I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.
Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.
At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!
If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.
In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.
As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.
I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.
I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.
It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!
Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.
As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.
It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.
Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.
I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.
Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.
Responsibility is beautiful.
I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.
By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia
Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It was so great to read this blog again. It reminded of something I currently am experiencing. The overwhelm, that constant anxiety but also that feeling that I’ve done something wrong or missed something, feels quite ancient, whilst in this new work role. The hardness and hard time I’m giving myself is full on too.
What I really appreciate is that years ago I would have struggled on my own, but now since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have so many resources to support me through this wave. I’m suddenly not an expert in this new position, but how I deal with what’s been set up at work is being received differently to I how I used to be years ago.
These ancient impositions are annoying in one respect, but also a revelation that another thing that doesn’t belong is truly freeing too.
I’m completely not out of the woods yet as I face more and more each day at work. However, I know one thing, I have an army of friends that are constantly supporting me, whether they are physically with me or not.
When I read this, it made me realise how we spend wasted energy on taking on other peoples stuff. And I hear you about the burden and over whelm with a current situation that’s playing out in my work environment. It’s an uncaring situation and as you so rightly stated, ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost’. Taking on someone else’s, is just not on and this is how the world runs, businesses, families, relationships and the list could go on.
Wanting to be perfect is within all of us, it plays out in some format, or the alternative is completely the opposite. We can only do our bit/part in any situation and the rest can take care of itself. We are not responsible for others, only ourself’s. Now what would the world look like if we all played our part in everything?
I’m learning more and more that responsibility begins with you first and observing how others are, is just the constant playground we live in.
Hi Shushila
Thank you for your response
What I feel is the more we work and live our true responsibility with what we bring in our each day choices support us to observe and bring what is needed and hold the space to express and move in a quality that is equally for the all without judgment but in the whole of the All
Kathy what you have shared in this blog is gold and in so many ways you have learned about commitment to life and practical aspects of life which is invaluable. But for you to have understood and developed true responsibility and the claiming of yourself is an amazing example that all of us can be inspired by in so many ways.
Depression goes hand in hand with exhaustion – it can be a physical exhaustion or a mental exhaustion – but in the end in some way we have given ourselves away and from there depression comes. Most of us have experienced being tired and grumpy and knowing that when we are tired then nothing seems as much fun, and when you then continue this over a period of time and then it just increases in intensity. This is just a small taster of depression for one night’s sleep does not correct it. Only deep self care and love and replenishment applied consistently over time does.
This is the world’s disease and the more I understand life, not fully, the more I realise that no one is living what we perceived to be a perfect life. Exhaustion running their life’s, with anxiety fuelling it in the background.
Self care is the key, and it is the one that is about you and not what the world portrays self care to be.
This is really interesting to consider as I had not seen it like this before, and yet this is such a common expectation of responsibility: “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”
Quite simply the more hurt we let go of the more real stuff like true love and multiple dimensional awareness we can let in.
When we commit to making truly loving choices our lives can be turned around for ever. A loving choice gives the body space to breath and the heart an opportunity to expand.
Thank you Kathy, I was appreciating the sense of joy your words communicated about discovering true responsibility, and it is, lovingly caring for ourselves first as we move about our day. It’s an enormous history of abuse you have experienced to resurrect out of, and it’s a testament to both the care that Universal Medicine offer, and to your own willingness to heal, that you now live in true responsibility.
How empowering and liberating is that to understand what true responsibility is. I can feel how your parents genuinely believed in the responsibility that they thought they were taking by being the way they were as you were growing up. When love is removed from responsibility what remains is control and righteousness which casts the overwhelm and obligations that we often associate with this word, and that is not responsibility.
Fumiyo, you have nailed it here – without love, life becomes something unbearable, without the heart and warmth there is only emptiness, and so to bring in responsibility we can bring it in full with the love and warmth to truly experience life.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” A gift that keeps on giving and is there to share with all those around you.
