations plus his wonderful books, I was able to bring myself back to me and recognising I can only help by reflecting and being Love. Thank you Anonymous for your reminder and your example in your workplace to many I’m sure.
That is beautiful Roslyn, so many people would love to read this piece and understand that this way of absorbing is just not needed.. It is shocking to see the percentage of illness and disease that are caused by that (absorbing) on an energetic level and eventually exposed through our physical body. So our step to take forward is to understand in our bodies what true medicine is, and so to feel that absorbing everything around us like a sponge is just not healthy.
Yes how great to get this piece out in the health and social welfare sector Danna. Working in this field my self for all my working life, I see so many people, often women start off full of sympathy and by the time they have become exhausted and ill themselves, the initial pull towards people has become resentment and hardness. This is so not necessary when we learn to observe and not absorb.
Great sharing Roslyn. It is awesome to release any sadness we may be holding onto as it is a healing process to uncover the layers that clouds who we are. With regards to absorbing other people’s emotional stuff I realised this was a way to keep me weighed down, feeling exhausted and miserable hence feeling very disconnected. This was perpetuating, distracting and allowed me to cover up my own issues to not have to deal with them. This was a way of being that was unloving and a choice I had often made in the past but now I no longer do this to the extent that I used to because I realise how harmful it was for myself and others. It feels so empowering to not absorb but to simply observe, stay connected to myself and reflect my steadiness, truth and love. This is so simple but very powerful. This blog and the amazing comments reminds me to take responsibility for my own choices, to observe and not to absorb more consistently.
“I can only help by reflecting and being Love” a simple fact Roslyn that one day the world will know.
I found myself nodding my head at much of what you have shared here Anonymous. “I was a nervous wreck” rang very loudly also! where else is there to go when we’ve taken on and ‘absorbed’ others energy when caring has gone a little too far. A brilliant sharing of your journey Anonymous to now truly ‘care’ reflecting true love and healing. Having the ‘tools’ to support you when the going gets a little harder certainly brings clarity, connection and an inner stillness keeping your own energy levels stable for you to keep feeling all of you and not getting lost in all that caring.
Reading your comment Marion reminds me of my ‘spiritual’ days when, apparently, the best way to protect ourselves from others’ emotions was to put a bubble around you, or a shield in front of your body. This never felt right to me as not only did it not work it kept others from feeling our love, and as love is the greatest healer it didn’t make sense to shield it from others. I realise now that the best form of protection is to open our hearts, let people in and allow them to feel our love… then no layers of protection required. We can have compassion for others but going into sympathy never truly helped anyone.
I used to believe that I had to protect and shield myself from ‘negative energy’ if I didn’t want to get affected by it – not realizing that that posture was loaded with many judgment, creating separation and tension in relationships. Doesn’t help anyone.
An inspiring blog Anonymous which I can relate to well. Recognising where we ‘absorb’ the emotions of others through going into sympathy is key to true healing. Sympathy comes under the hidden and misguided guise of doing good and helping others, where in fact the total opposite is true – it is very draining, damaging and actually highly manipulative in feeding our own neediness to be loved. Prior to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon this ‘exhausting-draining-absorb-all-sponge’ was the basis of my existence. It certainly was not living from love. As I continue to let go of absorbing others ills and being more observant, my own health and wellbeing has vastly improved from connecting within through the Gentle Breath Meditation.
I also now have the understanding Stephanie that sympathy has nothing to do with loving another and can also be an arrogant assumption that they are unable to deal with whatever situation they find themselves in.
That is awesome to read and hear Anonymous. I can totally relate to being a human sponge for everyone elses problems and emotions! Just like a sponge I would become cold, damp and saturated and then would have terrible outbursts when it all got too much. Now thankfully as a result of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I do not take other peoples stuff on so much so just like a sponge without water I feel much lighter.
