I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.
Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.
At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!
If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.
In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.
As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.
I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.
I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.
It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!
Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.
As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.
It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.
Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.
I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.
Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.
Responsibility is beautiful.
I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.
By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia
Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It was so great to read this blog again. It reminded of something I currently am experiencing. The overwhelm, that constant anxiety but also that feeling that I’ve done something wrong or missed something, feels quite ancient, whilst in this new work role. The hardness and hard time I’m giving myself is full on too.
What I really appreciate is that years ago I would have struggled on my own, but now since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have so many resources to support me through this wave. I’m suddenly not an expert in this new position, but how I deal with what’s been set up at work is being received differently to I how I used to be years ago.
These ancient impositions are annoying in one respect, but also a revelation that another thing that doesn’t belong is truly freeing too.
I’m completely not out of the woods yet as I face more and more each day at work. However, I know one thing, I have an army of friends that are constantly supporting me, whether they are physically with me or not.
When I read this, it made me realise how we spend wasted energy on taking on other peoples stuff. And I hear you about the burden and over whelm with a current situation that’s playing out in my work environment. It’s an uncaring situation and as you so rightly stated, ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost’. Taking on someone else’s, is just not on and this is how the world runs, businesses, families, relationships and the list could go on.
Wanting to be perfect is within all of us, it plays out in some format, or the alternative is completely the opposite. We can only do our bit/part in any situation and the rest can take care of itself. We are not responsible for others, only ourself’s. Now what would the world look like if we all played our part in everything?
I’m learning more and more that responsibility begins with you first and observing how others are, is just the constant playground we live in.
Hi Shushila
Thank you for your response
What I feel is the more we work and live our true responsibility with what we bring in our each day choices support us to observe and bring what is needed and hold the space to express and move in a quality that is equally for the all without judgment but in the whole of the All
Kathy what you have shared in this blog is gold and in so many ways you have learned about commitment to life and practical aspects of life which is invaluable. But for you to have understood and developed true responsibility and the claiming of yourself is an amazing example that all of us can be inspired by in so many ways.
Depression goes hand in hand with exhaustion – it can be a physical exhaustion or a mental exhaustion – but in the end in some way we have given ourselves away and from there depression comes. Most of us have experienced being tired and grumpy and knowing that when we are tired then nothing seems as much fun, and when you then continue this over a period of time and then it just increases in intensity. This is just a small taster of depression for one night’s sleep does not correct it. Only deep self care and love and replenishment applied consistently over time does.
This is the world’s disease and the more I understand life, not fully, the more I realise that no one is living what we perceived to be a perfect life. Exhaustion running their life’s, with anxiety fuelling it in the background.
Self care is the key, and it is the one that is about you and not what the world portrays self care to be.
This is really interesting to consider as I had not seen it like this before, and yet this is such a common expectation of responsibility: “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”
Quite simply the more hurt we let go of the more real stuff like true love and multiple dimensional awareness we can let in.
When we commit to making truly loving choices our lives can be turned around for ever. A loving choice gives the body space to breath and the heart an opportunity to expand.
Thank you Kathy, I was appreciating the sense of joy your words communicated about discovering true responsibility, and it is, lovingly caring for ourselves first as we move about our day. It’s an enormous history of abuse you have experienced to resurrect out of, and it’s a testament to both the care that Universal Medicine offer, and to your own willingness to heal, that you now live in true responsibility.
How empowering and liberating is that to understand what true responsibility is. I can feel how your parents genuinely believed in the responsibility that they thought they were taking by being the way they were as you were growing up. When love is removed from responsibility what remains is control and righteousness which casts the overwhelm and obligations that we often associate with this word, and that is not responsibility.
Fumiyo, you have nailed it here – without love, life becomes something unbearable, without the heart and warmth there is only emptiness, and so to bring in responsibility we can bring it in full with the love and warmth to truly experience life.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” A gift that keeps on giving and is there to share with all those around you.
What a complete turnaround in what responsibility means to you from it first being and feeling like a burden to then seeing it as the greatest gift you have ever been given. What a difference it makes when we truly understand something and claim this for ourselves instead of taking on another’s beliefs or ideals of what something ‘should’ be.
Many people get caught in not feeling good enough, and so try to be a perfectionist, ‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’ In contrast, what a difference true responsibility makes to our lives.
‘It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ This is a powerful realisation and the key to understanding our way of living often comes from a greater understanding of why we have chosen to become that way.
‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change’ – gorgeous and deeply healing words that we can give to ourselves that no doubt are life changing. We cannot ever underestimate the love we can give to ourselves and the impact this has on our health and wellbeing and that of others around us.
Its interesting how we can run away from responsibility because of what we think it means. But what we think it is whether we run away from it or try and fix everyone and everything is what is making us sick. When we understand that living true responsibility is what will begin to turn around our current states of ill health, we might actually see some waves of change.
Trying to fix everyone and everything will make us sick, ‘Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’
I love how you point out that this form of responsibility – always putting others first, their needs before your own – is a huge contributor to lack of self worth. There might be a sense of following the societal norms and therefore feeling good but this does not last long for it had no real or true substance….we have left ourselves out and therefore are lacking, we can build no foundation or solidarity for ourselves for we are continually giving our power away. Like this we foster a humanity of takers and givers, neither of whom are connected to their soul.
Taking on responsibility for others, when we haven’t even been asked, is this a peculiarly female trait? Mothers and careers alike seem to have this symptom- I know I did, before coming to Universal Medicine.
Great point Sue – we can as women in particular be very good at ignoring or denying our own needs and focus instead on the needs of others fulfilling them at the expense of our own. This is an age old tactic and method to not take responsibility for the amazing beings that we are and deserve to live.
Fixing others… ‘was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ Yes I can recognise that in myself. Helping others somehow raised my self worth, especially if I felt I was being ‘useful’. Perhaps I was told how ‘useless’ I was being, I’m not sure, but letting go of the need to fix others has helped me to look at the whole ‘Who am I?’ question.
I recognise this in myself too. The first thing I was told at boarding school when upsetting family news was given to me at 10 years old was to ‘ come and help with the little ones’. Thus began many years of burying my hurts and trying to help others instead of sorting out my own undealt with feelings. Despite years of attempting to sort them out when I realised the effect that had on me, it was only coming to Universal Medicine that got to the root and I began to take true responsibility for myself and questioned the trying to ‘fix it’ mode.
Being responsible is taught as being this incredibly boring chore that we have to do growing up – when it’s actually the most amazing feeling to love responsibly – ie knowing that your voices and your actions will not hurt or affect another human being.
Responsibility is something I used to run away from, now I embrace it more fully and have more joy in my life… it obviously is worth investing in.
“I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next.” What a prison to break out of and a huge consciousness to turn around. To be empowered to release this ongoing anxiety and embrace the support that surrounds us is a true miracle.
Making a true commitment to be responsible for the quality in which we live, speak, think and move, has a ripple effect out into all of our relationships, as a beautiful reflection and an inspiration.
Yes, understanding responsibility from an energetic perspective is what changes your life as to how then the temporal responsibility is approached with regards being a citizen of this world and of humanity.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ – A great observation and understanding of yourself Kathy and how this is taking true responsibility to where it needs to be. How this has an effect on everyone not just ourselves.
Every time I read this I feel the truth of it on a deeper level and understand that allowing ourselves space to understand why we are as we are in life lets us connect to ourselves, having compassion and love for ourselves…the compassion and love we have always wanted. This bringing of love and care invites a nurturing and nourishing which builds a foundation on which we can stand with confidence – knowing that we are worth it.
Sometimes “fixing” things appears to work but if we do not address why things have broken the breaking continues. Being willing to look at our own behaviours and how they are contributing to the break down and how we can change them is crucial in the process. However at some point we need to acknowledge our bodies part in this otherwise it becomes merely a mental exercise.
The joy of knowing the truth of true responsibility and the awareness you share here is deeply beautiful, inspirational and a treasure to all. Simply doing what’s needed takes away the hardness and exhaustion and brings a flow to ones life lovingly.
Responsibility is beautiful for it is the acceptance of living in a way that deeply honors the love, the Divinity we are in essence.
True responsibility does bring an aliveness to the body which is so far removed from the burden.
When we meet other’s needs as a way of seeking approval, recognition or acceptance we can build resentment when it is not reciprocated.
It is absolutely exhausting and depleting to attempt to shoulder the burdens of others. That is why we need to truly understand what responsibility actually means.
Elizabeth thank you for your sharing, the true meaning of the word responsibility has always been learned to be about others first instead of everything begins and starts with us first
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” Intangible and definitely not something we can purchase on the internet, yet it is the greatest gift we can ever receive, one that restores our inner power to claim who we really are and live this integrity in full.
Without living the responsibility to live all of who I am, I am left with its poor cousin, to control my environment and others around me.
What is becoming clear to me is whether I hold myself back and do nothing or live like a robot in function it is one of the same as what truly matters is the quality of energy I hold myself in.
It is not uncommon in society that the emphasis of responsibility is put on the expectations of what we do rather than who we are and the way we choose to live our lives. What if this tide were to change? It would undoubtedly change the face of humanity and all the relationships we have with each other.
Very true Sandra and in living true responsibility we effectively return the meaning and Livingness of responsibility to its true meaning, reflecting this truth through our lives and relationship through relationship that we share.
The idea of responsibility that most of us a are brought up with is really messy. It ties us up in psychological knots as we try and do and be everything that goes against the true nature and order of life. This blog is a great example of that. Thank God for the clarity that came to you through your meeting with Serge Benhayon and the simplicity that is possible when we start to make loving choices for ourselves, healing our hurts and committed to an ever deepening love for ourselves and others free of the investments the false responsibility feeds.
It is no wonder that we don’t like the word responsibility when the way it comes to us is so often with expectation, burden and a lack of appreciation from others. This seems like a setup for kids to grow up avoiding responsibility and then modelling this burdensome version of responsibility to their own kids.
Fiona I loved what you expressed how we are taught as children about responsibility and how it feels like a burden. Instead of coming from the true meaning of responsibility enjoying the beauty of responsibility, to know how empowering it truly is for self and everyone in equality to learn in their own time and space.
Well said – isn’t it crazy that “responsibility” when it’s made to be a burden and is not actually about living responsibly – which is an incredibly joyful way to live – actually turns you off real responsibility.
Something is wrong when we learn that the word responsibility means putting others first. Responsibility has to do with servicing: us being in service, hence with ourselves; being in service is a sign of our own evolution first and foremost.
Responsibility feeds us back the glory of who we are.
Never too late to take responsibility the power is forever a part of us to deepen and deepen some more.
We are often taught a distortion of responsibility that says tend to others feelings and needs first, which does not discern the quality in which we care for others, empty of self love or full.
We are sold a lie that responsibility is not fun or enjoyable. We are encouraged to have fun while we can when we are younger. These paradigms create and endorse approaching life and committing to it only when necessary. Yet, from my experience, it is when I commit whole heartedly to everything before me that I feel my most vibrant and best.
Abby I loved what you shared when we are in true responsibility to the all there is no compartments of things but come from the whole of everything we live, express and reflect.
Coming from a place that everything and everyone is equal in unity.
Beautifully said Abby, there can be so much vitality and joy in bringing ourselves more fully in life.
Kathy, this is such a beautiful turnaround from leaving the old burden of what you felt being responsible was, dealing with the hurts of your childhood to developing a relationship with true responsibility.
It is very important to note the reason we carry out behaviours that do not support another. We always have our own agenda and it is with absolute honesty that we heal ourselves to no longer carry out the lie that was once perceived as helping and assisting another.
True responsibility being about taking care of ourselves first, and from there, being able to support others: if we all committed to making this the focus of our lives, instead of the distractions, involvements and investments in the lives of others, we would have the levels of love and connection in our relationship with ourselves and one another that we crave and are worth.
Cultures can bring a level of entitlement to control and bend the truth on what is true responsibility in order to comply with traditional standards. When we bring truth and honour our actions we offer all the refection that one way is not the only way to live.
I love this piece. No matter when but when we care deeper for ourselves, the whole heaven rejoices on this choice.
Living a life in perfectionism means abandoning the self for everyone and everything else… it is not a bit of wonder that we become exhausted in life.
It is interesting how we love to create these struggles like taking on responsibility, where there is no true purpose for it. It gives us the identification of business instead of being open, to a capacity we cannot imagine of its grandness.
It is in fact a way of arrogance to take responsibility for others instead of letting them have their own experience in whatever they choose to do. It actually supports them to be not autonomous and like you beautifully honestly described you were actually emotionally fed by the dependency that gets created then.
This is very beautiful, Kathy.” Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by” – it is that simple. It is about being who we are.
Fumiyo thank you for your lovely expression. We are truly blessed when we allow the body to speak in a way that is loving, showing us our behaviours and patterns for us to learn and come from that understanding to let go of the hurt and appreciate that there is a deep healing for all equally.
Kathy, a very honest and open sharing here about responsibility but also about the need to control things in life so as not have our hurts triggered. The way you have shared this is done with such huge understanding and this in turn can be there for all others to be inspired by and hence work their way through letting go of the hurts.
It can appear so difficult at times to let go of the hurts that we hold, but once we let go of them the freedom that comes from this is amazing. And ironically taking responsibility actually equates with the greatest of freedoms – energetic freedom. Meanwhile, in our society responsibility is seen as something that weighs you down – it is really configured to look like that to prevent us from embracing it and hence growing and evolving.
When we choose to let go of the hurts it leaves us with nothing less than the simplicity and strength we can all live and reflect to others.
We can spend so much time and energy trying to get everything ‘right’,always needing to do more to achieve the goal … even our attempt to de-stress can be done in drive. When we rest back in our body, feel, surrender to our inner essence, and truly let go of any pictures of how thing should be, the strength and power that arises through our body is fuelled by the energy of Love, and Love knows exactly what to do.
Jenny it is beautiful what you expressed – the strength and power that arises through our body is fuelled by the energy of Love and Love knows exactly what to do… It makes such a difference when we allow love to be in the for front in everything we do, which brings joy in responsibility and a loving understanding to appreciate the all in the learning.
I too got caught up in thinking responsibility is about looking after and helping others but I now know it comes back to the way I am with myself and everything that I do. Then I bring this quality to everyone else – which is where my responsibility comes in with the quality of energy I am choosing to bring to everyone else rather than thinking it is about what I can do for them. It makes it super simple when it brings it back to the fact we just have to live the love we are and everything else then takes care of itself.
I love what you shared here James about making life so much simpler by just focusing on the choice to stay connected with our bodies and bring that connected quality to all our relationships. It helped me to feel just how much energy I have wasted in my life either trying to control situations in a way that I thought was actually helping people (and being ‘responsible’) or how I have racked my brain trying to come up with ways that I should be in service to other people, instead of just bringing that quality of stillness to everyone and letting my body lead the way.
It seems way too simple but works. I know how much I want to help others but also know the only way to actually help them is by living the fullness of the love that I am and offering them this reflection as after all we can only truly help ourselves.
Taking things on for others is an abuse both of ourselves and of the other for it does not honour either party. Unfortunately we have made it a norm to burden ourselves in this way and when we begin to make more loving choices there can be a period of unsettlement as the boat gets rocked and adjusts to its new course.
Beautifully shared Liane – when we realise what we have been a part of, and then choose to do things differently. This can indeed rock the boat and an adjustment for all is required and then it is a win win for all.
When we take on ‘the worries of the world’ or being perfect for other people, it would be more accurate to say we’ve decided to live from self. For no matter how generous or well intentioned these acts might seem they’re ultimately selfish acts of abuse. Our true responsibility as you show Kathy is in treasuring us. Thank you.
So true Joseph it sure is, we just need to treasure ourselves and then will naturally treasure everyone else.
“For no matter how generous or well intentioned these acts might seem they’re ultimately selfish acts of abuse. Our true responsibility as you show Kathy is in treasuring us.” So very worth repeating. It does not help anyone to be there for everyone and everything else if we are not equally held in this equation, as the equation then does not equal the truth.
We offer such a powerful reflection to humanity when we live and move with true responsibility, it is the missing key for many people so it is deeply inspiring if we make this truth our everyday normal.
When we are connected and are with our self fully nothing overwhelms or disturbs us and from here we view responsibility in a whole new light. It sits in conjunction with purpose and integrity. It is where we want to be.
Great sharing Kathy, and a truly beautiful story. A love story really. Without knowing who we truly are we out-source love and recognition in many and various ways until we come home to who we truly are.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” What a nugget of gold this is. And how different the world would look if we all lived from this understanding.
It is no surprise that we take the things/ roles on, we get born into. Realising and unravelling how much we burdened our true self/ essence and that this is in fact the greatest pain we all feel and carry deep inside, is a huge step. Reading your blog it feels like you took on a way of automatism to be seen and valued at least a little bit by fulfilling what is being asked of you from the outside. Letting go of this automatic response and chore must be for you like getting out of prison and freeing yourself from a pressure not imaginable.
Its so interesting because the world feeds back that this constant low grade anxiety is exactly what its looking for, so they know you will force yourself to fulfil their requirements no matter what, and particularly inspite of yourself and how you are feeling, It robs us of a fundamental right to feel how we feel, and express from there what is true,
This is a great example how the truth of words get bastardised an interpreted into our own version and how very beautiful then to discover and let unfold the true meaning of a word by living it step by step.
Thank you Kathy, indeed responsibility is in fact beautiful, I used to run a million miles from responsibility being scared at what it could bring, these days I say yes to responsibility and have seen my life totally expand and become more joyous because of it.
Sam it was lovely to read your response. It is amazing how we are set up to believe what true responsibility is. What I love is how Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine brings everything to the truth of the true meaning and reflection of how to live the joy of responsibility in the fullness of every day life.
“Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.” – If we can pinpoint what lies underneath a behaviour, issue or wayward relationship, with ourselves or with other people, then it is much easier to shift and choose to build a different foundation.
Allowing others to live and learn from their own choices and imperfections is an essential ingredient to honouring our own self-care that we all need to master.
Responsibility and love are one and the same so the more we embrace the only responsibility that we have which is to be ourselves in full the more love we express.
This is a beautiful invitation to responsibility to simply live the love that we are.
The fact of accepting the responsibility to be ourselves and nothing but that, includes already our brothers and sisters- a movement outwards and not cycling around us. You then feel, that you are not expressing and living for yourself, that your expression is needed and that we cannot hold back what the other actually deserves to see and experience.That every expression is needed in this world and that the greatest love we can give each other is to show each other who we truly are. Hand in hand with accepting true responsibility is for me first the acceptance of who I am and how amazing every single one in this world is.
I had always felt responsibility to be a burden, being the oldest among five children I was expected to be responsible for the others and if anything went wrong I was to blame, This created in me an anxiety about always getting it right. I am thankful to come to an understanding of what true responsibility is, it is lovingly caring for myself first with the choices i make and allowing others to also be responsible for their own choices and the learning that our choices bring.
The amount of responsibility for others that you were given at the age of 4 is astounding. No wonder you were overwhelmed. And no wonder you believed that you had to put everyone else first. How amazing to come across Serge Benhayon and open to the understanding that our true responsibility is to ourselves first. It puts everything in perspective and serves for our own healing and that of others too. Such a relief to have it the right way round!
Thank you Rebecca for your loving response to the blog. We are truly blessed that Serge Benhayon is a great reflection and teacher of bringing the Ageless Wisdom teachings in truth allowing us the opportunity to live life in true responsibility and not being caught up in our ideals and beliefs of choices from self and others projections or expectations on us.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This is such a common misunderstanding whereby many feel that by stepping in to assist another it is generally thought that genuine help is being offered. But seeing it from this perspective it becomes clear that self responsibility is being pushed aside instead.
It is amazing how easily it is to focus on others and completely forget about ourselves. For me when I focus on others I can make it look like I am helping them when really I am either not wanting to be with myself or I am wanting them to be a certain way so they fit the picture I have of them which is very imposing and judgemental. The best support I can be for another is simply to live the love that I am without holding back, no fixing, no niceness just love!
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ Allowing others to fall if necessary, I have learned, can often be the most supportive thing we can do, or how else can they really learn from their choices? I know from my own experience that it is from my mistakes that I have learned the most, it is from my mistakes that the hurts have come up for healing and it is from my mistakes that I have been humbled and where my impact on others has also been confirmed.
I used to think responsibility was boring, and that I was curtailing to societies demands that did not feel true, a rebel of sorts and yet once I began to look a bit wider and not so narrow in my perspective I released I was shooting myself in the foot, responsibility has nothing to do with dull and curtailing it is empowering, invigorating and essential to living life fully.
Thank you Serge Benhayon for being the true being that you are and living the responsibility we need to live, exactly that reflection we need or each other, each one of us carries the torch of their unique expression.
“Finally here was a man who made so much sense!” Serge Benhayon shines his light to reflect a true way of living.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” What a contrast this is Kathy to how most of us have understood responsibility to mean, which is more as a burden rather than a gift.
Responsibility is our ability to respond to what our body shows us is the truth. The shackles of duty and obligation are ideals that let us continue to pursue the concept of ‘being good’ at our own detriment. As you beautifully show Kathy our body knows it all.
Joseph, thank you for your great response. When we keep life simple to how our body feels, it shows us the all of how to live life in the true livingness of Responsibility, reflecting to others it is not hard work but a loving way to honour self first and then others.
I know I still find it a challenge sometimes to not dive in and rescue someone by clearing up the mess if they have got themselves in trouble by making unwise choices. But I know that if I do the rescue clean up thing they learn nothing and often repeat more of the same and I feel exhausted or drained by this. so I have learnt to be supportive in a different way by being there for others when they need help but allowing people to make mistakes and clean up their own mess for that is how we learn. I have also started doing this for myself.
Andrew, thank you for your lovely reply. As you said it is easy to get caught up in the pattern of helping others but when you allow others to work through their own choices, it gives them the space to come to their own loving understanding of the ideals and beliefs and how they play out in their patterns and behaviours.
To be burdened with responsibility often can indicate we have taken something on that is not ours solely to do or have taken it on in a way that gives us some form of recognition and identity.
Serge Benhayon has helped me to come to realise too how being responsible is actually a spherical thing – as in it’s not just towards others or a certain group or person (nor just towards ourself) but including all of us equally…
Who would dispute that our lived experience does not leave a clear trademark in our pattern of movements?
True responsibility is to breath our own breath, once we do that we can withstand any storm that comes our way.
Perfection is debilitating, time consuming and destructive, learning to accept who I am and that I will never be perfect has been a huge lesson and a lesson that I keep coming back to.
Fiona, Perfection is debilitating and destructive as I have also learned from this pattern and behaviour.
I have come to the loving understanding that I am already complete and that there is no need to use perfection to receive recognition or acceptance but enjoy to appreciate all that I am.
Yes when we are prepared to bring true self-responsibility to our lives we clearly feel our part in our own misery and at the same time feel empowered to truly address what is troubling us.
Shirley-Ann thank you for the awareness, of how we get caught up in the wheel of doing for others, which distracts us from allowing space to connect to what feels true and to go to a deeper level into responsibility bringing the purpose of what is needed in our work and living.
How amazing that now at the age of 60 years old you can say that you truly love yourself being you, making loving choices and how you have let go of the hurt and let joy into your life. How many 60 years old women would be able to say this? You just learn and grow beautifully so!
Annelies it is a true blessing that we have Serge Benhayon to reflect how to truly live and take responsibility for who we truly are no matter what age and in that exposes the lies that we have been set up in to go through life living in a way not taking responsibility for self but to look at others and outside of us.Through the reflection of Serge I realised that taking responsibility first for self brought joy and in that allowed to let go of the hurt and there was nothing to fear.
I have read this before and still am completely astounded by it for this is or should not be possible! ‘At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work.’
It is interesting the way we are willing to assist others no matter what, and yet we struggle to do the basics of self-care for ourselves, it is a huge realization to understand that real change starts with self-responsibility first as it is only then that anything we do carries a quality of true healing and evolution for all.
Recently I’ve noticed how I take on other people’s drama, it feels awful in my body but for another to recognise this too they need a clear reflection to as you shared “to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” By holding myself I not only allow myself to remain steady and content within my body but it opens the space for another to reflect and heal. Very cool.
‘Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.’ Ditto Kathy – a most amazing approach on a subject most people avoid.
Jenny I truly appreciate your great response to the blog. We are blessed to have Serge Benhayon inspire us all of how to truly live life in truth.
It can also be a worth issue that we as women don’t feel we can accept the care of others or even ask for it, especially if we see our role as just being there and doing for others. If we haven’t been honoured in the gorgeousness of our essence, of who we are, we can lose touch with it believing our value is in what we do.
Thank you Kathy, I was drawn to reading this again today. As a child I had similar behaviours of caring for others and taking responsibility that was much bigger than I could handle, I can feel these patterns are still very much there and seem to trigger when I know someone is not appreciating me for me, but is more focused on what I can do for them. The whole world seems to be geared to place importance on what we do, and not value who we are, yet it is being who we truly are that is our greatest responsibility
Melinda, it was great to read your response. It is very easy to get caught up in others needs feeling that we are helping them but instead we are taking away responsibility for them to learn and in that we are not being responsible for our learning in the opportunities that are before us to be who we truly are.
After reading this blog today I got the sense that you actually can say that depression is because being disillusioned by life in such a way that you believe that taking responsibility for your life is hard and a struggle. In fact our responsibility in life is only to shine the light we all hold to the best of our ability and not to mix up responsibility to be responsible for anything outside of us.
The more responsibility you embrace, the more you see the effect on the world of every moment and the quality you are in that moment.
Being perfect or a perfectionist is a common goal for many, but the underlying drive for it seems often to be one of “being right” to overcome a lack within. We all know no one can actually be perfect, so perhaps a drive for perfection is a message to say “look within and consider whether self-appreciation is present for you in your life, just for who you are”.
Responsibility goes with the willingness to be who you are and stand for what you consider to be true no matter what anyone else thinks or does.
Thank you for sharing Alex that responsibility goes way beyond ticking the boxes of what the world wants you to be.
When I read this I feel the power of vulnerability, and the ripple effect that cannot but take place when we let ourselves be open and transparent. Which is of course the beauty of the responsibility we are all endowed with – to be open, transparent and fully seen for how delicate and exquisite we truly are.
Thank you Katerina for your lovely response. I loved what you expressed about vulnerability. But as women when we feel vulnerable we see this as a weakness within ourselves and override it so that we do not become open and transparent for all to see, hiding our beauty of what we bring.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” A deeply life changing gift that opens the door to Universal truth and hence a whole new way of life that nurtures our inherently loving nature from the inside out. What a blessing to receive, not only for yourself but also for everyone in your life that you now hold in true love.
It’s interesting how we we can turn the word “responsibility,” against ourselves and that the actions and or movements we use to be responsible when it is not first felt from the body can feel very heavy and burdensome. It truly is amazing to feel the true service that responsibility offers us, as you have so beautifully expressed here Kathy and how a true movement made from our bodies connection can be a spherical expression that holds all equally responsible.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” – yes this is so true Kathy and also, many of us would not see this i.e. taking on other’s responsibility also as being disempowering too to those others and to oneself too.
The healing offered in Esoteric Therapies are jaw dropping, and the changes that people report make me wonder why these therapies are not more widely available. Perhaps one day they will be.
Culture and expectations go together to mark emotion and drama far from what we know is true responsibility.
True Responsibility is very powerful and can move mountains, but when responsibility is imposed on us we can carry it around like a heavy weight on our shoulders for the rest of our lives. Understanding true responsibility brings a deeper understanding and clarity to many of our ingrained behaviours.
Kathy, this is beautiful and deeply revealing: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
Thank you Henrietta for your response. It is truly a humbling moment when we come from a loving understanding of how much we can impose on others from our ideals and beliefs.
When we impose there is no room for understanding and that is the core of true relationships.
Responsibility feels Ike a loving thing to do now but in the past it always felt too much to handle and so comfort or withdrawal were chosen. When you are fully on board with your body and moving in sync with what’s needed, responsibility is a joy and not even seen as a responsibility, just what is needed.
Reading this has elements of similarity to how I was raised, except the responsibility of the other siblings was not put onto my shoulders as I was the youngest, but even at a young age I could see how this version of responsibility was having it’s effect on my oldest sister.
Responsibility is a natural part of our evolution, for the more we commit to live it the more we gain access to a greater level of awareness to inspire another to return to where they belong.
The concepts and use of the words such as responsibility and commitment have been so misused by society that we’ve forgotten the real meaning of them – and how simple and beautiful they are. I love how you so tenderly bring it back Kathy to the responsibility of cherishing and looking after you, so that you then bring the full you, nurtured and loved up to the rest of the world and all that you do. How can we deny how beautiful responsibility is, when we consider it from this way – from what it actually is? To be responsible is to claim love – because love and responsibility are one and the same.
Thank you Katerina for your beautiful expression about responsibility being beautiful, especially – because love and responsibility are one and the same, so true.
We can only bring responsibility in a loving way through the way we appreciate our body and quality in all that we bring from our connection within and the knowing that it brings to the all equally.
I have tried to get things right, and suffered emotionally when I have neglected something or been exposed as not being right. Right and wrong are very different from truth. Truth is a universal law and right and wrong are opinions and so I am learning to unravel myself from these opinions and be open to what there is to learn from the universal laws that connect us all.
Samantha thank you for your sharing. Getting things right can come from our expectations, outcomes, pictures, ideals and beliefs about ourselves and others in illusion of what we think is right or wrong for selves and others. So we use our patterns and behaviours that are not loving but harming the all in what we believe is going to help in coming from our own hurts.
I have also come to realise that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost, that means being responsible for myself first and allowing others to be responsible for themselves.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Love this Kathy!
Jenny thank you -” Responsibility is beautiful ” and I love feeling it each day in every way.
How we are within our self, how we relate with the world and everyone we meet and know really does have an impact on our physical health and well-being and also it works the other way round – how we look after our body affects the way that we think and approach life… It is key that we care for ourselves in all aspects of our life in order to truly support ourselves to support others.
Choosing to be responsible for ourselves first is the foundation upon which we can built a life that is in line with purpose with our own evolution and that of others around us through the reflection of our being-ness.
This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” . . . This sentence made me realise how much of my life I focused on making sure others were living up to what I considered what they were responsible for all the while never fully taking responsibility for myself. The irony of it all made me laugh.
Giving our power to others by meeting other’s needs first can be drain a on our life-force and a misplaced sense of responsibility.
It must have been about the same era as I was 4 years old and the eldest sister and could strip and remake a bed. I remember standing on a stool to cook the chops and do the dishes. I was a little older than 4 then but not much. This certainly sets one up for the drudgery of a misinterpreted idea of responsibility when as you say . . . ” . . .living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.” . . . as this includes looking after ourselves first and foremost.
True responsibility grows us in the most beautiful and steady way.
Spot on Jenny, there is much to gain when we live and move with true responsibility.
The pressure we put, or believe is put on us to be perfect, can definitely contribute to anxiety, and help to erode our natural playfulness and joy, ‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’
“Responsibility is beautiful.” I really love this simple statement, responsibility is beautiful, yet we don’t think that is the case. We think that responsibility is laced with hard work and its not something that can be seen to be loving and true.
We buy into such an old trick
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”
The focus on other people takes us so far away from ourselves and this is done on purpose and for me this is evil when we are deliberately kept away from the fact that everything about us down to our very particles respond to the vibration of the universe which to me is God.
Flipping what we currently deem responsibility to be on its head and instead to feel and see the truth of and in it in that responsibility is a ‘beautifull blessing’ … is deeply inspiring. As well as the fact that you do not blame anyone in your life for the responsibility of others you were given at such a young age.
Like with so much in life, the meaning of responsibility has been twisted to become something it is not. We erroneously believe it is a burden when in fact, responsibility in truth removes all the burden we others carry. Responsibility is akin to love and no less.
I have witnessed many work places where any form of responsibility is considered a burden. What is interesting to note of late is how these burdens have now become basic human actions of respect and decency questioning how far have we dropped for this to now become treated as the norm.
Hi Brendan, a life without responsibility feels empty it is so true. I feel it also brings anxiety and depression as I have suffered all my life. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the great reflection from Serge Benhayon on how to live true responsibility. I now have less anxiety and no depression. I love true responsibility and going to deeper levels with it in love, joy and embrace each opportunity responsibility brings.
Responsibility certainly is beautiful Kathy, I wouldn’t have said this 4 years ago because I had misunderstood what responsibility meant. Now, I know it is a deeply loving way to embrace life, with full responsibility, we are able to be who we are and allow others to be themselves too.
Thank you Chan for the learning you have of true responsibility and how you are embracing life with your fullest loving understanding of true responsibility. Allowing self and others to not only be themselves but also reflect how amazing it can be when you live life in truth of responsibility. Life is so much more loving, simple and beautiful.
Hi Kathy, I too used to equate the word responsibility with burden and felt that work was a chore. I can also relate to being a bit of a perfectionists and wanting to do everything right. When I started to take responsibility for myself, it was the beginning of things turning around for me.
Hi Debra, thank you for your loving response about how we see responsibility as a burden and work. Both taking on responsibility for others and trying to be perfect takes a lot of energy to keep everything going which puts stress on your body and being in disregard. It is so freeing when you come to the loving understanding of the truth of what words truly mean you start to live life more openly with appreciation of self and others.
This is a great example of how damaging the barstardiastion of words are to humanity. True responsibility is a gift to all who encounter it.
Well said Kim, in taking on the misinterpreted version of responsibility it drives us to live the opposite of its true meaning. In most cases we can go into reaction to the word responsibility when we have been living with the false version. Once we understand its true meaning and see people living it, it is so easy to be inspired because deep down we do know what true responsibility means and looks like.
Responsibility is indeed beautiful as we can play our part of the whole – in its integrity and love we can express through living our responsibility. That is indeed beautiful.
Thank you Kathy, I notice that almost every time I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself. We often think the world needs a kinder more gracious outlook with other people around us, but I wonder what changes would we see if we just started by treating ourselves as if we are gorgeous? I for one, would like to find out what this would be like.
Joseph I love your comment,” when I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself”
I feel this comes from when we are looking for an outcome, pattern and behaviour or a picture we have on the way it should be, it takes us away from taking true responsibility of feeling what is truly happening within and allowing self to let go and surrender letting the situation to present itself, giving self space to enjoy the learning.
Responsibility for me has taken on a whole new meaning when I considered that how I am now will affect my quality in the future, and it is not just about getting instant satisfaction or gratification.
“I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.” I can completely resonate with this too.
Taking responsibility for how I am with myself and how my body is feeling is the most supportive and loving thing I can be for myself and others. Thank you Kathy for this reminder.
It is true taking over the responsibility for other people is not giving them the space to make their own choices, it is also a way of controlling our environment so we don’t get hurt. Letting go of the control means we have to be open to receiving love and care from others and letting them be themselves what is very beautiful in the end.
In the constantly setting higher standards for ourselves and discontentment with where we are at, is a deep non- acceptance of all that we are, for we are each everything, already, before the day begins and at its end… though we may choose to express a great deal less than the magnificence we offer.
It is hugely empowering to acknowledge and claim responsibility for the power and joy that truly is – so when we try to be responsible for others, could it be that we are actually imposing an ideal of a kind on to them and robbing them of an opportunity to evolve?
Well said and very true Fumiyo, we need to allow others the space to develop and evolve in their own time.
‘applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ And for me too Kathy – I have the most amazing tools to develop inner awareness and true well being from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations.
Jenny thank you for your reply. We are truly blessed to have Serge Benhayon, a divine and amazing reflection of living true responsibility and Universal Medicine Workshops to allow us to go deeper in our true livingness and bring that in our every day living of all that we have taken away from the workshops learning and coming from a loving understanding of self, others and life
It is interesting the misconceptions we hold about responsibility mainly to do with others first and seldom do we refer to true responsibility which is within or the commitment to develop a certain quality that can be expressed in everything we do – nothing more, nothing less just who we truly are.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Very true Kathy , Living with Responsibility is simply living truly in every moment – a way of living that only leaves Love in its wake.
Responsibility is far from the burden and martyrdom it often is cast with – for True Responsibility is absolute Love and is the basis of true freedom.
Yes its absolutely about love and truth, no space for burdens, reactions.
It stops me in my tracks overtime, responsibility starts with myself and my own care. It is indeed a never ending cycle to feed a lack of self worth by being there or doing for others and is not sustainable.
A very inspiring blog and understanding of true responsibility with oneself first and the simplicity and joy from this is very beautiful in our life and a reflection for all to feel.
Responsibility is the key to our evolution and when the more we embrace it the more we get to understand that we are part of something bigger and it is about all us and not just self.
Absolutely – true responsibility is forever holding everyone in our gaze (and hearts) and not focusing only on ourselves.
Living with true responsibility leaves our body feeling light and un-encumbered – a beautiful feeling of completeness.
True responsibility starts with us first taking care of ourselves. How can we know what responsibility is until we feel it for ourselves first. If we don’t we learn to take on responsibility based on the expectations of others as was the situation with your family, and then we see responsibility as a burden and a chore when it is one of the most natural things on the planet.
I’m coming to learn how true responsibility is not as scary as we think it is. In the past when I thought of responsibility immediately my body takes on a stance with need for defines and to prove something, but responsibility is starting to feel much simpler and is more akin to being honest about the energy that I am living with, and making that a quality in all areas. A quality lived by one is felt by all.
What you’ve described Kathy is very common…I see it in my own family – people putting others before themselves but it is loaded with expectations and if it isn’t recognised, feeling hurt and angry.
There is an idea that if we put ourselves first it is selfish, so we are brought up to put others before ourselves. In my experience, this has led to resentment and neglect of myself.
Striving to be perfect takes so much of our precious energy and it feels like it strangulates the naturally amazing being we are, as we are actually trying to achieve an unattainable goal. Not only is the process of aiming for perfection exhausting for our body but when we feel we have not reached the level of perfection we are expecting of ourselves we add another debilitating behaviour as we now have a reason to beat ourselves up. Letting go of the need to be perfect is one of the most self-loving choices we could ever make; that is “true responsibility”.
Responsibility opens up so many doors, for me it allows me to take charge of my life rather than being in constant blame of everyone else. Ultimately I have always had a choice and seeing this everything makes sense. Blaming others changes nothing and just keeps things spinning around like in a dirty washing machine, without changing the water the clothes stay dirty.
This is such an interesting blog for me to read this morning, I feel that I have recently developed a greater understanding of the importance of reflections through relationships in our lives to show us where the irresponsibility lies. Otherwise, we walk around in our ‘normal’ which may well be indulgent and self-abusive yet we have chosen not to see it as such because, to date, it has worked for us.
What an awesome thing Kathy that you can now say “I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better.” It is sad how many people still are carrying blame towards there parents, sometimes this is expressed sometimes not yet always there as an undercurrent eating away until we take responsibility and learn from our choices rather then to continue to blame.
It is interesting the things we do to make ourselves feel better about ourselves, and taking on other peoples stuff is one of them. On the surface it looks like we are being responsible but it is in fact the opposite because it robs the other of the responsibility and they do not grow. It is also used by us to not deal with our own hurts by getting too involved and busy with other people’s issues.
It is truly beginning to humble me as I become ever more aware that the responsibility I first have is whether I stay with and express from the steady humble, forever student of myself that I am, or step away from it into a way of being that I had made my life, one of sadness, loneliness, emotional needs and wants. It can take every ounce of resolve I own, but it is worth it to step off the roller coaster, onto a steady strong platform of my own love.
A deeply inspiring blog – thank you.
In taking on ‘responsibility’ for others we disempower those people and also ourselves and are making a judgement of others may live their lives rather than allowing free-will and to live us and let others live.
Letting go of the ‘hurts’ we carry is to free ourselves from an impost over us that is not true, yet imprisons and controls every aspect of our lives. we don’t need to protect our hurts but rather see that we never truly be hurt by another, only reminded what we have done to ourselves, and so heal, restore and live the fullness we are from.
Thank you Kathy, responsibility in its true meaning is a beautiful thing, it is not a burdensome but an opportunity at what has occurred and be more understanding and loving in our lives with others- it is the only way forth in our evolution.
Wow Kathy the way you have healed your childhood and any hurts you were carrying is amazing and very inspiring to read, I had a pattern in the past of being overly responsible for others as well which affected my self-esteem and well-being long-term. It is beautiful how meeting Serge Benhayon has shown we can begin to heal these patterns that are harmful and holding us back from who we truly are and to begin to live with true responsibility and to feel the simplicity and joy that this choice brings.
I agree Kathy, it is life changing when we realise that we are to take responsibility for our self and that no one else is qualified for the job. Taking responsibility for the way we think, talk and move certainly has a huge impact on not only our health and well being but on everyone’s around us as we are all connected.
true Kathy – taking responsibility for another’s situation is just a way of draining/ burdening ourselves as it is not ours to take on… and in this we are in fact distracting ourselves away from what we need to actually take responsibility of in ourselves..
This is true – we can easily fill our lives with tending to others lives and decisions rather than turning inward and reflecting on our own life and choices and taking self-responsibility.
True responsibility starts with self and the quality that we hold ourselves in, as it is only this quality that we can then hold for all.
Truly remarkable and inspiring read for many as you claim your vitality and love of life as a 60 year old woman. Thank you for bucking the norm where often the life of “retirement” and carefree living void of responsibility are the hall marks for many heading in their older years as the ultimate way of living.
Yes Kathy, responsibility is beautiful, thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom. What you have expressed here is very powerful lesson for us all;
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”.
A life transformed. From experiencing responsibility as a burden to appreciating responsibility as something beautiful. Our first responsibility is to self and with this foundation all else falls into place. We’re able to give an extra-ordinary amount to others once we’ve put our own house in order
A touching account of one path into true responsibility and showing that no matter what the landscape when you are younger or older you can make a change. Look around your life and see if you can see this story playing out on any level, growing up or in your family now, maybe in your friends family. We are repeating patterns of behaviour that then support us to repeat patterns of behaviour if that makes sense. In other words we are walking around in circles thinking we are going somewhere when in fact it’s always and forever a circle. In place of arguing that we should look at articles like this, living results of people of all ages and walks of life taking on true responsibility and making a difference. We all need to embrace the awareness more and more of what the truth of responsibility is.
What you share here about the time when you felt so exhausted you contemplated suicide – “I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.” The lack of control and the inability to know how to talk about what you were feeling to get help because you have grown to believe that this was your ‘normal’, there was no other way. I am full of respect for the commitement you placed on supporting yourself and finding another way. The responisbility you took to turn your own life around. Respect.