What a complete turnaround in what responsibility means to you from it first being and feeling like a burden to then seeing it as the greatest gift you have ever been given. What a difference it makes when we truly understand something and claim this for ourselves instead of taking on another’s beliefs or ideals of what something ‘should’ be.
Many people get caught in not feeling good enough, and so try to be a perfectionist, ‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’ In contrast, what a difference true responsibility makes to our lives.
‘It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ This is a powerful realisation and the key to understanding our way of living often comes from a greater understanding of why we have chosen to become that way.
‘Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change’ – gorgeous and deeply healing words that we can give to ourselves that no doubt are life changing. We cannot ever underestimate the love we can give to ourselves and the impact this has on our health and wellbeing and that of others around us.
Its interesting how we can run away from responsibility because of what we think it means. But what we think it is whether we run away from it or try and fix everyone and everything is what is making us sick. When we understand that living true responsibility is what will begin to turn around our current states of ill health, we might actually see some waves of change.
Trying to fix everyone and everything will make us sick, ‘Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’
I love how you point out that this form of responsibility – always putting others first, their needs before your own – is a huge contributor to lack of self worth. There might be a sense of following the societal norms and therefore feeling good but this does not last long for it had no real or true substance….we have left ourselves out and therefore are lacking, we can build no foundation or solidarity for ourselves for we are continually giving our power away. Like this we foster a humanity of takers and givers, neither of whom are connected to their soul.
Taking on responsibility for others, when we haven’t even been asked, is this a peculiarly female trait? Mothers and careers alike seem to have this symptom- I know I did, before coming to Universal Medicine.
Great point Sue – we can as women in particular be very good at ignoring or denying our own needs and focus instead on the needs of others fulfilling them at the expense of our own. This is an age old tactic and method to not take responsibility for the amazing beings that we are and deserve to live.
Fixing others… ‘was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ Yes I can recognise that in myself. Helping others somehow raised my self worth, especially if I felt I was being ‘useful’. Perhaps I was told how ‘useless’ I was being, I’m not sure, but letting go of the need to fix others has helped me to look at the whole ‘Who am I?’ question.
I recognise this in myself too. The first thing I was told at boarding school when upsetting family news was given to me at 10 years old was to ‘ come and help with the little ones’. Thus began many years of burying my hurts and trying to help others instead of sorting out my own undealt with feelings. Despite years of attempting to sort them out when I realised the effect that had on me, it was only coming to Universal Medicine that got to the root and I began to take true responsibility for myself and questioned the trying to ‘fix it’ mode.
Being responsible is taught as being this incredibly boring chore that we have to do growing up – when it’s actually the most amazing feeling to love responsibly – ie knowing that your voices and your actions will not hurt or affect another human being.
Responsibility is something I used to run away from, now I embrace it more fully and have more joy in my life… it obviously is worth investing in.
“I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next.” What a prison to break out of and a huge consciousness to turn around. To be empowered to release this ongoing anxiety and embrace the support that surrounds us is a true miracle.
Making a true commitment to be responsible for the quality in which we live, speak, think and move, has a ripple effect out into all of our relationships, as a beautiful reflection and an inspiration.
Yes, understanding responsibility from an energetic perspective is what changes your life as to how then the temporal responsibility is approached with regards being a citizen of this world and of humanity.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ – A great observation and understanding of yourself Kathy and how this is taking true responsibility to where it needs to be. How this has an effect on everyone not just ourselves.
Constantly focusing on other one’s needs is the right thing, but only focusing on your own needs is also not the way. We focus on taking care of our needs frist and at the same time feeling what the world needs, that is the way.
Every time I read this I feel the truth of it on a deeper level and understand that allowing ourselves space to understand why we are as we are in life lets us connect to ourselves, having compassion and love for ourselves…the compassion and love we have always wanted. This bringing of love and care invites a nurturing and nourishing which builds a foundation on which we can stand with confidence – knowing that we are worth it.