I love your analogy of being a human sponge James, I can relate to that one! I am becoming more and more aware that when I react to something, I also absorb their emotions and that is very difficult to deal with, but having the awareness of what is going on and taking myself back to my body, either through the Gentle Breath or esoteric yoga, means that my bodily sponge is becoming much lighter too 🙂
That’s awesome Sandra, emotions especially those from others can be very toxic to our bodies so the less we take on the clearer we are. I find little things like reflecting on my day at night or going for a walk helps me to let go off things I have taken on during the day.
Great blog, Anonymous, this is something I’m working on too – all my life I have exhausted myself getting stuck into other people’s problems and, despite years of counselling training, still do it today. I am learning more and more to stay connected with my own body, breathing my own gentle breath and offering a steady presence whilst colleagues, family members and anyone else are dealing with their emotional issues.
I am working on not absorbing other people’s emotional stuff too. I love what you’ve shared here, by offering your steady presence Carmel you naturally reflect to people around you, reminding them how they can also choose to connect to that steady presence themselves. The power of reflection can be extremely supportive and healing.
I’m with you on that, Carmel. I’m still learning to let go of feeling like it is the right thing to do to take on other people’s stuff. But if I look back to where I was compared to now, it is like night and day. It is the subtlety of it now that I can feel, because I am much more aware of it being an old habit and that it is so common in people I know and interact with. It is something that will be a work in progress for quite a while, but at ever finer levels.
These tools Serge Benhayon shares with us are nothing less than star rockets. As if they came from another world, a world that is simple, caring for everyone equally, truthful, full of harmony, like a safe home.
I agree Anonymous, ‘observe and not absorb’ presented by Serge Benhayon was and is a life changer for me as well. It takes practice when you have spent nearly a lifetime being affected by every emotion around you but developing compassion and not sinking into sympathy and absorbing emotions that are not yours gives you the freedom to understand the energy that underlies world and personal events.
I agree Mary that it does take a while and constant commitment to change a pattern that has been with you for so long, but this ingrained pattern of being a sponge for other people’s stuff is one that is absolutely well worth breaking.
I agree Mary. This teaching is a life and world changer. I have found that there is nothing worse than not feeling ‘yourself’… and the only way to maintain a true sense of self is to learn to observe and not absorb.
What a great habit to change Anonymous, I agree it is so draining to continually be absorbing other people’s ‘stuff’ – I am still a bit shocked to see the statistic is 80% of all illness and disease is caused by this absorbing behaviour – it has made me aware of where I am still allowing it into my life – and I can see it quite obviously in the lives of some of my dear friends. Thankyou for the reminder.
It is indeed so important Anonymous that we observe and not absorb as only then we are able to see everything clearly, unbiased by our own investments in any outcome or whatsoever. Through that clarity we are able to truly serve the needs of humanity.
This is such a great point Nico. Without the clarity to read people and situations, we are no use as we are simply then part of the drama.
Yes Emma, without that clarity we cannot read people and situations for what they truly have to say to us and if we choose so we are not learning nor evolving, but as you say, just part of the drama and in that we add to these as well.
Hi Anonymous, I certainly know what you mean about absorbing other people’s emotions. I used to be twice the size I am now from absorbing everything. I too have learned to observe instead of absorbing what is going on with others and it has made me a much clearer and more effective health care professional. I have literally reclaimed my body as my own.
You certainly have Elizabeth Dolan, and being a top notch nurse is a testament to that!
If we could support health professionals to observe and not absorb burnout would be significantly reduced or not occur.
This is significant Elizabeth, especially in light of the fact that obesity is a global issue.
True Abby, obesity is a global issue. As Elizabeth states she has claimed her body back as her own. So if obesity is layers of other people’s emotions, this would help people to understand what they have become is not them.
Wow Elizabeth – that is huge what you have just shared. You dont see that written very often. People kinda skirt around that topic but you have clearly stated it and now know that by stopping absorbing other peoples stuff, that you lost all this weight and reclaimed your body as your own. Very inspiring indeed.
Having seen photos of you on the ‘before and after’ website, it is amazing how much you had absorbed but have now let go of.
Before and after
Elizabeth this is beautiful to read and inspires me to really observe without criticism where I absorb and the beliefs that run beneath the surface.