“….it is a gift I give to myself.”
Responsibility is the foundation that allows us to claim our unlimited potential – there is no greater gift.
That is beautiful Lucinda – what an expansive way to allow what is there on offer for us to live our lives with a foundation that builds joy and expansiveness as our normal way of being, rather than the struggle, tension and worry so many of us settle for.
I love how you have claimed this Kathy, that responsibility is beautiful. Far far from the have laden misinterpretation we have bought into for eons, and in so doing, walking away from our own grandness and love.
Reading this blog Kathy, your words reverberate all over my body – and remind me that our single true responsibility in this life is to be Love. All of the other stuff is not significant in the way we think it is. We focus on this when we miss the grace, stillness, connection and warmth we naturally are. So I get this morning, that responsibility is not a terrible thing – but a door to feeling our true light.
Children do well with a sense of purpose and understanding that they belong and can contribute but what you were asked to do as a child would be labelled as child abuse these days. When I observe my 4 year old nieces and nephews I can see that that pressure without the support would have had a huge impact on you energetically and developmentally.
I am struck by my 4 year olds and how they were at that age, what I asked them to do and what they took responsibility for and then I feel the weight of responsibility you had on your shoulders – I can quite see that the anxiety of not being in control, of ensuring you were able to do a great job would have been well embedded and would have led to a break point. I am amazed you lasted as long as you did. How wonderful to have been given a moment to reconsider.
It is a trap thinking we are doing ‘good’ taking responsibility for others, when actually we are robbing them of the opportunity to take responsibility for them selves and at the same time avoiding taking responsibility for our self.
Awesome Kathy. To work through the resentment of your parents and anyone whose expectations you felt you had to live up to is pretty remarkable. Bringing that understanding to where people are at is a huge part of responsibility, because from there we realise we don’t have to take on other people’s burdens.
‘True responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ Yes. I too have been used to taking care of others, having four younger brothers. I then went into caring professions, ostensibly looking after others, but not caring for myself at all. I was always ‘trying’, trying to be good enough to pass my own standards – and of course failing. Learning about energetic responsibility and loving myself first was an eye-opener for me when I first came to the Ageless Wisdom presentations. What? It wasn’t selfish to put me first? Not only that, it became clear to me it was essential. How can someone truly care for and love another if they don’t apply these same standards to themselves? No wonder there is so much burn-out.
Perfectionism – what a killer of joy and simplicity in life. It’s a terrible kind of compensation for what is fundamentally a lack of self-worth. If deep down I believe I’m not enough, well everything I do damn well ought to be perfect in order to get the recognition that I am!
It’s interesting how skewed responsibility can become – our interpretations of it, some of which are detailed here. Understanding exactly what responsibility entails and where and how it begins has been part of my learnings with Serge Benhayon too. As with so many topics, he reimprints and restores true meaning and understanding, enabling us – if we so choose – to live a life that is true.
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” – and as you’ve discovered Kathy, it isn’t. Supporting, caring and loving others can only come if we are taking care of ourselves first.
I’m so blown away that at age four you had taken on such tasks. The world is full of words that have been twisted and used against us. This is a great example of how responsibility was used to become it’s opposite. Taking you away from true love which is held in true responsibility.
Great to read that no matter what age we are, we can make choices which can support us to change our lives, and at the end of the day true responsibility starts with us first.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” I can see why you say this Kathy – we can be imprisoned by beliefs or ideals and knowing, or being reminded about, the truth of a word in life is truly freeing.
Love what you have shared here, that with true responsibility there can be true joy. We always think that taking on more responsibility means that it is a drag, something that you are burdened with, not that it can be hugely joyful and expanding.
Great point Raegan, responsibility is so often perceive as a burden, a moment in which we can pull in self doubt and create issues that in the most part do not exist.
Thank you for your touching story and unfolding understanding about responsibility. Serge Benhayon is very precise in the use of words and I deeply appreciate the opportunity to learn about the true meaning of so many words, not just through verbal explanation but also providing personal example through the way he lives. I have found that embracing the truth of such potent words as love and responsibility turns your whole life round.
Yes Golnaz, that is so true, Serge Benhayon is precise in the words he uses and he has unravelled responsibility from being a burden to being a joy and full of self-empowerment. The illustration of how it can turn lives around as shared in this post is worth paying attention to.
Gosh Kathy that is so full on looking after your siblings from such a young age. You have transformed your life thanks to your commitment to saying no to doing for every-one else and coming back to taking care of you first. Well done as I know many of us struggle with this transition to putting our self first.
We often see true responsibility as a burden, and think life is easier when we don’t take full responsibility allowing ourselves on occasions to take part responsibility when in truth we are either responsible or not. The more I live by true responsibility the easier life actually is, because you know what is truth and what is not truth, which leaves nothing unknown.
In the early part of this blog, when you talk about your childhood, and as a parent myself, I can’t help but wonder what it must have been like for your parents, the kind of upbringing they had and how they must have felt being away from their children all day, the fears they must have had and the deep sorrow. I get the sense that there was a lot of fear, of wanting everyone to be safe, and how they knew that in you there was someone they could rely on, someone strong and dependable – just like them.
Shami, I loved what you shared here, thank you, for you have brought another light on the what was also truly happening, my parents to trust me with responsibility at that time of being 4 years of age and how it must have been hard for them and also the fear they must have felt.
I have come to a loving understanding that this was part of my path of life to learn and unfold in knowing true responsibility, that it was a burden of how it was set up and through Serge Benhayon bringing the true meaning, actually brought a loving gift from my soul to bring through the gift of love not only to self and to others to live and reflect in life bringing the true meaning of responsibility
In fact we can only be responsible for ourselves and that is also how responsibility works. It is impossible to be responsible for someone else’s life as we have no control over their will and the choices they make. If we think we can, then we are drained as we give energy to something that is not us. The only responsibility we have is to shine our light to the best of our ability, and through that light we can show to the world what responsibility really is.
To not blame the world for our woes but see that we alone are the creators of our life reveals to us that we have the power to change. This alone brings us a huge step forward to the responsibility we have.
An amazing blog Kathy! It is incredible that you have come out of the years (from 4 onward) of full on feeling responsible for everyone else. To know that the only one you are truly responsible for is yourself is indeed a truth that Serge Behayon has shared with us and is in the Livingness of.
Thank you Kathy for a most honest and touching blog. I love the depth of understanding that you have come to about what “true responsibility” is; an understanding that would benefit most of humanity. To understand the truth of responsibility has allowed me to drop any need to blame anyone else for what has gone on in my life and that how my life has unfolded is simply a result of all the choices I have ever made
We grow up in an environment that places so much pressure on us to achieve certain things. Whether it be perfectionism, a better person, a fixer, a carer etc etc. There is nothing out there besides Universal Medicine saying to people you are you well before you do or become anything. You are already perfect in your divinity and perfection isn’t something to try and achieve. Nothing is saying just breath and truly connect and everything you need will be at your fingertips because you have you. We are constantly trying to achieve, obtain, be better while all the time everything is already inside, and we only need to deeply, and consistently connect to it. Universal Medicine turns peoples lives around because we are all walking the wrong way, the world is upside down. We are the masters of knowing what to do, it’s just we have created a world through our actions and movements that tells you otherwise. Just because you think something doesn’t make it real, everything is energy first and so the wisest thing to do is to see where the energy you are using is coming from.
It’s so true Cathy – responsibility is love, and it is beautiful. It comes hand in hand with the glory that we are, asking us constantly to be who we are, more of who we are and reflect that to the world. Why did we ever make it a burdensome word with the connotations of loaded up shoulders?? Because we then mistakenly learn to shun responsibility and in doing so, we shun ourselves.
Exactly Katerina, when we understand responsibility to be a burden we tend to shy away from that but as you say with that we also shy away from life and avoid to take that only responsibility in life that is to being all of us wherever we go, which actually is no burden at all.
The rates of self-harm are escalating into an epidemic of depression. Thank you for writing a powerful blog on how this starts from a very young age and can lead to incredibly low periods in people’s lives. These behaviours are crippling people of all ages and it is the support that you received that is showing the world there is another way. How often do we as a society judge, comment and give our opinions on why people are living or reacting a certain way when there is a whole level of love and understanding that needs to be presented first to allow another to feel the levels of hurt that have the potential to be healed?
I am currently at a Universal Medicine retreat and in this mornings presentation learnt that responsibility is actually love; and this makes sense from what you have shared ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ In that loving yourself more you started to be more responsible for what you were living and letting go of behaviours that were not love.
“I truly love being me”. I found these words stood out, as I don’t think I have pondered on how I feel about being me before or fully appreciated who I am. There is a reason why we are all the way we are, we all have divine qualities to share, so it is a wonderful thing to feel those qualities and love what it means to be me.
The false version of responsibility that the majority of us grow up with is such a strong consciousness. I find it can still sneak in and make me believe that I need to be doing or fixing something. What I know from my body is that is not true as it creates tension and angst. My responsibility is to have a body that is open, light and at ease, ready for the soul to work through.
Kathy, it is inspiring rereading your story and that no matter what our hurts have been, what false ideals or beliefs we have carried we can heal and move on.
It’s a shame responsibility is painted as a burden to us when we are younger, when taking responsibility for who we are and all our choices is in fact one of the most joyful and empowering choices we can make for ourselves – it’s amazing to know that you are an equal and contributing part to the whole of the world.
Kathy, knowing you personally means I can completely attest to all that you’ve shared here. When I see you, I can feel how full of joy you are and how committed you are to living your true self. It’s very beautiful.
I find it interesting how you felt a sense of “needing to be responsible” for most of your life until meeting more of your truth once again after meeting Serge Benhayon. Then you felt how much this responsibility was not true for you at all and was not the way you wanted your life to be. What an amazing insight this is as this shows the influence ideals have on us on even subtle levels and how much we do base our lives on feeling – but feeling what? The lie or the truth?
Thank you Kathy for this gorgeous blog – as ever it was so timely for me to read your words. I hear in no mistakable way how us cherishing what we need, honouring our body, and how we feel is always super supportive for everybody. Such an irony when you strip away all the ‘must-do’s’ and ideas that we have about how we should lead our life!
Joseph, thank you for your comment, it is beautiful when we honour our body, feel and align to the truth, we come from a place of being responsible in consciousness for the choices we make, bringing the true quality of all that we are, without the need to go into “the must do’s” from our ideals and beliefs.
It is far from loving to not live this way and when we take into consideration how we can live more lovingly the marker is set and the potential is HUGE!
The way the word responsibility is often used, makes it feel like it is a burden, an obligation, something serious and heavy. But this is not the case. Responsibility is about living who we are – that is our only true responsibility.
Yes the ‘ideas’ of hardship are sold to us in the word ‘responsibility’ yet the simplicity of that lived is far from this ideal.
What you have shared here Kathy is prevalent in many cultures as the way to be the best mother, brother, sister, grandparent etc. The focus is on giving all and leaving a depleted person behind. It has become an accepted norm that is often fuelled generation after generation when we choose not to feel what is truly going on or like yourself coming to the realisation that this is not healing but harming in the long run. This blog is a great reminder of how true responsibility starts with oneself and what we offer another is in equalness – nothing more or less!
“Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood”.
How true is this for so many of us?
This is our way to avoid being responsible for ourselves first and foremost . Why can we not go there first and foremost? We need to address this self loathing energy within first. We are taught to judge and flog ourselves for everything. We forget from whence we came as divine souls.Instead we are taught that we are all sinners, if you went to church and aligned to such guff, and we are mislead into believing we are not worthy of love. So we desperately seek it from others to get that recognition and approval. To feel worthy of love.
Irena thank you for your sharing. I loved what you shared about if we went to church we were told we were sinners and so we would look outside of us for love. I now realise that religion played a big part of my life of how I was set up from young to believe that I was not worthy of anything because of us being a sinner and that God judges us in every way, if we are not good. From that foundation you feel you need to be responsible for everyone and everything in life and live in a certain way that is not allowing anyone to take responsible for self or others for their choices so that we live in separation from who we truly are.
It is only when we are willing to take true responsibility that we can start to see and feel change. What you share is so important ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’
What an inspiring transformation Kathy. Thank you for sharing the power of understanding and living what true responsibility is, as such returning it to its true meaning. I believed that responsibility meant obligation, duty, sacrifice and being ‘good’, all of which at the end of the day amounted to exhaustion, disempowerment and a continuing sense of purposelessness. I since have discovered that true responsibility comes from honouring our truth first, expressing what we feel and know within is true, through which we live in the true power of who we are. As when we honor our truth within we honor truth for all, and as such we reflect the way Brotherhood is lived.
To accept taking responsibility for others than yourself will set you up for failure because you can only being responsible for yourself, in fact to shine you light to the best of your ability.
We are not responsibility for other people – but we are responsible for how our movements and way of living effects other people.
I have always been a very responsible person in the physical temporal world. When I commit, I commit and I can be relied upon. Recently Serge Benhayon made a comment on responsibility and he said something along the lines of our biggest responsibility is to express our multi-dimensionality. My pride in being responsible was shattered as I realised how irresponsible I have been. In fact, I’ve been so fantastic at “responsibility” in the physical world and made my life all about function that I’ve not given multi-dimensionality the time of day. Multidimensionality doesn’t go away just because I’m not aware of it, but my awareness and movements are definitely different when I do chose the greater responsibility and chose to be aware that all of life is multi-dimensional including me.
So true Nikki, while we think it is a greater responsibility to express our multidimensionality in all that we do, in fact it is the only responsibility we have in life and we are naturally taking care of this I f we give ourselves permission to live this multidimensionality in full.
Kathy what you share here was true for me too ““It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are.” As I became aware of this and stopped taking responsibility for others, it empowered them to start taking responsibility, where they were able to make more loving choices for themselves. At the same time took the pressure off me and I began to take more responsibility for myself.
What an incredible story Kathy. We kid ourselves when we think we are able to be responsible while we neglect our relationship with ourselves. Loving me is the most responsible thing I can do.
I love how you look at responsibility as a beautiful thing and you are right, it is, but I have never really looked at this way and although I am responsible in a lot of ways the enormousness of our energetic responsibility for all, sometimes daunts me.
Kathy I have read your blog before but I am still shocked each time I read it of the responsibility you had at the age of 4 staying at home and looking after your younger siblings. In the UK, and probably around the world, there are more young careers now than ever before and it is great that support has started to be put in place with regards to this giving the young carers all the support they need including much needed respite to just play with other children and young people and be. What I love is how much has changed in your life from then to now and how you see and know the truth of responsibility which first and foremost comes with loving and caring for yourself and that you do not hold any resentment in your body regarding your past. This is very cool and energetically reflects out to all of us that there is another way so we can learn from this. Thank you.
True responsibility as you’ve shared Kathy is beautiful because it is a true expression from the essence of who we are. The false responsibility you lived by in your earlier years and most of us have come to know as a form of burden and obligation, comes from the need to be accepted, recognized or as in your case, to bury hurts we would otherwise have to feel.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” I love this line Kathy as it brings life back to simplicity and the complication that we can bring into situations when we make life about others and their choices things get messy and complicated, but when we see the true power and honesty to take responsibility into our own hands, life changes in oh so amazing ways. The learning that is on offer when we step into responsibility is awesome.
It is so important and great that you have shed a light on responsibility and the true meaning and power of it! If you look from a point of view of creation and being invested in wanting to keep creating in your way, this responsiblity thing might feel harsh.. But from a perspective of unity, and divine order – we can not escape that responsibility is bringing us right back to being in true brotherhood again.
What I get from your blog Kathy is how amazingly important a living role model such as Serge Benhayon is, as without him would people such as yourself truly have found a different way? It highlights the importance of living responsibly in our lives and always bringing to the fore the innate loving qualities within us otherwise how will anyone know how to be inspired or live a truly joy-full life? There is a sea of cloud, mistrust, depression and given-up-ness amongst humanity and it is the remarkable lifestyle choices that yourself and Serge Benhayon are making ( and many others) who are shining a light in the world, reflecting a different way.
The kind of responsibility you speak of here Kathy seems to be a difficulty for many woman – we are brought up to believe a woman’s role is to take care of everyone else’s needs before her own. What an absolute corruption of the truth of it: there can be no quality of care offered to anyone or anything without first taking care of – responsibility for – ourselves.
The term responsibility always used to feel burdensome until I came to feel what it really means to me. Now it means living to the level of awareness that I have, and not playing dumb or trying to get away with things on the sly thinking that nobody will know. Consiously they may not know but energetically it will be felt.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.”
Beautifully expressed Kathy, the more willing we are to explore the breadth and magnitude of responsibility, the greater we accept, appreciate and value ourselves.
Thanks Kathy – when I read I realise that it would be easy to blame your parents for the situation and even though that might be a step in the healing process, taking it back to one self as in ‘what can I now do to change things around’ is the key to get out of old patterns we might have taken on from our parents.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” – and how can someone truly take responsibility for another person? It may seem like they are but look deeper and it is actually about control and not wanting to take full responsibility for oneself. While we focus on someone else, the spotlight is not on ourselves.
This is so true Sandra. What stops me in the tracks of my recent behaviours is what your insight offers me here.
“While we focus on someone else the spotlight is not on ourselves.” The truth be told. Humbling.
It is revolutionary to realize that by taking responsibility for others you in fact harm them through denying them the opportunity to learn from their own choices… and harm yourself through taking on the stuff of others to avoid addressing your own. How gorgeous though that you have come to a place where you have realized that to address what is there and to let go of the hurt, allows more space for joy to be felt and lived.
To be able to say at age 60 you feel better now then ever is amazing. So many people hit this age and give up on life and from there go down hill. From what you are sharing there is no downhill you are on your way up, evolving all the way.
On one hand I can say that I have avoided responsibility for the majority of my life, but sitting here now I know that throughout my life I did have this knowing that it is not a burden but something that is very vital for life and that it has to come from me. My first forays into this being when I left home to go to college and had to ensure that my accommodation and other bills where paid on time, this was something I did take up as I knew no one else would do it for me. The same applies to the responsibility I have and hold for myself, a knowing that no one can change how I feel about myself, other people or life. This feels empowering that I am the ultimate quality control for my life and that my life is not separate from others lives but interwoven.
Yes the ultimate in taking responsibility. “Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change”
This really is where it’s possible to transform one’s personal life for the better. When we have enough self love to behold ourselves in true love as there are times when our behaviours can be deeply self-sabotaging.
And because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our behaviours are who we are without that connection to our essence, who we truly are, we can lock ourselves in self-judgement and then theres no space to cease the negative behaviours. We are not those negative behaviours and what I am finding is they only come about or occur is when I have chosen to not be myself who is very loving naturally so.
I have taken ‘responsibility’ too literally I guess – an ability to respond. If someone tells me to jump, I would say ‘how high?’ Seeking recognition and acceptance through my actions was a poor yet huge substitute for the obvious emptiness I was feeling, and I became pretty good at being good. I am still feeling the gap I have created by this falsehood, and its consequences manifesting in my body. Loving myself deeply, unreservedly, unconditionally is where I can begin to undo this.
“I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This was a huge realisation for me too Kathy, one that totally turned my life around, but there was no beating myself up as I had been raised in this way, as had my parents before me. To be able to step back and allow others to make their own choices and to be responsible for the consequences is a healing for everyone.
indeed the key is in becoming aware of how we treat ourselves and recognise any abusive, self-denigrating or self-undermining behaviours that we engage in, no matter how subtle or seemingly benign – they all serve to rob us of true awareness and pull us away from the love that we would otherwise know and live naturally.
This shows that we can change old patterns at any age and feel lighter and more vital as a result. It would have been a heavy burden to look after siblings at an age when life should have been about fun and exploring yourself, it is heartening Kathy to hear you have now managed to let that go, and realised you can make different choices about how responsibility plays out for you.
I can see how I can sometimes slip into controlling behaviours especially with those close to me to control situations. I can also see the reason behind it to simply not get hurt but I can also see the harm control brings not just towards others but to myself too. The deeper I can feel and see the harm being done the more it supports me to re-imprint and change the controlling behaviours.
Responsibiity is true when it is simply a part of us, it is not outside of us, not something we have to achieve, it is simply a natural part of our being and expressed as we live who we are.
I remember reading this the first time and seeing how taking on this level of responsibility at a young age can mean a life of taking on responsibility and actually taking it away from others. It can almost feel like an addiction because it gives life meaning and purpose. It therefore makes it hard to give up. Thank you for the insight.
Life with a true understanding and a living reflection of what ‘responsibility truly means’, is truly living. Anything else pales to the magnificence that is available when we re-connect to who we are with-in.
Yes Serge Benhayon is living and sharing with everyone what it is like to live true responsibility and offers how we can choose this for ourselves so the reflection can expand out to all.
“And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. ” When we choose to be responsible for ourselves first this models a beautiful reflection for others, who may not be choosing that for themselves. If we do not love and care for ourselves first, how can we truly love and care for others?
Reading your blog it makes me wonder how many little ones across the world are laden with burdens of looking after others or put to work and not deeply cared for loved and cherished. On some level it is good to include them with chores that the family does as it is inclusive and as long as they are light chores like tidying up toys etc this can actually start to empower them. But leaving a 4 years old in the house on her own all day to change the nappies and look after her younger siblings .. I feel is heartbreaking and not responsible of the parents at all. I can very much relate with what you have shared here ‘This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.’ Growing up that is exactly what I perceived responsibility and love to be … putting others needs first. When we do this, feel that we are responsible for everything and everyone around us without taking true and deep care for ourselves life can become extremely overwhelming, exhausting and stressful. And I feel this is a timely read for me as only over the last 24 hours I have come to see and feel I have subtly allowed a very old pattern of putting others before myself, hence not deeply caring for, listening to and loving me. If I do not do this for me I can never in truth be there for another. With the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine it is incredibly awesome to hear how you have turned your life completely around to one of deeply loving and caring for you.
Responsibility that lacks the foundation and nourishment of self-care and self-love merely becomes an obligation and a burden.
“Responsibility is beautiful.” So simple, yet profound. I know that I have always felt that having more responsibilty meant it had to be hard work, or that it needed to be a struggle, but I am learning more and more that it is actually a beautiful thing. Something I want more of and want to allow what is there to flow through me for it to do so.
I am learning I need to take responsibility for my hurts and not blame others. Yes I get hurt and things to hurt, but somewhere down the line ( and these are just words at the moment as I have not healed many of my hurts) I invested in or ended people to be a certain way. My feeling is because I have not been willing to take responsibility to truly love myself and I don’t mean doing nice things for myself, but really deeply loving and caring for myself and saying no to abuse.
I agree responsibility is a gift not a burden as we have been led to believe. The more responsible we are the more we appreciate and love ourself. Irresponsibility breeds self-contempt. I know because this has been my experience.
A very gorgeous turnaround Kathy, showing us all that it is never too late to take true responsibility for the way that we move and the choices we make and through this support others to reclaim themselves also. Our greatest responsibility here on Earth is to live the great love that we are and nothing less.
There seems to have been a lot of doing and less of the being, which is so important, being that is, when you’re young. It seems easy to slip into doing mode and forget about what is truly important in life.
That is right – to be truly responsible is deeply beautiful. That is why God always shows us in one way or the other the confirmation of who we are and the responsibility that matches that. So there is no space or time for holding back…
There are so many interpretations of the word “responsibility” that often cloud our understanding of the true meaning. It brings with it an idea that complicates and does not stop to appreciate the simplicity of it.
Responsibility IS indeed beautiful, and can be a fulcrum for our lives, through which we evolve and heal
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” – and there is no such thing as a mistake so long as we learn from whatever it is we did or didn’t do, and don’t repeat it. It’s really only a mistake if we stay in the emotion of shame, guilt, etc rather than seeing it for what it is and learning from it.
We do not in truth support others when we take responsibility for them we actually stunt their evolution because we are not allowing them to develop and learn what they need to. We do not evolve either because this is not serving the all.
What is true responsibility? My understanding is that it is what God asks of us in every moment, and not some sense of duty or a burden as it can so often be misrepresented. And all He asks is that we are fully ourselves, growing and evolving, moment by moment – no perfection.
The pressure of perfectionism is guaranteed to keep us from knowing the truth of our Divine nature. Appreciation and confirmation are powerful ways for us to begin to reconnect to that truth. We have all we need within, we only need to give it permission to unfold.
There are so many external pressure that ask us to conform to a particular way to be. However something I don’t regularly think about is there a part of us that actually rejoices at that predicament?
Kathy it is cool to read how you now understand the role you play in responsibility first. If we live how we treat others than there is a natural pull to be responsible with each other. If we live out of taking care of people and expecting their reward, rather than the reflection of being responsible, then it supports us to not need others to confirm us.
What a huge task you were given as a child, to be responsible for younger siblings at age four and so much more! That you have been able to find yourself through connecting with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is amazing! To know that love starts with you and to now be learning to be in the livingness of that is great. A wonderful sharing, thank you Kathy.
I got so exhausted trying to live in perfection with every one and every thing. I realised it was a means of controlling people and situations and so as I began to observe the behaviour in myself I also began the journey of letting it go. I realised it was not about the outcome but how I was with my body listening to it and making it my priority as opposed to ignoring it and placing everything on what I was doing because of my need to be recognised. Developing a consistency to listen and respond to my body is work in progress but well worth it as I deepen the love I have for myself and with others.
True responsibility starts first and foremost with responsibility for ourselves; like you Kathy I grew up being taught the exact opposite. Thank you for the beautiful gentle reminder that true responsibility is a divine blessing.
There can be no true love or care for others when we do not take responsibility for our own care first and foremost.
“True responsibility starts with ourselves first” and it is the only way forward in our evolution.
True responsibility is taking care of our self in all ways needed so then we can truly care for another.
It is easy to try to help others when in fact sometimes they need to help themselves first.
As a parent of three children it is easy to fall into the trap of doing things for them when they are capable of doing things for themselves. Observing myself and allowing them to be responsible eg.making their own lunch boxes, making their own breakfast and tidying their bedrooms is very freeing as well as it teaches them for later on in life.
I wondered as I read this blog if it is here to remind me that I too need to let others feel the consequence of their choices and that it is not for me to save them, make it better, or even ‘head the lesson off at the pass’ so the pain of the consequence of the choice they are making is felt in its full force. Thank you for the reflection.
Kathy so amazing to hear that now at age 60 you have never felt better. You have got it spot on – knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
“Responsibility is beautiful”
Kathy to see this statement at the end of your blog is astonishing, for there is no hint of blame, the understanding & appreciation you offer is nothing short of a miracle and for me a testament to true healing.
The intensity of your experience Kathy really highlights what happens when we make responsibility all about looking after others before we take care of ourselves. I have come to understand through the presentations of Serge Benhayon (and applying what I have connected to) how much more I can bring to others when I look after myself first. It dispels resentment and obligation and with a far greater open heart and I am much more present with the people I am with.
Thank you Kathy, inspiring to read how you have turned your life around by simply understanding what true responsibility actually means: taking responsibility for yourself first, and not going around fixing and helping out of an emptiness.
Many people think, responsibility is a burden. This attitude is dismissive of the fact that responsibility starts with taking care of oneself – and this is the most beautiful thing I can be given.
No matter how lost, beaten down or seemingly stuck in the ways of the spirits misery and ill expressing behaviours, when one is willing, true salvation is always possible. In other words, we are never too far gone to not feel the call of our Soul and know there is more to life then our behaviours and our story, especially when faced with a man who is living with his Soul daily. Thank you Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Kathy for sharing your really honest blog and what a turn-around in your life! I can definitely relate to getting the meaning of responsibility confused. As a man, father, husband I have often believed that responsibility means taking on all the burdens of providing for a family and taking care of their needs at the expense of myself and my own health at times. Through the teachings of Serge Benhayon I have come to understand that responsibly is actually knowing that everything I do, say and think affects everyone else and if I am actually giving my family the reflection of not taking care of myself than this is actually irresponsible.
Its interesting that to start with (or at least the way I have always misinterpreted it) we are responsible for other things. That is almost built into my understanding of the word. Yet when we make a simple but oh so fundamental shift and say that we are just responsible for ourselves and our part in things then it all changes. The overwhelm recedes, the need for others to get it or the world to be a particular way dissipates, and I stop trying to control everything and can settle into just being me. All of me, in every moment, with every particle of my being.
True responsibility goes hand in hand with true joy, and it is so simple, and yet we make it so complicated – so that we do not understand the offering.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given” I love this line Kathy, as I too feel this way- in the past the sense of being responsible felt like such a burden and was avoided at all costs whereas knowing the truth of responsibility now has allowed me to let go of the need to save others and focus and develop my own relationship with evolution.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” What an amzing thing to truly appreciate. It is certainly not what we are generally led to believe, and is often considered as ‘not caring’ if we leave someone to learn from their own mistakes. But this is in fact true love, and from my own experience, and hard as it has seemed at the time, I have learnt the biggest and most valuable lessons in my life when I have been handed back the responsibility for my own mistakes.
Reading this story has a lot of similarities to how my family was, but being the youngest there was very little expectation on me doing anything other than tidy the house, but my oldest sister from the age of 6 was expected to look after both me and my middle sister. She has often mentioned the anxiety around looking after us and having the burden of keeping us quiet, otherwise she would get in trouble.
Thank you Kathy Avram for sharing a powerful piece on true responsibility that can be masked by cultural beliefs on how to act and be. I too have lived this way. As the eldest sibling you were expected to take responsibility for other siblings actions and the decisions they made. This left little to no time for self-care and it was often portrayed as being selfish. This blog is a wonderful read on how you were inspired to make these changes that had restricted your life and the truly quality we can all bring with the support that is provided by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
This is a great example of how children begin to seek perfection as a way to get attention, and to get recognised for what they do, for they come to believe the more perfect they are the more love they will receive. As this pattern becomes ingrained it then naturally affects their life, first as a child and then as an adult, with the consequences slowly building up in their body, often leading to illness and disease.
It is amazing how much we have changed words to mean the complete opposite – just like responsibility being a dirty word. For me a life without responsibility and without purpose is not a life worth living.
I love this line: ‘Responsibility is beautiful’. It absolutely is. Responsibility and love are one and the same, and when we are not truly loving with ourselves, we have thrown responsibility out the window.
How profoundly childhood experiences can dominate our live is again revealed, and also how what Universal Medicine is presenting is so extraordinarily healing on so many levels.
Responsibility has to start with ourselves, otherwise we end up down the track of obligation, self-negation and overwhelm, all of which can leave us feeling angry or resentful towards others. It is such a turn around to meet someone like Serge Benhayon who lives and breathes true responsibility and actually makes it look easy and a joy to accept.
Our perceptions of responsibility feel so heavy and burdensome and seem to equate with disregard of self. This feels like a deliberate re-interpretation of the true meaning of responsibility, in order to keep us from our natural willingness to embrace responsibility in life.
If we look back through history, when men and woman have brought through great truth and responsibility to the villages, it has been perceived as a huge threat to some. Usually those that gained much from being in a position of power and loath anyone that reminded the common man that they are equally as powerful as any other. For Serge to present and empower those that have for too long chosen to dim their light is but one of the things he excels in. Some people seek to discredit this man to no a vale, to me they are attempting to do one of two things, either wanting to stay in comfort and cherishing ignorance or are invested in keeping others ignorant.
As women, we are often taught or conditioned to always put others first, and to actually be made to feel guilty should we spend some time on ourselves as a priority. And this becomes for many of us women, as you have said, Kathy, “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”. How twisted this is and how far away from the truth of who we are – We are here to master our self care and self worth and sell adoration in a way that holds all equal to ourselves and ourselves equal to all others. Then there is no putting anyone first, but rather there is the care that is always there for all.
As an elder sibling I can relate to being expected to be more responsible due to my age and being blamed if things went wrong. Recognising that this will never lead to true equality and everyone taking responsibility for their part has supported me to let go of the resentment I was still holding from my childhood but also to own up to how much I had hidden in this role and used it as an excuse for not taking true responsibility for myself.
‘Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.’ It is so inspiring to read how you are letting go of the stress and perfectionism that kept you imprisoned for so long and lovingly embracing what it is to be truly responsible. In doing this we then allow others the opportunity to do the same through our reflection and also the fact that we are no longer picking up the pieces for them but giving them the grace of making their own choices and learning from the consequences.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” This as been so powerful for me as I started to understand the true meaning of responsibility and no longer trying to control myself and others.
I have never considered that I have lived my life feeling I am responsible for everybody. It’s not my responsibility in what choices people make and choose in their lives, this is a huge learning for me, to let go, observe and allow people to make their own choices – no matter what they may be, even if I find it really hard and sad to watch and see. I have to give people the freedom to choose for themselves. And not project my stuff onto them.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” I shared this realisation when I became a student of Universal Medicine and listened to Serge Benhayon talking about true responsibility. Being responsible for myself and allowing others to equally take responsibility for themselves is a much more harmonious way to live with myself and others.
The mis-interpretation or lacing of words with beliefs and ideals can be so imprisoning. And what a gift it is to be offered a different or true reflection of what responsibility sincerely is all about.
The only real responsibility that we have is to be ourselves. When we have ourselves we can handle anything that comes our way.
I can relate to your blog Kathy. This part I wanted to highlight because it is so powerful, ‘Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.’ I feel exactly the same, by understanding what responsibility is has been a blessing for me too and by choosing to embrace it has been incredible. There is a sense of lightness, clarity and joy once I embraced taking responsibility for all my choices. Absolutely amazing really!
It’s gorgeous to get over the hurt and be able to realise that parents indeed do what they think is best. We are all different, and we all live, striving to live up to what we think is the best way to be. What is important is acknowledging that we’re at different stages and moving forward from there.
‘ true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ it is the complete opposite of what I learned in my life too Kathy and responsibility had become a very heavy loaded concept instead of the beauty what responsibility truly is.
There is an incredible level of commitment that comes with being responsible. This often is not lived and can be fleeting and inconsistent. I have realised over time that doing more and working to the extreme is no being responsible but what is sold to us to keep the feelings of self doubt and self worth in full gear.
Wow Kathy, great to hear you are now feeling better then you ever have done, what an awesome turn around. Fantastic realisation that will help many others who find themselves also taking on the responsibility of others. “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are.”
I agree, responsibility is beautiful, and in line with that it is clear the word needs to be redefined in the English language at least, for that is not what it currently means for most people.
I know from experience that when we hold such high standards and ideals we give ourselves an impossible task to fulfill, and it feels like there is a constant lacking if these pictures aren’t met. True responsibility takes away the need to be or do more as we can only but bring our everything when acting from this responsibility.
Depression is such a widespread issue in society, isn’t it time as a society we firstly asked why, and secondly started to approach it differently with lifestyle choices and our way of living at the forefront.
For many generations and cultures there is a false interpretation of responsibility. Especially if you are the eldest child in your family. There is such an expectation put on you and you feel you have no choice but to just accept what is going.
There is a false interpretation of responsibility out there that decrees we look after everybody else before ourselves. This model leads to overwhelm and a continual sense of failure, overcompensation and then resentment in the long run. And how responsible can we really be when we are not responsible for and to ourselves first?
Thank you for setting the record straight of what true responsibility really is. I am still dealing with being overwhelmed at times by what my responsibility is in any given situation but I am slowly learning that when I choose to get anxious and overwhelmed by responsibility that is just my comfort, my way of making something so big that I throw in the rag and do nothing. I have 5 kids and 4 business and my husband is stepping into a political career, sometimes I just feel like I have too much responsibility and you could easily agree but in truth and when I am connected, responsibility is just my movement in each moment, my ability to live from my essence and not my reactions to life and with that livingness we are able to achieve more than you can imagine.
Thank you Sarah.” I am slowly learning that when I choose to get anxious and overwhelmed by responsibility that is just my comfort, my way of making something so big that I throw in the rag and do nothing ” I have felt this overwhelm often recently and had not considered it a comfort before although I recognise the desire for control that comes in before it. I love what you say here and can feel the absolute truth in it and am inspired, ‘.. when I am connected, responsibility is just my movement in each moment, my ability to live from my essence and not my reactions to life and with that livingness we are able to achieve more than you can imagine.’
Thank you Kathy, by virtue of you writing this you made it clear that responsibility is actually amazing. That it learns us how to let go, move on and appreciate and how we are not here to stay in comfort, but actually move on and let go of all that has passed and enjoy the new beginnings or all news things by choice. Loving your expression – it is so needed to discuss things like this from a true perspective of mankind
I know for myself too that holding a picture about how I think I should be in life puts a constant stress in place that leads to trying to control things rather than responding to people or situations with clarity.
‘This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.’ The way in which responsibility has been bastardised to become something we see as a burden prevents us from embracing all that it truly is.
Responsibility allows us to keep up with the constant pull of evolution.
The word responsibility has been made to be heavy and tough, with trying to be something and achieve something. I still keep getting caught with that, but when I choose to live in a loving way, the love I feeling within naturally wants to express as responsibility, no trying and no heaviness in sight. This has been a profound distinction Serge Benhayon has supported me to see. Gorgeously freeing and empowering.
Understanding responsibility to be a loving joyful willingly accepted understanding of our complete interdependency with all that is, on the earth and in the cosmos – that each action, move we make, thought, and intention has an impact on every single being and everything. Initially it may seem daunting, but there is a tremendous beauty and joy in knowing that we are inextricably a part of this living symphony that is ever expanding.
Kathy, what an inspiration you will be in how you are with yourself having more joy in your life than ever before. I love what you have written here; ‘At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.’
When we allow ourselves to feel the magnitude of the universe inside us, we know that we are worth it to take care for ourselves.
The word responsibility can come loaded with a sense of being big, burdensome and serious, but it isn’t any of this. Being responsible is in the smallest detail and in every choice and comes back to ‘is it loving or is it not’. If it is loving then that is being responsible.
Thank you for sharing your story Kathy, it is truly inspiring and healing to let go of those images we hold about responsibility being a burden as it keeps us in the comfort of control or the victim mentality. True responsibility is about building a relationship with ourselves first that confirms our loving nature and offering such reflection for all to feel.
Kathy, I loved it when you said you were holding your behaviours in loving understanding. This is the beautiful, graceful thing we all need to do. It is the true love for ourselves and others that shines through. So much of the time I felt that advancing myself meant I needed to be ruthless and really see what I needed to let go of, where I have been, and seriously change my ways. I am tired of feeling wrong, and the only person that is pointing out how wrong I am, is me. So now I really need to live, holding my behaviours in loving understanding. This is the way back to me.
It is such a freedom to be able to let go of the anxiety of getting everything right. After all, whose right is it? I have found what is right for me, may well not be right for my daughter, different circumstances and different outcomes so one size cannot fit all. Thank you for sharing your story as it shows what is possible when we take the focus back from others and own our own childhood patterns and hurts first. The parenting you offer when those are not brought into the mix will offer the space for everyone to learn their own lessons in their own time.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ True Kathy and appreciating and confirming ourselves will bring the joy to truly be ourselves.
The lie is dimished that responsibility is something not so great.. Because it actually is when the above is being truly understood. Powerful blog and subject thank you for sharing…
I too am finding that the need for perfection is loosening its hold. There was a time when I would be so hard on myself for not getting something ‘perfect’ straightaway that I would feel so distraught I’d want to give up on what I was doing! Thankfully, I no longer behave in this way as I simply can’t beat myself up. I am learning to trust myself and because I may not get something the first time it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I am a student of myself in life and will always be.
Kathy I can really relate to how you thought responsibility was all about caring and saving others before yourself for I too still struggle with this too. Our stories may be different but the flavor of feeling the burden of over-responsibility the same. Old habits die hard sometimes but I am accepting more and more that my only true responsibility is to live my everyday with integrity and with the awareness of the importance of and accountability for the ripple effect that all of my words, actions and movements have on everyone and everything around me.
Your story is extreme Kathy and yet I know most people (including me) have had the same jaded view of responsibility that you had before you met Serge Benhayon. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful and loving true responsibility is.
Thank you Leonne for your lovely response and true responsibility is amazing and beautiful when we come from the divine love that we are by the choices we make. We are truly blessed by Serge Benhayon of presenting the true meaning of responsibility in the choices we make through the energy we choose.
The burden of over-responsibility, hyper alertness, control and complete lack of appreciation seem to be the hallmarks of growing up in a way that demands perfection, demands the impossible in other words.
Responsibility has almost become a 4-letter-word in the English language, a word tainted by burden and overwhelm. In fact taking responsibility for self is a loving and caring action, one to be appreciated for it ultimately says to each of us “you are worth it”.
I used to hate the word responsibility and I would do my best to avoid all forms of it, this has completely changed since I have been attending Universal Medicine presentations, responsibility to me now is not scary and not something to run from, taking on more responsibility is actually deeply healing.
This is a great study Kathy on the pressures we feel as children and the subsequent anxiety and harmful behaviours that we find ourselves living as adults. Even at school we learn that we must be perfect, get things right etc, it seems that the focus on finding value in what we do instead of who we are can set us up for adult lives that feel at times excruciatingly painful. Through Universal Medicine I have also been making my way back out of childhood hurts that resulted in my behaviours focusing on others, with my worth tied to that (which exhausted my body), to returning to simply being me and taking care of myself (as my true responsibility). Your story is also a great reminder to be compassionate and understanding with myself, as my behaviour does have a root cause.
Melinda thank you for your beautiful response. It is because of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that we can come from a loving understanding of the true meaning of true responsibility in our lives and living that each day in bringing also energetic responsibility by the choices we make. Being responsible for self first brings a loving understanding for self and others and allows us all to live our choices without imposing any ideals, belief, needs or hurts on others but bringing our true quality of essences in all that we do. Thank you Serge in all that you bring you are a great reflection of the true responsibility in the all divine Livingness in all that you are.
The responsibility we have to care for ourselves first and foremost can be a particularly challenging one. It asks us to look beyond our thoughts and pictures we have of ourselves, and see ourselves as worthy of care and love.
A lot of people want to run a mile when the word responsibility comes up. Personally I had always thought that I was a responsible person, I never really ran off the rails (too much) as a teenager, because I always viewed myself as being ‘responsible’, then when I moved overseas, travelled the world, I was always incredibly ‘responsible’, I always have had a job, paid my taxes, contributing to society, being responsible! But it wasn’t until meeting Serge Benhayon, that I began to understand what ‘true responsibility’ was, that it was greater than all the things mentioned above. It was about how I moved, spoke, my understanding of energy, how that everything I do effects everything and everyone, ALL the time. This is responsibility, some of which has taken time for me to accept and step up to that, which is forever unfolding.