Sometimes “fixing” things appears to work but if we do not address why things have broken the breaking continues. Being willing to look at our own behaviours and how they are contributing to the break down and how we can change them is crucial in the process. However at some point we need to acknowledge our bodies part in this otherwise it becomes merely a mental exercise.
The joy of knowing the truth of true responsibility and the awareness you share here is deeply beautiful, inspirational and a treasure to all. Simply doing what’s needed takes away the hardness and exhaustion and brings a flow to ones life lovingly.
Responsibility is beautiful for it is the acceptance of living in a way that deeply honors the love, the Divinity we are in essence.
True responsibility does bring an aliveness to the body which is so far removed from the burden.
When we meet other’s needs as a way of seeking approval, recognition or acceptance we can build resentment when it is not reciprocated.
It is absolutely exhausting and depleting to attempt to shoulder the burdens of others. That is why we need to truly understand what responsibility actually means.
Elizabeth thank you for your sharing, the true meaning of the word responsibility has always been learned to be about others first instead of everything begins and starts with us first
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” Intangible and definitely not something we can purchase on the internet, yet it is the greatest gift we can ever receive, one that restores our inner power to claim who we really are and live this integrity in full.
Without living the responsibility to live all of who I am, I am left with its poor cousin, to control my environment and others around me.
What is becoming clear to me is whether I hold myself back and do nothing or live like a robot in function it is one of the same as what truly matters is the quality of energy I hold myself in.
It is not uncommon in society that the emphasis of responsibility is put on the expectations of what we do rather than who we are and the way we choose to live our lives. What if this tide were to change? It would undoubtedly change the face of humanity and all the relationships we have with each other.
Very true Sandra and in living true responsibility we effectively return the meaning and Livingness of responsibility to its true meaning, reflecting this truth through our lives and relationship through relationship that we share.
The idea of responsibility that most of us a are brought up with is really messy. It ties us up in psychological knots as we try and do and be everything that goes against the true nature and order of life. This blog is a great example of that. Thank God for the clarity that came to you through your meeting with Serge Benhayon and the simplicity that is possible when we start to make loving choices for ourselves, healing our hurts and committed to an ever deepening love for ourselves and others free of the investments the false responsibility feeds.
It is no wonder that we don’t like the word responsibility when the way it comes to us is so often with expectation, burden and a lack of appreciation from others. This seems like a setup for kids to grow up avoiding responsibility and then modelling this burdensome version of responsibility to their own kids.
Fiona I loved what you expressed how we are taught as children about responsibility and how it feels like a burden. Instead of coming from the true meaning of responsibility enjoying the beauty of responsibility, to know how empowering it truly is for self and everyone in equality to learn in their own time and space.
Well said – isn’t it crazy that “responsibility” when it’s made to be a burden and is not actually about living responsibly – which is an incredibly joyful way to live – actually turns you off real responsibility.
Something is wrong when we learn that the word responsibility means putting others first. Responsibility has to do with servicing: us being in service, hence with ourselves; being in service is a sign of our own evolution first and foremost.
Responsibility feeds us back the glory of who we are.
Never too late to take responsibility the power is forever a part of us to deepen and deepen some more.
We are often taught a distortion of responsibility that says tend to others feelings and needs first, which does not discern the quality in which we care for others, empty of self love or full.
Responsibility is often considered as a burden but that is the kind of responsibility where you take on tasks of others. True responsibility starts with responsibility to one self, and then the rest of the worldly responsibility will follow. Easily and lightly.
We are sold a lie that responsibility is not fun or enjoyable. We are encouraged to have fun while we can when we are younger. These paradigms create and endorse approaching life and committing to it only when necessary. Yet, from my experience, it is when I commit whole heartedly to everything before me that I feel my most vibrant and best.
Abby I loved what you shared when we are in true responsibility to the all there is no compartments of things but come from the whole of everything we live, express and reflect.
Coming from a place that everything and everyone is equal in unity.
Beautifully said Abby, there can be so much vitality and joy in bringing ourselves more fully in life.