One such belief is if I’m not affected I’ll not fit in with everyone else – I’m scared of being seen as weird and to feel the jealousy from those who’d like to observe and not absorb but aren’t choosing to do so knowing it is harming them. It’s great to see this belief and my fears for what they are – of great disservice to everyone – and resolve to staying with myself.
Absolutely Elizabeth, I would also take on a huge amount of emotional garbage from others, so much so that in-fact you could have called me the garbage collector. I would even say I could take on your emotional garbage by saying ‘I have big shoulders’ and I also packed on the kilos and have now lost over 35kg. Serge Benhayon has shared how to observe and not absorb these emotions and this has made a huge difference in my life actually it is a miracle.
It is part of the roles we play in life, e.g. as a man to shoulder other people´s stuff or as a mother to protect their children from every emotional harm or as a carer to relieve people from their suffering etc etc Absorbing and taking on energy is the way to identify ourselves with who we think we need to be, gain recognition and be protected.
This is inspiring Elizabeth, our bodies are our own, they are not to be given over to others. I feel that there is a way of being in absolute service for others and dedicated to work without losing our sense of self and preciousness we have with our body. Or put another way, observe without absorbing.
What i can really hear in both Elizabeth and Anonymous’s experience is how much they now have to give – the gentle breath meditation is an elixir that would change the face of today’s health care system.
Anonymous, this could have been my story. Absorbing emotions and I did not had a clue how to not live in this way which frustrated me and made me a nervous resentful wreck.
Staying with my breath, to feel what is happening but to not let it in, so it does not affect me changed my life too. It is a forever work in progress, I do get affected now and then when I feel sympathy coming up but I am much clearer now about the effect this has on my own body and can make the choice to go back to observe instead of absorb. This has made me a true friend, mother, wife, nurse, collegae etc.
Often we use sympathy to not feel our own issues, our own hurts or lack of self worth and the responsibility to heal this.
…. or maybe we go into sympathy with someone to not go there and tell the truth of what is really going on, therefore not taking responsibility for both our behaviours. And yes, kerstinsalzer15, no-one gets a healing.
l love what you expose here Kerstin. Great wisdom.
That’s true Kerstin. Sympathy can often be a distraction to not deal with our own hurts, so we focus on another’s.
Yes Annie and also a way to stop us from feeling our own emptiness.
I find sympathy always present when I have taken on energy or issues that do not belong to me.
Thats an interesting concept, so while we are busy worrying about this one or that one and sympathising here and there we don’t have to deal with let alone feel our own hurts and issues. Great way of hiding but painful in the end.
Great point Kerstin. Investing in others in the avoidance ourselves is the opposite of responsibility.
Indeed Kylie, sympathy is pretty yucky really, on the surface it looks caring and good – yet in truth it is a total avoidance of self responsibility.
True, and what is the result there-after is a mess – what we have in society today.
That means we intentionally seek to fill ourselves with something that we are not or doesn´t belong to us thus we are not victims of our good intentions but culprits in our own self-staged drama of life.
So true. It is so much easier to see another’s problems and issues and jump into “fixing” them rather than looking at our own stuff and dealing with it. Sympathy is very revealing.
I was a sympathy supporter too and would be so confused when I would just burst out crying and not know why. Looking back on my life I can see that all my sympathizing with others (and a lot of the time sympathizing with myself) was like swallowing poison and without knowing how to deal with the after affects of it. I don’t do this near as much as I use to which is evident by when I do fall for sympathizing the consequence is instant, and I will hit a part of my body or fall over or get sick. Also I now feel how awful and imposing it is when someone is in sympathy for me… I now say no thank you there is nothing to feel sorry for me about.
I totally agree Aimee that taking on other people’s stuff is “like swallowing poison and without knowing how to deal with the after affects of it.” I own my bottle of poisonous emotions therefore I have a starting point when I am ready to begin the healing, but with the “poison” of others, the label on the bottle is not available for me to read therefore I have no idea where to begin the healing process.