Responsibility, a word that for so many has a negative ring to it, but once truly understood, is this extraordinary foundation for our continuing evolution.
Could it be that we have chosen to bastardise this word ‘responsibility’ precisely because we do not want to know what true responsibility is?
Kathy it is fascinating how we associate responsibility 1st with others, but if we are not 1st being responsible with ourselves how can we be with others! We are only responsible for ourselves and the reflection we then offer to others.
Taking on responsibility that actually belongs to another robs them of the opportunity to be responsible themselves.
Responsibility is discerning the bigger picture in life and what our part is in it – yes exactly Katie, I love this insight.
‘ It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life’, wise and powerful words Kathy, and is something I had to learn as well. Now, I am more focused on my own learning and sharing more of me and as I share more of me, I observe how easy it has become to connect with others without imposing.
Wow Kathy your journey to true responsibility and healing old hurts is deeply inspiring and supportive to read. It has been an absolute game changer for me learning to observe and accept another’s choices instead of reacting to them and creating stress in my body.
This is a very old pattern of mine Anna, taking things personally and then reacting to the other person. Now I have learned to accept and allow another what they are choosing, without emotions confusing everything, which actually brings so much more clarity.
Kathy, I can relate to much of what you share, as an fellow over responsible oldest child and yet as you say when we do this we do not allow the space for others to feel their own way with responsibility and it’s a great diversion from feeling ourselves, our own hurts and what we need to deal with. I too am learning each day that true responsibility starts with me, and how I am with me and that then goes wider from there out into the world, it cuts blame and judgement and means there is more freedom, since I choose and it feels such an amazingly spacious way to live – I am learning more each day and am humbled by all I am learning and understanding each day with this and it’s changed my life beyond measure, there is so much more love, light and laughter now – it’s wonderful.
Thank you monicag2 it is beautiful when we take true responsibility for self first. When you get to truly understand what responsibility truly means the burdens of caring for everyone lift out of your body and you can feel a joy and lightness that it was all an illusion that we are held in by the ideals and beliefs we are told to take us away from living who we truly are and imposing our ideals and beliefs on others all because of our hurts and not wanting to take responsibility of our choices. I also love the learning each day and all that it brings in a deeper level of the knowing of how energetically we are all connected in true responsibility.
How amazing at age 60 you can say you never felt better, this a true testament to this work and your dedication and commitment to let love in and resolve your issues is priceless – Inspiring to many – Thank you Kathy for sharing.
Responsibility is one of those words, like commitment, that people shy away from and that young people want to discard immediately sometimes, because it always comes with a seemingly onerous burden. Yet when really understood, we had that amazing feeling that commitment plus responsibility equals true freedom.
This ‘selfless’ idea of responsibility is very common and I know it well… yet where does it leave us when we are trying to look after everything else, but we do not look after ourselves. What quality are we in that the rest of the world, and all our responsibilities, are getting?
Trying to take responsibility for others only comes into play when we are not taking full responsibility for ourselves.
Hannah it is about being responsible for self first and coming from that is what brings the divine love to the all. Thank you for your lovely response.
It is eyeopening when we understand how much our behaviour impacts on those around us however we do not live in isolation. Once we start taking responsibility for all aspects of our behaviour it can change our lives.
Kathy, thank you for your incredible sharing. I can so relate to your story. It has a lot of parables to my up bringing and life. I too grow up on a farm with hard working parents. I too had the responsibility as the eldest to my younger siblings. The household, farm animals and meals etc. I had the same “self less” ,”family first” interpretation of responsibility. …….ending result. Over control, frustration, resentment, angry and wanting out of this perpetual compounding,loveless burden. How liberating it has been to have the real interpretation of responsibility unshackle the load and guilt. To off load and stop caring stuff that is not mine to carry. Giving me the permission to self care, love and nurture me FIRST.
‘ Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ – Thank you for your honesty Kathy. So often we re-live the hurts of our own childhood in ways that are hard to recognise as we ‘do our best’ through the framework of our known reality. How amazing it has been to come off that round-a-bout and into a development of love that is expanding in the most extraordinary of ways – I would never have thought. Thank you Serge Benhayon for the most incredible support, and living love and truth .
Serge Benhayon is not only a man that teaches what true responsibility is by the way he lives but also true love, care, integrity, respect, gentleness, truth, wisdom, healing, joy and so very much more ✨ Your story highlights the lack of care and support we currently have in society for those that deeply need it.
Vicky thank you for sharing. Serge Benhayon is truly an amazing teacher of the divine reflection of what true responsibility and energetic responsibility truly means, which brings the all in the livingness of life of joy, harmony, truth, divine love, integrity, respect, wisdom and healing to the all. Serge is truly a gentle and a beautiful being of divine love in grace.
The judgement I hold that another can not do it for themselves and that I know better is ALWAYS felt by them and leads to separation, hurt and anger, this can continue to fester over years, often the controller is not aware of what they are doing, and does not understand the frustration and anger that comes back from the other time and again, when they think they are helping and offering support. Only by becoming aware of our part in this game, whether we are controlling or allowing ourselves to be controlled, or switching and playing either role, can we change the dynamics and bring true love and support back to the relationship.
Rosemaryliebe, thank you for a deeper level of understanding that you have shared about judgement that we hold people in that we know better, feels so imposing on others. I can relate to all that you have expressed here as the controller not being aware of what they are doing and does not understand the frustration and anger that comes back from the other, time and again when they think they are helping and offering support. By bringing divine love in the all, comes from the acceptance of others and allows them the space to express where they are at, which brings the quality of unity in the relationship.
True responsibility for ourselves means stepping back and letting go of the feeling that things must be done our way, and trusting that others have the means and ability to find their own way, in their own time. When we try to control, our lack of trust in the other is felt, and reinforces their feelings of inability, or incites them to rebel against our so called ‘help.’ Lovingly letting go gives them space to make their own choices, and only through making our own choices do we truly learn…..this is true love and support.
Rosemaryliebe I love what you have written here about True responsibility, means stepping back and letting go of the feeling that things should be done our way and allowing others the space to make their own choices which allows us all to trust and learn through the love and support of each other.
What really comes across in this blog for me is the level of understanding and healing that has taken place, with regards to your parents and your own need to control things. I really enjoyed reading this blog Kathy.
Thank you Julie for your beautiful expression about the understanding and healing in regards to the parents and the letting go of control. There is so much that we hold onto in the controlling of things that does not allow us to live life in honesty and truth from true responsibility.
“Responsibility is beautiful.” I love this Kathy. Self responsibility has removed the burden, the heaviness of blame and depression, lightening me and allowing a spaciousness, and as Gabriele states in her comment, it is a joy without a trace of rigidity.
Rosemaryliebe thank you for your deeply loving response, as we come to an understanding how much we all harm ourselves in our thoughts, beliefs and the heavy burden we carry to live a life of the way we were taught to be responsible for the all. It is so beautiful when we bring everything back to self and bring a level of true responsibility how much joy harmony and love we can feel within.
The way you describe true responsibility makes it shine in the light it truly is: a joy rather than a burden and never based on rules or principles and not a trace of rigidity in sight.
Gabriele, thank you for your beautiful response. When we come from a loving understanding of the truth in words nothing seems to be a burden, rules or principles, ideals and beliefs. Everything is joyful and in harmony with all that we do.
It is incredible how twisted the meaning of the word responsibility has become. It is seen as a burdensome thing, rather than the immensely freeing experience true responsibility actually is. Thank you for sharing your shift in understanding this most beautiful of words, Kathy.
Robyn, the truth is truly beautiful and very empowering when we come to the the true realization of how we make life from the meaning of words. Thanks to Serge, a great reflection and very inspiring in the expression of true livingness and showing us to be honest with self in all that we do.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are” Too often we do this with our loved ones, friends and even work colleagues, we take over and think we are doing it for the greater good, but in truth it can actually be doing the opposite. In developing greater awareness within myself, I have learned more recently that it is indeed a grander choice to let people be responsible for themselves and for their growth and evolution.
This is essential in life, taking responsibility for our choices not those of others will make our lives so much simpler and lifts the heavy load this puts on our shoulders.
Benkt it does make life simple when we choose to be responsible for self and not interfering with others with the choices they need to make in life so that we can allow all equally to learn from our patterns, behaviours,ideals and beliefs
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This is such a great thing to live by and adopt as a way of being. I know that I have taken over responsibility many many times, whether that is in my personal life or professional life. But on reflection, when i have felt back into these many situations, I have realised that there was so much that I could have surrendered to, allowing the other to step forward or take responsibility for what is needed in the moment.
Thank you raegankcairney for the great way in expressing how we can put the burden on ourselves with others responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed and anxious with it all instead of allowing others to make their own choices.
Kathy that’s great, so often we see responsibility as a bad or hard thing yet it is beautiful when we fully embrace it. It is not saying no to things rather saying yes to love and what that entails.
James thank you for your lovely expression on how saying no to things is more loving to self and others equally which allows the all to embrace true responsibility, in the choices we make and learn from the choices to grow equally.
It takes responsibility to a deeper level when we consider the effects of our choices on others. Essentially we are either choosing to have more access to love for humanity or we are choosing for humanity to have more access to separative thoughts and energy – and this comes with every single choice and movement.
Responsibility is beautiful. I am appreciating how my body is always reflecting what is true, is ever reminding me of how every choice I make has a ripple effect on everyone and everything around me.
Thank you victoria for the response on how true responsibility can be misinterpreted to not be enjoyed and feeling like a burden. Coming to the realisation that no one can do it for us and that the choices we make does have an effect on all and everything around us.
Kathy this is a great realization, “I realized that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” So true, and something no other can do for us, as you say it can be controlling and dis empowering for the other.
What it means to be responsible can be so misinterpreted as something burdensome, weighty and not enjoyable. Our responsibility to is firstly to ourselves, our ability to respond (not take on or re-act) with love and from there feel what is called for.
Thank you Doug for your great comment and recommending the Unimedpedia. Serge has been a great inspiration in bringing the reflection of the true meaning of the Way of the Livingness in divine beauty and how words have been misused to hold us back in our ideals and beliefs. After browsing on the unimedliving.com/unimedpedia It is amazing when you read the true meaning of words how you come from a loving understanding of self and others equally in clarity.
Thank you Doug in the way you responded to the blog. As you pointed out the poison we get in our body by trying to control others in their actions through not allowing them to be responsible brings dis-ease not only in our bodies but also in others. What this shows is how controlling we can be in our life and try to manipulate the situations in feeling that we are helping others but instead we are harming the all of humanity and not allowing the unfolding of evolution for the All.
Responsibility is one of my favourite words, it confirms to me only a daily basis my purpose in life.
True responsibility is actually to be all that we are and make sure we express this love and light in every moment through caring deeply for ourselves so we can do this. Remembering this is a true blessing I am graced with after reading your blog thank you.
Your story shows very clearly what harm the misinterpretation of a word can do to the level of illness and disease in your life.
Lieke, thank you for your great reply. Words can bring an image of not what they truly mean and through that meaning you live a life of not knowing the truth until it effects your body, then at that moment you start to realise that something does not feel right.
True responsibility is truly amazing when you come from the loving understanding of love and light and taking care of self in all that you do in the choices you make, it is a divine blessing.
Wow you have turned your life around entirely just from the simple definition of a word! This is power in word alright and really shows how evil the ill use of words can truly be on society.
Thank you Joshua for your great response. It does really show us how words are been used to hold society back from the truth and not allowing to live life in our fullness.
Absolutely Kathy. We often think that the most evil actions are in horrendous physical acts of crime and horror, while an actual fact it is not. It is actually the misuse of word that has much great affect.
Words and concepts can become so weighted with ideals and beliefs that we’ve taken on, and in that we loose the true sense of them, such as with ‘responsibility’ and what that means to us. Thank you Kathy for sharing your revelations here about uncovering the true essence of this word.
Fiona thank you for your beautiful response. The meaning of words can be so imposing in ideals and beliefs that hold us back from the truth of living our own choices and to come from an acceptance of self and others equally in loving understanding that we are all responsible for what we choose in life.
Lovely to read of responsibility being a gift that we bestow on ourselves and not the burdensome obligation that is its normal connotation.
Cathy thank you for your lovely response. Responsibility is amazing when we live it as a gift and not a burden in its normal connotation. Thanks to Serge for the great reflection of how to live our truth in all that we do.
It is gorgeous and refreshing to read about someone who is not blaming their parents for everything that has happened in their life, seeing that they themselves had only what they knew from their own upbringing, and that we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. The responsibility therefore comes with understanding ourselves, eachother and putting judgement to the side.
Shami thank you for your beautiful comment and that everything we do all starts with us in taking true responsibility for the choices we make in what ever the circumstances are. They are there for us to learn from the opportunities that are presented to evolve to a deeper level of love and come from a loving understanding of not playing the blame game, to live life from divine love.
There would be a lot more harmony, less arguing over the responsibility each person has not stepped up to in order to support the whole group, and most of all, they would feel the enormous love and appreciation for each other that in turn becomes the way they build relationships with other students and their teachers.
Thank you for this open sharing Kathy. I love that you write that ‘responsibility is beautiful’ – pondering on this I can understand that it feels beautiful in our body to be responsible because when we are not then we feel tension and overwhelm, these niggly feelings are unsettling to the body and keep contentment away from us.
Thank you Shelly for your beautiful response. It is amazing what our body shows us when we are not truly responsible and how we feel when we do not come from being committed to self in feeling the choices we make and allowing to choose to feel our bodies that we get overwhelmed, anxious and tired keeping us from the inner self of what is truly going on.
I am currently learning a lot about responsibility and what it really means. I am discovering that it has a lot to do with responding to what is before me rather than putting things off because I believe they will be too hard to do etc. Putting things off then is a lack of responsibility because I am not responding to what is before me to do at this time.
Thank you Elizabeth for your beautiful response. I love what you have said here about learning and responding about what is in front of us. Putting things off is a lack of responsibility because we feel it is all too hard or the fear of not being able to do things in time.
Yes responsibility is beautiful Kathy and what an amazing lesson to learn in our adult life;
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
Thank you Shirl for the lovely comment. It is amazing to learn about the lessons we are present each day then taking the opportunity to work with them, allowing self to go deeper to the truth.
True responsibility can take many forms, and it doesn’t always lead to a place where everything is shiny and perfect. Sometimes taking responsibility means rolling your sleeves up and getting stuck in to the details of life, as messy as they be, which can be a difficult and uncomfortable experience. however, every step made towards a greater responsibility for the presence that you hold in every situation in every day is actually a step closer to who you innately are – as painful as the process may be you are returning to truth by the willingness to see everything.
Shami thank you for your great comment. It sometime is painful when you go deeper in the detail of what is the truth then taking that responsibility to work with self and come to the loving understanding of who you truly are.
You say it, Brendan. This dynamic is a pure lie that we buy. Responsibility ends overwhelm. Being good does overwhelm. Being good and responsibility are often mixed up.
Allowing another to grow in his/her own time is truly a gift of healing. I often find myself understanding for others, but sometimes I still want them to get it, want them to change. This is not love, this is putting an imposition on them. And draining for my own vitality.
Part of responsibility is the awareness that we all are where we are at because of our choices and the only person we are responsible for is ourselves
Being kinder to ourselves, that is such great advice, I know I am my own worst critic and don’t need the harsh words of others as I form so many of my own. It is such an opportunity to heal ourselves when we recognise our own qualities and don’t shy away from feeling them and walking with that feeling that I am worth caring for as a human being.
Thank you Ariana for your great comment. Serge is truly an amazing reflection in the way it is to live True Responsibility. As you said he is a light in the world, a beauty-full and power of divine love a reflection that we can all live with loving choices in making responsibility as a friend and not something that is overwhelming and hard to live with.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Not so long ago I would not have put those two words in the same sentence, but these days I am beginning to see what you mean. I have just finished an application for a more responsible post at work, and I’m actually looking forward to it. Before I would have seen it as more things to do, but now I see it as sharing my unique qualities with the team I am part of.
Debra thank you for your lovely comment. When you come from a loving understanding of True Responsibility you start to see and work in a more loving way that supports self and others equally bringing your quality of divine essences in everything you do.
The same for me too Brendan. Taking responsibility is the only true way.
Brendan thank you for your beautiful response. Taking responsibility in our lives truly supports us in breaking the old patterns that we repeat and allows us to let go of them so we can start to change the way we live and do things in more loving ways.
It is very interesting how we replace true responsibility with control and the want to help others and make them realize what their responsibility is. We externalize it and push it away from us resisting to apply it to ourselves.
Thank you Judith for your lovely sharing in the comment of how controlling we can become in helping others and imposing our ideals and beliefs on others when we do not take responsibility for our choices and feel that we need to fix things, trying to make everyone fit in our picture of what we like to see.
I am questioning whether I set a condition in doing this, that I although I am aware of what responsibility is am I holding off going there until other start to do the same around me.
It is so easy to stay in our comfort because everyone around us is doing the same, it is this attitude of why should I do something about it if others are not bothered? It only takes one person to start doing their part and everyone else is called into responsibility, whether they act on it or not that is their decision, but naturally a lot will follow.
Michael thank you for your lovely response. True responsibility is about what we feel within and taking it to a deeper level of coming from a loving understanding to be responsible first and for most for self in all that we do and are, allowing others the space to become responsible for their own choices. Everything starts with in us, what we truly feel in our bodies.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given”. Kathy I love the honesty and truth of this phrase. Recently I have become aware that my truth is now evolving to a greater awareness, truly a gift of knowing.
Mary thank you for your lovely comment. Awareness in True Responsibility gives us the opportunity to work with our behaviours and patterns and allows us to come from an acceptance of our truth of who we truly are and shows us that we are more. It gives us understanding of our ideals and beliefs that they no longer have a hold on us when we can feel the truth in our bodies.
Recently I found myself in some work related situations where I felt feeling pressured, like being asked to take on others’ responsibility because they could not be bothered. This doesn’t have to involve anyone asking me to do anything, just seeing others not taking their responsibility – as in not checking or responding to emails or needing many reminders – is enough to set me off, and I often react by holding back and at times even deliberately drop down to where they are at – as though I want to punish them, but ultimately making it ‘their fault’ so I am void of responsibility. This feels horrible. I wanted them to change, to step up. I can see how I was seeing others (ir)responsibility as my responsibility, and how ‘doing’ has ended up being more important then ‘being’. Thank you, Kathy. Your blog really stopped me to see my pattern of behaviour clearly so that I can take the first step in becoming truly responsible.
Fumiyo, this is such a great example of how to take responsibility for ourselves and not take on what others do or don’t do. This is such a key thing because if we do take on things then we are actually not supporting anyone.
Thank you Fumiyo with your great comment. When we do not take true responsibility and try to fix others or want them to be a certain way we take on their behaviours and see them as things we need to fix instead when we come from a loving understanding of acceptance of self first and be responsible for self, we allow them to make their own choices and be truly responsible. It becomes very tiring on our bodies when we are not present with ourselves in what we are doing and focusing on others.
You are a living miracle Kathy to go from considering suicide to “I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing”. I hope you are taking the time to appreciate how much you have let go of what you are not and are living the joy and beauty that you are.
Kathy I could so relate to your sharing, and knowing how we can be so responsible in caring for others, it could only mean if we choose to turn this around, we would be so awesome in being responsible for ourselves too, this is a choice we can make when it is a different energy that we now choose. And being responsible for myself sometimes mean I have to say No to many things and behaviors that people have habitually exhibited, as I am saying Yes now to what is true.
There is so much of what you share Kathy that I can relate to in my own life and I feel many others also. The amazing journey you have had to this day to now take back responsibility for yourself and let others be responsible for themselves – a life changer indeed, this certainly puts a stop to those exhausting ‘controlling’ behaviours which serve no one. ‘Knowing and living true responsibility’ is a beautiful blessing. A beautiful, heartfelt sharing Kathy thank you.
There is a pattern of behaviour that I know very well, and that is of succumbing to other’s expectations, even if those expectations are not true. It is not something that I have considered fully until my experiences recently at work. But when we allow ourselves to have our mood or being affected by external events, we are actually abusing ourselves.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” – I too have found that having greater awareness and honesty with myself about how I’m feeling and how my body is feeling has given me a true marker for the consequences of how I live. It’s easy to have an ideal about what responsibility or love or many other ‘should’ be but my body guides me back to what is true for all involved.
Thank you Fiona for the beautiful response. Our body is a great marker in living true responsibility. It is our precious inner most that shows us when we are fully responsible for self in truth it brings a beautiful reflection to others.
This is such a beautiful blog – how you have come in full circle and landed back in joy, through taking responsibility for yourself – which is to know and accept your power. Thank you, Kathy.
Agreed Gill, the awareness and discussion about responsibility that Kathy has inspired with this blog is invaluable. Re-reading this blog has reminded me of presentations and books by Serge Benhayon that share responsibility is first and foremost the choice of energy we align to – this makes for a simple reflection to feel from my body and how I am within what I am choosing and if I am indeed responsible in this very moment.
I don’t seem to be able to hear or read too often to come back to the body and that everything can be understood, known and decided from the body if we but allow the space to let the body communicate and guide us. So I delighted Kathy when I read ‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’
It makes sense that if we shaft responsibility then behaviours that control are an inevitable replacement. If this is so, then surrender must have quite a bit to do with being responsible. It is difficult to surrender if we don’t feel connected and held by the strength of our true selves – thanks for making this so clear in your blog Kathy and reminding me responsibility starts with the energetic quality of our being.
Kathy, I loved reading your sharing. Everything what you describe I have lived before as well. Lost in my victim role, in my doing and now claiming back what I really am – tender, fragile, amazing. You are a testimony of, that true change can only be achieved through self-responsibility, awesome.
Thank you Alexander, we can so easily fall in the victim role when we choose to get distracted in others ideals and beliefs, taking on their patterns and behaviour to avoid our own true responsibility. When we claim ourselves we are more aware of not giving our power away to others and take on true responsibility of our own choices that builds a foundation to support us in every way.
Although I can feel what true responsibility is I have recently begun to understand how to distinguish it from obligation and perceived expectations of others. It feels like true responsibility comes from what I know about everything rather than any one situation.
Michael, it is lovely when you can know the difference between knowing true responsibility for self and others in allowing and accepting it all starts with us first.
I agree Michael as the perceived image is very different to what is felt by the truth.
Thank you Kathy, I am blessed reading your blog. Where responsibility is discussed from its true origin and meaning instead of the avoidance of it.
Danna it is great when we get to a loving understanding of true responsibility. It is lovely when we come from the truth of the choices we make and allow to feel that truth in our body.
Yes Kathy, you are so right”
So true Danna. When responsibility becomes the focus of discussion at at dinner table, work place or with family and friends the reactions and judgements are a reminder to where we as humanity are not willing to go to.
We can also say that if responsibility is not truly discussed (whatever way: delayed, avoided, argued in any way shape or form) we are simply resisting to be honest and look at life and that how we life as a society is not it. And that we have not played our role of responsibility in it. This is why it is so beautiful to come back and discuss this – as it is forever freeing us from the emprisonment of holding back our truth, love, divinity on earth (which is our essence, even though we are living in physical existence, we must always remember that energy comes first).
Kathy, this is truly an inspiring blog, as Brendon said if we taught the true meaning of responsibility at school it would not be something that we would even want to avoid.
Thank you Denise, it would be great if true responsibility was taught at school, what a difference it would make for all humanity, we would all come from a loving understanding of acceptance for each other and allowing all to live our own choices in the moment of unfolding.
Great point Kathy. If schools were the foundation could you imagine the level of responsibility and community engagement that would occur.
Beautiful, Kathy, so what’s on offer for us is to go into schools and offer a true reflection of responsibility to the kids. I am so inspired that there are Universal Medicine student initiatives who do exactly that and thus prepare the system for change.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” I have learnt through Serge Benhayon what true responsibility is. True responsibility has given me an understanding of myself and others in a more accepting and deeper way.
Sally Cranwell-Child, thank you for a lovely response to the blog. We are so blessed to have Serge Benhayon as a great reflection for us all in living true responsibility and allowing others to live their own choices of responsibility.
Gill thank you for sharing about learning a new level of true responsibility for self. It is so lovely when we feel, honour and nurture our body and take the steps to make changes to the way we live, so we can allow others to make their own choices.
I started to become depressed at a young age back in college days when I was not able to speak my truth and was holding back my expression. I would accept what others wanted or said and I felt I was unable to give my input, in fear of being rejected and not good enough. Little did I know that would cause different levels of depression. Now I am open and expressive n my communication and I no longer hold back. I have not experience any depression over the last few years.
Amita, thank you for your great comment on how we can become depressed when we look at others and conform with everyone else around us and allow ourselves to not even be considered in our life and just focus on what everyone else is doing. This feeling I know quite well and always felt like the victim instead of knowing true responsibility at a young age and I also suffered deep depression and felt there was no end just a hole getting deeper.
Kathy, it was lovely to reread your blog today, to understand how we take on responsibility that isn’t ours to take on, and how true responsibility is about looking after ourselves, and our own choices.
Thank you Kathy. Serge Benhayon has also introduced to me the true meaning of responsibility and as you say it is a beautiful way to live. Living in a responsible way means that everyone and everything is considered as life is seen as a whole and not just its parts. It allows me to honour myself and in turn honour everyone else.
Elizabeth, thank you for your lovely comment. Serge is a great reflection for all, of truly being responsible for our choices and the way we live. It all comes back to us in allowing ourselves and others to come from an acceptance and appreciation for all equally in the choices we all make.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ It feels the control is such a big player in this scenario. Whenever I allow space to let life flow there is no anxiousness about right or wrong, there is no overdoing to help other people and there is this connection with myself which allows me to care for myself first, without going into abusive behaviour because of the need to help others, which is a distraction of feeling what is going on for me in every moment of the day.
Annelies, that is beautifully expressed in how we can become controlling and live by the behaviours that control us instead of listening to the way the body feels. When we come from the body we trust all that unfolds before us is enough in all that has to be said or done without any effort, thinking or judgement. It all feels complete and loving, there is a flow of divine energy through our body that brings clarity, ease and harmony.
This is something I can very well relate to from personal experience, Ariana. I used to be the one who always tried to solve the problems of other people and again and again took on responsibility that was not mine. By honestly looking at why I did this in the first place, I had to admit to myself that I was doing this to have an excuse to not deal with my own stuff. It was not the prettiest lesson to take, that I in fact had used others to avoid my responsibility, but seeing through this game has been gold. I now am prepared to deal with my stuff and have made massive changes by that. I always thought responsibility to be a burden, but what I have learned through experience is, that it is a relief and joy to live responsibly, as I then can live just like I am, without having to play a role anymore.
When we take responsibility for how we live and act this gives us the power of living a life that feels true for us. Suddenly we do not have to feed so much energy into the constant game of setting up a stage play that we call our life, but can simply use all our resources to live our life in full.
It is a good point Brendan, as adults we are living our unresolved childhood hurts until we choose to be self-responsible for our own healing and finally let go of the baggage we have carried for ages.
I too was born into a culture where responsibility is all about family and religion first and this is the trap as it creates a false foundation for relationships and something that becomes more like an arrangement between people as no one really takes responsibility for self first living in the illusion of doing good for others or being the victim and expecting others to take care of you.
This is a great sharing Kathy exposing how disempowering it is for another when we take responsibility for them – not to mention how overwhelming and futile it is for ourselves to do this.
When we take responsibility that is not ours, we indeed disempower others, as we rob them of the chance to make their own choices and learn from the results of these choices.
Great what you write. By being honest about things that need attention we have the choice to change it. Like I know for myself there are a few things now in my life that ‘get in the way’. I can pretend they are not there, then they only get bigger and louder. Or I can address them. It is just a matter of choice. That is where responsibility comes in.
Caroline what you write here is so true: “By being honest about things that need attention we have the choice to change it. Like I know for myself there are a few things now in my life that ‘get in the way’. I can pretend they are not there, then they only get bigger and louder. Or I can address them. It is just a matter of choice.” I have this experience also. Things that we want to and do avoid just keep coming back at us until they are so big we can’t avoid them any longer. In the end we have to address them but it gets harder and more complex the longer you leave it. So this begs the question, could this delay be part of our problem?
Thank you Kathy – now this …”I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life.” …is truly living.
I find it interesting that this blog comes under the section on anxiety. I certainly know for myself that I have an underlying anxiety that shows up in all sorts of ways and one of those is in controlling the outside environment. Taking on responsibility for another is really a controlling act and, as you show here, does not, in truth, serve anyone but keeps this anxiety perpetuated although often cleverly hidden or disguised. Awesome that you have changed your relationship with responsibility, being responsible for yourself first, being kinder to yourself and listening to your body and can now “live life feeling pretty amazing every day” and rejoice in the knowing and living of true responsibility.
“I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow” This is so true for me too, when I understood that responsibility is self responsibility first and that it is about me committing to making loving choices for my self first, this was a real opening as I knew I could now learn and grow from my own choices.
It is great how you were able to see that your parents were just doing the best they could and not hold on to the hurt and blame them. This is true responsibility and the more responsibility we take on the more there appears to be.
I agree kevmchardy, it is easy to hold onto the hurts and blame our parents, but that in itself is not being responsible as having the willingness to bring understanding into the situation gets rid off of the blaming and allows true healing to take place.
Awesome point Brendon when most in their 60’s are looking forward to retirement we have a whole other wave coming through saying, Bring it on Im not done yet…Love it.
True responsibility is beautiful, I used to think it was all a burden that I had do this or that so I wouldn’t, What I realised from attending Universal Medicne events all those I think I should haves are simply ideals and beliefs that I bought into, toss them away and you want responsibility as you know it’s so needed – the world is crying out for it ….
Responsibility is such a great subject… We have our individual responsibility, our responsibility within the community, responsibility within our humanity, and yet all of these theatres of awareness would be, if true responsibility is taken, returning to the individual connecting with their deeper inner self and taking responsibility for their thoughts and their words and their deeds… Within this everything would be reconfigured and reconnected.
“Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place” this line stands out to me I really appreciate my past and all that it has taught me and the healing opportunities it has presented.
Thanks for sharing your journey from seeing responsibility as a negative and a burden of where you felt you needed to be in control of others to the true meaning of responsibility of being self-loving and present for yourself first therefor offering others the expression of the true you.
When we realize that true responsibility starts “at home’ then we have the opportunity to ‘re-configure’ our whole lives, … nurturing our self worth and from there , interact with the world without the weight of the burdens we have placed upon ourselves.
A deeply inspiring blog to read and a beautiful reminder that the greatest gift we bring is being truly responsible for ourselves. I can totally relate to your words Kathy – Growing up with that sense of over-responsibility for everyone and everything in life was so demanding and fools us into believing we have to be perfect and thus, not ever feel good enough. Serge Benhayon’s presentations continue to inspire and reflect the truth of responsibility which makes complete sense.
“Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost”.
This blog made me realise again what true responsibility is about. It is about being conscious with all my choices, feeling what is needed in every moment.
Reading about responsibility has made me aware of how it is possible to ‘create’ a picture of responsibility that is overwhelming and exhausting. True responsibility is re-connecting to the love that we already are and living this every moment of every day – to hold this presence is enough. This is True Responsibility.
So true ch1956, I find as a man it is easy to carry this image of responsibility to be such a burden that is exhausting and debilitating, it is the lifestyle bubble for many as it allows them to function and do what needs to be done and justify the lack of time to not take responsibility for themselves and be more of who they are and that is the illusion.
To become aware that responsibility is in fact a loving act rather than something that requires arduous discipline is nothing short of a game changer.
I love this blog Kathy. Interestingly I was the youngest of 3 children, and when I was younger, I sometimes felt the behaviour of others was domineering and I felt bossed around. But because I felt hurt by the way others were with me, I then began to treat some of my friends in the same way and became known as being bossy. So it’s a great example of how, when we take on something that is not ours, it affects so many people. I love how you say ‘Responsibility is beautiful’, and in the true sense of the word, I agree with you. And how far is that from what we grew up believing responsibility to be?
A beautiful article and lovely to feel the appreciation you have for yourself and others. I have also found this reflection to be deeply inspiring “Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.” I am learning what true responsibility is for me and is is a very wonderful and expansive experience to claim responsibility and learn to live from that place.
True responsibility would have to entail looking after yourself first as you cant look after somebody else if you cant look after yourself
I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost. As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood. – Beautifully said Kelly.
Thank you Brendan for the lovely response to the blog. Misunderstanding does bring in the illusion of what is not true responsibility.
Such a good point, and such a powerful feeling gained from your comment, that we each have issues to deal with and each have wounds that stem back to our childhood.
There is such a danger in feeling that the responsibility lies first and foremost with others as opposed to us having responsibility for ourselves first and then to those around us. I heard a mother recently talk about how she always thought that her children came first.. always and never did she even ponder on the idea that she had to look after her-self before she was able to truly nurture and look after her kids.. So many people feel this and forget to truly self – care.
Beautiful Kathy. True responsibility starts with each choice we make and it is a beautiful way to learn about how every single action and choice we make in life has an impact on everyone in the entire world. It is not a burden at all, and I realise that that feels more like an excuse to not step up and actually take true responsibility for our actions and choices.
I also experienced a” powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” Being the second elders out of five sisters and the boy my father never had, I took on this protective role for all my sisters. For me to become this way I became very hard and buried my own emotions, always there to help my sisters no matter what. What I realised is that I had limited them from learning from their mistakes and I could not understand why they where in the same situation all the time. When I stepped away, things started to change for them, they took on their own responsibility and their own confidence developed.
It is beautiful Amita to see this confidence develop in others when they feel empowered by taking responsibility for themselves.
Thank you for inspiring me once again to stop trying to control my children’s lives out of fear that otherwise their lives might go astray. It is my fear, my pattern and I am meddling with their own responsibility.
This is such good one to let go of, and in that true healing starts to take place. The world is a scary place and we want the best for our children.. but are we in-hibiting them by controlling them?
When we take on other people’s responsibility we take away their opportunity to make more self loving choices for themselves, in order for them to heal.
I agree, absolutely. And it is so easy to fall into the pattern of taking self responsibility away from them. This serves no-one.
Having always taken on responsibility myself, it was not until I attended a presentation by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, that I then understood what true responsibility is.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” This is a true gem and very timely for me to read. Thank you Kathy.
Kathy – what a transformation this is. I say this from the understanding of working with people who are in a very similar state to where you once were – ruled by other people’s praise, forever anxious.
And in this anxiousness – there is a resistance to change. There is a stubbornness to say ‘this is who I am and you have to accept me’ – when really -underneath all the self inflicted pressure, anxiety, sadness and criticism is a very sensitive person who craves love just like we all do.
The responsibility aspect is key – and I can feel the difference this has made to your state of ‘the world is against me’ to ‘I am a part of the world and I have a responsibility to that’
So beautifully summarised, plus you make a great point around anxiousness, when one is in anxiousness, there is a real resistance to change and a stubbornness. I can feel how this has been my own pattern and definitely underneath that stubbornness has been a sadness and a very sensitive person who was craving love, but also the need to take greater responsibility.
Thank you for expanding on this Reagan – yes I certainly see how under stubbornness is a sadness that seems to be the foundation of a lot of our choices and feelings at that time. But if we are willing to look at the sadness and what it is we feel we are missing in our lives, I have found that love and the responsibility to reflect true love to all can actually change how we as people are.
I loved reading your blog Kathy – you are so inspiring – you had a huge momentum of feeling the need to be responsible for others from such a tender young age and to now have turned that completely around is really beautiful. Now that you lovingly put responsibility for yourself first there is so much more of the real you in your interactions with all others.
Kathy, it is very inspiring to read your blog, true responsibility comes from knowing ourselves and making the choices that lovingly support us.
Wow Kathy. Taking on responsibility of others is massive, and so commonly done. It very easily leads to resentment of others and their choices which is not constructive in the slightest! Taking true responsibility, for how we are in ourselves first, and the quality we are bringing – as opposed to the things we do – allows others to equally do this in their own space.
Presentations by Serge Benhayon made me aware that controlling others in the misapprehension that I was being responsible was holding them back from being and expressing all that they are. When I let go it was an almost instant blossoming for all of us and brought us closer together. When I let go of the burden of responsibility for others I was able to truly love them.
Thank you Mary. We can think that taking on responsibility for others is doing us or them some sort of favour. It is a huge disservice as you say, and can only result in detriment to both parties involved.
the false taking on responsibility for others is sometimes another distraction from having to take responsibility for oneself and in fact is a way of constructing life to ensure we don’t get exposed things we want to keep buried, and create further a life of illusion to enforce the story we have running.
Thank you for this beautiful blog about true responsibility Kathy. it has supported me to look into my notion of responsibility a little deeper. I have held on tightly to the understanding that responsibility was about conforming and shutting yourself down, it was about setting aside how you truly felt about something and following the rules in order to comply, be well-behaved, fall into line, not upset the apple cart. It felt like to be responsible, meant ticking the ‘good daughter,’ ‘good sister,’ ‘good school pupil,’ ‘good friend’ etc boxes. it was a role and had nothing to do with expressing how I felt. It is truly beautiful that I am now beginning to understand what true responsibility is and it is all about how we feel. It is about allowing ourselves to feel the tenderness, fragilty, divinity in our bodies. It is about simply allowing this to be felt. Just as you say ‘responsibility is beautiful’
Hi Simone, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. It is so amazing when we truly come to the understanding of the truth of what we are doing to self and others when we come from the ideals and beliefs that we have to or need to be good and trying to be something or someone instead of living our truth.
Simone it so lovely to hear that you have come to an understanding of true responsibility of how it feels in the body. The ideals and beliefs of what takes hold of our way of living does not allows us to live who we truly are. Accepting responsibility for self first allows us to feel love, fragility, tenderness and the gentleness we all are.
‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’ I can relate really strongly to this Kathy. I was aways the one described as ‘conscientious’ in my report cards at school. but what they could have written instead was ‘terrified of being wrong.’ I could even feel a bit of concern coming through ‘conscientious’, as though my teachers could see that this would continue to be a very abusive way to live life. It’s still very much a pattern in my life, but thanks to Universal Medicine I am beginning to see it for what it truly is and choose differently.
Hi Simon, thank your for your great comment on the blog. Universal Medicine is truly amazing in all that it brings in allowing us to see the truth of what is truly going on and live in a way of making more loving choices for ourselves.
Yes it is very healing when we start to take responsibility for what we have allowed in our lives and start to make some different choices.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” I feel I will return to this blog many times. I can relate to it so easily and allow myself to go deeper with it’s message each time. True responsibility is so fundamental to our own well-being and what we bring to the world.
So amazing to read how we can change from such long held beliefs and patterns.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” this is such a powerful realisation and one that when understood releases one form the illusion of being good.
Hi Francisco, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. The word good can mean lots of things and thus keep us in the illusion of feeling that we are helping others when instead we are harming not only ourselves and others equally.
Thank you Linda, for your great comment on the blog. It is so easy to take on helping others so that we cannot feel our hurt and pain. It is easy to be responsible for others and feel like we are doing something in a loving way but all in all we are harming self and others without truly knowing because we are always in the doing.
Hi Brendan, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. Responsibility at any age is beautiful. Live the joy of responsibility by your loving choices.
Hi Sandra, for your lovely comment on the blog. It is truly amazing when we let go of taking responsibility for others and allowing them to make their own choices so they can learn to unfold in their own space and time.
‘Responsibility is beautiful’ Having spent most of my life avoiding responsibility it is great to read this comment and agree whole heartedly.Thank you Kathy for a lovely blog and to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have shown me the beauty in responsibility .
Jane thank you so much for your lovely comment on the Blog. When we come to the truth of what is truly going on in our life and then take on responsibility to change, it feels pretty amazing. The great reflection from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has shown how to live true responsibility with love.
What an amazing turn around Kathy. Thank you, your inspiring words say simply how it is… ‘Responsibility is beautiful.’
Thank you so much Jenny for your beautiful comment on the blog and feeling truly inspired by the simplicity of words. Making loving changes in life shows us how to truly live with one self and others lovingly.
I am inspired once again reading this blog Kathy – of your openness and willingness to let go of taking care of others and your return to a loving relationship with you to truly be there for others.
Thank you Marcia for your lovely comment on the blog. True responsibility shows us how to be more loving towards ourself and that we deserve to take care of ourself in making more loving choices in having a true relationship with self first and then others.
I can too relate to what you shared, I also was one of five sisters, being the second eldest. Both my elder sister and I got caught up in taking on lots of responsibility at such a young age of others. I ended up being controlling and protective, not allowing them to truly live and learn from their own choices.
Hi Amita, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is so easy to be caught up in being so controlling and over protective when you are taught at a young age to be responsible for the other siblings and feel that you have to make choices for all so that you are protecting oneself from being in trouble if something goes wrong. The eldest child in most cases is made to be the example of how to be responsible for all.
Hi Amita, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. When we get caught up in taking on too much and feeling that we are responsible, it starts to control us in that we need to be responsible because things will not get done or we will fall behind in our work, so that is when control starts controlling us and then this does not allow self or others to live our choices but live everyone else’s life.
It does become very messy, and because of the controlling, others then don’t take responsibility for their choices and patterns keep repeating. Once I recognised and let of the control, I could see people around me around me change and become more responsible and empowered. This was beautiful too see and feel.
Thank you again for this blog Kathy, you have redefined responsibility from being the cause of something bad or needing to control others, to the true meaning – making loving and wise choices for ourselves first, so that we can bring our whole true self to every situation and to others. You have shown that it is never too late to make changes and heal from the past, living lighter and more joyfully each day. I am taking this inspiration into my day.
A lovely expansion of this blog bernadette curtin. “making loving and wise choices for ourselves first, so that we can bring our whole true self to every situation and to others.” is key. As I work on this I feel my relationship with responsibility changes all the time and I feel more committed to life from a true sense of purpose and love for myself and of humanity.
Hi Bernadette, thank you so much for your beautiful comment on the blog. Responsibility when defined sounds and feels amazing. It is so empowering making our own choices
by accepting the truth of what we feel from within in every situation and then allowing ourselves to live them in a more loving way.