Kathy, this is such a beautiful turnaround from leaving the old burden of what you felt being responsible was, dealing with the hurts of your childhood to developing a relationship with true responsibility.
It is very important to note the reason we carry out behaviours that do not support another. We always have our own agenda and it is with absolute honesty that we heal ourselves to no longer carry out the lie that was once perceived as helping and assisting another.
True responsibility being about taking care of ourselves first, and from there, being able to support others: if we all committed to making this the focus of our lives, instead of the distractions, involvements and investments in the lives of others, we would have the levels of love and connection in our relationship with ourselves and one another that we crave and are worth.
Cultures can bring a level of entitlement to control and bend the truth on what is true responsibility in order to comply with traditional standards. When we bring truth and honour our actions we offer all the refection that one way is not the only way to live.
I love this piece. No matter when but when we care deeper for ourselves, the whole heaven rejoices on this choice.
Living a life in perfectionism means abandoning the self for everyone and everything else… it is not a bit of wonder that we become exhausted in life.
It is interesting how we love to create these struggles like taking on responsibility, where there is no true purpose for it. It gives us the identification of business instead of being open, to a capacity we cannot imagine of its grandness.
It is in fact a way of arrogance to take responsibility for others instead of letting them have their own experience in whatever they choose to do. It actually supports them to be not autonomous and like you beautifully honestly described you were actually emotionally fed by the dependency that gets created then.
This is very beautiful, Kathy.” Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by” – it is that simple. It is about being who we are.
Fumiyo thank you for your lovely expression. We are truly blessed when we allow the body to speak in a way that is loving, showing us our behaviours and patterns for us to learn and come from that understanding to let go of the hurt and appreciate that there is a deep healing for all equally.
Kathy, a very honest and open sharing here about responsibility but also about the need to control things in life so as not have our hurts triggered. The way you have shared this is done with such huge understanding and this in turn can be there for all others to be inspired by and hence work their way through letting go of the hurts.
It can appear so difficult at times to let go of the hurts that we hold, but once we let go of them the freedom that comes from this is amazing. And ironically taking responsibility actually equates with the greatest of freedoms – energetic freedom. Meanwhile, in our society responsibility is seen as something that weighs you down – it is really configured to look like that to prevent us from embracing it and hence growing and evolving.
When we choose to let go of the hurts it leaves us with nothing less than the simplicity and strength we can all live and reflect to others.
We can spend so much time and energy trying to get everything ‘right’,always needing to do more to achieve the goal … even our attempt to de-stress can be done in drive. When we rest back in our body, feel, surrender to our inner essence, and truly let go of any pictures of how thing should be, the strength and power that arises through our body is fuelled by the energy of Love, and Love knows exactly what to do.
Jenny it is beautiful what you expressed – the strength and power that arises through our body is fuelled by the energy of Love and Love knows exactly what to do… It makes such a difference when we allow love to be in the for front in everything we do, which brings joy in responsibility and a loving understanding to appreciate the all in the learning.
I too got caught up in thinking responsibility is about looking after and helping others but I now know it comes back to the way I am with myself and everything that I do. Then I bring this quality to everyone else – which is where my responsibility comes in with the quality of energy I am choosing to bring to everyone else rather than thinking it is about what I can do for them. It makes it super simple when it brings it back to the fact we just have to live the love we are and everything else then takes care of itself.
I love what you shared here James about making life so much simpler by just focusing on the choice to stay connected with our bodies and bring that connected quality to all our relationships. It helped me to feel just how much energy I have wasted in my life either trying to control situations in a way that I thought was actually helping people (and being ‘responsible’) or how I have racked my brain trying to come up with ways that I should be in service to other people, instead of just bringing that quality of stillness to everyone and letting my body lead the way.
It seems way too simple but works. I know how much I want to help others but also know the only way to actually help them is by living the fullness of the love that I am and offering them this reflection as after all we can only truly help ourselves.