True, I remember Serge Benhayon presenting in the same context that we don’t have the wherewithal around other people’s poison (= their issues and emotions) and can’t therefore adequately deal with them. No wonder they become such a heavy and seemingly unshakeable millstone around our neck.
That’s a very clear analogy Ingrid.
That’s awesome Aimee how your body reminds you instantly. l am inspired by this level of detail, and depth of connection to your body.
I know what you mean Anonymous, and this is happening to most of the world. No wonder there is such illness and disease and it is escalating with people not being in their bodies and feeling what is going on by not realizing that taking on other’s energy is pure poison. Forget the chemicals, microwaves, and all that sort of distraction we have been encouraged to think causes cancer as one example, no it is our propensity to absorb and not observe.
i agree Susan. Now that we have the Gentle Breath Meditation we have a way of re-connecting to our body to feel the stillness that is there. Once this has been experienced we have a marker to use. When we drift from this marker we can check-in and feel whether we are absorbing other’s emotions etc that are going on around us. We are being impacted by so much that is going on in the world – awareness is the key to becoming aware of what is ours and what belongs to others.
Awareness is absolutely the key and what a marker the gentle breathe meditation supports us to be with.
And the thing with absorbing, is that you may not know or realise that the symptoms that you are experiencing are not yours at all, but something that you have absorbed and taken on from another, and if you don’t know this, then how are you able to get the the root cause of your illness or disease.
This is true Rosie. Many would not relate physical symptoms to absorbing but this is as we know the case.
And why is it that many are not able to relate them? Simply because its not common knowledge but really it should be taught to us as children. It is so so so important to our health and well being.
Absolutely Susan, the propensity is increasing. I am clocking when I am out and about just how bad people’s bodies are. I am appreciating the Universal Medicine student body and how we are living against the trend of what is going on out there. Universal Medicine has the answers, and it is a proven fact, if you were to observe the Universal Medicine students and how they live. We are aware of the mess and how to live out of the mess to the best of our abilities. It is a sure change to observe and not absorb to avoid ill-ness and dis-ease knocking at your door.
Gorgeous sharing and one that should be shouted off the rooftops. You so clearly have articulated the mess we can get ourselves in when we take on other people’s stuff. It is exhausting. The way forward is as you say to still feel it but not absorb it. Sounds easy? In one way it is and the gentle breath is a tremendous way to do it. In other ways it can seem very tricky and ‘easier’ to take it on. But on the long term it is so not.
The issue that I have Sarah, is that when I take stuff on, I have already taken it on before I realise. When I finally realise that I have done this I have to then untangle myself from the mess. So much easier to be observing always, being aware of the energy, rather than jumping into the emotion.
Oh so true Lee. It’s like, ‘Woah, how did I get here’ when you are completely enmeshed in it. Then you need to untangle and mop up the mess. Which I still do have to do when I get caught in it. Which is fortunately less these days, but it still happens.
Can so relate to your blog Anonymous and I still fall into absorbing from others but steadily with the gentle breath meditation, or shifting my weight from one leg to another a couple of times and really feeling my body, I am getting clearer and getting back to my gorgeous self.
There are many tools we now have in our toolbox Susan thanks to Universal Medicine, I do the shifting weight from one leg to another too, and the Gentle Breath Meditation is number one on the list as it is a very powerful exercise and no-one needs know you are doing it, so it can be done anytime and anywhere (except under water of course!).
Good tip Susan, to shift weight from one leg to another
Yes Susan, I find the more connected I am, the less I absorb what is going on around me.
I have found similar mays to ensure my connection to me which helps to identify if I am absorbing rather than observing. I have found that touching the tips of my fingers with my thumb or against a desk very gently and very deliberately is a way for me to check my connection.
The beauty of this toolbox is its infinite simplicity and accessibility.
And how blessed we all are for every one that takes the steps to do so. The world truly then becomes a truer place.
You bring up a major point Susan, by not being connected to ourself we are saying yes to the energy that keeps us disconnected. By consciously choosing movements that re-connect us to ourselves, we then say yes to all that energy offers.