Hi Bernadette, thank you for your great comment on the blog. Time does not matter when we come from a loving understanding in honouring self in making loving choices and living life to the fullest of joy, love and playfullness in true responsibility. Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place.
“Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place”, I love this Kathy. I have come to many realisations lately about how I have shirked responsibility and lived my life not being the true me, holding back and making excuses that I can’t make loving choices because I have ‘issues’! That’s nonsense of course, because any perceived issues I think I have don’t exist and I was just avoiding responsibility for myself and ultimately every person on this planet. True responsibility for me is to honour myself first, speak the truth and not hold back who I am… this is all new for me, and a little daunting, but if we are going to evolve, and that means all of us, it is time to grasp the reigns and take responsibility for all aspects of our lives. Thank you Kathy for your blog, and all the comments above, I shall take them out to my day as a constant reminder that I do have the power to change once I become responsible for being responsible! After all, what is the worse that can happen…. I come back to LOVE 🙂
Perfectionism is the most crippling and exhausting past-time – making us critical and judgemental of ourselves which is deeply undermining, but equally importantly we are unable to truly appreciate another and what they bring as the quality we are treating ourselves is not isolated to just us.
I just feel so inspired by what you say here Kathy, “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
There are many themes within your blog that run parallel to my own life Kathy. In particular, and recently, I have felt how life for me as a child was so out of control, that I became very controlling of my surroundings so that I felt that there was some order, or so that I felt safe. As I grew older, and as my physical world became safe, I continued unaware with my controlling ways, wanting things to be a certain way, looking for perfectionism and then giving up when nothing went to plan. Control has kind of slipped away of late and a deeper acceptance has moved into its place. It has allowed me to feel more of who I truly am.
“Responsibility is beautiful” and so are you Kathy.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ – I absolutely agree Kathy. It is truly empowering when we realise and accept that we are responsible for the way we are living, through the choices that we make. And what could be more beautiful than discovering and claiming back the love that we already are within, through being honest, healing our hurts and letting go of what is not of this love? Choosing to live with self-responsibility is choosing to live all of who we truly are, through our everyday living.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” this is a powerful realisation for us all in taking responsibility in life by honouring what our bodies are communicating with us all the time, as usually whenever we live wanting to control situations and others there is a hardness created in the body as a sense of protection that is not natural for us at all.
I grew up with the belief that responsibility meant ‘self-sacrifice’ – something I have a feeling you can relate to Kathy. Responsibility always felt heavy and always involved me being the last one to be considered so when I did commit to something and take responsibility for it I would often become resentful and exhausted, running myself ragged to try to live up to whatever perfectionist ideal of responsibility I had subscribed to. I have had a hard time shaking this and still find myself running with this story if I’m not paying attention and being fully present in my day, but like you and many others Kathy, I have been supported massively by Universal Medicine. I now have a sense of how responsibility in truth is a joyful and light way of being that involves putting ourselves first and foremost which naturally will support the whole. This is a sense I am nurturing to grow and I know it will be my way of being before too long because it is my natural way – the rest is the alien way that was adopted so the natural way was forgotten for a while.
I so relate to this sentence Lucy: “Responsibility always felt heavy and always involved me being the last one to be considered so when I did commit to something and take responsibility for it I would often become resentful and exhausted, running myself ragged to try to live up to whatever perfectionist ideal of responsibility I had subscribed to.” By putting perfectionism and exhaustion in the one sentence, you have triggered a definite Aha moment for me. Much for me to consider, thank you.
Hi Arianna, thank you for your great comment to the blog. It is very controlling when we take on others responsibility feeling that we are doing something worthwhile and then realising that you not only harm self but others, all because not wanting to feel our hurt and thinking we are protecting ourselves.
The whole world sees responsibility as something that weighs heavily on your shoulders, but actually responsibility is something very great because only when we take over responsibility for ourselves, others, nature or projects etc. we can truly evolve, so we could actually be very happy about being responsible…
Hi evamariafoertsch, thank you so much for your lovely reply. Making our own choices and living by those choices what brings in the beauty of self in everything we do as we learn by true responsibility we experience life in a more loving way.
I agree evamaria, I have felt that responsibility can be a burden and have shied away from true responsibility through the fear of letting others down in the past, however in realising that committing to myself consistently means that I am being responsible I have begun to enjoy the journey of self-discovery and unfolding that is starting to take place.
Michael, you have shared here a great comment in that you have placed self responsibility as a journey, as something we can work at and enjoy as it unfolds deeper and deeper in to life.
Kathy what an amazing story. I could feel how intense and abusive your childhood was at having to take on so much especially at such a young age. I can feel how tender and sweet you are naturally which was squashed as a child. I love what you said about “taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” Handing the responsibility back to where it truly belongs is very freeing indeed.
Hi Donna, thank you so much for your beautiful comment on the blog. The experiences we have as children, gives us the opportunity to see the patterns and behaviours we have being living through out our life. It is freeing when we come to the truth of what is truly going on, and allow self to come to a more loving understanding.
I agree with you that “handing the responsibility back to where it truly belongs is very freeing indeed”. From a very young age I was thought and referred to as reasonable with all the burden that this entails. I took upon myself to live up to this description. That meant doing the thinking, organising, preparing, assuring the comfort of others. My well being was never considered, this in my book would have been unreasonable. I found deliverance with the teachings of Universal Medicine. I now understand the true meaning of taking responsibility. It is my responsibility to not feel responsible for anyone else but myself.
Kathy on re-reading this blog I paused at your words ‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ I recently have noticed pockets where I slip into this pattern, and am feeling the self-serving control that is in this behaviour. It is uncomfortable to feel, but in doing so there is more space to put my energy into being responsible for me. That is a big enough task in itself!
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. It is beautiful when we come back to being only responsible for our choices and letting others to live their life with the choices they make. This gives us more awareness of our body and the way we feel.
It is just awesome to hear you say that you have never felt better, also that you appreciate yourself and your transformation.
What an enormous responsibility you had for other people at a very young age. Now you have responsibility for yourself which will flow on to support others.
Hi Shirl, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. True Responsibility does allows us to appreciate and honour our choices we make without feeling a burden for others giving us the space to unfold in our livingness.
When you say ‘at 60, I have never felt better’ is a huge statement. It sounds like it is going against the usual downward slide to aches, pains and problems. You are representing the possibility of what happens when we take responsibility and reflect on our choices. Awesome Kathy.
Hi Matthew, thank you for your awesome comment to the blog, I love that you expressed how we naturally think when we get to a certain age, when life can be joy, if we choose to live life to the fullest, no matter what the age is. True Responsibility is beautiful.
As I was growing up I learnt responsibility as being able to look after myself , getting a job, saving enough money to buy a home and always doing the ‘right’ thing. I have since learnt that that is not true responsibility. True responsibility for me now is choosing to be me in every moment.
Hi Heidi, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. True responsibility is all about in the moment and enjoying the space in all that you do and bring in life.
Hi Brendan, thank you for your loving response to the blog. Responsibility is always something that is either chosen for self or others, especially when we do not like what we feel.
Hi Sandra, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog.
Thank you Kathy for sharing this. I can so relate to great deal of your life experiences. The over responsibility, the perfectionism, the depression, anxiety, the constant focus on others needs before my own. I love how you have turned things around to take responsibility for you first and how responsibility now feels beautiful. The feels really amazing.
Hi raegankcairney, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. Life feels amazing when we look at everything starting with us first. There is always something life shows us in all that we do and the way we live.
I love the link you have pointed out between feeling responsible for everyone else, that then brings with it the need to control every situation, feeling if something goes wrong for another, it is our responsibility. And how this way of living is very stressful and creates anxiety, as one can never control what happens to another person.
Hi Thomas, thank you for your great comments on the blog. When we live life for others and not take responsibility for self first, life clearly shows us that we are harming ourselves and others by not living our truth.
Yes that is so true. It can be a big issue in families. Mothers can often blame themselves for everything that “goes wrong” with their children, even when they are adults. They worry and/or feel guilty, a trait that can be deeply influenced by the catholic church, and they never get out of their stressed, anxious and emotional energy.
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
It can be very harmful to others when we take responsibility for others, as we are in fact teaching them how to live in an irresponsible way, never allowing them to feel lives lessons and ‘laws’, about what happens if we are irresponsible
What a huge change Kathy, from being responsible for everyone else first, to being loving and caring for yourself first, and how that actually benefits everyone, as how we treat ourselves is then how others experience us.
When we are hard and judgemental on ourselves then we treat others in this way.
Life is one big lesson if we choose to see the outcomes we create, we can choose to learn from them and take responsibility for our actions or not. True responsibility takes it deeper again to read between the lines so to speak at why life presented us with the lesson in the first place, being fully responsible for the reflections life shows us … as we create our own reality.
Hi merrileepettinato, thank you for your great comment on the blog. Life is all about lessons if we truly take responsibility, showing us to learn, reflecting to us in a loving way the truth of how we are living, by the actions we take.
“I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” It’s amazing when we do this then everything else becomes clear.
Hi gylrae, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. Everything does start with us first and how divine it is when we live who we truly. Life is so simple when we make our own choices.
I see so much resistance in people when I speak of true responsibility, yet how amazing it is to live it and that there is nothing to fear, when we are in charge of our own choices as every choice there is a new expression as our choices pave the way, why wouldn’t we want to own them. Thank you Kathy for all what to presented here.
Hi Yasmin, thank you for your great comments on the blog. True responsibility is something that we have not really felt because it feels like a huge load to take on, when in fact it is so beautiful, by making your own choices to live and enjoy the experiences through the opportunities we receive.
It’s such a different way of looking at our choices isn’t it? It turns the whole victim mentality on its head. It’s very empowering and something that once grasped, changes everything!
After reading you blog Kathy I can feel ‘Responsibility is beautiful’ by taking responsibility, we are given the opportunity to truly claim who we are. Doing this also inspired others to do the same and breaks down the cycle of blame and irresponsibility, lifts the burden and changes everything.
I’ve noticed people actually striving for less responsibility because of the way the world is set up. The quicker someone can leave work and ‘get out of here’ is so common these days. I even hear it at the checkout or in conversations where people are wanting to ‘get away’ from their life and have a holiday, and these holidays seem to be getting longer and longer every year. It is as if life is a burden and too much to handle.
Hi matthew, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. Life seems to be such a burden for all because true responsibility feels so hard when we do not want to feel what is truly going on and so we are always in the doing.
Yes this is a very astute observation, I know how this feels because for years and years this is how I lived. Life was all about escaping and living for holidays, no real commitment to just being me, day in day out.
“I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost”
What a great realisation and awareness Kathy; a very powerful reminder and lesson for us all.
HI Shirl, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. True responsibility is very powerful and loving to self and others equally.
‘I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did’. I can relate to this line in particular, but for me it was a way to control my life and everyone in it. Unfortunately this way of being only sets us up for failure and self worth plummets even further.
So true Julie. We cannot control anyone or anything, no matter how hard we try. What we can do is make responsible choices and suddenly the need for control is not there as we will be at ease with what we have chosen, at ease with ourselves.
This is an excellent comment Michael and so true, we let go of control when we can take responsibility for ourselves. Essentially we don’t need to control anyone else, taking responsibility is so freeing and puts the focus right back where it needs to be- on us.
Responsibility is sold as a heavy weight when we are young and this has an impact throughout our lives. The bigger the responsibility, the bigger the consequences and too often we see these consequences played out as difficult or hard times, which send the message to avoid it, when naturally we are here to evolve and develop in whatever ways we feel is needed.
I agree Mathew words like responsibility and commitment are sold to us as heavy weight growing up, something to be avoided – when the truth is they are light, fun and playful and create true freedom and joy.
This is very true Matthew. Responsibility entails accountability and accountability asks of us to be all that we are and to express it in full. This used to terrify me but now I know it is the only way to live.
It’s amazing then, that you have made such a shift, from the fear to the emancipation of owning all your choices and how it all impacts. Being accountable is very honourable, and if we take responsibility for how we behave then we have nothing to fear.
Agreed Mathew, so often responsibility when I was young was tainted with pressure to be or do something.
So true – as young girls it was sold to us as taking care of others. More like taking on poison from others!
Yes agree, it was sold to us and still is being sold to women. This is the problem – it’s not being challenged by the vast variety of women, yet ironically this is the best way for us to serve others, is by focusing on the quality we are in with ourselves first and foremost.
Matthew, I have never really considered this deeply before but how true it is that “responsibility is sold as a heavy weight” and something to be avoided.
And yes, if the name of the game is evolution, then responsibility is a big player, but not necessarily a heavy weight.
A powerful blog Kathy thank you… I had little idea either what true responsibility meant, although I did have a sense of what it didn’t mean through some of my own experiences. I worked as a practitioner from around the age of 26 and by 40 was pretty much burnt out. Taking responsibility for helping other people get well was definitely NOT true responsibility. It wasn’t until coming across Serge Benhayon that I began to learn what it really meant, and how to live with it. Today I work a long day and do not feel drained at all… and have a far healthier sense of where my real responsibility lies, something that is not a burden or a strain… just a choice I make because I know the consequences if I do, and if I don’t.
HI Jenny, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. When we come to the truth of what true responsibility is, there is a power inside oneself that shows us that the choices we make is about loving who we truly are and living that each day.
Serge Benhayon is a great reflection of true responsibility first in self. Living that in truth brings divine love for all equally.
Yes well said Kathy… it never ceases to amaze me the way it all works… so divinely beautiful!
What a gorgeously told turn around of your life Kathy. How easy would it have been for you to remain completely trapped in that mould of suffering and burden with a warped and if I might say righteous sense of what responsibility is. I am not saying that righteousness came through your blog, far from it. But I know people who live that way, their shoulders hunched and laden with the cares of others and a certain righteousness tends to creep in to their demeanour.
You have healed a pattern that could have held you down for a lifetime, as oppressed as a slave carrying heavy load of stones upon their weary back.
And here you are today, a testament to the Livingness, a woman reclaimed in love and the freedom that only love can bring.
Pure inspiration.
Hi Dr Rachel Mascord BDS, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is true about how we do become trapped in our burdens of suffering and feeling righteousness that we are doing the right thing and never seeing what is truly going on. I feel it is only when we hit rock bottom in life that we can no longer live in a way that we have done for so many years that you start to realise that there is more to life if you choose to be honest with self and truly see what is truly going on from the inside out. Being truthful with self is a beautiful gift to give to self and come to a loving understanding that everything is about choices and through those choices is what makes our life the way we live and learn. Truly enjoying all the love that you are.
Beautifully said Rachel, this could have easily been such an entrapment and the strength that Kathy holds now is something that can be relied on – a solid foundation of ones own connection to Self. Her healing is a testament to the amazing work being presented by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Yes I know the righteous demeanour you speak of Rachel, it’s very obvious and oppressive of others and easily felt. It’s a case of misery breeding misery, and no one benefits from it.
In so many respects responsibility has become a dirty word to most people. A common notion is, I don’t want anymore responsibility at this time in my life I have enough to handle as it is.
Hasn’t our view to be responsibility become very bleak?
I have a feeling that responsibility is much more simple than what we think and can actually be a joy to perform.
Recently I felt the whole meaning of responsibility. It came down to listening, feeling and responding to my body to the nth degree. I became aware that I was responsible for every movement, every breath and every word but the key is it was simply being with me all the way. The presence and power that was felt was remarkable that I actually backed away from how incredible it was. I wasn’t scared, but the awareness was beautifully overwhelming. So I’ve realised that if I avoid me, I avoid responsibility outside of me. The choice was in the commitment to being with myself.
What I realized in the last weeks as well is, that my responsibility doesn’t depend on anything – how I feel, or how I look or if I’m connected to myself or not, or whatsoever. I can’t use any excuse not to be responsible. If I would wait sometimes until I feel divine or my power, I would act very irresponsible. Knowing I’m a son of god, I’m reclaiming myself and embody more and more, what I really am – love.
Kathy, this is such a powerful blog. We often have a misguided sense of what responsibility is and in doing so avoid true responsibility so as you say taking care of others first, we can find a role for ourselves and not feel us and our hurts and deal with them. I love how you’ve turned around your life and how your new choices to take responsibility and look at yourself first has changed everything. It’s a huge lesson to learn and one I’m learning and unfolding still and always.
Hi monicag2, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Everything starts with us first, when you come to that honesty and truth about self, you start to make loving choices and understand your hurts in a loving way which allows you to learn and unfold in the way you live.
Taking responsibility for myself in full actually feels like a relief in my body, as it is it’s most natural way of being. It brings a sense of worth and commitment that allows one to move forward and grow. When we don’t take responsibility and prefer to instead blame or judge, we reduce ourselves and become very dense and heavy.
Thank you Kathy, I love what you share about taking true responsibility, and it doesn’t mean to take on everybody’s stuff. Truly taking care and being responsible for our own well-being is such an amazing start.
Yes well said Esther, being responsible for ourselves is definitely the foundation for knowing where it is true to take responsibility outside of this.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ This is a powerful stand alone statement and in my experience it is true. I feel so much more myself when I am being fully responsible.
Thank you Michelle, this line stood out for me too but as a reflection that I lived most of my life feeling responsibility was a ‘must do’ a burden that hung over me to get things right. I love Kathy’s beautiful insights, that being more self loving is being responsible – that responsibility is an expression of love, what a turn around this is for me. I know I am love, so what I do with that love is my responsibility knowing my choices affect everyone and everything around me. So if I live my love more and more what a beautiful unimposing way to help others see and feel they are that love too, as in if I can be that they can too.That is how responsibility is love and love is responsibility.
Kathy, I was rereading your blog, particularly the part where you wrote “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” It made me realise how easy it is to get caught up in doing the ‘right’ thing when if we were honouring of ourselves, we would lovingly look after ourselves first, before lovingly looking after another.
Hi Sally, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. Being taught doing the right thing by everyone first, is never ending until the realisation that it takes away of living your choices and truly having a loving relationship with self. You then come to an .understanding of true responsibility,
You quote the age of four as being when the stress of living this way started. And then you go on to say that it was at the age of 54 that you came across Universal Medicine. Fifty years. After all that time it is so inspiring to hear how your life and your approach to life has turned around. So many of us get so trapped and set in our ways, choosing the comfort of the life that we know rather than having the courage to see that it was our choices that got us there, therefore we can also choose another way. Huge respect Kathy and thank you for sharing your inspiring journey.
Hi ottobathurst, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. When you look truly inside of self and come to the truth and honesty of the choices you made, there is a realisation that everything starts with you and you can only be responsible for self which allows you to let go of the ideals and beliefs that have been holding you in patterns and behaviours that are not true, just an illusion that was taught to hold us back of our true expression for all to live equally in the choices we all make,
That is beautifully expressed. Your story inspires me. Both my parents and almost all of their friends – even at the young age of sixty were ALL hiding under the comfort cloak of “too late now” or ” can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “what’s the point” or “we’ve only got one life” blah..blah..blah.. Thus I have extra admiration for your commitment and courage. Of course, once re-incarnation is accepted as the truth that it is, then temporal age becomes utterly irrelevant.
I agree Otto – a lot of older people have given up. Kathy is a role model for all people, how to turn a life around and to live a life in joy, harmony and integrity.
Just the first paragraph is amazing to read; holding ourselves responsible for other people actions and choices is a lifetime sentence of unavoidable stress.
Very true Otto – we can set up our life in a such a way, that we will be exhausted for the rest of our life. It is all about our lifestyle choices and the way we treat ourselves and other people.
Hi Gill, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. Making loving choices for self is very empowering. Our bodies are truly amazing, they give us the awareness of what is truly going on without imposing on self or others.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” Reading this blog this morning this paragraph stood out to me reminding me that everyone has free will to make their own choices in life and the path they choose is up to them it is their responsibility to discern no matter what we see their current direction of their life choices.
Hi margaret, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. When we choose to be responsible for self this allows free will for all equally,to live life in true responsibility by the choices we all make.
Taking true responsibility for ourselves first is something we should get taught from an early age on as this will make such a difference in our lives and will let us become active and truly caring members of the society and relationships we live in.
Thank you Michael, what a beautiful world this will be when we do learn as we grow that love is responsibility and responsibility is love and that is the true way to live.
This is such an important blog. I have encountered this same scenario time and time again in my work with clients and I am continually finding it playing out in myself – unravelling deeper levels of hurt and opportunities for me to stay with myself and care and love myself more. Shifting from an old ingrained belief as to what responsibility means to a true love for myself and others does indeed make responsibility beautiful.
Hi elainearthey, Thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Responsibility is very beautiful when you come to a loving understanding that self comes first in all that you do, letting go of the hurts and allowing self to live from inner truth.
Kathy, this blog was exactly what I needed to read this morning. I’d woken up feeling the tugs of not having dealt with some things from the previous day and no surprises they followed me into today. But reading your blog has just brought me right back to my responsibility, for myself, how I then impact on others around me if I ‘choose’ to stay in the hurt from yesterday. It is always a choice!! So thank you!
So true Raegan: It is always a choice.
Either we can get entangled in the past, or observe and learn from this past, but leave it behind and constantly move on.
It is so simple when said like this – it is always a choice and thus the impact on ourselves and on others.
I love the simplicity Sally and that every moment is one where we can take responsibility to express the love that we are or not.If we choose the ‘not’ then we can learn from the fall out of that ‘not’ which is stopping the momentum of not taking responsibility for the next moment or choice.
Hi raegankcairney. thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. It is all about our choices and truly being honest with self, feeling the hurt. then letting go. knowing that we can always come back to us making loving choices.
Being presented with the truth about responsibility is a great gift, I agree Kathy. It makes such sense that we need to care for ourselves in order to truly care for another and that if we try and fix other people’s problems for them we are taking away their ability to make their own choices and learn from them and so in effect assisting in stunting their own growth.
Hi Fiona, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Truly caring for self first, lets you feel your own body and gives you the awareness what true responsibility truly means. You come from acceptance of loving self and others, appreciating the time and space for all to grow equally.
I agree entirely Fiona and would also add that there is a great falsehood in the reason why people try to fix other people’s problems. It is an easy way to avoid the greater responsibility of looking after ourselves and a way to avoid the hard truth of the problems in our own lives. An absolute denial of our own responsibility and a cunning way to try to make ourselves feel better.
To add to what you have added Otto identifying our self as a person who is into fixing other people’s problems can also be a ploy to win the acceptance and appreciation from others that one is not willing to give to oneself.
Absolutely Kathleen. Society praises those that help other people. It is the mainstay of the Christian Religion and has kept millions away from their truth. It is also the grand illusion of charity – which applauds people from ignoring their own hurts.
Absolutely agree Fiona, Otto and Kathleen we are either brought up to care for others or to be cared for. There is a clear strategy and illusion behind to not let people feel the nurturing aspects of self-care and responsibility for ourselves first as this would bring up empowered people who are not that easy to manipulate as they know their truth. Specifically the institutionalized forms of religion are playing a big part in this as it guarantees obedient and easy to be ruled people. Someone who knows their truth lives it and does not seek recognition in the falseness of irresponsible helpers.
So very true Otto. Other people’s problems and faults are engaging and take a huge amount of focus and attention, not to mention lots of thinking about on top of all the doing. In fact it is exhausting, so when the time comes for us to attend to our issues, well perhaps there isn’t any. Taking responsibility for others is a colossal distraction, and one that takes us away from the only thing we can actually work on… ourselves.
I agree with both Rachels!. It is a distraction, but, as you have said the truth that needs to be exposed is that this societal norm has been specifically and actively imposed upon us by organised religion to prevent us from doing the very thing that would serve us the most. Taking care of ourselves. The true horror of this trick is that in fact, by looking after ourselves we would then be in a zillion-time-better place to look after others. But if that were to happen, what would be the role of organised religion? If people don’t feel ‘lost’, they don’t go looking, so no religion is needed. That prospect causes sleepless nights in the Vatican.
You have absolutely nailed it Ottobathurst when you say “An absolute denial of our own responsibility and a cunning way to try to make ourselves feel better.” It is so much easier to direct our focus on other peoples problems in order to avoid looking at and dealing with our own.
Great thread here revealing what’s really at play when we take care of others out of a need (yours as opposed to theirs) and that this very entrenched belief that taking care of yourself first is selfish needs constant chipping (and the odd banging) away that this is simply not true. As you said Ottobathrust – we would be in a zillion better place if we did that first. i know that since I have started to take better care of myself, I am in a much better place to care for others. I stand on a much solid platform.
I agree ottobathurst. Focusing on others problems is simply just a way of avoiding our own and is a completely irresponsible way to live.
It can also be a way to cushion ourselves from life and reality, if we can fix another’s problems or ‘help’ them to avoid a mistake, then we don’t have to feel the sadness and our own reaction to a fellow brother’s process and the truth of where people are at and what they are choosing.
This is a powerful lesson and one I know I am still developing. I seem to have a knack for taking on others responsibility and thus I am affected just as they are by this imposition.
Really well said Fiona. We can confuse sympathy with love at times. Love enables one to know or discover their power and capability, whilst trying to fix or do things for others can limit their potential. This doesn’t negate the need to support each other, but it is how that support is provided. For example, is there a regard for the other person as being equal to you?
It’s a real perspective shift isn’t it? I know that people who take responsibility for themselves feel very empowered by it, and it cuts the victim role completely.
I agree Fiona, feeling responsible for others not only robs and stunts their evolution it’s also abusive on our bodies and an imposition on our relationships. A total illusion!
I realize more and more as well, how important it is, to allow other people to make their own choices. It had cost so much energy in the past, to convince somebody from my own views of life. I had wasted so much energy. I’m very glad, that this time is over and everybody can grow in his own pace and time.
At such a young age you had a huge responsibility for others ‘At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!’. Only over the last few years have I been aware of young carers and how many young carers there are in the UK. From this I see more than ever the importance of being a community, working together and supporting and being there for others. There are systems in place but there are a lot of gaps and loopholes and this is what needs to be tightened up.
Understanding the difference between true responsibility and imposed responsibility is huge, thank you Kathy for what you share. I’ve also chosen to shift my awareness form doing things responsibly to fully being responsible for being with myself as I go about my day. The difference is like little miracles popping up, with my health greatly improved and my accepting of others for who they are and where they’re at brings more joy to each moment.
Hi Sandra, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. It is truly beautiful when we have awareness and how much it supports us when we take true responsibility for self and accepting others to live by their choices, is a true blessing and the magic of God’s miracles.
Hi Sandra, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. The more we choose being responsible for self the more awareness we have about what is truly going on. We start to appreciate self and what we bring, the miracles confirming our love for self and others equally.
When I feel overhelmed and think that things which put pressure on me are just too much resposibility I have to carry – I have to stop and truly connect with myself. Why I have come into overhelm is just a matter of the lack of care and responsibility for me. Then I start with simple things like a lovely prepared meal, a nice walk, a hot shower or just doing nothing. Once I climb the anxiety ladder down, things which overhelmed and threatened me get in order again. If we would care deeply on a daily basis for us – we would not lose ourselves so much.
Hi Sonja, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly beautiful when we do loving choices and take true responsibility for self, letting go of the distractions.
I’ve always had this idea that I have to have it all together or do it tough, that things can’t be easy or I can’t be seen to not be coping with something. I am learning about the importance of being fragile, not needing to just get through and also learning to just be with where I am at. At times this can be confronting but its a really important learning.
These are beautiful aspects of responsibility you share here Kristy especially the acceptance and allowing of ‘….learning to just be with where I am at.’
Great point to overcome overwhelm. Just bring it back to simplicity, re-connect to the body, engage in a so-called simple activity like cleaning. I know through this, there is always a way back to where I left the moment. A way back to see where I need to take responsibility for me and what is needed to be addressed.
Hi monika, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. It is truly beautiful to let go of the illusion when you have clarity of what is truly happening and allowing others to make their own choices.
Thank you Kathy for your awesome article and the little gem I felt to repeat here from the comment above “…allowing others to make their own choices.” These few words are I find a great reminder that we do not have to convert or influence anybody – just reflect the love that we are and allow others to make their own choices.
Hi Roberta, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. It is so honouring for all when we all take responsibility for the choices we make for our own folding and living life through those choices.
This is such a great point Roberta. When we can learn to let go of our attachments to others it becomes much easier to allow them to make their own choices. In this way everyone can learn their own lessons, rather than having someone else step in and stop them from finding out on their own. We teach children the simple things in life when they are growing up, like learning to eat with a knife and fork, how to cross the road, and how to tie thier shoe laces. But as parents particularly we can become incredibly over protective of our children, and will readily step in if we see they are going to make a mistake. So long as they know we are there to support them no matter what, they can learn so much more and from a much younger age by allowing them to find out things for themselves.
Re-reading this pearl of Wisdom “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”, made me stop and really feel into what’s been shared and offered here. I can see that I take on other people’s stuff is a form of control and a form of denying that the world isn’t the ‘pink’ and ‘lovely’ world I want it to be. I literally try to avoid getting reflections of certain behaviours and the only way to do that is by ‘controlling’, so it seems. Rather than taking a step back and realising and accepting that there’s actually something being offered here to reflect on for myself. As a possibility to heal a certain pattern, behaviour, choice, memory, etc. It is up to me to take that opportunity, to feel the gratitude of it, or to deny and keep fighting it. Wow, this is huge! Well, for me at least.
Hi Floris, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. I feel control has an effect on all because we use it as a form of protection from the hurts and pain we do not want to feel. This can have a huge effect on our bodies constantly fighting ourselves for the outcomes that we feel are the way they should be. When we come to the truth of true responsibility for self first, it allows us to see the patterns, behaviours, ideals and beliefs and we then come from a more loving understanding not only for self but for others equally.
When I have tried to put up these walls of protection, trying to impose control on others so that I do not have to feel my own hurts, all I get is a frustrated feeling of failure when they do not change. This clearly indicates to me that this does not work, and if i honestly look at, and deal with my own hurts first, life flows more easily, then I can allow others to be who they are, and deal with their own stuff, knowing that I am open to support their choices with honesty, not imposing criticism.
What I’ve got here is that every time my responsibility feels like a burden – I am on the wrong track. True responsibility is a blessing and it starts with myself first. If I feel overwhelmed or under pressure I lost my connection to me, I gave up on my responsibility. That’s very interesting and a great reflection.
That’s true Sandra, when it feels like a burden it usually means that I am taking on a false responsibility by doing things for others when it would support them more if I allowed them to learn from their mistakes.
Trying to make everyone happy and fixing their issues was exhausting and I can tell that this way of taking on the responsibility from others was not doing any good to anyone. I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life. This clarity helped me to stopp his game of illusion.
‘To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life.’ It is amazing, Kathy, that you were able to open up and let the truth in after all you have been through. And I agree letting go of our hurts and understanding that our parents didn’t know any better, is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and everyone around us. Thank you for sharing.
And it’s amazing how others change once we let go of holding them to ransom for the hurts we think they have caused us. By understanding we open up the potential for true relationship.
Hi Maree, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. Being responsible is truly about not wanting to control anything around you, it is just being you and making loving choices for self. When we are trying to control things it is about expectation of others and not trusting self in what is truly going on. By allowing to observe the situation you get to feel the truth of what is needed without being critical of self or others.
“learn from making their own choices in life.” This is the greatest gift and freedom we can give, not only to others but also ourselves.
Agree Gylrae, this is our foundation upon which we stand on. When we have a solid foundation based on love and truth, it supports others to choose it for themselves.
Thank you Kathy, what a remarkable story of your life, and inspiring to see how the support of Universal Medicine and what Serge Benhayon presents in workshops, has made quite an impact in the way you accept, let go and live your life, without holding on to any childhood issue. Most definitely liberating and very healing.
Hi johannebrown17, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are both amazing in what they bring to support humanity to living their truth in a more loving way of true responsibility and much more.
Kathy, I feel the biggest hurt for me was my expectation of being perfect, and the control it took to maintain this state. How this continually made my life joy-less. It sucked all the joy out of my life. It had been so engrained in me that I felt like I couldn’t feel me.
Now when I stop and feel the loveliness of me from the inside, perfection and control don’t exist. And I can feel absolute joy in all that I do. I am now unfolding and allowing my imperfections.
Perfectionism is an ideal that has paralysed me and by allowing such thoughts in, I put a lot of effort in trying to become someone that is not me. It’s an unattainable goal, for as soon as one peak is reached there’s a higher one in the distance and there’s no rest. And when I do not stop to feel me I disconnect from the joy that is there. It’s true Denise that ‘perfection and control don’t exist.’ and it’s great that you are now allowing yourself to be as you are as I am also doing, thanks to Universal Medicine.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost…taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” I love these lines from your blog Kathy. You have shown what true responsibility is and the harm that can be caused when we take on responsibility for others – the harm to ourselves but also the harm to them. Thank you for sharing this powerful example of learning what true responsibility is.
A beautiful and touching blog Kathy thank you. It never ceases to amaze me the sort of crippling circumstances so many of us grow up in, but regardless of the hardship, the entrenched patterns we cultivate to avoid dealing with how much it hurt and the dysfunctional, disharmonious relationships we form as a result… that within a few short years of applying the teachings of Universal Medicine sees a transformation I have never witnessed before with such ease, conviction and true resolution. Thanks for such an honest and down to earth account of your life and journey of healing… it is truly inspirational.
I agree Jenny. It is lovely to read these blogs and be inspired by the way in which people have been able to overcome their life circumstances and deal with their issues without blaming or anger. What Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon presents is true healing.
“It was deeply humbling when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life. “- great lesson to learn Kathy
I also took on other people’s issues as my own as a nurse, but am now learning to accept life as it is, and not feel responsible for other peoples’s unloving choices.
Wow thats quite full on Kathy, especially today where kids are totally over cared for and transformed into needy, dependent and irresponsible adults. To take on full responsibility at 4 years old sounds pretty full on and there was no space for you to learn to care for yourself, but it is also shows how we keep kids small and don’t give them space to be responsible and do all those daily tasks on their own.
I love how you let go of this childhood hurt and are embracing responsibility in its full beauty for yourself now and living it. Great sharing, thank you!
How crippling, the sensation that responsibility is and has to be burdensome. I can really feel how much your experience from your childhood is common to many but how much this does not have to be the case. From the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon there is another way to live.
Thank you Kathy for touching on how you do not blame your childhood and parents for the behaviours that you enacted as an adult. Often as we become more self aware and unravel our childhood we start to understand why we behave the way we do as adults. In my family I have watched 4 of my five siblings go through this process and without exception they all took to blaming our parents for their adult behaviour. I am not sure any of them have moved past the blame. I even met a martial arts teacher that encouraged people to get angry and blame their parents for what they ‘had done to them’ and this was under the guise of getting in touch with the childhood hurt. At the time I had not met Serge Benhayon but I could feel the strain in this as I knew no matter what goes on in childhood once we are adults it is up to us to be responsible for ourselves. Even though I knew that my parents were not to blame I still became a master of excuses and blame to avoid responsibility. I appreciate Kathy how much you have healed and are on to this as I know my own tendencies to avoid responsibility and I have some very wily ways. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and many years thereafter that responsibility started to factor for me and to be more honest about how often I was blaming circumstances outside of me.
Great Anon. The blame game is so destructive and it just pollutes relationships even further. At some point it is up to us to parent ourselves out of the misery we feel towards situations and events that have occurred in the past that have hurt us. This is why the relationship with ourselves is vital and to bring self love and self care back into our life.
What an incredible shift it must have been for your family when you stopped being responsible for them, not everyone takes to change easily but it takes the pressure off of ourselves and others when we are responsible for ourselves and leave others to be responsible to themselves, everyone feels this on some level or another. Responsibility = Freedom- how beautiful is responsibility……
Kathy, the joy I feel in you sharing your story has supported me to also connect to the joy of life. Even though you had this hardship at such a young age, and a very intense time, now you have left it behind to simply live the joy of trusting your body, being you, and lovingly taking care of yourself. It’s very inspiring for me to just put everything behind me and reconnect to the truth and live my joy too. What I feel in your story is through the support of Serge Benhayon you got yourself back, the true you unencumbered by the past, and this is a natural joy much more powerful than any pain or hurt.
Kathy, this is such a great topic you have written about, especially as our society is getting further and further away from taking responsibility for ourselves. Which is for many reasons, but to begin to change that, it is all about taking responsibility for us first. Great blog, thank you.
Trying to fix anything will lead to nothing. Allowing ourselves to just be who we truly are, free of any need or expectation will not only change our lives, but the world.
True Michael, everything we do does affect others and the more we are being ourselves the more we can bring true value to the world. By taking full responsibility for ourselves we inspire others to do so too.
Kathy thank you for your sharing, whilst I was reading it I thought wow this could so easily have had a different ending. It is very inspiring the way you have no blame for your parents as they knew no better, and how you have so lovingly taken on true responsibility, you bring a great reflection for humanity.
Dear Kathy, your childhood story is quite extreme and yet here you stand today neither ruled nor crippled by it by becoming deeply honest and embracing true responsibility. Nearly everyone (unless they have healed or were untouched by their childhood) in essence is playing the same game of life you were a prisoner to, only now you have escaped and have a bit of prison dust to shake off. The fortitude you applied in childhood and took into your adult life as a bastardized version of responsibility leaves me with no doubt that now you understand true responsibility you are someone to rub shoulders with as what you have healed without perfection can be applied to any childhood healing – the difference is only in the details. For this reason I will be sure to rub shoulders with you by coming back to read this again.
I am glad you shared this Kathy; responsibility is a big one for most of us. Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to a deeper understanding of responsibility and feel more clarity on where my responsibility lies. Like you say Kathy, our first responsibility is to ourselves. The messiest times in my life have been where I went against what I felt was true.
There is a direct link between responsibility and self care, the greater love we have with ourselves translates to greater responsibility. Self love and self care develops the awareness that automatically allows for greater responsibility.
‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ If we are not taking responsibility for ourselves first, we’re not helping anyone else, whatever we may think. We are enabling the pattern to continue and reinforcing the harm. The example we’re setting is that it’s ok just to carry on as you are and someone else will come along and fix things for you. It’s quite shocking to see how deluded I’ve been in life, believing one thing, then with true understanding I realise that it was all a lie. When I thought I was ‘helping’, I was actually just causing further harm.
Thank you for your amazing blog, Kathy. You were really thrown in the deep end at such a tender age, which had very significant repercussions for you. To read how you have turned your life around is very inspiring and enabled me to feel the harm that I’ve done in my life when I ‘thought’ I was helping. I particularly love the grace that you show in your acceptance and understanding of what it is to ‘take responsibility’.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This has come to me again to remind me we are all responsible for our own evolution !
Hi Merrilee, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. We are truly responsible for making our own choices and then allowing others to be responsible for their choices in allowing us all to grow and evolve together as one.
This is a beautiful and wonderful story Kathy and I really get to feel inspired by the choices that you made to bring true love back into your life. It is sometimes difficult for people to come to the realisation that you did and it is a amazing thing that you have done.
Hi Natasha, thank you for your loving response to the blog. Love is always our greats gift to share with not only self and others equally as love is our divine medicine.
Kathy thank you for sharing, I too felt responsibility for everyone else except myself, but now as I accept who I am and take responsibility for that alone everything has changed and I am now minding my own business which is my life and life is so much simpler and easier because my life is my business i.e. I am here on Earth to live my life as the Son of God that I am and make that business a success in serving humanity.
I love your summation Susan Wilson, for too long I went around thinking I was minding my own business but in actual fact I was minding everyone else’s and neglecting my own! In fact ‘ my own business ‘ had no foundations to support me anyway and it’s no wonder I looked outside of myself to give my life a purpose. Now I am in the same business as you ” eg I am here on Earth to live as the Son of God that I am and make that business a success in serving humanity.”
Hi Susan, thank you for your beautiful comment to the blog. I love the line my life is my business and that true responsibility is about making loving choices for self first and allowing one self to be a reflection to others and living our truth in serving humanity
Control is something that has come up for me to review just this week, seeing others behaving in controlling ways and then also in myself. Perhaps this is why I was stopped in my tracks when I read your sentence, “I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my work place.” I can now feel the nervousness that is in control …. but why? Is it that I am looking for a particular outcome, am I worried it will be a poor reflection on me, am I just trying to make something work in a way that I need it to work so that I feel safe. Maybe it is all of this. This needs more time to feel deeply, but I can feel the stranglehold it has when I am the receiver of control, like i’ve been put in a box with no way of expression. Thank you Kathy for this insight.
Hi Maree, thank you for your great response to the blog. We tend to control everything all because of the ideals and beliefs that we have, and not wanting to make mistakes and letting others see us that we are not perfect, hence that is perfectionist is all about always striving to do better. This puts a great strain on self and body, bringing in distractions from not wanting to feel the truth and being truly responsible for self first.
Kathy, I must say that you have presented so much that has resonated with me that I am not sure where to start first. Whilst, the presentations of Serge Benhayon reflected something to you, I can say that this blog has reflected something to me. Thank you for sharing,
its amazing how there are many interpretations of “taking responsibility” to read that Kathy was doing all the chores, her schooling and looking after her siblings and house you could say that she was taking responsibility, the truth is she was overburdened by responsibility that wasn’t hers to take and hence feeling overwhelmed by the burden.
This blog confirms to me that everything has its place and that we respond to the ability of what needs to done not what is imposed.
Hi Kosta, thank you for your great response to the blog. Responsibility can be mis read when you are given chores to complete and feeling overburden with all that needs to be complete for the day. The overburden feeling also comes with anxiety, fear, self doubt and self worth issues all because it is all too much on self and body.
Kosta, yes the word ‘responsibility’ is ‘response-ability’ – responding to what is needed to be done in the moment. However, we need to be connected to feel what is needed otherwise we can think that something is needed but it may not be a true ‘call’, just an idea we have that it should be done – and if there’s any ‘shoulds’ involved then I am either taking false responsibility or avoiding responsibility.
These are wise words Kosta. I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by engaging in my day to day responsibilities whilst on top of this trying to meet my harsh expectations or that of others. When I can identify what needs to be done and just do that without the added extras, the burden is no longer there.
Hi Kristy, thank you for your great comment on the blog. It is so lovely to come from a true understanding of what mothers have gone through by the behaviours we have of not knowing true responsibility.