Taking things on for others is an abuse both of ourselves and of the other for it does not honour either party. Unfortunately we have made it a norm to burden ourselves in this way and when we begin to make more loving choices there can be a period of unsettlement as the boat gets rocked and adjusts to its new course.
Beautifully shared Liane – when we realise what we have been a part of, and then choose to do things differently. This can indeed rock the boat and an adjustment for all is required and then it is a win win for all.
When we take on ‘the worries of the world’ or being perfect for other people, it would be more accurate to say we’ve decided to live from self. For no matter how generous or well intentioned these acts might seem they’re ultimately selfish acts of abuse. Our true responsibility as you show Kathy is in treasuring us. Thank you.
So true Joseph it sure is, we just need to treasure ourselves and then will naturally treasure everyone else.
“For no matter how generous or well intentioned these acts might seem they’re ultimately selfish acts of abuse. Our true responsibility as you show Kathy is in treasuring us.” So very worth repeating. It does not help anyone to be there for everyone and everything else if we are not equally held in this equation, as the equation then does not equal the truth.
We offer such a powerful reflection to humanity when we live and move with true responsibility, it is the missing key for many people so it is deeply inspiring if we make this truth our everyday normal.
When we are connected and are with our self fully nothing overwhelms or disturbs us and from here we view responsibility in a whole new light. It sits in conjunction with purpose and integrity. It is where we want to be.
Great sharing Kathy, and a truly beautiful story. A love story really. Without knowing who we truly are we out-source love and recognition in many and various ways until we come home to who we truly are.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” What a nugget of gold this is. And how different the world would look if we all lived from this understanding.
It is no surprise that we take the things/ roles on, we get born into. Realising and unravelling how much we burdened our true self/ essence and that this is in fact the greatest pain we all feel and carry deep inside, is a huge step. Reading your blog it feels like you took on a way of automatism to be seen and valued at least a little bit by fulfilling what is being asked of you from the outside. Letting go of this automatic response and chore must be for you like getting out of prison and freeing yourself from a pressure not imaginable.
Its so interesting because the world feeds back that this constant low grade anxiety is exactly what its looking for, so they know you will force yourself to fulfil their requirements no matter what, and particularly inspite of yourself and how you are feeling, It robs us of a fundamental right to feel how we feel, and express from there what is true,
This is a great example how the truth of words get bastardised an interpreted into our own version and how very beautiful then to discover and let unfold the true meaning of a word by living it step by step.
Thank you Kathy, indeed responsibility is in fact beautiful, I used to run a million miles from responsibility being scared at what it could bring, these days I say yes to responsibility and have seen my life totally expand and become more joyous because of it.
Sam it was lovely to read your response. It is amazing how we are set up to believe what true responsibility is. What I love is how Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine brings everything to the truth of the true meaning and reflection of how to live the joy of responsibility in the fullness of every day life.
“Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.” – If we can pinpoint what lies underneath a behaviour, issue or wayward relationship, with ourselves or with other people, then it is much easier to shift and choose to build a different foundation.
Allowing others to live and learn from their own choices and imperfections is an essential ingredient to honouring our own self-care that we all need to master.
Responsibility and love are one and the same so the more we embrace the only responsibility that we have which is to be ourselves in full the more love we express.
This is a beautiful invitation to responsibility to simply live the love that we are.
The fact of accepting the responsibility to be ourselves and nothing but that, includes already our brothers and sisters- a movement outwards and not cycling around us. You then feel, that you are not expressing and living for yourself, that your expression is needed and that we cannot hold back what the other actually deserves to see and experience.That every expression is needed in this world and that the greatest love we can give each other is to show each other who we truly are. Hand in hand with accepting true responsibility is for me first the acceptance of who I am and how amazing every single one in this world is.
I had always felt responsibility to be a burden, being the oldest among five children I was expected to be responsible for the others and if anything went wrong I was to blame, This created in me an anxiety about always getting it right. I am thankful to come to an understanding of what true responsibility is, it is lovingly caring for myself first with the choices i make and allowing others to also be responsible for their own choices and the learning that our choices bring.