Feeling responsible can be huge burden and a drain of our energy, if we allow it. I too have had a shift in the way I view responsibility, for myself and for others. I have learned that the number one priority is having responsibility within myself. If I am too concerned with what others are doing then I am likely to become attached on invested in the outcome of what they are doing. I am learning to release this control more and more, and just allow people to be where they are at. My only responsibility is to be all of me, living the Truth in the fullness that I know, and that then provides the reflection for others to choose, should that be their choice.
Beautiful Amelia – “my only responsibility is to be all of me” I love this line. This is a huge responsibility, but as you have shown, this is not only a responsibility to ourselves but to others, offering a reflection of true responsibility and inspiration. With this level of responsibility there is no room for blaming others.
Hi Amelia, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. When we get distracted by others issues we leave our own truth of responsibility and feel empty when the outcomes are not what we thought, then we go to the hurt of not being accepted or recognised for the help we gave. It is so honouring to have the awareness of living your own truth in the choices we make, instead of choosing for others.
Wow Kathy your life’s experiences and the turnaround achieved show that the choices we make to care for, and nuture ourselves first, can have dramatic effects on us and all those around us. Your story is truly inspiring and it is a joy to hear of the amazing life you are now living. Yes Kathy, “Responsibility IS Beautiful.”
Responsibility is something that I tried very hard to run from….but now the joy that I feel in my body when I make the choice that leads to greater and greater responsibility feels amazing – so therefore I conclude that true responsibility is amazing.
Hi Simone, thank you for your loving response to the blog. True responsibility is amazing when you come to the truth without any attachment and just making loving choices.
I so valued re-visiting your blog Kathy, and the words that seemed to be in my focus this morning were “…when I realized that in taking on the responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are…”. These few words I found to be quite profound, quite revealing really, for I know in the past I had the belief that “if it was to be, it was up to me” hence taking away the opportunity for another to grow, develop or expand in some way. How awful – certainly not “awe-full” that’s for sure.
Hi Roberta, thank you for your loving comment to the blog. Growing up with beliefs is something that we all face, knowing the truth and come to realise that what we think is doing the right thing is truly harming all. It is not about being hard on self, just coming from a loving understanding and allowing ourselves the time and space to have the opportunity to grow equally in true responsibility.
It is so true that when we assume responsibility for others we are in fact denying them their own learning and unfolding and wisdom to come through. What a celebration and how liberating Kathy that you could feel how your way of living was all about protecting yourself from an old hurt and just wonderful to feel the true you being lived and celebrated in your life through deepening your commitment and connection to your inner-most.
This is the point Sarah thank you – thinking that we are supporting and helping in some circumstances can come at a cost not just to ourselves but to those we coddle and keep away from their own true learning.
Hi Sarah, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. It is a lovely to feel when you deepen your commitment to connect to your inner most and truly feel how wonderful it is to live truth. It is very empowering and a beautiful honouring of one self and others equally.
Kathy, what you have shared here about your childhood, your life and your development to take true responsibility for yourself first and how this has changed your life is impressing, absolutely awesome and inspiring! How truly life-changing it is to understand, what you have understood and what you are living now: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are”. To first let go of the hurt of being responsible for everything and everyone of the 4 and than being so honest to feel how imposing and controlling a false responsibility can be, is so grand. Thank you for sharing your development here.
Hi Stefanie, thank you for your beautiful comment to the blog. True responsibility is truly beauty-full as it allows us to let go of all our pain and hurt and come to a more loving understanding that we are all truly amazing and that life shows us that we can live love if we so choose to.
Thank you Kathy Avram for sharing your inspiring transformation from overwhelm and depression to self love. Amazing!
Hi Janina, thank you for lovely comment to the blog. Self love is truly amazing, it brings so much joy in all that you are.
“Responsibility is Beautiful” this is so true only if we are honest about the way we have been managing life is not working and that there is more magnificence if we are willing to look deeper within ourselves.
Hi Francisco, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. It is truly honouring of self being honest and living true responsibility.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” Kathy, I have also felt how I had been using control. But I feel how this was a distraction to not take responsibility for myself, always looking out there at what everyone else should be responsible for. That way I didn’t love or care for me, or stop to feel my hurts.
Hi Denise, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. It is so true when we stop to realise how controlling we can be, when we do not take responsibility for self, that we use others for distractions so that we can not feel our hurt and pain about the choices we made/make.
This revelation is very huge “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are”. How often I thought in the past I have to do something “good” for another person without realising how imposing my action was for the other person.
I agree Alexander. In a way it was a silent deal. I do something good for you and you do something good for me. Than we don’t care for ourselves and give our power away to others. Which doesn’t feel right. And especially to think we know what is good for the others person, which in fact is imposing. Then we don’t let the person the time to choose for themselves.
I know the deals very well, I can still see myself choosing these deals. As if I’m somewhere stubbornly resisting that I’ve been all my life just responsible for me. I’ve been and still am most of the time very busy with ‘controlling’ the situation, rather than enjoying myself in the presence of another or others. I’m getting more honest about it, but I have to admit that it’s quite an ingrained behaviour. It’s like ‘losing the purpose to life’. What a lie… How can it be different that my first and foremost purpose is to be me everywhere I go and in everything I do. Even when typing this…
I can relate to his Alexander, thinking I am doing something good for others, may be very imposing. And we do not allow the other to choose for themselves and to learn from the experience. This is actually also quite arrogant.
HI alexander1207, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. It is our ideals and beliefs that make us think that we should always be helping others, until we realise that if we cannot be truly responsible for self first how can we assist others, it is not only imposing on others it is also imposing on self.
Thank you Kathy, taking true responsibility for all we do is so simple. When we have an understanding of that which actually involves us in life and the freedom available through being responsible, it is surprising that it is not taught in schools?
It is surprising that it is not taught in schools, schools have taken responsibility and put it into something they have to do or there will be consequences, for example you have to responsible for your behavior and your school equipment. But what often is the case is that it doesn’t teach how responsibility can create a freedom rather than making responsibility into a chore.
Absolutely Ben, rules that are given at schools are like a punishment so the students react, and so much so they usually do the opposite somewhere down the track (youth-full rebellion). Whereas the presentations by Serge Benhayon share how true responsibility is played out, with loving choices, and the evolving consequences; through sharing true love we take responsibility for who we truly are! Responsibility cannot be separated from reincarnation; it is up to us to ultimately know that we have to be responsible for all our choices and the effects, which those choices have on others and us! This then becomes life changing as a true awareness dawns on us opening the door to truth, allowing responsibility to be a loving lived truth – no perfection just to the best of our ability!
HI gregbarnes888, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. Living true responsibility is so freeing and it would be great if this could be taught at schools, what a difference it would make to all humanity. I hope one day that this will be a subject in all our schools.
Absolutely Kathy, our generation has the ability to lay the foundations of responsibility!
You raise some great points Kathy. Martyrdom serves no-one, and yet it is a lie that has been sold throughout the ages as being one of our higher expressions. There are very few people who abide by the christian and otherwise notion of giving oneself to another who do so truly from service, but rather do so to make themselves feel better, to feel connected to another, etc etc, and so the underlying tenet behind such ideals is actually selfishness, not selflessness, as it is often espoused to be.
This is gold indeed Adam, yes so many of us think that self sacrifice is the highest good we can offer to others. I agree the underlying motives are also not really pure, often self sacrifice comes with very strong resentment and judgement of others who do not make the same choice. It’s all so laced and no true good is served. I can say I have been so graced by and learned so much from people who put themselves first. They do not ignore their responsibilities to others. They simply live from the appreciation that how they care for themselves impacts others for the better, so it’s worthy of particular dedication and focus.
I agree, Adam – an everyday example is when you travel with the plane the safety instructions in case of emergency are: Put on the oxygen mask first and then help others. Simple but revealing.
Yes Sonja and it also follows that if you have taken responsibility for yourself, you will also be far more discerning about when it is appropriate to help another or not. Learning this balance is something many get to practise with children growing up. It is very gratifying to see a child accept responsibility as they grow and as a result becoming responsible adults.
HI Adam, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. When you get to realise that being a martyr does not serve anyone and that true responsibility starts with self first, life becomes more joyful and playful.
Kathy, I can really relate to what you write here as “growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family’ and I developed a strong “sense of always being responsible for everyone else”. Like you, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’ and believed that “responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own”. Although I did not suffer the exhaustion and depression you describe, I developed a need to control what went on in the family and took this well into my adult life. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon at 60, that I gradually came to understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost. Since living this way my relationships within my family have been transformed. May I second you in saying “thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible”.
Hi Anne, thank you for your great comment to the blog. Letting go of feeling responsible for everyone else allows us to let go of the obsession of doing everything right and perfect. Serge Benhayon is an amazing and beauty-full reflection of how to live true responsibility.
Thank you for sharing your story Kathy. The healing that you have instigated for yourself and your family by taking true respnsibility for yourself first and foremost is huge. You have blessed their lives in so many ways.
Hi annemarie00, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. There is a great healing for all when we take true responsibility for self, it feels so honouring to appreciate one self first instead of trying to fix things for others.
So true Kathy. I have been learning this and living it more and more in my life and the evolution for all involved has been amazing.
I agree Vanessa. There is no greater responsibility than building loving relationships with everyone we meet. Our beliefs and the way we were raised often masks responsibility in controlling others rather than giving them the choice to be themselves. In this we forget that the biggest responsibility is looking after ourselves first.
The pressure put on young children is very hard. They become the replacement that is not working in the family. It can and does have long term negative affects in adult life.
As adults we keep living in out as if that was our choice of how to be when in fact it was imposed on us to be a certain way to suit the situation of the then adults.
Hi Gail, thank you for your lovely response to the email. As children it is hard to understand the situation in the moment of what has being imposed on you. I feel as adults if we can come to a more loving understanding of self, to allow ourselves to let go of the hurt and pain, live life of who we truly are.
Thank you, Kathy. What you share is a beautiful example of the power we have to significantly change our lives, for the better, when we are open to the possibility that there is another way to live.
Hi Alison, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Allowing ourselves to be open to the situations shows us that there is always another way to live.
I love how you have now a truly loving relationship with responsibility, I find it really inspiring how you shared that when you were doing everything for others you were actually robbing them of their own choices. So many of us need to learn that one! To actually love and care for yourself being the greatest responsibility is by far the one big game changer that I have learnt and are forever developing and deepening.
Likewise Vanessa. It is so twisted that we are taught to do it the other way around, putting others first thinking this is the ‘right’ thing to do. All these imposed upon ideals and beliefs that stop us from connecting to the true gold. Teaching another self-responsibility is the one of the greatest gifts to receive.
If I was taught self responsibility in school – this would have changed everything. As a teenager I would not have been so angry and hurt.
Yes, you have to ask why it is so set up for us to do things the wrong way around and that we find it so hard to take responsibility for ourselves first?
Hi Vanessa, thank you for your loving response to the blog. Understanding true responsibility gives us back our life of choices and then allows others to live their own choices, with loving acceptance for all equally to develop and deepen their own lives.
I agree Vanessa. I learnt from an early age to do things for others to try and please them and until meeting Serge Benhayon had no idea of the concept that I was robbing them of making their own choices. Taking responsibility for myself – what a game changer! It was the following lines that stood out for me when I read the incredible blog by Kathy:
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
Hi Vanessa, thank you for your loving response to the blog. When we have a true responsibility to self we get a more loving understanding of who we truly are and allowing ourselves the time and space to have clarity in deepening our truth, letting others to live their own choices.
What a great blog of healing and letting go of hurts. I was impressed that after the extremely hard beginning of being and adult at 4, and having that stress at that age, you have let go of any resentment towards your parents or your situation…it obviously had terrible consequences in the stress and deep dissatisfaction in your life, but you found the way to healing, to meeting Serge Benhayon and to letting go of all that pressure to finally find yourself and the beauty of being there for you. And the appreciation that one feels in your story is clear.
Hi Julie, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Meeting Serge Benhayon was a great turning point. That true responsibility is a great healing, in letting go of resentment and stress and living life from love.
Hi Julia, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. Serge Benhanyon is a true expression of true responsibility which you cannot not help but come from a loving understanding about what is true responsibility for self and others. It so beautiful and freeing when you get to really feel you after all the burdens are left behind of taking care of others and not allowing them to live their truth.
Great sharing Kathy, only a student of the livingness would not blame their parents for what happened to you, even with what we know, I think I would still be very dog on my parents if they had me changing napies and what not aged four. They stole your childhood away. It is amazing how you put all that aside and took total responsibility for yourself.
Hi kevmchardy, thank you for your great response to the blog. When you come from love and truly feel that life is there to show us how to truly live without hurts and pain you start to make more loving choices for self and others equally.
I agree, it is quite amazing how she holds no grudge against her parents even tho they filled her childhood with roles and duties.
I go a lot out of this line..”Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviors I’d lived by.” There’s so much here for me to look at with regard to my own experience of life.Looking at this will be the difference to either surviving life by getting through it, feeling less than or living life by meeting it with the fullness of who I truly am.
Hi Irena, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Letting our selves truly feel of what is truly going on allows us to live life to the fullest in a loving way.
Wow, what you share Kathy is unbelievable, I have never heard that a 4 years old could change nappies and feeding babies. This is amazing how you have changed your life. Taking responsibility for yourself was your big turn around.
That was pretty full on Monika2808, I have a six year old and I couldn’t imagine giving her that sort of responsibility. But it also shows what we are capable of when given half the chance! Bit extreme though. I have noticed that children love responsibility and often adults get in the way of them wanting to work and be part of things by saying they can do the job quicker, better etc and the adult is really robbing the child of the sense of independence, confidence in their abilities.
With regards to your comment Vanessa, I just learned in a child and adults safeguarding course that doing things for them (children and vulnerable adults) that they can do for themselves, like dressing them or washing them, is considered abuse. I know in this case they have something else in mind, but it is interesting, as I have always thought that in the culture I come from, latin family, mothers are so smothering that they do everything for you and especially for the boys so they grow up not knowing how to look after themselves.
It is abuse in the sense that they then need a woman to do all those things, how capping and limiting is that. It is the other end of the scale, no responsibility for oneself.
That we as adults can rob our children of the ‘sense of independence, confidence in their abilities’ is a big ouch. But as Julia mentioned this is common in southern cultures of Europe, I grew up like this and it took me a very long time to get responsible and independent. I never considered this behavior of parents wanting to do everything for their child as ‘abuse’ – but in the end both suffer, the parents and the children when they grow up and are not able to live their own life, but only struggle. So if you rob a person of any age of their independence, this may be considered as abuse. We place them under disability.
Hi monika2808, thank you so much for your loving response to the blog. It is pretty amazing where life takes you and how beautiful it is to come to a loving understanding of what true responsibility is all about.
Great blog, Kathy, Thankyou. Taking on responsibility for others enabled me to focus on them and so not take responsibility for myself. Thus a very controlling way of being – subtle but there all the same. My expectations, my picture, of how life should be revolved around myself as the central point – how self-absorbed was that! In contrast, since discovering Universal Medicine, I now am more aware of the people around me and bring more understanding and less judgement.
Hi sueq2012, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. It is pretty amazing when we come to the realisation of true responsibility how controlling we have been and that everything had to fit in the picture we wanted so that we could not be hurt and all along we were harming not only self and others also.
Beautiful blog, Kathy. How great it is to develop self-love and self-responsibility!
Hi Jo, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. It is so beautiful to feel self love and self responsibility, giving you a greater respect and acceptance of oneself in all that you express.
Letting go of having to do it right, has been a huge relief and redefined my sense of what being responsible is for me.
Hi jenny, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. True responsibility is so empowering, that getting it right is no longer a hold on us.
I believe we all know that the greatest responsibility we all have is for being responsible for ourselves, and our choices, however we all try to down play the responsibility and it is as if we spend our lives trying to be responsible in many many other areas of life just to avoid taking responsibility for the way that we live every day.
And it does not really mean taking responsibility is hard to do, it actually lifts up the self-confidence and brings back your own power.
Hi Oliver, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. In many ways we believe being responsible for self and others that we are helping others in many areas to feel that we are doing the right thing without realising that we are harming each other.
Kathy, I can so relate to the responsibility within the family, the anxiousness and the control of others. For me this was such an exhausting and complicated way to live and does not serve anyone especially myself. I too have learnt that true responsibility is caring and loving yourself first and in this you set yourself free from the complication of life to one of simplicity.
I enjoyed reading this Blog and felt inspired and appreciative of how far I have come in my life, true responsibility starts with me first and it is beautiful to feel. Thank you Kathy.
Hi Franciso, thank you for your beautiful comment to the blog. It is great to appreciate oneself coming from true responsibility and inspiring for all to live life to the fullest.
This was such a beautiful blog to read Kathy. I could feel how full on that false impression of responsibility can be and it is an expectation that can never be lived up to no matter who you are performing the task for – yourself or others. “Responsibility is beautiful” to experience when you understand and live it in truth as you. Myself and many others are learning to do, inspired by Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Suzanne for your lovely response to the blog. It is a blessing to have someone like Serge Benhayon express what true responsibility really means. As children it is hard to express our truth and so it is easier to conform with what is going on.
Kathy, your childhood sounded horrendous. It wasn’t even a childhood, you were living an adult life at the age of 4. How amazing you are to recognise responsibility for what it truly is and how you have freed yourself from the ideals and beliefs you had around responsibility. It’s all about choice and you choose to face your hurts and now you have given yourself a chance to heal. That’s awesome Kathy – well done.
There are so many sentences, which stand out for me in your blog Kathy. I especially like the one “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” You expose the wrong understanding of responsibility and it is so important to allow others to find their own truth.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This really stood out for me this sentence. I have taken over responsibility with people and situations a lot in my life. But it has only been in the last few years that i have been understanding the more we take responsibility for others, we are not allowing the time and space for others to equally take responsibility, or the opportunity for them to grow and develop. I have a deeper awareness of when and how i contribute to this, so to allow others to step into more of who they are and equally myself too.
This is a beautifully written blog Kathy, I like you was given far too much responsibility at a very young age and was running an entire household and taking care of my two siblings well before I hit puberty. I carried this in to my adult life thinking that this is how you do it and when others didn’t work as hard as I did, they were irresponsible. However, this took its toll on my body and my relationships, until I met Serge Benhayon. I now understand my first and only responsibility is to myself.. then the rest takes care of itself.
This blog bought tears to my eyes. Tears because life can be so busy and so easy to get caught in everything that needs to be done – to hear someone take the time to share a natural growing/learning/inspiration or development feels like a breath of fresh air amidst the rat race one can so easily get caught up in. These moments of evolution we all have are super special and deserve to be heart fully felt and appreciated.
I had some similar experiences I am the second eldest of five girls, and both my sister and I was responsible for our younger sisters. We where both involved in nappy changes, feeding and helping cleaning around the house from very young. We had to learn to cook the basics from around 8, to help my mother as she held down two jobs and bring us up. When I went to secondary school I was responsible of taking my younger sisters too school, I became very protective over them, incase they got hurt or bullied. As I got older that protection continued. When my sisters got into trouble I was always there to pickup the pieces and became very controlling. I realised when I met Universal Medicine that not allowing them to take responsibility was harming them, but also exhausting me. Now having stepped away and taking responsibility for myself, I have freed my sisters to take responsibility and our relationships have deepened.
Kathy I love the honesty and the way you have shared.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life “
Its incredibly freeing to let go and allow others to live by their own choice without judgement. Empowering for us and freeing for the other person too.
Agree Yasmin, I like this simple sentence by Kathy, “Responsibility is beautiful”.
Kathy, I appreciate and relate to your story as it reminds me that it’s never too late to heal and to live from a new base … just amazing that you’ve had a lifetime of false-and-over-responsibility and yet it can still be turned around to living more and more from your true self. Thank you indeed.
Just reading your first paragraph got me reflecting on how much I have given my power away to other people’s needs, expectations and demands. All at the expense of myself, never anyone’s fault but my own because every step of the way I chose to give my power away, but because of it I suffered non-diagnosed depression and feel like it was totally from this way of living -for others, not one ounce of true self. It exhausts you.. and depression to me is having no more energy left to give.. a tomato sucked dry!
Beautiful sharing Kathy. It certainly is a burden having all of those things expected of us when we are younger. Sometimes I feel I want to help others because I don’t want to see them hurt or left vulnerable. It’s a defence mechanism of not wanting to let another feel their hurt. I’m starting to let go of this because I can see how it benefits us both equally in the long run.
I viewed the word ‘responsible’ as a bit of a downer, something that I’ve felt I’ve ‘had’ to do endure as punishment for being an adult.
That all started to change when a very wise lady once shared with me “Responsibility is another word for Love.”
As I build a deeper relationship with myself I have learned that when I make loving choices I thrive in being caring, honest, self-supportive and owning of all that I do in this world.
Thank you Kathy, you reminded me of the true beauty of the word.
I love your shared story, because it shows even in a mature age that things and patterns can change if you are open to feel the hurt hidden behind them. You are never too old to let go of what you are not.
Absolutely Danna, true responsibility is a deeply loving act, through which, it is impossible to impose on or harm self or others, leaving the way clear for harmony, love and brotherhood. Beauty-full!
Dear Kathy, with reading this article over and over again , I can feel each time i get something different out of it. I felt this time the deep responsibility of taking care of yourself first, before taking care of others. And that if you take responsiblity for others, it actually takes down the opportunity for that person to take responsibility for their life. This is very important. Thank you.
Thats a pretty amazing turnaround Kathy. Thanks for sharing it with everyone. Amazing to see how much something that looks so ” Right” can actually not really be the right thing at all.
Kathy, through your account of your own journey, you have exposed the ‘others first, self last’ culture that is rife the world over and so pervasive to a person’s development, self worth and ability to truly nuture and self care. Beautiful!
Could not have put it better myself Katemarony1! Totally agree. That culture of ‘others first, self last’ is so ingrained in us, and then we wonder where all the resentment and anger comes from later in life. It’s amazing what happens when we piece everything together and track back to where it all started, where we left ourselves.
I agree Elodie, this belief of ‘others first and self last’ is very much ingrained in us, and I feel is a major contributor to why we get sick and ill at regular intervals in our life because our battery is constantly empty, so when we get sick, we have to stop, rest and recharge and then we go out again to repeat more of the same…..this is what I did!
I agree Kathy this “others first, self last” culture is so prevalent in our society, I know I grew up believing that I had to be responsible of those around me and it nearly killed me, thank goodness for Serge Benhayon for showing me what true responsibility is all about.
I had always considered myself very responsible, but truthfully, it was not until I started attending Universal Medicine presentations that I started to understand the true meaning of responsibility. By learning to take personal responsibility for all my choices in life and the position I stand in right now has been a huge wake up call. It is also incredibly freeing. I can never look around for why something has happened, I can only look within. There are always external influences of course, but part of responsibility is discernment. Great tools for life.
Thanks Kathy for your amazing blog. To take responsibility for myself first is so important and that I stop playing games, run away from myself or to use any excuse not to shine. Thanks for your reminder.
Hi alexander1207, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is so lovely when we choose to take true responsibility, how everything that is not true falls away and gives us the time and space to live our truth.
To me, responsibility is self-care. This is the foundation on what everything is built. With a solid and strong foundation of caring and nurturing myself, my responsibility for everything else is lifted and an attention to detail naturally emerges, ensuring I take this level of responsibility in every single step that I take.
Hi matthew, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. It is so beautiful when you take responsibility for self first builds a strong loving foundation.
I can truly feel how you and your life blossomed after you met Serge Benhayon / Universal Medicine. Your joy is deeply felt.Thank you for sharing it with us.
Hi stefihenn, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. Serge Benhahon and Universal Medicine have brought so much to life, in living a way that brings so much joy, truth, harmony and love in all that is expressed in living each day.
Thank you kathy for what you have shared has helped me realise that I am still holding a resistance to taking full responsibility for myself and my choices,just the way we were brought up. I am working on finding those hurts so I too may take my full self (love) into a responsible way of living.
Hi michaelpearson101, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It can sometimes be daunting when you come to finally understanding the truth of true responsibility. Just allowing to be honest with oneself allows us to make more loving choices in living our truth.
What an amazing strength is in your writing. To me I am also exploring what true responsibility is. And finding out that I was actually not living in a way that was responsible or loving towards myself and others. I have come to learn that my responsibility is so much greater than I was aware of, and I am absolutely in-joy with it and learning to take more and more responsibility for living in a way that is representative of who I am in truth.
Hi DannaElmalah, thank you for your beautiful comment to the blog. As we are truly honest with self and take the responsibility for self, it feels so freeing from all that you were living that was not serving not only self and others. And the more you enjoy the truth of responsibility the more deeper levels you get to experience without fear.
Responsibility is beautiful. Like you Kathy I lived most of my life thinking I should be responsible for others. I am now realising that it is also my responsibility to lovingly nurture myself and to drop ideals of perfectionism and most importantly, not hold myself back from speaking or participating lest I get it ‘wrong’. I now see my responsibility as the the ability to respond with all of me.
Hi Anne, thank you so much for your lovely comment on the blog. It is so empowering to come back to being responsible for self first and letting go of all others needs. This allows us to come from a more loving understanding of self and to truly start enjoying all of who we truly are.
Yes, true responsibility is always first with self and then therefore others. So beautiful Kathy that you have freed yourself from the self imposed prison of perfection and have begun to reclaim the amazing woman that you are.
Hi katechorley, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. It is so freeing when you come from letting go of trying to be perfect in all that you do, allowing your self to enjoy what you bring without being hard on self and others, with no expectations.
I agree, responsibility starts with self, then taking that level of care to others.
Hi Joel thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is all true everything starts with us first in everything we do.
For me observing has been that key that allowed me to see what amazing qualities I have and where I bring them everyday. From there I finally could see how harsh and hard I often had been with myself and what pressure I had exerted on myself. Seeing so clearly why and how I did it has made it a lot easier to develop a loving approach towards myself and reintroduce true responsibility and joy into my life.
‘I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold’. This is such a beautiful sentence. I got strong sense of how tender you can be with yourself when I read it Kathy. Its crazy isn’t t. ‘Kindness’ is a much praised virtue, but Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon aside, its so rare to hear people talking about being kind to ourselves.
Hi Catherine thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is amazing how much ideals and beliefs are put around words to keep us away from the truth.
Kindness can be very gentle and tender when you are loving to self.
It is a beautiful offering Catherine – being kind and loving to ourselves is a key to re-building our foundation of self love and the connection back to who we truly are. When we are deeply loving and kind to ourselves, it becomes so natural and easy to be this with all others.
True Jo, and yet the most common approach is to try to do it the other way around, i.e. to to be loving and kind to others, assuming that this will build that love and kindness in our lives. In my experience and from what I see, this simply doesn’t work; we need to first bring those qualities to ourselves, to build them in us, before they can truly be that way with another.
Isn’t it interesting that the popular conception of responsibility is burdensome, time-consuming, extra-effort and over-commitment to everything ? where as true responsibility is an absolute joy – thank you Kathy for sharing your personal discovery of this I can feel how it is for all of us.
HI gemmarubina, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Living true responsibility does bring joy in all that you do without feeling that you have the need to do everything for others in being over burdened with commitment to others.
True responsibility definitely begins with responsibility for and to myself and then the rest works out. When I bend to fit in something nearly always goes awry just as it does when I am distracted from my true purpose.
Hi elainearthey, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is so lovely when you are responsible for self and allow to not be distracted from trying to control everyone or everything in life.
“in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
I can relate to doing this for others to please, get recognition, feel loved, be the good mother, dutiful wife etc. But in doing so my body has felt heavy in the shoulders, closed heart, and aching lower back. I have felt angry and resentful and blamed them for how I have felt.
All along I was harming myself and holding them back from stepping up and being responsible.
Hi lorettarapp, thank you for your great response to the blog. The Responsibility of the ideal and belief that we were taught was everyone came first and it had nothing to do with self, until your body can no longer take that burden carrying for others. When true responsibility is lived it gives the space to all equally to live their own choices.
I love that sentence. Another great example of how what look like it is the ‘right thing to do’ but is actually not honest or true.
I love this line Kathy, “Responsibility is beautiful”.
Once we understand that we are responsible for everything that happens to us through our choices, life becomes so much easier. When we take true responsibility it truly is beautiful. It is very empowering and builds so much confidence.
Tim and Kathy, I am only learning to feel the gifts of true responsibility since studying the courses offered with Universal Medicine, in the last few years. I have realised the fact that I have been hiding,thinking I can get away with not having to step it up and take responsibility in all areas of my life. It’s because I could never see the true gift of it. For me responsibility was about being a perfectionist. It was about being burdensome, having to answer to someone, pleasing others at your own expense. I have never considered it to be a blessing in our lives. This is new for me and I am sure every comment written will bring another facet of the gift closer to me.
Thank you everyone who is contributing to this article, your wisdom and experience is priceless.
Hi Tim, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. True responsibility is about the choices we make. To come from a loving understanding of what those choices bring and to accept and appreciate all that we receive is a blessing and opportunity to live honesty and truth. That in itself is beautiful.
So beautiful! Thanks to both of you!
Sure does Tim and I am like Kathy I am very grateful “…to Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible”. Its amazingly liberating and not at all the burden its traditionally pumped up to be.
True responsibility is actually so natural to our being. I can feel this in me when I take the responsibility for my own life, my body starts to communicate in full with me, asking for more so to say. With every step I take I re-discover and rebuild the trust and confidence in me that is there waiting for me to re-connect with.
This is gorgeous Kathy – “Responsibility is Beautiful”. I also took on the false sense of responsibility and as a result also lived the fear of not being perfect and the intense overwhelm that comes with that. Equally thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon I have come to let that all go and understand that true responsibility is towards myself and the choices that I make. Doing this also inspires others to do the same and starts to break down the cycle of blame and irresponsibility that is currently plaguing our societies.
Hi carolineraphael, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is so beautiful when we let go taking responsibility for all and stop living from fear, not being perfect and breaking the blame game cycle for all the irresponsibility that is lived.
Serge Benhayon is a true reflection of how to live true responsibility for all to be inspired by his way of living the truth.
Extraordinary Kathy. Hats off to you, from where you have come to where you are now is nothing short of amazing.
Hi Giselle, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. It is so beautiful to truly live the truth of who you truly are in true responsibility for self and allowing others to live life by their own choices in accepting and honouring where they are at.
Absolutely Giselle and Cathy and all the people that are healing and reclaiming true responsibility knowing that its for the all, although it starts with the self. I am going to celebrate as I take myself off to bed. Amazing responsible people.
Kathy true responsibility is a beautiful thing and one to appreciate and hold dearly. To be able to let go of the pull to what you think is helping others and allow them to make their own choices was a huge step for me too and something I am continually building. Thank you.
Hi Kelly, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. When we come to the realisation of letting go of feeling responsible for others, it truly feels beautiful to enjoy true responsibility in building a more loving foundation of your own choices and not for others.
There is so much simplicity presented here Kathy. Thank you. What stood out to me was about developing awareness of how our body feels as a way to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. So simple. Just feel what our body is telling us, listen to that and act from there. So yes, as you have so simply expressed, from this, responsibility is indeed beautiful.
Hi Simone, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Our bodies are truly amazing when we feel and connect with self. It brings so much wisdom and awareness showing us the truth about our actions and to take responsibility. It is beautiful to feel the truth from with-in.
Thank you Kathy, it’s beautiful to read how you have chosen to look at your life and make different choices in the way you are living. ‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ – it certainly is. By taking responsibility, we are also given the opportunity to truly claim who we are.
Hi Alison, thank you so much for your lovely reply to the blog. True Responsibility is truly beautiful and taking on being responsible for one self is allowing to have a loving relationship with self and others, claiming who you truly are and allowing others to make their own choices.
“Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change” GOLD that statement is GOLD. I want it written in the sky – globally!
Hi sarahflenley, thank you for your great response to the blog. When we come from loving understanding in all that we do, it shows us the truth to see our behaviours and patterns to work with, giving us the opportunity of letting go of what no longer serves us in our bodies and also in the way we live.
Agreed sarahflenley – this is gold. We have been so ingrained to be critical of our own and of others behaviours that as a consequence we get defensive and protective when we are exposed in doing something “wrong” rather than see it as a learning. I love what Kathy has presented that it is an opportunity to develop and grow and heal what is getting in the way of us making loving and responsible choices. Here is to be more understanding of ourselves and hence others.
So true carolineraphael, so true. It is a continuous work in progress for me as it is for all of us to be more understanding and gracious with ourselves and others. I loved this line today -“To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life” and when we do allow ourselves to see things as learnings, we can let go of the hurt and allow much more space for joy.
Such a great point to raise carolineraphael. There is much fear and protection about doing something wrong. I still feel with in me a pang when I do something wrong, there is still fear around it. Like I am going to be punished still. I love the way we self heal as we make many mistakes so for me this is where I bring in more acceptance, and yes as you say more understanding of myself and others.
Yes when I am corrected I often focus on being in the wrong and judge or defend myself… My other choice is to lovingly accept the learning and healing what is getting in the way.
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
Well said Kathy and so SO true.
Allowing others to be responsible for their own choices is just as liberating for them as it is for us. 🙂 🙂
Hi kathrynfortuna, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It feels amazing when you allow others to make their own choices to be responsible for what feels right for them. It is truly liberating for all equally.
So very true Kathryn :o)
Taking responsibility is something I have had to learn as well, even though I had always ‘believed’ that responsibility and independence are the two most important traits to teach children, blah, blah, blah. It is funny how we do for others and think it is a good thing for all concerned! It only create a false sense of doing good, as you have written Kathy, it serves no one, least of all the person being ‘helped’. Thanks for your blog Kathy.
Hi Mark, thank you for your loving response to the blog. It is amazing what ideals and beliefs we take on thinking that we are helping, only to find the truth of what is truly going on in true responsibility. Letting go and allowing others to live life by their own choices, is a relief from all the burdens we take on for others to feel good about ourselves.
It is incredibly freeing to let go and allow others to live by their own choices. Not only that but not judging people for the choices they do make is also incredibly empowering for us and freeing for the other person.
I love reading this blog Kathy. It cuts away all the responsibility that I can take on that is for others to be responsible for. This allows me clarity about what I am responsible for. I can let go of trying to manipulate others to take responsibility for what only I can fulfil.
Beautiful.
Hi Karin, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. True responsibility for self first is letting go of control and allows self to be in more joy of living who you truly are.
Hi Mary, than you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It feel truly beautiful when you come to the true meaning of what responsibility is all about. The realization of the truth it is a joy in its self.
Hi mary, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing how beautiful true responsibility feels once we have the commitment to live who you truly are by the choices we make in taking responsibility for self and not others.
Whenever I am reminded of what true responsibility is and let go of the responsibility I think I have for others, I feel my whole body relax. It’s obvious but I need constant reminders to undo this pattern. We can only be responsible for ourselves. In fact focussing on being responsible for everyone else is a way to avoid that personal responsibility.
I have found that whenever I start to feel a thought of responsibility for others come up I know it covers something related to me. Often this other person reflects something in me I don’t want to take responsibility for (yet). It sometimes takes a while to figure out what it is. Either because of a judgement towards me or a ‘I don’t want to go deeper with my responsibility. So…..whenever I turn my eyes to others, I know….time to go deeper with an area of responsibility in my life.
This is what I have discovered that I do also in the sense of covering up the feelings of not loving myself by focusing on someone else. The stress I feel when I am thinking of someone else, and then how my body lets go when I become aware of that pattern and chose to bring it back to me: what am I not giving myself? and then give that attention to me, makes a big difference in my body.
Karin that is a great comment! I also realise now that I have manipulated others to take responsibility for what only I can fulfil. Big ouch!
I see so much resistance in people when I talk responsibility. Seems we have lost the realization that it can be a beautiful thing and not something to fear.
Hi kimweston2, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Responsibility is something that is truly beautiful when you understand what it truly means,how amazing it is to live it and that there is nothing to fear – just embrace all that you are. .
Yes I agree Kimweston2.
Responsibility means we are in charge of our own choices. No wonder we get fearful. But with every choice there is an expression.
Our choices are actually paving our way, so why then wouldn’t we want to own them?
Yes Kathryn, why wouldn’t we want to own them? If we were taught at an early age that every choice was creating our future, perhaps we would take the fear out of responsibility, it could become a joy and delight to knowingly shape your future outcomes.
The fear comes with wanting to control everything which is not possible. Deeply inside you know that actually you cannot control anything as people are making their own choices. So how would you take responsibility for that? The only thing you can ‘control’ is your choices. Be responsible for that and all other will unfold.
I agree Kim and I also understand that we know the responsibility that we are capable of living, and we also feel guilt and shame for not living this level of responsibility.
Absolutely Simone, it can be a painful journey back to ourselves and responsibility, one which many don’t wish to feel.
Wow, what a turn around Kathy. Many of us grow up learning the responsibility is outside of us. Taking responsibility for myself and not others is something I work on constantly, it’s something major for me that Universal Medicine has pointed out. That was very inspiring to read.
‘I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.’ This is really the key to become more kind and or loving with ourselves. I am learning to make mistakes and to feel that the world still is turning around is wonderful.
For many years I was looking for answers about ‘life’ always feeling there was lots of doorways of opportunities just waiting to be opened but I did not hold the key! – my search was constant until I came across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. As I re-read your awesome blog again your words resonated very much “Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key”. It certainly is Kathy – thank you for this beautiful sharing.
It is a beautiful place to get to, the realise that your parents are not to blame for your childhood, very empowering and comes from a depth of understanding, thank you for sharing this.
It is the extraordinary perspective that Universal Medicine offers on every aspect of human life and societal interactions that provide the foundations for a new era of humanity’s reconnection to the deep and profound truth of our existance.
Hi cjames2012, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is extraordinary what Universal Medicine offers, all aspects of human life in providing the foundations for not only for self and others equally and also a new era for all humanity to reconnect to the deeper truth of who we all truly are.
“letting go of the hurts opened up so much joy in my life” That is just so amazing Kathy and so beautiful to feel that reflection in another.
Hi Marion, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing how wonderful you feel when you do let go of the hurts and feel the pain and underneath all that how you can feel the love you truly are and then receive the reflection from another.
Most of us were brought up thinking and believing that responsibility is other than what it truly is. Thank you Kathy for exposing this and for showing that there is another way and that that can only be truly lived from our awareness of our bodies first and foremost.
Hi elainearthey, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. Being brought up with the idea of thinking that everyone comes first has made responsibility to be a burden and so hard. When you truly live from the knowing of feeling what is true then comes true responsibility.
This is such a stellar post Kathy. The bastardisation of responsibility turns the word, the meaning and the actions we take into a burden that harms and I can feel that this is not responsible at all. I am learning to love responsibility as I can feel that love and true responsibility are actually interchangeable. Thank you Kathy – I really appreciate all you have shared.
Hi Leonne, thank you for your loving response to the blog. When we truly look at our life in truth, then the word/s truly show us the true meaning of what they are all about, that life is not a burden, it is there to enjoy who you truly are in love and harmony.
Beautifully said Kathy. ❤
It is awesome Kathy that at 60 you never felt better and that you live life feeling more amazing every day, you are right it is a beautiful blessing and you have chosen this when presented with the truth – now thats inspiring!
Hi samanthaengland, thank you for your great response to the blog. Beauty is in all that we do when we live the truth of responsibility and all that it brings, a blessing for all.
The same for me too Gill “knowing the truth of responsibility” the understanding of this may not of been with me now in my everyday if, I had not met Serge Benhayon and the many amazing presentations which are shared with us all. Yes a truly beautiful gift to ourselves.
Kathy reading your blog I felt the power of what elder energy is — in generational sharing and us all getting the wiser for it. I also felt how you so easily could have chosen to blame your parents and remain trapped in the blame had you chosen irresponsibility…But who would have argued with your reasons — most people would count that as a pretty full on childhood. The beauty of the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is in the fact that in self-responsibility we find a there is a power that we always hold no matter our life experiences or the what has been done ‘to us’. Your zero victimhood is testament to this power as it has changed your life and your expression. Thank you, you are an absolute inspiration.
Hi rebecca, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is true that in the beauty of the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is a fact that in self-responsibility we find there is a power and that power is always with us in our experiences in life, no matter what life brings, you always come from a loving understanding from with-in.
Whilst reading this I understood that with taking responsibility for myself everything else is given. If I present a healthy and loved body to the world, all is given to me to serve.
Hi Felixschumacher8 thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Taking care of self and body first is a true commitment in being responsible and allowing everything else to be taken care off, in this there is true service for all equally.
This brings a beautiful understanding of true responsibility Kathy shared so we can all understand it for ourselves first .Responsibility brings a real joy and purpose to our lives with life commitment and understanding.This is so much needed and it is Serge Benhayon who has inspired the lives of so many by his refliction of this with the highest integrity and love ever.
Hi tricianicholson, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Serge has been a true inspiration in showing the way of true responsibility of the highest integrity and love. To truly live our truth in the choices we make and to be responsible for those choices in a loving understanding.
Kathy the world certainly has the understanding of what responsibility is back to front, growing up I Learned it was about doing things for another, taking care of them – completing tasks and cleaning my room. Today my understanding of responsibility is very different and becomes first about the quality that I live. This has been challenging yet is incredibly rewarding at the same time. Gradually I am finding I am starting to embrace responsibility instead of seeing it as things I had to do.
Hi David, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Understanding responsibility in truth brings a more beautiful meaning to the word and shows us about the ideals and beliefs that we have been brought up with feeling that we need to do things first for everyone else without in consideration for one self. When we live our truth in responsibility it shows others that they too can live the beauty in responsibility.
This is such a deeply loving and wise blog to keep reading Kathy. It felt so supportive to read about true responsibility and the comments expanding on this word. Responsibility the way you presented it is so much more powerful than driving ourselves to help others because in fact we are disempowering them, not trusting them or allowing them to make their own choices.
Hi Bernadette, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Living our true responsibility and allowing others to take responsibility for their choices, gives them the gift to grow and expand in their own life and learn from the choices that they make. Which supports all equally and honour each and everyone where they are at.
The teachings of Universal Medicine have allowed me to become fully responsible for everything in my life. Not blaming others for anything that happens to me is a powerful difference from how I used to live where I would convince myself that fate and circumstance had a hand in the cards I was dealt. The story of your life Kathy is quite something, thanks for sharing.
Hi Stephen G thank you for your loving response to the blog. The teachings of Universal Medicine are very inspiring in bringing the truth of how to truly live true responsibility and everything that happens in our lives is about the choices we make. It so amazing when we stop the blame game and feel what is truly going on.
Absolutely Stephen, taking full responsibility for our choices does make a powerful difference. It’s empowering to feel your choices create the future.
Responsibility to ourselves first – how would life and the world change if this was taught at our schools or at kindergarten?
Hi michaelkremer2212, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Life would be truly amazing if true responsibility was a subject taught at kindergardens and schools, life and the world would be so much more loving.
The beauty and love we shine by choosing responsibility is the greatest reflection and gift we can give to ourselves and to the world.
This is so true Michael, love it! Thank you
Great blog Kathy exposing how over time we have bastardised the true meaning of responsibility. Being able to see how being responsible if done from a self motivated place is not being responsible is a gift, and takes away the enormous pressure we can put on ourselves to think that we have to help everyone and do everything. I have learnt that trying to help is not being responsible because it does not come from a genuine understanding of what is truly needed at that moment and can hold others back from stepping into their own responsibility
Hi alisonmoir, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Trying to help others does put an enormous pressure not only on ourselves but also on our bodies.
By being responsible for self allows others to live their responsibility for the choices they make in allowing them to evolve. True responsibility is a gift to all.
Great story, thank you for sharing. I too have learnt to absolutely love responsibility in its true meaning. It guides and protects but most of all teaches. There is so much evolution to experience in embracing responsibility.
Hi Katechorley, thank you for your great response to the blog. True responsibility is totally amazing and beautiful to enjoy and embrace in all the choices we make in a loving understanding of our teaching to experience evolution.
Yes, the rewards offered by embracing true responsibility are certainly great!
True responsibility at first felt egotistic for me until I really grasped its meaning and above all the changes and insights it brought. It was then, that I realised that what I had thought were responsible and caring behaviours of me mostly had been anything but outright manipulation.
Hi michaelkremer2212, thank you for your loving response to the blog. True responsibility at first feels frighting because what it shows us how controlling and manipulating we are in our behaviours thinking that we were are doing the right thing for others when all along we were harming not only ourselves and also others in not allowing them live their responsibility.
How freeing it actually is to choose for true responsibility, being responsible for ourselves instead of being responsible for others. We are not able to control other people since they have there own lives to live and to make their own choices. Trying to control them will always lead to frustration and if we hold onto that to a lack of self worth, since we will never succeed. The only person in the world we are responsible for is ourselves. Taking the responsibility for ourselves will bring us a life of continuous evolvement, true joy, harmony and a freedom in life we always where looking for.
It is so gorgeous that you have now chosen a way of living that releases you from the pressure of perfectionism and allows you to lovingly claim and appreciate the beauty in true responsibility… holding yourself and others in an a way of being and understanding that is no longer imposing and subsequently deeply healing.
Hi Samantha, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. Living true responsibility is amazing and a feeling of being able to make your own choices in the knowing that they are your choices to feel and appreciate without having to be perfect in all that you do.
Wow what a childhood, it’s amazing where you have got to and what you have let go of.
Hi tonisteenson, thank you so much for your loving response to the blog. It feels pretty awesome to just let go of the hurt and pain and live life in joy of true responsibility.
This is so great. I’m so over this need for perfectionism. It’s so much better just to admit that I have made true responsibility my way, and then just keep committing, no matter what happens.
Hi harryjwhite, thank you for your great response to the blog. Perfectionism is a way of not allowing us to live life of true responsibility. Letting go of control in all that we do lets us live life to be enjoyed with self and others in a loving way of true commitment.
‘And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ Wow Kathy this is gorgeous, I especially love how you held your behaviours in loving understanding.
Hi lorrainewellman, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly loving when you come from a loving understanding of self first and allow others to be where they are at with an acceptance from true responsibility.
“In taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”- This is indeed an invaluable lesson.
When I have taken responsibility for others because of beliefs and ideals around mothering/ parenting I have found myself to become exhausted, depressed and angry.
Now, by stepping back, not controlling others, and lovingly taking care of myself first, the relationship with my family has improved and is more harmonious. Still a work in progress.
Hi lorettarapp, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing how our ideals and beliefs around parenting and mothering have us believing that we are responsible for everyone and leaving us feeling guilty about truly taking responsibility for self first. It is this thought that leaves us exhausted, depressed and with anxiety in our body that stops us from having a true relationship with self.
Kathy I was drawn to reread your inspiring blog today as I’ve been deeply contemplating responsibility in family matters, an area where I sometimes fall into old patterns. It is so helpful to be reminded of true responsibility as lived by others, like yourself and other commenters.
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your great response. We can easily fall into our old patterns and behaviours, with the belief that we are totally responsible for others; from that comes such exhaustion seeking for what is right or wrong in taking on what is not ours. True responsibility for self allows us the space to step back and see what is truly going on and allow others to take on the responsibility for their own choices in a more loving way.
PS I also love how you show how the energy of false responsibility compounds into a life of wanting to control everyone and everything. Also how, from that there arises the situation of halting everyone’s connection with their own true responsibility too, as they are under control and not learning and connecting for themselves. So insidious … and yet, as you say, we do this to avoid feeling the hurt of disconnection in our own childhood.
I am reminded of a saying “you don’t go to remove the splinter form your brother’s eye while you are still blinded by a bigger one in your own eye!”
You have poured so much of your lived and learned wisdom into this article, Kathy, it is a joy to behold. The crux of the matter, as you say, is the first time time we take on that falsity that, ” This constant focus on others’ needs first is …. true responsibility ….” Most, if not, all of our Society rests on that very shaky and completely false foundation of self negation and disregard.
How inspirational that a mature woman is exposing this and re claiming her life back in the true responsibility of self love and self care. Totally awesome.
Hi Coleen, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is truly amazing to share how loving true responsibility is and that letting go of control of others needs first and allowing self to honour and truly appreciate how life can be in making self be responsible for our own choices and living those choices with the complete understanding of embracing life to be lived in a loving way.
This is a great sharing Kathy. It is very liberating to know what is my responsibility and to leave to another what is their responsibility. This clarity I have only come to through the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is an important lesson in life we all have to learn.
Hi Bernard, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is a beautiful gift coming from true responsibility which has been a blessing from the presentations and teaching from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine a lesson truly welcomed and appreciated to live life in truth.
True responsibility: the ability to respond to truth. This is very difficult when truth is not part of your life (in you and/or by reflection). So, oneself is always left out of the picture. As responsibility becomes something we do for others to get a result for oneself we get lost and start having an issue with this word.
Hi emfeldman, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is about truth in all that we do in life and the picture we paint in everyday living. For true responsibility is bringing truth in being honest with self and others equally.
Beautifully expressed Kathy. Learning self-responsibility has and still is a huge gift for me, and is on-going. I find it is it is key to all true changes that have transformed my life.
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Learning true responsibility with self is always on-going, that is what brings in the beauty of transforming not only self and also the way we live.
Such a big smile came to my face reading your blog, thank you Kathy. You exposed so much in your writing for I would put money on the fact that millions of people would be living their own version of your life with these ideals & beliefs around responsibility and putting others first. You are a shining example of how to live in another way – equally as is Serge Benhayon and his family. Taking care of ourselves first and living with responsibility is first and foremost our first responsibility. Since I have started doing this, my levels of control and anxiety have dropped considerably as I see the benefits of taking care of me first. And bringing self-love into the picture as well – oh and looking at what ideals & beliefs are also in my picture of responsibility. Thanks so much Kathy.
Hi sarahflenley, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Ideals and beliefs are the key factor of how we live our lives and the way they control us.Taking care of ourselves first is the greatest gift we can be given and coming from a loving understanding that true responsibility starts with us first brings a life full of joy in all that we do.
Wow, Kathy this is very inspiring to turn around your relationship with responsibility from one of feeling totally burdened by responsibility for others to now loving responsibility because you have a true understanding of what it means. This is a massive turnaround and one that needs to be deeply appreciated.
Hi marylouisemyers, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. True responsibility is amazing when you come to the realisation of being honest with self and the knowing what is truly going is appreciation of how amazing it is to be living life of loving choices.
I used to be such a “responsible person” – not understanding its true nature. “I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” This is gold, Kathy. Learning to respond and not react – and the world of difference between both – and allowing others to takes response-ability for themselves, as mentioned earlier, such a relief! The giving up of control….
Hi sueq2012, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. It is a true blessing when we respond and allow ourselves to let go of control, allowing others to make their own responsible choices, a beautiful gift not only for self and a gift for others equally.
I feel this also to be so true and such a supportive ‘key’ connecting to true wellbeing and joy in life “Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” I have felt this in my life, nothing really shifted or changed until I began to take real responsibility for my choices.
That is truly beautiful, Samantha and Kathy: true responsibility being our greatest gift!
Responsibility – a gift?! That is definitely a consciousness buster.
Hi Samantha, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is a beautiful gift when we choose true responsibility for our choices and with that comes the wellbeing of living life in joy and harmony.
It is wonderful to stop the ‘blame game’ putting the blame onto others for the situations we find ourselves in. As you beautifully share Kathy it is the most wonderful gift we can give ourselves to choose true responsibility.
Hi marion, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly a loving moment when you stop the blame game and take on true responsibility how beautiful it is to just feel that you are free from playing the game.
Hi Gill, thank you for your loving response to the blog. Meeting Serge Benhayon has been amazing. Through the teachings and presentation,there comes a truth of how to live true responsibility equally for self and others, which allows everyone to truly be responsible for making their own choices in a loving way to be expressed and experienced.
Kathy your story is a very trans formative one. The transformation that you have been through as a result of changing your understanding of what true responsibility is has the potential to support many others to transform. I feel that the topic that you have raised is a huge one, especially amongst mothers who feel a generalized anxiety all of the time as they constantly oversee what everybody else is doing (or rather supposed to be doing according to them). When we shift our focus to ourselves, which is actually all we can in truth be responsible for then the body and mind breathes a sigh of relief.
This is great for me to read Alexis, ‘amongst mothers who feel a generalized anxiety all of the time as they constantly oversee what everybody else is doing (or rather supposed to be doing according to them). When we shift our focus to ourselves, which is actually all we can in truth be responsible for then the body and mind breathes a sigh of relief.’ This is very relevant to me as I can feel the anxiety always wondering what my son is up to, is he ok and yes is he playing in a way that i think he should be and so this makes me feel anxious and makes him feel smothered, great to read your comment Alexis and for me to be aware to shift the focus back to me.
Hi Alexis, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. As mothers we have be brought up of ideals and beliefs of responsibility not only for family and also for everyone because of our nurturing we do all our life and we always put ourselves last until we get so exhausted to the point that we can no longer be responsible for anyone except ourselves. It would be great if we could bring into the education of women at a young age to truly be taught true responsibility of taking care of self first, which then supports everyone in our life.
Thanks Kathy, I love what you a bringing with this piece of writing, the delivery is stunning too, you just have a very captivating style that I think everyone can relate to not matter what the specifics of their up bringing were. The word ‘responsibility’ can carry a heavy weight with it unless you know its true meaning like you have discovered. Its interesting, I had a completely different childhood to you, not nearly as intense yet my behaviours ended up playing out in a similar way. Thank you for you raw real experience and that fact that you have and are still making big changes I find extremely inspiring.
Hi sarahraynebaldwin, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog.
It is pretty amazing when you come from a loving understanding of true responsibility, you allow yourself to let go of the heavy burden and behaviours and start making loving choices to live life in joy.
We can either lead our life with true responsibility or not. One way offers connection and a feeling of vitality, the other very quickly steers us into a nosedive of careless behaviours and exhaustion. I’ve made both choices in my life and have experienced the not so wise choices, but am now choosing true responsibility as best as I possibly can, with both hands.
Hi matthew, thank you for your loving response to the blog. It is all about choices we make and taking on true responsibility and knowing the difference between loving choices that come from the connection with in or coming from choices from the hurt and pain which in turn brings exhaustion of not being truly loving to self and doing the best you can with all that you do.
Those old ingrained patterns can still catch me out if I do not constantly gently tune in and have those ‘stop’ moments. I call it ‘my taking care mode’ -but actually it’s the complete opposite. I’m not taking care of anyone, just delaying both their moving forward in life and my own development. Responsibility does start with self first and foremost – so freeing. Feels great. Thank you Kathy, your shared experience was just what was required for the start of my day.
Hi marion, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. What truly matters when we become aware of those old ingrained patterns and have the loving understanding about true responsibility is truly beautiful and feels great of being free of not taking on others life choices.
Kathy, recently I was in a situation where normally I would have been very stressed about needing everything to be perfect. This need for control would have felt like a tension in my body down to the bone and my nerves shattered. But this time I did a lot of supportive self talking. So, each time I realised a mistake I would tell myself about all the things that had gone well, and then promised that I would learn from that mistake and try not to do it again. As a result, the next day, although tired, I did not feel completely drained or exhausted and actually quite ready and willing to carry on and to learn more.
Hi Shami, thank you for your great response to the blog. How beautiful it is when we do not have the need to control any situation, just accept who we are and though we think we make mistakes, who is to know what mistakes are for there is no right or wrong just choices that we make each moment of the day in what feels at the time. The body always knows what it is we need.
This is a super top post and Thank You Kathy for talking about this much needed subject. I did not really know what True Responsibility was until I came across Serge Benhayon.
What this highlights to me is that you can be of any age and it is never too late to start living a life of True Responsibility. It takes away all those mind games we play and things we do in our life to avoid dealing with our deep hurts. Instead it allows us to “get on with life” without the need to cast outside of ourself and blame others for what has happened or is happening to us.
I can now claim that I take full Responsibility for ALL my choices and that includes the ugly ones. I am not here to be perfect but I am here to learn and just knowing that means I no longer beat myself up when I make an ill choice. I know that the majority of my choices are deeply responsible and this has remained consistent for many years now. It is no wonder that my life is very content and I love being me and don’t want to swap my life for someone else’s. All this just from True Responsibility. Thank You Kathy Avram.
Hi jenny, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog and loving simplicity which means true responsibility is amazingly joyful.
Hi Bina, thank you so much for the amazing response to the blog. Age does not matter when you truly become honest with self and what that honesty shows as Serge reflects to all that true responsibility for self can be lived in a joyful way and not punish ourselves in the choices we made or make, just live your truth of who you truly are and that we do not have to be perfect, we are unique in our selves of what we bring in all that we are.
I really enjoyed your expression here Kathy, thank-you for sharing what true responsibility is and how it starts with us. And your sharing Michael, loving ourselves from the depth of our hearts in every moment – be it for a so called success or just for being perfectly imperfect. 3 absolutely gorgeous words there, being perfectly imperfect, have become music to my ears lately, as I start to let go of the hold my mis-interpretation of that word perfect had over me, which frees me up enormously with no complications, just the enjoyment of living a truer me. Love it.
Loving ourselves from the depth of our hearts in every moment – be it for a so called success or just for being perfectly imperfect – will allow us to connect back to the love, joy and simplicity that we truly are. No complications needed ;o)
Hi michaelkremer, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Loving who we truly from within our inner heart is so amazing that we appreciate, honour and connect to all of who we truly are with love joy, honesty and truth. Simplicity is the greatest way of all that we do and live.
Ah when I hear the word simplicity my whole body relaxes and expands and being responsible for myself does not seem so overwhelming in fact a joyful process.
Great blog Kathy, they self-sacrificing way we are taught to be responsible does not work. We can be so much more responsible if we heal our hurts and look after ourselves first.
Hi Bernard, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. The self – sacrificing is such a strong belief that we a taught, which used to control us by feeling good about oneself that we are doing the right thing for others while it takes a toll on our bodies without realising what is truly going on.
What a beautiful realization Kathy:
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
Hi Janina, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Honesty and truth is truly beautiful when you come to the realization of what is truly going on.
I agree Janina, this is amazing to realise how much we stop others from being themselves by taking too much responsibility for them and not ourselves.
Spot on Joel, it might look ‘better’ to be ‘worried’ about everyone else but the truth is that it usually comes laced. Which poses the question: could it be possible that the ‘over’ responsibility is a way out of any true responsibility simply because if others don’t truly develop by way of learning from their mistakes then we never have to face what they may bring to us and what that may bring up for us. Over responsibility could be one of our biggest forms of self protection and not the selfless charitable act it is made out to be by society.
So true, it’s actually stifling their growth yet is so often misinterpreted as ‘love’
Yes, I agree, this is the ultimate irresponsibility – to take on the ‘responsibility’ of everyone but ourselves… It is such a distraction and an avoidance of the true responsibility we all hold – to be who we truly are.
Great comment Sarah. Words of wisdom!
Yes Janina, this is huge.
I totally agree with the power of this realisation. Many people live their whole life not realising that taking on responsibility for others, to the point of doing so much for them to support, care and help them is not actually truly helpful for them if we are preventing them from making their own choices in life.
We often consider responsibility in terms of what we need to do for other people, but rarely do we consider the responsibility of how we are with other people. We tend to think when we are angry or sad that we have a right to be so, without considering the effect we have on other people. True responsibility is being willing to admit how much we truly affect other people, simply by the way we choose to be.
Spot on Adam; ‘ True responsibility is being willing to admit how much we truly affect other people, simply by the way we choose to be’.
Absolutely Adam, how we are in any moment not only affects ourselves but everyone else around us. True responsibility is having this awareness and working with ourselves to heal what is going on, knowing that this will also offer others a healing too.
I’m with you Adam. Dutiful responsibility for doing is a very poor cousin to the very great responsibility for being. There is nothing quite so grand as understanding I am a part of a greater whole, and as such responsible in every particle because they belong to that whole and not only to me.
That nails it Adam. Responsibility for self first and how our energy impacts on others.
Absolutely Adam Self-Resonsibility is not just for self but for all, every word, action and movement is part of the whole so we are Responsible for how we choose to do this. With Love or with out.
Well said Adam – responsibility to this level should be part of our education system so that we grow up knowing that we are responsible for how we are in every moment, and that we affect others when we go into emotions such as anger or frustration.
Responsibility is something I have been pondering on lately. ‘Response-ability’ it is my able response to life. For me, it is about committing to sharing myself with the World and not hiding my amazingness anymore. This is my responsibility and one that is light, playful and joyful!
Hi emmadanchin, thank you so much for your great response to the blog, and that true responsibility is a commitment to self first and bringing all of who you truly are to the world in expression of love, joy, harmony and beauty and sharing equally for all.
Indeed Kathy, sharing equally and not holding back an ounce of what we feel. Even – or especially – the seemingly banal things often are exactly what is needed for a situation or person to clear and expand. Our view is unique and being responsible is to honor and share it.
Emma i never saw the context you bring here to be able to response to the world in the way which is needed and necessary in each moment, that brings a new understanding to me. Yes and responding with the fullness of who i am and bringing my amazingness, joy and tenderness.
I love the way you have simply expanded the word by ‘Response-ability’. My ability to respnd to life. Every choice affects that ability, whether I express my fullness or not and what energy do I express in. What I eat, how I walk, the thoughts I entertain, absolutely every choice and every action has an impact on my ability to respond. Hence responsibility.
Within this conversation it does not even make sense to try to be responsible for someone else.
I love your play on words emmadancin, ‘Response-ability’ – awesome!!
Yes, James i agree, awesome. It makes it so much clearer if we take responsibility we are indeed able to respond, to express and communicate in situations in the way which is needed to keep it simple and flowing.
I love the playful way of looking at responsibility initiated here. It brings a lot of light-heartedness and ease. We can make it a burden or we can make it pure joy and commitment to life.
Emmadanchin, this is beautiful ”For me, it is about committing to sharing myself with the world and not hiding my amazingness anymore”. Yes of course, I do have a responsibility in shining my light. Thank you for the clarity so that I can feel this responsibility more deeply
Gorgeous emmadanchin – responsability is your ability to respond to life – that’s gold!
Hi Brendan, thank you for your lovely response. True meaning of words have not been explained in love but in the way of controlling and miss use, so that there is a control and fear by bringing ideals and beliefs in they way we use them.
This reminds me of a time early in my life as I started school, where expectations from my family were such that I was at the beginning of a very long run of being extremely hard on myself. I placed so much importance on being acceptable to my parents and others that the pressure felt immense, only ever letting off when I would take my dog for a walk, cuddle him and cry (sometimes for hours at a time). I can feel the weight of the author’s childhood, upon her little shoulders back then. May we understand that children are little people who in their own minds can construct harmful stories, just as adults do – and how impactful it is for them, as they endeavour to find their way in life. Children given the space to express their anxieties and stress, to redevelop self-understanding and if their points raised are embraced fairly – as we would give homage to an adult speaking – will all make for healthier, more vital and more loving people; who will be able to contribute to the world not from their insecurities and hurts, but their wisdom and power they entered with.
Hi Oliver, thank you so much for that beautiful and amazing response to the blog. Everything you have expressed about how important it is about the way we raise little children. As adults we are all living with our childhood issues that are so in grained in our bodies that we find it hard to deal with hurts and pain that it effects not only our bodies, our lives and humanity. If we all came from a loving understanding of what is truly going on as parents (no fault to them because they did not know any better) how beautiful and loving would life be coming from who we truly are of true expression of our divine essence as children and adults in joy of appreciation of true wisdom to be shared equally for all.
Such a powerful sharing, thank you. To take full responsibility is a commitment to bring ourselves to the fore and make loving choices. Responsibility requires the ability to be honest as we observe choices we have made that are not loving, to feel the hurt of why we make those choices without judgement and commit to make different and more loving ones in the future.
Hi ginadunlop, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is beautiful to come from a loving understanding of who you truly are and then take that to true responsibility of the choices we make for self and allowing others, to live with their choices.
Kathy I can so relate to what you have shared here. I too have realised how I interpreted the word responsibility to mean looking after everyone else first. What I am now understanding more, and living more and more every day, is that true responsibility is actually me being in the fullness of who I am, in every moment of every day. This therefore, ensures 100% responsibility, as I am bringing no less than that to each and every encounter in the quality that I am. I love what you have shared here Kathy, thank you.
Hi Amelia, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog and how taking true responsibility is bringing all that we are in life in our fullness of 100% in everything we do.
Beautiful blog. I love your admittance and honesty around the impact of taking responsibility away from others through your needs. Such a clear sign of taking self-responsibility to the next level through self-appreciation and love. This is the greatest blessing you can offer to anyone, inspiration.
Hi Phill, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is truly amazing how you go deeper when you can feel the truth of what is truly going on and then taking true responsibility to the next level, is truly a blessing and a gift, not only to self and others equally.
” Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” How amazing it is to have the body be our best friend in this way. Allowing ourselves to feel what is happening in our body and let that be our guide, reflecting on how we have been living that has led us to that feeling and lovingly choosing a different way we support our own evolvement and thus potentially all others. Beauty-full it is.
Hi elainearthey, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is so lovely to truly feel your body and how honesty is your true friend through everything you do and feel. To honour self and body first is truly committing to the truth of responsibility for all equally.
There is a reason that young men and now women are trained for military serviced to fight wars, because they are a fresh canvas that can be trained to do whatever is required. It is interesting what we are made to believe is our responsibility at a younger age. As we age and acquire life experience we become less able to be swayed by outside forces. But as you have shown Kathy there is always a consequence to be paid back later at some point and you have found that truly loving one’s self helps letting go of the hurts we have held on to for so long.
Hi Steve, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is amazing when you know the true meaning of responsibility that you start to truly love self first and then others equally in living the truth of responsibility.
I used to think that being responsible was something that was arduous and a burden. Since attending workshops and presentations with Universal Medicine I have come to know what being responsible really means and it is such a joy to now live responsibly.
Hi Elizabeth, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing attending workshops and presentations with Universal Medicine, how you come to a more loving understanding of how life can truly be lived in all that we do of being responsible in a more loving way and live life in joy and harmony with self and others equally.
Absolutely Elizabeth, the burden in gone with true responsibility.
Yes Elizabeth, it is a real joy to live responsibly! such a turn around to the days I used to think being responsible was such a burden.
Just seeing and understanding all those needs we have built our lives and behaviours around will allow us to choose differently and thereby turn our lives around.
Hi michaelkremer, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is all about choices we make and coming to a more loving understanding of self that helps us choose differently and bring beauty in true responsibility
Most of us, I feel is fair to say, have a misinterpreted, even twisted what the sense of responsibility is. We tend to think it’s being responsible for others, being responsible for getting the best mark in class to please our parents, excel at uni, be the top achiever, complete all the chores around the house, make it look immaculate etc. But what we’ve missed in all of this is that the first real responsibility we have is to bring US to all that we do, not a fraction of us tired and drained from the pressure we put on ourselves. Responsibility is not a burden or a pressure, it is a commitment to be in life in full.
Hi Katerina, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. Life is beautiful when we bring all of US in all that we do and live life in full and letting go of all ideals and beliefs is such a load of the body.
I totally agree that knowing the enormity of what true responsibility is a gift. It has totally turned my life around and yes I am still learning where I can take this deeper in my life and I absolutely love every second of what this brings. Understanding every action, thought and word that comes through me is what I have allowed in is massive. All thanks to Serge Benhayon I have this much clarity in the way I can live my life and how this has an impact on humanity.
Hi Natalie, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog and how true responsibility has change your life in understanding all that you do and say. Serge Benhayon is a true reflection and so inspiring in reflecting what true responsibility means in the way we live each day.
Its funny in the past I would have seen my perfectionism as an indication that I was very responsible, these days I understand it is just a form of control for my anxiety of not feeling good enough about myself. As I let go of perfectionism, I can now truly take responsibility for what my body needs.
I found the same Jenny. It brings to mind when I would draw or paint pictures I always wanted them to be perfect, even when I felt this feels complete I would continue, try to make it perfect, effectively so I would not be judged or any slight flaws would not be picked up – what would pretty much always happen is that I would then ruin them and so would go into judgement and beat myself up – pre-empting someone else doing it! Crazy really and all it confirmed is my feeling of not feeling good enough about myself!
Hi jenny, that you for your amazing response to the blog and how perfectionism can be seen as being responsible. Anxiety is such a hidden dis-ease and can control on our bodies and all that we do because of our childhood issues, hurts and pain. We feel the not good enough ideal and belief and then it becomes a controlling behaviour that stops us from living who we truly are in all that we do.
So true Jenny. I totally relate to what you have said, particularly as regards the work environment.
Thank you for such an honest and open sharing Kathy. I can absolutely relate to what you have shared here. I also love how you have reclaimed the word responsibility through your experience of what this word truly means.
Hi Simone, thank you so much for your lovely response about how you love the reclaiming of the word of Responsibility. It is beautiful when we can truly feel and see the truth in what is truly happening in the way we live and the choices we choose.
And how lovely to have the word be full of light and play-fullness when expressed in this way rather than heavy and full of guilt and burden. Thank you again. Responsibility IS beautiful. It is a gift.
Great blog Kathy. The word responsibility is loaded with fear and a pressure to hold so much on one’s shoulders, no wonder many young children rebel at this because they can feel the ugliness of its misuse. The magic of self-responsibility is that we naturally become ‘responsible’ once we nurture our own self-responsibility, this is quite beautiful.
Hi matthew, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Words are always mis- used in they way they are loaded with the wrong interpretations and not what they truly mean, and as children we are brought up with ideals and beliefs that bring fear in what we do instead of love. Self- responsibility is truly beautiful once we nurture and appreciate self.
Thanks Kathy, I to love responsibility too as it is the game changer from blame and wallowing in pity or poor me type behaviour. This is a great blog for bringing this important aspect up to the light.
Hi Greg, thank you for great response. True responsibility shows us how amazing we can truly be in all that we do and allows us to live life with loving choices.
Hi Kristy, thank you so much for your lovely response. It is so amazing when we come from love from within, we see and feel the choices we have made no longer can be hurt behaviours or patterns, by just accepting and honouring our true being supports all that we feel from within our love.
Hi Shirley-Anne Walters, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Everything begins with self and when we come from that loving understanding we come to the truth of True Responsibility.
I too am finding as I I take care of myself more, the perfectionist and controling side has loosened up. It’s still a work in progress, which is evolving.
Hi Amita, thank you for your lovely response. Taking care of self is always very beautiful and honouring.
Thanks Kathy, this is a very important topic to discuss as most of us we have been conditioned to believe that being responsible is to carry and look after others first.
As a man this is something I did very well in the past where I took the role of being responsible for others around me and make sure they were all ok, this was indeed a form of control and protection to not get hurt and it also created so much stress in my body to the point of burnout. I have now let go of a lot of those ideals and beliefs and know that being responsible is to put myself first and to bring a level of care and love for my body that will inspire others to do the same.
Hi Francisco, thank you for the great response on the blog. It is so easy to forget self when caught up in others needs and feeling that controlling your life is better than getting hurt and not wanting to feel the pain, is very harming to self and others equally. It feels so amazing when we let go of that control and truly honour self first how beautiful it feels being truly responsible.
It is truly amazing process as what I found that by letting go of that control there was so much more trust and intimacy in my relationships as those around me did not feel the imposition of me needing them to be a certain way and felt accepted for who they are.
Kathy, I love how you see responsibility as a gift. I have often seen it as a burden, but you have a very fresh perspective with it in making it about a commitment to living who you truly are. A very beautiful blog – thank you.
Hi Annie, thank you so much for your beautiful response. Everything in life is a true blessing and coming from love within gives you a new perspective on what it truly means to be committed in living true responsibility.
Me too Annie, I have seen it as something to be frightened of. Its as if in reading Kathy’s beautiful and uplifting blog, and these comments, I have tumbled into the most glorious life course on a subject that I have hitherto found somewhat hard. The great thing is that I wouldn’t have enrolled in the course had I known the topic, but I find myself really enjoying the lessons, and learning heaps!
I agree Kathy, true responsibility is beautiful. Not cumbersome as I had felt responsibility growing up to be but instead it is freeing, empowering and strong.
Hi robynjones11, thank you for your lovely response. True Responsibility is so empowering strong and beautiful. In true harmony and joy living life to the fullest.
It is not hard of me to recall the feelings I had when I did not follow my heart…”…knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life.” Making ‘loving choices’ daily has supported me to reclaim my life and live it more fully. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Samantha, thank you for your great response. Commitment to truly let go of all the hurt and pain is a true responsibility to self and others equally. Living life in the beauty of who you truly are.
I was lucky that my Dad gave me responsibility at a young age. The responsibility to make my own choices – and this made me responsible for myself.
I was not so lucky with my Mum. She was brought up with the old adage of “spare the rod and spoil the child”. She had a cane and would cane me if I did not live up to the choices she made for me. My mother gave me no responsibility: she just made my choices and when I didn’t agree with her choices I was totally irresponsible.
I loved reading your great blog Kathy. “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realized that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This point marked an important turn around in my life as well.
I lived my life focused on other peoples issues and avoiding my own hurts, thus existed in an exhausted body. With the realization that it is much more loving and freeing (both for myself and others) to take responsibility for self first, brings the joy back into life.
Hi Lynda, thank you so much for your great response. It is so empowering when we come to the realisation of how our bodies are so exhausted in trying to please and do things for others when in truth what we are doing is taking ourself away from not wanting to feel our hurts and pain and abusing our selves in others hurt and pain. Until we come from the truth that we can only truly be responsible for self first and let others be responsible for the choices they have made. How amazing you can truly live a life of joy and harmony knowing that you are true to self and others equally.
A great blog and what fantastic changes you have made Kathy – thankyou for sharing. “Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” I so agree – having led a life where I held others responsible for my happiness, thus giving away my power to them. Now, thanks to Universal Medicine, I know I have choices – with everything – and that they are my responsibility alone. No more needing to blame others, yet that seems so common in society today.
Hi sueq2012 thank you for your great response to the blog. Universal Medicine is truly beautiful on how it presents that everything starts with us first in the choices we make. True responsibility comes within, not giving your power away.
What a great article ! True responsibility is beautiful ,how lovely to claim and realise! thank you for sharing this and I love how you have written it so clearly and simply.What a beautiful place to have gotten to very inspiring and loving brought by responsibility and love for yourself first. A real gift .
Hi tricianicholson, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. True responsibility is beautiful and is a true gift to all if you choose it.
Hello Kathy, I love how clear this blog is, in that it let’s me know how we can carry things for so long. So a pattern or thing that was put on us as young, we carry this on into our adult years even though it hasn’t worked for us? Like for you as you have explained. We take on things from our childhood to ‘cope’ and then we continue them into adult life, even though it brings little to us. It’s great to expose this and this will leave many people including me at least questioning what ‘things’ or patterns are still lying around with me that don’t actually support me. Thank you.
I love ‘pattern-hunting’ too, Ray! Tease out all those buried things that allow us to blame and make excuses, without even realizing that we are using them to shift responsibility away from where we chould be looking and changing….
Well expressed in a ‘nut-shell’ diannetrussell. I love the feeling of playfulness that ‘Pattern-hunting and teasing out….’ conveys rather like children going on a treasure hunt.
What great hidden treasure to find and work with – all the buried hurts and excuses to bring us back to love more fully.
Hi Raymond, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Our patterns and behaviours from childhood are so ingrained in our bodies that we carry life in them for such a long time until some thing in our life happens that shows us that we no longer can live with them. This is a true blessing, our body can truly expose that which no longer supports us and truly live life from within, not the needs.
Beautiful, brilliant and inspiring. Thank you, Kathy and Raymond. When I take responsibility, coupled with understanding, I willingly explore the shady corners of my life where I still carry patterns and behaviours that I adopted long ago and that carry on habitually now, simply because I have not questioned their source, efficacy or impact. This for me is the joy and strength of responsibility.
Thanks for sharing Kathy how you understood the patterns and behaviours you were living as an adult, how these were set up in childhood but most importantly that you were shown the truth of responsibility and you were not stuck in this for life. Universal Medicine explained for me too how ‘responsibility’ can be re-interpreted and many of the ways people deflect responsibility when it is really about being energetically responsible.
Hi Deanne, thank you so much for such a lovely response. It is easy to get stuck in childhood issues if you have no clarity in what is truly going on. And yes how ‘responsibility’ can be re-interpreted many ways, Thanks to Universal Medicine for giving us the truth about responsibility, it is about being energetically responsible for all that we do.
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” The word “need” is a telling one here, my focus on their need, fueled by my own need to play that role. I know I feel the greatest support when someone sees me for who I am, expresses in their own fullness so even if I am doubting myself by seeing them I remember the love, tenderness and power within me, and there is a possibility for us together to explore and deepen our awareness of any issues that come up – real support is never ever pandering to me playing small and feeding my neediness. True responsibility is what we choose in every moment, because it makes a difference to our own life, to all others and to the whole world. We can choose to live who we are in connection with our inner heart and in our fullness.
Hi Golnaz thank you for your amazing response to the blog. Needs from self and others can take control of our life, if we always feel the need in every thing we do. This in truth gives your power away to the needs. It is about the choices we choose in living our truth, love and light from within. True responsibility is beautiful in all our choices.
Hi Golnaz, thank you so much for you beautiful response to the blog. It is truly amazing when we do not come from needs from self or others and how inspiring it is to honour one self and live truly who you are not from others needs or expectations through loving choices in taking true responsibility in every moment.
I agree whole heartedly “Responsibility is beautiful.” There is is nothing dull, draining or demeaning about about taking ‘true responsibility’ for ourselves. Doing so in my life has felt deeply empowering, freeing and has supported a reconnection with my inner heart.
Hi Samantha, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog and agreeing that ‘Responsibility is beautiful’ because when we live that truth from within it is so deeply empowering and freeing.
Beautiful and wise words Kathy that help others see that it is never to late to make powerful changes and realise that our greatest responsibility is love, of ourself and of all others.
I agree Liane. If ‘life’ isn’t good or things are not feeling right then put you head up and have a look around. Reading a blog and comments like this can change your life, continually and ongoing. I read these often, not to be better but to continue to feel my way through life. I want to see what is ‘there’ for me, to support myself, to see the world and to speak and communicate with people. Great reading thank you.
Hi Liane. thank you for your lovely response to the blog. When we can truly feel our truth and love from within the wisdom and words are so powerful in how beautiful we all are when we are truly taking responsibility.
This is a most amazing blog, i.e. real story of a miraculous turn-around and deep healing in someone’s life. Thank-you deeply Kathy Avram. I have learnt a great deal from this… that our joy, and the true joy inherent in true responsibility for ourselves in life, always awaits within, and that the deepest pain and anxiousness in life can be turned around – if we are willing to do the work and come to the fact that the love we were missing, was always there, within. Not an easy road to travel, to get to this place… for so much hurt and all of the residual behaviours (as you’ve described Kathy) need to be felt, embraced and let go. That you don’t blame your parents or family, or hold residual resentments stands testament to the work you have done – A-maz-ing.
The love of a thousand angels is carried in your amazing heart Kathy. Undoubtedly, it is only from ‘strength to strength’, or we could say, ‘an ever-deepening knowing of the love that you are’, from here. Thank-you for sharing your story so openly and candidly with us all.
Hi Victoria, thank you so much for your amazing response to the blog. You have so beautiful expressed in how truth and love from within is so powerful and how much we can deal with in our true honesty and accepting our inner self that the love has always been there and the knowing of the wisdom that lives within is a true blessing of how to truly live life from within and come from that love in all that we do, say and live. The other biggest gift i have been given is from the angels, is finally ‘finding a man that truly made sense’ Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I love all that you’ve shared here Kathy. And absolutely, to ‘finally’ meet a man that “truly made sense”… Hear, hear to that in regards to Serge Benhayon!
Without the great love this man lives, presents and teaches consistently so, I also would not have come to recognise the love that is within me too, having shielded it away for so long and not dared to allow my love to shine beyond the walls I too had placed around me.
And so every step that each and every one of us takes to open up to the love we are, and let it out – and heal the hurts that have held this back – is most truly to be celebrated.
This is such a powerful article on what true responsibility is and shows how the general thinking in the world as to what ‘being responsible is’ is so far off the mark.
Hi judith, thank you for your great response to the blog. Words can be used in a beautiful and meaning way of the truth, if only the world’s thinking could realise that how important it is in expressing in all that we do and say.
Absolutely, Judith. From burdensome and duty bound to liberating, understanding and joyful – re-claiming the truth of responsibility.
“At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing” Wow thank you Kathy what an awesome understanding you now have, how great you have unraveled the hurt to now live more fully. Thank you for sharing.
Hi samanthaengland, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. When we come from truth everything in our life is a blessing, love shows you that hurt is just something that you allowed by the choices you made, then comes the loving understanding in the honouring of what is truly going on.
I’ve been considering that I never would have considered that “Responsibility is beautiful” before starting to understand what responsibility truly is. It makes me realise that I never knew what true responsibility was and instead saw it as a burden of rules to fit into a picture of how to be and hence spent much of my life rebelling against it. Yet now as I deepen my understanding of what real responsibility is I can start to see how it actually is beautiful and supportive as its not a tick list of doing but a way I life with myself first before anything else.
Yes, David, I can relate to feeling responsibility as a burden rather than the truly glorious way of being that it really is.
Hi David, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Words are so important and what they truly mean and they have not be used in a loving way to feel and see the truth. When we truly feel our truth from within then we get feel the truth of what is truly going on and come from love in all that we do and there is no burdens, rules or tick sheet, only love in all that we do for self and others equally.
‘Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given’ Simply said and so true.
Powerful words kehinde2012. Well said.
I agree kehinde2012
Hi kehinde2012, thank you for great response to the blog and loving what was expressed ‘knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given’ is truly beautiful.
Feeling the power of being responsible for me first is just amazing – a game changer.
I totally agree Michael and Kathy, I notice when I go into control and try to be overly responsible for others, I miss where I need to be responsible for myself. Ultimately disempowering for others and myself.
Well said, Jenny, taking on the responsibility of others keeps us from being responsible for ourselves and also keeps them from being truly responsible for themselves. I am finding this to be true in my own life.
Hi michaelkremer2212, thank you for your lovely response. Responsibility is beautiful for self first, it changes life to free you of ideals and beliefs not only about self and others equally.
‘Finally here was a man who made so much sense!’ I do so very much agree, Serge Benhayon and the work of Universal Medicine make so much sense.
Hi Esther, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog of how you agree ‘finally here is a man that make so much sense’ Serge and Universal Medicine has been a great journey to take in truly living life from within with love, truth and beauty for all equally.
Its in fact the only thing that has ever made total sense to me, not just a little bit but the whole lot makes sense.
“knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow.” I can feel the absolute joy and truth of what you write here Kathy, and can claim the absolute freedom making these choices bring, way much bigger than I could have ever imagined before meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Hi gylrae, thank you for your great response to the blog. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is a great and beautiful reflection of true responsibility in what choices we make and how amazing life can be when we come from love, truth, and honesty.
Honest really stands out for me in your comment Kathy, that for me is a huge key, we have to be honest and real about life, ourselves – which opens up the door to truth and allows the freedom for so much more.
Hi gylrae, thank you for your lovely response to the comment I wrote on the blog about honesty.
I just re-read this blog and it hit me again how fantastic it is. The way you turned you’re life around is amazing, thank you for sharing
Hi Anna S, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. We are all amazing and that our responsibility to self is so loving and honouring for not only self and others equally.
What comes up for me reading this blog is how irresponsible I have been in trying to be responsible, without taking responsibility for myself and my body first and foremost. This is an important part that cannot be bypassed.
Hi janetwilliams06, thank your for you lovely response to the blog. Responsibility is so beautiful when we truly come to the loving understanding of being responsible for self, it is a great relationship with self to truly feel and love, not only self and also our divine body and respect all that we are.
Beautiful turn around in your life Kathy, it shows it is never ever to late!
Hi delorme2013, thank you for your great response to the blog. Time does not matter, life is beautiful every moment when you can truly feel and honouring the truth of who you truly are.
True responsibility is a game changer, you can’t live the comfortable life that is so easy to be in. When we truly take full responsibility for all that we do and live, then and only then is there space for true evolution, love and brotherhood
I agree Natalie, I still see the temptation of the ‘soft option’ of not fully expressing and therefore taking responsibility for who I am, but it doesn’t work anymore, as I end up feeling boxed in and less. I want my space for true evolution.
Hi Natalie, thank you for your loving response to the blog. It is so true when we take true responsibility for self, only then there is space for true evolution, love and brotherhood equally for all.