The amount of responsibility for others that you were given at the age of 4 is astounding. No wonder you were overwhelmed. And no wonder you believed that you had to put everyone else first. How amazing to come across Serge Benhayon and open to the understanding that our true responsibility is to ourselves first. It puts everything in perspective and serves for our own healing and that of others too. Such a relief to have it the right way round!
Thank you Rebecca for your loving response to the blog. We are truly blessed that Serge Benhayon is a great reflection and teacher of bringing the Ageless Wisdom teachings in truth allowing us the opportunity to live life in true responsibility and not being caught up in our ideals and beliefs of choices from self and others projections or expectations on us.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This is such a common misunderstanding whereby many feel that by stepping in to assist another it is generally thought that genuine help is being offered. But seeing it from this perspective it becomes clear that self responsibility is being pushed aside instead.
It is amazing how easily it is to focus on others and completely forget about ourselves. For me when I focus on others I can make it look like I am helping them when really I am either not wanting to be with myself or I am wanting them to be a certain way so they fit the picture I have of them which is very imposing and judgemental. The best support I can be for another is simply to live the love that I am without holding back, no fixing, no niceness just love!
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ Allowing others to fall if necessary, I have learned, can often be the most supportive thing we can do, or how else can they really learn from their choices? I know from my own experience that it is from my mistakes that I have learned the most, it is from my mistakes that the hurts have come up for healing and it is from my mistakes that I have been humbled and where my impact on others has also been confirmed.
I used to think responsibility was boring, and that I was curtailing to societies demands that did not feel true, a rebel of sorts and yet once I began to look a bit wider and not so narrow in my perspective I released I was shooting myself in the foot, responsibility has nothing to do with dull and curtailing it is empowering, invigorating and essential to living life fully.
Thank you Serge Benhayon for being the true being that you are and living the responsibility we need to live, exactly that reflection we need or each other, each one of us carries the torch of their unique expression.
“Finally here was a man who made so much sense!” Serge Benhayon shines his light to reflect a true way of living.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” What a contrast this is Kathy to how most of us have understood responsibility to mean, which is more as a burden rather than a gift.
Responsibility is our ability to respond to what our body shows us is the truth. The shackles of duty and obligation are ideals that let us continue to pursue the concept of ‘being good’ at our own detriment. As you beautifully show Kathy our body knows it all.
Joseph, thank you for your great response. When we keep life simple to how our body feels, it shows us the all of how to live life in the true livingness of Responsibility, reflecting to others it is not hard work but a loving way to honour self first and then others.
I know I still find it a challenge sometimes to not dive in and rescue someone by clearing up the mess if they have got themselves in trouble by making unwise choices. But I know that if I do the rescue clean up thing they learn nothing and often repeat more of the same and I feel exhausted or drained by this. so I have learnt to be supportive in a different way by being there for others when they need help but allowing people to make mistakes and clean up their own mess for that is how we learn. I have also started doing this for myself.
Andrew, thank you for your lovely reply. As you said it is easy to get caught up in the pattern of helping others but when you allow others to work through their own choices, it gives them the space to come to their own loving understanding of the ideals and beliefs and how they play out in their patterns and behaviours.
To be burdened with responsibility often can indicate we have taken something on that is not ours solely to do or have taken it on in a way that gives us some form of recognition and identity.
To me this responsibility included too to accept how I lived before did, add to the challenges and circumstances I am in in this life. This is very empowering and a deep realisation that there is not such a thing as victims.
We magnify all what is unresolved in us from the past.
Serge Benhayon has helped me to come to realise too how being responsible is actually a spherical thing – as in it’s not just towards others or a certain group or person (nor just towards ourself) but including all of us equally…
Who would dispute that our lived experience does not leave a clear trademark in our pattern of movements?
True responsibility is to breath our own breath, once we do that we can withstand any storm that comes our way.
Perfection is debilitating, time consuming and destructive, learning to accept who I am and that I will never be perfect has been a huge lesson and a lesson that I keep coming back to.