This is such an important topic. We have -unconsciously- been taught that responsibility is about taking care of others e.g. solving the problems around us. This implies an outwardness ánd a doingness. Exactly something I did part of my life, until I discovered that nobody was taking responsibility for my life. That was a turn around. Since then I have been unraveling that pattern and am taking care of me, my life and my hurts of not being met. It has reduced my doingness into more being loving with me. Quite a different and more true experience!
Beautifully and clearly expressed Caroline, I love how you discovered that; ‘nobody was taking responisbility for my life’, and that was the insight you needed to make different choices to livng a more true experience.
I agree Caroline, and there is a feeling of helplessness that comes with trying to solve the problems around us, because we are rarely successful in that.When we take responsibility for our own life and its problems, we get our power back.
Hi Caroline, thank your for your great response to the blog. Life is full of joy and love when we let go of being responsible for others. We truly get to feel who we truly are and have a more loving understanding about self.
That’s a cracker Caroline – “nobody was taking responsibility for my life” – that’s a great turn around! I have not taken on a great sense of responsibility for others as described in this blog but to be honest I hadn’t for myself either. The basis of true responsibility coming from self care and support, has been an amazing, building experience.
Well said Caroline, this captures it in a nut shell – “We have been taught – unconsciously -responsibility is about taking care of others e.g. solving the problems around us. This implies an outwardness ánd a dinginess”.
I am still unravelling old patterns too – a constant choice to keep being truly responsible with myself and what my body is asking for in the moment.
As you say Kathy your parents knew no better and what is more in their own way believed their intention was for the best and therefore believed they were loving. I know that is where my parents were coming from and I followed that my approach in many respects in my life until I met Universal Medicine. It has been a huge change from basing my expression of love upon what I believed it should be, to that of expressing what actually feels and is loving.
Hi jonathan, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Through Universal Medicine you truly get to understand about ideals and beliefs and have more awareness of expressing in a loving way of what you truly feel. You feel the truth and come from love in all that is happening around you.
For such a long time I also carried the belief that I had to take care of others first and feel responsible for them. I can see now also the arrogance in this, as I thought I knew what would be best for them. I can only know what is the right thing for me and more lately, since having Universal Medicine in my life, what is the most true and loving thing for me to choose. I am only responsible for myself and my choices.
Hi Mariette, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. It is so much hard work when we take responsibility for others before ourselves; that we forget who we truly are and we get exhausted through the belief in taking care of others that life just passes us by. Universal Medicine is the true medicine of how to truly live.
Hi Shirley-Anne, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is that you can feel how imposing it is by taking responsibility for others.
That is a great point Mariette. The word responsibility has always felt so heavy and laden with burden. I have always felt this to be because it was something that I “had to do” – as if it wasn’t a choice. I can see now that it was a choice and can also see the arrogance too. A great point you have made here. Thank you for sharing.
Truly amazing how you have turned your life around. ” Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” Letting go of control and trust in what you feel, brings so much more joy and allows you to feel how magical life can be.
I agree Diana1975, “Letting go of control and trust in what you feel, brings so much more joy and allows you to feel how magical life can be”. It is and can be tricky at times to let go of wanting things to be a certain way, the problem is whenever I go into that mode of thinking essentially I am controlling the situation for the picture I have created to happen, but that means I do not allow what is there to naturally unfold and so miss out on the true beauty at play. I also then end up getting frustrated and no longer am able to appreciate what I am beng shown to me to learn from.
Hi James, thank you for your response to the blog and agreeing with Diana, letting go of control and trusting what you feel, Control is something that we have taken on because of our hurt and pain and feel that by controlling our life that we no longer will get hurt.
Hi diana, thank you for your great response to the blog. Our body is truly amazing when we allow our self to feel our body and have the awareness of what is truly going on, and honouring the truth of that.
Yes Diana, the magic of life is revealed more and more as control is let go of and trusting what you feel.
Yes diana1975, trusting in what I feel and then expressing what I feel, without holding back, has brought so much more joy and playfulness into my day.
Great article to really ponder what true responsibility really is and what we were let to believe as a child or just by watching adults and taking over as we grew up.
Hi Alexandre, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Ideals and beliefs can truly be all an allusion of who we truly are.
I always seemed to avoid responsibility so as to not have any blame if it all went wrong, but now understanding true responsibility I embrace this as a way forward in the knowing that taking responsibility for myself and all I do is a huge support not only to myself but all those around me and beyond.
Yes and it feels so natural once you start dong it like everything is in it’s right place.
Kathy this is really supportive to read, ‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change’, reading this makes me realise that I can be hard on myself and critical rather than as you say having loving understanding.
What a stand out article – how amazing is it to be able to say “At age 60, I have never felt better”. The fact that Kathy made this change so late in life is truly inspiring and evidence of it never being too late. Now Kathy’s family and everyone in her life have the opportunity to be inspired to feel there is another way. I only recently realised how much control and protection goes on in families and also in friendships or partnerships, all because of past childhood hurts. Universal Medicine is the only organisation I know that has truly brought long-lasting change in people’s life by healing past hurts both physically in the body as well as psychologically, which all results in a greater empowerment to change our behaviours.
What a great blog Kathy! While I didn’t grow up raising your siblings, all the parts about feeling responsible for others, aiming for perfection, needing to control and often not trusting in others to make their own choices etc, I can definitely relate to!! I too had the opportunity, through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, to become aware that these behaviors and ideals I had were all to do with my own self worth. I can’t say I’ve mastered it all, but definitely through working on my own love and care for myself am finally beginning to understand what true responsibility feels like, which not only feels more supportive for me, but all others..
Kathy I read the first two lines of your blog and felt like you were talking about me. You hit it on the nail when you shared that we are no responsible for other peoples actions and that we all have our own lessons to learn. How freeing is that? An incredibly powerful blog that reminds me of what I have chosen to move away from that kept me in overwhelm for so long. Thank you.
I loved reading your blog Kathy and coming from a big family with both parents very busy with a family business, I can relate to much of what you said.
I have never related the nervousness I occasionally feel now but constantly felt in the past about ‘ getting everything done’ as a result of my childhood experiences with responsibility . It makes so much sense now you say it.
My main memory was about reading where my mother was at and feeling responsible to keep my siblings in line with that. I would make sure all the jobs were done so as not to stress mum. I can see patterns in my adult life where I feel responsible to protect someone if they are tired or stressed instead of observing the situation, being loving and allowing the person to come to their own understanding of how they conduct their day.
Your blog has really helped me build awareness around this issue, I look forward to noticing if and when I still do this .
Truly inspirational Kathy. Loved reading how your whole life has changed …… “I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow”. To live in this way is much more of a ‘gift’ to all those around us, than to put them ‘first’ at the expense of ourselves. To inspire others to treasure themselves and live their lives from their inner heart is to love.
I love what you shared here Kathy: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
A friend recently explained ‘responsibility’ as ‘response-ability’, that is, responding to our ability, to that which we already have. When we take the responsibility from others, it negates their ability to respond to life and make their own choices.
Responsibility can be a way of life where we can feel burdened, overwhelmed etc and does not support us but when we bring true responsibility into our lives it actually is empowering and we can feel we’ve become more expanded because it is about love not control. It also allows others to also step into being responsible, rather than when we make it about others, not only do we hurt ourselves, and we can actually thwart another’s growth.
I can’t believe you were a carer at the age of 4. ‘At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them.’ That’s just CRAZY! I have worked with young carers in the UK, I didn’t realise so many young people and children carry responsibilities and burdens for their family until I watched a program on TV about it. It is great you have turned your life around and to feel the love you now have for yourself .. just Gorgeous.
“At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work.” – Wow, that is so much for a four year old to take on.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better.” – wow, this is so freeing – now that you know what true responsibility is, and that you know you are not responsibile for others but yourself first, you are able to see that it is not your parents’ fault (responsibility) for the fact that you didn’t know what true responsibility was – how awesome
‘Control’ can be such an insidious hook for many people, including myself. Thanks Kathy, it was refreshing to read how you were able to tackle this menace through your work on what it means to take true responsibility in and for your life.
Amazing blog – most of us are brought up with the ideal that to be a responsible person is to care for others before we care for ourselves. What an amazing turnaround you have made Kathy, I celebrate your statement ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first’. It shows that a true change is never too late, it is always – a choice.
Eva yes I agree most of us where brought up in being responsible meant, was to care for others first. But in truth responsible starts with self first. Taking true responsibility for all my choices.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” This is gold Kathy and thank you for sharing such gem of how responsibility starts with ourselves,and our connection with bodies first .
Reading your blog Kathy I was struck by the way we can use and abuse by the word ‘responsibility’. It is a way to control others and a way for us to feel bad about ourselves, both of which you have illustrated in your story Kathy. This line alone shows the devestation that reinterpreted ‘responsibility’ can create: “If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.”
A very raw and honest sharing Kathy. Thank you for bringing our attention back to responsibility and how beautiful it is, and that “..true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.”
Amazing, Kathy, what you tell us about your upbringing and how you have shifted a lifetime of conditioning into a loving and nurturing relationship with yourself no matter what. It really highlights to me that anything is possible, and that it is never too late to change our ways.
I’m not sure what it was exactly Kathy, but reading through your blog I felt very touched. Maybe it was you’re real life experience coming through your words or that it struck a deep chord within me, perhaps both – but what you describe is a condition common to so many people.
I also had responsibility from a young age to care for others. But I used this to neglect the responsibility for myself as much as I could. Being hurt is a form of taking responsibility for other people’s actions because by the fact of being hurt I have already separated myself from my own love and given over the control to another for making me feel a certain way. What I am learning now is to observe their actions with no judgement and this is taking responsibility because it results in making choices without being in reaction to others.
The word responsibility has been painted with a heaviness. Like a ball and chain. But it is actually what empowers us to know our purpose in life and not be delayed by distractions like self doubt. It is merely the acceptance of who we truly are.
Thank you Kathy for the timely reminder of what true responsibility is and that it truly starts with the self first. Through time we will all get to understand what true responsibility is by the loving reflection you and other students of the livingness, bring to humanity.
This is so inspiring to read Kathy, thank you for sharing your story and wisdom.
I loved what you have written here;
“I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life”
Beautiful Cathy what a great way to have come so lovingly to expose and heal the false burdens of responsibility and see it so lovingly as a simple part of our lives each and every one of ourselves. Thank you for sharing such a great turnaround and healing in your life. Something to truly celebrate and you are is inspirational.
Thank you Kathy for sharing this insightful blog , amazing the lives we live. What seems overpowering enough to consider suicide can now be seen as a path of awareness and growth once we choose our innermost and feel the love and truth we are.
A few years ago when my health was poorly, I remember a friend saying to me, I feel responsible for you. I immediately felt how imposing that was, which implied in an underhanded way that I was no longer capable of knowing what was right for me or that I would find my own way through that time. I felt to express this to her, and the thing is, I did it ‘my own way’ through that time, yes I did have support but I listened to the guidance from my body first – that was my compass.
yes, Jacqueline, I have felt responsible for others and since meeting and working with Serge Benhayon and realising what a huge imposition that is on them, I have become more aware of when that energy is directed at me. So often it is spoken covertly, like the women who came up to me when I was on crutches and said “I DO feel for you”. It felt horrible, as though I was a victim and she was the responsible for my feelings, so it felt like she was trying to deprive me of my own ability to feel for myself. Now I see that as arrogant, something I am sure she would not have understood and would certainly have denied. When I replied “But I am fine and can look after my own feelings thank you,” she looked really shocked. This was a while ago, and I feel I would answer it more gently now as her intention was what she understood as love, but actually it was harming to me and herself. I realise how arrogant I have been about what I think is good for people and trying to be responsible that they “get it”.
Great point Jacqueline, it does feel imposing when someone say they feel responsible for you, I have a friend who sometimes says he worries about me, however well meaning that is it feels patronising. Real responsibility is completely different where you can be there for another and listen and care and that is simply all that is needed.
How interesting Jacqmcfadden04. I notice this with teachers at school, although yes of course due to the age of the students they are legally responsible for us, but a lot of teachers will also carry us like a burden on their back, and sometimes blame their stress and/or constant anxiousness on the fact they have to be ‘responsible for us’.
Thank you for sharing about how you felt your friend claiming to be responsible for you felt imposing. For years I thought I was actually helping others when I made their life my business and then later I felt trapped by the web I had created myself of living other people’s lives! It has been such a learning and healing to realise it was all misguided.
Its great to see how you have come through all this Kathy. Such burdens from such a young age and it is superb how you don’t hold it against your parents.
‘I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ This is a wonderful realisation. How many of us cap the people closest to us by ‘doing’ for them, cleaning up after them, rather than allowing them to make their own mistakes and therefore never learning self-responsibility?
So true Victoria – and how conditioned are we as a society that when we see a person in an act of of great love decide NOT to do all those things for others in order to not cap them, we often judge them for it and even worse, condemn them for not being loving! We are still a bit mixed up when it comes to the power of true love.
What great support to be able to change around a lifelong way of being.. Super cool to read. There is so much pressure on ourselves to do and take care of everything around us rather then doing what is right for us. Very limiting and capping…
Great sharing Kathy, “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” I have three daughters in different ages and I can feel how powerfull it is to show them that they all have their own responsibility in what they bring.
In reply to that Diana, I can nominate that I find guiding my children on a topic as responsibility no easy task for it takes a commitment to true responsibility that I am not always living. No need to bash myself here but a realisation that an honest conversation with my kids is needed when I react to a lack of responsibility at their part that is reflecting a lack of responsibility at my part.
There have been many times when the word Responsibility would come up in conversation and it would often make me feel overwhelmed to the point of tears – my instant response was “I can’t take on any more.” Like you, I felt that it was about looking after others and ‘doing more’ often with a need to be perfect as there was always a feeling of not being good enough. What a change I have seen in myself now I know the true meaning of the word, thanks also to Universal Medicine. Responsibility starts with me always. Being responsible for how I live my life and therefore how I am with others. Once I saw it as a burden, but knowing the True meaning of Responsibility has set me free of this. Thank you for writing this blog. It is an important message about Life.
Yes Susan, that is the key of true responsibility ‘responsibility starts with me me always.’ I also know for me, that in understanding and learning to live true responsibility has changed my life. I step into life rather than life being thrown at me. There’s an ease in living that starts to happen and a confidence because i’m living from me, from love and know also that true responsibility brings true growth and support for others as they too learn to develop true responsibility.
I agree Karoline, and Responsibility very often inspires others to make responsible choices. What a difference this would make to our world.
Wow Kathy what an amazing turnaround and an inspiring blog to read today. ‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ Reading this is a great reminder to me as I parent, to keep bringing responsibility back to me and how I’m feeling in each moment and not allowing those controlling behaviours to sneak in which I notice they do when I don’t want to feel what I am feeling. As Leonne commented on earlier, ‘it is wonderful to connect to the fact that our only true responsibility is to live the love we are.’ Beautiful and simply, just that.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” I too learned this profound lesson and it was such a shock to really get the truth of it. That is not my default pattern any more and thank heavens for that because it is such an exhausting pattern.
Kathy I wanted to hug the 4 year old you already caught in this pattern at such an early age – wonderful that you have turned it round now.
Kathy your blog is amazing. Responsibility is a word banded about but I’ve heard it done so with great irresponsibility! I can so much relate to what you have written. Taking responsibility for others at your own expense was encouraged and is still very evident in society. Those who do sponsored whatever’s at the expense of their physical body is applauded.
I am learning what is true responsibility over perfectionism thanks to Universal Medicine. Your blog really helps this. I am beginning to feel the possibility that true responsibility is actually a great joy. So often I hear it bounded about as a punishment! In living responsibly I can change this by role modeling a different way.
Karin this is so true – ‘Those who do sponsored whatever’s at the expense of their physical body is applauded.’ – I have been there myself, and it brought my physical body down to my knees. Universal Medicines teachings showed me it can turnaround, and that it is possible to heal from a total burn out, by starting to honour my own body and taking responsibility for the choices I make in my everyday life.
Wonderful blog, no doubt many can relate strongly to the re-learning of what responsibility is. Control, or perfection and the other ways we tend to go, in avoiding hurt, is our responsibility to let go of – in order to feel and process what’s there for each of us. Surrendering back to our soulfulness, is ultimate responsibility.
I love this Oliver ‘Surrendering back to our soulfulness, is ultimate responsibility.’ Wise words indeed.
I’d back that Oliver
Thank you for sharing Kathy. Remarkable. So great that you have shed the heavy load of this imposed version of responsibility and expectation that was placed upon you.There is a real lightness to your words as you describe the true responsibility that you now live. A lightness that inspires and teaches by reflection.
It’s amazing to read of the histories Universal Medicine students have, yet the outcome is the same – people of all ages overcoming the seemingly impossible to live vibrant lives, feeling joyful everyday, and feeling physically better than they ever have. I can really relate to your story Kathy, to having an outward focus on others due to childhood pressures, of how unhealthy this is, and how I’m turning this around with the help of Universal Medicine. It’s so easy to judge others, yet your story is a powerful reminder to always be open to people and understand their history and how it impacts adult behaviours.
I just felt to say hear hear Melinda, to your comment to Kathy’s amazing blog – and the last lines stood out for me in neon type lights “It’s so easy to judge others, yet your story is a powerful reminder to always be open to people and understand their history and how it impacts adult behaviours.” I am finding that the more I allow others to just be, and struggle if needs be, without dropping into emotion, sympathy or judgement the deeper my awareness of acceptance of how the human experience just is, as each goes about their daily lives just doing the best they know how with the present tools of awareness that they have, and without going into a belief system of a misguided thought about my responsibility to help, fix or rescue. How wonderful that we have been shown there is a choice, and as presented by Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine presentations that we are actually only responsible for our-selves.
Wow!! I have one brother and don’t recall having to do much at all but still felt a sense of responsibility for him. I love hearing how the simple changes to our lives as presented by Serge Benhayon can have such a dramatic and inspiring affect to live a life that is your own responsibility and truth not our families.
‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change.’
This line is key for me right now and I can feel the potential of change when I offer more understanding to myself and others. I can get stuck in ‘beating myself up’ for past and present choices and needed to be perfect; but this is so restrictive and there is no space to grow or evolve.
Exactly Rachael – I find that when I understand a situation or something that is going on for me, I have a lot less judgement for others and myself
This line went deep for me too Rachael and it is a process of providing that space for ourselves daily or hourly in order to confirm how much we matter and how deserving we are of being treasured, not measured.
Beautiful. I can see how understanding and not judging my behaviours is a great starting point to make different choices.
Fascinating to hear about your childhood Kathy – and the work you took on at such a young age. A four year old would be hard pressed taking care of themselves let alone two younger siblings! A grand story and journey you have shared, going from need of perfectionism for others to being responsible in just being you is super inspiring.
It is quite remarkable really that one so young should be expected to and manage to care for their younger siblings to such an extent. What a huge burden to place on such young shoulders. It is an incredible journey that Kathy has lived and to be able to bring such awareness, love and compassion to herself after a life time of looking after others and seeking perfection is astounding. This for me proves the enormous power and truth of the teachings of Universal Medicine, that have supported Kathy to stop this strong momentum of caring for others in order to see that true responsibility lies first and foremost in self care and nurture. To ensure that one is healthy and fit for life before one even considers helping another ensures that what is offered comes from an abundant source of love and wisdom that has been tried and tested. Gone are the days of ‘do what I say not what I do’. Kathy is living proof that when we decide to put into action the love and care we see another living, the gifts and benefits are limitless.
Agreed Rachael and Rowena… Kathy’s story is one of a young and tender little girl who was thrust into roles that held great responsibility, and left feeling that even for all that she did do, it was never ever enough. What hurt there must have been, from such a young age, to not have been cherished and looked after as the little girl she was. At least, this seems to have been the way she experienced it all – a deeply sensitive child who was deeply distressed that no-one was actually there, for her.
All the more powerful and poignant then, to read of how she has come back to love herself so, so deeply inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon.
I feel it is about being responsible for me and to others unless those others are not capable because of being very young, old or infirm.
With true responsibility starts true love.
So simple and so true felixschumacher8.
Responsibility in the sense I was taught as a child is heavy and stagnant. To take responsibility for one’s own life, one’s own body , one’s own choices is empowering.
So true Kerstin, I too thought the same until not that long ago and am feeling how much lighter the body feels when I am not carrying so much weight of the world.
Thankyou for your sharing of what true responsibility is and the joy it has brought you. I too am also coming to realise the beauty of responsibility as each day my loving choices grow and grow.
Such raw honesty here, and to read how different you feel now from what you have learnt with Serge Benhayon is remarkable. People go through their wholes lives struggling and you have found a way to live joyously once again. That is truly remarkable.
So true Natasha, how many people are living everyday burdened by shouldering the responsibility for other people? Kathy has truly shown us that attempting to live in this way is not the answer and cannot deliver the resolutions we so desperately need. What a huge step to take in relinquishing these ideals and beliefs, dropping the burden of responsibility and picking up the gift of self responsibility instead. This is what a true role model is all about, someone looking after every aspect of themselves and their lives and showing us a beautiful example of commitment and true caring.
Equally Rowena, how many people are seething with hurt, resentment and anger from the responsibilities they carried from a young age, trapped in a sea of blame and unable ( unwilling?) to see a way out of their misery, I was with someone in this position recently, I offered self responsibility as a way to heal herself. It may take time for her to fully appreciate what this means.
Beautifully said Rowena and Kehinde. To have come from such a place, and discover what true responsibility really is – and that it is not about burden, anxiety and stress, but rather, honouring all that is true, including the truth that others are well capable of being responsible for their own lives… Wow, what a turn around, and what a true role model Kathy is.
Wow, Kathy awesome blog, I can relate to so much of what you’ve shared. I can see how I have also been living in a way that I took on responsibility that wasn’t mine. I was identified with the role of often trying to fix situations, putting others before myself and doing things for others to please them. I too have learnt about true responsibility through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and what a huge transformation it has been for me. It has been such a massive weight off my shoulders that I have allowed myself to shed. Learning to take responsibility for my own choices has been empowering. I am learning to reconnect, appreciate and love who I am more and more everyday.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful blog Kathy. There is so much stigma in society that the eldest in the family has to somehow be more perfect than the other siblings – this belief is deeply harming and being the eldest in the family also, I was born into a family which did not accept me as I am, I was always expected to be more. The truth was I did not accept me, and did not accept others too, so control was a ruling momentum. Whenever I control it feels awful, as I am truly missing me!
It is deeply beautiful for share your experience that to come to the realization that it is with understanding and acceptance of ourselves that allowed things to change, and for perfectionism to be dropped. It feels so freeing to allow ourselves to be our true selves.
We all need to take full responsibility for our actions in life, and not blame others for our short comings.
Thank you for opening up the topic of responsibility some more – I appreciate the connection you make between perfectionism and feeling that everything you did was wrong: no wonder you felt to protect yourself.
I relate well to the strive for perfectionism and now see how this was based on a feeling of not being good enough and a ‘must do better’ based pattern that I had chosen to take on. So beautiful to let this go and know that when I do what I do in true connection with myself, it is always enough because I have been present with my all.
Yes, a very good topic about responsibility as Gabriele stated you have opened up here, Kathy.
For me responsibility was always a big burden I did not want to carry. As I felt that responsibility has to do with taking everything on from others to manage. Not unless a short time ago that I had to realise that the first responsibility I have to take is towards me. Letting off the control and allowing others to step into their responsibilities too. Acknowledging that I am not responsible for their choices but clearly responsible for mine.
Actually I am relearning about true responsibility and there is still much ahead to learn.
Great point Gabriele, I recognise this as an old pattern in my own life – it is great to open up this topic. A much needed reflection for so many of us.
I agree Gabriele, responsibility is a topic that is worth opening up more. I can see myself taking responsibility from beliefs or ideals I have taken on and lacking in taking responsibility where it is truly needed to support myself and others. Thank you Kathy for your honest sharing.
Wow, the things we have to go through to get to the point of true responsibility is astounding! How did we get to thinking responsibility was about being responsible for others? It’s crazy but this is how the majority of us have been brought up, from generation to generation. It comes in different guises in each generation, each thinking they are more evolved than the other but in all cases none of us knew what true responsibility was/is … Like you Kathy, I didn’t learn true responsibility until I was met by Serge Benhayon.
Me too Shirley-Ann, it is so easy to focus on others and helping them rather than stopping to take care of ourselves. I know for me the more loving and caring I am with myself then naturally the more loving and caring I am with others without any effort or trying simply by my way of being.
Kathy it’s been a joy to be witness to your sparkling return. I have always taken on the responsibility of whatever came my way, always accommodating everyone and everything, always considering I had to be helpful, supportive and useful. My self esteem fluctuated according to my usefulness and being needed. Now I understand true responsibility is beautiful and starts with me.
What a huge learning this is for all of us: “in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” And what a relief! That one’s sole responsibility to be oneself – nothing more and nothing less: awesome!
“Responsibility is beautiful.” Just that sentence on its own could re write the current understandings of responsibility being something that is heavy, onerous and burdensome. However, like you Kathy, I find that my ability to respond to all situations from a self loving energy is, indeed, beautiful: the energy itself is warm and supportive – nothing burdensome or heavy about it!
Kathy , you the little four year old girl in your blog truly touched my heart, then I read the rest of your sharing and I was filled with admiration for you, the adult who came through so much to become the wonderful woman you obviously are. It is responsibility that ultimately frees us as Serge Benhayon teaches. Thank you Kathy.
This is brilliant Kathy as it exposes the ugliness of doing good. It is a sneaky one because whilst we think that we are helping others by ‘looking’ after them we are in actual fact stunting their growth by not allowing them to live and learn.
When I was younger it was my eldest sister who was like my real mum, as she cared for me and kept myself and my youngest sister in line, cleaned the house and took the responsibility for us quite seriously, but that said she would be the one who would get in trouble if we were naughty or too loud.
Great sum up of responsibility. It starts with your self responsibilities and slowly radiates out to hold everyone in your life.
Having understood true responsibility starts with the self, it has released so much burden and tension held in the body, due to being caught up in the ideals of being responsible for others first. Now being responsible for myself first, allows me to see the truth behind responsibility.
Thank you Kathy, you have opened up another layer of understanding for humanity with this blog.
I am not sure if your parents were blameless here – leaving a 4 year old to take care and having to behave with a crazy level of responsibility and always laying the blame at her feet sounds to me like something much more deliberate – like forcing down a person who has a lot of light and love so she dims her light in a vain attempt to please the unpleasables.
This is a beautiful sharing Kathy thank you.
It is sad that you went through that and for me it is hard to imagine a four year old being physically responsible for so much. Your blog has helped me to bring greater understanding to why people can be the way they can- because they carry the hurts that are real for them.
It is awesome to hear your level of awareness and appreciation you now have for true responsibility. Well done.
Wow, amazing – responsibility is a big one for so many, myself included. We get taught what responsibility is, but often it feels like a burden and a tension. The responsibility Serge Benhayon teaches is very freeing, of ourselves and others.
I agree Rebecca. It does have burden attached to it.
Yes Rebecca, it is freeing and at the same time so very simple.
I am learning that I do not need to be afraid of responsibility and that it is a gift instead of the burden I always thought it would be.
I agree, responsibility is not an area of my life I have oven much focus, but as I begin to look at it, and take a few responsible steps, I can feel that it is actually not scary, but a natural part of life.
That’s how I felt about responsibility too, burden. And as much it is the heavier it becomes. I didn’t mind being responsible for myself but when it comes to being responsible for the whole of humanity I felt it’s too much! That’s where I was fooled. Because if I understood the TRUE responsibility then being responsible for MY choices would be enough.
I agree, being responsible for yourself, the way you live and your actions is the first and most important step – for once you begin to reflect responsibility to others, the world begins to change.
Kathy that is awesome to read and hear how you are now enjoying life, it just goes to show no matter what age we are or what choices we have made it is never too late to start making loving choices.
This raised so many questions and points to consider and look at in my own life. Thank you for sharing- what really stood out for me was when you said, ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ Responsibility comes from inside and taking responsibility for our selves.
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
Wow! This is huge isn’t it? I can feel the truth of this from my own life, where I have recently stepped back a notch in doing things for the kids that they can do for themselves…not out of reaction, but simply as a result of feeling how tired I am…and I can feel that they then do get the opportunity to take responsibility, where as before I was smothering them!
I can also see how I have taken on this sense of responsibility within my relationship with my husband also 😱
I agree Kathy, true responsibility is a beautiful thing. And I wouldn’t want to live any other way.
It’s so lovely to read your experience Kathy as it starts to allow me to clear so much of what I went through when I was growing up – not quite as harsh but it felt as if I was born having responsibility, initially for my older brother who had cerebral palsy and then for the farm and then for the family through work and support. It was non stop and it never occurred to me that true responsibility would start with myself first – great revelations and, as you say, much to appreciate from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Thank you Kathy for sharing your experience and it is so beautiful to feel the changes you have made in opening up to true responsibility and letting go of the hurts you felt as a child.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.”
Truly beautiful.
“I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold.” How well I know this hold Kathy – a hold that continues to unravel itself as Serge Benhayon’s wisdom settles on me.
Thank you for sharing Kathy on what taking responsibility means. Like most things in life we have warped everything from its true meaning. Its inspiring that at the age of 60 you have never felt better.
A fabulous blog Kathy – ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first’ – if we all were taught this at a young age and encouraged to make that a key choice in our lives, the world would certainly be a different place to live.
I can really relate to being the eldest and being held responsible and blamed when things went wrong and how it was only after attending Universal Medicine presentations that I started to understand the meaning of truly taking responsibility for myself and allowing others the grace to be responsible for their own choices. Thank you so much for sharing the amazing transformation in your life Kathy which is truly inspiring and it has also given me more understanding about my striving for perfectionism which was so exhausting and which it is such a relief to be letting go of.
What a journey for you to be at a point in your life when you were considering suicide and now to be full of life and loving it. The inspiration you had by Serge Benhayon to understand that it is your responsibility to make the choices that are going to support you and a way of living that will bring about true change. Very inspiring, thank you.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”. This is a huge life lesson that you have described here. It strikes me how much we want to control other people and have them be what we want them to be just so that we don’t get hurt. How imprisoning that is for another.
As the eldest child, and a girl, I recognised a lot about how you felt about responsibility. I wonder if there has been a research project based on how first born children take on responsibility? It would also be interesting to analyse this on a gender basis. But that is passing now as we start to break the patterns that have gone before. Thanks for sharing your story Kathy, which so many of us can relate to.
Many behaviours are passed down the generations and considered ‘normal’ because no-one knows any different. Now we are being presented with a way of living that is completely non-imposing, that truly cares about others and that creates harmony in all relationships – taking responsibility for ourselves first is part of that.
What a great subject Kathy! Perfectionism is such a common theme – this willingness to run yourself into the ground just to keep up an outside facade of a perfect picture. And as if nobody could see through this? It is actually ridiculous, everybody knows we are just putting up facades, yet everybody thinks they have to do it.
I am inspired by your sharing Kathy, thank you. I am learning that it is a deepening process for me to understand and see where I take on the responsibility of those around me and actually how important it is for them to experience the process of their own situation for themselves.. to try to fix, change, indulge or ‘do’ anything for them is a great imposition that I can feel, whereas to just continue on with being me is an opportunity for all of us to have healing.
Thank you Kathy for your sharing it brings so much understanding about true responsibility. As you say ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first’.
Thank you Kathy for sharing your story with such honesty – what an amazing turnaround you have made in your life. It is very touching to read your journey and how you have let go of your hurts and the anxiety and stress you lived with and are now making loving choices everyday that truly support you – what an inspiration you are!
Kathy, a super post, completely astounding to switch from such entrenched false responsibility to true responsibility, and it just demonstrates the power of love – through Serge Benhayon – when it’s reflected, and importantly embraced through active choice as in your experience.
Your words:” I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could” – such a true statement, it makes total sense, and equally shows that there is more reason than ever, for more people to reflect Truth from being inspired by it – so that others have, or can see, there is another way to life. This is the greater collective self-responsibility we have.
“Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood” and “I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” – what a powerful realisation. Responsibility to me is about committing to life and making conscious choices, and I agree with you, Kathy, it is a beautiful thing to live with.
Wow Kathy your willingness to let go of the responsibility for others by trying to control everything would be liberating. We have been given a wonderful opportunity by Serge Benhayon and the teachings he presents on true responsibility, starting with self-care and loving choices for ourselves first and allowing the freedom for others to be responsible for their own choices.
Kathy this was a biggie for me too, growing up as a responsible eldest child of three, with working parents. But not to the extreme degree you experienced. I resented the ‘loss of childhood’ that came with being a mum to younger siblings. When we were growing up it was considered selfish and bad to put yourself first, and of course that is true when true responsibility is lacking, as it mostly is. Like you, I must have gotten ‘brownie points’ for taking responsibility for others because I continued the behaviour long into adulthood. It has taken quite a few years of working on myself with Serge Benhayon’s teachings to change this deeply-ingrained habitual way of being, and I, too, am deeply grateful for the clarity about responsibility. I feel that it’s the most loving to allow people to take responsibility for themselves when they are old enough in whatever situation is being considered.
Very true Dianne, these beliefs are very deeply ingrained in us and take some recognising and healing. Taking true responsibility for self is so important as it really does create proper role models for others to learn by. I have put so much effort into other people’s responsibilities that have left me feeling deeply disappointed when the person doesn’t behave how I want them to. What an imposition! Focussing on my own stuff and learning to walk my talk is I am finding, far more effective in altering another person’s behaviour, because when we do so, we are offering a real, living example of the way forward in life, with honesty, commitment and care, qualities which we all desire and respond to.
“I have put so much effort into other people’s responsibilities that have left me feeling deeply disappointed when the person doesn’t behave how I want them to. What an imposition!” I did that too, Rowena, and it’s great to stop doing it and see the loving effects on others.
Ouch Rowena I have often imposed on other people in this way which they usually resisted. Learning to be truly responsible for myself and offering this reflection to others has had far more impact simply because I am not imposing my solution but trusting that they will find their own way without my interference.
I had some big realisations reading your blog Kathy, feeling how often I feel responsible for others and get caught up with supposedly ‘helping them’.
This often feels like a distraction and avoidance from sorting out things I know I need to in my life. Thank you Kathy for the superb blog.
Kathy this is a wonderful blog – Responsibility is Beautiful ! I agree – and so Empowering. I was the younger sister of the over-responsible ‘bossy’ big sister who had to do all the things you did, farming family too, and she ‘hammered me my whole childhood – still tries to – about me being ‘so selfish’ – which I was confused about but finally to believed. She was the perfectionist and I was so messy! And I chose to become victim to her tyrannical control – so I had to learn about responsibility from the other way around – I was under-responsible and frequently bashed!
When I first came to Serge Benhayon’s teachings I felt crushed in my ‘victim mentality’ and it has been so awesome and empowering to understand true responsibility. I still have to keep correcting my collapsed posture which helped cement this condition as I can fall into that state if I don’t maintain my awareness.
Such an awesome way to be, to be responsible with ourselves first. I can see in my own life how I too have chosen to take responsibility for others through often controlling and perfectionist behaviours and what a burden this is to not others but myself. What you present offers another way and allows all to equally be responsible for their choices and their lives. A deeply healing blog to read.
Such a beautiful story Kathy. Thank you so much for sharing it. The fact that you have stumbled across another way of choosing responsibility is so great, and I think the most amazing thing is how you’re able to accept how your life was, and not blame or hold any resentment toward your parents for their choices. A rare thing to do. True responsibility right there!
Such a powerful blog Kathy. By avoiding the deep hurt that is felt from childhood, life mirrors the mess of the inner turmoil, and all by our own creation. What a huge ouch! And the healing you have experienced with self and in your relationships by living the simplicity of true responsibility, by ‘being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels’, is deeply inspiring. Responsibility is indeed truly beautiful.
I love this ‘by living the simplicity of true responsibility’. In my experience life is simpler now. There’s a freedom in knowing I need not do more that be lovingly with me in my own body.
Thank you Kathy for opening up and sharing where you’ve come to with responsibility. There is true power in allowing others to be 100% responsible for themselves rather than thinking we know better, or can do it better and stepping in. It stops them from learning and developing, and it just reinforces our need to control.
Hi Sandra, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is so loving when we let go of control and coming from the needs to fixes thing for others. Not allowing them to be 100% responsible for the choices they have make feels horrible in the body. When we come from needs from self and others, we are not living true responsibility.
Great blog Kathy. Responsibility is such a big topic and one I have been looking at for a while now. What changed how I felt about responsibility, which always felt onerous and a burden, was a group discussion a while back when someone talked about breaking down the word responsible. Really it means being able to respond – response able. This was a light bulb moment for me and I now see responsibility as something I am able to do easily and with no feeling of being burdened, by observing what, if anything, is needed and going from there.
It’s great to read about the true meaning of responsibility. ‘Really it means being able to respond – response able. This was a light bulb moment for me and I now see responsibility as something I am able to do easily and with no feeling of being burdened’. This definitely changes how I feel about responsibility; it makes it much lighter and not such a heavy, burdensome thing that I have to try really hard to do.
Kathy, your blog shows clearly the difference between the false and true responsibility. Anything done out of a sense of duty, obligation or ‘should’ becomes a burden and we tend to control others in order to get it right or to live up to some ideal of perfection. As you say Kathy, it does not allow others ‘to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life’. True responsibility is to be willing and able to respond in the moment (response ability) to what is needed. It is neither imposing nor controlling and it does not breed anxiousness, overwhelm or exhaustion.
Thanks Sandra for your sharing. False responsibility can keep us trapped into thinking we are actually being responsible when in fact it is a far cry from that. The biggest gift we can offer someone is a true reflection so that they can feel that there is another way of being/living, not to impose upon them but allow them to come to that level of responsibility within themselves rather than trying to control them to be a certain way.
Thank you Sandra for stating this so clearly and breaking down ‘responsibility’: ‘True responsibility is to be willing and able to respond in the moment (response ability) to what is needed. It is neither imposing nor controlling and it does not breed anxiousness, overwhelm or exhaustion.’ The more I work on my issues the clearer I can become in my ability to respond as required in any moment without an agenda.
It is beautiful what you are sharing here with us. I too have been learning what true responsibility is.. It seemed to be my theme this week. I have been discovering what a true freedom it is to just be very simple & loving, responsible for my own choices (and so my whole life). I have been always fighting against responsibility, thinking that I was taking responsibility, but that was actually so exhausting. I too am very inspired by Universal Medicine & Serge Benhayon. I was never ever really concerned about my life, my choices and how this would have an effect on me and on others. I have been opening myself up to the fact that not taking real responsibility for myself is actually creating a lot of harm & disharmony within my life and others around me. I have been inspired very deeply from day one by Serge Benhayon, and I continue to deepen my relationship with myself & so my responsibility as a young growing up woman. And it feels great!
What a beauty-full transformation you have made Kathy from childhood to now – thank you for your loving honesty and inspiration. What I love is that in you being lovingly responsible for you , your body and your life you have reconnected to your wisdom and understanding of yourself and others. From this space you do not have an ounce of blame or bitterness towards your family which is so healing for you and your family.
I was lost in the belief that responsibility was a ‘ duty and burden’ it was something to be if I was truly grown up. So of course I didn’t take responsibility for loving and caring for myself – it was a hard task master to rebel against. Over the years I have learned from the living example of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine presentations that responsibility is an expression of love. It stems from the understanding and acceptance that I am love as equally as everyone is love. In supporting my love and caring for my love in all I do and say knowing that affects everyone and everything around me is true responsibility. Nothing hard or punishing there – just being the love that I am, just simply being me- what a relief!!!
Those are amazing changes that you have made, thank you for sharing this Kathy.
What Serge Benhayon presents about responsibility makes complete sense to me too. It’s not about being weighed down by the world and putting everyone before our self, that doesn’t truly help anyone.
Hi Fiona, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Serge has been a great reflection for all to truly live in divine love and be responsible energetically for all that we do. This is true response-ability in beauty for self and others equally.
‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first’, life is far simpler and more enjoyable when we choose to take responsibility for ourselves
Kathy I relate very much to your experience. Until I came to the work of Universal Medicine my life was just filled with responsibilities. Being of service to others, understood as doing their bidding, was my way of life. Even in my work I would go over the top in helping and providing more than what was needed. It gave me a false sense of being needed and indispensable to compensate for my worthlessness. Now I am responsible to myself and loving it.
Kathy, this blog has helped me understand how I still take responsibility for others and am left feeling exhausted. The main message I will take away is: “….. in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” Thank you for your sharing.
Hello Kathy, I didn’t even get past the first paragraph and I had to comment. I whole heartedly agree with this, “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” This is spot on what I thought responsibility was all about and if I ‘did’ this I was responsible. This is not true at all and in fact not even close to what ‘responsibility’ is, thank you Kathy.
A beautiful blog Kathy and a great message, Through my work with Universal Medicine I understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost and responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.
Every day, every moment, I am learning to realize how important taking responsibility for my words, thoughts and actions are. Your writing about this is a lovely reminder. Thank you for expressing your understanding of true responsibility.
“.. living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.” That is inspiring! To me responsibility still is a big word that scares me. And, reflected by your words, I can sense that it is up to me to take responsibility for me first. And only that. I’m not here to be a back-up for anyone. And if things go “wrong” it’s not on me to fix them in an overtaking way. Support – any time. But not crying other people’s tears. Beautiful sharing.
It is beautiful how you share what you experienced to be responsibility, True responsibility is having care for yourself first, and taking responsibility to do this every day. Us not caring for ourself does affect everyone around us.
It is amazing to read how you left the burden behind you, to be responsible for everyone around you than just for yourself. It must be a total new way of life for you. What caught my attention: It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
There is always one side of the coin and the other – the other side shows how harming it is for the other person, if you overtake responsibility which is not yours. Kind of arrogant even in the act of doing good for another. Great revelation!
Wow what an inspiring story! Being a perfectionist and a control freak is exhausting! As I raise my three children with my husband to be responsible for themselves I catch myself in letting go of how I want things to be. As I observe them fold their own clothes or make their bed I am beginning to see the beauty in it all.
I can so much relate Kathy, I know all about putting everyone’s needs before my own which meant I could feel needed… but as you pointed out this was, ‘a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood’. When I decided to put my need’s first, it was very empowering and very supportive to do so.
It’s gorgeous Kathy how you have seen right through this false version to live and know the responsibility of loving you. Its goes against what we are taught but I know the love and care I feel in your words, inspires me to be this way too. Now that is responsibility in action – so simple beautiful and true.
Responsibility in the way you grew up to know Kathy was not one which included the true form of self-reponsiblity through self-care, self-love, tenderness and care. It feels like a huge list of tasks that you were asked to always complete regardless of the quality of how you were or how that impacted on others. True responsibility as I know now is not just about doing but about the true quality of how one does it.
Gorgeous Kathy! I am also waking up to what true responsibility is and that it includes taking care of my needs lovingly so that I am better able to be there for others and provide what’s needed when it’s needed (or not as the case may be). That feeling good about oneself because we have helped another in my experience is not a true feeling of good and does not compare with the ease I feel in my being and body when I let go and stop trying and controlling things. There is a beautiful sense of self-worth that we can tap into when we start to take responsibility.
Thank you Kathy for sharing your life experience. I totally resonate with what you share
about taking responsibility for others becoming overwhelming and a burden which is exhausting and serves no-one. So inspiring to hear that you turned it around and have been able to let go of the hurt which was driving the need for control and perfectionism. What a great revelation that you have discovered the true meaning of responsibility.
This is an amazing story that you share – It would likely be deemed child abuse in some of the western countries to put this pressure on a four year old these days, but I would imagine that this still goes on and is part of survival in some parts of the world. It really highlights the difference between giving a child purpose to teach and develop self responsibility and what often gets confused responsibility.
Dear Kathy
this is absolutely amazing and so profound and reveiling what You are sharing here. True responsibility. Through your sharing I got a deeper understanding. Thank You. With love Nadine
It’s actually quite a shock to find out that fixing things for everyone else does them such damage and stops them from growing and learning. We spend so much time trying to be good, exhausting ourselves and becoming ill, finding that it makes no sense at all.
Reading your journey to true responsibility Kathy is inspirational. Thank you
Kathy, there is so much in your blog. You say that self-responsibility is the gift you give yourself. Beautifully put, true freedom lies in self-responsibility. Although we have often been taught the opposite to that.
I think most of us can say that we have put other people first before ourselves. In your case Kathy this is taken to extremes. Having that much responsibility put on you at the age of 4 must have been hard. I can feel your relief at finding Universal Medicine and realising this is not how it has to be. The freedom you are feeling is palpable.
This is an amazing turnaround. From always taking care of others, being nervous and considering suicide to a 60 year joyful woman who sees responsibility as taking care of herself first! I love it. Thank you for sharing. To let go of your perfectionism and control is extraordinary.
wow Kathy what a powerful story you share here. I was discussing with someone the other day about how the generations before us were working hard and often struggling to survive through poverty or war. And often this means there was no room for self care or even a break in the day to see how their bodies were. We have not been brought up with a true understanding of what responsibility means and we have certainly not learned that taking care of ourselves and our bodies has to come first as everything we do and say is determined by the quality in which we live.
I have loved learning about responsibility through Universal Medicine. It has gone from something I avoid at all costs to knowing it is a very important part of life. Self responsibility has come to mean so much to me, and has changed the way I live so much. As I learn to care for and accept myself more and more the control I try to exert over everything to be a certain way is dropping. Beautiful blog Kathy.
Kathy, it is inspiring to hear how far you have come from those days as a young girl through to the true responsible woman you are today. “I made a choice to be responsible for myself first” is the gold you have shared with us. Thank you
Absolutely. Pure Gold.
You are a living miracle Kathy and shining a very bright light on the truth of responsibility. I smiled when you wrote….Responsibility is beautiful….now you don’t see that written very often. I want you to team up with a graphic designer / graffiti artists and make tags of this and put it all over the walls so you can share this nugget of gold with the world.
I totally agree, Sarah! You can really feel how beautiful it is when Kathy expresses it.
I am starting to learn and feel what it truly means to take responsibility in my life and I have to say, I am starting to embrace it. Where on many levels in my life I have never taken true responsibility, and I always ran away from it, I am making new choices now, and I have to say, it feels very empowering. So yes, responsibility is beautiful.
It is so empowering. Especially in the moment when you have the conscious awareness that: I could choose this way of being, or this; or I could choose this way of moving, or this.
What a great read Kathy. Thank you. So many interesting points you have raised for me to look into further for myself.
I agree true responsibility is gorgeous and I love it. The other stuff that was inflicted on you sounds more like abuse falsely labelled as responsibility. It is massively harmful how beautiful words like responsibility are corrupted. As you say your parents probably did not know differently having been brought up that way so these things are passed on from one generation to another. It is very inspiring how you have reclaimed your life and true responsibility and shown your family and everyone another way – thereby breaking the cycle of abuse.
Thank you Kathy and Nicola, I agree absolutely, the cycle of abuse through the mis-interpretation or reinterpretation of words has to stop. It is time our generation stood up for truth in word.
I am in awe Kathy, that coming to the realisation that to live responsibility to yourself first has changed so much in just 6 years. The understanding of what ‘True Responsibility’ is and that it is to ourselves first brings much healing as you have experienced. A beautiful sharing and also a reminder that it is only through loving ourselves first that we can truly love another.
Taking responsibility for others is no way to live our lives, yet I sometimes feel that pressure that if someone else is having a problem I need to offer a solution, when in actual fact all I have to be is me and support someone by listening or being there. This is an ongoing learning and it is so awesome to live with this simplicity and knowing. Thanks for sharing your story Kathy, how awesome that you found the support you need to allow yourself to be you.
That’s lovely Stephen, ‘if someone else is having a problem I need to offer a solution, when in actual fact all I have to be is me and support someone by listening or being there’, I have really got caught in trying to fix things for others and offer solutions, I’m noticing nowadays when I do this that it actually feels very arrogant and feels like I’m saying I know better than you, listen to me, rather than empowering the person to take responsibility and allow them to feel what is true for them.
Stephen i love what you have shared here such a simple way that we can easily get pulled into the “responsibility performance” which isn’t true responsibility at all. How can we be responsible if we abandon ourselves to help someone else – such irony really.
Hi Kathy. I can relate a lot. To be truly responsible we can only take responsibility for ourself.
Well said harryjwhite, “we can only take responsibility for ourself”, it is exhausting trying to help others out of wanting them to get it or be a certain way, extremely controlling as well. By being responsible for ourselves naturally this inspires others to also be responsible for themselves – I for one learn best from example rather than being told what to do!
Thanks Kathy! A beautyfull blog that resonates deeply with me. And yes, I also came to the same realizations as you, and that there for sure is a difference between true responsibility and what I now call illusionary responsibility.
Hear hear Ann-Brit.
Thank you Kathy, Ann-Brit and Johanna, I agree true responsibility is like true integrity and true love, when we connect to these words with divine purpose a whole new world opens up thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon!
Thank you Kathy, Ann-Brit and Johanna. Appreciating true responsibility and living in a way that allows each and everything to be regarded with the utmost respect starting with yourself first, allows the esoteric or inner most to shine.
Hi greg, thank you for your lovely response to the blog and it is true how we can truly shine from within, when we come from truth and honesty in all that we do and live.
Absolutely Kathy, living truth in all we do allows us to shine and bring true reflection to everyone we meet.
Kathy, I could really feel the heaviness of the false sense of responsibility that was imposed upon you as a child, and the joy of how in coming to Universal Medicine, you have managed to turn this around. To let go of continually putting others first, to come to the understanding that being responsible for yourself is the way, and allows others the freedom to make their own choices, sounds simple, but is indeed profound. And I love that what is key is being able to hold yourself and your behaviours lovingly and connect to how your body feels. Phew, I can feel the joy of this as I write it.
True responsibility starts with myself first and foremost…. This a powerful learning. Thanks for naming it so simply.
It is truly amazing Kathy, the transformation you share from the overwhelm of responsibility to lightness and love when you declare responsibility is beautiful. What a difference it makes being self-responsible and not self-burdened by over responsibility for others. This is a great learning and understanding you have to offer us all, thank you.
Thanks Kathy for sharing your story. So inspiring how you turned things around, simply by taking responsibility for yourself first. I can totally relate to everything you say here about control over others and work, and that sense of relentless striving and perfecting, which never seems to be enough. All it leads to is anxiety and overwhelm that feels like poison in my body. I love what you say about greater awareness being the key to letting go of the control and the perfecting that is so harmful to ourselves and others. It seems crazy how as a society we accept anxiousness as normal when it feels so horrible in the body.
Thank you for your very honest sharing, Kathy and for exposing how we tend to think of ‘responsibility’ as a way of showing others that we can be trusted to ‘take care of things and others’ ….. but somehow we get left out!
Thank You Kathy for talking about such an important subject and I can honestly say I could say “ditto” to most of it. I was very responsible as a child growing up and that led to exhaustion because it was all about others and not me. I was not even in the equation and no wonder I had zero self worth.
Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon, I know and understand now that I live my life with True Responsibility today which is a life of true consistency. Allowing myself to feel my way through life by taking deep care of myself first and foremost. This guarantees that I will not harm others or have any intention to harm. That makes sense to me and is what Responsibility is really about.
When you think about it, it is very disempowering for the other party and arrogant to think that you have to be responsible for another’s choices. It does not allow one to see another equally. It is also a burden that we take on that can have serious effects on our own health, as you have so honestly shared.
Absolutely Adam. Thinking we have to ‘take responsibility’ for someone means that we don’t see them as equal, and equally capable to manage their lives and decisions as we are. Taking on the burdens of others can absolutely affect our health – for some quite seriously!
I love how you wrote that “responsibility is beautiful” because when one looks at the outcome of taking responsibility for oneself, it is actually very true. Taking responsibility for ourselves in every way relieves the low (or high) level anxiety that most of us live with as something ‘normal’ and just part of ‘getting through the day’. We don’t have to live with this tension; life is meant to be joyful and grand, and absolutely can be, but it comes from taking responsibility for ourselves first and foremost.
Yes Jo, I am finding that the tension comes and builds when I don’t take responsibility. I too have thought that responsibility was a burden, but avoiding what needs to be dealt with has caused me more stress and anxiety. I would never have put the words responsibility and beautiful together, but I am discovering that by not avoiding responsibility, life for me now has a more relaxed rhythm and flows with more ease. Difficult situations still arise, but I feel better equipped to deal with them.
Great blog Kathy. ‘Responsibility’ — such a loaded and misunderstood word, but it has been sold to us — as was your early experience — as a loving, dutifully proper and self-sacificing behaviour. It is no wonder we get exhausted and overwhelmed when we take on what isn’t ours, the responsibilities of others. What a joy, as you describe, when we understand our true responsibility is to ourselves, and in that way everyone is taken care of. We have it somewhat back to front. It is the most loving thing for us to take responsibility for all our choices and be true to the love we are.
Victoria I whole-ly agree and love the point you make – when we are taking responsibility for being the love that we are in the world, everyone is taken care of. This takes the pressure off and brings it back to where true responsibility resides.
Your story is nothing short of miraculous. So often we get into a groove in life and instead of growing out of it, we can often become more ingrained as we get older. I grew up with the same pattern, always on the lookout for how I could help or make things better for others. I never knew what responsibility was really about – the way I am with myself and others. Growing up feeling like my worth was only based on how well I met others’ needs affected my confidence and self-worth. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I am learning to care for my body and being, to not need or be needed, and know that this is what we are all free to choose.
This is a very insightful blog on a very important topic: what is the true meaning of responsibility and how do we bring that to expression into our daily lives? The line ‘taking responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be truly who they are.’ struck me. When I was young, I too used to feel responsible for many people: sisters, friends, even parents. In hindsight that cost me a lot of energy and space in my head trying to figure it all out for everybody. What a turn around when I started to ‘just’ take responsibility for me (first). It has been a practice and still is to understand we are all responsible for ourselves and to respect other people’s choices in their lives. It gave me a lot of breathing space. In a way I gave me my life back, a life where it is me with my choices and nobody else’s.
Yes, I totally agree with you Caroline – “In hindsight that cost me a lot of energy and space in my head trying to figure it all out for everybody”.
This was the basis of the total exhaustion in my body for many years.
Since attending presentations with Serge Benhayon I have experienced a similar turn-around that you express so simply and beautifully –
“What a turn around when I started to ‘just’ take responsibility for me (first). It has been a practice and still is to understand we are all responsible for ourselves and to respect other people’s choices in their lives. It gave me a lot of breathing space. In a way I gave me my life back, a life where it is me with my choices and nobody else’s”.
I also feel you make a great point here – “I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong ” how many of us live in this way. I know I still do at times, that fear of making the wrong choice – what might happen – what could go wrong. This is so debilitating and keeps us in a state of stress, disconnected from our bodies and the absolute love, knowing, trust and wisdom that is within us all, just waiting to be expressed.
Yes, so true Gyl. ” Living in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong”- is indeed very debilitating. I remember this feeling as a student nurse under a very strict sister-incharge. And I took on that if the patients complained or got worse then I did something wrong, and I would panic. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine I have learnt that everything begins with self responsibility. And the health of others is not a reflection of my care.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” this just makes me smile and feel joy as I know it to be true. It breaks the consciousness that responsibility is about other people first – if we are not truly responsible for our own choices such as how we care, love and nurture ourselves first, then how in truth, can we bring true care and love to any one else?
I love this comment Gyl ands its so true and exposing. We are responsible for the level of love within us, to nurture and grow this love is our greatest responsibility. This is why I feel it feels so yucky when we are not choosing love for we all know the responsibility of being the love that we are in the world.
“As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough – I became a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.” I can relate to this, and appreciate this being highlighted through this blog – it allows me to move on from this. Imagine if this was understood by all, that the need for perfection came from the root cause of not feeling good enough – a lack of self worth. What a change this would make to the world.
I too feel that I have fallen for putting everyone ahead of myself and following what everyone else says over how and what I feel. However since coming across Universal Medicine I have learnt a lot in regards to following my feelings above and beyond what others do or say, this hold of dis-regarding myself is starting to melt away. In fact more often than not what I may think is what others need from and of me is so far away from the truth – the complete polar opposite. And when I communicate these assumed expectations of how I should act, what I should say or even think and how another should act, speak and think it lessens the mess that situations can get into from following assumptions. If anything they sound completely silly when they come out in the open and we can have a laugh about it.
A great point you raise Leigh and something I have realised also, doing what I think it the right thing to do really does cause mush in way of complications to them, myself and all others. This really is an ongoing awareness and choice to really discern what I am truly feeling all of the time.
Dear Kathy thank you so for writing this blog. I can feel and know the the absolute joy, freedom and commitment to life, that being truly responsible brings.
What an awesomely beautiful woman Kathy is ,Gyl. I totally agree with you, the freedom of being responsible for my own commitment to life, not being influenced by the expectations of others, really is an absolute joy.
I love both your comments Catherine and Gly’s. I completely agree, it is most certainly beautiful and joyful to rediscover true responsibility. It completely exposes the illusion that I had created and to allow myself to let that go to embrace the truth around true responsibility.
Kathy, I love the fact that you have come to the realisation that: “Responsibility is beautiful”, something I too have come to realise, whereas before I had always considered it a burden. I didn’t have siblings to care for, but I took on the role and the responsibility of the dutiful daughter, a role, I realise now, weighed me down from a very young age and as a result I became a very serious child. How wonderfully freeing it was to finally be presented, by Serge Benhayon, what responsibility truly is, and as it was for you, that understanding has been a life changer for me.
Ingrid, as the youngest child I didn’t have responsibility for younger siblings. But as the only girl child in our household I took on, like you, the ‘dutiful daughter’ role, always wanting to please my mother. Into adulthood, I became a ‘pleaser’ putting others first, not herself. It took years for me to unravel this behaviour. Thanks to Universal Medicine I came to understand what true responsibility is and learned to put myself first. When I did, like you, found it to be freeing.
This is true for me too Ingrid. To learn what true responsibility is and to start living it has also changed my life dramatically. Learning to take responsibility first and foremost of myself has been so amazing, I feel so much lighter, more myself, I feel empowered and joyful. ‘Responsibility is beautiful’. I totally agree.
Kathy this is such a hot topic for me…. Helping others purely to make me feel worthy of their friendship. I can also relate to living in permanent anxiousness aiming for continuous perfection and control – not a good way to feel!!! Becoming aware of this myself, similarly to you, through the work of Universal Medicine has given me te space to start appreciating me for being me (and that’s it) to help me see that I am worth it, without needing people to need me. This is a long road for me but thank goodness I can see another way now
Responsibility is a magic, lovely gift from heaven. It means that all what I bring into the world, by expression and radiation is that where we are sitting in at the end. To take full responsibility means to me to not give up on what I truly am: Love. How beautiful is that?
What you say here Sandra is very powerful, because it flips the notion of responsibility from the traditional interpretation as some kind of heavy dogma/burden, that means we all have to be very serious…..to the truth of the word which is a 24/7 acceptance, knowing and commitment to the fact that we are LOVE. As you so rightly say, how beautiful is that? But it is more, it is also deeply liberating, and the exact opposite of the what most of us think when we consider the word ‘responsibility’. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have totally re-defined the word responsibility for me. I still bump up against the old version of the word and still resist the pressure that this version imposes. But in the fullness of the true version, my life flows with a committed purpose, and zero pressure.
Yes, same for me Otto. Taking my responsibility in the way of: ‘not give up on love’, let my life flow easily precious and -as you said- it is the upside down from what I thought it means.
A very inspiring blog Kathy, it does feel horrible in the body when we try and control life by trying to be responsible for everybody and everything but ourselves. I used to even feel responsible and take it on as my fault, if someone did something wrong that had nothing to do with me.Crazy. Lovely to read of your transformation and the wonderful effects it has had in your life.
There have been time in life were one has not taken responsibilities as seriously as one should have. When listening to Serge Benhayon,it’s a wake up call, realising how much we have taken for granted.
‘This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.’
Wow Kathy – that sums me up too – and a lot of people I know.
So many times I have heard people praised for their generosity and kindness, so I absolutely thought this meant I was doing the right thing, responsibility came with making sure everyone was happy – as society encourages.
It is no surprise then, that in encouraging a need for others to be happy, we have created an opposite trait of people being greedy and selfish…
Kathy thank you for sharing what true responsibility actually is. I very much used to think responsibility was ticking boxes, doing things that needed to be done, helping others etc.. In the same way that you felt inspired by Universal Medicine I also have come to deepen my understanding of what true responsibility actually is. A very different picture to what I thought before.
Kathy thank you.The changes you have made are so inspiring, I love how you say responsibility is beautiful, I completely agree. committing to making loving choices,learning and growing from them and letting go of hurts is so empowering. Serge Benhayon helped me to understand about true responsibility and inspires me with my choice with this.
Serge Benhayon has definitely brought true responsibility back to a very irresponsible world.
Hi Kathy so much of what you have shared resonated with me and how I also saw responsibility to be. I loved this, “I made a choice to be responsible for myself first.” This is the most loving contract of commitment we can make for ourselves and it is something I continue to lovingly build everyday. Thank you for sharing with such honesty and joy for how you choose to live your life now.
Kathy, what a fabulous blog and how amazing are the changes you’ve made. I too have fallen into the trap you describe of being responsible for others, but in that I’m not taking responsibility for myself (ironically enough) and I have tried to control and make sure everything is ‘right’ and of course it hasn’t worked. I’ve ended up frustrated and worn out and they’ve ended up resentful. I love how you put it, ‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change’ – this is really helpful to me and something I’m learning to do right now as I learn more about what true responsibility is, and how there is a freedom and a joy in taking care of my part and letting others be and learn theirs. I felt the ouch when you talked of how taking responsibility for others meant that they were not allowed to learn what they needed to learn – this is so true, and yet it’s such a thing in our societies to put others first and we do them and us and dis-service when we do so. I feel this is a perfect set-up, we are kept busy chasing an ideal that is not true or possible while not truly connecting to and taking care of us. Thank you so much for your sharing, it’s been a joy to read and feel, and a great support today.
Your blog clearly shows Kathy that what society holds responsibility to be is very far away from what it truly is. This word has been so bastardized because when we really get what responsibility is all about it has the power to change the world. Imagine if everyone in the world took responsibility for every word that they uttered, every act that they did, every thought that they had how different the world would be and how freeing it would be. The teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine on what true responsibility is are completely liberating.
This is a beautiful article Kathy and one that I can really relate to, as most of my life has been spent in anxiety and control over myself, partners, my work, family basically every area I could and so to start to let go of these behaviours really changes how my body feels each day, giving me much more energy and freedom to feel what is needed at each moment. Serge Benhayon has presented something here that is totally life changing and I am continuing to change my life.
Kathy your blog brings a light on true responsibility and many of us will also have lived what you have talked about here the completely confused and misunderstood version of responsibility. thank you for bringing us such a clear understanding of what it truly is and how you have transformed your life.
Kathryn Avram thank you for your great blog about such an important topic. It resonated with me as somewhere along the line I got confused about what responsibility means too. So often it is associated with what we do for others and can feel like a burden. However if we consider that taking care of our quality of being is the first and greatest responsibility we have to ourselves and the planet it puts a completely different beautiful perspective on this word.
Thank you Kathy. I too was brought up, like most of us were, with this false idea of what responsibility truly was. I am still extracting myself from old ways of feeding into others’ needs. It is amazing how deeply ingrained these ways of being can be. It takes true dedication to free oneself of that strangle hold as Otto has so quite rightly described it. Attending workshops with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine allows for an ever growing awareness and dealing with these behaviours so that we can understand them energetically, feel them in the body and choose to let them go.
Kathy I love where you say ‘holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change.’ It touched me and made me consider when I am loving and understanding towards myself. We are conditioned to be that way with others, but it’s not so common that we are loving and understanding with ourselves.
True responsibility is so different from the false version that so many of us have been fed; the duty, the need to care for others first, to put ourselves last etc……. Beautiful turn around in your life and now what an inspiration for others. Thankyou for sharing your story Kathy.
Kathy I felt very touched reading your honest reflection of your childhood experiences and how you now have transformed how you feel about yourself. Truly inspiring!
Gorgeous blog Kathy. You are so right – ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost’, sometimes I find myself caring or trying to be responsible for others while my body is in a wreck, and it really does not leave me feeling good at all… I end up putting all my efforts to make sure everyone else is okay, doing the right thing and are not making silly choices while I’m doing the opposite of that myself. It’s really not a sustainable way of living. Responsibility can be something amazing and powerful, but as you say it’s something we have to have with ourselves first and foremost.
This is such an inspiring blog Kathy and the changes you have made in your life are simply awesome. This is a great testament to the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and just shows whatever age we are, it is never too late to take responsibility for our lives.
Reading your blog and the comments Kathy I can feel how we have been sold a version of responsibility that in no way is responsible. helping people is not being responsible it is just a way of making us look and feel ‘good’…. I fell for it in a big way….wanting to help people was a distraction from looking at my own life and where I was not being responsible. Every day I am learning new levels of responsibility without the feeling of overwhelm and this has made life so much more enjoyable, as you say Kathy “Responsibility is beautiful”, I never thought that was possible but thanks to Universal Medicine I know it to be true.
Thanks Kathy for a great article on taking true responsibility and part of that responsibility is not being affected or burdoned by the behaviours or actions of others. Its a very liberating feeling knowing you are only accountable for yourself.
Thank you Kathy. I can relate to that moment of realisation when it becomes clear just what a mess life has become, but also of working diligently to heal those old hurts and moving on to a more joyful and loving way of life.
What a powerful blog Kathy! and just in few lines how much understanding and wisdom I feel from your process. I come from the same idea of responsibility and your blog is really inspiring.
When I first meet Serge I resonate very much with his concept of ” true responsibility” ;
” self love and self care” before anything else. I come from a culture very influenced by a religion that preaches that “Love begins with self” but then condemns and judges selfish self love choices.
Thank you for your honesty and for the joy you spread in the present moment.
“As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.” I too grew up in a similar situation, being the eldest and held responsible for almost everything, and found that I valued myself by what I was told was good enough or not. As a consequence, like yourself, I became a perfectionist, stressing myself out and becoming exhausted. I am very grateful for meeting Serge Benhayon and letting go of perfectionism – I find it very freeing.
WOW! What a huge transformation in your life Kathy and one that proves it is never too late to address the hurts we carry from our childhood and re-connect to our joy. What is so important in your article is the fact that you do not blame your parents for your hurts, as they were just living out the examples handed down to them. There is such an enormous difference in taking true responsibility for ourselves and taking responsibility for everyone else. No wonder you felt so exhausted and nervous, how can we ever control another person’s choices? Serge Benhayon has inspired so many of us to understand, feel and appreciate true responsibility and as a result we are experiencing true joy and purpose in life once again. Thank you for sharing your journey and walking into your elder years with such purpose and joy in your heart, a stunning example of true healing and true responsibility that graces us all.
I know from my own experience that childhood hurts and imbedded behaviours are a tough to relinquish, but like you Kathy, I have found that becoming a student of Universal Medicine is the best medicine of all when it comes to these issues.
Kathy this is an amazing sharing that cuts with this false feeling of responsibility as being a burden to care constantly for others. Its so beautiful to read how you embraced the joy of responsibility and also the amazing understanding you have for your parents.
This blog truly reflects the love and responsibility you are living today, very inspiring to read.
The joy of being responsible, now that is revolutionary if you look around and see everyone under the pressure of ticking all the boxes we set for ourselves out of a feeling we are not good enough. We are good enough already and we are so joyously responsible to reflect this love for ourselves to others too.
I love your simple line: “Responsibility is beautiful.” it says it all. I also saw responsibility as a hard thing but I am understanding more and more it is actually very simple. It is to be responsible for all my choices, and this starts with simple taking loving care of myself.
So often taking responsibility for ourselves can be misinterpreted as being selfish and so we put others first in an attempt to be self less. Yet this completely ignores the inspiration that true self responsibility offers to another, which is a far greater gift. And therein lies the difference between being selfish (doing it just for yourself), or with a greater awareness when the self responsibility is there as a reflection for others to be inspired by. This is just one of the ways that Serge Benhayon has inspired literally thousands of people, including myself.
‘So often taking responsibility for ourselves can be misinterpreted as being selfish and so we put others first in an attempt to be self less. Yet this completely ignores the inspiration that true self responsibility offers to another, which is a far greater gift.’ Absolutely Simon I had a horror of appearing selfish but am now recognising the inspiration that can be offered by taking true responsibility for myself and allowing others to do the same.
Kathy your story reflects when we take on board the bastardization of the word “responsibility” how heavy that is. I’m sure there is so many of us who have championed this form of responsibility which leaves us feeling empty and down feeling like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. What I have found is that true responsibility leaves me feeling light and self empowered.
Thank you Kathy for sharing your journey to self responsibility with us. I can relate very much to this: ‘it was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ When I saw this truth for myself, it gave me permission to set myself free from my attachments to outcomes and made me more able to allow others to be whatever they chose to be.
Puttng ourselves first is a really difficult thing these days, as it is so ingrained that being responsible is about others first. Taking on responsibility for others is something that is beyond our control anyway, and leaves us completely out of control if we are not being responsible for ourselves. This is a great blog showing the devastating effects of this and just how wrong we have it.
Wow Kathy what an amazing turnaround in your life to make, how beautiful and joyful to feel after taking on so much responsibility from so young.From learning to control everything and then learning to let this go, allow others to learn for themselves and lovingly observe is a great gift to everyone. Thank you for this great sharing and something I can relate to also and most people do to some extent or other.Ths is very inspiring and shows the true joy we can have by healing ourselves and making loving choices also.
This is a beautiful and very touching post Kathy. It’s horrendous to recognise how off-track we’ve gone with the notion of responsibility and the devastating effects this has on individuals and generation upon generation. To consider that had you not come across Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine and opened yourself up to what true responsibility is, you would have soiled more and more, and the world would be with one less gorgeous light to share and inspire others in their own light too. That’s the responsibility we all have, to be who we truly are and not measure this or dilute it in order to please or conform. As you gorgeously express ‘Responsibility is Beautiful.’
Kathy it is wonderful to feel and read your sincere appreciation of Responsibility and how what you thought it was actually wasn’t it at all. Like you I have been deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine teachings and have such a clearer understanding of what true Responsibility is. This I am embracing and bringing into my every day to the best of my ability and when I do I feel the absolute Joy in living my life with truth and purpose.
“This I am embracing and bringing into my every day to the best of my ability and when I do I feel the absolute Joy in living my life with truth and purpose”, I am beginning to feel this awesome feeling too Natalie, there is nothing that feels greater 🙂
And this is just the beginning… every day brings more opportunities for taking more of the wholeness of us out into the world.
Wow what an amazing turnaround Kathy, from living in ‘constant anxiety’ to ‘feeling pretty amazing each day’, it again makes me realise how life changing the presentations of Universal Medicine can be. Your story is incredible and there so many stories like yours of people really feeling empowered to make changes in their lives after being inspired by Universal Medicine presentations, it is very beautiful to read, thank you.
Kathy. This is an amazing turnaround. There is so much wisdom and gold in your blog that it is hard to know where to start commenting!! The guilt, emotional strangle-hold, servitude, duty and total lack of self-preservation (let alone care) that the ideals of family (and organised religion) can impose on a person are so brutal. As you so eloquently and honestly describe, look at where it gets us – after 54 years of this you were utterly broken. And what is even more nuts about it is that the people who you were supposedly caring for and looking after, are also deeply affected by the fact that they have been allowed to not take full responsibility for their lives or choices. So, despite the fact that you totally adhered to the much lauded and deeply established belief system of ‘family first’…..you and your family was actually devastated. Amazing how wrong we are getting it. Amazing that we once thought the world was flat.
Great blog Kathy and I love your comment Otto. I too am learning that when I do things for others or try and rescue them, it denies them the chance to work things out for themselves and take responsibility for their own choices. Its been a difficult one to learn, especially with my children, but so worthwhile. It takes a lot of pressure off me trying to fix everything for everyone.
….And they get to be with the true version of Debra Douglas.
HA! Yes, the world is flat and responsibility is a hard burden on the shoulder.
Really time to crack this falsehoods.
You make it really clear ottobathurst, about how the generations repeat and repeat the same patterns, and “Family first” is such a big one. It does not mean you do not love and care for your family or cut yourself off from them, but that true love and responsibility are about taking responsibility for your own well-being which will serve your family and allow your family to take responsibility for theirs. What could be more loving than that? The other, old, way just keeps everyone as victims. An amazing blog, Kathy, and beautiful description of how Serge Benhayon has inspired you to break through a pattern that started as young as four, and brought you back to life again, living yourself.
I agree Otto, an inspirational turn around Kathy has made. Imagine living her life playing the role of ‘responsibility’ so well as she did and then being this way, “I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell”. On the outside Kathy after living so ‘responsibly’ shouldn’t be this way. As Kathy has said it wasn’t until she was responsible for herself and not others did things change. So you can’t be responsible for anything unless you have it for yourself first. Like so many other things in this world, it first starts with yourself and goes out from there. If you don’t believe that, well then as you say Otto, “Amazing that we once thought the world was flat” and so maybe we need to change the way we look at the world once more.
What Kathy so honestly shares is that despite her supposed ‘responsibility’ she was in fact utterly exhausted and a shadow of her true self. And as you say Ray, it just shouldn’t be like this. So something is not right. Something needs to be looked at more closely. And this is everywhere – absolutely everywhere. We are spending more billions of pounds on health care than ever before, backed up more brilliant doctors, scientists and technology than ever before….yet the true health of humanity is worse than ever. We are sending spaceships to Pluto, building faster cars, thinner phones and taller buildings…yet suicide rates are going through the roof. Social media and communications technology is supposedly bringing us all together…yet our children are abusing themselves and each other to degrees that would have been utterly unimaginable even five years ago. The list is endless and is a blog in itself. But my point here is that there is lots and lots that is not right. But it doesn’t get exposed unless one is brave enough (as Kathy has been) to look at the true meaning of some of these words like responsibility. They key is the body. Ask the body whether everything is going how it is meant to go and you will get the 100% truth. (coffee, alcohol, cancer rates, heart disease, etc…etc…I rest my case, your honour)
Indeed Otto and Kathy, you both highlight the beliefs and values held by the family and society that we blindly follow in order to keep us safe and secure and feeling okay about ourselves. When we live true responsibility it comes from feeling what is needed for both ourselves and others and not at the expense of either.
Reading this article Kathy I could sense the dutiful daughter you were, taking on the burdens of caring for your younger siblings and the more you efficiently carried out the task, the more you were asked to do. This would certainly be overwhelming for a young child.
I also had a big wake up when I understood from presentations by Serge Benhayon that by taking on responsibility for my children I was not allowing them to be their true selves so it resonates very clearly with me where you say “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
Hi Kathy, this is an amazing turn around, from taking responsibility for all those around you and getting the recognition that goes along with this behavior to now letting go of the need for recognition and simply taking care of yourself. We then naturally care for others from a true energy not from a need to feed us back something.
Very true marylouisemyers, and how lovely is it to be cared for by someone who does not want anything from you, no expectations, no need for recognition or a hidden agenda.
Truly refreshing indeed. Up until I met Serge Benhayon and became involved with Universal Medicine my only experience of relationships were the ones that were totally laced with recognition, agenda and expectations. I naturally chose to follow suit and laced all of mine with the same conditions. This feels totally perverse and heavy to me now and I love the freedom letting go of all of this brings.
So true Kathy, gaining an understanding of our controlling and perfectionist behaviours as we have through the work of Universal Medicine, has helped us slowly heal the hurts beneath them and thereby freed us to take true responsibility for ourselves while allowing others to take responsibility for themselves.
It is actually shocking that most of us grow up with this false version of responsibility that is basically sacrificing oneself for others to gain the tiniest bit of recognition by being needed/useful, simply to compensate for the lack of being truly loved and cherished for who we are. There is much to say and worth reflecting on about the disregarding and abusive behaviours that follow such inner devastation. But to make it a point here, it is a generational trap deeply ingrained in family and society planted by a false and utterly loveless version of “love your neighbour”, overcoming selfishness and being of service.
How hard then is it to heal from such illusion and restore the true meaning of love, selflessness (Brotherhood) and service? Thanks to the liberating presentations and the truthful livingness of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine many have recovered from such ill by taking true responsibility for their choices and actions, developing self-love and love, breaking free from the generational trap and hence offering their close ones another reflection – as you beautifully describe here, Kathy.
Well said Alex Braun. For aeons we have been living under this false version of responsibility, now it is time to change and deep thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for showing us the Way.
Beautifully written Alex you have powerfully exposed something so important here. That we all grow up with this false notion of responsibility attached to recognition which all starts from not being truly loved for who we are and that it is a trap very difficult to climb out of unless we are shown another possible way to live which is what Universal Medicine has done so well.
Agreed Alex. This self sacrificing behaviour that is promoted by organised religion has left a wake of billions in overwhelm and lack of self worth. To heal from this is possible as has been shown here so inspiringly. I know from experience the moment I started to take responsibility for my choices and to lovingly make myself equal to all others, I began to feel empowered and much lighter – looking out for others is no longer a burden but simply an extension of the love I afford myself.
I was caught in the ‘generational trap’ that you describe Alex of “love your neighbour”, without the second part of the sentence…”as yourself” and would follow in the well worn rut of being more caring about my neighbour than myself. A cruel illusion.
When I risk going into one of my ‘just push through and get it done days’ I pause and ask myself how I would care for myself if I had arrived at my house as a visitor.
Absolutely Alex, I agree, many students of the Livingness have been liberated from so many different ill choices! Thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
well said Alex ‘it is a generational trap deeply ingrained in family and society planted by a false and utterly loveless version of “love your neighbour”, overcoming selfishness and being of service.’ It is a big hurdle to overcome the belief of being ‘selfish’ if you do not put others first and it is designed to keep us in the struggle, the hard work and from actually coming back to ourselves and discovering the wealth of love and harmony within that can then be shared boundlessly with others.
Beautifully expressed Alex. Serge Benhayon continues to inspire me to ‘meet myself coming back’ and take deeper responsibility for my choices in daily living. Simple – yes, easy….no, but true healing from the previous state of illusion is worth every single challenge and discomfort it initially brings.
Absolutely Alex, ‘It is actually shocking that most of us grow up with this false version of responsibility that is basically sacrificing oneself for others to gain the tiniest bit of recognition by being needed/useful, simply to compensate for the lack of being truly loved and cherished for who we are’. So so true.
‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change.’ Amongst so many of the extraordinary tools presented by Universal Medicine this has been super huge for me: affording myself the grace and space to consider and understand my behaviours (without indulgence, over analysis or dissection), has been an astounding turn around in the way I treat myself and therefore relate to everyone else and life.
I love also, Kathy, the way you have shared about responsibility – something I have definitely felt as a burden and heavy weight for much of my life, but something I now appreciate and love more and more, as a reflection of the essential part we all play in life. Thank you.
I agree matildaclark the way Kathy shares that responsibility is beautiful and not a burden is a game changer and one worth committing to.
beautiful Matilda, a timely reminder to keep observing with understanding and acceptance as otherwise the old ways of criticism or perfectionism can creep in so easily.
I was just wondering that perhaps I have not liked the word responsibility for most of my life because I had a different meaning of it in my head, my understanding of it was warped. Because, like you share matildaclark, it is now something that I do appreciate.
Wow Kathy – what an incredible turnaround. I know I swallowed the bastardized version of responsibilty hook, line and sinker for a long time and I still go for it now and then ( ironically when I’m being irresponsible) It is wonderful to connect to the fact that our only true responsibility is to live the love we are.
“Finally here was a man who made so much sense!” A great line Kathy and the changes you have made in your life make so much sense, particularly in realising how you were holding back others “to be who they truly are”.
About 8 years ago after my wife had attended a couple of Universal Medicine presentations (and I had not) she explained that much was about self-responsibility and how we are responsible for what happens in our lives, rather than blaming others. That really resonated with me and from that moment I became a student of the Livingness, as presented by Serge Benhayon.
And I must add: that was an incredibly wise choice.
What a beautiful blog to start my day Kathy. I feel that I too have to put both hands up to not appreciating the gift we offer others when we take responsibility for ourselves. I was a very good control freak till I learnt how harming it was to myself and others.
I am sure humanity would breathe a sigh of relief if it realised that we don’t have to ‘take care’ of everyone else, and that it IS ok to look after ourselves first, and in doing this everyone else naturally feels the benefits too. Not imposing ourselves on another is giving someone the true freedom to make their own choices in life, whichever way they choose to go.
I can relate to being a control freak Lucy, and I still am at times.. but becoming more and more aware of this everyday.
I have realised that when I try to control someone, or fix them, I am actually robbing them of taking responsibility, and I am robbing them of having an experience that allows them to feel what is going on and to do something for themselves and therefore feel empowered. In fixing and controlling, I am not actually helping, I am actually crippling them and interfering and that is not okay.
So true, Lucy and I am still learning how I don’t take responsibility. It’s huge and can creep in in the smallest of ways. What I am becoming aware of too is that if we are not taking responsibility, then blame and criticism easily slips in to take its place!
Kathy this is a great blog and I can relate to so much of what you have written here – I am too so very grateful for the teachings of Serge Benhayon. For me it is a journey of ever increasing my awareness of where I can take more responsibility in my life. Thank you for sharing your experience and for being an inspiration.
Hi Christine, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. The teachings of Serge Benhayon have truly shown us how to truly be responsible for self in the way we live and through that a great awareness gives you, truly what is going on.
Great blog Kathy, I also have found from the teachings of Serge Benhayon how my life has changed just by making simple changes in the choices in the way I now live. I am 61 and someone I just recently met asked how old I was and said I looked to be in my late mid 40s.
Hi sjmatsonuk, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Serge is truly inspiring and amazing in all that he presents and the true reflection of living in truth of who you truly are, and through his teachings your whole body can change and you can look younger, that is true.
This is so true Kathy Avram, that we have to be responsible for ourselves first before we can feel the responsibility we have towards others. It is a grace that you have found this way of living and being with yourself. Your story proves for me once more how grand the power of love is. It is amazing when I consider that you have changed your way of living coming from a life of not being with yourself for 54 years, turned around in less than 6 years, into a life where you are fully connected to yourself and rejoined the joy of life in full. How amazing is that!
It is a lovely blog and Nico you have beautifully expressed my feelings. An amazing turn around and a true example of the power of love and what can happen when you accept true responsibility.
Yes nvanhaastrecht, it is an amazing turnaround and it just goes to show that it really doesn’t matter what age you are.
Hi nvanhaastrecht, thank you so much for your amazing response. It is beautiful to read what you have expressed and i love the line it is a grace that you have found this way of living and being with yourself. The power of love is truly amazing when we take true responsibility of living love each day.
What a wonderful realisation to come to Kathy, that responsibility is beautiful. I would say wholeheartedly that I agree with you. I love knowing that I am not a victim, I am not unlucky, or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Responsibility has taught me that I am in control of my life, and I always have been, even if I did not consciously know it. What empowerment this is 🙂
I love this line too Suzanne “responsibility is beautiful”… you are right, it is so empowering to feel this and take our lives back into our own hands and not impose on others by trying to control, manipulate or sort everyone else out before taking responsibility for ourselves.
I totally agree Suzanne, being truly responsible for ones self is very freeing, and the only way we can support others is to live our own life this way. From here others can observe the grace and clarity this brings to our life and if inspired they can experiment with this living definition of responsibility in their own lives.
Indeed Suzanne. To feel that it is us and only us, ourselves, who can make changes in our lives or influence the way in which we experience life to be, is an absolutely incredible empowering. Suddenly we are independent and truly free and do not have to search for anything outside ourselves – neither recognition nor anything else.
Very true Suzanne, and what is powerful is once we realise this, we can then make different choices. I used to like to think that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, (a lot) but that has never actually been true, as I have made every choice and every step that led me there.
Great point Rosie as I too know understand that it was all of my choices that have led me to be where I stand, my choice to be who I am in this world is my greatest responsibility. And this is a total joy to choose.
Hi Suzanne, Thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing when you realise that responsibility is no longer yours for others and about the choices you make for you first and not playing the victim. It is truly empowering for all.
I absolutely agree Kathy and Suzanne, having and owning our own responsibility is actually a weight off…! A freedom to know and feel the truth of what it is to be and live as ourselves and what it is to take on the responsibility of another. There is such a vast difference between the two, the weight difference between an elephant and a feather! And with the feather as our way, we are able to truly hold and support others in a true way as opposed to being coiled up in their situations, emotions and choices.