Fiona, Perfection is debilitating and destructive as I have also learned from this pattern and behaviour.
I have come to the loving understanding that I am already complete and that there is no need to use perfection to receive recognition or acceptance but enjoy to appreciate all that I am.
Yes when we are prepared to bring true self-responsibility to our lives we clearly feel our part in our own misery and at the same time feel empowered to truly address what is troubling us.
Shirley-Ann thank you for the awareness, of how we get caught up in the wheel of doing for others, which distracts us from allowing space to connect to what feels true and to go to a deeper level into responsibility bringing the purpose of what is needed in our work and living.
The level of responsibility has many levels. If you complete one level the deeper level arises.
It is a on going deepening towards living with awareness and responisbility at our deepest level possible here on earth.
How amazing that now at the age of 60 years old you can say that you truly love yourself being you, making loving choices and how you have let go of the hurt and let joy into your life. How many 60 years old women would be able to say this? You just learn and grow beautifully so!
Annelies it is a true blessing that we have Serge Benhayon to reflect how to truly live and take responsibility for who we truly are no matter what age and in that exposes the lies that we have been set up in to go through life living in a way not taking responsibility for self but to look at others and outside of us.Through the reflection of Serge I realised that taking responsibility first for self brought joy and in that allowed to let go of the hurt and there was nothing to fear.
I have read this before and still am completely astounded by it for this is or should not be possible! ‘At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work.’
It is interesting the way we are willing to assist others no matter what, and yet we struggle to do the basics of self-care for ourselves, it is a huge realization to understand that real change starts with self-responsibility first as it is only then that anything we do carries a quality of true healing and evolution for all.
Recently I’ve noticed how I take on other people’s drama, it feels awful in my body but for another to recognise this too they need a clear reflection to as you shared “to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” By holding myself I not only allow myself to remain steady and content within my body but it opens the space for another to reflect and heal. Very cool.
‘Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.’ Ditto Kathy – a most amazing approach on a subject most people avoid.
Jenny I truly appreciate your great response to the blog. We are blessed to have Serge Benhayon inspire us all of how to truly live life in truth.
Thank you Kathy, I was drawn to reading this again today. As a child I had similar behaviours of caring for others and taking responsibility that was much bigger than I could handle, I can feel these patterns are still very much there and seem to trigger when I know someone is not appreciating me for me, but is more focused on what I can do for them. The whole world seems to be geared to place importance on what we do, and not value who we are, yet it is being who we truly are that is our greatest responsibility
Melinda, it was great to read your response. It is very easy to get caught up in others needs feeling that we are helping them but instead we are taking away responsibility for them to learn and in that we are not being responsible for our learning in the opportunities that are before us to be who we truly are.
After reading this blog today I got the sense that you actually can say that depression is because being disillusioned by life in such a way that you believe that taking responsibility for your life is hard and a struggle. In fact our responsibility in life is only to shine the light we all hold to the best of our ability and not to mix up responsibility to be responsible for anything outside of us.
The more responsibility you embrace, the more you see the effect on the world of every moment and the quality you are in that moment.
Being perfect or a perfectionist is a common goal for many, but the underlying drive for it seems often to be one of “being right” to overcome a lack within. We all know no one can actually be perfect, so perhaps a drive for perfection is a message to say “look within and consider whether self-appreciation is present for you in your life, just for who you are”.
There are too many people And especially women who live the pattern of Taking care of others as a way to avoid to feel themselves.
The carried hurts in the body both physical as emotional.
This way we never over true care for the other. The quality of what we bring has a push in it from the demand that a need Needs to get fulfilled.
The key to let go this pattern is to start to make loving movements And one of them Can be the support of Esoteric Healing sessions.
It can also be a worth issue that we as women don’t feel we can accept the care of others or even ask for it, especially if we see our role as just being there and doing for others. If we haven’t been honoured in the gorgeousness of our essence, of who we are, we can lose touch with it believing our value is in what we do.